#who (at the apex of the argument) started literally shouting

[queerb]

Oh my god the vibes in this office are going to be RANCID in November

[thecorteztwins]

Alt-Marauders update! It’s pretty much the Shinobi Feels edition, so tagging @esteicy-blog in case you wanna read your boy’s bits (it’s fine if not!) and @sammysdewysensitiveeyes and @littlemeangreen since you guys are regular readers! CONTENTS “Weakness” - Shinobi/Haven “Instinct” - Sebastian/Madelyne “Nature” - Sebastian/Haven “Saturn’s Children” - Shinobi/Alice

”WEAKNESS” They’d been captured, and placed in a power-dampening cell. They being Haven and Shinobi, the latter of whom was wounded, deep in his right side. Their captors had stabilized him---they wanted them alive for now, especially since they knew that letting Shinobi die just ensured he’d be revived on Krakoa with information that could defeat them---but given him nothing for the pain before tossing him back in the cell. Literally. He did not hit the floor. Haven’s arms caught him expertly and with strength that would have surprised him if he’d been thinking about anything but how much this hurt. Not the pain in his side---but the helplessness. Shinobi did not like being trapped. Shinobi did not like being at the mercy of others. It had bad memories. Perversely, Haven’s comforting presence made it worse. Because that was part of those same memories. His mother, holding him like she was, asking if he was alright, trying to soothe the pain away. He’d treasured her as a sanctuary then, but the fact was that it always came after the pain, and thus tied to it in his mind. That was the only reason he tried, feebly, to push Haven away, even when what he wanted was to sink into her, to curl up against her, to let her stroke his hair and whisper comforting assurances. He wanted that so bad but he also couldn’t, wouldn’t, be that weak little boy again who needed Mommy, who needed Mommy because Daddy had-- “Shinobi, Shinobi it’s me,” she said, “It’s Haven, Radha, it’s alright, you’re alright, I’m here, I’m right here.” She thought the reason for his weak thrashing, his trying to push himself away, was because he was confused, disoriented, thinking he was still in the hands of their enemies. But he was somewhere far worse---in the past. “I--I know,” he finally said as he got ahold of himself, “I’m fine.” He tried to push himself up on his arms. The pain was terrible for his body. But it’d be worse inside if he failed. If he was weak. He felt her gentle hands on him again, “Don’t try to move, Shinobi. You’re still hurt. They only stopped bleeding, but the wound is still--” “Don’t!” he barked, “Don’t---don’t---I’m not a child!” As much as Haven wanted to pull him to her, she was as respectful as she was compassionate. If someone was shouting at her not to touch them, she wasn’t going to; it would only do more harm than good. A comforting embrace could turn traumatic if forced, no matter how gentle, and Shinobi had been traumatized enough today. But she did not merely abandon the issue either. She looked at him with sympathetically scrutinizing eyes as he huffed and strained in his attempt to give every appearance of strength. This was...unusual. Shinobi was someone who craved attention, and though he desired more for it to be praise, she’d seen that he would settle for negative attention if nothing else would do, such as when Claudine and Madelyne waved him away in irritation at his amorous antics. He liked to show off, and was also...Haven was too kind to ever think of him as a coward, but when he realized there was real danger afoot, he tended to run. Which Haven could hardly blame him for, she was no combatant himself. He avoided pain. He sought attention. Yet now, when she was offering attention, he put himself in pain to refuse it. Something was amiss here. There was a piece of the puzzle that she was not seeing, a piece that would explain this. People were like puzzles, in their way---you could look at two pieces that seemed like they could never fit together in the same person, but that was only because you weren’t seeing the other pieces that linked them together. And while Haven tried not to think of other human beings as something to be solved, to be analyzed, to be worked out and put under a microscope---they were so much more than that, and deserving of dignity, of privacy, of keeping their hidden pieces to themselves if they so chose---she could not help SEEING these things when they came to light for her. She could not help the pieces connecting in her own mind. As these new pieces connected with pre-existing ones in her mind, the information coming together in a cohesive whole, integrating with what she already had known or at least suspected. “Shinobi,” she said very softly, but her voice seemed to echo to him, and it wasn’t because of their small cell. “Shinobi....by your father’s standards, I’m the weakest person he knows. He’s said as much. I believe you’ve heard him.” Shinobi turned to look at her, confused where this was going, and anxious at the mention of his father, the mere mention of the man when he was already in this pained, panicked state making his skin feel like it was tightening around him in anticipation of a blow. Where was she going with this. “So therefore, Shinobi, being as that is...it should be absolutely safe, should it not, to let yourself be weak around me?” She had not EXACTLY guessed what was going on. But she had gotten close. And Shinobi let himself collapse into her lap. *** "INSTINCT” “You know, I never asked you,” said Madelyne as they walked along the beach. It was nothing romantic, they were just on their way to the ship. “How’d you know it was me?” Sebastian looked at her oddly, and she clarified, “I mean when we first met. When Selene introduced me and I pulled down that drama queen cloak and there you see, the spitting image of---you know, her. I didn’t know it at the time, but you two had quite the past. How was SHE not your first thought?” “How do you know she was not?” Madelyne rolled her eyes, “You scoffed at me and called me an “unknown being”, you knew who I was---or at least who I WASN’T. If you’d thought I was Jean you would have---I don’t know but you wouldn’t say THAT.” “Perhaps I simply didn’t recognize the face without the Black Queen costume to go with it.” “Sebastian!” “You know that’s as liable an answer as any.” “You’re dodging the question.” Madelyne held out her arms to the sides, “Look, you’re basically the most morally bankrupt person I’ve ever met who wasn’t a literal demon—and I count Mr Sinister in that category—but you also gave me the kindness of individuality even BEFORE I started treating you as my personal bone machine. And I know the k-word doesn’t come easy to you Sebastian so what gives? More specifically, what did I give away that told you instantly who I WASNT?” There was a long pause. At last, Sebastian answered, and he didn’t sound sure in it at all, which was what let Madelyne know he was being honest. “I confess, spitfire, I really don’t know. Gut instinct, perhaps. “ “So Scott had no guts. Big surprise.” “Mr. Summers knew Ms. Grey in all her incarnations. I only ever knew your hated counterpart as the Black Queen, the Dark Phoenix. We never met when she was NOT that, NOT possessed by the Phoenix Force, not radiating with that strange cosmic energy.” Shaw did not know that the ‘Jean’ he had known had actually BEEN that cosmic energy and not Jean at all, nor did Madelyne, but that was besides the point. He continued, “I am no psychic---I did not have to be, to feel that power. It was more distinct than a face or form, and you lacked it. So much a difference did that make that I did NOT recognize face nor form without it. So if you are searching for some romantic reason concerning seeing your true self or some such sentimental claptr---” “No, that’s the thing, I KNOW it’s not that,” Madelyne cut him off sharply, insulted he’d think she’d ever be so deluded, “I know you didn’t love me. And I’m fine with that, I didn’t love you---did love your dick and money though. But that’s why it was crazy to me that the man who didn’t love me, saw more than the man who was supposed to.” “Well, I do hope that satisfied your curiosity,” Sebastian said, then smirked, “Now tell me again that first thing you loved about me?” Madelyne tried to push him into the water. *** “NATURE” “That’s how it is in nature, after all,” Sebastian finished, “Adversity builds strength. Look at the animals. Red in tooth and claw. Do you know what happens to the weak ones, Ms. Dastoor? They are devoured. As it should be.” “I don’t believe looking to animals as a model for our own behavior is a very good argument, Mr. Shaw,” said Haven, setting her teacup primly on her saucer, “After all, no animals wear clothing, and while I understand you find some articles...restrictive...it seems to be something you overall practice. Animals do not use boats either. Or teasets. Or currency.” “Fair enough. But simply because not EVERYTHING from the animal kingdom should be emulated, does not mean nothing should be.” “I do agree with that. I merely suspect we would differ on what should be.” “Quite correct. I think you can guess which I find most admirable. As I can guess your preferred models of behavior. Cows and dogs and such nursing their young, am I correct?” “You are, Mr. Shaw. But I think that my preferred models are actually just as conducive to your ideals of strength.” “Explain.” he leaned forward. He sounded genuinely interested, if only mildly. “I’m no zoological expert but I can tell you...it varies with species. Some, like sharks, don’t raise their young--they’ll in fact devour them. But in mammals, the strong species all nurse and nurture their young, at least the mothers do. Sometimes both parents, I think, as with wolf packs. But, let us take tigers, one of the greatest predators on the planet, surely a species that appeals to the ‘red in tooth and claw’ paradigm of power, the apex predator who devours the ones beneath it. These creatures, mighty as they are, begin as helpless cubs, blind and barely mobile. If their mothers abandoned them to adversity as you suggest they must, or worse, hurt them in order to make them strong, the cubs would die. Even if they did manage to fend for themselves in the wild without help, they’d be malnourished as cubs, resulting in stunted adults. And they wouldn’t learn how to hunt or behave. They need to loving guidance of their mother in order to be the powerful killers they become. I don’t think the father stays, but I imagine they would not be worse for it if he contributed. Therefore, I think the most successful species in your worldview, owe their success to the greatest traits in my worldview.” “Point to you, Ms. Dastoor,” said Sebastian, lifting his cup, “Though, as you yourself state---this does not apply to ALL great predators, and the tiger still does teach the cubs to hunt what is weaker than themselves. She does not nurture them forever. Surely at some point the juveniles are driven away from her, and by her own claws?” “I believe they do, when it is time. But I would not think you approved of that aspect of their behavior.” “Whyever not?” “Your son is an adult, yet you still have him taking orders at your side, do you not?” There was a very tense silence, and then Shaw smiled. “You say you’re no zoologist. Why do you know so much about tigers?” She smiled back, “Well, Mr. Shaw, it’s actually a bit spiteful, I suppose---I heard arguments like yours over and over, using ‘survival of the fittes’, to justify hurting or neglecting others. I decided to look into just how true it actually was that this was the “natural” order.” His smile became a grin, “Ah, so it is not about love of animals, but a love of refuting me.” "No, Mr. Shaw. It’s for love of the people hurt by beliefs like yours. But,” and her own smile became a grin as well, something that, despite its technical closeness to a smile, was a far cry from anything Sebastian had ever grlimpsed on her face before, “I will level with you---it is a little fun when someone doesn’t have an answer to my tiger example." *** SATURN’S CHILDREN “She was my mom, you know,” said Alice as they approached the wall of rubble. They were in the remains of the underground children where Alice and the other children had lived with Miss Sinister. Shinobi’s mission had been to get in using his phasing abilities, gather data, and get out. Alice, of course, had not been part of the plan. But when it was just her and him, she’d begged to come, and he’d...fuck, he didn’t know why he gave in. “I loved her. I still love her. And I thought she loved me,” Alice continued, as though in a trance, as though talking to the rubble and not to Shinobi, “And she did, I guess, just---just not how I thought. Like you love a car. Something you can use. Or more like, I guess, I guess---” Her voice broke, “A set of new clothes.” Shinobi, really just wanting her to shut up, grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her through with him. They were in the remains of the entryway when they went solid again, and as Shinobi tried to reconcile the digital map Claudine had given him with the ruins before him. Alice quieted down as they searched, but then something else set her off, she was touching something---a broken cloning tank. Again, she was talking to it, not to Shinobi. “She loved me for what she wanted me to be for her, she loved what I could do for her.” Shinobi stepped up behind her, “Uh, Ally?” “Alice.” “Right, Alison, listen, maybe uh talk to Madelyne or Haven or somebody about this later.” “Well they’re not here!” she shouted over her shoulder at him, and she sounded both angry and in pain, taking Shinobi aback, “They’re not here and you are and you...I know you understand me!” Shinobi froze, “The hell do you mean?” “You may be dumb but I’m not! I have eyes! All you want to do is party and have fun and get drunk with Pyro! No way you’re doing all this Black Bishop businessman stuff except for your dad!” “Hey, not true!” Shinobi returned, “The Hellfire Club is power, money is power, and power is everything! And I want everything!” “You don’t want power, you don’t even wanna get out of bed in the morning! “It’s called a hangover you stupid little snot!” “Exactly!” “Wh---what does that even mean?! Shut up, I’m not going to engage with a CHILD! And after I was nice enough to bring you here! I have half a mind to leave you now, if you love it so much! That would teach you some manners!” He just might have to, if he still didn’t need to look for the data. Alice at least was helpful with that---she had lived in this place, she knew it well, even in ruins. They walked in silence at first as she lead the way to where the supercomputer’s chamber would be, until, goddammit, she started up again. “Look I wasn’t trying to be mean to you. But I mean...you’re just a kid, really, like me. You just wanna have fun. And I see how your dad talks to you. Everybody does. Even if only Ms. Haven says anything. “And Pyro,” Shinobi pointed out. “Well, Ms. Haven covers my ears when HE says anything to your dad.” “Yeah, because you’re a kid and I’M NOT,” Shinobi said petulantly. And indeed he wasn’t a kid, he wasn’t some scared little boy anymore, he was black bishop of the hellfire club, partner to black king, his father, his father’s right hand man. Emphasis on MAN. Adult. Grown-up. Powerful. “Do you love him?” “Pyro? Nah, we’re just, uh...the adult kind of friends, you’ll understand when you’re older and more mature like m--” “Nooooo, dummy, your dad!” SHinobi tripped over the high heels of his costume, “What kind of question is that?” Alice looked down, not at Shinobi but at her sneakers, “I still love my mom. Claudine, I mean.” Shinobi didn’t answer her. He didn’t even look back at her. And she didn’t ask anymore questions, or talk about their parents anymore. They made it to the wrecked remains of the supercomputer, they got the wrecked remains of the data, and they returned to the rubble blocking the entrance. And as they phased out through it and stepped back into the outside world, Shinobi looked down at her and said, “I love what he can do for me.”

[aureumjeon]

Pitter-Patter (M) || KNJ

♡ Domestic!Au ♡ Husband!Namjoon x Reader ♡ !! WARNING !! Mention of miscarriage, depression, Fluff, Angst, Light smut. ♡ Words: 5.1K

a/n: *Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, nurse, midwife or anything. This was based on my own knowledge (I gave birth twice.) and of course, Google. I literally cried while writing the miscarriage scene. I have no intention of offending women who went through a mc. For those who experienced it recently or 10, 20, or even 30 years ago, I am so sorry for your loss. I will hold a special spot in my heart for you and your child. I am a mere stranger to you but I want you to know that there's a rainbow always after the rain.  🌈

“You’re not going to go through this alone,  I’m with you all the way.”

You were huddled up in thick blankets on the living room couch watching Marvel's Thor: Ragnarok with your loving husband, Namjoon. Too immersed in the comedic yet action-packed plot, you did not feel your husband's hand slither its way down to the apex of your thigh. "Babe..." You whined, wiggling your thigh, trying to shake off his venturing hand. "I'm trying to watch here." You said, completely unamused. He chuckled and retorted "But we've watched this movie THREE times now." With a heavy emphasis on the three. Giggles were the only thing you replied, waving your hands in his face trying to dismiss his logical argument. He snickered at your response and rested his head on your lap, looking up at you and admiring the view. He genuinely felt happy that he gets to spend his entire life with you, for better or for worst. There was only one thing he thought was missing. "Y/N..." He hummed your name sweetly, his voice low and smooth, and it felt like feathers titillating your eardrums. "Yes, love?" You hummed back while brushing your fingers through his silver tinted hair, eyes still focused on the television.  "Maybe..." He paused. Namjoon nervously swallowed a lump in his throat and carried on with what he was saying, “I think we could try again, Y/N. It's been 8 months." Your husband firmly stated, washing off any trace of hesitancy.

It took you a while to process what he was suggesting when it did sink in, the playfulness of your voice dissipated. Your face stone hard and a frown was embossed on your lips. With eyes cold as ice, you stared him down like he murdered someone. You stood up abruptly, causing his head to hit the seat cushion. "Ouch." He hissed. "Good thing its soft and we weren't lying on the floor." going over the back of his head with his fingers. You marched straight up to your shared bedroom and shut the door as loudly as you could. SLAM!

"Aish.." Namjoon sighed, pulling himself up and trailed over to where you headed. "Y/N." He knocked on the wood door twice but to no avail. "Love." He called you again, this time by your term of endearment for each other. You know you can't resist when he calls you that. The way the word escapes his lips, like a hot knife gliding through cold butter. Yes, it’s that smooth. When Namjoon heard the sound of the lock clicking, he slowly held the doorknob and nudged it open. “Y/N...” He whispered, inching closer to the side of the bed where you were seated. “Are you okay?” he inquired, rubbing circles on your back trying to soothe you. “I’m sorry...” you apologized, feeling guilty at your sudden outburst. It wasn’t his fault, and he definitely did not deserve that. You clasped his hand, lightly tugging at it, encouraging him to sit down beside you. He precisely did what you asked, wrapping his arms around you. You felt the warm, comforting heat radiate from his body.

“It’s not your fault, love...” He replied, voice gentle and soft. “Sorry for being insensitive.” He settled his hand on your face, thumb caressing the apple of your cheek. “Sorry if it seemed like I was rushing you.” Namjoon leaned closer to you and placed a kiss chaste kiss on your forehead. [Past] Rewind to the day you found out that you were carrying a little angel in your womb. "Love!" You shouted from the bathroom, your voice was quivering from excitement. Namjoon thought there was something wrong or that you were in trouble, he barged right through the door and exclaimed "Y/N! What's wrong?!” Tears were welling up in your eyes. You held up the at home pregnancy test kit in your hand, two solid red lines showed. After years and years of trying to conceive, the exhausting days filled with mapping out your ovulation period, ingesting an unhealthy amount of supplement that promised to enhance your fertility, and going back and forth with your not-so-affordable OB-GYNE finally paid off. "We're pregnant?" Your thunderstruck of a husband gleefully asked. "We're pregnant!" You jumped into his arms, feeling his familiar embrace. "We're... We're pregnant." He sighed in positive disbelief, tightening his hold on you. "I can't believe it!" He whimpered as his face dived deeper in the crook of your neck, "Finally." You softly hummed. The excitement of knowing that you will become a mother tickled you inside, setting off tiny, little butterflies. The following day you went to the clinic to professionally confirm that you were indeed pregnant. Your doctor delightfully congratulated both of you and enlightened you with everything you needed to know for the next 9-10 months. You took note of everything she advised, from 'what to eat and what not to eat' to 'sleeping facing the left was suggested, because it provided better blood circulation for the child." (A/n: Fun fact, this is true. My doctor advised me to sleep on the left side with both of my pregnancies. ) You were ecstatic, you undeniably were.

The moment you and your husband walked out of the building, your mind was focused on one thing, one thing alone. You looked at Namjoon with sparkly eyes and chimed "Baby clothes, bottles, binkies, shoes, bouncer, toys---" You were interrupted by your dimpled husband "Calm down, love. Isn't too early to buy those?" He chuckled, to which you replied with a pout. "And we don't know our baby's gender yet." His argument was convincing, but your stubbornness was stronger. You crossed your arms in a child-like manner, again pouting your lips into a c-shape while you stomp your feet. Indeed, like a 5-year old who was not allowed to use her tablet because screen time was over. "Come on, Y/N..." Namjoon stated, his hand was on your shoulders, trying to overpower you rebellious stance. "No." You huffed, cheeks puffed out. "Yah. You know you're absolutely gonna be the death of me, Y/N." He worded jokingly, raising his hands up in defeat "Fine." Your eyes grew 10 times wider at his surrender. "We can get a few things--," You yelled in excitement, cutting him off. "On one condition..." He continued, your grin turned upside down. "We will only get essential things." You face was like a clock, changing its direction every second. "Deal!" You joyfully replied, hooking arms with him. - "Look at this, love!" You exclaimed at amazement, pointing at the compact stroller that magically folds into a cube no more than 20 inches in height and width. Namjoon coiled his arm around your waist and kissed the top of your head. You reached the clothing section for 3 months and below. With wandering eyes, you gazed at all the lovely clothes stacked against one another, row after row, and aisle after aisle. They were just as adorable as you expected them to be. Varying from the palest shade of pink to the deepest shade of blue. Onesies, jumpers, sweaters, hats with fluffy cat ears on top, you name it. "Only what's necessary." Namjoon prompted you with a smile on his face, seeing you happy made him happy. "Yes, sir!" You replied. Your husband does have a point; it really was too early for this. You were just excited at the whole ordeal, and you were thankful that your husband was very kind, loving and understanding enough to let you do what you want. "These!" You plucked the 6-set whites onesies from the display hook. "And these, too!" A cute 3-piece pyjama set littered with doodles of cats, dogs and rabbits accordingly. You tossed them in the basket that was held by your husband. He walked behind you, following every twist and turn you took. Humming a song as he observed you with love-struck eyes. You, the love of his life, is now bearing his child. A family, he thought to himself, together the three of you will become a family. After getting what you needed, you hurriedly hauled your husband to the counter to pay for everything you bought. You got to the car and sat in the passenger seat, holding the bag of baby stuff. "You happy?" Namjoon smiled, his free hand resting on your thigh. "Very!" You lovingly replied, clutching on the bag. The first three months were hell, the doctor told you that this period is where your body will start to feel the surge of hormones. Some women feel nothing at all, while others experience nausea, vomiting, fatigue, cravings, smell sensitivity, and many, many more unpleasant thing. Unfortunately, you represent the latter.

You wouldn't survive it if it wasn't for you very supportive husband. He'd remind you when it was time to take your prenatal pills, cook you a full balanced meal, sing you lullabies when you had trouble sleeping, massage your back, legs and feet whenever you feel them ache, and run to the 24-hour convenience store when you want to eat weird combination of food like chocolate covered sausage. He was heaven sent, you looked at him with luminous eyes while he cradled your growing bump in his arms, kissing it more than a hundred times. What have you done in your past life to deserve a man like him? He was an amazing husband, and he will be an amazing father too. "We got a monthly check up tomorrow right?" You asked your husband at you scanned your phone's calendar. "Yes..." He hummed as he placed another kiss on your tummy. "I'm excited to see how much our little one has grown." You smiled. Namjoon crawled beside you, spooning you in. "Sleep, love. It's harmful to stay up late." He stated. You closed your eyes and felt your body drift into dreamland. Tomorrow comes, you were seated at the waiting area with your husband, waiting for your names to be called. "Mr. and Mrs. Kim?" The nurse at the reception desk stated, she smiled and added: "Mrs. Park is ready to see you now." You bowed and entered the room, greeting the familiar face of the doctor you've been seeing for almost 3 years. "How are you feeling, darling?" Your sweet doctor inquired as she gestured for your maternity booklet. "Have you eaten well and are you getting enough sleep?" You nod, while she scanned your previous record. "By the look of it, you're 16 weeks in today, congratulations again." She grinned from ear to ear. Happy to see that the Kims, one of her favorite couple has come a long way. She rose from her seat and guided you over to her examination table, helping you lie down. "Let's see how much the baby has grown." She clapped, reaching for her handy dandy tape measure and measured your bump. "Good, good. This is an appropriate size for a 16th week gestational age." You smiled and looked over your to your right, you husband giving you the thumbs up. "Next, we'll count the baby's heartbeat." She opened the drawer next to the examination table and pulled her Doppler foetal monitor. She uncapped the tube of Aquasonic 100 Ultrasound gel and spread it on the tip of the gadget. You jolt at the sudden coldness you felt. "Okay, stay still mommy. Let's find your angel's heartbeat.

Your doctor furrowed her brows after 6 minutes of searching for your little one's thumping heart. "That's odd." She obscurely said. The look of worry both flooded you and Namjoon's faces. "Is something wrong, Mrs. Park?" Your husband, who was presently standing to your right, impatiently asked while clasping your hand. "I'm having a hard time locating it." She answered, "It is possible your baby's in a very snug position, that might be the reason why my Doppler can get a hold of his/her heartbeat." You exhaled a profound sigh of relief, looking at each other with weary eyes. "It's going to be alright, love," Namjoon assured you, kissing your knuckles. "I'll ask my assistant to prepare the ultrasound room for us. We require a more powerful machine so we will use big Al, that's what we call him here." She smiled. "Please wait a moment Mr. and Mrs. Kim." She then left the room. "Everything's gonna be alright, I promise." Your husband assured you once more, as he felt your hands tremble in fear. "I hope so..." You sighed. You were finally in the ultrasound room, Big Al stood before you. "Okay. This will do the job." Mrs. Park affirmed, "Please." She gestured to the examination table, this time it was a bigger one. "With this, we will be able to locate it 10 times faster." You breathe in and out to release the tension in your body. The sonographer gave Mrs. Park the go signal, she slid the now mightier machine on your stomach again for a solid 3 minutes. You crossed your fingers and hoped for the best, anticipating only positive things. You train of thought was then cut short by the sonographer. "Mrs. Park, for a while." The young lady called to the elder woman. You and Namjoon's eyes were stuck on the both of them. She then muttered something into her ear, causing her happy demeanor to melt into a gloomy one. She cleared her throat and stood firm and professional. "Mrs. Kim." Her voice was laced with sadness, and you felt your own heart rate shoot up a hundred times. "I'm sorry." She outstretched her hand to hold yours, squeezing it tightly. Your mind went dull. "What?" You asked, utterly terrified at what she was about to say next. "The baby doesn’t have a heartbeat." You felt your heart shatter into a million pieces inside your chest, piercing you lungs making you unable to breathe properly. "What?!" Your husband yelled furiously, Mrs. Park was trying to calm him down. It felt like a gun was aimed at your head, and reality pulled the trigger. Big, heavy tears instantaneously fell from your eyes without a warning. You felt the ground swallow you whole. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? WHY?!

You suddenly burst into a desperate cry. You hopped off the table and fell to the ground with a loud thud; Namjoon rushed over and held you in his arms. The pain from the fall was no way near the pain you felt at the moment. Hearing the news with your own two ears felt like a death sentence. "Why?!" You screamed at the top of your lungs. "W-w-?!" sobbing endlessly. Words were not enough to express all the emotions stirring up inside you. If felt painful; it felt horrible; it felt terrifying; it felt excruciatingly unbearable; it felt like you no longer had a reason to live; it felt like all the sense in your mind, and your body was stripped off with just one sentence. "Why?! I did everything right!" You bawled, using your husband as a punching bag. "Why?! Why did it turn out like this?!" Your screams grew harsher that other nurses fled to the room to determine what all the commotion was about. You looked at Mrs. Park and wept "Why?" She bowed her and went down to your level. "I'm extremely sorry, Y/N." Her eyes filled with guilt as she failed you, in the sense that it was her responsibility to take care of the mother and child during the miraculous process of conceiving up to delivering. She did not see your future, and the future of your child turn out this way. "I'm sorry." She truly was. You and your husband were escorted to a private room, where you could take a rest. Your eyes were still bloodshot, red and swollen. You were shivering uncontrollably from head to toe. You were not in the right state for a conversation at the moment, so Namjoom was the one who discussed with Mrs. Park about the next step. Namjoon calmly explained to you that they scheduled you for a labor induction a week from now. Mrs. Park said it would be better to give you time to adjust, time to accept the reality as it is. There was nothing you or he could do to prevent it. Miscarriages happen, even to the healthiest of women. You headed home later that day, you haven't said a single word. It pained your husband to see you like this so he decided to take a whole month off of work, he was fortunate that his boss was kind enough to. He allotted his time to take care of you, making sure you knew you were loved, even at your darkest moments. The cursed day came, and you we're nothing but scared. Your husband looked at you with hopeful eyes "You're not going to go through this alone. I'm with you all the way." He assured you, giving you one last kissed before they wheeled you to the delivery room. "I love you." He voiced out enough for you to hear.

After two gruelling hours that felt like forever, you were able to deliver your child. He was beautiful, absolutely beautiful. You held him in your arms. He was tiny and fragile, no less than 5 inches long. You looked at his face; he's got Namjoon's eyes and your nose. You gently touch his little feet; you were in complete awe at his cute toenails. "Look, love." You hummed to your husband who carried the same face as yours. "Beautiful." He smiled through his faltering voice, "Our baby is beautiful." You looked at you husband and said "Byeol." You smiled faintly, "Let's name him Kim Byeol." He merely nodded "I think that's a lovely name." You tried holding back the tears, for these were moments that needed to be cherished. A mother and child moment that can never be replaced. You were celebrating the birth of your child, your beautiful child. He might not be here physically, but spiritually he is. He was in your heart, in your mind, and in your soul. And he always will be. He was a part of you that can never be taken away. You loved him the day he was created, you love him the day he was taken, and you’ll love him until your last breath. "Byeol." So that every time the sun goes down and the moon takes over its throne, you know he's there. Watching over you while you sleep and dream about him. There may come certain times when the skies are cloudy or filled with rain, he will hide. For just like you, he is terrified. Once the storm calms and there's no more need to be scared, he will show himself. He will show you and teach you that the darker the sky, the brighter your little star will shine. It was time to say goodbye. You were not ready, you were not ready to say goodbye yet. You knew he could not stay with you forever, but when they took him from you, you felt empty. Your life felt empty. It's like a huge shadow was cast over you, engulfing you in darkness. 'No, please.' You whispered to yourself as they took your baby away. You feel asleep almost immediately, your body was tired, of course. You needed to rest, your mind and your body needed to rest. You woke up to the next day. Your husband happily prepared breakfast for you, his eyes were still red and swollen from all the crying he did last night. You were silent; you were confused; you were lost. He was worried you didn't want to eat anything, but he still pushed it upon himself to get you to eat something even if it's a small piece of bread and a glass of water. Once your meal was finished, he handed you a white frame. Two little footprints in the middle of the page, the name "Byeol Kim" written in beautiful calligraphy just above it, and below it, the words "Forever in my heart" pulled a heart string. Each corner was decorated in white lace with intricate design, a pair of angel wings at each side. "A gift." He interjected. "From the hospital." You were still silent, but he knew deep down in your heart that the simple gift meant the world to you. After your induction, she advised you to stay at home, take all the rest you need, eat healthily and take care of yourself. She wished you a speedy recovery.

 The car drive home was quiet. No words, no tears, no nothing. He watched as you aimlessly walk around the house, clutching onto your stomach, mumbling incoherent words. He did not mind he had to feed you, bathe you, clothe you, and brush your hair. He didn't mind any of those things because this was the way he could help your recovery. He loved you, and he wanted to do everything in his power to help you get back up on your feet, even if it's one day at a time. Namjoon woke up with the sound of your cries. He ran to where the sound came from and discovered you on the floor in tears, holding on the clothes that you bought not so long ago. "Byeol..." You sobbed, looking at the baby clothes. "My Byeol.." Striking your hands on the floor. "My baby's gone." You mourned endlessly. "What's the point of living if my baby didn't get to experience it?" The sound of your broken cries echoed inside the entire house. Namjoon picked you, bridal style and carried you to your room. "Hush now, love." He sang, rocking you in his arms. "Byeol's not gone." Namjoon squeezed your hand and placed it against your chest, just above your heart. "He's here." Then he transferred it to his "And here, too." He smiled, "As long as we're here, he will be here, too." His voice was like a lullaby that alleviated your pain. You thought you were alone, that there was nobody that could understand your pain. You carried that child. You carried that burden. You felt sad you forgot about the other most important person in your life, Namjoon. You harmoniously pranced with him through the better, now, you're defying all odds through the worse. Your previous flare-ups with your husband were nothing compared to this, this was a level beyond any other level. You were grateful, extremely. You fell in love with the man who's willing to move mountains for you, search high and low just to make you happy. He would gladly surrender his life in exchange for yours to be spared, eternally, you were grateful.

[Present]

You ran your fingers through his locks, looking intensely at his black orbs. "I love you." He leaned in closer and captured you with a kiss. His hands traveled to the hem of your shirt, lifting it in one fell swoop, you giggled in surprise. Namjoon pushed you further to the bed with hungry kisses, his instincts kicked in when he plopped you, back flat on the mattress. He looked at your shirtless figure below him, and he bit his lip and said: "You’re fucking beautiful." And continued with the interrupted kiss. It felt like a lifetime; it really did. You were so frightened of another heartbreak and going through the same experience again that you cut off all sexual involvement besides kissing and cuddling for 8 months. You were amazed at your husband's strong will but felt bad, too. Because you were blocking something that comes so natural between two people that love each other. He understood where you coming from, of course. There were just times that his naughty little hands found it's under your shirt or inside your panties, it was cute but still. You weren't ready then. You are now. "Oh my god." You hummed. You missed the way his breath felt your neck while he was kissing you there; you missed the way your hands clung onto his shoulders, your digits digging in to his skin; you miss the way your back would arch every time he would suck on your supple flesh, drawing out purple bruise; you simple miss him. "Is... Is this okay?" He broke the kiss, making sure you wanted this as much as he did. "Yes." You mused, shimmying your shorts and panties down. Your action caused his pupils to dilate, breath heavy. "I love you, Namjoon." "I love you too, Y/N." His mouth inched closer to your perked nubs, his warm breath fanning over your skin as he sucked more marks, sending your senses into overdrive. "Uggh-" You moaned, hands curling into a fist. "You enjoying yourself?" He chuckled lowly, taking in your nipple in his mouth which earned another loud moan from you. He sucked on it, tweaking it between his teeth. "Don't... Stop..." You whined. His hands came up and cupped both of your breasts, kneading it with his huge palm and long fingers. Your body once again contorted into an arch, as the bolt of electricity ran through your entire boy. You hustled him away, for a second there he thought you wanted to back out, but to his surprise, you grabbed his shirt and plucked it over his body. "I like seeing you naked." You huffed, scanning his entire figure. He then untied the lace of his sweatpants and pulled it down to his knees before kicking it off. "Me, too." He boasted his hard 7-inch member meeting you tip to eye. His head was glossy due to the beads of pre-cum coming out of its narrow slit. "Wow." You mouthed, eyes still affixed on his dick. "What can I say, it missed you, a lot." He joked while pumping himself. "Want me to stretch you out first? It's been so long." He suggested. You shyly nod and wait for him to descend to you soaked womanhood. "I guess someone misses it, too." He growled, his face mere centimetres away from your core. "You smell as amazing as the day I ate you out for the first time." He groaned through close nit teeth, wanting to eat you whole. "F-fuck!" You whipped when he licked a stripe over you juice stained core. "You're so wet for me, Y/N," He pridefully stated. "And only for me." He was ravenous, like a carnivore that hasn't had a meal in days chomping down on its prey. Boy, he ate you the right way. He managed to pull himself off of your inviting pussy because of the need to fuck you was taking over his body. "Is that okay? You're pretty lubed up now." He gave you a certain glance that could only refer to one thing. You spread your legs, coaxing him to dive right in. Right away, his body hovered over yours, he lined himself next to your dripping core. "Tell me if it hurts, Okay?" He said before gradually pushing the tip of his cock. He went in nice and steady, "God, I forgot you were so fucking tight." He pushed in further, you pussy was swallowing his member inch by inch. Your walls were clenching around his shaft. You yelped at the delicious stretch, his pulsating dick in filling you up so good. The sound of your wanton moans reverberated in his ears making him pulled away and then snap his back into you so fucking hard. "Namjoon-ah!" You screamed as he thrashed you onto the mattress. You grabbed a fistful of his locks; you tuck your butt in and raised your pelvis a bit higher, giving him a better angle to penetrate you. "Shit." His voice was cracked, breathing heavy. "I think I'm about to come... " He whined, quickening his pace. "Cum with me, Y/N." With his words, your velvet walls hugged his hard member perfectly, his thrust we sloppy, an indication of him approaching his climax. "Fuuuuck!" He groaned out loud when he spilled his seed inside of your warm hole. "Fuck indeed." You playfully hummed while he rode out both of your highs. He managed to squeeze in one last push before his member turned flaccid. His body dropped on your own. "You're heavy..." You grumbled, his sweat mixed with yours "Sweaty, too! Ewww!" You joked. Namjoon looked at you and said "Shower?" with a big grin on his face. "Yes please!"

Five weeks have passed, and you were 4 days late for your period. You had been experiencing sudden mood swings and cravings the past week, your breast felt more tender than the usual and morning sickness plague you every single day. You searched for your spare Pregnancy test kit in your medicine cabinet. You peed on the stick, thinking nothing of it, not expecting anything. "Positive" You uttered, speechless at the sight of two red lines. "It's positive." You lowered your voice, hoping your husband didn't hear you. You wanted to surprise him and what great timing you thought, his birthday was just right around the corner. You stuffed the test in your pocket and ran upstairs. Rummaging through your closet, you found the box of your engagement ring. You pulled out all of the foam contents, making sure the small test would fit inside. "Yes!" It was a perfect fit. You couldn't wait for six more, so you had to tell him now. "Love??" You yelled. "Come up here for a second. I need to show you something." "In a minute!" He was hanging the clothes you had finished washing together. "What is it?" He stepped into the room and was greeted by you with a mischievous grin on your face. "Okay..." He cautiously shut the door behind him and continued "What are you up to?" He asked with a doubtful tone in his voice. "You birthday's coming up, and I got you an early gift!" You cheerfully stated. "You know you didn't have to." He tucked the strand of hair behind your ear. "You're already the best gift I received." Placing a gentle kiss on your lips. Your grin grew wider as you said: "I found something better!" You handed him the small box, and he looked confused. "Your? Ring?" He chuckled at your antics. "Open it, c'mon!" The moment he opens the box and laid eyes on whatever was inside, no words were spoken, he hugged you so tight, oh so very tight and said "Okay. This is probably the best birthday gift anybody has ever given me." Fast forward to a year and a half later with you sitting on the living room floor. Same old house, same old car, same old couch, but... Something was different... You were thankful your prayers had been answered as you heard the pitter-patter of little footsteps on the hardwood floor. End.

a/n: somewhat edited. idk 11/22/18