#who's winning the trauma olympics btw

[francy-sketches]

define 'doing great'

[roboj0e]

"girl please" is a neutral phrase lmao but my bad ig. anyway, to 99% of the population a fetish and a kink mean more or less the same thing. if there's a difference could you explain it? thx... btw you're not a feminist if you think it's ok to draw or get off to sexual art of children, even if they're fictional/cartoon... you do realize a lot of shota and loli content is traced from photos of kids, right? my abuser made cartoon csem traced from my photos. :/

My dad used to force me to watch csem and distributed csem of me also exists. I actually get sent it sometimes on facebook who I know are just my dad using sock puppet accounts. Did I win the CSA Olympics? Am I now enough of an authority of this trauma to make unsubstantiated claims? I could trauma dump unsolicited on you too but I have compassion so I won't and also I'm not about to plead for my humanity from someone who won't listen and engage in good faith anyways.

I'm sorry that happened to you but it would have happened regardless of the existence of lolisho. Abusers are gonna abuse no matter what. This was the first thing I learned in therapy. What's funny is it was lolisho that help me realize my abuse. Yes I understood sexual abuse conceptually but I couldn't recognize it happening to ME until I saw my situation reflected back at me in a safe sane scenario. My therapist said it was bc I was repressing it in denial and only allowing myself to fantasize about it in a safe environment was I able to recognize it as abuse. Funny how life works like that huh.

Oh to explain I completely forgot bc I had to write this twice bc Tumblr crashed. A fetish is a sexual reliance on something to achieve sexual arousal or gratification and can be sexual.outside of sexual contexts. A kink amplifies sexual gratification, usually has to do with roleplay or sexual acts/positions/height/weight and has to be negotiated and communicated and consentual. Ppl do use them interchangeably BUT specifically with the word fetishize ur using it wrong in this case. To fetishize something there must be both dehumanization and objectification. U can not dehumanize or objectify fictional characters they are not human and are already objects.

No I don't support sexual art of children. This sort of phrasing is just a deliberate misrepresention so u can position urself as morally righteous and disengage from the conversation early and not have to examine what anyone is actually saying. They are fictional characters. They can be any age, any race and body type and have any name at any time. They are objects. They don't exist and can not accumulate trauma the way you or i can. They do not need protection.

If u don't like it that's fine. Especially considering your trauma. But ur claim is unsupported and wildly inaccurate. Do not projects ur trauma onto others especially as it pertains to facts about criminal psychology and sex crimes. This is unhealthy and will lead to paranoia that same paranoia that brought u to ur conclusion here. This is not pervasive enough in lolisho to be considered a trend or even the default. But you also could be sharing real abusive images/scenarios no matter what form of media u engage with. But that doesn't not mean we should sanitize art and media on the off chance someone could be evil. Your not exempt from the same personal responsibility ur trying to place on me just bc u don't engage in fictional pornographic material and it's not especially heinous when it's fictional art versus and any other medium. We could all be unknowingly sharing and engageing with abusive material but all we can do is protect and believe victims and figure out as a society how to reduce harm.

No banning lolisho or any media is not a solution. Studies show most csem is produced/distributed by parent/guardians. The best way to protect children is to advocate for children rights and the reduction of parental rights. Experts have been saying this for years. Children being treated like property both by law and society is what is perpetuating their abuse. Not fictional art.

Censorship is not the solution. Any historical application of censorship has always ALWAYS lead to the mistreatment and silencing of victims and marginalized communities. This will make it difficult for victims to appeal to censors and share their stories which are valuable for understanding abuse but also valuable bc it is art. And incentivizing ppl to invade other peoples privacy to be sure they have the right identity/trauma to create a specific type of art is fascism. So is censoring or banning that art. This will do nothing but silence and shame victims. This is happening still right now and has happened plenty in the past. Guilt and shame ONLY perpetuates sexual abuse.

This is also forcing ppl to engage in art and fiction with a paranoid analysis FIRST. telling ppl they can tell whose a good or bad person based on what they draw/write or engage with is not healthy and is antithetical to educating ppl on how to recognize abuse. It's irresponsible and It's giving children and teens anxiety disorders. Look at any ex anti/proship anonymous confessions. Look at the damage ppl are causing with this third grade level of word association and cause and effect. Ppl are developing POCD. Me included ALMOST.

Experts have been saying for decades now that fictional sexual material has no link to escalation into sexual violence or engaging in paraphilias. No fiction doesnt effect reality. these same psychologists that have debunked claims such as "violent video games cause violence" have also researched how it operates the same with fictional sexual material. There's no special circumstance just bc it's sex or porn.

Just bc u navigate the world on disgust and paranoia doesn't mean I have to. I listen to the science and research. While also having my own experience to draw from.

As a CSA victim with a SEX THERAPIST do u really think I would not have done my due diligence before engaging in any community?? I've done a hell of a lot of work to get where I am now. Sexually liberated and healthy. Both personal growth and LOTS of research into sex crimes. And I really don't feel like hearing regressive religiously programmed sex negative thoughts on the fiction I enjoy.

I am a feminist tho. I'm just not regressive and reactionary. 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

[dangermousie]

CFC 96

1. He Yu wakes up in the hospital and he’s not dead, and neither is XQC (who is in a much better shape than HY thanks to He Yu’s sacrifice) and now they both have to face that the secrets XQC only revealed because he thought they would die are now out there for both of them.

2. I love that the reason HY is alive (and of course HY doesn’t know this because XQC never speaks about this, which is consistent with his character but also I NEED HE YU TO KNOW!!!) is because XQC slipped off the ledge and kept putting He Yu on it and the sacrifice IS MUTUAL MUTUAL MUTUAL MUTUAL I AM SCREAMING I AM SORRY they are live a Moebius Strip and it’s just I can’t take it!!! XQC’s is not He Yu’s Rose, he is not going to let someone sacrifice without sacrificing back and the OTP that protects each other is my jam forever!

3. XQC, who is so used to wearing a mask forever, trying to put his mask back on and it’s easy for him but the mask cannot fool He Yu any more. But for XQC, he of course pushes everything back to the beginning, a complete reset. Nothing will ever be easy with these two (btw, I totally get why XQC can move on past the club once he gets how broken HY was by the videos, and how the club was an impulse however it ended up and HY still being willing to die for him - I mean he doesn’t love HY or anything but he is back to seeing him as a human being. It’s because with his past, he had to keep moving forward and not to think of the past tragedies and of all he lost, or he’d curl up and die. So it’s the same here - onward, onward, what other choice does he have?)

4. The theme of coldness and warmth is back. He Yu, who is physically hot, but emotionally so cold because of loneliness, begging for warmth from XQC (who himself is afraid of physical cold but has frozen himself so solid he doesn’t feel emotional cold after all) and the kissing!!!! He Yu will now never ever ever be able to let go of his Doctor Xie, the sole person in the world who is like him, the one he now realized genuinely cared for him. He’s like a drowning person grasping at the rescuer desperately so as not to go down (which - the irony - since when faced with actual drowning, he let go so as to save XQC.)

5. The world shifts for He Yu - as Meatbun puts it, it revealed to He Yu a XQC he didn’t know at all; and finally finally first glimpses of empathy for He Yu, for realizing and feeling someone else’s pain; and even acknowledging it can be greater than his - when he thinks XQC had more pain than him, it’s so so so so huge!!!! It’s his first step on the road of seeing others as full people, of not seeing himself as the center of universe, of finally recognizing what XQC has been trying to teach him - other people suffer as much (and in XQC’s case, HY recognizes he may suffer more - who will actually win the misery Olympics between them is beside the point btw - I have no idea of the answer and it doesn’t matter if HY is correct when he finds XQC more pitiful than him - what matters is that HY is finally finally open to the concept!) It shows that HY is capable of growing up and that his solipsism wasn’t sociopathy, it was just his being emotionally frozen as a toddler really due to upbringing and his condition and trauma and he has the capacity for growth and joining humanity (which - it’s so significant - came by leaps and bounds when he discovered he’s not alone. Because you cannot pull yourself out of quicksand by yourself - you need someone else to help you.)

6. But while the world fundamentally shifted on its axis for He Yu, it hasn’t for XQC - both in terms of knowledge but also in terms of his feelings. He’s at best back to where he was with He Yu not just prior to the club but prior to the library as well - he sees He Yu as a human and someone who needs to be helped but there isn’t passion or longing or even overwhelming gratitude as after the library (because debts have sort of balanced out.) But that’s still a huge step forward from confused anger x frozen loathing of before. He Yu is so much softer towards XQC but XQC is also so much softer towards He Yu as well. They are each other’s only kind, after all. I love the bit that HY won’t use the blood gu against XQC because he’s always felt kinship for his kind (in a broader sense, mentally ill, like the patients in the hospital) let alone someone like XQC. In the aftermath of the videos, and being unmoored, He Yu’s bottom line dismantled and we saw it with XQC wondering if he even has one any more because the ones he thought HY had aren’t there any more. But now they are slowly being rebuilt.

7. That kiss was epic and somehow more full of emotion than any of the other ones (except possibly the one in the water) and it just felt gentler even with the biting (bloodplay isn’t my bag but you do you, boys!) on both their parts. When XQC thinks “the little beast was a bit pitiful” as HY is kissing him AWWWW sorry I love it.

8. Among all the emotional upheavals, I am glad we learned the important fact that XQC’s neck is very sensitive. (Makes me think of the mole on his nape that’s sensitive - which I need to see HY kiss it and XQC feeling pleasure from it so the symbol of all XQC’s suffering becomes something that’s pleasure instead.)

9. “He Yu, is there someone in your bed?” AHAHAHHAHAHAHAH I am having flashbacks to Mo Ran hiding in CWN’s bed as Xue Meng comes in to talk.

Anyway, glorious chapter and not just because if the people didn’t interrupt we’d have probably had hospital sex :P

[voxvulgi]

Your sweet bby girl (and my adopted daughter) Hailey would probably be called out for supposedly being an indie 'manic pixie dream girl'.

|| what fandom discourse would there be surrounding my character if they were canon?

i feel like hailey will have SO MUCH DISCOURSE surrounding her, dude 🤦 i legit tried to write a novel about hailey’s backstory in the summer of 2018 and the whole time i couldn’t stop thinking that she will be called out for everything that makes her hailey. she’d be called out for being a “manic pixie dream girl” (which she IDENTIFIES AS btw, so idgaf) but also for being childlike, naive, overly optimistic, very emotional, passive, and everything that makes a “bad/weak” female character. except that the strength it takes someone to be able to remain so kind and supportive and optimistic after the kind of trauma hailey faced? bitch, please. hailey is STRONG AF and she will be dismissed as a “weak female character” because she’s an unrealistic optimist. and you know??? hailey KNOWS she’s naive. she KNOWS most of her hopes may never be met by the universe, but she CHOOSES to be this way because if she isn’t, who will be? hailey may not be actively leading her brothers’ hunts and mastering hand-to-hand combat, but she IS EXACTLY WHO SHE NEEDS HERSELF TO BE. and to me? that is enough. fuck the (hypothetical) fanon depiction of my self-identifying manic pixie dream girl. hailey wins the strong female character olympics, okay? okay

[insanetwocubes]

It’s really funny and interesting the discrepancies of Flare’s acceptance and how her baseline determined the our conflicting self issues we would have later on in life.

It’s a really big and fundamental thing and the differences between the acceptance that helped us and the lack of acceptance that is inhibiting our happiness are easy to see.

We have a few big things that’s causing core issues. And the one thing that went absolutely perfect.

Mental shit aside (even though gender is and also went beyond existing as a construct, I’m not gonna include it as merely a social construct), the big fundamental thing that went wrong is gender identity/self-expression. The one big thing that went perfect is actually funnily enough sexuality.

The thing that lyke all us gays struggle with is sexuality, managed to be the one and ONE and only thing that me and Flare just accepted and moved on with.

Flare is pan (pan) and very grey ace. I am panrom and (geyyyyy) (shit I been saying gay so much I’m blanking out on the actual term) 

Gynosexual. Sorry had a giant brain blank.

And Flare is okay. With all of those. Oh yeah and I’m of course Allo. You just talk to either of us about sex and the difference is clear.

Anyway it’s been two youtubers that I really like that came out as not straight (well one was out publically as transbinary lyke publically with the whole she-bang. Transitioned on camera all throughout the years goddamn Contrapoints you was out like now it’s everyone’s business. Kudos though hot fucking damn).

What was I on about. Oh right. It wasn’t until she and Ollie each came out as not straight-

Okay. Kinda like Thomas Sanders, Contrapoints was lyke always implying here and there (according to my memory) that she was some flavor of bi. Apparently that wasn’t lyke the truth in her brain. But anyway anyway.

I just assumed I guess if you gonna check mark one lgbtq letter, you’re gonna be gucci with being all the other letters. Now I realize that’s not even true for us.

Anyway anyway going back to the point. Both these awesome cute-ass people were lyke describing this giant struggle with their sexuality. And only now I realize that we’re (Me and Flare) weird in that we barely struggled with sexuality. Of all the different ways of being gay, we found the gay aspect the easiest to deal with lmfao.

And I’m not saying anyone who struggles with gay thoughts is a weakling pansy. I’m just saying we’re unusually cool with gay thoughts way more than most people?

This is a strength on our (actually Flare’s, I’ll get to that) part. Not a weakness on others’.

Okay I lost my point. So Flare’s hears lyke someone say once something that basically meant “finding girls hot isn’t the worst thing in the world and honestly if you don’t think girls are hot you are missing out big time dem girls like HOT DAMN.”

That’s how I would say it lmfao. But basically Flare started out as lyke “I hate boys and girls equally stop doing this sex shit at me all the time” and then someone was lyke “hey if you have ever felt like doing the sexy sex with a boy and you have the same feeling towards a girl then you are pan and it’s okay.” 

Flare was lyke “I have felt like doing the sexy sex with a boy once (1). And I have felt a similar feeling towards girls but I never really thought it was a thing.” And then she thought about it. (As much as her greyace ass thinks about sex which is lyke .1 times maybe when a blue moon is out. Or her boy’s moon is out if you know what I’m saying lmfao girl gets lyke the hots so easily for her boy she just loves him so much okay back on topic.)

And she’s lyke “so if the feeling is the same, and being pan is okay, then I am pan and it’s okay.” Anyway I realize I’m definitely not into dat gross boy dick so I got to Flare and I”m lyke “Hey fam I’m not 100% into the d like you” and Flare said “okay that’s cool.” 

So now. In Flare’s world, being pan is okay. Being gay is okay. Lyke it was easy. Just like that. I said no, Flare said ok and we were cool. Just because she was raised and influenced in a such an order of experiences that someone told her it was okay to be pan before someone told her it wasn’t okay to be gay.

I mean being gay is kinda like being pan-lite.

*offended* Bitch. Did you just try to swing your dick at me?

Bitch, I ain’t gonna not but don’t be mad if I beat your ass.

Okay anyway. I don’t wanna give anyone the impression that I”m playing gay olympics.

If you are though, I win hands down.

Then I win the trans olympics!

(Why would you want to win something like that?)

Oh here we go guys. Exhibit A. It’s 110% okay to be gay according to Flare. But if you’re trans....

Not that she’s not doing her best. We’re all still figuring things out.

But being trans is less okay. She didn’t want to tell her boy that I was trans. And she refused for a long time to use the pronouns I’m trying out (kinda having second thoughts about the it pronouns but like I said WE’RE ALL FIGURING SHIT OUT). Anyway she is so hesitant with trans thoughts and me being trans that it actually led to her misgendering me for long enough for it to hurt.

:( Sorry.

It’s okay. (I get it. I love you.)

So I guess I don’t even know what happened but it was just that the fact that if you look like a girl, you use she/her pronouns was so instilled in Flare and no one was there to say that if you look like a girl, but you use other pronouns that it’s okay and it’s cool and it’s a free country man.

I guess that if anything we’re just lyke very easily convinced by peer pressure?

We kinda fell into the whole “being gay is okay” side of the internet but-

And I say fell because the first time the subject of non-straightness ever came to our attention was because of a random discussion on a vlogger’s youtube channel.

But no one was there to specifically say “if you look like a girl and sound like a girl but you kinda don’t want to be a girl or a boy or use any of those pronouns, that it’s cool.” So I have to spend years and mental energy to fight Flare for my need to express myself as anything different than a perfectly normal girl.

I guess. The moral of the story is. Go to kids and just say. It’s okay if you like girls. It’s okay if you like boys. It’s okay if you don’t like either or both. And it’s okay if you don’t like being a girl or being a boy or being called she or he. And either way it’s okay.

And for kids who just hear that simple concept and accept it, they’re not gonna have this lyke tearful years-long struggle with being any flavor gay or any flavor of trans or any flavor of ace.

It took us literally one thought to be okay with being gay. It’s taking us literally years to be okay with me being trans.

I don’t mean any hate on Flare btw no hard feelings. Trauma made it impossible for her to deal with being “not normal” but somehow liking girls kinds slipped past it? Idk man. Girl’s traumatized, give her a break.

~Four