#why are they all all dressed like Nick Cage? Why it’s the Halloween episode of course

[housederiva]

It’s my delight to show you an ad for Veilguard presented by two time Emmy award winner Sam Riegel with help from Matthew Mercer and Laura Bailey (Manfred and Bianca/Dagna)

[xpwewarchive]

XPWEW Friday Night Pyro (3-27-2020)

Friday Night Pyro Episode #419 March 27th, 2020 Los Angeles, California The Barracks

Show Intro

Commentary: Kaitlyn Khaos & Nick Simmonds

Opening Segment: Champagne Clausen comes down dapperly dressed. Champagne: “It was last January at Guilty as Charged I was in the midst of the most dominant world title run in this promotion. And I warned the All Man not to metal in that and what did he do..he did. I told him then that “consequences will never be the same!” And it took this long, whether it was our bean-headed general manger Romeo Roselli who told me I couldn’t challenge for the title as long as he was champion well then just like I thought and just like everyone else All Man proved he was indeed “just a TRANSITIONAL champion” and now here we stand. 2 days! 2 days! I get my hands on that rat and I get my hands on that smiling, that fake, that fraud, that snake in sheep’s clothing Golden Bryce. I get my hands on both of them. I don’t gotta pin em, I don’t gotta knock them out, I don’t even have to snap their leg in half. ALL I HAVE TO DO is hit one move. Three times. In the blink of a second, in the pop of a cork I can be world champion again

Freight Train enters Train: “I think you might have a bad memory Curtis cause I remember it was only 6 or 7 days ago in this building you pushed my friend. You hit your daddy. You did a bad thang. Well you know what you might have just pissed me of. I took Troy off the medicines and Sunday he’s gonna have a lot to say so you better cover your hind-end or say I’m sorry cause I bet he’s real mad Champagne: Huh...haha Do they call you Freight Train because your the size of a train or do they call you Freight Train because your mind tends to slip off of the tracks. Because NEWS FLASH idiot! He’s a vegetable! He has no memory, no frame of reference since Halloween! Y’know the one with candy! Bring em out! I’m sure he’ll come out here and tell nobody in the crowd that he’s the best, we’ll I’ll say this if he does anything again to impede MY SPOTLIGHT. I’m gonna do more than sedate him. I’ll sedate him permanently and you can whisper that to that human bag of meat. So why don’t you go do that

Freight Train slumps his shoulders and leaves he keeps looking back sadly

Champagne: LEAVE!

All Man, All Woman & Scott Steiner enter

Steiner : Your daddy issues are nobody’s concern your moron. Nobody gives a damn about your carrot cake brain daddy ok all people wanna see is THE POPPA BACK ON PYRO! LOOK AT THE LARGEST ARMS IN THE WORLD

2 weeks ago! I got checked into the hospital and I looked the grim reaper right in his beetie eyes and told him I ain’t leaving until the ALL MAN wins the title 2 times! 2 times!

All Man: 2 times! 2 times!

Champagne: that’s cute, I’m looking to do what neither of you have done. Win that title a second time myself, All Man really? Let’s recall your title reign, you beat me after I had a hard fought match, you beat me with a low battery okay and then you defended it at Flirting With Disaster and Golden Bryce beat you in 8 minutes and let’s see Scott I’ll use your math here.

Steiner: HEY THATS MY GIMMICK! GIVE IT BACK! GIVE IT BACK TO ME!

Golden Bryce enters with the TITLE

Golden Bryce: I feel like I’m watching Step Brothers right now lol both of you sound the same. Complaining. Not doing. I MEAN GUYS! 48 hours! 3 finishers. ZERO FANS! Oh wait sorry Tenille, I respect women!! Scott! glad to see you’ve made a 100% recovery

Steiner: SHUT UP GOLDYLOCKS

Bryce: corpses tries not to laugh

Steiner: Listen up!

All Woman: Scott Steiner!, This Sunday it’s going to be a 3 Way Dance for the XPWEW World Title at Blitzkrieg between All Man, Champagne Clausen and Golden Bryce! What’s your opinion on the upcoming bout?

Steiner: **You know they say that ALL MEN are created equal but you look at the ALL MAN and you look at Champagne Clausen and you can see that statement is not true. See normally if you go 1 on 1 with the another wrestler you got a 50/50 chance of winning. But All Man is ALL IN and he’s not normal. So you got a 25% chance AT BEST of beating All Man at Blitzkrieg! Then you add GOLDYLOCKS to the mix! Your chances drastic go UP! Because he can’t win a big main event match to save him life and he ain’t even gonna try! See the 3 way at Blitzkrieg. You got a 33 1/3rd chance of winning, but All Man! All Man has got a 66% and 2/3rd’s chance of winning!

Senior Champagne! The numbers don’t lie and they spell disaster for you at Blitzkrieg!

Kaitlyn Khaos: “I’ve just gotten word from General Manger Romeo Roselli that tonight! The world champion Golden Bryce will go 1 on 1 with Champagne Clausen and All Woman will act as the special guest referee. That’s gonna be interesting and that is tonight’s main event!”

<<Let’s get this COVID-19 awareness episode of Pyro under way and take it straight to the action!

1 on 1 M1: Doxy Deity defeats All Woman w/ All Man and Scott Steiner @ ringside

<<<Back and forth contest, both competitors were able to get action and offense, This match showcased All Woman even in LOSS because she’s had very limited ring time in the Fed since joining last July but this match we got to see her shine a bit because she really has only had a handful of matches here. In the end Doxy would catch All Woman mid air off the top rope then hits her finish in a great matchup. Quick and fast paced. Steiner’s ringside commentary made it funnier” Steiner: “Do it for my freaks?!!!!”

[PROMO\Hype] Lockdown 7 in 56 days May 23rd, 2020 Dubai, United Arab Emirates mini documentary showing performers hyping up the biggest event of the year

[In-ring segment] Interview from James Westerbeck! XPWEW INTERNATIONAL CHAMPION! Slayer w/ Rosemary& Lotus

Priscilla Kelly bathtub promo }}} Priscilla via Titan tron challenges Slayer to a match for the xpwew international title this Sunday at Blitzkrieg

Slayer accepts So just like that! BREAKING NEWS! This Sunday at Blitzkrieg Slayer will defend his XPWEW International Title 1 on 1 against Priscilla Kelly! Sheeeeeeeeee’s baaaaaaaaaaack

((Slayer walks to the back)) (((Rosemary joins the commentary booth with Kaitlyn Khaos and Nick Simmonds and she’s in character the whole time and Rosemary is creeping Kaitlyn Khaos our the whole time, absolute golden on the mic during this match. Hyping Lotus up!

1 on 1 M2: Lotus defeats Genevalisse

PROMO: XPWEW commercial informing all the UK fans that we sincerely apologize that Blitzkrieg set for this Sunday was suppose to take place at the O2 in London but not to worry because! *Anarchy in the UK by Sex Pistols plays “Because this September we are bringing the XPWEW Anarchy Rules pay-per-view to you! That’s right! We can’t wait to bring the best fans in the world some Xtreme wrestling!!!”

The Set enters Ruckus joins commentary but he is silent the whole time (he goes to light up a blunt) Nick Simmonds: Do you mind um I uh have bad asthma Ruckus: hits blunt coughs intensely/ Damn Vro me too < Siaka Lexoni is sensational at the commentary booth putting over Jordan Oliver, Myron and Kotto over big time >

Tag Team Match M3: Myron Reed & Kotto Brazil defeat Jacques & Dragon Kid

1 on 1 [XPWEW Juniorweight Title ON THE LINE] M4: Jordan Oliver defeats Based Fabian

(((Match of the night, total spot fest #Dive)))

Garrett Thompson and Ethan Bedlam enters GT @ McGraw (speaking into camera) “Last week McGraw it was merely a flesh wound! Merely a mercy beating! I could have beaten your bullocks within an inch of your life, but your little wee damsel in the distress saved your backside huh. Ryu come to this ring.

McGraw enters with a neck brace on

Ryu steps in front of him “it’s not worth it, he’s scum, he’s scum, don’t do this. Not now.” GT and Bedlam wants McGraw with his hand motions just baiting him in to come get this 2 on 1 beatdown < McGraw jerks the mic out of Ryu “You gotta be the luckiest muffin eating sum bitches I’ve ever seen! Ethan Bedlam get your finger outta Garrett’s ass GT: “Your not funny....Not funny mate” Leonard: Oh that ain’t funny. Not so funny. Well hell son I’m not a modern day Monty Python here shit But if this is all comedy, if this shit is just a joke to you GT I’d suggest I get your input on this next bit ive been working on! [[[MCGRAW SLOWLY PULLS AWAY THE NECK BRACE REVEALING THAT HE IS NOT INJURED THIS WHOLE TIME] <<GT cocks his head sideways and Bedlam looks back and forth in confusion>> McGraw: Oh well hell it ain’t funny but it damn sure is peculiar. This neck straightening device here don’t mean shit to me because damn son I don’t need it I’m not injured I don’t have broken neck, I don’t have a broken bollocks or whatever the fuck you said, I don’t have a bedfellow named Ethan and I sure as hell don’t have a fanger stuck up nobody’s ass but what I do have is a challenge I want you in this ring 1 on 1 this Sunday you big bastard GT: Leo, You don’t deserve a match against me you peasant. But I’ll say this. If you can beat...Ethan Bedlam...1 on 1 inside a steel cage this Sunday then you’ll get your match Larry the Cable guy Leonard: So this is how we’re gonna play it? Your gonna put your life partner in harms way like at? I’ll step in a steel cage Sunday but right now I’m just gonna get a piece of your ass first ((Mic slams)) Leonard hits the ring and takes out both Bedlam and GT but GT gets out of dodge by throwing Bedlam in front and Him quickly

LEONARD MCGRAW DECKS ETHAN BEDLAM WITH THE BUCKSHOT AND DAMN NEAR TAKES HIS HEAD OFF!

McGraw in ring flips off GT standing at stage

[PROMO] Dark Side of The Ring commercial airs “The death of the Xtreme Giant” premieres this Tuesday only on VICE

Leonard McGraw and Ryu join commentary Ryu is nice and polite Nick Simmonds: “Leonard why did you pretend you had a neck injury” McGraw: “I got kids to feed man and sometimes it’s a good way to get out of work shit! But even I get complacent I wanna get back in there and I’m fixing to beat Ethan Bedlam’s ass in that cage match come Sunday

1 on 1 M5: Genevalisse defeats Lola Starr

Match Announcement!!!

Kiera Hogan will now defend her XPWEW Women’s Title against Genevalisse this Sunday at Blitzkrieg 2020

Special Guest Referee: All Man & All Woman enter

Champagne Clausen enters

XPWEW World Heavyweight Champion Golden Bryce enters!!!

SpecialGuestReferee: All Woman 1 on 1 M6: Golden Bryce defeats Champagne Clausen

Bryce raises the title up high and All Man low blows him and attacks him from behind at the cheering and behest of Scott Steiner who encouraged him to blindside Bryce but Steiner slides in a steel chair All Man sizes up Bryce but Bryce ducks and All Man cracks Champagne over the skull with the steel chair and Bryce stands up in All Man’s face and they press up against each other s foreheads and it’s an epic finish but you can hear Steiner in the background “Hit him! Hit him! Hit him he’s right on ya”

Show ends