#whooopsss i accidentally deleted this whole post

[sabrgirl]

muslims stop judging others challenge

imagine you're in an olympics race. on your marks, get set, go. but while you're in your lane, you're looking at all the other runners. that one is running funny. why is that one wearing two different coloured socks? that person's hair is flying in their face, how are they even going to see? with all this judgement towards everyone else, do you think you're going to win the race? while everyone else is focused on reaching the end, you're focused on them. yes, you might cross the finish line eventually but

you lost

you finished last

did you even qualify?

it's crazy that this judgement happens so much in this ummah specifically. some non-muslims end up hating on islam because of how muslims treat other people online. and in real life too. and some muslims have left islam because of the way other muslims treated them when they were doing wrong.

we're all humans taking the same test. we just have different trials. do you know what really is the cause of this judgement? your nafs. the ego.

the ego is fuelled by fear and projects its own insecurities and fears onto the world to try and bring itself up. it makes you think that you're superior to other people because, by doing so, it makes you feel 'confident' inside.

for eg, you may wear hijab and see someone else who doesn't. you start judging or gossiping or leaving rude and hateful comments, or even just a comment that you think is going to help her because your ego is saying 'wow, i'm such a good/better muslim than her because i wear the hijab'. but... what about when you see someone who seems like a better muslim than you? do you now all of a sudden feel... insecure? jealous? do you start hating on them or desperately try to find faults in them? do you feel less? if you do this, and you need to be honest with yourself if you do, this your ego/nafs you're listening to.

this isn't true confidence. if you do this, you likely have poor self worth that needs to be worked on and an ego to eradicate. luckily, islam is fundamentally based on the jihad against your inner self/nafs/ego - whatever you want to call it - to reform your character and get closer to Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ as a result of it. but that's a topic for another day.

Allah Himself has said:

O ye who believe! Do not let some men ridicule others, they may be better than them, nor let some women ridicule other women, they may be better than them. Do not defame one another, nor call each other by offensive nicknames. How evil it is to act rebelliously after having faith! And whoever does not repent, it is they who are the true wrongdoers. (49:12)

i.e. you will never know the true state of someone. why? because that is for Allah to know and for Him to judge.

when you see someone doing something they shouldn't, first realise that you've been guided by Allah to even recognise that in the first place. how many times in your life did you eventually realise that you were doing something bad and you didn't even know? or maybe you knew a specific thing was bad but you didn't know the reasons why, and now you do? you could've been so deaf, dumb and blind but Allah decided to guide you. so first drop the arrogance and praise Him for guiding you enough to recognise and understand the bad deed.

after this, you have two options:

1. you make du'a for them

'O Allah, please guide them to stop doing ______ / to start doing ______ and guide me closer to You too. please forgive us both for our sins'.

if it's something you used to do: 'O Allah, please guide them better than you guided me and forgive us both for our sins'.

the end. you move on. do not doubt the power of prayer.

2. you advise them

and this is the one where it oftentimes all goes wrong. again, let me mention again what Allah has said:

'Do not defame one another, nor call each other by offensive nicknames. How evil it is to act rebelliously after having faith! And whoever does not repent, it is they who are the true wrongdoers'.

notice that Allah said 'it is they who are the true wrongdoers'. the ones who are rude, who defame, who call each other offensive names, who backbite (if they don't repent).

so then, what's a good way to advise someone? a step-by-step guide:

approach them kindly, compliment them for whatever good you can see they already do.

before you advise them, tell them that you don't mean to dishearten them or hurt their feelings but want them to become better in their deen and character for Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ's sake and see them in jannah.

then proceed to tell them what you noticed is bad. relate your own experiences and struggles without exposing your own sins and tell them you understand the difficulty of reforming your character as you're a human too and have your own struggles and trials.

tell them what things helped/still help you. good deeds and ways of living. tell them how it helps you. reading the Qur'an helps you realise that Allah has bestowed so many favours for eg, and you don't want to upset Him.

share useful resources to help them on their journey. youtubers you watch, podcasts, qur'an verses.

explain to them that they should also do it for Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ's sake and should research why it's bad so that they truly have an understanding first (which will likely make them stop doing it, Insha'Allah)

respectfully acknowledge that they could actually be struggling with this sin and tell them that you understand that growth isn't an overnight journey but wanted to advise them anyway.

tell them that you'll pray for them and ask them to pray for you because you also struggle with things too.

for online/social media advising:

everything i just mentioned above but do it via DM rather than leaving a comment so that they feel less disheartened, let down and publicly shamed.

what not to do:

if you don't want to pray for them or advise them kindly, move on with your life.

do not leave rude comments

do not backbite and/or gossip

do not scold

do not have a harsh tone

we're all taking the same test. perhaps one of your tests is actually the way you treat other people when you see them doing wrong. you might think you simply left a comment because you're 'guiding other people'. but if they leave islam because of your words and treatment... well. what a thing to be held accountable for on the day of judgement, right?