#whoooooo even knows why I’m so hard on myself lately

[the-bi-space-ace]

Sometimes I’m in the middle of a draft going: this sucks I’m terrible no one will read this I’m the worst this is trash I should just give up.

And then I go have a snack and drink some water or take a nap and reread it and go: huh this isn’t half bad why was I being so hard on myself?

And that, my friends, is my drafting process in a nutshell.

[dreadlock-detective]

Diary Entry List

Whoooooo boy I haven’t updated this since this original post, so to keep things simple I’m just going to plop 4 entries (2-5) into this post after the cut. Middle of the night post, but eh, figure there’s not a large audience for my D&D writing anyway~ Sooo yeah! Cut!

Entry #1 is here 

Entry #2: Soap and Snakes

Geeze, so much has happened I'm already forgetting stuff! Okay, so back to the banquette real quick, because a few more things happened that I totally forgot about somehow! First, there was a representative from Delzimmer there, but they wouldn't help me get a payment sent over to you. They refused to deal with the Barons at all. Not that I can blame them, but it's just like some cushy family in Delzimmer to be as helpful as a bucket of vom. The Soverin... Soveren... Sovereign’s daughter did some kind of magic prophecy reading thing and long story short: something about three shadows of different colors all about horrible things happening... Essmer knows more about it than me. Didn't sound pleasant though. She passed out afterwards too. Sounds bad but I've got enough to worry about at the moment than some spooky divination or whatever. I guess that's the reason I've got this job though so I guess I'm glad she's seeing whatever it is!

It wasn't all doom and gloom though! After the Sovereign and most everyone left the hall Essman and Niles started playing music and Sir Veil asked me to dance! I mean, I have NO idea how to dance in a ballroom, fancy dress, and shoes, but I guess Veil doesn't either so it wasn't TOO embarrassing! Essmer got in with the dancing too after a bit with some dwarf lady who's dad didn't seem too keen on her being around such an old drunk human. It was quite an evening!

The next day we get prepped to head out north into the wilderness towards some old church. The Sovereign's son was our contact to help us. He's... much more what I'd expect from “nobility”. Stuck up, unpleasant, untrusting, and rude. We were able to get some nice horses, a cart, and some basic supplies but he wouldn't so much as help us get medical supplies, saying I am supposed to be able to take care of everyone! I'd be flattered if he actually thought that highly of me, but I'm sure he was just using me as an excuse to be a cheapass. Only towards us lowly commoners of course – didn't see him complaining about the absurd amount of food at the banquet! He's not the only problem though. I swear that Niles is going to be a pain. He had to run out and buy bars upon bars of soap before he'd gallop off into the wilderness! We're not traveling for relaxation! Gods forbid he feel a bit sweaty or dirty! He didn't get any better when he lost his horse- OH! Yeah, okay so how Niles lost his horse!

We were trying to pass a big o' river in our way and Lucan found a nice shallower safe place to cross so we got all ready to go. Lucan led the way across to a sand bar with me, Veil, and Essmer in the cart behind him, with Niles picking up the rear, likely because he was too busy preening himself to keep up. Anyway, the cart just got to the sand bar when I turned around just... saw Niles's hat as he plopped into the river as a MASSIVE snake back arched over him! (I swear Sir Veil heard him and just kept the cart moving until I yelled out about it). So yeah, this HUGE snake, with a mouth the size of Veil's body had a hold of Niles's horse! I hit it with some magic and it was, just, wow, largest living thing I'd ever seen! It nearly killed Sir Veil too! Tried to gobble him up and drag him away! But Sir Veil managed to kill it and claw his way out! I was actually worried for a moment but Sir Veil really can hold his own against monsters. Niles might be worthless and Essmer a drunk but with Lucan leading the way and Sir Veil to fight off anything that comes our way I think we really do have a chance out here!

He and Lucan managed to pull it's giant mass over to the far bank of the river and Lucan and I helped Lucan cut it up and dried out as much of it as we could! It's at least a week or more's worth for all five of us! Maybe if this doesn't pan out we can turn to hunting river snakes or something. Niles's horse didn't make it though, and he was super moody the whole rest of the way to the church. Guess that soap can't wash away his screw ups~! We're at the old church now – some old orc lady seems to be in charge here. Guess we'll be helping out around here for the moment. More on that after it happens I suppose!

Love ya!

Entry #3: Sheep Eaters

It'll be hard to sleep after tonight so I guess I may as well stay up and write a bit. Um. I guess I'll start with the reason for that and then end on a happier note. Maybe that'll help. But anyway, short version is we left the church outpost to look for a roaming shepherd who had complained about his animals being killed in the night – stripped down to the bone without a sound. Well, we found him and stayed up all night to watch his sheep and GUESS WHAT, WE FOUND THE PROBLEM. Giant. Bugs. Centipede or Millipede or something. Horrible things! Borrowing up from the ground! They came up everywhere! Their bite had some sort of paralyzing venom in it! You couldn't feel a thing! That's why the sheep never made a noise as they got eaten alive! Same thing nearly happened to Niles and Lucan too! And me! Thankfully Sir Veil was behind me and saw the one that had crawled up my back! Lucan got bit pretty bad but Sir Veil and I were around to help him. Niles though, he nearly didn't live through it! Thankfully I had just enough energy left to blast the last one off him before it could finish him off. Didn't have anything left to actually heal him up afterwards, but better than dead. Essmer got bit up too but not enough to take him down, thankfully.

That was terrifying. I don't really feel like sleeping anymore.

But on to the less horrible bits... not exactly pleasant ones but are less likely to give me nightmares. I went out scouting alone with Lucan for a day. First time I had been separated from Sir Veil in a while. Was kind of nice to remember I can still survive just fine without him watching out for me all the time. I screwed up bad though! I got excited since Lucan is also elf blooded so I asked him about his parents and... well... they're dead. The whole rest of the day was awkward after that. I'm such an idiot! And we didn't find what we were looking for, but we did find the tracks for that shepherd we followed later. The only other major thing I can think of to talk about is the big cat the store owner at the church had! Not sure what it was really but it was huge! Seemed to be fond of Sir Veil. He really is just a large weird kitty man! Growled like a demon when the rest of us went near it though! Niles tried to use some kind of magic on it and the shopkeep nearly slit his throat for it! She and Sir Veil insisted I try to pet the cat too... thought it was going to rip my face clean off... apparently it's just some game the shopkeeper lady taught it to do! I thought I was going to die! That's not a funny joke to play on someone!

Okay no thinking about that did not make sleeping any more appealing, really... I think the rest of them are looking to take on a group of bandits that have been harassing the church lately next. Not sure how many of them there are and I'm worried we're going to get in over our heads but I guess I'd rather fight some thugs than those bugs again. And now I'm thinking about the bugs again. Great. This hasn't helped at all. I'm done for tonight...

Entry #4: -

I'm not sure I want to write down how I feel about the last few days... But I want to keep this up to date so I'll at least talk about part of it. The shortest version is, I was very, very wrong before. Those bugs were not worse than fighting bandits. I mean, they honestly were probably a bigger threat but... watching bugs get smashed isn't nearly the same as it happening to people...

We found the trail of the bandits easily enough thanks to Lucan but he noticed the fresher set of tracks was headed back down south towards the church. Naturally we couldn't let the church go undefended so we took off after them and caught up to them earlier than we expected. They ambushed us in the tall grass with a few dogs and five or so men but they didn't put up too much of a fight. I focused on keeping people alive while the rest made pretty short work of them until their boss (some fatter man) came into view with a larger crossbow and fired a bolt straight into my shoulder. That, of course, got Veil rather upset but before he could do anything I went to fire a blast of radiant energy back at the man! It... behaved strangely. The glowing light slowed, dimmed, and burst into blackness! I tried to wander out of it but I couldn't find the end of it! I was beginning to think I had actually blinded myself when Essmer managed to dispell it with his glowing magical rock thing he made! By then the rest of the fight was over... I'm not terribly sure what happened but Essmer went off into the grass towards the rest of the noise and next I knew they were dragging the body of the bandit leader with them, now with most of his head caved in and a gaping wound in his chest.

We opted to head back north rather than return to the church for the night. Not a great idea, turns out, as rhinos of all things showed up and stomped out our camp fire and wrecked a bunch of our stuff. Especially Niles' tent. Thankfully they left without any major damage. The next day's travel we could see this gigantic tree off in the distance for the longest time. Before we slept, Veil and Lucan ran ahead to check out the tree, since that was an obvious place for a bandit camp. They didn't return until nearly the end of my shift on watch well into the night, exhausted and bleeding – the tree was a massive illusion that covered not just the tree but the area around it! Where the tree itself was stood a large watchtower and around it was a few cabins. Veil had broken the illusion when he got up to touch the tree and got shot with an arrow for his efforts. The two fled and ran in circles the rest of the night to throw any pursuers off their trail. When they got back they quickly passed out from exhaustion.

The next morning we went to attack as a group. Lucan snuck in first but was spotted and rushed out only for the rest of us to rush in. Niles, surprisingly, led the charge, ignoring the forward guards and their dogs and went straight for the tower! As for the rest of it, I'd honestly not like to write about. It was... barbaric. We all came out of it fine enough but... I don't know... it wasn't what I expected...

Entry #5: Sanguacon

It’s been some time since my last entry. The battle isn’t quite as distant a memory as I wish it was, but the fear has died down a bit at least. We found plenty of supplies in the camp so it was decided two of us should head back to the church to let them know and return with horses while the others stayed back to watch the camp for other bandits. Sir Vale suggested we be the two to go… I wasn’t really feeling up to it, after everything, but I didn’t have it in me to argue so, away we went. There and back was a full week of travel, so it was a lot of time together. It was pretty awkward at first but… one night, the “Sanguacon” found us. The thing the sheep herder thought was attacking his flock originally. It was supposed to be a legend.

Snuck right up on me while I was on watch and got a good bite on my shoulder before I even knew what was happening - spun around to see this massive… THING! It was taller than Sir Vale, super bulky, with stumpy little arms and legs. Like some freakish fat bunch of flesh just globbed together and became some horrible freak! It definitely drank my blood too, and I felt weak after it. Thankfully my scream woke up Sir Vale and he rushed over to fight it bare handed. It got a good bite on him but Sir Vale, for some reason, bit him back. Tasted like death, apparently. I lit up its back with my magic which it really, REALLY didn’t like but instead of fighting us further it plopped away before poofing into mist. Nothing left. No trial, no body, nothing. It was pretty crazy scary to be sure. Where it bit us the wounds don’t seem to be properly healing over even with magic. You can still see where it got us. But as scary as it was, seeing Vale fight it… it’s hard to imagine much being scarier than the thought of being on the other end of his rage… I think I’m starting to understand something though. We’ll see if it pans out later I guess.

Aside from that run in with a myth the trip was otherwise pretty dull. The people at the church were amazingly happy to hear the bandits were dead though! They had a super huge drinking party to celebrate. Pretty sure they all felt that in the morning…Trip back was a little more lively, since we had two ladies from the church with us and didn’t run into any trouble. Apparently the camp had been just as dull - after the week of traveling we did, Esmer, Niles, and Lucan looked bored out of their minds when we got there. As it turns out we couldn’t fit everything onto one wagon and though we had two the others had found other trails away from the bandit camp so we decided to try to follow those and leave one of the carts there.

And that’s where we’ve been for days. Just… out… on a path in the middle of all this grass. It goes on forever in every direction. We came to a fork in the path. Chose to go straight north as we had been instead of northwest. Got attacked by a flock of huge crazy birds because THIS PLACE IS JUST THE WORST and all the animals here want us dead. And just after that we came to another fork… this one continuing north and the other going southwest… so they’ve decided we should abandon our current path and see where the two side ones meet up.

I can’t help but think, if Vale had just listened - if he hadn’t murdered that last bandit - we might already know where we were going. We may have been able to prepare. We could have set out instead of heading back to the church. Could have saved nearly two weeks of wandering around in this sea of grass.

I’m starting to miss the muddy dumps of Delzimmer somehow… And I miss you too, Dad. Hopefully I can make it through this in one piece and work up enough gold to get you out again.

Until then!