#which yeah thats. not helpful at all.
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The Sandman + Tools in ep 4 || ep 5
I’d forgotten just how much of myself I had placed in that jewel.
#the sandman#sandmanedit#thesandmanedit#netflixedit#sandman#sandman netflix#mine#gif:sandman#morpheus#john dee#lucifer morningstar#dream of the endless#i just think this was neat.. how lucifer talked about tool that dream so relies on#and then when john dee broke the ruby the power transferred back to dream i assume#im wondering if this will happen with his other tools in some other way#and also if this way he recognized or remembered more of himself - as he said he placed in the ruby#and thats what made him so emo that he went to feed the pidgeons in ep 6 bc he got back some feelings?#just guessing here idk anything about the comics but it would be a cool trope to put away into his tool a part of him#he didnt like to think about maybe something that helped him connect with humanity#and then Death had to show up and knock some sense into him which made him realize he should visit hob..bc yeah it goes all back to him
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no energy to illustrate since ch2 came out so all i have are dozens of pages of memes and sillies to puzzle together <3 if i have to draw all the damn queen content I Will. and im sorry to say i find one-sided queenkaard EXTREMELY funny
#deltarune#rouxls kaard#lancer#queen#berdly#once again a bunch of drawings i have done at random over the last 2 months and i feel like u can tell lmao#art#u know when kids get into their first relationship n say 'my girl/boyfriend/partner' every 5 minutes#yeah thats queen at lancer except its 'my son' she just loves this weird boy shes known for 2 days so MUCH#son. son boy. baby. my son. child. baby boy. etc. she care him!!#Finally Someone To Wholeheartedly Direct The Mom Vibes(tm) At....#anyway the only thing better than girlboss x malewife is 'the girlboss is too good for the failw- i mean malewife'#(but she finds his antics amusing most of the time and they're still friends :])#(unless they happen to be around king at the same time in which case KING I AM KISSING UR EX BOYFRIEND)#(WHAT ARE U GOING TO DO ABOUT IT ASSHOLE HAHAHA SULK HARDER)#which is a really long name for it and also very very very specific but it is what it is#... sorry u probably have to zoom in to read most of these cuz theyre all the same image LOL#edit - i found out the ship name it was really obvious in hindsight i am dumb#queenkaard#edit two - GIRL HELP IT ADVANCED IT IS NO LONGER ONE SIDED#queen 🤝 me - Oh No
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going insane over the fact that happiness and care and concern and love is underneath every interaction between newt and hermann in pacific rim
#HEAR ME OUT. they’re introduced and newt and being a groupie and behind him hermann is all huffing and rolling his eyes and shaking his#head but he’s Not Angry. no. he jumps to defend newt albeit in a somewhat mocking and sarcastic way BUT THE THOUGHT IS THERE. and then when#hermann is rambling on about numbers being the handwriting of god newt is in the background smiling and laughing and making silly#hand motions and yes the hand motion was a bit mocking BUT THATS THEIR WHOLW THINF. anyways i’m not done. when newt drifts with the kaiju#and pentecost is there talking to him and hermann and newt r yelling back in forth u can hear the unease and shakiness in their voices and#especially the frustration in hermanns. he’s frustrated abt newt risking his life and is worried abt that which translates out in anger.#and yeah maybe he’s salty abt being proven wrong too lmao. BUT CONTINUING ON. stacker could have just told newt to go to hannibal chau and#he would have done it. but instead they watch the film of him on HERMANNS computer as HERMANN controls the computer to look at the film. if#thé film was shown it was for a reason. newt doesn’t seem like the type to need reassurance abt chau before he goes. he was willing to die#for his trash drift. and stacker gave him the card and info so there’s no need to do anything else. the video is most likely there for the#viewers but it needs a reason to be there in the show. hence my reasoning that HERMANN asked to see it out of concern for newt who would be#doinf this alone. hermann demanded to see some proof to reassure himself. stacker having the card on him makes sense. him having that bulky#tape doesn’t. meaning hermann pressured him into leaving getting the tape and coming back to show him. anyways one more bit. so the drift.#hermann is clearly scared out of his mind and thinking abt the impending triple event. yet he still drifts with newt he does it to protect#him to take part of the neural load. and it takes a toll on hermann it makes a big enough mess of his brain that he ends with him bleeding#and shaking and sweating and coughing and throwing up. and he knew it would take a toll. he knew it would be a lot he’s seen the jaegers.#he’s seen what happens. he knows it will be rough. he knows it’ll be much worse for him who wasn’t drifted then for newt who has. yet he#still does it to help newt and to show his care and trust and concern and love and THEYRE DRIFT COMPATIBLE U DONT UNDERSTANDABLE HOW#EMOTIONAL I AM OVER THIS FUCKING OVER THEM#anyways one last thing. the way that they full body slapping each other on the back bear hugged when the throat collapsed (they were behind#herc and tendo so it was a little hard to see. i missed it the first time) in pure adrenaline happiness before we see the quiet tender hug#when they know everything is over for good (for now at least) when it’s time to celebrate when it time to think abt their drift and their#bond and their relationship and their LOVE. i’m so ok abt them rn actually#toad.txt#i wish i wrote this in a keep reading bit and not the tags now. anyways#pacific rim#pacific rim spoilers#newton geiszler#hermann gottlieb#newmann
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maybe i’ve just been under a rock, but i can’t remember any other time where i’ve seen people call an athlete a drama queen and a sore loser and an attention seeker for...being silent
#lewis hamilton#i think...it would be helpful#if people realized there is an underlying ideology behind f1s desperation to always make lewis hamilton the villain and the aggressor#like this attempt to paint this grand narrative of lewis as the one with privilege and his white colleagues as the ones who are suffering#its not going to work#and istg if one more person comes on here and tells us 'not everything is about race why can't we all just respect each other uwu'#while this sport as an institution constantly denies lewis his humanity#when he chooses to not exist for the service of whiteness#i forgot which post it was but it was about the gala#and people were all upset about lewis (rightfully) not showing up#and someone mentioned how they should have just sent a cardboard cutout of lewis instead#because thats all you would want to see of him#and yeah
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dad for one but with rei...
Could you like, imagine if Rei was his daughter he didn't know what to do with, she's strong and cold but doesn't particularly want to be a villain, and he doesn't much want her to be one either, not in any way that threatens his stuff or her life at least. But then he hears Endeavor's been looking around for a match and he thinks "oh, there's no way he's gonna fall for an ice match right, he knows that would end awful right" but uh he fell for the match and the fake family in need and Rei's beautiful but aloof air, so,,, why not stick with it and see where it goes? it'll be good blackmail material, right? and its not like his daughter has a life of her own, or anything. he can bring her back to the base after and no one is any wiser, and she'll hate heroes even more and- kid?? and a second kid so soon? does she just want to get it over with? well seems like it's working, his underling tells him Touya is having problems with his quirk, but now instead of divorce and setting himself up for blackmail, Endeavor just keeps trying?? now four grandkids?? and Rei, showing her nerves on the phonecall with him for the first time in years, tells him that Touya tried to kill his baby brother and this one actually had the quirk Endeavor wanted and AfO thought impossible?? AfO decides nows the time to collect his family back and gets Touya before he can completely burn up, but Rei realizes she'd rather have her kids stuck with Enji than AfO, so she chooses to burn Shoto's face so Enji keeps him close and sends her away and??? i dunno she just hopes everyone forgets about Fuyumi and Natsuo because they're safer ignored and neglected than anything else???
#i dunno might be fun to play with in a universe similar to blade's naive melody#which i havent read yet because i want to wait until its all up for my own mental wellness due to some heavy themes#but that i love already anyway#hm yeah Rei hit with the stick is interesting#definetely feels like afo playing a long game that he hasnt actually fully thought through himself right#he's both a chessmaster and building little towers of blocks to knock down#or heck maybe Rei told Enji the truth#and she was institutionalized to keep her from being too close to any secrets but not put her in jail?? or smth??#and they just. never told the kids anything#thats if you want to play it close to canon anyway#if you DONT oh hoho#there are many options#perhaps Rei arranging the match on her own to try and get hero help and just telling her dad its a villain scheme#but then idk enji doesnt believe her? because afo is a boogyman story?and she was too convincing with her fake family actors?#or does believe her idk#maybe rei thought the perfect quirk would draw her father out to where enji would see and believe her???#actually everyones playing chess and blocks now#just chaos#except the todo kids who seem all completely unaware#it'd be funny tho if afo tells dabi hes his grandpa and dabi's like 'i could not care less man'#afo: oh. i thought i could manipulate you that way#maybe he still thinks the irony of afo's grandson and nana's grandson on a villain team together#not that they're very good teammates but still kjhghjk#anon#pocket talks to people
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Thinking abt my teenage years .
#and the tumultuous feelings#I came across some drama scene lol and got reminded of boys. like. as a genre#like teenage boys. they r. insane#abt how ppl do things that are unnecessary as if they are oblivious but i rlly wonder is everyone really oblivious#also maybe im just really easy to win over like do i stand a chance against the fitnah of this world man#i rmemeber this kid. A whole grade below me. the new board member for my friend's club. I was helping her w/ club stuff on the computer#(he was also tall and kind. that. was the problem. not to be a sterotypical Girl. but)#and this kid casually just. leaned over me and put his hand on the mouse (on which my hand alr was)#like. how do u do that. casually. unintentionally.#obv i pulled my hand away and avoided him since lmao cuz. who wants to catch feelings for a whole 10th grader when ur in 11th grade right#ig thats why it was a shock to me. i thought boy-crazy mali would just like whoever it is she talked to first. and yet here i am#having talked to at least 3 million guys on 3 million blind dates and yet found none of them attractice#attractive*#is there smth wrong with me lol. maybe i just like the idea of guys. and not guys that i actually might end up with lol#lskdfjalkfd#anyway ig was living my best life these past few months being too focused on not feeling well to think abt boys as a genre#cuz yeah what a waste of my morning today thinking abt all this garbage#💀💀💀 oversharing again oof its been a while since i felt the need to do that man#i swear shaitan waits for Friday to whisper stupid stuff into my brain#like. let me live i just wanna read surah kahf and teach my classes ugh#delete later#uhm also like. ik its a 10 year old story but i hope to god my friend isn't following me aldkjfaskdjfaf#can u blame me tho. i was. like 15 or 16#it was much easier in middle school there was only like 15 boys in my grade and i disliked them all
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trying so hard to finish this fic so i can just be done with it and post it tonight but i keep getting distracted and the comic sans thing isn’t helping!!!
#i've written like 2000 words which yeah sure fine but thats been ALL DAY#THATS NOT ENOUGH FOR AN ALL DAY WRITING SPREE#i thought it'd be at least 5000 but nope#i literally have my do not disturb on so i can concentrate and that is also not helping cause i keep getting nervous that i'm missing someth
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its yearning hours oh myg od
#ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ idle chit chat#i want to have a friend . so bad#yeah sure i have a handful of friends but im talking about /friend/ friends#somebody that i can let loose around and be /me/#somebody that enjoys my presence and vice versa#somebody that i dont always have to be so happy around and go back to my people pleaser ways :(#tbh i dont even want a romantic relationship!!@*@ platonic love just always hit so diferent for me....<3#someday ill get to experience what it feels like to have a friend actually value me hehklehker >:)#ykw atp ive just accepted that i will always be a second choice and myb not even a choice at all wwww#most of my friendships were like that anyways which is . unfortunate HLKSHDKF#but ykw thats ok#ill just sit here and enjoy it while it lasts www<3#HELP THIS WENT FROM SWEET TO SAD IM SORRY LMAWHJFK😭#but yeah these r my afternoon thoughts for today >:)#if u read until here than uhh hi i hope ur having a good day GEJHRL<3#i sure am gna have a good day today#IM GETTING A HAIRCUUCTUTC
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hate ftm passing advice online bc some of the makeup contour and clothing tips and stuff like that is useful but everything always revolves around having short hair and it’s like ????? so many men have long hair, i don’t understand why it’s so vital to passing if you style it in a more masc way/don’t have it done up with girly barrettes and stuff
#i was looking at some contour tips bc i have no idea how to do makeup aside from like glittery eyeshadow LOL#but it literally started with ‘step 1: get that mop chopped!!’#THATS NOT A MAKEUP TIP#like if I could have short hair I probably would but my parents don’t allow it so can you help me pass without a buzzcut goddamn#also I saw this photo set of a trans guy with and without makeup and his hair was short it just had long bangs#and the comments were all like ‘with your long hair and makeup sorry but you don’t pass. I’d clock you as a female right away’#like yeah to be fair it was on Reddit but like#tbh when I was looking at it I think he passed WAY better with the makeup on and hair down#because he looked more natural and confident!!#in the no makeup picture he was clearly trying hard to look less feminine which just make it so unnatural and awkward#like literally you pass better if you just own it#idk rant over lol#gotta do my college apps
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i spend so much energy trying to be normal on other social media so I'm now allowing tumblr to be my 'deranged zone' hope yall love it <3
#mostly this means 'im sillly but dont say half the stuff I think out of fear'#a lot of the internet and people on it have very black and white thinking#and im like well most things are nuanced actually#and sometimes it will lead u to be attacked en masse as people locate a new target of the week bc its fun to attack strangers#and thats all so scary to me#who is scared of most things anyway#i dont have any insane bad takes other than the line people try to draw about shipping and pro and anti is dumb and I refuse to call myself#either of them#im like media is nuanced as are people and generally people will always make fucked shit#i think it should be legal for them to make fucked shit but it needs to have a space where no one can see it or access it#unless they are fully able to consent to it. so yeah most of it should not be on the public internet#help how did this turn into me talking about that which I've avoided talking about for months#anyway i had a real bad autistic meltdown and took an edible to cope so <3 hiiii#azzie.txt#im so sorry dont read this
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I had another pain management setup appointment this morning, this time with a physical therapist, and she was asking me about my flare ups and everything and i came to the realizations that 1) theres always a bit of a leadup to the flare, where i'll have a couple days where i feel like shit and my joints feel hot and weak but its also nowhere near the pain levels of an actual flare up. And 2) i am in fact in a pre-flare up right now :/
All this to say that im warping another belt but im not trying backstrap again right now because i can already tell im going to feel like death tomorrow
#the two pain management specialists ive seen so far have been really great which makes me hopeful that ill actually. yknow. get treatment.#of course it could be that the actual medication prescribing doctor is an idiot and asshole in which case i am course screwed#you really never know#have my first appointment with him in a week though#but yeah yesterday was way too much. and it wasnt even that much by anyone else's standards#or at least my coworkers seemed fine. but it definitely jumpstarted a flare up#just always a bit strange to actually. awknowledge that im in pain and theres something wrong#and downright insane to have someone be like 'yeah dude thats not right lets see if we can fix it'#bc i was dealing w a lot of this joint shit as a kid too but if i said anything my parents would get furious about me#'trying to get out of school by faking sick'#didnt matter if the problem was that my feet hurt bc my shoes were always too small hand me downs (an easily fixable issue)#or if i had sprained my ankle for the 10th time that month because there is something fundamentally wrong with my joints#they would just completely refuse to listen or help in any way and usually punish me for asking#so.... the experience of having someone ask me about my pain. listen. believe me. and start talking about what we can try to ameliorate it#is uh. somewhat novel. and also a lot.#chronic illness#im also still expecting someone to be like 'hey so this program is actually for people who are REALLY in pain and you dont qualify#because youre not that bad'#but nobody has said that yet which on the one hand. yay treatment (hopefully)#but on the other hand. when im not actively in a flare up or going into one i am always at least 80% convinced that im making it all up#or that im blowing it out of proportion or something#which also serves to stop me from spiralling 24/7 into health anxiety ocd doom#so with that barrier temporarily removed bc a specialist was nice to me i am now free to spiral#which. i am#should probably just start weaving before i go insane etc
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God im... Probably too nice but it's fine
#miranda talking shit#I wanted to talk about a thing but...noticed quickly that they were not in a good mood/mindset so ofc i didnt even bring it up#I mean the talk was good anyway. I think he... Needed that. We talked about feelings and how to handle them#And at one point he stopped and turned to me and went 'that thing you said about getting another perspective on it... Thats smart. Thats#A very good idea. Im going to try that' not like im good at dealing with emotions. But i try to and that's a thing i know have helped me at#Times. Discussed our goals/dreams and well... I cant agree with his or understand it at all but as long as he thinks thats what he wants#Then im not going to argue. Love how he always drone on about he doesn't care about anyone or what anyone thinks but still wants to hear#What i think. I told him that was funny to me. Bc imo one doesnt ask about something one doesn't care about or have any interest in...#He's been a lot more... Curious about what i think about things and its fun. Personally im just fairly weak in my opinions. Not many things#I think are worth fighting over or arguing over tbh. So im used to just listening and nodding. But that may annoy the shit out of him lmao#That might be why he asks me about my opinion bc im so quiet and passive . But yeah very interesting to discuss#Mainly bc i havent heard anyone have that kind of opinion and goal of their own so it was fun?#But yeah ngl i love hearing people say im wise or smart. Bc i obviously dont hear that often. So when i do im like ah ... Thank you 😭#Its bc im not book smart but i guess im emotionally smarter or whatever. In general i just enjoy making people think about other perspectiv#Bc i always do that and enjoy it. Think many are unintentionally stuck in their own way of seeing things and everything become so black and#White. To me the world isnt . I wish it was but no everything is gray with many shades lol#Also me doing and example: 'i dont think everything is your fault oliver. I think its my own'#Oliver serious: yeah well i dont think its your fault either Miranda.' i almost cried like... He didn't have to say that i was obviously#Doing an example and joking ? But he still ... Said that and im like...thabk you for reassuring me...#And he really went 'i fought hard to be the one that came by here today. It was going to be another guy which me and magnus hate. So i#Fought hard to be able to come here instead' and im like 🥺... Thank you... I wasnt there to fight but thank you for doing that...#I mean im guessing he also enjoys our conversations so i dont think it was a selfless thing but it made me happy :')#If i could have any say I'd basically only have magnus and oliver come by me but i know thats not how it works but it made me happy that he#Went out of his way to get it changed. I need to thank him again next time... At least he seemed to be a little lighter leaving than when#He came. So i hope our discussion was a bit helpful at least. Something had happened and i asked him if he wanted to talk about it#And he said no first and then 'maybe. We'll see' which to me is major bc uh.... He usually dont ever talk about anything happening actively#To me. Usually he comes and shares it 6 month later or something. So... Trust increase? I hope im rubbing off on him in healthier mental#Ways. Considering he's gone from saying nothing about himself to trauma dumping ... I guess something has changed. God i just#Want to pick his brain about everything for real. He has such diffrent values and priorities than im used to and anyone i know have. I love#Hearing all about it. Ive told him before but if we didn't meet through this... Unusual way. We'd never would have naturally. And if we did
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been stuck in my apartment with covid for a few days and its starting to feel like im in an alternate dimension
#i woke up with a fever on monday so its just been essentially an extended weekend#if an extended weekend included feeling miserable for a few days and drinking so much water just literally so much#my roommate is a godsend though they've been taking care of me and giving me tips on recovering faster#which have *knocks on wood* been really helping#i really hope i dont give it to him because that would just not be fair#after all she's helped me out#but anyways yeah i woke up this morning and the lack of structure for several days is getting to me#because it feels like im genuinely somewhere else that is not college#also the weather has very suddenly gotten really nice as if its spring again#which is exciting and i love it because thats my favorite season on campus#but it does not help with feeling like im in a different time/ space#and we havent been able to go see any of our other friends which has been so weird#ive kinda gotten very used to other friends visiting like all the time every night#idk man#cloudy rambles
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girl help school is kicking my ass
#three days till the end of the semester thank fucking christ#i have this fucking dance solo thing due MAYBE tomrrow and MAYBE friday#dont know which#and im way under time and my brain is not working with it at all#and then i gotta be memeorized for thing#and i have work tomoorw#and then a test on thursday#literally all tahts fine!!!!#its the fucking dance thing thats wrecking my whole shit!!!!!!!!#oh saw the moon through the window#glowing very nicely with the light fog#also i had some good salmon for dinner which is nice#i just dont know what to do for this dance#i think im gonna reuse old material and put it in to just have something#could i use some stuff from my form study?#probably yeah that might be good#okay yeah alright hopefully thatll help
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good things but personal so hiding in the tags
#its been a year now and WHEN will the honey moon phase be over im going ridiculous fr fr#our anniversary is literally on new years which is so fucking picturesque or whatever the word is i hate it (lying)#i got us matching bracelets and she lost hers that same day im literally so in love with her#and she told her siblings about us and her sister was just like. yeah obviously 🤨#and then later her brother when her parents waiting in the restaurant for a table and me & her & him were in the car and he said yeah.#i figured 🙄 and then he came out to us and i love him. i love her family so much i feel unreal#and her parents literally dont know were dating. like genuinely. i dont know what they think but it works. they said next time they all go#home to the philippines they want me to come. i dont understand why they like me so much & im so scared of the day theyll find out im#dating their daughter and start hating me. but rn i feel so happy so its ok#and her mom said shes thinking of taling spamish classes at my community college and i should take them with her. even though i speak#spanish from home but i can help her#her family is just so kind to me and it makes me feel soooo i dont even know. everything#i just never thought i would be this happy its so impossible for me to understand or accept it#and everything with us is never perfect but its so much love and i feel so lucky its scaring me#i feel like im dreaming im so scared to wake up and lose it all#and its all been so hard and is going to be even harder but its worth it. more than anything and thats even more terrifying than#all the bullshit#but its good its good its good#louie type
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How come when people talk about like tryna support people who are in a very rough place mentally they always give the usual you're not alone I'm there for you but never actually make any effort to be there - no reaching out, no desire to even wanna talk - like it's just bullshitting cause they know it would sound too obviously mean to be like oh your not okay? Well too bad don't bother me with that shit I don't care enough about you.
#like i know there are people ive spoke to who put on the fake like youre not alone i care im here dont be sad#but if i reached out this minute being like hey i am very much not okay#they be liek ha yeah we all got problems pls dont complain to me cause then ill feel bad too and thats not fair on me boohoo#and like yeah im not tryna be a burden#but dont fucking lie to me and say your gonna be there when your not#if i am falling apart and wanna vent dont claim your okay with that and then get annoyed when i do#its like they never give a fuck#we only ever talk when they wanna and they never guve a fuck about anything i have to say anyway#its just straight onto whats going on in their lives#which especially sucks cause like their is literally never anything good going on in my life#like the only remotely positive things i have to talk about is the media i consume which they especially dont care about#like nothing actually good ever happens in my life#i have bad shit happening or nothing#and the nothing is usually just cause i havent spoke to anyone in person in over a week and im super lonely#this does not apply to people i speak to online cause i know yall cant help living in different countries#it would just be nice to have something in my life who genuinely cared about me and wanted to listen to me#and i dont think thats selfish to want cause i know if there was someone who cared that much about me id be obsessed with them#so it would be mutual
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