#why am i talking like the lead in a shitty romcom that comes back to his hometown after becoming a big businessman in the big city. jesus

[attaboy-art]

HEY !! sorry for not posting much art recently... (T_T) i feel rlly bad because i have a ton of requests in my inbox so i decided to explain why i haven't posted in a while..

among other things, irl i've been really busy! i'm on winter break right now, so in order to make the most of my time before the next semester starts i've been hanging out with my friends as much as i can. i've also been working! i recently finished dogsitting for a relative and i'm currently working on finishing up some commissions. i'm also trying to get ready for the next semester.

and then, well, a somewhat old hyperfixation of mine recently returned and i've been drawing a ton of art for that.. and i ended up planning a very long writing project because of it. orz my sideblog has never known more activity on my end.

however, as soon as i finish this last commission i promise i'll get back to the requests, as well as layton art in general!

sorry for such a long post, just wanted to let you all know what's going on and why i haven't been posting art as of late. thanx 4 reading !! 🍧 <- for you

[nervousgardenerkid]

highschool au steve (who’s friends with the party because fuck the king steve era he deserves good friends <3) where you’re his reluctant tutor and he’s convinced this is the start of a romcom where you two eventually fall in love but you’re just trying to tutor your cute annoying classmate because you need an excuse to get out of being dragged into joining a club and/or sport by your friends and tutoring can’t possibly be super hard right?

but eventually steve’s flirting gets to you and when he comes to your next tutoring session with an A on his latest paper you think he doesn’t need a tutor and are sad obviously happy to see he doesn’t need to be tutored anymore. cue steve being an in love idiot and purposefully flunking his next assignment so you can keep being his tutor. robin, who’s tired of his shit, tells you why his grades keep drastically fluctuating (because he wants to keep being tutored but also doesn’t want you to think you’re a bad tutor) which leads to (after some convincing from his children friends) you telling him if he gets an A on the next assignment you’ll go on a date with him <3

can u tell i got carried away again LMAO credit to whoever made the gif! i hope u like it hehe <3

Steve let out a sigh of defeat as he stared at the bright red F on his paper. He swears he did so well this time! Guess studying with Dustin didn't pay off. He felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Hey,” Robin whispered. “What did you get?”

Steve rolled his eyes showing her the paper.

“Dustin is a shitty tutor.”

“Did you guys even study?”

Steve looked back at the other day and let out a soft “huh,” once he realized he simply walked into the library to grab Dustin. “You know, now that I’m thinking about it, we didn't even study.”

Robin rolled her eyes.

“How am I a junior who got accidentally put in calculus and doing better than you?”

Steve opened his mouth to come back with a snarky remark but was saved by the bell.

“Whatever, I'll talk to Ms. Rodriguez after class. I'm sure she'll find me a tutor.”

-

“Y/n, cmon please!” Chrissy begged while holding your hand. You chuckled, shaking your head as you grabbed your calculus book, shutting your locker once you had it.

“Chrissy I'm flattered, really, but there's no way I'm joining the cheer squad.”

Chrissy followed you as you made your way toward your next class.

“But the uniforms are so cute!”

“To each their own!”

You understand what she was trying to do for you. You never really joined any clubs at school, not for any particular reason. You just didn't want to. I mean, who wants to stay after school and practice instead of going home and relaxing?

“Okay, what about the newsletter?” she asked with a big smile.

You shook your head violently. “I love Nancy to death, but she takes that way too seriously.”

“Cause she's passionate about it! Do you have anything you're passionate about?”

You leaned against the wall by your classroom thinking about it. Surely there was something.

“Y/n!” you heard a voice shout.

Your head shot up in the direction your name was called, a smile craving your face as you saw the familiar mop of semi-curls.

“Hey, Eddie!”

Eddie laughed and picked you up while spinning you around.

He placed you down and brought you in for a tight hug.

“Not that I don't appreciate the love, but what's going on?”

“I finally got an A on Mr. David’s paper and it's all thanks to you!”

You felt a blush rise to your cheeks at the small praise from the boy in front of you. You waved your hand around as you looked down at your feet.

“No, it wasn't me Eddie, I just showed you how to study in your own way! Sometimes sitting in front of books and reading isn't for everyone,” you said with a smile.

“Yeah, well because of you I’ll be able to finally get the hell out of here! Seriously y/n you're a genius!” he shouted at you while pointing and walking in the opposite direction.

Chrissy giggled. “He's such a weird kid. Not a bad weird though.”

You nodded your head. “He's a sweetheart though, I'll see you after tryouts?” you asked her, finally beginning to walk into class.

She nodded her head with a bright smile on her face. “See you after tryouts!”

You smiled and took your usual seat at your desk, you glanced at the board and opened your textbook to the page that was on the board getting ready to read about today’s lesson.

“Y/n, could you come up here, please?” you heard Ms. Rodriguez call. You make your way over to her desk with confusion on your face.

“Is everything okay?”

“Of course sweetheart! How would you feel about some extra credit?”

You perked up at the mention of it causing Ms. Rodriguez to laugh.

“I have a student who needs tutoring and I figured why not send in my best student.”

“Ms. Rodriguez I just passed your last test, if I'm your best student that's a little sad.”

“You helped Munson get a B on his quiz.”

Your eyes went wide and you smiled. “Did I really?”

She nodded her head and smiled at you. “I don't mean to be rude but you brought him from a D to a B, it's progress.”

You stood there and thought about it. The teachers underestimated Eddie. He was smart, he just didn't have the proper tools to kick-start his mind. What if this kid isn't smart? What if you can never teach then they fail? That means that you've failed.

“Look, you don't have to say yes,” Ms. Rodriguez started. “But if you decide to go he said he'd meet you in the library after school…assuming he knows where that is.”

You nodded your head. “I'll tutor him, I'm sure it won't be that hard.”

-

It's been an hour. An hour of you sitting in the school library when you could be at home taking a nap. Chrissy stopped by earlier jumping for joy when she told you she made the cheer squad. You smiled and congratulated her knowing she was ecstatic to be on the team. She left shortly saying she needed to meet the coaches for her uniform, ever since then you've been alone.

You let out a frustrated sigh gathering your things while cursing under your breath. At least you finished some homework, now you can go home and just relax. Your thoughts are cut off when someone bursts into the library panting trying to catch their breath. Shushes are thrown at him causing him to scoff.

“Oh relax. Geez, a guy can't even breathe nowadays.” His eyes scanned the library lighting when they land on you.

Oh no, you think. Please, please for the love god tell me I don't have to tutor Steve Harrington.

“Hey y/n! Ms. Rodriguez said you'd tutor me.”

Send the flood. Send it now.

“You’re late Harrington.”

“I know, but hear me out!”

You took a seat gesturing for him to go on.

“Oh, I didn't think you were actually gonna hear me out.”

“Steve, I'll leave.”

“Right, sorry, I would've been here but I needed to pick up the kids from school.”

Kids? “You have kids?”

“God no! I mean, not yet. I'll have little nuggets of my own someday, but I babysit…I guess.”

Your eyes light up as you remember seeing him with a group of kids from time to time. “Oh yeah! Nance’s brother and his friends, right?”

He smiled and sat down next to you nodding his head.

“Yup, they're demons.” He rubbed his hands together and put his backpack on the table. “So when do we start?”

“We started an hour ago Steve. Look, seriously if you want me to be your tutor please come on time.”

Steve nodded and made an X over his heart. “Cross my heart, and hope to die, babe.”

You bit your bottom lip, shaking your head trying to fight off the heat that made way to your cheeks.

“So um, Rodriguez gave me your quiz.”

“Ah, so you've seen my handy work,” he said while leaning back in the chair, his arms thrown behind his head.

“If that's what you want to call it.” you smiled.

Steve swears he felt his heart beat out of his chest when you smiled at him. How has he never noticed how pretty you are? He's seen you around the school before, he knows your friends with Robin. How come you guys haven't crossed paths before?

“You see how you have X=8? It actually equals 20. You have to carry the five here and subtract three from- Steve are you listening?”

“You're really pretty.” he blurred out.

Great, you thought. Now I'm flustered. “Oh, um, thank you, but we should really get back to studying-”

“We should go out sometime.”

You ignore his comment and look through his test making mental notes. “Do you remember anything from algebra?” you asked while glancing at him.

“What?”

You put your head in your hands and let out a sigh. “We're gonna need more than books to help you.”

-

“No, Robin! I need you to put in a good word for me!”

Robin closed her locker and looked at him. “Steve, you're literally a chick magnet. Why do you need my help?”

Steve hopped into the driver's seat with disappointment written on his face. He was supposed to meet you to study after school today but you canceled.

“She's not just a chick robin. There's something about her I just can't shake off.”

“Gross, you've been watching rom-coms too much.”

Steve sighed and saw you walking out of the building with a smile on his face. He's been studying with you for about two weeks now and he's been anxiously waiting to get his test back from Ms. Rodriguez. He's been studying the flash cards you made him paying more attention to your handwriting than the material written on the cards.

“Should I talk to her?” Steve asked while looking over at robin who was too busy applying mascara to her lashes.

“Uh-huh, totally.”

Steve rolled his eyes, stepping out of the car and jogging over to you.

“Y/n! Hey!” he said with a smile on his face.

“Hey, Steve, any news back about your test?”

He stuffs his hands in the pockets of his jacket nervously swaying back and forth on the heels of his feet.

“Nah not yet, by the way, you look stunning today,” he said with a smile. You roll your eyes as he grabs your hand lifting it up in the air.

“cmon, do a little spin for me”

Ever since that first day of studying with you, he's been persistent in getting you to fall for him. He'll bring you little gifts or doodles he does in class when he's bored even though you scold him for not paying attention. He's even brought in his friends to back him up.

“You know Steve is a nice guy,” Mike said. “My sister loved going out with- oof.”

Dustin cut him off with a punch to the arm. “Dude, maybe don't mention the fact that Nancy went out with him.”

Mike made a confused noise. “But she's happy with Jonathan now. What's the harm?”

You reluctantly do the spin pushing him away when he lets out a whistle.

“You're so stupid,” you said walking away from him.

“Stupid for you. When are you gonna let me take you out on a date? Dustin vouched that I'm a hopeless romantic.”

You opened your mouth to say something but got cut off by someone shouting your name.

“Yo! Y/n!”

“Oh hey, Robert, ready to study?”

Steve felt his heart drop. You're studying with other people? But that's your guys’ thing.

“Yeah, coach will have my head if I don't get my history grade up.”

Did you cancel your study date with Steve to study with someone else?

“I'm sure he will superstar, I'll meet you in the library in a bit.”

Robert nodded his head and walked away to the library. You looked at Steve and noticed his mood went down.

“Hey, everything okay?”

“You're studying with Robert?”

“Yeah, his coach practically begged me to tutor him so he can play in Friday's game.”

Steve understood you are free to study with other people. Free to study with other guys. So why was he so jealous?

“Oh, okay cool.”

You held back a giggle as you pushed him back slightly. “Jealous Harrington?”

“A little.”

You swear you always know what he's about to say, yet he always catches you off guard.

You ruffle his hair and make your way to the library throwing a glance at him over your shoulder.

“Don't worry Harrington, there's no guy like you.”

Steve watched you walk away with rosy cheeks and a smile as he walked back to his car humming a random tune.

“Robin.”

“I saw that whole thing you are head over heels for her. I'll put a word in for you.”

“No need, apparently there's no guy like me.”

-

Steve was pushing past students shouting out the occasional “excuse me!” and “get out of my way.” he bursts into the library, his eyes scanning the room before he sees you're nose deep in a book, walkman headphones over your ears.

He sprints over to you and slams his body down in the chair across from you.

You jump and glare at him, moving your headphones down around your neck. “Jesus Steve, how about you warn a girl before you ambush her?”

Steve said nothing as he placed the test in front of you with the biggest smile you've ever seen. You gasped and grabbed the test bringing it closer to you, letting out a squeal when you see a green 85% written at the top of his test. You throw half of your body across the table wrapping him in a hug.

“I told you you could do it, Stevie!”

Steve thought he died right then and there and was greeted by an angel who looked a little too much like you.

You sit back in your seat and give him a bittersweet smile. “This is the end of an era Steve, you're all good now.”

You've never seen a smile leave his face so fast. “What? What do you mean?”

You looked at your watch and started putting some of your books away in your bag.

“You passed the test Steve, that's why Rodriguez asked me to tutor you.”

“But what about my next test?”

You let out a giggle and threw your bag over your shoulder.

“This is the basics, if you understood this then you're set for the rest of the year.”

Steve’s jaw dropped as he looked at you in shock. You set him up! You made him fall in love with you and your beautiful brain only to abandon him before he could make the move!

“But what if I fail again?! What happens then?”

“Steve, you're not gonna fail! I believe in you, you got this!” you encouraged him while standing up. “Now if you'll excuse me, I have to pass on my smarts to another jock.”

Steve watched you walk away with a frown on his face. He stormed into the hand room whispering for robin to meet him by his car after practice.

“Hey, y/n told me about you passing! Congrats dingus, maybe you aren't a dingus after all.”

“I need to fail my next assignment.”

Robin sighed and pinched the bridge of her most. “I stand corrected. Okay, what's up?”

Steve opened the car door for her and ran around to his side once robin saluted him and sat in the passenger seat. He started his car and started the drive to Robin’s house.

“She said it's the end of an era! What's that even mean?”

“She meant studying Steve. She considers you a friend now, so you can hang out with her without the textbooks and stress!”

Robin did make a fair point. He could finally flirt with you without you getting onto him about staying focused. It’d just be you two, no books, no kids from your class asking you questions about the notes you took, and no more stupid calculus work. For some unknown reason, all of that terrified Steve. When you guys were studying everything came naturally to Steve, he thinks, no, he knows the minute he hangs out with you outside of study hours he's going to embarrass himself. Steve shook his head and looked over at robin.

“Our study dates are better, I'll just fail tomorrow's assignment, and boom. I'm back in.”

-

You arrived early to school knowing you had to help Eddie cram for his English test in first period. You grabbed a couple of notebooks for your classes today and slammed your locker shouting when you saw robin behind it.

“Jesus Christ! What is up with you and Steve sneaking up on me?!”

Robin put both hands on your shoulders and shook you gently.

“Please talk to him!” she shouted, her voice bouncing off the walls of the nearly empty hallway. “He plans on failing all of today’s assignments just so he can keep studying with you!”

“Robin, please stop shaking me. Many people love this brain.”

She stopped shaking you but her grip on your shoulders stayed tight.

“I love you y/n, I really do. You're one of my best friends!”

“Awe, Robi-”

“But I swear to god if I have to hear about how your eyes sparkle every time Steve gets a question right, or about how badly he has to fight the urge to tuck your hair behind your ear when it falls in your face while reading I will poke pencils in my ears!”

Heat rushed to your cheeks at everything robin was saying. Did Steve really feel like that? You know he likes to flirt with you here and there but you thought that was him just being charismatic. Robin rolled her eyes when she sees that you were blushing.

“God, you're just as bad as him.”

-

“Okay so, what Shakespeare is trying to say is-”

“Hey rob, beat it. Gotta discuss something with my girl.” Steve said pulling a chair next to you and slinging his arm around you.

You rolled your eyes and looked over at him. “Steve I'm in the middle of helping Robert write a report-”

“No, no, he's fine. I think I'm gonna have a brain aneurysm if I read anymore.” Robert said while gathering his things.

You opened your mouth ready to ask Steve what was going on but he held a piece of paper up.

“An F?! Stevie, what happened? You were doing so good?” you gasped out grabbing the calculus homework out of his hands.

Steve shrugged his shoulders and sighed. “I guess I need more tutoring, gosh sometimes my memory is so bad I forget things like that!” he said with the snap of his fingers.

You tuned him out as you squinted at the paper, something was off, this wasn't Steve's handwriting.

“Steve?”

“Yes, darling?”

You blushed but chose to ignore his comment. “Your handwriting looks a lot like this one kid I tutored.”

“Duh, it's me. I'm the kid you tutored.”

You shook your head letting out a hum. “Your handwriting is neat. This looks like chicken scratch.”

Steve let out an awkward chuckle and cleared his throat. “Okay fine, I borrowed-”

“Borrowed?”

“I stole Jerry’s homework and pretended it was mine so that way I can keep studying with you.”

“Steve! You can hang out with me outside of studying!”

“I know I can! It's just easier with the books all around me cause I feel like you're not 100% focused on me! I know the second I have all your attention on me in gonna embarrass myself and you'll never want to date me.”

you giggle and give Steve the paper.

“I'll tell you what, next assignment you get an A on we'll go out on a date.”

Steve smiled. “You mean it?”

“Cross my heart and hope to die, babe.”

Steve shot out of his seat and kissed you on your cheek running out of the library.

“I won't let you down babe!”

A group of students shushed him and he shushed them back aggressively. “Geez, talk about a tough crowd.”

The next day you opened up your locker picking up a piece of paper that fell out. You unfolded it smiling as you saw the A+ written at the top of his paper right next to his name. Steve snuck up behind you giving your cheek a kiss, smiling at his good grade.

“Now, if I'm not mistaken, I believe you owe me a date.”

[nongnaos]

bl / gl tag game

I was tagged by @icouldhyperfixatehim in probably Feb/Mar but I literally just had not watched enough bl/gls to actually do this. Then got tagged again by @talays-portkey recently (it is no longer recently, this has been in my drafts, 98% done for a month??) and was like ohhh I can probably do this now!

your all time favourite bl character and why

I'm gonna say Pat and Pran both bc bb is SO dear to my heart and I feel like they are a good representation of "opposites attract" bc they handle things/think differently a lot but are so similar it works.

what's your one character from a bl you wanted to punt into the stratosphere ( you only get one so choose wisely )

Honestly none? If there has been any show where I've really disliked the leads then I've probably given up watching, as for side characters I'm willing to forgive a lot in fiction that I probably wouldn't IRL. Also shitty people give the story more drama and I do live for the drama. One thing that I do find bizarre and I struggle with are characters who ship other characters in the show and will tell them, or post about them on social media... it's just something I would feel weird about if it happened to me (and I can't imagine that happening realistically as someone who grew up in Ireland in the 2000's.)

the best music moment from a bl

Ok ok, living for bb and the rooftop kiss but the very specific moment when Pat is telling Pran all the things he liked when Pran was gone (I didn't need to compete, or be paranoid, or know what your GPA was etc) and Pran is clearly upset about it and then he says "but it was so depressingly lonely for me" and Pran looks back at him and it's the moment where everything starts to change and just as Pran looks back into Pat's eyes with hope for the first time there's a little 4 note drum roll (@10:14) and it just perfectly encapsulates that feeling of anticipation when your heart skips a beat, I just [muffled screams into a pillow]. Also the Not Me industrial sounding background music. It was so different for a bl but works perfectly with the aesthetic and the feeling of the show. Same with Heartstopper, great soundtrack, perfect vibes for the show. Also the intro song for The Eclipse, I really love it too!

what's a popular heterosexual text that you would like to see adapted into a bl / gl ?

Looove a cheesy romcom so maybe a GL 10 Things I Hate About You, or maybe one day my dream of seeing A Cinderella Story with Austin Ames realising she's a trans girl will come true!!! Or the lesbian 13 Going On 30 where she goes to the future to realise she's in love with her best friend (a girl, sorry Mark Ruffalo) and realises she's gay and maybe that's why people picked on her at 13 bc they all knew she was ✨️different✨️ and she goes back and is like "i know being gay is scary rn but it actually does get better and I've seen it!!". Coyote Ugly!! The Prince and Me!!!! Gimme lesbian romcoms I beg!!! Most of these gave off wlw vibes anyway, making them gay now would just be righting the world.

a scene from a bl that always makes you laugh ?

We Best Love where they almost get caught on the couch and Shuyi introduces himself overly formally and Shide just laughs at him and Shuyi gives him the 👀🤨 (gif)

Also, that moment in Semantic Error after Jaeyoung gets asked to work on Sangwoo's project and he's in slow-mo dancing down the stairs like "yeah, I'm gonna ruin this kid's life".

what two random bl/gl characters would make hilarious exes ?

Not hilarious but Namu from Not Me and Ink from Bad Buddy. They meet when Ink is taking scenery photos and sees Namu's graffiti and they get to talking and they have similar ideas and ideologies, Namu starts bringing Ink to protests and Ink brings her to some exhibitions etc etc they stay friends after bc wlw.. and then in the future the BB gang inkpa&patpran all start attending protests together. (Didn't P'Aof say patpran would definitely be joining those protests if they were in the same show? Like it all makes so much sense)

biggest disappointment ?

The way Not Me just sort of fell off in terms of storyline in the second half. Its only a disappointment bc those first episodes were incredible and the show deserved better.

who would be the funniest person to watch a bl in its entirety and which one would you make them watch .

Tankhun, and seeing as we've seen his reactions to steamy scenes and action or horror shows I feel like we should watch Manner of Death? I haven't seen it yet but I've heard it's steamy and mafia based so he could pick apart the mafia stuff and go wild at the smut.

best wardrobe moment / or character wardrobe from a bl

Shuyi's emo boy wardrobe from season 1 of We Best Love.

Wei Wuxian's emo boy wardrobe but make it historical.

Ink's lesbian art teacher vibes from Bad Buddy. (Extra shout out to Pat's ep 12 teal shirt and Pran's jumpers)

Tagging: @wkxs @talaypuens @wahgifs @snimeat @surajmukhis no pressure if you don't have time or energy! 🥰🥰

[emy-loves-you]

(Slightly) Less Useless, (Definitely) Gayer Chapter 8

Interrogations

Janus doesn’t get a lot of time to be alone with Virgil’s boyfriends, but it’s those few moments that truly count.

Chapter 7 | Masterlist | Chapter 9

Janus Williams was a busy man. He was the CEO of Hydra Hydraulics, and even with Thomas as their manager, Janus made sure to have a say in the financial and legal dealings of The Dark Sides. When he wasn’t working, Janus was spending time with Remus and/or Virgil. Because of this, Janus didn’t have many personal hobbies, nor did he have enough time to properly interrogate Virgil’s boyfriends. Even though the four of them had been living together for over a month (and dating for 3), Janus still did not fully trust the three men who claimed to love Virgil. Sure, his suspicions had significantly lessened since he first spoke to Logan all of those months ago. But if there was one thing that Janus learned from his parents, it was that people can have multiple faces, some of which they’re not even aware of possessing. Janus frequently flipped through multiple faces like they were simple party masks. He was harsh and unyielding when dealing with Hydra Hydraulics. He was sly and mysterious when playing as Deceit. He was sarcastic yet caring when interacting with Virgil and Remus. He was vulnerable and completely head-over-heels when he kissed Remus behind closed doors.

Janus knew about people being two-faced or even three-faces (hell, Janus himself was four-faced), and he suspected that Virgil’s boyfriends weren’t all that they seemed. There had to be something that he didn’t know. And Janus was going to find out what it was.

And if those faces had the potential to hurt Virgil?

Well, Mother and Father taught him to always have a fifth face, just in case.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Janus sighed as he changed out of his suit. He’d spent the past few hours dealing with stupid employees, and right now he wanted nothing more than to relax and watch some shitty romcoms. Normally he’d watch them with Remus and Virgil, but both of them were busy. Remus was doing something with Roman (some sort of spa day?) and Virgil was spending the day with Logan and Patton.

Just as Janus sat down with his snake-themed pajamas and face mask (because self-care is necessary) his phone went off. Janus sighed, expecting it to be one of the supervisors with a stupid question. He blinked when he saw the caller ID.

Patton Morale

Even though Janus had given Virgil’s boyfriends his number (in case there’s an emergency) he didn’t actually expect Patton to text him. Janus quickly unlocked his phone and read the text.

P- (3:46 PM) Hey, Janus! Are you busy right now?

P- (3:46 PM) You don’t have to respond if you’re busy! I was just wondering

Janus frowned at the texts. This sounded nothing like Patton’s happy, quirky self. He sounded like Virgil back before he’d gotten close to Janus. While he was mainly sarcastic and rude, there were times where he was really anxious and vulnerable. Janus decided to answer truthfully.

J- (3:47 PM) I am doing nothing important at the moment. What do you need?

P- (3:47 PM) Oh, I was just wondering if you wanted to bake some cupcakes today. I know how happy you were when you made breakfast for Remus, and I thought baking would be fun!

J- (3:47 PM) Would you prefer to do this at my house or Virgil’s? While I have a bigger kitchen and better cooking supplies, I don’t believe I have most of the ingredients.

P- (3:48 PM) Your house is fine! I’ll bring the ingredients over

J- (3:48 PM) Then I will see you when you arrive

Janus sighed as he turned off the TV. He then went upstairs to change into something more presentable. Sure, he was skipping his self-care day, but this was the perfect opportunity to learn more about Patton.

Fifteen minutes later, Patton stood in his doorway, multiple bags of ingredients in each hand. “I thought we could try different types of cupcakes,” Patton explained as Janus took a few bags to carry. “I have the ingredients for vanilla, chocolate, and red velvet. Plus, I thought we could make some homemade frosting!”

When they prepared the first batch of cupcakes (vanilla), Janus was silent as Patton led him through each step. When they got those in the oven, they decided to prepare the chocolate cupcake batter next. Janus didn’t notice any major changes in Patton’s behavior until they put the chocolate cupcakes in the oven and let the vanilla cupcakes cool. Janus made the red velvet batter on his own while Patton made the icing for the vanilla cupcakes. Patton had started humming a tune under his breath as he stirred the icing. It took Janus a moment to realize that he was humming the tune of Lies, one of Janus’ songs. Janus had to admit, Patton was good at humming the lyrics. Patton hit all of the muffled notes, and even paused for the right amount of time instead of skipping it. Janus smiled as he hummed along, making sure to keep his voice low. It took a few minutes for Patton to realize that he was duetting.

Patton yelped as he dropped his spoon. “Sorry, I didn’t even realize I was humming! That must’ve been really annoying. I’m sorry, I’ll stop rambling now.”

Janus frowned. “Patton, you weren’t annoying me. I was humming along. I’m a rock star, it was flattering to hear you hum my song. And you have a lovely voice.”

Patton blushed, but there was something else in his eyes. “T-thanks.” He turned back to the icing, and Janus let it go.

There were several instances after that where Patton would move to do something fun or silly and stop halfway through. He would hum the first few words of a song before going dead silent. He would move as if to twirl or do a grand hand gesture before stopping abruptly. He would open his mouth to (Janus assumed) give a cheesy pun, but no sound would come out. Every time, Janus would let it slide. He assumed that Patton was still embarrassed over the humming incident.

But the final nail in the coffin came when Patton went to get the chocolate cupcakes out and caught his arm in the oven. He yelped and Janus immediately ran over to reopen the oven. Patton quickly pulled his arm out, still gripping the cupcake tray. He sat the tray down on the stove while Janus moved to check his injuries. Patton immediately shied away. “I’m fine, just clumsy ol’ Patton!” He started mumbling to himself. “Stupid, clumsy Patton.”

Janus grabbed Patton’s wrist, forcing him to face Janus. Janus turned off the oven before leading Patton to the nearest bathroom, where he knew a medkit was. He knew enough about burn injuries from the few times Virgil or Remus would burn themselves. Patton had a nasty looking burn along his forearm, which Janus treated to the best of his ability. After a few minutes, Janus spoke up. “What’s wrong? Besides the burn, of course.”

Patton stared for a moment before smiling. “Nothing’s wrong, silly! Why would anything be wrong?” Janus could practically taste the lie.

“You’ve been acting odd all day. Did something happen?”

Patton shook his head. “No! Nothing’s happened. I promise.” Janus frowned but conceded, refocusing on the bandages. Patton seemed to be telling the truth, but Janus would talk to Virgil about it, just in case.

Later, Janus and Patton were icing the chocolate cupcakes. They had decided not to make the red velvet cupcakes, and the batter was sitting in the fridge. Patton was silent as he meticulously iced each cupcake. Janus was sneaking glances every few minutes, trying to figure out if the silence was from their earlier conversation or if Patton was naturally silent when he iced cupcakes.

Patton’s hands suddenly shook a little, and Janus watched as he made an uneven pattern on the cupcake. Nobody would even notice or care, but it seemed to make Patton’s shaking worse. “S-sorry.” Patton stuttered out, and Janus suddenly realized that Patton was crying.

Janus carefully grabbed Patton’s chin with two fingers and forced him to face Janus. Patton’s eyes remained glued to his hands. “Patton, please look at me.” It took a moment, but Patton slowly looked up into Janus’ eyes, and his entire body started shaking. “Patton, tell me what’s wrong.”

Patton took a shaky breath. “I-I’m fine, really.” When Janus didn’t let go of his chin, Patton caved in. “It’s just… some days there’s a not-so-nice voice in my head. I’ve always had it, and I don’t like being alone when the voice gets loud. Usually, I’ll have one of the others there to keep me company. But Ro’s spending time with Ree, and Lo is on a date with Virgil. I thought I could spend the day with you, but all I’ve done is make you worry and I’m so sorry you have to deal with me-”

Janus tightened his grip on Patton’s chin, and Patton stopped talking. Janus took a moment to collect his thoughts before speaking. “I… have a not-so-nice voice as well.” Patton’s eyes widened, and Janus took that as a sign to continue. “My parents weren’t good people. It took a lot of convincing on Virgil’s part for me to realize that they were hurting me. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. Some days I hear a voice telling me that they were right. It tells me that I’m worthless, and it tells me to do things that I know I shouldn’t do. On the days around my birthday they get really loud, and I can’t hear anything else. Remus and Virgil have to keep a constant eye on me or I’ll do something I’ll regret. That’s how I got this scar.” Patton’s eyes immediately go to the scar on Janus’ face. “I had just wanted the voices to be quiet, but they only got louder-”

“But you have a reason to have voices!” Janus looked back at Patton, who was still crying. “You were hurt! I wasn’t! My voice has always been there, and I’ve never had anything really bad happen to me. I have three amazing boyfriends and the job of my dreams! I don’t have a reason to feel like this! I’m just weak and stupid-”

“Stop.” Patton’s mouth snapped shut. “Just because you don’t have any trauma, does not mean that your voices are any less important than mine. They’re still there, and you came to me because you knew you shouldn’t be alone with just the voice. And the fact that you trusted me enough to come to me and tell me this… It means you're very brave, Patton. And I am honored that you trust me like that. And if you ever need me to help distract you from those thoughts, or if you just want to hang out, don’t be afraid to reach out.” He carefully took the icing bag from Patton’s shaky hands. “Now, why don’t we leave these here for a moment? I’ve found that making fun of shitty romcoms can really cheer people up.”

Patton nodded, tears still streaming down his face. “That sounds like fun.”

They entered the living room, and Janus suddenly realized that their clothes were covered in flour and other baking ingredients. “Come with me.” He led Patton upstairs and past his own room to another door. “This used to be Virgil’s room before he moved out, but he keeps a few sets of clothes in here for when he stays over.”

Patton frowned. “Janus, I’m quite a bit… wider than Virgil.” He blushed as he half-heartedly gestured to his own body.

Janus smiled softly. “There’s nothing wrong with that. And besides, Virgil prefers looser clothing, so I’m sure the clothes in here will fit you. Plus, I’m sure Virgil would appreciate seeing you in his clothes.” He saw Patton blush harder and smirked. He opened one of the drawers and picked out a baggy t-shirt and some sweatpants. “Put these on, and be careful of your bandages. I’ll change in my room, and we’ll meet downstairs. We’ll watch romcoms and give each other facials while we eat cupcakes. Does that sound reasonable?” Patton nodded. “Good, I’ll see you then.”

As Janus put on his snake pajamas for the second time that day, he contemplated the man in the other room. Janus had been afraid that Patton was secretly manipulative behind his caring persona, but he couldn’t have been further from the truth. Because under the face of bubbly joy and compassion, Patton was an injured soul, just like Janus.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz.

Janus looked up from his philosophy book to look at Logan, who was reading a similar philosophy book. The two of them were alone in Janus’ library. Patton and Roman were both working, and Remus had dragged Virgil to some event going on downtown. Janus and Logan had no new information to share (*cough* gossip *cough*) so the two of them were enjoying each other’s company while reading. However, Logan’s phone had just started vibrating. Janus watched from the corner of his eye as Logan read the texts with a small smile on his face before answering.

“Did one of your boyfriends just text you?” Logan jumped slightly, apparently forgetting that Janus was in the room. He shook his head.

“No, it was just Sam. They’re my friend and classmate. I’m sure you’ve heard of Patton’s employee Katherine?” Janus nodded, remembering the stories that Virgil would tell about his interactions with Patton and Katherine (or Kyle, depending on the day). “The two of them have been in a romantic relationship for several years. Sam was just asking me for my opinion on where their next date should take place. They tend to overthink things a lot, and it can be amusing to read their mile-long text about how much they want this to be perfect for Katherine.”

Janus nodded before realizing something. “You said that Sam is also your classmate? I know you go to the local college, but what are you studying?”

Logan blushed. “Astronomy, along with a few classes in public speech and teaching. I wish to work at the local planetarium.”

Janus frowned. “You’re taking those classes, plus you bought a house and Patton’s bakery?”

Logan nodded. “We’ve taken out several large loans over the years. We’ve paid off the house loan and most of the loan for Patton’s bakery, but we’re still paying off the loans for my schooling.” He turned back to the book, and Janus blinked in surprise.

“You do know that we would help you pay for those loans, correct?”

Logan stared for a moment. “But they’re my loans. It’s my responsibility to pay them off. And ever since we started living with Virgil and no longer have to pay for housing, we’ve had more money saved up to pay them off.”

Janus’ eyebrows furrowed. “You deal with the finances too? I assumed that was something Patton dealt with.”

Logan shook his head. “I deal with all of our budgets and our daily schedules. The others tend to forget how much money or energy they are spending, so I have to be the one to ‘reel them in.’”

Janus pressed on. “Along with your college education and your job at the library? How do you have time for anything?” He knew he was a hypocrite for saying this, but Janus needed to know. Was Logan some sort of perfectionist, who needed to be in control of everything? Or maybe he didn’t actually do half of this, and he was lying? No, he couldn’t be lying. Janus was pretty good at telling when someone was lying, and Logan seemed pretty truthful.

Logan sighed. “In all honesty, I don’t. Every moment of my day is mapped out to make life easier for me and my partners. Today was supposed to be used to spend time with Virgil, but I understand he hasn’t had any personal time with Remus lately. Still, their planning was so sudden that I now have nothing to do for the next few hours, and it makes me feel… inadequate.”

Janus nodded, finally understanding. “You feel as though you must use your actions to prove your worth as a person and boyfriend. And when there is no action to be performed, you feel as though you failed. That’s why you keep yourself busy.” Logan nodded, and Janus sighed. “I keep myself busy for a similar reason. I do so to prove that I am more than what I was taught to be. I am a CEO, and a singer, and a friend, and a boyfriend. Not just a conniving snake or a whiny brat. I have a purpose, and I sometimes feel inadequacy when I’m not actively fulfilling it.” He set down his philosophy book, having lost the intention of continuing. “But Logan, you don’t need to spend every moment of your life proving yourself. I know for a fact that you could ask for just about anything, and Virgil would bend over backwards to make it happen. Because he loves you for you, not for your actions or your purpose. He loves you for your intelligence, and your love of sweets, and your desire to debate. He loves the way you scrunch your nose when he says or does something odd. He loves the fond exasperation you have every time he or Patton or Roman show grand displays of affection.”

Logan blinked, his mouth hanging open slightly. “He… does?”

Janus nodded. “Yes, he does. He tells me this almost every day. Every moment he’s not with you three, he’s thinking about you. He’ll go on for hours about how much the three of you mean to him. And Logan,” Logan blinked again. “Just because you like to be busy, doesn’t mean that you can’t rely on others. Physically, mentally, emotionally or financially. Virgil will do anything for you, and I’m willing to pull a few strings for someone who can make Virgil smile as bright as he has been over the past year.” Was Janus being a hypocrite about asking for help? Yes. Did Logan know this? Maybe, Janus couldn’t tell. But it didn’t really matter at the moment, as the two of them shared a smile before turning back to their books. Janus was happy to note that Logan’s posture was much more relaxed, and he seemed more interested in the book.

Janus smiled as he read his book. He had feared that Logan was cold and controlling. But behind his face of diligence and intelligence, Logan was a tired soul, just like Janus.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Roman, please tell me those swords aren’t real.”

Roman scoffed, twirling one of the swords in his hand. “No, but they’re authentic enough to be fun to spar with. So, do you wanna spar?”

Janus stared at the swords in Roman’s hands. They looked like fencing swords, with white and black hilts respectively. “And why do you wish to fence with me?” Roman had specifically asked Janus to meet him at Virgil’s house for this. He was the only one home at the time, so it was just the two of them in the backyard.

Roman sighed. “Because no one else would say yes and if I asked Remus he would find a way to turn it into a fight to the near-death.” He smirked. “Besides, imagine how hot you would look to Remus if you could fight with a sword.”

Janus sighed, taking off his coat and hat. “You’re not going to let me say no, are you?”

Roman smiled as he handed over one of the swords. “Nope! Now, here’s what you’ve gotta do.” Roman talked Janus through the proper stances and how to hold his sword.

After a few minutes of practicing, Janus asked the question that had been on his mind for a while. “Roman, where did you find these swords? And how do you know how to fence?”

Roman shrugged. “Since I’m friends with the owner, I’m allowed to keep a lot of the props from our plays. We just finished one that included a fencing scene. The other actress and I were given lessons on how to fence so we wouldn’t hurt ourselves.” He laughed, and Janus suddenly felt a chill go down his spine. “And now that I’ve given you equal footing.” He began moving his sword with much more speed and precision, and Janus struggled to block. Even though Janus knew that the sword couldn’t harm him too badly, seeing Roman like this made Janus’ defences kick into overdrive. “Now is the perfect time to ask about your intentions with my brother.”

Janus struggled to even comprehend the question as he blocked the blows. “What?”

Roman laughed again, letting up for a moment. “You heard what I said. What are your intentions with my brother?”

Janus huffed. “What are your intentions with Virgil?”

Roman smiled as he continued striking with his sword. “My goal is to make my boyfriends feel just as much love as they make me feel. If they ever feel like my love for them is waning or falsified, then I have failed.” He put all of his force into the next swing, and Janus could no longer hold onto his own sword as it was knocked out of his hand. “But you dodged the question. What are your intentions with my brother?”

Janus then realized something. “You’re his next of kin.”

Roman frowned tilting his head. “Yes? What does that have to do with your intentions?”

Janus sighed, nearly slouching with relief. “My family has always been a stickler for traditions. While most of those traditions are homophobic or mysogynistic, there are a few that still mean a lot to me. One of them is getting permission from parents. All of my family is dead, so I only needed permission on Remus’ side. I told his parents of my intentions, but I was unable to get their permission. I’ve been spending the past few weeks wondering what I would do since I didn’t have their permission, but the two of you essentially disowned your parents. So naturally, permission would go to next of kin-”

“Janus!” Janus’ eyes snapped to meet Roman’s, and Janus suddenly realized that he was hyperventilating. “Look at me. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight. Match my breathing.” Janus forced himself to calm as he matched Roman’s breathing. Why was he so nervous? He had been completely calm and collected when talking to Mr and Mrs Prince. So why was this so much more special?

Because Remus cares about Roman. Virgil cares about Roman. Roman had the ability to take away everyone that Janus had.

“Janus, look at me.” Janus tried to focus on Roman’s voice. “I know you’d never intentionally hurt my brother. Whatever you’re trying to say, I’m sure it’ll be fine. Just calm down, collect your thoughts, and let it out.”

Janus did just that. He took a deep breath, collected his thoughts, and let it out. “I’m asking for permission to marry your brother.” There was silence. Janus tried to figure out what Roman was thinking, but his face was impassive. “Roman?”

“Does Remus know?”

Janus swallowed before shaking his head. “No, Remus doesn’t know. I’ve been worrying myself out of my mind for a while now. Besides, the four of you have provided enough chaos over the past few months. I wanted to wait until things calmed down before proposing.”

Roman pressed the tip of the sword to Janus’ neck. “If you so much as think about hurting Remus, I will make you suffer a pain worse than death. I just got my brother back, and I’m not losing him to anyone.”

Janus closed his eyes. “If I ever hurt Remus in any way, I would wish for nothing more than to suffer for eternity.”

There was a moment of silence before the sword was removed. A hand was put on Janus’ shoulders and he suppressed a flinch. “I trust you.”

Janus’ eyes snapped open to meet Roman’s. His face showed nothing but compassion, a big difference from Janus’ shock. “What?”

Roman smiled. “You say you never wish to harm Remus, and I trust you. You have my blessing.” He leaned down and picked up Janus’ sword from the ground. “Would you like a rematch? And perhaps some assistance in proposing?”

Janus gave a shaky smile, accepting the sword. “Yes, to both.”

Janus smiled as he clashed swords with his future fiance’s brother. Janus had assumed that he was aggressive, like he’d shown himself to be in other instances. But behind the face of cockiness and pride, Roman was a protective soul, just like Janus.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@itawalrus @arodynamic-enby @whatishappeningrightnow @idont-freaking-know @cute-and-angsty-prince @girl-who-reads @count-woe-laf @im-an-anxious-wreck @ent-is-undecisive @shadowylemon @stopthe-presses @the-sympathetic-villain @echo-goes-aaa @everythingisstardust

[gamzee-the-capricious-fanfic]

Chapter 4

Notes: Nothing really groundbreaking in this chapter lol, just that on average each chapter is 7 to 8 pages and if I put the big shit in this chapter it would be super long. Hope you enjoy it anyway!!

You wake up to someone shaking you quite vigorously. You blink sleepily and mumble. 

"'m too tired for this shit motherfucker." You glance over to see it's Karkat.

"Well get over it. It's your fault we ended up going to sleep so late." 

"That's harsh bro." You yawn and stretch out on the couch. Karkat is looking at you impatiently.

"You have an hour and a half to get ready so I'd get a move on if I were you." 

You nod lazily, all in motherfuckin time. Tavros walks in rubbing his eyes all sleepily. You can't help but to think he is damn cute when sleepy, well to be fair he is damn cute all the time but especially when he is sleepy. 

"Mornin T-dog" you manage a lazy ass wave. 

"Mornin Gamzee, d-did you uh fall asleep in here?" 

"Mhm, bed was just too damn far."

Tavros giggles. "Could of uh, just went to my bed if it uh, would have been easier." He immediately blushes profusely. "U-uh i mean, uhhh. G-gotta go, talk to you later!" He very quickly heads out into the hall, presumably going to the bathroom. 

You look at Karkat wide eyed, "uh.. did that.. make any sense to you? He wasn't like, I mean it sounded kind of like maybe…" you trail off. Best not get your hopes up on all that. He was probably just joking. 

"God you're such a fucking dumbass." 

"How so Karbro?" 

"Clearly, Gamzee, Tavros has red feelings for you and we all know how you feel about him. I swear you two idiots would be perfect together if you weren't so fucking stupid." 

"Wait.. really? No joke?" 

"Oh my god, yes Gamzee, no fucking jokes here." He gestures around wildly, "do you fucking see any jokes dipshit." 

Dave walks in. "I dunno dude, I think I see one joke in this room." He's looking at you. You growl a bit under your breath but you stop once you hear Karkat chuckle a bit. 

"Bro, are you siding with motherfuckin Strider over me??" 

"No, no, it's just, I mean it's kinda funny Gamzee." 

"Well I think it's motherfuckin rude." 

Dave interjects. "You're literally a clown. A walking joke, literally." 

You stand up swiftly, that pisses you off. "Oh? Want me to show you how motherfuckin funny I can be?" You growl threateningly. 

"Oh I'm so scared." 

You take a step forward but Karkat grabs your arm. "Gamzee. Shower, go." He points towards the door giving you a no nonsense look. You grumble a bit but you do as he says. As you get yourself all cleaned up and ready for the day you can’t help but to think about Tavros. Does he really feel the same feelings as you? I mean Karkat wouldn’t lead you wrong, and he does notice these kinds of things so… Maybe it is true? Should you make a move then? Before you can really consider that much more Karkat comes and shouts at you for taking too long. 

"I swear to God if you make me late for our first fucking class Gamzee. I mean fuck do you even know your schedule?" 

You give him a sweet lil smile. "Nope. But I know you do.~" 

Karkat sighs. "Yeah, you're not wrong. I fucking did your schedule cause I know you're a dumbass. It's the same as mine so just follow me around like a little quackbeast." 

You figured as much. "All right Karbro, I'm all up and ready anyway so lead away." 

"... You literally don't have your bag dipshit." 

"Uh.. aaallrriighhtyy I'm almost ready then." You look embarrassed, of course, the most important thing. You run to the room and grab it real fast then come back to Karkat. "Ok, now I'm motherfuckin ready." 

You give him a double thumbs up and a cheesy smile. He rolls his eyes at your antics and mumbles something about associating with idiots. Either way he grabs your hand and pulls you off towards your first class. You walk hand in hand across campus heading for the humanities building or so Karkat called it. All the buildings kind of look the same to you. As you walk you notice a few humans giving you guys weird looks, you wonder why but soon dismiss it as you enter the building. The halls are bustling with trolls you notice, you give Karkat a questioning look.

“There are a lot of classes about human culture here so of course there is going to be a bunch of trolls.” He gives you a look that suggests you should have thought about that. “Anyway most of our classes are here, Earth History, Human psychology, and English. We are going to English 101 right now.”

You sigh dramatically. You get the feeling that it is going to be a very boring day. And it is, once you got through with the humanities building you and Karkat had to walk all the way across campus to the science building to learn about Earth biology and such. Then again you had to walk a ridiculous distance to your final class. Human Health. It seemed to be a waste of a day honestly, each class went over boring “syllabus” shit and you learned nothing. 

However, throughout the day there was this uncomfortable atmosphere. Of the trolls attending the university the mid to lowbloods rarely glanced you and Karkat’s way. Unless they sat next to you where they looked very uncomfortable and your attempts to look all friendly like were not appreciated and they just looked more scared. Same with the humans. John, Jade, Rose, and Dave are so chill with you and your friends that you assumed other humans would be ok like that too but turns out that was a big resounding motherfuckin no. The case was very different with the Higher Castes. Blue and up were openly disgusted by both you and Karkat. With Karkat it was more understandable, he’s a mutant and we were taught that mutants shouldn’t exist and yada yada. You never really cared. 

You are not sure if they give you looks because you clearly associate with Karkat or if there is another reason. Other than your friends you never really associated to much with other High Bloods despite you being a purple blood of the faith. You were mostly high all the time so you didn’t get out much. But now you can see that your fellow purple blooded motherfuckers are MUCH taller than you and typically built heavier. You never really realized that you were so physically stunted in comparison. That said you still are much taller than most of your friends. Equius is taller than you, so is Feferi. Eridan and Vriska are about your height. And then the rest of your friends are shorter whether by a little or a lot. Nepeta being the shortest of them all yet still as fierce as she is cute. 

When you guys finally head back to the dorm building you make sure to keep Karkat close to you. You don’t think anyone will try anything at least while they are under human supervision but you’d rather be safe than sorry, you would never forgive yourself if something happened to Karkat. You almost laugh, first Karkat was worrying over you and now you are doing the same to him. Karkat was oddly silent for the walk. You weren’t adding any commentary yourself but typically Karkat is almost always going on about something. Neither of you guys speak until you enter the room.

“Wow, maybe this is going to be harder than anticipated.” 

You glance at Karkat then hum in agreement. “I don’t think you are the only problem Kar.” You gesture to yourself. “I’m pretty sure I got some dirty looks too. Never really realized how short I was compared to others of my blood. Then add up the both of us together, the mutant and the druggy.” You sigh dramatically. You had hoped your dramaticism would lighten the mood but Karkat still looks insecure. 

“Look, despite me being all up a short motherfucker I’m still more than strong enough to protect my best bro.” You stick your tongue out at him and flex your arms comedically. It works, Karkat gives a soft chuckle. 

“You look ridiculous, please stop I swear to god I am going to throw up at this display of idiocy.”

You laugh and oblige. “Besides, the humans aren’t all happy with violence and all that. Any troll who does shit will be booted from Earth most likely.” Karkat nods and looks a bit better, reassured by your words. “Now how about we get our comfort on on the couch and watch some shitty romcoms.”

“Fuck you they are NOT shitty!” You just laugh. 

A few weeks pass relatively uneventfully. The humans started relaxing a bit in the trolls presence and some of the highbloods appear to have gotten bored of giving you and Karkat menacing looks. That doesn’t mean all of them have quite their shit but it is way better and both you and Karkat feel much more relaxed about it. The only interesting thing that has been happening has been you and Dave continuing your fued. If you didn’t know better you would assume he was black flirting with you, but as a human you doubt he would understand the concept. The other three don’t seem to. Well, maybe Rose does, she is pretty smart but appears to have no interest in any of the other romances. So there you are, head in Karkat’s lap on the couch complaining about Dave. 

“Ugghhh, Dave is such a motherfucking asshole.” you practically growl each word your frustration quite evident.

“He’s not that bad Gamzee.” Karkat mutters a slight blush on his face.

“Kaaarrrrkkkaaattt, stop defending him! Can’t you see I am suffering? The black feelings in my blood pusher are almost too much for this motherfucker to bear.” you say this very dramatically. 

“Well, maybe stop fucking flirting with him and do something more productive. For example, you still haven’t made a move regarding Tavros. Even though I literally told you that he feels the same as you do. I swear everyone is just waiting with bated breath for you two bulge fondlers to just do something already. The tension between you too is almost palpable. If one of you guys don’t say anything we are all going to start frothing at the mouth starved for the sweet sweet release that you two getting together will bring us.” 

You blush profusely. “Well it’s not like it is easy to just up and confess to your red crush. What am I supposed to say? What if I fuck it up?? You know I’m not good with words when I am nervous!.” 

“Uh, no I am not, for one I don’t think I have ever seen you nervous. You have idiot confidence, which is to say that it’s a lot of confidence because you are stupid as fuck.” 

“..Uh.. Point taken? Still, I don’t know, should I take him on a date? What if he thinks it is just a friendly outing?” You groan with frustration, hiding your embarrassed face with your hands.

“Well Gamzee, you don’t know until you try dumbass. Tavros is probably too shy to make a move so it’s kind of on you bud.” 

You groan again. And of course Tavros just happens to walk into the dorm room. 

“Uh.. Are you alright Gam?” 

You stutter and stumble over your words. “I uh, f-fuck, uhhh, just great, fantastic, um, never better! T-totally wasn’t talking about you or anything! Like hah! Why would I be talking about my cute- u-uh I mean cool! Rap buddy. Yeah.” Your face feels like it is on fire. 

“Um, o-ok, and uhh, thanks m-maybe? I uhh, j-just remembered that I t-totally forgot that I have a class I need to be at uh, so b-bye!” He rushes out of the dorm room as fast as possible. He doesn’t have his bag. Also It is like 8 o’clock and you know he doesn’t have night classes. 

“Well, that was a fucking trainwreck.” Karkat sighs. That is an understatement. 

“Uuuuuuuuuugggghhhhhh!” you groan for the damn third time. “I told you I would motherfuckin fuck it up”

“Yeah, I stand corrected. I didn’t realize the full extent of how socially incompetent you two are. Look, how about you just ask him to a movie or something and you know, don’t be an awkward fuckwad. Just act fucking normal and then just make a move, you know, like the classic stretch and arm over his shoulder thing. If he has literally any braincells he is sure to figure out the meaning of that at least. Look, how about we watch some movies and you take fucking notes on how to actually fucking do this shit.” You are 99% sure this is just an excuse to just watch romcoms. But you just roll your eyes with a smile and just go with it. 

Even later that night when Tavros finally returns to the room you are on the couch trying to look suave and cool but you are probably failing. “Uh, hey Tavbro, sorry about earlier. Um, sooo by chance would you be down to see a motherfuckin movie or maybe um just chill the fuck out somewhere, get some food or whatever. If you want to.” You look away avoiding eye contact. 

“Uh, yeah, that um, sounds like fun. I’d be uh, down to see a movie with you.” In your peripheral vision you can see he is biting his lip. He says the next thing really quickly. “Imeantotallyinafriendwayofcourse!” Your smile falters a bit before you force it back on your face. “..cool, great, yeah, of course..” Your voice sounds a bit strained. Wow this is going badly. 

“Well, um, does tomorrow night sound up and good with you?”

“Y-yeah, uh, sounds great.”

“Wicked. Um, anyway I’m just going to uh..” you gesture towards the bedroom. “..sleep and, yeah.” You abruptly stand up and quickly yeet yourself up into your bed and burrow into your blankets with amazing speed. You bury your face into your pillow to hide the shame written all over your face. You really dicked this up huh. After a few minutes Tavros eventually comes into the room and heads to bed. At least you assume that as your face is buried into your pillow at the moment. It takes you a while but eventually you drift off to sleep. 

[beepbeeprichiellc]

97!

97. Are you trying to flirt? Because, you’re embarrassing yourself.

The liquor was harsh against the back of his throat, burning a trail to his stomach. His once pristine tux now hung off of his shoulders lazily, his tie undone and shirt open. Luckily the open bar welcomed his sorry ass with warm arms, listening to his complaints and his bitter comments. The reception conditioned to rage on behind him, people danced, sang and rejoiced all the while he drowned his sorrows with bourbon. 

“Are you going to sit around and mope or are you going to actually participate?” A sharp voice asked, making Richie flinch. “Your best friend just got married, the least you an do is pretend to be happy.” 

“Listen Beverly,” The name came out in a slur, making his head ache. “I agreed to come, I didn’t agree to be happy.” 

“Wow.” She whistled, unnamed. “You are really going to milk this entire thing aren’t you?” 

“Looks like it.” 

The girl beside him sighed, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder making him cringe at the sympathy that was in the action. Richie didn’t want this, he didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for him. He and Bill had broken up over a year ago, so what he had met a pretty young thing in LA and so what they were expecting a baby and getting married. That shouldn’t make him feel so shitty, so worthless and yet here he was with a hole in his heart and a sick feeling in his gut. Life was moving on and as per usual, Richie Tozier was being left behind. 

“Look, why don’t you try and find someone to take home? Huh, a good romp in the sheets would do you good.” 

“Are you suggesting I have a one night stand?” He faked a gasp, clutching his chest and looking over to her swollen belly and annoyed look. “Is Miss ‘commitment is key’ telling me to slum it with some slut?” 

“I didn’t say slut.” Beverly corrected with a snap, “Ben and I are just tired of hearing you bitch about life and if getting your rocks off with someone you will never see again breaks you from this slump then so be it.” 

“Hmmm.” Richie hummed, taking another long drink. “I’ll think about it.” 

Beverly rolled her eyes, “You do that.” She left then, patting his arm and walking away from the stench that came from his breath. 

Richie swirled his bourbon, looking down the length of the bar and watching as a well dressed man stepped up, motioning for the bartender. The guy was cute, with his soft brown hair and gentle eyes. He wasn’t tall or muscular which is what Richie usually went for but desperate times called for desperate measures. Slinking down three seats he forced a smile, brushing back his matted hair and adjusting his glasses. 

“Hey there handsome, you uh-come here often.” 

The guys eyes snapped to him, am annoyed frown crossing his features. “Excuse me?” He asked, offering Richie an escape. 

Which of course, Richie opted to ignore. “I haven’t seen you around before, you a fan of the groom or bride? I bet you are for the groom right?” 

“Are you trying to flirt? Because, you’re embarrassing yourself.” The man snapped, a growl rumbling from the back of his throat. 

“Fuck.” Richie groaned, rubbing his temples forcing the entire charade to melt away. “Yeah, sorry. I haven’t done this in a long time.” 

The guys features softened at the honesty in Richie’s words, his drink being placed in front of him but he ignored it as he turned to face the trashmouth full on. Richie looked up to him, noting how absolutely adorable he looked with his heart shaped face and button nose. “I’m sorry too. I didn’t really want to come here except my friend dragged me because he thought he couldn’t get a date but he found some guy on the dance floor and now I’m drinking alone.” 

“Oh. That sucks.” 

“Yep, story of my life.” 

The music slowed, and it was apparent that it was an indication of some kind of wedding tradition. Richie tried to busy himself, not to watch his ex and his new bride twirl around the dance floor, blissfully unaware of his sullen emotion. “So you didn’t answer, are you here for the bride or the groom?” 

The nameless man raised an eyebrow, taking a sip of his martini. “I honestly thought that was a question to ask if I was gay.” He laughed, the noise so light that Richie felt his head spin. “The bride is a coworker of mine, we were invited because she want’s to transfer into my ward.” 

“Your what?” 

“I’m the head pediatrician of the children ward at Saint Francis hospital.” He explained, shrugging the title off of his shoulder. “Most nurses want to work with kids, they are so much nicer than adults. Audra has been trying to transfer for months.” 

“Ah, so a doctor huh? That’s hot.” 

“Right, sure.” He jeered, scoffing. “Long hours and late nights. Totally screw worthy.” 

“Meh, you would be surprised, a lot of people have a doctor fetish. Me included” It was just an add in, an shot in the dark but it caught the man’s attention none the less. Richie sputtered for a moment, the words lacking until he finally spat out. “Honestly I was just looking for a one night stand but I can see you’re not that type of person. It’s just nice to talk to someone who isn’t gushing over the lovely couple.” 

“A one night stand huh?” The guy asked, tapping a finger against his drink as he hummed. “What are you having some kind of self destruction streak?” 

“Kinda.” Richie admitted, “The groom is my ex.” 

“Oh really?” The man asked, turning his head and staring at the dance floor for a moment before coming back to Richie. “Do you have a room upstairs?” 

“I do but I don’t think-”

“Alright let’s go.” He cut, downing his martini in one gulp, whipping his lips against his extensive suit. “Mike’s gone and I’ll have to call a cab anyways so might as well end this shitty night with a bang.” 

“W-what?” Richie sputtered, gaping awkwardly. 

“You’re attractive, in your own dorky looking way. I’m sure you are acquitted in bed but I’ve got to be honest, it has been a long time since I’ve well-you know.” 

The song behind them ended, the venue erupting in a cloud of cheers. Richie couldn’t pry himself from the man that stood before him, the once caramel eyes now dark and lustful. It was like some kind of movie, a shitty romcom that ended with a cut sex scene and shitty confession. Still, there was an appeal to the man, a honest feeling boiling in the pit of his stomach. “I don’t even know your name.” Richie confessed, slightly whimpering as the man placed a scorching palm on his inner thigh, leaning to whisper into his ear as if it was a secret. 

“Eddie.” 

“Richie.” He replied back, chewing on his inner cheep to conceal the moan in the back of his throat. 

“Well Richie, are you going to take me upstairs or what?” 

Fuck, Richie thought as he lead the eager man though the sea of people and towards the exit. This guy is going to be the death of me.

[rosesandhxney]

cody and blaine :)))

We're doing this mobile because I'm a slut for ship head canons LETS GOGENERAL:Rate the Ship
Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? they aren't even together/together at the moment but honestly heaven have mercy on whoever tries to get between THAT train wreck. (Alt answer: forever)

How quickly did/will they fall in loveBlaine fell in love the second he saw Cody laugh without covering his dimples because someone told them they were ugly in 5th grade. Cody fell in love with Blaine the moment he saw him cry over some shitty movie while completely drunk, and he spent the night kissing his cheeks and combing his hair out of his eyes. Six weeks between the both of them, and they were hooked.

How was their first kiss? The first kiss when they were together was sweet as hell. Blaine took Cody to one of the nicest restaurants in town, and they both agreed to ditch out early and go to a carnival that was in town. Cody got cotton candy and Blaine got a caramel apple, and they kissed like something out of a shitty romcom next to the carousel. Cody swore he could taste apple for weeks, and Blaine still has a thing for cotton candy.

WEDDING:

Who proposed? Blaine did. They had gotten together and been together for seven months before he proposed. This isn't counting the time they were broken up and living together, even though Cody would argue that Blaine was still whipped for him even when they were broken up. (He denies it, but he totally was.)

Who is the best man/men? One of Blaines childhood friends growing up was his best man, and Codys was his brothers, Lake and Jensen.

Who did the most planning?, 110%. He kept Blaine up for like, two weeks straight before the wedding making last minute choices on flowers and playlist music. Blaine groaned and complained everytime he was woken up, but he secretly loved how happy Cody was about the whole thing.

Who stressed the most? Blaine did, actually. He was so scared that Cody was going to change his mind, put it off or something was going to go terribly wrong. Cody spent a long time rubbing his back and calming him down, trying to make him feel better about the whole thing. Needless to say, the wedding went off without a hitch. Except for the part where they both got so drunk on either wedding night that they passed out before getting to use the toys their Pervy friends brought them.

How fancy was the ceremony?
Back of a pickup truck, Normal Church Wedding, Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - "friend" that Cody was completely convinced had a huge crush on him. Brian from Codys work that lead to them fucking in a Starbucks bathroom that one time.

SEX:

Who is on top? - Blaine 90% of the time, Cody on rare occasions that he feels Blaine needs someone else to take control.

Who is the one to instigate things? Both of them, honestly. They're a little sex crazed.

How healthy is their sex life? - 
Barely touch themselves let alone each other, Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard, They are humping each other on the couch right now.

How kinky are they? -


Straight missionary with the lights off, Might try some butt stuff and toys, Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head (honestly somewhere between the last two)

How long do they normally last? honestly, they can Last for hours if they try hard enough. Or go multiple times in the same amount of time.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? unles they're edging, yes

How rough are they in bed? Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? No touching after sex | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? None

How many children will they adopt? Maybe one or two, eventually. Not until they're older, though. Cody has a soft spot for babies, but a bigger one for sex in every room at this point.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? Blaine, 100%

Who is the stricter parent? Cody. He hates it because Blaine is always the "cooler dad", just because he lets them stay up until ten and drink soda.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? Cody

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? Blaine. Because apparently Cody is unable to get up before nine AM, even if the house is on fire. (Which only happened once, and the pancakes were perfectly fine if you ask Blaine.)

Who is the more loved parent? They are both equally loved- but the ratio changes depending on who makes who go to bed early.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings?Cody drags Blaine with him because "if I'm going down, I'm dragging you with me.

Who cried the most at graduation? They both cried like babies even if they won't admit it.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? Blaine with a strict "I will jail you myself if you EVER tell your father."

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? Postmates.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? Cody. He doesn't like most meat products and hates like 80% of vegetables. He loves blueberries though.

Who does the grocery shopping? They get them delivered because Cody Is pretty wealthy now and also lazy as fuuuuck.

How often do they bake desserts? You can tell that Cody is stressed when the kitchen is full of cookies at 2AM.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? Blaine likes meat and Cody only really likes fish and occasional chicken wings

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? Cody will surprise...with a dinner out. If he cooked, they would be spending their anniversary in the fire department.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? Blaine, because he knows Cody hates cooking.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? Cody. He's already done it twice.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? Blaine

Who is really against chores? Also Blaine

Who cleans up after the pets? Cody, but he usually forgets to clean and plays with them for a few hours.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? Cody

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? Cody, because the house is a mess and everything is UNDER THE RUG.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? Blaine, and he uses it to buy a candy bar.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? They shower together most mornings, but it takes a very long time because of Blaines hair. Even though it only takes that long because Cody insists on deep conditioning it because he plays with it so much.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? Blaine. Cody hates exercise and Blaine doesn't mind because it gets Cody to keep his love handles.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? You know that one house that goes WAY to far out there and gets the block shut down with a power surge or gives an old guy a heart attack getting candy on Halloween? Yeah, they're those guys.

What are their goals for the relationship? To be happy, together, forever. To be voted hottest couple on every cruise they ever go on. To make each other come at least three times a day.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? Cody, and Blaine stays curled around him because he's warm and doesn't sass when he's asleep.

Who plays the most pranks? They both get into occasional prank wars more often than they like to admit, honestly.

[imtiredoftendingtothisfire]

What do I actually want?

Not a post I expected to be writing 24 hours ago, but some developments came about which have required my deliberation. The boy in previous posts has come back into the picture and we have been dating again to see where things can go. Everything was promising until last night when he raised the question about being young and not having much chance to explore the dating world, and the foreverness and certainty of a relationship. It brought into question whether I am in love with him, or the idea of him....

After 14 months and roughly 4-5 false starts many would have given up hope of trying to make things work, and ultimately I was ready to walk away both recently and in July because I could not deal with the hot and cold any longer, but something always brought me back. Being a Taurus it takes me a while to get warmed up but once I have a feeling about someone I will go all in and commit, and try and try until I believe I cannot try any harder, because I’m stubborn and don’t like to give up. But why am I trying? The first comparison that springs to mind is the UK leaving the EU, do they want to achieve Brexit because of what would happen, or because they’ve fought for it for so long and though new information has come to light along the way the believe they should stick to their guns wholeheartedly.

I’ve had some pretty shitty relationships over the past 8 years and I’ve been damaged by them, something I’m still dealing with now, but with every relationship I can gather information and learn more from it and about myself as to how I be my best self and what I would seek in a partner. I’ll describe what I think I want below.

In my imagination, we would be equal parts our own people, strong on our own and stable enough to be our own unique individuals, however I also would love to be a solid unit of solidarity, equal partners in crime, those that rely on each other and can do whatever together. Not necessarily do everything, but have the option. I look at couples who post everything on social media, and those who post nothing. I would love for someone to look at either myself or my partner’s social media and think “they’re cool, they have a lot of friends, aw they have a boyfriend, they travel so much, ooo he’s seen this Drag Race girl”, I would hate for every post to be joined yet also I would hate to feel invisible. If I’m in a situation that is posted about then tag me, rather than risk redacting me from events and life. I want a partner who I can go for dinner with and drinks, we just enjoy each other’s company and talk nonsense about our favourite tv shows or people we know or memes.

Enjoy the little moments together in bed or on a Sunday afternoon. I want them to have their space and I mine, often gay couples can easily intertwine to the point it’s impossible to decipher who is who anymore. I would love to develop over some weeks and months to getting so close and happy with someone that they would feel proud to call me their boyfriend and the same for me.

Gradually spending more time together to develop that connection and unity. The more time you spend sharing moments and memories the faster the connection grows, which is why so many gay couples will declare love after 3 weeks because they’ve spent every day together for that time, but conversely only spending 1 night a week together each week for 3 months is no time at all. Until a couple are living together or on holiday I don’t think you should have more time with the person than you would alone, otherwise you risk losing yourself, and for most people that is hard to grasp.

Now turning to the boy in question. At moments over the previous year I have genuinely thought to myself “he makes me so happy. I think I may have tha PT genuine deep love for him” yet I’d always hold back in saying anything for fear of being rejected, and then a hiccup would come along and shake the dynamic and we’d start 10 steps further back, meanwhile I would have to rebuild that trust, familiarity and connection with him. Last Halloween after 8 weeks of dating we officially went exclusive, and 3 weeks later I realised he said he may love me, and until this point I had been very bláze about the relationship because I was keen to not jump into anything, but at this point I knew my heart was in it.

Things clicked. Firstly I found him visually beautiful, his eyes were so intriguing and desirable, I couldn’t help but find myself gazing at him, and realised I might seem crazy so tried to stop. We have so much in common be in pop culture references, music, movies, drag, Vega sim, desires to travel, plans for marriage, kids etc. In my opinion there’s too much to throw away because it’s impossible to find someone with all these things that you have such a connection with. Of course I’m in love with the idea of a future with him. I have a vivid imagination accompanied with a pragmatic approach to life, and can realistically seeing how things would fall into place and progress over the next few years, and maybe that’s leading to me get ahead of myself.

He on the other hand is in two minds, despite being the one twice lately to ask for another chance, however after this I seemingly appear to be the one clutching at that potential whilst he gets cold feet. There’s a weird bittersweet situation here as I think I do love him, but after being hurt and cut out so many times over the last year I think my heart is equal parts devoted and confused. It doesn’t want to fully commit because it fears it may end badly again, but the fondness, appreciation and desire is still present. I tell myself I need those little cute date like moments to rebuild the relationship between us and to have that run of emotional growth and blossoming.

I don’t know what will happen down the line but I know I am definitely interested enough in this boy to want to see where this goes. The way he laughs, the way he thinks, the way he works and wants things, the way he operates with his friends, the way he is with me. I love it. Of course there are a lot of things that I’m not hugely fond of, like his reluctance to join certain social events or the family, but that comes with time. I wouldn’t want to introduce someone to my family if I wasn’t sure it was the long haul.

Love is a weird thing. I have had 3 relationships before, 2 of which I claimed to have loved the other person, though only 1 I would say I meant it at the time. In hindsight, was that feeling legit and real? Was it love or codependence? It wasn’t love. It was naïvity and lack of esteem. I was 17 when we got together and 21 when we broke up, but we declared love after roughly 2 months and after 13 months he cheated and it broke me. I stayed in that for a further 2 years pointlessly but at that age I didn’t know any better. That love I felt was so Disney and cliché but it wasn’t love.

Love for me is that constant underlying gut feeling that that person is awesome, like a river flowing. Sometimes it flows rapidly and other times the waters are calm, but it’s constant. The moment when you see them across the room and just can’t help but smile. You would do anything to walk down the street holding their hand or just having tha extra moment to speak to them about the most stupid thing. I don’t know if that’s love, but that’s what I’d describe it as.

So what do I want? Honestly, I just want to be happy and not feel any kind of anxiety, or worry, or feel nervous. I want to feel confident and secure, whether that be with someone or not. I would love for someone to compliment my life and not hold it back, whether physically or emotionally. I want to be my best self but equally the best with someone else at their best, and if I have to help them become their best then I’m game. What I don’t want is to feel on edge, or that I’m an after thought, or forgotten, because to me that is what partners are. Partners are equal and support one another, but ensure that they do not compromise themselves for someone else.

With regards to the boy in question. I do think I love him. Right now not in that euphoric rush of emotion we get shown in romcoms, but that constant steady feeling within my stomach and my knowing. I can safely say that I can see myself being happy with him down the line, and happy with him now. All I really want to do is to do things with him however big or small, but together. I want to build those moments and memories and be there for each other in both the good times and the bad. I want the best friendship and support system, and I want to support him, I know in myself I’m secure and I can rely on myself, and he’s someone I will open up to and look for reassurance from should I need it. I just hope he feels the same. Sure the future seems appealing and is something I’m considering, but it would be foolish to ignore it and not look forward to it. But in the day to day, I just want to get to that comfortable happy state.

Ultimately not everything is up to me or what I want, in this situation it’s about two people. The things I have learned about myself with this boy are unreal. I have grown within myself and feel way more secure and ready for life in general thanks to what we’ve been through together, it just makes me sad that we’re not in the happy home run period. I feel like we can be one day soon, thought from my perspective I need those little moments of just being together and in each other’s company to get there. Taking those little steps to building something great. I plan to forget the future and what might happen down the line or potential or anything, and just focus on the day to day feelings. If I feel like I want to enjoy the every day and the now, and one day I will look back and realise everything else has happened along the way.

This was a really long post and I’m not sure what I’ve accomplished, despite my constant analysis of everything. Though I know how I feel and what I want. It’s hard to verbalise this to the boy. But here goes...

[gamzee-the-capricious-fanfic]

Chapter 1

Your name is Gamzee Makara and today you are attending a human school with all your friends, human and otherwise. Of course like all trolls you already had all necessary information kind of like miraculously inputted in your head from the schoolfeed. However this school was human and although the trolls have shared their knowledge and technology with the humans they still wanted to do things old school. Didn't matter much to you of course, you rather liked humans and of course where your friends go you wanted to go too. Especially your best bro and moirail Karkat Vantas. You’re not sure you could live without his constant yet adorable nagging. In fact he was currently doing just that you realize focusing back in the now.

“Gamzee are you fucking listening to me you addle panned bulge sucker!” 

You smile lazily thinking he is really motherfucking cute when he is angry. He rambles on some more half-assed insults before he gets to the point. 

“Like I was fucking saying before you got lost in the damn clouds or whatever, we are in room 218 with Tavros, Dave, you, and me of course. Here is your fucking key and I swear to god if you lose this I’m going to flip my shit.”

You will probably lose it. Luckily you have a sweet little moirail who shares a room with you so you can pester him if you lose it. He will rant and rave of course but that just adds to his charm you think. 

“Will try my best motherfucking best bro. You know I be all up and losing shit sometimes.”

He rolls his eyes and huffs. You catch a glimpse of his miraculously red eyes and you wonder what it would be like to paint with his bl-- no, no, no. Not going to finish that thought. You wince as a sharp pain shoots through your head. You’ve been having a rough few days. You are currently in the process of getting off sopor slime due to the fact that 1. It was required to attend the school, and 2. Karkat has been really insistent about it. Still, you were not enjoying the withdrawal symptoms. Karkat looks at you with concern noticing you wince.

“You doing ok?”

You nod and immediately wince again as that made your head pound. “Yea- well, kinda? Motherfucking I feel like my pan gon all up and explode but uh, s’pose it won’t do that so I’m probably ok?” 

You don’t sound very sure. Karkat nods slowly concern still lighting up his eyes but he doesn’t comment. He just grabs your arm and starts guiding you towards the dorm hive-- building you guess you should call it. The building itself wasn’t super interesting you thought, a bland red bricked structure with glass doors, and windows lined symmetrically up the building. Karkat starts rambling about the room being on the second floor but you aren’t really listening. When you enter the building there are a bunch of trolls and humans crowding the elevator, you are surprised that some of the humans have so much stuff. You and Karkat have a rolling suitcase each full of your stuff. Of course you do have some things captchalogged. Mainly just a bunch of horns you couldn’t fit in your bag, and of course your clubs. Can’t go anywhere without them!

Not interested in waiting for the elevator you lift Karkat’s and your bag and head up the stairs. Despite being essentially skin and bones due to bad eating habits you do have a substantial amount of strength as is typical of higher blood castes. Karkat follows you up the stairs grumbling about being able to carry his own bag but you ignore him, you love helping a bro out. After reaching the second floor Karkat grabs his bag again and leads the way to the room. It will likely take you quite a few times before you remember how to get to the room. Karkat unlocks and opens the door to the dorm room and you guys head in. Looking around you can see that the first area you walk into is a lounge on one side with a kitchen on the other, definitely cozy. Past that is the bedroom area with two sets of bunk beds one on either side, a window in between. There is also two wardrobe looking things next to the beds, guess you gotta share clothing space with your bunkmate. Not really a problem for you though, only got a few outfits as is. 

Looking around you realize you and Karkat are the first here. Guess you get first choice on which bunk. You head to the right side bunk and start pulling your bedding out of your suitcase haphazardly throwing it all on the top bunk. You know that Tavros will be on your side and he has a bit of a thing with being up high. You don’t mind though. After much insistence from Karkat you put your clothing away with a little more care. Looking over you see he has claimed the bottom bunk of the bunk bed on the left. While he also wasn’t the neatest troll he still took more care making up the bed than you did. 

While you are filling the fridge with Faygo the door opens and Dave walks in. He looks over at you, your not exactly sure what expression he is making because of his shades. All you know is that no one is going to make you part with the faygo. He continues on into the bedroom to set his stuff up and you shake your head trying to shake off your sudden bout of irritability. It is not like you to be so volatile over little things you think. Though, you don’t really know what you are like when you aren’t consistently high. You hope the trend doesn’t continue, it kinda puts off your friendly clown persona. You focus back into reality when you hear Karkat raising his voice in the bedroom. 

“Strider for the love of a probing cretin you are NOT going to just leave those shitty fucking swords around!”

You poke your head into the room. “What?? He gets to have swords but I can’t make a horn pile?”

Karkat makes a frustrated sound. “Neither of you are leaving any of this shit around you fucking idiots!” 

You and Dave look at each other and you roll your eyes, you assume he does the same. Either way Dave recaptchalogs his shitty swords to appease Karkat. You would/did do the same. While you love Karkat his rants about it wouldn’t be worth the effort. He could go on for hours, you’ve definitely been on the receiving end of one such rant. Dave goes on to set up the rest of his stuff, he also brought a TV and gaming systems for the lounge. You are not very good at games, being high 24/7 isn’t very great for certain types of games. Karkat perks up when Dave mentions you can play movies on the gaming systems too. He sure loves his romcoms. 

You are about to tell Karkat that you are going to look for Tavros when he suddenly comes in looking quite disheveled.

“Whoa bro, what motherfuckin happened to get you all mussed up?” You can’t help but to be concerned for him, you have quite the flush crush on him. 

“U-uh yeah, just uh, fell down the stairs.. Twice.” He blushes embarrassed. He’s quite the clumsy motherfucker.

Dave mutters under his breath. “Told you about the stairs bro.” 

You’re not sure what that means but you are too focused on Tavros to care. You pick up his bags and carry them into the bedroom as he follows. You point out the bunk under yours as his. He smiles quite motherfucking adorably before he grabs his bags from you and starts unpacking. You can’t help but to watch him fondly as he sets up his bed. After making the bed he starts placing cute plushies on the bed. You smile a bit feeling your blood pusher melt even more for him. Karkat and Dave kind of give Tavros a look that makes you want to snarl at them. You close your eyes and count to ten, gotta get this anger shit under wraps. When you open your eyes Karkat is looking at you with a slightly confused expression, you smile at him to let him know you are just fine. Except of course your thinkpan kind of explodes with pain and you hiss gripping your head. 

“Motherfuck!”

You don’t remember sitting on the floor but there you are when you open your eyes. Karkat is crouched in front of you looking worried.

“Hey dumbfuck, you okay? Do you need something to help with the headache?”

You nod unable to speak as another strike of pain lances through your head. This is not how you wanted today to go. In fact you really weren’t expecting the whole withdrawal thing in general. You were under the impression it would be really simple. Not true at motherfucking all. You feel like a whole perigee has passed by the time Karkat returns with some pain killers and water. You eagerly swallow that shit up. 

“Maybe you should lie down dude.” 

You glare at Dave, your not sure why but his advice just pissed you off. He just shrugs nonchalantly and it pisses you off more. Before you say something stupid Karkat is shooshpapping you and you forget why you were angry. 

“Yeah you really should uh, take a break Gamzee.” Tavros stutters in that cute way of his. 

There is no way you can say no to that so you somewhat reluctantly climb up to your bed and burrow into your blankets with a sigh. Surprisingly you fall asleep.

You wake up a few hours later due to the fact that Karkat was shaking you and shouting in that way that he does.

“Wake the fuck up Gamzee. We are going to get lunch and I am not leaving you behind you malnourished fuck. Also if I have to listen to your snoring any longer I’m going to bash my brains out.” 

You grumble an apology still not quite fully awake. You really just want to go back to sleep but Karkat keeps insisting until you sit up. You yawn and hear a commotion coming from the lounge room. You assume all of your other friends have arrived and they are probably impatiently waiting on you. Karkat huffs as you take your time moving to climb down but suddenly you feel kind of dizzy and next thing you know you are on the floor. You groan in pain, you must have accidentally lurched to far forward when you got dizzy. You realize Karkat is talking to you sounding exasperated. 

“Well I hope that fucking woke you up. Why the fuck did you do that you prickish douchey waste of space!?”

“I assure you it was not on motherfuckin purpose, I got all sorts of dizzy.”

You mumble all of this while facedown on the floor, somehow Karkat hears all of it. 

“Probably because you haven’t eaten properly, well hurry up and get up so we can leave.” 

You manage to get yourself up and follow Karkat into the lounge. You see all of your friends kind of crammed all up in the room all talking and chattering. It kind of makes your head hurt again. Part of you wishes you could just rip out all of their ton-- not again. You gotta get that under control. No way could you ever hurt your friends. Vriska looks over at you. 

“Wow Makara you look like shit.”

“Wow really?” You reply sarcastically. 

Vriska looks taken aback at that. Not everyone knew that you were going sober so she probably assumed you were still doped up. 

“Uh, okay, wow, not what I was expecting you to say. Are you sober for once?” She comments. 

You nod tiredly, “and I’m gonna stay that way, sorry if I act all motherfuckin weird, not exactly used to this.”

She shrugs and nods, you assume that means she understands. You take a deep breath and try to think positively. You are not going to be any fun if you keep being such a grump. 

“Alright you shitfucking bitching wrigglerfucks, lets fucking go, I’m hungry and I am not going to wait on you any longer.” 

You smile at Karkat’s weird insult, he can be quite creative. You and the rest of the crew start following Karkat, some such as Vriska and Eridan complain about letting Karkat take the lead. They don’t really do anything though. You slow down to walk beside Tavros towards the back of the group. 

“Sorry about earlier Tavbro.”

“It’s uh, no problem Gam.” He smiles up at you. 

You can’t help but blush a bit. God that smile makes you weak in the knees. You look away and quickly change the subject. 

“Uh so are you excited to motherfuckin start classes and such?” 

He nods. “Yeah uh, It will be interesting to see how humans learn. It's so unfamiliar.” 

You nod in agreement. Though honestly you only came to this school, well, university apparently. You are not quite sure about school progression as you never had experience with it. But here you are taking essentially ‘Human Studies’. The reason most of your friends are taking is so that they can have an easier time at working on Earth and understanding human customs. You are just in it for the ride, following your friends as you tend to do. You never really thought that hard about the future before. I mean just a sweep ago your path had been chosen for you. Like all purple bloods your destiny was to be a subjuggulator. I mean if you weren’t culled for you addiction by then. But since Feferi became the reigning empress everything changed. Of course she was still here going to school with you, as empress her word is law so it’s not as though she has to do paperwork or anything really. She gets special treatment here of course but she just wants to be like everyone else still. 

You realize you have been lost in thought for a while and you glance over at Tavros. He was studying your face, a slight blush on his own but when you look at him he quickly looks away. You’re not sure what that was all about. Either way it looks like you guys have come to a stop at one of the ‘cafeterias’ as the humans call it. There are a few on the campus with different options at each apparently. You don’t particularly care, you don’t have much interest in food. For some reason everything tastes dull and unappetizing when compared to the sopor you used to consume. 

“Hey Gamzee, go save us a table.” Karkat says. 

You nod and oblige while everyone else goes to grab food. Karkat has been the one who picks out and decides what you eat. You have a hard time when it comes to choosing what to eat. You know you can’t rely on him forever but he seems to enjoy doing it at the moment. He likes to bring you a variety of food items to see if you will find one that you actually like. Maybe it’s like a challenge for him. You may also one day get more used to real food. Maybe even enjoy it. But right now you just try your best. After a few minutes your friends start to return to populate the table with their variety of food items. Some are familiar to you while others are not. This school has both common troll food items and human food items. Karkat comes to the table last carrying food for himself and for you. Karkat appears to have picked out a simple hamburger fry combo, something that Dave has mentioned before. Karkat tosses you a couple of granola bars, some water, and also a bowl of what you assume is some sort of human dessert. 

“Here.” He points to the bowl. “It’s called Apple pie, Dave suggested it.” 

You go ahead and open one of the granola bars and start eating it, you try not to notice some of your friends looking at you with what you assume is pity. You hope they get over it soon, your not one to enjoy anyone's pity spheres upon you. You finish the first granola bar relatively quickly and start on the second. When you bite into it you are quite surprised, It actually kind of tastes like something. Karkat notices your reaction.

“Oh, do you actually like one of them? That one has uh..” He leans over to read the label. “Peanut butter. I’ll keep that in mind, do you actually like it?”

“Yeah, I think so? Kind of motherfuckin surprised me really. It’s better than not tasting anything.”

Karkat looks pleased at that. While you finish the bar you kind of just listen to the chattering of your friends. You think it is quite pleasant that everyone is together and getting along. Sometimes it used to be a bit dicey between some of your friends but you think meeting Dave, John, Rose, and Jade really helped bring everyone together in a more healthy way. Karkat pauses his conversation with John and hands you one of his fries. You take it of course and pop it in your mouth. Doesn’t taste like anything. Looking at Karkat he’s back to talking with John. Sometimes you kinda feel a bit like a barkbeast with Karkat just randomly giving you pieces of his food. Oh well. You turn now to the bowl of this, ‘apple pie’ shit. It looks like some goop spilling out of flimsy pastry. You take a very tiny bite out of it. The gooeyness of it kind of reminds you of your favored slime but without the taste. It does have a slight taste to it but your not sure if you like it or not. Either way you are not one to waste shit so you go ahead and eat the rest of it.

 You open up the water and take a sip of it before reaching into your pocket and pulling out some pills. They are essentially ‘sopor pills’. It is what you are using to slowly wean yourself off of sopor. It doesn’t really give you the high you would like but it still definitely chills you the fuck out. You pop two pills in your mouth and take a swig of the water. Afterwards you put the pill bottle back into your pocket all safe like. It wouldn’t bode well for you to lose those. Karkat hands you a couple more fries that presumably he doesn’t want. You know you probably should refuse them honestly but you don’t. You can’t eat too much or it all comes right back up but you don’t think you’ve quite reached that threshold. Or at least you hope you haven’t. Some days are better than others but that is the reason you are very thin these days. You’ve always been on the skinny side but you’ve really had a hard time keeping weight on you now. But as Karkat says, it’s a work in progress. 

It takes you only a few more minutes before you realize you’ve fucked up. You feel the telltale signs that you are about to hurl your guts up. You jolt out of your chair and hastily head to the nearest ablution block, er, bathroom. Karkat curses behind you back at the table. You really hope he doesn’t follow you. You only barely make it into a stall before you are puking your lunch right back up into the toilet. You are glad you at least made it into the bathroom, would have been really shitty if you puked in front of all your friends. Especially Tavros, you would rather he didn’t see you like this. You hear someone come into the bathroom, unsurprisingly you hear Karkat.

“Gamzee? Are you ok?”

“Just peachy my invertebrother.” You sound the opposite of ‘just peachy’. 

You flush the toilet and just sit there for a little bit, just in case you have anything else left in you to puke up. Karkat patiently waits for you like the good moirail that he is. Once you are confident you won’t puke anymore you stand up and exit the stall. You see Karkat looking at you all concerned like. You immediately head to the sink to rinse out your mouth. When you look up into the mirror you see how you look. You look very haggard, your hair is a bit of a mess, you have bags under your eyes, and your clown makeup is all smeared and messed up now. You sigh and decide you ought to just clean the rest of the makeup off your face. You didn’t bring any white paint with you. When you clean off the makeup you feel almost naked. You are not used to being without it, especially in public. Your face looks foreign to you, it makes you feel a little uneasy. You turn back to Karkat. 

“You know you don’t look half bad without the whole clown getup right?”

“...makes me feel weird without it though. It’s like, motherfuckin me ya know?”

“No, I don’t know and I don’t think I will ever understand your weird clown religion or customs. Let's just get on back to everyone ok?”

“...actually are you ok if I just head back to the room? Not really feeling like seein any motherfuckers right now.”

“Oh, yeah Gamzee that’s fine. I get it.” he looks at you sympathetically. “Do you want me to come with you?”

You are about to say no but then, you really don’t want to be alone either. Plus you are not sure you can make your way back. “Uh, yeah if that is ok, don’t mean to fuck up your plans or anything.”

“Gamzee, you insufferable fucking douchecrumpet, you are a little more important then the rest of those dipshits.”

You smile a little at that. Karkat is very good at making you feel better. He takes you back to your guys’ dorm room thankfully avoiding notice of your friends. You sit on his bed while he grabs you another water from the fridge. Your throat feels raw so you happily drink the water, the cool fluid soothing your throat a bit. Karkat gestures for you to lie down and you obey. He lies next to you wrapping his arms around you. For being so prickly Karkat is actually a huge snuggler. He starts making a sound reminiscent to a purrbeast purring. It’s an instinctive calming mechanism which automatically soothes you. So much so that you start to drift off to sleep.