#whoever said 'if u want to get back into reading then read a story ur already familiar with' let me kiss u

[perfectblve]

going insane over the mdzs book actually why did i wait so long to read it

[oddinary4bts]

The Forgotten Spaces | ch 4 (jjk)

☆summary: you've been dancing on the same dance crew since your teenage years, and you finally have an important role in it. It feels like life is taunting you when your rival comes back after disappearing for a year, ready to tease you every chance he gets. Will the teasing turn into more, or are you going to take him down with you?

☆pairing: photographer and dancer!Jungkook x dancer!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, there will be mature content in later chapters)

☆genre: slow (SLOW) burn enemies to lovers, college!au, slice of life!au, angst (oop), smut and fluff

☆warnings: nausea, hangover, the park jimin effect, drinking, cursing? a time skip of a month

☆word count: 9.6k

☆a/n: why is posting making me anxious? fun fact, I'm posting from New York City this week! Went to the two first Agust D concerts ayyy

☆a/n pt2: always and forever thankful for @moonleeai and her dedicated work as my beta reader <3

☆series masterpost here

☆Read What Was Hidden here, the fic that inspired this whole story, written by @daechwitatamic, one of my fav human beings on this app <3 It follows the story of Jo and Taehyung before The Forgotten Spaces

☆☆☆☆☆

For this meeting of our end of the world

It's with you that I want to sing

On the threshold of the memories the dead of today

Them that breathe for us

The forgotten spaces

Je t'écris - Gaston Miron (rough translation by me)

☆☆☆☆☆

Saturday, May 19th

                Jungkook feels sick. Sick of everything, but mostly sick because his hungover has kept him in bed all day. He doesn’t even know if he’ll be able to pull up for dance practice later. All he knows is that his room has been spinning whenever he wakes up from naps, and that he fucked up majestically last night.

He doesn’t quite remember everything he said. He just remembers you, in his room, and then you being gone, replaced by Jimin and Taehyung.

The only thing he knows is that you know. The text that’s been sitting on his phone all day is reminder enough.

[11:12 am] You: hey, i hope ur okay this morning.. if u ever wanna talk about last night, we can grab a coffee or smth😌

He doesn’t know what to say, so he hasn’t replied. Because he’s not okay at all, and he doesn’t want to talk about it. Especially not with you.

Especially not when he hasn’t been able to eat anything since the first time he woke up today. It’s nearing 4 pm now, and he technically needs to be at the studio in two hours. Hobi already said he’d pick him up, but he’s still far from being presentable right now.

Jungkook groans, hiding his face in his pillow. You come up in his mind, the look of horror on your face last night making everything spin around him twice as much as before. Whenever he closes his eyes, you’re there, and he almost hopes to go blind.

Though he’s pretty sure you’d find a way to haunt him even if he was blind.

Another groan escapes him, and he turns his head to the side as someone knocks on his door. “Uh?” he lets out, loud enough for whoever it is to hear.

He’s surprised to see it’s Yoongi as the man opens the door. “I made you soup,” Yoongi says, and sure enough he is carrying a tray with a steaming bowl of soup on top of it.

Jungkook expects the thought of eating to make him feel worse, but surprisingly enough, no nausea rises inside of him. Instead, he realizes his stomach feels dreadfully empty, so he forces himself to sit, wincing at the throbbing pain at his temples.

It’s almost enough to make him forget the pain in his leg.

“Did you take any painkillers?” Yoongi asks as he puts down the tray at the foot of the bed. “And have you drank any water?”

“Yes and yes,” Jungkook replies, voice raucous from disuse. “Pretty sure I could use some more painkillers though.”

Yoongi nods, watching his younger friend carefully. “Do you need me to go get you some?”

Jungkook slowly shakes his head no. “I need to get out of bed if I want to make it to dance practice.”

At that Yoongi laughs. “Good luck with that.”

Jungkook frowns, glaring at Yoongi. “I’m very capable, I’ll have you know.”

“Your room smells like someone died in here.”

Though he’s usually sensitive to smell, Jungkook’s hungover state keeps him from being able to tell if the room really does stink. “Tae and Jimin cleaned up.”

“Then you must be the dead body,” Yoongi says, in that deadpan kind of way of his. He shrugs his shoulders, before adding, “Anyway, just eat and then take a shower. I’m sure you’ll feel better.”

Jungkook nods and watches as Yoongi makes to move out of his room. Yoongi’s at the door when Jungkook says, “Hyung?” Yoongi turns around, a quizzical look on his features. “Thank you for the soup.”

A smile breaks out across Yoongi’s face. “Anytime.”

And then Yoongi leaves, shutting the door softly behind him, and Jungkook is left alone once again. He looks down at the soup, and he realizes he really is hungry. He pulls the tray closer to him, making sure the soup doesn’t spill over the rim of the bowl, before grabbing the spoon.

The first spoonful of soup has his eyes fluttering shut with delight. Yoongi’s always been an amazing cook, and he hasn’t disappointed today. It awakens Jungkook more than anything else could have, and he’s finished the bowl of soup so quickly he almost considers eating the tray.

He’s still famished, but at least he’s got something in his stomach now. It’s enough to get him to stand from his bed, and though everything wobbles for a few seconds, he’s able to start gathering what he’ll need for his trip to the shower.

The shower really helps make him feel human again, and he’s relieved. As he steps out and looks at himself in the mirror, eyes dipping to his scars, he feels ready to confront the whole world if need be. He won’t have to bail on dance practice after all.

He’s down in the kitchen, eating some reheated pizza from last night, when Hobi arrives. His older friend pats him on the back, before putting down a Gatorade in front of him.

“Thought you’d need this,” he says, before climbing on the stool next to Jungkook.

Jungkook chuckles, immediately uncapping the Gatorade to take a long swig. It’s the last thing he needed to feel as good as new, and he offers Hobi a wide grin as soon as he puts the bottle down.

“I sure did,” he says, and the two friends laugh.

One thing that doesn’t change though, is the heaviness in Jungkook’s heart. Because if you know, then it’s just a matter of time before the rest of the crew knows. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to deal with everyone pitying him at the same time.

Maybe then he’ll just have to dip again.

Jin comes into the kitchen, and he stops as he sees Jungkook and Hobi at the counter. Valeria trails behind him, and Jungkook is struck dumb once more.

He never thought Jin would be able to pull the girl. He’s still surprised that she does exist, and whenever he’s alone with Jin he makes it a priority to remind his older friend.

“Sup’ losers,” Jin says as he starts moving again, heading towards the fridge to store the bottle of rosé wine he’s holding. “Surprised you were able to get out of bed.”

He says that over his shoulder looking right at Jungkook, who rolls his eyes. “I’m not a senior citizen like you, I’ve still got youth on my side.”

“Listen you little shit,” Jin bursts out, and Valeria starts laughing. It has the effect of a calming shower on Jin, who only glares at Jungkook. “You’re lucky the lady is here. Otherwise you’d be dead.”

“If you’d be able to catch me, that is.”

Jin looks towards Hobi.

“Don’t ask me for help,” Hobi says, raising his hands in defense. “You’re all alone on this.”

Jin’s head turns towards his girlfriend next. She’s shy, and Jungkook has never really talked to her before. So when he and Hobi look at her too, she blushes, before shrugging.

Jin lets out a childish whine, before saying, “Alright then, I’m old.”

“We like you like that.” Valeria is the one that speaks, and Jungkook chokes on a laugh as he turns back towards Jin.

“You heard her.”

Jin is fake-glaring at his girlfriend, but then his features soften. “Yeah, but at least she’s pretty.” And just like that he moves out of the kitchen, pulling Valeria behind him.

“I’ve been told I’m pretty too,” Jungkook yells behind Jin, and Hobi laughs next to him. “He’s so whipped,” Jungkook says after a few seconds, just to make sure Jin is out of earshot. His comment makes him think about another couple that’s starting to form, and he turns to look at Hobi. “And you? What’s up with Jiho?”

Hobi chokes, flushing fully red, up to the top of his ears. “What do you mean?”

Jungkook raises his eyebrows as he tries to hold in the shit-eating smirk that wants to form on his lips. “What do I mean? Why did you invite her yesterday?”

“I –” Hobi says. “I just thought it’d be fun to hang with the crew…”

“The crew?” The smirk has won now, and it breaks across Jungkook’s lips.

“Well, you know, just like…” Hobi falls silent, before letting out a strangled laugh. “I honestly didn’t see it coming.”

It’s cute, and Jungkook’s smirk turns into a softer smile. “To be honest, me neither.”

“She’s got balls though,” Hobi says, laughing lightly this time. “She’s the one who suggested we should go on a date, after dance practice last week.”

All that Jungkook remembers of that night is that he walked with you after. The rest is a blur of anxiety and his leg hurting. But he’s not surprised that Jiho’s got balls: she has to be your closest friend for a reason.

“You said yes, I hope,” Jungkook says.

Hobi slowly nods. “Yeah. But I invited her yesterday because of that too. And we’re going to a restaurant she suggested tomorrow.”

Jungkook doesn’t have to fake the happiness that takes over him right now. He’s happy for his friend, he really is. For his friends, plural. Because Taehyung, Jin, Yoongi and now Hobi… They’re all happy. They all have met someone, someone to care for them where no one else can. Strangely, it’s something Jungkook doesn’t really want for himself right now, maybe because he’s too stuck in the past.

Too stuck trying to heal from the crash, knowing some parts won’t ever heal and refusing to give up the fight for now.

It brings him back to you. To last night, and to whatever he said. He wishes he could remember the words, just to know how bad he fucked up, but he doesn’t. He won’t remember, and he won’t ask you.

He won’t take you up on your offer for coffee. He knows pity when he sees it, and he abhors it. Especially when it comes from you.

Instead, he focuses on Hobi, on the smile that lights up his friend’s face as he tells him about Jiho, about how they’ve been texting almost constantly. It’s all Hobi talks about on the ride to the studio, as he mentions stuff Jiho told him.

Stuff she told him about her when she was younger, but also about you. About how you’ve been friends since the first day of kindergarten, when someone pulled her braids and laughed at her and you punched them in the face.

He’s not surprised child you would punch someone that deserved it in the face. He’s pretty sure adult you would do it too.

Hobi parks his car next to the studio, and they are getting out of the vehicle when Jungkook notices you walking, hands buried in yet another oversized sweater. You’re wearing yoga pants underneath, and your hair is pulled up in a high ponytail. You catch his gaze a few seconds after he notices you, and he’s about to smile at you when you just look away, walking in the building without once glancing back.

What the fuck?

Jungkook frowns, especially as Hobi says, “What happened with Y/n last night?”

For some reason, Jungkook immediately grows defensive. He shrugs, a little vehemently before starting to walk towards the door. “Nothing happened. Just let it slip that I got into a car crash.”

“So she knows?” Hobi asks.

Another shrug of Jungkook’s shoulders. He buries his hands in the pockets of his black sweatpants, just to hide the way he’s clenching his fists even though he’s trying to stay calm. “Yeah. So everyone will know.”

“I don’t think so,” Hobi says, and Jungkook glances at him, brows knit together. “I mean, she’s good at keeping secrets.”

“She’s probably already told Jiho,” Jungkook points out as they reach the door. He doesn’t see you on the other side, and that’s the only reason why he opens it.

“Well, Jiho didn’t say anything about you, if that can reassure you.”

Hobi has felt the switch in his mood, hasn’t he? Because his voice is careful, as if he’s afraid to spook him.

“I don’t care,” Jungkook lies. Because he really does care. He doesn’t want everyone to know. Because it makes it too real, and for now he still can pretend it hasn’t happened.

He wishes for it to stay that way.

Hobi doesn’t push him more, and a tense silence moves between them. Jungkook wishes he could go back to his previous good mood about his friends’ happiness, but he’s back where he was last night. Somewhere in the dark of his own mind.

Not a good place to hang, if he’s honest.

He already knows he’s going to see you when he reaches the studio. Somehow, it still makes his heart constrict in his chest, that same way it did last night. As if someone is clenching their fist around it, and it makes it harder to breathe. He shrugs it off, taking a deep breath to calm down, before looking around.

Everyone but Heather is already here. And no one is looking at him, no one seems surprised or seems to be pitying him. You don’t even act like you noticed him entering – you take off your sweater, dropping it in a corner of the room with your phone and your keys. He hates it, but his eyes follow the curves of your body, and he wants to curse you for only wearing a sports bra.

Your body is lean, the results of dancing for most of your life with a mother that used to be a ballerina. Jungkook is pretty sure she’s controlled everything you ate growing up, and drilled it so hard into your head that you can’t stand bad food now. He remembers, when you were younger and someone brought cake to practice to celebrate a birthday, you always barely took a bite before saying you were full. You claimed you didn’t like cake, but he always noticed the way you eyed it while everyone else ate.

He used to make fun of you for it, and today he knows he was an asshole. All he can hope is that your relationship with food is better now. And it looks like it is – you’re not as thin as you were before. You look healthy, and your skin and hair are glowing.

It takes him a few good seconds to realize he’s staring, as if something about you has changed. And he doesn’t know what changed, just knows that he feels struck.

You notice him staring, and you furrow your brows. “What are you looking at?”

It’s said aggressively. As if you’re angry. He only then realizes that you might be, and maybe that’s why you ignored him outside. He can’t for the life of himself figure out why you’d be angry – did he say something yesterday?

“Nothing,” he replies, and he looks away as his heart beats out of his chest.

You act like that for the whole of practice. For all the pity looks Heather throws his way, you send twice as many glares. It feels like last night never happened, and maybe it didn’t. Maybe it was just a nightmare, and he never told you everything.

He knows you know though, because whenever he puts too much weight on his leg as he demonstrates the movements he has in mind, you clench your jaw. A muscle feathers under your skin, and then you look away. Shame passes on your features, and then it’s gone to be replaced with a scowl.

He’s getting tired of it by the end of practice, so he pulls you aside to talk. Jiho stubbornly stays next to you, until Hobi walks up to her and asks if he can talk to her, probably sensing that Jungkook needs some time alone with you.

You both glare at each other while the others filter out, wishing you good night. Jungkook hears Scottie teasing Lance about meeting up with a girl, and the last thing he hears is Lance telling him to fuck off before everyone is finally out.

It takes almost twenty seconds before you blink and say, “What do you want?”

“What’s wrong with you?” he asks, folding his arms on his chest as he cocks an eyebrow.

You scoff. “With me? Nothing. What’s wrong with you?”

Do you know or do you not? He’s a little confused as you just look at him, clearly expecting an answer. He’s dumbfounded – the last thing he expected from telling you everything was you being furious at him.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asks.

It’s just a back and forth of questions at this point, with no visible answers in the distance. Indeed, you just say, “Do you think you did something wrong?”

It’s absurd, and it makes him laugh. Which, he reckons, might be taken as insulting. And of course you take it the bad way, because how else would you take it?

“You’re so fucking oblivious,” you grumble.

He’s still laughing. He wants to stop, but for some reason he cannot.

“What’s so funny?” you enquire, and your cheeks are turning red.

“Just,” he starts, “I don’t know. The last thing I expected from last night was you getting angry at me.”

You roll your eyes. “If you were looking for pity you won’t get any from me.”

That’s the thing. He doesn’t want any pity from you. And you saying so makes something warm blossom in his chest, and it sobers him up. His face falls serious, and he holds your gaze long enough that you raise your eyebrows in question.

“Thank you,” he says.

You scoff. “You’re fucking weird, Jeon.”

He shrugs. “That’s why you like me, uh?”

Your eyes widen, and you look so appalled he just starts laughing again. “Quite the opposite actually,” you say even though he’s laughing. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t know,” he repeats. “I’m just relieved you haven’t changed.”

He really is. You have no idea how much.

“Okay?” you let out, and it sounds like a question. You scoff again, before adding, “Why didn’t you reply to my text?”

Oh, so this is what it’s about. You’re upset because he ignored your text. It feels absurd and stupid and inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, so Jungkook just smiles and shrugs. “I genuinely don’t really want to talk about last night. I’m all okay today.”

And he does think he is, now that he’s talking to you.

You remain silent for a while, pulling at some dry skin on your bottom lip. You then brush a strand of hair that’s fallen from your ponytail behind your ear, nodding your head. “Understood. Won’t be nice to you again.”

“Oh please,” Jungkook teases. “You can’t resist it.”

He’s happy. The more he talks to you, the happier he is. He feels like he’s floating, and he wishes you’d both stay right then and there, in the studio, until the end of time.

He hasn’t felt so light in forever.

“Oh, I can, Jeon.” You fold your arms on your chest, imitating his posture. “Watch me.”

But there’s a teasing glint in your eyes, probably awakened by his own teasing demeanour.

“I’m sorry I didn’t reply to your text,” he apologizes, because he feels like he needs to clear the air with you. He doesn’t want you to be upset with him anymore. “I genuinely didn’t know what to say, and I figured I was going to see you tonight anyway.”

You look away for the first time in the conversation. Your eyes move down, and he’s pretty sure you’re looking at the scar on his stomach. It makes it itch, and if he weren’t with you, he’d scratch it. But he resists, offering you a tight-lipped smile as you look up at his eyes again.

“Well, forget I suggested coffee then,” you say. You wink at him. “I’ll start being a bitch again now.”

“Please do.”

You look startled. “You want me to be a bitch?”

He laughs, scratching the nape of his neck. “No.” He scrunches up his nose, thinking really hard about what he wants to say. Only he doesn’t know what to say. He feels like he’s never talked to you before in his whole life. He can barely remember breaking down in front of you not even twenty-four hours ago. “Yes? Just be your same usual self.”

“Noted,” you say, nodding your head forcefully.

It’s cute, and it makes your ponytail swing behind you. He has half a thought to reach and pull on it, just to annoy you, but he resists.

Instead, he looks around, before resuming his attention on you. “Just, one thing.”

You hold his gaze, cocking an eyebrow in question as you purse your lips. “Mmh?”

“Please don’t tell the others,” he says. It’s a little more serious than he was just a second ago, but he feels like it’s needed to get the point across. “I’d prefer if they didn’t know.”

The corners of your lips stretch into a small, soft smile. “I didn’t plan on telling anyone. I figured you’re the one that should tell them if you want to.” You glance towards the door, and you’re not watching him when you add, “I think Bridget told Heather though. And I don’t know if Heather will remain silent”.

He doesn’t care if Heather tells the others. He just doesn’t want you to do it. It makes no sense, but at the same time it makes all the sense in the world to him.

“Yeah, I think she knows too.” He pulls at his piercing, letting out a small sigh. “I’ll talk to her.”

You nod, and the room falls silent. He wishes he had more to tell you, but it seems you’ve run out of conversation topics, because you eventually wet your lips and say, “Well, I guess I’ll be going home now”. And then you laugh, shaking your head. “I was supposed to leave with Jiho, but I’m pretty sure she’s gone with Hobi.”

“Hobi talked about her for like an hour before we got here,” Jungkook admits, relieved that you provided a topic. “They’re going on a date tomorrow.”

You smile, widely, and he reckons you’re like him. Your friends’ happiness makes you happy, and happiness truly looks good on you. It makes your eyes sparkle, and you look like a kid who’s just received the perfect gift on Christmas morning.

“I know!” you yelp, taking him by surprise when you even clap your hands. “They’re going to the restaurant I suggested.”

There’s something warm in Jungkook’s chest. It just becomes stronger and stronger the more he looks at you, and it makes him feel wary. Enough so that he looks away and tries to tame it down.

“I hope everything will work out for them,” he says, and he scrapes his throat because the warmth is choking him up now.

“I’m sure it will”, you reply, confidently. “Jiho has been into him for like three years now.”

Jungkook feels bad for her, because three years ago Hobi was still with his ex. But it seems patience makes miracles, because she’s getting a date with Hobi now, isn’t she?

It makes Jungkook realize that sometimes, the right person for someone might have been around all along. They’ve just been blind to it. Now, that’s a thought that makes him want to get out of this room. To flee this cloud before it breaks, and he meets your gaze.

You’re watching him already, with a wistful look on your features. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

He hates it. Hates everything that your little sentence makes him feel, so he just nods his head, before saying, “It’s getting late, I should hurry if I want to catch the bus”.           

Your eyes widen. “I’ll order you a Lyft, come on.”

“No!” he refuses. “It’s all good.”

“But it’s late,” you insist, and you bend down to grab your phone on your sweater.

It offers Jungkook a straight view to your cleavage, and he freezes, right as pink dusts his cheeks. “I swear,” he reassures you, adding your name before continuing, “I’d rather take the bus. But thank you for the offer.”

You fake-glare at him. “Right, I’m supposed to be a bitch anyway.” You fold your arms on your chest, cocking an eyebrow arrogantly, and you look just like you’ve always looked when you say, “What the fuck are you still doing here? You’re wasting my oxygen.”

It makes the both of you laugh, and Jungkook just shakes his head. “Please, I know you love looking at me.”

You look offended, somehow, and you scoff. “I’d rather gouge my eyeballs out of my head instead of having to look at you for a second longer.”

“Ouch, that was rough.”

“You deserved it.” You shrug your shoulders, before motioning at the door in a swooshing motion. “Now, go lick your wounds somewhere else.”

“Aren’t you leaving too?”

You glare at him now, and you’re so good at it he almost thinks you’re angry. “Why, do you want to walk me home?”

His mouth falls open. Would you let him walk you home? For some reason, he’s pretty sure you’ll punch him if he even suggests it. So instead, he chooses to say, “And suffer the whole way? Nah, I’m good.”

It’s a low-key mention of his injury. You immediately catch on to it, and Jungkook hates the look that takes over your features. He thought that you didn’t have pity for him in you, but it seems you do. You do and it feels like the fist around his heart is back, and the air burns a little.

You seem like you want to say something, but he’s quicker than you.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Jungkook.”

“No, I’m serious, don’t you fucking look at me like that.”

And just like that the light atmosphere shifted back into darkness.

You scoff, shaking your head. “And here I was starting to think that you’re a decent guy. Never mind, Jeon.” You scoff once more, and the corners of your mouth are pulled down in a look of pure disgust. “I’m going home.”

He lets you go. He doesn’t even look at you as you pick up your stuff and leave, not once glancing back.

No matter how enjoyable this interlude in your usual relationship was, Jungkook prefers the usual hate. It’s safer, more comfortable, and a habit that protects him from the vulnerability.

Why then is he staring at your text two hours later in his bed at home, unable to fall asleep, wishing he didn’t say what he did?

In all truth, he knows why, he just doesn’t want to formulate the thought. Doesn’t want to give it the power to exist in the confines of his brain. So he ignores it, shoves the warmth in his chest so far down in the hole occupied by his lost dream that he can’t really feel it anymore.

Only then does he feel safe again, but he still can’t fall asleep.

He hopes you’re not struggling with insomnia as much as he is.

Thursday, June 28th

                The auditions for nationals are in a week. Seven days, and you’re still not sure you’ve mastered the choreography well. You’re anxious – have been for weeks now – and all you want is to lie down on the floor until everything is over.

Which, coincidentally, is what Lance has been doing for the last fifteen minutes, claiming he needed a break from Jungkook. Because Jungkook is worse than Hobi, making you repeat the choreography for stupid unnecessary things like Jiho’s hair was in her face or Scottie’s shirt rode too high while he was doing a certain move.

In May, when you learned about what happened to Jungkook, you had a few days of feeling bad for him. Wishing you didn’t get in a fight with him during that dance practice, wishing your relationship with him wasn’t just hateful.

It feels like there’s been too much history between you for it to ever change. Because you saw a glimpse of something else, for a few minutes that night. Jungkook was more open, calmer, and his expressions were set in a softer look. It was easier to be around him, more enjoyable, and you wished for a fleeting moment that it could last.

Alas, it only lasted a few minutes before he moved back to the harsh look he reserved for you, only because he assumed you were pitying him. Which, maybe you were. You don’t know. It’s hard to tell when you haven’t been through what he has, and when you can tell he suffers.

But you’re not sure if it’s pity or concern. You don’t think he can tell the difference either.

“Lance,” you grumble as you finish the choreography, heart beating out of your chest. “Get the fuck up we need you.”

Lance mumbles something incoherent, before turning his head away from where you’re glaring at him. It makes you look up to catch Jungkook’s gaze, and he immediately looks away the moment your eyes meet. He’s been doing that a lot now too. Where he used to glare at you or smirk insufferably, Jungkook just ignores you.

You don’t think you like it. But you’ve gotten used to it over the course of the last few weeks, so you just roll along with it now.

You’ve kept his secret safe. You thought it would be hard, especially to hide it from Jiho, but after a few days it just became normal. Jiho has more to tell you about Hobi anyway.

Because they’ve found time to go on dates every week since then. Sweet dates, with him picking her up and bringing her flowers and doing things that he knows make her happy. Even at dance practice, everyone can see how they are sickly into each other. You’re happy for Jiho, you really are, but it’s starting to feel a little lonely.

At least you’ve got Jo and the other girls now too. You’ve met the mysterious Kiko now – a sweet girl with the voice of an angel – and your girl’s nights with Jiho have turned into Thirsty Thursdays. You haven’t understood the meaning of the Thirsty yet, considering all of them are dating now, but you just roll along with it.

It’s led to fun nights, and that really is the only thing that matters, right?

Tonight makes no exception. Jiho, Heather and you have dance practice until 10 pm, and then you’re supposed to meet with the girls at a bar on their side of town. Which means you’re already dressed up, though you put on a sports skirt to avoid showing off your ass to the rest of the boys. Not that it would matter – Scottie is not interested in women at all, Lance only has eyes for Chaeyeon now, Hobi is way too respectful for that and Jungkook doesn’t even look at you anymore.

You scoff, glancing away from Jungkook to settle your gaze back on Lance. “Get up,” you repeat, before walking over to him to kick him in the ribs. “Or I’ll tell Chaeyeon how much of a loser you are.”

He fakes offence. “Me, a loser? Nah, we’re going to win this shit.”

The sudden confidence is a boost to everyone’s mood, and soon enough you’re back to dancing, with a much-needed vigor. It’s enough that Jungkook lets you go after you’ve done the choreographies two times more, telling everyone they did a good job.

“Same time Saturday,” he says.

You think you notice him looking at you in the mirror, but as soon as you turn your head in that direction he’s already glanced away, focusing himself on typing something on his phone.

“We know,” Lance says jokingly, before punching Jungkook in the shoulder.

Jungkook snickers, and he deadpans, “You were two hours late last week because you were too busy with your girlfriend”.

“Can’t blame me,” Lance says, shrugging his shoulders. “Chae comes first, the rest of you can suck it up.” It’s cute and endearing, and your heart feels warm as Lance glances your way. You have no idea what brings him to think of that, but he scans the whole room before suggesting, “We should rent a cottage. After the auditions. We should all get shitfaced for three days straight.”

Hobi laughs from where he’s standing next to Jiho. “Scottie is too young for that.”

“Hey, I’m twenty-two!” Scottie exclaims. “I can get shitfaced.”

“You’re a baby,” Heather puts in. “Just accept it. I refuse to acknowledge the fact you are major now.”

Scottie rolls his eyes, placing a sassy fist on his hip. “Then sucks to be you because I am, and I’m going to get shitfaced with Lance. Right?”

Lance has a large grin on his lips. “Damn fucking right.”

“As long as we get a cottage with a hot tub I’m in,” Jiho says innocently. Hobi cocks an eyebrow as he looks at her, as if he didn’t just say Scottie can’t go. “What?” Jiho adds, shrugging her shoulders. “A cottage weekend does sound like fun.”

It does. It really does. You haven’t gone to the countryside in years now, and you can already picture a cute, picturesque cottage on the side of a lake, with a long quay you can lie on and stargaze. The cottage has a fireplace, a circle of rock in the middle of which flames burn at night until they turn to embers and you roast marshmallows on it. You can almost feel the warmth of the hot tub, and the laughter of friends seems to almost overtake your ears…

Yeah, you’re due for a trip out of the city.

“I want marshmallows,” you say, sighing dreamily. “I haven’t had marshmallows since like…”

“Since the camping trip when we were thirteen? When Jisung got shit on by that seagull?”

You burst out laughing at the same time as Jiho does, right as the memory comes back to you. It had been a fun camping trip, with Jiho’s parents renting a camper. They had invited you along on their trip, and you had gone to the beach with them.

Good memories indeed.

Your laughter recedes, and you notice everyone is looking at you. Even Jungkook. His eyes are a little widened, as if he’s surprised, and there’s a light flush on his cheeks when he looks away.

It’s the strangest sight to see, and you’re unable to shake the feeling away while you get ready with Jiho later to rush to the bar where Jo and the others are already waiting for you. Jiho notices your unease as she applies your eyeliner.

“What’s up with you?”

“Nothing,” you immediately say, way too fast for it to sound casual.

She just cocks an eyebrow and keeps applying the makeup. At least she has the decency to ignore the blush that creeps on your cheeks.

“It’s just…” you sigh, and turn your head when she starts to work on your second eye. “I don’t know.”

“Jungkook?”

You want to kill her for knowing you so well, so you remain silent, choosing peace over violence.

“I’m going to say something right now that might make you want to kill me,” Jiho says, lips pursed.

“I would advise not saying it,” you mumble and she playfully pats your cheek.

“Don’t move.” You pout, but obey nonetheless. She continues working in silence for a time, before saying, “I know about the accident”.

Your heart stops in your chest, and you’re pretty sure all colours have drained out of your features. You still try to play it cool, saying, “What accident?”

“February last year? Jungkook got injured, then ghosted us. Ring a bell?”

You can’t really pretend you don’t know what she’s talking about, can you? “How do you know?”

“Hobi told me,” she admits. “He made me promise to never talk about it, but he mentioned you knew already.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t blame you for not telling me,” she reassures you, having sensed your discomfort. “Actually, it tells a lot about your relationship with JK that you respected his decision.”

You scoff as she pulls the eyeliner away from your face, putting it down on her vanity to grab her La Neige lip tint. “My relationship with Jungkook? We’re not even friends.”

“Why though?”

It’s a good question that just pisses you off further. “Because he’s a dick. He told me about the accident and got angry at me for looking concerned and then he started ignoring me.” You chuckle bitterly. “It’s not like I’m going to try and make him talk to me. I don’t give a shit about him.”

Jiho is silent for a long time. Far too long for it to be normal. Like she doesn’t believe you at all and is waiting for you to realize. You’re just as stubborn, so you don’t say anything as she puts the lip tint on her pretty lips.

It makes for an awkward two minutes, but she’s the one that breaks first. “You don’t believe that.”

You furrow your brows. “Why the fuck would you say that?”

She laughs. Not in a mean way, probably just because your cheeks are burning and she believes she can read you like the back of her hand. “Because you don’t believe that.”

You fold your arms on your chest, sitting back in the chair she’s forced you to sit in while she did your eyeliner. You remain silent once again, clenching your jaw as you choose not to get upset. You’re not sure it works, and Jiho just playfully punches you on the shoulder.

“Calm down, babe,” she says. “He’s changed.”

“He’s still an ass with me,” you point out. “He’s changed with the rest of you guys, but he’s even worse with me. He’s been completely ignoring me for weeks.”

“Because he’s scared of what you think about him.”

“He doesn’t give a shit about what I think of him? He’s made that clear enough.” Jiho goes back to her infuriating silence. And you don’t want the conversation to keep going in that direction, so you ask, “How has it been going with Hobi anyway?”

She flushes red as she always does whenever Hobi is mentioned. “Do not think this conversation is over,” she says, threatening you with the lip tint bottle. “But it’s been…” She chuckles. “It’s been great. I think we’re pretty much official now.”

It’s disgustingly cute. It makes you think of Lance and Chaeyeon, of Heather and Bridget, Jo and Taehyung and Kiko and Yoongi…

It makes you feel lonely, like Lance did earlier. It’s a feeling you’ve grown accustomed to growing up, so it’s easy to let it slide over you instead of letting it fester inside.

“Look at you,” you say teasingly. “Who knew you’d pull your lifelong crush?”

“Lifelong?” she snickers. “I’ve had a crush on him for like two years.”

You throw a no-bullshit look her way.

“Okay maybe three…”

It makes you both laugh, and it diffuses the situation that was escalating just a moment ago. You’re relieved, because you’re pretty sure if she mentioned Jungkook just once more you would have blown up in her face.

You take shots downstairs with Jisung and Felix before going, and you giggle in the Lyft on the way to the bar the other girls chose. As per usual, you’re the two last to get there – fashionably late is the way to go, right?

It takes you way too long to realize girl’s night will in fact not be girl’s night. Yoongi is the first you notice, maybe because he’s looking at the exit when you walk in, as if he’s just waiting for the right time to bail. He nods as he sees you, and Kiko turns. She smiles her shy smile, the one that doesn’t show her teeth, and she nods as well, almost a copycat of her boyfriend.

Then it’s like a domino effect, and everyone turns to look at you. Nine pairs of eyes, all on you: Jin, Valeria, Taehyung, Jo, Bridget, Heather, Kiko, Yoongi and Jimin. The latter offers you a secretive smile.

You might have been texting him a little. Nothing serious, but he does appear in your dms once in a while, replying to a story you posted. You always decided to ignore him, only liking his replies, but tonight there’s something in the way Park Jimin is looking at you, sitting there, that makes something warm trickle down your spine.

Maybe because of your conversation with Jiho. It’s hard to tell, and your best friend pulls you towards the rest of the group before you can figure it out. The feeling only increases tenfold when you stop next to the table, and Jimin gets up to greet you, quickly followed by the others.

You hug everyone, and Jo holds you a second longer. “Sorry for inviting the rest, Tae begged and I figured…” You pull away from the hug, and she does have a sheepish look on her features. “Thirsty Thursday doesn’t mean no men?”

You laugh at that comment, shrugging your shoulders. “It’s fine, don’t worry.”

And really, you don’t mind. You like hanging out with them all. You’re relieved they didn’t think to invite Jungkook though, because one thing you’ve figured is that, where Jimin goes Jungkook usually follows.

The night starts off with talking and a few drinks with the group, until you find yourself intoxicated more than you have initially planned to. It doesn’t really matter – you have a day off tomorrow at the internship. Indeed, it only goes from Monday to Thursday, since the lawyer you follow takes the day off on Fridays for the whole of summer.

So you drink, and when they clear a spot for the dancefloor, you let Jiho pull you to it. Let her dance with you, like you usually do when you’re trying to get a guy’s attention. You reckon she’s drunker than you – she’s a giggly mess and she keeps stepping on your feet, which she never usually does. It’s fun, and you feel some anxiety peel away from your skin as if you’re an onion and someone’s about to cut you up to pieces.

You do feel like somebody is about to cut you up to pieces when Jimin moves closer to you, and the smirk on his lips sets something on fire inside of you. Or maybe it’s the alcohol. It doesn’t matter because you pull away from Jiho to move closer to him, almost instinctively.

It’s like he fits like a glove. You face him, throwing your arms around his neck to pull him into the dance as his hands find your waist. One of them slips to your back, and he presses you against him as you move to the music, the rhythm a sensual dance between the two of you.

“Hello, you,” he purrs, and you look up at him.

“Hello,” you reply in the same tone, and he makes you spin until your back is facing him. He’s impossibly close and as his hands guide your hips, your eyes trail up.

You entirely stop moving when your gaze meets Jungkook. He’s standing near the door, clad in different clothes than earlier today, but in that same black shade he seems to adore. He also has a chain, with large links that give a rougher vibe to him.

The look on his features is rough too, especially as Jimin leans to speak into your ear. “I thought you might want to piss him off.”

You chuckle, turning your head to gaze at the man behind you over your shoulder. It brings your face way too close to his, and you have to resist the lava in your blood that makes you want to close the gap.

It’s the self-destructive kind of magma, and you don’t feel like indulging in it. Instead, you purr, “Why do you think I’d want to piss him off?”

Jimin chuckles, and you turn your head away from him because damn him, his lips really are inviting. “He’s been a little shit at home. I assume he’s been that way with you too.”

You laugh, and it’s bitter, angry. It surprises even you. “He’s been ignoring me.” You turn in Jimin’s arms, until you’re facing him. You keep your head hung low, enough so that he can’t lean down and press his lips against yours. Jimin is a gentleman though, you know he’d never kiss you without asking for consent first.

“Explains why he’s been a little shit then,” he says matter-of-factly. He straightens a little, putting a comfortable distance between your faces.

“And you think this little show is going to piss him off?”

He smirks, tilting his head to the side. All the while he’s been making you move to the music, and you know to outside gazes you look like you’re flirting. Can planning to piss Jeon Jungkook off count as flirting?

“Oh, I know it will,” Jimin says, shrugging his shoulders. “Jungkook wears his emotions on his face.”

Maybe he does. Around you, his emotion is usually mostly contempt, so you don’t really know.

“What do you gain from pissing him off?” you ask, and you genuinely wonder. What is Jimin trying to do?

“Nothing,” he admits. He purses his lips, before offering you yet another dashing smile. “Mostly I just want to see what he’ll do.”

Jimin pulls you a little closer, and his forehead presses against yours.

“What are you doing?” you murmur, as your heart beats like a hammer against your ribcage. Hell, even if you’re not really into Jimin like that, he’s Park Jimin. You don’t think anyone in their right mind could stay indifferent to him.

“He’s looking right now,” he replies. He chuckles, before saying, “Now, let me tell you what you’re going to do”. His lips move so close to you it feels as if your brain is short-circuiting in your head. “You’re going to act as if I’ve just offended you, and you go to the bathroom.”

“Why?”

“He’ll follow, and maybe he’ll finally…”

Jimin never finishes his sentence. Someone bumps into you, and it breaks the contact between you and him. Instead of pulling you back in, Jimin motions towards the bathroom, offering you an encouraging smile. You’re stunned for a moment, and you hope it does the trick. You hope you really do look offended, because in truth, you were enjoying Jimin’s proximity.

You don’t like that you were. It feels like you shouldn’t be enjoying his proximity at all. He’s not even really your friend anyway.

You don’t have a choice but to follow his advice though, and you turn around, beelining straight to the bathroom. You make your way through the crowd, scrunching up your nose in disgust at the sweaty guy your hand accidentally touched, and a few seconds later you finally find the line to the bathroom.

It’s a unisex bathroom, with three stalls that are currently all occupied. There’s a guy in front of you, and you glare at him as he smiles at you. He frowns, but it works and he turns back around. A stall frees up a little under a minute later, and you’re mindlessly watching a girl washing her hands when a large hand finds the small of your back.

You startle, and you turn around fully ready to knock some sense into whoever it is, until you see it’s Jungkook.

You freeze for a few seconds, and then let out a laugh as you realize whatever Jimin was doing worked.

“You and Jimin, uh,” Jungkook says bitterly, and his hand clenches into a fist where it falls at his side.

You cock your head to the side. “So you’re talking to me now?”

He plays with his piercing in silence, before scoffing. “I was never not talking to you.” You widen your eyes and let out a disbelieved laugh as you fold your arms on your chest. “I’m serious,” he adds. “I just…”

“Don’t even try to explain, Jeon, save your oxygen.”

He’s frowning now, and you reckon he probably has the same expression on his features that you have on yours. “I thought you said you weren’t going to flirt with Jimin.”

“That was over a month ago,” you point out. “People change, unless you haven��t noticed.”

“Oh, I know,” he says, chuckling bitterly. “But Jimin? There are dozens of guys in this bar, can’t you just choose someone else to fuck?”

You’re starting to see red. You feel it in the tremble that starts deep down in your core, before taking over the whole of your body. “I’m not going to fuck Jimin. He’s just a friend.”

“You dance with all of your friends like that?”

You turn away from him, hoping one of the stalls will be free now, but you’re in no luck. He grabs your arm, forcing you to turn back around. Your eyes drop to his hand on your arm. His fingers are gentle, way gentler than his features. “Fucking let go of me,” you snap. “I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t know what part of getting into an accident made you want to act like you’re just a fucking victim of everything around you but my life has nothing to do with yours. Why do you fucking care?”

He looks stunned. “I… What?”

His confusion douses your fury, and you furrow your brows. “What do you mean, what?”

“I don’t care.”

You don’t know who he is trying to convince right now. And you don’t feel like getting to the bottom of it with him. In fact, you really don’t like the look on his face, and you just want to put distance between you and him. So you roll your eyes, before saying, “Alright then, leave me alone, Jeon. I won’t dance with Jimin again.”

He doesn’t even look happy or relieved that you’re saying that. Instead, his features fall a little, moving from a frown to a sad expression that makes something stir in your chest. “I… If you want to get with Jimin, you can.”

Now, you really are confused. “You come here to be a little bitch about this all and now you’re saying it’s fine?”

He pulls at his piercing, and his eyes flicker to the man that walks past you, indicating that a stall must be free now. “Yeah. If that’s what you want, who am I to tell you not to do it?”

You don’t know. You have no idea how the conversation managed to take this turn, so you wet your lips, cocking an eyebrow. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I…” he trails off, shrugging his shoulders. “I was being a dick. You’re right, I should stop acting like I’m a fucking victim.”

Now, your heart really does ache in your chest. Because what you said was inconsiderate, and you don’t even really mean it. Not the way that he interpreted it though, that’s for sure.

“Jungkook…”

“No, it’s really okay,” he says. He still looks sad, but he offers you a tight-lipped smile. “I’m sorry.”

Just like that he’s walking away, and why are you following him? You stop him by grabbing his arm, just like he did to you a moment ago. You hold on to him longer than he did to you, because his skin is warm under your fingers. His tattoos didn’t take away the softness of his skin, and you don’t really want to let him go. Not just yet.

“I didn’t mean it.” You look him in the eyes as he turns just enough so that his gaze can meet yours. “I got angry.”

“No but you’re right,” he insists. “I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know why I don’t like you talking to Jimin. You can do whatever you want.”

You let his arm go, albeit reluctantly. “If it can reassure you, I am not interested in Jimin like that. Like yes, he’s attractive, but I’m not really looking for a relationship right now.”

At that Jungkook laughs. It’s somehow melancholic, and you reckon you’ve brought his demons to the forefront of his mind tonight. “Jimin-hyung doesn’t do relationships, you’re in luck.”

“No,” you grumble, and you shut your eyes, as if you have to explain something to a thick-headed five years old. “I’m really not interested in Jimin. Like at all.” Your eyelids flutter open, and you catch the movement of Jungkook’s eyes as they snap away from you.

“Okay,” he lets out flatly. “I’m sorry I ruined it.”

He looks genuine. You’d be angry at him if he didn’t really look as genuine as he does right now.

“Nothing’s ruined, I promise,” you reassure him and you offer him a small smile. “I was tired of dancing anyway.”

The word ‘dancing’ has his gaze trail to the dancefloor, and he bites at his piercing before glancing back at you. “Oh.”

You realize this is awkward. Because what you said really seems to have upset Jungkook. And you can’t really blame him, it was low. The only thing is, you’re not close enough to him to make him understand. So all you can do when he says he’s going to head home is wish him goodnight.

You feel horrible as you watch him leave, and he’s only just crossed the doors leading to the world outside when you break into a small jog. You make it outside in a hurry, just to see he’s leaning against the wall next to the door.

He seems startled to see you, and you feel just as startled to see he hasn’t really left yet.

“I was wondering,” you let out, and you take a deep breath to steady yourself. “Are you going to come to the cottage? You didn’t say you would earlier.”

You have no idea why that’s come to your mind, but you’re just going to roll with it.

“Uh.” He glances down at his phone in his hand. “Am I even invited?”

You wet your lips, shrugging. “I mean, you’re part of the crew, of course you are.”

He holds your gaze for so long you think the Earth has time to revolve around the sun once before he speaks again. “Am I really part of the crew?”

You reckon he might need to hear it, so you don’t hesitate when you say, “Of course. We’d be nothing without you.”

At that the sad expression on his features melts away. It does so slowly, starting with his eyes. They crinkle at the corners, sparkling a little, and then it trickles down his face, until the corners of his lips tug upwards. It makes you smile too, and you just gaze at each other like that for a few heartbeats. It feels intimate, miles away from the usual bickering and hatred that you share.

It’s new, but it doesn’t feel scary. Jungkook doesn’t feel scary when he’s smiling softly.

“Yes, I’ll come,” he finally says.

It makes you blink, and it’s like the scene is coming back into focus. You realize there are a couple of people smoking a few meters away, and a soft breeze pushes the smoke towards you. You hate the smell, but somehow you can’t shake the smile from your lips.

“Good.” You nod once, and you glance towards the door. “I guess… I guess I’ll let you go home then.”

He nods too, and he tilts his head to the side. He’s surveying you with those big eyes of his. They shine with stars right now, as if his happiness brings the constellations to his gaze. Or maybe it’s just the reflection from the streetlights and car headlights, but it’s beautiful.

Jungkook has beautiful eyes.

“Just waiting for a Lyft,” he says, motioning up with his phone.

You worry at your lips, before flattening your skirt mindlessly. “Is it going to be here anytime soon?”

He looks at the rectangle of light, face falling serious. It takes him a few seconds, but then he nods. “Yep. Should pull up pretty much now.”

You glance at the two sides of the street, and sure enough a car slows down until it stops in front of you. “Alright then,” you say. “Good night, Jeon.”

You don’t usually say his last name like you said it just now. It feels different, in all the right ways that it can.

“Good night,” he echoes, tentatively adding your name at the end. “I’ll see you at practice Saturday?”

“Yes. See you then.”

You’re grinning like an idiot when you’re home later, thinking of the interaction. It felt refreshing to be with Jungkook like that. As if you can be friends.

You never imagined you would want to be friends with him, but somehow tonight you want it. It only doubles up when a series of texts appears on your screen, hiding the top part of the anime you’re watching in bed before going to sleep.

[3:02 am] unsaved number: lmaooi jmin saud i cockblocled him😂 [3:02 am] unsaved number: cockblocked* [3:02 am] unsaved number: sry im drunk

You laugh softly, turning on your back as you pause the anime. You go to the conversation, and you’re about to reply when he adds,

[3:03 am] unsaved number: plz ignorr this

You don’t hesitate when you save his number under his name.

Prev | Next

☆☆☆☆☆

What do we think of this chapter?? Enemies to lovers not too enemies anymore uh? Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts 2023. Please do not copy, repost or translate.

Taglist: (strike-through means dumblr is not letting me tag you my bad)

@chimchimmarie | @pamzn | @sugaluvmyg | @tearyjjeon | @jkclouds | @libra04 | @parkinglot-nights | @ggukieasy | @omnomnomtron | @jichimx | @synnfulqt | @leedoesntknaur | @pornichett | @melodiesforari | @oopscoop | @nadzzzblog | @amylouisecullen

[lia-kim7]

Navaratri-1

It was just a normal day in South Korea oh

Hi I forgot to introduce myself hi am yn jeon I have married jeon jungkook it's been 2 years since our marriage am an Indian girl ok back to story

Yn pov

It's September as being Indian we all love Navaratri so this time I decided to celebrate it in India. Also my bestie Bella is coming india so it's gonna be fun our flight in two days on 16th September and Bella's flight is on 20th we are goin early because it's been a year since I have gone there so.

Time skip

Finally we have landed in Indian it was tiring I was looking around when I felt a muscular arm around my waist I was about punch whoever it has but I recognise the smell it was jungkook he back hugged me and told "let's go home or u just wanna stand here" then I realised that I have been zoned out for five minutes " ok ok let's go my brother would be waiting " I said jungkook took our luggage nd now we were hading out soon we saw my brother standing in distance with my sister in law he saw me and had a cute smile on his face I quickly ran toward him and hug him I missed him so much "I still want to live yeah leave me " I let go the hug and pinch him on his arm " ahhh yeah u we're hugging me so tight that I can't even breathe " he said I laughed  then hugged my sister in law

Time skip

After getting home it was already late so we slept

Next morning

I woke up early as it is my habit to

I go the bathroom and did my morning routine then I go to downstairs then I heard some sound from kitchen I go there and saw my mom cooking breakfast for all of us with my aunt

I go there and hugged her from back she Flinched lil bit " go and tell everyone that breakfast is ready" my mom said I then go to my dads room I saw him sitting in balcony reading newspaper I go there and told him to get downstairs I was about to go but then i was suddenly pulled on the bed I was on jungkook he was about to kiss me then we suddenly heard knock I can see that how pissed jungkook of this 😂 I just chuckled lightly soon I stood up open the door just see my bro with annoying face too "mom told u call everyone downstairs " he said with cute anger on his face then we went downstairs and then had breakfast

Time skip on 20th September

Finally I am as going to meet my bestie after 7 years

Right now we walking to waiting area it was me ,jungkook and Bella's mom . Jungkook was happy that he finally got some time alone in the Indian household 😂

We were waiting when we saw the familiar face then we realised that it was Bella I quickly ran to her and hug her so tight I missed her so much. Then we let go the hug and I meet harry ,Bella's Fiance they are engaged. After lil talk we all got home and yes we all live in same house getting home we were greeted with chocolate's

Lately I have so much weird types of carving

And also morning sickness I think it's because of change in the atmosphere🤷🏻‍♀️.

Time skip evening

We all were talking and the best part was there were also our old bestie's and our cousin while talking we Decided to play td(truth dare) after few rounds it finally landed on jungkook I was a bit worried as my friends are worst u know what I mean 😭 he took truth and 😮‍💨 it was easy

Time skip ( 😮‍💨 ur Author is too lazy ) sorry

Finallyyyyyyyy it was Navaratri

_________________________________________________

Late updates sorry for grammar mistakes

[anzynai]

OMG u added pjsekai to ur fandoms list

I will now bother you for wonderland x showtime headcannons because they r life

Wonderlands x Showtime Hcs

(Project Sekai)

hello^^ TYSM for sending these!!! i love these losers sm u don’t even understand and i very thoroughly enjoyed this HAHA i hope you enjoy these headcanons <3 (also let’s ignore how freaking long ago this request was)

these can be read as poly/romantic or platonic! (i live and die for polysho)

warning: these headcanons r LONG, like maybe u went into a little too much detail cuz like damn

——

ofc the lees of the group are definitely nene and tsukasa (no i am not biased. you can’t tell me that these two aren’t ganged on the most. and for completely different reasons) meaning the lers r rui and emu

for nene, ofc when she’s being a grouch or just.. needs to smile, the three will be allll over her. honestly, she’s super ticklish so it’s always works for them so why stop? they like to do this when she’s nervous too cuz it keeps her distracted and clears her mind a little, you know?

as for tsukasa, it’s just.. for fun. silly, i know. it’s just.. seeing his smile and laugh so freely is such a contrast to his prideful, boasting laugh. YOU GET WHAT I MEAN??? like his laughter is contagious, but what i mean is that whoever can see him truly smile wants to smile too!

emu lovessss being the lee obviously but she loves being a ler too!!! like, she still gets tickled a lot. don’t get me wrong. tickles r super duper common between these four and it’s usually emu who initiates it. anyways, what i’m getting at is that she, as anyone who’s ever seen her story, LOVES making people smile. she’d be the sweetest most playful ler out there and you cannot tell me otherwise. like i mean, complimenting you so many times that you want to explode out of embarrassment (even tsukasa sometimes)

rui is usually the one who tickles nene tbh but ofc he tickles the other too! though, it took a bit getting there because while he may not seem like it, he does get nervous about tickling someone. though, that’s mainly because he’s afraid they’ll see him as weird. anyways, he’s often the lee, yeah, but most of the times, he would use situations to his advantage to avoid that (basically offering the ler his help) it’s not that he doesn’t want to be tickled, it’s more so that he prefers to be on the giving side. well, besides that, once emu started to tickle them (without hesitation, might i add) his courage pretty much built up instantly and he joined in. he’s just got those tickles that make you feel floaty and safe, so he often tickles his members especially when their feeling down

now rq let’s talk ab reversing roles: basically nene and tsukasa as lers and rui and emu as lees!!!! isn’t that exciting?? so picture nene as the vengeance ler. you know how nene gets tickled a LOT within the group, well she definitely has to get payback.. she was a bit shy about it at first, but after getting a bit more comfortable with the group, don’t expect to tickle her without getting it back tenfold! then, tsukasa, well he can be a bit like nene sometimes but it’s like, you know those moments where you can practically feel his big brother energy? this with tickling. he’s a bit like kaito actually in this aspect, where he will use tickling to make you smile, much like emu and rui actyally (and nene too tho she wouldn’t admit it).

then emu would be the best lee ever because she’s so encouraging and she lets you know she’s enjoying it and honestly, it just boosts the other threes ego as lers. she’s so sweet and bubbly when she’s being tickled which makes the group just want to tickle her more. she thinks it’s fun and so do they! then for rui, it’s a bit tougher to tickle him. like i said, it’s not because he doesn’t want to be tickled, but mainly because he avoids it. he pretends he doesn’t like it and that it would be a much better idea to tickle the others, but it’s just an act. still, his giggles r breathy and cute and so loveable in his own way.

ALRIGHT SO the headcanons above were mostly for setting. some others, regarding them as a whole: they tickle eachother a lot. it’s crazy, like they’ve even added it as a scene in one of their shows before. (it wasn’t anything big, obviously, just like a little squeeze to the side)

it’s like one of their ways to bond with one another. it’s like, sometimes actions feel better than communication, not feeling the stress of having to find the words to say. so they hug each other and tickle each other to do just that. it’s just another level of closeness for them.

i think that they could also occasionally have after-show tickle fights. obviously, it’s not planned, but sometimes it just happens you know? once, after the show was over and everyone in the audience was leaving, emu poked tsukasa on the side and made tsukasa jolt. of course, emu wasn’t done there and she pounced and asked for the other two to help. rui joined, with a somewhat eager smile on his face, while nene muttered something about them being childish. ofc after a few moments, nene couldn’t help but join either and since then, all emu has to do is choose one of them to wreck for the day and soon everyone’s joining in

at first, they reserved the tickling only for at the wonder stage and when no one’s there. it’s not much different, but recently they’ve had tickle fights and the like in the sekai as well! they didn’t do it, mostly out of respect for the virtual singers, but once they realized that they really didn’t care and even wanted to join in on occasion, they’re comfortable just randomly attacking someone with tickles out of nowhere.

i think they’ve incorporated tickling into shows at points. of course, it’s nothing too intense, but sometimes they’ll have the characters poke each others in the side and stuff then make their squeal like SUPER dramatic (tsukasa doesn’t have to worry about this), because loud squealing and acting shock tends to make little kids laugh and whatnot YKKKK

also tsukasa and emu r feather ticklish, light touches make them go crazy. rougher tickles tend to work better on rui and nene, she laughs about the same no matter what kind of tickling she receives. (they know this from experience)

[mekatrio]

went off topic but this was all just to say i hate when ppl make phoenix out to be some mastermind who was building the mason system for 7 years to get back at kristoph CUZ THAT MAKES NOOOOOOOO SENSE and the only way to come to tht conclusion is to just take everything at a surface level like the way 3-5 requires you to. cuz kristoph is already in jail for the murder of shadi smith, so what else is phoenix trying to incriminate him for?

being drew misham's murderer? yes ok, but if ur interpreting that all the mason system recordings were collected for the express purpose of incriminating kristoph for the murder of drew misham... this would mean that phoenix had known about the poisoned stamp and tht kristoph was planning to kill him with that. which is like, COME ON DUDE phoenix obviously didnt know abt that. if he did then we are reading two completely different stories and phoenix is a bigger asshole than i thought!

but ok maybe the mason system was a way for phoenix to collect evidence to prove the forged diary page was planted by kristoph, so phoenix can show this to whoever and get his badge back. except, if we ignore the mindfuckery implications of the Time Paradox for a second, phoenix had already known with near certainty that kristoph was the one behind the forgery 7 years ago, bc baby vera confirms that kristoph had commissioned her. which means that during these 7 years, phoenix couldve at any point revealed that kristoph had commissioned forged evidence, but he didnt. and why is that? well there are many possible reasons, like maybe vera's account isnt substantial enough, or maybe to prevent kristoph from retaliating and possibly hurting trucy, etc, but i think the most relevant possible reason is that phoenix had wanted to protect vera's identity, and not expose this young girl as a forger to the world at large. and the only reason why phoenix exposes her in 4-4 with the mason system is because her skills as a forger has already been proven at that point, and doing so is necessary to prove tht she hadnt killed her father. basically, the arguement that the mason system exists so phoenix could prove the forged evidence wasnt his idea just doesnt hold, bc phoenix couldve proven that 7 years ago, but chose not to in order to protect vera's identity (among other reasons).

like seriously the mason system isnt some master revenge plan that phoenix crafted in order to get back at kristoph bc like... he is in jail already, for the murder of shadi smith, and phoenix had already decided 7 years ago not to expose kristoph's forgery bc doing so would endanger vera. the mason system's actual purpose is to 1.) prove vera's innocence and 2.) show thalassa, who is serving as a jurist, what had happened to her family while she was gone. incriminating kristoph was never the end goal, but is just what ended up happening anyway, bc he happened to be the one responsible for drew's death. not to mention that the mason system being used for vera's trial is like a last minute change that only ended up happening bc of drew's death, which phoenix couldnt hv foreseen.

and i feel like another reason why ppl get this twisted idea of phoenix being a mastermind of sorts is bc of this line from 4-1:

paired with phoenix's really shady behavior throughout the game lol. but its like i said, if u really think 4-1 was also some sort of revenge plan bc of this line.... then that is some SURFACE level reading!! cuz phoenix wasnt laying a trap of any sorts, like he hadnt known tht kristoph would try to kill shadi or whatever. kristoph had killed a man, and phoenix convicted him for that, plain and simple. the forged bloody ace wasnt a way for phoenix to get his sick kicks in, being like "haha forged evidence uno reverse card", but rather a necessity; ace attorney has shown through these 4 games that its legal system is very flawed, with how its heavily relies on evidences and nothing else. forging the bloody ace was necessary to incriminate kristoph, but it was just a means to an end, and not some master plan. if phoenix is a mastermind that would make him as complicit as kristoph, as it would mean phoenix knew abt his plans to murder shadi and the mishams, but obviously phoenix hadnt known about all that. he isnt a genius he's just..... a time travelling shady fucker 😑

[tartglias]

diluc, kaeya, albedo and childe when they’re in love

“ahh ok i just discovered ur blog and this is my very first ever request to a blog. so uhm can i req diluc, kaeya, albedo & childe headcanons on what they'll do when they're in love? like, will their attitude change when they're around the reader HAHAHA it's ok if u remove a character <3 if u don't want to write it feel free to ignore hehe”

Diluc

Even though you both decided to keep the relationship away from the public eye, it’s not shocking that certain people come and ask if you can deliver a message to Diluc. It tends to be Kaeya or even Jean, whenever the Knights of Favonius are too busy to handle something a little too dangerous. Sometimes it’s even Venti, trying to persuade you to convince Diluc to lower the dandelion wine price.

Whoever the person is, they come to you because they know that Diluc has a soft spot for you. If something catches your eye, expect it on your doorstep the following day. He loves to spoil you, to the point in which you have to tell him to stop gifting you things, and that his love is and will always be enough.

And obviously, they know that if someone can convince him of doing something, that someone is you. It’s amusing how the normal situation switches when it comes to you. If Kaeya approaches him and asks for a favor, expect a very angry Diluc rolling his eyes and turning around, completely dismissing him while trying to not make a scene in front of you and the other costumers at the tavern. But, if it’s you who delivers the message, he just sighs and meditates it, eventually giving in. You see him smile slightly once you quickly kiss his cheek and thank him.

“Why do you always decline these requests but accept them once I ask you?” You once asked, looking up to face him as you cuddled him in bed. His hair was messy and untied, but he still looked beautiful, specially under the moon light.

“Because you’re not annoying” he simply said, caressing your cheek. You stared at him, unconvinced. This earned you a soft laugh from the man beneath you.

“I don’t know, I just can’t say no to you. Which is funny because now everyone knows you’re my weakness” He said.

It was then and there that he understood how much you meant to him. You could ask him to pick up every single Cecilia flower in Mondstadt and he would not hesitate to do it. It was dangerous, and he knew that, but his feelings were too strong.

“Kaeya will definitely use this for-“ “I love you” he said, interrupting you. Your eyes widened and a small gasp left your lips. It was the first time he said the big “L” word, maybe the first time in his life.

“I love you too” you whispered, still in awe from his previous confession.

He kissed you deeper than ever before, transmitting every single feeling he had into the kiss. You meant the world to him. He was in love.

The rest of the night was filled with quiet “I love you”s and cuddles, eventually falling asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.

Kaeya

One thing that helped him understand his feelings for you was that he could just be himself.

His past forced him to wake up and put on a facade as the flirty Cavalry Captain that had every person in Mondstadt wrapped around his finger. But you were different. When he was with you, he was Kaeya. No fancy titles, no social etiquette. Just Kaeya. Not only he felt comfortable enough to be himself around you, but you also seemed to like his true self as well. And that’s how he realized.

After long days filled with commissions and some paperwork, he would come home exhausted only to find you already waiting for him. Without need for words, he would wrap his arms around your waist and hide his face on your neck after leaving a small trace of kisses.

“Long day?” you asked as you gently hugged him, untied his hair and started brushing it with your fingers. He would reply with a small “hm” before looking up and kissing your lips.

This sight could confuse an outsider, since Kaeya, with his oh so flirty social title, is usually the one calling out for you or keeping his hands on you at any moment. Kaeya is not afraid to show his love to the world, and he makes that very clear in public. Yet, this sight made him look vulnerable, and that was something he reserved just for your eyes. You made his walls fall down, you made him vulnerable in the best way possible. He felt at peace when he was with you, and that feeling used to be so foreign to him due to the secrets of his past. But here he was, in your arms as he rambled about his day without care in the world.

His attitude towards you in public never changed much, always finding his way to make you swoon and fluster you. He loves to let everyone know that he is yours and you are his. But, once the doors close behind him, he would let his guard down completely with you. He would cling to your body as he seeks for advice or talk about his worries.

“I think that it’s best to ignore Pallad from now on since he always gets-“ you started saying, but noticing how Kaeya was looking at you made you lose your trail of thoughts. “Wh- Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You make me feel better about myself” Kaeya said, snuggling closer to you. He let out a chuckle when he heard you mutter a “huh?”

“You make me feel at peace, and I haven’t felt like that in a long while”

Albedo

Relationships were kind of new to Albedo, he wasn’t certain about the right way to show affection. But one thing he was sure about was that every time you came to visit him in his research room he felt funny inside. Funny in a good way, he felt a sudden urge to hold your hand or make you smile. 

To understand this feeling more, he started doing research on couples in Mondstadt. Was he the only one that felt this way at the sight of someone he cherished? Or was this the beginning of him becoming a monster and destroying the city of freedom at last? Lucky for him, he realized that it was considered normal to smile whenever you see your s/o. 

While he was doing his research, Klee appeared holding one of her treasures. She wanted to show Albedo her newest creation, but instead she found him staring at some old couple sitting by a fountain. She thought it was a strange sight. “What are you doing?” she asked, startling him. “Research” he simply said. “On old people? Why don’t you do a research on me? I’m young! And I have treasures!” “I don’t think you can be of use in this research” he said, sighing. 

It took Klee a while to understand what was happening, but when she did she started giggling uncontrollably. Albedo just stared at her wondering what was wrong with the child. “Albedo are you in love?”

Love, such a strange concept. He read about it, and now that Klee mentioned it, he realized that it made sense. He felt funny every time he managed to make you smile or laugh, and even more when he saw the blush on your face after complimenting you. He realized that the “funny” feeling happened because he loves you. He loves when you visit him, he loves when you ask him questions about his research and when you offer to help him. He loves you.

He immediately started searching for you, he felt the sudden urge to see and tell you about this discovery. Once he found you, he couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his face. You looked beautiful, and you weren’t even trying. You just came back from a commission and your hair was messy, and he noticed that your clothes were a bit dirty too. Yet you looked mesmerizing to him. 

“Albedo! I was on my way to visit you!” You greeted him once you saw him, kissing his cheek. 

“I made a new discovery today, dear.” He said, taking your hands in his. “I discovered that I’m in love with you”

Childe

If there’s something Childe is gonna do, is spoil you to no end. Similar to Diluc, if he noticed that something caught your eye for more than 3 seconds, expect it by your doorstep soon. And don’t even try to stop him, he just won’t listen.

Since he has to go away for weeks due to his line of work, he wants to spoil you so you don’t forget him. Not that you could anyways, you always thought of him and even prayed for his safe return. When he comes back, expect little souvenirs from his travels and stories he may or may not exaggerate a tiny bit.

He loves whenever you wear things he gifted you, and loves to tease you about it. “May I know who got you that beautiful necklace dear?” he would ask with a smirk on his face. “You, Childe” “That’s right, the best for my favorite person in the world”

But his love doesn’t come in material things only, he also loves to spend time with you. There are times that he has to go away for long periods of time, and after a few weeks he starts missing you so much he just has to send someone to pick you up and bring you to him. On those occasions he makes sure to do everything he has to do in the morning so he could spend the afternoon exploring with you.

His line of work is dangerous, and you know that. There are times in which you’re exploring some ruins with him and treasure hoarders appear. In those cases he asks you to close your eyes, and only open them when he tells you to. Under no circumstance he wants you to witness this side of him he tries so much to hide.

Once it’s over, he would reach to you gently and tell you to open your eyes. When you do, the sight in front of you breaks your heart. He was alright, not a single scratch on him, but his face was filled with worry and fear. “I’m sorry” he would say, closing his eyes and taking your hand. “Why are you apologizing?” “I’m a monster” he said, not daring to look at you.

It would take you a few minutes to convince him that he actually is not a monster. Those treasure hoarders appeared out of nowhere, and threatened you. He was just protecting you. “This is what I do all the time, how are you not scared of me?” He asked. You hugged him very tight, not wanting to let go of him until every drop of fear and guilt leaves his body. “I know you would never hurt me”

He knew you were right, he could never hurt you. He may think he is a monster unworthy of your love, but he knew that he could never lay a finger on you. And as you hugged him tight in front of some random ruins you were exploring, he realized he was in love and swore to himself he would do anything to protect you.

[sleepysnk]

i fell in LOVE with the ideas you gave me about streamer!eren so here we go! thank you again and i hope you enjoy <3

Jaegerbomb is Streaming

Pairings: Streamer!Eren Jaeger x Fem!Reader

Warnings: None

Jaegerbomb is now streaming

Eren adjusted his mic as the stream began, it was a Friday night and he was doing his usual nightly stream. He talked about it on Twitter so he expected a lot of people to be tuning in tonight, as well as it was a Friday night and not many people had school the next day.

"What's up guys?" Eren said as he watched the views begin to go up and the viewers tuned in.

He watched people type in the chat sending the usual 'hi eren!' or the 'hey eren!' he was used to the these messages, a smile forming onto his face.

"Good to see you guys here again! I honestly have no idea what I'm gonna play tonight but we'll go with it," he said, looking at the different chats.

He began to read the different messages that were being sent, some people complimented him or asked how his day was to which he responded with 'thank you' or 'my night has been great'.

Eren was a popular streamer.

He gained popularity within a few months after he streamed with some pretty well known streamers, his raging and yelling is what got him noticed by people, as well as his appearance. People got a kick out of him all the time and he was definitely going places.

Eren was cute, he had emerald-like eyes, brown hair, a sly sexy smile, and he always looked amazing no matter what. It attracted female attention as well as some males, Eren didn't mind it though, he loved interacting with fans on a daily basis; he also had a pretty big fanbase with 400k followers on Twitter and 90k Instagram followers. They were all amazing people and Eren couldn't ask for better.

His rage was something people found to be hilarious, there were compilations of him yelling at Call of Duty or screaming when playing the popular horror games. There was also this one time Eren's mom walked in and yelled at him when he was being too loud, and people found it to be hilarious.

He called his fans the 'Jaegerists', his fanbase was very sweet and there was rarely any toxicity in it. Which in Eren's opinion, was very relieving.

When Eren got popular he was very nervous of the issues that came with it, sometimes people would recognize him on the street or people in his classes would bring up his streams. It was something Eren enjoyed, but he tended to keep his streaming life out of his personal life. It was also a request by Carla, his mother. She told Eren to be careful and always be wary of the internet.

He did exactly that and here he was now, sitting with 7k people watching him.

"What should I play tonight? I was thinking we could do Cold War or Minecraft, but being honest Cold War is a bit boring right now; so let me know guys!" Eren said, scrolling through his chat.

Within seconds people began replying saying either Cold War or Minecraft.

Suddenly, a few notifications started popping in from a few of his viewers.

jaegerbombfan10 donated 30 coins!

iloveeren_ donated 10 coins!

erenjaeger21 donated 5 coins!

Eren smiled as he got the donations, it was common for his viewers to donate to him and he was very thankful for it. He never begged his fans for donations or any of that and that's what people liked about Eren, he never asked for anything other than love and kindness.

"Thank you to those who donated! You're all amazing!" he said with a smile.

The usual kudos came into chat and people sent in hearts to the chat which made Eren feel 10x more happier, he enjoyed what his fans were doing for him and he was so thankful.

"Alright I think Minecraft won.. so today we're gonna do that," Eren added, narrowing his eyes a bit at the different chats which suggested the game.

Eren skimmed through his computer and began to load the game, it took a few moments but the main screen popped up and Eren put on his headset.

His eyes averted to the chat's people were sending in.

jaegerbombswife: eren u look so good

ereniloveyou_: minecraft is so cool eren

jaegerbombsbiggestfan: omg eren u look so cute right now ❤

jaegerist21: ooo minecraft? sounds fun eren!

"I feel like a mess right now but thank you guys, really. What music should I play tonight? Let me know in the chat," he said before turning back to the screen and entering his world.

It was pretty common for Eren to stream during the night, he doesn't really have the time during the day to stream since he has school and other important personal things to deal with.

He scrolled through the chats with different artists and songs, "You guys want Pop Smoke? I played him last time.. how about some The Kid Laroi? He has some good songs," he said, clicking through to find his spotify.

Eren clicked on a random song and went back to Minecraft, he started by running around and organizing his items because a few people in the chat were complaining about his inventory.

"Oh shush! Not everyone is perfect! My house is dope okay?" Eren said before chuckling a bit.

Suddenly, a few notifications came through which caught Eren's attention.

y/nloveseren donated 500 coins!

y/nloveseren donated 1000 coins!

y/nloveseren donated 800 coins!

That was surprising.. not many people donate three times in a row, and with that many coins either.

Eren watched as the user moved from the bottom of the donation list to the very top, whoever it was, they were donating a lot of coins to him.

"Yo! Y/nloveseren! Thank you for your donations!" he said, smiling to himself.

A few chats suddenly bubbled in.

jaegerist45: damn whoever that is they donated a lot.

jaegerbombsbiggestfan407: omg fr!

iloveueren77: eren i can donate later!

y/nloveseren: of course! ♡ you're one of my favorite streamers <3

Eren smiled at the message, "Nah thank YOU for donating! It's appreciated," he replied.

As Eren continued playing Minecraft throughout the night y/nloveseren continued to donate to him, they ended up donating about five or six times after and it was surprising for him. He hadn't ever seen this person in his streams before, he tends to remember usernames, but theirs didn't ring much of a bell. They must have been a silent viewer.

"You guys can ask some questions by the way! It's only midnight and I really wanna hear from you guys," he said, taking a sip of his water bottle.

Questions began to fill into the chat.

jaegerbombbbb21: eren will you ever play outlast?

erensimp34: how tall are you eren?

jaegerist0123: does ur mom know about u streaming?

erensbiggestfan31: are u single?

Eren skimmed through the different questions, some were the usual and some were odd. "Well to answer, I will play Outlast at some point. I am 6'1, my mom does know I stream, and yes I am single." he replied.

Many reactions came from the chat, people saying how sexy his height was or talking about how he was single.

y/nloveseren: ur single!? holy shit

Eren chuckled a bit, "Yeah I am single.. it's mainly 'cause I never really found anyone who was going to stick around you know?" he said.

y/nloveseren: can i place my minecraft bed next to yours then? ;)

Eren's eyes widened a bit from the message, his cheeks growing a light shade of pink; nobody has ever flirted with him on a stream before. Yeah people have called him sexy or said he was hot, but a flirt was never thrown.

"Y/nloveseren you definitely caught my attention with that.. but sure! I'll let you," he smirked.

The chat suddenly went wild with people sending in messages about what he said, others pointed out his blush or the way he was smirking right now.

jaegerist45: eren a simp? ooop

iloveyoueren_: what? :/ eren what about me 🙄?

erensimp34: SIMPPPP

erenishot386: did u guys see him blush? I GOT IT ON CAMERA

jaegerist219: omg he blushed? y/nloveseren keep talking!!

Eren smiled to himself, "Alright settle down guys! What they said was nice, okay? Nothing serious."

y/nloveseren: aw :( i was serious tho! you are quite the cutie <3 i deadass can't believe you noticed that message 😭!

y/nloveseren donated 400 coins!

"Thank you y/nloveseren! Seriously, you are kicking ass tonight," he said. "I'm definitely not the cutest but thank you, really!"

Within the next few hours, Eren and a few other viewers chatted about new games and a few embarrassing stories Eren told them. The one person who stood out to him though, was y/nloveseren. They donated a lot that night and Eren even chatted with them.

"Alright guys! I'll see you all soon! Goodnight," Eren said, waving at the camera.

jaegerist45: night eren!

iloveeren716: goodnight Eren! ♡

y/nloveseren: night Eren! sleep well <3

Eren stopped the stream and leaned back in his chair, who was y/nloveseren? And why couldn't he stop thinking about them?

-

The next few weeks of streaming were exciting for Eren, a few new games were released and he started playing them for his fans. He gained more popularity from the games as well and he was happy to see new people trickling in.

Though, Eren had another thing to look forward to when streaming.

(Y/N).

He actually ended up finding out her name, yes she was a girl.

During one of his streams he asked a few questions about her, of course she was happy to respond to Eren and he always looked forward to seeing her in his streams. She was his top donater and he was always excited to see her pop in, it was odd; Eren never felt this way before.

She was a fan, someone who looked up to him, yet Eren felt... excited to see her? He would get nervous if he didn't see her join a stream or he'd be disappointed if she left early, it was odd. He wasn't sure why he felt this way.

His fans pointed it out as well, they noticed Eren would smile a lot whenever he spoke to her or he would laugh at her jokes.

Eren never did that, not even with a fan.

He was sitting in his chair, the stream had just started and people began to fill in, he was going to play a bit of Call of Duty and then he would chill.

"What's up guys? How are we doing today?" Eren asked, looking at the screen.

erenfan21: hey Eren! i'm good

jaegerist45: yoo hey!

iloveeren1827: hi eren! how are you?

y/nloveseren: hi eren!! <3

Eren smiled seeing her pop into the chat, "I'm good guys, hi (Y/N). Good to see you," he replied.

As Eren played the game he couldn't help but look over to see if (Y/N) ever talked, he didn't want to miss a message from her. Sometimes he got so distracted he would end up dying or losing a round, a lot of people took notice.

"Bro Call of Duty makes me so mad," Eren said, his brows pinching together as he focused on the screen. "Maybe I should uh.." he trailed off as he looked at the chat.

Suddenly, his controller vibrated and it showed his character dying.

"Fuck!" Eren yelled, rolling his eyes. He then turned off the game and leaned back in his chair, he was clearly mad; his rage was something that entertained people and this was no different.

erensbiggestfan31: damn Eren you're mad again?

jaegerist187: shit guys he might rage

jaegerbomb1782: ah shit, u good eren?

y/nloveseren: eren? are you okay?

His eyes flickered towards the chat, "Yeah I'm good guys! That shit pissed me off, but I'll head back in." he said, pressing a few buttons to head into the game again.

y/nloveseren: yay!! 🥰 happy Eren is the best Eren!

y/nloveseren donated 700 coins!

He smiled to himself again. She always made him smile.. it was something she did to him, she had this effect no other fan could put on him.

"Say (Y/N).. you donate a lot and I always see you here.. yet, I don't think you've ever followed me before," he said, looking at the screen.

The chat began to blow up.

jaegerist45: OOOOO 👀

iloveeren167: oh shit? eren?

y/nloveseren: i'm just shy 😭 plus i doubt you respond to dms

He ran his fingers through his brunette locks, twirling one of the strands in his fingers. "I do actually respond to dms, but you're shy? That's cute lowkey.. I actually have an idea," he smirked.

y/nloveseren: and that is? 👀

erensimp34: A CHALLENGE? y/n omg

jaegerist45: oh shit.. IM INTERESTED

jaegerbombfan20: SHE GETTING BOLD 😩

"If I win this next round of COD you gotta give me your Instagram," he said, leaning back on his chair.

The chat began to blow up with messages of people hyping (Y/N) up, a grin formed onto Eren's face seeing what people were saying. He hoped that she wasn't uncomfortable with what he said, that's the last thing Eren would ever want.

y/nloveseren: bet, deal.

His eyes widened a bit, "Shit for real? Just know I'm not forcing you, but I'm curious about you."

y/nloveseren: nah! you're fine ;) let's see if you win though

Eren smirked when his eyes scanned over the message, "Alright.. say less," he said.

He entered the game and started playing the round, he made sure to keep extra focused so he wouldn't lose. That was the last thing he wanted, he was interested in what (Y/N) was like; she was definitely intriguing.

Eren pressed his thumbs and fingers into the controller, his grip tight enough that his knuckles were white; his fans even noticed and told him it wasn't that serious, but Eren didn't care. He wanted to win and losing is something Eren hated.

Suddenly the screen flashed the victory and Eren put his hands in the air. "Hell yeah! You guys see that? Jaegerbomb is the winner!" he yelled with a smile on his face.

His chat was going crazy.

jaegerist45: YO GOOD JOB EREN

erensimp13: omg nice job eren!

jaegerbombfan20: dude u did so good!!

Eren's smile widened looking at the chat, he always enjoyed his fans telling him he was doing great.

y/nloveseren: you actually won, damn. i didn't think you would have 😭, but since you did.. you want my instagram?

Eren leaned back in his chair, "Hell yeah! Hand it over," he replied.

y/nloveseren: it's y/n.l/n!

He grabbed his phone and went to Instagram, the chat was blowing up yet again when people saw her actually put her Instagram in. They hyped her up and even told Eren that he was a lucky guy for that.

Eren found her profile instantly, he scrolled through her photos and his eyes went wide; she was gorgeous. Eren was used to pretty girls talking or messaging with him, but she.. she was different and he felt it; he couldn't help but stare at the different photos of her in the mirror or the selfies she had with a pretty smile.

He looked at the chat and moved his headset to the side, "Yo.. guys.." he said, staring at the screen.

Instantly people began asking questions. "Guys.. she is fucking gorgeous, (Y/N) you're so cute holy shit," he said, smiling to himself.

jaegerist45: YOOO EREN IS A SIMP

iloveeren3827: awe 🥺

erensimp13: SHOW USSSS

jaegerbombfan20: is she pretty? y/n omg ur so lucky

erensbiggestfan928: simpppp

jaegerist2827: DID YOU GUYS SEE HIS SMILE?

His smile turned into a frown when he saw that (Y/N) wasn't talking in the chat anymore. Did he make her uncomfortable? He didn't force her into sending it, maybe she was uncomfortable and she just didn't want to say anything.

"Yo.. (Y/N) are you there? Shit did I make you uncomfortable? I'm sorry," Eren said, putting his phone on his desk.

He shook his leg watching the different people responding to what was going on, a few people apologized to her; they said that they didn't mean to make her feel weird or force her into telling Eren her Instagram.

His eyes flickered when he saw her name.

y/nloveseren: omg no! you didn't make me uncomfortable at all :) thank you for your comments tho! 💗 you made me smile

Eren felt relief wash over him, "Ugh thank god! I thought I made you feel grossed out! But it's my pleasure.. you are beautiful," he said.

People started to leave messages like 'awe <3' or 'omg guys Eren is so simping right now'. All in all, he found (Y/N) extremely attractive and he decided to follow her, he silently prayed that maybe just maybe.. they would talk outside of the stream.

Eren noticed how late it was, it was currently 2:31 A.M. and he usually went to sleep earlier on Sunday's because of his classes.

"Alright guys! I'm gonna end it here, it is really late where I live so I'm probably gonna head to sleep. Goodnight everyone! Thank you for tuning in!" he said while waving at the camera.

Everyone wished Eren a good night and he ended the stream. He rubbed his tired eyes and went to shut off the light in his room, all he wanted was to relax and get a good night's rest.

He placed his phone onto the nightstand and rolled over to the other side of his bed, his body relaxing into the sheets and comfort of his mattress.

A sudden ping woke him up.

It was odd, nobody usually texted Eren this late except for maybe Armin who reminded him to keep quiet while he studied but Armin was out that night with Annie.

Reaching for his phone, the screen lit up; he had a notification from Instagram. More specifically, a direct message.

He unlocked his phone and noticed he had a dm from (Y/N), she actually texted him; a smile grew onto his face as he opened it up.

(Y/N): hey! i doubt you're awake, but i wanted to message you and say hey <3!

He instantly began typing back.

Eren: hey! i was about to go to bed but i wanted to respond to your message, so you're y/nloveseren right?

Within seconds she viewed the message and began typing again.

(Y/N): haha, yeah that's me! i've been watching you stream for a really long time, but i was a silent fan. i got a job recently and i decided to donate since you have always put a smile on my face lol.

Eren: wow really? that's sick! it's so cool to meet you, i always look forward to seeing your name in my streams 😭. how old are you btw?

(Y/N): it's cool speaking with you too! i'm 19 btw!

Eren was surprised, she was around his age? Some of his fans were under 18 or around 20+, but he was surprised to see someone the same age as him around. Most of the girls around his age weren't interested in streamers or gaming in general.

Eren: say uh.. do you mind maybe, getting to know one another? only if you're cool with it of course

He chewed his bottom lip waiting for a reply back, he wasn't sure what she would say. He didn't want to come off as the creepy streamer who talks to fans and does weird shit with them.

(Y/N): really? sure! i'm down :)!!

He smiled seeing the message, maybe this girl was worth losing sleep over.

-

Eren spent the last few days talking to (Y/N), he would stay up past 3 A.M. texting with her about life and getting to know her deeper.

The two connected instantly that night, (Y/N) was an university student studying psychology and she had a job at a local cafe near her apartment outside campus. She was interested in gaming and she told Eren that she had been watching his streams for a few months, she found him to be entertaining and he was one of the few streamers that weren't weird.

They shared a lot of the same experiences on a lot of things. Eren told her about the many relationships he had and how the girls instantly thought he was weird or boring for wanting to stream instead of having a career. (Y/N) had just gotten out of a really bad relationship and she told him that her ex found it weird that she watched him.

As much as Eren really liked the vibes he got from (Y/N), he was scared to get close with her. Armin warned him many times about how some 'fans' aren't actually fans, they con people and gain their trust to expose them later. Eren didn't want to be used for money or any of that, that would be the end of him.

Still though, Eren wanted to talk to her more. He hadn't ever gotten like this with a fan before, but maybe.. this could be different?

Eren was laying in bed that night, he decided not to stream because he was tired and he just felt really lazy. He was doing the usual, texting (Y/N) and listening to music.

(Y/N): what are you up to?

Eren: i'm just laying down, listening to music. wbu?

(Y/N): i was wondering if you maybe wanted to.. facetime? of course we don't have to but i feel like it could be cool?

Eren looked up for a second, maybe a facetime would be good; it could help him get to know her more and maybe he could find out if she was looking to fuck around with him.

Eren: sure! here's my number

He sent her his number and sat up, he wanted to look decent for her anyway. He fixed his messy hair and tied it back into a bun, then he zipped up his sweater.

His heart began to race, why was he feeling this way? It was just a fan nothing he couldn't handle, he silently hoped that she wouldn't think he was weird or anything.

His phone suddenly began to ring, he rushed over to his bed and grabbed his phone. It was an unsaved number so he assumed it was (Y/N). He fixed his hair and clicked the green answer button.

"Hey!" Eren said, his smile showing as he saw (Y/N) behind the screen.

She giggled, "Oh my God hi! You're so much cuter behind the screen," she replied.

Eren chuckled, "Thank you.. you're very beautiful yourself."

Her cheeks grew hot, "You're sweet but.. what's up? How are you doing tonight?" she asked with a smile on her face.

Eren leaned back in his chair, "I'm doing good, what about you? Do you work tonight?" he asked.

"No I don't actually.. that's why I decided to call you since I had some free time. Are you streaming today?" she asked.

He shook his head, "Nah.. I uh.. I decided not to since I was tired and I honestly was too lazy to get on," he chuckled.

"Oh Jaegerbomb is lazy huh? That's odd, you usually have so much energy." she giggled.

Eren smiled at her words, "Yeah I'm pretty lazy sometimes.. but y/nloveseren just insisted we facetime," he said in a dramatic tone.

She rolled her eyes playfully. "Oh shush! I was being sweet and plus I was bored, so be thankful I asked." she said, giggling a bit.

He ran his fingers through his hair. "Oh I see.. but I am thankful! You're a pretty sweet girl (Y/N), I love talking to you."

She felt bashful around him, Eren had this impact on her and she always had butterflies whenever his name popped up into her phone. He was sweet, attractive, exciting, and most of all he was an amazing listener; something (Y/N) never had.

"Thank you, Eren. You're a really sweet guy yourself," she replied, nodding her head to the side.

He propped his phone up on his bed, he adjusted himself so he was a bit comfortable. "Of course! You deserve it (Y/N)," he smiled.

The two talked for hours that night about so many things. They told each other different stories from their childhood, they talked about weird experiences they had, and they even got a bit personal with one another. Eren felt like that was a huge plus, he could never get this personal with anyone.

He loved the vibes he got from (Y/N), she was easy to talk to, funny, sweet, she matched his vibe and the two got along so well.

Eren had his mind made up.

She was worth losing sleep over.

-

A month or two had gone by since (Y/N) and Eren started talking. They were still very close and they talked pretty much all day everyday, that was something that rarely ever happened with a fan. Most of the time Eren wouldn't speak to fans long.

He considered her a friend, but he knew inside he wanted to be more than friends with her.

He was currently streaming at the moment, he was a bored; not much was going on and he was playing some Minecraft to pass the time. (Y/N) told him earlier in the day that she wouldn't be joining the stream till later because she was working late. It slightly disappointed him, but he knew that her personal life was important.

He sighed, "What do you guys wanna talk about? Ask me anything," he said, looking towards the chat.

A few questions bubbled into his chat, some were questions that he's answered before. But one question actually caught his eye..

jaegerist3452: what do you think about y/n?

He furrowed his brows for a second, why would they be asking about her? Sure, he told people that he was speaking to her and they talked outside of the streams, but nobody really asked.

"What do I think about (Y/N)? Oh, she's dope as hell. I love talking to her, there's a lot more I can say but I dunno.. she might not like it," he replied, leaning back in his chair.

His eyes scanned back over to the chat where everyone was spamming telling him to say it and that she probably wouldn't judge him.

"You guys really want to know?" he asked, sitting up a bit.

erensimp43: yes!! i wanna know!

jaegerist45: i'm down to listen

erensbiggestfan2928: tell us!

iloveeren1010: i wanna hear!

Eren let out air through his nose. "Well (Y/N) is a really really sweet girl, she's so nice and easy to talk to. Not to mention how great of a listener she is, her personality is something I value the most about her; she always makes me laugh and talking to her is my favorite part of the day. Most of all, she's beautiful. She's such a pretty girl and.. damn, I'd love to make her mine."

The chat began to blow up with messages.

jaegerist45: that's so cute man

jaegerbombfan20: awe 🥺

iloveeren_: that's adorable holy shit

erensbiggestfan1083: simppppp but that's so nice

He smiled at the thought of her. "Yeah call me a simp but... she's really amazing," he said.

y/nloveseren: wow 🥺..

His eyes bulged out of his head when he saw her name in the chat, a blush crept onto his cheeks feeling embarrassment washing over him.

"O-Oh shit.."

Everyone began to flood messages about how Eren just got caught, he felt embarrassed and really bashful. She most likely heard everything he just said, what if she was uncomfortable?

"Shit I'm sorry (Y/N).. I shouldn't have said that shit.. we barely know one another and you're probably really upset," Eren said, rubbing his temples.

y/nloveseren: no Eren ur fine! what u said was actually really sweet 🥺💗.. thank you <3

He sat up, "Really? Wait.. so you're not mad?"

y/nloveseren: no not at all! :) i can say the same about you.. you've definitely been really sweet and i really like you

His jaw dropped and a smile formed onto his features. "Wow.. I have no words. Can we text? Please?" he asked, raising his brows.

y/nloveseren: of course <3!

Eren reached for his phone and saw her typing in their dms, his eyes flickered upwards at the chat which was now going crazy over what they both said to each other.

jaegerist45: dude that's so cute

jaegerbombfan20: I'M GONNA CRY OMG

The vibration of his phone broke him out of his thoughts, he went to Instagram to view the message from her.

(Y/N): hey :), i heard what you said and it really made my day. i was having a shitty day at work and hearing what you said made me so happy, so thank you for that. i like you, eren. i know you may not feel the same but talking to you has been so amazing and i would love to talk to you more ♡.

He smiled before sending a reply.

Eren: i would love to! talking to you has made me so much happier and i'm glad we met. everything i said was true and i want to keep talking, you're amazing.

(Y/N): sounds like a plan ❤.

Eren smiled and looked up to see his chat spamming his name, many people took the hint that he was talking to her.

"I got her guys.." he said with a smile.

[moonchildstyles]

pearls

i haven’t written just a one shot in soooooooo long and esp not something that wasn’t an au so this was v different for me!! but i hope everyone likes it and is okay with me being a little different for now!! also just a quick preface,,,,, i obvi do not know alot ab the music industry or how making a song or album or tour or whatever work (if i did i wouldn’t be writing harry styles fic at 3am kijkijcdki) so just allow me some cReAtIvE liberties in the beginning pls. but anyway!!! thank u sm for reading and to whoever requested this about a year ago oof, sorry for any mistakes or anything and if u have any requests of ur own or anything u just want to talk about, send ur messages here!!

request: Hi!! I have kind of this idea for a series, like y/n being in the Band and Harry has had a crush on her for so long, i think the story would be cute! Hope u like it

wordcount: 10.5k+

—————

"Hi, I'm (Y/N)! It's an honor to meet you, Mr. Styles."

That's all it took.

That's all it took for Harry to become enamored with the bubbly little thing that came in to record some vocals for Fine Line(mainly on Treat People With Kindness, but he decided after he heard her demo he wanted a little bit of her everywhere). Jeff had brought her up as an option after hearing her on a couple of demos, saying that she had a similar voice to what Harry had described he wanted for the track. Harry rather quickly agreed, wanting more than anything to get everything on the track finished since it was getting closer and closer to when the album release date was slated. And Harry's starting to believe that that had been one the best choices he's made in a while.

Because now here she was, in a summery little romper with peaches printed on it and Harry can't take his eyes off her. Of course a voice as pretty as her's would be housed by someone that looked like that.

"'S nice to meet you, too. Call me Harry, please," Harry greeted, holding his ringed hand out for her to shake. He needed to be professional, he was technically her boss for the time being.

All (Y/N) did was smile back at him and take his offered hand.

Harry knew he had let the interaction go on a bit too long by the time Jeff had to clear his throat from beside him.

"You can go on inside the booth, (Y/N). I know we already discussed a bit of what Harry's looking for, but we'll play the track for you as it is so you can get a feel for it. Let me know whenever you're ready," Jeff directed, gesturing for (Y/N) to go ahead.

Harry nervously moved his hand to the back of his neck, a shy smile on his lips as a small okay left her before she turned her back to him to go into the booth. She slipped inside, giving the pair of them a thumbs up before Jeff pressed play and the song played through the large headphones over her ears.

Almost immediately Jeff turned pointedly at Harry. "What the fuck was that?"

"I-I don't know. I was jus' surprised, wasn't expecting her that's all," he stuttered, following Jeff as he took a seat in front of the soundboard. He absently adjusted the rings on his fingers, glancing his eyes towards the girl in the booth.

Jeff looked at him for a beat longer before shifting his eyes to (Y/N).

They had her listen to the track a couple of times, watching as she read over the lyric sheet and mouthed the words when she was meant to come in. Harry tried his best to look busy as he messed with his phone, reading through emails he had already read that morning in favor of facing Jeff and the pointed looks he was shooting him.

How could Jeff blame him, really? Harry was being honest when he said he wasn't expecting her to look the way she did; he wasn't expecting her to be the kind of girl he wasn't able to take his eyes off of. It wasn't even fair.

It's not even like anything was going to come out of it, anyway. Maybe a song or two will be written, but there's not much that can come out of a single recording session.

Eventually, (Y/N) gave Jeff the heads up to start recording, causing him to press a few buttons on the soundboard. Harry was finally able to shift his gaze to her again, hiding under the guise of work and not because he liked the way she played with the ends of her hair and moved along to the music as she sang.

They had gone through and recorded her lines for Treat People before moving on and having her add backing to several other songs including Adore you, Lights Up, and Golden. A few times Harry offered notes to her, asking for different notes to be hit and how to fit in better with the songs. She took everything with a sweet smile on her face and a quick nod of her head before moving into the song again. He never had to tell her the same note twice.

Too soon, the session came to an end, with each of her vocals added to the tracks Harry wanted her on.

She had hung the headphones back on the mic, exiting the booth. She entered the studio room, looking to Harry and Jeff with a hopeful smile on her face. "Was that alright?"

Harry didn't even know what to say; everything coming to mind seemed much too unprofessional and starting with the words "you're pretty".

Luckily, Jeff wasn't tongue-tied like Harry and easily slipped in to fill the awkward silence and stop the dampening of (Y/N)'s smile.

"It was perfect, exactly what we were looking for," he started, standing from his seated position in front of the booth. He shot a look at Harry, his jaw set in a silent scold for being so quiet.

Harry hastily followed, stumbling over himself to stand beside Jeff and talk to (Y/N) one more time before their moment was gone. "Y'were jus' what the record needed. Thank you, (Y/N)."

He kept his sentiment short, unable to come up with anything smarter to say when she looked at him like that; like she would have been happy to hear anything from him, no matter how short it was.

"Thank you for the opportunity. You don't even know what this means to me, Harry." Her smile somehow shone bright under the low lights of the studio.

Did this really have to be the last time he saw her?

Jeff then took over the rest of the conversation, knowing Harry was a moment away from rambling off on a single sentence that would somehow dominate the next five minutes if he didn't step in. Before Harry knew it, (Y/N) was shaking their hands one more time before saying her final goodbyes and leaving.

"Harry?"

"Hm?" Harry didn't move his eyes from the door, his fingers plucking at his bottom lip.

"I know I already asked, but what the fuck was that?"

—————

"I think I want her to tour with us, Jeff."

Harry was eating dinner with Jeff at Cafe Habana when he finally voiced the thoughts he'd been having the whole week since the album production had been wrapped up. Every time he listened to the tracks, especially on Treat People, he could pick out specific lines and riffs where he could hear (Y/N). It had been over a month since she had came in to record, and Harry was right when he thought he would write a song about her (it more so came up as a few lines here or there as he was much too busy to be writing at the moment), but he wasn't expecting her to still be invading his fleeting thoughts and lingering on the edges of his mind. He'd had a few momentary thoughts of adding her to the band lineup, usually pushing it away and reminding himself that he wasn't supposed to be so stuck on her anyway, let alone allowing her to go on the road with him.

But the idea just wouldn't wane; more often that not, while picturing the set up of the show and the stage direction he wanted, a seventh body was added to the lineup. And she was always positioned between Ny and Sarah, with her own mic stand and space to bop about as she had in the booth. He knew he needed to ask Jeff.

Harry watched as Jeff's brows raised while swallowing the bite he had taken just moments before.

"What?" he asked once his mouth was clear. Harry figured he maybe should have elaborated a little more.

"(Y/N), the one who recorded for Treat People and stuff, I think I want her to tour with us. Join the band line up, and everything," he explained, his fingers drifting to his HS rings and twisting them on his fingers.

"You sure, H? You've only met her once, and she only recorded small parts. Are you sure you want to bring her on the road?"

Harry knew Jeff's line of questioning was valid; some of those concerns were the biggest ones he had as well (how was he sure after an hour and a half that he wanted to spend the next however many months with her? Was it worth it bringing another person on the road for backing vocals and the chorus to one song?). But he decided they didn't matter to him. He knew that if these feelings were so persisting, the need to, at the very least, ask if it was at all possible to add her was something he had to do.

He had also reasoned with himself that this wasn't just an effort to begin a relationship with her, but he really loved her voice, too. She would add more to the show, especially when he wanted to dance around the stage while she sang the chorus for Treat People With Kindness. Not only could he spend time with her, but he wanted this tour in particular to be bigger and louder and even more fun and happy than the last. She would bring those exact elements.

"Yeah, I think so. I've been thinking about it a lot and I really think she would add something to the show, especially with Treat People. Y'know I like to prance," he assured, breathing a laugh towards the end.

"If you really think so, I trust you, H," Jeff started, a smile on his face, "I think we should talk to the others and see what they think, then we'll talk to her directly to see if she would even want to come. I'll handle everything else."

—————

In the days following, Harry called and talked to each of the existing members of the band. Everyone was more than okay with adding another person to the line up, Mitch and Adam ribbing him a little over the phone as they knew who this (Y/N) was from Harry's mentioning of her after the original studio time. The girls were happy to have another person there, especially to take care of the Treat People vocals as that already had their own things to be focusing on during the performance than to be catering to Harry's want to dance around the stage while someone else sang.

Now all that was needed was to ask (Y/N) herself.

Harry had requested (more like insisted, if Jeff had a say) to be the one to ask her. Unfortunately for him, by the time everything was in order, he was halfway across the country doing last minute promo and couldn't ask her face to face. So he settled for a phone call.

She picked up on the third ring, a soft Hello? sounding through the receiver.

"(Y/N), it's Harry," he greeted, "How are you?"

"Oh, Harry, hi! I'm doing good, thank you. How about you?" she reciprocated, Harry able to hear the smile he hadn't been able to shake from him mind.

"'M alright, thanks. Are y'busy?" Harry chatted, his fingers plucking at his bottom lip.

"No, I'm free. Did something come up with the songs?"

"No, love, they're still as perfect as the day we recorded," he laughed, reassuring her. "I actually wanted to ask y'something."

"Oh, what is it?"

Harry felt a wave of anxiety wash over him; he hadn't really thought this far. This whole time he had been considering what he would do if she agreed to travel the world with him, and he hadn't thought too hard about the possibility of her saying no.

"I—uh—I was wondering if y'would possibly want to go on tour with me as a member of m'band," he said, his words sounding unfinished as they hung between the two.

"Oh," she breathed, "Harry, I don't know if there was a misunderstanding between us, but I don't really play any instrument well enough to be apart of any band. I'm still working on learning guitar, if I'm being honest."

Harry felt his heart deflate at her words. This definitely wasn't how he saw this going.

"Oh no, I know. I was actually hoping y'could come and sing Treat People with me, and do the backing during the other songs. But if that's not something you're interested in, I understand. I jus' really think y'would add a lot to the live shows, and your voice deserves to be heard everywhere, I think. But I understand if this isn't what you're looking for."

Harry knew he had rambled, his slow words going on much longer than he intended. He felt flushed and for the first time since he'd met her, he was happy he wasn't right in front of her. There was a beat of unfilled silence as he waited for any kind of response from her.

"You want me to sing on tour with you?" she asked, her voice small.

"Yes, if y'would like."

Then he got the reaction he was hoping for.

An excited squeak sounded through the phone, Harry finally feeling the stress on his shoulders lessen at the sound. "Really?! Are you serious?!"

"Course 'm being serious. I've already talked to everyone else, and we'd be more than happy to have y'join us, (Y/N)," Harry said through the receiver, the fingers on his lip being rendered useless as a large smile broke through his features. He could only imagine the bright smile on her lips.

God, he wished he could have asked her in person.

"I can't believe this, oh my god! Harry, thank you so much, you don't even know how much this means to me! I would love to! Where are we starting?"

We. He loved the sound of that.

—————

Now, two months into touring, Harry's fairly certain he's got a crush on his best friend.

Since the day tour started, Harry's found himself drawn to (Y/N). Everyone got on with her quite nicely, each of his bandmates telling him he made a good call on asking her to join the tour, but Harry himself felt the deepest pull to her. The minute he found himself alone after that first hectic morning, he told himself that he had to do anything to smother his slowly but surely developing crush on her. Only a week later he found that his plan was going to be almost impossible to execute when she was with him at almost every moment of the day. He figured if there was no way he was going to be able to keep himself from her, at the very least he was going to be friends—only friends—with her.

But there was one small problem with that plan that he hadn't accounted for: Her.

Harry didn't even stand a chance, really. Not when she was so funny, and kind, and smart, and fucking beautiful. She was one of the easiest people to talk to, and being that Harry was still struggling a bit with being vulnerable and open with people, it meant a lot to him. She was always honest with him in the short time they've known each other, but she was still gentle and kind which Harry more than appreciated. Everything about her was so refreshing and reminded him of sunshine.

Tour—already Harry's favorite thing in the world—was made all that much better by her presence. It was fun showing someone all the things he had seen and learned over the years of being on the road; everything was like she was seeing for the first time in her life. These experiences were something Harry was more than proud of himself for being the one to show her. The gravity of her situation was never lost on her, and she always let Harry and Jeff and the others know how much it meant to her to be allowed to "tag along", as she put it. But no matter where in the world they were for the night, (Y/N) was able to make it feel like home to him; like this—their life—was normal. (And she was a good reason to show off a little extra on stage, if he's being honest).

The only thing that didn't come easy when he was with her, was being able to hide his feelings for her.

His mornings started with breakfast with the rest of the band, including (Y/N), as a way to replace family dinners that the lot of them missed on the road. Harry always found himself in the spot next to her, with her hair messy and wrinkled clothing from her night of sleep, but he also found it almost impossible to draw his eyes from her. Mitch had teased him more than once, blatantly calling him on his wandering eyes and the fact he was probably sitting much too close to be considered friendly. If there was to be a show that night, after eating they would all separate into their own rooms or go out and do as they pleased, while Harry would try his best to prolong his time with (Y/N) before soundcheck. More often than not though, she would move into her own room and nap as she was still not accustomed to the hectic schedule that came with touring. Other days, she would pull Harry along with her and the other girls to go sightseeing with barely any protest on his end. (As much as Harry liked to not be seen or go out too much while on the road, he loved going with her on these excursions, and seeing the way she reacted to the places she'd never been before). When soundcheck came around, Harry would take that as his opportunity to pester (Y/N) and get her to laugh, while fighting against her pleas to take it seriously so they could get ready. Those were some of his favorite moments, as he always wanted her to be happy, especially if it was at his hand.

Showtime, though, was its own beast all together.

Onstage was where she would light up, even when she was pushed to the back for most of the show just singing the backing vocals with the other girls. Her real moment came when Harry would call her forward, introducing her to the crowd (something she still got shy over, waving to the audience around her as they cheered for her) and carrying her mic stand for her, so she could sing the chorus of Treat People and he could dance around the stage (sometimes he would do a little extra just to get her to laugh a bit through her singing). Those moments were when Harry would see the biggest smile a person could make stretch across her lips, complimented by the glitter she would pat onto her skin before each show. She would shine under the stage lights in ways Harry didn't even know was possible, like each star dimmed itself down in favor of allowing her to be the brightest light that night.

Harry never pictured himself as the sap that would be in love with their best friend, hearing far too many sob stories over unrequited feelings (Harry's had his own fair share of that, and doesn't like to put himself there if he can help it) to romanticize the sentiment. While he hoped and prayed for the best version of their story, one where eventually they would be together and happy, he knew that there was a huge risk that came with even just trying to get there. Not only would his feelings be on the line, but there were so many variables that could go awry, especially on a world tour.

More than just a relationship status could be changed if anything came of it, there were also professional aspects of the relationship that would come into play. He was, for all intents and purposes, her boss, and dating her came with its own set of challenges he wouldn't know how to navigate. Sure, Mitch and Sarah were perfectly fine with being romantically involved at the same time as touring the world, but they had set their own boundaries and Sarah had given Mitch a whole speech about keeping things professional and not ruining the tour for everyone else in case things went sour.

If things were to go in his favor, and she reciprocated his feelings (he could only hope), Harry also wouldn't know how to go about being in a relationship in this environment. Sure, he's been on tour while having significant others, but nothing like this, nothing where the other person was a part of the production as well. He's with her everyday for months at a time; there would be no time apart; no time to be individuals easing into a relationship. All the cards would be on the table all at once and Harry doesn't know if he would be able to be that vulnerable that quickly (he's definitely made strides in that area, but letting someone you care for know everything about you so quickly was still a very scary thing to him).

But Harry's soft. He's so soft, especially for (Y/N) and he doesn't know what he would do if he pursued her only to be shot down, or, if it did work out, how to deal with that dynamic while on the road.

He knew that this opportunity was everything (Y/N) had dreamed of her whole life, and if she thought Harry only asked her to be in the band because he thought it would get her to jump into bed with him, or if she no longer felt comfortable to be pursing her dream after finding out his feelings for her, he wouldn't forgive himself. He didn't want to be the reason that she didn't follow her dreams. It would break his heart more than any rejection from her ever could.

But, through all the fear and hesitation, there was (Y/N).

She made all his worrying and overthinking so worth it. Even just those early morning breakfasts where she gazed at him with her sleep puffed eyes and yawned a soft good morning through her dream softened lips, were enough to convince him that any amount of pain or heartache that could result in pursuing her was worth it. (Y/N) was worth it.

So now here he was, sitting alone in his hotel room on their day off in Barcelona, waiting by his phone and hoping he would receive an Are you busy? text from (Y/N).

Shortly after tour had begun, (Y/N) had asked Harry if he could teach her to play guitar (Mitch was much too intimidating, she had told him). He had happily (and maybe a bit too quickly) agreed, jumping at the chance to spend any extra time with her as he could. Since then, the few free days they had were spent teaching (Y/N) each chord, and helping her through each song on the tour setlist (she said she wanted to learn those songs first, so she could hopefully eventually start contributing a bit more to the shows). Each lesson started with a text from her, asking if he was busy, or—if it was late at night—if he was awake. Every time Harry would drop everything to respond to the text, sending her the appropriate message to assure her he was more than happy to spend time with her no matter the reason.

Just as he did now.

(Y/N)🌟

         Hey, are you busy? I wanted to practice a little more if you were up for it

He felt his heart jump as the message appeared across his screen, quickly tossing the book he was reading off to the side before typing out a quick response. Not too long after Harry had pulled his Hollywood Sound Studios shirt over his head and adjusted the glasses perched on his nose, did a soft knock sound from the door of his hotel room. He was quick to pull the door open, finding (Y/N) stood in a pair of shorts and a hoodie with her socked feet toeing at the ground. In her hand she held the acoustic guitar that Harry had been teaching her to play on.

"Hey," she greeted, her free hand brushing a strand of hair out of her face. Harry couldn't help but watch her movement and wish that it was his hand that was touching her skin so delicately and tugging that strand into place.

"Y-You—," Harry stuttered, clearing his throat to shake the nerves hiding in his voice "Y'can set up on m'bed if y'want." He gestured vaguely behind him, opening the door wider for her to slip through.

A shy smile decorated her face as she nodded at Harry's offer, stepping past him and into his hotel room that was identical to her's. He trailed behind her, closing the door behind her. His eyes found her form as she made herself at home on his bed, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth as he thought a little too hard about the idea of them sharing that bed.

"Could you show me Sunflower today?" (Y/N) asked, looking over her shoulder to find Harry still stood in the little cubby that housed the doorway.

"Yeah, definitely," Harry agreed, blinking the haze out of his eyes as he remembered she was there for more reason than for him to pine over her.

He was quick to find his spot beside her on the mattress, his thigh pressed against her's as he watched her position her hands the way he had taught her. She tilted her head to look at him after a moment, a soft smile on her lips and her eyes expectant.

"What first, H?"

—————

Hours later, the sun was setting in sprays of orange and golden rays outside the hotel window facing Harry's hotel bed. He had finished teaching (Y/N) how to play Sunflower over an hour ago; she had picked it up fairly quickly, only small moments of frustration over a few notes and chords (Harry liked those moments maybe a little too much, when he used his own hand to cover her's and adjust her placements). Now, they were laid up side by side with the white duvet fluffed around them as Harry gazed at the way the sun warmed her features. She was on her back with her knees bent and her arms laid across her stomach, as Harry was on his side next to her propped up on his elbow. She was telling him a story from home, something about the neighbor's dog and a treehouse and how this was some roundabout way of how she became so interested in music.

Harry promises he was listening—really, he was! But then his eyes shifted from her's, tracing all around her features before landing on her lips. The way they moved was the only thing he was able to comprehend; every word she said looked like poetry with the way her mouth wrapped around each syllable. He swears he's never wanted to kiss anybody so bad in his entire life.

"What about you, H?"

The sound of his nickname brought Harry back from his stupor. He flicked his eyes from her mouth to find (Y/N) already looking to him with her eyes wide and expectant, awaiting a response he didn't have.

Fuck, what had she asked him?

"I—... What, love? 'M sorry," Harry apologized, looking down at the bedding below his hand. His blue painted nails picked at a loose thread, feeling embarrassed to have been caught with his longing gaze and wandering mind.

(Y/N) laughed in response, shifting to fully face Harry with her hand positioned beneath her head on the pillow. "Did I bore you?" Her smile was soft as she spoke, unaccusing.

"No, no! That's not it at all, I jus'... I've got a lot on my mind, I guess." A lot of her, really.

"Oh, did you want to talk about it?" (Y/N) offered, shifting even closer to Harry. Her free hand reached up and began to play with the string of pearls around his neck, something she did occasionally when she and Harry were close like this. It always made his heart skip a beat, unable to fully handle the feeling of her fingertips subtly brushing against his quickly heating skin without having a breakdown of some kind.

He gulped at her question, his throat bobbing against his necklace. "I—uh—no, 's okay. Jus' need to get over it," Harry improvised, each of his thoughts hitting a dead end every time her gaze shifted from her fingers on his pearls to his watching eyes.

"You sure?" she pressed, her hand reaching up to brush back a curl that had flopped over his forehead. "You know I'm always here to listen, right? I don't want you to feel like you need to 'get over' anything by yourself."

She looked like she was pleading with him as her eyes looked almost glossy in the fading sunlight. The same hand that had tucked the loose curl back, was now cupping Harry's jaw. (Y/N) had always been quite touchy with him, Harry always bathing in the affection and doling out his own to her, but it was moments like these that almost made him feel like she was electrocuting him. He had never felt so intensely under another's touch; no previous lover had caused the same yearning squeeze in his chest, the same set of goosebumps to prickle across his skin, the same flush to tint his face. And she wasn't even his.

"I know..." he started, his words trailing off before they could even really begin. Her thumb began to run circles on the angle of his jaw, her nail tickling the scruff he had grown over the weeks. Harry felt a tension lay over him at her touch, one he was sure she wouldn't be able to ignore, but the concern still held in her eyes made it evident that she could. Harry hesitantly moved his hand to hold her waist, an action he would have usually done without a thought, but now held much more weight.

He stayed silent as he slowly dragged himself closer to her, the comforter scrunching between them. (Y/N) welcomed his body closer to her, fitting him into her arms and tangling a leg through his as she was used to his cuddling in the evenings. Harry knew she was doing as she usually did, holding him the way she's done on more the one occasion while on the road, but he couldn't help but feel that flutter in his chest like it meant something more.

She looped the arm that had been cushioning her head around his neck as her brows furrowed while she gazed up at him. Harry ducked down a small bit, using the pull of her arm as a guise to get himself all that much closer to her.

"Harry, are you okay?" she asked, her voice dripping in concern, "If it's really that hard to talk about, we don't have to."

He could barely remember what he had said to cause her concern, only vaguely recalling the way he had began to speak before trailing off in favor of focusing on only her. He didn't even think through a response as he looked at her features that were only a breath away, his gaze locked on her lips and thoughts routing back to her.

"It's...It's you."

Harry tilted his head, closing the final length between their lips as his eyes fluttered closed. He could have swore he never felt more at ease than in that moment. Everything that had built up in his chest for her over the months on the road were finally translated into the kiss he pressed against her unsuspecting lips. They were just as soft and warm as he had dreamed about, every expectation falling short compared to the real thing. He could even taste the strawberry shortcake flavored chapstick she took with her everywhere.

(Y/N) was stunned still for a moment, Harry able to feel her tensing for a moment against him. Only a beat later did the hand cradling his jaw tug him closer, her nose nudging against his as she angled her own head to draw the kiss deeper.

Before Harry let himself go too far, he pulled back the smallest amount, the hand he had stationed on her waist coming to rest gently on the back of her neck.

"Are y'sure?"

(Y/N) only kissed him back.

Harry sighed into the contact, his hold on her tightening in fear of her breaking away from him. Her lips slotted against his own, her strawberry tinted bottom lip snug between his two. Short swipes of his tongue fluttered against the her lip, his brows subconsciously furrowing as he could only think of being closer to her; tasting more of her, feeling more of her. Both of her hands drifted to hold his jaw, keeping him steady against her through their kissing.

"More," Harry whispered against her mouth, prompting (Y/N) to open her part her lips further.

Harry snuck his tongue past her lips, stroking it against her own. She tasted sweet and warm like honey, and tart like the cherries they had snacked on through the afternoon. She followed his lead, letting him get as much of her as he wanted before she broke the contact. Harry whined and followed her retreating mouth before reattaching their lips, a new found possessive hold over her. Now that he had her, he didn't want her to leave.

Harry shifted, never removing his mouth from her's as he fit himself between her bent knees. Her fingers drifted from their spot on his jawline, tangling themselves in his growing curls. He let out a soft groan at the feeling, his hands landing on her hips in an effort to pull himself flush against her. As their kissing grew deeper, Harry felt the bulge in his sweatpants grow harder and harder against her core. Her shorts rode up her thighs, one of Harry's hands drifting to the soft skin and hiking her thigh over his hip. A soft moan left her lips only urging him on further with a roll of his hips against her's and soft bite to her kiss swollen lip.

"Harry," she sighed, the leg around his hip tightening.

Harry felt himself twitch in his boxers at the sound of his name falling from her lips. He had dreamt many times before bed, when he had told her he needed to "meditate", of that same noise. In those fantasies, she was fully undressed with his cock inside her, but he'd do for her bunched up hoodie and crumpled shorts any day. He was close to her—his best friend—in the one way he'd been aching for for months. The only thing that separated his skin from her's were a few layers of clothing; the few layers Harry wished would just disappear so he could feel actually close to her, like he really knew her finally in the way he's always wanted.

His fingers massaged the soft skin of her thigh while the other hand plucked at the waistband of her shorts. His fingers dipped under the elastic, finding the ribbed cotton of her panties underneath. (Y/N)'s breathing stuttered at the touch, Harry finally pulling back from her lips only to kiss his way down her neck. He absently removed the glasses that had been perched on his nose this whole time, wanting to bury his face in her neck without the obstruction.

"Y'alright with this?" he breathed against her skin, snapping the waistband of her shorts against her hip.

"Please, want to feel you," she whined, her fingers tugging at his hair.

He'd give her anything when she asked like that. He bit at the delicate skin of her neck, soothing the spot with his tongue and lips in a gentle praise. He savored the taste of her skin for a moment longer before kneeling back with his butt on his heels. His rosied bottom lip was trapped between his teeth as his intense gaze dragged down her body, her chest visibly heaving under her hoodie and her usually gentle eyes blown wide with lust. His dreams had nothing on her.

"Budge up, baby," he whispered, his voice quiet in fear of the gravity of their actions finally being heard.

She obediently followed his direction, lifting her hips as he slid only her shorts down for the time being. She was left in her bunched up lilac hoodie revealing her stomach and the grey cotton of her panties, a small wet patch darkening the center. Harry was quick to discard of his own sweatpants, tossing them onto the hotel room floor with the tent in his boxers on full display. He glanced at (Y/N) once, finding her gaze locked on his cock with her kiss-puffed lips set in a small gape. Harry couldn't stop himself before he was laid between her thighs again and his lips attached to her's. Her wordless praising of him was enough to get him rutting against her core through their underwear.

A moaned call of his name came through her lips, a call Harry swallowed with his constant kissing of her lips and tasting of her tongue. He rolled his hips against her's again in an effort to relieve the pressure bundling in his stomach, his hands stationing themselves at her hips to keep her still for him. She gasped and moaned with each of his thrusts against her hips, the wet spot on her panties dampening his own underwear along with the precum leaking from the head of his prick. Harry moved his lips from her own, traveling down her cheek and jawline with his nose skimming her cheekbone. Once at her neck, he gently bit at the delicate skin in small nips, leaving sore spots in their wake before his tongue and lips soothed the budding bruises. Small blooms of lovebites were left on her skin, Harry not even caring that they were due on the stage the next day under the watchful gaze of thousands of fans, the only thing on his mind was her. He wanted to show her everything he had felt for her the past months; the months of pining, and hoping, and imagining moments like these.

(Y/N)'s hips suddenly bucked up against his own, causing Harry to realize that as he had lost himself in his thoughts, he had slowly began only grinding against her pussy.

"Harry, please. No teasing," she whined, her hands in his hair tugging his face back to her's. She nudged her nose against his, her breath fanning against his already heated skin.

Harry smeared his lips against her's in a sloppy, reassuring kiss. "'S okay, baby. 'M right here, 'm gonna take care of you," his words were whispered between the two of them, a quiet promise to her. He began to lean away from her, intending to take his own boxers off before pulling her underwear off. Instead, (Y/N) clenched her thighs around him, keeping him in place between her legs. Trapping his already swollen bottom lip between his teeth, he placed his hands on her thighs, gripping the soft skin between his fingers. "'S alright, (Y/N). Jus' gonna take off ou—"

"No," she cut him off, her hands fisting at his shirt in a desperate attempt to tug back down to her, "Stay close to me. I need you."

Harry couldn't really argue with that, now could he?

He pliantly shifted back to his previous position, his hands drifting from her thighs, trailing over her sides and tracing the curves of her waist before planting themselves on her ribcage under her hoodie. His thumbs rested just below the curve of her bare breasts, his breath catching over the knowledge that she had been braless the whole time he was with her. Her lips quickly found his again, pulling Harry back into the comforting exhilaration her kiss gave him. He resumed rocking his hips against her's, finding a rhythm similar to if he were fucking her for real. Her hands that had settled on the hem of his shirt, trailed underneath the fabric and ran along the muscles of his torso, her nails lingering across his skin every time he rocked against her just right, causing his cock to tightly budge against her clit.

Each pass of his hips against her's was enough to have Harry moaning into her mouth, his fingers tightening around her body. "Fuck," he breathed after a particularly sharp thrust against the wetness growing on their underwear, "Gonna make me fucking cum like this, baby."

"K-keep going," she stuttered, her arms looping around his neck and her legs wrapping around his hips with her feet interlocking against his lower back.

"Feeling good? Like my cock fucking y'through your panties?" Harry mumbled, his words breaking through a string of moans against her skin.

"Mhm," she keened, "So fucking good, Harry."

Harry's eyes screwed shut at the sound of her praises, and the elongated moaning of his name from her strawberry tasting lips. "Say m'name, baby. Say m'name and I'll make y'cum like this."

He rut hard against her core, the shaft of his covered cock dragging against her clit. He was soaked through his boxers, both of their wetness coating the languid motions of his hips.

"Harry," she breathed, indulging in his request of hearing his name fall from her lips. She did so many times over, following each pass of his hips and sandwiched between various curses and pleas for him to keep going, and that she was so close.

The pressure Harry was feeling in his own stomach only tightened impossibly with each moan of his name from her; the same voice he had heard night after night singing his songs was now singing his praises and pleading with him in filthy requests to please make me cum, H, please.

"'M gonna cum, baby, fuck. Are y'close?" Harry gasped, hoping she was as close as he was. He wanted to hear what that voice sounded like while cumming more than anything.

"So close, H, keep going."

Harry captured her lips with his own. His mouth was lazy against her own, their kisses becoming sloppy presses of their lips with noses nudging as they tried their hardest to get closer and even more intimate than they already were.

He rutted his hips down into her's in a particularly harsh and dragging thrust, feeling the head of his own orgasm bubble at the surface. (Y/N)'s legs around him shuttered, her arms around his neck pulling him close so she could bury her face in his neck.

"Oh, fuck, I'm cumming, fuck. I'm cumming, Harry, please don't stop, please don't stop," she pleaded into his ear, her glossy lips brushing against the skin of his jaw.

That was all Harry needed to allow himself to cum, the quickly dampening wet patch on both of their pairs of underwear now saturated with their shared orgasms. Harry let out his own calls of his best friend's name, followed by strings of curses. His arms wrapped around her middle, holding her tightly against him as his hips stuttered as they continued to sloppily fuck into her own.

"Fuck, baby—fuck," he breathed, feeling himself come down as she curled into his chest. Her breathing puffed against his shirt, warming his skin through the material. "Y'alright, (Y/N)?"

"Yeah," she breathed, peeking up at him with glossy eyes and a fucked-out expression on her face. "Are you?"

"More than alright, I think," Harry smiled, shifting his hands to cradle her face. He pressed small, innocent kisses to her lips, nose, cheeks, and forehead causing a breathy laugh to leave her lips.

By now the room was bathed in darkness, the sun having gone down long ago leaving only the small desk lamp beside them to illuminate the room. (Y/N) slowly blinked up at him, her fingers trailing down over the pearls in his necklace.

"I'm tired now," she sighed, tugging him down to cuddle her face in his neck.

"Yeah? Wore y'out, didn't I?" Harry smirked, rolling off of her, and landing by her side on the ruffled duvet. (Y/N) rolled her eyes at the cocky tone of his voice, sitting up and tugging her wet panties down her legs. Harry raised his eyebrows at her actions, his gaze following the fabric to her ankles and eventually joining the pile of clothing on the floor. "Thought y'said y'were tired?"

(Y/N) huffed a laugh, looking over at him as she pulled the hem of her hoodie down to cover her core before pulling back the comforter and snuggling under the downy fabric. "I am, dummy. I'm not going to sleep in underwear covered in cum, unlike you."

She turned her gaze pointedly at the dark patch covering the front of his previously opaque white boxers. And to think the girl that was calling him out for cumming in his boxers was the one that made him do it in the first place.

Harry scoffed at her teasing, following suit and tugging his underwear off to join the pile of their shared clothes on the carpeted floor. He slipped under the duvet with her, wriggling closer to her. (Y/N) was already sleepily blinking her drooping eyelids at him by the time he tentatively slung his arm over her waist. A gap between them persisted, Harry unsure if she would want him to be close to her again; he was unsure if this was just a slip up between two friends, who would remain only friends no matter how much he wished they would progress. He didn't want to read the situation wrong and have all of his fears recognized just as his dreams came into fruition.

Lucky for him, (Y/N) sleepily snuggled closer to him, her body flush against his with her arm around his middle. "Wanna cuddle, if that's okay."

A small, lopsided smile painted across his lips, as he nuzzled his nose into her hair. "Course 's okay, baby. Anything y'want."

She settled happily into his hold, the softness of her body against his rivaling that of the comforter that covered the two of them. She was out within minutes, leaving Harry to revel in the dreams of his that had become reality in all of two hours.

His dreams had nothing on the real thing.

—————

The next morning, Harry found himself alone.

He had awoken slowly, thinking the mass that had been cuddled into his chest was his best friend who had hopefully turned into something more, but he opened his eyes only to find out it was one of the stiff hotel pillows. He shot awake after that, searching for any sign of (Y/N)'s presence. He came up empty when he saw that her clothes from the previous night were now missing and she wasn't in the bathroom.

She left.

Harry sat dejectedly on the edge of his bed, his elbows resting on his knees with his face in his hands and fingers tugging at his curls. Why had she left? He thought that her invitation to cuddle was her way of assuring him that they were good—that they were still them—no matter what had transpired.

He barely had any time to sulk before a text from Mitch came through his phone, asking if he was still coming down for breakfast. Harry checked the time, finding it was already eight and everyone would have been down and eating by now. Including (Y/N).

He quickly sent a message back to Mitch, telling him that he would be down in a minute he just woke up a little late. He changed into new clothes before stepping into the hallway with a glance spared towards (Y/N)'s door. He almost wanted to knock, wanting to see if she was already with the others. Instead he moved to the elevator, hitting the button for the right floor and messing on his phone in an attempt to distract his thoughts.

Too soon, the bell dinged letting him know he had no more time to pretend he wasn't thinking about (Y/N). He shuffled into the hallway, and towards the suite that Jeff was staying in, where the rest of them gathered every morning for a room service catered breakfast. Upon entering through the slightly cracked door, (Y/N)'s back covered by the hoodie he knew all too well at this point was the first thing he saw. The folds and creases in the pastel fabric seemed to be taunting him with the way they were able to cling to (Y/N)'s body all through the night and into the morning much like he had wanted to. She was sat between Charlotte and Sarah, not on the end as she usually was so she could be beside Harry.

Mitch noticed him first, nodding to him with a Morning, H falling from his lips in his usual greeting. Harry absently smiled and reciprocated his words, hesitantly stepping towards the table that each of his bandmates were sat at. He picked the free spot beside Adam and Ny, coincidentally right across from his best friend—or who he thinks is still his best friend. The usual morning chatter picked up as Harry ate his plate of eggs and toast. Everyone conversed about what they had done the day previous; the girls recounting their trip into the city, Mitch and Adam having stayed in their rooms and rest. The question came around to (Y/N) where she easily looked to Sarah and gestured vaguely in Harry's direction.

"Harry taught me some more on the guitar. I learned Sunflower yesterday," she smiled, her eyes flicking to Harry momentarily before shifting back to Sarah.

"Oh, Mitch, you might be out of a job soon. Once she gets She down, we don't need you anymore," Sarah teased, the table falling into laughter while Harry tried his best to act normal at the way (Y/N) so easily brushed yesterday's events off.

He knew she wasn't going to divulge her sex life over a band breakfast, of course, but she had barely looked at him. He didn't just teach her Sunflower. He kissed her for the first time, ran his hands down her body, fucked himself against her until they both came in their underwear. That sounds like a lot more than learning a song.

Wasn't it?

The rest of breakfast was spent awkwardly navigating the conversation, both (Y/N) and Harry chiming in at the right times while also avoiding (or (Y/N) did anyway) any exchange of words with the other. Eventually everyone dismissed themselves to do as they pleased while the stage was set up before soundcheck. (Y/N) was the first one out of the room, telling everyone she wanted to catch up on some sleep before showtime. Everyone followed suit shortly after, leaving Harry to sit alone in his room with nothing to think of but the last twenty-four hours.

Eventually, Harry fell asleep on the same side (Y/N) had slept on previous. His dreams were too much like the real thing now.

—————

"Let's do Treat People next, okay?"

It was Jeff that called over the ending notes of Canyon Moon, making Harry's heart skip a beat at the suggestion. He knew that would mean pulling (Y/N) to stand beside him and it was going to be the closest they'd been since the night before. It was only hours to showtime, with fans already having been camped outside the venue for hours, and no words had been exchanged between the two. Not by Harry's persistence—he had worked way too hard on learning to be vulnerable and open to stop now—but it was (Y/N) that seemed to want to avoid the confrontation more than anything. He had allowed her to do so, as each time they were together, it was in front of the others and that was definitely not the time to address the connotations of their sexual encounter.

Just like now.

Harry stiffly nodded, turning his head over his shoulder to (Y/N) to find her eyes trained towards the floor but nodding nonetheless. He walked back to her, his bottom lip between his teeth as he took her mic stand in his hand and placed it beside his own. She trailed behind him closely, the pair of them trying to act as normal as possible.

As the music started up, Harry sang along to the words, his body shifting to be able to keep his eyes on (Y/N) as they normally did. She was stood stiffly beside him, only bopping her head along to the beat Sarah was playing. She was usually playing into his teasing by now, belting out silly notes and imitating his dancing. He was sure the others were going to notice the polarity in her behavior.

Harry could barely get through any of this soundcheck before, his mind wandering back to what he was perceiving to be as a dream come true. Now with her beside him, so close, all he wanted to do was pull her backstage and ask her what he did wrong, if he could fix it, and that he didn't want anything to change between them. He wanted her—fuck, did he want her—but if he would have to try harder to suppress those feelings in hope of still being close to her, he would. He thinks he would do anything for her.

Instead he suffered through the rest of soundcheck, hyper-aware of the fact that he knew her body now. He knew what she felt like under his hands, knew what would make her moan a call of his name. He knew what her lips tasted like and how the same voice that sang the words to his song, sang his praises as she came. He was hyper-aware of the fact that he knew her now, inside and out. So, why didn't she want to know him, too?

—————

Harry could hear the sound of his preshow playlist playing throughout the arena, fans singing along to some and chattering through others. Usually he would feel his adrenaline starting to build, knowing that the openers would be on soon and then he would be out in less than two hours. Now, all Harry could comprehend was the pit in his stomach that had been growing larger and larger since the end of soundcheck. (Y/N) had hightailed it out of there quickly after everyone was finished, barely getting out that she left her phone in her room before her voice disappeared in the empty arena. He hadn't seen her since.

He didn't know what to do. All he wanted to do was talk to her, work things out and figure out where to go from here, but it seemed like all she wanted to do was forget Harry and anything that had happened with him. He never would regret kissing her and holding her, but he was starting to regret the fact that it had effectively ruined any chance of being anything to her.

So he sat and waited, claiming to be prepping in his dressing room while the others socialized elsewhere. All he really did was worry himself over (Y/N) while his hair was being done, and his suit for the night was being pulled from wardrobe. He could faintly head her voice just outside his door, and all he wanted to do was jump from his seat and run to her. But he didn't.

It wasn't until only a half hour was left before showtime that he had another chance.

He was all set for the show, the nerves in his stomach now being replaced with adrenaline over the impending show. It was relieving to finally have something else on his mind now. But as soon as he stepped out of his dressing room, finding the rest of the band stood together as they chatted and did their own little preshow rituals. One, of course, being (Y/N). She was dressed in a glittered romper, a pair of boots on her feel with her hair pulled back by a white scrunchie. Although she wouldn't meet his eyes, he already knew she had patted iridescent glitter onto her cheekbones as she always did.

He knew if he didn't talk to her now, he probably wouldn't have this chance again until the next show—or ever if she kept up her disappearing act. So he took it.

"(Y/N)?" He called, speaking over the chatter of the other's. Her head shot up to look at him, her eyes wide. "Can I talk to you in m'dressing room?"

She silently nodded, excusing herself from the group. She side stepped around the circle, her fingers playing with the hem of her romper as her eyes refused to meet his. Harry stood just outside his dressing room door, holding the door open for when she reached him. He gestured her through first, his eyes never leaving her form. She settled awkwardly for a spot in the middle of the room, looking almost out of place in the way she stood stiffly among his things.

"What did you wanna talk about, H?" she asked, breaking the icy silence between the two.

Harry huffed a humorless laugh at her words, sitting on the loveseat the decorated the room. "'M sure y'have an idea, (Y/N)."

She visibly gulped, slowly stepping toward the couch. She sat on the cushion beside him, perching herself on the edge with her knees pointing at Harry with her elbows on her legs and her chin in her hands.

A half smile decorated her lips. "Guess I do, huh."

Harry sighed, knowing he would have to guide the conversation. "I jus' wanna know why y'left... I had thought we had a good night, I know I did at least."

Harry's eyes never left her's, wanting to gauge her reaction to his soft words.

"I did, too," she admitted quietly, her eyes falling from his and tracing along the details of his suit. She was nervous, that much Harry could tell.

"Then why did y'leave?"

"I—," she started, being cut off by a crack in her voice, "I didn't want to make you feel weird by staying. I don't know what last night meant to you, and I didn't want to force it to feel like anything more than you wanted. I know I already pushed it with staying the night and cuddling and all."

The sad tone to her words broke Harry's heart. This wasn't at all what he had expected. He was the one that had simmered in his uncertainty all day, unsure of where she stood and how she felt about him, and here she was telling him she had done that as well, starting before he even woke up. The thought of her laying awake beside home over analyzing each kiss an touch they shared was enough to have him shifting closer to her, wanting to wrap his arms around her in comfort.

"What did last night mean to you?" he asked, the tips of his boots resting against her's. The faint touch was enough to remind him of the way she had tangled their legs together in the night previous.

She nervously bit at her bottom lip, a sheer pink gloss on her pout shining in the fluorescent lighting. "If I'm honest, last night was something I've wanted to happen for a long time. I really care about you, H, probably more than a friend should."

"Really?" Harry asked, feeling his shoulders deflate in relief over her words. "(Y/N), I—."

"It's okay if you don't feel the same way, and I know you probably don't want to start anything while on tour. I understand. I just don't want this to cha—"

(Y/N)'s words were cut off by Harry pressing his lips to her's. His large hand was planted on the back of her neck, his other settling on her waist. Their lips slotted together familiarly, like no time had passed since their intimate moment the night before. (Y/N) placed her hands flat on his chest, her fingers trailing over the pearls he still wore.

Harry broke away first only to rest his forehead against her's, his nose gently nudging the tip of her's. "I care about y'too, baby. I—I think I love you."

He knew he figured he loved her as he fell asleep the night before, but he knew he loved her when this morning came and all he wanted was to be with her. This whole day only proved to him that he loved her, and now all he wanted to do was show her.

"Really?" (Y/N) whispered, parroting back his words from earlier. Harry gave her a small nod, pressing a small kiss to the corner of her smiling lips. "I love you too, H."

The biggest smile broke across his face, his dimples dipping into his cheeks. Another dream of his coming true. His eyes fluttered shut as he spoke.

"Say it again."

"What? That I love you?" she questioned, her fingers slipping into the baby curls on the back of his neck.

"Please." He needed to hear her say it again.

"I love you, Harry."

"I love you, too," he breathed, tipping his head to press his lips against her's. The gloss that had been applied to them smeared against his own, but Harry didn't even care as he chased the strawberry shortcake taste of his best friend—of his love.

Harry didn't even know how long they sat in his dressing room kissing and repeating their affections, but eventually Jeff came pounding on his door. "Five minutes, H! You and (Y/N) need to finish up getting ready."

Harry hesitantly broke away form her, his breathing heavy as he called back and Okay! to Jeff through the door. (Y/N) absently ran her fingertips over his necklace of pearls as she caught her breath. Harry gazed down at her, her own eyes locked on her fingers.

"Wanna wear 'em? I know y'like them," Harry offered, referring to his necklace.

Her eyes shot up to his already watching her. "This?" she asked, lightly tugging on the pearls.

"Yeah, y'always play with them. If y'want, y'can wear them," he pressed, already reaching behind his neck and unclasping the necklace.

"Are you sure, Harry? People are going to notice and everythi—"

"S'okay. I don't mind."

She didn't offer anymore protest as he brought the pearls around her own neck. She lifted her hair off her neck for him, letting the strands fall once he had fit it around her. The necklace rested against her collarbones, the color creamy against her skin.

"Looks beautiful. Wear it better than I do."

"Doubt it," (Y/N) countered, rolling her eyes with a small smile on her face. Before Harry could say anything back, she tugged him down by the lapels on his suit and pressed their lips together.

Only a moment later another pounding was heard through the door. "Two minutes, Harry!"

Harry begrudgingly sighed as he pulled away, an apologetic look on his face as he looked to (Y/N).

"Don't be sorry, H. We both have to go out there," she laughed, standing from the couch and offering a hand out to him.

Harry happily took it, letting her pull him towards the door where he knew the rest of the band and the audience was waiting outside.

"One more," he crooned, twirling (Y/N) around to his chest and pressing a quick kiss to her lips. She only allowed him to plant a small peck on her mouth before pulling away.

"No more, you've got my lip gloss all over your mouth."

She used the pad of her thumb to gently wipe away each trace of the sheer pink gloss. Harry teasingly puckered his lips against her finger, unable to stop himself now that he had the freedom to show her all of the affection he had pent up for her.

"Better?" he asked as she pulled her hand away.

"Perfect."

Before anything else could be said, Jeff himself pulled open the door and dragged the pair of them out.

"Go get your inears and line up. Lights already went down," he grumbled, shoving Harry in the right direction where the rest of the band stood.

(Y/N) shyly smiled at Jeff, in her own silent apology before joining the others in their lineup, Harry followed behind her closely. She tipped her head backwards, looking to Harry behind her with her features upside down.

"Ready?"

Harry's sure tonight's going to be the best show of his life.

—————

[hyunjilicious]

that night [harry styles]

A best friends to something else type of story. Exactly 7.8k (literally 7800 words which is scary) and you know I can’t write that much without SMUT. This takes place during a sleepover at the end of quarantine! Maybe tell me what you thought? :) (I promise I’ll edit this soon!)

-

“Show me yer phone, love” Harry groaned, sending you the coldest of death stares. The night started off as usual, you two just watching some old documentaries, paying more or less attention to them as you mostly just sat and talked. Things took a turn when your phone started blowing up with messages. Being the kind of person who always replies in an instant, suspicions arose when you decided to completely ignore the texts. Although Harry never violated your privacy and never pushed you for answers you didn’t want to give, when you started laughing and got nervous about whoever it was that kept texting you, he figured it would be worth it to push your buttons.

“I said no” you repeated yourself, standing up from the couch. There were two main reasons you didn’t want to talk about the person texting you, and these 2 reasons were also probably the only two things in the world you wouldn’t want to discuss with him.

“Why no’?” he asked offended, following you into the kitchen, like a small child begging his parents to let him have his way, “What can be tha’ bad? I wouldn’t have asked any questions if yeh hadn’t been so off about it from the start”

You turned and looked at him dead in the eye, contemplating what to say next. He beat you to it.

“Is it a guy? Have you been seein’ someone?” Harry asked as he walked over to you, completely ignoring your personal space. “Is tha’ it? I don’t wanna read yeh texts, just tell me yes or no, and I’ll drop it. Promise”

You took a deep breath. “Yes, it’s a guy” you said calmly, “But we’re not seeing each other”

“Then why does he keep texting yeh like crazy?”

“Crazy…” you sighed, tapping your chin, “Good description”

“Come on, Y/n” Harry whined, tapping your shoulder as he walked past you and towards the refrigerator, “Just tell me, I’m really curious, crazy how?”

“Promise you’re not gonna freak out?” you laughed, grabbing whatever he was pulling out of the fridge and handing to you. You stopped paying attention after three cups of pudding and one bottle of wine.

“When have I ever freaked out?” he joked, mocking himself. He was usually a calm person, more composed than anyone you’ve ever met, and he less than rarely got angry. And from those times when he did lose his temper, 90% of cases were mild and he was still calmer than anyone else in that kind of situation, but that 10% left was pure terror. When his friends told you years ago that nothing’s scarier than Harry when he was truly mad, you didn’t quite believe them. You had to see for yourself to accept it. It only happened a few times in almost 5 years, but you always still did everything you could to keep him from going off again.

“Ok, so” you started speaking as you rummaged around your kitchen for bowls and glasses, “His name is Marcus and we actually met on Tinder-”

“Wait a second” he cut you off, “During the lock down?”

“Oh, no. It happened before all of this madness. Around january, I think”

It was obvious he was already bothered by how this conversation started, but he did his best to control himself so you wouldn’t decide to drop it. “Pretty serious, then, huh?” he said eventually.

“Literally the opposite” you laughed, pouring the pudding into the bowl, “We saw each other once-” and it hurt you to say the following part but you did it nonetheless, “hooked up, and didn’t talk since”

Pure annoyance was readable on his features. “Apparently haven’t talked until now?”

“Yeah, I mean-” you cringed, “He texted me like a week or so ago and we didn’t - vibe, and he got weird, so like I muted the conversation for 7 days because I didn’t want him to bother me anymore but he got so defensive it was funny so I didn’t really wanna block him”

“Yeh muted the guy a week ago and he still keeps trying?” Harry asked, completely taken aback, “Can’t blame him, but still, tha’s a bit much”

“It is” you nodded in agreement, and motioned for him to open the bottle of wine for you.

“He must have liked yeh a lot” he mumbled, twisting the corkscrew into the top of the bottle, “Maybe you two had a really great time, and he-”

“Harry” you stopped him, leaning your head to the side, “I know you’re squeezing information out of me right now, but I honestly don’t think you want to hear more of this”

“Ok” he sighed defeated, “I’m gonna stop pushin’ yeh. Thanks for tellin’ me tho. And sorry if I crossed any lines''

“You haven’t, H” you smiled, giving him a hug from behind. “It’s fine”

After gathering everything you had fixed up to take into the living room, the pudding and the wine, as you passed the threshold of the kitchen, you heard Harry speak up, traces of amusement audible in his voice. “But like… At least was the sex good?”

“You want me to answer that?” you chuckled, plopping down on the couch. “Do you seriously want me to answer that?”

“Yeah” Harry shrugged, smiling innocently.

“It was horrible” you said bluntly and watched his grin wilt away. “Probably the worst sex I’ve ever had. No, no, no.. Definitely the worst sex I have ever had in my entire life”

His mouth fell agape. “Seriously? Why?”

“Well, i got to his house… And you know, up until then everything was fine, like he seemed like a completely normal and fun guy while we texted but like, as soon as i got to his place he became really… I don’t even know how to put it, he was um.. Very clingy and weird and we talked for a bit but then when we went to his room he turned into literally the biggest asshole I met”

“What?” Harry exclaimed, “Tha’s not wha’ I expected”

“Exactly!” you laughed, “Neither did I!”

“Then wha’ happened?”

“I went down on him and he didn’t do the same because apparently he finds that gross? That’s what he told me but I didn’t wanna get into it because I went there to get dick so I was like let’s just fuck, and we did… We made out a bit, got him worked up again, and when we fucked I literally thought something was wrong with me, because he just.. I don’t know. Bumped into me and after he finished I was there like… What just happened?”

“Yeh were right when yeh said I didn’t wanna hear this”

“Told you” you giggled, grabbing your pudding and toying with your teaspoon.

“Jus’ stop using Tinder, please” Harry eventually shook his head.

“A girl has needs, ok?”

He was enraged and completely ignored your words, “And wha’ does he want from yeh now? He really thinks yeh’d see him again? Really?”

“I don’t even know what he’s been saying, honestly” you shrugged.

“Can I see?” 

“Can you like, read from the notification box? I don’t wanna leave him on seen”

Harry nodded in agreement and you gave him your phone. He pressed the lock button, the screen lit up, and it was instantly flooded with texts from him. Since you put the conversation on mute a week ago, you had no idea what he had been saying. It seemed that he didn’t appreciate your lack of interest and that he didn’t bother to hold back.

‘You pathetic whore, u really think ur gonna find someone better than me? U think ur so high and mighty and hot but  ur gonna die alone you bitch. Do u feel better about yourself if u juts ignore my texts???? Well good for fucking u-’ and Harry locked the phone, the screen going black.

“The fuck did I just read?” he questioned, his annoyance from earlier, now morphing into pure anger.

“You said you wanted to read” you shook your head.

“Why does he think he can talk to yeh like that?”

“I don’t honestly care” you sighed, “It’s not like I’ll ever see him again, so he can go and say anything he wants”

“‘S not how that works, darlin’” he said.

"Can we drop this, please" you sighed, unable to quite look in his direction, "I don't like this"

"Well-" Harry erupted and judging by the way his voice instantly died down, you could tell he almost lost control, "I don't fucking like it either, ok? But yeh shouldn't jus' accept tha'!"

"I wouldn't call it acceptance, H" you shook your head, discarding your bowl of pudding and jumping straight to the bottle of wine. "I told him I'm not interested, and I stopped replying. It's not acceptance... he just keeps trying"

"But for some reason yeh're letting him talk t' yeh like tha'"

"Well-" you shrugged, and took a big gulp of red wine, "He talks by himself"

"Y/n…" Harry called, his voice soft and you could tell that there was anger hidden somewhere deep inside, but you still appreciated the fact that he managed to keep it contained. He extended his arm, his fingers brushing against the side of your thigh. It was a soft, delicate touch, that made every hair on your body stand up. He did it to get your attention and boy, did it work. Instantly, your eyes snapped to his, and were met with something you did not see coming. "Can I say something?" he asked cautiously, his eyes shining with genuine worry.

"You're making this into something much more significant than it actually is"

"I'll drop it" he eventually nodded, "If you promise me something"

"What?"

"If anythin' similar to this happens again, tell me"

"And what are you gonna do about it?" you giggled, trying to lighten the mood. As you kept staring into his green eyes, you brought the wine bottle up to your lips, took a long sip, and then handed it to him.

He took the bottle out of your hands, seemingly not giving more than two shits about it. The warmth in his eyes accentuated as his eyebrows gathered into a concerned furrow, "Make sure it doesn't get to yeh"

"It doesn't" you smiled.

"Lemme make sure" 

"Ok, Harry" you laughed, "I promise you that the next time a guy from Tinder gets mad about me not reciprocating the feeling, and he starts sending me that kind of texts, I will tell you"

The sarcasm just flowed out of you, and he was not impressed.

"I meant in general, love"

"Any guy?" you taunted, "Not just from tinder?"

"Fucking put on tha’ movie" he shook his head, "I know yeh too well. Won't get anywhere until you get some wine in tha’ belly"

"That's your plan?" you laughed, "Get me drunk and make me spill all my secrets?"

"I never assumed you had any secrets, but yeah, now I wanna know those too" Harry grinned, throwing his arm around you and pulling you to his chest. Although this kind of intimacy was something you've been somewhat used to, tonight it was just a bit more difficult to bear. And it may all have been due to the way he mentioned he wouldn’t want anything to get to your head, and the way he said he’d make sure of it. Even though you weren’t truly clear how he’d do that and what exactly was going through his head, it was crystal clear how you’d have him do that.

But now was not the time. You glued your eyes to the TV screen, and begged your brain to focus on the movie in front of you and not whatever Harry was thinking about, mere inches away from you.

There had been something in the air that night, because neither of you managed to pay any kind of attention to the movie anymore. You talked, the conversation not going back to the previous topic, you laughed, gossiped like there was no tomorrow, and now it was almost 4am, and you and Harry were 3 bottles of wine in. Deciding to cut the alcohol before it was too late, you settled for water, as Harry went on to finish a weird story he once heard from a hippie touring the states in his van. He was completely smitten, his eyes shone with admiration for the old man. Harry spoke with words of great respect about a life he wished he could once live. It was only a matter of time until it would get to you.

“But,” you sighed, laying down and placing your head into his lap, “You really seem like the kind of guy to pack his bags and just leave. Like get a couple of friends or something, leave a note saying you’ll eventually be back, and just travel around the world”

“I kinda already do tha’ love” Harry laughed, double chin showing as he looked down at you.

“Not what I meant” you shook your head, “And you know it”

“Wha’ did yeh mean, then?”

He looked down at you, his hands finding their way into your hair as you contemplated how to put the words together. “I don’t know… Less social interaction-” you finally said, “Make it less about living the same songs in front of thousands of people, and more about living a completely new experience as you really get to know just a handful of people”

He didn’t look convinced. His dimples were showing, and a chuckle was threatening to escape his lips.

“That didn’t make any sense, did it?” you laughed.

“It did” Harry smiled, “Might have’ta resume this in tha’ morning, but i think i got the idea”

You pointed your finger to him, “Best”

“Me?” he grinned, grabbing your hand, “Oh, stop it!”

“Not you, your idea”

“Nice save, love”

You wanted to object and keep this topic going as the butterflies in your stomach started to riot, but just as you opened your mouth to speak, the sound of your phone receiving another text filled the air. In an instant, your eyes locked with Harry’s and you knew he wasn’t gonna let any of that shit slide. Not wanting to give him the chance to protest, you sprung up and leaned towards the coffee table, your fingers barely managing to brush against the side of your phone before Harry grabbed your waist and yanked you back, pressing you against the cushions of the sofa as he hovered above you.

The intimacy and urgency of this whole charade made your skin crawl, and you couldn’t help but let a few giggles escape, “What are you doing?” you laughed.

“Not lettin’ tha’ asshole ruin your night, love” Harry smirked, tilting your head so that you had to face him. 

“I’ll see the text in the morning and it will ruin my whole day” you played along, but as it turned out, you dug your own grave.

“Oh?” he grinned, “So it does get to you”

“No!” you belted, “That is not what I meant, Jesus harry”

“Come on, hon” 

His head tilted to the side, before he leaned down and nudged the tip of your nose with his. “Jus’ say the word”

That sent burning chills down your spine, and your cheeks couldn’t do anything but to comply and turn an erotic shade of pink.

“I’m not sure what to say” you mumbled, fighting against the urge to jump on him.

“I’m yer best friend, love-” he made a small pause, for dramatic effect, and just stared down at you while your blood boiled, “Lemme show yeh how good yeh can feel”

“I-”

He cut you off, obviously proud of himself, “I obviously wouldn’t have asked twice if I hadn’t felt you squeeze your thighs around me”

“Fuck, Harry-” you said, embarrassment rushing all over you as you threw your hands in the air.

He leaned down, and brushed his lips along your jaw, “Yeh could be screaming tha’ name”

Regaining your composure, you grabbed his chin and forced him to make eye contact once again, “What does this mean to you?”

“It doesn’t have t’ mean anything we don’t want it to” he nodded, “Just friends looking out of one another”

“Mhm..” you choked, “Yep”

“Tell me, and I’ll get off of you”

Your answer came a short second later. “Yeah, get off” you said sternly.

His features barely got a chance to show the disappointment that enveloped him, because as soon as the words left your mouth, you pushed yourself up. Excitement started showing on his face as you pushed yourself up. With a devilish smile on your lips, you grabbed the hem of his shirt; not giving him a chance to secure his balance on his knees before you pulled the material up his body. He clumsily shuffled out of it, his tattoos coming into full view.

“Is that a new one” you asked, pointing to his left shoulder.

To your surprise he took you seriously, and looked down, obviously confused, “Which one, love?”

“This one” you grinned, pushing yourself up and against his chest, this way, giving yourself a chance to press your lips to the base of his neck.

Harry’s whole body shivered under you as he let out a small chuckle. Instantly, his hands found your waist. Once your lips grazed his sensitive skin, the muscles of his neck relaxed as if under a spell and his head fell back. Harry’s fingers dug into your sides as your teeth sunk his flesh, sucking profusely. Having waited for this so many years, it felt all too real and completely unreal at the same time. There was a fire burning inside of you and the soft moans slipping past his lips were no help with taming it.

“Having fun?” Harry laughed, but his confidence and usual air of self control were shaking.

As a response, you bit into his ear lobe and delighted yourself with the whimpers of pleasure he didn’t even try to hide.

Although burning for it, you didn’t have it in you to go for his lips, so when he was the one to do it, all your radars went crazy. The way he grabbed your chin and pulled you closer, it was all you wished for. Years worth of pent up emotions dripped from your lips and onto his.

How ungrateful and inappropriate would it have been for you to beg for more and guide the situation in a different direction? Even if his gentleness made your knees weak, the heat between your legs begged for a less kissing and a lot more biting. 

It was when he pressed you down against him that made you forget about everything that held you back. His erection was rubbing against your thigh as you grinded down on him, and you couldn’t help but break the kiss and sink your teeth into his lower lip.

Harry threw his head back against your touch, and a proud smile lifted up the corners of your mouth.

“Come on” you moaned, kissing your way down to his ear, “Show me how you should treat a girl”

His fingers snuck into your hair and pulled your head back, forcing your eyes to meet his’, “Is it me? Or are yeh a bit more excited for this than you initially let on?”

Your eyes sparkled as you let out the fib, “It’s just you”

Grinning, he shook his head in mock approval, and secured you in his hold, before effortlessly spinning the two of you around. Now, a mess of limbs, you looked up at Harry with what could only be described as pure lust. And it all reflected on his features. His ridiculously messy curls framed his face perfectly, allowing his proud gaze to fuel your engines.

With all your might you wanted to let him take the lead and not show too much enthusiasm, but it felt next to impossible. Before you knew it, your hands were cupping his cheeks again, forcing his body flush against your own. He kissed you back with no hesitation, as if he too waited years for this to finally happen, as if this was his dumb way of confessing to you that he too, was head over heels for you. But that was a scenario that regardless of its likelihood, was sure to ruin your mood. 

So you pushed it aside, forced your mind to fall on standby, and instead, you concentrated on the way his hands explored every single inch of your body. When he broke the kiss, you wanted to protest, your tongue crying from the sudden loss of contact. But his lips traveled lower, kissing all the way over down your neck, along your collarbones, and across your chest. It was all aggravated and hungry, as if he couldn’t get enough. 

“Yeh good?” Harry asked, looking up at you, cheeks all flushed.

“Yep, yeah” you whispered, the weight of the moment turning your voice into a light chuckle. Breathless and innocent, you were on cloud nine, and all your struggles to keep that hidden were in vain.

Delicately, as only he could, Harry pushed your shirt over your head, leaving you exposed, a fact which sent a whole new wave of pleasure down your body. This gesture alone shook your whole world, but he wasn't wasting any time. You barely even got a chance to catch your breath before he lowered himself, and cupped your breasts into his palms. Your back arched in an instant, and when his warm lips connected to your skin, goosebumps propagated all over your whole body. As circled his lips and caught your nipple between his teeth, your mind went crazy, muscles sizzling with anticipation. A suggestive moan slipped from your throat, and you could tell it surely tickled his ego.

“Gettin’ there?” he questioned even if he already knew the answer.

You threw him half a shrug, tilting your head to the side and pressing your cheek to your shoulder.

“So fuckin’ cute, angel” Harry chuckled, shaking his head as he crawled up your body, “Why’re yeh so cute?”

“How would I know?” you blushed, playing along with his overly teasing approach, “You’re the one who sad it”

“Don’t know why I think yeh’re cute?”

You nodded no.

A small but sure fire lit up his features, and he knew it was on. He did maintain the eye contact for a while, but when he finally looked down at your body, nonchalantly staring at your chest, that was when your breath got caught in your throat. The pressure was building up, yet Harry kept pushing your buttons. 

In desperate need to pick up the pace, you nudged his chin with the back of your fingers, and when his eyes caught yours; you raised one eyebrow, motioning for him to continue. “Wha’ do yeh want me t’ tell yeh, love?” Harry grinned, leaning down to kiss your neck.

“Tell me what you like about me” you laughed, linking your fingers in his hair. While you laughed due to the amount of different emotions that coursed through you, Harry made it all the more difficult for you to keep it together. His kisses were light enough for you to feel the ounces of love that dripped from his lips, but carnal enough to keep you on your toes.

“I love everything about yeh” he murmured against your skin, his chain of passionate kisses crossing over to the other side of your neck, “I mean, wha’s there not t’ like?”

“Word” you giggled, your sarcasm coming in perfect contrast to the weakness his question brought to your knees.

“Fuckin’ love every inch” Harry said, having completely ignored your joke, “Every single part of yeh, yer body and god, yer mind”

His hands cupped the sides of your rib cage, as his lips traveled down your sternum. He seemed lost, completely absorbed. Every time he looked up at you, it was impossible not to notice how out of this world his eyes seemed. Glossy and dark, extravagant green looking to explore more of you. And those were only the times you managed to catch him staring. The pleasure this man provided surpassed the moaning level, he got you working hard not to scream in ecstasy, as his tongue ran laps around your nipples, and the way his lips sucked with that specific amount of pressure. It looked as if he already knew where all your buttons were, he acted as if he knew your body better than you did. And for you, that was a new experience, which would’ve already been too much, even without Harry involved. But seeing your fingers get lost in his absolutely perfect in a messy kind of way locks, as he treated your skin with such refined skill, you found yourself way too close to the edge.

In the high of the moment, probably following an unidentifiable stimulus, you found yourself concentrated on the way his palms felt against your skin. He held you in his arms as if you were the most precious thing he ever laid eyes on. And for some reason, that feeling alone had you skyrocketing.

It was when you moaned out loud, for the first time not holding back, that he finally decided to give you what he promised. 

“Yeh sure this is ok, angel, yeah?” he murmured, looking up at you. 

His light stubble tickled the lower side of your abdomen as his breath barely managed to reach your skin. 

“Yeah” you clumsily nodded, your words coated in fervid enthusiasm.

Something happened. Something clicked inside of him. You saw it in the way his eyes warmed up. For a second he didn’t move, instead he just took in everything that was happening. When he eventually pushed himself up, you expected him to help you or motion for you to undress, but he didn’t. Harry lowered himself on top of you, pressing his chest against your own.

His fingers locked themselves against your chin, “I really wanna fucking do this right for yeh”

His confession took you aback. The seriousness in this tone was not something you anticipated. At first, he was the one who made it all seem like a meaningless game, yet right now, it seemed as though he fell into his own trap. 

All you could do was nod. Nod in approval, nod as a sign for him to keep going. As a promise that it was all ok. This attitude of his was not something you signed up for. Even if it looked like the beginning of what you always wanted, it also felt a little bit too sudden.

“Come here” you cooed, cupping his cheeks in a loving manner.

In an instant, he leaned into your touch, his skin burning against your damp palms. For the x-th time that evening, his lips melted onto yours, but something felt different. But you kept going, allowed the moment to carry you further without giving yourself the burden of dictating a direction. 

And seconds passed, and with each one, his touch became more and more aggravated. You could feel his need, and you have loved to think that what you were feeling from him was love, but it was just too big of a step to take right now. Not too shortly after, the situation escalated towards the point you left off earlier. You let him take the lead, and he soon returned to his usual self.

Harry made his way down your body through a chain of lingering kisses, each one of them awakening yet another side of you. This time, you were given no time to prepare. His experienced hands grabbed your thighs, groping their way up to your hips. Although it was fairly fast, it felt like an eternity. You breathing picked up when his fingers hooked themselves into the waistband of your leggings, and without even thinking about it, you pushed yourself up, allowing him to take them off. 

Now, you hadn’t seen this coming, because if you had, you probably would have chosen to wear something less embarrassing than your Superman underwear. Your cheek heated up as if it was the first time a man had seen you naked, and all your insecurities washed over you. None of those thoughts crossed Harry’s mind though. 

He just smiled - a gesture whose roots you’d never know. 

Harry positioned himself between your legs, his fingers gingerly tracing up and down your outer thighs. “Really fucken gorgeous, yeh know tha’?”

His compliments have never been this hard to receive, “Shut up” you chuckled, rolling your eyes as you couldn't help but squirm under his stare.

“Wha’?” Harry grinned, leaning his head to the side as he let his teasing side take over, 

“Tha’ tinder fuckface never told yeh just how perfect yeh look?”

“This is still about him, huh?”

“It’s about yeh, love” Harry rolled his eyes, letting his nails graze your skin, “Always been about yeh, always will be”

With each word that let his mouth, he leaned down, lower and lower, until every inch of his body was pressing against your own. He dominated the moment, and you love it.

When he engulfed your lips into a kiss, his right hand traveled between your legs. That alone made your core vibrate, and knowing there was no way to hide your enthusiasm, made you smile.

You felt the back of his fingers trace up and down your opening, and his words confirmed your suspicions. He pulled away from your lips just enough so he could speak, but he was still too close for you to properly see his features - he was just a few literal inches away, “I can’t wait to taste yeh, doll”

The grin on his lips and the pride of his tone, had a visible effect on you. The hairs on your body stood up in anticipation, and you couldn’t help but arch your back and close your legs around him. You kissed him back, and this time, it was on.

As his tongue pushed past your lips, Harry’s hands lewdly traveled down your sides, caressing every inch of exposed skin they found in their way. You didn’t see the eagerness coming, but when he reached between your legs, the flimsy material of your underwear didn’t even begin to come in his way. He shoved his hand under your panties, his fingers instantly coming in contact with your opening.

It was solely the emotional value of the moment that made you nearly gasp. Harry took his sweet damn time, as if you needed any more foreplay. The pads of his fingers gingerly traced up and down your opening a few times, before coming back up again to rest against your clit. It was soft and easy at the beginning, but the feather light touch of his fingers started gaining more and more pressure as subtle circular movements started to form.

When you looked up at him, you were met with the mess of curls that had fallen onto his forehead as he had his head hanging low, with his eyes trained between your bodies. With a gentle nudge against his chin, you prompted him to look up. At first he seemed a bit disoriented, but a wicked grin shortly appeared on his lips. It made you smile.

He was the one to resume the kiss, making it gentle this time - in perfect contrast with the action of his fingers, as he slowly made his way past your folds. When the first finger went in, you curled the corners of your mouth in anticipation. It felt fine, but it was just the tip of the iceberg and you knew it. Eager for more, you allowed your teeth to lewdly sink into his lower lip, willing to show him you wanted more. 

With a grunt, Harry shuffled a bit, his knees bucking into your hips. The deep breath he released tickled your skin, but you weren’t going to let this go. As you forced your teeth just a bit deeper into his plush skin, Harry let his forehead fall against yours. 

His tongue neatly traced along your upper lip, and you thought it was in response to your actions. And this erroneous thought kept you from anticipating his next move. When Harry pushed one more finger in, your senses went mad, and the simple fact that he didn't give you too much time to adjust before he pushed a third finger in, rocked you completely. 

You moaned in return and arched your back.

"I got yeh, baby girl" he whispered softly, "Look at me, I got yeh, ok?"

After receiving an enthusiastic nod from you, Harry made his way down your body. This time, he swiftly shuffled to the side, pulling your legs together and riding you of the unnecessary piece of underwear you still had on.

Not waiting for him to take control, you spread your legs, and feasted on the carnal look he had in his eyes as he looked down at your body. He didn’t waste any time before finding the perfect spot between your legs. Your whole body shivered as he leaned his head to the side, his light stubble tickling its way down the inside of your thighs. 

And following the rough feeling of the still shy beard you didn’t think he was able to grow, when his soft lips brushed against your skin, you involuntarily clenched. You bucked your hips and your legs tried, but to no avail, to close the distance between one another. You wanted more - needed more. And he noticed it.

Looking down along your body, you could only see the top of his head. And his fingers, pressing into the skin of your legs. And the tip of his nose as he proceeded to tease you into oblivion with millions of kisses, each of them nothing less than heavenly, but still, nothing compared to what you knew was coming next. The only warning he gave you as a hurried grin, and it was nowhere near enough.

It was on. Elegantly, but with traces of dominance in his touch, and with two fingers, Harry spread your pussy wide open, his tongue lewdly slipping right inside you. The contact and the buildup made you gasp. Had you not been so over the moon and distracted already, you’d have heard him snicker in response to the sound you just made. But you were too caught up. You felt him on every inch of your body, and the signals your core were sending you, were not what you wanted.

You wanted this to last. To have him go at it, lapping at your core for hours. To feel his tongue wag until your senses went numb.It might have been the dry spell that was forced upon you as the pandemic overtook your life, or the timeless, painful crush you’ve had on him for years, but you were already on the edge.

Trying hard to make the moment last, you curled your pointer finger and shoved it into your mouth, biting down hard. Your back arched dangerously as your head flew back, but it all just worked in his favour. Your pleasure was building up, and the careful, experienced movement of Harry’s tongue against your clit was only gaining momentum.

“Yeh taste like fucking heaven but I think yeh already knew tha’” he said, for a second pulling away from your core and giving you a chance to catch your breath.

All you managed was a pathetic excuse of a nod, along with a shy roll of your eyes.

“None of tha’” Harry laughed, licking his lips, “Don’t care how close yeh are, ‘m not gonna stop until yeh moan my name, love”

“Jesus christ, Harry!” you panted, shaking your head.

He responded in a similar manner, and again, with no warning whatsoever, he went back in. This short break allowed you to regain your composure, even if it was just a tiny bit. Your excitement, although still there and just as consuming, was easier to control now. You felt his touch all throughout your body, his tongue tickling all your senses.

What brought you closer into the moment was the feeling of his hands, as he grabbed your thighs and pushed your legs up onto his shoulders. For whatever reason, this felt even more intimate, and as his fingers sank into your flesh, you felt your engines start up again.

The delicate flicks of his tongue were getting more and more aggravated by the second, and now it was close to impossible to keep calm. Sweaty palms gripping tirelessly into the cushions under you, your back under constant strain, your eyes squeezed shut - he had you entirely.

And as if that wasn’t enough, he went further. Harry pushed one finger inside of you, moving his lips up to fully concentrate on your clit. His tongue prepared you, got you all ready and wanting, and then, he wrapped his lips around your bundle of nerves and sucked - gently and with a minimal amount of pressure, but god-

“Fuck, Harry-” you called out. It was more of a cry, choked back in the depths of your throat, all breathy and muffled.

“Come on, angel” Harry whispered.

As you looked down, past your heaving chest, your eyes landed conveniently on the top of his head. Complete chaos - his unruly curls tickled the inside of your thighs, as his fingers dug into your flesh. The two rings he never takes off were sure to leave proud indents on your skin.

Harry sucked at your bundle of nerves, the eager touch of his tongue awakening absolutely every need inside your being. Add the experienced pumps of his fingers and the fact that this was Harry Styles and none other, and you were done.

With each passing second you started to lose more and more of the control you had on your body. Sweating nervously out of every pore of your body, you squirmed under his weight hoping you’d make the moment last.

“‘S good, love, isn’t it?” Harry smirked for just about a second, “I can see yeh, yeh’re a mess fo’ me”

“Fuck” you whined, covering your face with your right palm as your head tilted backwards, “Shut up”

“Oh!” Harry faked surprise, “Gettin’ cocky?”

As he spoke, Harry curled his fingers inside your pussy; maybe intentionally - maybe by chance, hitting all the right spots and making you moan out loud.

“I’ll take tha’ as an apology”

You scoffed.

Harry shook his head. When you looked down at him again, you caught him licking his lips. It was obvious he waited for you to catch him doing that.

Already at the edge of your self control, you curled your fingers into his hair, motioning for him to resume his work. He followed your lead without any complaints, and when his bottom teeth grazed your clit, even if it was light as a feather you lost it.

Your mind became numb, drunk on the pleasure he provided. Your eyes rolled back as you enjoyed every second of your high. Harry kept you spiraling, continuing to lap at your core as the muscles of your legs tensed uncontrollably around his frame.

“Holy fuck-” you breathed out, voice shaky and wounded.

He made sure to milk every ounce of pleasure out of your being, leaving you a heaving mess under his stare.

Harry pushed himself up, nonchalantly wiping his chin, his eyes not allowing yours to look away.

As you gathered yourself and worked on bringing your breathing back to normal, there was only one thought going on inside your head - that it would only be fair if you reciprocate the gesture. Thinking about it was enough to make your core buzz again, but you didn’t have it in you to bring it up, and instead hoped he’d show he wished things didn’t stop either.

But he didn’t.

However, you got to kiss him again. And no matter how badly you wanted to keep the atmosphere on fire, he had other plans. 

“Did I take good care of yeh?” Harry asked as he leaned down beside you. His hand found your cheek, keeping you in place for another longing kiss, “Did I do yeh right?”

You nodded against his lips, not willing to actually word the answer.

His chuckle made it clear that the point got through. And for a second it seemed as if the night wasn’t done. None of you was willing to pull away, and allowed the minutes to go by without a care in the world, lost in each other’s arms.

“Freakin’ love yeh, angel” Harry said.

It wasn’t the first time you’d hear this coming out of his mouth, but you couldn’t help but smile thinking this time it was meant in a different manner. You answered him by cuddling deeper into his chest, and that was a moment you wouldn’t have traded for the world.

And you fell asleep like that. No matter how big and luxurious your couch was, you still spent the night glued to one another. Harry felt every calm breath of yours on his skin and everytime he moved a bit to adjust his position, his hold tightened around you to make sure he wasn’t pushing you away.

After what was probably the best sleep you’d gotten in the whole year of 2020, morning came around. Actually it was lunch time, if we’re being generous. The sun was high up, proudly making its way into your living room, past the curtains to forgot to draw the other night.

When you awoke, Harry wasn’t there anymore. However, panic didn’t have the time to settle in as you heard movement coming from the kitchen, and the strong smell of coffee reached your nose in no time.

You got up from the couch, with herds of butterflies in your stomach. Harry’s words from last night still echoed in your head, and even now, with no alcohol in your system, they managed to bring goosebumps all over your skin.

“When did you get up?”

That was how you made your presence known.

Harry turned around with a smile on his face. He had a bag of avocados tucked under his arm, as he typed away on his phone. His undone pants were hanging onto his thighs for dear life, and the only other piece of fabric on his body was a thin, brown hair tie around his wrist. There were a few purple marks along his collar bones and his hair looked rougher than usual, things which deep down, shook you up a bit.

 “Wanted to take yeh out fo’ breakfast, but I gotta leave in like an hour, so I figured this should do”

“Yeah, yeah sure” you agreed, “It’s perfect”

“Would’ve done mo’, but Y/n, yeh have no food in this house”

You laughed, walking over to slump down into one of the chairs, “Didn’t get a chance to get any perishables”

“You got some” Harry chuckled, “You got weeks’ worth of everything you need to make guacamole and pancakes”

“I have no idea how that happened, those will spoil” you shook your head, “You can take some of them actually”

“Or I could just come over”

“Even better”

The food was ready in no time. Harry had everything done and set while you washed up a bit, and after that, you both sat down to eat. Minimal and light, but still, there was a weight in the pit of your stomach.

“About last night-” Harry began to say, but you tried to stop him.

“You don’t have to-”

“We kinda do, love” he smiled, “I need to apologise, angel”

You squinted your eyes, “For?”

“I don’t really have t’ apologise fo’ what I said because I meant every word” Harry slowly said, as if he has a hard time putting his thoughts together, “I jus’ wish I hadn’t said it like tha’ though”

“Like what?” you questioned, a bit lost.

“Like I had the right to say that kind of crap” he laughed. It was nervous laughter, like he was afraid of what was coming next, “I do fucking love yeh, but I shouldn’t have assumed you wanted to hear that”

“What are you talking about, I don’t understand” you groaned, growing a bit tired of the impatience he brought upon you.

“You’re my best friend, ok?” he sighed, “That’s all we are, Y/n, and that was not supposed to happen”

The food got lodged in your throat, and you felt like if you didn’t stand up, you’d no longer be able to breathe. “It was your idea” you scoffed.

Harry’s eyes followed your frame, but he remained seated, “I know”

“So what changed? If anything even changed. I don’t understand what the problem is. You regret we did what we did-”

“I don’t regret anything” Harry butted it.

“You said it was not supposed to happen!” you exclaimed, rolling your eyes as you walked over to the sink, just to make yourself useful and to stop just standing in front of him.

“The things I said to you-” he said sternly, pushing his chair back and throwing his hands into the air, “I shouldn’t have said those, ok? It doesn’t matter who meant what, I told you things that-”

“What did you tell me that’s bothering you so much?” you almost yelled, annoyance dripping out of your pores. You walked over to him, and he closed the distance by standing up.

“I-” Harry stuttered, playing with his hair to buy himself some more time. “All the-”

“What?” you pushed, “That you like everything about me? That’s what you regret saying? And what else?”

“God” he groaned, “I don’t regret saying tha’, it’s just tha’ it wasn’t my place to say it”

You fell silent.

“If I were you... I’d want to hear those things from someone that is more than just a friend to me” he confessed.

“And you can’t be that to me? More than a friend?”

After a few seconds of painful silence, realization hit him, “Y/n…”

He did reach out. He took a step towards you but you stepped back. The remorse in his tone was too painful to ignore. So you moved away from him and slowly made your way out of the kitchen.

“Y/n!” Harry called, following you.

“Just go”

“Please...”

“Please what?” you shook your head, but he didn’t have the words you needed to hear.

“I’m sorry”

“It’s fucking fine” you sighed, walking backwards towards your room, “Just show yourself out”

[fucktheroyals]

You know after reading and reading and reading peoples theories and the meta from before the spn finale aired and the meta writers reactions to the finale I think I have a theory of my own. We don't have any answers tho, so this is pure speculation. If you wanna add something to support or discredit any of this that's cool but there's too many things floating around. Know I dont have proof for this conclusion at all. A lot of what I say is just guesses based on previous facts.

This all came together in my head when I realized how much this finale REEKS of the original producers and who the show was originally for. It REEKS of Robert Singer. Like if the execs started saying they didn't want it, Robert Singer was the one pushing that the story was about the brothers. That kinda thing.

Then, I was thinking of the problems in this episode and it struck me these are all of Supernatural biggest issues and to be honest all of it feels completely deliberate.

Take the sexism for example, Supernatural in it's later seasons largely out grew this, we have Jody, Rowena, Donna, Charlie, Mary, Claire (and even a wayward sisters pilot with MORE women/girls) all making regular appearances. They're mainly good characters and mostly aren't there to hurt our boys. Rowena, of course, is the one outlier being very about herself but it's clear she still cares for them, I mean its part of her development. But they're all real, with character flaws just like everyone else. (And we have Death too and she was POC 😭 THANK GOD)

Now look at the earlier half of Spn, we have Ellen and Jo, who's appearances were far in between. There's Bela in season 3, recurring for quite a bit (5 eps), but she is a character that is only there for herself, definitely not found family (unlike Ellen & Jo), and she's got more episodes in season 3 than Ellen and Jo in season 2 who aren't seen again til season 5. The "fans" send in hate mail after hate mail to try to get these characters off, and eventually they are. Then there's Ruby who's character stayed for a whole two seasons and was a largely recurring character. Why does she get to say so long? She's a plot device. She's supposed to be there to betray Sam. She has to stay (plus Jared obviously likes her). But she's not just a character the writers like writing about. Same with Lilith. Obviously not as recurring but still a plot device. Did they get hate mail tho? You can bet on it. Why? because tHeY'rE gOnNa PuSh ThE bOyS (Dean and Sam) aPaRt ThE sHoW iS aBoUt ThE bOyS oNlY. Without even thinking about the hate mail, just notice how large the difference is from how women are seen in the earlier seasons to the later seasons. Misha got tons of hate mail too for being a character that could split up the boys (probably only being allowed to say because he a man, thanks sexist producers and execs).

Only after Castiel was killed off and then Castiel fans successfully (thank you guys) got him back on the show did the hate mail largely simmer, which means female character's were allowed to stay! Which has lead us to a show with a good amount of female characters. But can you imagine having to kill characters off time and time again because people keep complaining that the show is "only about the boys." Fun times really.

So now we get to this final and we see sexism. But it wasn't just the plain old regular sexism you find in the earlier days of spn. Because now, there ARE women to talk about, talk to. But this episode was DESOLATE women wise, unless they were used for plot (which is also sexist!). Small scenes, they're barely there. Women gets her tongue cut out. Random women from s1 gets killed. Sam doesn't SPEAK of Eileen. Nothing. No mention of any female characters from the boys mouths unless they were from/in this episode itself. That's WIERD. I know we've all said it. But that goes beyond forgetting about characters. I mean its SAM'S GIRLFRIEND for Christ's sake. There is NO REASON they couldn't have said Eileen's name. Notice how Sam's wife is just... faceless. This is literally an age old sexist trope. Like... one of the things about bringing Mary back to life for s12+ is that it takes this trope... of basically a generic mother, and gives her life and feelings, whether you like them or not, they're real feelings. They said Mary isn't just a mom she's a person. Mary's existence in the later half of spn is to fix this kind of female tropes that fall upon her character, to not let these her stay a 2 dimensional character. They said we should know she's more than just the mom who tried to save her kid. Do that is the exact opposite of Sam getting a nameless, faceless wife. The sexism of the old spn wasn't just brought back, it was completely amplified. It wasn't just accidental or some exec "fixing" the story it was DELIBRATE. Whoever wrote that, didn't do ALL OF THAT by accident. Because an exec or a producer who doesn't see the flaws in old supernatural isn't going to write it that deliberately.

Let's bring it back to s10 when Charlie was killed (singer was mainly to blame). Dead in the bathtub, age old classic of burying ur gays. If you were here you know people never let Supernatural live that down. THEY KNOW what bury ur gays means. Hell, Robbie Thompson left because of Charlie's death and you think the writers don't know what it means? I mean both Bobo Berens (especially) and Steve Yockey's careers are centered around LGBT+ storytelling and you think they don't know? They know. They know.

And Dean wasn't just apart of the bury your gays trope, it is so far BEYOND that. Dean being killed on a rusty nail/screw, the tongues ripped out, things that seemed to be meant for other people. Jensen's acting in the last two episodes was giving us "DEAN RECIPROCATES" but no one ever actually saying it. I think it's clear that Dean was killed for being Bi. They didn't address it for a reason, they just silenced him. His narrative was supposed to be about letting him be HIM for the first time, to say what his feelings are instead of having them miscommunicated, and instead of doing that, they just silenced him. And the more we look at this scene the more horrific it gets. The more it's a complete slap in the face and it's supposed to be. Some guy who knows nothing about the LGBT can't write a scene this horrific.

Some guy who knows nothing about Dean couldn't write a scene that deconstructs all of Dean's character development and gives Dean his worst nightmare. I MEAN DEAN WANTED TO LIVE HIS LIFE! THEY DIDNT HIDE THAT JOB APPLICATION (or whatever job related thing that was) IN THERE FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES THEY WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST SITUATION. Dean isn't Barney from HIMYM. If you watched HIMYM then you'll know Barney went from being a stereotypical ladies man and treating women terribly to being in love with a women and treating her right and working hard for it. The last episode of HIMYM (why its so bad) Barney's character development is thrown out and he's back to being a stereotypical ladies man. You don't need to know Barney's character very much to do that.

To kill Dean during a hunt his father never finished, to not have anyone at his funeral, to have Dean die young like his life didn't matter. Those are Dean's worst fears and you'd only truly know that if you watched the gin episode in s3, where they are basically laid out for you. You HAVE to know Dean's character to tear him apart like this.

This episode took all the core elements of the show and did a complete 180° the name of the episode itself is "Carry on" and Dean and Sam very much did not carry on. Sam grieving his entire life so that he good get to heaven and see Dean again. Dean being ready to live his life, despite the enormous pitfalls and learning to love himself only to be killed. "Family don't end with blood." Um.... it did in that episode either literally with Dean's death or you know BECAUSE NONE OF THEIR FOUND FAMILY WAS THERE. Not Jack, Not Cas, Not Eileen, Not Donna, Not Charlie, Not Jody, Not Claire... on and on we go. No one was there, nobody was even mentioned. Dean's funeral, no one even called that we know of. It was just Sam and Dean. Sam and Dean. And Bobby. Don't forget Bobby. But yeah Sam and Dean.

That's what the show is about right, the brothers.

Except it's not anymore. It hasn't been for years.

Cas not being there was deafening but it brought us to a major point. Becky. Becky's telling us about the terrible ending.

And many of us are wondering why would they literally tell us this is the worst ending and then... make it the ending.

Now before we move on, it very apparent many of you think Dabb doesn't ship Deancas. And Dabb doesn't care about the characters.

Say what you will about any plot holes in his writing, the point he is VERY GOOD at writing the characters, and giving us good ones.

Why do we know Dabb ships Deancas? (ill say when its cowrote, other wise its not) cowrote ep 8.02 - purgatory "I prayed to you, Cas, every night" "Cas, Buddy, I need you." "I have a price on my head, and I've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you." 8.08 Hunteri Heroici - Cas helps them hunt! 😊❤ Dean & Cas have a serious convo about why Cas doesn't want to see/go to heaven. 8.22 Dean's mad at Cas. Sam's explanation of why Dean should be easy on Cas: "It's Cas." Dean then points out how he'd knife anybody else if they did what Cas did. 9.10 - Cas comforts Dean when Dean can't take seeing Sam (Gadreel) being tortured anymore. Also tons of Cas. 9.20 (bloodlines) - Canonical couple parallel "I was there, where were you" 9.22 The angels make Cas choose between them and killing Dean and he "gave up an entire army for one guy" 10.09 Claire's reintroduction. Cas heavy ep. DeanCas date. 10.22 THE PRISONER - u know the ep where Dean beats the shit out of Cas but loves him enough to not kill him.

We COULD keep going but I think I've made my point. If Robert Singer is the guy that is like "the show is about Sam and Dean only" Andrew Dabb is the DeanCas shipper. And you could even say a Cas stan.

Notice! How in s13 for SEVEN episodes we have a story that revolves around Dean's grief about losing Cas. Notice! How often the stories in all these seasons have a focus on their relationship. THAT is Andrew Dabb. If it weren't for him doing that, we wouldn't be able to easily say after Dean's lack of a response to Cas' confession, that Dean reciprocates.

To me, when I was (binge) watching s12 for the first time, I thought damn this is really got a lot of DeanCas. So I went to look at who was in charge, who was writing. I saw Andrew Dabb, associated him with Deancas episodes, saw all the new writers, Bobo, and then I saw that Yockey is known for same sex stories and it clicked. Dabb assembled a team to give us Destiel. THAT WAS IN SEASON 12!!!!!!!!

The amount of people saying he's homophobic flabbergast me. Open your eyes! That isn't what's going on.

Imagine making a show and trying to right all the wrongs of Supernatural. Imagine trying to write the greatest love story ever told and you have the entire season planned out for it to end off beautifully, it may possibly be your greatest achievement when it's done and then boom. someone comes in and tells you you aren't allowed to make Dean bi or make destiel endgame, after he was most probably already given the go ahead.

Sure. You could imply he's bi or into cas still in a way. Still make nice-ish ending. just give everyone what the kinda want.

Or you could scrap the last season, nothing close to a canonical bisexual Dean Winchester or Deancas endgame in site. People can be done with it be happy with the show, continue to live their lives in ignorance as to how close they were to Canon destiel.

OR you can lead everyone to the very closest you can get them to what you were aiming for and then show everyone the ugly truth and reality. Light it all on fire. Burn the show to the ground in your wake. Try your darnedest to making these people's (the people saying no) pockets suffer. Show us, the audience, what happened. Show us what this show really is.

I've seen people talk about the ending being changed during covid but I dont think that happened. I think what happened was Dabb already had this season planned out before it even started. Obviously the details were wobbly but it was all lead up to this ending. Destiel endgame, Canon Bisexual Dean, whatever it was. They were ready to write the greatest love story ever told and then someone shut it down.

Imagine the pain that must have caused them to be told no when they already said yes. They must have been so excited to give this to us.

I think someone (some producers) told him what this show is "really" about. The brothers. Can you imagine, after being told no, some kinda bullshit like this is said to you: "Why aren't you bringing it back to the brothers, Andrew? that's what the shows about. What with all this homosexual stuff, you know the audience won't like that. Not really." Imagine the original producers pushing this kind of view on you. "You know when we started it was Sam and Dean. It should end with Sam and Dean." That kinda sounds like someone huh? huh.

So why give us a nice acceptable finale, when you can take every problem Supernatural's had either up front or behind the scenes and create a finale so incredibly bad that people don't want to watch it anymore.

Someone made a good point about how Sam was originally supposed to be the main focus (this isn't to put any hate on Sam or Jared). Dean and Sam are the main characters but Sam was supposed to be the focus and for Dean to have become the focus, must have annoyed the producers because... well here we are. They wouldn't listen to Jensen. The producers liked this ending. Jensen's opinion didn't matter to them.

In some ways, if this is really what happened, it can be seen as childish from Dabb. To hurt all of us like that. Yes, he's hurting the producers, the execs, the cw. But to hurt us? Yeah it stings.

But in other ways, if this is really what happened, this is Dabb showing us the muck and gunk under the shiny surface. The hate for Misha. The hidden hate for Jensen. The underlying sexism. The underlying homophobia. The people REALLY in charge don't care about us, they just want our money. He needed to open our eyes and free us, at least free the people that he was writing for. The people he sees that care about this show.

This is the ending the powers that be wanted and its a big fuck you for a reason. I dont think this is Dabb spitting in our faces for loving this show, I think this is him trying to get revenge for us.

But from here, you can see it how u want it. If this is really what happened, I'm not in charge of your emotions, if you wanna be mad be mad if you wanna be grateful be grateful. And you don't have to believe me either I said this is speculation.

Also, as for all of the rumors like there being shots to the confession scene that we didn't see, which Jensen himself implied, I think that might have been a last ditch effort to canonized DeanCas but obviously it was cut. Like the name change was pretty clear. As for Misha possibly having shot some stuff for 20 I dont know what to tell you. If it's true I dont know where the blame would lie.

I do think however, that if all this was the case, the writers were prepared to become villians here. I mean they told us the writers were villians with Chuck right? So. Who knows what went down so they could give us such a vile ending. It could've been the producers or the writers, who truly knows. I do think tho that people we "trust" did some pretty shitty things to push the narrative in certain directions so now one would see this as the actual ending that was coming.

So again do with my SPECULATION what you will. This was in no way meant to put Dabb on a pedestal or anything. Just meant to give a bit of perspective.

(Also Jensen didn't unfollow Dabb recently he was already unfollowed for years)

[rollercoasterwords]

hi! 2, 7, 15 :))

eeee hello i've never done one of these before so this is exciting for me

2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

yes!! probably a few but the first one that comes to mind is unrequited love <3 like idk what it is about it that makes me want to bash my head into a wall but there's just something about the dynamic of someone loving a person so much and that other person being like i'm sorry i love u too but i can't love u the way u want me to...honestly probably gets to me more than like any other angst trope. like u can kill ur main characters and i'll eat that shit up but the second i start reading abt unrequited love i absolutely lose it ! so of course i want to write it lmao

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

ok i think i'm just gonna share some snippets of my narcissa/alice oneshot bc i'm honestly so happy w how it turned out the muses simply crawled out of hell and pulled my guts out of my body and strung them up like christmas lights and i said thank u so much ladies <3

"For one eternal, fleeting moment, their eyes meet. It’s the first time in three years that Alice has looked at her.

Narcissa would crawl to her, on hands and knees. She would wrestle time into the ground, and unwind its threads until her palms were raw and bleeding; she would unstitch the fabric of the universe, if it meant one chance. One single chance to change anything—anything—about this situation.

The secretary at the desk calls out, “Malfoy?”

That’s her. Narcissa stands."

and also

"This is how life is: January withers like a flower, and spring rots into the ground. Summer brings you your son’s first words, and scrapes your knees raw, and kisses the blood back into your body. In autumn, the world collapses like a house of cards, and you cradle your child, and you promise him that you will never, never, commit the sins of your parents. You tell yourself that you can protect him from anything, even his own father.

For now, you are allowed to believe it."

i just feel like i'm the most in my element when i'm getting to write over-the-top flowery metaphors and i got to play around with that a lot in this little story which i loved!  

15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose?

i feel like this is probably an obvious answer, but definitely the hand that feeds <3 she's my babygirl she's my enemy she's my darling she's a little movie playing in the back of my head at all times and if i could somehow take the images out of my brain and put them onto a screen that would be so cool

thank u for sending this ask whoever u are this was fun <3 questions are from this!

[thedevilliers]

Oooo man do I have a THEORY for u and I need validation bff. Also this is going to be an pretty long one so prepare yourself according.

So my theory is like we all know Emilia ends up with like Chris or Bart or another black hair-green eyed man bc missy has a TYPE but that’s beside the point. Basically, you made it seem once like Emilia has multiple husbands throughout her life in like an old ask about the part 3 ch 2 pics with Emilia kissing one guy and then the reflection in the mirror is another guy. So my theory is that Emilia and Chris will break up soon in the story (😓😓) and Emilia will move on, either going back to Bart or finding herself another man that looks very much like the only two guys she’s ever dated. Whoever she goes to, they’ll get married and have children (Gwen and her twin and the baby she was expecting in Gwen’s xmas wish post). But then something might happen to that guy, either he dies or they divorce (even though Ik you said in the gardania info thing that like divorces aren’t really allowed or a thing in the royal family but just bare with me here) but so overall this guy is out of Emilia’s life. Then, my theory is after that, Emilia finds her way back to none other than the infamous…. Christopher Grimalldi. Yes. Chris. They date then they get married, maybe have Gwen’s younger siblings, live happily ever after, yktv. Where did this theory come from, you might ask? Well the answer is from ur future teasers where Emilia wears TWO DIFFERENT COLOR RINGS 🤭🤭🤭🤭 a blue one (like the sapphire and gardania’s color) AND A RED ONE (like monaca’s color or like a ruby or something). I rest my case thank you for listening. (P.s. I’d like to thank my mom named Taylor swift for my detective tendencies because Im slowly becoming a swiftie and I’m becoming better at looking at the fine print and reading between the lines thanks to mom😋😋 also you don’t have to like answer this if you don’t want to bc Ik it’s a lot and I don’t mean to clog your feed or anything I just had a total lightbulb moment so PLS if I figured anything out don’t publicly answer it please lol 💕💕)

AHHHHHHHHHHHH umm this is a essentially a gift?!?! FOR ME!?!?! 😭🥰🥺😳 thank you so much for writing this out 💞🥺 i obvi cannot comment, confirm or deny anythin 😌✋ BUT !!!!!! something u wrote. is correct. what thing??? hmm....i will not say 😎

u are tellin me this is taylor swifts impact ?!?! cos shes also made me start leavin the smallest breadcrumbs into the story starting part 3 😌 hehehe. here, gift

[i-did]

hi hello i couldn't sleep last night so i was scrolling thru all ur asks and stuff and ur opinions and analyses are so interesting!!! and then afterwards i was thinking about what u were saying about mlm smut and i'd also been thinking about such things a little bit recently bc like.....at a certain point it becomes quite clear that the vast majority of smut-writing is just imitation. like there's the sex noise verb list and all and the whole general mechanics of the sex and those things just .... replicate over and over. and the whole thing w people writing mlm vs wlw smut regardless of their own sexual orientation..... like i feel like a big part of that is just a self-perpetuating thing. like if u have not had sex and u r getting all ur (pleasure-related) sex ed from fandom (even if u do watch porn, that doesn't rlly tell u how to describe stuff? idk) regardless of What fandom , the majority is going to be mlm smut. which is itself majority imitation of other mlm smut, imitating and imitating back to whoever knows what the first smut fanfic was etc. there's just way More to mimic than there is on the women side of things. which then becomes a self-perpetuating thing, bc the mimicry continues and generates more and more. and---if there are fundamental misunderstandings of anatomy involved---those self-perpetuate as well. and maybe even exaggerate. and yeah. does this all make sense? idk i was just thinking about it. like all the stereotypes and stuff continue bc writers are getting their inspo from other writers rather than their own brains. or something. idk!!!!! it's just all... divorced from reality? bc words. or something!! i hope u get what i'm trying to say. just thoughts i've been thinking. anyway i think ur thoughts are cool. and ur writing. ok bye have a good day!!

Okay yeah this is kinda messy but hope u see this, uhh yeah I think you're right about the echo chamber effect fr about stuff. I think it's a mix of projecting too sometimes. talk more under the cut and also link to a video essay since I love video essays.

Here’s a video that sort of touches on this topic: 

“Gay fanfiction” by Sarah Z. (has CC)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8E_C00dKwI

This video begins to talk about fetishization at the end, but also… not really. The words “gay fanfiction” is used as a catchall, when really gay fanfiction is largely mlm written by non-mlm.

Fandom is a largely women's space dominated by the female gaze in a media industry world that is dominated by men and the male gaze. I'm really glad women have this space to explore creativity and queerness, and I don't expect the female gaze to go away, but I am still ultimately bummed out I can’t read most fanfic or interact with most fandom spaces without having fetishization in my face. 

So about 80% of fandom is women, and most of those women aren't straight, but 90% of those women prefer mlm ships. Why don’t they prefer wlw ships? Well definitely part of it is the fact that queerbaiting is centered around white straight men, and then there is also the fact that women tend not to be written as well charcter wise. But the fact still remains that you get jerjean getting priority over Layla and Alvarez who are in canon just as much and are a canon wlw couple who actually interact as well as Alvarez could likely be a woc because of her Hispanic last name. Korasami doesn’t get nearly as much hype as zuko and saka, despite the fact that they are 2 fully dimensional characters who canonly kiss and hold hands, something the creators fought for and ended up having to sacrifice another reboot for. 

I do believe the fandom echo-chamber is largely responsible for… a lot of things, like you're saying. But what's interesting is that the complaints I've heard about visual porn from non mlm in the fandom space is that they can’t get off to it because its for the male gaze and misogynistic usually. But they also don't seem to notice how the mlm smut circles has the female gaze and is also… almost always mlm. If it was a pure anatomical not knowing thing, I get that, but I also think that leads to the question of “then why the male body for porn, and not your own? The one you know and are familiar with?” 

I know some people want to get outside of their own body for porn and don’t want to think of their own anatomy at all, but overall I'm still uncomfortable. If an anglo said “well I watch porn of only Mexicans so I don't self insert” I'm gonna be like … hhhh in a similar way. I understand people “like what they like” but I wish they also noticed said patterns in the first place. I understand the t4t tumblr porn circle, and how it's different from cis people who only watch trans porn. 

I actually wished that instead of fandom focusing on mlm ships where some asshole guy hits on bottom troupe charcter for top troupe character to save, was instead… a wlw character experiencing said shitty getting hit on and other wlw swooping in. what's interesting is fandom writes a lot about misogynistic experiences without often realizing it. Ive read fanfic where guys get called sluts for sleeping with people or called bitch for speaking their mind, these arent things men usually experience, but rather women. Fandom has a lot of internalized misogyny and also queerphobia imo. Women characters often get pushed to the sidelines and men become the canvas for female fans to project onto. 

There is this natural inclination to mlm. When people are talking about “gay shipping” or “gay books” or “gay feels” or even just “gay” mlm is what’s largely in mind. I honestly am kinda saddened by this because if gay fanfiction was really solely about writing more to feel represented, then you would see a lot of bi and ace and lesbian rep, but this isn't the case. Queer women are seriously underrepresented, and I want to hear their stories and read them in fanfiction as well as published. 50% of lgbt literature is mlm, and of that its largely written by women. Becky Albertalli, Rainbow Rowell, Maggie Stiefvater, are the YA big names and are all women writing mlm. Red white and royal blue is written by Casey McQuiston and Captive prince (which is not YA) is written by C. S. Pacat, who is non-binary, but is also TME and not mlm. These are all the big names in mlm lit, behind them is some gay men, but honestly their stories aren't preferred, they're not the right “flavor” for the consumers usually, who are largely women. In general YA consumers and authors are women, but I wish that they… just wrote about women too. I think there is a certain… snowball effect to the overrepresentation of mlm representing the whole LGBT community that leads to fetishization, as well as misogyny playing a factor in: less women characters being written well to write fanfic on, when they are written well they're taken less seriously or the audience struggles to relate to them, they're less marketable then men. 

Idk I never feel “seen” or “represented” by any of the books above, which don't address boyhood and manhood and queerness intersecting really, and AFTG doesn’t either. I relate to AFTG as a trauma victim who has experienced a lot of what many of the characters go through and have gone through in the EC as well as them just overall being very well written characters, but I don't relate to it as a mlm really. I've never seen like.. gay voice or being straight passing or femphobia or how boyhood can be affected from a young age by those around you sensing you're ‘other’ or if you didn't experience this you feel outside the mlm community. Let alone sub cultures like bear and leather and pup, at most you see the word “he's such a twink” in fandom which... i fr hate non mlm using that word because it's usually used to replace the f-slur essentially, used derogatorily or to call him “such a bottom” and stuff like that. It’s like a joke or an insult.

Long story short, idk mang this was a ramble and I think I'm coning down with something. I wanna see more queer women rep and women authors writing about being a queer woman too. I think it's a complex web of fetishization and a bit of forbidden love yaoi culture (or it used to be in the BOYXBOY days) as well as misogyny on an industry level, creator level, as well as reader/consumer and fandom level. I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to explore other peoples stories and what we read has to be segregated, “only mlm are allowed to read and write mlm, only wlw are allowed to read and write wlw,” but I also think author’s intent and audience and background is telling, as well as overall statistics. Like about an hour ago I was looking for cookbooks in spanish or in english, and I was looking for some mexican food cook books, but I had to look for them using words in spanish because otherwise what came up was a bunch of “fiesta party, easy as uno dos tres authentic cooking!” and I was like… hm. Since I could tell they were marketing to anglos. (also the author’s last names were like michelle smith, james cooper, and this could be for a variety of reasons, but I trust Hispanic names more tbh and deadass would look at the authors pictures and if they had other books in Spanish or what their specialties were.)

anyways. not sure how to end this. uhm if anyone has any book recs (my to read list is like 500 books tho no joke) preferably not YA white mlm written by a white lady, hopefully queer women written by queer woman, LMK, I need more wlw and queer women stories on my list. I have a decent amount but always looking for more. I kinda wanna link my goodreads or my storygraph but I also don't want to get doxxed and it has my legal name on it so.

Also, I'm dyslexic and using spell check but if there's like some wild typos my b.

[minalblood]

Ok this isnt my usual way of doing things cuz... Well, tbh i dont really care enough to actually make a post bout most things, id just rather reblog shit, but I've now seen several posts comparing the Loki finale with spn's and just... Where?

Spn ended as a show with one of the most hopelessness inducing shit I've ever seen, taking a character thats been consistently seen as at the very least depressed and killing him off with a 'that's what his happy ending looks like' plastered on it, another character who's whole ark was reconciling with himself about who he is only to make him essentially cut half of himself out for a kid and also still be unhappy, and a third who's whole thing was learning what free will is and that he too deserves free will only to have him go back to obeying orders in heaven. It was absolutely against everything the show had portrayed for 15 years, including in the actual season this finale was a part of.

Loki is an on going show (s 2 confirmed), but even if it hadn't been, the shows main narrative themes remained true to the end, Loki did in fact grow as a character, the shows ultimate plot is about free will, tackling also the fact that free will means shit will also happen, its not only roses and happiness and Sylvie stuck to her actual goal and achieved it, aka killing whoever was behing the TVA. Loki's goal throughtout the show wasn't killing the Time keepers, it was having the free will to write his own life story and he's done and doing exactly that, sometimes that means shit happens, no characters died needlessly in my opinion and as I've said, in no way did it go against its own themes that it established initially. Not to mention the fact again that it's ongoing!

Finally to touch on what people are really complaining about (the more vocal post I've seen circulating, I've no doubt some people just genuinely didn't like it and thats fine) which is the Sylvie/Loki thing. Ok lets discuss. Firstly, if it's not ur thing that's entirely fine, its not mine either, but to claim it's a problem for u cuz it's, as Ive seen multiole people say, heteronormative is hella problematic to me since it seems to erase the fact that both characters by their own words are bi/pan. That's shitty. Number 2: 'if Sylvie was male presenting they wouldn't have gone there'... Now while I do think Marvel/Disney wouldnt likely have the balls, I still find issue with this statement since it feels very... Sexist to me. I dunno what exactly about it, but it very much reads like y'all would not complain bout the pairing if Sylvie was male presenting more so than a dig at Marvel/Disney and that is not cool with me. And finally, C the selfcest thing as incest stand-in. Ok so I get that selfcest aint for everyone, which again, fair point if u just dont vibe at all, but the actual issues people seem to have is less with it being selfcest and more that its not mlm, which is highly hypocritical. Now to the people who do just dislike it for being basically incest, ur perogative, ur view , but I'd've hoped that the whole multivers aspect of this show could've made it clearer that while they are variants of each other they are not actually the same person. Also also since the spn parallel is what began this, to the spn fans I ask, how tf can y'all not see this, the multuple versions of Sam and Dean alone should have you realize it's someones history, experience, surroundings, accuaintances that mould a person. We don't even know for sure if they share parents! Its a dif universe they've been born in, oddly enough that means they couldn't be more physically different, even if they may share some personality traits or some history between them. Again, i dont ship it, it feels awkward to me based on their interactions, but that doesnt mean imma say some bullshit bout incest just cuz I dont like the idea. Fact is they're not actually related and, as an aside, the would u fuck ur clone talk has been around for ages with little issues about incest because its already covered in the meme as is the pollar opposite.

Ok this was rambly and well, hopefully some of my points have been made clear. To end I just wanna say I do look forward to season 2, I can't wait to see Mobius and Loki reacquaint now that we have a Mobius that doesnt remember/know Loki it'll be a nice juxtapose to their relation this season (yes i ship it, whatever) and also also wanna see what's gonna happen with Kang overall and with Sylvie. She wasn't having a good time there.

Edited below:

So quick add, I just realised why the comparison fucks with me so much more than other shit and it's cuz it reduces both finales to shipping, thats why it annoys me, it essentially undermines Loki's whole arc and reduces it to shipping and it also undermines just how bad spn ended and why its bad since it also reduces it to a ship. Neither are bad or good because of a ship being canon or not on its own and seeing this comparison makes it seem very much like thats the reason spn ended bad and equally makes Loki ending bad because of course it would if the ship didnt go the way you wanted it. But thats not the way to measure a show like Loki or Spn, or at least def not the only measurement to apply for the end conclusion.

[khaleesiofalicante]

Hiiii daniiii

My friend ditched me so I’m getting my ears pierced tmrw 😔

Buttt a group of us are doing these challenges where you get points and then whoever has the most points gets a free meal and it’s actually kind of fun 😂

AND OH OH OH OH OH

THEON BLOODY GREYJOY HAD ME GOING FOR A SECOND THERE AHWOEOEKEKS

Honestly what even in the helliest of hells was he thinking?!?!? Dudes a maniac he’s gotta realise that bro that ain’t smart

Ngl tho I’m still confused cos it fit in with the green dream

This is how I covertly talked abt this with my dad

Theon bomped the small S’s but then he didn’t bomp then he bomped the mill instead

😂😂 my brother wants to watch it one day sooo no spoilers

Oh also I predicted Sansa’s first period. The first clue was the crying, then I looked back and it said something abt a tummy pain and I’m like yep girl just u wait 😂

And the last chapter I read was that crazy one that starts out not too bad but then you’re at the end and this has turned into a mega ship battle like waaaaa

Gendry is roberts right? He’s the boy ned visited?

Alsoooo I’m up to date with tlnd now and I’m very much enjoying this Rafael/max content and yeeeees the Selena thing had me going my gosh

Went to Waterstones today and managed not to buy a book! Yay me! Then I got given a student plus card so that’s always fun

Funny Donut story: every Wednesday me and my friend go to Dunkin Donuts (it’s in the Uk now) and they’re proper sized, decent topping, filling, dough, for like £1.85 rihjt

Then you go to Morrisons, and there’s Krispy Kreme donuts, and they’re tiny and sweaty and not that nice, for like £2:50

Like brooo who’s gonna get one of those ugly things when they can go get actually decent donuts for like a quarter of the price or smth?!?

I’m so near to the end of a clash of kings I’m so excited

Idk if I said this earlier but I’ll say it again, every time o think abt rereading lord of the rings I wanna cry it is EMOTIONAL 😭

Sorry for a long one today, I’ll read tlnd now and munch my salt and pepper chips - maube you’ll get a reaction ask 🤭

❤️ love ya dani ur the best, sending you Norman the pigeon as a present

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Your friend group is VERY COOL.

AHH THEON. I can't with him! And yes Gendry is Robert's illegitimate son.

Max/Rafe supremacy only. Also how you go to a bookshop and not buy books? Teach me your ways!

Thank you for the random donut story. You are the cutest ever,

Yas to almost finishing CoK. Also, you watched the ToLTR movies right? What did you think of the casting? Any faves?

Hope you have a great week, love.

Normal looks very chill. I love your boots btw!

[karasunology]

⸙ ˚₊ ➷ OIKAWA TOORU & SUNA RINTAROU WITH A SISTER WHO HAS FLINGS & LIKES DATING DIFFERENT GUYS ! ❞

✎ . . . hiya! can i request headcanons for oikawa and suna with a sister that likes dating different guys like flings or something?? thank u

❝ ― submitted by @nonnie <33 ❞

-ˏˋ ➶ character(s) ━ oikawa tooru & suna rintarou <3

-ˏˋ ✉️ REQUESTS ARE ALWAYS OPEN.

⇣ please read the RULES before requesting.

[ ♡ ] phew, this is one of my KINDA old requests, kinda because they're nothing compared to literal months old asks rotting in my inbox. came back to my drafts and saw this sitting there unfinished so why not complete it before oikawa's birthday? ( don't worry i have another oikawa thing in my drafts & it's a LONG one. )

OIKAWA TOORU.

➜ okay, hear me out, oikawa is actually not for having relationships left and right. i feel like he's the type that would have ocassional flings and flirst every now and then but, HAVE YOU SEEN HOW DEDICATED THIS MANS IS WITH VOLLEYBALL?

➜ he ain't got time for that i'm sorry honey

➜ and no, oikawa, you weren't the one that broke up with her stfu and SIT DOWN

➜ unlike you, that would constantly have those cash cash money flings with many guys coming home to your house

➜ y'know ,, just to study <3

➜ like calm yer tits ma'am😳✋

➜ I'M JOKING YOU CAN DATE WHENEVER AND WHOEVER YOU WANT LIKE THE ROYALTY U ARE

➜ probably makes them go away with the AMOUNT OF BLACKMAIL MATERIAL HE HAS ON YOU KAJJSJXJXJD

➜ as i said in my general big bro headcanons, he knows that 1626 crushes you had, so mans is ALWAYS updated with your love life💅

➜ knows probably knows of them since he's so popular

➜ would never let you change your wallpaper of the two of you together with that rubbish you call your one week boyfriend UNTIL he knows that the man you're replacing him would be someone you'll marry

➜ would INTERROGATE every guy that comes into the house

➜ bombard them with questions

“what are your intentions with my sister?”

“ yohoo, do you wanna know what happened about the last guy that broke my sister's heart? <3 ”

➜ youtube title be like : i almost killed my sister's ex?!? 😈😱😵 [ NOT CLICKBATE. ] [ STORY TIME. ]

“ i know your address pretty boy ”

➜ you probably won't get privacy with them, because he's always up your bussiness

➜ definitely would 10/10 crash your date in your bedroom that he knows MIGHT escalate to something else😀 with iwaizumi and his beefy arms 🙈 just to make sure that the guy won't try anything that might lead him to having iwa's lovely ,,, hot ,,, and beefy ,,, arms around his neck and ascend to heaven

➜ once the guy passes his interrigation, he'd let you guys go to your bedroom IF you would only open your door.

➜ no frisky bussiness please, thx xoxo

➜ would purposely practice his serves when he's near them because he'z that bitch ok

➜ gotta show them who's BOSS y'know?

➜ if he's in the mood to break some boys' heart, he'd help you prank them while he's the one texting them while you guys just laugh your assess out

➜ izaaa prankk🙈

➜ but he only does that to the fuck boys that he KNOWS just wants to get in your pants

➜ honestly i could see him prank them and send a dick pick from WHEREVER HE FOUND IT, and send it to them telling them you're actually a guy HAHAHSHS

➜ 😭😭

➜ would 9/10 of the time have u end up being blocked😭✨

➜ uh but in a serious topic tho

➜ as much as he loves you, he'll never hesitate to tell you that you're in the wrong IF you start just leading the boys on

➜ like ?? I LOVE HIM.

➜ he doesn't like you to be hurt but that also doesn't give you the excuse of hurting others

➜ UGh lit RALLY GRAND KING !! 👑

➜ but in the end of the day, he doesn't want you to get hurt the most. he doesn't care if you're having these flings but PLEASE don't date anyone that you know that could break your heart because honestly? it'll also break his

SUNA RINTAROU.

➜ rarely comes out of his room whenever you got your one of "boy toys" in the house, as he would like to call them

➜ doesn't go out of his room but whenever he does and sees the current boy you were with, he'd LOOK SO INTIMIDATING WHILE HE LOWKEY SIDE-EYES HIM ABAJAJJAJH

➜ the shade suna omg

➜ probably has a lot to say about your exes and flings but doesn't actually say them

➜ your flings/exes probably knows he doesn't like them

➜ best case scenario is that he doesn't care about them

➜ would never EVER let them come to ur ungodly trips to mcdonalds

➜ sorry i dont make the rules

➜ suna does

➜ he just thinks that trips to mcdonald are one of your guys' most sacred ritual that not even your parents could come with y'all

➜ doesn't like it when you text your current fling while y'all are having quality sibling bonding

➜ and by quality sibling bonding, he meant going to mcdonalds or any opened fast-food resturaunt at 2 am <3

➜ just like oikawa, i could REALLY REALLY SEE THIS BOY DO PRANKS TO FUCKBOYS THAT GAVE YOU THEIR NUMBER

➜ like no really, look at me in the eye and say that this mf won't do that

➜ 👁👁

➜ unlike oikawa though, he doesn't um,,, really care of those that aren't people he hold dearly close to his heart

➜ and to take out all the sugarcoated words i said, i meant that he doesn't give two shits if you go on flings after another since you ARE allowed to experiment with your dating life; who's he to tell you off y'know??

➜ BUT !! mans isn't a cold-hearted stone-cold bitch, so he does subtly tell you that being a two-timer is just,,,, not the move and actually purposely hurting people's feelings

➜ he's a good guys sometimes ok