#which. three hurrays for that heck yeah

[ethanlivemere]

Nobody asked, but here’s my opinion on the CATS-trailer

So it’s been about three months since the CATS-trailer came out and somehow I thought NOW would be a good time to express my opinion on it. It’s quite controversial, but have you ever wanted to hear what a long-time hardcore CATS-fan who has been wanting a CATS-movie for years thinks about it? Probably not, but I went and made this very long post anyway.

1)      Cast

Can’t spell ‘cats’ without ‘cast’ and there’s some big names in the list of actors they’ve released. Some are excellent choices, some are more… questionable.

Ian McKellen as Gus: Now this is something that makes me profoundly happy. Sir McKellen honestly seems perfect for the role, I mean, he practically IS Gus the Theatre Cat (maybe a little younger, and less feline). Great choice, looking forward to it. Judi Dench as Old Deuteronomy: Now here’s one of the more questionable ones. I love dame Dench, that isn’t the problem; it’s just that Old D is supposed to be a large, old, deep-voiced male cat, and dame Dench only fits one of those characteristics. Of course, they could very well change Old Deuteronomy to be the matriarch of the tribe rather than the patriarch, and that would probably be fine. I’m more worried about whether Old D’s singing parts (like The Ad-dressing of Cats) would work as well with a higher, female voice. And of course, they would have to do tweaks to the song Old Deuteronomy itself, and ‘Old Deuteronomy’s buried nine husbands’ doesn’t sound that great. Idris Elba as Macavity: Here’s one that I’m very interested in. I think they might give Macavity a larger role in the film, which is a big ‘heck yeah’ for me, and Elba seems like he could portray the Napoleon of Crime like the menacing figure it’s supposed to be very well. I look forward to both the portrayal, and what the writers do with him. Jennifer Hudson as Grizabella: There’s an old saying that goes: “a CATS-performance is only as good as its Grizabella”. Will this one be any good? I don’t know, we’ll have to see. The bits of Memory we have heard so far sound decent, although nothing will ever top Elaine Paige for me (as you will notice further in this post, I’m a bit of a ‘1998 video version’-purist) It should be noted that her design doesn’t look a whole lot like Grizabella, but that’s a different category. As long as she can deliver a Memory that almost makes me cry, then it’s fine. James Corden as Bustopher Jones: I know a lot of people hate Corden, but I personally don’t mind him. He’s okay in my opinion (I have never seen his late night show, so that might be the reason). Whether he’ll be able to pull of BJ’s almost opera-like singing is something we’ll have to wait and see, because I very much doubt he did the singing in One Chance himself. Taylor Swift as Bombalurina: I have no idea how this will turn out. She can certainly sing (something we can’t say for sure about a lot of other cast members) but I have no idea if she’ll make a good Bomba. Rebel Wilson as Jennyanydots: I’ll go ahead and say it: I wasn’t too fond of the Jennyanydots bits in the trailer. They were a bit too slapstick-y for my likes, and Rebel Wilson isn’t exactly known for subtle humor. Once again, we’ll see how it turns out. Jason Derulo as Rum Tum Tugger: Recent CATS-productions have been changing the classic RTT we know and love to some sort of rapper abomination, and many fans (including myself, as you may notice by that wording) don’t like it. It’s unclear which version the movie will be going for: Derulo certainly resembles the rapper version more, but what we saw in the trailer looks like neither, though slightly leaning towards the classic version. Let’s hope we don’t have to hear RTT rap his own song. Ray Winstone as Growltiger: Look, I have never seen or heard of Ray Winstone, but just seeing Growltiger on the cast list fills me with profound happiness, because that’s the one big complaint I have about my beloved 1998 video version: no Growltiger. Hurray for Growltiger’s return!

That’s the main ones I wanted to discuss. Munkustrap seems unimportant in the trailer (we’ll get to that in a bit) so I won’t discuss him. Victoria mainly just has to be a good dancer, and Francesca Hayward seems to be just that, so no further comment (though more on Victoria later).

2)      Character design

Alright, let’s address the elephant in the room: the CGI. Yes, some of the characters make me very uncomfortable. Yes, I hope they change some things before the final product. But what I want to discuss is the designs themselves.

First of all: head shapes. Apart from some exceptions (Grizabella, Old D, Gus) all cats seem to have a human shape of head, and this bothers me. Usually, Cassandra stands out by her head shape, and so do Cori and Tanto, but here they all have that shape. Usually, RTT has a very wide head to go with his mane, but here? This is my biggest problem with RTT in this trailer (ignoring the threat of rapper-Tugger): the combination of his thin head, kind of small mane and completely different colors make him barely recognizable as Tugger. Many cats look very different: Old D, even ignoring the fact that it’s a woman now, has completely different colors. The same goes for Bombalurina. Maybe this is the ‘don’t you dare change anything’-fanboy side of me talking, but in cases where fur color is the only way to recognize a character, this is a big deal. Macavity also looks completely different, although cool. The hat looks be a bit weird on him though. Also Mistoffelees has black patches on his eyes, not sure how I feel about that.

Overall, the awkward CGI and many changes make character design one of the things I’m less happy about, but oh well.

3)      Sets & backgrounds

I think the backgrounds look gorgeous, although some are very obviously CGI (here we are at the CGI again). But there’s one problem: CATS takes place on a junkyard. I know, obviously they would want to expand a little in the film and include more different settings, and I completely agree: I would’ve been disappointed if they hadn’t. The problem is that I haven’t seen a single junkyard in the trailer. We see streets, a theater, a fancy house, a square, a graveyard, a bar… but no junkyard. Some shots may look like they’re on a junkyard, but trust me: they’re either in the theater, graveyard, or the alley at the back of Bustopher’s favorite club. Again, this is basically me going ‘they changed something reeee’, but come on. It’s like if the Les Mis movie was set in Italy. Tom Hooper, do me a favor and include at least ONE scene on a junkyard.

4)      Story

The musical is, much like Les Mis, 100% singing and talking with music accompaniment, and 0% regular dialogue. From the line said by Victoria at the end of the trailer, we know that they won’t do like Les Mis and completely sing the movie, and I’m perfectly fine with that. CATS’ story has always been a bit unclear for a casual patron who doesn’t know the lyrics and deep lore of the musical, so I’m glad they’re putting in some regular dialogue. If anything, it’ll give us a chance to see the Jellicles’ personalities better.

But speaking of Victoria: it seems like she and Mistoffelees will be the main characters in the movie. This is odd, but understandable. CATS doesn’t have a clear main character. You could say it’s Grizabella, but she’s only in a couple of scenes. You could say it’s Munkustrap, although he is regarded more as the narrator than the main character. However, the trailer has a disappointingly small amount of Munk, and his name is very low on the IMDB cast list. The same goes for Skimbleshanks, who I’m not sure if he’s in trailer at all (unless he’s the cat with the pants) and is even lower on the list than Munkustrap, plus there are no trains or train stations in the trailer. Odd.

Anyway, back to Misto and Vic. Normally, Victoria’s only role is performing a couple of amazing ballet routines, but that doesn’t seem to be case here. I personally would’ve picked Jemima over Victoria as a main character, but I guess her design isn’t as easily recognizable as Victoria’s (have I mentioned how many of the cats look pretty much the same in this version?)

Someone who also seems to have a much larger role is Bustopher. Normally he only appears during his own song, but here he seems to be a more general presence. We’ll see how that works out.

Anyway, if Munkustrap is reduced to just being the cat who sings about the Old Gumbie Cat and maybe Old Deuteronomy, I’ll be mad. (AND THEY BETTER NOT REMOVE HIS FIGHT OVER DEMETER WITH MACAVITY OR I’LL BE VERY MAD) Speaking of Demeter, she’s also very absent in the trailer and low on the cast list. Guess they made Bombalurina more prominent because they got a big name to play her.

5)      Background characters (specifically Tumblebrutus)

As I said in the previous bit, it looks like many characters will be reduced to minor characters, so cats who already were background characters in the musical (like my boy Tumblebrutus) will probably have very little time to shine. I guess that’s inevitable, but I hope they at least make an effort to include the various background characters rather than replace them with generic OC’s. Luckily, I already recognized Pouncival in the background of one of the shots, so there’s hope. But if they don’t include my boy, my all-time favorite Jellicle, the best character in CATS, known as Tumblebrutus, then I’ll be even more mad than if they remove the Munk vs. Mac fight. He’s not on the IMDB list (unless he’s one of the ‘ensemble’ characters) but neither is Pounce and I definitely saw him so fingers crossed I can spot Tumbles when I watch this movie.

Conclusion

Am I excited for this movie? Heck yeah! Am I scared this movie might turn out shit? Heck yeah! There’s really no telling how good this will be (a lot depends on whether the final product has better CGI cats), but I think my viewing experience will be a mix of “Oh my god I’ve been waiting so long for a CATS movie oh look I recognize that character this is awesome oh here comes my favorite song I literally know this entire 2 hour musical by heart” and “Oh my god what is this RTT design where is Tumblebrutus why is there no junkyard why did they slightly alter this one lyric why isn’t this EXACTLY like the 1998 video version I love so much when I get home I’m just gonna watch that version again it’s much better anyway”.

Yours sincerely,

Ethan Livemere, certified CATS-expert and Tumblebrutus fanboy

[thedeaditeslayer]

My worst moment: Bruce Campbell and unmanageable costumes — 'no one ever talks about the pinches, the scrapes, the chafing'.

Here’s an article where Bruce Campbell shares an interesting story from on the set of Army of Darkness. 

According to Bruce Campbell, who hosts the latest version of “Ripley’s Believe It or Not!” on the Travel Channel, there is a decent percentage of risk-takers featured on the show. “Probably 20% of our stories are daredevil-ish and that’s always fascinating,” he said. “Who does that? Who are these people? Who’s crazy enough to launch themselves on a motorcycle doing flips? Or smash things with your head or pull things with your hair? How did that all come to be?”

Campbell’s role is mostly to provide voiceover, which means he has yet to meet the individuals spotlighted. “But I hope to because I do a lot of conventions and I tour and man, nothing would be better than to get some of these folks doing a live demonstration at one of these conventions. There are astonishing skills here.”

Does Campbell have any notable skills?

“Oh, amazing skills. I can read a teleprompter like nobody’s business. I do have one skill I developed: It’s a diagonal banana slice. If you just slice your banana — bing, bang, bing — the little slices that land in your bowl, 42% of them are going to stick together because they’re all the same shape and angle. So I do an alternating angular slice. You cut diagonal, spin the banana, cut on the opposite diagonal. And now these diagonal chunks are falling in and when they hit each other, they are bouncing off each other there’s no way they’re going to stick together. You’re welcome.”

He was quick to point out the skills highlighted on the show are “things that you and I could not do. When you see what these folks have gone through in their lives and what they’ve overcome, talk about their worst moment! A lot of people in these episodes have had moments that changed their lives and this is what they did to overcome it or deal with it. It’s surprisingly uplifting.”

When asked about his own worst moment in a career that has spanned many incarnations of the “Evil Dead” franchise as well the USA series “Burn Notice” (and much, much more, detailed in his memoir “If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor" and its sequel "Hail to the Chin: Further Confessions of a B Movie Actor"), Campbell recalled a story about a costume that got in the way of a certain bodily function.

My worst moment …

“I was shooting ‘Army of Darkness’ (from 1992), which was the third ‘Evil Dead’ movie and it was our version of ‘The Vikings’ — when we were kids, (director) Sam Raimi and me and some of the other guys, we liked ‘The Vikings,’ which is this Kirk Douglas movie (from 1958) where it was like, attacking castles and burning oil and stuff like that. We were all at our physical and mental best and we had enough of a budget that we could make this big epic.

“In the movie, I play two characters: Good Ash, who is the main character, and also his rival, Bad Ash, who is possessed and is a demon. The demon makeup took three hours to put on and I’m in a demon costume with a demon suit-of-armor. And because I’m possessed, I’m wearing contact lenses that blocked out my vision and I have these demon gloves that are like these Playtex gloves you would wear to wash your dishes or whatever, but they’re monster gloves and they have two-inch nails on them. Like, sharp, menacing fingernails. They were so clumsy. I couldn’t do anything once I had them on. Couldn’t open the door, couldn’t hold a cup of coffee.

“We were shooting in the desert outside of Palmdale, California. It’s the middle of the night — and I have to go to the bathroom. And my only option was out in the darkness, somewhere in the desert. There was no port-o-potty at this particular place.

“So someone, like a production assistant with a walkie talkie, was like, ‘Alright, I’ll take Bruce by his arm and lead him off the set over to some yucca plant that’s out of the light.’ It was probably out behind this castle where we were shooting.

“So I’m standing there and realize, I can’t unzip my own fly — let alone get access to it in order to do what I needed to do, because of the fingernails on the monster gloves. It takes two people to put those gloves on and they’re not easy to remove. Once they’re on, you’re not taking them off to do anything. They’re on. They’re yours for the night.

“So, what am I going to do — call my wife over to help do this? Because I wasn’t going to ask the walkie-talkie person to do this. So I said, ‘You need to find my wife and bring her over because there’s an issue here. I cannot access myself to do what I need to do.’

“And I’m thinking: Is this what I’ve stayed in the film business for? For this? Is this what it’s come to? You know, you work hard and train hard and you can’t even urinate in the dessert. The raw indignity of it!

“My wife did end up helping out. She figured out what was going on pretty quick, no one needed to explain it. She was the costume designer on the movie so she was partially to blame for my misery. Her name is Ida Gearon and I said, ‘Ida, look: You and your department, we gotta figure something out here! I need easy access.’ She laughed but it wasn’t funny to me. After that, I think we cut a slit in the glove so you could bend the glove back and pop your real hand out of it. So a box cutter was the solution. Easy solution, took four seconds.

“If she hadn’t been on set that day, the makeup effects guys would have had to come out and remove the gloves — and that would have been a half hour that we didn’t have.”

How long before was Campbell able to laugh about the moment?

“About 10 years later it got funny (laughs). It took about a decade to get funny. It’s still not really hilarious. That was early in our marriage so it was a good test of our relationship, I suppose. It encouraged her to come up with a solution so it was a win-win, as they say.

“Sometime costume designers don’t think about the practical side of things. Or just the weight of what you’re wearing. I did a TV show called ‘Jack of All Trades’ where I was a masked marauder that always wore this velvety red cape, and I put the thing on and it almost gave me scoliosis. I gave it back to the costume designer and said, ‘Put this on and do a sword fight, I dare you. This needs to be a half or a third of the weight.’ She wanted it to flow right, which was absolutely correct. But I was like, ‘We’ve got to find a middle ground between what looks good and what is manageable.’

“The Batman costume? No thanks. Everybody’s like, ‘Bruce, would you ever want to be Batman?’ Not a chance in hell. I would be Commissioner Gordon, no problem — wear a nice suit, double-breasted pinstripe, everything’s good. But nothing could compel me to take a role where there’s a lot of prosthetics or that kind of all-encompassing costume. Earlier on in my career, no problem, get me in that suit, heck yeah! But now, you couldn’t write a soliloquy that could get me into one of those suits. I’m busy fishing.

“I’m not the first guy to say this, by the way. If you get cast as Batman or Spider-Man or Superman, kiss your bathroom goodbye. Or wear a catheter, or something. It’s the nightmare of these costumes. Hey, hurray — you’re Iron Man! Guess what? You’re never urinating again unless it’s in your suit.

“I mean, this is the nightmare of the modern-day actor wearing these stupid costumes (laughs). Everyone’s saying, ‘Oh God, Robert Downey Jr., he’s Iron Man, what a great career!’ and he’s probably cursing that stupid suit to this day. And the rashes, no one ever talks about their rashes — the pinches, the scrapes, the chafing, oh the chafing! I bet they sell more talcum powder to Marvel productions than to anybody else. Our beloved Chewbacca just passed on (played by Peter William Mayhew) and the only thing he ever talked about was how stuffy and uncomfortable that suit was. It’s like acting inside of a yak.

“So that was a real low point for me. People think you’re starring in a movie for Universal, this is the highpoint of your life. And actually it’s like, no, this is a low point.”

The takeaway …

“Don’t wear elaborate costumes (laughs). It’s almost as simple as that! Just don’t go there.

“Or, make sure you go through a NASA-style testing process where it’s like: Put me through all the possibilities. I’m sure the new Batman is going to benefit from everything they learned from all the previous Batman costumes, all the predecessors. Plus, I’ll bet the materials are lightweight now. If it were me, I’d call them all — George Clooney, Val Kilmer, Christian Bale — and be like, ‘Guys, what do I need to know about the dumb suit?’ I’d be right on top of that.

“It’s a thing called prep and it’s a lost art. I actually ran into a producer who had a T-shirt that said, ‘Prep is for (losers)’ — on his shirt! That’s what we’re dealing with.”

[shadowsong26fic]

Hurray for AU Outlines!

All right, so I got a request to do #11a from my List of Things I’ll Never Write as an outline, soooo here goes!

Note that, due to the fact that the only people who are bigger Drama Queens than the PT Trio in life are the PT Trio having died and been sent back to have a second chance to Make Things Right, this skews a little bit towards the Melodrama and Feels area, rather than straight Funny like some of the others have been.

(Also, as a trigger/content warning, there’s some bits that could be read as passive suicidal ideation).

Previous outlines can be found in the tag.

The actual prompt:

11. Both Anakin And Padme Unfuck The Timeline And Are Bound And Determined Not To Let The Other One Know They’re From The Future

11a. The Same Thing Only Obi-Wan’s Also Time-Travelling

(For those of you who read It’s Like Déjà Vu (All Over Again) [which was prompt #11 above] last summer, portions of this might be familiar.)

So, we start with Anakin. Anakin gets to have his heartwarming death scene, his final moments with his son, a brief and hazy Moment with Obi-Wan and Yoda on Endor…

And then he blinks. And…he’s not a ghost anymore.

He’s standing in the Jedi Council chamber

(which is a whole lot bigger than he remembers; when did that happen?)

“I will train him. I take Anakin as my Padawan Learner.”

…did he seriously just say that? Wow, no wonder Obi-Wan resented me at first.

…wait a minute.

At first, he thinks it’s just—not exactly a dream, per se. But that old saying, about how your life flashes before your eyes when you die?

(this is a bit late for that, though; because he definitely remembers standing with the others on Endor and watching Luke)

(also this is a weird place to start)

(not to mention unfair)

(if he has to relive it all, couldn’t he at least have seen his mom again?)

Still, it’s the best explanation he’s got, so he decides to run with it.

The next couple of days are—very strange

(Obi-Wan and—everyone is so young. He’d forgotten how young they all were, back then.)

Parts of it he remembers clearly, but most of it is fairly vague, or like—a list of facts. This thing happened, then this, then this.

(He overhears Obi-Wan saying he’s dangerous. Why did you forget that, old friend? he wants to ask.)

(Just because he came back, after all, doesn’t change  what he did. If Obi-Wan had killed him properly on Mustafar, or stuck to his guns back here and not spoken up for him—well, maybe not that second; maybe that just would have given the Emperor more access to him.)

(But, on the other hand, had he not been in the Order, in the position he’d been in…)

(Not that it really matters at this point, after all. He’s just an observer, reviewing bits and pieces of his life.)

(Right?)

All of that changes when they get to the hangar.

He climbs into the fighter cockpit, just like last time.

(Artoo is behind him, a comforting, familiar feeling.)

And then, three and a half decades of training and self-discipline go up against a nine-year-old’s inherent attention span and patience.

And lose. Badly.

(Look, he’s never been good at sitting still, okay? And a part of him is nine years old again, which just makes that even worse.)

He turns on the starfighter early, since he’s not just pushing buttons at random, and fidgets a little, waiting for the destroyers to show up so he can shoot them and then “accidentally” turn on the autopilot and head off into space.

(It really was an accident the first time. Which was then his first taste of real flying—of combat, too—and one of the things he’s actually genuinely looking forward to reliving.)

Then Maul shows up.

(A not-insignificant part of him appreciates the sheer Drama of his entrance, lbr.)

(the part of him that reacts like the forty-something soldier/Drama Queen and not a slightly overwhelmed nine-year-old.)

On a whim, he activates the fighter’s guns and fires off a shot.

He doesn’t expect it to work.

(This is all a dream, right? Just reliving things because the Force thinks I need to be punished, right?)

Except—it does.

what.

It doesn’t kill Maul, of course. But it does throw him off his game, and damage his saberstaff.

Suddenly, advantage: Jedi.

For a long moment, Anakin is frozen. What the hell. I can change things? THIS IS REAL?!!!

He shakes it off after a second—locks down the panic/reaction, drawing on those three and a half decades of training and self-discipline.

He has a battle to win. He can think about the rest of this later.

When he makes it back down to the surface (after a much smoother/neater destruction of the control ship, tyvm), things are—well, part of it went the same and part of it…

Qui-Gon survived. That’s a big one.

Obi-Wan did kill Maul again.

(possibly properly this time; we’ll see)

The next few weeks are…kind of a blur, honestly.

Look, it’s a lot to process. Above and beyond the whole time travel is real and I can change the past and omg I can see all the people I loved again and omg the people I loved will see me again I’m fucked etc. etc., a nine-year-old’s brain really isn’t built to process forty-some-odd years’ worth of memories. Most of them pretty horrific.

In the end, it turns out his memories are…not vague exactly, except kind of they are. He doesn’t remember a whole lot of detail. A few moments, of course, stand out, but for the most part, it’s just the broad strokes.

Which is not to say that he doesn’t remember the details, just that he can’t consciously recall them. He basically has to enter a deep trance to dredge up any specifics.

When the dust settles, he was accepted into the Order—but apprenticed to Qui-Gon this time.

Probably for the best, he thinks. I didn’t know him the first time around, after all.

He decides, for many, many reasons, to conceal his knowledge of the future and especially how he got it.

And now, he just has to decide—what to do with his knowledge.

His first instinct, naturally, is to run off and stab Palpatine in the face.

Of course, there are a couple problems with this. First of all, he is tiny and ineffectual. He would attempt and fail and just get himself killed.

(This, incidentally, is why Anakin has to land this early because lbr without a damn good reason holding him back, he would just go murder Palpatine in the face.)

(Being Tiny and Ineffectual is pretty much what’s gonna do it.)

(And while a part of me is delighted by the mental image of nine-year-old Anakin murdering Palpatine in the face, it makes for a very short story and does not fit the prompt sooooo.)

And second of all (though this doesn’t occur to him until after he tries climbing out the Temple window and stops himself because Tiny and Ineffectual), remember the above bit about vague memories?

….yeah, murdering Palpatine in the face without knowing the full context (…assuming he even knew about it/cared to know about it in the first place) could have serious consequences.

Like…quite a bit of the Master Plan is already in motion.

The clones are already in production, almost certainly.

Dooku may already be Tyranus, who the heck knows.

Palpatine didn’t create the problems that led to the Separatist movement and the War (or if he did it was much earlier than this), he just exacerbated them.

So, without Palps imposing some measure of control over the chaos…

Chance are, he’d just unleash a different kind of hell. Maybe it would be better, maybe it would be worse.

But he really doesn’t want to take that chance.

He was given this opportunity to set things right. He’s not about to waste it by just breaking the world again a whole new way.

He decides (though he knows it will be Extremely Difficult), to keep his head down and try to figure out exactly what the context is, put things in place to unravel the preliminaries as best he can, and then murder Palpatine in the face.

Of course, Anakin has never been very good at playing the long game.

(Even as Vader)

And he learns, pretty quickly, that Qui-Gon…has many talents, and is a very good Master for him in many ways but…yeah, not so much that.

(Qui-Gon may, in fact, be worse at long-range planning than he is. He never thought he’d see the day…)

So, after a year or two, he gives in and admits he needs additional help. And there’s really only one person he can turn to.

The problem is, Obi-Wan has been…not very much at the Temple since Anakin arrived. And when he is, he tends to avoid Anakin and Qui-Gon as much as he can.

But they were friends before—while they were alive, and then again, after Luke saved him and they found each other in the Force again.

Anakin is sure that, if he just has the opportunity to talk to Obi-Wan, they will be again…

Of course, before Anakin can approach Obi-Wan, guess whose turn it is now to land in the past!

Obi-Wan wakes up in the middle of a mission, about a year and a half after Anakin got back.

He realizes he’s time-travelled pretty quickly. He sort of vaguely remembers this mission? It was one of the ones he went on just after being Knighted, when Anakin was still too young and inexperienced to accompany him.

(Not a very memorable mission, though. The Force is being kind; he’s going to get enough shocks to the system over the next few days.)

So, once he processes that, he’s pretty happy about it. He can change the past! Fix things! Save Anakin! Not lose EVERYONE all over again!

(well, all right, he’s too late to save Qui-Gon but still)

It’ll take some doing, of course; to unravel everything Palpatine’s already put in place. Make sure he ties up all the loose ends.

(it might well take him the full ten/twelve years he has, even; he’ll need to find actual evidence of what he knows, probably, and explain how he got there some credible way, in order to actually get this right.)

But first…

But first, he gets to see his brother again. And, yes, they found each other in the Force, and everything was all right in the end, but…but this is a second chance.

He’s very much looking forward to it.

So, he wraps up his mission and sends a preliminary report back to the Temple, and then thinks—I’m not too far from the Arkanis sector.

That’s a problem we really don’t need eight years from now.

Besides, from everything he’s heard of her, Shmi Skywalker deserved so much better.

He gets to Mos Espa, and tracks down Watto (he never saw me before, I can do this discreetly and not have to deal with the Council asking Questions I haven’t yet decided how to answer) and finds out—

“The Jedi came through and bought her from me over a year ago.”

And there’s a sort of…brain-glitch moment there, where two conflicting sets of memories over the past two years try to integrate.

At which point he’s absolutely positive that someone else is time-travelling, and he figures it’s either Yoda, Anakin, or Qui-Gon himself. He won’t know for 100% sure, though, not until they actually meet.

I have to get back to the Temple now.

He makes his excuses to Watto, grumbling rather convincingly, he hopes, and disappears off into the sunset, back to his ship and Coruscant.

He gets to the Temple hangar, and Anakin is actually there, waiting for him. And he knows.

Anakin’s eyes go huge, and his shields slam down. He’s clearly unsure exactly how to proceed. He had this All Figured Out, and suddenly he’s dealing with his Obi-Wan, the one he loved and lost and found again, instead of the one from this timeline, and…and…

Obi-Wan nudges his shields a little, and offers a very brief smile—it’s okay, we did find each other again, you came back.

Anakin brightens and tries to hide it.

(badly, as always)

But they’re still in the Temple hangar at the moment, and Anakin is probably Supposed To Be Elsewhere right now.

“Meet me on the roof tonight,” he murmurs as he passes.

Anakin nods, then scampers off to whatever he’s supposed to be doing.

(Obi-Wan decides it’s probably better to approach Qui-Gon after he and Anakin have talked properly. But that’s his next step.)

Anakin’s very Nervous again when he gets up to the roof that night. He’s had all day to fret about it, after all.

But as soon as Obi-Wan gets up there—a couple minutes after Anakin does—he immediately hugs his little brother.

Anakin clings tighter than he remembered knowing how to.

And for a very long moment, they just stand there, clinging to one another, on the Temple roof.

(they don’t speak)

(at this point, they don’t need words)

And then they start talking—Anakin reveals how long he’s been here, and admits that he’s a little lost how to proceed.

“My memories aren’t totally reliable,” he says. “I think my brain was too small when I landed. And you’d think it would get easier as I physically matured, but…”

“Maybe in a few more years,” Obi-Wan suggests.

“Maybe.”

Obi-Wan agrees with Anakin that they shouldn’t just go for Palpatine right away.

(for one thing, if they don’t have any actual evidence, that risks pitting the Senate and the Jedi against one another which would…would not end well.)

So, they decide that Obi-Wan will try to research, find actual evidence that leads them to Kamino and Geonosis. Because “I had a vision” might satisfy the Council (“we came from the future” is slightly less likely, but still within the realms of possibility), but even if they manage to cultivate allies in the Senate, they will never convince that august body of Palpatine’s evil with that alone.

“With any luck, this won’t take too long. I know more or less what I’m looking for, and I have a little more freedom to maneuver.”

“Because you don’t have a small child tagging along this time?” Anakin suggests dryly.

“Partly, yes,” Obi-Wan says, with a smile. “The point is, I’m sure I’ll find something that leads me to Kamino, and we’ll go from there.”

“Without letting him know we’re on to him.”

“Ideally, yes.”

Anakin, they decide, will try to figure out how to deal with the chips. Just in case.

“It might take some time,” he warns. “The interface between the organic and the machine parts is where I always had trouble. Even with the…the suit, later.”

Obi-Wan nods. “But we have eight years,” he says. “Surely, between the two of us, we’ll pull this off.”

“Hey, we’ve pulled off wins against worse odds before,” Anakin agrees, with a very familiar spark in his eyes.

(Obi-Wan’s heart soars a little at the sight.)

For two years, everything goes reasonably well. They make progress, Obi-Wan foils a few schemes (so do Anakin and Qui-Gon).

(Obi-Wan also patches things up with his old Master)

The three of them are a family. They’re actually happy.

But there is a Problem on the horizon.

Palpatine hasn’t quite figured out that Obi-Wan and Anakin are on to him. Obi-Wan is too careful for that, too used to being undergound, and Anakin doesn’t have the access to really make an impact.

But Qui-Gon—Qui-Gon hasn’t been allowing Palpatine the access he wants.

Naturally, the solution to this problem is to arrange his murder.

Neither of the boys takes Qui-Gon’s death well.

For Obi-Wan—well, it’s like Maul all over again; better in some ways because he had more time with his Master; worse in others because just when they reconnected he lost him again.

For Anakin—oh, the guilt. Beside which, he had actually bonded with Qui-Gon this time around, so…the guilt and the grief and everything in him wants to lash out.

(that’s what he does when he’s grieving, after all)

(he lashes out)

(and the worst of it is—the worst of it is, he knows exactly why this happened)

(and it’s all his fault)

(Qui-Gon was killed because of him.)

Obi-Wan figures out this is going down (or at least the first part of it) which is what pulls him out of his own grief spiral and goes to calm him down.

And Anakin starts to withdraw because—because how can he face Obi-Wan, after this—

“Don’t—don’t—don’t shut me out, Anakin, please—”

And that’s all it takes and they both basically break down and cling again, just like on the Temple roof two years before, only…only…

A few days later, they have a strangely familiar conversation at a too-familiar funeral, and Obi-Wan takes over Anakin’s training.

The two of them fall into old patterns—or, well, something very, very close to them. Since they’re not willing to read the Council in on things, they’re also running regular missions along the side. But they continue to interfere with Palpatine’s plans whenever they detect them, and keep looking for the full web so they can safely remove the spider at its heart.

 Palpatine, of course, has backup plans for his backup plans, so he can always course-correct. On the other hand, frustratingly, he doesn’t have any more access to the boy than he did with Jinn involved, and cannot risk another murder.

So, he keeps trying to gain access, and keeps adjusting his overall plans as necessary.

Some ground is gained, but some is lost. Their slow underground solitary war does show some progress, if glacial. And the day to day missions take up enough of their time and focus that, while they are making strides in the longer game, years pass before they even realize it.

And then, Anakin and Obi-Wan are at last sent to mediate a border dispute on Ansion.

They are once again arguing about Anakin’s Trials, just like the first time around.

But this time, they’re taking the opposite sides.

“No, Master, I’m not ready, I need a restraining bolt, I can’t do this.”

(remember what I almost did after he died, Master? You pulled me back. I need you there to pull me back.)

“Anakin, you are clearly ready, I don’t think you do at this point, and the Council is starting to Drop Hints at me about holding you back.”

“No. No, no, no, I can’t do this.”

Obi-Wan sighs and drops the subject for now.

Anyway. Ansion. Anakin seems uneasy, on edge.

“I don’t know. I feel like this mission is Significant somehow, but I can’t place it.”

(karking unreliable memories)

Obi-Wan doesn’t really recall it, either.

“It’ll come to one of us if it really is that important.”

They complete their mission, and then, on the way back to Coruscant—

“Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan, I figured it out.”

“What?”

“Why this mission is so important.”

“Yes?”

“It’s the last one. Before—before Kamino. And First Geonosis. And…Varykino.”

“Oh. …oh.”

Obi-Wan tries to figure out a solution—had things really gone that far already? Where did the time go we’re not ready yet—and the best he can come up with is trying to switch places; perhaps using Anakin’s Trials as an excuse to send him to Kamino, while Obi-Wan guards the Senator.

“If the Council goes for it, I’ll do it,” Anakin says.

But first, they have to deal with the initial half of the mission—seeing Padme again; meeting the bounty hunter, finding, at least, a genuine breadcrumb that will take them to Kamino.

AND NOW, at long last, GUESS WHOSE TURN IT IS TO TRAVEL BACK IN TIME!

Padme wakes up on the approach to Coruscant.

Like Obi-Wan (and unlike Anakin), she figures out she’s time-traveled pretty quickly.

(she mucks around with the landing gear, and is able to do just enough to save Corde’s life, even if she can’t totally prevent the explosion)

And that just confirms it—she’s in the past, this is real, she can change things. She can save the Republic. Save Anakin.

(even if she was wrong when she died, and she doesn’t think she is, she knows there’s still good in him now. She can save him, here and now. She is not going to lose him again.)

Speaking with Palpatine himself again is—not easy. Mostly because she is nearly overcome with the desire to rip his karking face off.

(she focuses on the mental image of Corde in the medcenter instead, because she’s angry about that, too)

(it seems to work; his slimy, false sympathy is exactly as it was the last time)

(This, incidentally, is why Padme has to land so late. The same reason, basically, why Anakin had to land so early—without a damn good reason, she would just haul off and murder Palpatine in the face.)

(And she’s smart enough to know that she has to wait until she takes steps to counteract the inevitable power vacuum, especially with Dooku still out there.)

(But if she landed before he was this entrenched….?)

(Yeah. Murder. All of the murder. Right in the face.)

But then—after suffering through her audience with Palpatine—then she gets to see Obi-Wan and Anakin again.

And there’s a moment of—the last time she saw him, he did go mad and try to murder her. What if she reacts to that, instead of the person he is in the here and now?

(…I will cross that bridge if I come to it, she decides.)

Of course, when she sees him again—

This is her Anakin. Not the one she lost on Mustafar, the one she found at Varykino.

(well, not quite; maybe a little later; a year or two into the War, after he had Ahsoka, before things got too bleak and never-ending; when he was a little bit scarred, a little bit shadowed, but still the golden boy she loved.)

Anakin is just as much of A Mess as he was the first time around.

(if not more)

(Obi-Wan would very much like to bang his head against the wall but he is A Professional, so instead he steps on Anakin’s foot and takes control of the conversation)

(he’s also extremely—if decorously—happy to see Padme alive again like this)

Padme does not actually sleep that night; she remembers those creepy worm things and she knows they’re coming this time.

(“maybe one of us should hang out on the roof, pounce on the droid before it cuts through the window,” Anakin says, “and by one of us I mean me can I please go dive off a roof onto a droid?”)

(“fine, as long as you don’t mock my driving when I pick you up. And we are not taking your shortcut again.”)

(“you never let me have any fun.”)

(“I’m letting you jump off the roof!”)

(Padme watches Anakin fall past the window a few hours later, crashing into the droid and disappearing from view)

(...that’s...different...)

But, long story short, they get their dart breadcrumb. As promised, Obi-Wan speaks to the Council, but they refuse to switch the assignments from what they see as the logical one.

(Anakin is kind of torn between terror and elation and Angst)

(“everything will be fine,” Obi-Wan promises him)

Padme is mostly pleased. She’s still pissed that she has to miss the Military Creation Act vote, but, on the other hand, cementing her relationship with Anakin is almost as important in the long run.

(especially since the War, at this point, is inevitable)

(at some point, while they’re getting ready to go, Anakin mentions Qui-Gon to her; and she has the same sort of brief brain-lag memory-integration Moment Obi-Wan did on Tatooine eight years before)

(Anakin panics for a second “what did I do wrong this time DDDDDDD:”)

(but she does recenter, and figures—well, this isn’t all that much more weird than the concept of time travel in and of itself; question is, does this make her job easier or harder…)

(one thing she is absolutely sure of, though, is that Anakin can never know what she’s seen. It would break him, and she will not let that happen. She’s going to get it right this time. She’s going to save him.)

The two of them continue on to Varykino, and Padme notices more strange things that don’t quite add up.

Anakin is—shy. Definitely interested in her; just as transparent as the last time, but every time they start to get close, to touch, to kiss—he pulls back as if he was burned.

And what follows is, essentially, a role-reversal of their canon courtship.

(complete with Melodrama by the fireside, where Anakin tells her they Can’t Be Together and then flees the scene and Padme promptly bursts into tears because, to her, it feels like her husband of three years just left her, nevermind that he isn’t her husband yet, and…)

(“It would destroy us,” he says; knowing how it would.)

(“I look at you, and I can’t breathe,” he says; hearing the echo of the monster that still lives inside him.)

(“I am here to protect you,” he says; meaning so much more than she can possibly understand.)

(because, whatever else happens, she can never know what he’s done. It would destroy her. And he cannot let that happen. He’s going to get it right this time. He’s going to save her.)

So they spend the next few days Pining. There is so much pining going on, guys.

(lightyears away, Obi-Wan is very glad he’s lightyears away from all of this.)

Obi-Wan’s thread is basically a much smoother, more deliberate progression of his canon plotline.

 Again, he needs actual Evidence that will be acceptable to the Senate, not just the Council.

Of course, when he gets to Geonosis, he has absolutely no intention of getting arrested again. He could do without reliving that particular adventure, thank you very much.

So he picks somewhere less exposed to send his message summoning reinforcements.

(and still gets spotted and captured, because the universe likes to mock his pain)

Anakin facepalms a little, but—well, he needed an excuse to go to Geonosis.

If I can get this part right this time, if I can kill Dooku right from the start—I can’t think of a better way to hamper the Emperor’s plans.

Padme promptly announces she’s going to rescue Obi-Wan, just like she did the first time.

Anakin tries to talk her out of coming along.

(It is very, very difficult, he now remembers, to talk Padme out of anything. Especially where Righting Wrongs and Triumphing Over Evil and Saving People is concerned.)

(he loves her so much when she gets that look in her eyes; a part of him is dying a little but he follows her; he will always, always follow her)

Anakin smiles that little crooked smile of his, the one that means explosions and death-defying recklessness and somehow saving the day nonetheless.

(she loves that smile; almost as much as she loves the full, bright, soft one that’s just for her; a part of her is dying inside, knowing that she might never actually see it again, but she stands at his side; she will always, always stand at his side)

They work their way through the factory, doing a little bit better than the first time, since they know their way around.

But, because they are still Reckless and Unsubtle, they get caught.

As they’re being brought into the arena, just like before, Padme tries one last desperate confession.

(she’d hoped it wouldn’t take a mutual near-death experience like it did for her, but it’s worth a shot)

(and he knows he shouldn’t—not until after Palpatine is dead and his mission is complete—but…but she loves him. She said so.)

(and he kisses her, once, before they’re wheeled into the arena.)

The next bit goes…eh, more or less as it does in canon.

Until they catch up to Dooku in that cave.

…well, okay, for a few minutes longer. Anakin, overconfident and riding the most glorious high of his life, still rushes in heedlessly.

He manages to catch the lightning, but he’s lost vital ground, and he’d—forgotten how skilled Dooku was.

(in his defense, he had defeated him legitimately before murdering him last time!)

Eventually, he sees an opening—the opening—for a clean kill.

But he’s at a bad angle, and Dooku is too focused…

(Obi-Wan will figure it out, he reasons, in the split second he notices it, and steps forward to make a sacrifice)

Dooku misses the fork, takes the bait, makes for the opening Anakin has given him—and strikes true.

But leaves himself open to Obi-Wan who does not hesitate to take his shot.

So, here is what has and hasn’t changed—Anakin still loses his right arm; but Dooku dies at First Geonosis.

Obi-Wan deactivates his saber and steps over Dooku’s body, running to Anakin.

“I’d forgotten,” Anakin mumbles, “how much that hurt…”

“You didn’t have to do that, my friend,” Obi-Wan says, trying to push soothing, comforting pulses along their bond as they wait for help to arrive.

Anakin shakes his head. “Needed t’distract him. So you could get him and he wouldn’t get away this time.”

Obi-Wan sighs.

Padme bursts in a moment later.

“Ani!”

Obi-Wan shifts to allow her room; lets her cling to Anakin’s remaining hand.

(he is, of course, completely unsurprised by this turn of events)

Later, when Padme and Anakin get back from Naboo, they confess to Obi-Wan almost immediately.

“I thought,” Obi-Wan says, when he and Anakin are speaking privately afterwards, “that you were going to try to—that you were going to wait until Palpatine was dead. Just to be safe.”

“I know. But…but it’s really, really hard to…I couldn’t say no to her, Master,” Anakin says. “She…I’d forgotten how much she…I’d forgotten.” And then he smiles, softly.

“Don’t misunderstand,” he says. “I don’t disapprove. I just—you…you are aware I knew from the beginning last time, right?”

“I—wait, what?”

“You two,” Obi-Wan says, patiently, “are not remotely subtle.”

“…you never said anything…”

“You made each other happy,” he says. “Besides, I was hoping you would come to me, eventually.”

“I should have,” Anakin says.

Obi-Wan doesn’t disagree. “Just…don’t shut me out this time, all right? Whatever happens, we’ll get through it together. But I can’t help you if you don’t let me.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

“And—are you sure this is how you want to proceed?” Obi-Wan says.

Anakin thinks for a minute then nods. “She loves me. And I love her. And she asked me and I couldn’t…yes, this is how I want to proceed.” He pauses, laughs a little. “And I never could say no to her, anyway. Not until I was too far gone to listen to anyone. So, if I’m still listening to her, if I still can’t say no to her, I’m doing all right. Right?”

Obi-Wan is Very Very Tired right now. And wants to bang his head against the wall.

(it’s the same problem they’ve been running into with his Trials, all over again)

He chooses not to answer that just now. Instead, he says, “all right, but you have to tell her.”

Anakin’s face drops. “I can’t,” he says. “It would only hurt her.”

“Someday, the truth will come out,” he says. “And the longer you wait, the worse it will be.”

“I can’t,” he says. “What good would it do, to tell her about a horrible future that will not happen?”

“I won’t make you,” Obi-Wan says, after a moment. “But keeping this from her is a mistake. I genuinely believe that.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Anakin says, reluctantly, but has no intention of changing his mind.

And so, the War.

Anakin does have the chips sorted, mostly, and he and Obi-Wan start very carefully working through the 212th and 501st, with the intention of moving on to the rest of the army as soon as they can.

They also have the Actual War to fight, which takes up a lot of time and energy. Even with Dooku dead, the Separatists have enough steam to keep this up for at least a year or so.

Padme is carefully, carefully manipulating events so Bail or Mon (Bail is a little more experienced, but Mon, not being Chandrilla’s ruler’s consort, will have an easier time transitioning from representing her home planet to overseeing the whole galaxy) will be able to take power after Palpatine is removed.

And spending as much time with Anakin as possible.

(He doesn’t really object to this. He’s enjoying this all while it lasts.)

Obi-Wan and Anakin talk, early on, about whether or not to request Ahsoka—eventually settle on yes, because she’s good for them. They all work so well together.

(besides, Anakin is almost entirely happy for this brief moment; this was the best year of his life the first time around, and he has the opportunity to have his family back together and…)

(Obi-Wan doesn’t disagree.)

Ahsoka, of course, has no idea of all of this going on under the surface, but she bonds with her Masters and with Rex and with Padme (who is so happy to see her again she has trouble hiding it)…she’s so relieved that her being assigned to Master Skywalker has worked out so well for everyone involved.

But eventually, things must come to a head. And, after a year, Anakin gets a little nudge.

(It’s time.)

This is—oh, we’ll call it during the Tiny Angry Boba Fett arc.

(this was not one of the missions Anakin remembered with any clarity, incidentally.)

(it was somewhat disconcerting to see tiny Fett, though.)

(having on a Very Significant Occasion worked with the full-sized version…)

Obi-Wan is in the field doing…I honestly can’t recall what he was doing, but it might be different in this timeline anyway. Point is, he’s off fighting.

Ahsoka, of course, is off with Plo, Investigating.

Anakin is stuck at the Temple recovering from his injuries.

(with Mace Windu right there)

(as some of you may be aware, I am very fond of inversions and role-reversals and parallels…see also the Rabbit Hole AU; and there’s a future Precipice plot thread that you can probably guess, given that…)

(they’re still not friends; they probably never will be; but they work together at least as well as they did the first time around)

(maybe a little better, even, because Anakin understands him, somewhat)

And Anakin gets that little nudge and, while Mace is asleep or meditating or something, sneaks out. He goes, at long last, to confront Palpatine.

Palpatine is slightly surprised, but not at all displeased, to hear that General Skywalker has requested to meet with him.

(he’s made little drips of contact through the years, but never quite enough to catch on, fortunately)

(at last, he thinks, the seeds he planted are bearing fruit!)

And then Anakin gets into the office.

(and turns on a recording device he’s built into his arm)

(he’s not quite sure why that’s so important to him to install it, but it is)·

(some deep-buried part of him remembers everything that led to Ahsoka’s trial and is covering ALL HIS BASES)

And then he drops his shields.

Palpatine pauses for a split second, calculating his best response.

Option one: kill Skywalker here, find a way to explain it—ah, yes; an assassin, the young Jedi heroically saved his life, unfortunately sacrificing himself in the process. This is the safest option; Skywalker knows far too much, after all. Best to dispatch the threat quickly.

Option two: subdue Skywalker and take some time to learn how the hell he got this much knowledge of the future. This idea is not without risk—harder to explain away, for one thing—but given how several of his schemes have quietly unraveled over the past few years, it might be a bigger threat to remove his only potential source of information. There may be others who have this knowledge, after all.

He settles on Option Two.

Just as Anakin had hoped, Palpatine begins to stall, drawing out the conversation, looking for an opportunity to subdue him nonfatally.

Keep him talking, Anakin thinks. Long enough to say something truly incriminating, and help Padme and Obi-Wan with the aftermath.

(but just for the two of them; he’s pretty sure he’s not walking out of this confrontation alive.)

(he was already injured, after all, and while he’s mostly healed, it’s a profound disadvantage in a fight like this)

(and he’s made his peace with that)

(he’s not really built for peacetime, after all)

(nor does he deserve it, really)

(he just…he wishes it hadn’t come so soon.)

(it’s too early; Luke and Leia won’t exist now, and that’s—that’s something he really, really wants to happen; but…he trusts the Force to tell him when the time is right, and the time is right to end Palpatine now; he cannot risk failing by delaying)

(so he regrets, a little, but he has faith in Padme and Obi-Wan, absolute faith, that they will see this through, after he does his part.)

Palpatine notices the instant Anakin’s tactics change; realizes there must be a recording device somewhere; how could this happen, how could this notoriously unsubtle child get that past me? His arm. It must be in his arm; I need to make sure it’s destroyed when I kill him—

He lashes out; lightning, of course—but not quite quickly enough to stop Anakin running him through.

Anakin staggers a little, fighting to stay conscious as the lightning burns through him, his arm sparking madly (but the part of him that planned for this planned for that too; the recorder is safe); and Palpatine—Palpatine has one last trick up his sleeve.

He has a knife in his boot, a last-ditch self-defense weapon; dipped in poison because he never does anything halfway. He buries it in Anakin’s side, using his last moments to make sure he takes Skywalker with him.

MEANWHILE, back at the Temple

Mace wakes up, and immediately notices Anakin is gone.

He gets up, snags a passing Healer, brushes aside her remonstrances.

“Was Skywalker discharged?”

“What? No, of course not, why--?”

Mace doesn’t bother answering. Just pushes past her and bolts after Skywalker.

He gets to Palpatine’s office in time to see the lightning and both stabbings.

And, despite the concussion, as he is in a much clearer/steadier frame of mind than Anakin was the first time around, Mace is able to evaluate the situation more or less accurately, and does not draw on Anakin.

Instead, he asks, “….Skywalker, what the hell is going on here?”

Okay, he can clearly see that Palpatine was the Sith Lord—which is going to take a hell of a lot of explaining what the hell—but how Skywalker knew—

“That’s…a very long story, Master.” He detaches his prosthetic, and passes it over. “Evidence. I recorded everything.”

Mace stares at Anakin. Stares at the prosthetic. Stares at Palpatine’s smoldering body.

(his half-healed concussion-induced headache is getting worse by the millisecond)

He finds the recording, skims through it—

“…all right. I’m going to get the guards to secure the scene,” he says. Then, eyeing Anakin, “also a medic. Stay put, Skywalker.”

“Sure,” Anakin says, and closes his eyes.

Mace turns off the recording and heads off, holding on to the arm.

And Anakin—Anakin is really feeling the poison burning through him now. He yanks the knife out—he tries to purge the toxin, but he’s not strong enough; not after the lightning; not while he’s bleeding like this.

Padme, he thinks. I can’t—I can’t see Obi-Wan, I can’t see Ahsoka, I can’t see everyone I love to say...but I have to…I have to…

(Obi-Wan, of course, is already on his way back to Corucsant. He has a Very Bad Feeling right about now, and picks up the pace, flying with a recklessness that Anakin might appreciate, if he were here)

He drags himself to his feet, wraps his cloak tightly around himself and hopes it will hide the blood, before sneaking off.

He manages to get to Padme’s apartment without passing out; rings the buzzer.

She comes to the door. “Ani!” She blinks, then stiffens, alarmed. “What…what happened to your arm?”

“S’all right,” he says. “S’evidence. I need…I need…”

She takes his hand and pulls him over to the couch. “Evidence? What do--are you all right? You don’t…you don’t look well. I thought you were stuck in the Temple? Ahsoka said something about an explosion…” She presses a hand to his cheek, checking for fever; but he feels cool to her touch.

“I was,” he says, then takes an unsteady breath. “I need…there’s some…some things I need to tell you; Obi-Wan kept saying I should, for months, but I…I couldn’t…please, just…just let me finish, before you say anything?”

And he turns such haunted, weary eyes to her that even if she wanted to, she couldn’t say no.

“Of course,” she says. “You can tell me anything, you know that.”

He nods; his breath is coming a little short now, and her face is starting to blur in front of him. “I…I just assassinated the Chancellor.”

That was—that was not at all what she’d been expecting to hear. “What?” she whispers.

“He—he was evil, Padme, or I wouldn’t have—you have to believe I wouldn’t have—the…the…the proof, there’ll be proof soon. And I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t…” He blinks. “The reason I knew is because…because I…in another life, I…I helped him to…to destroy it. Everything. We…we burned it all to the ground, but I got…I got another chance, I got sent back and I…I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, I did such…such terrible things, and…” He stops, trying to catch his breath. “I’ll go. I’ll—”

She catches him before he can rise. “I know,” she says. “I know, I…”

He stares at her. “…what…?”

“I got sent back, too.” She kisses him, gently. “And I couldn’t…I didn’t want to hurt you, I didn’t want you to hate yourself for things you hadn’t done yet, so I…I didn’t say anything either. But it’s okay, because you…you came back, I always knew you could, I told Obi-Wan, and…and we’re both here now. That’s what matters. We’re both here, and you’re you again, and...”

His head is spinning. “You…you don’t…you thought I was…?”

(her face flickers in front of his; warm brown eyes replaced by earnest blue ones, I’ve got to save you; you already have)

“I knew you were,” she says, and kisses him again.

And then she feels something wet on her hand.

“…you’re bleeding!”

He catches her hand. He’s really short of breath now, and she can feel his heartbeat fluttering under her fingers. “S’all right,” he says again. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t be stupid,” she says. “You’ll be okay, I’m gonna get help, we’ll get you fixed up, you’ll be—”

He shakes his head. “Maybe—maybe it’s…it’s better this way, I can’t…I can’t break…”

“Don’t talk like that,” she says. “It’s not, it’s—no, Ani—”

“Least I…least I got to see you again,” he says, then, “I love you. Always, always loved you.”

“No,” she says, “no, no, no, you can’t—we—we fixed it, Ani, I don’t think we get another do-over you can’t…you can’t do this, don’t leave me, please, please, stay with me…”

And then he passes out.

When he doesn’t answer, she yells; all pretense at secrecy forgotten; for one of her handmaidens to go find a doctor.

Obi-Wan, meanwhile, has landed on Coruscant and follows his instincts, heading straight for Palpatine’s office. He arrives not long after Mace realizes Anakin has slipped off again.

“Obi-Wan,” Mace says. “What are you doing here?”

Obi-Wan takes in the scene with a glance—the blood; Palpatine’s body which looks so much smaller and less intimidating in death—and all he says is, “where’s Anakin?”

“I’m not sure,” Mace admits. “I turned away for a moment and when I got back he was gone.”

“He—how badly was he hurt?”

“Badly,” Mace says, “or I wouldn’t have left him alone. He was conscious, and lucid, but I didn’t think he could stand, let alone…”

“Damn it,” Obi-Wan says, half under his breath, “damn it, Anakin, you promised you wouldn’t shut me out, we were supposed to do this together—”

“…what.” Mace says.

…oh, not good, Obi-Wan thinks, realizing he’d just said that out loud.

“Obi-Wan, do you have any idea what the hell is going on here?”

“I—”

And then he spots the dagger on the floor, where Anakin dropped it.

Very, very carefully, he picks it up by the handle.

Mace catches his thoughts immediately. Explanations can wait. “I’ll pass this on to the medics,” he says, taking it from Obi-Wan’s hands. “Go find Skywalker.”

(as if Obi-Wan needs to be told)

(as if Obi-Wan really needs to look that hard)

(use your feelings, Obi-Wan, and find him, you will)

Padme looks up when her door opens, still cradling Anakin, hoping it’s the doctor that Elle ran for, but—

“Obi-Wan,” she says, and their eyes meet—

And he knows.

“…when he wakes,” he says, his voice shaking just a little, “when…when Anakin wakes, the three of us need to have a very, very long conversation.”

Her eyes widen, comprehending, and she nods.

And, just as he did for her on Geonosis, she shifts her position, making room for him.

He rests a hand on Anakin’s forehead; healing isn’t his strong suit but he does everything he can to hold Anakin there with them, until the doctor finally, finally arrives.

And, because this is already waaaaaaaaaay longer than I thought it would be, a brief epilogue/summary:

Anakin spends the next couple weeks pretty out of it, while Obi-Wan accounts to the Council and Padme and Mace explain Palpatine’s death.

(but he does survive; it would hardly be a proper fix-it if I gave him an actual Cyrano ending, now would it)

Bail is appointed interim Chancellor while everything is sorted out, but steps down/does not become permanent Chancellor. Probably Mon does.

When Anakin is conscious and lucid enough, he is debriefed; after a great deal of discussion with Mace, with Yoda, and, most importantly, with Obi-Wan and Padme and Ahsoka, he decides to leave the Order.

(Padme takes a brief leave of absence from the Senate, and takes him to Varykino to continue to recuperate, and so they can really figure out where they are as a couple now, with everything they know, with everything they lived through and then averted. But she does go back to work after a month or two)

(Obi-Wan takes over Ahsoka’s training; but it’s more or less understood that he will resign and join the others after he sees her through to her Trials)

Ahsoka actually stays with the Order in this timeline; becoming weaponsmaster after Master Draillig retires.

(but when the twins and their eventual little sisters are born, she revels in being Aunt Ahsoka, and visits as often as she can)

And from there…well, all kinds of things could happen, with the Galaxy reshaped and set back on track.

The important thing is, though, Our Heroes have all the time in the world to figure it out.

[shnowbilicat]

TWAS and TWAS Generations

Both of these Stories are YEARS old, and one day I would love to polish them up again. I guess I'll have to thank an animator from way back then, who took a certain SIlver and Unknown Hedgehog's Screenshot from the Sonic X Series and made animations about him. I even made Logos for the fanfics ... yeah I was and still am a crazy fangirl X'D It kinda sparked my interest in wirtting stories and becomeing an animator myself one day X'D But anyway, let's  start, shall we? Let's begin with TWAS; or 'Together We Are Strong' as I named my first Sonic fanfic/story ever owo And compared to TWAS Generations I actually wrote it down ... in my home language, but I'm sure I can translate it no problem X'D Again, please note that this fanfic is literal years old (about 5 years) and I'm just telling you guys what I can remember/what I wrote back then. Also TWAS was written in the 'I' prespective of Socsi, just so u know.

Our Story begins with my very own Sonic OC, Socsi, flying around in the Mystic Ruins as suddenly a black creature flew up from the forest and in the direction of a town. Socsi flew after him, and as she arrived there the city was already destroyed and that black creature was about to kill Amy. Socsi saved her and Amy ran, meanwhile Ivlet, another OC, and Sonic himself ran up to her and the black creature, who introduced himself as 'Darkness'. The battle against him didn't turn out well, but before they were seriously injured Ivlet teleported Sonic and Socsi away, in safety. As the two though returned the yonly found Amy's unmoving body. Some hours after Sonic mourning over Amy and the search for Ivlet that they went back to the place Ivlet teleported them, hoping they would find him there. But, lo and behild, Darkness found them. Sonic blinded by rage ran at him, but was killed by Darkness with ease, before he attacked Socsi. She tried her best to dodge and block his attacks, but as he shot a laser at her she wasn't able to save herself ... but Sonic quickly ran infront of her, taking the hit for her. In her own rage she turned into her Dark-Form and the battle began yet again. Both parties wanted the death of the other and as they both went for their final attacks Socsi lost her consciousness. in the next Act Socsi woke up thanks to Ivlet. Darkness was nowhere to be found, but Ivi was so nice to heal her founds. It was already too late for Sonic and even his friends were enslaved by Eggman. Before they were though, Knuckles managed to give Ivlet the Chaos Emeralds. Also it seemed like Shadow and Amy started to go on some rampages too. But hurray, Amy's alive! Darkness apperiantly revived Amy and manipulated her and Shadow to work for him and Eggman. Speaking of which, after getting the Chaos Emeralds Darkness, Amy and Shadow started to attack our two Heroes; Ivlet fought against Amy and Shadow and Socsi tried to fight against Darkness, before a blue ball hit him. Hurray, Sonic is alive! (# still has 2 lifes left) Also he now had his swagger TWAS loadout with his scarf and protective googles and stuff. As Sonic took over Darkness and Socsi tried to help Ivlet with Amy and Shadow our second favorite edgelord Darkness suddenly attacked Socsi. But before he would hurt her in any way he teleported our three heroes away. Some days past and Eggman started to take over the World, while the sky turned black thanks to Darkness' power. One strange dream about someone begging Socs to defeat Darkness and her waking up to go outside later our three heroes decide to go with the final attack against Darkness and Eggman, also titel drop. Our three heroes finally went out of hiding and faced Darkness with the power of the Chaos Emeralds, which let them all turn into their Super Forms. The battle seemed easy for our heroes, Amy and Shadow were defeated easily and Darkness sucked their dark energy out to give it to himself and be stronger. He fought without caring about his own life and so our heroes decided to take him out of his misery and all three shot their lasers at him, with the power of everyone who wanted them to win this battle. Darkness seemed defeated as he screamed that he would return and end all of this. He disappeared in the beam and everything seemed to be finally over. ... and this was only the first of three Story-parts of TWAS owo I'll quickly sum up the other two parts so this won't be too long X'D The other two parts are ... very cringy, to say the least X'D Part two introduces Riaka, the literal Goddess of Darkness and Queen of the Underworld. Darkness used Socsi to summon her and the final battle was, after Riaka let Socsi free, Socsi in an 'Arch-Angel'-Form against Darkness. Darkness died, but so did Socsi aaaand that was everything important to know X'D The last act of part 2 explains what exactly is up with Darkness; as Socsi died a mobian named Holy, also known as the Goddess of Light, explained to her what Darkness is, apperiantly Darkness and Holy were suppose to be the next God of Darkness and Goddess of Light, but as Humans started to hunt for them they killed Holy and Darkness hid himself away. One thousand years later Darkness woke up by some kind of unoknown force; Eggman tried to creat a Mobian, combining Sonic's, Socsi's and Ivlet's DNA and Darkness took that body to come bac from his eternal slumber and terrorize the world for taking away his loved one. The third part begins with introducing another new character; Cinos, an Anti-Sonic born by Darkness' power and Sonic's own darkness. Some talk about new Powers that were waking up in our three heroes, Socsi was send back to earth, our heroes get reunited, 20 years get past, blahblahblah, our Heroes wake up from two Mobians who are apperieantly Socsi's and Ivlet's Daughter and Sonic's and Amy's Son, who were born from their powers as they were falling asleep for 20 years, but these 20 years were only an illusion as when the two kids die reality broke appart and it was the past again. Some more filler that not even I want to read anymore later we have our heroes face against a huge, monster like creature that Darkness turned himself into to finally destroy every living being and have his revenge. But thanks to Holy and the literal combined power, as our heroes fused together to creat a being of light and kill Darkness forever. ... NOW ONTO TWAS GENERATIONS! OWO The only thing I have on TWAS Generations are some memories of plot points and pics I drew and even uploaded on DA. It begins with the fight Sonic against Eggman, like any other Sonic game there is, but Eggman suddenly got the upper hand as Sonic started to feel weird and weak. Sonic seemed defeated and fell unconscious. After some time he woke up in the far Future and even found his past counterpart ... whose legs were broken. Sonic gave Classic gives Classic a piggyback ride the whole adventure and one after another found his friends' future selves, who tld him what happened. Eggman managed to take over the world and force Sonic to work for him, or Eggman would kill Sonic's friends. It turned out that Eggman gave Future Sonic the protective googles (The scarf was a gift from Socsia and Ivlet way before TWAS Generations or TWAS happened) ... aaaand at the end Sonic killed Eggman. Also, Shadow was chained up and went insane, Knuckles lost an eye and was scarred from the battle, Tails disappeared one day and Amy ... was killed, but Eggman build a replacement, who played her role so that nobody would worry about the real Amy, even if she didn't really want to. So yeah, Future Sonic is also edgey as fuack owo ... and yeah I know I know, these stories suck, but like I said, they are literal years old and I plan on someday reworking them. Cuz fuack the God-Thing, I can write something better than OP Gods and stuff owo Heck, I even plan on reworking TWAS Dimension's Prolouge cuz it was too focused on Socsi's perspective and I'm sure I have a better explanation how Socsi and Sonic got into the Nirvana in the first place X'D So ... I still want to redesign Darkness and give him a more baddass Story ... when is another question X'D

[marinette-sky]

Cigarettes and Leather Ch. 3

(A/N: I'm back from the dead, everyone! Hip hip hurray! I apologize for the long wait, I got caught up in testing, school, and family stuff (did you know I just had a birthday? wild I'm getting old).This chapter is from Adrien's POV, like many of you had asked for. This is the final character fodder I will implement, because from here on it will just be dorks and shenanigans (and drama of course!)

Summary:  Adrien Agreste does, in fact, have a heart. And it does a good job at being an asshole. (which is redundant, because that is exactly what Plagg is for!)

Word Count: 4,728

The chatter of students and the accustomed sounds of nature filled Adrien’s ears as he held the recently lit cigarette between his teeth, inhaling deeply despite the unpleasant feeling that prickled the back of his throat as a result. He blew out lazily, watching past the dispersing smog with a glazed stare until the fence that separated the school from the public and the blue hue of the sky melded together into a single entity. Somewhere in the background, Plagg was mumbling insults from the small amount of camembert he received from the little container hidden in Adrien’s jacket pocket, but he couldn’t have cared less.

Plagg gets lethargic when I give him too much of that rancid cheese, anyways.

Adrien lifted the cig to his lips yet again, this time puffing lightly as he tapped his fingers on the side of his jacket to stave off the feeling of restlessness welling inside him. He knew why he was so anxious, but he didn’t really understand why it made him feel that way, nor did he really want to think about it right then.

Besides, he always opted to light a cigarette when confronted with an internal dilemma.

Smoking was one of the only methods that kept his thoughts and feelings in the calm, like an anchor in the midst of a stormy sea. Yes, he did it to be rebellious against the atrociously cold and calculating man he had for a father, but it was also like taking a dose of reality a couple times a day; his reality and connection to the life of a normal teenager used to be his late mother, but that was three years ago, and this was now.

And right now, he was in dire need for a good smoke.

Well, that, and a good excuse to escape Chloe’s clinginess and Lila’s flirting.

Chloe hated the smell of cigarette smoke and Lila knew well enough to stay away from Adrien when he was getting his daily fix (most of the time), so it worked out in his favor. He almost felt bad for yelling at Chloe earlier that afternoon, when he was at the peak of his bad mood, and the talk with Marinette was still circling his thoughts like a vulture. It was an almost immediate reaction, the way he shook her from his bicep and expressed his desire to be “left alone for a while” a little too harshly for someone of her personality. He heard Lila laugh at her rejection from somewhere behind him, and felt Marinette’s judgmental gaze pressing into his back like a steam-iron.

Chloe looked so appalled and embarrassed he nearly consoled her right then and there.

Nearly.

The memories of her antics towards Marinette Dupain-Cheng the morning before prickled in his mind, and Adrien could suddenly feel nothing but anger and cold disappointment towards her. Before he could do or say anything more brash and hurtful, Adrien had just stomped off with each footstep more forceful then the last.

Sure, he had acknowledged the mean-spirited prank before when he apologized to Marinette on behalf of his dumbass of a childhood friend, but the feelings he felt then were not present when he talked with her before. He had always held some kind of respect for her, but now it was different. It was like his attitude towards her changed drastically overnight, based on the reason that he actually got to know a little more about her then he should have and learned that she wasn’t just good at being an annoyance in his life.

She’s good at being witty, brave, kind (when I’m not an instigator), and her ability to defend herself was impressive.

Not to mention I’ve always thought that she’s sort of cute…

Adrien slammed his hand into the wall behind him, crumpling the still burning cigarette between his clenched fingers. Plagg jumped away from him, dropping his camembert in surprise.

What the hell am I even thinking?

He really needed to shove those thoughts deep down inside, and kick Marinette the hell from his mind. Yeah, she’s pretty cool and all now that he knows she’s not a complete goody-two-shoe, but he doesn’t like her in that way. He was probably still feeling the lingering effect of their conversation.  

Right?

“Adrien, what the heck?! You made me drop my cheese…” Plagg was in his face, not looking too pleased with his little outburst of anger.

“My bad, Plagg. I just…never mind, I’m just being moody.” Adrien brushed the cigarette ashes from his palm, wincing a little as he touched the fresh, red burn mark caused by the butt of the stick.

“Fuck…!” Oh, it hurt alright.

Curse my fucking stupidity, I have a shoot tomorrow!

“What has been with you lately? You’ve been acting weird since yesterday ever since you talked with that pig-tailed lady you argue with sometimes.” The kwami sighed and shook his head, staring down at the singe on Adrien’s flesh with distaste and what he assumed to be slight pity. He was sadder to see his camembert fall then to see his chosen injure himself, which Adrien found bitterly amusing.

“I’m not acting weird! And what does she have to do with this?” She had a lot to do with his recent behavior, but he would never tell Plagg that. Saying it out loud would mean endless teasing from the kwami, and he certainly did not want to be reminded of it every time he transformed to fight crime with Ladybug.

“You are acting weird, and ever since you suddenly apologized to that girl-”

“Marinette.”

“-yeah, yeah, Marinette, you’ve just been not yourself. Like, you’ve been showing more of your inner dork, instead of your tough guy façade.” Plagg rolled his eyes, and puffed up his tiny chest to imitate Adrien for emphasis.

“I’m not a dork.”

“Yes you are, and you acted like it when she tried to complement you, but you just walked away.”

“She acted like I couldn’t be a decent human being to anyone up until then, Plagg! I wasn’t about to just take her bullshit.” Adrien had every right to walk away, even if what she said was intended to be a complement. “I may be a hypocrite, but it was rude.”

Plagg leaned back into nothing with close eyes, carefully contemplating his words.

Uh-oh.

Whenever Plagg actually thought about something, he tended to give painfully accurate advice. Adrien often forgot that he was thousands of years old, and that just because his little friend chose not to spout pearls of wisdom all the time did not mean he was not wise.

The kwami grinned, lifting both eyelids to form an arrogant squint.

“You say that, but don’t forget that you’re the one who is always a jerk to everyone, and you were especially jerk-y to her yesterday. I think what she said is fairly justified, considering you were technically the one that got the both of you in trouble in the first place.” He saw Adrien’s brief look of confusion and added “You know, the whole assault ordeal and the visit to the principle’s office?”

Adrien opened and closed his mouth, thoroughly and utterly speechless against his reasoning.

Goddammit, Plagg is right.

He hated when Plagg was right.

“…I wasn’t trying to be a jerk yesterday, and I didn’t know she would react like that when I grabbed her wrist.” Adrien said quietly, dropping his stare to the pavement in spite.

“If I were you, kid, I would apologize to her after school today for the entire mess you made. Honestly, you could have avoided this entire thing if you swallowed your pride and said sorry like a normal person yesterday. Now your father has to find out about this, plus you have detention…” Plagg kept talking about all the consequences to his actions, but Adrien decided he would just deal with them when the time came.

Maybe apologizing to her for everything will resolve all the weirdness and tension?

As much as he apologized for every tiny thing when he was Chat Noir, he found it strangely bearable to apologize to Marinette as Adrien Agreste. There was something about her that just warranted it, similar to the feeling he got whenever he messed up in front of Ladybug.

Yet…

Truthfully, he didn’t really quite understand his own reasoning behind the impromptu ‘I’m sorry’ he told her the day before; it could have been the way she reminded him so much of his alternate persona when transformed, like when he gets bested by an akuma victim.

Either way, if saying sorry for everything relieves the burden of awkward tension between the two of them, Adrien can go back to his normal delinquent life and Marinette can go back to giving him an occasional scolding for it.

The harmony would be restored.

Or maybe, a little voice in the back of his head whispered, you could take this time to befriend her, since now you know she is actually a cool and interesting person who fights better then you!

Now, that was an entertaining thought, as sarcastic as it may be.

Before, he only ever saw Marinette as the only girl who had any guts to call Adrien out on his wrong doings (excluding Alya, the walking-talking hurricane who would and could flat line him in an instance). He had an inkling of admiration for her sass talk and never even dreamed to pursue a relationship past their heated banter. But, after being forced to his knees in the epic display of her badass self-defense skills, and being on the receiving end of Marinette’s infamous ‘sugar smile’, he has changed his tune towards the female considerably.

“Maybe…” Adrien echoed aloud, interrupting Plagg’s pessimistic rant.

“What?” Plagg inquired, perplexed at his chosen’s mumbling.

Adrien just smirked at him and did not say anything for the rest of their lunch period.

---

The final bell of the day rang over the speakers, signaling the end of class for the students. Adrien, who had impatient for school to end since lunch time, slouched deeper in his seat on the first row with relief as his classmates slowly filed from the room, their incessant talking drowning out the shouts of that night’s assignment from Mrs. Bustier. Nino managed to give him a parting fist-bump before Kim and Ivan swept his best friend away in a wave of boyish shouts and back slaps, both sparing a sympathetic glance in his direction as they hurried out the door.

Chloe sashayed past him with Sabrina in tow, making a point to stare straight ahead to show she was still mad about earlier; not that she needed to say it out loud, either, the angry click of her heels were enough of a hint. Sabrina just offered him a grim smile that made her frail appearance seem even more breakable, like worn glass.

I wonder if Chloe took her anger out on Sabrina again, which would explain why she looks like shes about to cry…

Then again, Sabrina always had that expression on her face whenever Chloe threw a temper tantrum, so it was probably nothing he should worry about. He could leave those kinds of feelings to Chat Noir.

Chat Noir was good at sorting his thoughts and feelings when it came to the people around him.

Someone placed a firm hand on his shoulder, pinching the material of his jacket between their thin fingers in an effort to gain attention. Adrien glanced up with disinterest, unsurprised to find Lila Rossi looking at him with sticky-sweet sympathy.

It seems almost believable.

“Your handsome face is so troubled, Adrien! Is there anything I can do to get you out of this?” Lila cooed, leaning down. One of her pony-tails brushed his cheek, while the scent of her spicy perfume crowded his nostrils.

Adrien felt himself frown.

Too close.

“It’s a little too late for that, don’t ya think?” Adrien was in no mood to humor her, nor did he very much like when she rested her other hand on his forearm. “Besides, you don’t have a damn clue what I did.”

“Oh, but I know it has to do with Marinette. Just say the word, and I can make up a lie…” Her olive green eyes twinkled with mischief, but there was something else there too.

Something darker, with less discernable intentions.

“I’ll pass, Lila.” Adrien feigned a smirk, and stretched his arms behind his head to effectively shake himself of her grip. “I’m used to this, remember?”

Lila bit her lip, obviously displeased with his decision. She took a step back, glaring not at him, but someone above them.

He noticed that the conversation Marinette and Alya had been carrying on since the bell rang came to a stop.

Lila turned her attention back to him.

“Its that Marinette girl, isn’t it?” She suddenly claimed, leaning down once more, but with more force. You never turn down my offers! What happened between you two?”

Adrien was taken aback, and he couldn’t conceal the shock on his face that showed it.

Pull yourself together! Her claim is baseless and vague!

“What the fuck do you mean? I just don’t fuckin’ feel like getting’ in trouble more with this particular incident.” Adrien chose his words carefully, very resilient to admit to his gang member of what had transpired between them yesterday, and today for that matter.

What she doesn’t know won’t kill her.

“Bullshit. I know you, Adrien. If it wasn’t that goody-two-shoes, it has to be something else big, or at least it better be.”

“You don’t know jack shit about me, Lila. Mind your own fuckin’ business for once, will ya?!” Adrien was SO not in the mood for Lila’s nosy, busy-body, jealous bullshit.

Cry me a river and get over it, fox.

“I know more than you think, Agreste! I worry about you sometimes…” Lila crossed her arms, genuinely exasperated. Their angry whispering had caused the teacher to spare a concerned glance in their direction.

“Yeah, well, you can go stick that worried friend act in ah bottle and put a damn cork in it, because I suddenly remembered I don’t want to fuckin’ talk to a nosy liar right now.”

Lila’s expression shimmered with hurt, but there was something seething beneath all the distress. All at once, she stood up straight while flipping a thick pony-tail over her leather-clad shoulder, huffing.  

Your loss, then.” Her tone was casual, but it held venom, and Adrien knew he would get a million texts (and phone calls) from the female later that night asking why he acted like that towards her.

“Guess so.” He retorted, shrugging despite himself and giving her a teeth-ful of snark.

Lila was gone from the classroom in a flash, taking the overpowering smell of seductive spices and tension with her. Adrien would have laughed at her abrupt departure had it not been for the off-hand comment he heard Alya ask Marinette.

“What the hell was her problem? That stare was so cold I swear my body temperature went down…” Alya grumbled, completely unaware of his eavesdropping.

“I don’t know, but then again its Lila. Just ignore her.” Marinette replied, equally oblivious.

“No, girl, she was looking at you, not me.”

“What? I turned around too late, I guess. She did seem peeved at Adrien, though…”

“Yeah? Well, what else is new? I’m more worried about you, girl.”

“Huh? Why? I’m sure she was just being prissy…”

“Uh-huh. Did you do something to her, Marinette?”

“I haven’t even said anything to her since last week-”

CLAP!

Mrs. Bustier, who until then had been stacking papers, clapped loudly at them. Adrien didn’t know when she had taken to standing in front of his desk without him noticing, but decided not to make a comment. The smile she wore was deceptive, if not intimidating.

“Alya, if you are done chatting with Marinette, I would like to begin her after school detention. Also, after that little display I just saw happen between Lila and Adrien, I’m afraid the same might transpire between you two, too.” Mrs. Bustier gestured to the door, and Adrien turned around in his seat to watch Alya gather her things together. She murmured a quick good-bye to Marinette before flying out of the room, leaving the door open ajar.

The smile on the teacher’s face faded into a grimace as soon as Alya left. She turned back to them, the mint of her eyes devoid of warmth.

“You two won’t fight, will you? There seems to have been a lot of that happening within my student body, it seems…” Mrs. Bustier trailed off, her cool green stare landing on Adrien.

Adrien coughed, and shook his head begrudgingly, noticing from his peripheral vision that Marinette did the same.

Their teacher smiled bitterly at their consensus.

“I’m sure you two know why you are in here, then, so I do not need to remind you, correct?” Mrs. Bustier nodded to the both of them, arms now crossed.

“Yes, ma’am.” Marinette responded politely.

Mrs. Bustier looked at him expectantly.

Seriously? I’m all out of politeness today, come back tomorrow.

“What are we doing today?” Adrien supplied instead, skipping the introductory. The sooner he could talk with Marinette, the better. That conversation with Lila left him angry and a tiny bit worried, so he needed to talk to her today, before anything else could bog him down.

Because Lila definitely will find a way to buffer his possible chance at being friends with Marinette if she manages to snag information on what happened.

“Well, right now, nothing because I need to go make copies of tomorrow’s assignment…but I don’t want to leave you two alone without supervision.” Their teacher glanced at the piles of paper on her desk, and sighed. Adrien noticed the jumble of keys on her belt loop and quickly formed an idea.

I swear, I’m a genius! Take that Plagg!

“Mrs, Bustier, if I may? I have a resolution to your problem.” Adrien offered up his strongest gentleman smile, fighting off any hint of a smirk.

“Is that so?” Mrs. Bustier humored him, giving him a tiny smile that said ‘watch yourself’.

“I see you have a room key, so to ensure we don’t leave the class, lock us in. It’s not like we can use a window of we’re two floors up, either; that’s suicide.”

The older female upturned her lips in thought, looking from the stack of papers, to them, and then to the copying room across the indoor veranda that was the terminales floor. After a few moments of deep deliberation, she tuned back to them in full, smiling genuinely.

“Adrien Agreste, your reputation is not the best but you have never failed my class for the four years I’ve had you. If anything, you always seemed to earn the highest grade in here out of anyone. That’s trust-worthy enough, but I’ll only allow this is Marinette is okay with it. Marinette?” They both turned to her, and Adrien could swear she shivered visibly when she looked into his verdant stare briefly.

Come through, you tough sugar cookie, come through!

Marinette took in a rather shaky breath, and looked only at Adrien when she spoke, surprisingly enough.

“I’m okay with it, Mrs. Bustier. I have something to discuss with Adrien, anyways.” Those cobalt eyes drilled into his figure, a hint of guilt swimming in her iris’s. What could she possibly have to say to him that wasn’t ‘fuck you’?

Guess I’ll find out.

“Wonderful! Depending on how slow the copier decides to be, I’ll be back in as little as ten minutes. Behave, you two!” Their teacher exclaimed, collecting her filing folders. A minute later, she had locked the door and began making her way to the copy room, probably anxious to finish the rest of her workload for the day.

And just like that, they were alone in the room together.

Both teens busied themselves in getting comfortable. Adrien did a 180 in his seat, leaning his back against the desk while crossing his legs on the bench. His jacket squeaked from the friction, and he felt Plagg re-situate himself inside the hidden pocket. Marinette tucked one leg inside the depths of her pleated skirt while the other leg hung limply from her perch, softly tapping the glazed finish of the wood.

Now that he could fully get a look at her without any pressing distractions (or conversations), Marinette managed to appear pretty in the most unassuming way. Her coat was tastefully wrinkled and creased, with one button at the top of the vest left undone. Both of her pigtails had been painstakingly groomed and conditioned to be the exact same length, despite how frizzy her hair was at this point in the day. The skirt that hid one of her legs splayed over the bench and rested an inch past the cap of her knee, longer then what most girls preferred their skirts to be. She was slouched over the desk slightly now, the sweep of her bangs casting a timid shadow on the freckles peppering her nose and cheeks.  It was as if he were to blink, he would miss Marinette in all her imperfect majesty.

Say something, nerd! His conscious admonished, snapping him from his reverie.

“I have another apology for you.” Adrien admitted casually, bringing a hand to rub the back of his neck. Marinette looked surprised, but at least she didn’t seem uninterested.

That, or she was a very convincing actor.

“Yeah? You and me both,” She replied, hastily adding, “A-An apology for you, too, I mean.”

Oh?

“Really? I’ll go first, then…” Adrien took a moment to compose his thoughts, trying his best to maintain eye contact with the girl across from him to show he was serious.

Here went nothing.

“I’m, ah, really sorry I got us into this entire damn mess. It was my fault that I…well, rather than saying sorry to you like ah’ normal fuckin’ person, I approached you like an asshole and even put my hands on you. Look, ever since yesterday, there has been this weird tension between us and I know you’re super freakin’ weirded out by me, darlin’, because we never talk like this but…yeah, I’m just really sorry about this entire damn thing.”

Adrien paused, dissatisfied with how his apology came out.

“Y’know, that sounded a whole lot cooler in my head. Figures, don’t it?” He grumbled to himself, causing the girl to break out into laughter. It was high and clear-cut, reminding him very much of Ladybug’s laughter.

A beat of silence spread between them before Marinette spoke.

“As long as you’re truly sorry, Agreste, I forgive you. I mean, you’re not fully redeemed yet, but it’s a start.” She played with a lock of her raven hair as she said this, looking more relieved than anything.

Strange girl.

“So…we good?” He questioned, a smirk playing on his lips.

“Yes, but I owe you an apology too. First off, I’m sorry I kicked your butt yesterday and that your father had to find out. Second off, I’m sorry about what I said earlier, or what I implied. It was insensitive of me.” Marinette smiled shyly at him, looking like she wanted to say more but couldn’t find the right words.

You and me both, darlin’.

“Well, t’be fair, I act like I don’t have a nice bone in my body. Its no wonder your judgment’s a little warped.” Adrien held up his hands, chuckling. The awkward tension from before was dissipating, and a more comfortable atmosphere had fallen over them.

“True, but I figured you couldn’t be that bad since you chose not to sue lil’ ole me.” Marinette teased, threading her fingers together.

“Oh, that was fuckin’ wild! Imagine, the trouble-maker being offered to sue the goody-two-shoes!” He shook his head at the irony, recalling his own miffed emotions at the time. “Shit, to think it just happened earlier…”

“I know, right? I felt bad for losing my temper, Mr. Damocles looked as if he-”

“Pissed himself?”

“Yeah.” She giggled, their conversation hitting a lull.

Adrien studied Marinette for a few moments, taking in their newfound attitudes towards each other. She forgave him fairly easily, while he just as easily forgave her. Plus, she was easy to talk to. It was so peculiar, and frankly scary, how well they got along without a crowd to impress. This caused him to wonder why he didn’t try to pursue something with the female earlier then now, like in their first year. If he had become friends with her then, maybe he wouldn’t be where he was now. Maybe…

No.

They were from two different worlds, practically. He grew up with strict parents, and even stricter rules. She grew up with loving parents, and rules that remained unbroken. His rebellious tendencies had been present ever since he learned to lie, and it had really peaked when his mother disappeared. She had been showered with love from her still-present mother all her life, with no discernable behavioral issues to be found.

Adrien Agreste was a delinquent (while Chat Noir was a golden mess), and Marinette Dupain-Cheng was kind-hearted with a thirst for justice.  

But, a late start is better than no start at all.

“Hey, Adrien, I have a serious question for you.” Marinette suddenly said, frowning. Adrien looked up, blushing lightly from the fact that he had been caught staring.

“Try me.” He replied, mirroring her frown.

Marinette shook her pigtails slightly, tucking a stray curl behind her ear as she wedged a closed fist under her chin.

She was the perfect picture of curiosity.

“What was the real reason you apologized to me? And don’t give me that dumb excuse from yesterday, I hate when people lie to me.” Adrien felt his throat close up, and he had to force himself out of the staring contest had been having with her up until then. Chat Noir was usually good at dealing with mushy bullshit such as this, not Adrien Agreste.

But Marinette asked you, not Chat Noir. Stop being a pussy.

“Uh, well…look, darlin’, I’m not too sure myself. For the most part, you reminded me of someone…close to me who gets shit on all the time like you do from Chloe. I wasn’t in the mood for bullshit yesterday, and so it just felt right to apologize. You dig?” Adrien felt his face warm with embarrassment, and he knew he would have to walk on eggshells if she asked about whom that ‘someone’ was.

Marinette kept the frown on her face for all but a second more, than smiled at him brightly.

“Good enough for me. You really are a good guy underneath all that cigarette smoke and leather.” She quipped, lifting her head from her hand. This made Adrien laugh, and for once it was genuine.

Safe, for now.

“I’m beginning to see why everyone likes you, Marinette, because I’m beginning to.” He said without thinking, reaching up to close the short distance between their desks and clapping a hand over hers.

The move was so involuntary and his words so superfluous that he almost didn’t catch the underlying meaning.

Marinette, unprepared for this sudden confession, kind of gaped at him. A flattered blush bloomed on her cheeks and spread to her nose, dusting over all her freckles like seeds on a strawberry.

What…?

Adrien, abruptly realizing his implication, removed his hand from hers at the speed of light.

Shit. That’s not what I meant.

“Fuck, hold on. I meant as friends, darlin’, as friends.” Adrien rushed to assure her, gesticulating like crazy to prove so. He saw the tension in her shoulders leave, and noticed she had lowered her eyelids considerably in the last few seconds.

Should I be offended?

“Oh, good…I mean, I knew that. Of course. Friends is doable.” She fluttered a hand over her sternum, obviously indicating she was thinking the other way around.

She looked him up and down again, and repeated with a smile “Definitely doable.”

Unable to help himself, Adrien winked.

“Yes, I am doable, darlin’.”

For the rest of detention, he was nursing a bruised cheek from the book bag Marinette had launched at his face.

[sportsandfitnessinfo]

New Post has been published on http://fitnessandhealthpros.com/beauty/i-swapped-indie-beauty-for-sephora-products-and-the-results-were-cray/

I Swapped Indie Beauty For Sephora Products–And The Results Were Cray

A version of this article previously appeared on JacalynBeales.Com.

Approximately five years ago, I made the decision to go green and natural with my beauty. That meant ditching all “generic” beauty products for those typically only found online for $ 40 per jar/bottle, which further meant spending most of my monthly income on natural skincare.

Yes, it is as ridiculous but worthwhile as it sounds.

Then, three years ago, I stopped wearing makeup altogether and now only wear the odd bit of concealer when I feel I need it. Though I don’t spend nearly as much money on makeup as I do skin care, natural makeup products made with ingredients that are actually natural and palm-free can be a bit pricey, especially when you live in the snowy tundra that is Canada (for UK people, that’s a totally different country from the US, just sayin’) and most of those items are shipped from the United States.

But I digress.

Over the past five years, I’ve tried – and ditched – many a natural beauty product, not only for their greenwashed ingredient labels but also due to their ineffectiveness as a product overall. But my experience with natural skincare – and my commitment to it – has meant avoiding all of the brightly, albeit unflatteringly, lit stores such as Sephora, where most women my age go to play with makeup and drop their paychecks at the checkout counter on the way out.

Cynical? Who, me?

Even I am not immune, however, to the draw and pull of Sephora. Whenever I do have occasion to visit a Sephora store, it is often with a friend or family member, and I never fail to become extremely overwhelmed every time I walk into one. The selection and array of brands is unreal, but what may perhaps be most surprising to us green beauty junkies out there is the fact that Sephora actually carries a few natural brands – or, as close to “natural” as mainstream beauty stores can carry. For example, my recent trip to Sephora revealed shelves lined with Farmacy and Drunk Elephant products, in addition to other “indie” and cult brands like Herbivore Botanicals. Though these brands are quite expensive – the average price of their products starts at around $ 40 and only increases frighteningly from there – I have been known to spend $ 100 on facial serums that prove totally effective, so I bit my tongue and stepped down from my soapbox.

For every one natural brand in Sephora, there are five more completely unnatural ones, and watching my friends pick out products that are clearly made with only-God-knows-what was surprising; in fact, while watching other shoppers, I became fascinated by the lack of discerning taste in products. People like certain brands and products, and they stick to them. No judgment, just keen interest.

After speaking to one of my friends in the UK over a series of hilarious Snap Chats recently, she said something that truly resonated with me. To paraphrase, my friend put me in line by betting that I couldn’t last a week using Sephora-sold brands, and my head began to spin. She’s totally right, I thought to myself as I was applying my $ 65 facial oil that night; there’s no way I could do that.

So, of course, I challenged myself to two weeks of using only Sephora-sold beauty brands. And it kind of really sucked.

How It Went

Upon accepting this self-induced challenge, I made a trip to the mall and entered the Sephora store with immense trepidation – not only for my skin and hair, but also for my bank account. There was no way I was coming out of this challenge unscathed, and neither was my debit card.

Hurray!

As I was perusing each display of different brands and products – many of which were Korean, as is currently the latest trend in beauty and skin care – I kept in mind the type of products I was looking for: facial cleanser, face mask, moisturizer, dry shampoo, under-eye treatment, spot treatment, hair oil, facial oil, and concealer. I would try to acquire samples of each type of product where possible but also ended up buying a few full-size items due to lack of sample-availability.

Facial cleanser. The facial cleanser I purchased was the Clear Bloom Cleansing Oil from Farmacy, which starts off as an oil and eventually turns into a “milk-like” texture for cleansing purposes. It purports to be a makeup remover and cleansing oil, but it was the cheapest cleanser I could find that came in a bottle bigger than my thumb for the same price as others. Aside from the fact that the first 5-8 ingredients are just alcohols and things you seriously cannot pronounce without a sherpa to guide you through the ingredient label, the cleanser smells oddly like dirt and window cleaner mixed together and removed my makeup just about as well as a L’Oreal cleanser would.

So, not a great first start.

Face mask. The next product at hand was the Dr. Jart Water Replenishment Cotton Sheet Mask which, aside from making me look like a serial killer, was ridiculously difficult to use and smelt purely like chemicals, something I haven’t been accustomed to since my days as an over-the-counter, drugstore-beauty user. I purchased two of the masks and used them once each week and saw no visible results, but they did sting like a mo-fo and caused my skin to breakout, so I suppose there’s that.

The ingredient list on this mask (and other Dr. Jart masks) was also quite heinous, as was the fragrance, leading me to conclude that these masks need to go die a slow death somewhere, preferably not in the ocean where the obscene amount of plastic used to wrap these masks will likely end up.

Face moisturizer. After my skin was suitably dried out by both the cleanser and the mask, I needed to layer up with a decent moisturizer and settled on the Ultra Repair Cream from First Aid Beauty. I’ll fully admit here that this facial moisturizer made me swoon thanks to its uncanny ability to hydrate my skin all day long without causing my t-zone to imitate an oil spill. It has a subtle fragrance to it that, shockingly, didn’t overwhelm my nose all day, and it works awesomely under concealer. The ingredients in this bad boy are pretty much what you’d expect – not to natural – but I couldn’t help falling in love with it and I feel terribly guilty about that.

Dry shampoo. Next up was dry shampoo, and I have to tell you that my body was freaking ready for this. For some time leading up to this self-induced challenge (read: torture), I had wanted to try the new Dry Shampoo Foam from Ouai. I had seen the dry shampoo foam all over Instagram, as well as in many an online article, with rave reviews, and the devil’s advocate in me kept insisting that it would be more effective than the natural dry shampoos I own and use – though I’ve alway preferred a natural dry ‘poo to the artificial ones. Upon first using the foam, I was impressed; this was doing its job and I raved about it to friends on Snap Chat like it was my job. I watched the brand’s instructional video to learn how to properly apply and use the foam and felt myself actually becoming Jen Atkin…until I looked in the mirror 30 minutes minutes later.

Not only does the foam have a perfumed scent to it that is totally overwhelming and grandma-like, but the foam had actually made my hair greasier-looking than it was when I first applied the foam. Ouai claims that the dry shampoo foam will give you volume while cleansing the hair; the foam goes on wet but dries dry for a chic yet totally useless user experience that yields unfortunate results. I proceeded to use the dry shampoo foam for another five days – even on washed hair, for volume, as the brand’s video says you can do, and I trusted Jen Atkin because, well, she styles Kim K’s hair and for some reason that made me trust her? – and promptly tucked it away into the back of my bathroom drawer, never to see the light of day again. Is it possible for dry shampoo to make your hair look dirtier, even if it’s clean???? Because that’s what happened.

I should have trusted Sephora’s online reviews of the foam rather than a brief brand video, but I guess this only proves that I’m a sucker for dry shampoo. I’m also totally embarrassed by my semi-promotional snaps I subjected my friends to about this dry shampoo for literally no reason.

Did I mention the dry shampoo foam is $ 30/bottle? BECAUSE IT IS.

Hair oil. After the harrowingly greasy experience that was the Dry Shampoo Foam, I decided to give Ouai the benefit of the doubt and try the Hair Oil, thinking that not all Ouai products could be bad. And, honestly, for the most part, this hair oil isn’t actually that bad. Unless you factor in the smell. My god, the smell. Applying even the tiniest amount of this oil resulted in a head of hair that smelt as though I had dunked myself in a bath filled with floral oils of I-don’t-know-what-the-heck, and that made this hair oil difficult to use. I found leaving it in overnight was the best solution, but only when I was willing to sacrifice my first hour of sleep being kept up by the stench. So, basically, I used the oil five times and never, ever again.

Oh, and the first ingredient? It’s listed by the EWG’s database as being considered potentially harmful as well as tumor-causing in animals. So yeah…take that as you will.

Eye treatment. Following the hair oil was the under-eye treatment. For my bank account’s sake, I bought two of Sephora’s brand name eye masks in Pomegranate, which purport to tone and energize the under-eye area using, well, you guessed it: pomegranate extract. A salesperson at Sephora recommend it to me as a cost-effective and quick solution to pricey eye treatments, and the color of the packaging caught my eye (no pun intended), so into my Sephora basket they went!

As far as eye masks go, I was surprised by the results of this one; it actually brightened my under-eye area and made my usual bags look less severe. I was impressed by how simple they were to use as well, though they’re a bit slimy and the smell is quite strong. However, for $ 6 a pop, the results outweigh the low cost, and I’m ashamed to say I would buy this eye mask again.

But, you know, I never will, because the ingredient list is not so lovely.

Spot treatment. Moving onto the spot treatment, and my skin was ready for some TLC from a blemish-fighter that would [hopefully] help repair the not-so-stellar results of the cleanser and face masks. The lovely sales people at Sephora were kind enough to give me a sample bottle of the Super Spot Remover from Origins, as there was no way I was going to spend $ 25 on a bottle of gel with an ingredient list longer than my college application. Nah.

Like most generic spot removers, I found this one from Origins to have a slightly chemical-y smell with the ever-popular burning sensation typical of spot treatments which seek to burn the blemishes from your skin. Though it wasn’t entirely useless, as far as spot treatments go, I found it dried out my skin quite severely and worked best when applied over a facial oil at night. It did help to banish the odd blemish or two I experienced after using the face masks and cleanser, but I fear to think of the ingredients used and how dry my skin could potentially become with continued use of this spot treatment.

Facial oil. The facial oil in question was a sample of the U.F.O Ultra-Clarifying Face Oil from Sunday Riley, a brand I see on Instagram and beauty pages quite regularly. The oil purports to be a medicated dry oil which absorbs quickly and clears congested pores for problem prone skin. And while it did absorb into my skin quite nicely, I’m unsure as to where the “dry” part comes in. Within half an hour of using the oil, my skin not only became quite oily itself, but the oil did little to calm my naturally red cheeks. It was also next to impossible to use under makeup as part of a moisturization routine, and the smell was something else. Something not very good. Like burnt grass and tea tree oil mixed together. Was I losing it??

Considering a full-size, 35ml bottle of the oil costs $ 100 (before tax), I said a silent prayer of thanks to the sweet women as Sephora who were willing to give me a sample.

Concealer. When it came to concealer, I decided to purchase one that wasn’t at all natural – and doesn’t purport to be. It was, however, recommended to me by both friends as well as Sephora employees who swore by its effectiveness and ability to mattify the skin. So, needless to say, I was all for giving this concealer a go. It’s the Soft Matte Complete Concealer by NARS, and yet again I was able to get my hands on a small sample of it. The full-size container of the concealer goes for $ 38 a pop, but my small sample was enough to last me almost the two full weeks, and matched my skin quite well, in the color “Macadamia.”

Real talk: this stuff works. And I’m not at all ashamed to say that I would probably buy this concealer if it weren’t filled with ingredients I’m wary of putting on my own skin. It provided amazing coverage without drying out my skin and worked well as an under-eye concealer on days when my bags were particularly awful. It even did a great job of mattifying my skin, which was a welcomed surprise.

The Takeaway

Over the course of two weeks, I pampered my skin with Sephora-sold brands which were at times totally overhyped or completely justified, both in their pricing as well as their overall effectiveness.

Though my skin and hair don’t appear to have benefitted from the products I used, apart from the under-eye mask and concealer, which both pleasantly surprised me, I learned a very important lesson over the two weeks of this challenge; mainly, that many brands are pretty awesome at greenwashing, especially when the packaging they use to do it totally distracts from that greenwashing. I was disappointed to learn, for example, that the cleanser I was using had a palm derivative in it but made no effort in its packaging to attest to that. The ingredients in the hair oil also concerned me, and I found it slightly off-putting that something as simple as a hair oil could have potentially harmful ingredients.

Was I at all surprised that some of the more artificial and chemical-laden products worked well? Not really. But I didn’t expect to like them, let alone find them to be as effective as they actually were. And though I’m committed to using only natural products – I’m not-so-subtly glad for the challenge to be over – the two week period did help me to recognize why some people may be wary of ditching their tried-and-tested products (like concealers) for more natural options. Some of these not-so-natural products really do work, but it’s up to us as individuals to determine whether the risks and results from using artificial ingredients on our skin and hair are truly worth the temporary benefits.

No one made me “suffer” through two weeks of using Sephora-sold products, but I’m happy to have put myself through the “ringer” of not-so-natural beauty. Now, I’ll never have to wonder again what some of beauty’s most currently-coveted items are truly like.

Oh, and neither will my bank account. Don’t try this at home, kids.

Are you a green beauty convert? 

Also by Jacalyn: The Moon Juice Cookbook Is As Woo-Woo As You’d Think–And I Love It

Related: Is Your Green Beauty Habit Actually A Fast Beauty Addiction?

Get the Glow–Not Clogged Pores: 3 Best Non Comedogenic Oils for Your Face

Get more like this—Subscribe to our daily inspirational newsletter for exclusive content!

__

Photo: Sephora, Tolph Cam, Fashionista, Mrs. James Recommends

After several years spent traveling the world, Jacalyn settled back in her native home of Toronto, Canada to earn her Degree in Classical Studies. A dedicated wildlife advocate, she has for the past three years written on the issues and conflicts threatening the world’s wildlife and advocates for the conservation of Africa’s lions. Jacalyn’s dedication to and involvement in wildlife activism inspired her to join the global movement of conserving wildlife and living an ethically conscious, eco-friendly lifestyle. As a writer, she has had many opportunities to report on wildlife conflict and, through her writing, raise awareness and become a voice for conservation. In 2014, Jacalyn founded the social media community called PACH, through which she works with global NGOs and NPOs whose efforts are helping to save Africa’s lion. Read Jacalyn’s work on www.jacalynbeales.com.

Originally at :Peaceful Dumpling Written By : Jacalyn Beales

#Beauty, #Cray, #Indie, #Products–And, #Results, #Sephora, #Swapped, #Were #Beauty

[fireonlight-blog]

Recent Adventures In Art

Alright so, I did say that I was going to start an art blog...

WELL, here it is. 

tada

Anyway, today I’m gonna tell you about my recent adventures in art.

So I love art and I’ve been drawing since I could hold a pencil. Since it was always a hobby though, I never really practiced or studied it formally. By high school, I thought that maybe I’d grow up being a graphics designer by trade and later on I discovered jobs like concept art, animation, art direction, design, etc. From then on, I had this dream that maybe I’d do something like that for a living.

It didn’t take long though to find out just how hard drawing actually is and how far behind my skills were. Sure, to some I convincingly had some talent of sorts with drawing, and I even believed in that for a while. But what use is relying on talent without any foundation to stand on?

That foundation, I soon realized, is the years of hard work and practice that any master artist has under their belt. That is the stage on which talent can present itself.

But without that foundation, I was helpless as an artist.

So I gave up. I took the easy way out and decided that maybe art isn’t for me and turned my back on it. 

Of course, it wasn’t just the lack of having ever tried that made me give it up. There were other factors-- financial, economical, all the other -als, you know, the kinds of things people in the real world must gripe over. “Artists don’t make money, don’t get jobs, starve”, etc etc. At that point I thought yep, might as well give up.

Now here we are three years later. I’m practically shooting myself in the foot because I can’t even seem to finish school. I’m at this limbo position, quite precarious, where before me lies a hundred foot drop into the abyss of failure and the wind is blowing pretty damn hard. 

School for what, you ask? Oh you know, a real world profession like computer science. Something for my wallet and my future. Something that is more like a running gag to me now because I laugh whenever I think about what I’m actually putting myself through. Yay, success.

I don’t know. Sometimes I think I’m defective for not being able to bite the bullet like everybody else. After all, how many times do we hear people talk about giving up their dreams for the sake of being practical, realistic, and so on. I mean, with the economy the way it is... with the art industry the way it is... with the rising cost of the living the way it is.. and other such sayings... It basically seems like following your dreams (if it’s art in this case) is damn near impossible.

Most people just settle. Let’s be frank. My parents settled. My siblings settled. Everybody I know settled. I don’t know of a single person in my life who’s actually doing their dream job. Everybody has the practical job. The job that earns, the job that’s stable, the job where you’re kinda sorta just satisfied. Heck, some people have no choice in the matter. Everybody has to earn a living, but there are definitely far worse options than settling. As everybody keeps telling me, “your one of the lucky ones, why can’t you see that?” Yeah, why can’t I see that? Again, I must be defective.

I just can’t seem to stand the thought of wasting away in a completely purposeless end. The act of going 9-5 doing something I can kinda cope with just to make enough money to survive, live comfortably, and do the same thing over again.

I should probably state that there are lots of people, in fact a good majority, who have jobs that are very very important, and that they actual do in fact enjoy. There are many who do have their dream jobs. Fortunately, for these people, their interests happen to be in line with jobs that are considered of high value and productive for society, in which case they are able to make a comfortable living out of it. If we’re being frank, there are also a lot of people who would say they made it, that they are living the dream.

I guess I’m just salty. Bitter. Not having a good taste in my mouth. Because the thing I happen to have interest in also happens to not be considered of high value to society, or at least that’s how it seems, what with the way that artists are paid today. It doesn’t seem to be a very practical and optimal option for sustainable living, at least in the eyes of my parents and those around me who’d like for me to pull my weight and also support everyone else. A lot’s depending on me I guess to rake in that money.

And that’s the way that the world works. I could go on...

But that’s already too many tangents. I let my existential crisis slip out for a bit there, sorry about that.

Besides all that angtsy non-sense, the rest of this post was suppose to be about my recent art adventures. Hurray!

I finally decided, after years of not doing art... to do art.

Not really as a profession though. I just realized I have some free time to learn. And also that I have an itch I need to scratch.

At this point, I’m driven by the sheer desire to do something creative. I have been bored out of my mind for the past few years, and maybe actually most of my life. I realize this creative itch ain’t never going away so I decided it’s time to start. It’s now or never.

Now comes the huge art hurdle. Basically, in order to create in visual arts, you kinda need a fuck ton of practice in the fundamentals of how to draw. How to draw shapes, light, value, shapes in light and value, perspective, objects from life, a glass of water, a bowl of fruit, people, bodies, muscles, limbs, hands, faces, eyes, the list goes on and on. 

Drawing from imagination, doing the creative process, only comes after traveling down that road. Not until one gets comfortable with those fundamentals, can they expect to create from imagination, at least well enough.

I mean, of course you can just draw from imagination from the get go. But I’m defective, remember? And one of my deficiencies happens to be a strong perfectionist streak. I want to draw shit that looks good, amazing, or better, from my imagination. And currently, when I draw from imagination, it’s not.

So like all of my favorite artists, the greats, like Rembart, Michal Angelo, Vincent Vango, Spongebob Squarepants, and so on, I have to actually practice.

Now from the beginning.

So, my art adventures this past few weeks. How have they been?

I’ve actually drawn. This is the most I’ve drawn in consecutive days since.. ever I think.

And this post was actually supposed to talk about all that, but now that I’ve spent an hour typing all that other non-sense up, I’m about too tired to write about what I was actually supposed to write about.

Till next time, this has been art adventures with yours truly.