#while Hunk does some batshit insane thing behind their backs

[empty-blog-for-lurking]

Me lovingly holding Hunk's face: Babyboy i am going to give you so many traits and flaws you couldnt even dream of. I'll carve out your personality and character like she(canon) never could

[ecotone99]

[FN] Cats are assholes

"Finally done with my finals week..." Alex said, as we finished yet another barrage of exams while attending a school in the big city. I came from the cornfields myself, so moving here was quite a lot to take in. Go figure, there's more things to do here than hang out at Wally World. I loved the excitement and rush of the big city, leaving behind my beloved cornfield strewn rust built town. I was still pretty naive looking back on it, as I had a pretty sheltered upbringing. But I found a circle of like minded quirky friends and we loved to get into shenanigans together.

"So what are you gonna do over break?" I asked. Alex juggled a lot of work and school hoping to become a scientist himself. Definitely not a superstitious type. "Hopefully I'll get a full night's sleep for once...." he retorted. Rohit met us shortly at lunch. He was a well to do and extremely smart fellow. We talked about our plans and quickly found out we really had nothing much going on. The college town usually cleared out over break. That small town boredom was all too familiar and reared its head.

We decided to explore the city a bit and soon found an old abandoned house. It was owned by a man called Eldin Snape, an elderly shut in who suddenly disappeared. With no heirs to claim his estate, the house fell into neglect. The windows were boarded up and it looked in disrepair. "I hear nobody has been in there for over 30 years...." Alex said. "Hah, I bet there's probably some ancient demonic book or something in there." Rohit said jokingly. The house was entirely abandoned, and against my gut instinct to not do something stupid, we soon hopped the fence and stumbled in to see what we could find.

We soon encountered an arsenal of bookshelves strewn with books. So I started pulling books off the shelves....."Potion Making 101"..."The Beginners Guide to Growing Poison Apples"... "12 Steps to becoming a Mind Reader".....As you might imagine I was surprised to find such peculiar books here.

"What a weirdo, why does he have all of these ridiculous books?" Alex said. "I guess when you're an old shut in, books become your best friend" Rohit retorted. Something was off about these books though.... they looked to be extremely old, hundreds of years old even. The pages were tattered and every book we opened just plumed with that unmistakable old book smell.

We soon found an empty leather chair, and there was an open book sitting on it. "Invisibility and Transformation Spells for the Budding Magician." Of course a giant lightbulb went off in my head....but there was no way....I bet somebody else came here before and left that behind as a joke. "I found this book on invisibility, I bet Eldin is invisible now and sneaking into the theaters as we speak." I started reading through it and the entire book was written in Latin.... totally incomprehensible. But it had a bunch of pictures of different animals in it, even fictional ones like gryphons and dragons.

"Oh my god!" Rohit shrieked from the next room. We walked over and soon found that one of the bookshelves had turned into solid gold. A book lay on the floor..." The Midas Touch." Shocked, I started wondering if those gummy bears my girlfriend gave me had acid in them. Alex soon walked over and had a look of shock and horror plastered on his face, then I knew this was the real deal.

"What did you do?!" Alex roared. "I picked it up this book and...... he paused and soon grew an aura of maliciousness around him. He was the only one of us who knew Latin, being the well-read fellow he is. "These books turn people into gods...and there can only be one god....lest the world be thrown into a divine war....." Consumed by insanity, he lunged and touched alex. He quickly materialized into a solid gold statue, frozen in a state of horror and awe. He then looked at me with the same terrifying look. Immediately, I started sprinting towards the door. I don't know what instinct kicked up inside me, but I managed to snag the book the old man left behind before making it out. I outran him and soon made it home with the book safely in tow.

Terrified and trying to gather my thoughts, I knew two things. My former friend had totally lost his mind, and if I didn't stop him, the world would most certainly end. As I sat in the porch trying to glean any comprehension of the book, a black cat walked before me. "Great, is this the bad omen that's supposed to tell me I'm screwed?" I said aloud. "Quite the opposite..." the cat said back."My name is Eldin, and your genius friend didn't read the part where the power of the Midas Touch comes with the price of insanity." I knew Rohit well, and I knew he would never do something like that on his volition.

"The magical ward I placed over that building wore out, and I was just on my way to re-cast it when I saw you running away." The cat said. "That house is filled with books of tremendous power, and ideally those books won't slip into the wrong midas-touchy hands..." Still reeling from shock, I mumbled out, " So what can we do now?!"

"We kill him, that's what. Don't worry about a thing." the cat said. "Isn't there any other way we can reverse the effects?" I asked, wanting desperately to save my friend from insanity. "There is, but doing so requires placing your hand on his chest and reciting an enchantment. You get too close to him, and you're dead. Killing him is the only way." I immediately came up with an idea and showed him the book I took. "This book allows you to turn invisible right? What if I sneak up to him and say the magic anti-batshit insane words?"

"That could work, but doing so takes a few moments. He can still hear your voice and feel your touch, and if he reaches out and touches, you'll become a trophy just like your friend." I knew doing this would be a huge gamble, but if I didn't try, this mage was going to assassinate my friend. "Why don't I try... and if I fail and get turned into a hunk of gold you can undo it......right?"

The cat gave a long pause before answering. "No I cannot. Anything turned to gold through the Midas touch cannot be undone. Haven't you read the myth?" I cared deeply my friend and knew he had an extensive family that loved him. Hesitantly, I said, "That's a risk I'm going to have to take. If I don't make it out, melt down my body and sell the gold. Give half the money to his family and half to mine." The cat sighed. "I don't have time for this...." and walked away.

I read through the book until I found the section until I found a picture of a man turning invisible. Using my trusty friend Google Translate, I was able to read it and recite the enchantment, and soon my body faded away with my consciousness still present. I solemnly walked back to house, and saw my friend hunched over a brewing cauldron with open books strewn everywhere.

I snuck up to him and ever so slightly touched his chest as he sit over his cauldron and began whispering the words. As luck would have, the rotting floor gave way and my foot fell through the floor halfway through the enchantment. Panicked, I started speedily reciting the enchantment hoping to finish it before he figured out what was going on. His arms emitted a strange glow and he flailed them in a panic, hitting me on the shoulder. I felt my feet slowly go numb, but I managed to finish the recitement in time. Rohit passed out before me, and I lay on the floor slowly becoming a gold statue.

The cat walked up to me as the gold had crawled up my body and reached my chest. "Idiot...." He booped me with his paw and immediately my body returned to normal. He walked up to Alex and did the same. I stood up filled with rage. "You told me the spell was irreversible!!!"

"Eh, killing him would have been easier." the cat said. "Now, get out of my house."

Cats are assholes.

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