#which they don't mind at all. just like me they're exploring pronouns and identities

[tittyinfinity]

(Yesterday)

Hunter: I often fuck up and use "she" for you instead of "they" and I know you prefer "they" better so I'm sorry :(

Me: technically I use any pronouns so people can just call me whatever. But yeah I do prefer they and I appreciate you being the only person who regularly refers to me by that :)

(later)

Me: I had such a great day because I got to see my two favorite men! Ah shit, I meant person for you, I'm sorry.

Hunter: it's alright, same as you, I'm just whatever. But I know how to BE A BRO *flexes their muscles*

[dee-the-red-witch]

hi so. i'm sorry if you feel like this is something you've talked about too much but i'm genuinely having a hard time understanding- what's the issue with femboys? or is it a finnster-specific issue...? idk i can see how it's an issue of like. performing femininity but not really accepting what womanhood really means but what makes it different from drag in that case? or am i going in the wrong direction trying to understand? i have amab as well as afab ppl in my life that identify as femboys and use it as a loosely-nonbinary term but i also know a couple femboys that are. hm. probably eggs leaning on the term that's less "scary" when it comes to confronting gender, is it about that....?

sorry if this is exhausting for you to discuss i'm just confused and trying to understand

Ok, keep in mind, this is a nonny. Which means I need to treat this with the intent that it's bait. Because that's what fucking happens a lot to folks. So I'm picking my words. 1. Show me where I said I have a problem with femboys in general. Because honestly? No problem with the identity. No problem with the concept. Same with drag, same with Crossdressers, same with sissys. They're all just as valid. What I have a problem with is when people specifically use and abuse things like F1nn5ter's (last I checked, still using he/him pronouns, so that's what I'm using here) use of trap content. Content that gets trans women beaten, abused, exiled, ostracized, and killed on a daily basis to make profit, and does it scot free of any societal penalty, partly because of a massive supporting userbase and fame, and partly because he wasn't out about being a trans woman yet. That right there is where my problem is. People can and should explore, play with, perform, exist in femininity however and whenever they want, but the problem is ONE GROUP OF US KEEPS GETTING PUNISHED FOR IT while the others see far less, if ever. So again, no problem with the femboy identity or femboys in general, but oh yeah, big problems with the difference in treatment. 2. I'm also gonna ask this in return- why am *I* your expert on this subject? Because this happens to so many trans women- we're out, we get seen enough to be noticed, and suddenly we're supposed to be the pillars of the community, delivering Julia Serrano level philosophy, flawless looks, opinions, and knowledge? There's lots of other folks to ask this kind of thing about, why go to the terminally weird, 46-year-old, *OUT AND TRANSITIONING FOR LESS THAN THREE YEARS STILL* writer, artist, leatherworker, and tattooist, who's still VERY clearly in the process of dealing with her own self identification and a lot of past and present trauma, and think I'm going to be the one who's going to give you the perfect answer for this? (lbr, again, so many trans women get quizzed like this, then publicly crucified for saying the slightly wrong thing- see that bit about bait again? because oh yeah, this tactic, intentional or otherwise, has been seen a LOT this year.) Because honestly, there isn't a perfect answer. It's yet another messy human subject because all of us are messy to some extent to begin with. It's never going to have perfect sense or logic. I honestly don't think that it should. Perfect answers tend to not encompass being human answers very well at the same time.

And also, I'm not an expert. Nor should I have to be one. Especially when in my usual fields, I get to charge 50-100 bucks an hour for consulting, and here, I'll be lucky if you kick five bucks in my paypal or gfm in exchange for this. That said, nonny, hope you have a good night. Keep in mind this whole #2 section? Is rhetorical. I'm not expecting a dialogue or reply, and I don't really want one, at least not one with a greyface and shades. If you want to talk more? come off anon.

[quokkatastic]

[SKZ] Series: FRACTIONS

Last Updated: 28/11/2023

K-POP MASTERLIST / FULL MASTERLIST

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Originally this was called FACTIONS because that was the first name that came to mind, but I decided to change it to FRACTIONS; because they’re all fractions of one story.

This is a Gang/Mafia AU involving all 8 members and their partners. They all happen in the same timeline and universe, so for example you can see Chan and Jisung’s partners during Hyunjin’s story etc.

Not all of the them are romantic relationships, most of them are but a couple either don’t progress to romance or they don’t work romantically. Please do not send hate for that, this is just how I wished to write these stories. Specifically Seungmin’s, Minho’s, Changbin’s and Jisung’s have the most “different” relationship experiences in this series which will make sense in their stories, Minho’s and maybe Jisung’s are the only one’s of the 4 that do eventually become a thing.

Also some have smutt, some are more fluffy and some are more violent or possibly triggering than others. There will be warnings at the beginning of chapters so you can decide what to do yourself.

The partners are all visually women so the relationships are all technically being shown as heterosexual, all characters (SKZ memebers and their respective partners in this series) have various identities, pronouns and sexualities but the romantic/sexual relationships in these are of men with women just in case someone doesn't prefer to read those. I would greatly appreciate any feedback on that aspect specifically on how they’re written; I do not at all intend to disrespect anyones pronouns, gender identity or sexuality. I am heterosexual myself so experience wise, I have very little, this is me exploring it in my writing if that makes sense. But PLEASE let me know if it ever becomes rude or disrespectful and explain how it could be changed if necessary.

They are not reader inserts as I don't like writing or reading them, they're their own characters. Each story will also involve (hopefully) different dynamics and situations. Hyunjin’s is the first story I thought of and planned so it has the most detail as I’m writing it currently, but I’m doing my best to make everyone’s story just as detailed and intricate.

Please do not send hate. I don’t give a fuck, if you’re against anything LGBTQ+ or traditionally expected relationships, don’t throw around insults or slurs I will block you. There are bisexual, non-binary etc characters in this and I won’t take any bullshit. And no I’m not doing it to be inclusive, this is how I’ve always imagined these stories going.

Feel from to send any feedback either publicly or privately, especially on what I mentioned above on sexualities and identities, I am open to everything EXCEPT hate.

Also; each of these stories will be on my Wattpad (Ssilver_FOXx) and Quotev (LoneWolf), so if you see them there it’s still me

As of 13/08/2023 I’m still writing them but I’m currently drawing out a map of the compound that’ll be in all the stories, I don’t really want to finish the first chapters until that’s done so it’s consistent.

EACH STORY WITH LINKS

- Chan ~ Bound by Blood  (STORY)

- Minho ~ Bandages & Bullets ❂ (STORY)

- Changbin ~ Sonnets of Solace ◌ (STORY)

- Hyunjin ~ Faded Echoes  (STORY)

- Jisung ~ The Art of Serendipity ❂ (STORY)

- Felix ~ Beyond the Veil ❂ (STORY)

- Seungmin ~ Written in Code ◙ (STORY)

- Jeongin ~ Forgotten Promises ❂ (STORY)

Jisung and Minho’s aren’t really ‘Friends > Lovers’ but I’m not sure what other descripter they’d have

⬔⬕⬔⬕⬔⬕⬔⬕⬔⬕⬔⬕⬔⬕⬔⬕

If you wish to read them in order they happen in the timeline;

Seungmin ~ Jeongin ~ Minho ~ Chan ~ Jisung ~ Changbin ~ Felix ~ Hyunjin

[nuclearspring-a]

𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐕𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐒 ( 𝐎𝐑 ) 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐈 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐏 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐌𝐁. INDEPENDENT FALLOUT BASED MULTI FEATURING CANONS AND OCS FROM NEW VEGAS, FALLOUT TV, AND FALLOUT 1. 21+ & MUTUALS ONLY. PLEASE READ RULES BEFORE INTERACTING.

by scout (27, any pronouns).

note: my fallout tv verse is adjusted to mesh better with new vegas canon. more information on that here. (link leads to fallout tv spoilers; proceed with caution).

roster includes (primaries bolded; the rest are secondary): albert cole, alejandro "cash" castillo (vegas & ncr based oc), arcade gannon, benny, betty zhao (vegas based oc), boone, cooper howard, courier six (sasha dubrovhsky, alias boris medvedev), lucy maclean, maximus, ulysses, & veronica santangelo.

you can find more thorough descriptions of characters here, including links to bios.

to interact: if we're mutuals, shoot me a meme, send me an ask, or dm me! provided i'm following you, i am open to interaction or plotting whenever, and will respond when i can.

rules:

001. i'm generally comfortable with most subject matter covered in fallout canon (within reason - there are some things handled by fallout that i personally think were handled very poorly, and i am certainly highly critical of the media, which does include grievances with new vegas, and there will sometimes be criticism of it on this blog), but i won't write incest, rape / csa, etc, and will block those who do / who fetishize anything of the sort.

no racism, antisemitism, zionism, (and if you think those latter two are the same thing, dni) etc will be tolerated. terfs dni. the usual. i won't interact with muses from harry potter, peaky blinders, attack on titan, or detroit: become human / other david cage games. i may not follow multis back if they have content on them that i worry my mutuals might not be comfortable with as well, and tend to be quite wary given past experiences. i will also sometimes block or softblock if i see interactions with people or characters i'm not entirely comfortable with for whatever reason. indie is a little weird and, as previously mentioned, i've had some strange experiences. i encourage controlling your own space in the indie world. for that reason, i'll never take a block personally. also on that note, if we're mutuals and you see me interacting with someone who has, for lack of a better phrase, done some harmful shit, feel free to send me a dm and let me know.

while i'm not personally comfortable disclosing my ethnicity online - it is something that i've been taught to hide when possible - except to people i know and trust and talk to, i will disclose that i do look to new vegas as something to process and explore certain aspects of my identity and family history. i do have intergenerational trauma and that is another reason i may use the block button quite liberally/be either slow to follow back or not follow back at all in some cases as i have seen a lot of interpretations of canon (as well as numerous aspects of canon itself) that i don't feel okay with at all. i expect that people do their research when writing cultures and situations they're not familiar with, and try to meet that expectation myself.

002. minors dni. i'm an adult, and i only want to write with adults.

003. i'm fine with shipping but i like to build rapport between characters first and figure out where they stand. rivalry, friendship, etc are also plots i value - my focus won't entirely be on shipping.

004. best way to start interacting if we're mutuals is just to shoot me a meme or a dm - i guarantee that if i follow you, i'd like to write.

005. if i don't follow back, it's likely because i'm unsure of your rules (aka certain things aren't touched on and i'm not sure where you stand), or if i can't see us interacting. nothing personal.

006. i usually don't write nsfw on tumblr! if i do, it will not be the main focus of the thread. don't mind if others write it, nor do i mind prompts that allude to it, but if i'm writing it i'd prefer it not be the whole story, if that makes sense, and i'd also prefer only to write it with people that i've known for a while.

007. themes present on this blog will sometimes be heavy - canon is heavy. content warnings for colonialism, violence, militarism, fascism, allusions to genocide, allusions to slavery, assimilation, indoctrination, intergenerational trauma, and post traumatic stress disorder. i will tag things whenever possible. if there is anything you need tagged in particular that i miss, or if i ever make a mistake, feel free to reach out and let me know so i can course correct.

[lunamiuna-the-curious-fella]

Don't mind if I dooo!!! :D

So, Arial. They're very self inserty and share a lot of traits with me, like being Aroace, Agender, any pronouns, AuDHD, Infp personality type, and in general my personality, interests, and quirks. Here they are in gacha life 2:

But anyway, the gist is that they're actually a human monster hybrid, not just monster like they seem and go by to keep up appearances, and a powerful one at that. They're kind of an anomaly, cause y'see, not only they are stronger than most, their soul which looks like this:

has the theoretical potential to be stronger than all 7 human soul kinds combined. But since her body obviously can't handle all that, it just gives how much is currently needed and adapts. Which means even if Fresh were to possess them, while it would feel just as bad as for anyone else at first, with time they would adapt to the possession, eventually even being able to take back control entirely. They would much prefer to share the body though, if they're on friendly terms with Fresh. Also their short term in the moment soul energy is highly dependable on their emotional state, with strong emotions causing it to produce more energy, enough to smoothly take over control even, if the emotion is intense enough.

Whether they know of Fresh's secret identity or not and whether she's aware of the full capacity of her power in relation to him varies a lot, there's a lot of different timelines and what if's to this. Either way, if Fresh is somewhat nice, and doesn't like, do evil shit to innocent people for no reason, then they're friendly and understanding of his situation, cause like, he has to hurt people, just to exist... How tragic is that!

But, before I go to how my version of the story would go, let's see how he performs in Epic's place in your fanfic, cause it would actually fit very much because of their curious nature, and liking to explore the multiverse, AU's, events, people, secrets, stuff like that. They would DEFINITELY walk right into that trap thinking they can handle it, just like Epic. It fits them so much! XD If they went through an amnesia moment like him too, they would be friendly and curious towards him. Then after they remembered, they would be like: "Oh shiz, Fresh! Dammit, curiosity killed the cat..." But the silent part in their mind would go: "But satisfaction brought it back." Because since Fresh seemed generally chill, they wouldn't be that worried, at least the version of them that knows of their capabilities regarding possession, cause they know they can adapt to it with time and take back control eventually. They wouldn't share that information with him though, not until later at least. (He could tell their soul was incredibly powerful, and that there seems to be more hiding under the surface, although he could never guess it would be to that extent) And besides! It would certainly be an interesting experience, maybe even a fun one, if they befriend him and stuff! Well, once the pain subsides that is. The first moments of him being in control would suck pretty bad. In those moments, they would crave comfort and like a hug from him in the mindscape, but would be too shy to ask. Their thought process would be like: "I don't wanna be a bother, I don't wanna seem ungrateful, and would he even care enough to provide me with comfort like that? It's not like him to be good with the mushy emotions stuff. And I don't wanna be made fun of!" They would essentially be too scared to ask cause of the possibility of him not caring. Instead, their soul would call, and I like to imagine he would pick up on that and humor them. They would very much act like I described in my ao3 comment on your fic about what if I was his host, the only real difference being that they have the power to adapt to the possession. If they didn't know they had it, they would act just like me, until the effects started taking place and they figured out what's going on.

Also, that moment from your fic here:

"- it felt like something was curled around him, drawing his essence in. But there was nothing. Silently cursing, Epic brought both hands to his face and dragged them down.

"Jackpot," Fresh breathed, the eye Epic could see curling into an even wider grin."

-It made me feel some kind of nervous excitement, and I'm gonna make Arial feel that too. Like the way he breathed that word out- Also, the threat from chapter 2, that also was also good. They would be like: Dang, that's a good threat! I'm impressed... It was very effective.

Yep, I'm kinda into fear, and subsequently Arial is too. Heh, it's one of the reasons why Fresh is my absolute favorite.

(I'm not nearly done enough, but I'm gonna post this now now anyway cause I wanna know your thoughts. Next on the line, my own story and not just how I would imagine Arial in place of Epic in yours!)

Haiii!! :D

I just wanted to say I love your newest fic and its preview comic, it feeds my hunger not only for Fresh content, but from the perspective of his host no less, that's also friendly towards him! (LunaMiuna guest account in ao3 comments is indeed me btw) It resembles my own daydreams about Fresh except in place of Epic is my skeleton OC, Arial. I can ramble to you all about them if you want, as well as my new parasite OC akin to Fresh! Would you want that? •v•? No pressure tho-

Also, I really like your portrayal of Fresh. Loved that cold and uncaring yet chill and friendly attitude, it's so fresh, hehe. :>

Oh my, thank you! I replied to all your comments, by the by ;)

Fresh is indeed pretty chill.

Hey, if you like my writing, why not check out the other things Solis and I have been writing and posting?

As Solis is on break for a few more days, there won't be any updates to Yet Another Parasite, but the other two are still updating as I have more things to correct and eventually post.

It could give you a lot of context to what the hell the setting for their multiverse is too, and heck, I like your comments :')

Speaking of comments, I'm gonna be using a lot of comments to make the Creator's little speeches during the fics...

Thanks again for correcting my little 4 am fuckups.

Oh, and-- Cross' trauma will make much more sense when Yet Another Battle catches up to his part of the plot more. Yet Another Mistake is Dusk and Fatal as a pair (Dusk is my baby boy I could rant about him to you if you'd like).

As for your OC, hells yeah, rant!

[luckystarchild]

I saw the Japanese pronoun thing. I'm currently learning Japanese online at the moment and also did a google search.

Watashi is gender neutral if used formally, which is when you are talking respectfully to someone and you are addressing yourself. Though between friends, its generally used by women.

Boku is strictly masculine.

And Ore can be used between friends and used by both men and women, though mostly used by men.

Don't know if this was helpful. Sadly, there is no terms that have an equivalent to they/them.

Thanks for doing research; I looked around and found pretty much the same thing, so it's nice to know I wasn't looking in the wrong places, haha.

But yeah, there's no they/them in Japanese grammar as far as you/I can tell. You use gendered pronouns to refer to yourself in Japanese, but others don't really use pronouns to refer to you. Gendering yourself is basically in your own hands, and there's gendered language structure beyond pronouns like ore/watashi/boku that also needs to be taken into account. Plus there are grammatical elements that can signify queerness, which is neat.

And that's the main reason I decided not to instantly swap over to they/them in LC now that I've come out, and it's why NQK hasn't requested people use they/them pronouns for her. Those pronouns DO NOT EXIST IN THE LANGUAGE SHE'S SPEAKING, and I do try to keep in mind as much as I can that they're all technically speaking Japanese in that story. Obviously I throw that out the window when writing puns, but... XD

I did try to look up nonbinary identities and how they exist and what they're called in Japan, and I found the term "x-gender" is basically the equivalent to nonbinary in Japan, with some cultural nuance layered over it. But since LC is set during 1991 and that term wasn't coined until the late 90s, she's a few years off from hearing it and being able to use it, much less use the term as a jumping-off point for self-exploration.

Basically when people tell me she needs to request they/them pronouns and start identifying using the word "nonbinary" during LC, I have to remind people that the terms we use here in 2021 Western society aren't available to her in her place/language, so she can't explore using the terms we're familiar with, much less request people use pronouns that don't exist in her language.

Basically NQK's coming out journey won't mirror mine because it CAN'T mirror mine, and that's OK. Eventually she'll get there. It'll just take time and research.

If y'all want details about NQK's eventual gender expression, she'll probably use masculine-coded and gender neutral language a lot, mostly in an effort to signify that she's not a cishet woman (as I'm sure many will assume at first glance, as that's what people always assume about me). She'll probably end up using the term "x-gender" once it gets coined, too. But unless she relocates to a predominantly English-speaking country, they/them and and the precise term "nonbinary" won't factor into her life much.

[bacchanalliot]

Sometimes I feel like I only have two options: somehow present more "like a woman" (no my anxiety is not very clear about what that means, it just insists that I have to do it) so I can be a real butch and not just a guy invading wlw spaces, or continue to exist in a way that makes me happy with my body but means that I Have to be a Man.

Like, I know I'm being dramatic but I just really struggle with not feeling woman enough to be sapphic. And yeah gender and sexuality are different but I do not like dating as a guy. Which was the big clue that I'm not a trans man. I thought I was a gay trans guy because I do not like dating men as a woman, but it seemed okay dating men if I was a guy myself. But really now that I'm not struggling with a ton of dysphoria (and aggressively seeking male approval) I don't really feel comfortable dating men. Like I find them attractive I guess? But whenever I'm actually with one irl I just feel icky even though it might feel physically good.

But I'm worried I'm just romanticizing the idea of being with a woman? I know I don't want to be with a woman like a man, I don't mind the idea of being called a bf or husband but in more of an aesthetic way because I'm masc. I hate it when women (especially sapphic women) actually refer to me as a man (which is stupid considering I use he/him pronouns and I'm super masc). But I've never dated a woman, even before I transitioned, so I'm kinda worried I'm just making up my feelings about women? Or secretly just like men because I usually prefer masc women (not saying masc women women are men, this is definitely just an irrational worry I have)

Idk it really boils down to feeling kinda like a freak on all counts and being worried that as much as calling myself butch feels comfortable and like a place explore my complicated relationships with womanhood and sexuality, maybe it's just new bandaid on the situation. And that even if I am butch, I fear that I'll never be liked as a masculine woman because I've taken my masculinity too far. I have like one butch friend irl but they've known they're a lesbian for ages and never ID'd as a trans guy, whereas the first really queer identity I had was transmasc. They also don't have dysphoria like I do and have had actual girlfriends so we're on totally different pages with our experiences. I love them and they're great about supporting me I just really wish I had someone who understood more of my situation.

Anyway if you read this whole thing thanks for witnessing me, please feel free to comment or message me if you have any advice or related experiences because I'm really craving community.

[sentimental-darkness]

Oh man, LGBTA wiki gotta be the wildest place on the whole Internet, honest. The amount of black enlightenment coupled with desperate need to make up new special identities (or genders) for yourself that you can use like a bardcode in a supermarket is astounding. The result is something similar to TV tropes only much more complicated - while TV tropes is actually pretty smart though confusing it actually works and delivers value and at the same time it doesn't really treat itself too seriously some of those entries are real fun, but the LGBTA wiki... it treats itself super seriously but is far more confusing, it innovates and describes words that don't make any sense and the sentences presented sound like absolute dichotomies. You can't make up a coherent meaning and soon you're lost in the overhelming stream of alien sounding terms that lead to other even more needlesly complicated terms which create an avalanche of completely incomprehensible long sentences with rpg character building thrown in. It is, for the most part, an attempt to describe the impossible and what's part of individuality, what can't and shouldn't be broken apart.

Gender, identity and sexual preferences should be simple and quickly comprehensible labels that can work for most people, while all the rest are details which are the result of unique human experience and wiring and it's individuality that should be praised and cultivated not the identity barecode with a confusing space fantasy jargon and yet another galactic confederacy flag.

I want to meet individual people with individual ideas and cool individual brains. Not a desperate "progressive" who will redirect me to a complicated wiki to learn hundred more terms to understand that they are identifying as a "skin-changer" with a non-human experience who might be turned on by a concept of fictional medusas but they're also close to one of novel approaches under the more "classic" lgbt umbrellas so they're also practicing x or y and preferring it or they pronouns. Now, one shouldn't do hundreds of described things in their presence otherwise they might be sad and get offended. Right...

I want to meet individual people able to face the reality headstrong without the need for bardcode. I may be x y and z and also get turned on by certain concepts and archetypes but it's part of my individuality, simple as that, otherwise one of the more common gender labels is enough to describe me if I need to do that. But of course, in a world of black enlightenment real individuality is a crime. Everyone is desperate for a bardcode and qr code. They preach equality and progress while in reality they settle for slavery of the mind and create such toxic reality for all young people to grow up in. Imagine someone trying to find their place in the world because they're being individuals and not quite fit 100 percent into one of the most common gender or sexuality terms and then they get into the wiki... and explore the entries. First, their brain gets fucked up early and more prone to bullshit narration and false pseudo-intellectual wisdom and discourse that currently rules the world. Second, they rebuild their entire personality around an overly complex needlesly complicated dumbass articles and proudly use all those confusing words to describe themselves rather than chill out, relax and just live not afraid of their individual qualities. Simple as that.

The LGBTA wiki represents the fall of the current civilisation as we knew it, mark my words.

Also, it's pretty funny. I'm not lying. Most of it reminds me of sci-fi terminology, aliens, lost civilisations and rpg sessions. While in the same sentences you get words like genitalia and sexual desire. Golden humor!

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

it's more of a question to Max or Wes as they're trans men but if Maddie has some advice i'll be happy to read it :) how to know if i'm a trans guy? coz i feel like i kinda want to be a boy but i don't dislike being a girl and i think of myself as a girl and it's lowkey hard to even imagine myself not being a girl. also i like how i look (i am feminine) and kinda don't feel an overwhelming need to change it

(same trans-questioning anon) also i'm actually really scared that i'm transgender because here in poland people and the government are really fuckin queerphobic, and even in a normal country being bi and trans would be hard, but here it would probably be living hell :///

hi nonnie ! this is a bit complicated. there are a few different things that i want to say. but i do want to begin upfront and say that no one can know what your gender is but you. there isn’t one way to be trans or one narrative we all have to fulfill. everybody is different. 

now, i want to propose a few things for you to consider and see if it fits for you:

1. maybe you’re nonbinary? you don’t necessarily need to choose between being a Boy or a Girl. here’s a really great blog post with some different terms and concepts around nonbinary gender identities if you haven’t considered it yet: https://genderqueerid.com/gq-terms 

2. maybe you are a trans guy, but it is difficult for you to consider yourself as that because you’re not ready yet, and/or scared of the transphobia that you may face. i know i personally dealt with this a lot, especially when i was much younger and first starting to question my gender (middle-high school, which is teenage years in the usa). conceptualizing myself as male made things too real so i didn’t for a long time. and definitely right after i started coming out, i would still misgender myself for a while in my own head because i had already spent 20 years of my life seeing myself in that way and also because it was “safer”. but the more i got it right and the more i heard my friends gender me correctly made me realize that felt so much better than just being okay with being a girl. and i’m still pretty feminine - in fact i still wear a lot of the same clothes i used to, i still play around with make-up sometimes, being feminine isn’t something that you necessarily have to feel at odds with or anything. and you don’t have to hate your body or want to change how you look to be a trans guy (this is also true if you’re nonbinary of course). all that matters is: does this new identity feel More You and More Comfortable than the gender assigned to you at birth? then that’s probably your identity or at least worth experimenting within yourself and maybe a small group of friends that you trust to really see. 

3. maybe you’re not trans. i hate mentioning this because every transphobic gatekeeper is always going to be like “You Are Not Trans Because XYZ” but i think it is something to keep in mind because there is nothing wrong with being cisgender and questioning your gender. maybe there are other things going on that are kind of connected that’s bringing this up and it’s safer to question your gender then consider that right now. i don’t know. i feel like that’s a very Psychoanalytical(TM) way of viewing that and honestly i don’t really believe it that much lmfao but i do think it’s helpful especially for trans people - the more that you might move towards thinking of yourself as trans, using different pronouns, etc. the question “am i cisgender?” becomes more and more obviously wrong. i mean you might even have had that reaction as you read this - you might have been nodding along to 1 & 2 and being like yeah maybe and then the thought of not being trans made you a little upset. that can definitely be a sign too ! 

anyways this is very long but i do want to say that as an american i don’t really know what it’s like for trans people in poland. i totally understand your worries. and no matter what you should always prioritize your safety. only go as far as you feel comfortable and safe in when exploring your gender. and know that at any time in your life you can return to these thoughts. i didn’t starting transitioning for real until i was 20, almost 21, and that is still really young for transitioning. regardless of how you feel about her caitlyn jenner (parent of the kardashian sisters) didn’t begin her transition until age 66. in my work i know a therapist who works a lot with our local trans community and she has mentioned to me that she’s had a client who was 72 when they began their transition. while of course i hope all trans people can live the majority of their lives as themselves, i also understand that there is a lot to keep us closeted. anyways i hope this isn’t too depressing i just know that i am very privileged to be where i am today and also that a lot of trans people (or people questioning their gender) can feel very pressured to transition as young as possible when the reality is that there is no rush. transitioning young doesn’t make anyone more valid than other trans people who may have done so later. everyone is in a different situation and has a different journey. take your time and know that you will get to a place where you feel comfortable with your gender identity regardless of what it is. :)

Wes