#whoever paid for this ad. I'm starting into your eyes. kill yourself. i mean it. jesus fucking christ why did you think that was a good idea

[trenchcrows]

Holy shit????

[mikasimaginairyworld]

The Umbrella Academy: Firecracker - Valhalla (15/30)

The Umbrella Academy Masterlist

warnings: substances (alcohol)

word count: 3678

"You know, I'm starting to get the feeling that dad' avoiding us.", Five said as he Lila, Diego and Nailah watched Reginald's car drive away.

"Hate to be the boring one guys, but it's time to get. the hell out of here.", Lila said seeing security slowly show up.

"When you say 'we' who exactly are you referring to?", Five asked with a biting tone.

Nailah shot Five a warning look but he ignored her.

"Not a lot of ambiguity in that sentence.", Lila scoffed.

"Listen, I don't know who you are but where you came from, but whatever it is, I advise you to return posthaste.", Five spat at Lila with a dangerous spark in his eyes.

"She's right, Five. We need to get out of here.", Diego tried to intervene.

"I just saved your life you kinder-shit.", Lila said offended at Five's accusations. "If I hadn't stepped in all that would be left of you is that pretty suit your girlfriend bought you."

Five scoffed: "And that's the problem. You're too good. You ask too many questions. You know too much. And you fight like you know what you're doing."

"Five.", Nailah warned.

"No, no. He's got a point.", Diego agreed.

"So I know how to handle myself, and that makes me the bad guy?", Lila asked offended.

"Whoever you are, you're in my way. If I see you again I will kill you.", Five announced.

Nailah walked away annoyed at Five's carelessness muttering something about God testing her. Five's judging gaze lingered a moment longer on Lila then he followed his sister.

Even though Nailah was short she made huge steps and Five had to jog lightly to catch up to her.

"Why are you mad?", he asked confused.

"Seriously, Five? I told you mere hours ago: control yourself and don't give out too much information. And what do you do? You just revealed your greatest advantage, that you don't trust her."

"So? Now she's out of my way."

"Oh my God, Five. This is literally the most rookie mistake you can make. I really expected more form the apparently best assassin in the whole timeline.", Nailah scoffed. 

Back at Elliott's house where Luther was making a gigantic pan of eggs Diego kept muttering: "No, no, no I don't understand. They keep following me."

"Who?", Luther asked.

"Those Dutch psychopaths."

"They're Swedish you idiot.", Five corrected leaning against the doorframe with his hands in his pockets. "Hired guns paid to eradicate us before we do any more damage to this timeline."

"Great. Why don't you call them and tell them we're here? Sine you like to eradicate any scrape of our advantage.", Nailah commented venomously pouring herself a cup of coffee. Five followed her figure but kept his lips pressed in a fine line. Nailah hummed in satisfaction.

"Yeah, but why now?  I mean I was fine for three, four months before you showed up.", Diego snapped his fingers in frustration while ignoring Nailah's comments.

"Yeah, I was here for a year and no one messed with me.", Luther agreed.

"Same here. Quite like a grave.", Nailah added taking a sip from her coffee.

Five inhaled annoyed: "Even if it was my fault, which it isn't, we only have six days before the end of the world, and the closest we've gotten to dad was that driveway at the consulate."

"Well, that's not entirely true...", Luther admitted. He explained to his siblings how right after he had arrived in Dallas he began saving money and as soon as he had enough he travelled to their family home. He found Reginald hosting parties and with a raging hatred for children. Apparently he insulted Luther and threw him out.

"That's pathetic.", Diego commented at the end of the story.

"Yeah, well at least he didn't shank my ass.", Luther bit back shovelling his scrambled eggs into his mouth. Nailah shuddered at the sight. She hated eggs with passion.

"No, bro. he shanked your heart. That's way worse.", Nailah said taking another sip of her coffee.

"God morning, Nailah. You look... nice.", Elliott said. Nailah threw him a confused smile. "Is that my bathrobe?", Elliott asked from the doorway looking at the garment Luther had put on. "No?", Luther tried.

"Look, who cares what he shanked? He knows something about time travel.", Five said.

"Wait, why don't you just do your thing and time travel us out?", Elliott asked raising his hand. 

"Anyone care to explain?", Five asked pacing around the room.

"First time he tried he got lost in the apocalypse. Second time he ended up as the 13-year old self, which I aged up, without getting any gratitude might I add. And the third time he tried our whole family ended up scattered across 3 years in Dallas.", Nailah explained.

​​​​​​​"Possibly triggering doomsday.", Five added.

"Oh. You aged him up?", Elliott asked.

Nailah shrugged: "Yeah. He's not the only smart one."

"Of course not. That's not what I was implying. I mean I knew you were smart, I just thinks it's impressive for you...", Elliott started to stutter.

Five interrupted him annoyed: ​​​​​​​"She gets it, Elliott."

Nailah shot Five an irritated glare: "I can speak for myself, Five. Thank you Elliott. It's nice to be appreciated.", The last part was again directed at Five accompanied by an expressive look.

"You're missing the big picture. Dad is the ringleader of a sinister cabal that's planning to kill the president.", Diego interrupted before Five could say something back.

"What?", Luther asked in between bites.

"Ignore him.", Five sighed. "Look, the way I see it we only have one option."

"Oh yeah? And what is that?", Luther scoffed.

"It's time to get the umbrella academy back together.", Five announced.

"Family meeting. Yay.", Nailah said dryly picking up an orange from the counter.

"Okay then, can one of you get Allison please?", Luther asked shoving even bigger bites of scrambled eggs from the seemingly never-ending portion.

"You two still a thing?", Diego asked with a knowing smirk.

Luther crooked his head. Diego leaned forward: "Do we need to talk."

"No, she's married.", Luther mumbled.

Nailah choked on her coffee: "What?"

"Whoa, dude. That's rough.", Diego commented.

Luther send him an ironic smile: "I can handle it."

Nailah wiped the coffee off her chin muttering: "How does she get a husband in every single timeline and I can't even get a date?"

Elliott began stammering again but before he could form any word he got interrupted by Five: "Don't even think about it Elliott. I'll go get Allison."

"Can you get Vanya without ehh, squeezing her to death?", Five threw at Luther walking past him while ignoring the sceptical look from Nailah.

"I'll try.", Luther answered dryly and Five blitzed away.

​​​​​​​"What should I do?", Elliott asked clearly hoping for a green signal from the other Hargeeves brothers.

​​​​​​​"Prepare for company.", Diego smiled. "Oh and listen to Five. Nailah's off limits."

Nailah scoffed but smiled lightly. She had missed the protectiveness of her siblings a slightest bit.

"Y'all know, jell-o used to be delicacy. You know, in order to make it you gotta boil down a whole mess of hooves, you know horses, cows, pigs, it doesn't matter. But not everybody just has a mess of hooves laying around. It wasn't until a couple of sassy New Yorkers figured out how to dry it out so the rest of us could have a chance to enjoy this ambrosia.", Elliott explained excitedly pointing at the colourful tray of jello-o in front of them on the table.

Luther had brought Vanya without triggering her powers and she was now sprawled on the couch with a bored expression. 

"if we have some, will you shut up?", Diego asked dryly.

"Maybe. Here. Nailah?", Elliott handed the disgusting looking food to Nailah.

"Thank you, Elliott, but I'm vegan.", she said trying to hide her disgusted face.

Diego scoffed: ​​​​​​​"Since when? I saw you yesterday devour a whole salami."

Nailah looked at him with venom in her eyes: "Since this morning."

"Oh, okay. Sorry.", Elliott said and handed the bowl to Luther who being Luther just accepted and began eating. 

"How you feeling?", Luther asked Vanya.

"Pretty shitty, to be honest."

"Where would you say you are on a scale from one to ending all life on this planet?", Diego asked flicking his knives.

"Really? That's what you chose to go with?", Nailah scoffed.

​​​​​​​"Diego, put the knife away, you idiot. She's fine.", Luther hissed.

​​​​​​​"The last time I saw this one she had me suspended mid-air sucking the life out of me with energy tentacles. I think I'm allowed a little time to process.", Diego pointed the knife at Luther.

Nailah fished it out of Diego's hand as Elliott intercepted: "I would love to see an energy tentacle."

"Shut up, Elliott.", Nailah, Diego and Luther said in a chorus.

​​​​​​​"Look, I don't remember what I did but I'm sorry. If it means anything.", Vanya said silently.

"It does.", Diego smiled at her lightly. "Just going through a lot right now."

"Oh my God.", Nailah mumbled leaning her head on her fist.

​​​​​​​"If you don't care you can just go.", Diego shot her an angry look.

​​​​​​​"Oh, I care. You just chose the perfect moment. But go on.", she bit back.

​​​​​​​"There's this girl that I like.", Diego continued. ​​​​​​​"I though she liked me but it turns out she just.."

Diego got interrupted by a knock on the front door. "Oh thank God.", Luther sighed quickly standing up.

The group stood on the balcony watching Allison and Klaus enter the building after Five. Both were completely drunk and kept mumbling word about death in French.

"Oh wow. I know this is impossible but did we all get sexier?", Klaus lulled taking off his sunglasses.

For a moment the siblings looked at each other. Klaus was maybe right. Diego had grown out his hair, which was a pretty daring change, Luther had finally found clothes that looked good on him, Vanya as well. And Nailah, well she'd always loved fashion and knew how to present herself.

Five's gaze flew over his siblings and with slight satisfaction he had to admit that Klaus indeed was right. His eyes stammered for a longer second on Nailah's wild curls covering her face. The 60s makeup and style suited her even though Five knew she absolutely hated the pants and blouses.

Diego chuckled lightly seeing Klaus and Nailah send Allison an air-kiss just as they had done when they were kids. "Vanya.", Allison sighed.

​​​​​​​"I can't believe I have another sister.", Vanya chuckled walking down the stairs to hug Allison. Nailah followed and after nodding as a response Allison's questioning look, Allison hugged Vanya back.

"Oh you are drunk.", Diego scoffed smelling Klaus' breath.

​​​​​​​"Yeah no, just a little, a few..", Klaus stammered and giggled. "Oh that's so sweet.", he grabbed his heart seeing Allison and Vanya hug. He wrapped his arms around them and waved for Nailah to join. 

"Klaus. Is Ben here?", Five asked. 

​​​​​​​"Oh, no. No, unfortunately ghosts can't time travel.", Klaus stretched his back. Nailah narrowed her eyes and crooked her head not really believing.

"All right then. Let's get down to business."​​​​​​​, Five announced not reacting to Nailah's questioning look. 

​​​​​​​"Alright, first off I wanna say I'm sorry.", Five began as soon as everyone had found a seat in the living room area at Elliott's. ​​​​​​​"I know I really screwed the pooch on this whole going-back-in-time-and-getting-stuck thing. But the real kick in the pants here is we brought the end of the world back with us."

"Oh my God, again?", Klaus explained pouring himself and Nailah a rather full glass of whiskey.

When he saw all the not surprised faces he sighed: "All of you knew? Why am I always the last one to find out about the end of the ... Oh my God! My cult is gonna be so pissed, Five! I told them we had until 2019."

"We have until Monday. Six days.", Five announced unphased. 

"Is it Vanya?", Klaus asked taking a sip.

"Klaus!", Allison exclaimed.

"Well, it is usually Vanya. No offence.", Nailah agreed taking her glass from Klaus.

"None taken.", Vanya smiled at Nailah. "Do you have any leads,  Five?"

"Only one.", Diego handed Five a file with the picture of Reginald Hargreeves on the grassy knoll. 

​​​​​​​"Diego, Nailah and I have been trying to talk to dad about what exactly this means. So far we've got nothing.", Five explained.

"Not nothing.", Diego intercepted to which Nailah groaned. ​​​​​​​"He's planning to kill Kennedy."

"Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. Really not important.", Nailah said in a sing-songy voice and took another great gulp from her glass.

Before Diego could answer Five interfered: ​​​​​​​"We don't know who or what sets doomsday in motion. Could be Kennedy, could be something entirely independent. But if we know something changes the timeline we have to make it right."

​​​​​​​"Yeah but how if we don't know what's broken?", Allison asked.

"Come on. Do the math. We know dad's having some shady-ass meetings with some shady-ass people. We know. he's on the grassy knoll in three days to kill the president. So I think we all. know what we have to do."

"Kill dad." "Find dad.", Diego and Five said at the same time and looked at each other confused. Nailah chuckled and Allison raised her eyebrows.

"None of us are supposed to be here right?", Vanya asked. "I mean what if it's us?  Has anyone here done anything to screw up the timeline?"

Klaus shook his head, Nailah crooked hers with her lips in a fine line, Diego stared at the carpet, Allison poured herself more vodka and Luther raised his eyebrows. Five sighed heavily and rubbed his temples.

​​​​​​​"Diego's been stalking Lee Harvey Oswald.", Luther admitted.

"You're working for Jack Ruby! And Nailah's an assassin!", Diego defended himself.

"Hey! I've never killed anyone important enough to mess with the timeline! You wanted to change the whole history!", Nailah send the accusation back to Diego.

"Allison's been very involved in local politics.", Klaus said.

"Okay, you started a cult.", she shot right back. Klaus growled at her and hissed.

​​​​​​​"I'm just a nanny on a farm. I don't have anything to do with all that.", Vanya said.

"Well, maybe you do we just don't know it yet.", Allison said.

"Yeah, for someone who just ended the world your life seems awfully... quiet.", Nailah added.

Diego whistled sharply making his siblings look in his direction: ​​​​​"Listen to yourselves. Everything in our new life is. connected to Kennedy. That can't be a coincidence. Luther works for Ruby, Allison's protesting against the government, Nailah's an assassin, dad on the grassy knoll, Klaus is... doing something weird and perky but probably related. See clearly we were all send here for one special reason: saving John Fitzgerald Kennedy."

Nailah laughed frantically at that while the rest of the siblings began arguing. Five just stood there with a concentrated look on his face.

"Guys, you all die.", Five admitted silently. ​​​​​​​"I was there, I saw it. And I wanna forget it but I can't. I saw Russian nukes vaporise the world with all of you in it in a war that never happened until we brought it here. And Hazel gave his life to save us, so you may need. to shut up and listen to me. I don't know if the things we've experienced here are all connected. I don't know if there's a reason for everything. But dad will. We need to talk to him before everyone and everything we know is dead."

​​​​​​​"Okay, I'm out.", Luther said and just left the room.

"Did you even hear me, Luther?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I did. I heard a 58-year old man who still wants his daddy to come and fix everything. Well, you can. count me out. It's time we all. grew the hell up."

Diego immediately followed him with Nailah not far behind. "Save it, Diego.", Luther snapped at them.

Five blitzed away and appeared before Luther on the stairs. "No one leaves until we figure this out.", he announced.

 Luther sighed and just threw Five over the railing. Five blitzed away before he could hit the ground. 

"Luther!", Nailah exclaimed sliding on the railing and waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. "What was that?"

"Oh come on. He had it coming."

Nailah shrugged: "Fair enough."

​​​​​​​"Where has all that heroism gone, big guy?", she asked.

"Well, I think I've left it back in 2019.", he answered.

"Come on, Luther. You can't just leave like that. We need you."

"I don't care, Nai."

Nailah let out a sigh. "Don't worry, I'll handle it.", Diego placed a hand on her shoulder and followed Luther.

Before Nailah could return upstairs she spotted Lila running down the street in red doc martens. Not soon after she saw Five follow. Without thinking much Nailah decided to follow them.

Nailah had been following Five who had been following Lila for over an hour. Finally Lila stopped at an old paintshop. She smashed the window of the door with a piece of wood and entered the industry part of the abandoned building. Five was quick to follow and blitzed inside. Nailah quietly opened the door and pressed herself against the wall. She peeked slightly into the corridor to see Five appears before Lila.

"What's your game, crazy lady?", he asked putting his hands in his pockets.

"Who cares? You said if you saw me again you'd kill me.", Lila smiled widely.

​​​​​​​"Oh, I remember.", Five chuckled darkly.

"Well, come on then big talker. Let's get this done."  

Five blitzed away appearing on Lila's other side. He kicked in the direction of her shin but she jumped aiming her leg at his head. Five ducked but she still got his nose. Five grunted in pain and Lila ran away chuckling. Five followed and soon he appeared in front of Lila again. Nailah kept a safe distance to them. She had a perfect view on them from behind the paint barrels while being certain they couldn't see her.

Five kicked, twirled in the air and kicked again towards Lila's face. She skilfully evaded all his attacks.  Five switched his turning direction and planted a kick towards Lila's face. Then he tried to punch her in the stomach, side and head but all attacks were blocked. Lila grabbed his jacket and rammed her knee into Five's stomach. Nailah felt her fingertips pickle. She was going to intervene if she saw Five needed help but she had to keep the advantage of her position as long as possible.

Lila tried again to kick Five in the face and he ducked, slid towards her and tried to make her lose balance. Nailah saw him deliver another series of punched. She grunted annoyed when she saw it was the same as moments ago. Rookie. 

Five kicked Lila in the stomach and she disappeared behind a table. Five followed but she was actually gone. Nailah ruffed her eyebrows. Five's gaze jumped to where she was hiding, clearly sensing her powers sucking in the heat in. from the room. He saw the sparks in her eyes and his corners twitched lightly. Nailah grinned back, her eyes now clearly full of fire. Nearly undetectably Five shook his head signalling for her to stay hidden. Nailah nodded.

"I'm waiting.", Lila chirped from another side of the room. Five twirled around.

He blitzed to the spot where Lila was but the only thing left after her was her laughter. Nailah's hiding spot didn't allow her to see how Lila had managed to do that.

"Fed up yet, Five?", Nailah only heard Lila's very annoying voice.

Five grabbed an old, rusty piped blitzed to the place where Lila had been standing. But he only managed to hit the power outlet letting sparks fly.

Lila appeared behind Five and aimed her leg at his head which he blocked. He ducked down and swooped his leg under hers making Lila fall down with a dull thump. Nailah nodded to herself. A basic, pretty amateur move but effective.

Five walked up to Lila and placed his boot on her throat.

​​​​​​​"You're better than I thought.", Lila wheezed.

"And you are entirely average.", Five scoffed with a smile. Nailah giggled soundlessly from her hiding spot. She liked this side of Five.

"You can come out now.", Five said.

Nailah twitched in her spot but before she could move slow clacking of heels stopped her. It was clear Five hadn't meant her.

A very weird woman with red heels, a long cigarette and an absolutely hideous coat appeared.  

"Well done.", she praised Five. "You figured it out."

"Well, it wasn't very hard.", Five scoffed looking at Lila under his boot. "She fights like every one of you commission drones."

Nailah nearly choked on her own saliva when the realisation hit her. This was The Handler. The one that had made Five kill people at the commission.

"Hmm. No matter. Here we are.", the Handler continued. "Together again. I've gotta ask. Did you miss me, you little shit?"

-> The Umbrella Academy Masterlist

Hello everyone!

Here we are at pretty much the halfway mark for this series. I would really appreciate any feedback/ reblog/ like you can offer. I would be especially interested what you think of Nailah and her dynamic with the siblings as well as if you think her character is well integrated.

Otherwise, thank you for reading and see you next part :)

[hwauas]

🎭: "the russian roulette, 2"

kang yeosang | 강여상 - 1,154 words

it's been two days. two days since you saw your husband being killed in front of your eyes.

and since then, you didn't went out.

you barely ate. you barely drank. you spent these two days laying in bed, on your husband's side to have his scent. you were crying all day long, looking at these pictures which were taken this day he married you. this day you became miss Kang.

you didn't answer any of your calls nor texts. you wanted no one to be around you besides your husband. your husband that was no longer here.

as you felt your little one moving, you sat up in the bed, and rested both your hands on your belly.

“mom's here, baby.. don't worry.. we will go through this together..” you whispered, a little smile. after all.. this little human growing up inside of you was a mini Yeosang.. right?

you stood up and went to the kitchen. as you started to cook something for yourself, you were surprised by the doorbell.

what should you do..? you thought about who could it be. your closest friend ? she didn't text you lately, or she did but you didn't see because of your sorrow. a neighbor ? they never paid attention to you and your husband. Yeosang's friends ? probably, but you wasn't ready to tell them. Yeosang ? if only...

the doorbell rang again, and you had no other choice but open the door to whoever was here.

you went to the door, unlocked it, and opened it.

you almost cried as you saw Hongjoong and Wooyoung.

Wooyoung seemed worried and tired, and Hongjoong seemed chocked by your state.

“oh y/n.. look at you.. is everything okay..?” this was the first thing Hongjoong said before hugging you.

as you looked down, you realised what you were wearing; a loosened shirt, a large sweatpants, and a huge tracksuit jacket. everybody used to know you as the pretty and chic woman. it was so different from your usual appearance.

you were silently crying in his arms, against his torso. maybe having someone to hug you was all you needed..?

you didn't notice Wooyoung looking around the house worriedly. all that matters to you at this moment was Hongjoong's embrace.

“where's Yeosang ?” Wooyoung eventually asked. you cried harder in the older's arms. “did he go out ?”

Hongjoong then sensed something was wrong.

“y/n, why Yeosang missed all the schedules ?” Hongjoong asked.

you pulled away from his grip, and walked to the living room, forgetting about your meal.

you sat on the sofa cross-legged, looking down at your fingers.

“y/n? did something happen?” Wooyoung asked as he sat next to you. in return, you just nodded. you were thinking about the best way to tell them the news but, in fact, was there a good way?

“y/n. please.” Hongjoong spoke again. he sat down on the floor in front of you, facing you.

some tears rolled down your cheeks again, but Wooyoung was quick to wipe them away.

“Yeosang.. you'll never see him again.. no one will..” you said sadly, your voice was cracking.

“what ? what are you saying ? there's no sense. he must be somewhere !” Wooyoung said. you felt how worried and panicked he was.

“did he leave..?” Hongjoong added.

you looked up at Hongjoong, and laughed nervously. “you don't understand..” you stood up and walked in the room. you almost laughed hysterically this time. “he's dead ! ok ? you got it ? he's dead ! i saw him being killed in front of my eyes ! i saw the bullet going straight through his head ! it's okay now ?!” you cried again, harder than before. you leaned against the wall and slowly let you go down to sat on the floor. “i was here.. and i couldn't do anything.. he wanted me to do nothing.. the last thing he said.. he wanted me to wait for him..”

you tried to wipe away your tears with your jacket sleeves, but a tear was replaced by two.

Wooyoung was holding his breath, looking at you with tearing eyes. Hongjoong was crying as well as you, unable to process what you said.

you three stayed here for a moment until a burnt scent filled the room. you sat up and ran to the kitchen. forgetting about your meal had you having burnt vegetables in the wok. you stopped the gas, and used a wooden spoon to try to remove everything. you threw away all the burnt vegetables and put the wok in some water. you turned around to see Hongjoong, standing here.

“i- i don't want to leave you alone here after what happened. plus, you're pregnant. if you need anything or if anything happens.. you'll be alone. i can't bear this idea..”

you sighed as you looked down. you were in a state in which you didn't want anybody to impose you anything.

you sighed, and walked past him, saying nothing. but he grabbed you to stop you, and looked deeply in your eyes.

“i'm not gonna let you alone here. i want someone to be here to look after you” Hongjoong spoke. it made you angrier to have him holding you that firmly.

“says the one who needs his members to look after him ? because he overworks ? because he composes all day long ? because he doesn't sleep ? because he doesn't eat ? says the one who is never home, the one who is missed by all his members to the point they put pictures of you everywhere ?” you didn't think twice before saying that. and when you saw the surprise on his face and how hurt he was, you understood.

he slowly let you go of. you were quick to face him.

“Joong.. i- i'm sorry. i didn't mean to-” you started to talk, but he cut you off.

“no, it's okay. i know you meant it. it's the truth. i even wonder why i am here, worried about you and Yeosang. i mean. you're right. i'm more worried about my unfinished song than your ungrateful person.” he added and then walked out of your house.

you looked at Wooyoung who was watching pictures of you and Yeosang. he was still crying.

after all, he lost his bestfriend for 7 years..

you let him alone with the pictures, knowing so well how hard it is to face someone's death. someone you truly loved.

you took your keys to check on the mail box. there was a lot of letters here but, one espacially caught your eyes. it was an anonymous one.

you came back into your house, closed the door, and opened this mysterious letter.

"December the 5th, 2020

3:45pm

xxxx,xxxxx - xxx,xxxxx, on the highway to South"

you needed to be there. you sensed something important might happen there. you sensed you might have answers to your questions here.

and you knew exactly how you would reach this place.

[volgotha]

Holy shit I just read your text post I'm so sorry! How are people so easily sold on bullshit??? What happened that lead up to all that?

Okay, strap yourself in. I’m only typing this mess up once more and then I’m never mentioning it again as long as I live. I’m not going to tag it with anything relevant either so once its posted, i’m letting it get lost in the sea of reblogs. Here we go, warning; this is gon be long.

In 2006 I went to college. From 2006 to 2009 I hung out with 5 friends and my bf at the time, Andre. It was in 2007 that we started to poke our heads into the 2C11 room (the clubspace room). Matt and his best friend Jogn Carlo started coming with us to Rocky Horror, a thing only myself and two of my 5 friends would do together, along with ppl they knew from their old highschool. By 2009, we had formed a big gang of friends from the clubspace, and we all started going to movies and sushi together. One of my friends organize panels for Otakuthon, where we’d all meet up.      

But in 2009, two of the 5 ppl I hung out with had a falling out. They stopped being friends. One went to university, the other was around for one more year then she went to university in 2010. That’s when the old group began to change from a family to a clique: In 2010 new members joined the club, and became new staples in the old group–most importantly, a guy named Tin.

It used to feel like a big family, but when the new semester started in September 2010 and new members flooded the club, everything changed. Tin instantly gave me a strange feeling in my gut, like there was something off abt him I couldn’t articulate. Shannon was dating Alex, the then club president, who stepped down in disgrace after I and one of those 5 friends went to the student union to complain abt him being the Harvey Weinstein of the club,. He wanted to permanently ban her from the club bc that summer when he was making a shitty youtube movie, he asked her out and she said no. The only reason he stepped down is bc I helped her take it to the student union and took him down. So when 2010 came along, Tin swooped in and became Alex 2.0, and when I warned ppl abt him they didn’t listen.

Fast forward a year to 2011, and the shitstorm happens; My mom had bvee battling with cancer since 2009. She had a hysterectomy but it didn’t work, and the cancer came back with a vengance.

January 15th 2011: My mom comes into my room and tells me her doctor doesn’t give her 1 year left to live. A few minutes after she leaves my room, Tin talks to me on Steam. He starts trolling me, I exploded on him. I felt bad about it so I tried to apologise to him, and I wrote on my facebook wall a message: “Just found out my mom has a year left to live, not in my right head, plz stay away from me for a while” so i wouldn’t explode on anyone else. I said I tried to apologise to Tin on steam, because him being an abujsive sociopath, instead of just accepting the apology or not like a normal person, instead he starts demanding that i admit to being a shitdisturber. I ignore him at that point, tell him im sorry, wish him good night and then sign off steam, and go to bed.

The following day, Shannon heads me off as I’m in the 2C11 hallway heading to the clubspace room; she warns me that Kelly is having a shit fit and screaming about how much of a horrible person I am, that apparently Kelly thinks my facebook post is me using my mom as an excuse to get away with being a bitch. I run to confront her, because excuse me, no it fucking wasn’t yknow? and whatever trauma she hasn;’t resolved yet doesn’t give her the right to twist my meanings and paint me as a monster. Thats when she goes into the Oliver’s caf so I follow her, and she screams at me calls me pathetic and heads back into the clubspace, and everyone followed her and left me in the caf crying with Shannon and Alex. :/

The situation was made ten times worse later that night by a certain person named Mathew, remember him? He was supposed to be my friend. Instead, he took the opportunity to write a huge post on fb tearing me down, on which everyone else joined in taking a public jab at me. Matt was seen as the community leader at the time. He could have used his power to calm the situation down, instead he made things worse. To this day, I suspect that troll Tin is the one who twisted my words to trigger Kelly and cause all of this, and that he also had Matt in the palm of his hand, but i digress; Matt’s post convinced most of them to ditch me. That devastated me in an already overwhelmed state, and I attempted suicide a few nights later.

That summer, I saw that my former friends were all having a big party, “What Killed the Dinosaurs? The Bad Movie Night.”, and I wasn’t invited. Shannon saw how much it hurt me, so she invited to her bf’s party instead, and that’s where I met Paul.

The following school year of 2011-2012 went by without much incident. The people who had ghosted me slowly added me back, Matt even apologized for his shit, and things seemed to be on the up and up. It looked like all this drama was behind us. I was wrong.

After I graduated, I decided to go visit the club in Fall 2012. Big mistake.

I saw someone I knew, Sarah, crying on someone’s lap, and asked her what was up. She told me she was in an abusive relationship with Tin. For giving her the advice to leave him, Tin came at me on steam again, and I told him that he was an abuser, that he would not intimidate me and to go fuck himself, and I blocked him. Suddenly, Matt was trying to extort 100$ from me for 2 locks I had broken the year before, which should’ve only cost 42$. Where did that come from? Well, Tin was the club’s Treasurer that year. He was trying to get back at me for standing up to him and helping his victim escape, and he was doing it through Matt, who was going apeshit on me on MSN for refusing to pay 100$. I insisted I should only have to pay what I owe, which was 42$. He kept freaking out on me, so finally I threatened to get a lawyer involved, and that’s when he backed down. I still paid the money I owed for the locks I had broken but I blocked Matt, having had enough of his bullshit, and that’s when suddenly a bunch of ppl from the group ghosted me for good.

Why was I ghosted when Matt was clearly the one in the wrong? Because Tin. They ghosted me bc Tin told them to. Tin and Matt told them all sorts of shitty things about me and they believed them. They don’t hold Tin or Matt to any of their shitty actions though bc they don’t want the same abuse that happened to me to happen to them. They turn a blind eye to every shitty thing Tin and Matt do. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand there’s an extremely toxic abuse dynamic at play in that group.

But the story doesn’t end there. Remember that party I went to with Shannon, and that guy I met named Paul? From november 2011 to march 2015 we were together. I was isolated from whoever was left, only hung out with him and his friends. In 2014, I became close friends with a girl name d Ariel, a member of that old groiup who ghosted me. But that was probably a manufactured relationship manipulated into existance by Paul, so he could jump to her when he was done with me.

Paul was extremely abusive when no one was around. The night he left, we had a huge fight. I tried to escape the situation by running upstairs. He chased me and when I ran into my TV room and closed the door behind me, he started pounding on it and trying to push his way in. When he did manage to get through the door, I panicked, picked up a glass bottle and threw it at him, and then slammed the door again when he backed out. The bottle broke, and cut his finger very deep. He used that cut to get everyone present during the situation on his side. Nevermind all the crazy abusive stuff he had just pulled in front of them, no, I was the bad guy, and once he had them convinced, he left to my then bff’s house, who later became his new gf.

He posted a picture of the wound on facebook, and because of that and previous drama from years ago that never really went away, most of the friends I had left from Dawson believed him, and ghosted me. I couldn’t tell them that a week earlier he had raped me, and that’s why I was scared enough to throw that glass bottle at him.I filed a police report, I warned everyone who would listen to me about him, and I warned her. I did all I could.

 I was too scared to tell this story for such a long time, because if asking for understanding while my mom was dying was twisted into me using my mom as an excuse to get away with being a bitch, then asking for understanding for the outbursts I had after being raped would just be twisted into me using my rape as an excuse to get away with being a bitch. I couldn’t handle the idea of my rape being trivialized as just some excuse–and Mathew is in part responsible for it all, because of that fucking post he made publicly tearing me down. Had he not posted that, I would’ve never lost my support system, I would’ve never gone to that party with Shannon, and I would’ve never been raped.

So I spent the better parts of 2016-2018 telling those involved off for their part in my current situation and blocked them, and the rest rebuilding what I had back in 2009, with resounding success. 

So, there you have it. That’s what happened. Fuuuuuuuucking insane isn’t it. Its over now, none of them can hurt me anymore and Ive once again surrounded myself with friends I can actually trust, so everything’s good now. I still have my low days bc this was yknow, a lot, but I’m doing much, muuuuch better now.