#which. is admittedly something i *don't* want to do and am working on lessening to some extent lol

[scienceoftheidiot]

Okay so some writer's rant under the cut because URGH I need it out

You ever had a piece of art you made you LOVE that has been loved by other people but ALSO got recurring jabs for being something it is not ?

And it's not like, these people were expecting something that in the end didn't happen.

No. They are inventing things that do not. Happen. In this work. So they can shit on it.

If you've read until here you've seen me reblog the link to our body swap fic. This is the one. We had a new comment. Now deleted like the others.

Here are a handful of things these people whined about this fic containing :

Cheating

Rape

03 Roy, AND pictured in a not condemning light (admittedly this one is pretty funny. This is one of the points of the fic. Dude.)

Cuckolding fetish (last comment from yesterday)

This fic. Contains. Nothing of that.

Well except for 03 Roy obviously.

Like. For real. If you can't read, don't read. Or at least do not make us the victim of your inability to comprehend words being put next to each other in a specific order.

But let's humor the brain dead people and go point by point :

Cheating : can't happen because there is no established relationship on any side. One has never happened and the other happened, then *someone* fucked off to the mountains to sulk in peace

Rape : there is no single sexual act in this fic. Every close physical interaction (amounting to a kiss on one side and a hug on the other) are fully consented by everyone. Explicitly. The fic is rated M for descriptions of wounds and scars and, yes, the passing mention of Roy's body possibly reacting in a way he doesn't want. And he hides it. That's all. Everyone know what is going on and everyone know who is who for real and everyone is in possessions of their full wits. And they all agree to the meagre physical contact they end up having because they know the other won't stay around long.

03 Roy: sorry you clicked on the 03 Roy body swaps with BH Roy fic and got 50% of 03 Roy. Sorry you are unable to read.

Cuckolding fetish : I... What. The. Hell. Okay, first, see (1). No established relationship = no cheating. No cuckolding. The comment also puts this burden only on Roy. As far as I know you gotta be two for this, especially since EVERYONE IS FULLY KNOWLEDGEABLE OF WHAT IS HAPPENING. See also (2), no sexual act. One could argue a kiss counts, and I wouldn't disagree, but then go back to (1). Also... Unless we have wildly different definitions, both Roys would have to be in the same place and/or be knowledgeable of/see what is happening with the Riza they knew first for this to work. It isn't what happens.

I'm going to give more spoilers here, but I am very, very sorry these people can't read and project their insecurities about sex on this fic. Which doesn't contain any sex.

I'm very sorry they see two (four because both Riza are very much a main protagonist in this fic) characters who have been through hell and back and who end up in a world that is the same but different and weird and upside down/in front of someone who is suddenly changed in a weird and upside down way, and find solace in sharing some tenderness with that weird different version of their love, and all these readers think about is rape and dark fetishes.

Which, let me be clear, are perfecting fine to depict in fiction. Because fiction is not real life.

Thing is, this is not what is depicted in this fic.

BH Roy allows himself to be weak in front of 03 Riza, who in turns finds her love for 03 Roy hasn't lessened. BH Roy realises he needs to open up to BH Riza on his side.

03 Roy finds that BH Riza has followed BH Roy through hell and will do it again, and considers 03 Riza's loyalty with a new eye, and decides that he has to apologise for his stupidity - not because he wants something from her in return, but because he owes it to her. BH Riza... Has the same arc as BH Roy and by allowing herself something she would never have with BH Roy before, understands she's living in a lie and it has to stop.

For fuck's sake, most of these comments have been made after we finished writing and posting, on the fucking last chapter, WHERE EVERYONE IS BACK IN THEIR OWN WORLD AND ACTS ON THE LESSONS THEY HAVE LEARNT THROUGH THIS ADVENTURE

THIS IS AS FUCKING BASIC AS A SCOOBY DOO EPISODE. YOU GUYS CAN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND A FIC WITH THE SCENARIO OF A 20 MIN SATURDAY MORNING CARTOON EPISODE

By showing up in our comments you manage two things : making me feel angry and shitty enough so that I need to get it out on here and showing off your massive reading comprehension problem.

Holy shit I didn't think this would make me so angry but GODDAMMIT THESE PEOPLE CAN VOTE FOR THE MAJORITY OF THEM

I don't care that people don't like our fic. I don't even care that they tell us so (don't do that for fucks sake this is so fucking improper). I care that people are thick enough to see rape and cuckolding and cheating and fetishes in a fic that has none of that. I care that these people are unable to understand what we were going for. I care that people are dumb as a brick and inflicting it on us.

[whatyourusherthinks]

Howl's Movie Castle Review

What's with the Ghibli movies? Well the theater is just doing a month of Miyazaki films right now, and I'm taking the opportunity to watch all of them and lessen my Ghibli blind spot. And boy howdy, am I glad I am. Next week is My Neighbor Totoro, but I've seen that before so I'm not sure if I'll review it.

What's The Movie About?

Sophie is a quiet haberdasher who one day gets saved by a very handsome wizard, cursed by a witch to become old, then works for the handsome wizard as his housecleaner while trying to break her curse and get him to fall in love with her. Howl is the name of the wizard, by the way. (I feel like my synopses get worse every review.) Also, war is happening and it's bad.

What I Like.

There is so much about this movie that specifically tickles me. Obviously the animation is excellent, it's Studio Ghibli. With Howl's specifically I was admiring the backgrounds, I love how busy they are with little trinkets and knickknacks all over the titular castle. I also really like the characters. Sophie is an almost perfect protagonist for me. She's driven, yet not obnoxious. She can be both funny and dramatic, she makes a positive impact on everyone she meets, but she's also flawed. Howl's gonna get his own paragraph, but I love all the Moving Castle family members. I really like Markl's wizard disguise. Calcifer is also great and funny, I really like how demons work in the movie. I'm totally gonna steal the swallowing stars to turn your heart into a demon thing for an RPG, it's so cool. I also really like the Witch of the Wastes, and I like that even after she is welcomed the family she's still very selfish and vice-prone. And there's even a dog character I like! I really love the magic in the movie. I don't know if I can explain this properly, but I love when magic is unknowable but has definitions. Like when a fantasy story has a wizard who just seems to be able to do whatever they hell they want just by flicking their wrist or whispering a word, and then they come across something magical and they turn to their non-magic friends and is like "These are the Runes of Shiiiiiiiii'rak. I read a tome that will help me translate the spell they inscribe." I think that's cool. I don't mind if a story goes full unknowable or reality warping magic, but I find stories that try to explain magic fully get bogged down by minutia of it all and rarely ever make sense. I also really like when magic has a lot of physical components to it, like magicians need to take damage or physically manipulate magic to get their spells to work, like when Howl removes the Witch's message from the table. The worldbuilding in this movie is fantastic. I mentioned the demon heart thing, but I also like the designs of the flying machines that the two nations have, the goop creatures employed by both the Witch of the Wastes and the armies are kinda freaky to be honest, and again, the Moving Castle looks so cool! The movie starts with a shot of the Castle, which is the perfect opening. The final shot is also perfect, now that I think about it.

And finally, Howl. This portion is literally just going to be gushing about how hot he is, so skip to the next session if you don't care. He is so goddamn sexy. I almost never get on with playboy characters, because more often than not their personalities are so horrendous that it makes no sense that anyone would want to sleep with them. I totally get why Howl has the reputation he has. Not only is his first introduction with Sophie incredibly smooth, he actually has a pretty likable personality. I mean, he has his moments of being obnoxious, but once they explain why I totally sympathized. Also, and this is obviously just a me thing, but I liked all his monstrous forms. I like birds, and monsters, and he's a bird monster. Basically it doesn't matter what he looked like, I'd still let him fuck me if he wanted. I'm not sorry.

What I Didn't Like.

Admittedly, the story feels like two plots that don't quite mesh together. I wouldn't even call it a case of "we're just examining what this world is like" since they are both equally prominent in the story. It just feels like the curse story wasn't long enough for a feature film so they added the anti-war story as well. Also, there was like one scene where Howl is a bitch and Sophie runs off to cry and I wasn't sure why it was happening, but I got to see Ghibli's gorgeous tears animation and so I ain't mad.

Final Summation.

As of time of writing, I have seen 5 Ghibli/Hayao Miyazaki movies. This, Spirited Away, My Neighbor Totoro, Ponyo, and The Boy and the Heron. I like them all. But Howl's is my favorite.

Listen. It may not be the most polished movie ever. The plot is more like two smashed together. But goddamn do I like the characters. And goddamn is the world cool. And goddamn is the animation gorgeous. And goddamn is Howl HOT! GET OFF MY BACK SPIRITED AWAY STANS!

[selfawareunderwear]

I'm making this blog to keep a record of a long overdue process I'm undertaking. I'm cleaning my room. Now for most people that's a sort of joke and someone may imagine I just haven't done laundry properly in a while and have clothes on my floor or something. And I do have clothes on my floor. About ten years worth of them or more, and old school papers and knick knacks and to be honest who knows what the hell else. I hadn't seen the floor of my room in years until I started cleaning up the other day. My room hasn't been clean or like kinda close to it in probably 11 years. And my mom cleaned it then. And I really just piled everything right back on not very long after that. I was humiliated about it the entire time. I never had friends over to my house. I didn't talk about what my room was like. I got defensive if my mom tried to help me clean, and eventually if someone even stepped in my room or opened the door. Even worse if I wasn't there when it happened. At some point I am pretty sure I was really attached to a lot of this stuff. I personified my stuffed animals as a kid, treated them like they had feelings like they would miss me if I got rid of them or even just didn't have them in my bed for one night. I probably held onto that for longer than was reasonable. I would say I didn't want to get rid of something because it was a gift. The unspoken part there being that throwing it away was like throwing away the kindness that person did by giving it to me. There were objects, admittedly sometimes actual garbage, with happy memories attached and it was like throwing away a memory to me to get rid of it. I don't really feel these attachments to objects anymore, and if I do I can recognize what I'm doing and take a step back to say I don't really need it. I don't know what happened really, it may have just faded somehow or it may be because I'm on an anti depressant that's changed the way I approach things and lessened my anxiety in general, which I've been on for a while but I'm only just now getting to cleaning. The thing is though that cleaning has always been a big fucking ordeal, and I'm a procrastinator, so it's been put off for a while even though I don't want this shit anymore. I also used to hold onto things because they were happy memories, but a lot of the things I've got are from my adolescence, from high school, and those memories hurt now. I can't talk or think about high school, even the supposedly good parts, without feeling very emotional and recalling trauma. It literally triggers me. I look back at who I was then, someone very insecure and depressed with bigger problems than I knew, including the unaddressed unacknowledged mental illness that was a huge contributer to the mess I still live with, and it just hurts. All of it hurts now. I wish that part of my life could be erased, that I could forget all of it and so could everyone who knew me then. So maybe I want to get rid of the mess now because I want the reminders of those times gone, because it's like letting go of all of that baggage and coming as close as I can to erasing those things? Granted I don't spend any time looking at those things they're honestly buried under more recent things. I just overall really want all of this gone from my life. I'm exhausted, and my thoughts are about as organized as my possessions, so I'm going to cut things off here for right now and I'll pick up later. There's a lot more to all of this. There's going to be a lot more to it that will come out as I continue the process of cleaning. I'm just trying to write out and work through the emotions I am going to go through while getting this done and trying to process this thing that has just haunted my life for as long as I can remember and trying to understand why I've come to such a different place all of a sudden.