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mellowyandere · 3 years

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One Hell of a Logical Ruse Part 1

Reader: F

Characters: Aizawa Shouta (Eraserhead)

Summary: Shouta loves a good game of cat and mouse, unfortunately for you the game’s a little rigged. This is somewhat of an experiment to try and write a smut scene from the male POV. Disclaimer I am not a man so uh yeah lmao.

Based off the pre-established fic You’re Ours to Protect.

Length: 4.5K

Warnings: non-con, yandere themes, vaginal fingering, vaginal sex, praise kink

Aizawa Shouta was a rational man. He did his best to adhere to logic, and to never waste time with unnecessary action. And yet despite this, he absolutely loved watching you try to escape. You were pretty clever, even without him “accidentally” forgetting to lock the second story window that just so happened to be above some forgivingly soft shrubbery.

You probably would have figured some way out on your own, but something feral inside him didn’t want to wait around for you to act. Normally it was his ever-loud husband Hizashi that fell flat when it came to the notion of patience, but today he would relent to his own selfish desires.

Toshinori would have been utterly distressed had he been aware of the sleepy pros scheme. The number one was a man of swift action, seemingly never thinking twice before charging fist first into danger. He would not be happy Shouta was playing with you like this, but Toshinori and Hizashi wouldn’t be made aware of his little game with you. After all they had no idea he set this up, so they might genuinely try to punish you. He’d keep it quiet once he caught you and pretend it’s your little secret. Maybe you’d even be a little grateful if you believed he was saving your skin.

He rationalized his behavior by telling himself you seemed so bored, truly this was the perfect way to stimulate your mind and body. So when he heard the telltale sound of a body landing in bushes on the back side of the house he simply started a timer for 20 minutes to give you a bit of a head start.

Was it cruel to get your hopes up like this? Perhaps, but he’d make sure to fuck you senseless to alleviate the disappointment. After all, if you were a good girl you’d have settled into your life with them already. But you really did enjoy testing them, which brought out the side of him that wanted to put you in your place.

Giving himself a once over he made sure he had everything he would need for your inevitable return home. Well, now that you were basically quirkiness, all he needed was his capture weapon just in case you put up a struggle. He hadn’t decided yet if he was going to fuck you when he caught you, or if he was going to haul your cute ass home first.

Thinking about plowing into you with adrenaline still pumping through his veins from the hunt had some blood rushing below his belt. Well he could always just do both.

The shrill ringing of his phones alarm brought him back from his wandering thoughts. With a sadistic grin stretching wide across his face he headed for the front door.

-----

Three weeks. Three fucking weeks trapped inside that house with three insane men. Sure they might not beat you or starve you, but the constant belittling, undermining and infantilizing was about to drive you to insanity yourself. You almost jumped for joy when you noticed an unlocked window on the second floor in Hizashi’s and Shouta’s room. The blond man had a bad habit of using too much cologne, and his dark-haired counterpart was always having to air out the room when the radio star went overboard.

Eraserhead was normally very diligent about ensuring the window was sealed tight, but last night Toshinori had come home in a flurry of smoke and blood, sending his blond junior into hysterics. It was nothing serious, unfortunately, but Shouta had been the one to calm Hizashi and tend to the number ones injuries. Amidst all the ruckus he had left the window unlocked.

You knew Shouta would soon realize his mistake and lock the window down tight, leaving you with a small time frame to enact your grand escape. It wasn't ideal, but the best you had been able to do was wait for both blonds to leave, trapping you in the house with Shouta. Normally he let you be during the day, opting to nap and grade what appeared to be homework. Hopefully today would seem like just another day, and he wouldn’t think to check on you until dinner approached.

You found yourself perched on the window sill, ready to take flight. All you had were the clothes on your back, not wanting to make any suspicious noises that would tip you off. On the count of three you braced yourself and pushed off from the ledge, landing on the bushes below with a thud.

Fuck, that was a bit louder than you had anticipated. Ignoring your growing anxiety, you made quick work of escaping the clutches of the now flattened bush and took off into the woods on the back half of the house.

Your heart was hammering like mad in your chest as you sprinted as fast as you could. It was hardly fair that it was your first time outside in three weeks and you couldn’t even slow down to take it all in. Thankfully it was spring, meaning you wouldn’t have to worry about the cold. All you needed to do was find someone to get this stupid quirk canceling collar off and then you could safely recede into the background, making sure the three pros never found you again.

Easier said than done when one of those pros was All Might, and the other two were just as formidable, but you’d be damned if you didn’t try. You did your best to not leave a trail behind, but knew once Shouta figured out you were gone he’d have no trouble tracing your tracks. It was the unfortunately shitty reality you were dealing with.

Were you really going to be able to escape? Even now as you ran as fast as you could it felt like a fruitless endeavor. There were too many variables that had to line up perfectly in order for you to pull this off, and as you ran directionless through the woods no viable solutions were coming to you. Hell, even now your lungs were burning from exertion, legs begging you to stop.

But if there was one thing that you were it was stubborn. Stubborn to a fault sometimes, and so you pushed onwards. After what felt like an eternity of non-stop running you slowed to a walk. The forest seemed never ending, taunting you with its sprawling army of trees and shrubbery. You decided to be more mindful of the tracks you were leaving, veering off course in a way that would hopefully go undetected.

Now no longer running you simply kept your steps quiet and ears alert in case Shouta had already discovered your absence. He was good at his work, but even he had limitations.

-----

Shouta had to give credit where credit was due, you were better at this than he thought you’d be. If you were his student he’d be proud, but you were his prey so he was a bit annoyed. At first your tracks had been sloppy, easy to follow and incredibly straight forward. At some point though you had changed your approach, footsteps almost vanishing as you adopted a new tactic.

He found himself crouching low, inspecting leaves to see which you had accidentally broken. There were no more snapped limbs as you carefully maneuvered through the woods. If he wasn’t a pro at hunting people down you probably would have been able to evade him, but this was his livelihood.

Ever so carefully he followed your almost invisible trail. He had you beat in endurance so you’d have to settle somewhere eventually, and without food and water you were at a distinct disadvantage. Everything was lining up in his favor as he intended, even if you were making this a little harder than expected.

The anticipation of catching a glimpse of you, of watching you realize he was there and taking off, made his heart beat faster. The longer you evaded him, the more time he had to come up with a fun punishment for you.

-----

The sun had been directly overhead at the beginning of your escape, and was now kissing the horizon. Oranges and reds were thrown about the woods as the creatures of the night began to wake from their slumber. You listened to see if you could hear the chirping of frogs to find a water source but no luck.

There was no doubt in your mind that Shouta was 110% aware of your absence by now and was probably hot on your trail. You were zigzagging a bit, trying your best to not disturb the forest floor while making it harder to track you. Dammit this was the fucking worst, it had to have been at least 6 hours in these woods, and without any food or water you were famished.

And yet despite wandering about for 6 fucking hours you had yet to see anything besides the woods. Maybe you should just give up, sit down and accept defeat and whatever punishment you had awaiting you. You couldn’t help but shiver a bit at the fear of what that would entail.

As dusk quickly turned dark you debated on whether or not you were going to rest for the night. Visibility would be lower, giving you a slight edge, but Eraserhead was a night owl meaning you were entering his domain of peak performance. There was also no guessing if he was the only one looking for you. All Might could move faster than you could even comprehend and Present Mic was fine-tuned when it came to noise location.

Sighing in annoyance as your wayward thoughts shot holes through your confidence you decided to find somewhere to try and lay down for a bit. If all three were out hunting you down they could take turns and overlap the time so you never got to rest. As busy as they should be with hero work they always seemed to find too much time to hover around you.

Spotting some dense shrubbery, you crossed your fingers that any creepy crawlies would keep to themselves and carefully began to conceal yourself. Perhaps one of them would pass by and you could gain some intel. If you were lucky they’d write this area off after not finding you and search elsewhere.

Settling as comfortably as one could in a bush you closed your eyes and did your best to focus on the sounds around you. The melodic chirping of crickets was the most overwhelming of all the sounds. Skittering of small forest animals echoing around as well. Your mind began to desensitize to those sounds, the lack of adrenaline that pushed you along at the start of all this causing it to dip into unconsciousness.

That was until you heard the distinct snap of a branch. Eyes flying open you were on high alert as you kept still. You tried to hear if there would be any follow up sounds, knowing something of a decent size had to have broken the branch. If it had been a deer they would have simply kept moving, which made you all the more anxious.

“No more tracks kitten, I know you’re here somewhere. This little game dragged on a lot longer than I had anticipated so it seems there won’t be any way to hide this from Zashi and Toshinori.”

You wanted to scream. Even though you had tried your best it simply wasn’t enough against Eraserhead.

“If you come out kitten I’ll give you one last shot to run. Those bushes over there look like a mighty fine hiding spot for someone of your size.” His voice was pointed directly towards you.

FUCK. You couldn’t tell if he was bluffing or not at this point but he knew you were here, might as well come out with some dignity before he dragged you out kicking and screaming.

The bush rustled loudly as you forced your way out. You were tired, famished and most of all so frustrated you wanted to cry. You didn’t even need to look at him to know he had a condescending smirk plastered to his face.

“There’s my pretty kitty, did you have fun outside?”

Shouta knew just what to say to strike a nerve, but you held your tongue. “One last shot to run. You said so yourself. Ditch the capture weapon and catch me like a man, I mean unless you don’t think you can. I’m already quirkiness which is your gimmick on a regular day, so really you're just beating on someone while they're already down.” You looked up now, glaring at him as his smile grew in amusement.

“I’m going to have to be a lot more physical without it you know, I’ll have no choice but you manhandle you.”

“I’d rather take my chances.” You knew even without his capture weapon you didn’t stand much of a chance of escape. Your only goal now was to try and see how much he was willing to handicap himself.

“Gonna give me a head start or are you going to just run as soon as I do?”

At this Shouta had to keep himself from snarking back at you. He had already given you a head start, but if he told you this was all set up you’d probably lose the will to fight on. “Five minutes. I’ll give you five minutes to run as far as you can and then I’ll come after you,” he said while pulling out his phone.

“What about Toshinori and Hizashi?”

“At the house. I told them I’d handle this, Toshinori will be coming to get us though once I tell him game over. We’re pretty deep in the woods and I don’t feel like walking back for six hours.”

You nodded at his words. So it was just the two of you then. Your combat skills were nothing to write home about, but maybe if you fought dirty you could gain the upper hand.

“Alright, tell me when.”

“Oh, I already started it. You have 4 minutes and 17 seconds.”

Fucking asshole. You took off sprinting, running as fast as you could, only opting to slow to a jog once you thought you were out of earshot. You wanted him to believe you’d be trying your damndest to put distance between the two of you. But you knew you’d never outrun him. Instead you were going to continue jogging for a bit, counting down the seconds in your head so you didn’t lose track your timer.

Once your remaining time was up you were going to lay low and try to ambush him. He wouldn’t be paying as close attention to your trail since he knew he could easily catch up.

After the remaining 4 minutes had passed you found a decent sized tree to hide behind and worked on slowing down your breathing. It felt like your heart was going to chisel its way straight through your bones, your limbs trembling with anxiety. It wasn’t often you were hunted back when you were an anti-hero. Not many people knew who you were which made it incredibly easy to be looked over.

Scooping up handfuls of dirt you waited. You heard him before you saw him. He wasn’t bothering to take it slow, seemingly eager to get it over with. He ran right past you, noticing you a second too late as dirt and debris were chucked straight into his face.

He yelled out in surprise, hands reaching out to grab you but you jumped out of reach. True to his word his capture weapon was nowhere in sight. Screaming in anger you lunged at him, nails attempting to claw his face but his own larger hands were working on wiping off your dirt assault, effectively blocking you.

He stumbled back a bit, unprepared for your hostility, before steadying himself and turning the tables back on you. In one swift motion his fist collided with your gut, forcing the air from your lungs. Your arms came down to protect where he had hit as you wheezed pathetically. Seconds later his larger frame came crashing into you, easily knocking you to the ground.

You cried out in pain, head hitting the ground a bit too hard as stars danced behind your eyes.

“Not very smart of you Y/N, I mean it beats trying to outrun me, but really? Dirt? It’s like you want me to punish you or something.”

“GET OFF ME!”

Placing a hand on the back of your head he pushed you down while his other arm pulled the lower half of your body flush against him. You could feel his erection pressing up against your ass.

You were a snarling sobbing mess at this point. All your emotions crashing down at once as you thrashed below Shouta.

“Easy now easy, calm down kitten. You did really good, better than I thought you were going to. If you calm down I might be willing to reduce your punishment, but you have to stop throwing a fit first.”

Despite his words Shouta was enjoying almost every second of your thrashing. The only thing he didn’t enjoy was knowing how disappointed you were right now. Anyone would be after coming so far. Now was his chance to make it up to you before giving Toshinori the go ahead.

As your struggles subsided the only movement from your body was from your gentle sobs. Shouta for his part was slowly grinding his hard cock against your ass as he softly shushed you.

“I know you’re disappointed kitten but I’ll make you feel better. If you’re a good girl for me I’ll be willing to look past that little dirt tactic. You’re such a smart girl though, you really did catch me by surprise.”

Leaning down he began to whisper into your ear, removing the hand from your head and bringing it down to your clothed pussy.

“You always were resourceful, it’s one of the things I fell in love with about you. If only you were a hero, but then again if you were I wouldn’t have had the fun of hunting you down.”

You felt your stomach drop at his words. All three of them enjoyed reminiscing about how they first saw you and all their subsequent actions that lead to your imprisonment. The effort they had put into bringing you “home”. It was beyond disturbing.

“Please Shouta, not here. Can we, can we just go home first?”

“Maybe if I had found you 4 hours ago, but right now you’re treading on very thin ice. Be a good girl for me and I’ll make sure Hizashi and Toshinori don’t punish you too harshly when we get back.”

His large hand was pawing at your clothed sex, black hair draping over your own face as his body curled around you. He slowly rutted against you, excited huffs of air ghosting across the side of your face. You could practically feel his heart vibrating against your back he was so worked up.

He gently rubbed his stubble against the side of your face, composure slipping a bit. While Shouta absolutely loved how feisty you could be, nothing compared to when you submitted to him. He craved the feeling of your tired body giving in to his ministrations, but he needed more.

His hand quickly slipped between your pants and underwear, index finger eagerly aiming for your folds. He couldn’t care less that you were sweaty and dirty from the hunt. Right now all he could think about was the softness of your exposed flesh, and much to his delight, the slight wetness to your outer lips.

“Seems like someone likes being caught more than they let on hmm kitten?”

He couldn't help but taunt you a bit, loving the way you sniffled and whimpered beneath him. You knew when to behave yourself, when to be good for him. Arousal was flooding his veins. The way it felt to rub himself against your perfect ass, even through layers of clothes, had his mind blanking out.

Your core was warm, even without him dipping a finger inside. Gently he began to delve deeper, gathering up your arousal to spread around. Your pants were starting to bother him a bit, retracting his hands he made quick work of not only your bottoms, but his as well. You remained still for him, opting to sulk like a child as he prepared to ravish you.

You were too cute like this, and with the lower half of your body on full display he couldn't help but groan in delight. Bringing a hand down he slapped your ass hard, mesmerized by the way your flesh gave way. You yelped in surprise, body rutting forward. His cock twitched as he palmed your sore flesh, cooing softly in apology. You glared back at him, pretty little face set in a pout.

As much as he wanted to slap your ass until you cried for him to stop he restrained himself. Although this was a punishment, he had set you up. He would go easy on you, not forgetting his promise to himself to help you forget the frustration you were feeling right now.

Whenever you got angry you opted to stop talking, instead waiting for a moment of weakness to strike or quietly accept your fate. Judging by your defeated expression he could safely assume the latter

Folding himself over you he brought his hand back down to your pussy, thumb working slow circles on your clit while he middle finger delved deeper. Your entrance was a bit tight, but with gentle persistence he worked his way inside.

Your velvety inner walls clamped down on him. He couldn’t help but rut his aching cock against your bare ass as his mind drifted to the feeling of you clamping down on his arousal instead. Your whines of protest only further spurring on his overwhelming need to be inside you.

Adding a second finger he began to pump into you with a bit more urgency. Your slick was quickly coating his hand as he hit all the spots he knew would work you up to your orgasm. Groaning in delight he brought his lips to your exposed neck, sucking and nipping at your soft flesh.

He loved when he could tell you were getting close. Your warm walls would clamp down on him, breathy mewls and moans escaping your soft lips. You were rocking back into him, uncaring of the fact that you were grinding against him as you chased your release. In these moments you abandoned your resolve to fight against him, and he happily took advantage of that. After all, if your body knew what you wanted, surely your mind would catch up one day.

Your moans were more audible now, hands grasping at the forest floor. Your back was arched into him, desperate to use him. So close, you were so close he knew it, and right before you could finish he pulled his hand away. He laughed as you huffed in frustration.

“Shouta pl-please.” Fuck, he loved it when you begged. It didn’t happen often with how stubborn you were but when it did he knew he had to comply.

Instead of verbally responding he opted to do what he wanted to all night long. Lining up the tip of his cock to your entrance he groaned at the heat radiating off you. Pumping his hand along his length a couple times to lube himself up with your excess fluid he pushed the tip in. You stilled beneath him, and in one swift movement he fully sheathed himself.

His mind went blank as you cried out in pleasure, wet walls convulsing around him as your orgasm tore through you. He held still, opting to gently pet you while cooing softly down at you. Before he met you, even with Hizashi, he had never been very vocal during sex. But now he couldn’t stop himself from babbling a bit, praising you for being such a good girl.

As your body stilled in his arms he continued to plant kisses along your delicate neck. Your soft sniffles made his heart clench a bit, how was it possible for you to be so damn cute?

“Alright kitten now it’s my turn. No pulling anything stupid, I won’t take long.”

This whole hunt had been one giant tease, working him up in a way he normally wouldn’t allow himself. Pulling out he groaned at the feeling of his cock sliding against you. Moving his hands he grabbed your waist, eyes transfixed on where you were joined. Your back was arched as you braced yourself on your elbows, presenting yourself to him.

His mind clouded over, blood opting to drag his attention elsewhere. He began to push back in, desperate to feel you surrounding him. Setting a tempo he pulled about halfway out before slamming back in, loving the way your body moved as you bounced off him.

His hands dug into your supple flesh, possibly leaving bruises. He could feel the oncoming of his own orgasm, the muscles in his lower abdomen pulsating. He was panting, heart racing in his rib cage as his eyes rolled back into his head. He didn’t have the patience to edge himself today, he needed this, needed you.

He loved hearing the way your breath was forced from your lungs when he fully sheathed himself inside you. He knew he was overstimulating you a bit, but the part of him that needed to find his own release didn’t pay that fact much mind. All he could think about was the way it felt to be one with you, lost inside your soft warmth.

After only a couple more minutes of relentlessly pounding into you he couldn’t hold it back any longer. A wave like sensation rushed through his body as his hips stuttered. He folded over you, wrapping his arms around you as he felt his hot cum rush through his cock and fill your body. The emotions rushing through him as he released into you, the woman he loved, were indescribable.

It didn’t take long for his muscles to relax, euphoria swept away by the need to take a nap washing over him. You had long since stopped crying, remaining motionless beneath him. He wondered what was going through your mind as he held you flush against him.

“Sho-Shouta.” So meek, so quiet. His heart fluttered a bit. “Can we go home now... I want to take a shower.”

Chuckling softly he pulled himself out, groaning a bit at the feeling of overstimulation as your warm walls dragged against him. Leaning away he smiled as his cum leaked out your pussy.

“Yes kitten we can go home. I’ll make sure to clean you up.”

You groaned in protest, hating when they insisted on washing you. He knew you liked your privacy but Hizashi and Toshinori were still going to want to punish you. He’d keep close by to keep them from being too harsh.

Pulling up his pants he fished his phone out of his pocket, rolling his eyes at the sheer quantity of missed calls from the two aforementioned. Poor little kitten, it didn’t look like you’d be getting off easy.

#tw: noncon #yandere aizawa #yandere aizawa shouta #yandere eraserhead #yandere x reader #yandere x you #aizawa x reader #yandere shouta aizawa #aizawa shouta x reader

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bts-weverse-trans · 4 years

Photo

201126 Weverse Magazine ‘BE’ Comeback Interview - Jin

Jin: “It feels like my memories of ARMY were all a dream” BTS BE comeback interview 2020.11.26

Jin is calm and quiet throughout the whole interview. But while his words start out sounding like those in an everyday conversation, they soon begin to tell the story of a protagonist in the intricate drama that is BTS.

I’m guessing you came up with the lyrics because of COVID-19. Jin: It was around two to three months ago that I wrote the lyrics for the song, when it seemed like COVID-19 wasn’t getting any better. I want to put on another concert, and, like I said, it feels like my memories of ARMY were all a dream: Ah, they always used to be there with us, and then they disappeared like a memory—was all that a dream? Will we ever meet again? Those kinds of thoughts.

It sounds like you had a hard time getting used to this new situation. Jin: Yes. That used to be a part of our life for years, so it felt like a part of my life disappeared. When we had a busy schedule to deal with, sometimes I thought maybe it would be fun to have no job, but when that work was no longer there, no matter what I did, even if I poured myself into it, it all became meaningless very quickly. I felt insecure when I had nothing to do, since I’m so used to being busy, and feeling insecure made me think more about the things I like, and what I should do to make myself happier, besides work.

Why did you choose gems? Jin: Well … I have a sort of free, do-whatever-I-want personality, and at the time, I was really intrigued by gems, so that’s what I chose. This year, with the pandemic, I had more time to think about what I want and the things I want to do, and to try some new things, like playing piano, playing games, not playing games, meeting different people. But still, I can’t tell what I really like. I don’t think I ever thought much about myself, other than the work part. The best answer I found was doing whatever I’m interested in at the moment; is being the truest to myself. I’m more of a feeler than a thinker. Some might say I should have a plan for my future, but I don’t have any. (laughs) I thought that I really just do as I please.

So what does it mean to do as you please? Jin: Like I said, I’m someone who literally lives only in the present, so I tend to forget about the past, and I don’t stress over the future. I know I won’t forget important moments or times I spent with other people, but I’ve forgotten all the bad things that happened in the past and the hard times I had, and I’m really satisfied with my life now and happy to be working hard. How can anyone feel happy over and over again from something that happened in the past, no matter how good it was? You can be happier finding 10,000 won on the ground now than earning 100 times that in the past. I think I’m living true to my feelings by living in the now rather than thinking about the future or the past.

That sounds more like self-discipline. (laughs) Jin: It’s the same as not crossing at a red light if you don’t want to get hurt. I can keep myself happy living in the present as long as I’m not doing anything I shouldn’t be doing. Some might feel a bit frustrated, but they might also be the kind of people who cross at a red light. (laughs)

The song “Dis-ease” captures each of the BTS members’ thoughts on work. Is it especially difficult for you, in particular, to separate work from your personal life? Your life is influenced by your work. Jin: To me, work makes a lot of things happen in my life. Naturally there are times I feel stressed because of work, but the work I do makes me happy and has led to some spectacular experiences. Sometimes it’s interesting, other times it might be exhausting. I think I feel an entire spectrum of emotions thanks to my work. I lead my life the way I do because of my work, so to speak.

What was the demo version like? Jin: When V first made it and gave it to me, it didn’t have the rap part yet. There were no lines for the rap but it sounded really unique. Only the instrumental was there for that part and it felt like it was time for thinking by myself. Of course, I like the full version with the rap, too, but still, I liked how there was space that made you think. It’s been a long time since I got that feeling from listening to one of the demos. The first one was “Spring Day,” and the second was “Blue & Grey.”

It sounds like you found the song right when you needed some time to think. Jin: Yes. Before our debut, I had a clear goal: to debut. I chased after that one goal. After we debuted, I was chasing after a number one hit, and after we got number one I was chasing after major awards. And after that there were a lot of other awards, like from Billboard, and performances to put on, but it wasn’t a goal in the sense that it was my goal to debut. I’m just happy to be working. Every moment is wonderful and has become like my whole life. That wasn’t how I felt when I was a trainee because I had a serious goal then. But now, my goal is to live without overthinking anything. Maybe it’s not really a goal but a kind of defense mechanism.

A defense mechanism? Jin: As you get thinking, you might somehow undermine yourself. So, as long as I don’t think too hard, I can work hard right now. Maybe that’s why I called it a defense mechanism: If I stop and think about it, I might have too many ways to put myself down.

But if you imagine someone else were to have accomplished the same things you have, wouldn’t they think they deserve to feel proud? Jin: That’s true, but I’m also one of seven members of BTS. Thinking about what I’ve done as an individual feels like a burden to me. Up until we finished working on Map of the Soul: 7, I wasn’t burdened but felt, “Okay, we all did a good job. I’m happy with this.” But after getting “Dynamite” to the top of the Billboard Top 100 and starting down this new road, I started to wonder if I deserve any of this.

But you experienced a lot of big things before. What made you think that way this time? Jin: I was waiting for the chart position to come out all day, and then right before bed, Namjoon sent a message to our group chat. That’s when I realized we were number one! I was really happy, but something felt different. Maybe it was because we couldn’t see our fans. After “Dynamite,” we got even more love from even more people, and even when I was walking down the street, people would say things like, “I’m a big fan of yours,” or, “Thank you for introducing Korea to the world.” Then I started to think, “Do I deserve all this congratulations and love? That’s not me—I’m not that kind of person.” I got over it a bit, but even until a few days ago, the pressure was so intense that I couldn’t get any work done.

If you had had the fans there with you, maybe you would have felt less pressure or worry. Maybe it makes what you’re doing now seem incomplete compared to the past. Jin: We did so much and we worked so hard, but the result doesn’t hit you the same way, does it? The—excitement, maybe?—isn’t quite there. There’s a big difference between performing for people and performing for the camera. The performance itself is hard, too, of course. I have to keep at it for months once we start. But when we perform for people, I feel alive.

Had you been able to perform “Dynamite” on stage for your fans, you probably would have felt more love and more confident taking first place. Jin: I want to look and do my best in front of the fans no matter what. It’s a lot more fun when our fans are there, right in front of us. I’m not thinking about anything else in another sense, when they’re there with us. For people who don’t perform like we do, when they have fun, they don’t think about much else, and just focus on what they’re doing. I think we’re the same way when our fans are around. I don’t have to think about anything else, because my fans are all right in front of me. I just have fun and forget about everything else.

Hopefully you’ll feel like everything is back to normal once you can see your fans again. Jin: At first I thought I’ll probably cry tears of joy. But would I? I don’t really think so. At first I really thought I would, but now I think it might feel like going back home. It depends on who you ask, but I don’t think most people would cry just because they came back to their hometown after being away. I think that’s how I’ll feel: like I’m back where I should be.

Talking to you, it seems like the sense of being loved by your fans must be important to you, emotionally. Jin: You’re right. Getting love from the fans was my source of happiness—what can I compare this to? Like a kid who’s always showered with love by their parents, but then the parents are suddenly gone on a business trip for like, ten months. It’s kind of like that. I was always trying to make our fans smile, make them feel good, by acting cute, but now my parents have been away on their business trip for, ten months, and I’m trying to be cute over a video call. That’s what it feels like. So please, wrap up your business trip as soon as possible, and hurry up and come home so I can show you how cute I am again! And, to COVID-19: Please get lost. (laughs)

Trans © Weverse

#bangtan #jin #weverse #weverse magazine #comeback interview #201126 #2020 #be album

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fyeah-bangtan7 · 4 years

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Jin: “It feels like my memories of ARMY were all a dream”

Why did you choose gems? Jin: Well … I have a sort of free, do-whatever-I-want personality, and at the time, I was really intrigued by gems, so that’s what I chose. This year, with the pandemic, I had more time to think about what I want and the things I want to do, and to try some new things, like playing piano, playing games, not playing games, meeting different people. But still, I can’t tell what I really like. I don��t think I ever thought much about myself, other than the work part. The best answer I found was doing whatever I’m interested in at the moment; is being the truest to myself. I’m more of a feeler than a thinker. Some might say I should have a plan for my future, but I don’t have any. (laughs) I thought that I really just do as I please.

#bangtan #jin #m:weverse magazine #o:interview #201126

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you-tiful · 4 years

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ENTIRE ENTERVIEW TO JINx WEVERSE MAGAZINE

Jin: “It feels like my memories of ARMY were all a dream”

BTS Be comeback interview

2020.11.26

You worked on the lyrics for “Stay.” Jin: The song opens with the words, “Was it a dream?” and I came up with the theme. We used to see our fans and it was great, but now that’s something we can’t do anymore. I thought it all felt like a dream. I wanted to say, “We used to be so happy together, but now I feel like your very existence was a dream.” I came up with the intro and then talked about it with RM. He really helped me a lot. I’m guessing you came up with the lyrics because of COVID-19. Jin: It was around two to three months ago that I wrote the lyrics for the song, when it seemed like COVID-19 wasn’t getting any better. I want to put on another concert, and, like I said, it feels like my memories of ARMY were all a dream: Ah, they always used to be there with us, and then they disappeared like a memory—was all that a dream? Will we ever meet again? Those kinds of thoughts. It sounds like you had a hard time getting used to this new situation. Jin: Yes. That used to be a part of our life for years, so it felt like a part of my life disappeared. When we had a busy schedule to deal with, sometimes I thought maybe it would be fun to have no job, but when that work was no longer there, no matter what I did, even if I poured myself into it, it all became meaningless very quickly. I felt insecure when I had nothing to do, since I’m so used to being busy, and feeling insecure made me think more about the things I like, and what I should do to make myself happier, besides work.

Would you say that’s been incorporated into your work on BE? Just from looking at the album photos, we can see each of you expressing your own thoughts through your room designs. Jin: Mine was the jewel room. They asked me what kind of concept I wanted for my room. I thought about what I wanted to do, and I wanted to go with gems. I was imagining myself lying down with gems all around me, but V, who was the visual director, thought I was joking at first. (laughs) “You were supposed to decorate the room, what do you mean gems?” But still, that’s the image I had in mind, so we went with that concept, except it wasn’t full of gems like I imagined. But I really stand out in the picture, so I’m satisfied with the result. Why did you choose gems? Jin: Well … I have a sort of free, do-whatever-I-want personality, and at the time, I was really intrigued by gems, so that’s what I chose. This year, with the pandemic, I had more time to think about what I want and the things I want to do, and to try some new things, like playing piano, playing games, not playing games, meeting different people. But still, I can’t tell what I really like. I don’t think I ever thought much about myself, other than the work part. The best answer I found was doing whatever I’m interested in at the moment; is being the truest to myself. I’m more of a feeler than a thinker. Some might say I should have a plan for my future, but I don’t have any. (laughs) I thought that I really just do as I please. So what does it mean to do as you please? Jin: Like I said, I’m someone who literally lives only in the present, so I tend to forget about the past, and I don’t stress over the future. I know I won’t forget important moments or times I spent with other people, but I’ve forgotten all the bad things that happened in the past and the hard times I had, and I’m really satisfied with my life now and happy to be working hard. How can anyone feel happy over and over again from something that happened in the past, no matter how good it was? You can be happier finding 10,000 won on the ground now than earning 100 times that in the past. I think I’m living true to my feelings by living in the now rather than thinking about the future or the past.

Even though you say you do whatever you’d like, aren’t there things you still need to be careful about, being a part of BTS? Jin: There are things that should be followed as a rule, such as not crossing on a red light, for example. Because if you do, there might be an accident. So those things, I set aside as things I shouldn’t do, so I never really thought of wanting to do them. That sounds more like self-discipline. (laughs) Jin: It’s the same as not crossing at a red light if you don’t want to get hurt. I can keep myself happy living in the present as long as I’m not doing anything I shouldn’t be doing. Some might feel a bit frustrated, but they might also be the kind of people who cross at a red light. (laughs) The song “Dis-ease” captures each of the BTS members’ thoughts on work. Is it especially difficult for you, in particular, to separate work from your personal life? Your life is influenced by your work. Jin: To me, work makes a lot of things happen in my life. Naturally there are times I feel stressed because of work, but the work I do makes me happy and has led to some spectacular experiences. Sometimes it’s interesting, other times it might be exhausting. I think I feel an entire spectrum of emotions thanks to my work. I lead my life the way I do because of my work, so to speak.

Just as you did, the other members also expressed on BE their feelings of what they’ve been through. Other than “Stay,” what other songs did you relate to? Jin: I didn’t really think about which songs I relate to, but I can tell you which song I like the most: “Blue & Grey,” by V. I liked that song from the very first time I listened to it, so I listened to the demo over and over again. What was the demo version like? Jin: When V first made it and gave it to me, it didn’t have the rap part yet. There were no lines for the rap but it sounded really unique. Only the instrumental was there for that part and it felt like it was time for thinking by myself. Of course, I like the full version with the rap, too, but still, I liked how there was space that made you think. It’s been a long time since I got that feeling from listening to one of the demos. The first one was “Spring Day,” and the second was “Blue & Grey.” It sounds like you found the song right when you needed some time to think. Jin: Yes. Before our debut, I had a clear goal: to debut. I chased after that one goal. After we debuted, I was chasing after a number one hit, and after we got number one I was chasing after major awards. And after that there were a lot of other awards, like from Billboard, and performances to put on, but it wasn’t a goal in the sense that it was my goal to debut. I’m just happy to be working. Every moment is wonderful and has become like my whole life. That wasn’t how I felt when I was a trainee because I had a serious goal then. But now, my goal is to live without overthinking anything. Maybe it’s not really a goal but a kind of defense mechanism.

A defense mechanism? Jin:

As you get thinking, you might somehow undermine yourself. So, as long as I don’t think too hard, I can work hard right now. Maybe that’s why I called it a defense mechanism: If I stop and think about it, I might have too many ways to put myself down.

But if you imagine someone else were to have accomplished the same things you have, wouldn’t they think they deserve to feel proud? Jin:

That’s true, but I’m also one of seven members of BTS. Thinking about what I’ve done as an individual feels like a burden to me. Up until we finished working on Map of the Soul: 7, I wasn’t burdened but felt, “Okay, we all did a good job. I’m happy with this.” But after getting “Dynamite” to the top of the Billboard Top 100 and starting down this new road, I started to wonder if I deserve any of this.

But you experienced a lot of big things before. What made you think that way this time? Jin:

I was waiting for the chart position to come out all day, and then right before bed, Namjoon sent a message to our group chat. That’s when I realized we were number one! I was really happy, but something felt different. Maybe it was because we couldn’t see our fans. After “Dynamite,” we got even more love from even more people, and even when I was walking down the street, people would say things like, “I’m a big fan of yours,” or, “Thank you for introducing Korea to the world.” Then I started to think, “Do I deserve all this congratulations and love? That’s not me—I’m not that kind of person.” I got over it a bit, but even until a few days ago, the pressure was so intense that I couldn’t get any work done.

How did you move away from all that pressure? Jin: I just moved on. Like with COVID-19, we all have to wait and stay put until everything gets better. And actually, after “Dynamite” made number one, we got really busy, so I was able to think less about other things and basically avoid them that way, all those questions about life. I think that’s how I endured. If you had had the fans there with you, maybe you would have felt less pressure or worry. Maybe it makes what you’re doing now seem incomplete compared to the past. Jin: We did so much and we worked so hard, but the result doesn’t hit you the same way, does it? The—excitement, maybe?—isn’t quite there. There’s a big difference between performing for people and performing for the camera. The performance itself is hard, too, of course. I have to keep at it for months once we start. But when we perform for people, I feel alive. Had you been able to perform “Dynamite” on stage for your fans, you probably would have felt more love and more confident taking first place. Jin: I want to look and do my best in front of the fans no matter what. It’s a lot more fun when our fans are there, right in front of us. I’m not thinking about anything else in another sense, when they’re there with us. For people who don’t perform like we do, when they have fun, they don’t think about much else, and just focus on what they’re doing. I think we’re the same way when our fans are around. I don’t have to think about anything else, because my fans are all right in front of me. I just have fun and forget about everything else. Hopefully you’ll feel like everything is back to normal once you can see your fans again. Jin: At first I thought I’ll probably cry tears of joy. But would I? I don’t really think so. At first I really thought I would, but now I think it might feel like going back home. It depends on who you ask, but I don’t think most people would cry just because they came back to their hometown after being away. I think that’s how I’ll feel: like I’m back where I should be.

@you-tiful

Looking for active mutuals on Twitter: (@Hoseok4Grammys)

#bts #bts updates #jin bts #jin #kim seokjin #bts news #bts enterview #jin wallpaper #kim seokin layaouts #kim seokjin enterview #life goes on #be album #be bts #bts be album #bangtan sonyeondan

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peachymess · 4 years

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Hey Peach! About the Armin sacrifice ask, you have to remember that Armin doesn't remember the events of sacrificing his life and dreams for Eren and the others to defeat Bertohld. So if he had to be told he ate Bertohld to survive injuries he didn't remeber enduring, how can he remember his sacrifice/ thought process? This isn't me fussing, just trying to give you a different pov and possibly Isyama's thought process. :) - an old mutual who's been silently watching ❤

Hi, old mutual! ❤️

That’s a good point. Though I would argue it’s not good enough to justify having Armin go through the same lesson twice. See, Armin is aware that he made the sacrifice (through being told). It’s not as though it didn’t happen. It did. And I’m sure he’s been made clear on the details so he’s understood what he did. He knows he chose to throw away something to change something. He knows he did the thing. But that’s only one side of the coin. The other is the audience. We saw him make the sacrifice. This is a construction made for our consumption.

Granted, in real life, people don��t learn and grow after every L or W taken. People make the same mistakes over and over and sometimes they never learn. Just like they can fail to see what earned them a win, thus failing to repeat it.

However, like I said, this is fiction. It needs to be a bit more polished. What I have an issue with isn’t so much realistic psychology as it is the writing here. From early on in the manga - almost since the start - Armin began dropping heavy forshadowing about this “big sacrifice”. He talked about the philosophy of becoming a monster to defeat monsters, being able to throw away things important to you in order to change the world, etc. He pointed to people who mastered it and kept asking himself what to throw away. Several times he even offered to give up his life prematurely (in the battle for Trost, for instance). But we as readers could tell that at those times, it was misguided. That he wasn’t ready. He wasn’t giving up his life in order to move mountains; he saw himself as a burden, disposable, in the way. He wanted to find a way to remove himself while also making it count for something. “The sooner I die, the sooner Mikasa has an excuse to take over my gas and blades, and the sooner she can save more people. Ergo, me dying saves lives. Ergo me being alive is an obstruction of the betterment of mankind as a whole.”

For the time being, he hadn’t overcome what was in the way, in order to learn the lesson he was set up for. The way it was being built up, we knew a big sacrifice was on the horizon, but he wasn’t ready to make it yet. His character development was focused around him realizing his worth first. Only then could he take action with a clear and strong mind.

When that moment finally came in 82, the arc was building up to it, the death flags were there. We saw him stronger, yet fumbling - like a flawed hero - to remain standing strong in the face of his biggest test. After all these arcs, all that he had foreshadowed, talked about, grown towards - plus his trust based relationship with Eren - it all culminated in Armin using his skills of intellect/manipulation/resolve and strength, to go through with this massive sacrifice that moved the mountains and gave humanity that impossible win.

... it seems incredibly awkward to then roll back that resolution, to nullify that development, to rehash that lesson when the climax of it had already happened. The theme of making that big sacrifice was already built up and it already culminated in a big plot point/story beat. Doing it a second time, without any more organic build up than to ride off the back of the old resolved foreshadowing/character development, feels... repetitive and stagnant. How many times does Armin have to sacrifice until he “gets it”, then? If the next sacrifice is, let’s say, sacrificing Eren - does he learn it then and not the first time? If so, that would render the first massive sacrifice without effect character development-wise. That’s a lot of story focus for very little payoff.

Or is the point that Armin has to just... keep throwing away everything that matters to him? If so, Isayama needs to start beginning to plant more explicit seeds that what Armin needs to learn is that “I was wrong about throwing away something to changne something; the truth is any advance needs a sacrifice and in order to keep advancing, one needs to keep shedding the things you care about.”

What I’m trying to say is that the memory thing is one way to explain what we’re seeing here, but it’s just not... strong enough, craftsmanship-wise. Not strong enough to be a good excuse for why we should strip the first sacrifice of the weight it should hold. It was built up over several arcs. He had to grow as a character to get to the point. He used his “would I ever lie to you” card on Eren, a first time breach of their trust bond - something that has its effect in the fact that it’s a first (no “second lie” is as hard hitting as the first one). All so that he could still not have fulfilled that looming “sacrifice”? Isayama now rehashing Armin’s old mantra of what to sacrifice fees so hollow. We already had the answer. He gave his life and singlehabdedly changed the course of the entire story. Such a complex manga and at one point, his sacrifice/death was the SINGLE one thing the story was focused on. For what? How could that not be the defining moment? How could he not grow from that? What lesson can possibly be better established and hard hitting enough to justify getting through to him more than 82? No second sacrifice will have the same weight. Especially not when it’s leaning on the buildup he already used for 82. Either this new sacrifice is the “true/final” outcome of the pre-82 build up (which makes that 82-climax empty and undermined) and he will struggle to top the fake climax of the return arc, OR he means to build a new sacrifice plot point without much justifiable buildup. Either way, he’d be so much better served by making Armin approach this from a changed perspective.

Now, I’m not saying one sacrifice is/should be enough to fix everything. And at this point, possibly giving up Eren is a very relevant topic to have to reflect on. But it would have been so much better if Armin could approach it from a changed/developed perspective. If he could pull a lesson from 82, to bring something new. He’d appear to have grown more as a character since those four (?) years ago, plus it wouldn’t feel like a rehash of something we’ve already seen. All in all, I’m just not a big fan of 82 not culminating in anything character-wise. Has he seriously not reflected on it or grown at all since back then, on this topic? I find that hard to believe. And I find it very dissatisfying as an Armin fan to see Isayama put focus back on this demand for Armin to sacrifice, as though what he already gave wasn’t heavy enough already. Because now that he’s put it out there, he’s got to go through with it. It’s the law of the Chekhovian gun; if you mention a gun hanging on the wall in the first act, it has to be fired within act three. If Isayama makes Armin harp on about making sacrifices at the start of the final arc, a sacrifice has to be made within the end of the story. And I don’t think that’s fair, nor good writing, because it’s already been done.

I’m coming from the POV of a concerned parent. I love Armin like a son, and I frankly just don’t want him to have to sacrifice anymore. But as a writer, I feel like I have genuine reason to justify my dismay. That being said, it is what it is and whatever happens, happens. I have no say in it. Maybe Isayama turns around and throws us a curveball in regards to this. It just doesn’t seem likely. And I think - and this is my own opinion, not fact - that Isayama more likely just feel like this is Armin’s trope/base note at this point, rather than doing the detailed analyze of “memory loss would get in the way of this lesson”. Even though that analysis is a valid, realistic take. I think you thought more thoroughly about this than he did, to be honest.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. We might be seeing things differently, but I love a good conversation and it felt good to get this off my chest. And at the end of the day, Armin doesn’t need the further development to feel real and well developed to me. I’d love to see him have a new take on the whole sacrifice business, but I’ll settle for seeing him survive and thrive at the end of this (Isayama, I’m looking at you). Let’s cross our fingers, friend ❤️ And thanks for checking in on me! I hope you’re good!

#Armin Arlert #snk 135

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go-go-devil · 4 years

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If You Have Ghosts: The Story of a Song

This is an informative/personal essay I wrote about the history of Roky Erickson’s well-beloved song, “If You Have Ghosts.” Honestly I should have written & posted this on the 1-year anniversary of his death back in May, but I completely forgot. This piece is mostly a study of Erickson’s original and the band Ghost’s famous cover of it, alongside some other things. I would also appreciate some feedback on this if you all don’t mind.

The information I used as a reference when describing the making of the original song comes entirely from Joe Nick Patoski’s writing on Roky Erickson’s career and the making of The Evil One (included as a booklet in recent vinyl additions of said album).

Throughout our lives there will be songs that capture us in ways that we cannot escape from. Oftentimes it’s as simple as an infectious melody that we refuse to discard from our memories, either due to it becoming attached to a pivotal part of our lives or because we cannot dislodge it no matter how hard we try. Other times it can be something that attracts us so much that we begin to covet it to the point of obsession, and it is through this attitude that the song transforms from merely a piece of music into a piece of ourselves.

“If You Have Ghosts” is one of these songs for me.

What can I say about this wonderful track that hasn’t already been said? It is fierce, yet subdued. It is both hard rocking joy incarnate and a solemn reflection of one’s self, and it says so much by saying so little. The reason for all of these seemingly contradictory phrases I’m using is because this song, unlike many others, is a shared entity that exists in multiple forms. Quite an odd way of stating that the song has been played by more than one band, but hopefully this essay will demonstrate how the meaning of the original piece can mutate into different forms while still keeping its essence intact.

There’s no better place to start than with the original, recorded in 1977 and released in 1981 by rock n’ roll legend Roky Erickson.

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Originally recorded as part of a four-song demo of what would later become his first solo record, The Evil One, “If You Have Ghosts” contains many of the themes Erickson presents in his music as a whole. Those of which being: horror-themed esoteric lyrics, high-energy playing, soaring guitar riffs, and a general sense of raw, psychedelic power.

In less than 15 seconds the song has already built itself up and blasted into your eardrums, but never does the melody ever resort to sounding like a wall of noise. Each instrument weaves its sound around each other like some tripped-out embroidery design in order to create a rich tapestry in the listener’s mind. The lyrics are as catchy and repetitive as any of Roky’s songs, yet for this one he sounds less like he’s singing but instead simply proclaiming each line like it’s a definitive statement.

“If you have ghosts, you have everything”

“One never does that”

“The moon to the left of me is a part of my thoughts and a part of me is me”

“In the night, I am real”

“I don’t want my fangs too long”

Barring a few other scattershot words present in the chorus, what you’ve read above is all that you get for what this piece is trying to say. Unlike most of the other songs from the album, whose lyrics clearly convey the story/theme presented, this one does not have a lucid form to it and thus its meaning can only truly be grasped through interpretation. Personally, I always saw it as a proud declaration of one’s deviance from society, with the rip-roaring instruments serving to show how this person’s mind finally feels free enough to run wild in the night, with only the moonlight and their own invisible spirits to guild them.

But of course, all forms of speculation can never undermine Roky’s own intent when crafting this song, which, unfortunately, is not nearly as liberating as my previous presumption…

“If You Have Ghosts” as we know it is a direct product of Erickson’s mental illness. There really is no way of sugarcoating it. After being diagnosed with schizophrenia in 68’, Roky was sent to various state hospitals in 69’, where he was subjected to multiple electroshock treatments by doctors alongside being heavily sedating with Thorazine. Even after he was discharged in ’72 he never fully recovered from the abusive “therapies” he was given, resulting in decades of battling intense mood swings and heavy drug reliance as well as making it difficult for him to record many of his songs in studio.

Roky was under one of these spells whist recording the vocals for this song. He was only able to sing the chorus once, and after recording was no longer able to remember any of the lyrics. Out of all the tracks, Producer Stu Cook had to put the most effort into inserting the vocals into this song using a complex progress called wild-syncing to place multiple takes of audio alongside the instruments without using synchronization. It’s honestly a miracle that we even have this song fully formed in the first place given the circumstances of its creation.

Despite all of the hardship and effort put into creating this piece, for a long while there didn’t seem to be as much appreciation for it compared to Erickson’s other work. Partially because it was not present on certain releases of the album back in the day as well as the fact that Roky seemed to rarely play it live in concert (even on YouTube, recordings of these performances are scarce). As much as I love this version of the song, even I’m willing to admit that if I were ever forced to rank each song on The Evil One, I would probably place it somewhere in the middle. What can I say? When you make an album that great, the competition can be fierce!

For many obscure classics, the story would end there. Yet another buried treasure forever existing in the mind of one musician. But that’s not what happened, for several decades later a new band from Sweden will emerge, different in form but identical in spirit to Roky’s sound, whose frontman will breathe new life into a once forgotten masterpiece…

…Or at least that’s what I would lead into were it not for the existence of this version.

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Interestingly, the first notable cover of “If You Have Ghosts” was not done by Ghost but instead by an English folk-rock group called John Wesley Harding & The Good Liars on the 1990 album Where the Pyramid Meets the Eye: A Tribute to Roky Erickson. This now-obscure album consisted of a compilation of various bands and artists covering the songs of, you guessed it, Roky Erickson. There was actually a great deal of artists present on this record, including several well-known musicians such as ZZ Top, R.E.M., and The Jesus and Mary Chain (and even Butthole Surfers too!).

I’ll be the first to admit that I am not at all familiar with John Wesley Harding or his backing band; however, I will say that this piece is a worthy follow-up to the original in it’s own right. It slows down the song to a level not unlike the many psychedelic songs that followed in 13th Floor Elevator’s wake, keeping the main melody in tack while filling in the gaps with many little flourishes as a means of expanding it into something new. I’m especially fond of the echoing effect given to the vocals, which gives the already obscure nature of the lyrics a more outwardly ethereal quality.

Anyway, on to what you’ve been waiting for!

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After enduring another two decades of invisibility from the public eye, the song was once again exhumed and resurrected by an emerging metal band named Ghost for their 2013 EP If You Have Ghost. Considering Roky Erickson’s wide array of demon-inspired songs, it’s interesting how Linköping’s residential Satanic metal group chose this piece as opposed to more well-beloved hits like “Night Of The Vampire” or “Stand For The Fire Demon,” many of which work perfectly with the band’s themes of evoking retro horror films and devil worship. It almost seems like they just chose “If You Have Ghosts” solely on the basis of it having the word “Ghost” in it. However, just one listen to this cover will quickly prove otherwise.

Right off the bat, the instruments and vocals are a far cry from the original. Unlike the previous J.W.H. cover that made sure to keep the main melody in tack while adding onto it, Ghost instead chose the more daring option of altering the melody and tempo of the piece significantly. From the ominous drawing of violin and cello strings in the opening seconds to the melancholic metal sound of the guitars throughout (with the rhythm guitar being played by none other than Dave Grohl, who also produced the EP), this version slows the once fast-pace beat of the song down until it becomes almost unrecognizable save for the lyrics. Even Tobias Forge’s singing creates significant contrast with the original; his silky smooth, haunting baritone guiding a melody once held by Roky’s hard-edged yells.

And yet… the spirit still remains.

Although the sound itself has been thoroughly converted to the stylings of Ghost, they still managed to keep the fierce energy that ran through the veins of Erickson’s version, albeit with a twist.

Both songs convey a contemplative examination of one’s mind, with instrumentals and singing that amplify the power one feels from this reflection. However, Ghost’s version differs in that it amplifies the sense of isolation and longing present in the lyrics. The music notably softens at the beginning of many of the verses, particularly lines like “One never does that” or “I don’t want my fangs too long,” only to grow in power through the repetition of each line. It conveys the feeling of the singer having to grapple with these feelings before they can fully accept them.

Nowhere is this more apparent than the band’s acoustic cover of the song.

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At this point, the piece has been stripped down to an entirely naked form, its themes conveyed only through the guitars of two nameless ghouls alongside Forge’s vocals (presented here in his previous stage persona, Papa Emeritus III). There is no triumphant shouting or swelling electric guitar solos here anymore, just a somber reflection gently carried by melodic strumming and mournful singing. Despite now being as far from a rockin’ tune as humanly possible, it actually manages to come closest in recapturing the sense of rawness in the original, albeit on the exact opposite scale.

I remember watching a recorded acoustic performance in Paris back in 2015 where Papa introduced “If You Have Ghosts” as being a song about “loneliness,” which is an interpretation I can definitely agree with. In fact, I would even say that with this acoustic cover brings the entire meaning of the song full-circle. Through its peeled-back, unflinching depiction of being enclosed in darkness and isolation, it serves as a perfect end-note for a song that began from such troubled origins by telling the listener that, despite all the hardships, this beautiful piece of music will never lose its everlasting spirit.

Thanks for giving us everything, Roky.

#rip roky erickson #we're gonna miss you baby #I hope you all enjoyed this analysis #this took me a week to write!#if you have ghosts #roky erickson #john wesley harding & the good liars #the band ghost #the evil one #if you have ghost #where the pyramid meets the eye #my writing #music analysis

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hamliet · 5 years

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2Ha (up to 120)

Or, Hamliet’s review of the most blatantly ‘problematic’ novel she’s ever read, which has beautiful writing and themes, and an intriguing plot that she apparently wrote a Jin Guangyao AU of without realizing it last year. Whoops.

This is my fifth Chinese web novel, btw, after reading MXTX’s three novels (all of which I think are thematically rich and top-quality writing and character development-wise) and Female General and Eldest Princess (which has great main characters but shoddy writing). To a degree a lot of this might be due to the translation, but 2Ha is absolutely beautifully written in its dialogue, metaphors, and descriptions.

The story revolves around the redemption of an evil emperor--Mo Ran--who commits suicide in the very first chapter, only to wake up as his fifteen year old self with a chance to redo everything... but he actually doesn’t (at first) have all that many regrets or think he needs redemption, so there’s that. Thematically, it seems to mostly be coherent so far, but it’s hard to say with only 120/300 chapters read, and I’ll discuss the ‘mostly’ below.

The main character, Mo Ran, is basically what would happen if you combined Xue Yang with Jin Guangyao and Wei Wuxian in a blender, but then strained out the decency Jin Guangyao and Wei Wuxian in particular clung to. If Jin Guangyao and Wei Wuxian are, archtypally, akin to the Kylo Ren/Loki archetype, then Mo Ran is Darth Vader or Thanos.

What I appreciate about this is that the novel doesn’t make Mo Ran sympathetic because it doesn’t have to: we empathize with him because he is framed honestly. There is not an attempt to manipulate sympathy, but there is an honest portrayal of complexity without whitewashing, and that is a wise choice on behalf of the author. He’s a straight up bad dude who sucks rather than a sympathetic person who clearly wants to be good but through a combination of circumstances and personal terrible choices, is not. Or so it appears at first until Mo Ran eventually realizes/remembers that he did want to be good after all, once... and it’s directly stated as much. Yet those desires have been beaten out of him, and often he’s the one who did the beating on his own soul.

Basically, the novel seems to be asking whether it is possible for even someone that cruel, that evil, to be redeemed. And the answer thus far (up till 120) seems to be that yes, he can be, but in a complex sense.

Of course, there are all manner of... elements that make it a novel I absolutely encourage caution towards before engaging. The translators are great with warnings, and I had to skim some parts. There is violence, but to be honest it’s less violent than TGCF, as someone said to me before I read and which, thus far, is a sentiment I’d agree with. My main issues is its portrayal of sexual assault, which I honestly think it’s unnecessarily graphic and eroticized at parts. That said, the story does frame it fairly responsibly (as something reprehensible, but the eroticization of some brief flashbacks contradicts this and so undermines the overall framing). Rather like Scum Villain, it also seems to be aware of the unhealthy dynamics in the ship (particularly the initial age gap) and so layers it with contradictions (he’s actually lived to 32, so he isn’t fifteen; Chu Wanning is then de-aged too, nothing happens until they’re older anyways). The layering works in multiple ways, because the novel seems to, at its core, be about exploring the very limits of love, redemption, etc., in each and every crevice of possibility.

On a personal level, the chapter where Mo Ran is awaiting judgement to get into hell and the memories of all the people he has tortured and killed start calling out his sins, and then we flashback to Chu Wanning asking Mo Ran not to forgive him, not to forgive others, but simply to forgive himself after Chu Wanning subjected himself to Mo Ran’s worst impulses, and it’s this memory, this phrase, that stops the sentence before its even written, that quiets those voices... I found it deeply meaningful, and that was perhaps my favorite chapter. It encourages empathy and enduring suffering with each other, suggesting that an honest understanding and love saves us. There’s a theological aspect to it that resonated with me as well (and, as a side note, I’m curious to read the entire thing before charting it out, but there seems to be a very clear alchemical influence as well).

However, I earlier mentioned the slight eroticization that seems to make murky the overall framing. There’s also one recent plot twist that seemed to damage the themes. I really, really didn't like how Rong Jiu's story ended even if it's ambiguous. It essentially is, as the author even directly said in her author's notes, just that Rong Jiu wasn't lucky enough to find someone who wouldn't give up on him. After Rong Jiu spent so much time pointing out the disparities in fairness to Mo Ran (why do you get a second chance while I don’t?), to have his story presumably end with "f*ck you got mine" really does not work. At least in MDZS, while Jin Guangyao isn't saved and Wei Wuxian is, Wei Wuxian empathizes and points out that it's because of a rotten society in the end, rather than just "sucks to be you." I really hope this ends up being wrong and she didn't actually continue to leave his fate up in the air as she stated she planned to do in the author's note, because if she did, that's depressingly contradictory to the story’s themes. It’s one thing if Mo Ran will later go back and save Rong Jiu, which is where I hope it’s going; it’s entirely different if this really is the ending for him, and would keep the novel from thematically approaching MXTX’s level.

So yeah. I am eager to see where the novel goes, although the translations are on hiatus (hats off to the translators for their beautiful work!) and I’m wavering on how desperate I am as to whether to try the MTA translations or not...

A theory that very well may be wrong: I suspect the mysterious black-veiled water user is actually Shi Mei, mostly because Shi Mei is likable yet missing serious flaws, unlike every other major character, which makes me suspicious. He also had that very weird line during the Lake Arc when Mo Ran was captured, and water is associated with healing, which Shi Mei is also associated with. Oh, and Water Mystery seems very interested in Mo Ran loving Shi Mei and protecting his life. So if he isn’t Shi Mei, he’s someone connected to him.

For now? 8/10, but with serious warnings for those who might seek to read it.

#2ha #hamliet reviews #the husky and his white cat shizun #mo ran #chu wanning #rong jiu

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nicemom93 · 5 years

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In The Wreckage

Eight days. It’s been eight days since the horror of Season 4 dropped on us unexpectedly, messing up all of our plans to watch together, with personalized marshmallows (thanks, @jjmazzy) and Veronica-themed food. And while we all knew that we were going to lose someone, I don’t think anyone was ready for what we got, or how poorly it would be done.

What I also never expected was a season that made me:

1. Wish that we’d never clamored for more Veronica Mars after MKAT;

2. Wonder if I could actually still enjoy old VM canon, since what S4 did to Veronica and her story was so awful.

I came across a Hulu forum (again, thanks, @jjmazzy ) and wrote more than I’ve been able to write in the last 8 days, explaining my unhappiness and my hope that Rob Thomas is not allowed to bring any more Veronica Mars canon to life, but it may have been too long and the damn thing won’t post. So, I’m sharing here, under the cut, to at least get this off my chest.

Although it is inevitable that this show would have ended for good in 2007 without the steadfast support of its fans, I respect that a showrunner gets to run his show. He doesn’t have to cater to what has become disparagingly termed ‘fan service’. There are a couple of problems with that in the case of the Veronica Mars revival however.

After the unprecedented fan response to bringing Veronica and company back for a movie, the fandom continued to keep the attention on the desire for more canon content. Rob Thomas and Kristen Bell did an admirable job continuing to mention their own wishes just often enough to keep the fans’ interest piqued. Then, last summer, a month before the formal revival announcement, the teasing began…we’re close, so close, so very close…and the fandom responded as expected, shouting our desire for more VM content from every forum available. I cannot believe that this deliberate tease and the fandom response did not help make the deal with Hulu. “Look at our built-in audience! This is a sure-fire money-maker.” For the next 11 months, we were then spoon fed the pieces and parts of the story that anyone with a brain would know was going to keep the interest high. Kristen Bell even finally declared herself ‘Team Logan’ after years of frustratingly stating that do-nothing Piz was better for her beloved character than the boyfriend who always had her back and knew exactly what she needed. What a great day that was – seeing her finally admit what the rest of us have thought all along. We should have known it was a scam to keep us on the hook, but, boy, did it work. Hulu has probably never gotten as much free advertising from a fandom as it did for Veronica Mars.

But the show we got in S4, and what is being proposed for S5, are not what we were sold. In S4, Veronica became a shell of who she has been in the past. That might be understandable given all of the trauma in her life, but when last we saw her, she was working toward understanding what she wanted out of her life and was learning to make better choices. What in the world happened to her between the end of MKAT and S4? Nothing is mentioned, but for a character to have such a significant change in outlook and behavior between chapters of a story, there really should have been some explanation. There is no question that Veronica's always been...troubled and kinda difficult, but that was earned by the circumstances of her life, and the people who cared about her still managed to ground her to a certain extent, no matter how hard she was on them.

In S4, she's hateful to everyone who has loved her, except for her dad, who she mostly ignores. Her disdain over Wallace's life choices was hard to stomach. Her treatment of Weevil was so self-righteous and horrible that I truly hated her in that last interaction...you know, the one before he saved her ass in spite of how awful she was. And her treatment of Logan was appalling. She spent most of the original series looking down on teenaged Logan because he wasn't as focused and driven and put together as she thought he should be (newsflash - she wasn't all that either), but here she's looking down on him because he’s gotten too focused, driven, and put together. I get why she had trouble with the fact that she's still a mess and he's not any longer, but the way she taunted and undermined him did not make her a character I would like to see again. Now, a Veronica who understands her own dynamic, and is trying to improve herself, that would be interesting, but there is nothing in how S4 concluded that would cause her to make this change. She now has a reason to be a shell of her former self, with no hope for anything good to ever come from her life.

Since S4 aired, we’ve heard from Rob Thomas and Kristen Bell telling us this was the only way to keep the show going. They’ve even had poor Jason Dohring out trying to sell that message, in spite of the completely disrespectful way he was treated after helping keep fan interest in this show over the long term. Not just because of the abs, although that’s the typical argument from those who want to see a fifth season of Veronica beaten down once again. No, it’s because Logan Echolls has had the best arc of character development on this entire show, and on most other television shows as well. It is difficult to fathom why no one wanted to continue to take advantage of that.

However, this showrunner doesn’t think a married woman detective can be interesting. Rob Thomas has stated in interviews that he thinks Logan and Veronica in a perfect relationship would be boring. Umm, have you watched your own show, sir? That marriage is never going to be perfect. Watching them negotiate their new dynamic would be interesting to watch, but apparently not interesting, or maybe it's just not possible, for Mr. Thomas to write. He’s also stated that he needed Veronica to be the underdog again—that’s where she is best. I don’t disagree, but I’m not sure how more trauma piled on her translates to underdog. She’s always going to be the underdog because she takes up for the underdog. At least she used to. Her relationship status doesn’t change that.

Mr. Thomas’s consistent message following the show’s drop has been that he wants this to be a pure mystery show, and take out the teenage soap element. He could have done that easily by not regressing Veronica back to the maturity level of a teenager. That was the only obvious aspect of teen soap that I saw in S4 and he chose to wrote her like that. He also chose to throw in the completely unnecessary love triangle tease, a ridiculous soapy twist for a character who has never been a cheater, at a fundamental core level because of what she has seen, and who has been in a reasonably stable and loving relationship for five years. We’re also told that the horrific trauma she endures at the close of the finale is what will finally get her to heal. There is no valid writing that would make that true. Over the last fifteen years, Rob Thomas has piled trauma after trauma on this character, and none of them have caused her to heal. Here, in spite of her fears, she again chooses a life with the love of her life, establishing that she does still have some hope for a better life, even when she knows so much can go wrong, and she is rewarded for this growth by being dealt the worst blow possible. What about that set-up sounds like a reason to finally choose to heal?

Our final sight of Veronica is of her again running away from what’s left of her life, including any type of support system. Mr. Thomas indicates he sees the future of this show only as Veronica traveling and solving mysteries on her own on the road. He wants a pure mystery show, although he admits, very accurately, that he doesn't do mystery that well. He also accurately assesses that humor/banter is where he excels, but where in the story of a lonely, bitter widow with no one in her life are we to find that humor? V's repartee with Keith and Logan especially are where that is easiest to find, and Logan’s dead and Keith will maybe be on the other end of a phone call. Why would we wish this dark and hopeless world on a character that we’ve loved for years in spite of her flaws (and her creator’s). As a longtime, very immersed fan, I wish I could travel back in time and let the fandom know what it’s like at the end of this time stream. If I believe in Marvel Time Travel, that still leaves us in a shattered world that we unwittingly asked for, but maybe I could at least save other versions of me and my fandom friends from the heartbreak of a Veronica Mars revival. Canon ended just fine with MKAT. I can only hope that the Hulu Powers That Be don’t continue to allow Mr. Thomas to continue to inflict his vision of more trauma porn on Veronica Mars.

#veronica mars #season 4 spoilers

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