#whilst dressed like James so......... y'know

[taintandviolent]

I saw in your tags you mentioned you have a bf who looks or acts like Evan 🫢

[dameronology]

you have my number {bucky barnes x reader}

summary: bucky barnes' memory is a little selective, thanks to all the brainwashing - but one thing he'll never forget is his love for you, even if you're a complete & utter pain in the ass. his ass. (based on deja vu by olivia rodigro)

^even tho this fic refers to bucky as having a new gf, the reader is still g.n :)

this is spoiler free! enjoyyy

- jazz xx

Your relationship with Bucky Barnes had been nothing short of a train wreck.

And frankly, that was putting it nicely.

It had been a short & passionate affair; intense and sweet and filled with so much emotion in such high concentrations that you'd both almost drowned in it. For every euphoric moment, there had been one so low that you'd scraped your knees on the ground. Climbing a ladder to heaven whilst simultaneously digging your own graves had taken its toll on you both, and eventually, you had no choice but to go your separate ways. It had been for your own sanity, really.

So there he was, tucked away in a neat little box in your brain, labelled don't touch, ever. Even when you were completely wasted, surrounded by your friends and their respective lovers, you never dared to venture back down that particular memory lane. Forgetting all the bad parts and selectively remembering the good parts was easy enough to do, but you had the common sense to remember why you'd broken up in the first place. Because Bucky Barnes, despite being easy on the eyes and having a charming sense of humour, was a pain in your fucking ass. He managed to press every one of your buttons without even trying and his ability to bring out the best in you was completely and entirely wiped out by his tendency to bring out the worst. That wasn't even getting started on his emotional hold-ups; a can of worms neither of you had dared to open until it became the very reason for your demise.

Six months had passed, and you'd managed to expertly avoid him. You worked different missions and Sam Wilson, god bless his sweet soul, went the extra mile to ensure your paths never crossed in a professional sense. On a personal level, however? That was a little more difficult. New York City felt a lot smaller after your break up. You found yourself occasionally ducking under your hood when you saw him on the F-train, or rushing to cross the road when you saw him coming towards you on the street.

That was when you had the whole city to lose yourself in; streets and shops and little food carts to distract yourself with should you need to. Being confined to the same room for a work party was a different story entirely, and one you didn't want to read. Yet, thanks to some insistence from your boss and a little grovelling from your colleagues, you found yourself rocking up to the former Avengers tower on a Friday night.

"So you do exist outside of your work uniform?" Sam Wilson greeted you with a quirked eyebrow.

"Yeah, yeah - nice to see you too, Wilson."

Despite your initial attempts to elbow him in the rips, he wrestled you off of him and pulled you into a tight hug. Sam was one of your favourite colleagues and oldest friends - he'd witnessed the rise and fall of your relationship with Bucky, and been there for you both during the break-up. That had been an exhausting few days, running between your respective apartments in an attempt to offer emotional support to you both.

"D'you want some champagne?" He asked.

"I'm good, but thank-"

You froze, eyes widening at the sight of James Barnes across the room. He looked quintessentially the same, bar for the fact his hair was a little longer and he had a fresh, pink scar under his left eye. Having ditched his usual attire for a black blazer, he looked good. Annoyingly so, in fact. It made you secretly grateful that you'd chosen to dress up a little more than usual too.

"- on second thoughts." You took the flute of champagne from Sam, also grabbing a shot of vodka from the same trey. It was gone in seconds.

"Need I ask?" Sam gave you a playful frown. His brown eyes followed your gaze over his shoulder, landing on the man you'd been staring at. "Ah. I need not."

"Sorry." You murmured. "We haven't actually spoken since, y'know."

"Since you had a break-up that made Ross and Rachel look good?"

"I don't think Bucky has ever seen Friends." You quipped.

"His loss." Sam shrugged. "You should talk to him."

"Nope." You snorted. "Absolutely not. I don't even know if he's moved on."

"Judging by the pretty blonde on his arm, I think he has," Sam replied. "Would you look at that! They're headed right for us."

That was a lot of information to process at once. You would have needed a week alone for your poor, tired brain to deal with the fact that Bucky had someone else on his arm, and a further three days to big yourself up enough to talk to him. Alas, that was not the case tonight. Instead, you had about five seconds between Sam finishing his sentence and your ex-boyfriend reaching you. It was just as well you found the energy within that timeframe to down your champagne.

You could see the woman on his arm clearer now. To give credit where credit was due, she stunning. She looked like the sort of girl who smelt of strawberries and Chanel, and grew her own vegetables on the fire escape. The kind of person you swore to be with every New Year that came, but quickly ditched after a week, returning to drinking coffee from the Starbucks under your apartment rather than going to the organic, vegan place a few blocks over. There was an ethereal glow about her and fuck. You were mad.

"Sam!" Bucky called out to his friend - for a minute, you thought he was ignoring you, before you realised he genuinely didn't recognise you. Your name rolled off his tongue with a tone of uncertainty, as though he was learning a new language and still learning how to pronounce things. "Wow. You look...different."

"So do you." You shot back. "Who's your friend?"

"This is Katie." He awkwardly smiled. "My...my girlfriend."

"It's nice to meet you." You forced an equally pained grin, taking her hand in a shake.

"How do you and Bucky know each other?" She asked.

"Work." Bucky quickly said. You thinned your eyes at him, almost in disbelief.

"So you're an Avenger like these two?" Katie asked, clearly not picking up on the tension. "That's so cool."

"Not in an official capacity." You replied. "But they'd be fucked without me."

--

The night only got longer from there, really.

There wasn't enough champagne in the world to help the void in your soul. It was a gaping wound that Bucky Barnes had both filled and widened - and tonight, he was doing the latter. It sounded as though him and Katie were having a grand ol' time of it. From the parts of the conversation that you'd actually bothered to listen to, you'd gathered that she'd arrived in New York from London just over three months ago. That meant she had a fucking accent. Of course she did. It made everything she said a thousand times more interesting.

"We were in Paris, in this little cafe. What was it called, babe? Maison de vie?"

"Maison de l'amour, doll." Bucky corrected her. It had only sounded right when he was calling you that.

Your eyes shot up from your drink, immediately staring daggers at them both. The slimy bastard. You had been the one to show him that place. You'd been in Paris for a mission, and after realising it was your four-month anniversary, you'd taken him there for pancakes. It had been a slow morning, filled with hazy eyes and pink skies, and it had ended with him dropping the L-bomb for the first time. The photo you'd taken of Bucky, sat beside a pile of pancakes the same size of him and with whipped cream on his chin, had been your phone background until the day you broke up.

"I've been there." You didn't break away from his gaze, holding cold blue eyes in a trance that he found to be almost suffocating.

"Oh, nice!" Katie beamed. "Did you enjoy it?"

"Yeah." You sniffed. "The company was shit, though."

"Oh, man." She replied. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's not your fault." You gave her a sweet smile - to Bucky, it was a look of venom. "So, tell me more about your trip to Paris."

He quickly cleared his throat. "We didn't do much. Just a weekend getaway-"

"- are you forgetting that we saw Billy Joel?" Katie cut him off with a laugh. "The Billy Joel!"

"Right." It looked as though his mouth had gone completely dry.

"He told me he loved me for the first time to Uptown Girl-"

"-excuse me for a moment." You shoved your glass in her hand, before backing away from your little huddle.

Your brain was focused on getting away and only on getting away. The room suddenly felt a thousand times hotter, and a thousand times smaller too, as though the walls were closing in on you. Maybe that wouldn't have been so bad if they'd just collapsed around you and swallowed you fucking whole. Anything to get away from this situation.

Making a beeline for the balcony doors, you elbowed them open and stepped outside. The cold air of the rooftop gardens was a welcome contrast to the stuffy indoors, biting, night air hitting your face like an icy hug. The sounds of the city rung below you - sirens and yells and tourists - and tangled into the faint sound of the music, all parts of a world that your brain was working overtime to block out.

You focused on the city instead, using the bright lights of the surrounding buildings to anchor you to reality. None of it really even made sense - you were over Bucky. Had been for a long time. It was just the thought of him doing all the things that he'd done with you, with someone else. It made you feel a little bad for Katie, too.

"I was going to tell you about Billy Joel."

You glanced over your shoulder, giving a derivative snort. "Piss off, Bucky."

"I'm serious." He ignored your demand, cautiously approaching you.

"I brought you those tickets!" You turned around to face him. "We were meant to go together. Billy Joel was our thing."

"We broke up!' He reminded you. "Like I said, I was going to tell you that we went together-"

"- I don't care." You cut him off. "I genuinely don't care."

"That was a lot of storming off for someone who doesn't care."

"Okay, maybe I care a little bit." You huffed, taking a seat on a bench. "It's not even that you're with someone else, it's that you're doing all the things we did. The nicknames, the pancake place, the concert."

"I..." Bucky took a seat beside you, pondering for a moment.

"And declaring your love for someone to Uptown Girl is fucking weird." You muttered.

"Do you have a better suggestion?"

"Vienna, obviously."

"You're such a pain in the ass." Bucky replied. "But for what it's worth, I wasn't thinking of Katie in that moment."

You glanced up at him, frowning. "What do you mean?"

"D'you remember that morning when we were in New Orleans?" He asked. "And we had a few hours to kill before our flight, so you started dancing around the hotel room to Uptown Girl?"

"I remember." You softly smiled.

"That was when I realised I loved you." He admitted. "I was replaying that in my head at the concert, and it just kinda came out, and Katie heard."

"Damn." You muttered. "Sucks to be her, huh?"

"I like Katie." He said. "Truth be told, doll, I'm still stuck in the past a little bit. With you, and with what we had."

"We fucking hated each other by the end, Buck."

"I know, but I mean all the stuff before that." He explained. "You were the first person who saw me for who I am and not what I've done. The first person that actually made me feel loved and worthy."

"I do try."

He lightly elbowed you "I'm serious. I think I'm just projecting my longing for what we had onto my current relationship."

"You're being painfully honest tonight." You observed. "It's fucking weird."

"Who taught me to be painfully honest?"

"Right." You rolled your eyes. "So this is how Frankenstein felt when he created his monster."

"You're the worst," Bucky muttered. "I genuinely am sorry, though. I shouldn't be recycling our memories. I should make new ones.'

Dusting off your trousers, you stood up. "You're right."

"Thank you, though."

"For what?"

"For finding me first," He replied, "and for teaching me what love is."

"Well, if you ever need to be reminded? You have my number."

[itsblainedevon]

ONE GLANCE → KLAINE

TAGGING: Blaine Anderson & Kurt Hummel

DATE: Thursday 5th January, 2017

LOCATION: Blaine’s Apartment, NYC

NOTES: After his release from rehab, Blaine’s parents have gotten him a tiny apartment. They bought it outright and until Blaine gets a job, they have decided not to charge him rent. Kurt comes over to welcome Blaine to his new home, and maybe talk about the kiss they shared on Christmas Day. Except it doesn’t quite end how they expect.

ADDITIONAL NOTES: NSFW

BLAINE ANDERSON

Since being released from rehab, things had been strange for Blaine. He found it unusual that he didn't have to get up early to go on the nature walks the clinic insisted on, and he didn't have to go to group therapy, or be around people in different stages of their withdrawal. Of course, Blaine still ​went​ to therapy twice a week, and he attended a group session at a local church with other recovering addicts. It was helping him, really, and for the first time in his life, he was feeling positive. He hadn't heard from James since being released, and he assumed it was due to him attacking him whilst visiting. Blaine had a strong feeling he'd been arrested, but it wasn't something he really wanted to think about.

One thing that was constantly on his mind though was what had happened on Christmas day. He'd kissed Kurt, a ​married​ man, and he didn't know how to feel about it. Of course, he was still in love with the man but there was still the fact he was married. They hadn't really spoken about it since and Kurt hadn't seen him since. But now he was here, in his new apartment, wanting to put things behind them. His parents had bought the apartment and were allowing Blaine to live rent-free until he found himself a stable job where he could support himself. He hadn’t been comfortable with the idea at first, but their insistence won out in the end. It wasn't much - a combined kitchen and lounge, a bathroom and a bedroom. But it was his space, somewhere he could be free and it was his. He couldn’t be happier.

Kurt was coming over to visit though. Blaine didn't have much food in the apartment, or much furniture, so the plan was for them to order pizza and just watch a movie on Blaine's laptop or something. But he'd been cleaning and tidying all afternoon, wanting to make it perfect for Kurt. This was the first time he'd actually see him since leaving rehab, and he wanted to make a good impression.

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt took a deep breath as he exited the cab, small plant in his hands. He was excited to see Blaine but he was also extremely nervous. They hadn't really talked about the kiss, so Kurt wasn't sure if Blaine was just waiting to bring it up until they saw each other in person. Not that Kurt would blame Blaine for wanting to talk about it. He led Blaine on, which resulted in him kissing Kurt. And Kurt even contemplated telling Alex about the kiss but he couldn't. It was only a kiss. And plus, Blaine didn't need Kurt screwing up his life right now.

Kurt walked up to Blaine's door, feeling the butterflies as he knocked on the door. Blaine having his own apartment was a really big deal and he was excited for Blaine.

BLAINE ANDERSON

The knock on the door had Blaine's heart skipping a beat. He immediately got to his feet and brushed his clothes down, hoping he looked presentable. He hadn’t exactly dressed to impress - he was wearing a plain sweatshirt with sweatpants, wanting to be comfortable. He knew he looked nothing like he used to dress, but he supposed that being fresh out of rehab was a good enough excuse. 

Blaine was still learning how to be himself without the drugs, and he was doing so with baby steps. He'd put a little more weight on and looked healthier, he knew that. Sure, there were still dark marks on his arms from where he used to inject himself, and the scars still marred his wrists from his suicide attempt. But he looked healthier, better, and to him, more like himself again.

Blaine opened the door, heart skipping another beat at the sight of Kurt. The small house plant in his arms had Blaine grinning, stepping back a little so he could walk inside, closing the door behind him and biting his lip.

"It's not much," he said quietly. "But it's mine... And it's home... Thank you for coming."

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt brightly smiled as soon as Blaine opened the door, feeling his heart leap. "Hello." He walked in, looking around the apartment. It was small but it was perfect for Blaine. He looked back at Blaine, shaking his head. "It's perfect, Blaine. I really like it. It's cozy and I think it's perfect for you. I'm so excited for you, Blainey. You have an apartment."

Kurt then realized that he was still holding the house plant. "Oh, this is for you. It's a housewarming gift." He smiled as he handed the plant to Blaine, blushing a bit.

BLAINE ANDERSON

Blaine grinned at Kurt as he came into the apartment, looking at the plant. He took it from him quickly, ducking his head and grinning. His apartment wasn't much, really, and Blaine set the plant just by his coffee table and stepping back to appreciate it. It definitely made it look more homely, he had to admit.

"Thank you, Kurt," he said quietly, leading him to sit on the small sofa, blushing a little. "I... I don't really have much furniture yet. I mean, I have a bed and a dresser and stuff. But I don't have a TV or anything. I told my mom and dad not to bother with that, because I don't want them spending even more money on me. But I thought we could watch a movie on my laptop or something!"

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt playfully rolled his eyes at Blaine's explanation of his apartment, slipping his jacket off. "It's fine, Blaine. Really. It's a lot more than most people have in their first apartments. And truly, you don't really need a TV when you have a laptop. I basically watch everything off my tablet nowadays. I'm pretty sure I'm fully funding Netflix by how much I binge watch shows on my iPad." Kurt chuckled, placing his stuff on the armrest of the sofa.

He quickly sat down on the sofa, looking up at Blaine. "So, what movie were you thinking of watching? I brought my comfy clothes because I was promised vast amounts of pizza and lounging about. Sorry if I'm being kind of weird. I haven't had anyone to really talk to in the past couple of days. Except for Ollie but I think he's getting annoyed by me." Kurt grinned.

BLAINE ANDERSON

"You're not being weird," Blaine said quickly, smiling at him. "The, uh, the bedroom is through there if you wanted to put your comfy clothes on. Or if you want to just wait, that's fine. And w-we can order what you want for food, I don't mind. Even though I'm eating more than I have done in five years, I don't think I could eat an entire pizza myself. So I'll share mine with you, I think."

Blaine stopped, realising he was rambling, and ducked his head, shrugging his shoulders self-consciously. He was suddenly very aware of his outfit, knowing he didn't look anything at all like he used to, even before the two of them split up. Blaine shifted on the sofa and bit his lip and looking up at Kurt.

"Feel free to tell me to shut up. But, for the record, you always have me to talk to. It's not like I have anyone else to talk to either."

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt looked towards the bedroom, reaching for his bag. He had just gotten off of work and instead of going home to change, he brought a change of clothes in his bag. Yes, it might've looked like Kurt was inviting himself over to stay the night but really, he just didn't want to wear his 'uniform' the whole time. "I can wait. I hope you don't mind that I brought a change of clothes. I'm not trying to overextend my stay or anything. I just didn't want to wear my slacks and oxford shirt to hang out." Kurt smiled. "But in regards to food, I was kind of craving pizza ever since you suggested it. We can order two kinds of pizzas and then we can eat off each others. I probably won't eat a while pizza either."

Kurt noticed Blaine blushing and he softly smiled, turning his body towards him. "You don't have to shut up. It's kind of cute when you get all nervous. And I do know that I have you to talk to. I'm just a little lonely since Alex is away on business. Also, I keep forgetting that you're not in rehab anymore. I'm free to talk to you whenever."

BLAINE ANDERSON

Blaine's cheeks turned pink when he was called cute, shifting on his seat a little. He felt nervous and he wasn't sure why. This was just Kurt. And yet, he wanted to impress him so much. He wanted to make sure Kurt was proud of him and he was willing to do everything in his power to do so. He nodded at him, kicking his shoes off a little and bringing his legs up so they were beneath him, playing with the hem of his sweater.

"We can order what you want," he said in a quiet voice, still clearly nervous. "I don't... I don't mind. And I don't mind what you want to watch either. It's been years since I was able to just sit down and watch a movie, so I don't really know what kind of movies there are, y'know? I didn't... James and I didn't do much movie watching."

Blaine wrinkled his nose at the thought but pushed it out of his mind quickly. Something Kurt said had Blaine tilting his head to the side a little. "I've not been out of rehab for very long, so I can understand why you keep forgetting. It's a little strange for me to be out of there too. I mean, I'm still kind of thinking about the fact I can go and do whatever I want. It's a strange feeling, but it's one I don't ever want to lose."

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt had a small inkling as to why Blaine was nervous but he really wished he wasn't. He wanted them to be able to push everything aside and be themselves around each other.

"Okay, so I guess we're having pizza then. I can look up pizza places around here if you want." Kurt smiled, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "I was also thinking that maybe we can watch a movie that's not necessarily new. Like, maybe Moulin Rouge." He looked down at his phone, unsure if Blaine would remember that that was their movie. It was their movie and their song. And if Blaine remembered, would he think that maybe Kurt was leading him on again. Although, that's exactly what Kurt was doing.

"I'll bet it's strange. But I'm happy for you. I'm happy that you're on your road to recovery and that you have your freedom back again. It means that we get to hang out more."

BLAINE ANDERSON

Blaine nodded when Kurt said he'd look up pizza places, still playing with the bottom of his sweater. He didn't look like himself, he knew that. It was almost like he was a stranger, but he hoped Kurt would still want to spend time with him. He still hoped he'd like him. At the suggestion of Moulin Rouge, Blaine's face lit up and he nodded at him once more.

"Even after all this time, it's my favourite movie," he said, reaching for the laptop his brother had bought for him, searching on his browser for a quick moment before finding a decent copy of the movie, smiling to himself. "I'm definitely open to hanging out with you some more," he said, looking up at him and smiling. "It's nice to be able to do what I want. And eat what I want. And not have someone tell me when to take my meds, even though I always do it at a certain time anyway."

Blaine settled down against the sofa, pressing play on the movie and decided to let Kurt decide what pizzas to order. He sat close to Kurt as the movie began to play, clearly comfortable once again.

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt had to admit that it felt incredible when he saw Blaine's eyes light up when he mentioned Moulin Rouge. There were times when Kurt wondered if he built up their entire relationship in his head. Especially after Blaine disappeared. He was afraid that Blaine never really loved him and that all the special things that they ever did meant nothing to him.

"It's still one of my favorites, too." Kurt smiled, finding a pizza place nearby that delivered. He waited until Blaine finished speaking to call the pizza place, not wanting to interrupt him. "Yeah, well, you got into a routine with your meds so it's probably second nature by now."

Kurt finally called the restaurant and ordered two large pizzas: one with just pepperoni and one with everything. He hung up the phone and looked towards Blaine. "I hoped you don't mind those toppings. I just went with the special they had."

BLAINE ANDERSON

Blaine watched Kurt order the pizzas, worrying his lower lip through his teeth. He smiled at his words and shook his head fondly, reaching for a blanket and throwing it over their legs. Honestly, for someone so brave and confident, Kurt didn't half worry a lot. But even then, Blaine loved him. God, he really was still in love with his ex, wasn't he? His ​married​ ex. But he'd made the mistake of kissing him once, he wouldn't do it again. No, they had to stay platonic. Kurt loved Alex and Blaine? Blaine had to get over himself already.

"Of course I don't mind. Like I said, I wont eat a lot anyway. I barely ate when I was using, my stomach can't really handle that much food yet. But my doctor said I'll get back to normal at some point. It'll take a good few months though, maybe even years. But look, I've already put weight on!"

Blaine lifted his sweater slightly, laughing quietly at his own stomach before letting his sweater fall, shifting a little closer to Kurt. He let his head rest on his shoulder as the movie played, biting his lip. This was okay, right? He was only leaning on him. And they were watching a movie together, it'd be a bit weird if they didn't sit close together, surely? Blaine pushed the thought from his mind, letting out a sigh of content and making himself comfortable.

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt softly smiled as Blaine placed the blanket over their legs, feeling slightly guilty for having to go change after Blaine so kindly tucked them in. He chuckled as Blaine reminded him that he didn't eat a lot. "I shouldn't have ordered two large pizzas then."

Kurt raised an eyebrow when Blaine lifted his sweater, feeling his heart start to beat faster. He knew that he was supposed to be looking at the fact that Blaine wasn't a skeleton anymore but his eyes wandered. He couldn't help but get a little turned on. He pushed those thoughts aside, laughing along with Blaine. "Okay, I believe you." He grinned, looking back at the screen.

It was several minutes before Kurt realized that Blaine was snuggled up next to him. It was like they went back to their old ways and honestly, it made Kurt so happy. Everything was so easy with Blaine. Usually Kurt felt a need to act a certain way around Alex.

BLAINE ANDERSON

"Oh, I'm sure I'll manage to eat a pretty significant amount. After all pizza is one of my favourite takeaway foods. That, and Chinese. But hey, there's nothing wrong with having cold pizza. Which I'll probably have to end up doing." He smiled at the other man, bumping his shoulder playfully before settling down again. He was quiet for a while, merely watching the screen and the movie play out. It was like nothing had changed between them. Blaine and Kurt were close and it'd be easy to just reach over and take hold of his hand, let him know that he was still there.

But then there was a knock at his door and Blaine sat upright, swallowing hard.

Damn it, he'd gotten comfortable. He had to keep reminding himself that Kurt was a married man and he couldn't have these feelings anymore. He ​couldn't​. But he'd allowed himself to forget, allowed himself to slip back to how they were before everything had happened. Blaine shook himself mentally, looking up at Kurt and giving him a small smile.

"Oh... Oh, that'll be the food," he said, clearly somewhat dazed. "Did you want me to get it? I can find some money..."

KURT HUMMEL

"Cold pizza is the best kind of pizza," Kurt grinned, laughing when Blaine bumped his shoulder. He kept smiling as Blaine settled back beside him, feeling his warm body against him. It was then that Kurt realized that Blaine smelled like Blaine again, which was weird because it wasn't a type of cologne he was smelling. It was Blaine. Maybe it was the fact that Blaine was starting to look like himself again. Before, when Kurt first saw him a couple of months ago, he looked sick. He looked almost frail. But he had the color back in his cheeks and he looked significantly better.

Kurt was jolted out of his thoughts when he suddenly heard a knock at the door, sitting up. He looked over at Blaine and smiled as he shook his head. "No, it's on me. You so graciously invited me over to your place, so dinner is on me." He stood up and walked over to the door, opening it. He quickly paid the delivery guy and then closed the door behind him. He placed the pizza boxes down on the table.

"I think I'm going to go change really quick. I'll be right back." He smiled, grabbing his bag and making his way to Blaine's room.

BLAINE ANDERSON

Blaine opened his mouth to protest, but Kurt was already at the door and paying the delivery driver. He moved his laptop a little to make room for the pizza boxes and nodded at Kurt when he said he was going to get changed. He watched him go, letting out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. This wasn't complicated, so why was Blaine struggling so much? He had to get it into his head that he and Kurt weren't going to get back together. The kiss had been a mistake on Blaine's part and it was a horrible thing for him to do. Kurt was married. He just had to keep telling himself that.

Blaine didn't want to eat the pizza without Kurt so he settled back against the sofa, bringing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them as he waited for the other man to come back into the room. He'd paused the movie, so the only thing Blaine was really left with now was his thoughts.

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt looked around as he closed Blaine's bedroom door. He knew he was being extremely nosey but he couldn't help himself. He noticed a small notebook in the corner and walked over. He was about to pick it up but realized that it was Blaine's journal. He shook his head as he finally started undressing. He leaned down to grab his pants from the floor when he saw a photo sticking out of the bottom of the notebook. He pulled it out and felt his heart leap when he saw that it was a photo of them. They were in front of their lockers in high school. Kurt wasn't even sure how Blaine had the picture. Unless he had it with him this whole time. Kurt held the photo to his heart, closing his eyes for a second. Despite everything that happened in their five years apart, Kurt couldn't believe that Blaine kept this picture.

Kurt quickly wiped his eyes as he put the picture back, rushing out of the room. "Sorry, that took so long." He smiled, tossing his bag beside the couch and plopping down next to Blaine. "Okay, where were we?"

BLAINE ANDERSON

Blaine jumped a little when Kurt came back in an apparent hurry, smiling at him. He shook his head, throwing the blanket over their legs once again and pressing play on the laptop. "We were about to eat pizza," he said with a grin, reaching for one of the boxes and opening it. He let out a groan at the sight of it. But he didn't want to start without Kurt, merely settling back down with his head against Kurt's shoulder.

"Help yourself," he said quietly. When he did, Blaine took a slice and bit into it, groaning at the taste. "Oh my god," he said. "This is the best food I've ever tasted. Do you know how long it is since I've eaten a fuckin' pizza? I don't even remember most of the stuff I ate before rehab. This is ​amazing​."

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt laughed at Blaine's groan, shaking his head as he took a slice of pizza. "You're such a dork." He smiled as he took a bite, looking over at Blaine. He didn't realize how deprived Blaine was in the past five years and even more in rehab.

"If you think this is good, wait until I take you to Little Italy to have some authentic pizza. It's going to blow your mind. Oh and there's this place down by the Empire State building that has amazing pizza! It's all cheesy and delicious. Especially at 2am." Kurt grinned.

He continued to eat the pizza, casually glancing over at Blaine and noticing that he had pizza sauce on his chin. He softly chuckled as he put his slice of pizza down, turning towards Blaine. "You have something on your chin. Here, let me get it." He leaned over Blaine to grab a napkin before gently wiping his chin.

"There you go," he whispered, looking into Blaine's eyes. Before he knew it, Kurt had leaned forward to press his lips against Blaine's lips. But he didn't pull away as fast as before, instead he lingered a bit. His brain was yelling for him not to do this but his heart was telling a different story. When he finally pulled away, he looked back into Blaine's eyes and searched for a response. "You can't imagine how long I've wanted to do that."

BLAINE ANDERSON

"I am not a dork! I've just been lacking decent food, and a stomach that can actually hold it. I mean, my ​god​, I have missed pizza. Do you remember that time in finals week where you were nearly tearing your hair out so I made you stop studying and ordered a bunch of food for us so we could calm down and relax!" Blaine grinned up at Kurt, happily eating another slide and immediately letting out another groan of satisfaction, leaning back against the sofa a little.

He looked up at Kurt when he cleaned the pizza sauce off his chin, grinning at him. But then there was a moment and his smile was fading ever so slightly. Blaine swallowed hard and suddenly, Kurt's lips were on his once again. He froze a little and when Kurt pulled away, Blaine's hand moved to his lips, touching the spot where Kurt had just kissed him.

"I... Kurt, I..."

His voice trailed into nothing. Because suddenly, nothing else mattered. Blaine leaned forwards, meeting Kurt's lips with his own and kissing him hard, lovingly. He wasn't sure what he was doing but right now? Kurt was all he cared about.

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt vividly remembered that year of finals. He honestly would've made himself sick with all the stress he was putting on himself but Blaine saved the day. He always seemed to know when Kurt needed him the most and vice-versa. It was like they were mentally linked since the day they met.

Kurt's heart was beating out of his chest as he watched Blaine's stunned expression. He hoped that he didn't scurry away, like before because Kurt just wanted to be in this moment with Blaine. He missed the way Blaine's lips felt on his own.

"Don't question it. Just kiss me." He breathed, looking at Blaine's lips.

He let out a sigh of relief when Blaine seemed to throw all caution to the wind and leaned forward to kiss him again. He wrapped his arms around Blaine, pulling him closer. His hands traveled underneath Blaine's sweater, feeling his soft, warm skin. He slightly pulled away. "I want you, Blaine." He breathlessly moaned, looking into Blaine's eyes. "I've been waiting five long years to kiss you again and I fucking want you so bad."

BLAINE ANDERSON

Kurt's words seemed to light something inside Blaine. He allowed him to pull him closer, until he was straddling his lap. Hearing that Kurt wanted him had him shivering. It was like a light had been switched on inside of Blaine. His feelings for Kurt came rushing back and he didn't care that he was a married man. He just wanted to lose himself in those familiar touches. He swallowed hard at the words and nodded, his hands coming to rest on Kurt's chest, playing with the neckline of his t-shirt and biting his lip.

"I want you too," he said quietly. "It's only ever been you, Kurt. Even after everything, it's you. I've never stopped loving you and I've never stopped wanting you."

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt's hands moved to Blaine's thighs as he straddled his lap. It was like Kurt was finally able to just let go and give into his urges. With Alex, everything was always so controlled and he always felt like he had to be perfect for him because that's the type of person he deserved. But with Blaine, Kurt felt like it was okay to be messy and flawed because he knew that Blaine would never hold anything against him. And for the first time since Blaine came back into his life, Kurt knew that Blaine would never hurt him again. Blaine loved him. He never stopped loving him.

He looked up at Blaine as he spoke, feeling his hands wander along his neckline. He had been waiting so long to hear those words but a small part of him always knew. Always hoped that Blaine would never stop loving him.

"I never stopped loving you, too. I know it seems like I did but I didn't. My heart has always belonged to you, Blaine." He leaned up to kiss Blaine again, cupping his face in his hands. "I love you, Blaine. I love you so much."

BLAINE ANDERSON

Hearing that Kurt had never stopped loving him had Blaine surging forwards again to crash their lips together. He got to his feet, pulling Kurt with him and led him into the bedroom, swallowing hard when they were in there. It didn't matter that Kurt was married. It didn't matter that Blaine was a complete mess. They loved each other. They always had.

"I love you, Kurt," he said, pulling him closer once again and kissing him lovingly before falling back onto the bed, pulling the other man with him. He wasn't scared either, because he trusted Kurt. Even after everything Blaine had done, he trusted him with his life. "I... I d-don't know how... I don't know what you want to do here," he said, clearly nervous once again. And honestly, Blaine was because he didn't want to push Kurt into anything. "I don't know how far you want to... I mean, I'm c-clean again but... I'm sorry, I'll shut up."

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt smiled as Blaine suddenly stopped kissing him and pulled him up off the couch. He could feel the butterflies as Blaine led him towards his room, unsure as to what exactly was going to happen. But no mattered what happened, Kurt wanted this. He knew that he was married and technically, this was wrong but he'll deal with that guilt later. Right now he wanted to focus on Blaine and how much he missed being this close to him.

Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine again as he kissed him, letting out a small yelp when they collapsed onto the bed. He softly smiled when he noticed that Blaine had suddenly become self-conscious about all of this. He reached for Blaine's hand, lacing their fingers together. "I want to make love to you. I know that sounds cheesy but I want to be with you... fully." He whispered, pressing a small kiss on Blaine's lips.

BLAINE ANDERSON

Make love. That was something he hadn't done in a long time. Blaine swallowed hard, glancing at their hands, fingers intertwined with one another, and gave a quiet sigh. He loved Kurt, he loved him with everything he had and he wanted this. But he didn't want to disappoint him, didn't want to ruin his life all over again.

"Okay," he said quietly, leaning up to kiss Kurt back gently. His actions were much more tender now, as though he was afraid Kurt would change his mind. But regardless, his hands moved to rest on Kurt's hips, pulling him a little closer to him. "It's... It's been a long time since I... you know. Not had sex, but had sex for p-pleasure. I... I want this to be good for you, Kurt."

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt could see the wheels turning in Blaine's head, aware that he wasn't so aggressive with his kisses. He knew that Blaine was being cautious because of everything that had hapened with the past but Kurt wasn't worried. He could tell this was something they both wanted but they were both a little nervous. It had been five years since they last slept together and they weren't the same people anymore. But their love for each other was still very evident.

Kurt softly smiled as Blaine pulled him closer, loving how delicate he was with his touches. As much as he wanted to assure Blaine that he didn't have to be so careful with him, he didn't want Blaine to feel like he was doing anything wrong. He brought his hand up to brush the curls from Blaine's forehead, looking into the other man's eyes.

"I can promise you that it'll be good for me, Blaine. The only thing that matters to me is you."

BLAINE ANDERSON

Blaine's cheeks turned pink at Kurt's words and he nodded at him. The gentle touches were welcomed and he closed his eyes as the curls were brushed from his forehead, giving a sigh. It'd been years since he'd worn gel in his hair, but he'd always loved it when Kurt played with his hair. It still relaxed him, even after all this time.

Each of their movements was careful, gentle, and Blaine loved it. He leaned up to kiss Kurt gently, pulling his sweatshirt over his head and leaving him in just a t-shirt and sweatpants. Suddenly, Blaine was very conscious of the dark marks on his arms and the scars on the insides of his wrists, and he blushed, sitting up a little and pulling away and hiding his arms.

"I'm... I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I... I c-can put my sweatshirt back on if you want. Sorry."

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt rested his hand on Blaine's chest as he kissed him. He knew that Blaine was going slow because he was nervous but Kurt couldn't help but get turned on. It was like every single touch was heightened. But he frowned when Blaine stopped, looking up at him. He hadn't even noticed the marks on Blaine's arms because he was too preoccupied at the moment.

"No, it's okay." Kurt softly smiled, sitting up. "Don't apologize. I honestly wasn't even looking at your arms." He cupped Blaine's face in his hands and pressed a kiss to his lips. "There's no need to be self-conscious around me." He whispered in between kisses. He pulled off Blaine's hoodie and tossed it to the side. He then pulled his own sweater over his head, slightly shivering when he was just in his tank top.

"I just realized that I didn't have to change earlier." He chuckled, shaking his head.

BLAINE ANDERSON

The touch to his face had Blaine freezing, as though Kurt had yelled. He swallowed hard at the kiss and shrugged his shoulders self-consciously. But then suddenly his hoodie was being tossed aside, leaving his arms bare. He went to protest but then Kurt was taking his own hoodie off. He was still incredibly conscious of the fact his scars were on display. He'd made ever effort to hide them over the last few months - even his parents hadn't seen them since the beginning, and Blaine was scared to let anyone in, really.

"You're not going to be wearing clothes for much longer," Blaine said quietly, reaching for the hem of Kurt's tank top and pulling it over his head gently. Blaine reached for his own, pulling it from his body and leaving the two men there in just their pants. Blaine leaned up and kissed Kurt tenderly, pulling him closer once more.

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt knew that he should've been a little more conscious of Blaine's discomfort about his scars but he couldn't help it. He needed this. He needed to feel something other than guilt for still being married. He knew that he shouldn't have married Alex the moment that he saw Blaine. Because no matter what, Kurt was always going to be tethered to Blaine. Kurt had always believed that Blaine was his soulmate; his other half. And despite all the shit that Blaine had put Kurt through, he still loved him. He still fiercely loved him and it terrified Kurt because that meant Blaine could hurt him all over again if he decided that this was all too much for him.

Kurt lifted his arms as Blaine removed his tank top, letting Blaine take control. He wrapped his arms around Blaine's waist as he pulled him closer to kiss him. He discreetly slipped off his wedding ring and slipped it into his pocket as he delved deeper into the kiss.

BLAINE ANDERSON

Blaine didn't notice Kurt slipping his wedding ring off. All he could really focus on was how he felt against him, kissing him tenderly. He wasn't used to such gentleness and it had definitely been a while since he felt good about being so exposed for someone. Normally, they didn't care about his comfort; they just wanted a quick, dirty fuck and to be done with him. But now? Now Blaine had someone who actually cared for him.

He could feel himself getting aroused and Blaine rolled his hips up gently, pressing them against Kurt's and giving a tiny, barely-there moan. One of his hands moved slowly, slipping inside Kurt's sweatpants and underwear, and stroking him slowly. He wanted the other man to feel good. Because deep down, Blaine didn't feel like he deserved to feel good. All he was good for was someone else's pleasure, that was what James had told him.

"I l-love you," he said in a soft voice, as though surprised he'd said it, still stroking his slowly hardening length. "God, I love you, Kurt. I want you to feel good, you deserve it."

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt was fully aware of Blaine's erection pressing up against him, smirking as he moaned. It was a good feeling knowing that he still had to ability to easily turn him on. But before he had time to gloat, he felt Blaine's hand slip into his sweatpants. His breath hitched as Blaine slowly started giving his handjob.

"Fuck... Blaine," he moaned, closing his eyes and throwing his head back. He could feel himself getting hard, pushing himself against Blaine's hand.

Kurt opened his eyes at Blaine's words, looking right into his eyes. "I love you, too." He breathed, feeling like he was on cloud nine at the moment. "You are totally succeeding in making me feel good." He smiled, leaning forward to kiss Blaine again. "But let's be honest, you've never had trouble making me feel good."

BLAINE ANDERSON

Kurt reacting to his touch had Blaine's cheeks flushing and he was immediately stroking him a little faster, biting his lip ever so slightly. He'd missed this. Yes, it was true that he'd missed Kurt and had missed being with him, he'd also missed simple intimacy. It was nice not to have to worry about whether the person he was sleeping with was going to try and kill him afterwards to avoid paying.

"And y-you never had any trouble making me feel good," he said gently, beginning to kiss down his neck. He knew he had lube and condoms somewhere. It was a dark thought, but if he ever resorted back to sleeping with people for money, he wanted to make sure he was ready this time. Blaine had the all clear from the doctor, he no longer had any sexually transmitted infections or the like. He wasn't going to let it happen again.

Blaine pulled his hand away from Kurt reluctantly and began to push his sweatpants down, as well as his own, leaving them both naked. Blaine blushed beneath Kurt's gaze, one of his hands coming up to brush the side of his cheek. He couldn't help it. Even now, Blaine was surprised that Kurt wanted to be near him.

"I... I w-want you inside me," he said quietly. "I've missed you. I only ever wanted it to be you, Kurt. N-No one else."

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt let out a low whine as Blaine started stroking him faster, throwing his head back again. He knew that he should feel guilty about the fact that Blaine was doing all the word but he couldn't tell him to stop. Not when he was craving this type of intimacy with Blaine. He had secretly wanted this ever since he reconnected with Blaine. He bit his lip as Blaine started placing kisses along his neck, gripping the blankets beneath him.

Kurt frowned as Blaine suddenly removed his hand, looking over at him. He was about to ask what happened but was cut off when Blaine tugged at his pants. He smiled as lifted his hips so that Blaine could fully undress him, watching as Blaine did the same. He knew it sounded silly but he was actually nervous about sleeping with Blaine after all these years. This was all he had ever dreamed about ever since Blaine disappeared but what if he wasn't what Blaine wanted anymore. What if he realized that Kurt wasn't that good?

He softly smiled as Blaine touched his cheek, leaning into his touch. All his insecurities melted away when Blaine spoke, quickly leaning forward to press his lips gainst Blaine's lips. "I've missed you, too. But I... I don't have any condoms or lube. I didn't think that this was going to happen." He whispered.

BLAINE ANDERSON

Blaine swallowed hard, shifting a little on the bed so he could gesture to the bedside table. "I... I have condoms and lube," he said quietly. "I w-wanted to make sure I had them, you know? J-Just in case... I'm clean and I never want to get another STD again, so I made sure I had condoms. And l-lube is for... You know, masturbating."

His cheeks burned at the words, although he knew it was stupid. They were both here, completely naked, and yet Blaine was shy talking about it. It was ridiculous, especially as they'd already had sex before. Several times - they were horny teenagers once, after all. He pushed his embarrassment to the side, leaning up to kiss Kurt tenderly, a hand coming up to tangle in his hair.

"W-We don't have to do anything if you don't want to," he said. "I won't make you. I just... I've missed you so much, Kurt."

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt tried to hide his grin as Blaine spoke, noticing him start to blush. It was actually quite cute how embarrassed Blaine was getting with all this. Kurt would assume that Blaine would be a pro at all this after everything that he did with James. But it made sense why he was nervous. Kurt knew that James forced Blaine into a lot of his sexual encounters.

He happily hummed as Blaine kissed him, feeling him run his fingers through his hair. He wondered if Blaine remembered that Kurt loved when he did that or if it was just a coincidence. Either way, he was loving it.

"I want to do this." Kurt quickly assured Blaine. "I've wanted this for so long. I honestly thought that I would never get to do this again with you. You're my be-all and end-all. It was always going to be you and you can't imagine how it feels to finally have you in my life again. I just want to be with you again."

BLAINE ANDERSON

Those words were all Blaine really needed. He leaned up to kiss Kurt again, rolling them over carefully so he was straddling him. He grinned down at him, leaning down to kiss him tenderly, rolling their hips together again. This was what he wanted, he knew that. So Blaine began to kiss down Kurt's jaw, slowly making his way down his chest. He nipped at the skin gently, one of his hands finding his and lacing their fingers together.

Blaine kept moving his body down Kurt's until he was at his waist. With a glance up at the other man, he wrapped his lips around the head of Kurt's length, his free hand moving to stroke him gently as he teased the head. Blaine still wanted to have sex with Kurt, of course he did. But he also wanted him to feel good and he knew this was one of Kurt's favourite things. Not to mention, Blaine was damn good at going down on people.

He hummed around him happily and took more of Kurt into his mouth, until he could feel him at the back of his throat. With another glance at Kurt, Blaine began to bob his head, letting his eyes slip close as he worked to make Kurt feel good.

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt smirked as Blaine finally stopped being so self-conscious and really started kissing him. He knew that he was trying to be careful but Kurt was completely fine with being rough. His breath hitched as Blaine moved to straddle him before pressing kisses along his jaw. "Yes," he moaned, throwing his head back. Blaine always had the ability to make go crazy with the simplest touches.

It suddenly dawned on Kurt what Blaine was about to do as he made his way down his torso. He looked down at Blaine, gently squeezing his hand as to say that he was ready to have his mind blown by Blaine's talented mouth. He bit his lip as he watched Blaine slowly go down on him, closing his eyes in ecstasy. He always loved when Blaine gave him a blowjob. Kurt never seemed to get the hang of giving blowjobs but Blaine was a pro at it. It was quite impressive back then and by the way Kurt was moaning at the moment, Blaine was still amazing.

"Shit, Blaine," he gasped as Blaine took him in deeper. He couldn't help but buck his hips as Blaine started bobbing his head. He gripped the sheets beneath him with his free hand as he closed his eyes.

BLAINE ANDERSON

Kurt bucking his hips was hot and he loved it. Every single reaction coming from the other man had him groaning loudly around him and he continued to move his head, determined to make him feel good. He trusted Kurt to warn him when he was close, and had absolutely no issue with doing this until he told him to stop. Blaine just wanted Kurt to feel good, that's all.

He was hard and bucked his own hips down against the bed, as though to relieve himself of the tension that was building inside of him. He ached to be touched, ached for Kurt to just make him feel good, like he used to. But he wanted this to last, which was why he was enjoying going down on Kurt so much.

After a while - when he felt Kurt's hips twitching and heard his breathing change - Blaine pulled away from him, slowly crawling back up his body and smiling down at him, pressing a gentle kiss to his jaw.

"I love you, Kurt."

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt knew deep down that he shouldn't be comparing Blaine to Alex but he couldn't help it. He had only ever been with the two men in his whole life. And not to say that he didn't enjoy sex with Alex because it was good. Blaine was just... mind-blowing. He wasn't sure if it was because Blaine knew him so well that he could always decipher the perfect way to please Kurt. Or if it was the fact that Kurt connected with Blaine on a whole other level since the day they met. Kurt never believed in true soulmates until he met Blaine. He knew back then that Blaine was his other half and that no amount of time would ever change that.

Kurt didn't want Blaine to stop but he knew that if he was extremely close. But before he could say anything, he felt the absence of Blaine's mouth around his cock. He smiled as Blaine made his way up, bringing his hand up touch Blaine's cheek as he kissed his jaw. "I love you, too. So, so much, Blaine." He breathed.

He rolled over so that he was on top now, grinning as he straddled Blaine. "Now, it's my turn to make you feel good." He bit his lip as he leaned over to grab the lube. He popped open the cap and lathered up his fingers before leaning down to kiss Blaine. "Ready?" He whispered as he slowly inserted two fingers into Blaine.

BLAINE ANDERSON

It didn't matter how long it'd been. Every time Kurt said that, Blaine's stomach would do a backflip. Because even now, after all these years and after all the hurt and misery Blaine had obviously caused for Kurt, he still loved him. The other man still loved him. Blaine knew he didn't deserve Kurt, of course he didn't. Kurt deserved so much better than a washed-up old junkie. Blaine closed his eyes, forcing himself to remember that he was changing. He was getting better, and that was what mattered. He was clean and the marks on his arms would serve as a permanent reminder of what he was trying to do. Get better.

When Kurt rolled them over and straddled him, Blaine gave a quiet laugh. He looked up at the other man and leaned up to kiss him gently before pulling back. Kurt reached for the lube and Blaine swallowed hard. But then Kurt was kissing him again and Blaine felt nothing but relaxed. He nodded at the question, even if he didn't feel entirely ready for this, and reached for Kurt's cheek, stroking over it gently.

But then he was pressing two fingers inside of him and Blaine let out a low groan, opening his legs a little wider. For a moment, he remembered what it had been like with those countless men. Not one of them cared about Blaine's pleasure and only wanted to use him for their own. But here Kurt was, being as gentle as possible with him. And god, it made his heart ache.

Blaine rolled his hips against Kurt's fingers, reaching for his free hand to lace their fingers together. "I love you," he said once again. It didn't matter how many times he said it, so long as Kurt believed him. "God, I love you so much. I c-can take more, I promise."

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt slowly scissored his fingers, not wanting to be too rough. He knew that Blaine wanted this but he didn't want to do anything to trigger him. He was fresh out of rehab and Kurt was positive that it had been years since Blaine slept with someone of his own free will. Then there was the fact it had been five years since they had sex. Kurt didn't want anything to ruin this experience for Blaine.

He bit his lower lip as Blaine rolled his hips, feeling him clench around his fingers. He could feel himself getting harder by the second but he wasn't going to rush this until Blaine was ready. He smiled as Blaine told him that he loved him again, fully aware that his heart skipped a beat every time he heard those words from Blaine. He loved him.

"You can't imagine how I've missed hearing those three words coming from your mouth." He smiled as he inserted another finger as he pressed his lips against Blaine's lips. "I missed you so fucking much, Blaine."

BLAINE ANDERSON

Kurt's fingers inside of him felt amazing, he had to admit. Blaine loved him and he loved being with Kurt. He was hard and his hand moved down to stroke himself slowly, trying to relieve some of the tension he could feel. But he quickly moved his hand away again, not wanting to come already. That would be embarrassing. But ​god​, it'd been so long since Blaine had had sex for pleasure. And he knew Kurt wouldn't mind if he came now.

"I've missed you too," he said in a low, almost husky voice, trying to distract himself from how aroused he was. There were three fingers moving inside of him now and every single gentle thrust from Kurt had Blaine letting out a soft whine, holding the other man closer to him. He knew he was ready, but he didn't want to lose this moment. It was the most intimate Blaine had been with anyone in years. His arms were wrapped around Kurt and his face was buried in his neck, moaning softly into the skin.

"Please," he said quietly, pulling back a little to look at him properly, pressing another gentle kiss to his lips. "Please, Kurt, I can't wait anymore. I h-have to feel you inside of me again. I've missed you."

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt practically let out a sigh of relief when Blaine stated that he was ready, giving a small nod. He wasn't sure how much longer he could've lasted. He slowly removed his fingers, quietly apologizing when he heard Blaine hiss. He then reached over to grab a condom, tearing it open with his teeth. He was so anxious to finally be able to do this with Blaine that his hands slightly shook as he slipped on the condom. He quickly lubed up again before positioning himself with Blaine's entrance.

"Okay, now feel free to tell me if I'm going too slow or too fast. I want you to feel comfortable," he pressed a kiss to Blaine's collarbone. "And satisfied." He smirked, carefully inserting himself into Blaine. He slowly began to rock his hips, pressing kisses along Blaine's jawline.

BLAINE ANDERSON

Blaine hissed quietly as Kurt pulled out of him, shifting his hips a little. He watched as Kurt slipped a condom on, swallowing hard. He was ready for this, he knew it. He'd missed Kurt more than he cared to admit and he was more than ready to do this. The kiss to his collarbone and had Blaine letting out a low groan, letting his head fall back against the pillows for a moment. But then Kurt was pushing inside of him and Blane was moaning again, a little louder this time.

"T-This is perfect," he said quietly, hand coming up again to play with Kurt's hair. "This is more than perfect." The gentle rocking of Kurt's hips had Blaine groaning quietly. It'd been a long time since he'd been like this with anyone, where they had had sex just for pleasure rather than a way of Blaine earning money. It was different, but it was amazing and for Blaine, it was like nothing had changed from the last time he was with Kurt.

With every thrust, he was letting out a quiet moan, gently moving Kurt's head so he could kiss him tenderly, arching his back a little off the bed. A part of him wanted to roll them over but for now, Blaine was more than content with this, arms wrapped around Kurt's strong body.

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt moaned as Blaine played with his hair, feeling him slightly tug. He honestly couldn't believe how amazing it felt to be with Blaine again. He was so scared that it would feel different because of everything that they've been through but it didn't. It felt like he was reconnecting with a lost love. It felt like this is who he was meant to be with.

He closed his eyes as he gradually quickened his pace, letting out a low groan. He smiled as Blaine moved his head so that he could kiss him, gently moving his hand to caress Blaine's cheek. "I love you. And I want to be with you, Blaine. I don't ever want to be with anyone but you. God, I love you so fucking much, Blaine." Kurt breathlessly moaned, wanting to stay in this moment forever.

BLAINE ANDERSON

Blaine wanted this to last. He didn't want this to be over too quickly and rolled them over carefully, keeping Kurt inside of him. He gracefully draped his body over Kurt's, grinding his hips down at a slow, steady pace. His movements were gentle and for the first time in years, Blaine was making love. It made him want to cry and he reached down, guiding Kurt's hands to his hips and moaning with every single movement.

"I love you so much too," he said in a gentle voice, swallowing hard. "I don't want anyone else either. I just want you." Blaine leaned up a little, hand moving to his own length so he could stroke himself gently. Still, it didn't feel as good as Kurt. "I never want to stop, Kurt."

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt smirked as Blaine rolled them over, loving how he was taking control of the situation. He moaned as Blaine started grinding his hips, noticing that this was significantly different than before. Before, they were young and reckless and every time they had sex was it frantic. And yes, it was amazing but this time felt more intimate. Kurt gently squeezed Blaine's hips as he bucked his own hips.

Kurt felt his heart skip a beat at Blaine's words, ecstatic that Blaine felt the same. He leaned forward to press a kiss to Blaine's lips, moving his hand over to Blaine's length. "Let me do that," he whispered, moving his hand in sync with his own cock inside of Blaine.

"I never want to stop either. I want to stay with you forever," Kurt moaned.

BLAINE ANDERSON

 Every one of Blaine's senses seemed to be heightened. Every touch was like fire, the sounds of Kurt's moans seemed to echo in his ears. God, everything about this moment was nothing short of perfection.

As soon as Kurt reached for him to stroke him, Blaine knew he wouldn't last much longer. He kept his hips at the same steady pace as before, but moved them with more rhythm, so Kurt was fucking him deeper with every thrust.

"I'm so close," he managed to say, leaning down to kiss Kurt again. And it was true, he was. There was a knot in the pit of his stomach, they tension ready to snap at any moment.

And then it did, and Blaine was coming over Kurt's hand with a filthy moan. He continued to grind his hips against Kurt's, fucking down a little harder, although he kept the intimacy as he came down from his high, still whimpering softly, though the sounds were muffled in Kurt's neck.

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt let out a high-pitched whine as Blaine pushed down deeper onto him, grabbing Blaine's ass. He could feel himself reaching his climax but he tried to hold off. Although it was extremely difficult when Blaine looked absolutely amazing on top of him. So, when Blaine admitted that he was close as well, he let out a sigh of relief.

"It's okay, just let go, Blainey." He smiled, thrusting harder into Blaine. He suddenly felt Blaine come and he knew that it was okay for him to let go as well. He closed his eyes as he gave one last thrust into Blaine, trying to catch his breath.

"That was amazing," he grinned, wrapping his arms around Blaine and kissing his temple.

BLAINE ANDERSON

Blaine knew when Kurt was coming from the way his hips moved. It was still intimate but there was a sense of urgency now and Blaine let out a quiet moan with every thrust from Kurt. When he felt the arms wrap around him, Blaine let out a sigh of content and allowed himself to fall into the arms, closing his eyes.

"It was," he replied honestly. Because really, that was the first time he had enjoyed sex in ​years​. And better yet, it was with Kurt. Blaine knew things were anything but simple. They would have a whole world of fallout to deal with after this. But right now, he was more than content with letting Kurt hold him.

Blaine slowly raised his hips, allowing Kurt to slip out of him and carefully removed the condom from him, tying it and tossing into the trash. Blaine froze, realising he was doing everything for Kurt and his cheeks turned pink. He slowly moved so he was laying next to Kurt once more, pulling the blankets up with him and curling into the other man's side.

"I love you."

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt tried not to think about how fucked up things were now that he was with Blaine. How he was going to tell Alex that their marriage was over. How he was going to have to break his heart. But doesn't Kurt's feelings mean anything? He wasn't happy with Alex; he was going through the motions. He was pretending to be who everyone wanted him to be. But Kurt wasn't perfect. He was complicated and messy. And he was irrevocably in love with Blaine Anderson.

He hissed as Blaine lifted off of him so that he could pull out. He was about to removed the condom when instead Blaine did it instead. He smiled as Blaine did all the work, watching as he took care of him. He felt his heart swell when Blaine took his place next to him, immediately wrapping his arms around him.

"I love you, too. So, so much, Blaine." He smiled, pressing a kiss to his lips as he trailed his hand up Blaine's arm

BLAINE ANDERSON

Feeling Kurt's fingers running down his arm was nice. This? This was familiar to Blaine. But at the same time, it was something he wasn't used to. Blaine was used to being used and thrown aside, he was used to people wanting to hurt him just so they could satisfy their own desperate need. But Kurt wasn't like that. He genuinely cared about Blaine, and he'd wanted to make him feel good.

"I know things are going to be a little messy for a while. But I'm glad I have you. I... I'm glad you were there. That night, in the strip club. I'm glad your friends decided to take you there. If it wasn't for that night, and if it wasn't for you, I'd probably be exactly where I was. I'd still be... that person."

Blaine shifted a little closer to Kurt, puling the blanket a little higher so he could feel more comfortable. He nuzzled into his side, one of his arms slowly curling around the other man's body.

"But right now, I feel like I'm at home."

KURT HUMMEL

Kurt's heart clenched as he spoke, knowing that everything he said was true. It would be perfect if they both didn't have baggage and if they were the same people they were five years ago. But they weren't. Kurt was married and Blaine was a recovering addict who didn't need any drama from Kurt. Or maybe Kurt was exactly who Blaine needed. Kurt knew for a fact that he could love and care for Blaine like no other.

His eyes lingered on the fading track marks on Blaine's arm and then, on the scar from his suicide attempt. He took a deep breath and tried not to think about that day. "I'm glad I found you, too. And I'm glad you let me help you." He closed his eyes as he held Blaine closer.

Kurt softly smiled, running his fingers through Blaine's curls. "You are home. Messy or not, I'm not going anywhere. I lost you once but I'm not going to lose you again."