#why can’t u make money off fanfic this is my dream job

[madsmilfelsen]

I didn’t get a damn thing done today except nearly 2k words of weird sex

[mydearjonah]

jenni’s TMA fic recs

for Elena @wellbustmybuffers but also anyone who wants it. 

i have spent a lot of time reading fanfiction, and i have read (at this point) almost everything that has piqued my interest in the tma ao3 tag from it’s inception to roughly july 18th, 2020. this is an absolutely non-exhaustive list of my all-time favorites. i tried to pick the things that stuck in my mind the best. it is also heavily skewed, naturally, by my own personal preferences.

to see all that i have bookmarked (as well as my own work), go here. i stand by all of these fics & only bookmark if i was really impressed with something. 

i marked the ones that i rec the absolute STRONGEST with a star.

jonmartin

☆ A Measure Outside of the Lines by Rend_Herring; https://archiveofourown.org/works/22202806  

imo i consider this to be THE scottish safehouse period fic. scottish safe-house period is a great sub-genre of jonmartin fic that i highly rec to you, elena, especially if you’re just coming off of 159, and this is my favorite and the one that i feel captures their personalities and dynamic the best. highly, highly recommend; one of my top three favorites in the whole fandom. 

Yesterday is Here by CirrusGrey; https://archiveofourown.org/works/22230022/chapters/53078617 

“Post-season-four Jon and Martin time travel back to the season one Archives.” 

extremely well-written jonmartin timetravel shenanigans pining. really, really good jonmartin content. i would describe the genre as “time travel fix-it au romantic comedy.”

take sides in divided cells by bibliocratic; https://archiveofourown.org/works/22456720 

“Martin's father comes back into his life.“ 

post-series 5 jonmartin happily ever after set-up that allows the author to delve deeply into martin’s psyche. fanfiction at it’s finest. 

Dethroned by inkedinserendipity; https://archiveofourown.org/works/22342663 

post-series take. warning for major character death. this is peak well-written yet sad & indulgent angst-y jonmartin. 

Be Your Raincoat by free_smarcher; https://archiveofourown.org/works/23479480

“It's a rainy night at the tail end of 2013, and Arctic Monkeys' latest record is everywhere - including at the pub where a young Martin Blackwood is hung up on his coworker from the Institute.” 

pre-series oneshot that i adore for three reasons. 1) the jonmartin pining is absolutely excellent, in-character, gorgeous, 2) the author has a very sharp grasp on martin blackwood specifically that i think is rare in the fandom and 3) the author PERFECTLY captured the late 2013 Arctic Monkeys perpetual AM album zeitgeist in a way that makes me specifically feel SUPER nostalgic. 

The Watford Gap by chewsdaychillin; https://archiveofourown.org/works/24886216

“a Martin and his relationship w the og three study w class/accent discourse, pet names, slang, and tenderness. jonmartin north/south power couple“

pre-series oneshot jonmartin pining that i cannot recommend enough. author has an extremely good grasp on s1 characterization as well as british sociocultural realities. this fic makes me very emotional for a lot of reasons. 

jonmartin but with heavy monster!jon (and written before s5 aired so speculative as to the endgame plot--still rec tho if you like monster!jon)

☆ ceylon, assam, and darjeeling by Sciosa; https://archiveofourown.org/works/20577347/chapters/48849719 

“People do not bring Jonathon Sims tea. Martin Blackwood, newly-minted archival assistant, has apparently not received this memo.”

i absolutely cannot express how much i adore this fic. it’s a three-parter that follows the jm relationship as it develops through the lens of martin making jon tea. the final part is the real whammy. i have read this fic repeatedly and cried each time.

Fall into the night with you by ZaliaChimera; https://archiveofourown.org/works/19851157 

“It's the end of the world, and Martin has one more thing to do before it is the end of him too. There is a calm wrapped thickly around the Institute, the eye of the storm, and Martin climbs.“

for me, this is the absolute peak monster!jon/martin. i will not lie, you gotta heed the warnings on this fic. but the end of this fic haunts me. 

lonely eyes

a note: i LOVE lonely eyes but a lot of it is really smutty or slice of life. i tried to choose the fics that i thought captured both characters the best and were smart & intentional about the dynamic. elena, if u ever go down the lonely eyes road & are interested in other recs, please let me know!

☆ Luck Be A Lady Tonight by prodigy; https://archiveofourown.org/works/20257240 

“In 2014, Elias Bouchard takes a rare trip outside of his comfort zone. Peter Lukas wastes a bunch of money. You'd be surprised how many things can go wrong for two beings of cosmic power.”

this is a black comedy casino episode lonely eyes take that is one of my favorite pieces of work in this fandom and also, honestly, one of my favorite pieces of fiction straight up that i have ever read. prodigy has an extremely sharp grasp on both peter and elias (but especially peter), and they breathe life into the world of mag in a way that is absolutely unparalleled, even at times by the original series imo. 

walled up in your kingdom with radio wires by Ronabird; https://archiveofourown.org/works/24465679 

so i’m not gonna lie i’ve never read His Dark Materials but this is a daemon au that i just can’t get enough of. it’s a short lonely eyes piece; the basic gist of it is that peter has lost a bet and now jonah gets to meet his daemon. this fic has everything that i want and rarely get in lonely eyes works: statements on both peter and jonah’s characters, and their dynamic sharply written. again, the last lines of this piece have stayed with me as well. 

jonelias (i’m sorry...)

note: none of these are terribly explicit but instead largely it is about their dynamic. 

a fish hook, an open eye by marrowbones; https://archiveofourown.org/works/22351618 

“Jon and Martin take a surreal holiday after escaping the Lonely. Everything would be fine if only Jon's strange dreams of Jonah Magnus would stop.”

this is a jonmartin fic in equal turn. set during the scottish safehouse period. essentially, jon is trying to reconcile that fact that elias is jonah while also being visited by him in his dreams. this is one of the first jonelias fics written after the “elias is jonah magnus” reveal, and i think it is still one of the absolute best. the author does a phenomenal job capturing this looming, atmospheric sense of dread. they also totally nail jonah magnus and the jonelias dynamic. 

thieves in the temple by havisham; https://archiveofourown.org/works/23287711 

“Elias wins and takes Jon out on the town.“

very short; shares a lot of the same dna as a fish hook, an open eye. essentially a dream-state meeting between the two of them during early s5. “a perfect fic.”

Eye to Eye by Dribbledscribbles; https://archiveofourown.org/works/24194554 

“In which Jonah Magnus attempts a post-apocalyptic pep talk.“

a s5 pep talk from jonah, who the author absolutely NAILS, to jon. this is not a fic with a happy ending so be warned. but it is a very satisfying read and the ending is... not quite a twist, but a really well done, dark reveal. 

heterochromia by screechfox; https://archiveofourown.org/works/21186011 

“After Jon drags Martin out of the Lonely, Jon and Elias trade an eye for an eye. Quite literally.“

post-ep 159. this is basically a jonmartinelias fic, honestly. i am adding this here because i love it SO MUCH but also it is so intensely up my particular alley. hurt/comfort/angst. also GORE AND BODY HORROR. but it wraps up to be weirdly sweet. i cry every time ngl i’ve read this fic a lot. it’s because i’m a monsterfucker i’m sorry. 

a love that tastes like spring by sugarboat; https://archiveofourown.org/works/20189953 

this is a comically well-written jonelias hanahaki fanfic. that’s it. that’s the plot. it’s amazing. it’s basically a shojo oneshot except with in-character jon and elias. this is one of the first fics i read in this fandom that totally blew me away. 

stand-alones/gen/other

☆ The Timeline of the Theseus by Applea; https://archiveofourown.org/works/24018289/chapters/57784525 

“Jon tries to force the Spiral to send him back, but the Sprial's corridors never twist things quite the way you want them to. Back in 1996, Elias has no idea why or how the Eye made such a powerful Avatar out of an 8 year old, especially when said 8 year old doesn't actually know he has any powers at all. Clearly such a child cannot be left outside the Institute's care.”

i absolutely cannot say enough about this fic. this is one of the few works of fiction i’ve read in my life that i was so obsessed with i genuinely ruined my sleep schedule to finish. this fic is absolutely HILARIOUS. essentially, jon is an extremely powerful 8 year old w/ no knowledge of who he is who is being raised by jonah, who is completely out of his depth. also has a nice touch of gertrudeagnes & the author really nails their dynamic/the tragedy of their relationship...

☆ Scarred Ground by DictionaryWrites; https://archiveofourown.org/works/21791737/chapters/51999124 

this is a really interesting work of fiction just generally. it features a non-linear narrative, plays with a lot of unreality, and has a great deal of time wonkiness. i actually can’t explain the plot without giving it away, which i resolutely do not want to do because piecing together what is going on is a huge part of the fun. martin is the primary character, but everyone is featured. jonmartin and lonely eyes are the two ships. one of my favorite works in the fandom.

the last lines/final reveal absolutely tore me apart. i cried like a baby. 

patterns by fadewords; https://archiveofourown.org/works/22015792 

“Jon is ill and can't stop Knowing things. Daisy helps.“

long and worth it. very well-written. the author is very talented and essentially uses the world/set up of mag and the beholding to play. set during s4. everyone is extremely in character. 

out in the drowning deep by Wildehack; https://archiveofourown.org/works/21473506 

“Basira holds it together.”

basira-centric s5 speculative fic. it has since been jossed but that’s no matter. this is one of the best basira fics in the fandom imo, and honestly the only one that i’ve read that i feel really nails her character and her relationship with daisy specifically. in general as well, this is a really fun speculative take on the apocalypse written before s5 aired. 

Chasm-e-Baddoor by kashinoha; https://archiveofourown.org/works/23917396/chapters/57510853 

“Wherein Jonah Magnus gets acquainted with defeat at the hands of his associates. Repeatedly.”

lonely eyes a little but overall gen. essentially just a very well-written 3 piece suite about instances over the course of jonah magnus’ long life when he gets absolutely schooled by people within it. the gertrude piece is my favorite, to the point where i consider it canon. 

And All Should Cry, Beware! Beware! by OldSwinburne; https://archiveofourown.org/works/24623179/

“When the Eye decides to select a new Avatar, it chooses Martin Blackwood, the Poet, rather than Jonathan Sims, the Archivist.“

very unique & well-written monster!martin that haunts me. 

avatar groupchat by gayprophets; https://archiveofourown.org/works/21599185/chapters/51501598 

fun gen popular chatfic. one of the only chatfics i’ve ever read where everyone is in character. a must-read in the fandom. lots of laughs to be had. i like that they bully elias. 

this is really just the surface!! there’s A LOT that’s still on my to-read list, and also obviously a lot of new and probably phenomenal work has been published since july 18th that i have to catch up on. i hope that you enjoy!!! i love fanfiction and there’s a lot of really unique and fun stuff in this fandom

[szopenhauer]

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? yes

Are you in a good mood right now? r u serious?...

Is there anyone who you think you deserve an apology from? I won’t get any

Are you talking to anyone right now? my gf online and my mom irl

Did you buy anything today? I didn’t

Were you happy when you woke up this morning? I wasn’t

When was the last time you cried really hard? today, it wasn’t the hardest tho

When did you last hug someone? Who was it? this day as well, parent

How’s life going for you? no comment

Has something someone said today annoyed you? that’s normal Can you hear the crickets chirping at night? sadly not Do you like listening to new music, or just sticking to your favorites? depends on the new song - if it’s good then I like it as much as my old favs

When was the last time you were bitten by a bug? this summer has the worst mosquitos ever Do you have a pair of sunglasses that are worth over $200? I'm not rich, mine aren’t more expensive than 25 PLN  Are you brave when it comes to trying new foods? ...  When was the last time you saw your significant other? weeks ago, not counting video chatting Are you ashamed of your singing voice? I’m aware I have no talent so... Have you ever had a dream where you could understand a foreign language? also animal languages and been talking to plants etc. Do you have anything important to do tomorrow? hospital Are you a fan of retro things? prefer vintage, antiques, shabby - retro is fake but at times there are some good enough pieces as well  Would you be considered to be knowledgeable about World War 2? I mistake WWI for WWII and vice versa If you’re with someone right now, do you think it will last? don’t feed my paranoia Have you heard of the Irish actor Jonathan Rhys Meyers? oooh that’s the one Do you have something to do, that you would rather not do? tomorrow Are you, in any way, feeling hopeless right now? absolutely Do you know who you’re planning to ask to your prom? I wanted to ask my current gf back in the day but my mom didn’t let me and I didn’t go because only me and K. didn’t have a date so we preffered to stay home When was the last time you went shopping? yesterday What’s the limit on how much you would pay for a shirt? 60 PLN but I cry when I pay 30 PLN, luckily I have like 3 shirts that are about 30 PLN Do you like making funny faces in pictures? better to be funny than ugly, right? Is there something you look back on and go “I can’t believe I did that”? regrets Are you good at offering advice? but not following them  What was the last thing to confuse you? confused is my second name  Are you a fan of Keira Knightley? she’s not that good Have you ever resorted to alcohol to make you feel better? it doesn’t make anything better Have you heard about Mel Gibson’s rant/freakout? he was such a good actor, such a shame he’s not a good person  Do you wish your bedroom was bigger? I wish I had my own apartment Have you ever felt like a “new person”? I had my moments that were ruined right after  Do you own any expensive jewelry? I sold the only necklace that was worth something  Has there been someone in your life that just wouldn’t leave you alone? stalkers Do you hate to use public bathrooms? there are way worse things than public bathrooms, even when they’re covered in blood, poop, pee and vomit (but puke is least bearable from all four)

Are there any writing utensils close to you? I packed bunch of them 

What was the last thing that shocked you? brain, remind me what was last... How many other rooms can you currently see into? hall Do you need to take the trash out? done Do you need to clean your room right now? soon Do you need to clean out a litter box right now? my cat’s gone Are these questions reminding you of things you put off to do this survey? there’s washing my head on my list for this evening - nothing more  How many days have you been wearing those clothes? gimme a break!

Can you move your nose? yasss

Have you ever done a craft that you found on Pinterest? sew teddy and a cat from socks for example but I’m not fond of DIY in general Are you content with mystery, or do you wish you knew everything? knowledge is power

What’s one thing that makes your stomach hurt? what doesn’t?... Ever had a living nightmare? my life is a nightmare

Do you think successful people always come with a pack of haters? successful or not - haters are everywhere Do you wish you could be a world traveler? travelling ain’t my hobby Do you wish you could live in another city for a year? Ełk If you had kids, would you take them to Disney World? if I had money and they wanted to go and it wasn’t that far away from home and they were angels and they were old enough... Have you ever stood in line to get a Disney character’s autograph? wouldn’t bother, pics are better How long does it usually take your hair to dry?  so short yet dry slowly Is your Pinterest page cluttered? it’s neat Did you used to name your Barbies? of course Is your life boring? ppl say it is but for me it’s not enough boring if you know what I mean Do you usually feel better around people or alone? alone Is there a broken relationship in your life that you want to fix? tried to fix friendships but it didn’t work out  Do you ever think about Heaven? yup Are you ready for Heaven yet? I will go to hell but I don’t mind dying now if it’s a quick death as I prefer to be gone that an ill burden to myself and others Are you afraid of where you’re going to go? I don’t deserve heaven, I think it would be unfair for me to go wherever, I have love-hate relationship with God Do you feel better now than you did last night? noooo Does your body have any problems with it? my body is 99,99% a problem, it’s made of problems like jigsaw puzzle game Have you taken any huge risks lately? my life is 24/7 at risk - does that count?... Silence or songs? depends  Do you ignore rude people or do you call them out? try to ignore them if possible What color socks do you have on? purple stripes, looks a bit like asexual flag - this realization :o Are you under a blanket right now? am not

How much was your prom dress? What’s the most you’d spend?: I wouldn’t buy anything expensive, dress from a second hand under 30 PLN Are most of your friends single or taken?: my friends were basically always single When you’re taking a survey that has a “Which of your friends is… the nicest? The prettiest? The smartest? Etc.” do you skip over it?: as I have no friends anymore to be honest What salon do you go to for getting your hair done?: I cut them on my own or ask mom for help Do you believe in luck?: I’m unlucky Would you marry someone of a different religion?: that would be hard  Would you convert for them?: nope Worst part about your job?: I don’t have a job and the worst part about it is lack of money and regular UP visits Ever took something out of the lost and found that wasn’t yours?: they tempt me I took some lost/trashed stuff from the street tho Do you delete friends from Facebook if they never talk to you?: that’s me! Do you know anyone who smokes cigars?: my uncle did Ugliest fashion trend at the moment?: according to this - shorts suit, cut outs, sheer/transparent, raffia not a fan of most of vests blue isn’t my fav color but it’s a seasonal thing but shirts shouldn’t be such a huge part of summer in my opinion Do you like glittery nail polishes?: why not

Are you wearing a pink shirt? it’s white with black letters

If you had a baby, would you want to have it at home or in a hospital? hospital I believe

Have you ever had a bad experience with anti-depressants? If so, what? don’t even let me begin this subject...

What makes your room unique? trinkets

Does your past bother you? consequences of it

Do you take risks or play it safe? play it safe and yet...

Are you afraid of running into a certain person in public? more than one person, more than one reason

Do you live in the USA? Poland

Who do you want to meet in Heaven? from those who already died? my brother

Is it raining? slightly

Is your life stressful and exhausting? to me it is too stressful and exhausting 

What is your favorite time of the day? when I sleep, if I sleep that is 

Have you ever known anyone that’s gone missing? nope Do you put your foundation on with a sponge or your hand? I don’t use foundation, yuk Do you have to pee often? ppl told me that I pee often Do you live near a pet store? they closed pet store in my town

Who was the last person other than family to tell you that they love you? my gf How many people have you kissed in the last month? 1 Do you know anyone who writes really well? my gf writes well Does it bug you when people spell color “colour”? not spell but write, it sounds good in British accent but looks horrible on paper

What is the best fanfic you have ever read (lmao) only fanfic I remember reading was that one E.W. and K.K. sent me about Draco and Harry (yaoi)

If you could direct your own TV show/movie, what would it be like? it would be based on my book

One thing you’ve always wished you could do / be good at? be healthy

Post a picture of the weirdest/funniest text conversation you’ve ever had! can’t choose only one, also, sadly,  I don’t have screenies of some of them 

Is there a stranger you would like to meet again? for example - I’d like to see all those ppl that I thought have amazing fashion sense and ask them if I can take photos then I would make a blog about it

Does your school take sports too seriously? all schools do, that’s unfair What does the sound you currently hear remind you of? it’s quiet

Did you eat out anywhere today? nah Where is your purse? my purses are in various places around my room

[overthere-in-neverland]

Hey i was wondering if you could do one where the readers band is on tour with all time low and at night she sings herself to sleep and jack listens to her and starts developing a crush on her? You can change it up a bit so it doesn’t suck but thanks :)

AN Hey guys! Sorry it’s been three years since I’ve posted lmao. I think I’m slowly coming back to these. For one thing I’m at my job, and I work graveyard so I’m bored as hell. For another, I really miss creative writing. I’ll update you on my life if you want next time I visit this, but other than that, hello! I won’t be updating the halloween imagines for the time being, especially since I’m trying to come back to this. I know I had one  (1) request to update the side blog fanfics I had going on, but as for now, I’m going to try to do it one at a time. @ my motivation? Where r u (and im so sorry i cannot sleep i cannot dream tonighttttt) Anyways! Also I just realized that it was Creeper who were atl’s opening band on the european mainland tour for lyr and now im emo all over again. The text conversation is in the story already, I just felt the need to make it for you lol

Your POV

I knew we were going on tour with All Time Low. Our manager knew we were going on tour with All Time Low. My bandmates knew we were going on tour with All Time Low. We all were well aware, and now the fans were too. But holy shit, is it surreal. Starting from nothing, playing a max of ten people, then going to 1,000 cap rooms, oh my god is it fucking incredible. Not to mention All Time Low have been my heroes for as long as I can remember.

I’m in a pop punk band, and I play the bass. I’m not quite a singer, but I can do back up. I have three other bandmates. One sings, her name is Maria, one plays guitar, that’s Drew. And we have Allison on drums. Altogether we’re pretty badass.

I had heard in the industry that Jack was a bit of a flirt. Having Drew in our band, we didn’t think much of it. Granted, Maria was engaged, and Allison’s gay, so it’s not like either of them were available. But I knew of Jack’s wiles, so I knew to stay on my toes. We were touring in Europe around the mainland for Last young Renegade, All Time Low’s new album, and it was my band’s first time being in Europe, so we were stoked. We were up at like 8 am, exploring around the city. Though trying to fall asleep is critical, especially jet-lagged. I don’t know about most things, but what I do know is anytime I go anywhere, even if it’s in the same time zone, I’m always jet-lagged. Maybe I’m just always tired?

So we arrived in Copenhagen, Denmark, the first stop on our European tour, and we meet the guys at their bus, and I’m a little star struck. Alex Gaskarth and his iconic hair. I’m not saying I’m in the fandom, but Alex’s brown hair is nothing short of iconic. Especially when it’s longer. Huge throwback to Timebomb era, and hooo boy. That was an era to be alive. Alex was wiping down the table in his bus, muttering about these “good for nothing men, who can’t even pick up after themselves.” Jack is behind him opening the fridge, then opening the cupboards, then opening the fridge, then opening the pantry, I smiled a bit at that. Zack and Rian weren’t anywhere to be found, at least from what I could see, staring down the bus’s hallway. We were to be dragging behind them in our small little van pulling a trailer. Drew coughed, and Alex looked up. “Guys!” he smiled, throwing away his wipe. “You’re here!”

Jack looked over from his rampant searching of food and smiled at us as well. I felt my face grow hot, but tried to brush it off like I was alright. I kicked my other food and looked down at the ground to try and forget I existed for a bit. I noticed Maria smiling at me, probably knowing exactly what was going on. She knew that Jack has always been a celebrity crush of mine since 2008. “What’s up,” he said to us, nodding in our direction.

“We’re in GutterPunk,” Drew responded, usually taking initiative. “Nice to meet you guys. We’ll be on tour with you throughout the mainland.”

“Sweet!” Alex smiled, and came over to us, probably intending to shake our hands. “What’ll you be riding around?”

“We kind of don’t really know yet? We have to go pick up the rental van and trailer soon. We just wanted to meet you guys.”

“Well I’m Alex,” he said gesturing to himself. “And that fiend over there is Jack.” Jack paused from his cupboard raid and waved, then went back to it. “Hope to enjoy your guys’ music and energy out there.”

“Stoked, dude.” Drew shook his hand, and turned to walk away, out of the bus. We were all standing in his way. So he had nowhere to go.

“I’ve been a fan since middle school!” Allison told him, also shaking his hand. “Y/N and I have always dreamed of touring with you guys. It’s been a dream, really. You’re a huge inspiration! At least half of it. Tre Cool has always been my biggest, but don’t sweat it. He’s a fucking god on drums.”

“Here here!” came a voice in the back.

“That’s Rian,” Alex chuckled. “He always makes himself known at any mention of Green Day.”

I thought I had seen Jack peak over at us when Allison mentioned my name, but then again, it was all happening so fast, I didn’t have any idea as to what was going on. I tucked my hair behind my ears and introduced myself to Alex. We talked a bit before we had to go to the rental agency and get our modes of transportation. It was to be about a month in the van with these guys, tightly packed. Thank god we weren’t a ska band.

After a couple days on tour in Europe, I was getting my bearings. I started to get a feel of how it would be like throughout the month. It was a show every night for a couple days, then we’d have one or two days off. Our van broke down the fifth day, and we were ready to call it quits, me being on the verge of tears, and Allison kicking the wheel of our shitty van rental. Alex graciously offered to let us stay in their bus, but we all refused, trying desperately to figure out another way to travel. He insisted.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Maria asked him as we gathered our stuff in their bus

“Oh, it’s fine!” Alex waved us off. “You’ll just stay with us. It’s not fair that we get this huge ass bus for four of us and you guys all have to share that tiny van. Make sure you get your money back though, because that’s bullshit. Jesus Christ, man. I told Fueled that we should’ve just shared a tour bus but they’re all about ‘separating bands’ or whatever. Why we ever signed to this record label I’ll never know.”

“It was your idea,” Zack chimed in. We all laughed. “Well it was! After going to Hopeless, twice, Alex wanted to branch out. Which we all agreed to anyway. It was funny though, because he complained about it every chance he got.”

“I’m well aware of that. But Fueled by Ramen seems to forget that we were once small too! Power to the little people!”

We all laughed again and gathered in their bus to prepare for the next night which was to be a day off. I was nervous, because this meant that Jack would be just down the hall, if you can even call it that, from me. It reached 1 am that night after the show, and we had all gathered in our beds to try and sleep so we could get out and do fun things around France.

I always used to sing myself to sleep to calm my nerves, and after about an hour of tossing and turning, it seemed like that was my only option if I wanted to sleep. I started off by humming softly, in case I would wake anyone up. After about ten minutes of that, and no sounds of stirs happened, I sang quietly. First was Lullabies, which is my go to song to sing when I need to sleep. Something about the line “Sing me to sleep, I’ll see you in my dreams” makes me feel at peace. After I finished with that, I heard the quiet patter of feet. I stopped for a bit, to wait to see if it came again, and when it didn’t I started again. Snuff by Slipknot is another one that calms me down, and I sang that, but right at the bridge I heard the patter again. I drew back the curtain, and saw Jack standing there. He looked scared to see me notice him, and promptly turned back towards his bed, and didn’t look back at me.

I frowned but pulled the covers up. I guess he doesn’t actually want to get to know me. I closed my eyes to try for the.. Was it the fourth time? Third time? I lost count. But I tried once more to sleep. Then I heard the pang next to me of a text message.

I promise I wasn’t trying to listen to you sing.

It was from Jack. We had all exchanged numbers at the beginning of the tour. My thumbs danced over my screen as I thought of what to say.

Don’t worry about it

I just heard it and then i couldn’t stop

It’s fine, jack. Really

Your voice is really pretty tho Can we talk tomorrow? I have something I need to tell you

What could he possibly need to tell me? I was freaking out. And now I can’t sleep even more. Fuck. This was going to be a long night.

I mean I’m awake right now

I can’t really say it right now

Well, what the fuck does that mean? I sigh and then turn around and face the wall. The bus was moving, but I felt like my stomach was moving ten thousand times faster. Him talking to me like this is the first real conversation he’s had with me. Most of the time he avoids me. Whatever it is, I guess I can wait. I prepared for a long sleepless night after that.

When I woke up, everyone was bustling about, getting ready for the day off. “Jack! Y/N!” Rian called down to us. I guess neither of us had gotten up. “We’re going out to breakfast!”

I moaned in recognition, and heard nothing from Jack, so I assumed he had gone with them. I threw my covers off and went straight to the bathroom. When I got out, I saw a tall lanky man with bed head staring at me.

“Uh. Hello.” I said stupidly.

“Hey, uh. About last night.”

“It’s fine if you don’t want to say anything. I get it. I’m a backup singer for a reason.”

“No that’s not it! Um.” He stopped talking to look down at his feet. “Look. I know this is weird. Especially since I hardly know you. But, I’ve actually been following your band for a while. And dude, you’re like insanely hot. And then I find out you’re a good person too? Last night, hearing your singing it made me realize.. Fuck, this is so stupid. It made me realize I’m in love with you.” With the last uttering of  those words, he looked up at me. “Sorry.”

“Are you fucking serious?” I raised my eyebrows, completely awestruck. Jack Barakat, the celebrity crush of my teen years was telling me he was in love with me? When it looked like he in fact, was not kidding, I immediately blushed and looked away. “Dude. I’ve been in love with you since I was like 14.”

A smile lit up his face as he started talking really fast, rambling. “Oh my god! Really? Holy shit okay, so like we can go get breakfast with the others, or we can go get breakfast by ourselves, we could walk down the Seine, we are in France after all. Holy fu-”

I started laughing, but grabbed his hand with mine, since he was waving it all around. “Slow down there, I can barely keep up. Let’s go get breakfast first, and talk this out. You’ve basically been avoiding me since I got here.”

“Well yeah, I didn’t really know how to strike up a conversation.”

I chuckled. “This is weird, huh?”

“So weird.” He nodded in agreement. I realized I was still holding his hand, but I didn’t let go. Instead we walked off the bus, headed towards the cafe for breakfast. My heart was in my throat but this felt right. After the initial break of the ice, he wouldn’t shut up, but I loved hearing his voice. He could talk for hours on end if he really wanted to.

[accidentalrhink]

*DJ Khaled voice* anotha one!

Thank you @mei-ren-yu for tagging me in this long-ass tag. Like, damn. I hope you find my answers as interesting as I found yours. (probably not though, my life is boring af although I was tired and feeling very sassy so things got weird) :)

Answer the following: THE LAST 1. Drink: Water. Basically all I drink lol. 2. Phone call: To my sister asking her to come pick me up 3. Text message: My sister telling me she was outside of the coffee shop and me telling her I’d be right out. 4. Song I listened to: In the Middle by dodie. I’ve had her new EP on repeat all day. It’s so good I’m so proud of my wife 5. Time you cried: Genuinely surprised that I can’t remember, considering I’m basically constantly crying 6. Dated someone twice: Nope. 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: That would require having kissed someone in the first place. 8. Ever been cheated on: Nope. 9. Lost someone special: Well my uncle died when I was 2, so I don’t really remember him, but I still miss him. We were good buds. 10: Been depressed: Yep, since I was about 15 I think? I’m doing pretty good right now tho. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope, never been drunk.

THREE FAVORITE COLORS 1. Purple 2. Pink 3. Black

IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU 1. Made new friends? I made a few friends at my job, but I haven’t really talked to them since I left. But I’m making lots of new friends here! You guys are solid. 2. Fallen out of love? That would require having been in love in the first place. 3. Laughed until you cried? All the goddamn time. My siblings are freaking hilarious.  4. Found out somebody was talking about you? No, I don’t think so? At least not in a bad way. 5. Met someone who changed you? Well that’s deep. I don’t think so, not in the last year. 6. Found out who your friends are? Kinda, yeah. After graduation last year I kinda realized who I really care about and who really cares about me. (Hint: it’s not many) 7. Kiss someone on your facebook list? That would require having kissed someone in the first place.

GENERAL 1. How many facebook friends have you met in real life? All of them, I don’t friend people I don’t know. Well, except for my future roommate I guess, but I’m meeting her in 2 weeks. 2. Do you have any pets? Yes, I have a black lab/greyhound named Mario who is my favorite boy. I want 281 more dogs. 3. Do I want to change my name? Nah, I’m good. 4. What did you do for your last birthday? I think I just went to dinner with my family, and my dad gave me money to get Ed Sheeran concert tickets. 5. What time did you wake up? Today, about 9:30, plus 20 minutes of turning off alarms and lying around. Trying to get it back to about 6 or 6:30 for when school starts. 6. What were you doing at 12:00 last night? Probably reading fanfic and thinking about how I needed to get to sleep. 7. Name something I can’t wait for: SCHOOL! One freaking week! 8. When was the last time you saw your mother: A couple hours ago when we had dinner. 9. What are you listening to right now? dodie’s new EP, “You”. God it’s good. Did I mention she’s my wife and I love her? 10. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? Probably? Idfk. Did you write this tag, Tom? 11. Something that is getting on your nerves: My brain stressing out about literally nothing. 12. Most visited website: YouTube, definitely

13. Hair color? Dark brown. 

14. Hair length? Depends, if I straighten it it’s about halfway down my back, but shrinkage is a thing so it’s normally shoulder length-ish

15. Do you have a crush on someone? I mean I just met this guy at my friend’s party the other day and got his number, but I don’t really know him yet. Here’s hoping or whatever.

16. Piercings: I got my earlobes pierced when I was like 12 but they’ve closed up. Not really big into jewelry anymore. 17. What do you like about yourself? Pfft. Can I get back to you on that? 18. Blood type: A+ 19. Nicknames: None  20. Relationship status: Single as fuuuuck 21. Zodiac: Pisces  22. Pronouns: She/her 23. Favorite TV show: New Girl, Black Mirror, Star Trek: TNG, Love, Planet Earth, BoJack Horseman, Bob’s Burgers. Guilty pleasures are Degrassi and House Hunters 24. Tattoos: None yet, but I have a few planned. Gotta wait til I move out tho so my dad won’t kill me lmao 25. Right or Left Handed: Right 26. Surgery: Thankfully, none 27. Sport: Well I don’t play any sports (I used to cross-country ski on a team but not anymore), but I love watching soccer, cycling, and pretty much any winter sports. The Olympics are my jam. 28. Vacation: Last vacation I went on was Hawai’i with my family; dream vacation would be a tour of Scandinavia  29: Favorite shoes: Honestly I basically only wear flip-flops during the summer. Come at me, fashion police.

MORE GENERAL 1. Eating: Nothing right now. I had pizza for dinner. 2. Drinking: Water 3. I’m about to: Go the fuck to sleep, hopefully 4. I’m waiting for: SCHOOL. I miss school so much and I move in in a week and I can’t WAIT this has been a great gap year but I wanna LEARN 5. Want: To do well in school. I’m actually very nervous that I won’t and it’s scaring me. 6. Getting married: No thanks. Maybe I’ll have a partner, sure, but I’m not into signing a contract or spending all my money on a wedding

WHICH IS BETTER

I feel really bad about this section bc everyone is beautiful and lovely and if I like someone I probably like everything about them but these are my gut responses.  Short or tall: I like em tol Hugs or kisses: I guess hugs. I love a good hug. Lips or eyes: Mmmm...eyes. Older or younger: Either, as long as it’s not too extreme either way Nice arms or nice stomach: For men, arms. (Or even better, hands.) For girls, stomachs. Goddamn I love girl tummies. WOW could I be more bi?? Hookups or relationships: who the fuck knows Troublemaker or hesitant: If hesitant means responsible, then that one. 

HAVE YOU EVER Kissed a stranger: What do u think Lost glasses/contacts: Don’t wear ‘em. Turned someone down: Lol no one’s interested in me Sex on the first date: Nope but I would if I felt like it Broken someone’s heart: You really think I’m hot stuff, don’t you? Been arrested: Nope Cried when someone died: Yeah Fallen for a friend: YOU BETCHA

DO YOU BELIEVE IN Miracles: No Love at first sight: No Yourself: I’m trying, believe me I’m trying Santa: No God: No Angels: No Kiss on the first date: Sure why the fuck not

OTHERS

Eye Color: Brown Favorite Movie: Coraline, Hoje Eu Quiero Voltar Sozinho (The Way He Looks), Clueless, Moonrise Kingdom, The Force Awakens, Jaws...I’m not very picky.

I shall tag @unofficialrhettandlink if you haven’t done it and if you want to. :)

[tokyoknj]

a load of tags! ✨🌟☀️

lmao i was busy doing uni stuff but now i finally got round to these so Enjoy !

obviously u don’t have to do all of them just do whatever u feel u kno? anyway

i’m tagging u all up here lmao so i’m tagging @namsieur @wingscomeback @sugaegyc @sugasideup @sheloveskook @cryptidhobi @gaycypher @namjooniewifey @iluwonho @jiminsarroz @stigmz @dreamjimn @mochiminii let me know if u don’t want to be tagged in stuff like this !! 

get to know me tag

answer the 20 questions and tag 20 followers that you would like to know better.

i was tagged by @monnyoongi​ thank u zuza!

name: alice

nickname: i don’t really like any of my nicknames? lmao

zodiac sign: cancer

height: 5′8″

orientation: A Whole Bi

nationality: british

favourite fruit: mangos! 

favourite season: either summer or autumn

favourite flower: either roses or tulips

favourite scent: like just a fresh summer evening lmao

favourite colour: pink, red + orange

favourite animal: sharks !

average hours of sleep: i think 9?

favourite fictional character: clarice bean

number of blankets you sleep with: always just the one

dream trip: either dubrovnik, mykonos or the amalfi coast

blog created: last april

get to know me again

rules: answer 30 questions & tag 20 blogs you would like to know better

tagged by @yoongicrew​ thank u rena !!

1. nicknames: still none lol

2. gender: female

3. star sign: cancer

4. height: 5′8″

5. time: 4:24 pm

6. birthdate: july 21st

7. fave band(s): bts, blackpink, red velvet, lany

8. fave solo artist: gallant, Queen CRJ, kehlani

9. song currently stuck in my head: saw you in a dream - the japanese house

10. last movie watched: spiderman homecoming and i Loved it

11. last show watched: first dates

12. when I created this blog: last april

13. what I post: 95% kpop, 5% aesthetic

14. last thing I googled: “that flute song” still don’t know what the song is. its not mask off tho

15. any other blogs?: my aesthetic blog dadcrisis that i’ve had since like 2012... christ

16. do you get asks?: not very often but its all good

17. why I chose my url: i love mister rap monster

18. following: 919

19. followers: 809

20. fave colours: pink, red, orange

21. average hours of sleep: 9

22. lucky number: 8

23. play any instruments?: drums

24. currently wearing: my pyjamas xoxo

25. how many blankets I sleep with: just one

26. dream job: oh idk. charming radio host probably

27. dream trip: just v scenic places across europe

28. fave food: any cured ham... Hell Yes

29. nationality: british

30. fave song currently: you better know - red velvet

kpop q’s

tagged by @teambusan​ thank u sabes xoxo

1. who was your first female bias?

i think it was jennie i was very late to girl groups lmao

2. who was your first male bias?

namjoon.... what a guy

3. who are your current biases? other than the above:

johnny, jinjin, rosé, jiwoo, wonpil, dahyun, luna, jooheon, shownu + dean

4. in the entire kpop industry, who is the closest to your ideal type?

probably shownu... like he’s a sweet n humble dad who is just also fine as hell... thats what i’m about ! also jennie like she’s just Gorgeous™ like i would lay down my life for her in a heartbeat tbh

5. have you ever attended any kpop concert / fanmeeting / fan sign?

How Dare You

6. if yes, which group / artist? how was the experience?

i cannot believe this disrespect

7. which group /artist would you like to see live?

bts, blackpink, monsta x. day6 !

8. how did you get into kpop?

my friend showed me fantastic baby (lmao) when we were like 15 and then i dropped it for a bit but then i saw a dance practice for no more dream like last year so now i am Here

9. who are your otps?

whom????

10. when did you start to ship them?

🤔🤔🤔

11. what is your favorite fanfic genre?

honestly i’ll read whatever turns up on my dash as long as it’s not involving furries or anything Truly Nasty

12. what is your favorite music genre?

pop has and always will be my fave but i like other stuff too ofc xoxo

five things tag

Rules: you’ll have to tag 15 people at the end of this challenge

tagged by @cypherpart420​ thank u linsey ily!

five things you’ll find in my bag: purse hand sanitiser keys vaseline water

five things you’ll find in my bedroom: Trash Mountain nik naks fan approx. seven 1d posters radio

five things i’ve always wanted to do: go to glasto ! go on a trip just to look at palaces across europe lmao see bts ! adopt 2 dogs and live my best life go somewhere with a really clear view of the stars and just Cry

five things that make me happy: family dogs my pals xoxo listening to music baking

five things i’m currently into: fake nails crafting my Brand lmao big brother hydration arrested development

five things on my to do list: embark on my Fitness Journey get my professional blog going plan what i’m doing for my bday get a skincare routine get money

once again, get to know me

i was tagged by @parkmochibean​ thanks natasha!

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

THE LAST: 1. drink: water 2. phone call: my sister 3. text message: my friend explaining exo sub-units to me lmao 4. song you listened to: young & free - xiumin and mark 5. time you cried: probably looking through val from bake off’s insta she’s just the cutest 6. dated someone twice: no 7. kissed someone and regretted it: yep ! 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: yes 10. been depressed: only my whole uni career 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: only twice i know my limits now lmao

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: 12-14. pink, red and orange

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. made new friends: yes 16. fallen out of love: no 17. laughed until you cried: ofc! 18. found out someone was talking about you: yes lmao 19. met someone who changed you: yes 20 found out who your friends are: yes  21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: no

GENERAL: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them 23. do you have any pets: no :’( 24. do you want to change your name: no i enjoy her 25. what did you do for your last birthday: went for afternoon tea w my family 26. what time did you wake up: 11am its summer now i do what i want 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: idk chilling i guess 28. name something you can’t wait for: my birthday !! 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like an hour ago 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: idk if i’d been confident Forever i think that would be pretty good? 31. what are you listening to right now: faking it - kehlani, lil yachty, calvin harris 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes 33. something that is getting on your nerves: my older sister she’s just so Loud 34. most visited website: this or youtube 35-37. lost questions?? 38. hair colour: brown 39. long or short hair: i want long but i’ve got medium rn lmao 40. do you have a crush on someone: no 41. what do you like about yourself: i’m good 2 my family and i think i’m quite nice? tbh? 42. piercings: ears + nose 43. bloodtype: idk yikes 44. nickname: none lmao 45. relationship status: Single™ 46. zodiac: cancer  47. pronous: she/her 48. favourite tv show: bojack horseman, rpdr 49. tattoos: just one (1) 50. right or left handed: right 51. surgery: on my hand and i was awake for it but they played me some 1d so it was chill 52. piercing: ok i literally just answered this 53. sport: thats cute 55. vacation: just various fancy places across europe before brexit ruins that free movement 56. pair of trainers: i only wear my adidas but they’re on the verge of death now rip

MORE GENERAL 57. eating: werthers originals i’m a nan 58. drinking: water 59. i’m about to: go tf to sleep 61. waiting for: my birthday lmao 62. want: money and ideally a job that looks promising 63. get married: Who Can Never Be Sure? 64. career: either radio or social media 

WHICH IS BETTER 65. hugs or kisses: hugs 66. lips or eyes: eyes 67. shorter or taller: don’t really mind 68. older or younger: older 70. nice arms or nice stomach: also don’t mind lmao 71. sensitive or loud: sensitive 72. hook up or relationship: relationship 73. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. kissed a stranger: yes 75. drank hard liquor: yes 76. lost glasses/contact lenses: my first pair of glasses... rip 77. turned someone down: yes 78. sex on the first date: no 79. broken someone’s heart: probs not? i hope not 80. had your heart broken: no 81. been arrested: no  82. cried when someone died: yes 83. fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. yourself: Always ! 85. miracles: sure why not 86. love at first sight: no 87. santa claus: he’s doing his best 88. kiss on the first date: sure 89. angels: idk?

OTHER: 90. current best friend’s name: robin 91. eye colour: green/blue 92. favourite movie: i’m basic it’s love actually

shuffle tag

tagged by @kpopeyton thank you !

rules: you can tell a lot about a person based on the type of music they listen to. put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people. no skipping!

wake up alone / amy winehouse

first love / bts

pyramids / frank ocean

i didn’t just come here to dance / carly rae jepsen

girl girl girl / triple h

21st century girl / bts

you better know / red velvet

wolves / one direction

coffee / miguel

view / shinee

[suranflower]

The Sky Is Blue and the Sun Is Shinning, Chapter Six

Title: The Sky Is Blue and the Sun Is Shining Chapters: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 of (?) Words: 3560 TW: medication, abuse. Summary: a I Need U/Run/Prologue based fanfic, with Jin as the narrator. Yes, this will be dramatic and angsty.

Chapter 6.

I woke up from a bad dream, a nightmare, actually. The sweat covered my forehead and dripped down my neck. I hated that feeling. I could barely breathe and my heart was rushing so fast it was aching. I dreamed of being tied up while I witnessed as everything falling around me. An angel fell because their wings were cut and I could only look at them while they screamed in pain, but could not help. When I woke up and the pain in my chest didn’t go, I started to get worried. I was alone at home and couldn’t even reach for my phone. So I just lied there, in pain for more than thirty minutes, still with the images from my dream filling my head and scared that the pain wouldn’t go.

But it eventually did. That day, later, as I was having breakfast and after I took my medication, I received an e-mail notifying me that I had passed all my subjects and therefore I would be graduating. I felt relieved. But not happy. I had been waiting for that for so long… But now that it had come, I didn’t feel especially happy or content. I just felt normal. And I couldn’t understand why, not after so much hard work. All I could think about was that those years would be wasted if I was going to die soon. Since that night at the bar, I just had a burning sensation in the back of my head that those were my last days. So I thought oh cool, Jin, you’re graduating but it wasn’t as exciting as I thought I’d be my whole life.

I went through some photos of the boys I had made during the dinner the other day. Those happy moments were really worth it. I smiled to myself. Then I remembered that I should tell them about my graduation. Now, thinking about it, I should have told them everything. About how I was feeling and about my illness too. But I didn’t. I don’t know, I guess I was just too stupid.

However, Taehyung called me in that exact moment.

“Hey, Jin, can you do me a favor?”

“Well, if I can help”.

“Can you come to take me and then Hyesu from school? I want to take her out for lunch and I even got a friend’s car but”

“But you don’t have a license”.

“Yes. Just come for us. Hyesu’s school is super far from the restaurant I want to take her to”.

“And do you want me to pick you afterwards or…?”

“Don’t worry, I got that covered”.

“You mean you got Namjoon to do it for me, right?”

“Yes” I laughed. “Anyway, can you come? I will find other way if you can’t”.

“I’ll go”.

“Besides, I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you”.

“Ah, will she? She’s a lovely girl”. I smiled as I ate my cereal.

“I think he has a crush on you” I laughed.

“All girls have a crush on me, Taehung, you should have learnt that by now”.

“Get off that cloud. Whatever, I’ll be waiting for you. Don’t be late, it’s her birthday! We have to be on time”.

“Alright”.

“It’s not too far away from where you live, so going back shouldn’t be a problem for you”.

“Ok, I’ll see you there”.

While this conversation happened, Hoseok was staring at Taehyung. They were both near Namjoon’s work. That’s where Taehyung would get the car form his friend and that’s where they were meeting. Taeyung had asked Hoseok the same thing he had asked me, but Hoseok told him he couldn’t go.

“I’m sorry I can’t go with you, really.  By the way, I heard something the other night that your father will be out for a week?” Hoseok asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, he’s leaving for five days actually. I was going to take care of Hyesu, but she has this friend, her best friend, and apparently her mother doesn’t trust me for some reason” he laughed “the thing this lady spoke with my father and convinced him so Hyesu will stay with her friend for the week. I don’t know why she doesn’t trust me, it’s not the first time I take care of her anyway”. Taehyug shrugged. Hoseok nodded and then laughed.

“All mothers are afraid of you, Tae”.

“It looks like. Well, she for sure will eat better food” he laughed. “It’s time for me to go, so see you soon”. Hoseok waived at him as he went somewhere.

Taehyung, of course, hadn’t told him all the truth. The truth was that his father was actually leaving for a week, yes. But he had personally reached Hyesu’s friend mother so she could stay there. He had gotten an informal job for that week and he didn’t know when they could be calling him. It could be basically anytime, day or night because he had said he was available 24/7 -which actually wasn’t true. Taehyung just really needed the money. He knew he couldn’t be all day at home and it wouldn’t be the first time his father said he would go for a week but showed up unexpectedly and fucked things up. If he wasn’t at home and his father was just in one of his “bad mood” days, he didn’t want Hyesu at home. Not alone, not after one of his father’s travels. Now things at home were only a little controlled because there was a routine so the siblings knew what to do and when to do it exactly. Plus, both Taehyung and Hyesu had managed to not let any kind of alcohol enter the house. It had worked well for three months now but now with this travel, Taehyung was worried the routine would be broken and he couldn’t manage the situation again. Under his point of view, he could endure it, he could fight his father if necessary, but Hyesu… That was the only reason why he hadn’t left home already. He couldn’t leave Hyesu there. But of course, none of us knew any of that. None of us knew how it was like living on fear in your own home, being afraid of your own father, the only person that was supposed to take care of you. I guess that’s how Taehyung and Hyesu learned to hide their emotions so well.

 --------

Hoseok took his phone and messaged Jimin.

Hoseok: ok so we have to get things ready for this weekend.

Chimchim: It’s so soon!

Hoseok: I know. But Namjoon has a free weekend, and Tae doesn’t have to take care of his sister.

Hoseok: plus, that would make it actually on Tae’s birthday, as we initially planned.

Chimchim: so I book for this weekend instead of the next one? Even if we still don’t know about Jin’s graduation?

Hoseok: Yes. I mean, I’m sure he’s graduating. We have to make it now that Tae is jobless and free of his sister.

Hoseok: gosh, that sounded really bad. But you know what I mean.

Chimchim: yeah, I know.

Chimchim: I’ll book now, then.

Hoseok: thanks! I’ll tell Yoongi to rush about the car thing. Also I’ll make sure that Hyesu knows we’ll be kidnapping her brother for a weekend.

Chimchim: alright!

While these two had that conversation, however, Mirae saw that Jimin was online but he would not answer her messages. It had been three days since he stopped answering. He had been acting a little weird, and reserved, and she decided she didn’t have to overreact. Well, Jimin was online and he was staring at his conversation with Mirae. He saw that she was online. But he didn’t answer. He didn’t know what to say. Not after three days acting like she didn’t exist.

Jimin and her had been great for a couple of weeks. I told you about their English classes, right? Yeah, they were great. And then Jimin started to act weird. He started to think a bit too much. He realized that Mirae was starting to look at him in a different way, that her eyes now had a different light when they stared at his.  That she was suddenly much more self-conscious around him. It worried him a little, but the thing that worried him the most was that he was changing too. That now he couldn’t stop looking at her. Before, when they met, Jimin knew Mirae was… Well, Mirae, so he could just go and do whatever, be himself, act clumsy, have terrible hair and bad skin… Now he prepared himself very carefully when they met because he really wanted to impress her. When he received a message, even if it was just some stupid meme, he suddenly felt excited. He smiled like a fool just repeating those English words she had thought him, though he had forgotten the meaning. She was changing, and he was too. And something was changing between them. When they were together they didn’t joke and play around as much. Jimin was suddenly aware that they didn’t look like friends anymore when they were in public. And when they had sex, it had changed too. It wasn’t just for the fun, it wasn’t a dare, exciting experiment anymore. It had turned into something more tender, into something Jimin was looking forward not just because it was hot and because they understood each other well, but something he wanted because there was something fascinating about her, the way she moved and how her lips pressed against his, because she made him feel better -in every possible way.

I think it’s pretty clear what was happening here. And that’s what Jimin didn’t want to happen. He didn’t feel ready for that kind of thing happening to him. And much less with Mirae.

She was waiting for him to say something about their meeting that afternoon. They had arranged a date, but with his sudden silence, she wasn’t sure they would make it. Mirae had had a really tough week. It had been exhausting, both physically and emotionally and seeing Jimin that day was practically the only thing that had pulled her through that week. She felt too tired and she just needed Jimin by her side, but she didn’t feel like explaining why to him. She didn’t want him to pity her, she didn’t want him to know how desperate she was for his company. Mirae finally decided to call Jimin, and used her sweetest and most cheerful voice. She was really trying to make an effort to feel that way.

“Hey” she started, and even before he could say anything, she continued “I thought maybe we could watch a movie! I know it’s changing plans a little late knowing that it’s only like two hours before we meet but there’s this one that is very good and I thought we could like it”. Jimin didn’t say a word. Mirae held her breath. She felt a heavy weight on her shoulders and was probably on the verge of tears, but continued with the cheerful tone and smiling, though he couldn’t see her. “We can go and eat cake after that anyway”.

“Mirae, I…” Jimin felt nervous. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he didn’t want to let it go any further. He scratched his head and clicked his tongue. He truly wanted to tell her the truth, but even he didn’t know very well what he felt, so he decided he should just lie. He thought it could be better. He thought she would probably be very bothered, perhaps a little hurt, but nothing too bad. Still, it took him a lot of strength to say that lie. “I’m sorry, something happened and I… I can’t go today”.

“What?” Mirae couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “But-“.

“I know, I’m sorry. I can’t go. I should have called earlier”. Jimin clenched his teeth and closed his eyes. Why couldn’t she just forget about it? He was trying to. On the other side of the line, silence as single tear started falling down Mirae’s face. She felt hurt, but also angry. She clenched her fist, remembering the words she had said some weeks ago «this is the last time Jimin, I swear».

“Right” and she hung up. That caught Jimin off guard.

“Mirae?” But, of course, she didn’t answer. He sighed, asking himself why things were so complicated, and feeling bad and awkward. She was probably so angry now. But he thought, he really thought he’d fix it someday… He was wrong.

 ---------------

“So” Hyesu was saying, talking to Hoseok, who had come in person to her school to talk to her in one of her few free times between classes. She was a little hesitant because she wanted Taehyung to have fun and she would do anything possible so he went to that trip, but she knew if he wasn’t there on Monday there would be problems, so she was already thinking about the way she could fix them. “He’ll be out for a whole weekend but he’ll be here on Monday, right?”

“Sure. We’ll return him back to you on Monday morning. Like early morning” Hyesu smiled and nodded, pleased.

“I think it’s a great idea. And I hope you have a great weekend! You better post a lot of pics, I’m dying to see them! Also, I wanted to give him something for his birthday, would you give it to him for me? I don’t have it here but…” Hoseok smiled and he stood up at the same time as Hyesu did.

“Sure, we’ll give it to him. Where do you have it?”

“At home. I could give to you tomorrow”. She picked her bag. Hoseok thought about it for a second. Hyesu’s big dark eyes stared at his, with some hurry and her position reminded him that she soon had to go back to her classes.

“Ok, tomorrow I’ll be busy but you can give it to Jungkook. I’ll tell him and he can come here, agree?”

“Agree” she smiled and Hoseok patted her shoulder.

“Take care, little one”.

“I will, Hobi. Bye!” Hoseok waived at her. In a sense, she was like a little sister to him too. Then he left quickly before Taehyung could find him there.

And when we went to pick Hyesu up, everything looked normal. I drove them to the restaurant, as I had promised. Hyesu looked so happy. And Taehyung was clearly happy for her.

“How does it feel turning seventeen?” I asked, with a big smile.

“I don’t feel any different, to be honest” Hyesu responded. “Did you feel different when you turned seventeen?”

“I can’t remember, it was so long ago” I made a dramatic gesture and Hyesu laughed. Then she turned to her brother.

“Are you excited about your birthday?” she asked, leaning her head on the back of Taehyung’s seat.

“Not really” he admitted. “I’m more excited about yours”. He looked back, to the seat where Hyesu was and moved her hair. She wrinkled her nose. “You now, when we were very little, mother had contradictory feelings about our birthdays being so close. She said it was great having two happy dates close, but she also thought that it could eventually ruin the familiar economy because of the gifts” he laughed, and Hyesu and I did too. She seemed very concentrated and maybe a bit sad when he mentioned his mother. I had never heard him talking about her until that day. I knew she had died when Hyesu was around one year old, but I didn’t know very well where I had gotten that information from.

I left them at the restaurant and then went back home by walking. There, I remembered I had to tell the others about my graduation. The group chat was suddenly filled with congratulations. Even Hyesu sent me a voice message from Taehyung’s phone. I smiled the rest of the evening because of the warm and happy messages. As for the siblings, they had a great and funny meal and after that, Namjoon went to take them and return the car. It was a nice evening, though Hyesu insisted that her brother had to get a license right now and Namjoon agreed immediately.

 -------------

It was exactly 5:32pm when Yoongi opened his eyes as if he had seen a ghost, jumped with an energy that was absolutely unusual in him, and started screaming:

“It’s this one, this one!” Because, yes, that was the van. That was the blue van he had always wanted but didn’t know until that day. Jungkook didn’t have the heart to tell him to calm down. And anyway it was, after all, a very cool car. Jungkook scratched his head. Yoongi was basically making sounds about how perfect it was and how funny it would be from now on as he walked in circles around the car.

“Eh… Don’t you think this can be a problem?” Jungkook tried to be very delicate. He pointed at the small cabin the van had. Yoongi, that was leaning down, observing something about the wheels suddenly stood up and looked at him, frowning in confusion.

“But here, in the back, we all fit. There will even be space left”.

“Is that legal?” Yoongi considered for a second and finally just laughed.

“How can I know, Jeongguk? Do I look like a lawyer?”

“You certainly don’t look like one…” Yoongi shook his head and still smiling, but now forcefully, went to Jungkook and put his arm around his shoulders and started to walk away.

“Ah, let’s walk away”.

“Why?”

“I just saw the price and got scared” Yoongi separated from him and started walking normally. Jungkook laughed.

“It can’t be that bad. Let’s go back and consider it seriously”. Yoongi shook his head. Jungkook rolled his eyes and Jungkook took him by the hand and made him go back to where the car was. “Well, the price isn’t that bad. We have to change the budget a little but… It’s true that this van will work. Plus, it looks very nice”.

“You only care about the looks, don’t you?”

“Things have to look beautiful” Jungkook smiled, as he got up to the back of the car. He offered his hand to Yoongi, who reluctantly agreed and sat next to him. “There’s art in everything. Maybe this car is the one we need” Jungkook lied back. “Woah, this is so big! Look!” he put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. “Maybe you’re right and this is the car. After all, the others were either way to expensive, too small or too ugly”.

“Yes” Yoongi observed Jungkook talking and decided it was alright to lie by his side. He sighed. “So you’re convinced already?”

“Hmmm… Yes. It looks like now I’m more convinced than you”.

“No” Yoongi laughed. “So we finally have a car”.

“Yes! Thank Heaven. I thought we would eternally be looking for one”. Jungkook laughed, but he didn’t open his eyes in any moment. Yoongi observed him from the corner of his eye. In that moment there was a high five that felt like finally ending an exhausting job. After a while, Jungkook spoke again “Yoongi”.

“What?”

“Are we going to stay here all day?” he half opened one of his eyes. Yoongi was looking to some point above them. A small, peaceful, smile appeared on his face.

“I could stay like this all eternity”. Jungkook looked at him, wondering why Yoongi looked so content. But he felt happy to, for whatever it was.

“Then me too” He smiled and closed his eyes again. He got slightly closer to Yoongi, who instinctively reached for his hand. And there they stayed for so long, they actually fell asleep and somebody had to wake them up. And after that they did but the car.

 ---------------

The next thing to happen? Yoongi arrived to my house on Friday afternoon. He called me and asked me too look out of my window. He had a new car and I was very surprised to see it. I hadn’t been feeling well those days and had decided to rest, so I was a little sleepy. What the hell was happening?

“Where did you get that from?” I asked.

“I’m going to be very quick and straightforward. Get the things you need for a weekend. We’re going to the beach. We have hotel rooms and other good stuff and you’re coming with us”. He was outside the car, his arms crossed on his chest as he spoke to me on the phone. By his side, Jimin’s figure looked intimidating for some reason. It was only the two of them.

“What?”

“You prepare your things or we go up there and do it for you”. Given that little room for decision, I moved to my room and took a bag to pack some clothes and essential things. I couldn’t believe that was happening. “Surprise code 365, happy graduation with the second highest score of his promotion to mister Kim Seokjin you have earned a free weekend in the beach with your most beloved friends. Enjoy! Now move your ass, we have people left”.

But what they did to me, it was the least salvage and unexpected of the three surprises.

[2wnikiangel]

Ask game

Rules: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people. Because I always feel I little bit nervous, when I need to tag people I like or follow, I would like to see answers of everyone who found this game interesting!

Tagged by @kasielartist. If you don’t know her, just go to check her awesome arts. She’s very talented and I think we will hear about her more in the future. And she’s very kind and modest. Just a precious. :)

Warning: I love writing, so everything you’ll read by me is pretty long. Not Sorry.

Nickname(s): My father started to call me “Niki” when I was 4 years old and I’m so used to it, that I practically like it more that my real name. Some of my friends likes to call me “Angel”, because I like to help people. That’s why my full nickname is Niki Angel. And yes, my older sister calls me “špunt”, that’s a czech slang for “very small person”.

Zodiac: Acording to Horoscope, I am -- creative (yes), passionate (kind of), generous (yes!), warm-hearted (yes!!), cheerful (yes!!!), humorous (trying but failing), arrogant (well, yes), stubborn (more than anyone around me), self-centered (nope), lazy (ooooh), inflexible (yes, and I hate it) -- a summer and Sun child, Leo.

Height: Something between dwarf, human and elf -- 1.55 cm.

Hogwarts house: Traits: dedication, hardworking, fairness, patience, kindness, tolerance, modesty, loyalty and produced the fewest Dark wizards of all the four Houses. Who I am? I’m Jean Valjean Hufflepuff! I remember how sad I was like a kid when everyone thinked about me like a stupid person, just because I was in the Hufflepuff. But, after some time, I wear our colors just proud as other houses. Because we have nothing to be ashamed of! Just look at the traits! That’s something what can change the world in the most positive way!

Last thing I googled: Keanu Reeves. It was because in Czech republic he isn’t so popular and everyone around tumblr and youtube are just so crazy about him that I wanted to know why. Now I know and I watched two films yesterday with him in lead role.

Fave musician(s): I FREAKING LOVE MUSIC. My taste it’s pretty diverse. I wrote only favorite of every gender of music I listen mostly everyday, because otherwise we would be there for more than a week. When you click at the name of the artist(s) you can hear my favorite song made by them.

Kpop: Ultimate favorite is “TVXQ”. It was my first Kpop band back in 2007, when I started to listening Kpop. Then I love “VIXX” (+ “Leo” / “Ravi” / “LR)”, “4Minute” (+ “HyunA” / “TripleH” / “Troublemaker”) and “KARD”. Others I like to listen everyday:

Girlband: “2NE1″ (+ “CL”), “AOA” (+ “Jimin”), “BLACKPINK”, “Brown Eyed Girls” (+ “GaIn”), “CLC”, “EXID”, “Girl’s Day”, “Girl’s Generation” (+ “Taeyeon”), “Miss A”, “Red Velvet”, “Secret” (+ “Hyoseong” / “Jieun”), “SISTAR” (+ “Hyolyn”), “Stellar”, “T-ARA”

Boyband: “100%”, “B.A.P” (+ “Yongguk & Zelo”), “B1A4″, “BEAST”, “Big Bang” (+ “G-dragon”), “Block B”, “BTOB”, “BTS” (+ “Rapmoster” / “Agust D”), “EXO”, “GOT7″, “iKON”, “INFINITE”, “JJCC”, “MBLAQ”, “MONSTA X”, “Nu’est”, “SHINee”, “SS501″, “Super Junior”, “U-Kiss”

Solo: “Ailee”, “BoA”, “DEAN”, “HOLAND”, “Hyoshin”, “Jessi”, “Sunmi”, “YEZI”

Rock / Alternative: Tie between “Panic! At the Disco” and “The Score”. Their music helped me on every exam on university and inspireted one of my biggest Les Mis fanfic project (I think it will be done next spring). Others: “8 graves”, “30 Second to the Mars”, “Billie Eilish”, “Against The Current”, “Coldplay”, “Disturbed”, “Evanescence”, “Fall Out Boy”, “Five Finger Death Punch”, “Get Scared”, “grandson”, “Hurts”, “Imagine Dragons”, “Linkin Park”, “MISSIO”, “Nine Inch Nails”, “One Republic”, “Set It Off”, “SIAMÉS”, “Starset”, “The Cab”, “Thousand Foot Krutch”, “The Neighbourhood”, “Twenty One Pilots“, “Digital Daggers”

Classic: Favorite is our composer “Bedřich Smetana” His Moldau is still one of my favorite piece of work. Then “Beethoven”, “Mozart”, “Vivaldi” and “Wagner”.

Cover: Because this talented people matters too! “Chase Holfelder”, “Nick Pitera”, “Peter Hollens” and “ZEK”.

And many, many, MANY soundtracks and instrumental music for games, films, series, original works, etc.

Following: Les Misérables and Ao no exorcist artists, writers and fans. Some psychology blogs too.

Followers: 10! And I really appreciate it. I’m still new to tumblr, not so active and my fanfiction writing is still on start. Hope, maybe after some years, I will have more thank to my works.

Song stuck in your head: “Imagine Dragons songs battle - Peter Hollens vs. Chase Holfelder”.

Amount of sleep: 2-4 hours per day. I’m so used to live under pressure, stress and lack of sleep, that’s is weird to sleep more than 4 hours. That sometimes happens on holidays, 1-2 times in year. And I seriously don’t remember how much sleep I’m getting. Maybe 8 or 9. Irony -- I love sleeping, but we have some love-hate relationship.

Lucky number: 13. Stuck with me from my middle school years.

Do you get asks: Actually - no. And I need you to know, that I’m absolutely okay with them. So if you want to ask something or just chat or you have problem and want to help, just messege me. I’m open to everyone.

What are you wearing: Red summer dress. (And, yes, I’m not one of the fashionable person you want to know.)

Dream job: Soldier! But... Well, I’m too small and not 100 % healthy so I must give up this dream when I was 14 years old and my doctor told me that I will never be a soldier. It was pretty hard for me back then, but I decided to work for police in Special Victims Unit with focus on sexual abuse on children. I’m slowly getting there thank to studying and hard work!

Instrument(s): I played piano profesionally for 10 years. I stopped after some time on highschool because I could no longer attend courses in my town. I can still play it, but don’t have piano or keyboard at home, so I sometimes play on train stations just for the nostalgy. BUT! I want to buy my favorite piano for 30. birthday. Hope I will save the money, I have 7 years for it. OH, and I can play some songs on quitar.

Language(s): Motherlanguage is czech, so is absolutely normal for me to understand slovak. I speak english, even thoughs I have C1 certificate, I’m nervous and can’t speak or write without shaking, sweating and making stupid mistakes. I learned german on middle and high school, but can’t say a shit practically anything in this freaking language. When someone ask me something in croatian, polish or russian, I mostly understand but I blame it on Slavic roots. And I’m learning french for 6 months now, because I always wanted to speak and understand this language.

Fav song(s): “Hurricane by 30 Second to the Mars”! Mentioned already in the “Favorite musician(s)” ask.

Aesthetic: piano sheets, coffee, blue color, literature, music, theather, optimistic thoughts, deep thoughts, dogs, family, friends, love... <3

Random fact(s): My lucky number is 13, so 13 random facts about me!

MY FAVORITE book is “The Picture of Dorian Gray”; musical is “The Phantom of the Opera”; anime is “Yu Yu Hakusho”; manga is “Ao no Exorcist”; film is “The Shawshank Redemption"; series is “Game of Thrones” but not the season 8; band is “TVXQ”; color is blue in any shade; season is autumn; dogbreed is “Czechoslovakian woldog” and icecream with flavour of citrone or pistachio.

My biggest dream it’s make everyone on this world happy, satisfied, loved and accepted.

I’m coffe AND tea person. I can’t choose what I love more!

I love cleaning the house while listening (and stupidly dancing and falsely singing) to music.

My life motto? “Freedom. Beauty. Truth. Love.” Bohemian all the way!

I’m pretty shy and don’t talk much at first. I like to be around people, don’t get me wrong, but mostly I’m a listener. That’s maybe why I love writing so much.

I already know what song will play at my funeral! It’s “Lacrimosa from Requiem by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart”.

I’m romantic! If you’re my parnert just prepare to be woke up with your favorite breakfast, we will watch your favorite series and talk about it all the time, I will plan our vacation just to make sure it will be unforgettable for you, I will buy your favorite perfume, I will DIY presents for you, I will respect and love you with all my heart, I will praise your work, I will learn about your hobbies and support them... Yeah, my friends call it’s “annoyingly submissive” but who cares? That’s just me.

Even thought what I wrote here (^8.) - I fall in love only one time in my whole life. It was 2 months after my 18. birthday. He was tall, black-haired cishet man, witty, inteligent, humourus, gently, ironic, sarcastic and beautiful human being. And he’s my boyfriend for 5 years now and we have awesome 1 year old daugher. 

I studied law and public administration in highschool and criminology on university. In Semptember this year (2019) I’ll start my master’s degree for public safety and 2 years long psychology practice. After this I’ll go to work and start my distance learning of psychology (A/N: 3 years for bachelor + 2 years for master + 4 years for doctor + 2 years of another practive - then exams and only AFTER ALL OF THIS you can become a psychiatrics with your own office! That’s why I wanted start studying this subject AFTER my police graduation).

I have emepthophobia - abnormal and very strong fear of throwing up. This is why I eat only things I know for long time (no raw meat, no sushi, no experimental cusaine); I don’t like eating at restaurants (I’m afraid that some guest can get nauseated and start throwing up); I don’t go to amusent parks and never was (and I'll never be!) on their attractions; I am abstinent (Don’t try to force, seriously); I don’t like to be around drunk people; I hate hospitals and doctors (even thought a deeply respect them, but try to get the tube into my mouth ONE MORE TIME AND WILL DESTROY ALL YOUR BLOODLINE) and I HATE films when they put throwing up like “comedic” aspect (mostly American comedies. That’s why I don’t watch them.). Actually, just writing it down makes me anxious because I imagine all the things I’m writing and it’s horrible... (I needed to stop writing, calm myself for like half a hour and even after this I didn’t wrote everything that I hate about this phobia).

I’m demisexual but still don’t see myself as a part of the LGBT+ comunity. Maybe because when I come out some friends of the comunity (namely gay, lesbian a trans female lesbian) they say that “demisexuality is nothing compare their fight for rights” and it’s “just another heterosexual made-up thing for which don’t want sex or want to judge others who love sex with no relationships including”. That’s why, when someone ask me why I support LGBT+ so much and have so many friends of them, I’m saying that I am a “Straight Ally”. Even though I know it’s not all the true (because I don’t identify myself like heterosexual at all), I just don’t fell I need to explain or “come out” like some others. I just live with it and I’m happy. To all demisexuals: Don’t ever think you are weird. You aren’t! You can fall in love. You can feel aroused. You can have fuctional relationship with no sex or sex including. You don’t need to have anyone to be happy. Just like have a family, child/children, husband/wife and be sometimes excited to be touched by your loved one(s). You can love or hate hugs. You can found someone attractive just INSIDE and be happy with it. Every demisexual it’s different. But still matters. Don’t ever think about to be ashemed by your sexuality. It’s your thing and NO ONE can’t say a shit about it.

Yeah, and I beat cancer when I was 17 by the way. And still not 100% healthy but living.

Thank for tagging and hope you found it interesting!

See you next time, maybe with my another Les Mis fanfiction!