#which wasnt even a crazy assumption like. they were the only characters in the story besides the animatronics

[puhpandas]

you know the content drought is bad when you think about content from over a year ago and still get excited

[thisdreamplace]

I had a nasty fight with my former bff. This was long ago. She did the whole 'boycotting me' thing at school and afterwards had a mutual friend pass her msg to me, saying "tell her [me] to get it into her skull that she's not the center of the world, who does she think she is? Stop acting like a #" Im simplifying the words, her actual words were nastier

I got thinking today abt this fight, and her comment abt me that is still way too fresh in my mind even tho I hadn't recalled it in 2-3 yrs!, and I actually decided to use the law to revise my friendship to feel better as what happened after the fight was shameful on my part. But before I knew it, I started rmmbring my relationship with her. How I became a total victim. Got so stuck on her validation, begged her to be friends with me (after I got the degrading msg. 🤕 silly me w/o a backbone lol) and stayed her 'bestie' for way too long. Only after it's all over im noticing smth messed up abt out 'feiendship'. It wasnf that normal I think. She would get so pissed if I did anything that went against her thoughts/beliefs/way (which is why she called me a selfish # that major fight). It was so subtle the way she showed her disapproval. To her, if I did anything not aligned with her, or even makih decisions on my own which didn't involve her, it was wrong. And had consequences like her beinf distant for days etc, or getting angry if I didn't mind read her bla bla, I just had to keep her at the top 24/7 and she expected everyone else to do the same... which I thought was normal... It wasnt. And what would be even more crazy is she never realized how that meant she always wanted the attention. That she always wanted it her way! It just makes me feel... Sad.... When I look back. How couldn't I have notived it before? I used to be strong headed, opinionated before I became 'besties' with her.. That all has changed. I wonder why -_-

It may be dumb on my part but with the weak mind and insecurity I had then, I took that fight/her reaction to the heart and internalisef this stupidiy (DENY MYSELF if the other alternative was denying HER. I didn't think it was wrong. For the oldme, it really wasn't wrong smh). Aaah I'm so sorry old me :(

This fight started bcoz she asked me for smth and I refused, instead of relenting like I always would, and I see now that her reaction (to me not being an obedient # to her ig?🤢) was basically her setting rules. It was wrong of me to refuse, yes, but why did she react that way? Why did this pattern continue? That everyone was selfish if they didn't think of her ;_; like how do u deal with this? And the icing is when I too started to defend her and make excuses for her all the time. And ik I'm making her out to be so strong, don't worry... I accept the strong only rule when the weak submit. And I was weak as hell, so its understandable this whole thing. I think 😅

Idk. I seen your posts abt eyipo with other anons so i hope u can tell me figure out what this was. Its clear to me she was projecting smth about me, and mb throughout our whole friendship she was projecting me. And I would think it was her hurting me, that she was right and I was wrong or maybe I did smth wrong. Mb I thought I deserved being punished that way?!

Today I suddenly had an aha moment and I realised... this is how a victim thinks. I didn't know I was a victim when I was living that stoey aka thought I was powerless. When in fact I really wasn't?! Haha still accepting I 555% created ALL that. The law can knock you out haha

Enough old story I just want to ask, what du u think the msg she sent to me was? Did I really deserve such a reaction (did I mention she included other girls in the boycot? 🤢) just for standing up for myself? What about the whole 'fight' aka showcase of power? And the entire yrs of being friends why did I never realize I was only hurting myself so much by putting her before me? And also, with the everyone pushed out thing, how did it fit in? Like why the hell did I give her too much power in validating me by giving in after the fight in the first place?, and while I did have some fun times (saying this so anyone else who reads this doesn't think it was pure torture lol. We had some common interests tyat no one else in the class shared when we first became 'friends'), deep down I was so unhappy so why didn't this reflect on her? I mean why didn't she ever sense just how much she'd hurt me, why didn't she see how much I put on the back burner coz of her?! Was it as she saw it as her right? I'm just so confused

This is still a bitter pill to swallow tbh but I have to face this in order to move on. This person and my life with her has left me wit many scars and I got to understand how I did this so I never attract such a person in my life again. Its not even abt bejnf a victim. As I said, these victimy things were subtle and I only noted them when it was too late and I was a shell, like she getting super pissed and disapproving if I had a differing opinion and me blowijg it out of proportion and tailoring my views or not expressing them so as to not feel the disapproval...thanks boycott conditioning ig? 😭 Aaaah even talking agaunst her rn is making me uncomfortable. Which makes me think I still am scared of her subconsciously even tho she's no longer in my life. Like, what in me made me choose her? I haven't healed, obviously by this ask as u can tell, but idk what is it in my self concept that had this whole thing in my past even happen

My friend, I also want to say I think you're a beautiful soul 🥺. And im sorry for the long ask lol. And I pray you'll always have all your desires. And plz, was it hard for u at first when u learned about u creating everything? The good, the bad, and the repulsive (like this story)? How did u get over old stories? Ty ty ty 😭

To begin with you're being really harsh on yourself. Like, I know it's hard, but it's never that serious. And trust me, this is something I have to remind myself of regularly. Because there have definitely been moments in life where I look back on myself in that moment, and I feel like I was pathetic and would slap myself if I could. But the truth is, there's just no need for any of that. We always did the best we could. We always did, period. We couldn't have done anything differently and this will continue to be true our entire lives. Looking back on the past with such overwhelming feelings, is really not needed. I get looking back to learn from it, but practice coming from a place of love and acceptance instead. It will help you grow, rather than get stuck back in this cycle of self-hate and confusion. Plus, you actually never need to analyze the past to grow but that's beyond the point right now.

To me, by reading your ask, the message she sent to you was clear. You feel you deserve less in life, you feel you're not good enough, you feel like a victim to life and others, you feel like you're not empowered or the operant power of your reality. It's not about her being wrong and you being right, and I get this is one of the hardest pills to swallow. Everyone is you pushed out. Therefore, there's simply no such thing as who is right and who is wrong anymore. It was only ever you.

When it comes to everyone is you pushed out, you have to understand this person isn't this way because that's who they are. They were that way because that's who you were. Inside of you, you brought their character to life. Therefore, the same way you are not stuck to such an undesirable self concept, neither is that person. It's not that you chose her and attracted her in. You were just dealing with yourself. That's what I hope you walk away from this response understanding. Because by thinking she was outside of you, you're missing the mark. And this is such an important concept to understand when it comes to the law of assumption, because it's really at the forefront of everything. People play such a huge role in our lives, whether it's relationships, jobs, opportunities, etc etc. So understanding how everyone is you pushed out actually works is extremely important.

So instead of putting all this blame on her or even putting the blame on yourself, all these memories really do is give you a glimpse into who you were at the time. It shows you the beliefs you held about yourself. It shows you what your self concept was. That's all it's doing. So in that way, there's actually no one to blame at all. I know it feels good to put blame, even when it's on yourself, but the truth is there's no room for blame when you learn about the law. You simply take responsibility and become empowered by the power you have held this entire time. And you practice making it work in your favor.

If you want to see how something was apart of your self concept, all you have to do is pay attention to what you are thinking/feeling. Shame, not being good enough, etc etc is all just stories you once held onto. Now you don't have to hold onto those stories anymore. Now that you know the power you hold, you get to make a new decision for yourself. Rather than ruminating of the painful past, allow it to be and know how that's not your story anymore.

Was it difficult for me to accept how I created everything? Yes and no. It's been a journey. While I could accept it logically, emotionally it was still very painful. Many times I wanted to cry and lash out when I felt alone and felt upset that no one was there for me. Although, I knew deep down it appeared that way because of my own concept of self. So yeah, it's been a journey. And it's honestly not always delightful. But this is the journey we have to take for the rest of our lives, so we might as well get used to practicing and applying these concepts. Instead of continuing to hold ourselves in such painful lights. I got through old stories, and I continue to get through old stories, by feeling all the pain that came up. By allowing myself to cry and feel however I felt like during those times. And in the back of my mind I knew I was getting stronger in my power. I knew how I would keep persisting once the pain subsided. And little by little, old stories fade more and more. That persistence to continue choosing better for yourself, is truly more powerful than it may seem in a difficult moment. Have trust in how it's all working out for you regardless.

Hopefully this is helpful! Thank you for your kind words. 💖

[docmurph12]

Ok review time. And remember, there is no war in Ba Sing Se.

My next request comes from my very good friend. The last time he and I sat down and tried to watch this was after we cleared through every episode of the animated series this movie was based on. We didnt get through ten minutes. So this was a fun, frustrating challenge. For those noticing, yes this is a retroactive review, instead of a "live" one. Reason for this is that as a fan it would be really difficult to be as objective as possible (given I already know this thing to be really bad) if I was distracted.

So what I know going in is that Shyamalan had a couple big flops and that he picked out this series to be his resurrection, thinking going the large scale epic route would be beneficial to his career. What happened was a ruthlessly infamous flop that resulted in nearly 6 years of silence, jokes, and memes prior to "Split" bringing Shyamalan back to relevance again.

First of all, this film could literally have been directed by anyone. Looking back at my review for Aladdin, I recall saying that I was shocked to find out it was directed by Guy Richey, because all of his hallmark signatures were missing. Same story here; The Last Airbender feels like a basic level cookie cutter epic filmmaking school project. Everything that makes a Shyamalan film is gone, which is crazy because the levity that makes ATLA (the acronym I'll use for the show going forward) is gone too. I have always said that as a director your job is to take what is written (which in this case was written by Shyamalan as well) and use your style to create a visual aspect that compliments the story told by the dialogue and events. Think of this writer/director relationship like one in comics between the writer and the artist. The artist is selected because stylistically he matches what is needed for the story. Great example of a good match is Sin City (picked because of loudness of its specific style). That story doesnt get told the same way or with the same impact with different color palettes, camera work, or actor direction. The Last Airbender is missing everything that gives a person a reason to select a specific director, especially one known for work in small scale supernatural thrillers.

The writing is.....super bad. There are a couple simple tools I like to use to identify if a film has scripting issues as opposed to anything else. First, is the dialogue done in a way that feels contextually natural? Do real people talk this way or is it written like shlockey, overly dramatic stage dialogue (think the Star Wars prequel trilogy)? Second, how easy is the story to follow? Are there gaping plot holes? Is it subtle with a good surprise? Does it hit you in the face with a story shovel with a handle made of heavy handed expositional dialogue?

Lastly, how hard are the actors trying to act around your script? Is it a good film where great performances outweigh poor to middling dialogue (Batman V Superman), or is it Bloodrayne? I've said enough on that, you get the point. That said, I am not sure the actors could have been saved by a better script. The cast was very poorly selected. Insensitive at worst (though I genuinely think the brown dude that insisted on the specific and coincidentally white folk he picked probably DIDN'T have a whitewashing agenda given what he said prior to release), out of touch with the source material at best, picking the virtual unknowns that he did really didnt pan out for him. The kid cast as Aang (pronounced AAng, goddamnit, not ONG, more on that later) got the role because he looks like the character, kind of, and only had a week of acting school worth of experience prior to filming the movie. Let's just say it definitely showed.

I am not sure TOTALLY crucifying the cast is entirely fair, so let's move the witch hunt to almost everything else. There is some good though, I promise so hang in there.

I really hope the editor got sent back to school. The purpose of editing is to make a cut that not only maintains but heightens interest in what you are watching. Cutting the fat in order to get to the point while not giving the movie away. Sometimes that means giving more than a 90 minute cut (which Shyamalan has taken at least partial responsibility for in this case) in order to preserve the story. There are scenes where the continuity from one cut to the next doesnt match up. Like consecutive cuts in one scene with massive distances traveled between cuts and even in at least one case a partial or complete costume change. It's extremely jarring. Something else about cuts--generally you cut to another angle or scene because the film requires you to in order to display more information that you wouldn't get in one single long cut. Usually a film has choppy cuts in it because the scene requires an character to do something the actor can't, or because the director or editor are bad at their job. The story, or sometimes in lucky cases just one scene, suffers as a result of bad or needless cuts. This is the case here. The strange thing is there are truly WONDERFUL long cuts of fight scenes that really suck you in, but the wierd juxtaposition between great non-editing and strange and bad editing really kicks you in the head. Enough on that. On to the next.

I did NOT see this movie in 3d. I understand that the conversion was really bad, but that said what I CAN speak to is the VFX. This film, with the exception of the lighting, was pretty well put together in terms of effects. There were really only a couple issues that were glaring in terms of VFX, but by and large it wasnt awful. There are definitely newer films that look worse. In standard. I dont know about 3d.

I think the thing that makes this film more frustrating than anything is that there are things about this movie I love. They are few and far between, but I really do love them. The intro was a really neat callback to the series intro to each episode. Then the movie happens. Then, the flying bison appears!! Then more movie. Then, a scene where Aang (not Awng) uses the glider in his staff. Then more movie. Then, all the practical martial arts, then, yet more movie. It's like this the entire way. Best comparison here? Green Lantern. It's like the Shyamalan said, "Hey, I like this and need a career boost.", then proceeded to cherry pick things from a beloved series and then ham and egged a movie with a confusing plot that absolutely requires you to be super familiar with the source material. There are a lot of assumptions made by characters in the movie that made sense given background provided by the show, but make absolutely none if you are going in blind. "Those are air bending tattoos, and I think he might be the avatar, despite he fact that I havent seen him bend anything and airbenders havent even been seen in over 100 years! Before my time!" Fucking come on. Throw the newcomers here a bone man.

The long story short here is I guess in spite of the casting decisions, editing, and direction, a good script could have made at least a fun movie. This movie should not have made it past script in the form we all saw it though, and it makes one wonder how much pressure was on everyone involved (almost all of it internally applied, Shyamalan did this project almost entirely on his own volition and cast a bunch of almost unknowns with the exception of maybe Cliff Curtis, so of course they said yes) to join in and take part in this without asking questions. Its upsetting to know the original showrunners were as ostracized as they were on this thing.

I dont see myself going back. Yes there were things that made me smile a little, but the film as a whole is so overwhelmingly bad in the face of those things it is just not worth it. I AM however going to go and rewatch the series with my wife and the kids for their first time, and maybe as a result of having to sit through this war crime of a film adaptation.

Final Verdict? I give it a D-. Purely out of respect for the very small handful of things I did appreciate. Next up?? The Lobster. Really looking forward to that one.

[fuckblizzardbearlover]

Pink Diamond And Why You are Objectively Wrong

Why anti pink diamond naysayers are wrong under the cut

The problem is that all the negative propaganda i’ve seen about Rose (yall should stop Dead-naming her probably) is that its all based on nothing.

Evidence doesnt matter only wild speculation? You want a character to be bad so thats all you see

the apparent philosophy is that Rose should have used her authority to try to stop the colonization. The problem is that there was no evidence she didnt. People spent WEEKS talking about it. We dont know jack squat about homeworld other than what the Crystal Gems have told Steven, what we saw in the Trial and what we’ve heard Peridot say. There was no reason after we found that out to think that “Pink Diamond” DIDNT do everything she could. People made the Assumption and went about that.

Expecting a single person to completely overthrow society is nuts but not as nuts as assuming people are bad until proven otherwise

Yet after learning she did some people still arent satisfied. Saying that she should have openly rebelled....Despite NO evidence that could ever work.

See we dont know anything really about gem society, we dont know how diamond Authority works, how the armies are structured, how Big the empire is. We dont KNOW. But instead of deciding to give the benefit of the doubt, they are deciding to assume the worst. Thats a choice and a baseless one at that.

Thats just...not how people work. Most people are good. even people supporting horrible things can be good, and their problem is that they’ve been misled by misinformation, by propoganda, were raised wrong.

You give people the benefit of the doubt, and only stop when they have PROVEN to not show any progress and no intention of ever trying to change.

The problem is we DO know some things. 

Its safe to assume that in a kids show that good people are good even if they make mistakes even bad ones

We know that Rebecca Sugar is allegedly a good person, as are the developers of the show. We know that its a cartoon show meant for kids, and so its suppose to have a positive message.

So in the light of a lack of information one would assume that since Rose is a GOOD character that she tried everything she could think of.

Just ask Princess Leia why a single woman cant save the galaxy

And we DO have info on why an open rebellion wouldnt work.  We DO know that their empire is galactic, that hundreds of worlds of gems are out there, that its pretty easy for even a fusion like Alexandrite to be outclassed by a mere two gems, that they have weapons to destabalize the forms of gems. We DO know they have instantaneous transportation (Galactic Warps). We have every reason and mountains of evidence that a full galactic war with Earth would have been won easily by homeworld.

We DO know that any gem seen as ‘unfit’ whether they came out wrong or not doing their job has a high chance of being shattered and harvested (i’.e. broken, and their life sucked out killing them. because remember shattering isnt killing its shattering. HARVESTING would kill a gem).

With these two important pieces of information we can make the SAFE assumption with no wild mass guessing that any Open war with homeworld that resulted in the full brunt of Homeworlds military power would have easily  overpowered the gems. That the colonization which based on We’re all falling apart, happens with minimal interaction from a Diamond, would have continued, all life including the ancestors of the current 8 billion humans would have been killed. And every gem on the planet, whether a loyalist, P.D.’s army or Crystal gem would have been murdered and their bodies used to fuel Loyal gems.

“but Pink Diamond could have fought till the end, used her army...”

Could she? where is the evidence. She wanted to stop the gem way of life, stop the colony and the other Diamonds just thought she was being lazy. She didnt want to kill human cities and the Diamonds thought she was just lazy. Gems like Peridot or Agate’s dont even doubt their way of life and understand what any other is. they are sheltered to the point they dont know what weather is. If P.D. gave the order to stop colonization would her armies just laugh at her saying “oh those Diamonds are so funny!”? We know from that same episode that Diamonds dont even interact with the troops, she was expected to not even step foot on earth. allegedly spending the last thousand years stuck on the moon base giving commands through a computer. So we can assume that colonization is fairly automated with gems knowing what their general purpose is, obeying the next higher up with Diamonds being mostly a figure head answering questions that confuse their underlings like “do we go ahead and murder all these people?” or what structures to build.

If open war did start and she actually  fought homeworld from earth....does she even have any space ships? she had 1 kindergarden worth of Amethysts vs  the entire homeworlds. is 100,000 to 1 good odds?

“well maybe the entirety of the Army wouldnt be brought to bare”.

THERE ARE LITERALLY ONLY 4 PEOPLE IN THE GALAXY WHOS LIFE MATTERS AND 1 OF THEM REBELS AND YOU THINK THEY ARE GOING TO JUST LET HER?

A DIAMOND, the ONLY entity in homeworld whos life is valued? Openly rebelling against gem society? You dont think that would have got their attention? we saw from the other episodes that they see her as a stupid lazy child whos SUPPOSE to be a galactic commander. They didnt listen to her because they thought she needed to learn how to completely obliterate a planet on her own like a Diamond is suppose to. They’ve repeatedly shown that not only do they not value organic life they dont value any life but a diamonds. The concept of destroying their way of life to protect some easily  harvested gems and easily squished bloody pulps of humanoids  would be seen as some weird crazy idiot thing the Kid Diamond was doing. From the Evidence of the well documented lack of care for life we know homeworld has, and the Evidence of how the Diamonds view P.D. we can extrapolate that they might do something like Either blow up Earth and “start over” but maybe with supervision, or just automate the construction and “ground’ P.D. while she got reeducated and given another colony in a few thousand years..

BUT DESPITE ALL THIS EVIDENCE WE STILL DONT KNOW BECAUSE WE BARELY KNOW JACK SQUAT ABOUT GEM SOCIETY

so we dont know For sure if all this evidence points to the proper conclusion. My point is that we Dont know what could have happened and what options they had, but we DO know the tone of the show, intent of the author so its safe to say even if Rose didnt magically know the perfect way to rebel that she tried everything she could think of. saying she should have done this or done that is like saying “X war would have ended sooner if the allies had just magically known that these bases up here were working off a skeleton crew and a blitzkrieg would have easily broken through to the capital”

So yes if We Dont know the Details, but you Still Assume the Worst, then Its Your Own Fault and has nothing to do with the story. I saw someone post about how we got a non reaction from Greg...but...why would we? Rose was  a hero, it doesnt matter to him if in some war that took place a thousand year before his greatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreat grandparents were born the rebel leader USED to be one of the homeworld leaders.

the reason this person was mad was because they extrapolated despite no evidence that P.D. did something wrong, because Allegedly (based on no evidence) she could have rebelled in a better way (using “Baby’s First Rebellion handbook, no doubt”).  OF COURSE GREG DIDNT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT, he already knew she fought a war to save earth and she won and Earth is saved. The outrage over this is artificial, fake and has no basis in fact!

So yes like i said twice already we dont have all the details and its wrong to assume the worst....

EXCEPT

We do have SOME Details, and not the ones i just listed. We have evidence that what Rose did was good because of what happened.

We DONT know if more gems could be saved, we DONT know if the war could have been ended early, we DONT know whether or not open war would have worked.

But we DO know She wanted to scare the gems off first, she wanted to save earth without a SINGLE person getting hurt, not one human, not one gem. Yes its apparently traumatic to get Poofed otherwise Saphire wouldnt have refered to it as a sacrifice, however we know its ultimately Harmless. Obviously Roses plan was to make the Colony not worth it. But because the Diamonds are shitty people and thought Pink was just being lazy it didnt work and so things had to escalate

We ALSO know that Blue Diamond arrived to oversee the end of the rebellion. Seeing as Pink wasnt even allowed to go onto her own planet it seems safe to assume troop deployment was based on Blues command, so peoples conspiracy that Pink sent out her own troops to fight the crystal gems is baseless with evidence against.

There isnt enough information to know whether P.D.’s plan was a sound one but we KNOW that P.D. was the closest to the other diamonds, if they didnt show enough love to Pink to convince her she mattered it was the Diamonds Fault not Pinks, for not picking up love where none existed. And we can assume based on her characterization that if she knew that the Diamonds would retaliate with evil in their hearts, rather than just leave out of disappointment, she WOULDNT have done that. Again blame the person who fires the bullet, not the person who denied the gunman’s feelings. stop blaming the victim.

And we DO know that Earth was saved. As i said i think there is a high possiblity Earth would be obliterated if Pink rebelled. Essentially the child doesnt want to shoot their dog, so the parents do it for them. But we DONT know. But we DO know that Rose’s decision lead to saving literally billions of lives.

And we DO know that not a single gem life was lost. yes its tragic that many gems were corrupted, but we know based on centipeedle they can be made to be happy and are in peace in their bubbles till they can be cured,  And despite thousands of years of torture, the gem shards are now at piece, and may be able to live a fulfilling life in the future as a fusion. We know based on all evidence that a broken gem is still alive, just disoriented from having its body not attatched. So the only lives lost were whatever humans fought for their freedom, and a few thousand gems were critically injured. I’d say a few thousand casualties is a small price to pay in any war.

We DO know that the Crystal Gems legitimately thought they were safe on earth, thought all dead, As we learned in “alternate ending” that Rose didnt even WANT steven she just wanted to have a child and have them grow up. No magical gem destiny. We DO know that Earth is safe and in good hands. And there is a possibility that even all the gems who were shattered may one day be happy again.

We DONT know what could have happened if Pink openly rebelled. But the only way to be ‘better” is things lead to a few more crystal gems being unshattered. but it also might have meant millions dead.

We DO know that her decision worked out for the best. Stevens happy, Gregs, happy, Pearl is happy, Garnet is happy, Peridot is Happy, offcolors can migrate to earth, corrupted gems can achieve happyness despite their disability, and shattered gems can find piece

So Stop going out of your way to ruin this for yourselves and being angry

[tumblunni]

fuck, that story did so many complex things with morality, i think that’s why ultimately it was his most well remembered story like the basic premise of a unicorn looking for the other unicorns is basically nothing compared to the MILLION DEEP QUESTIONS it kindles in childrens’s brains along the way! and like, the fact that it was even aimed at children despite having so much dark imagery and psychological horror. and how the psychological horror comes from weird places?? like, it subverts and analyzes the fairytale genre and turns a lot of commonly accepted ‘happy ending’ things into absolute burning hell and eighty million other far more interesting plotlines springing from the corpse of the cliche it just killed. I love it. I LOVE IT.

Random examples of stuff that really intrigued me as a kid!

* the whole idea of how it starts off, that this unicorn just legit doesn’t know that anything happened to the rest of her people. she’s lived alone for centuries and doesn’t even know what loneliness is until she finds out that the world has changed while she wasn’t looking, and her assumption that there’s a million other forests with a million other unicorns was false. And like.. her journey is really complex because of it? her motivation is less about saving a family she personally knew, and more about the fear of being forgotten like they were, and like.. ‘do i even have any value if i’m not defined as a unicorn anymore, if people forget what unicorns mean?’ And like the idea of her first meeting other unicorns for the first time and having even mroe challenges to her perception of reality, like thats not even something she WANTS but the same somewhat rude and egotistical sense of honor she has as an immortal is gonna keep her going towards an ending that probably won’t be happy in any way.

* the many many nuanced moments where the unicorn completely fucks up and is generally allowed to be a flawed protagonist, despite existing in a narrative that’s from her perspective and paints her as perfect and her philosophy as the only thing that exists. And like.. how many of her fuckup moments are ABOUT her being this perfect godly figure to everyone else! How molly breaks down at seeing a unicorn NOW, instead of back when she was young and had hope of a happy fairytale ending. How she feels like she isn’t worthy of a unicorn even looking at her anymore, and how it manifetss into screaming anger, blaming this thing for being too late. And how the unicorn didn’t even know that this woman was waiting for her, and hinging her entire life worth on meeting her, and like.. molly isn’t prepared to look at it that way, if anything its even scarier to think that the people you idealise just DIDNT CARE. And how its complex cos i mean its not like the unicorn is bad, either?? She just didnt know what she meant to humans until she got out of her forest and started meeting them. She was so self-absorbed and proud about being immortal without even knowing the reason why magical creatures are considered godly. And its so complex cos the way she figures it out is via the actions of an asshole villain, like seriously its SO SAD that she gets to see little human kids feeling like they have a reason to live just from seeing the false image of a unicorn that the creepy slavemaster witch lady shows to them. the unicorn herself was powerless to be what they needed her to be, and all she even cared about was judging the humans as rude bastards for not being able to see her, rather than thinking about it as it really is, and realizing that its not like they don;t want to, they’re absolutely desperate to...

* and okay just seriously THE COMPLEX NATURE OF HUMANITY! cos she sees all the worst of humans and all the best of them too, and the story doesn’t even draw any conclusions as to whether we’re worth it, it’s up to you to decide

* also it was really deep and complex how becoming human wasn’t just a cliche happy ending for her! it was TERRIFYING! being forced into a new body wasnt even the worst part, it was the loss of identity factor that hit her after she was limited into a non immortal mind and soul. she goes crazy ‘feeling this body die around her’ and gets scared that she’s going to forget her old self, and also scared of going back to her old self because she doesnt know if these things like love are impossible for unicorns and she’ll become unable to feel them anymore. her opinion of herself falls so far from arrogance into outright FEAR! and its so fucked up because being human is hurting her like this yet she’s also kinda idealizing humanity and blaming it for all her positive character development and like SHE’S ANGRY AND SCARED OF POSITIVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT??? it fucking makes my soul weep and then the ending is so fucked up cos she does return to being a unicorn, and no she doesnt stop feeling love for the human guy she fell for, and all her human friends who helped her this far. but now she’s burdened with the knowledge that she will never die and they will, so the story just ends with her running away so she doesn’t have to feel that pain, or burden them with any more pain too. And she’s even more alone than she was at the start, because she knows that none of the other unicorns understand these emotions, they’re all like her pre character development self and she could never be part of their world again. Its complex because these positive emotions and this kinder personality is like.. a curse to her. because at least she didnt hurt when she was blissfully oblivious, and didnt care about anyone but herself. Its like.. was this newfound ability to feel love actually a blessing, if she gets the love but also the ability to have her happy ending is forever lost to her? so really all she gained was the power to be aware that she was suffering all along. and like even if she managed to get magicked into a human again, the story makes it clear that it’s intense suffering for her, its like walking on knives and her personality would just melt away and she wouldnt even remember why being able to love was so new and so important. it’d be just like someone else having a happy ending instead, and her ceasing to exist. But then the story also gives us this very clear binary where all of her personality is very much linked to being immortal, and her only choices are to live forever and be sad, or to die and not even fully be happy because she’d lose herself. and like all she accomplished was losing the option she never knew she had- to live in innocence without a concept of good and evil, and thus never regret. which isnt a happy ending either, but at least she wouldnt KNOW she was in a bad ending...

* fuck this movie is so hard to explain and so sad

* oh and!! the harpy was fuckin terrifying!! and all the morality around it was even more so! its the first time the unicorn really fucks up, cos she’s just running on the honor of all magical creatures, which is very far from concepts like good and evil. she has to free a fellow immortal, even if its clear that the harpy is evil and will only do harm. but she doesnt even fully understand evil yet, all she knows is.. like.. fear? and betrayal. she knows that for some reason she doesnt understand, she fears this other person who is like her. and subconciously she recognises the darker side of what an innocence of good and evil can turn you into. but she recklessly chooses to ignore the humans trying to explain morality t her, cos thats just a human thing she doesnt need to care about, right? and then what ultimately surprises and scares her isn’t that the harpy does what humans think are evil, but that the harpy has no loyalty to the one who freed her, and immediately tries to kill the unicorn too. And you even get the sense that the unicorn would have still freed her even if she expected this would happen, its just this sense of duty between immortals because being caged means so much more when you’ll never even have the release of death. And i mean.., that’s kind of a point, too. the story’s one moment of embracing cliches is that it says that the harpy is just inherantly evil and was born evil, rather than more directly placing it as a parallel to the unicorn’s absence of good and evil. how do we know that this thing really IS an embodiment of all hatred, and its not just a lost and deluded creature like our protagonist, whose moral neutrality got pushed down the wrong path due to the difference of life it had once it first encountered humans? i mean, the unicorn encounters plenty of shitty humans too, but she manages to at least find some good ones and like.. she had a starting point of assuming she was a proud and inherantly good creature, which was confirmed even by the humans who manipulated and hurt her. she gets to see herself worshipped by humans, even if its as a way to make a quick buck. and we don’t know how long that harpy was locked up in an even worse version of her situation, and whether the unicorn would have become just as hateful if she hadnt been resuced... Its just kinda lazy to say ‘wow its good that shitty mc fuckface locked up this inherantly evil creature, yet bad that she did the same thing to you’ But still it makes for a really scary scene cos the film really went all out in establishing what a born-evil creature would actually be like, and how fucking terrifying it would be to deal with something that just wants to kill and kill and will kill even if there’s no benefit and no logic to it. It’ll betray anyone who shows kindness to it, and you’re being stupid by treating it like a real sentient being with thoughts and a soul. And thats terrifying. But its also fucking sad. And its the one lack of complex morality in this story. but i guess maybe i wasnt supposed to be a story all about exploring complex versions of morality, but just.. different and interesting ones? so taking the ‘inherantly evil’ trope and being like ‘no, you dont get to use that lightly, this is how horrifying and child-unfriendly that would really be’ is still an intriguing idea in its own right

...anyway its a real good movie also my lunch is burning cos i couldnt take it out of the over til i finished rambling RIP salmon dinner

[winchesterdesire]

Surprised

Part 4 of Done Waiting

Pairings: Dean x reader, OC x reader

Characters: Sam, Reader, OC, Dean

Warnings: angst? Again. Some self doubt

Summary: Reader is surprised throughout, by others and herself. Her feelings get confused.

……………………….

Sam motioned with his head to a man standing at our table. His expression slightly off. I half expected it to be Dean, but it was too soon. Surely? Turning my head to see, I froze and stared. I certainly hadn’t expected this. One thing was for sure it wasn’t Dean. It was James.

I sat staring in my surprise until Sam cleared his throat. I shook my head, trying to clear it and drag myself away from thoughts of Dean,

“James! Hi, sorry. What brings you here?”

Smooth, practically yelping at him wasn’t going to help anything. I let go of Sam’s hand and turned my body towards James. I was completely surprised to see him. What was he doing all the way out here?

James smiled, chuckling lightly. God that chuckle. I had forgotten how dreamy this guy was after all the shit with Dean and the case getting in the way.

He gazed at me for a moment before replying, an amused glint in his eye,

“That’s what I was asking you. This is my home town. I’m visiting family.”

My eyes widened and I didn’t know how to react. This was his home town? What were the chances,

“Oh! Well I hope you are having a nice time”

I mentally kicked myself and cringed. It was a lame response, but this was a weird situation. Bumping into him like this, when I’d thought I ’d never see him again. He must think I’m a crazy stalker or something. Gosh I hoped not.

I cleared my throat and motioned back at Sam,

“Well, we’re here on a case.”

A case? A case?! What on earth had compelled me to say that!? I saw Sam tense and I glanced at him as his eyes widened at me.

James didn’t seem to notice the underlying panic and cocked his head to the side,

“A case? You a cop or something? Failed to mention that the other night.”

He looked at me with a deep interest, a small smirk playing around his eyes and the corners of his mouth. I swallowed heavily, sharing a glance with Sam. Grateful for the life line James had unknowingly given to me I latched onto his assumption,

“Something like that… undercover…”

What was I saying?! It seemed like I had no control whatsover at what came out of my mouth. If I kept this up, I wouldn’t be surprised if I managed to spill the entire hunting monsters thing but dressed up in a bizarre twisted story that would probably sound less believable than the truth! James just nodded though not pushing the subject and I wondered if he was being polite or had a high tolerance for crazy. He was either a gift or an idiot. I hoped for the former.

“So, you here long?”

I renched my mind back to focus on him, but in all honesty was still feeling surprised and at sea that he was even here. I racked my brain before I found myself replying, earning a swift glance from Sam,

“Only for a few days”

Sam kept looking at me oddly, so I tried to ignore him. James looked a little disappointed.

“Ah, that’s a shame. Are you still with that other guy? Are you two…?”

My eyes widened as I realised what he was asking. My cheeks burned and I shook my head. Maybe I could clear the air a little and at least not feel guilty for this guy.

“No, no. I wasn’t with the other guy… not like you thought.“ Not like I hoped, I mentally mumbled. I motioned to Sam as I continued to garble words. “This is my friend Sam and the other guy is his brother Dean. We are room mates, sorta.”

Seriously, what the hell was I doing?! I just didn’t seem to be able to lie to this guy. Well what I was doing wasnt exactly telling the truth, but it waw enough to cause Sam to keep making his bitch face. I flicked my eyes ovwr breifly and sure enough Sam was looking at me sternly now, raising his eyebrows in warning. I heard James give a sigh of relief and my eyes returned to him to find him smiling.

“Good, because I’m sorry how we left it. I just walked out and I wanted to apologise. I just didn’t know how to find you. So this is odd actually that I should bump into you like this.”

“Yeah, your telling me” I breathed. Wait, he was apologising to me? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? I was about to speak up when James surprised me again by sliding into the booth beside me and grabbing a napkin. He pulled out a pen and wrote some numbers down.

“Here.”

I stared down at the napkin, stuck, had he really just given me his number? I didn’t quite understand how this had happened and sat there like an idiot not sure what to say or do. I was suddenly saved by Sam’s phone ringing. He picked it up and I averted my attention from the napkin to Sam, who mouthed ‘Dean’ at me. I nodded and waited for him to finish on the phone.

Sam hung up with a “yup” and I looked at him questioningly. He looked between me and James who still sat waiting awkwardly for me to respond to him.

“Well, that was Dean.“ He tucked a stray lock of hair behind his ear, “He’s almost here, so I’ll go and wait outside for him and catch him up”

Sam got up as I pleaded with him with my eyes to stay. He ignored me and backed out, nodding at James, before swiftly exiting.

I sat looking after him for a bit, when James clearing his throat brought my attention back to him.

“Sorry. Case stuff getting in the way” I threw him an apologetic look. He waved his hand as if to dismiss my apology. Leaning his arm on the table, he drew closer to me, his hand inches from my own.

“Don’t worry about it. I get it.“ He smiled and seemed to get even closer, “So? Can I see you again? I know we didn’t leave things on good terms but I don’t know, when I saw you today… I felt… I couldn’t not come over… I just wanted to give it another shot. We got on well, don’t you think?”

I swallowed, my throat running dry. Jeez. I needed to pull myself together. I slowly nodded. Why not right?

“Sure. I mean we did. Yeah. I’m sorry too about the way things went. Dean can be… protective.”

I shrugged apologetically.

“It’s in the past.” He offered me smile which I gradually returned. I was still unsure how to go about this. I mean the whole thing was rather unconventional. Did I really just think that? When I had I ever been conventional? I really needed to stop disappearing into my own head. I came back down to realise we had been staring at each other. I blinked and he looked around, scanning the room. When he seemed satisfied, by I don’t know what, he turned back to me.

“So, I was just wondering, if you have time, do you want to grab some coffee? Now? Or are you busy? With case stuff…”

I looked at him blankly. I didn’t know how to read this guy. He was sweet and seemed sincere. And the other night, before… he’d been great. But hell if he wasn’t being forward right now. If I were him I would have probably walked the other way when he saw me. I glanced out the window and saw the impala pull in. Sam would be busy catching Dean up and why shouldn’t I have a coffee? It wouldn’t take that long. It didn’t mean anything right?

“I could do a quick coffee now”

“Good.” James grinned at me and motioned the waitress over.

We sat and drank our coffee, discussing small things. Me avoiding the questions about the case as much as possible, quite successfully might add, and him keeping his answers about his family, seemingly as vague as possible. Neither one of us apparently really willing to share. I kept glancing outside, keeping tabs on the conversation Sam and Dean seemed to be having, leaning against the impala.

Dean turned his head then and caught my eyes. My heart stuttered. I gulped and turned back to James. I smiled lightly at him and looked at my phone, making a show of checking the time.

“This is has been nice James. But I do have to get on. Umm here”

I hurriedly ripped off the bottom of the napkin that had his number on it, and with the pen he had used, scrawled my own number down. I shoved it towards him and he took it quickly, stuffing it in his pocket.

I stood and picked up the piece of napkin with his number on it folding it up.

“Right…Well, see you around?”

James stood too,

“It has been nice. I hope to see you soon.”

I nodded not really trusting myself to speak. He held my gaze for a moment and leant in. I felt his lips grazing my cheek in a soft, lingering kiss, his hand on my wrist.

He pulled away, smiling softly. I moved out of his reach and glanced outside again. Dean and Sam were nowhere to be seen. I glanced at the door and saw Dean standing with his back to it, Sam holding his shoulder. Was he restraining him?

I smiled back at James, backing away.

“Yes, see you soon”

I turned fully, walking away quickly. Suddenly I needed air and to see Dean. As I saw him through the door and I got closer, my body seemed to ache for him. Ache! I huffed a breath, just needing to be with him. Get things back to normal and figure out this James thing later.

I practically crashed into Dean, as I left the diner. He had been turning away from Sam with some force and I stumbled. He grabbed me and held on tight, supporting me. I felt the muscles in his arms, under my hands, my body responding to being in his arms and gripping him back.

“Y/N, what the…?”

I lifted my head to look up at him, smiling a genuine smile for the first time in a while. It was good to see him. Really good. The ache inside me subsided and I could only describe the feeling as feeling complete. And after my weird encounter with James, Dean’s face and presence up close was exactly what I needed. My whole body relaxed in his grip. A scowl etched on his face cleared and he began smiling back. I giggled and threw my arms around him, hugging him to me, breathing in his scent. I noted how comforting it was, similar to Sam’s and yet so different. Dean always smelt of warmth, protection, guns, the impala and whatever alcohol he had been consuming, somehow it resounded safety. With my arms wrapped around him, I pulled in another deep breath, his scent filling my senses. I may as well start to try and get things back to normal. I pulled back and punched his arm lightly, looking over his face. His nose was still bruised but it didn’t stop his striking features taking my breath away. I’d missed him.

“Hey you, come to tell us how to solve this case?”

Dean smirked down at me,

“That and to direct your awful acting skills.”

I pout at him,

“I’m offended. I’m actually an awesome actress, thank you very much”

I prodded his chest with my finger to emphasise my point. I caught myself in the moment, seeing his smirk turn into a grin, remarking how easy it was to fall back into our flirty, easy going relationship. This is how it had always been, since I met him. I hoped it would continue and stay this way as my annoyance at him slipped away, replaced with a warm buzz that I felt whenever we were close.

“Course you are”

I rolled my eyes and looked to Sam for support to see him smiling at us fondly. The look struck something in me and for some bizzare reason I felt the need to clear my throat and step back, straightening Dean’s jacket where our hug had rucked it up.

My hands fell to my sides as I felt awkward and I watched Dean’s smile fall slightly at my actions. Sam’s smile disappeared and an air of unease settled over us. I cursed myself for making it weird. Biting my lip, I looked between the brothers, hoping we could, sometime soon, get back to what we had. I knew it would just take time for me to push my feelings aside again and for whatever it was that had caused Dean to act the way he did to subside. James was also on my mind, tugging at the back. Like my emotions though, I tucked the thought away for the time being. We had a case to work.

We led Dean into the diner and I spotted an empty booth at the back, that appeared more private. I glanced around, a bit disappointed but mostly relieved that James seemed to have disappeared. I didnt want to bump into James again today, not with Dean here and things still left to patch up. I tugged Deans sleeve pulling him towards it, Sam trailing behind casting his own glances around. I’m sure he was thinking about James too.

We sat in the booth and I let out a breath I didn’t know I had been holding. It was a great seat, provided a bit of cover from the rest of the diner. Exactly what we needed. What I needed.

Sam and I sat opposite Dean, who looked me over and I shifted slightly under his gaze,

“So Dean, You think you have a lead on how to gank this ghost?”

Dean dragged his eyes away from me and brought out a note book. Odd bits of pages and clippings peeking out of it.

“I think so. It has to be a new couple, but one that’s a bit wild”

I stared at him as Sam shifted uncomfortably next to me,

“Wild? So we can’t just pretend to be together?”

Dean shook his head, amusement playing across his features,

“Fraid not Sammy. You’d have to be all over each other.”

Sam and I shared a quick glance. Dean winked at me and I rolled my eyes, before he continued.

“There was, from what I could see a case from a few years back with the exact same freaky things happenin. Couples who had been caught up in…in the err passion”

Dean paused grimacing at the words and he shoved the papers towards Sam.

Sam laughed. Dean scowled.

“I feel unclean. You normally do the break down. It sounds weird coming from me.”

Dean mumbled and I couldn’t help but join Sam and laugh too. I reached out squeezing Deans arm and smiling ruefully at him as he half glared trying to keep his own smile off his face.

Sam took the notes and flipped through them, nodding and frowning at certain points. I couldn’t help but smile fondly at him. It was so… Sam. I glanced at Dean who was watching me. I turned my head fully looking at him questioningly but he tore his eyes away and began staring at the note book and Sam as if they were suddenly the most interesting things in the world. I frowned but didn’t push it. My hands still rested on Dean’s arm and he hadn’t moved it. I was quite content to just sit like that for a while.

Sam finally let out an expulsion of air and looked up at us.

“Well it looks like we do need to find an actual couple in this town then, which isn’t us.” He sighed looking at me. His gaze lingering over my features. My brow started to furrow and Sam looked to Dean. I blinked, had that been regret in his eyes?

I took a breath and shook my head slightly, dispelling the thought. I didn’t need any more confusion in my life right now.

Dean took his arm back, picking up a fork and stabbing it into the pie that now sat in front of him. I didn’t remember the waitress coming over. He stuffed a piece in his mouth and spoke around the food.

“Yup and there’s something about a house in there too”

I shook my head at Dean, he shrugged and continued shovelling pie into his mouth.

Sam nodded and showed me a picture. It was of the new house, just outside of the town we had visited once, but found nothing of interest at the time.

“The house we thought was new? It’s actually on the site of a really old one that was demolished a few years back, for this house to take its place”

I widened my eyes realising what that meant. The ghost must inhabit the area around it, but with the house gone and the more modern one in its place it was going to be hard to find anything that was keeping the ghost anchored here.

I chewed my bottom lip, thinking.

Sam began shuffling through the notes and making connections he would probably tell me and Dean about later.

I looked up to find Dean staring at me again, having finished his pie and this time I stared back. Our eyes seemed to lock and I couldn’t look away. His radiant green eyes, shifting between mine. They were so beautiful.

It wasn’t until fingers broke our line of sight and heard the sound of them snapping in front of our faces, that we tore our gazes away.

“Guys? It would help if you actually listened to me”

Sam was looking a bit put out and I instinctively reached for his hand lacing our fingers together. We’d been doing it for the past few days, so I didn’t even think about it.

“Sorry” I smiled at him, “Please continue”

Sam glanced at our hands, clearing his throat and pulling his hand away. It left me feeling a bit put out and I glanced at Dean. I was taken aback by his dark look, his jaw clenching.

Sam shuffled the papers together making them more ordered and cleared his throat again.

“I was saying, I think we should go check the house out again. There might be something there we missed.”

“Yeah, good idea.”

Dean’s voice was firm and he stood up abruptly, dropping a note on the table to pay for the pie.

“You guys coming?”

He turned and stalked out, leaving me sitting there completely bewildered.

I turned to Sam looking for answers.

“What was that?”

Sam shook his head and also got up, proceeding to follow Dean out,

“Come on”.

I sat for a while longer trying to run the scene through my head again. I huffed not really wanting to come to a conclusion and quickly left to catch them up.

Dean was sitting in the impala already, the engine running, Sam by his side. Nice to share their teleport… I slid into the back, Dean moving off before I had even shut the door.

I wrestled it shut and glared at Dean in the rear view mirror. He was too focused on the road though to notice.

I sighed loudly and watched the scenery fly past.

…………………

We checked out the house and the grounds. It was true, there were remains of the old building in the back yard, covered by plants or dressed up as something else.

It was easy to see why we had missed it the first time round. The boys were at one end, while I mooched about the other. Kicking a piece of turf, I reflected on how I’d managed to defect both Dean and Sam from me in the space of a few hours.

I sat down on a rock, my head in my hands watching the brothers sift through some of the undergrowth. I hoped we could get this case sorted soon. I wanted to get back to the bunker. Have a proper shower and a good night’s sleep in my own bed. I started thinking about my sister. What she might say to me now. She would scold me for me for being silly but then ultimately hug me and offer me sane advice to calm the madness within. But she wasn’t here. I needed her badly and she wasn’t here. This life had made sure of that. I took in a haggard breath, willing myself not to cry. Apart from the slip up the few nights ago, I hadn’t cried since she died. I flinched at the word, looking up at the sky and praying she had reached heaven. I don’t think I could cope if she hadn’t.

Dragging my thoughts from that dangerous path, my mind wandered to James. My heart fluttering slightly at the thought of him. I was always in a state like this when being around Dean, but James had caught my attention and long enough that it took my mind from Dean to him. He intrigued me. My hand slid into my jeans pocket, curling round the napkin with his number on it. I toyed with the idea of texting him now, seeing as the boys were studiously ignoring me at their end of the yard. I let my thoughts wander, imagining what a date might be like with James.

I was so lost in my daydream, i didn’t notice there was something wrong until my body reacted for me. My skin prickled and I looked down at my bare forearms to see goosebumps. The temperature had dropped at some point and gotten really cold, very quickly. I shivered, wrapping my thin cardigan round me. My breath plumed and I jumped up, spinning round, the hairs on my neck standing on end. My hunter instincts finally kicking in. What was wrong with me? I’d begun to feel dozy. I shook myself, trying to clear my head. Cold spots mean ghost. And this particular ghost meant death.

I looked around me, sizing up the area, pulling my small iron rod out that was secreted in one of my hidden pockets I had taken to sewing in my clothes. But the cold was gone as quickly as it had appeared. I backed up slowly, stepping on a twig. It snapped and made me jump at the sound. I turned bumping into Sam and Dean. I gasped before realising it was them.

“Jeez, guys!”

“Are you alright?”

Dean’s hands were all over me, checking I wasn’t harmed. I stilled his movements, my hands on his arms, nodding.

Sam stepped forward, looking me over with concern.

“It’s just we heard you scream, y/n. And you looked terrified right now.”

I looked between the brothers, astounded. I’d screamed? I didn’t remember doing that or feeling as terrified as Sam said I looked. Sure I’d been wary and a bit spooked, but screamed?

“I don’t…” I began to defend myself when I saw the look on their faces, they were scared for me. I frowned, looking away. Dean’s hands still held my shoulders and their warmth seeped through my clothes, grounding me, making me feel safe.

“I’m fine, just got spooked.”

They nodded carefully and Dean let one hand drop. He kept the other firmly in place and began guiding me back towards the front of the house.

“Come on, we’ll get back to the motel and come up with a plan”

Sam was close behind, quickly catching up. His hand found my free one, not crushed against Dean and squeezed it reassuringly.

“And we’ll find a couple to be the bait. Don’t worry.”

I pulled away from them both slightly, feeling a little smothered.

“Thanks, but I’m fine really. You don’t have to be so protective. I’m a hunter too, you know, I can look after myself.”

Dean sighed and loosened his grip on me.

“I know, I just…” He shrugged not knowing what to say.

“Let’s just get back” I tried to sound like my normal self. Why was it so hard at the moment?

Dean huffed, but dropped the subject.

As we walked to the impala I leaned more into his touch, feeling him relax as I did so. He rubbed my arm and I enjoyed the sensation. Now this felt like normal.

Too soon we were parting and clambering into the impala to our usual places. As we drove back to the motel, my mind drifted to James again. I brought out my phone and the folded napkin. I stared at the numbers there before entering them in my phone. Scrunching up the napkin, my gaze turned to my phone as I watched the screen, as if it would send a text for me.

Maybe seeing James would take my mind off the case and Dean, if only for a brief moment. I sent off a text quickly, surprising myself at how easy it had been to write. Normally I agonised over every word. It was simple and to the point,

Moi: Coffee tomorrow? Y/N x

A kiss? Really? Sheesh. When did I turn into such a sap? And to a guy I barely knew? I didn’t even put kisses on the end of my texts to the brothers. I was about to put my phone away when the screen lit up.

James: Love to. The diner at 1? x

I found myself smiling at the idea, sending a reply.

Moi: See you then x

James: Can’t wait x

That reply had been instant and I pictured him holding his phone, watching it for the replies to come through . I smiled, shaking my head. I felt eyes on me but ignored them the rest of the way back. I watched the road pass by through the window as my thoughts turned to James and about having an uninterrupted meeting with him.

………………..

[irregodless]

so i just finished virtues last reward and im kinda angry because now life is strange kinda makes sense

DISCLAIMER: so its been like.... what.... two or three years since i even watched someone play it? im going off of what i remember which means POSSIBLY i didnt remember an explanation or didnt pay proper attention to it, so be warned

DISCLAIMERx2 COMBO!!!: this is probably some old ass news but even in the height of its popularity i kinda came into the story late and even then i wasnt crazy about it. it was good. i really enjoyed it. but it was easier for me to kind of passively mock it for having bullshitty trumped up time logic. the reason for this AND FOR MY FIRST DISCLAIMER MOSTLY is because the game doesnt really explain it to you or why anythings happening. which is fair i guess. max isnt really a time travel geek or a scientist and short of having mr “time guardian” come out and exposition dump there wasnt much to do. maybe if warren was our protag he wouldve figured it out but i cant really blame max for NOT. especially since it was reality for her. to us we can examine it objectively and understand the rules governing it as we observe the limitations. i mean for all she knew she couldve gone back in time three times and it be over and she could never do it again ever

for my explanation ill be referencing 999 and its sequel zero escape virtue’s last reward as well as homestuck (because for all intents and purposes it makes intelligent use of time travel and with colloquialisms that make it sort of easier to digest than just abstract names.) naturally some spoilers may apply to all three as well as life is strange (obviously)

if you boil the story of life is strange to its most core element, itll start to make sense. life is strange in its simplest form is this: “max caulfield solves a murder/kidnapping mystery.” everything else that happens is just kind of extra or a direct component to that outcome.

i would often complain about how max could get mr jefferson arrested and save kate with her time travelly powers but not chloe when she couldnt have done anything about those things without her power either. i was under the assumption that her abilities were an anomaly and the universe was trying to fix itself by voiding out her effects on the timeline (ie saving chloe). but in retrospect thats kind of really dumb!! why make a story where the protagonist can travel through time but then have the story ultimately be about the universe trying to make it so that everything was the same as before??? it’s silly!! so heres the thing: it was not about that. it was about max getting the information she needed to ultimately solve the mystery (and save kate i guess. im not sure how contingent her survival was to the timeline being “alpha” but if you want to say God or the Sentient Timespace Universe [”Skaia”] were in control of the outcomes and thus dictating maxs actions mayb u could say They wanted to reward kate for being such a devout follower??? maybe her life or death was ultimately inconsequential to the outcome and it couldve gone on with or without her and max was just a good person and saved her. its hard to tell.)

in homestuck there are doomed timelines. timelines wherein something goes wrong that was NOT preordained by skaia (the self-aware universe, essentially, trying to maintain homeostasis in itself) or that directly cause a paradox. one example is davesprite. an action that causes a doomed timeline is john getting himself killed (with a little help from terezi) which leads to a strand where rose and dave are stranded in their game for months. dave then goes back along the timeline to the point that determined whether or not it became doomed. although incidentally, it was the act of him going back in time to stop john from killing himself that splintered the timeline between doomed and alpha (the right one)

thus the doomed timeline was necessary for the alpha timeline to be sustained. and thereafter it ceased to be. in other doomed timelines it either disappears entirely as with davesprites timeline, or everyone just DIES like in the one where vriska and gamzee collectively get everyone killed. it’s the price u pay for not playing the part the universe wrote for u

so in order for max to go along her story to figure out mr jefferson was.... who he was, she had to slip through doomed timelines. timelines that ultimately purged themselves if they went on too long by the means of the big storm. something similar happens in 999 where a certain character gets sick if the story goes in a direction that would lead to a paradox and cause them to not have existed. and if the timeline becomes too far gone, they vanish entirely. this is basically the role of the storm. its not to eradicate the stuff max had done with her powers because she “shouldnt have had them” but because that timeline shouldnt have BEEN to begin with! max was SUPPOSED to have her powers. whether it was all morphogenetic fieldy sciencey reasoning or if “skaia” gave them to her to solve this case, who knows, but its not really all that important.

i could probably explain some of this more easily by using the name of paradoxes, but i forgot most of the official names for them and my computers being kinda silly so i dont feel like taking the time to look them up srry

anyway

max alters the timeline by stopping chloe from dying. they then go on this great big adventure where chole is the ONLY person who could have possibly helped max unravel the mysteries. which i think is fair to say she was the ONLY person to be capable of it bc of her stepdad and her rebellious attitude!

so the two go on adventures and discover what i figured out within the first five minutes of story: MR JEFFERSONS A HORRIBLE PERSON

and chloe dies a bunch along the way because while shes needed to solve the mystery, shes STILL doomed. its like in final destination. you can run from death and avoid a few attempts on your life for a WHILE, but youre still slated for death and gonna die eventually. im not sure it was the universe trying to clear her out like an antibody so much as it was... she was just more susceptible to danger. it also could have been to make maxs powers stronger. the 999 series puts an emphasis on the psychic-y powers being strengthened and honed through LIFE THREATENING SCENARIOS

now in both 999 and vlr (i havent referenced the latter nearly as much as i thought i would!) the events of the games essentially unfold because certain characters figure out that... well... thats what happens!!! so they recreate the event so that it DOES happen so that they CAN have these abilities. they hone their abilities to see and interact through time so that they can avoid MAJOR DISASTERS and fix them, all the way establishing the very parameters that allow them to do so in the first place!

so small summary:

max gets the power to swap out her consciousness from a certain place on the timeline. she does so to save chloe (as a good person and for sentimental purposes) chloe proves to be the key to discovering the mystery behind the shady shit going down at the school she was still ultimately supposed to die though so she dies a bunch along the way because thats just what she does best by working alone doomed timelines where chloe is the only one who can help unearth the mysteries (and to be fair she deserved to be there too since it DID involve her ex-girlfriend) max finally discovers mr jefferson is basically straight up evil and can go back and use the information from her travels to bring him to justice chloes still supposed 2 die tho so shes either wiped out with the timeline by means of the storm that fucks up everyone elses life or she dies unceremoniously in the bathroom because one way or another: SHE WILL DIE max then uses the information to expose jefferson. its kinda weird but i guess paradoxically makes sense that the alpha timeline dictated that for life to progress properly, max had to just MAGICALLY know it was him. (maybe it meant to import me into the game so i couldve called him out as soon as i saw him. or maybe it was only one option. like kate living or not. max can expose him and save the day OR it can go on and be terrible. but that one doesnt have any justice in it so.....) kate lives and thats important? maybe?

basically it was not about trying to undo maxs “rulebreaking” powers

but it was about ENABLING them to do the job the universe/”skaia” (not that life is strange even.... HAS a skaia, but its easy for terminology) had planned for her. which was to fuck over jefferson HARD

the only problem is that to my memory the game never explains this is whats happening. and so when chloe dies youre like “wow nothing mattered.” but the game was never about saving chloe. it was always only ever about solving a kidnapping/murder mystery

it was ALWAYS about that

chloe was never going to stay alive. ever. the final choice was whether or not to return to the alpha timeline or not stay with her as an act of love and get wiped out along with the timeline

but the game doesnt explain this. or how the time travel powers came about or how they work or what they are AT ALL (from what i remember) so it all just seems convoluted and bullshitty

but in reality there IS something driving it. it only took me playing two other games to actually understand what that was.

which is why im not sure i can actually give the writers credit for it because i dont even know if THEY knew what was up or if they just made it up and it was just convenience i was able to apply meaning to it

the fact they (again as i remember) didnt address it in the game makes it really suspect though! and it makes it hard to support them as having done something intelligent. especially when it ended up with tons of players feeling cheated because it fell in line with popular “the illuion of choice telltale style” game lines. so when the final moment came it confused them because nothing informed them that it was ALWAYS a quest of futility and despite maxs emotions or feelings about it, it was never about saving chloe. she was only a tool to achieve the goal of outting jefferson

which i cant say i totally approve of from a general point of view! especially in light of “bury your gays.” but from a time travel-esque mechanic point of view.... yeah it makes sense....

but it doesnt really leave a good feeling. because max and by proxy the player were always under the misunderstanding they could save chloe when in reality they never could.

and the entire game was just. a quest of futility. (in that regard)

but we didnt know. to make it proper, the game shouldve let us into the secret. even if max didnt know and felt cheated at the end, the audience wouldnt feel the same. itd be dramatic irony. wed feel bad but wed know why it had to happen.

anyway, as the Old Woman says in virtues last reward:

“Death was always inevitable.“