#while i distract myself with all the GORGEOUS wigs they made for the queen

[hextechmaturgy]

please nobody dox me for this one but I feel like the social commentary in bridgerton is. really bad

[falcor-thee-luck-dragon]

Klaus Hargreeves x Powered Reader

-Watch and Learn-

Warnings: buffoonery ensues, fun times

This gif is beautiful and represents the reader v well.

Masterlist

Do you realize shoplifting is bad, yes. Are you about to do it on a dare, also yes. You see, Klaus has been up to no good recently, you put it up to his desperation for your complete and undivided attention.

For about a month you were over in Australia visiting an old friend, and your poor Klaus was left all alone to fend for himself, for 30 whole days. You were honestly surprised that your apartment didn’t burn down, or look incredibly trashed with random street cats walking around it.

Amazingly enough, everything was intact, but oh man did Klaus miss you. For the first day he wouldn’t even leave your side. The two of you laying on the couch and Klaus couldn’t keep his hands off of you. Not that you minded, he was needy and very handsy that night. So let’s just say, no movie watching was happening.

But back to your current situation, here you are outside a high end clothing store, and you’ve never been more ready in your whole life.

“Remember the goal Y/N, some shiny bracelets, sunglasses, a pricy pricy shirt, and something special for, muah.” Klaus purred sweetly in your ear trying to throw you off, but you remain unflinching and determined.

“Piece of cake, this will be a record haul.” You tell him with a mischievous smirk as he grins back at you.

The two of you casually walk into the store, you’ve put on your long blonde wig and dark sunglasses to better conceal your identity if things did in fact go south. Klaus didn’t try much to disguise himself as he walked in looking like some carefree wanderer, but then again, he’s the distraction.

He walks to the nearest group of employees and begins an over dramatic display of fascination for a certain hat that is laying a top a mannequins head. You make a beeline for the jewelry, finding your prize and nonchalantly sliding them into your inner jacket pocket. Easy money. Next you practically glide over to the sunglasses, looks around you before snatching your favorite pair, ripping off the tag and placing them casually into your coats inner pocket. Yours now.

You scan the store for the shirt isle, easily enough your eyes land down an isle to your left where you let out muffled snort. Klaus now has dark glassed Harry Potter looking specs as well as a fancy cowboy type hat. All in all he looks relatively good, like a sexy desert traveler who’s about to steal some hearts. A smile forms onto your face as you briefly watch him keep up his dramatic act of being the best shoplifting distraction you could have asked for.

Turning back to the pricy isle of shirts that altogether probably cost more then your car, well that is if you actually payed for it. You continue forward, your eyes scanning over the silk and leather fabrics, over ones encrusted with jewels and animal fur that you’re hoping is just fux fur. Your keen eyesight finally stills onto a gorgeous Gucci sweater that practically screams take me. You glance up and find where the nearest security cameras are, spotting them, you pull your attention back to the task at hand. You run your hands down the sleeves and swiftly tug, the sweater comes off the rack and makes a quick descent towards the polished tiled ground.

As sly as a fox you kneel onto the tiled floor, picking it up and sliding it into your coat where it’s completely hidden from any prying eyes that might not be minding their own business. With a smirk you stand up, taking the empty rack and calmly sliding on a new sweater that you found at the local thrift store, that’s been patiently waiting for its next clothing rack. You turn down the isle watching Klaus sweet talk an employee who seems to be under his little spell. You can’t help it when your jaw clenches in subconscious jealousy, you know it’s all for show but still, only you get that adorable smile and emerald eyes that at least they can’t see due to his current fashion statement.

Shaking those thoughts away, you ground yourself again to what you and Klaus actually came here for. Now to find something special for your man, scanning over the brightly lit store your eyes widen in excitement at the beautiful jewel encrusted golden snake necklace that only queens of Egypt should be allowed to possess. You coolly walk over to the necklace, your nerves racing in a bustle of excitement as you make it to the glass case that surrounds it. You shift your eyes once to the left and then once to the right, surveying the area for any intruders. No ones in the nearest proximity due to Klaus’ amazing ability to draw in a crowd practically anywhere.

“Oh and look at you, Klaus is gonna love you, not as much as me but hmm you are one beautiful snake.” You whisper to the glimmering metal hiding behind the stores attempt at a security precaution. Reaching out your hand you simply use your power and defy the laws of what humans should be able to do. Your hand phases through the see through glass where you promptly pick up the dazzling trinkets made for royalty. You silently stick it into your bra and turn around, making your way down the isle and towards Klaus and his crowd of high end retail workers.

You walk past him and give him a wink, he takes the subtle hint, says his goodbyes and trails after you towards the doors. You slow down your pace so he can catch up, a sudden arm slings over your shoulders as he kisses the side of your cheek.

“My dear you would not believe what a bunch of kiss-asses those guys are. Enough to match Luther honestly.”

“Well you seemed to be handling them just fine from what I could see.”

“Huh yeah, they thought my tattoos where interesting.”

“They did, didn’t they.”

“Ohhh were you...were you, gettin a lil jealous Y/N?”

“What? Jealous of a couple of blonde bimbos, you need your eyes checked babe.” Klaus lets out a laugh as he opens the stores door for you. You avoid eye contact, your frustration slowly building until he reaches for your open hand. The contact and the way that he leans into your side instantly calming your agitation once again.

“Alright fine. That was admittedly mean and unnecessary, and yeah okay I was a tad bit jealous...but come on Klaus. You make me feel things.”

“Aww Y/N you’re so cute, my little thief. So watcha get?”

“Oh some of this some of that. I’ll show you when we get back to the apartment. I’m gonna have to come back later and destroy the security footage.”

“Oh right, that silly thing those pricey stores like to do. Security cameras.”

“Ruining fun for burglers since they were invented by some paranoid prick.”

“Eh they have their uses.” Suddenly his attention snaps over to a hotdog vendor further down the sidewalk, “Oh hey, you want a street sausage...and I’m not talking about mine..ah Jesus Y/N I was kidding don’t hit me.”

“Klaus.”

“You have a strong arm. It was a serious question before you assaulted me.”

“Babe we have stuff that’s worth more then the building we live in. We should just go home, we have leftover Thai in the fridge.” Klaus abruptly halts the both of you, shifting your body so he can rest his hands on either side of your shoulders as he looks deeply into your eyes, his face shifting into a pleading expression.

“But my tum tum is grumbling...listen to it Y/N...it says feed me or I’ll die of hunger.”

“Wow I didn’t realize you could speak stomach. Klaus you are truly full of surprises.” You deadpan with lack of facial movement but a low sigh coming from your parted lips.

“Do not antagonize me woman this is serious.” He gives you the biggest and most adorable puppy eyes, trying with all of his might to sway you to the dark side. You roll your eyes as a smirk tugs at the corner of your lips. His eyes go wide in excitement, knowing he’s won you over with his usual Klaus charm.

“My lovely lady, you are a gem among the city sewage.”

“Thanks Klaus. You really know how to make a girl feel special.”

“That’s what I do babes.” Replies Klaus with a quick kiss to your lips before he drags you over to the vendor, that admittedly smells quit delicious if you’re being honest. He orders a simple dog for the both of you, actually paying for it himself to your great astonishment. Then he slathers his in toppings as you select a few of your own, then it’s through the city park to reach your apartment. The two of you and your concealed stolen goods, walking casually down the parks walking trail as you both happily munch on your hotdogs.

“Maybe I have too much on mine.” You have a look at Klaus who’s face is smeared with ketchup and mustard as he fumbles with is already messy napkin while you take another bite from your own hotdog in an attempt at concealing your laughter. “Seriously Y/N, it’s all over my face now, I’m a mess.”

“That’s what she said.”

“Ben don’t laugh..” Whines Klaus with a pout as he glances over at you who’s definitely losing your shit. “Okay fine, it was pretty funny.”

“You walked right into it. I couldn’t help myself.”

“Well Ben’s about to pee himself if you’d like to know so good job at that.”

“Thank you thank you I’ll be here all night.” You bow to no one in particular as Klaus finishes off the last bit of his hotdog. You hand him your napkin as you throw your dirty ones in the nearby trash can. Klaus doing the same, now looking much less of a mess, both on his face and hands. He swiftly catches up to you and practically throws himself onto you. You stagger to the side as his full weight begins dragging you downward towards the wet pavement, oh no you are not about to have his lanky ass get you all dirty. As a witches cackle escapes from your mouth you use your phasing abilities and a second later your idiot boyfriend has fallen onto the cold cement. He lets out a yelp as his hands reach out to catch his fall, he does a little tumble before sitting on the ground, a annoyed huff leaving his lips.

“Eww Y/N I was in you.” Whines Klaus as he picks himself up once again, you cross your arms and bite your lip in amusement.

“You didn’t think so this morning.”

“That was very different.”

“Yeah well your fatass was about to send me into the dirt. I happen to like this coat and would prefer to keep it looking snazzy.”

“Your snazzy can kiss my buns, I’m going home and then I can be in you...but not in that way.” He quickly adds as he reaches out for your hand, you gladly accept his appealing invitation and just like that the two of you make your way out of the park and towards the apartment building where some fun times await.

[artificialqueens]

Daddy’s Boy Chapter 2 {biadore} -imafuckinglibra

Hey you beautiful bitches, remember how I said I was projecting onto Danny in this fic a lot? Yeah…that happens this chapter so heads up hurt Danny and a lot of self hate but Roy coming to the rescue. Also I haven’t slept in 48 hours and I’m currently cuddling a cat so I’m sorry for spelling errors as usual. Next chapter is some good old smut and then some domestic fluffy goodness. K bye

Danny ran up the stairs to Willam’s bathroom yanking the packer out of his pants throwing it roughly against the tiles. “Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!” He yelled, uncontrollably sobbing and punching the walls, seeing blood on his knuckles but not stopping. He felt someone warm embrace him from behind, pulling him back and holding his arms down. Danny didn’t bother to check who it was, just folding over crying to the point where he couldn’t breathe.

“Shhhh, it’s okay. I got you.” Roy whispered soflty in his ear, trying to sooth the boy and holding him tighter. “Breathe, Danny.” He tried coaching him releasing his arms and placing a hand on his chest. “I hate myself. I hate my body. I hate being so fucked up! I hate being a fucking disgusting tranny! I’m a freak, I know you all think that!” Danny yelled between gasping for air, his tears not stopping and his body heaving. Roy turned him around as Danny fell to his knees, cupping his face in his hands. “You’re not. Sweet boy, you’re not that at all. None of us think that. Your body is so beautiful. You are so beautiful.” Roy’s words were tender and sincere as he caressed the crying boy’s face also getting down on his knees.

“I want to die.” Danny whispered dropping his head and getting his breath back. “Never think that way.” Roy pulled his face up to his, making eye contact with the hazel eyes. “Never, ever think that. Okay? Danny, you’re so strong. You’re so fucking gorgeous.” He soothed the boy, his voice as soft as he could manage. Danny leaned in, kissing Roy and surprising the man. He felt his tears stop as he pressed his lips gently against Roy’s full lips. Pulling back, his breathing still slightly broken looking up into the dark brown eyes staring at him. “Sorry, I just needed a distraction.” He whispered as Roy wiped his tears away with his thumbs. Roy leaned in kissing him again, just as soft and pulling back he let go of his face to hold Danny’s hand. The two sat there for a few minutes on the tiles, Roy holding his bruised hand, cleaning the fresh wounds on it and giving Danny a soft peck every now and then when he saw his eyes well up.

Dela came in telling them the food was ready and Roy looked at Danny asking silently if he was okay, Danny nodded as Dela left.  Roy picked up the silicone packer Danny had thrown away earlier, turning it around and examining it for a while handing it back to Danny. “Looks better than some of the bitches’ dicks out there.” Danny blushed, cracking a small smile and put it back in his underwear turning away from Roy. Roy just smiled and grabbed his hand leading him back outside where everyone was gathered around the table, silently watching them when they came back out. Morgan ran up to Danny hugging him. “I’m so sorry, I had no idea.” “As revenge I think it’s just fair you hit him in the nuts.” Shane joked making Danny laugh a little, sitting down next to Roy and Chad. Chad leaned in giving him a side hug and asking if he’s okay. “You know we don’t care though, right?” Willam said bluntly passing him the potatoes. “We’re all men in wigs, putting on fake boobs every night for money.” Shane elbowed him in the shoulder,. “What he’s trying to say is, we don’t care because it doesn’t change who you are.“ Danny smiled feeling relieved that they all took it so well. “Is that what the needles were for? Your hormones?” Roy asked next to him letting go of his hand and pushing something into both their plates. “I forgot to take my shot last week so when a friend reminded me I wanted to do it as quickly as possible before I forgot again.” They all nodded and continued dishing up. “How long have you been doing this?” Dela asked midway through the meal. “I came out when I was 15, started T at 16.” Danny said chewing his veggie burger, by then he’d relaxed more and seeing how open and understanding the group was he didn’t mind talking about his transition. “I would’ve never clocked you though! You’re bod is hot.” Willam chimed in making Danny choke on his beer a little, blushing at the comment, his face lighting up. “Yeah, your chest is phenomenal!” Courtney added leaning over Roy to feel around his pec, making him pull away slightly at the touch. “Thanks, I had keyhole 3 years ago.” Danny lifted his arm showing the tiny incision on his chest before touching his right nipple. “This is a $10 000 nipple, it’s my favorite.” He playfully joked making the others chuckle at him and Roy shake his head. The rest of the meal was spent going back and forth between everyday nonsense and questions about his transition. He explained his name, when he had his surgery and starting testosterone in high school when Chad told them to leave him in peace apologizing for the ‘nosey children’.     

Most of them were either lounging on the floaties in the pool or on the chairs, happily full and lazy after the incredible meal while a few went to clean up. Danny and Roy were helping with the dishes, Roy washing them and handing them to Danny to dry off. It was as if the events of earlier were forgotten after they all sat down like a family, the time Roy and Danny spent in the bathroom wasn’t though. Roy handed Danny the last plate, drying off his hands and putting them in his pockets. “You feeling better now or do am I going to find you in the bathroom again in an hour?” Roy teased leaning against the counter taking a sip of his wine, turning his head in the boy’s direction. “Why?  Scared you’ll have to kiss me again?” Danny asked playfully putting the plate down and coming to stand next to him. Roy looked at him for a while before picking him up by the hips and putting him on the counter. “No, I wouldn’t mind kissing you again. Just know you’re a musician and need these.” He said holding up Danny’s bruised hand kissing it, making him blush but wincing at the slight pain. “How do you know I’m a musician?” “You dumbass, Shane’s the musical theory teacher.” He said rolling his eyes. “So you wouldn’t mind kissing me again?” Danny asked childishly smiling at him. Roy smiled back at him, shaking his head and leaning in for a kiss. It was still as tender as before, but this time Danny threw his arms around him pulling him in deeper as their kissing got more intense.

“Goddammit, will I need to clean jizz of my counters? Not cool!” Willam came in scolding them. “Like you haven’t fucked every guy in California in this place you whore.” Roy snapped, as Danny giggled pulling him in closer for a hug and leaning his head against his. “Aw, someone take a picture.” Shane cooed looking at them through the open glass doors. “I got it!” Danny enthusiastically pulled out his phone turning the front camera on and snapping a shot of him and Roy together as Roy kissed his cheek. The others came back in each putting their empty glasses in the sink.

“Alright ladies, back to work we go.” Chad instructed the queens shooing them along. “C’mon, I’ll drop you off at home.” Roy lifted Danny off the counter, going to grab his keys but Danny just pouted. “Why?” “Because we need to go stick our dicks in pantyhose. Let’s go.” Roy instructed clicking his fingers in the direction of the door as the others left too. “Can’t I come watch again?” Danny asked, not ready to go home. “What if I dropped you off at your place, you get cleaned up and then you can come watch the show? Deal?” The older man sighed, looking at his watch. Danny scrunched up his face thinking it over, “Okay.” He agreed skipping past Roy out the door, Roy just face palming and shaking his head at Willam. “Where do we find these people?”

When he got home Jay was napping on the couch, the bong next to him still smelling like it had been freshly lit and Jason in his usual tiny underwear making ramen. Danny strolled over to him giving him a loving hug, sure he was an uptight asshole but he was his uptight asshole and he never shunned away from Danny’s affectionate embraces. “Do you want to go see a drag show tonight and get shit faced?” He purred as Jason turned around playing with his hair waiting for the timer to go off. “Matty will be there?” Danny tried knowing Jason couldn’t say no to seeing Matt even if he denied they were an item. “Fine, I’ll ask the others if they want to go too but leave sleeping beauty on the couch. Bitch came in here ‪at 8am‬ looking like he barely survived the apocalypse. He’s just been napping and getting high all day.” He said shaking his head at their 3rd roommate. Brian and Katya ended up having a date and Kim wanted to finish a project he had. They decided a little roomie night out might not be a bad idea and started getting ready, first trying to wake up Jay who jusy waved them away mumbling some gibberish.

Danny and Jason looked like they were dressed for a bad 90s album cover and they both loved it. He looked in the mirror at his perky ass, perfectly on display in the tight skinny jeans, sure he hated having a feminine physique but he had to admit he enjoyed having the ass. They said goodbye to a still asleep Jay and made their way hand in hand to the club, Danny’s heart fluttering at the idea of seeing Roy again. 

When they got to the club Matt was still setting up and they each hugged him, Matt giving Jason a small kiss on the cheek making Danny squeal. “So cute.” Jason slapped his arm and shot Matt a scowl. “Bianca back there?” Danny asked trying to look behind the door. “Yep, getting ready with the others.” Danny nodded, winking at Jason and slipping behind the door. He walked through the dark hallway thinking back on how Roy soothed him during his freak out, nobody had ever managed to calm him so easily. Usually his friends or family knew to just leave him in a locked room breaking things, and let him get his problems out on his own time.

He saw some of the queens look up when he came in but held his finger in front of his mouth, walking over to where Bianca was sitting, concentrating on her hair and not even noticing the boy come in. “Hi.” Danny said grinning widely plopping himself down on the chair next to her. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, I’m old. You might give me a heart attack.” She said distractedly, still fixing her hair. “How old are you?” Danny asked tilting his head looking at what she’s doing in the mirror. “136.” Courtney joked coming out of the bathroom, giving Danny a hug from behind. “Fuck you cunt. How old are you?” Bianca asked looking up for a minute to see how her hair looked. “21.” Danny answered playing with some loose fabric on Bianca’s dress. “I’m 14 years older than you, do the math.” “Hi Mr Haylock.” Jason came in before Danny could respond holding a few shots, followed by Matt also holding a few. Jason sat them down on the table giving Danny one and kissing his cheek. “What the fuck faggot? Trying to get me fired?” Bianca shot Danny a look. “For the drag or you two?” Jason asked, as usual being blunt and not caring. “I give you one kiss and now we’re an us?” She asked turning to face Danny who was grinning bigger than a cheshire cat holding up 4 fingers. “Fine, 4 kisses.” He rolled his eyes. “You won’t get fired. One of our friends dated a teacher a few years ago, everyone knew, someone even caught them fucking once.” Matt stated, giving Bianca the set list for the night. Bianca sighed putting her fingers to her temples. “Fine, to not getting fired.” She cheered downing the tequilla, the others following suit. 

The rest of the show they watched from the dj booth the same as Danny had the night before, this time Bianca came to stand next to him between sets putting her arm around him once or twice. Danny enjoyed the affection and the jealous looks he got every now and then while grinding with Jason when a song they liked came on. When Bianca said goodnight and they all went backstage to dedrag Danny followed her, holding her hand and going to sit down next to her, watching her become Roy again. “That’s what those 3 scars were!” Courtney suddenly shouted, taking off her dress, it finally clicking. “You did have a surgery, I was right earlier.” Danny looked down feeling embarrassed. “Yeah I had some cysts so they just removed my stuff to avoid it happening again.” He said softly his mood growing dark. “Besides they had to. If I get bottom surgery to become a real guy they need to do that first.” He felt his eyes stinging, bottom surgery was a touchy subject for him, his dysphoria growing just thinking about it. Bianca grabbed his hand, using his other one to pull his face up to hers, kissing him. “You are a real guy. My guy.” It was such a simple act, just a kiss but Danny’s mind went calm again. It was also the first time Bianca had referred to Danny as his anything even surprising herself.

Bianca got up removing the long flowy black dress she had on and going to the bathroom to untuck when Danny felt his phone vibrate. It was a text from Kim, a selfie of himself next to a dress he was working on, pages of designs and notes laying on the floor next to it. The caption reading, “Haylock is going to be the reason I kill myself.” Danny couldnt help but giggle at the text, putting his hand over his mouth and typing out a response. Roy came back, fully himself again and picking up the make up to put away. “This is what you’re doing to your students.” Danny teased showing him the photo. “Poor Mr Shin, all that for a dress I’d probably give a C- to.” Danny hit him on the shoulder. “Hey be nice to Kim! Poor guy’s working himself to the bone.” “Why do you call him Kim?” Roy asked turning away to collect his bag. “When we still shared a place all he ate was kim chi, it’s disgusting.” Jason answered coming in with Matt, holding his hand. “That shit was good, man.” Danny defended his friend grinning at the couple’s pda. “People who eat pepperoni pizza and then ass should have no say in what’s good food.” Jason teased hugging Danny. “Will you be okay or do we need to give you a ride home?” “He’ll be fine, go work on your dress too Mr Dardo.” Roy chipped in seeing Danny was looking at him for an answer. “Bye, babe. Wear protection!” Danny waved at Jason and Matt as they walked away. 

“So I’m going home with you, huh?” Danny playfully asked, sticking his tongue out at Roy when they got in the car. “Taking you back to your apartment, told you I don’t fuck children.” Roy joked pulling out of the parking lot. Danny’s smile fell, he looked down. “Is it because…” His voice trailed off feeling the all too familiar situation of a guy rejecting him because he’s trans. It was a sore spot for him knowing that guys never really wanted to hook up with him or date him purely because he was born in the wrong body. “No you dumbass.” Roy grabbed his hand pulling it up to his face and giving it a kiss, “I’m taking you home, it was a joke.” Danny’s face lit up, kicking his feet and going through Roy’s itunes looking for something to play. “Why do you do drag if you’re a teacher?” Danny absent mindedly asked, still scrolling through the songs. “I got bills to pay and dogs to put through college.” he shrugged. Danny turning towards him smiling brightly at then mention of dogs. “Two, Sammy and Dede. You’ll like Dede, she sings too.” Roy joked stopping at a light. “Is it too late to get Taco Bell?” Danny asked turning his head in the direction of the flashing sign. “Yes.” Roy asnwered but Danny pouted at him giving him his trade mark doe eyes. Roy groaned dramatically pullin up to the drive through anyway, smiling at Danny who was clapping his hands in delight. 

When they got to the apartment Danny immediatly bent down eagerly greeting the small dogs who were wagging their tails happy to be receiving so much attention. “You want a chip?” Danny asked pulling one out of the bag and giving them each half. “Hey! Don’t teach them bad manners.” Roy scolded going to sit down on the couch, rubbing his eyes and leaning his head back. He sighed, groaning something about being too tired. “That’s because you’re basically ancient.” Danny said sitting down next to him, handing him his taco as he bit into his own, causing some of the contents to fall onto his lap. “Food goes in mouth, what color was the cave you were raised in?” Roy joked, putting a napkin on the boy’s lap smiling brightly as he chewed. Roy wiped some sauce off the side of Danny’s mouth, Danny taking advantage of the opportunity and biting his thumb when it came close to his lip. Roy rolled his eyes, removing his hand and biting into his own taco.

They sat there eating while Danny asked him about his life. “This isn’t 20 questions, bitch.” Roy said getting up and wiping the salt on his hand off on his pants. “I just want to get to know you.” Danny whined, burping as Roy walked away to throw away the wrappers. “Then get in my pants first.” Just as he finished his sentence and turned back around Danny jumped over the couch, pushing Roy against a wall grinning wildly. “I wasn’t fucking serious!” Roy said a bit too loud looking at Danny, getting down on his knees in front of him, licking his lips as he unbuckled the older man’s belt. “I’m screwed aren’t I?“ 

[devilishdewitt]

Cinématrographié Cabaret Show, April 2019

The time has come for the second instalment of Cabaret Show Cinématrographié!

Did it sizzle or shine?

 Read on…

The vivacious Alice Shpiller and her beguiling partner-in-crime Katrin Gajndr brought their cinematographic creation back to it’s namesake location - Cinematographie karaoke.

The theme was, fittingly, ”movies”. The audience were encouraged to dress up as their favourite movie characters, but alas, the public is yet to indulge in the wonders of theme dressing.

The evening began with Alice Shpiller appearing as a modern version of the Little Mermaid - lip-syncing to "Part of Your World”, roaming from table to table & live streaming the whole thing. Her costume was just the right amount of camp (more camp than most Met Gala attendees, GOOD MORNING KARLIE KLOSS), and the performance was a sweet little warmup - perfectly in the style of the show, preparing us for what is to come - genuine beauty with a side of charming goofiness .

All was great! Apart from the wig. 

To be honest, the wig made me quite sad.

Actually, to be perfectly frank, that wig was actively upsetting, darling.

It would be a service to mankind if it were thrown away and allowed to succumb to oblivion.

Shpillers’ hosting was definitely more coherent than last time - the jokes landed, the charm was undeniable and she felt more confident and in control. It was truly entertaining - I was equally excited by the acts and the hosting, and it’s a marvellous feeling!

It wasn’t long until we saw the first burlesque performance of the night - Katrin Gajndrs’ “Woman in Red”, inspired by the 1984 film. Dearest reader, I was smitten. The way she moved, the way she looked at the audience, the drive, the passion, the grace, the fun she had - she cast a powerful spell, not a soul went untouched by her classy, sassy performance. One of the best acts I’ve ever seen in Russia. Yes, you’ve read that right. Flawless mix of irony, indulgence & power in her attitude. The moves were sensually precise, she knew what she was doing and oh lordy was she enjoying it! Brava!

However, even her radiance couldn’t outshine the terror that was the stage lights (if they even deserve such a name). Horrible is a word that covers the situation pretty extensively. On a few particularly painful occasions I imagined that the lights from the audiences phones would do a better job than the chaotic colourful mess that this establishment calls “lights”.

However, even they didn’t take away from the excellence of the beginning of the show. Something else did. Or should I say…someone.

Miss April. Honey. Allow me to help.

You have a delicious chance to learn from the best (I mean Gajndr, not myself, you cheeky little thing!).

No lip colour, flat hair, ordinary lingerie, upsetting lack of the most basic acting skills, lack of story, drive and imagination just won’t do.

Especially when you take something as legendary as Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Especially when you’re on stage straight after Katrin. Especially when you have access to the expert advise of Shpiller & Gajndr! 

Dearest reader, I was infuriated.

A slender lady who happens to be a good dancer walks in looking quite mediocre, bites a pastry, takes a sip of coffee, leaves them on the front table (all this is done with no energy whatsoever), goes on stage, takes off her dress, reveals a very basic set of black underwear (not lingerie) and gets in a bed that the stage kittens have meticulously prepared for her.

What for? What is the purpose? What can you possibly add to Holly Golightly? There’s so much that could’ve been done with this number - take the fact that Holly in the book is much more risqué than Holly in the film and dance the night away with your vision of Capotes timeless heroine!

Were they really so desperate for an act they let this half-baked croissant mop around, languidly perusing the stage?

An act of cruel sympathy, blind hope and/or unnecessary cruelty.

Thank goodness we were saved by Kristabel Otem.

Good God how I love that woman.

Sin City.

Need I say more?

Kristabel Otem.

Sin City.

My little noir heart pounded with inexplicable joy.

It hit every mark, was deliciously erotic, devilishly ironic and just wonderfully done.

And then a miracle appeared.

A sublime beauty.

The Swan Tsarevna.

A costume so gorgeous, I believe my jaw did indeed hang loose in the air for a few moments.

How I wish Lisa Alisa did the costume justice.

It’s a fantastic idea - an iconic Russian fairytale heroine, a song by one the best known folk rock bands in Russia…but unfortunately the performer brought her own brand of haste, hurry & dare I say, clumsiness. Someone, please give that girl a stage presence lesson. She’s literally two steps away from truly spreading her gorgeous wings and embracing her undoubtable talent.

After an intermission full of exciting murmurs, Shpiller emerged in a new emploi - Clockwork Orange diva. It worked marvellously well - the look really suited her, the vibe was playfully ultraviolent and her acting was excellent. There was no shedding of the clothes, but it was an enthralling number.

Overall I vigorously applaud the fact that the spotlight was directed at an eclectic collection of fantastic movies. Moving away from the ordinary does an artwork good!

A new incarnation of Lisa appeared - or did it? A tribute to Sally Rand, white costume, white feather fans, it looked a bit too similar to the Swan Princess act and lacked any character development. It was the same act, but with a different costume. Sigh.

And again, the screeches of excitement…I can imagine it working quite well on a few occasions, but at the moment she’s overusing it.

Shpiller! Contemporary dance tribute to “The Raven”! Unexpected, unusual, perhaps somewhat questionable, but she was convincing and clearly had a story to tell.

It’s her show, so why the hell not?

Kristabel performed as a 1920’s detective (Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries)  and it was splendid. I just love how she unapologetically shows us different sides of her character - a coy Kristabel? Enchanting!

And then came The Dragon. Oh, dear reader, you might already know that I have a deep admiration for the art of Katerina Sahara. Her Dragon was as enrapturing as the first time I saw it. Despite the fact that there were a few technical mishaps (completely unnoticeable by the spectators, I assure you), and that she herself was not particularly pleased with this performance, it was hypnotising. The power! the smoothness! She immediately transports us all to a dimension of gorgeousness. A fantastic act by a fantastic performer.

Ah! Can you hear it? The time has come for the unavoidable venue promotion!

Ringmaster Alice gathered a group of enthusiastic air-musicians (some of them were real musicians, it seemed), the DJ turned on the karaoke version of “Bohemian Rhapsody” and off we went! Alice effortlessly ran from table to table, engaging every single member of the public into everyone’s favourite epic musical number. I do wish she paid a bit more attention to the “band” though, they were left somewhat abandoned on stage while she flew around. It did seem, however, that some of them were indeed entertainers, for they felt quite confident on the stage.

I must say, participating and witnessing it was great fun. Honestly, you can do no wrong with Bohemian Rhapsody, and my God, Shpiller has some pipes!

The grand finale of the night was the famous Cleopatra act by the mistress of the eve, Katrin Gajndr. Bathing in a chalice of real milk, surrounded by two slaves, legends have travelled of the exquisite vision of this act. However, somehow, it just did not deliver. It seemed as if Gajndr was either distracted or upset; there was no energy at all. The slaves were also quite timid and did not do the classic fabulousness of the act any justice. Good morning, this is performing 101 - a smoothing caress of a brush does a wig good.  It’s still a spectacle, of course, but not quite as rich as the majestic Queen of the Nile.

THE FINALE

Ladies, congratulations!

The second instalment of Cinematographie truly was a major improvement from the first show. To put it quite simply, it was fun.

 It was fun! I felt very entertained. Shpiller was feeling her mojo that night, and it was truly intoxicating. Gajndr was extraordinary (yes, even despite Cleopatra not quite rising to the occasion). Lisa Alisa had moments of divine beauty, Sahara stayed true to her fabulous brand, Kristabel revealed more colours of her tremendously intriguing diamond, and Miss April…well, everybody’s gotta start somewhere, right?

Extremely excited to see what they cook up next!

✶✶✶✶

UPDATE

As this review was being prepared, the next show has been announced - July 6th, Yes I Can-Can, in honor of Katrin’s birthday! And at a theatrical venue, too - how very curious!