#which wouldn't be the first time i bailed on a concert i had tickets for bc my mental health was in the toilet

[semiotomatics]

i wish i could enjoy literally anything rn

[shellylynn89]

Hawthorne Heights - August 18

In their heyday, I wasn't real into Hawthorne Heights. My sister and I joked about how they were *too* emo for us, which was saying a lot. Despite this, when we learned they were bringing their 20 Years of Tears tour (complete with many opening bands of the same era) to Earth Rider Brewery's outdoor space in Superior, we had to buy tickets.

I came close to bailing. My anxiety was raging that Sunday afternoon, and my sister and her boyfriend were meeting friends there. I wasn't terribly invested in any of the bands, and no one was terribly dependent on my presence. The regret of missing a concert the night before (Green Day's Saviors tour in Minneapolis, with The Smashing Pumpkins and Rancid) kicked in and I knew I couldn't miss another show (though logistically, I don't think I would've had the stamina for both so quickly after Childish Gambino + driving home from southern Wisconsin).

I managed to get a parking spot within two blocks of the venue, and could hear the first band - This Wild Life - from my car while I mentally prepared for socialization and loud music. I walked in as they finished their set and found my sister & company at the back of the crowd, near the sound booth.

Emery played next, and while I didn't feel like I did enough homework before this concert, I knew a couple of their songs and enjoyed their set.

Armor For Sleep were next on the lineup. I knew more of their songs, and felt so deeply nostalgic for high school. They sounded good, better than I expected. We joked about how manipulative the lyrics of Car Underwater are.

The somewhat rinky-dink stage setup - with only a fence separating the field from a major roadway - and the speedy stage turnover reminded me of mid-2000s Warped Tour in the best way. Anberlin were next, my sister was most excited for them but I only knew a couple of songs. They had rotating lead singers; their actual lead singer is on hiatus, and the singer they'd been touring with was sick, so the lead singers of some of the other bands filled in. It seemed to be the best way to handle a bad situation, and interesting to hear how different singers sounded with the band.

Thursday played next. I had always been a bit indifferent towards them in the era this entire tour was celebrating. I liked them more after reading the chapter about their album War All The Time in Dan Ozzi's book Sellout: The Major Label Feeding Frenzy That Swept Punk, Emo, and Hardcore (1994 - 2007). I immediately understood the stage presence and energy referenced in the book. They were electric. Geoff Rickly talked about the significance of this show for him - his mom is from Duluth. He seemed genuinely excited about getting to check out the city a bit. They played a new song, Application For Release From The Dream and I really enjoyed it. During their set, the moon - one night away from being completely full - rose just right of the stage. It added a spookiness that felt appropriate for the moment.

When their set ended, everyone I was with decided to call it a night and leave, but I didn't listen to The Silence In Black And White in full three times the previous week just to leave before Hawthorne Heights. It was after 9:00 PM, but my husband was working the overnight shift and I knew I could just work from home the next day if I was out too late. There was no reason for me to leave. We said our goodbyes and I made my way closer to the stage.

I worked my way into the crowd, energized by now being solo at a concert. As soon as Hawthorne Heights started playing, a very drunk man in a trench coat behind me started pushing everyone in sight. I hated feeling so distracted and scared, but figured realistically, this is at a brewery. I am one of very few not drinking alcohol. He wouldn't stop, and eventually was literally thrown out of the crowd by a much larger, less drunk man. I didn't see trench coat guy again. I was enjoying the music and knew all the songs, since they were playing The Silence In Black And White in its entirety, celebrating 20 years since it's release. A drunk girl to my right started bumping into me, her friends looking embarrassed and apologizing profusely. She didn't bother me like trench coat guy; she was excited and rocking out clumsily. She added to the Warped Tour vibes I was basking in.

It became apparent to me early in their set that I had massively underestimated Hawthorne Heights. The songs sounded tight and well rehearsed (but not too well rehearsed) and their rapport with the crowd was genuine and sweet. Later in the set JT (lead singer) stepped off stage, perched himself on the crowd barrier and talked to the everybody a little closer. He talked about how it felt being an emo kid in the Midwest when they started. He talked about not giving up. He talked about how important we (the crowd, the fans) are and have always been. The energy felt different, more like an intimate basement show than what it was. I felt a bit fraudulent, given my previous lack of interest in the band, likely sparked by the palpable sincerity of everything JT was saying. They played a new song called Gold Econoline and it was beautiful.

JT stopped to talk a bit more afterwards, this time about early shows they played, when they were building a following and The Silence In Black And White hadn't been released yet. Everyone was asking the same thing after their sets: why didn't you play Ohio Is For Lovers? It turns out, they didn't think the song was that good, and had no intent to release it as a single. They had their own question: how do you know that song? "Oh, I downloaded it off Limewire."

If you know Hawthorne Heights at all, you know that was the song that really put them on the map. JT acknowledged that, how that unflinching honesty led to them putting Ohio out as a single and changing the trajectory of their career, and ultimately making this show, right now, possible. He added that he would be at their merch tent signing things for people as long as there was a line. They then launched into Ohio Is For Lovers, everyone on stage and in the crowd giving this one last song everything they had. It felt cathartic, and I hoped and assumed everyone around me felt the same.

After the show I decided to wait in line because, why not? Cory was at work for the night, it was already past my bedtime and I felt wired, I wouldn't be ready for bed after the 15 minute drive home. I knew I'd end up sleeping in and working from home in the morning, so what's a little more time here? I scrolled through my phone while the line slowly chugged forward. I ended up buying a t shirt so I'd have something to be signed (as much as I hate signed shirts because I feel like I can't wash them, meaning I can't really wear them). JT was kind, the sincerity I saw on stage translating just the same here. He thanked me for coming to the show and took a picture with me. I walked away feeling the giddy fan girl glee I hadn't felt since similar encounters at Warped Tour, half a lifetime ago. 🖤

[papergirllife]

有缘再见

（If Fate Allows We'll Meet Again)

Liu Yang Yang

" What was the most impulsive thing you did before coming to SM ? "

It was another session of soju and wine among the wayv members on a typical Friday night.

All of them exchanged stories of their lives before wayv during these times, and now the question is directed at Yang Yang.

" I had a girlfriend for 4 hours and she's the only girl I dated. "

The mall was crowded as usual, both tourists and locals shop here in Germany.

All of Yang Yang's friends left him to hang out with their girlfriends.

' So much for the bro code ' , he thought.

He walked towards the entrance of the indoor amusement park in the mall.

' Nah it's ridiculous coming here on my own. ' , so he halted his tracks and prepared to leave.

That is until someone tapped him on the shoulder.

He turned his head to see a girl who's significantly shorter than himself, what surprised him was that she was Asian.

" Hi, I'm Y/N, and I'm here alone because my parents are in the concert hall next door. Their concert is going to end at 12, so I have nothing to do and I'm unfamiliar with this country. So I was just wondering if you wanted to be my boyfriend for the next 4 hours ? Show me around, stuff like that. This seems like a huge mall with lots of nice dating spots. "

" Sure. "

Next thing Yang Yang knew was that Y/N bolted towards the ticketing counter and bought back two entry tickets to the indoor amusement park.

" Come on ! We only have 4 hours. "

She took his hand and dragged him to the nearest ride.

" Don't worry, this is really safe. " Yang Yang said as they got into the roller coaster.

" Who says I'm scared ? "

And true to her words, she wasn't.

Yang Yang was surprised to see that she enjoyed every moment of the thrill of the exhilarating ride.

She even laughed aloud after they finished the ride. She truly was a girl Yang Yang had never encountered.

Yang Yang and Y/N got on all the rides that girls usually never go for, the ones that make your hair all messed up, the ones that get you a little wet, even the scary ones that his homies' girlfriends avoided like the plague.

When Yang Yang asked her why she said, " because the more scary they are, the more complicated the mechanism is, the more complicated the mechanism is, the more expensive the cost of the ride is. In conclusion, I'm making my money's worth instead of wasting it on the plastic ponies. "

She pointed at the carrousel which was filled with girls their age with full fledged make up, taking selfies in front of the magical lights.

That was when Yang Yang noticed that she wasn't wearing any make up, unlike all the German girls he's seen. The only thing she's wearing is probably coloured lip balm, a bright shade of orange red adorned on her lips.

Even her clothes were different, more eastern style he suspects.

Instead of the gym tights girls like to wear, she's wearing black skinny jeans and a silk button up. A tiny jade replica of a dragon dangles from a yarn necklace, similar to the one his mom has. Y/N's Chinese, just like him.

' That would explain her opinion on rides that are worth her money. ' Yang Yang lets out a smile at that thought.

" What are you laughing about ? Is it about my hair being messed up ? "

She reached her hand up to tame her messy hair.

" No I was just thinking about your theory on rides that are worth your money. "

" I should be eligible for Harvard for that. "

Yang Yang realised how much he truly enjoyed Y/N's presence, the way she jokes and the way she sees things differently.

Yang Yang shook his head of these thoughts.

' You only get to be her for a few hours, don't overthink this, just enjoy it while it lasts. '

" How about we grab something to eat ? My treat. "

" I'd love to. "

They arrived at a classic German cuisine restaurant.

" Are you sure about this, Yang Yang ? This place looks kinda pricey. "

" Don't worry, I bought extra money thinking my friends wouldn't bail me out on this. "

" You were with friends? "

" Yeah, they ditched me for their girlfriends. "

" My girls do that to me too, I'm always jealous of them, running off like that. They always say I'm too shy to date anyone. Y/N, the one who's never impulsive when it comes to dating. "

" How about we take a photo together ? You can brag about our little rendezvous here. "

" Your ideas are always appealing, Yang Yang. "

She scooted over her chair to Yang Yang whilst he asks for a waiter's aid in taking the photo.

After they finished their meal, they went to the clawing machines.

" You didn't seem like the type to like these. "

" I used to get them for my mom when I was young. I want you to have one too, something to remember me by or this moment. "

Yang Yang got it on his 5th try, which probably costs the same as if you bought one at a store.

' But it's the sentimental meaning that counts. ' Y/N thought to herself.

Yang Yang placed the plushie in her hands. It was a Stitch.

" Why the Stitch ? "

" You don't like it ? "

" I do. But I want to know the reason behind your choice of plushie for me. "

" In Hawaiian, Lilo and Stitch means lost and found. You were sort of lost tonight, but you found me. Now that I've given you a Stitch, I'll always be beside you wherever you are. Whenever you feel lost in life, give it a hug, think of it as me being there for you. "

Y/N enveloped Yang Yang into her tiny, but warm embrace.

" Thank you so much Yang Yang, I'll remember you forever and this moment we're having. "

Both Yang Yang and Y/N are tearing up now, both of them have never encountered such a special person in their lives, and the thought of separating after tonight seems to hollow out their hearts.

Yang Yang checked his watch, 11.30 p.m. .

" We only have thirty minutes left before your parents come back to fetch you and the mall closes. How about we break your rule about rides that are complicated only and take a ride on the ferris wheel ? "

" Sure. "

Yang Yang took Y/N's hand into his and led her to the queue of the ferris wheel, they didn't let go all the way throughout the waiting, even as they boarded the compartment.

The ride was silent, the both of them leaned into each other's embrace. Y/N's head on Yang Yang shoulder. Yang Yang's hand around her waist.

As they reached the top of the ride, Yang Yang broke the silence.

" This is going to be the most cliché thing you ever heard. But can I kiss you? "

Y/N had the biggest smile on her face as she put her hands behind his nape to lean in and connect their lips.

The happy couple was inseparable as they wandered through the flee market in the mall, Yang Yang's arm slung over Y/N's shoulder, keeping her by his side.

Y/N stopped her tracks at a jewelry stall. She picked up a pair of earrings that were placed on the table.

" How much is this ? "

" 8. "

She paid for the earrings and took off one of her own, and slipped it into her wallet

It was a star, the other was a crescent moon.

She handed the moon to Yang Yang.

" Wear this as long as you still like me, and take it off when you no longer like me. So when the next time if we ever meet again I'll know if we still share the same feelings. Deal ? "

" Deal. "

Yang Yang removed his earring to put on the one you have him.

" Dear shoppers, closing time is in two minutes. Please finish your shopping and proceed to the exits. We're opening at 10 a.m. tomorrow morning, we welcome you again then. And remember to drive home safely. "

" My parents should be waiting for me at the main exit about now. "

" I'll walk you there. "

Yang Yang wished this mall was when bigger than it is now, just so that he could spend more time with Y/N.

Y/N stopped her tracks at the side of the escalators at the first floor.

" Those are my parents. It's best that they don't see me with someone they don't know, they're rather protective. "

" So this is goodbye ? We could keep in touch, Instagram or Twitter or Snapchat ? "

" I live on the other side of the world, Yang Yang. But there's still a chance we'll meet again, let fate decide for us. "

She gave him one last kiss on the lips.

“ 有缘再见。”

“ 有缘再见。 ”

Yang Yang was starting to let her hand go, but he suddenly thought of something he hasn't asked.

" Wait. I still have one more thing I need to know. Why the moon and the star? Out of all the other ones. "

" Because in the vast night sky, the moon and the stars will always belong together, no matter where they are. "

She squeeze his hand for the last time, and let go.

Yang Yang watched her until she reached her family, he could see her smile from here.

Y/N turned back to look at Yang Yang one last time.

' I'll never forget you and I'll probably never move on. ' She thought to herself.

After Yang Yang finished the story, he grabbed the nearest soju bottle and downed the remaining of its contents.

" Thank goodness we don't have any schedules tomorrow. " Kun muttered to himself.

" So that's why you never take off this earring unless the stylists tell you to. " Ten said to the others.

" You never found this girl? Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat ? " Xiao Jun asked.

" No, she's like a ghost. "

" Get some sleep soon, Yang Yang. " Kun told him.

Yang Yang only nodded, too far down the memory lane to heed Kun's words.

One by one all of them retired back into their own rooms to rest for the day.

' Will I ever meet her again ? " Yang Yang asked himself.

A week has passed since Yang Yang retold his story. All the members avoided triggering his mood. He was still smiley Yang Yang in front of the fans, but he shut himself in his room more often than usual.

Yang Yang and Hendery were messing around in the dance studio while the rest of the members were doing their own things, Kun and Xiao Jun practicing a song, Ten and Winwin choreographing.

Suddenly, their manager popped his head in.

" Guys, I'd like you all to meet the members of SM's girl group that are going to promote in China along side wayv. Lee Soo Man said that you guys have to get to know each other in order to work alongside each other. "

He ushered in a group of girls and shut the door behind him.

Kun, being the dutiful leader he is started introducing the wayv members to the girls as they stood in a line.

Yang Yang was typing away on his phone to tell Jaemin when Kun told him to turn it off.

He slipped his phone into his pocket and looked up.

It's her, Y/N.

The both of them had shocked expressions on their face. Y/N's leader was telling her to introduce herself, but she couldn't hear or see anything else other than Yang Yang.

Yang Yang shifted his gaze to her ears, there it was, his star. Y/N did the same to him, seeing the moon made her breath a sigh of relief.

" Hi Stitch. Lilo's back. "

Yang Yang pulled her into himself, holding her close.

" Don't ever leave me again. "

" Never again. "

The rests of the people in the room carried on with their intros, letting the couple have some time to themselves.

Y/N pulled away slightly and looked into Yang Yang's eyes.

" I still have the Stitch you gave me. "

" I'd like to see it again. "

" Deal. "