#who has been writing about a rarepair for the past year

[aerodaltonimperial]

I'm really not used to people paying attention to me, I just sort of lost most of my wrestle fandom friends in the past year or so, and I guess I just want to say hi? Thanks for being here? I've gotten more followers in the past week than I've gotten in several months. 💚

[sieglinde-freud]

thinking about them and banging my head against the wall again whats new. they are making me so emo. god. what the fuck

[cheesybadgers]

Narcos Fic: Old Habits Die Hard (Chap. 24)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23

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Masterlist

Pairing: Javier Peña x Horacio Carrillo

Words: 3,440

Summary: It's been 15 years since Horacio and Javier brought down Gacha in Tolú, and now they're back where their story began.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY. Brief allusions to period-typical prejudices/politics/legislation, very brief sexual references, smoking, swearing, all the fluff.

Notes: Well....I feel like I should post this with a fanfare or something (just imagine there's one playing), but oh boy, oh man, oh god. I did it. I flipping did it 😭 It's only taken 36 months, copious amounts of blood, sweat and tears, a deranged amount of research, the last shred of my sanity, and probably a fair amount of back/neck pain from sitting at my laptop for too long to get here. But hey, if I don't write a self-indulgent novel-length fix-it fic for a criminally underrated rarepair from a defunct TV show, WHO WILL, I ASK THEE? 😂

I can't fully explain the journey this fic has taken me and my writing on, or the deep love I have in my heart for this ship and the OHDH universe that has lived constantly in my head these last few years. Even when I'm not actively writing, so many things remind me of these two everywhere I go. They got me through the darkest days of the pandemic and somehow became my comfort ship, despite er, certain canon events we don't talk about in this house.

Anyway, I think you've all heard quite enough from me for the time being. So, I will just say thank you so, so, so much to anyone who has read, commented, kudosed, reblogged, liked, sent me messages, made me things, suggested music recs, generally been incredibly supportive and kind ❤️

And thank you to anyone who may stumble across this fic in future. Please never be afraid to leave a comment, even if you're reading several years down the line, I will always love to hear from people about this story.

There will also be some moodboards and playlists posted on my Tumblr at some point (and *maybe* some new - much shorter lol - fics eventually) once I've caught my breath back a bit.

For the final time (unless I randomly think of anything I've forgotten, which is more than likely lol), I’ve also added to my OHDH trivia post to cover this chapter if anyone is interested.

Chapter 24: Suerte (Epilogue)

Early evening rays painted the pastel horizon, their last act of the day transforming the shimmering ocean into an inky palate of fuchsia, violet and saffron, the golden sands at the shore still warm to the touch hours past dusk.

Come the weekend, Colombians would travel far and wide to descend on the many beaches, bars and restaurants that dotted the waterfront. Or if they were feeling adventurous, they would birdwatch, dive off the Islas de San Bernardo, or canoe amongst the mangroves.

But it was mid-week and mid-December – when most locals were at work and school or preparing for Christmas. So, for now, Horacio and Javier had the place to themselves.

There was the added bonus of the coastline turning into a dense forest of palm trees just along from their beach house, civilisation a mile or so away on either side of them, so even at peak times, they remained secluded. It had become a daily ritual to luxuriate in the peace and quiet; a pre-dinner swim with no trunks required followed by entwined limbs and sand in their hair as the sun went down.

Today was no exception, the gentle lapping of the waves around them and their shallow breaths the only sounds to be heard, the taste of salt and scent of sun lotion heavy in the air and on their skin as Horacio rocked into Javier, slow and deep, their chests and foreheads drawn together.

It was almost dark when Javier switched on the shower taps, cascading soothing jets over his head, neck and shoulders. As he soaked his hair, the lights from inside the beach house sprung to life, illuminating the outdoor bathroom with an ambient glow. It was a feature of the premium accommodation they had splashed out on, a rare treat away for a special occasion.

The outside space was a mix of wood, tiles and natural stone for the walls and floors, encased by tall plants and trees for extra privacy. A double shower stood on a platform at the end of a walkway, with a large hot tub branching off in the other direction. On their first night here, they had opted for the tub, surrounding it with candles as a belated ode to Día de las Velitas, lost in each other beneath the bubbles and the stars.

A sturdy embrace enveloped Javier from behind, a position they had found themselves in every morning by the shore before breakfast, looking out to a tranquil sea and a kaleidoscopic sky. The day jobs kept them both on their feet and in good shape, although there was more softness around their stomachs, and Javier was stockier than in his younger years. But his upper body was even broader with muscle now.

He was no gym fiend, but he had accompanied Horacio in some of his strengthening training, wanting to keep his stamina up as much as possible. Not just for the obvious but because he was sometimes required to carry the heavier supplies at work and didn’t want to be shown up in front of his largely youthful team.

It was a welcome development to Horacio, whatever the reason. Not that he ever had any complaints before, but watching Javier blossom as he aged was a wonder to behold. Not to mention, there was more of him to enjoy now.

As for Horacio, aside from the sloping curve of his midriff, he was sheer jaguar strength. Not only in the noticeable places, but his core muscles were in peak condition, the daily horse riding improving his posture and taking him back to the drill commands of his cadet years. His skin was more weathered, and his days of being meticulously cleanly shaven at all times were long gone. But Javier assured him – a lot – the ruggedness was part of the appeal.

Javier wasn’t one to talk either, stubble being a more regular feature alongside his moustache nowadays. But that was mainly due to lack of time in his busy schedule rather than preference, so it wasn’t unheard of for Horacio to do the honours for him. For some reason, Horacio delicately scraping a razor blade across his jaw from the comfort of his lap was far more appealing to Javier than doing it himself in front of the bathroom mirror.

Their hair contained more grey patches, especially around the temples, which was easier to hide when they grew it longer. That wasn’t practical during the sweltering heat of a Texan summer, so they kept it shorter in the hotter months. But in the winter, they could run their fingers through choppy waves and coils of curls to their hearts’ content. And luckily for them, their anniversary fell in December.

“Can you believe it’s been 15 years to the day?” Horacio asked, scattering kisses across Javier’s back.

“This doesn’t even feel like the same fucking place, to be honest.”

“Tell me about it.”

Horacio let out a huff as flashbacks of leading his men on a fleet of raiding crafts towards Gacha’s hideout collided with memories from merely days ago of him and Javier island hopping in a hire boat along the same waters. They had taken a platter of fresh seafood and fruit, exploring the remotest beaches and lagoons, where their only company was the local wildlife.

He could still remember the sensation of the blood at his temple as he lay disorientated on the sand in the aftermath of the explosion, a stark contrast to dozing together under the shade of a palm tree or reading aloud to each other the words of Lorca, Gaitán Durán, Arbeláez, Neruda, Paz, Castellanos and Mistral.

“Although, I did notice signs for the barracks towards Coveñas when we were driving here,” Horacio added with a nostalgic smirk.

“Oh yeah? You didn’t want another night there for old times’ sake?” Javier tilted his head until he found Horacio’s lips with his teeth.

Horacio hummed and put up no resistance, his wet hands sailing with ease down Javier’s body, finding purchase at his hip bones. “It was tempting. But I figured you’d want to make the most of this before Christmas.”

“Damn right.”

They took turns massaging shampoo into each other’s scalps, lathering the suds through thick spirals, tenderly pulling at strands until they purred, thoroughly indulging in the sensation whilst they had the chance. And then they did it all again, rinsing off the soap, floating away on the meditative pressure of the faucet and their fingers.

“We could always see if Alejandra has more spa freebies if it gets too much, though,” Javier suggested through the haze of steam now cocooning them.

“I like your thinking.”

It had been a while since they last used such tickets, their previous visits not dissimilar to how their current vacation was playing out. But despite the chaos that would no doubt ensue, they were looking forward to catching up with Horacio’s side of the family. Between expanding businesses in Texas and Manizales and the oldest half of the brood living and working elsewhere now with the twins staying at home studying, they didn’t get to meet up as much as they would have liked.

However, Elena visited Laredo several times, swapping life stories and recipes with Chucho and joining Horacio and Javier in San Antonio one spring for the Fiesta. Her last holiday outside of Colombia had been before Alejandra and Horacio were born, so she was determined to take advantage of having family abroad before age finally caught up with her. There had even been discussions of a trip to Madrid if Horacio and Javier could arrange cover at work the following year.

“Pops is flying out on the 20th, right?”

“Yes. Marco and Raúl are covering the ranch and animals until your father’s back on the 28th. And Jorge is covering the farm until we’re home from Miami in the New Year.”

No one was keen to leave Luna, Sol and Leo, who had long since retired from ranch duties, but between work and Christmas commitments, Connie taking a full-time job in a different hospital, now Olivia was a teenager going on 30, and the earlier-than-expected arrival of Felipe’s and Juana’s second child – Óscar, a little brother to Claudia – New Year was the only time everyone’s schedules matched up.

These days, Luna, whose main residence was the cottage now, Sol and Leo spent most of their time nestled on furniture or looking for treats in the kitchen whenever food was prepared. However, Luna would sometimes still ride in the back of Horacio’s truck and keep him company in the lower fields.

Kira and Fuego had become old pros, showing their younger siblings, Cielo and Tierra, the ropes, not as replacements to the trio but as a new team with their own quirks and personalities. Thankfully, the dogs and Coco had taken well to the pair of barn cats, Churro and Tamale, who patrolled the outbuildings and dealt with any rodent intruders.

Meanwhile, Chucho showed few signs of slowing down, except one summer when he twisted an ankle, and even that was hard work to get him to rest. But he had been happy to step back from some of his more physically demanding responsibilities in recent years, trusting that the ranch and farm were in capable hands. With their expansion plans a resounding success – plus some new ones up their sleeves – he had become more involved in the business side of the operation alongside Miguel.

And, of course, he was always happy to offer Horacio advice whenever needed. But for the most part, he left him to it since Félix’s retirement, preferring to arrange for the guesthouses to be refurbished or to deliver fresh batches of cooking to aid workers and exhausted arrivals alike on the frontline of the border.

“Bet Jorge was as thrilled about that arrangement as my team.”

“Well, we can always delegate to our deputies whenever necessary. One of the perks of being promoted.”

It had taken Horacio five years under Félix’s watchful eye – and decades of experience – to be granted the title of farm manager. Then, Félix had retired the previous year, satisfied he had picked the right man as his successor and Jorge as deputy.

Horacio still had plenty to learn and likely always would with the constant conveyor belt of change to farming methods and technology that landed on his desk each month. However, there was a sense of familiarity with certain parts of the job, like the meetings, the paperwork, and the budget constraints. Except, this time, it all came without the funerals, the upper echelons of the CNP breathing down his neck, and the crushing weight of a country’s future on his shoulders.

“And a holiday on the Caribbean coast was necessary, was it?” Now that Javier’s hair was free from sand and shampoo, he turned to face Horacio, their lips almost touching.

Horacio nodded sagely and closed the gap. “A critical business need.”

------------------------------------------------------

Once dried off, they lay in a hammock in matching white towel robes under the thatched porch of their beach house with a perfect view of the sea, moon and stars.

“So, you like it here?” Horacio asked after a comfortable silence.

“It’s beautiful. I’m glad we came back – to see it how it’s meant to be.”

“Me too. Although, I fear violence will always be a parasite latched onto Colombia. Just when you think it’s gone from one place, it rears its head again in another. Or even the same place twice if you’re unlucky.”

Horacio remembered the stories he had heard from Trujillo in the last couple of years – particularly about Operation Orion. Officially, the incursion on Comuna 13 had been a success by the Colombian military against the likes of FARC. Unofficially, however, there were rumours of a leaked CIA report, disappeared individuals, and collusion between an Army General and none other than Don Berna’s subordinate. It was hard to keep faith that Medellín would ever be free from its past when history had such a predictable habit of repeating itself.

“I know. It feels like one step forward and two steps back in the States, too. Terrorism might be the new bogeyman, but re-branding to ICE and throwing a shitload of money at the DHS hasn’t stopped the drugs and the people finding their way over the border.”

Javier had heard directly from Steve about the shift in his job role since 9/11. Overnight, Steve’s whole department was removed from their current caseloads and signed up for every counter-terrorism and narco-terrorism course under the sun. It was now customary for DEA agents to be redeployed to the FBI as intelligence analysts if resources required. And if their eyes and ears were pulled away from the drug traffickers, it didn’t take a genius to figure out the consequences.

Meanwhile, in Texas, if anything, people only took graver risks in the wake of a beefed-up Border Patrol. Javier had spent a lot of the past year helping to set up new aid teams in Arizona and New Mexico, the inhospitable conditions of the desert not enough of a deterrent to stop families trying their luck or handing over their life savings to coyotes who didn’t care whether they made it across alive.

“But small things can add up to change. Bit by bit,” Javier added. “And at least they can’t arrest us for fucking in our own home anymore.”

“True. Not that the law stopped us before...” Horacio nuzzled against Javier’s neck before making a move to get up.

They may have joked in the here and now, but it wasn’t a change they took for granted. In fact, Luz and Carla had even persuaded Javier to attend a protest or two and pay bond and legal fees for those who had been arrested. After all, he’d had plenty of experience exchanging money for people’s freedom.

When news of the Supreme Court decision spread, it was another weight off their backs and one less reason to look over their shoulders, a chance to permanently put to bed memories of being spied on during such unguarded sacred moments. It was the final line to be drawn under those dark years, not to erase them because that was impossible. But it was, at least, closure.

Their cigarette was almost done, and Horacio had left the opened pack on the kitchen counter. Once retrieved, he took out another and leaned into Javier across the hammock, pressing the tip of his unlit cigarette against the lit one until it sparked.

“But you’re right,” Horacio continued, holding Javier’s gaze between exhaling a plume of smoke. He balanced on the edge of the hammock, just enough to stop it tipping sideways. “Things can change. But only if we want them to.” He perched their new cigarette between his lips as he reached into the pocket of his robe.

Their first cigarette was little more than a stub, so Javier stooped down to the ashtray on the floor to extinguish it. Once he sat up again, a small cubed box was presented into his spare hand.

Javier stared at the black box and blew out remnants of smoke, eyeing Horacio with an unreadable expression, an unspoken question and answer lingering between them and the mist of tobacco.

He prised open the box to reveal a ring of plain silver. Or, so he thought at first glance. But as he raised it towards the moon, the iridescent light caught on the inner band to reveal an inscription.

Suerte que encontré a mi media naranja.

(Lucky that I found my soulmate.)

“Fuck, Horacio…” Javier’s voice was strained, and his words came out as little more than a whisper. He held the ring between his thumb and forefinger, letting the ethereal reflection from above capture each word.

Horacio watched every shift in Javier’s face with bated breath and a dry throat, his limbs lead and weightless all at once.

“The world’s changing around us,” Horacio said at last; swallowing his nerves and summoning his courage. “But no matter what the law or courts say in any state or country, this can mean whatever we want it to mean.”

Javier’s jaw worked back and forth, his teeth clamping down on the inside of his cheeks. But it was no use, and he let out a trembling scoff, an attempt to distract from the shining pupils he finally confronted Horacio with.

And then a broad smile crept across Javier’s features, his palm connecting with Horacio’s cheek before he plucked the cigarette from his fingers and took a drag. “Pass me my jeans.”

It took Horacio a moment to process Javier’s request. Of all the responses he had prepared for – the good and the bad – that hadn’t been on his list, funnily enough. With narrowed eyes and pursed lips, he complied and fetched the jeans that had been flung over a sun lounger when they stripped off to swim earlier. Apparently, regardless of how humid the climate in Tolú became, denim remained a reliable staple of Javier’s wardrobe.

“Check my left pocket.”

Whatever Javier was up to, Horacio was torn between intrigue and irritation at Javier’s temerity to issue orders despite leaving him hanging. But he did as he was told, and in an instant, everything made sense.

“I can always take it back if you’d prefer…”

But Horacio was already opening the near-identical box, and any teasing faded to white noise as he came face-to-face with the gold equivalent of his own proposal.

“Hold it up to the light.”

The night sky was brighter now, making it easier for the inscription to be revealed.

Mi amor, mi vida, mi hogar, mi vaquero. Siempre tuyo.

(My love, my life, my home, my cowboy. Yours always.)

It was Javier’s turn to observe, and it didn’t take long for Horacio to raise a brow in his direction, shooting him a look of feigned exasperation that only came with the territory of a relationship as enduring as theirs.

“What?” Javier said with disingenuous innocence and a vulpine smile.

It was a contagious kind of smile, one that reminded Horacio they were equals in this and that he shouldn’t have been surprised Javier had the same idea.

“I take it my mother showed you her ring?”

“On my first visit to Manizales. It was beautiful. And so’s this.”

“As is this.”

“I like to think I put my own spin on it.”

“You did.”

They sat side-by-side on the hammock, legs facing towards each other with the rings held in their outstretched hands.

Javier’s thumb slid across Horacio’s left palm, tracing patterns over new callouses born from hard labour rather than war. He circled his wrist, waiting for the familiar rhythm but finding a beat that was, unsurprisingly, drumming quicker than usual.

After subduing with his touch, Javier retrieved the gold band, gliding it carefully onto Horacio’s ring finger, easing it over the knuckle until it rested snugly at the base.

They sat transfixed, marvelling at the light dancing across it as Horacio’s thumb ran back and forth over the curved surface in fascination.

Horacio repeated the ritual of mapping Javier’s left hand, lacing their fingers together as a tangible reminder of their bond. Their devotion. Their vow. Their choice. Whether the law honoured it one day or not.

He picked up the silver to his gold, shimmying it along Javier’s ring finger and passing beyond the slight resistance at his knuckle. Not too much force, but firm enough for it to sink perfectly into place.

With palms connected and fingers interlocked, their foreheads met, chests rising and falling in tandem.

“Te amo tanto, Javier.”

“Yo también te amo. Tanto, Horacio. Tanto.” Javier whispered, over and over in Horacio’s ear like a prayer – their prayer – before brushing his lips above Horacio’s brow, the bridge of his nose, both cheeks and down to his mouth, creating their own sign of the cross with each kiss. A new beginning and a welcome home.

They untied their robes and collapsed onto the hammock in a tangle of limbs, silver and gold melding at their chests and hands; their past, present and future as inseparable as their hearts, bodies and souls.

With one smooth motion, Horacio pinned Javier’s arms down into the netting of the hammock, a dark, hungry gaze passing between them as cool metal fused with hot skin.

15 years and several lifetimes may have gone by. But when Horacio had the man he loved, the man who loved him, his media naranja, underneath him, only one word ran through his head. Mine.

Old habits die hard, he supposed.

[1lostsoul0fishbowl]

annual writing self-evaluation 📝

Many thanks and muchas smooches to @justhere4thevibez for tagging me! 🥰

1. List of works published this year (in no particular order):

chapters 56-84 of With a Little Help From My Friends (completed 5/15/23)

Next Time I Fall (24 chapters, completed 12/19/23)

Lost and Found and Turned Around (7 chapters, completed 11/16/23)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

I’m incredibly proud of all my works, but I think probably I’m most proud of Next Time I Fall. I created a brand new rarepair, shaped a beautiful fluffy love story for them, and persevered through extreme personal difficulty to finish the fic despite the temptation to abandon it.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

There are a couple of chapters in Little Help that I feel aren’t as strong as they could’ve been. 64, 73, and 81 in particular. I don’t know what I should’ve done to make them better; I just know they needed more.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

I’ll pick one little snippet from each fic…

Little Help:

Wayne waited until she’d finished her tiny blueberry slice and was debating over which to try next. “Actually, sugar,” he said quietly to Max, “I wanted to talk to you about that.”

“About what?” she asked, puzzled. “About gaining weight? That was a joke.”

“No.” He watched Eddie let Lucy lick a tiny smear of pie filling from his finger, despite Chrissy’s protest that sugar wasn’t good for cats. “About staying with us.”

A chill ran through her. “It’s still okay, right?” she said hesitantly. ��My mom’s getting out of the rehab next week, but Claudia said I could stay longer if I needed to. But if that’s changed…” She trailed off, swallowing hard.

Wayne patted her shoulder. “Naw, sugar, that ain’t changed. You can stay long as you like. Fact is”— he rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly bashful— “fact is, what we really want is to keep you for good.”

~~~

Next Time I Fall:

Gareth couldn’t imagine having to grow up without his mom and dad. He thought of the way Janie held so tightly to his mom every time they hugged, and a lump formed in his throat.

“They never found your parents?” he whispered. “Baby, I’m so sorry.”

Honestly, he hadn’t even thought before speaking, he’d just blurted that out. But somehow it had been the right thing to say; Eddie and Chrissy’s tense expressions melted into something that looked like relief, and Janie’s crushing grip on his hand finally relaxed a little. Gareth laced his fingers through hers, giving her hand a little squeeze, before gently turning it to examine the small number tattooed on the inside of her wrist.

“Is that where this came from?” He lifted her hand to his lips, softly kissing the tiny 011. “Did they do that to you in the Lab?”

She nodded, tears spilling down her cheeks. “It was my name,” she murmured. “That is why everyone calls me El. El is short for Eleven.”

Fucking hell. Gareth felt tears running down his cheeks, too.

~~~

Lost and Found:

“Jane, you need to wake up!” Kali tried unsuccessfully not to shout. “You really are naive! They can always take you if they really want you. You need to face facts. Your policeman cannot protect you, you have to be able to protect yourself. Are your friends helping you with that? Is your boyfriend? No, they just want you to be ‘normal’. They want you to suppress your gifts instead of using them, and they want you to forget who you are and where you came from. And if I stay here they’ll do the same to me. Putting on their hypocritical smiles as long as I convert to their idea of normal. I don’t want to hide who I am, and neither should you, Jane. You can’t heal by hiding. The only way to heal is to face up to the truth, confront and conquer your past.”

“Stop calling me naive,” Jane snapped, “just because I am trying to accept my past instead of confronting it. I confronted Papa face to face, and then I let him die, and it did not change anything. All your revenge has not changed you either.” Just as quickly as her anger flared up, it dissipated again. Her voice softened, her entire demeanor settling into something more gentle. “You talk a lot about healing, but you are still so mad, Kali. I think I am more healed than you are. Maybe if you stayed here, as part of my family, maybe that can heal you like it did for me.”

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

I love every single comment I get, truly I do. But I think the ones that made me smile the most this year were the few on Next Time I Fall that basically said ‘I never would’ve considered El and Gareth together but your fic made me ship them’. Is there any greater compliment? 😄

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Basically the last eight weeks have been awful. I got covid, and had barely recovered from that when a family emergency happened and I was thrown into the role of caregiver, and since then just more and more stuff keeps going wrong. I’m exhausted and honestly in a pretty dark place, mentally and emotionally, right now.

And yet. In spite of that I finished both Next Time and Lost and Found. Neither of them seem to have made any great impact— I barely even got any comments on either finale— but it was a goal of mine to finish them both and I’m still proud I managed to achieve that.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Kali, in Lost and Found, was so much fun to explore! I rewatched “The Lost Sister” before I started writing this fic, and I realized that I still hated her obnoxious friends but Kali herself was a super interesting character with a lot of potential. I had a lot of fun digging into what might possibly make her want to reconnect with El, and what would make her feel drawn to Steve. Also it surprised me how much I ship Stali now!

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I learned that my stories come out better when I write them the way I want them, instead of “taking requests” and pushing the characters in directions I wouldn’t have chosen if left to my own devices. I feel like certain parts of Little Help suffered because of this, so I resolved I’d stick to my own plans for Next Time and later Lost and Found, and I think those two fics came out better for it.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

Next year, if I write any more, I want to somehow learn not to be so obsessed with stats. Stop comparing my kudos/comments count to other fics and feeling sad and inadequate. I have no idea how to accomplish this, but it’s where I need to be if I’m going to keep writing.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Oh it’s 1000% @pearlypairings — she’s been all of the above for me and so much more! Lost and Found would never have happened without her, and Next Time would likely have been abandoned unfinished.

11. Anything in your real life show up in your writing this year:

Lots of things, yeah, I don’t think I can help adding little bits and pieces of myself to my stories. I write the kind of world I’d like to see, and populate it with characters I either want to be like or wish I’d had in my own life.

A very silly specific example, though, is that I made Eddie adopt a kitten because I lost my cat last year and I missed her so much.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Um. Not really? I don’t think I’m good enough yet to be passing on wisdom to others!!!

13. Any new projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I have a couple fun ideas jotted down in my Plot Bunnies folder, but no definite plans to start anything new right now. I gotta get out of this awful headspace before I can even think about new projects.

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read:

@sokkas-first-fangirl @bratanimus @slowandsteddie

[chainofclovers]

A fandom thing that brings me great discomfort is the assumption that "all" queer fans are naturally going to flock around a single ship, and if you don't see it happening you're definitely straight and possibly homophobic. Those are some wild things to assume!

(I'll note a bit of added context here: I don't participate in Twitter fandom, so Discord and Tumblr are my main exposures to character and ship discourse, and AO3 and Livejournal and fansites are the current and past places I've consumed fic. When I'm into a show, I tend to read widely in the main tags even if I usually gravitate towards one or more favorite ships.)

In my current fandom, my inclinations are mostly centered around a m/f ship as well as multi-shipping a variety of monogamous and poly ships (many/most of which are queer). This is a bit of a departure from most of my previous fandom experiences, which have been centered around very subtextual f/f ships in fandom spaces where the fic-writing and discourse is nearly entirely centered around femslash. My corner of this current fandom includes tons of queer fans (of which I am one), as well as plenty of fans who don't identify as queer. In all the fandom spaces I'm in and in all the pairings (and gen fic) I enjoy from this show, there tends to be a lot of nuanced exploration of gender and sexuality, including explorations of queerness, including within transformative works about that popular m/f ship.

Over the last few weeks, I've watched the ship wars in my fandom, which used to be largely focused around that m/f ship I happen to love, kinda shift into what I think is a bit of an emerging-from-within defensive campaign for a popular m/m ship.

(Some more context: I have zero interest in engaging in ship wars. I believe all ships with adult characters are valid ships. I am invested in what will happen in the canon of this show, but "endgame" has never been the driver for my participation in any fandom, and I'd be shocked if I don't continue to create transformative works about my favorite ships for months and years to come regardless of what happens with the show. I personally don't adore the popular m/m ship, although I definitely see the chemistry and for most of the time this show has existed, I've appreciated the enthusiasm for the characters and the ship even if it's not my cup of tea. I enjoy both characters and their canonical relationship, and completely understand why the romantic ship is very popular.)

I find it genuinely kind of funny and amusing that for ship war participants fighting for basically any ship within this fandom, the arguments they experience from antis are incredibly similar--for character x and character y to get together, or for character x and character z to get together, it would be cliche, it would be tired, it would be unnecessary, we already have plenty of rep like that, or there's no way these characters could make sense as rep like that, there's nothing in the text that supports this ship, etc.

What feels newer is this insinuation that to opt out of shipping a particular thing means you are unable to see it. If you just don't prefer it or don't predict that it will happen in canon, that must mean that you believe the people who do see it happening are delusional, and therefore you are the enemy.

And attendant with that viewpoint is this idea that there are only two options in media: "the" queer ship will go canon, or the entire show is a big queerbaity setup. Does queerbaiting exist? Yes! Is it happening right now? No! Queerbaiting is, essentially, a broken promise from creator to fan.

The reason all this bums me out try as I might to ignore it and continue having a grand time is multifold: it's a gender thing and a rarepair thing and a thing about ship-as-campaign that saps the fun and joy out of (sub)text and text and the beautiful mystery of watching a story unfold faster than anything.

The gender thing: the show I'm talking about has a character who identifies herself as bisexual in the first season. Do I want more about that story? Do I think that story could and should take up more space? Yes! But is it there? Absolutely. And it's been disheartening to see people either ignore her completely or chalk this part of the story up to "lame jokes" as if humor and flirtation are less-than or inauthentic ways to engage with one's sexuality. It's disheartening to hear people talk about how they hope this show will have its first queer representation when there's been a queer woman on the show the whole time.

The rarepair thing: fic writers, presumably of every orientation under the sun, have been creating very queer fic about a multitude of characters on this show (including, notably, characters who are women) this whole time. There are queer pairings with twenty or fifteen or even three, two, or one stories in their tag. And it feels like lately all these pockets of fandom, regardless of what we've been writing, are getting lumped into this generic "straight" soup of people who lack the vision for the thing that's now "the" thing. But the things that made me want to write queer fic (and, yes, m/f fic) about all these characters, including one of the characters who is part of the popular m/m fic, are things I picked up in the source material, too.

The ship-as-campaign thing: it's exhausting. And it takes something that's pretty inherently queer--the communal act of engaging with a text and transforming it in a million beautiful (or depraved, or silly, or gross, or genre-defying) ways--and splinters it into factions. And assumes stupidity (or outright bigotry) on the part of those who don't see it the exact same way you do. Of course there's bigotry in this fandom, and among casual viewers. It's shit. So why invent more of it that isn't there when we could all focus on eradicating what is there? I don't think there's anything wrong with hoping fervently that you get to see the love story you want to see play out onscreen. That's absolutely how I feel. It's the way this stuff gets treated like a political platform that needs to do numbers to win...that's what bothers me, regardless of which ship it's about.

This has gone on way too long and I very easily might end up regretting making this post, which is very obviously about the thing it is about. If you reblog it, do NOT use it to campaign for any ships or belittle anyone for enjoying the ships they enjoy. PLEASE. Every single one of the ships is great and interesting and worthy of being explored by fandom, and you're selling fandom and community and queer culture short if you assume all the queers have to go in one room and all the straights have to go in another. We can be excited about the things we're excited about without making those hurtful assumptions and making ourselves miserable over a thing that is actually extremely cool.

[bluedalahorse]

Hi hello friend! Is there anything you'd like to tell tumblr about the road trip fic?

Hi friend! Thank you for asking!

There are so many things I want to tell tumblr about road trip fic. I will be vulnerable about this for just a minute. I have to admit, there’s a little part of my brain that is maybe taking this assignment too seriously, because it’s wondering what details I could share that would actually draw in an audience without spoiling them too much. I need to let that part of my brain go—the part that wants to figure out how to draw more people toward my controversial rarepair fic when it’s a little bit more of a niche thing that is never going to draw a lot of people—and remind myself that writing for myself is the most important thing when it comes to fanfic. I will admit I am very very bad at internalizing that, but I will also admit that I am working on it.

Next, I was going to share some bullet points, but then I realized I have an initial list of bullet points here. Which I know you saw!

So, I’m going to share some additional bullet points, mostly dealing with inciting incidents plus a few extra bonus facts:

The fic takes place about 8-10 years after canon, with the characters in their late 20s.

Air travel is suspended due to a volcanic eruption, and Sara and August both happen to be in Antwerp at the same time. They drive back to Sweden so they can get to Wille and Simon’s engagement party in time.

At the beginning of the fic, Sara has been living in either Malmö or Copenhagen (I need to decide) for the past five years or so. Simon and Wilhelm and Felice are all in Stockholm, so she enjoys visiting them, but she’s also a little worried they’ve grown closer without her.

As part of Sara’s backstory, she started up a vlog when she was in university, which then became a place where she talked about doing university and 20something life when you’re a person with AuDHD. She built up her skills and was pretty happy with what she was producing for a while. Then PuzzleChildren (a charity that’s basically that awful one you’re thinking of) hired Sara to vlog for them. They were attempting to rebrand after coming under criticism for not hiring autistic people, and at first things looked promising enough and they were offering Sara enough money that she felt confident about it. Sara’s feelings are changing at the beginning of the fic.

Sara has a neurotypical colleague named Hedda who co-hosts the PuzzleChildren vlog with her. Hedda is… well, she means well, she tries to be nice, but she’s problems for Sara all the same. Hedda also used to be an independent vlogger who made videos about how to be a supportive sibling to a person with autism, since Hedda has a non speaking autistic sibling. (As it happens, Hedda and her sibling are now estranged.) PuzzleChildren sells the story of Sara and Hedda as being sort of like, besties who are just like sisters, and they have to roleplay that relationship on the PuzzleChildren videos. Sara is increasingly frustrated with this.

In the first chapter of the fic, Sara is on a panel at an autism conference, and explains that she and Hedda play their relationship up for the cameras, but that it’s not based on reality. She has a brother and a best friend she loves very much IRL, thank you very much. After confessing this, she moves into a space of anxiety, because she knows it’s going to get her in trouble. She wanders off (her conference center shares space with a zoo, so I imagine her wandering off to the zoo portion) and that’s when she first runs into August.

August has just left the monarchy maybe six weeks before the story starts? He has also refused to talk to the press about why, nor has he put out an official statement about that or anything. The rumors, naturally, are out of control.

Later in the fic though, August has found out a secret about Sara that makes her feel pretty vulnerable. She’s having a tough time. They stop the car, get some strawberries at a roadside stand, and eat them while looking out at the sea. Then August tells Sara he’ll tell her why he left the monarchy, as a sort of evening of the playing field.

I won’t tell you why August left the monarchy, but it has something to do with his dad.

Vincent (now divorced) will briefly show up with his preschool aged daughter, who also has ADHD. I’m sort of interested in the existential crisis Vincent could have if he had an ADHD kid and heard himself saying the same things to her his parents said to him, and wanting to stop. It’s a small part of the story but I want to nod to the idea that even he can break his awful cycles.

Honestly? I might write August and Sara as bi4grayro just to spite the anon haters who call them boring because they’re “just straight.” (I mean do we know either of them is 100% hetero? DO WE? I don’t believe it.)

This fic is on hold until January due to grad school. I hope I’ll feel motivated to write it when I’m done!

[my-cabbages-gorl]

I am so happy I found youuu <3

I love love your writing about ZukAang in AO3 and I am here to support you in this agenda °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

This Aang x Zuko dynamic is meant to be explored more and I just believe it creates such interesting tropes (Fated Enemies --> Lovers/ Yin & Yang/ The Banished Prince x The Avatar/ The Peacemaker x The Conqueror/ Younger!Top x Older!Bottom ETC) AIYOO THE MATERIALL??

I am just here to tell you that I really loved your writings it is just really well done and you bring more depth into them which makes it is such a good story. I love how you envision Aang as he grows older to be more grounded and stable, still very faithful to what he believes but there is still parts of him that he gets to be a BIT greedy for (ahem *cough* zuko *ahem). Then you have Zuko, someone who just got restored his honor and home, yet his past haunts him. He is such a babygurl to me and he definitely needs someone that he can be vulnerable with, and to just let loose and to be mentally grounded (ahem *cough* aang ahem) LIKE TOGETHER THEY BALANCED OUT SO WELL. (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)

Anywhooo I hope you get more inspired <3 <3

well well well this has to be the nicest, sweetest, most uplifting and inspiring thing anyone has ever said to me??? thank you so much?? I know i speak for a loooot of fic writers out there when I say this kind of feedback keeps us GOING. Especially for zukaang, a modest lil ship that's been squeezing it's way out of rarepair territory for the last few years and into the mainstream- your excitement and support is the wind in our sails. THANK YOU so much sending you lots of love and appreciation

[ffviirarepairweek]

Hello! What is the definition of rarepair?

I feel this group is overtaken by the same old popular pairs we see everywhere all the time

Hi there, so there’s two parts to your question.

I’m going to address the second part first – that it’s just the same popular pairs being shown. Before your ask arrived in the inbox, I had reblogged the following pairings for this year's event (in no particular order):

Reno/Aerith

Sephiroth/Elfe

Reno/Veld

Ifalna/Lucrecia

Biggs/Wedge

Scarlet/Lucrecia

Reno/Tseng

Aerith/Kunsel

Reno/Rufus

Seph/Zack

Vincent/Veld

Cloud/Wedge

I’m also writing requests for Seph/Elfe, Seph/Lazard, Reeve/Vincent, and Biggs/Wedge which will be posted later in the week.

I wouldn’t call that list just all the same popular pairings. If you mean there’s a lot of repeats from previous years of this event, well, yeah. We have a number of repeat participants who, unsurprisingly, still like the same pairings they did last year.

In order for me to share a pairing, someone needs to make content for the event for them (and of course Tumblr has to cooperate in showing it to me, or they can mention to me that it exists – a quick reminder to please do let me know if I’ve been missing your posts, we’ve already found one person who the tag is ignoring > . <) so that I can share it. (Or, someone can request a pairing and I will write something for it to the best of my ability.)

The second part – what is a rare pair.

On the prompt post ( https://ffviirarepairweek.tumblr.com/post/740152122290618368/ffvii-rare-pair-week-2024 ) I have the opening as:

Urban Dictionary defines rarepair as “A ship or pairing that not many people ship or is very rare to find fanfiction and fanart of. Typically happens within small fandoms or with minor characters.”

Of course, people often ask for more specific clarifications because some events are very specific about this. I’ve answered this previously, and this year in this post: https://ffviirarepairweek.tumblr.com/post/740261946911260672/is-there-a-number-of-fics-on-ao3-that-you-are

I’ll copy that reply here as well however:

Obviously there are the big huge pairings that you can’t avoid, and no one is going to mistake them for being rare, and there are some pairings people feel are rare on AO3 but may have had a bigger home on other sites in the past. There’s always debate on what counts as rare. If a pairing has their own currently running active annual event week, then I’d encourage folx to seek those out for those pairings first, as someone is trying to create a space for that pairing already and I’m not trying to take that away (but not everyone knows those are happening either!). My general policy is I’m not going to police a rare pair. At the end of the day, I want folx to have fun and encourage people to create above all.

To further elaborate on that, my goal, as always, in running any event (week or otherwise) is to encourage people to have fun and create for the things they love. To help people find others that share their interests. Maybe introduce others to a pairing they may not have thought about yet, when it comes to rare pair week in particular. I would much rather people feel welcome to create, than sit here looking at every fan site calculating how many entries there is for each pairing and tell someone, sorry, your pairing has x number more things than another, so you’re not welcome in the playground. My table has enough room for us all to sit at for show and tell.

I'll try to be better with tagging the pairings so you can ignore the pairings you don't like for the rest of the week - I was working off mobile the last couple days to post things more frequently. That's on me. If there's something particular you need tagged, you can always send in an ask or message me directly.

[sunsetmaidenwrites]

Hi! In Your Eyes? 👀 (I have been down the Ava x Bucky rabbit hole before)

Hi! Thanks so much for asking me about this one. This is a rarepair that really captures my interest. I wrote a one shot for them not too long ago and have been wanting to write more. (I have a bit of an Ava Starr-agenda. She's made a few cameos in recent stories, too. I find her very fascinating!)

This one is a movie au based on an indie flick by the same name. It has a twin flames concept, with Bucky and Ava being strangers who can sense what the other one is feeling. Somewhat aware of this from an early age and not really understanding it, they've managed to shut the bond down and shut the other out.

But as they get older, both find themselves desperately lonely and at a crossroads needing a connection. Ava is trapped in a loveless marriage to a controlling man; Bucky can't seem to escape his troubled past. Feeling vulnerable, frustrated, and lost, their mental connection sparks back to life and they begin communicating with one another through their shared bond.

Here is a snippet (language warning):

After that visit, he’d gone back to his cell, huddled down on the hard lumpy cot that was his home for the foreseeable future and he’d sobbed. Deep, silent, shaking shudders. Surrounded by the moans and howls and cursing of his fellow inmates, the smell of piss, sweat and broken dreams hovering heavy in the air as he mourned every way he’d gone wrong. Every mistake he could never fix because every path set before him had always led exactly here.

If he didn’t die in this hell hole, it would be another. Alone and miserable, getting what Fate determined from the start he had coming. His hands clenched into fists, and he wished he could hit something…probably himself. He deserved it after the disappointment he’d seen in Steve’s eyes.

I’m sorry, his soul screamed, but who was he apologizing to? Steve? Becca? His Ma for turning out too much like his ol’ man? Or maybe…maybe there was someone else. Some distant aching memory he’d pushed and hidden away, never completely relinquishing though he’d refused to give it a name for fear it made him a madman. Carefully, in the depths of his misery and recrimination, he unfurled one hand, letting it rest listlessly by his side as he waited. He could do it. Just once, though it’d been years. He just had to concentrate, open his mind, pull the cord on his tightly shuttered heart and let the phantom light in. Gulping down breath, spit, and guilt, he opened his eyes and peeked into the void. There was nothing there. Just the peeling, cold unforgiving gray of the ceiling. No other pictures for his mind to cling and sift through, probably because he’d forgotten how to dream so long ago. But there was something…just beyond him. Out of reach. An itch. A tingle. A certainty that he wasn’t as alone as he insisted. I did it for you. His mind screamed, his fingertips twitching in desperate beckoning. Just once. One more time. One last time. And I’ll shut you out. I’ll never ask again. He swallowed hard, tears leaking from his eyes. He was 18 years old, and he’d already fucked up every chance at a decent life. Please. Then by some miracle he’d never understand—surely the imaginings of a fucked-up brain—he felt it. The flutter of fingertips, grazing the length of his own. Warm, safe, and capable as they traveled up the length of his fingertips, before flattening so they were hand to hand. His real palm and an invisible shadow palm that existed only in his mind but felt more fucking real than anything else he’d experienced. He felt the sliding sensation as fingers sank into the crevices of his and squeezed. Held on.

Bucky closed his eyes once more, the silent sobs abating as he sank into the serenity of the moment. A simple touch. Surely all in his head. But it didn’t let go. And neither did Bucky.

[wheel-of-fish]

On 150 PotO streams...

Today I corrected some inaccuracies in my stream list, and it turns out this past weekend was my 150th stream! As a result, I've been reflecting a lot on the past four years, and honestly—this has all been pretty amazing.

Over time, I've been able to show roughly 60 Phantom actors and 70 Christines, in at least 15 countries and from almost every year of the show's 34-year run. I've also streamed 15+ other PotO adaptations and made more than 3,500 gifs.

It's been an absolute privilege to watch productions and casts I would never otherwise get to see, and to interact with probably hundreds of Phans from all walks of life. It's given me a way to connect with and contribute to fandom, something I started to feel like I'd lost when I stopped writing.

If you've found favorite actors/adaptations through the streams, or have any notable stream memories, I'd love to hear about them!

A HUGE thank you to the following people:

@glassprism for sharing her videos and expertise practically every week and making this whole thing possible

@meilas for holding down the fort when I'm too tired or distracted to oversee post-stream chat/entertainment

The masters who recorded the videos we're able to share

Everyone who's ever come to a stream over the years, especially the regulars. I've always told myself I'd only stream as long as there's substantial interest, and it's somehow never waned. I remember pretty much everyone who passes through, and I'm so happy to see your (virtual) faces every week.

Fun stream facts

Most requested boot: David Shannon, Gina Beck & Simon Bailey (London 2010)

Actor with the most stream appearances: Jeremy Stolle

Highest attendance: 74

Weirdest adaptation: Spiritual Twist (2011)

Most polarizing adaptation: Phantom of the Opera on Ice (1995)

Most popular version of Love Never Dies: 2013 Vienna concert with Drew Sarich, Milica Jovanovic and Julian Looman

Final lair that has destroyed the most lives: Earl Carpenter & Rachel Barrell (London 2005)

Phantoms who unexpectedly made the chat go feral: Greg Mills, Franc D'Ambrosio, Geronimo Rauch, Ted Keegan

Most-loved objects: Barb the mannequin, LND skeleton butler, hatstand that turned out to be a plant stand

Most-loved Don Attilio: 2006 U.S. tour

Most-discussed rarepairs: Reyerstine, Raoul/Madame Giry

Most-played intermission videos: Shreksophone, 2 Hours of Squid to Relax/Study/Work to, various bardcore covers

Number of Phantom actors invited to a stream: 3

Number of Phantom actors attended: 0 (we'll get there...)

[the-king-and-the-druidess]

Sooo tell me about shipping Morgana/Mordred 👀

Where should I start, Anon? It's going to be a long post, sorry 🍀

First, even though the ao3 and tumblr tags are currently occupied by me (oops) this ship was already there when the show was on air. Fandom-founding fics, A Scandalous Friendship by shiny_starlight and The Witch's Quickening by ymaoh date back to 2010 and 2012 respectively. In the early days, there were Morgana/Mordred works on Livejournal; when the trailers for S5 were released, some fans on LJ were making theories that an adult Mordred was going to be Morgana's partner if you know what I mean (It made sense, didn't it?)

I started shipping (being creative about them) Morgana and Mordred between 2021 and 2022 when I returned to the Merlin fandom after a decade of absence, but even when I was watching the show for the first time, I felt some kind of subtext and tension between them. (I criticize their S5 arcs but that's another matter). Mordana or Mormor remain my second main otp along with Armor(Morgana/Arthur) and this weird angsty rarepair has a strangely strong hold on me :}

I see that Arthur is like Morgana's past, he is what's painfully left behind, represents everything she stands against; whereas Mordred is the future where the Old Religion reigns again, her own version of the golden age, magic with a capital "M", (what Merlin might have been if he wasn't a coward), he is what Morgana met when she realised that she was magical and found again in the darkest moments of her life. Despite the fact that Mordred betrayed her (oh, this angst!) for Morgana he remains a glimpse of light to her darkness, and the only human being she is still able to love. There was a comment by Katie McGrath somewhere that Mordred was the only one Morgana considered her equal. If the redemption and the golden age arcs happened, I believe they would have played a significant role in healing each other (Mordred needed healing too).

I am so fascinated that Morgana forgave him for his betrayals, something she refused to give Merlin, Arthur, Gwen and her Father; and that they felt a bond at first sight(The contrast between the bond of true love and what the life has made of it). The Dragon, prophesying, put their joint destiny on the same scale level as the destiny of Merlin and Arthur (where are my Merthur vs Mordana fics?) Like Arthur and Merlin, they were predicted to become great together.

Mordred was so agonizingly conflicted about who to choose, Arthur or Morgana, and although he loved more the Morgana from the past whose spirit could be seen in her when she was with him only, in the end he realised that it has always been her, that she was right. After he has betrayed and sold everything and everyone, she was the only constant thing. Plus, since Kara as a character is basically a younger Morgana, he definitely has a type for a rebel woman that tears his heart in two :} (Morgana Le Fay is known as the most beautiful and enchanting woman of the legends, should I explain more a case of attraction between a young man with a bitter past and a brokenhearted mature woman like her? Should I explain the magnetism of darkness?)

For Morgana Mordred is a return to "the love she once had" (Mordred's best lines were uttered about Morgana), for Mordred she is a return to his druidic roots, to his magical heart, to the dreams and longing he had about her after they had been separated so cruelly. They both craved for love and peace deep down but were deprived of it and hurt by other people and each other.

Usually, I ship them in S5 with a ten-year age gap; in their evil self; I headcanon Mordred as 20-22yo and Morgana as 30-32. But I also wrote (and will write more, I hope) an AU where they were the same age and good and Mordred was already adult in S2; I tried to reconstruct his old none traumatised self in an adult form. (There's also a possibility of a forbidden love AU between a knight with a dark past and a magical princess who had seen him killing in her prophetic visions. I actually have many Mormor AU ideas, including Arthurian ones; strange for the characters that have so little screen time together)

Their tropes: lovehate and enemies-to-lovers, of course

who did this to you

I hate everyone but you

villain x hero (it seems even more delicious when it's an evil woman/good man or evil woman/good woman, not a traditional evil man/good woman. I find that Mordana is built quite similar to how a traditional villain/heroine could have been built, like she chooses him exclusively and wants him to be by her side and shares her secrets and plans whereas he is working for the opposite side.)

soulmates (they were destined to be)

unrequited love, one-sided attraction, bitter exes, I love you but I cannot watch how you are going mad (I like angst)

he will always return to her, meeting again

break up and make up

us against the world

the best friend of her brother

reluctant closeness, reluctant allies

I can fix him/her

femdom, touch starved, hate sex, reunion sex, first time, is age gap a trope?

Morgana and Mordred's aesthetic is a top tier for me. Triskelions, dark woods, abandoned castles, blood and fire, dusk and sunset, harshness of winter and gentleness of spring. A witch and a forsaken knight, a seer and a druid, a villainess and a traitor, they can stab each other and then kiss as if nothing has happened, a dark queen and a traitor who wanted to use her but then fell in love, the outcasts, depressed introvert x depressed introvert. Isn't the villainous darkhaired violent duo in black cloaks with revolutionary and vengeance agenda, with ancient crystals and magical swords beautiful? They are the embodiment of the Old Ways. I am also fond of Mordana and Aithusa background interactions.

Their dynamic is and could have been so complex and interesting for me; if the reboot ever happens, I want them to make Mordana at least semi canon, adult Mordred in S1 and/or him being really bad and working with Morgana.

[willow-lark]

not most people (but it's you) - wheelclair

took a break from my byler week fics to try something new and jot down a quick wheelclair drabble!! this one is dedicated to @booksandpaperss (💕🫶) who i was talking to a bit ab wheelclair aus the other day,,, ngl i'm becoming obsessed w these 2

As Mike watches, Lucas lifts his hand in a gesture that Mike knows all too well, with an uncertain smile on his face as he wiggles his fingers every-so-slightly in a wave.

Mike is tempted to reach up and pull down his window shade to cut off the interaction, to ignore Lucas and feed into the hurt lodged deep within his gut that he’s never actually let go of, and nursed for all these years. But—Lucas isn’t doing anything to hurt him, in truth. Did he really ever? Intellectually, Mike remembers the barbed words, the harm both he and Lucas caused each other. But it doesn’t feel like those things matter so much right now. It didn’t seem to matter this morning, when Mrs. Harmon paired them together for their new history project, and Lucas stuck his hand out in the aisle between their desks and Mike took it in truce. Somehow, even surrounded by meatheads and having assimilated into the ranks of all the thug-headed jocks that leech off the walls of Hawkins High, Lucas has retained the good faith that Mike remembers in him, putting loyalty above all else, and trusting those he cares about.

Lucas was always a lot nicer than Mike was, he thinks. Lucas doesn’t snap at people unless he has a good reason. He’s only got a bone to pick with people if they hurt someone he loves. Not like Mike, who gets angry at the people he cares about for no reason, uncompromising and mean even when he doesn’t mean to be, demanding that everything goes exactly his way.

Once, Lucas was Mike’s closest friend. Once, Mike would have reached for his walkie to radio Lucas, and they would look across at each other in their windows and talk late into the night.

Now, though, Mike lifts his fingers in response, and sends across his own tentative smile.

...

“Hey!” calls a voice behind Mike, who slams his locker shut and whips around. He didn’t sleep well last night, staring up at the ceiling with a pounding heart, mind all caught up in thoughts of what was and what might have been. It is only Lucas, leaning casually against the row of lockers in his crisp letterman jacket, grinning at Mike with that same easy smile he’s always had.

“Hi,” says Mike, grumpy, sudden butterflies in his stomach doing their damn best to flap all the way up his esophagus. He doesn’t look nearly as put together as Lucas does right now. The Hellfire t-shirt he’s wearing definitely needs a wash, and so do the jeans that he’s worn every day for the past two weeks.

“You want to come over to mine after school today and get started on this project?”

“Okay,” Mike says before he can fully think it over, but as he does he realizes he doesn’t really have an excuse not to. Corroded Coffin was supposed to get together and rehearse tonight, but Gareth’s home sick with a violent flu and Eddie called yesterday that he wasn’t going to be able to make the drive out from Indianapolis to visit like he had planned. “I was going to have rehearsal today, but I don’t anymore.”

“Corroded Coffin, right? That’s a sick name, man.”

“Oh, I, uh, I play guitar now.”

“Awesome,” Lucas says, and claps Mike on the shoulder. “I’m driving Erica home today, too, so let’s meet in the parking lot after class lets out. See you later!” and he strides off to whatever class he’s supposed to be at next period. 

Mike stands there, noise of the bustling hallway swelling around him. He can still feel the warmth of Lucas’s hand on his shoulder, an old and familiar touch. Mike’s not that touchy of a person. Most people, he’d snap at. 

Lucas isn’t most people.

hm. i May have to write more of them bc wheelclair is quickly shooting up my list of fav rarepairs. high school au wheelclair is something that can be so personal. like. they're so???? n e ways if u read this far i hope u enjoyed it!! mwah. xoxo.

[the-sun-princess]

Hell, I'm always down for new fic prompts. Can't promise I'll know any of em, but what're some examples of these rare pairs what're on your mind?

well. im always down to just List off my rarepairs lol. they're almost all just bandori and revstar ships that just haunt the back of my mind

BanG Dream

yamabuki saya/udagawa tomoe: big sisters who drum growing up in the same neighborhood who are both very kind and helpful and Understand each other on a deeper level than most (plus. have an event where tomoe bursts in to stop saya from marrying someone else. it was a wedding photoshoot not a real marriage but the dynamic is real)

okusawa misaki/matsubara kanon: the two sane people in a band of crazies who lean on each other. esp since kanon is the only one aware misaki is Also the DJing bear mascot. very early on one crazy made misaki confess to kanon (as an acting exercise) but they're still very close n admire each other a whole lot

futaba tsukushi/yashio rui: not Exactly the only two sane people in the band but the ones more likely to be strict. tsukushi also doesnt tend to dismiss rui's way of approaching things the way others do and is often mediating between rui's harshness and the rest of the band

shiina taki/takamatsu tomori: baby gays. taki is angy blunt gayby who is protective ANd crushing over tomori who is a sensitive shy beanie baby

wakaba mutsumi/yahata umiri: nonverbal girl and the One person who has been genuinely nice to her in the past year even if it was like 2 lines of dialogue

(the last two are partly bc they new so they have less canon content. also mutsumiri was maybe onscreen together for half a minute)

Revue Starlight

tsuyuzaki mahiru/kagura hikari/aijou karen: roomates who's dynamic gets thrown off by the arrival of hikari, karens childhood friend, suddenly transferring and they had a big important promise to act together and mahiru feels left out, unwanted, and worthless. after Struggles and Talking karen n mahiru n hikari manage to get past the jealousys and issues and end up having a really cute dynamic of mahiru taking care of the more physical things while hikari n karen cheer her on emotionally

akikaze rui/tomoe tamao: Extremely Shy And Anxious rui starts acting bc she sees tamao on stage and wants to be up there with her as close as she can be. and tamao is the densest person in the entire world bc rui is Not subtle about her crush and tamao has No idea about it. but she thinks rui is adorable and also swore to be gayer with rui than her rival is with Her gf.

tsuruhime yachiyo/yumeoji shiori: fashionista genius actress yachiyo who also makes costumes but has always kind of kept a distance from others being charmed by shiori's genuine hardworkingness and appreciation of all the details in yachiyos costumes and understands the themes she puts into them. also they flirt/are paired off quite a lot and do cute widdle pda like laplaying n such

ebisu tsukasa/kano misora: probably have the 2nd-least amount of content. but. pretty older girl who has genuine grounded advice to give and energetic younger girl who admires the hell out of her and is the reason misora even went to frontier bc she was so captivated by tsukasa's acting. they are Also kind of the 'saner' pair of frontier students

honami hisame/yukishiro akira Or honami hisame/yanagi koharu: honestly idk how to describe either of these more than 'hisame stubbornly tries to communicate with the aloof cool leaders she meets on stage and she melts them both in different ways'

no biggie if ur not into those fandoms or anything i dont expect anyone to write me stuff, esp not since they smaller fandoms and i also tend to be. pretty picky lol

just sometimes i go so long in canon between getting my nibbles of content i want fanfic to tide me over and there's just. nothin. so i whine about it

EDIT: i added descriptions bc i like saying why i ship them too lol

[tossawary]

Happy November, everyone! And a belated Happy Halloween! I think that I’m going to keep this icon around for at least another month, because I like it.

Life for me has been busy, busy, busy, as ever! It’s all good stuff, there’s just a lot of it, so I can’t go quite as bananas over SVSSS. I want to say thank you again to everyone who continues to enjoy and show some love for the things I share here, both the fics and the silly little posts here. (NO, TUMBLR, I still don’t want to Blaze my Moshang posts, THANK YOU.)  Thank you for the comments, the replies, the likes and kudos, the asks, and everything else! I carry them with me through the day. I’m replying to them when I can.

We’re slowly coming up on the end of 2022, but there’s still some exciting fic stuff left! I’m in the middle of posting “love to the ones I’ve never met”, which is a dimension travel crossover between SVSSS and “pride is not the word I’m looking for” that I have been so happy to finally be sharing! There are still 7 chapters left in Luo Jiahui’s quest to get home again! And the SVSSS Shang Qinghua POV chapter that I’m going to be posting tomorrow night shows this horrible little rat man at his best!

(And I just wrapped up writing another SVSSS fic that challenged me to bring my best non-canon rarepair game. Any guesses who?)

I won’t be participating in NaNoWriMo or anything this year. Having done it a few times in the past, with good to okay experiences, if anyone reading this is feeling guilty about not participating or not being able to complete it in the past, I just want to say that it’s fine not to do it. And it’s fine to give it a go and then flame out! November is often a hectic month in my house; trying to write when you’re feeling burnt out can be like trying to walk on a broken leg. Writing or trying to write shouldn’t make you feel bad.

I personally try to write at least 200 words a day every day when I have projects going throughout the year, but I sometimes just don’t write at all. I just chill. I personally recommend starting out trying to write 100 words a day for a week or something. Little achievable chunks that I don’t have to perfect on the first try! You have to train when you want to run a marathon!

That said, if you do take up any challenges like NaNoWriMo, good luck! Have fun! May the universe arrange itself to give you the time, energy, and inspiration to tackle your labors of love! <3

[television-bodies]

fic writer tag game

thank you for the tag @palmviolet ! love things like this. blessings upon you and all your sheep

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

five! my ao3 account is but a baby

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

63k. in approximately ten days this is going to jump by ~15k so perhaps i should have waited to do this tag but alas. impatience

3. What fandoms do you write for?

currently only les mis. so many themes to explore... so many characters to sink my teeth into... so many dynamics to look at and so many situations into which i can drop people...

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

i mean. this is going to be all of my fics but here's the ranking

suckerpunch

visiting hours

restoring the balance

tech week

the two sides of monsieur valentine (the perils of rarepairs)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes!!! i love comments. fuel. life blood

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

well. there's a major character death marinating in my drafts, yet to be unleashed

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

currently all of them have pretty happy endings, which is something i'm sort of trying to change because i'm starting to get a little bored of writing that all the time. sorry. scared of getting myself into a funk! all things considered though, it's probably tech week. those final lines were in my head from the very start of the fic, and with the whole christmas vibe... yeah. that one, i think

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not so far! hoping that will not change!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

not as of yet and i can't see myself doing so if i'm honest but i'm also a big believer in never saying never because i don't know who i am (or more importantly, who i will be). so. not at the moment. but in ten years maybe i'll look back at this and laugh. you know

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

again, not as of yet! not a full crossover, with characters from each thing intersecting, anyway. i've got some AUs for les mis that are specific to other interests, but nothing closer than that.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i don't see many fics in the les mis fandom getting translated at all anymore! the fandom is so lovely but it's definitely quieter than it has been in the past, so it doesn't surprise me. i'd love for it to happen, but no, not yet.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nooo. i like the idea of it, if there was someone i think i worked well enough with -- but i don't know anybody over here well enough for that yet, i don't think. i am currently bad at messaging people/interacting on any level deeper than reblogging posts or commenting on their fics, which is really something i should work on. open to the possibility though!

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

enjolras and grantaire, oh my god. living in my brain for goddamn YEARS now. years upon years. with that said, i do have certain Feelings about them -- maybe i'll go more into detail with this someday on some other post but really i think that the way they're done in canon is kind of perfect, which is why i don't write canon era fic for them. there's nothing i can do to that that would make it worthwhile, to me. but putting them in different time periods or situations? ohhh yeah

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i've got bits and pieces of a les mis AU for the BBC series race across the world which i am still sort of attached to but can't see myself doing anymore, purely because writing the logistical parts of how the race etc functions in that show was boring me, and i don't want to be bored by something that i'm doing for my enjoyment. but maybe i'll do a post at some point laying out the main plot points if anybody's interested because i do still like the concept

16. What are your writing strengths?

probably still nailing this down, if i'm honest. i like descriptions.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i always think i'm not great at dialogue, but i've been told the opposite, so who knows! i think my issue with it comes more from wondering where the conversation should go/what should go in the middle of two points i want the characters to make, rather than making it sound realistic. i think i'm fairly good on the realism front.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

occasionally i'll make characters say the odd phrase in another language, but nothing more than that. i'm not fluent in any language other than english, so unless it's something i'm sure of in spanish i think i'd just be worrying if the translation is correct, which isn't worth it to me (and there isn't much use for spanish in what i'm currently writing lmao)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

fanfiction dot net days are ones we do not talk about... a haze in my mind... banished to the darkness... but i actually do know the answer to this -- it was dracula, for some fucking reason. (i know the reason. but i'm not sharing)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

i'm quite fond of suckerpunch, just because i think it's sort of speedrunning my personal exr manifesto, but i don't know! seriously no answer to this! taking that as a good sign: maybe my favourite is yet to come.

no pressure tags go to @pumpkinspice-prouvaire @sereendy @shamedumpster and anybody else who wishes to do it!

[foeyayshippingweakness]

(#) people you want to get to know better

I saw it on the (handwavy gesture) timeline thanks to @saltysatellite804 so I'm gonna do it with my usual lack of brevity :)

1) three ships:

1. I also have many a ship so I'll go with the one I brainrotted really hard for over the last few years, yalex (yassen gregorovich/alex rider) my beloved from the series alex rider! [assassin with a soft spot/extremely reluctant teen spy] dynamic, there's a shit ton of parallels between them, the metaphorical ghost that is alex's dad haunting the both of them, lots of angst-hurt/comfort potential, some infamous lines from the book that is nothing short of describing yassen in unneccesary detail or a literal love confession, I don't take concrit, thank you! thanks to the tv series there's been more fics but I would definitely still categorize it as a rarepair. somehow there still feels like there's such a wealth of excellent writing though!

2. next is adayu (adachi tohru/narukami yu) from the hit game persona 4 or persona 4 golden. [super nuanced jaded cop that goes too far/new in town protag who gains friends as a bit of a butterfly effect from said antag's actions] dynamic, yin-yang opposite sides of the same coin or two roads diverged mirrored equals, and definitely the darker accomplice!yu ending which leads to a lot of creative headcanons and whatnot. also a rarepair that within the last 3 years got a couple of excellent new longfics thanks to the various ports! I have an active discord server for the pairing with about 60-ish people total so we're going strong >:3c

3. finally I'll go with the ship that was the first "fandom" environment I participated in, eobarry (eobard thawne/barry allen) in all media forms, honestly. ngl I was kind of... young then cough so I tried not to be perceived as much as possible... I respect past!fel's enthusiasm but that's about it LOL. simple yet delicious [obsessed antag who is ready to ruin protag's life at a moment's notice/heart of gold protag who messes up... sometimes] dynamic that I need to get back into in order to describe it further. as you can tell, I'm all about the "but they're just opposite sides of the same coin" trope because this one's literally the flash and the reverse flash. from what I remember, I adored eowells but was always craving for more OG thawne in the tv series. in fact, I scoured through the recent flash movie trailer like a goddamn madman in hopes of catching a glimpse of the reverse flash, but no dice. did a little bit of ranting about it here and there on various platforms but since there's visible elements of change in the trailer such as kara instead of kal-el or how barry actually talks to his alt!self and doesn't knock him the fuck out or phase him out of existence, there's a chance they're gonna pull the whole barry vs evil!barry shtick again and I'm going to have to have to write self-cest. also again. rooting for suprise thawne in the theater when I go and watch it to reignite this possible flame, yeah?

2) first ever ship - it's not something I actually remember because it was that long ago. I can, however, tell you that the first three ship fic I wrote were hetalia character/reader-insert fics over on ff dot net about eight years ago. they didn't even last half a year before I wiped them from existence LOL but I've not deleted anything after that ‘cause I not longer care to

3) last song - it's still pulled up right now on my device, heh. it's shadow from the album "face the sun" by the kpop group seventeen. it's a gorgeous song, and if you look up the lyrics, they definitely hit too. about accepting the flaws in yourself, fears, shadows, etc etc

4) last movie - I actually rewatched the animated "flashpoint" movie recently because of the new flash trailer, ha. still can't get over thawne walking out of the shadows mid-movie stirring a mug of (?) so casually jsdfhsdkjfs

5) currently reading - like any other mentally well person, I have over 150 ao3 tabs open, so I'll choose the one that's most recent and relevent. the fic's called "something rich and strange" that's (the distortion/martin blackwood) for the magnus archives. take care to read the tags if you click into the fic^^

6) currently watching - not watching anything at all that can't be finished in one sitting because I've been so busy. the only thing I can think of is my once per week saturday blue lock episode. blue lock's a really well animated and cool-looking hardcore soccer anime that I would say is a totally different genre from something like haikyuu. it's about growth and egocentrism and super fun to watch; it's in-progress but there's over 12 episodes out already

7) currently consuming - the last thing I ate was some pani puri and naan >:P

8) currently craving - you don't understand how badly I need to see that flash movie. I need a flash that's a new flavor from the CW's and I also desperate crave for eobard thawne's entire ass character to exist again. if we're talking food, it's a bit too cold for me day after day so a heart and body warming meal of hot pot with lots of greens and root veggies, mushrooms, fish balls with roe, slices of beef and other meats or seafood, various tofus, and a delicious spicy soup base sounds so good right about now but I'd have to pester my roommate to drive me somewhere to grab it... maybe next week heh! another thing might be, hmm, dragon age 4? get in my mouth right now, dreadwolf.

lastly, the (totally optional) tag line: @suzie-shooter, @that1qb, @lastlymatt, @aurastiel, @spicavenius, @kelbrid, @weavingmemories