#who operates in the same demonic horror world that his mom forced him into

[earthnashes]

LAST OF UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

I started playing the very second it was made available to play and just finished it last night at like 4 in the morning. And of course it destroyed me. I love this series man so much man. ;w;

SO! I don’t usually do this but I’m like, fuckin’ dyin’ to talk about it a lil bit so if ya have plans to play it, SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT. <:

-Aight so lemme just say right off the bat that this game is fucking. Gorgeous. The environments, lighting, visual design, the level design, everything was spot on. And don’t get me started on the CHARACTER MODELS. AND ANIMATION. Like bro that shit was lifelike in not just appearance, the characters emoted and carried themselves with so much life they felt legitimately real. They were all so unique too; characters had unique special ticks to just them (Like Ellie pinching her fingers when nervous or upset, or Joel standing taller and squaring himself when talking about hard subjects like he’s bracing himself for it, or Jesse giving his stunted headtilt when he talks) and expressed in a way that was just. Bruh. Aight I’mma stop but fuckin hell what they pull off with the characters in specific in LoU (both part 1 and 2) is just somethin’ outta this world.

-For anyone interested in playing it, the game is roughly 22-30 hours long if you’re just focused on the story, and much longer still if you take the time to explore and find all the little secrets. Some secrets include unique cutscenes and dialogue that are well worth the look; I haven’t found all of ‘em yet but I’m considering trying a completionist playthrough.

-Joel’s death fucking destroyed me. I’m in no way surprised he died, but it hurt regardless, just how quickly things went south for him and Tommy there. And ELLIE. FINDING HIM AND WATCHING HIM GET REKT WAS PAIN INCARNATE. Set the tone hella hard and I’m fuckin’ here for it.

-I’m not gonna lie I fully expected to dislike Abby given she rekt Joel, even though I figured it was for a pretty good reason before it was revealed her pops was the doc Joel killed. But damn. I really enjoyed Abby, a lot actually. From a gameplay standpoint I dare say I enjoyed her section more than Ellie’s since you were BLASTING ENEMIES with those fuckin’ GUNS of hers. And by guns I mean her arms’, jesus she was shredded. As a character, she felt a lot like Ellie from a different perspective and mindset, and I really appreciated the reflection the two of them had. Two sides of the same coin, basically. Also I really, really liked how killin’ Joel brought absolutely no peace to Abby at all, and you caught her beginning to regret it. And it kinda sorta acted as the catalyst to her shift in how she viewed the world. I think that’s a good portion why she latched onto Yara and Lev so hard. Perspective is everything, and there is always more than just one side of a story.

-In the same vein I had a blast learning more about Abby’s friend group, dynamics, how she lived, who she worked for and her past and everything. Of them all I think I liked Nora the most, but Mel and Manny were both reaaaalll close seconds. O:

-Speaking of, DOGS. DOGS DOGS DOGS. So many dogs man and you got to play with and pet them! Fuck yeah. That should be a rule in gaming; if you have a cat or a dog in the game, you should have a button to pet it. Also good gorl Alice is best doggy don’t fight me on this. uwu

-Jesse and Dina were the beez knees I fuckin loved them man. They were exactly the sort of folks I can see Ellie being best friends with. ALSO, this one isn’t major, but I really appreciated that there was no love-triangle here? Dina and Jesse dated, smashed, didn’t work out but they still remained good friends. Ellie’s first reaction to seeing Jesse is to confess that she and Dina kissed, and Jesse readily accepted the fact that Dina moved on (and he had too). It’s just refreshing. No bullshit love triangle there, just three people who really understood each other. Also jesus christ, I really didn’t want Jesse to die. Goddamnit. But I’m so glad they didn’t kill Dina too like, I was fully prepared to see her get fucked up. Base rule of LoU: anyone you like has a high probability of dying. ;w;

-BRO THINKING OF JESSE, ELLIE, AND DINA MADE ME REALIZE THE PARALLEL OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP TO MEL, ABBY, AND OWEN. Ellie’s triangle was essentially non-existent; no feelings of betrayal or anger, just understanding and love, like there was a deep-seated bond here that would weather anything. If Jesse had lived, I wouldn’t doubt he, Ellie, and Dina would have lived together to raise the baby together. Meanwhile Abby’s triangle had Owen seeming to unable to let go of the past he and Abby had together, that poor bastard was still in love with her, and how that supplemented the slow deterioration of all three’s friendship. I was sad to see Mel turn on Abby the way she did but like. I mean.  Dude was ready to leave Mel in the dust for Abby despite HIM GETTING MEL PREGNANT. Abby also kinda did drag everyone into this, even if it was of their own violation. Oof. Though it did feel like she was angry at both Abby and Owen equally, not just blaming Abby for everything there... or at least the romantic relationship part. Honestly probably one of the few times I actually enjoyed a love triangle in a story, or at least of this caliber.

-Isaac, the leader of the WLF? He was cool as fuck. I love how much character they packed into him without even showing him too much. Like there was a scene where Nora mentions she tried to question Isaac about Owen and she said “he gave her that fucking look and told her to drop it”. Hell, when he was talking to Abby, he isn’t that much taller than her but he felt like he outright dwarfed her with the way he carried himself and how they reacted to him. I love shit like that man. But anyway fuck Isaac. uwu

-Not gonna lie I kinda wish I got to see the leader of the Seraphites, but it was hella cool to learn that she had been dead already and how the Seraphites operated with and without her. I don’t think I found everything regarding that specific point in game, but it sounded a lot like a peaceful religious leader who’s words and teachings were twisted to suit the goals of corrupt members of the tribe. She was essentially an equivalent to Jesus, at least to the Seraphites.

-I honestly really loved all of the characters introduced but I have to admit that Lev and Yara were standouts. Yara’s one hell of a big sister, lemme tell you, and the lengths she went through to make sure Lev was safe really shooketh me. AND LEV. MY CHILD. MY SON. To those of you who are familiar with the LGBT+ controversy around the game, he and Ellie are what people are complaining about. Ellie because she’s gay, Lev because he’s trans.

Lev in particular was heartbreaking. His tribe were outright hunting him for who he was, as well as Yara because she chose to protect him. The mindset the tribe had was pretty much isolated to them though.

And jesus. That scene with him and his mother? Fuck.

-YARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA :( BRUH that scene pissed me off, fuck you Isaac, you bastard.

-THE SCENE. WHEN YOU PLAY AS ABBY. AND YOU FIGHT ELLIE. WAS SO FUCKING COOL. AND SCARY. Ellie man, that section really showed how efficient and smart she is. She legit tricked me a few times not gonna lie, like I thought she didn’t see me but she’d pretend she wouldn’t, only to ambush me with a FUCKING MOLY. Also the fact that the game outright says “hey uhhhhh you can’t actually take her head on, she’ll fuck you up in a heartbeat bro”. Welp. A really strange mix of horror and sadness and pride there. Hm. :/

-Mom!Ellie was so fucking sweet to see. And it made me catch a glimpse of hope that Ellie actively tried to soldier through for her fam’s sake. But she clearly had demons she had to confront and I’m angry at Tommy for disrupting her and Dina’s life, but it felt necessary. Still made me sick to my stomach to watch her go after Dina fucking BEGS HER TO STAY. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

-Speaking of Tommy, it was so sad to see how much he fell after Joel’s death. It really showed just how much he was like his brother though; underneath a gentle man is someone you best not trifle with, and is very familiar with doing horrific things to reach a goal. Because fuckin hell, Tommy is legit a badass. That sniper part was SO. COOL. Aaaaand terrifying. RIP Manny. :/

-Bro, I’m very curious to see more about the Rattlers but. They were fucked up in a special kind of way. There’s no telling what they did to those people they captured and enslaved. Seeing Abby in the state she was in after seeing her throughout all the game in tip-top shape was painful. That poor girl was literally skin and bones and... just beaten down.

-ELLIE AND ABBY’S FINAL FIGHT WAS SO SAD. I HATED (but I loved) EVERY SECOND OF IT. I was so scared Ellie had fully lost herself there, when she threatens an unconscious Lev to force Abby to fight, who at that point, very clearly didn’t want to. Honestly. Ellie clearly didn’t either, far as I could tell, but it felt like it was the only way she knew how to confront everything. Fight it, until you kill it, or you die. It also felt like Abby understood that since she was in Ellie’s shoes once upon a time.

-I don’t care what anyone else says I’m so happy Ellie let Abby go. I’m so glad she chose not to go through with it. For so long Ellie has been angry and resentful about a lot of things, and she never got a choice once throughout the majority of her journey. As much as I will 100% agree with Joel sayin “fuck this supposed cure, fuck the Fireflies”, it’s not fair of him, or the Fireflies, to just outright take that choice from her, that she didn’t really have one to begin with. She was justifiably angry with Joel and the moment she chooses to try and forgive him, he dies. Another choice stolen away from her. The fact that she chose mercy despite everything, and it was prompted by a memory of Joel, the very reason she was doing this, is profound to me. Like she finally understood why he did what he did, and why he said he’d absolutely do it all over again. Hell, she probably even reached the understanding that her and Abby really aren’t that different from one another in that aspect.

-Ellie returning to an empty home, with Dina and JJ gone, was heartwrenching. I fully understand why Dina left and she honestly had every right to, but it still hurt man. :C AND ELLIE. PLAYING THE SONG JOEL MADE/SUNG FOR HER. ALWAYS KILLED ME. But this instance in particular was something else man like fuck I balled like a baby. Especially when it was followed by the fact that Ellie and Joel were on the cusp of mending their broken relationship only for it to be ripped away man. Goddamnit.

-ELLIE AND JOEL DUET NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. FUCKIN HELL I love this game.

-----------------------------------------

So, this isn’t really a review more than it is me just sharing some of my thoughts on the game, but if ya want me to give it a rating? 10/10. If not a perfect score? At least a 9/10.

The Last Of Us as a series is one that’s moved me more than any other game I can think of honestly (outside of Telltale’s The Walking Dead), and just like the first one, LoU2 left me thinking about it for hours after. It’s thought-provoking, it’s compelling, it’s fun as fuck, aaaaand it’s made me cry like a baby a good number of times. I also really appreciate the fact that, in this game, they actually show the consequences of your actions. Like, they made you consider the fact that you aren’t just killing grunts to get to the next enemy or mowing through mindless drones. You’re killing people, who have lives, and friends, and families.

We got to see Joel for who he was: a very broken man, with a very dark past, who has done very horrible things in this shitty post apocalyptic world, but he is a father, and protective, and loving and thoughtful, who will do anything, anything, to protect Ellie. Blood or not, Ellie is through and through his child. But Abby only saw a monster, and could you blame her? He killed her father, and countless others, and she never got the full story. Just that a man came in and killed the entire hospital, put an end to even the smallest possibility of finding a cure, killed her dad in cold blood, and walked away no problem. And then it cycles right back to Ellie, where Abby becomes her monster.

It’s just some grade-A storytelling as far as I’m concerned, and I’m someone who usually prefers happy endings. LoU always leaves me feeling bittersweet but goddamn do I love this series. I’m kinda hoping for a DLC, to be honest? Like LoU part one, where you found out about Ellie and Riley. I wanna see what happens to Ellie; I get the distinct feeling she returns to Jackson and hopefully scrounges out some semblance of a decent life there, after confronting Tommy and (hopefully) making peace with Dina. But we’ll see! uwu

[lovemychoices]

RoD- Playing with Fire. CH2 (1/2)

Book: Ride or Die

Pairing: Colt x MC

Once upon a time, an angel fell for a devil and they called it true love. -J.P.D

Kaela Matsuo didn’t think she would fall in love with someone during her senior year of highschool it was the last thing on her mind but then she met Colt while hanging out with Logan and everything changed. After taking down Jason and saying their heartbreaking goodbyes will Kaela and Colt ever find a way back to each other again? And if they do are they ready to face new obstacles together?

Disclaimer : Characters except my OCs belong to Pixelberry, I am just borrowing them.

I’m not a professional writer, just someone with a creative outlet finding a way to express herself. (And trying to improve as I go.) Also sorry for the grammatical errors in advance, I like only double check my work once.

Word count : 2123

Chapter Summary: A heart breaking phone call and a broken Kaela.

A/N : Ha! Finally posted the second chapter of this series. Sorry I’m really bad at updating been busy with life and work stuff, what was thinking doing more than 1 series 🤷🏻‍♀️. This chapter will consist of 2 parts.

Big shoutout to @thecordoniandiaries and @client-327 for listening to my ramblings and throwing ideas around.

Rating : This is a PG-18 series, there will be Violence, NSFW and other PG-18 stuff. If you read this you acknowledge you are above 18 years old.

Warning/ Triggers : A lot Angst, mentions of character death. I’m sorry this chapter might only contain 2% fluff or no fluff at all. If you think you can’t handle this cup of Tea you may skip this chapter. You have been warned!

Tagged list : @thecordoniandiaries @leelee10898 @annekebbphotography @desiree-0816 @emceesynonymroll @jessiembruno @jlpplays1

Rod tag list : @liamzigmichael4ever @client-327 @brightpinkpeppercorn @lovehugsandcandy @lilyofchoices @justdani14 @zaffrenotes @queenkaneko

Song Inspiration: Chord Overstreet - Hold On

Loving and fighting

Accusing, uniting

I can't imagine a world with you gone

The joy and the chaos, the demons we're made of

I'd be so lost if you left me alone

Ximena’s words hit Kaela like a knife to the heart, her breath catches her throat trying to process everything, her body trembled unable to form the next words. This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening. “Tell me this isn’t true X, tell me this is just one of Colt’s stupid plans or something.” She stammers. “How do you even know it’s him it could be someone else?!”

“Because. Because we were working together on a job when it happened. Something went wrong the cops got wind of our operation and they ended up chasing him, the roads were slippery from the rain and he. He just lost control. I overheard from the police scanner that he was found dead on the spot. Kaela I really am so so sorry, I know how much Colt meant to you, how much you both meant to each other.” She informs Kaela regretfully.

“W— Where is he?” Kaela asks her breath shaky but Ximena hesitates from answering. “Ximena where is Colt? Where did they take the body? Please answer me!” She pleads desperately. Ximena could feel that Kaela was hurt and being in denial, not wanting to face the reality of losing Colt. She treads carefully before she finally speaks. “Kaela, it’s not a good idea. The accident it messed Colt up badly, he wouldn’t want that image of him to be the last thing you remember.”

“I don’t care Ximena!” She belted. “I want to see it with my own eyes. I have to please, please, please.” Her voice cracks, her eyes start welling with tears. “Please I need to see him.”

Ximena hesitates again but finally gives in, she gives Kaela the address. Kaela quickly grabs her purse and keys from the counter but before she hangs up there was something else Ximena had to tell her. “Kaela before you go you should know, your dad. He is the one who is handling the case.” Kaela pauses at the threshold of the door when Ximena mentions her dad, they haven’t been close ever since the whole MPC argument. Sure they talked every once in a while to catch up on each others lives but things were never the same as they were before.

She closes her eyes then lets out a calm sigh. “Thank you Ximena, I know you’re risking a lot just by calling me right now.” “Take care Kaela.” Ximena advises her then hangs up. Kaela shoves her phone into her handbag slamming the door behind her quickly races to find Colt.

****

Kaela drove as fast as she could, hitting the gas pedal speeding across the highway. Swiftly maneuvering through the city and over taking every car that was in her way, she could feel the rush of adrenaline in her blood. “I promise I’ll find away for us to be together again.” The memory of Colt’s words the last time they saw each other came crashing back, tears began welling up in her eyes once more and she quickly wiped them away. She needed to see if it was really. Please don’t let it be him. She quickly put her car in park upon arriving at the coroner's office. Getting out and slammed the car door behind her, not caring that she was double parked.

“Excuse me miss you can’t be here at this hour.” The security at the front desk exclaimed as she barges into the building. Kaela ignores the security guard, quickly pacing past him looking at the signs above for the morgue. She turns the corner and she sees him, her dad standing outside the door that leads to the morgue. “Dad!” She called running towards him. Mr. Matsuo turns his eyes widen, hands in his pocket. “Kaela? W— What are you doing here?” He stutters. “You shouldn’t be here Kaela.”

“I need to see him.I need to know if it’s really him” She tries to head for the door leading to the morgue but he stops her blocking her path giving her a regretful look. “Dad what are you doing to get out of my way.”

“Kaela please don't do this, don’t make yourself hurt anymore than you already have.” He pleads but Kaela doesn’t listen trying to force her way in. He finally shows her a clear evidence bag to get her attention. “Kaela these are some of the things we found on him or at least what we managed to salvage.” She swallows a lump in her throat when she sees what was in it, among the things was a familiar Jade Kitsune.

****

Flashback here..

It was the night of senior prom, the first time Colt and Kaela confessed their love for each other, it was also the first time they slept together. The first time she gave herself to someone. Kaela nestled herself under his arms, her head resting on his bare chest feeling a sense of total bliss. How could anyone with the tendency to bring danger wherever he goes make her feel so safe at the same time. “What’s on your mind sweetheart?” Colt calmly asked while he traced soothing lines on her arm.

“Just thinking about how much I wished we could stay like this forever. No schemes, no bad guys to take down. Just us.. like this in this moment.” She murmured.

“Believe me I’ve been thinking the same thing.” He replied then heaves a sigh. “But we’re going to have to go back to reality soon.”

Kaela turned stretching her hand toward the side table grabbing her small clutch, she opened it and took out a small jade pendant then handed it to Colt. “Is this a Kitsune?” Colt asked cocking an eyebrow as he rubbed his fingers on the Jade pendant. “Mhmm..” She hummed nestling herself back into his arms. He turned the Kitsune behind and noticed some Japanese symbol engraved to it.

ケイラ

“What does this mean?” He questioned. Kaela rolled onto her stomach, propping her head on her hands and smiled when she saw the engraving on the Jade pendant. “It’s supposed to be a translation of my name when written in Kanji. When I was a child, my cousin was babysitting me and decided it was a good idea to let a six year old watch a horror movie. I was traumatized for weeks after that, I couldn’t sleep without the lights on. Then one day my mom gave me this, she told me that Jade crystals are used in asian cultures to ward off evil and that Kitsune’s are known to bring wisdom, long life and luck.”

“They are also known to be tricksters.” He added with a devilish grin. “You’re not the only one with some Japanese blood running through their veins, remember?”

“Maybe that’s why I’m attracted to you.” She winked. “Really? I thought it was because of how cute I was.” He chuckled and she swats him playfully, her expression quickly changes into something sincere. “I want you to have it Colt. It kept me safe all these years, it would make me feel better knowing you have it with you.”

“Kaela I can’t take this from you. You said so yourself your mom gave it to you. I know that this must mean a lot.” He replied.

“It does, but you mean a lot more to me so I want you to have it. Just promise me you’ll keep it with you wherever you go.” She grinned.

Colt doesn’t answer at first instead he pulled her into a deep kiss, when they parted he tucks a strand of loose hair behind her ear. “I promise you, I’ll keep this close to me until my very last breath.”

***

Present day..

Kaela’s shoulders drop when she sees the Jade Kitsune she gave Colt the night of her senior prom. She felt her body tremble and drops on to her knees, pressing her hands on her head and cries. “No, no, no.This can’t be. This can’t. I can't. I can't. I... I can't. I can't. No. It hurts. It hurts. Just make it stop! Please make it stop! It hurts!”

Mr.Matsuo saw how much the news affected her. His heart feels like it’s breaking into a million pieces watching his daughter like this but what’s done can’t be undone. He kneels down and gives her a tight hug rubbing soothing circles trying to comfort her. “It’s okay Kaela. It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.”

But how could she be? Every inch of her body was hurting when the realization that she would never see him, talk to him or touch him ever again hit her. That last piece of hope that she was clinging on to that piece that kept her going it was gone. Kaela couldn’t think, she couldn’t breathe, She felt like she was suffocating. “I can’t. I can’t breathe. I can’t. Please make it stop. Dad just make it stop! Make it stop!”

****

A few months have passed since she got the heartbreaking news about Colt, they say a broken heart will heal over time but time did nothing for Kaela. Losing Colt hit her hard, she was falling back on all her classes, her grades were slipping, so she decided to take a semester off. She lost a lot of weight because she wasn’t eating well, she wouldn’t leave her apartment unless she had to work or buy some things at the grocery. She isolated herself from the outside world.

“Ah! What the actual fuck?!” Kaela growls as the blinding sunlight pierces through her eyes.

“Get up, we’re going out tonight!” Riya exclaims after opening the curtains, she pulls Kaela’s blanket away from her. Kaela takes a small plush pillow next to her and covers her face from the blinding light, letting out an exasperated sigh. “Go away Riya, I’m not in the mood to go anywhere right now.”

“I'm serious Kaela!” Riya insisted placing both hands on her waist but Kaela pretends not to care. When she sees how stubborn Kaela was being, she drops her shoulders and heaves a sigh. She hated seeing her best friend like this, she takes a sit on the bed next to Kaela. “Listen, I know how much you loved Colt and I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through but it’s been almost 3 months Kaela, even if you’re not over him you can’t just live your life like this forever. When was the last time you went out for fresh air or even had a proper meal?” Riya asked but Kaela still refuses to answer her. “I’m not asking you to move on from Colt if you’re not ready, I just don’t want you to spend the rest of your life miserable and all alone. You haven’t been out in ages, who knows this could be good for you? Meeting new people, opening new doors. Just try Kaela, if not for me then for yourself.” Riya got up from Kaela’s bed and heads for the door she hesitates at the threshold then looks over at Kaela. “There’s a party tonight at Mike's house if you happen to change your mind I’ve sent you the e-vite along with the address. I really hope you’ll come.

Kaela waited until Riya left the apartment before getting out of bed, feeling dizzy as she slowly stood up. She heads to the bathroom dragging her fit. A nice long soak in the tub would be good. She dips her hand into the water to make sure the temperature was right. As soon as the bath was ready, she strips off her clothes and slowly stepped into the bathtub.

She closed her eyes trying to relax, trying to forget until mind slowly drifted and she found herself submerged in the water. But then she hears the voices, a surge of memories come crashing all at once. I love you Kaela.. I promise I’ll find a way for us to be together again.. Kaela I’m sorry… I can't. I can't. No. It hurts. It hurts.. Just make it stop! Please make it stop! It hurts!... I love you, Colt. Hold on to that. Kaela emerges from the water, gasping for air. She could feel her heart pounding as she panted, trying to catch her breath.

Once she managed to compose herself, she gets out of the tub and dries off before wrapping herself in a towel then heads to the sink. Kaela wipes the mist that built up on the mirror, she then leans against the sink staring at her reflection. She doesn’t recognize the person standing in front of her, it looked like an entirely different person, like someone who was broken inside and out. Fuck maybe Riya was right, I need to get out of this apartment a night out should help make me forget.

[moonymauve]

A short story inspired by the Red String mythology...

HER

          I’ve always known that I was different, and people made sure that I would never forget it. Of course, they didn’t have the courage to torment me, but the looks in their faces said plenty. Disdain, pity and horror were the daily scrutinization painted in their looks when they saw me.

          Pity because my mother gave birth to me prematurely. And not only do I have numerous illnesses because of it, I also don’t have a mother; two came in the operating room and only one came out, guess who it was? Me.

          Disdain because my jerk of a father decided he didn’t want me anymore, admitted that he only stayed with mom because he was afraid of her parents, and lied to my grandparents that I died as well. So instead of letting them take care of me, he left me in an orphanage because he feared that they wouldn't let them go alive. He made me an orphan while he lived his life in some glorious place. What’s worse is that other people here think it was my fault, so they disregard me as some trash not to meddle with.

          And horror because when I died early in the delivery, I came back to life, but I brought something from the spirit world with me. Ever since I was resuscitated, another eye was opened-- a third eye, per se, and until now, I could see what walked in the spirit realm without actually being there. But other than the immortal creatures that secretly walked the Earth, there was something else from the many gifts of the gods that I could see.

“No!”

         It had been exactly two years since I got out of the orphanage, no one would adopt me so I had to wait till I turned eighteen before I could leave. In the first few months, it was more than difficult to finally be on my own, to not rely on the caretakers to support me, but the moment I got the hang of it, surviving became living. I managed to get a hold of a part-time job in a flower shop and pay for a cheap bed space for women that was convenient enough to be of walking-distance from the university. Not only that, I wasn't truly alone.

         During my days in the orphanage, I discovered I had the power to see past the mortal boundaries, and although it did scare the other children, it was comforting to know there was someone walking the same path I had. But what was most comforting and a little less frightening, was the red thread that circled my pinky. In my childhood, I tried numerous ways to sever it, and even asked help from the gentler spirits that came, but much to my dismay, nothing worked. However, when a tennyo came to me on the night of my seventh birthday, she told me the tale of how the tiny string, annoying it may be, was a fragment of the universe, and that on the other end of it was the soul meant for mine.

         Telling a seven year old such a story was not a good idea, and in the end, I just cried out of fear that the person might abduct me. It took me years to realize and truly understand what she meant. And now, I’m just waiting.

         But on nights like these, I find myself forcing myself to wake from realistic nightmares. Through the years, they've become unbearable with the weight of having to feel the overwhelming emotions of two people at once. Outrunning and outsmarting spirits and demons were easier than having to deal with the wills of the human heart.

         “Nightmare again?” The tiny faerie in the corner of my room spoke. “I could help with that, but you need to bargain.”

         “It sounded tempting during the first few times, but now it’s just annoying; no means no, faerie.” I managed to say despite my panting.

         “You’ll fall for my whims one day, mortal,” it said, before tethering itself to somewhere else.

         When I was sure I was finally alone, I walked towards my window and sat on the pane. From this view, I could see the bright ring of moonlight and the few stars that shone past the pollution of the city. The clear night sky was what I missed from the orphanage, Tokyo was just a giant city of light that battled with the fire of the stars.

         Slowly, I inspected the thread that bound me to another, from this light, it looked so innocent even though it released a flickering light that seemed to move in the beat of our hearts.

         I began to wonder if they could feel me too, or if they were a she or a he, or if they were the same age as I or younger or older, or if they’re healthy, or if they’re truly happy with their life.

         So many questions racked my brain, yet none of them are answered.

         Sighing, I decided to return to my bed and at least try to regain some hours of sleep before classes start in the morning. Absentmindedly, I prayed as I clutched the thread.

         To the person on the other end of this string,

         I pray your days be fruitful and nights be peaceful.

         I pray you sing with joy and dance with passion.

         I pray you dream in the stars and walk in the Earth.

         I pray you dare to love and believe you are worthy to receive it.

         I pray you courageously face these demons and triumphantly celebrate your small victories.

         I pray your heart be filled with good and mind be balanced with thought.

         But most of all, I pray that when we meet, you would know that I am the one you seek.

HIM

          In all my 23 years of living, I have never stood out. I was ordinary, an average person living an average life. In high school, I won awards but never the ones that would gain the people’s attention. In college, I was only friends with a few people, and I didn’t bother communicating with the others. And in work, I was just another head buried in paperwork in my cubicle.

          I want to be different.

          I want to see differently.

          I want to look differently.

          I want to feel differently.

          But how? All I’ve ever been is ordinary. Even my pain is ordinary. And it hurts me to think, what if I disappeared? Would anyone care? Would anyone notice? Hell, my own parents didn’t even bother to check up on me when I was hospitalized a few months ago. I doubt dying would be any different.

          The worst thing about being ordinary? It was being alone. And I am tired of it; I’m tired of living an ordinary life, working an ordinary job, having ordinary looks, and seeing ordinary things.

          Could death be the answer?

          No; because no matter how much I hate how I am, I do not hate my life. No matter how indifferent I am, I am still alive. And sometimes, I swear, I could feel a tug in my heart that tells me that I am not truly alone; that there is someone out there that could be the cause of my euphoria; that there is someone out there that wants to see me alive, and that there is one person, even though they could be anyone, whom I matter to.

Because of that, I will continue. I will pursue the ordinary in hopes of finally meeting someone that would help me see the world in an extraordinary way.  So, I hope.

          To the person that tugs my heart,

         I hope your mornings be fruitful and evenings be peaceful.

         I hope you exclaim with joy and express with passion.

         I hope you wonder the stars and wander the Earth.

         I hope you believe you are loved and dare to return it.

         I hope you courageously face these demons and triumphantly celebrate your small victories.

         I hope your heart be filled with good and mind be balanced with thought.

         But most of all, I hope  that when we meet, I would be enough for what you seek.

HER AND HIM

To the person on the other end of this string,     To the person that tugs my heart,

I cannot promise safety,                                          I cannot promise specialty,

For I walk in two realms,                                         For I walk only in this Earth,

But wherever you may be in this world,

I will be waiting for you;                                           I will be searching for you;

Though this thread be invisible in your eyes,       Though I look like the average person,

I hope that when we meet,

You’ll know it is me.

Because I will,

And 私はあなたを愛します,

In a heartbeat.