#who knew that high school mansfield park was what i needed in my life?

[misscrawfords]

For the AU mashup list: Neighbours and Not A Date for Edmund and Fanny of Mansfield Park?

Well, here's the Mansfield Park High School AU I never thought I'd be writing. And I'm afraid it's rather got away from me!

Edmund and Fanny have been next door neighbours all their life. Fanny's family being... well... numerous (to put it in the kindest way), Edmund's parents have been something like an aunt and uncle to her. Fanny has always adored him in that mindless way that children do until something comes to challenge the adoration. Edmund has always noticed her when she's been invisible to everyone else.

But then, final year of school, Edmund suddenly decides to do the school play. He's never been interested in drama before and frankly Fanny is surprised. But she nods and believes him when he explains at great length to her in the car as he's driving them home that he's interested in the obscure German play they've picked. He is doing German A Level after all. It's sort of plausible. If only it didn't sound like he was trying to persuade himself, not her.

So Fanny volunteers her services as backstage crew. She's never done drama either, getting up on the stage is her idea of hell (she thought it was Edmund's too but hey, it's fun to discover she doesn't know everything about him), but where Edmund goes, Fanny follows, two years younger and still in her school uniform, A Level choices not yet made, like a little ghostly shadow.

It's quickly clear that it wasn't the quality of the play that attracted Edmund. The play is literally the worst. And she's not really sure it's all that suitable for a school but Mrs. Grant, the Head of Drama, has never cared much for things being "suitable".

No, the attraction for Edmund is Mary Crawford. Prefect Mary. Music scholar Mary. Mary with the bright eyes and the peels of laughter. Mary who had once stood up for Fanny back when Fanny was in Year 9 and Mrs. Norris was picking on her again, so Fanny can't hate her much as she wants to.

Soon Fanny and Edmund's drives to and from school, previously the highlight of her day, are torture. She hears nothing but Mary, Mary, Mary. And then she's forced to watch them in rehearsals together after school, sitting high up in the auditorium, taking notes on props and lighting. She's pretending not to see them but even if she's hunched over her notepad, she can still hear them, the whispers indistinct as they bend their heads together over their scripts. Then Mary's laughter cuts through every other sound and pierces Fanny to the core.

Sometimes she isn't needed for rehearsal. She could go home at the normal time. Get the bus like she used to before Edmund passed his driving test. But she's too masochistic for that. She will sit at the back of the auditorium and nominally do her homework waiting for him to finish rehearsing, observing them over the top of the text book, waiting for another heart-sickening car ride home.

Mary looks up and notices her and her face splits into a grin and she waves. "Hey, Fanny!"

Fanny waves back weakly. Her eyes slide to Edmund. He has his hands shoved into his trouser pockets, slightly hunched, a rueful, half smile on his face as if he is trying to make himself smaller, not that he really needs to try too hard, next to Mary's brilliance and vitality.

Don't betray my secret, his expression seems to tell her, you're the only one who knows.

Oh, Edmund, you dear fool. What secret?

And so it goes on. They get closer. Fanny watches, hating every minute and unable to stop herself.

"I want to ask Mary out," says Edmund one day, driving down the dual carriageway after rehearsal, as if this was an original statement that should come as a surprise to Fanny.

"So ask her out," Fanny replies evenly as her heart flops and plummets through her stomach and into her knees and she feels like throwing up.

Edmund navigates a roundabout before replying.

"It's really hard. I don't have much experience in dating."

I know. You've always been with me.

He starts to ramble. "I've got to choose my timing because it should be at rehearsal but not when everyone else is around. If she says no, I don't want anyone else to see... I've got to make it something she'd like and she's so much more, I don't know, fancy than you and me, right, Fanny? I can't just take her to Starbucks. Maybe that independent place across the square, Parsonage's, but I have some memory she had a bad experience there... What do you think? And then what do I do about paying? I'd want to pay but perhaps she'd be offended because she's always talking about what a feminist she is and I want to respect that but will it seem like it's not a date if I don't volunteer to pay? I'm just not sure what the etiquette is."

The car has stopped and Edmund finally stops speaking. It takes Fanny a moment to register because she is staring hard out of the passenger window, her throat choked and her hands white as she clenches the pleats of her school skirt in her fists.

"I don't know, Edmund," she manages to say. "I've never been on a date either."

"Hey! You know," continues Edmund, seeming not to notice her tone, "if this does go well, we can double date. You can come with Mary's brother - you'd like him, he's very into Shakespeare."

"Isn't he already at uni?" protests Fanny. "I don't think that would be a very good idea... He's four years older than me." But she spoke very quietly and Edmund does not register her objections, too caught up in a rosy and romantic future.

"A double date would be a really good idea," he continues. "I get so nervous around Mary, I really don't know what to say - having you and Henry there would really help."

Fanny wonders in passing why Edmund is so set on dating someone who makes him so nervous he wants other people with him on the date but what does she know?

"Hey, Fanny, are you free now? You don't have homework?"

She does, but she shakes her head anyway.

"Let's go there now and get a coffee. Like a dry run."

Fanny swivels in her seat till she faces him competely. "You want to rehearse your date?"

He doesn't meet her eyes. "Yeah, is that weird? You could pretend to be Mary. Just so I can think through what to say without putting my foot in it."

"Oh! I can't do that! Edmund, I can't pretend to be Mary! We are so - so different."

He laughs. "Oh, I know that. I know you don't do acting. I just mean that you'd be there and you'd tell me if I'm saying anything stupid. You're always honest with me, Fanny."

He gives her that sweet, lop-sided smile and her heart contracts again. She can refuse him nothing. She shruggs awkwardly. "Well, I guess..."

He immediately turns the engine back on. "That's great! Come on, let's check out Parsonage's."

They are in silence for the drive back into town. Fanny's heart is pounding. She and Edmund may be best friends but they don't do things together. They ride to school together and they wave at each from their bedroom windows like the leads in Drive Me Crazy (Fanny used to think that similarity Meant Something but she knows better now) but they have their own friendship groups at school and apart from the school play they don't hang out together at school or go anywhere together at weekends.

But now they are going to a coffee shop together.

It's not a date but when they walk into the coffee shop together and Edmund holds the door for her, she cannot help pretending to herself that it is. That this is what going on a date with Edmund would be like. They approach the counter. Edmund asks her what she wants and orders for her which feels like a very important thing. Perhaps Mary, president of the school's Feminism Soc, would have a lot to say about it, but to Fanny it just feels as if Edmund is taking care of her. She digs her purse out but Edmund waves it away and pays for both of them.

"I'll pay you back," she murmurs to him as she follows him to a table with only two chairs.

He waves it away again and protests that she's doing him a favour, not to worry about it.

A favour? Is that what she's doing?

They sit opposite each other. Edmund is relaxed, but she sits stiff and straight, her knees pressed together. Her eyes glance round the coffee shop.

She leans across the table. "People probably all think we're on a date right now," she hisses at him, half anxious, half proud.

He laughs with a bit of a scoff in it. "Wow, you really sound cut up about it; I'll try not to be offended! Anyway, we know it's not a date and who cares what anyone else thinks?"

True, but Fanny does care because if everyone else looks at them and thinks they are a couple then perhaps one day he will also think that. It is a justification of her fantasy and her hopeless hope.

She knows it is not a date.

But it is the best she is going to get.

[nerdforestgirl]

The Adolescence Alternative

Chapter One: Excuses

Note: You may have already read this.  Or at least a version of this.  This first chapter was not only posted on WP, but a version of it was also posted here a few months ago.  This is a high school AU. I will continue the entire story in the coming days, so I thought I would start at the beginning.

Sheldon didn’t want to go on a date with Sarah. He didn’t want to go on a date Victoria. He didn’t really want to go on a date with Rebecca. Even before his brother, Junior, broke Rebecca’s heart, Sheldon wouldn't have gone out with her. Really, Sheldon didn’t want to go on a date with any of the girls him mama was trying to set him up with.

“I have a girlfriend,” he blurted out when Mama was trying to talk him into the virtues of Sarah. Apparently she could make a great pecan pie. As if that was a completely reasonable foundation on which to base a relationship.

“A girlfriend? Who? Why didn’t you say anything? You should bring her to dinner so we can meet her,” his mother said.

Sheldon didn’t know what to say. He didn’t actually have a girlfriend. He wasn’t his brother. Girls didn’t interest him. Boys didn’t interest him either, even if the football players did call him a mean name that implied that they did. No one interested him.

“Her name is Amy,” Sheldon muttered. She was the only girl he could think of off the top of his head who wasn’t his sister. She was recently assigned to be his lab partner, but he didn’t know much about her. She was mostly quiet and let him work on the experiments. That was fine with him. At least she didn’t get in the way.

“I’m not ready for her to come to dinner,” Sheldon muttered.

“Amy? Amy who? Do I know her mama?”

“Her name is Amy Fowler. I doubt you know her parents. She just moved here,” Sheldon explained. He hoped that his mother didn’t ask any other questions because he had already told her everything he knew about her. Beyond this, he would need to start making things up, and he wasn’t particularly good at that.

He breathed a sigh of relief when Mama dropped the subject. He knew this wasn’t going to be the end of it, but at least it ended for now. If only he knew what he started by uttering those four words.

Sheldon's mother wasn’t sure why she worried so much for her Sheldon. She just wanted him to be happy, and it seemed like he wasn’t doing much to help himself. The other kids had friends and played on teams and joined clubs. They went on dates. Her Sheldon just stayed home all the time: reading, studying, playing video games. She had taken him to someone to see if he was depressed, but the doctor said he was just fine. He just had different interests from the other boys.

Mama still thought she should try to find her boy a nice girl to spend his time with. A girl with hometown roots who would keep him grounded even after he went off to go do whatever it was he dreamed of doing. At least it sounded like he was finally making friends. Still, Mama decided to mention this development to her daughter, Missy, so that she could see if she knew anything about this Amy.

“No, Mama. Amy? Are you sure he said Amy? I don’t think there’s even a girl named Amy in our whole class,” Missy told her mother that night when Mama got Missy alone.

“It isn’t like that boy to lie to me,” Mama said.

“He would if he’s trying to get you to stop setting him up with girls from church,” Missy commented.

“Hmm,” Mama said. She wondered if she was pushing Sheldon too hard if he was inventing girls. She decided to talk to him about it later. Maybe a different course would be needed. Shelly was a special boy after all.

Sheldon didn’t know about his mother’s change of heart, so he decided that he better get to know Amy better if he wanted to keep dropping information about the girl. He walked into the biology lab and took his seat next to Amy. She was reading a book, and he peeked over her shoulder to see what it was.

“Hamlet?” Sheldon asked.

“Yes,” Amy said shortly. It was the first time Sheldon had ever spoken to her for a reason that wasn’t him telling her what to do for whatever lab work they were doing. He thought he was so smart. Well, he clearly was, but she still hated him. He was so smug and she always clenched her fist as to not punch him whenever he spoke. He always cut her off when she tried to explain a biological principle. She stopped trying. It was only a couple more months until the end of the school year, and if she had any luck, her father would be transferred again and she would be off to her fifth high school before the start of her senior year.

“My favorite Shakespeare play is A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I don’t like the tragedies. Too woe is me,” Sheldon commented.

“But A Midsummer Night’s Dream?” Amy asked despite herself.

“It’s whimsical. There are fairies. It’s better than ghosts and suicide,” Sheldon countered.

“It’s all about love.”

“I can like love. I don’t want it myself, but it’s funny to watch others try to traverse it,” Sheldon countered.

“Fair enough,” Amy admitted. That was actually pretty close to how she felt about it. She was only reading Hamlet again because she had a test on it and it had been a few years since she read it. She went back to reading her book. The conversation was clearly over. Or at least she wanted it to be.

“So, what’s your favorite play? Is it Hamlet?” Sheldon asked. He hated having to ask all of these questions, but he still didn’t know much about the girl sitting next to him. Instead he ended up tell her about him. He suddenly wished he had the slightest idea how to do small talk. It had never seemed valuable before this moment.

“I don’t really like Shakespeare all that much,” Amy admitted.

Sheldon was about to ask her to finally give him an answer when the bell rang and class started. He didn’t have a chance to find out any more about the girl.

During their lab, Amy worked hard on their experiment just as he did, but they didn’t speak about anything personal again. Sheldon looked at her write up. It was filled with tiny neat writing that was even more extensive than his own. How could she write so much about a something as boring as biology? He always assumed that she just jotted down whatever he told her to write. That’s what everyone did in all of his classes. He knew that his classmates didn’t like working with him, but they always knew he was right.

Amy left as soon as the bell rang without so much as a goodbye. Sheldon sighed because he didn’t learn anything about Amy. If his mom pushed him for information, he wasn’t going to have anything.

Sheldon planned to try again the next day. He was going to learn one thing about Amy Fowler and then he was going mention it to his mother. Then in a few weeks he was going to tell his mother than he had broken up with the girl and was far too heartbroken to date again for the rest of high school. It was brilliant plan to get him to college.

Though when he got home, his mother was waiting for him with a snack. Sheldon wanted to groan when he saw her there. She was probably waiting to ask him more about Amy. Sheldon tried to remember what he knew about her. She smelled like cherry blossoms. She had long, shiny brown hair. She wore glasses. She was kind. She didn't like Shakespeare. Maybe he could make something out of that.

“Missy told me the truth about Amy,” Mama said as he sat down.

“What truth about Amy?” Sheldon wondered what his sister might know about his lab partner. She couldn't possibly know that she wasn't really Sheldon's girlfriend. Missy never knew anything about his life, and Amy just got to their school. Sheldon could just say that it was new.

“That there is no Amy. I just wanted to help you be happy. You didn't need to make up a girl.”

“She's not strictly my girlfriend, but she is real. We talked about Shakespeare today,” Sheldon offered. He couldn't believe that his sister said Amy wasn't real. Amy was a real head turner even if she was new. How had Missy never noticed her? Even if she wasn't Sheldon's lab partner, he was sure he would have noticed her. That long, brown hair would have gotten his attention from a hundred meters. Not that he thought she was that pretty or anything. At least that's what he told himself.

“You don't need to lie to me. I won't push the girl thing anymore,” Mama promised.

“I appreciate that, but Amy is my friend. She's a real girl,” Sheldon muttered. He didn't need to make the girl his girlfriend anymore, but now he wanted to prove to his mother than he wasn't making anyone up.

That meant that the next day, Sheldon was going to find something out about Amy Fowler to prove to his family that she was real. He might even actually try to do something he had never done before: make a friend.

When Sheldon walked into his biology class, Amy was sitting there reading. He realized that she always read before class started. He never saw her talking to anyone or doodling in her notebook. She only ever read. It wasn't Hamlet today.

“What are you reading?” Sheldon asked.

Amy didn't speak as she lifted the book to show him the cover of Mansfield Park. Then she set it back down and started to read again. She had no idea why Sheldon was talking to her again, and she really wished he would go back to ignoring her.

“Jane Austen?”

“Mm-hmm,” Amy confirmed without actually saying anything. She hated when people tried to speak to her while she was reading. It was one of her few actual pleasures, and she took it where she could.

“So, you're an Austen girl?” Sheldon asked.

“What does that mean?” Amy asked as she finally looked up from her book.

“It's just that you were mocking me yesterday for enjoying A Midsummer Night's Dream, and you read Austen. Austen girls are always romantics,” Sheldon pointed out.

“'Austen girls' as you say don't have to live up to any of your standards, Sheldon Cooper. And also, have you ever even read Mansfield Park? It's so much more than that. Fanny's story is one about class struggle and about finding one's place. It isn't just romance. I bet you haven't read any of Austen's work beyond Pride and Prejudice,” she argued.

“I've never read Pride and Prejudice,” he admitted.

“Then, who are you to judge anyone who enjoys it?” Amy snapped. She then started reading again as if to tell him to shut the hell up. The bell rang and class started.

Sheldon still didn't get any real information from her. He couldn't tell if she even actually liked the book she was reading. Maybe she didn't. She certainly seemed angry enough as to not indicate pleasure in the activity. Still, Sheldon decided to stop by the library on his way home. Maybe he would understand what she was talking about if he read the book.

On Sheldon's way home, he stopped by the library. He checked out both Pride and Prejudice and Mansfield Park. After he finished his homework, he started into Pride and Prejudice. He only finished half of it by midnight, but it was better than he anticipated.

When Sheldon got to biology class the next day, he didn't try to engage Amy in conversation, to which she was relieved. Instead he just pulled out the copy of Pride and Prejudice and started to read next to her.

“Are you making fun of me?” Amy asked. She didn't care if Sheldon thought she was a nerd. The friends in books were the only ones that really stayed with her while she moved from place to place. But who was he to judge her?

“How would I be making fun of you?” Sheldon asked. He never made fun of people, and when he attempted, it was never subtle. His jokes always ended with a “gotcha” or a “just foolin'.” He wasn't sure how sitting next to her reading the book she recommended was even close to making fun.

“You are reading Jane Austen,” Amy pointed out.

“Yes. You told me I should read it because I did not understand. I have to say that it's actually pretty good,” he admitted with a little grin.

“It is,” Amy told him with a smile. It was the first time she smiled at him, and Sheldon noticed that she had nice teeth. She was very pretty, and again, he wondered why she wasn't friends with all of the popular girls.

He was about to ask her about it when he started sneezing. This old library book must be full of dust.

Amy moved her chair over by a couple feet and didn't speak to him again. In all honesty, Sheldon didn't blame her. He would have done the same thing.

[shannybasar]

#TolstoyTogether: Days 1-6

I have always wanted to read War and Peace so a period of social isolation seems the perfect time to start, especially as  Yiyun Li and A Public Space have started #TolstoyTogether, a virtual book club on March 18.

Day 1 | March 18 - Reading: Volume I, Part I, i-iii

I love Yiyun’s quote from Stefan Zweig on Tolstoy:

In journalism school we were taught that the introduction of a news story should contain who, what, why, where and when. Tolstoy manages to immerse you straight into the world of his novel with just one sentence: 

“So spoke, in July 1805, the renowned Anna Pavlovna Scherer, maid of honour and intimate of the empress Maria Feodorovna, greeting the important and high-ranking Prince Vassily, the first to arrive at her soiree. 

In the same way he introduces each character in a pen portrait which immediately sums up their character. For example, Prince Vassily:

“Set me at ease,” he said, without changing his voice and in a tone in which, through proprietary and sympathy, one could discern indifference and even mockery.

or Anna Pavlovna’s relative:

“the totally unknown, totally uninteresting and unnecessary aunt”

Also love Tolstoy’s image of Anna managing the ‘conversation machine’ of her soiree so the ‘spindles on all sides hummed evenly and ceaselessly’:

“As the owner of a spinning mill, having put his workers in their places, strolls about the establishment, watching out for an idle spindle or the odd one squealing much too loudly, and hastens to go and slow it down or start it up at the proper speed - so Anna Pavlovna strolled about her drawing room, going up to a circle that had fallen silent or was too talkative, and with one word or rearrangement set the conversation machine running evenly and properly again.”

and how she selects her guests: 

‘the viscount was presented to the company in a most refined and advantageous light, like a roast beef on a hot platter sprinkled with herbs.”

Day 2 | March 19 - Volume I, Part I, iv-vi (partial). (From "Anna Pavlovna smiled" to "Word of honor!")

An insight into the politics of the court, which is probably still relevant today: 

“But influence in society is a capital that must be used sparingly, lest it disappear. Prince Vassily knew that and, having once realised that if he were to solicit for everyone who solicited from him, it would soon become impossible for him to solicit for himself, he rarely used his influence.”

Discussions on going to war with Napoleon:

“I decidedly do not understand why men can’t live without war. Why is it that we women want none of it and have no need of it ?

Prince Andrei’s views on marriage. He is newly married so am hoping we find out why he wed Lise and more about their courtship:

“Never, never marry, my friend. Here’s my advice to you: don’t marry until you can tell yourself that you’ve done all you could, and until you’ve stopped loving the woman you’ve chosen, until you see her clearly, otherwise you’ll be cruelly and irremediably mistaken. Marry when you’re old and good for nothing ....Otherwise all that’s good and lofty in you will be lost ... Egoism, vanity, dull-wittedness, triviality in everything - that’s women, when they show themselves as they are. Looking at them in society, it seems there’s nothing there, but there’s, nothing, nothing !

Day 3 | March 20 - Volume I, Part I, vi (second half) - x. (From "It was past one o'clock" through "She slowly walked beside him to the sitting room.

The introduction of Dolokhov, with a description implying he has that special kind of charisma: 

“It was impossible not to notice this face. Dolokhov was not a rich man and had no connections. And though Anatole ran through tens of thousands, Dolokhov lived with him and managed to place him himself so that Anatole and all those who knew them respected Dolokhov more than Anatole.”

There are also wonderful descriptions of Nikolai and Sonya, where their characters are summed up in just a sentence:

“On his upper lip a little black hair had already appeared , and his whole face expressed impetuousness and rapturousness.”

“She resembled a pretty but not yet fully formed kitten, which would one day be a lovely little cat.”

Day 4 | March 21 -  Volume I, Part I, xi-xiv. (From "The countess was so tired..." to "But for both of them they were pleasant tears.")

Vera reminds me of Fanny Price from Mansfield Park, although I feel that I may being unfair on Fanny:

“You manage to do everything at the wrong time,” said Vera. ‘The way you came running into the drawing room just now, everyone was ashamed of you.” 

In spite of, or precisely because of, the fact that what she said was perfectly correct, no one answered her, and the four only exchanged glances with one another.

I was unaware that Napoleon had set up a camp at Boulogne in order to invade Britain.

Day 5 | March 22 - Volume I, Part I, xv - xvii. From "Countess Rostov, with her daughters" to "letting out a long, deep breath and pushing up her sleeves."

Tolstoy captures the lavishness of the aristocratic lifestyle with a lush description of a dinner party:

“Starting with two soups, of which he chose a la tortue, and the savoury pie, and right up to the hazel grouse, he did not skip a single dish or a single wine, which the butler mysteriously displayed for him behind his neighbour’s shoulder, the bottle wrapped in a napkin, murmuring: “dry Madeira,” or “Hungarian,” or “Rhine Wine.” Of the four crystal glasses with the count’s monogram that stood before each place, he would hold out the first he happened upon and drank with enjoyment, glancing around at the guests with a more and more pleasant air.”

Yiyun highlights this passage: 

The prototype of an Instagrammer? Still, I love that the paragraph ends with “love of knowledge.” And I shiver how Tolstoy makes a character transparent - Yiyun

Day 6 | March 23 - Volume I, Part I, xviii - xx. From "Just as the sixth anglaise was being danced" to "Pierre went out..."

The death of old Count Bezhkhov leads to the first real war in the novel. Bloodless battles are often fought more heartlessly than bloody ones. One feels internally wounded just by reading. —Yiyun

He is right. Tolstoy’s description of the room, the occupants, the chanting, makes you feel you are in the bedroom with the dying count, especially when Pierre starts crying. For example, this is just one minor character:

“The French doctor - who stood without a lighted candle, leaning on a column, in the respectful pose of a foreigner, which showed that, despite differences in belief, he understood all the importance of the rite being performed and even approved of it - went over to the sick man with the inaudible steps of a man in the prime of life, took up his free hand from the green coverlet in his white, slender fingers and, turning away, began taking his pulse and pondering.

[vitaevictoria]

Every Book I Read in 2018: Part 1 https://ift.tt/2QsaJ9y

I haven't posted in 3 months but who cares! (I wrote this intro back when I hadn't posted in 3 months, but I've posted twice since working on this post! Horray for improvement!) Maybe I should post about my 4.5 month backpacking trip around Europe where I went to some cool ass countries and met some really bombass people and had a great time. But why talk about any of that on my travel blog when I just tell you about every book I read and give you my unwarranted opinions about them? I'll tell you where I was when I was reading them to keeping things ~spicy~ and ~travel related~. And no there are no affiliate links because I'm too lazy for that and I don't care anymore anyways. Back when my original reading goal was 50 books, I was just going to make this one long post. But since I've been home I've been reading a shitton (to give you a general idea of how much a "shitton" is: I read 20 books in a little over a month of being home) and right now I'm at 61 books and that's just TOO MUCH for anyone to read. So here are the first 35 books I read in 2018, and Part 2 will follow in the coming weeks. Also, be my friend on Goodreads! 1. Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed Read on my mom's couch after my wisdom teeth removal surgery. High on opioids and pissed off at the world because my FACE HURT. This book made me cry so hard and I highlighted so many quotes. I'd like to attribute the crying to the drugs and the mouth pain but honestly, it's probably because I'm a little bitch baby that cries easily at everything. 2. How Did You Get This Number by Sloane Crosley Also read on my mom's couch. Not impressive. Move along. 3. Leia: Princess of Alderaan by Claudia Gray Since I was doing all this reading on my mom's couch I felt like a 9-year-old again and decided to regress into my Star Wars phase. Except now I'm older and more Star Wars exists so there are more stories to read! How fun! They have Star Wars YA now! This was my second Claudia Gray book and it was enjoyable. 4. What Happened by Hillary Rodham Clinton [AUDIOBOOK] Listened to in my car over winter break. I listened to most of this at the end of 2017 but it is VERY LONG and I only listened to it while in the car (because I'm an old lady that borrows audiobook CDs from the library) so I finished it in 2018. All you need to know is that I cried at many parts while listening to this book, dreaming of what we could have had. 5. Call Me By Your Name by Andre Aciman Read in my college dorm, winter. I read this because I saw the movie and it rocked my world. I read the book so slowly because every sentence is beautiful and I didn't want it to end because I knew I'd never be able to read this book for the first time ever again. 6. Everything Everything by Nicole Yoon Borrow from my friend Shannon, god bless her. I don't remember much about this book so that tells you all you need to know. 7. Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert Mainly read on my couch in my dorm. SOOOOOOOOOOOO good! The institution of marriage is fascinating and scary. 8. A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams Read for my Southern American Literature course. Very gay and southern. Loved it. 9. All the Single Ladies by Rebecca Traister Read in my bed. Committed put me in a very feministy-nonfiction mood. It dragged at points but had so many good facts you should definitely read it. 10. Where'd You Go Bernadette by Maria Semple Read on the beach in Grenada (the island in the Carribean, not Spain) because I'm fancy sometimes. Very good and very smart, I'd like to read more like this. 11. Slouching Towards Bethlehem by Joan Didion Started to read in Grenada, finished in Virginia. I liked it but Didion is too smart for me. 12. Brokeback Mountain by Annie Proulx Read in bed at home after graduation. I cried! Shocker! 13. William Shakespeare: The World as Stage by Bill Bryson [AUDIOBOOK] Mainly listened to while cleaning my room. I learned lots of things but can't remember any of it. 14. Dress Codes for Small Towns by Courtney C. Stevens Read in my room (don't worry soon I will be traveling and my reading locations with be a lot more fun). It's about teens in youth group in a small southern town and there's stuff about sexuality and growing up and Christianity and I LOVED it. 15. The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie Read in one day on the porch of my grandparent's river house. It was good and important but should be read in middle school or early high school. 16. Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Also read in one day on the porch of my grandparent's river house. Would be a good gift to a teenager or a new mom (if you know she's into that kind of stuff, of course). 17. The Idiot by Elif Batuman Started reading in Grenada, read more in my dorm room, finished in my room after I moved back home. It took me so long to read because I didn't want it to end! It's one of those books that doesn't have an OBVIOUS point but I loved it. I want more books about smart girls traveling and making mistakes and not really learning from them. 18. Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton [AUDIOBOOK] Listened to in my room as I cleaned everything out in preparation for my Europe trip. Didn't enjoy much about this audiobook, but I like how honest she is. And man, she is honest. 19. A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson [AUDIOBOOK] Listened to driving up and down I-95 to go to my in-class portion of my TEFL course. I've decided that I'm never going to walk the whole of the AT (Appalachian Trail) so I might as well listen to the accounts of people that tried. Bill Bryson is easy to listen to and knows how to weave a story, except there was this whole portion where he talked smack about a solo female hiker for no reason. She has more balls than you do, Bill. 20. Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng [AUDIOBOOK] Finally, my books and I are in Europe! Listened to while cleaning the kitchen of the hostel I worked at in Slovakia. For some reason, I thought this would be a fun YA book with a dash of murder, but it's way more serious than that. A good look at race and family dynamics. 21. Carol (Price of Salt) by Patricia Highsmith [AUDIOBOOK] Listened to while cleaning the kitchen and just sitting in my room, taking a break from socializing. It's read by the same narrator as Everything I Never Told You and I liked her voice. A bit slow for an audiobook but the writing is beautiful. 22. Hunger: A Memoir of My Body by Roxane Gay [AUDIOBOOK] Listening while trying to hold my bladder on really bumpy minivan rides in Moldova. Gay narrates this herself and it is very good and important and everyone should read it. 23. The Garden Party and Other Stories by Katherine Mansfield Read in Romania. As far as "classics" go Mansfield is a bit easier to read, although I have to be in a particular mood for her. Which is why it took me so long to read such a slim book! Passed it on to an English guy from Bradford. 24. An Appeal to the World: The Way to Peace in a Time of Division by Dalai Lama XIV Read on a park bench in Varna, Bulgaria. I've never read the Dalai Lama before but man is he quotable. 25.  Living History by Hillary Rodham Clinton [AUDIOBOOK] Listened to while walking around Bulgarian towns. This was the perfect book to read since Clinton was the First Lady while the Clinton Administration was involved with eastern Europe and the former Yugoslavia region, which happened to be where I was traveling. 26. Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason by Helen Fielding Bought from a secondhand bookshop in Varna, run by a kind and scatterbrained American lady. I love the Bridget Jones series so much and if I ever get a PhD in Literature I can easily write a whole paper on how genius Bridget Jones is. You may think it's a fun bit of Pride & Prejudice fluff, but think a lil bit harder. 27. Origin by Dan Brown Read in Veliko Tarnovo, Bulgaria. A quick read. Dan Brown is alright. 28. Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi Started in Plovdiv, finished by the time I reached Sofia. The fun thing about hostel bookshelves is that all of the books that were big last year trickle their way into circulation. I loved this one so much. I love a well-done generational story. This one really helps you realize how trauma can be passed down from generation to generation. 29. Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows by Balli Kaur Jaswal [AUDIOBOOK]

Listened to while walking around Plovdiv, Bulgaria. I 100% recommend that you only listen to this as an audiobook. The voice actor does such a great job and this is the first fiction audiobook that I was actually excited to listen to every day.

30. The Roanoke Girls by Amy Engel Found on a bus in Scotland, read in London. It was very twisted and not well written but it was a quick read. Could've been great if written by someone else. 31. The Vegetarian by Han Kang Read in Marusici, Croatia. Very literary and probably too smart for me. It was interesting but I couldn't figure out the purpose of it all. 32. Exit West by Mohsin Hamid Picked up in Trebinje, Bosnia, I think. Honestly can't remember where I was when I read this. I can see why lots of people like this book but I really do not like Hamid's writing style. 33. The Wrong Knickers: A Decade of Chaos by Byrony Gordon Read on the bus in Albania. A fun book title for people to see you reading in public! I enjoy women writing about their lives, no matter how privileged and whiny their life can be, but ugh. This one could've been good but ends with a dude saving her at the end. Gag me with a spoon. 34. Rivers of London by Ben Aaronovitch Read in Tirana, Albania. Really loved this one! Aaronovitch has an interesting voice and there's a lot of actual history in this book. My only problem is that his female characters are really flat and only seen as a pair of tits to the main character. I'll see if this improves in his later books. 35. Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli Read in Himare, Albania. I didn't read the book Simon vs. the Homospaien Agenda but I saw the movie Love, Simon and loved it and this was the only book on the hostel shelf in English so I gave it a whirl. It was GREAT! The characters aren't perfect and they make mistakes and it's just a fun YA read! And there you have it! Stay tuned for Part 2 to find out what books I ended by 4.5 month backpacking trip with and see what I've read since I've been home. Have a good day, and go read a book!

[myyearofgivingdaily]

Today’s donation: Homeboy Industries

Do you know what it means to be someone’s homeboy or homegirl? What do you think it means to be a gangbanger? I didn’t know what these terms meant before I was introduced to Homeboys Industries. I knew a very small amount about gangs and mostly through the newspaper. I had read about the horrifying initiation rituals and the violence associated with gangs. What I didn’t know and had not heard about was the stories of the gangbangers, who these people really were. 

Last summer, I had the awesome opportunity to attend the Global Homeboy Network conference in Los Angeles. It was an incredible gathering of human service providers, workforce development innovators and leaders of social enterprises. At the conference, I had the chance to hear brave men and women share their incredible journeys. They talked about how gang life was basically inescapable in their neighborhoods. They talked about losing friends and family to the violence, but somehow accepting this as part of “normal” life. They talked about the gang being their family and the fierce loyalty they felt to their gang. These were passionate people who just wanted to feel safe and belong. Of course, their stories led to Father Boyle and Homeboy Industries and the comfort, safety and hope they found at Homeboys. They found a new family that didn’t involve violence or drugs. These women and men were so full of love, hope and gratitude. 

When I left the conference, I called an Uber and somehow we couldn’t connect, so I tried again. This time, the uber found me without a hitch. The driver immediately struck up a conversation asking why I was in LA. I told him I had just been at the Homeboys conference and asked if he had heard of Homeboys. For the next 30 minutes on my ride, he shared his life story with me. He had attended 18 different high schools, trying to escape the gangs. He told me about not being able to leave school because every exit was commandeered by a different gang. He told me about all the streets and parks he couldn’t go to. He told me about the older neighbor who took an interest in him when he was in middle school and helped him strategize to stay out of the game. This friend was unfortunately killed, one of the many friends he lost to gangs. When he graduated high school, he got a job 1 ½ away from home. He had to take several buses to get there. Sounded awful, but it was all strategic. He could avoid being in his neighborhood for longer due to commute. He managed to stay out of the game and the gangbangers finally stopped targeting him. He was amazing – intelligent, hopeful and compassionate. His life could have been tragically different, he could’ve so easily been entrenched in the gang culture. He was one of the lucky ones. He knew this and had amazing perspective on life. He saw his future as wide open and full of possibility, he had dodged the bullet of gang life. 

Homeboys Industries was founded by Father Greg Boyle in the 80’s. Homeboy Industries provides hope, training, and support to formerly gang-involved and previously incarcerated men and women allowing them to redirect their lives and become contributing members of our community. Each year over 10,000 former gang members from across Los Angeles come through Homeboy Industries’ doors in an effort to make a positive change. They are welcomed into a community of mutual kinship, love, and a wide variety of services ranging from tattoo removal to anger management and parenting classes. Full-time employment is offered for more than 200 men and women at a time through an 18-month program that helps them re-identify who they are in the world, offers job training so they can move on from Homeboy Industries and become contributing members of the community - knowing they count! It’s truly transformational work, incredibly inspiring. I am honored to support this work and help all those men and women who were trapped in the gang life, but now see their future as bright. 

- Stephanie

About this blog:  Causes and Effect: My Year of Giving Daily, was started in 2013 by entertainment and culture journalist Melinda Newman, who made daily donations to a wide variety of non-profits and wrote about her experience. USA Today music writer, Brian Mansfield took on this monumental task in 2014. This year, 12 individuals will contribute, each taking over the blog for one month. 

Stephanie Wright is honored to be a guest contributor to this incredible blog. Full disclosure, she is not a professional writer! She is a social worker, lover of nature, believer in people as the most important part of life, avid music fan and an eternal optimist! 

Karen Burbage, a secondary contributor for September, is also not a professional writer, just in awe of what Melinda has started and the amazing journey that her blog Causes & Effect has been on for five years. My day job is IT consulting, fulfilling, but vastly different from the wonderful people working these causes to better the lives of others. I am so inspired. There are so many amazing worthwhile charities out there and so much need.