#which that i don’t mind. these angels don’t deserve to starve because their owners are immature fucks

[yslglasses]

.

[hope-grace-serenity]

In Defense of the Deputy: Morals and Ethics in Far Cry 5

The narratives of recent Far Cry installments have been framed in a way that make the player question whether or not they’re truly playing as the “good guy.” In Far Cry 3, Jason slowly embraces the violent lifestyle on Rook Island, gradually finding the killing to be a fun power trip instead of the horrifying reality that it is. In Far Cry 4, Ajay topples a ruthless dictator, only to replace him with a revolutionary that is either a religious extremist or a person who has children kidnapped in order to make them into soldiers/slaves. In Far Cry 5, the Deputy goes up against a professed prophet in an attempt to subdue him and his cult, only to find in the end that the prophet was right about the end of the world. It is logical to think that if the Deputy would have just left the cult well enough alone, then that would have been the right choice, as it would have avoided the war between Eden’s Gate and the rest of Hope County, as possibly the Collapse itself. However, there is a different way to view it.

The purpose of this post is to convey that Joseph being accurate regarding the Collapse does not necessarily mean that avoiding confrontation with Eden’s Gate or joining them would have been the “right” thing to do. In fact, it will suggest the opposite: that the Deputy has a moral and ethical obligation to fight *against* Eden’s Gate and that the actions of the cult are firmly wrong despite the Collapse happening. While we as players can certainly feel empathy for the Seeds, their actions within the game make them the clear villains in this scenario, in my opinion. The Deputy deserves no blame for attempting to subdue the cult, and I will explain why by focusing on both in-universe rationale and looking at the narrative from a broader perspective.

The Warrant

First, we need to examine the idea of morality and ethics. Morality refers to a person’s principles of right and wrong--this is something that can be influenced by a person’s culture, religion, family, experiences, etc. Ethics refers to rules of conduct given by some kind of external source. In Far Cry 5, the protagonist is a law enforcement official with an ethical obligation to uphold the law and confront those who break it. Furthermore, from the perspective of a 21st century American--which we can assume the Deputy is, based on the setting of the game--Eden’s Gate commits several acts that cause harm and remove the personal agency of others, which provides the Deputy with a moral motivation for stopping them, as opposed to solely an ethical one.

An arrest warrant is made for Joseph Seed due to suspicion of kidnapping with an intent to harm. The Deputy choosing not to go through with the arrest would be bad from both a moral and ethical perspective. “Kidnapping with an intent to harm” is a serious charge, and can be a matter of life or death for the victim. Imagine if you were the parent or sibling of the kidnapping victim, and you found out that the law enforcement officials chose not to go through with the arrest of the suspect because they were afraid of rocking the boat. If that information was made public, the law enforcement officials would be rightly criticized for not doing their jobs, and for prioritizing their own desire for convenience over bringing justice to the victim. By arresting Joseph Seed, the Deputy made the moral and ethical decision.

As we see from the main game, the “suspicions” listed in the arrest warrant are later proven to be correct. Alex is killed, and his body is mutilated and put on public display as a warning. Hannah is tortured physically and psychologically, and is also killed due to her forced participation in Jacob’s trials. Joseph and several members of Eden’s Gate knew that they kidnapped the film crew. They knew in advance that Law Enforcement was coming. So, how do they decide to handle this? In a way befitting for characters who are meant to be viewed as villains.

Before the Reaping

Before we get into what the Deputy actually sees in-game, one thing needs to be made clear: Eden’s Gate always had an underlying darkness surrounding them. Regardless of what they looked like on the surface, they were never some peaceful hippie commune that was minding its own business before the Deputy came along. They’ve been committing crimes and getting away with them for years. They didn’t suddenly snap once the Deputy arrived--the Deputy’s arrival simply peeled back and revealed what was already there.

We know from the “Grieving Note” that Angels have been with Eden’s Gate for several years, longer than the current Faith has been with the group. Angels are humans who are exposed to an extreme amount of the Bliss drug, which causes them to lose their capacity for human thought and essentially act as a literal mindless follower. Their loss of identity and individuality is furthered by Eden’s Gate shaving the heads of the Angels and surgically removing their ability to speak. They act as slave labor--described as "beasts of burden"--and are fed dog food and garbage. The idea of becoming an angel is used as a threat to fellow cultists in the “Cult Note” in the King’s Hot Springs Hotel. The fact that Eden's Gate creates and condones the existence of these Angels is truly disturbing from a moral perspective, due to the inherent exploitation and dehumanization. When Angels die, their bodies are tossed in a pit of “boiling muck” in Horned Serpent Cave to disintegrate.

Angels aren’t the only ones thrown in the pit to disintegrate: Joseph threw the body of Lana, a previous Faith, in there as well, despite being told by him that she was “special.” There is a reason the writers chose to highlight that the bodies were disposed of in here, as opposed to the cult simply burying them. Bodies are disintegrated if you want to hide evidence, and by tossing the bodies in a location with properties dangerous enough to require a bio-hazard sign, any crimes are easily covered up. We don’t find the bodies of Selena or the other previous Faiths who were "used up and thrown away" by Joseph, but considering there are hints that point to foul play (disintegration of Lana’s body, Megan leaving out of fear of what Joseph could do after seeing that there was a new Faith, the way the position itself is dehumanized, the fact that Joseph has a designated corpse disposal spot in the first place, etc.) and absolutely zero evidence towards any kind of alternate fate for the previous Faiths, it’s easy to put two and two together and conclude that the previous Faiths met a grisly fate that was covered up as well.

Eden’s Gate was also involved in animal abuse through the creation of Judges, which were unleashed after the reaping. These animals were kidnapped and forcibly exposed to an obscene amount of the Bliss drug, which purposely causes them to act like rabid killers in the service of Eden’s Gate. According to NPCs, they were trained to hunt humans.

Let’s also not forget that Joseph personally gorged a guy’s eyes out for being a traitor. If the developers didn’t want us to view Joseph as someone who was capable of doing that, then they would have removed it from the introductory video, but they didn’t. Also, the fact that Eden’s Gate has been planning for the Reaping for a while now shows that this group had the intent to launch a large-scale attack from before the Deputy even arrived at the compound.

And last but certainly not least, YEARS before the events of FC5, Jacob sent the Cook to kidnap Jess’s family. The Cook starved the family for days before torturing the parents and children by playing sick mind games and feeding the parents' flesh to their children. After all their toes were cut off, the parents were set on fire in front of their kids. The fact that this happened years ago, and this Cook is still with the group, is quite telling and reveals a lot about the morality and priorities of Eden’s Gate. If they wanted to get rid of him, they would have.

So as we can see, Eden’s Gate has no moral high ground to stand on at the start of the game. Not only is Joseph guilty of the crime he is accused of, but he and his organization are guilty of so much more, and have been for years. These actions committed by Eden’s Gate violate numerous laws and are morally wrong, as they bring severe harm to others and/or forcibly remove another’s personal agency for the convenience of the cult. The Deputy uncovers all of this throughout the course of the game.

During the Reaping

Knowledge of Eden’s Gate’s past crimes would be reason enough to take down this cult, but the Deputy also sees the current horrors firsthand. During the Reaping, cultists kidnap, torture, mutilate, and murder numerous unwilling participants. They steal supplies and were willing to kidnap a beloved pet dog in order to perform experiments on him and turn the poor dog into a savage killer, after killing his owners. Defaced corpses are decorated and strung up as warnings. Some citizens of Hope County are fed to Judges, while others are turned into Angels or are forced to leap off a giant statue. If someone doesn’t convert to the religion of Eden’s Gate, then they are either tortured or drugged until they give in, or murdered.

The Deputy has zero incentive to walk away from this conflict. Why would they? As a deputy of Hope County, they have a moral and ethical obligation to protect the county’s citizens, and those citizens are under attack by Eden’s Gate. Eden’s Gate are the aggressors in this scenario. *They* are the ones who are kidnapping, murdering, torturing, and brainwashing the Hope County citizens. As far as the Deputy is aware at the beginning of the game, they are the only remaining police officer and only person in a position of authority to fight against the cult. It is their responsibility to fight against the people causing grievous harm to the county.

Throughout the game, the Deputy’s personal encounters with the heralds further reinforce the idea that Eden’s Gate is dangerous and beyond reason. While confessions can and should be voluntary, John does not approach it in that way. John kidnaps, terrorizes, and tortures the hardened Joey Hudson to the point of tears, and brings the Deputy to his torture dungeon where he once pried confessions under duress from prior individuals of the county. He kidnapped the Deputy in order to forcibly baptize them to the point where they might have drowned without Joseph’s interference, and captures them in order to make them confess, using the presence of Hudson as leverage (Hudson’s misery was also used as incentive on the video to draw the Deputy to the Holland region). He lures the Deputy to the church in the same way (by kidnapping their friends) and then permanently modifies their body against their will. Despite his proclaimed desire to have the Deputy atone, John also expresses desire to see the Deputy dead on occasion, such as after they destroy his sign.

While it might be easier for the player to sympathize with John due to his backstory and dynamic with Joseph, from the Deputy’s in-universe perspective, his instability represents a very real, tangible threat not only to them, but to the people of Hope County as a whole. At every turn, John has either imposed his will onto the Deputy by removing opportunities for agency and/or harming others. The Deputy owes John nothing. Any "choice" he gives of saying "Yes" is undermined by the massive amount of strings attached. It is difficult to envision a reason why the Deputy would decide to give into John’s philosophy, aside from faking it in order to protect their allies. This is a failing on John's part, not the Deputy.

Like John, Faith also expresses a desire for the Deputy to give in to Eden's Gate. But unlike John, she initially appears to the Deputy in a more pacifistic, less confrontational way. Despite this, the Deputy is still able to see her darker side due to her views on the Angels and fate of the unfortunate souls who walk the path whipping themselves and take a literal leap off of the statue of Joseph. Furthermore, she overrides the Deputy’s agency through the use of Bliss, which drastically warps one’s perception of reality. The Bliss that she now controls makes the horrific creation of Angels possible, and this Bliss is also used during baptisms, which muddles the issue of personal agency and consent to John’s process in addition to her own conversion process. The dangers of the Bliss and how it affects one’s thought process become highlighted in the Henbane region, and letters, voicemails, and NPC chatter show that Faith is not one to be trifled with. This comes to a head when Faith brainwashes the Sheriff and manipulates the Marshall into killing Virgil before killing himself. While it’s easy to have sympathy for Faith and her experiences, from the Deputy’s perspective, Faith is still a potential danger, which is why they step back when she leaned toward them during her death scene.

Jacob too removes the Deputy’s personal agency by literally brainwashing them and turning them into a tool that he can command, which eventually results in the Deputy being forced to kill a friend. He forced captives into competing against each other in life or death trials. He keeps the Deputy in a cage with a dead body and feeds them “mystery meat” after seven days of starving them while telling them a story about how he cannibalized his friend. The Judges are his brainchild that he sends to attack and kill others. Like John, Jacob also kidnapped and tortured a fellow police officer, to the point where they act like a slave to Jacob’s whims. Jacob has not done anything other than convincing the Deputy that he is a threat.

It is not the Deputy's job to fix the Seeds' personal issues--it's their job to protect Hope County. Throughout their journey, the Deputy sees various atrocities being committed, both to strangers and to themselves and the people they care about. There is zero reason for the Deputy to genuinely give in to the Seeds and join Eden's Gate, considering the horrible way they were treated and how they saw others being treated.

Joseph and the Voice

The Deputy’s presence did not *force* Eden’s Gate to start the Reaping. *Joseph* was the one to initiate it as a reaction to the Deputy’s presence, and all of Eden’s Gate followed him lockstep. When given the opportunity to finally confront and arrest the man responsible or walk away, it almost feels laughable that it’s even a choice at this point.

As leader of Eden’s Gate, Joseph oversees all parts of the Project. The buck stops with him. If he had any issues with Faith’s Angels, or Jacob’s trials, or John’s torture, he could have and would have said something--such as when he intervenes during the baptism--but he doesn’t. Because it furthers the goal of the Project, he doesn’t see any issue with these actions and feels they are justified.

Joseph’s vision of the Collapse coming true doesn’t mean that his actions throughout the game have greater inherent morality than the Deputy. It just means that he’s right about the Collapse. Regarding the Reaping, I do not believe that Joseph was motivated by a sense of cruelty, but that doesn’t change how many of the actions he participated in and oversaw *were* cruel. In real life, we see various examples of some people (not just in religious institutions, but in positions of authority in general) who commit harmful acts for the sake of a perceived “greater good.” And many of those people genuinely believe in what they are doing, believe they are in the right. But that doesn’t mean they actually are.

Which brings us to the elephant in the room: the Voice. If the Voice of God supports Joseph, then surely the deputy is automatically the “bad guy” for opposing him, right?

Wrong.

First, we have to be willing to admit that we know next to nothing about the Voice. The only things we know about it is what is conveyed to us by Joseph. We do not know the exact wording of what the Voice says, the level of detail it gives him regarding expectations (if any), or even what it is. Is it the voice of God? Satan? A real angel? Some kind of eldritch entity from another dimension? How accurate is Joseph's reiteration or interpretation? Sometimes it seems to directly tell Joseph things (hence the title, “the Voice”), other times it shows him visions. Clearly, there is some kind of supernatural component, as it allows Joseph to see the future, but since we don’t know much about it specifically, we can’t automatically assume or attribute inherent benevolence or morality to it.

Second, it’s entirely possible for a genuine prophet of God (assuming the Voice does indeed belong to a benevolent creator), or those who have/had God’s favor, to engage in morally questionable behavior, both in the eyes of God and/or in the eyes of 21st century readers. While the Project at Eden’s Gate is its own distinct religion, it takes most of its cues from Christianity, both in terms of practices and beliefs. In the Bible, King David had a man murdered so he could sleep with that man’s wife. Jonah wanted the entire population of a city to be killed off instead of having them repent. Jacob (the Biblical figure) deceives his father into giving him a birthright that belonged to his brother, and shows blatant favoritism to one son which ends up causing a lot of internal strife within the family. It’s fully within the realm of possibility that Joseph’s actions are not meant to be endorsed, either by the Voice itself or by the narrative in a broader sense.

In New Dawn, Joseph alludes to his own personal failings by saying, “My soul has become a cancer. I am a monster. I only spread suffering and death in the name of God.” The death of his son and the destruction of New Eden act as a moment of awakening for Joseph, as he finally realizes the harsh reality of his actions and how they affect others. He then expresses a desire for death and says, “There is only the justice of God’s hand.” The implication of “justice” being done indicates that the Voice (“God”) would not be happy with some of the actions that Joseph did. So while Joseph’s actions in FC5 were done with the intent of serving the Voice, his execution of these ideas was something that Joseph feels God would not like, as his actions spread death and suffering.

And thirdly, we have to remember that the Deputy and the player are viewing the idea of morality from the perspective of a 21st century human. Let’s say that, hypothetically, the Voice specifically instructed and condoned the erasure of free will/murders/kidnappings/etc. for whatever reason, and by enacting them, Joseph and Eden’s Gate were “just following orders.” Does this absolve Joseph and Eden's Gate of responsibility? No. Willing participation in the crimes committed, even if it wasn’t “their idea,” can still have legal consequences and can still be viewed as “bad” from a moral perspective because of the results of those actions.

The Collapse

It has been discussed elsewhere (on this site and in outside articles/discussions about the game) that the actions of the deputy correspond with the role of the Lamb in Revelations, and by breaking the seals, the Deputy’s actions supernaturally trigger the Collapse. This interpretation is fairly popular, and is one I personally support. However, I do not feel as though this interpretation lessens the morality of the Deputy's actions. Their decision to fight the Seeds is still the right one, regardless of whether or not their actions resulted in some kind of cosmic game of dominos.

First off, when the Deputy is attempting to take down the Seeds and protect the people of Hope County, they are not doing this with the intent of playing a role in a cosmic prophecy that will result in the death of millions. They’re looking at the situation from a human perspective, and acting accordingly and sensibly. The Seeds, on the other hand, were willingly harming innocents both before and during the Reaping.

Second, if there's a need to assign blame to a human for starting the Collapse (and I personally don't think there needs to be), it would be the Seeds, not the Deputy. The Sheriff and the deputies wouldn’t have arrived with the arrest warrant if the Seeds were not kidnapping and doing other illegal actions.

And thirdly, if one does attribute blame of the Collapse to the Deputy, then one also must attribute the birth of the new world to them as well. Following along with the idea that the events of FC5 are a fulfillment of Revelations, then the Collapse is ultimately viewed as a Good Thing within in the context of the Book of Revelations, even if the player might not personally share the sentiment. The Book of Revelations describes how the new world that is supposed to emerge from the ashes of the old is meant to be much better than the one before. And if we look at the world of New Dawn--and I’m going to copy and paste something I wrote previously here---Nature is allowed to flourish, people work together and support each other in a tight community, all the social ills mentioned in the Book of Joseph (and by the characters in-game) no longer exist. The only “snakes in the garden” would be the Highwaymen, and they are abolished by the Captain, who Joseph prophesizes to be some kind of Messiah-like figure. The final scene of New Dawn is one of hope, where the characters talk about building a better future. The way Joseph and Ethan’s storyline ends also connects to the whole idea of breaking away from the past and moving forward. If one believes that the Deputy is responsible for the Collapse, then this new world shown in New Dawn and the context of Revelations complicates the idea of viewing the Deputy's actions as being inherently bad.

Some might also argue that the Deputy has responsibility for not taking Joseph's warnings more seriously. Why though? Why should the Deputy attribute more credibility to Joseph's claims than, say, those of Marshall Applewhite or David Koresh? As players who know the ending, it’s easy for us to say that the Deputy should have listened to Joseph's warning about the Collapse, but there’s no in-universe rationale for the Deputy to do so. Issues of belief aside, Eden’s Gate’s actions alone are enough to paint an extremely negative picture of the group and would be enough to make any regular person not want to associate with them.

Under the framework of the Revelations prophecy being the intended interpretation of the game events though, I personally don't feel that any character "deserves" blame for the Collapse happening, not even the Seeds. I blame the Seeds for what they do to people within the game and before the events of FC5. And my perception of the Deputy is based on what we see in the game as well. But again, the Revelations prophecy idea is simply one way to view the game. Regardless of whether or not this interpretation is the correct one, the deputy still has the moral high ground in their fight against the Seeds.

Conclusion

Joseph being right about the Collapse does not mean that his (and by extension, Eden’s Gate’s) actions during FC5 were justified, and the Deputy should not be blamed for fighting against them. Just as the Deputy made a choice to arrest Joseph, Joseph made the choice to react in the worst way possible with the Reaping. Eden’s Gate were the aggressors who were kidnapping, torturing, and murdering people throughout the county. The Deputy fights against Eden’s Gate as a direct result of *Eden's Gate's* actions. The Deputy deserves no blame or guilt for killing the Seeds and destroying their bases of operations, as they reacted in a logical way based on the quality of information they had at the time.

In New Dawn, the Deputy expresses an extreme amount of guilt, which transforms them into the Judge. This guilt is misplaced and should be attributed to the other resident of the bunker, which is something Joseph himself even alludes to during his final speech in New Dawn when he criticizes his own actions. If Eden’s Gate did not start attacking the people of Hope County, the bunkers would still be standing, and the Seeds and many other cultists would still be alive. But they did, so they’re not.

While I adore all four of the Seeds as characters and have varying degrees of sympathy for them, they are firmly villains within the context of the story due to their actions. The deputy is not a bad guy for trying to stop them. The fact the Seeds sided with a guy who kidnapped and starved a family, then fed the parents' flesh to their children while playing “this little piggy” with the parents’ toes, and then murdered said parents in front of their children should speak for itself.

TL;DR: The deputy’s decision to confront Joseph instead of walking away was the right one.

[shimmershae]

My thoughts on Episode 8--For Blood

As always, placed behind a cut for those of you that would rather escape my babbling, lol.  You’re welcome.  

Sadly, I don’t think this is anticipation I feel.  I’m pretty sure it’s dread but okay.  Here we go.  

This episode has to go up from the rock bottom boredom of last week, right?  

Let me preface what I’m about to say with the truth that I in no way hate Maggie.  She’s been with us since Season 2 and I have an emotional attachment to her, mostly due to my love of Glenn and the way he loved her.  She’s not my favorite by any means, but the fact of the matter is, I do like and appreciate her and don’t mind that she is back because it’s nice to have old familiar faces with us to take us into the final season.  That said?  Forcing Maggie front and center after her long absence ultimately, IMHO, has not worked in these first 8 episodes.  I can’t help but feel if ASZ had been the A story with Maggie/Negan and Daryl/Leah/the Reapers the B1 and B2 story?  These episodes would have been better received overall and not feel so much like they’re trying so hard.  Maybe lead me toward the water instead of shoving my head in it next time, Angela?  Hmm?  

Oh goodie.  They’re opening at Meridian.  Should I get my bathroom break out of the way now or give myself an out for later?  Call it Shae’s choice, lol.  

That flicker of a smirk Leah gave to Carver after their mini walk down memory lane had more spark to it than the entirety of her and Daryl’s toxic relationship.  In the future, maybe Angela will lean all in on them instead of Leah and Daryl.  Something tells me Leah knows this “brother” biblically.  

Daryl recognizes Whisperer moves when he sees ‘em.  Somehow, he realizes Maggie and Negan have banded together however reluctantly.  

Pope doing it “Dixon’s” way but not allowing Dixon to do the actual thing shows the level of distrust and paranoia the man still haves for outsiders. 

Look at Daryl chewing his lips with worry for his people.  If he and Leah know each other even a little bit, she has to recognize that as one of his tells.  

Ooohhhh.  Who took the first stab at Wells?  Maggie?  Negan?  Father G?  I swear.  I took my eyes off the “ball” one second and the whole damn play is halfway down the field.  Sorry.  If you cannot tell, I watched football with the fam yesterday, lol.  

The Walking Dead logo didn’t crumble this time.  Interesting.  Parts of it looked like it had been rebuilt.  With brick.  Wood.  Other parts of it looked reclaimed by nature.  Call me crazy, but that almost looks like an eye/part of a face on the first D.  

Okay then.  Babbling nonsense about the logo over, lol.  Tell me.  Please.  Anybody.  How do the events at ASZ line up with the events at Meridian?  Because it’s night and full-blown storming in ASZ and still daylight at Meridian.  But hey.  Thank fuck we’re in ASZ.  

All the babies huddled together giving me feels.  Sorry.  I know some feel they have no place on the show, but I personally enjoy their inclusion from time to time.  It usually plucks hard at my heartstrings.  

Connie tenderly comforting an injured Virgil is sweet, not gonna lie.  

Aww.  Is that Hershel petting a scared RJ’s hair?  Unless it’s a case of me not being able to pick out and place all the little hands, which it most certainly could be, I’m thinking Judith’s got her hand on her knee and that’s Hershel’s hand in RJ’s hair.  Regardless of whose hand is where, it was a sweet little scene.  What can I say?  I’m easy because Baby Glenn and Baby Rick, ya’ll.  

Oh snap.  The windmill’s on fire and pieces of the wall are blowing down main street ASZ like steel tumbleweeds, lol.  

Anybody else having flashbacks to the barn from Season 5?  Good times.  We still had most of Team Family with us then.  They were in a bad place, hurting and lost and just trying to survive--when are they not just trying to survive?--but they were together.  I miss them.  

Carol and Lydia holding each other.  These two, lovelies, have my whole heart.  

Wells is Walker Jerky, Shaw.  Stop wasting your breath.  

“She did.  My enemy.”  I mean, are we supposed to get the impression Maggie’s been a formidable adversary to Pope?  Because she feels more like a roach that simply knows the best rocks to hide under.  Granted, roaches are hard to kill but still.  I’m gonna need them to give us something better than Maggie being Pope’s enemy simply because she didn’t want to give up her home without a fight because this is frankly unbelievable and bordering on stupid.  

Alright.  So they’ve obviously been sowing the seeds of distrust and defiance between Leah and Pope because she doesn’t like losing family but Daryl?  Man?  You and Leah have differing opinions about how family operates.  Trust me on this.  

So.  Three teams, huh?  Aaron fighting the windmill fire, Carol repairing the breach in the wall, Rosita protecting the babies that represent their future.  Choose your fighters, lol.  Seriously, though.  Why do I have the sinking feeling only one group is going to be shown actually doing their thing?  

Listen.  Am I pissed we haven’t gotten the scene we deserve yet between Carol and Connie after all that’s happened and we’re getting crumbs mainly because Angela wrongly feels the Reapers/Maggie & Negan/Daryl & Leah need more focus?  Absolutely.  You bet your sweet asses.  But Melissa fucking McBride just took the crumbs allotted her and made a magnificent, work of art cake out of it trying all on her lonesome to feed us starving Carol fans.  

Bless Connie wanting wanting to go with Carol.  What a show of trust and sister-like solidarity that must have some hate-rotted guts about to turn themselves out.  

I love Kelly and Connie’s sister bond.  No ill will intended, but It takes the good parts of Maggie and Beth and elevates it beyond anything those two ever showed us.  I really feel like that’s a testament to Angel and Lauren’s real life ease with each other.  

Magna choosing to go with Aaron makes me wonder if it’s possible she feels some kind of residual guilt over Connie.  Not guilt for anything she’s actually done, but simply guilt over making it out.  

Virgil volunteering to help.  Okay.  Damn.  I’m honestly starting to like the guy.  

Judith offering to go with her aunt Carol had me all up in my feels.  I mean, granted.  It was a blink and you miss it scene.  We really deserved a longer heart to heart between that little girl and the woman that’s sacrificed so much to keep her safe and loved her for so long, but you know I’ll gobble any and all Judith/Aunt Carol content up.  Seems to me, Little Ass Kicker is just as afraid of letting Aunt Carol out of her sight as Uncle Daryl.  My heart.  

Gracie and Aaron are sweet.  And honestly?  I find them more realistic and true to what normal parents and children would be like in a ZA than Judith and Michonne no matter how much I love that bond.  I mean no disrespect, but I really do.  

“Why am I keeping you around?”  Pope asking the question we’re all wondering.  

Not Apocalypse Popeye comparing Daryl to a stray dog.  Joe from the Claimers already declared Daryl an outside cat that thought he was an indoor cat.  I did have to internally cheer when Daryl was like “I’m ain’t gonna lick it” talking about the helping hand Pope had extended him.  

“Somehow she has turned the dead against the living.  Oh, that’s impressive.”  The thing about Pope respecting Maggie so much as an enemy is I just find it hard to buy, lol.  Like if this had been Carol, yeah.  But Maggie?  Nope.  They’ve mostly shown her (with Gage being the bewildering exception) to be all bark and no bite.  

Has the house in ASZ really become that dilapidated that they can see through its walls?  Because its original owners dodged a bullet if so.  

Look at Grace hero-worshipping Judith.  It’s sweet.  

Virgil telling Judith Michonne would be proud of her is nice but doesn’t feel as earned as if someone like Daryl or Carol that actually knew Michonne well said it.  But maybe that’s the whole point--Judith needs to hear it from someone she knows isn’t going to just say what she wants to hear.  

Call me jaded, it was a touching scene, but also?  It felt designed to allow Judith to move beyond her very normal and realistic feelings of being abandoned by Michonne, even though she gave her the “okay” herself.  Like she’s still a kid.  Wants don’t always line up with feelings.  Anyway.  Cailey continues to be a bright, shining little star and I love how she’s managed to make Judith a true amalgamation of all the people she’s loved who have loved her in return.  Not just Michonne.  I know people like to overlook and cheapen the fact, but it’s taken a village and entire family to raise her from infancy.  

Gracie really should have known better than play in front of the windows during a storm period, but oh well.  Plot point, lol.  

Seriously, though.  I feel like they’ve teased poor Gracie’s demise in a multitude of ways since the beginning of the season.  I hope nothing ultimately comes of it but I fear it will.  All I can say if the worst comes to happen is poor Aaron.  

Where are Negan and Elijah though?  Ouch.  There they are, taking on shrapnel for the cause.  

Ready the what now?  

There’s ASZ’s Baby Sitter Extraordinaire!  Barbara, is it?  That lady’s been putting in the work since Season 5 at least.  

I’ve honestly grown to love Rosita.  More of her and less of Maggie, please and thank you.  

“Let’s stay away from the windows.”  I’m sorry but I had to LMAO at that.  Still a badass moment though.  

Gabe hobbling toward his assigned sentinel.  At least they haven’t forgotten he’s injured like they seemed to forget Daryl was near death last season before the attack on Hilltop, lol.  

“It’s hard to watch something you care about change.”  Listen, Leah.  Chick.  You and Daryl obviously never really knew each other.  It’s always been obvious but I have a feeling “DIxon” is finally going to show you, spoilers or no spoilers.  

WTF are they calling that thing?  Sorry.  I have just as hard a time understanding Pope’s accent as I do Maggie’s sometimes.  

That’s not love that has Daryl telling Leah she can come with him.  That’s care for somebody he used to know.  There is a distinct difference that’s obviously lost on so many.  How can you really and truly love someone you cannot trust?  Especially in Daryl Dixon’s case?

Why does Angela hate us so much?  Giving us all these Reaper scenes and leaving us to simply imagine Carol and Connie and Kelly working side by side to save the wall?  

I think I honestly could have enjoyed this whole Reaper storyline more, at least a little bit anyway, had they not retrofitted a half-assed romance between Daryl and the story’s weakest link and if only they’d made it the B storyline and given earned deference to the goings-on in ASZ instead.  

I wonder if Glenn taught Maggie how to hot write a car?  I miss my baby Glenn.

Apocalypse Popeye is several fries short of a Happy Meal.  What else is new on this show, lol?  

I care for Maggie.  Mostly for nostalgia’s sake and Glenn and Baby Hershel but damn, man.  She’s not actually proven herself got be worth killing your entire “family” for.  But are too far gone, so.  We’ll make allowances.  

I will say at least this episode is not as abysmally biring as last week’s episode.  

Leah finally giving Pope the throat punch he’s been asking for but I’m not fooled she’s on Daryl’s side here.  She’s always been on her own side.  

Look at Father G returning the favor for Maggie saving him in the tower.  Taking Deaver down!  Poor Deaver barely saw the light of day.  

Here comes that woman scorned part.  I can feel it.  

“Pope is dead.  Dixon murdered him.  He’s with the enemy.”  

Please, Angela.  I’m begging you.  Bring Carol into this story and ramp it the fuck up.  You been idling too damn long and the car is fast running outta gas.  

Bitch really has to die to framing Carol’s Pookie.  

Rosita and Lydia and Carol and Connie and Kelly and Magna have literally been holding up this damn show while Angela farts around with the Reapers bullshit.  Honorable mention goes to Aaron but these lovely, badass ladies been putting in the real work and not getting any of the glory.  You just know they’re tired AF.  

Not my babies Lydia and Judith being the cliffhanger!  Oh and Gracie.  Angela?!  A word.  

Listen.  Carol’s already done that fireworks trick.  That Reaper dude owes her royalties.  Granted, it was on a smaller scale but much more impressive for it because she was left to be the sharpshooter.  

Angela has a point.  It is kind of cool how Team Family have learned from their enemies and assimilated their useful points into their own cache of knowledge.  

I truly feel like the Leah/Reaper storyline would have benefitted from a much stronger actress.  Just saying.  

I know Judith annoys some with her precociousness but Cailey just keeps teeing off on what they give her and personally?  I feel she’s so very talented and light years beyond her little acting counterparts so it still works.  

“They’re never gonna choose each other over the people that they’ve loved and fought for because they simply cannot really trust each other.  There’s sort of, like a toxicity at the base of that relationship.”  Straight from Angela’s mouth.  

“At the end of the day, Daryl chose his family.”  Yeah, he did.  That “I belong with you” shit only happened when he felt they were all gone, including the one he loved above all others--Carol.  Fight me.  

Overall impression of the episode?  

On its own, disregarding how much I can’t help resenting how much time I feel has been “wasted” setting this story up, it was much more entertaining than Episode 7 which was only epic in that it was an epic bore.  There was still too much focus on the Reapers when I just just kept wanting to see what was happening at ASZ.  I mean, they cheated us out of Carol and Connie and Kelly working together. Of Aaron and Magna.  Call it personal preference coloring my opinions if you want, but the characters I care about feel like they’ve been shown the backseat for this self-indulgent exploration of Angela’s OC and her version of self-insert FF with Daryl Dixon.  If we can return to Team Family?  The whole Team Family and not just Maggie and Co. against the world?  You’ve got me.  If not?  Well.  You’ll keep losing me by degrees and you don’t want to do that on the final season.  

Anyway.  The ASZ parts were my favorites per usual.  The episode could have used a lot more of those.  

[scullydubois]

Only the Light Ch. 13

13/? | AU where Melissa moves in with Scully after Scully’s abduction | angst, msr slow-burn, occasional fluff | currently: Christmas Eve 1994 | T | 5k | previous chapters | read on ao3 | tagging: @today-in-fic <3

As Scully copes with her diagnosis, Mulder joins her for the Scully family Christmas dinner. Plus, Melissa's girlfriend meets the family.

TW for disordered eating, cigarette smoking, references to abduction/medical rape.

-------------

Self destruction is a natural impulse for Dana Scully, though she’ll try to deny it. Take one unexplained abduction, add a dash of premature menopause, and sift out time spent proving Mulder wrong, and you’ll get a struggling Scully.

She can tell she’s entering a bad mental state when food becomes a suggestion rather than a necessity. Every bite is either earned according to whatever trivial rules she’s set for herself in that particular moment, or is not deserved and therefore not eaten. It’s a game where she’s the coach, player, and referee, yet she still loses every time. Nourishment is both prize and punishment, feeding her hunger but vacating her control.

This habit started when she was a teenager and wracked with feelings her petite frame couldn’t contain. It felt much safer than the route her siblings had taken of sneaking out in the middle of the night or using fake IDs to buy alcohol or skipping church on the regular. As far as fifteen-year-old her was concerned, she wasn’t bothering anyone by foregoing some meals. Her mother disagreed and called her out every time, humiliating her into her second coping mechanism, smoking.

There were the times when Scully was really young and enticed by her sister’s cigarettes, but that was simple preteen rebellion. What developed when Dana was seventeen was something different entirely. A survival mechanism with poison inside, snuffing herself out while keeping her alive and sane. She would walk to the gas station and buy packs of Marlboros with coins from her piggy bank. The laws were lax in the 80s, the prices too. She would blow rings of smoke while walking home, then hide the pack in her bra and swish some mouthwash. She’d repeat the process to and from school, steadily acquiring a nasty nicotine habit. It continued until the summer before college, when she made herself go cold turkey so as not to take the habit with her. As far as she knows, neither her parents nor any of her siblings ever knew about it.

It resurfaces in times of stress, though normally for no more than a single pack. Lately she’s accustomed to keeping a pack and a lighter with her at all times. Her building is smoke free so she steps outside, but her car is off limits because she doesn’t want the smell to cling to her. It is a hassle, but then again, so are most things.

Missy knows about the poor eating habits--those are hard to hide from someone who shares the same space as you. Nevermind the fact that the scale shows six less pounds than before, and that adds up when the number’s not that large to begin with. Scully’s edges protrude now...that can’t be hidden.

Missy never says a word. She remembers Dana complaining about their mother’s condescending comments about her weight, and she knows the damage that does to a young psyche. Instead, she offers. Healthy meals, guilty pleasure meals, all her sister’s favorites. She cooks more than she ever has before, well aware that her sister will struggle to refuse her.

“I recognize what you’re doing,” Missy told her sister when she tried to turn away a caesar salad, of all things. “I’ve been known to do that too,” Missy admitted. “Eat. You’re hungry, you just think not eating will give you some form of control over your body, or your life...but wasting yourself away is letting the bastards win.”

And so she did, that time at least. Scully has enough shame regarding her habit to push it aside whenever confronted---that’s how she insists to herself that it’s not an eating disorder. She can stop on command. That makes it okay, right?

Getting back into the office helped her a lot---you can’t starve yourself and function as an FBI agent. Besides, she would dissolve into thin air if Mulder figured out what she was doing. He was the one who batted around the idea of Scully helping prep each case and supervising any tests he might need the crime lab to do while he’s in the field. He understood that in lieu of therapy, she needed something to take her out of her own mind.

It was as much for him as it was her; at this point, it’s almost incomprehensible to him that the X-Files had existed before her. Of course he was the laughingstock of the FBI! He had huddled in the basement by himself with UFOs and blurry Bigfoot sightings pinned on the wall like a shrine to his own delusion.

Her fall from grace was his absolution. He’ll make an angel of her, somehow. Even if it means he has to meet the devil.

Scully has no interest in becoming an angel, though she’d sure like to avoid hell, and that hasn’t worked out too well. Locker room jokes are one thing. Underestimation another. But assault? Rape? Trauma and torture because she is who she is doing what she does? She is not a quitter, and that is killing her.

Her barrenness haunts her because it was bestowed upon her as punishment, an implication that she only has worth as a walking womb. She wants to be seen as a person, not a pawn.

The arrival of the holiday season is another weight on her shoulders. It used to be Scully’s favorite time of year; now the sight of carolers makes her want to poke her eyes out. It’s the first Christmas without her father, and that is simply unimaginable. Her and Missy spent a quiet Thanksgiving with their mother---small portions and whispered thanks--in preparation for an elaborate family Christmas. Bill Jr. and Tara are flying in from California for the annual Christmas dinner and midnight mass. They will all try to move forward, pretend it’s just like any other year, but it’s not and it never will be again. Happy Christmases are over for the Scully family.

And yet, they will try to enjoy the moment. Missy told her mom that she’s bringing a friend, which is completely true. Trinity is her closest friend that she doesn’t share blood with. That said, she plans to use the occasion to introduce Trinity as her girlfriend, come what may.

Then there was the suggestion that their mother made, which caught her youngest daughter completely off guard. “Why don’t you bring Fox?” Margaret Scully proposed demurely during their weekly phone call. “I’m making a zoo’s worth of food, I could use another mouth to feed. I hate to see any of it go to waste.”

“Mulder’s spending Christmas with his family, I’m sure,” Scully had replied. “But I’ll pass along the offer.”

That was how Scully learned that Mulder’s family isn’t much for celebration, that he usually spends the holiday flipping between It’s A Wonderful Life and the 24 hour marathon of A Christmas Story, and that he has a particular fascination with the idea of midnight mass.

“I just don’t get it,” Mulder mused. “You believe that a jolly old man with flying reindeer leaves presents in your house, but you think he waits until after you’ve gotten home from celebrating Baby Jesus’ birthday? Didn’t you ever look for his sleigh in the sky on the drive home?”

“No, Mulder,” Scully sighed. “I just believed that he knew when we were tucked in bed. Santa’s all-seeing, you know,” she teased.

Mulder chuckled. “Kind of presumptuous to assume he functions on your schedule, huh?”

Ultimately, Mulder said yes. He figured attending the Catholic equivalent of Jesus’ birthday party would be another check off his supernatural bucket list, though he did not say this part out loud for fear of Dana Scully’s wrath. Besides, what else was he gonna do on Christmas Eve? Shake the shoebox of junk he stuck under his mini-basketball hoop so he felt like he was getting a gift?

And so the fateful day arrives. Mulder flips his Garfield page-a-day calendar to December 24th, chuckles at the comic strip of the orange cat eating all his owner’s Christmas cookies, and makes his way to his partner’s increasingly familiar doorstep. The sun has already slipped behind the trees by the time he arrives. It gives up easily in the winter.

He rings the bell and hears Scully’s dainty footsteps on the other side. She’s snuck up on him enough times for him to have developed a keen sense of her light footing--no more jump scares for him.

“Hey Scully,” he stammers as she opens the door. She had told him to look “festive,” so he donned his nicest green sweater (a gift from his mom from J. Crew...he had never worn it) and slacks. Scully rounds out their show of holiday spirit with a velvet red blouse and black trousers.

“You look lovely,” Mulder says reflexively, unsure when he started using such a word. Scully pulls at her shirt, obscuring the bit of cleavage that has revealed itself. “Thanks Mulder,” she mutters, ushering him inside.

He holds up the shiny silver gift bag he hastily stuffed with tissue paper. “Some candy canes I picked up at the gas station. I figured the whole family could enjoy them.”

Scully nods, amused by his feeble attempt at gifting. “I’m sure they won’t go to waste.”

A fire crackles in the fireplace. It’s so hot in the apartment that Mulder is surprised it hasn’t melted the snow outside on the sidewalk.

“Where’s Melissa?” he asks, hoping they will hit the road sooner than later.

“She’s picking up her girlfriend from the airport. She couldn’t get an earlier flight.”

“Dulles?” He sure hopes not. It’s all the way across town.

“No, Reagan.”

Whew. Much closer.

“She should be back any minute now,” Scully continues. “Trinity’s flight got in at 3:30.”

Mulder rolls his sleeves up. “So your family doesn’t know about Trinity?”

Scully shakes her head.

“Do they know that Melissa’s…” He gestures, unsure which word to fill the space with.

“Bi? No.”

“So she shows up with Trinity, and then what?”

Scully shrugs. “She introduces her as her girlfriend. Mom already knows Missy is bringing a guest so she’ll have a plate for her.”

“You’re not worried about how the family’s gonna react?”

“Well, I’m sure Bill is gonna be a dick about it, but that’s normal. We only see him once a year, so it doesn’t really matter.”

“Bill’s your brother?”

“Uh-huh. And Tara is his wife. They got married about a year and a half ago.”

Even as he pushes into his thirties, it still surprises Mulder that anyone close to his age could be married. He doesn’t even sleep in a bed.

“You think your mom’s gonna be cool with Trinity?” he asks.

“I think she loves her daughter enough to be.”

“Mmm.” Mulder sticks his hands in his pockets. If only he had dilemmas like this. He imagines him and Samantha speculating about their mother’s reaction to Sam’s nose piercing or dyed hair or...anything really. He would give so much to have someone to laugh about his uncle’s sideburns with.

His emotional deep-dive is promptly cut off by the entrance of Melissa and a brunette woman whose bangs graze her eyebrows, her hair falling just below her shoulder. “Hi!” she chirps, taking in the magnificence of Dana Scully. “Dana, I presume?”

Scully nods.

“May I hug you?” Trinity asks, hazel eyes shining.

“Sure,” Scully says, feeling the brisk air against Trinity’s coat as she’s pulled in.

Scully lets go first, and Trinity takes that as a cue to pull away. “You look just like Mel, wow,” she remarks, fighting the urge to run her fingers through Scully’s hair.

Scully smiles softly. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Oh, it is,” Trinity assures, exchanging a gooey gaze with Missy. Next, her attention falls upon Mulder, who does an awkward half-wave. “Hello!” She points between Mulder and Scully. “Boyfriend?”

Mulder chokes. Scully picks up his slack--”Oh, no. This is Fox Mulder, my partner at the FBI.”

“Ahh,” Trinity smiles knowingly. “Yes, I’ve heard about you. I didn’t know you would be joining us for Christmas.”

“Christmas is not exactly my family’s cup of tea, so I figured I’d get an authentic experience with the Scullys.”

“Same! I’m looking forward to Mama Scully’s ginger snaps. I’ve heard fantastic things about them.”

Mulder elbows his partner playfully. “Damn, Scully! How could you leave me in the dark about ginger snaps?”

Scully rolls her eyes but smiles. “I apologize, Mulder. Though for the record, the fruitcake is better.”

“Says no one, ever,” Mulder teases.

She grins. Now this is Christmas.

---------------------

Taking a seat at Margaret Scully’s dinner table feels like existing inside a Christmas movie, in Mulder’s mind. Fancy china, green and red serving platters, paper mache snowflakes hanging from the ceiling, and a porcelain nativity scene; the dining room has it all. Not to mention the heaping piles of food there for the taking...if this is Christmas, Mulder wants in every year.

Scully does not share his cinematic fantasy. She knows better, having actually attended one of her family’s dinners before. Bill will get too drunk and start saying whatever comes to mind, their mother will laugh along like he’s still a five year old babbling about nothing (as opposed to the thirty-something spewing bullshit that he actually is), Missy will attempt to debate him to get him to shut up (which never works), and she will sit there and wish to be somewhere, anywhere else. And all without their father to hold the reins and keep a fight from breaking out.

The night has gone smoothly enough, Scully supposes. Missy introduced Trinity as her girlfriend in a very non-ceremonial way, forcing Bill and their mother to nod and accept it, in the moment at least. Mulder received a hug from Margaret and a pat on the shoulder from Bill, so pretty much the highest token of approval. Mulder’s candy canes earned a place in the center of the dessert table, which gave him way more satisfaction than it should have, and he couldn’t help but feel that if they were to vote on favorite man at the party, he would win. A room with Bill Jr. in it is probably the only place he would ever earn this honor, and he’ll take that.

Yet everything unwinds as Scully suspected. Bill waits until everyone has packed plates and full mouths to unleash his particular hyperfixation for the night.

“Trinity?” he questions, raising his fork diagonal across the table toward her. “Is that your name?”

Trinity smiles and nods, oblivious to what she’s in for.

“And you know Melissa how…?”

She pats a napkin to her mouth. “We worked at the same restaurant in Oregon.”

He chuckles gruffly. “What was it, one of those gay bar things?”

“No, an Italian bistro,” Trinity continues calmly.

Missy, however, is not so calm. “Gay people can go places other than gay bars,” she retorts. “We’re not segregated. Though I’m sure you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Bill sets a fist on the table, clanging his silverware. “Yeah, that’s what I said. Why the hell do you insist on being so politically correct all the time? I’d shoot myself.”

“Gee, maybe you should try it sometime.”

“Now Melissa…” Margaret Scully’s voice rises above the clamor.

“I have the right to defend my girlfriend and I against Bill’s thinly disguised homophobia,” Missy responds.

“You act like I give a damn what you and your friend do,” Bill sneers. “That’s not my business.”

“Then stop pretending like it is.”

“Oh boo-hoo, little Missy thinks the world revolves around her.”

“Bill, honey, I think that’s enough,” Tara says, laying a protective hand on his arm.

“You’re right.” He raises his can of beer toward Mulder. “Whaddya doin here, hot shot? Trying to seduce my sister?”

Scully frowns, but doesn’t say anything, pushing food around on her plate.

Mulder seems rather unbothered by Bill’s advances. He chuckles. “Actually, I think it’s the other way around.”

Bill snorts. “That’s a likely story.”

“You don’t think I’m worth your sister’s time?”

“I don’t think Dana thinks you're worth her time. You’re not her type.”

“I am sitting right here, you know,” Scully says, staring daggers at her brother.

“Then tell us Dana! Is hot shot here your type?”

Her eyes brush Mulder’s face. His cheeks flush, reddening like a stormy sunset. She wishes she could read his mind. The safe answer and the true answer are not often the same. “I think Mulder is a wonderful man. I’m very lucky to know him,” she answers stiffly, her annoyance aimed at Bill.

“Oh, the old run-around!” Bill scraps his fork against his plate. ”Typical.”

Scully grabs her now empty canned cocktail and sulks into the kitchen, leaving her chair pushed away from the table. Everyone watches her go, but Bill gives off the only visible reaction. He laughs. “Scared her away. Thought it would take more.”

Mulder and Melissa exchange a glance. She nods, granting him permission to play knight-in-shining-armor. Quietly, Mulder slips out of his chair and pushes it back into place. He catches the kitchen door as it swings closed behind his partner.

Her anger concealed from the rest of the family, Scully drops her can in the recycling bin with a bang. She ignores Mulder, instead opening the refrigerator and pulling out another cocktail, saying nothing.

“What is this, your fifth drink?” Mulder brushes his hand over her shoulder, and she recoils. “Leave me alone, Mulder.” She slams the fridge and tries to turn around, but he’s cornered her.

“C’mon Scully, Bill’s harmless. He doesn’t bother me.”

“It’s not fucking about Bill,” she fumes, alcohol fizzing through her bloodstream. She inhales, trying to keep it together in front of the man who has done nothing wrong to her. “Please get out of my way.”

“What’s wrong?” He frames her shoulders with his hands, creating their own little bubble.

“Don’t touch me!” she growls. Mulder knows as soon as hears it: he will never forget the pure anguish in her voice. As she retreats to the corner, he looks down at his palms, the stovetop that burned her...he would cut them off if he could.

Unfortunately, the commotion attracts the Scully’s like a dog whistle. Bill leads the charge into the kitchen, getting a full view of his sister hunched over by the back door while her partner stands by the fridge like an idiot. “Ooo, a lover’s spat!” he exclaims, only nominally concerned about Dana’s well-being.

“Shut up, Bill,” Missy hisses. To everyone’s relief, he does.

Mrs. Scully comes forward, maneuvering around Mulder to get to her daughter. “Are you alright, Dana?”

Scully keeps her back to the crowd. “I just need a minute.” She taps her pocket, confirms that she slipped her pack of cigarettes in. “I’ll be outside. Everyone can go back to dinner, please.”

She twists the doorknob and steps onto the back deck without waiting for any response. Mulder feels the tug of tears in his throat, like a dormant animal waking up in him. He is used to being hurt (though not by Scully, never her), but inflicting the hurt is a whole other beast. He doesn’t know what he’s done, but he doesn’t need to. The look in her eyes, put there by what he thought was a harmless touch, made his heart tremble. He is frozen in place, grateful when Melissa appears at his side as the rest of the party returns to the dining room.

“I didn’t mean to upset her, I was trying to make her feel better about Bill…” he laments.

“I’m sure, I’m sure. It’s not you specifically, she’s going through a lot right now--you know.”

Mulder rubs his neck. “I don’t know if I do.”

“She hasn’t shared her diagnosis?”

His eyes nearly pop out of their sockets. “Diagnosis?! Is she okay?”

Missy sighs. “I think you two need to talk. If she gets pissed, tell her I sent you.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Tell me if she’s okay.”

“She’s okay. It’s not fatal or anything.”

“She would tell me, if it was...wouldn’t she?”

Missy bites her lip. “I don’t know, Fox---Mulder. I would hope so, but I was under the impression you already knew about this, and you see how that’s gone.”

Mulder turns toward the back door, desperation living in his voice. “I’ve gotta go. I’ve gotta check on her.”

Missy nods. “Don’t let her weasel her way out of this one. I’m expecting a heart-to-heart, mushiness and all.”

“Aye aye, captain.”

He turns the back doorknob and slips through the door, trying to imitate his partner’s ninja skills. The old wood on the door frame shakes as he shuts it. He winces--so much for the sneak attack.

Mulder follows the arc of the deck, winter’s bite colliding with him. He didn’t have a chance to grab his jacket, and now that he’s thinking about it, Scully didn’t either. He can grin and bear it but she is all skin and bones, now more than ever. It scares him to see her like that, but it’s none of his business, he feels, to comment on her body. He can break her fall, but he must not provide an extra push.

The wind has no friends to protect nor foes to defeat, so it will give away anyone. It carries the unmistakable tarnish of smoke to Mulder’s nose, an ashy haze that has come to remind him of Skinner’s office and the shadow lingering in the corner. He almost expects to find him there with his Morleys and his sadistic laugh. Instead, he finds a redhead and her Marlboros shrinking against the December cold snap.

“Bum a cig, ma’am?” He scoots up to her, ready to retrieve his own smoke from her long, slender fingers.

“Mulder!” She pulls the cigarette away from her, holding her last puff captive in her lungs.

He wiggles his fingers like an impatient child. “We’re all gonna die someday, right?”

Her jig up, she rolls her shoulders back and releases the smoke with a great rise and fall of her chest. It mingles in the air with the chill of her breath, becoming one and the same as they leave the contours of her body. Head tilted back and lips parted, she is alive with nicotine’s ease and intoxication’s freedom.

It is better than porn, according to one Fox William Mulder. He’ll keep this observation to himself for now.

“Did your parents never teach you that sharing is caring?” he rambles. “C’mon, give me a light!”

“It’s a nasty habit, Mulder.”

“I’m a connoisseur of those,” he replies loosely. “Now, you’re not gonna make me put you in a headlock are ya?”

Scully rolls her eyes. She’s never felt less threatened in her life. “You’re exhausting, do you know that?”

“I’ve heard it a time or two.”

She pulls a cigarette from her carton and slips it into his fingers. They are warm; hers are ice-cold. “I wanted to be alone.” She hands him the lighter, watches as he generates heat from thin air.

He lights his cig and sticks the lighter in his pocket rather than handing it back to her. “According to my calculations, you should be very drunk right now. Other than your Oscar bait performance back there, you’ve got things pretty under control I’d say.”

Scully gestures at her cigarette smoking, teeth chattering self. “Yeah, I’m the picture of health.”

“Do you have some exceptional alcohol tolerance I should know about, because that’d make you very valuable in undercover work.”

Scully gazes out into the distance. She’d smile if she were to look at him right now, and that doesn’t feel right for the situation. “Those drinks have low alcohol content, Mulder. You can buy them at Dollar General.”

“You ever looked at their hand sanitizer? It’s like 95% alcohol.”

“Well, now I know where you go to get your fix.”

He chuckles. “You got me.”

She stuffs her hands in her pockets and he wishes, god he wishes, that he had grabbed his jacket. He’d take off his sweater if she wanted him to--stand there with his bare chest to the cold--but he has a feeling that would only exacerbate the situation.

He tries a more gentlemanly route. “Do you want me to grab your jacket? I won’t give away your trade secrets.”

She folds herself together. “No, it’s okay. It’ll make me get a move on at some point.”

They stand united in their rebellion, blowing smoke and freezing their asses off. Who needs Christmas cheer when you’ve got Christmas resentment?

Mulder sways a bit to keep his blood circulating. He is careful not to bump her. “You wanna tell me why you’re out-Scrooging Scrooge this year?” he prompts as gently as he can.

“In case you haven’t noticed, it hasn’t exactly been the best year of my life.”

“I gathered that, yeah.”

“And it’s the first Christmas without my father…” her voice warbles.

“Shit, right. I’m sorry,” Mulder murmurs.

“...So it just doesn’t feel very celebratory.” She takes a long drag. Mulder can tell that this secret smoking habit is not new to her, and he wonders when she picked it up, how long she has kept it from him.

He takes a deep breath, watches as it is written in the air. “Melissa told me you received a diagnosis, and I think we’ve already established that sharing is caring…”

Scully looks him in the eyes for the first time since he joined her. It has the sudden intensity of a black-and-white film, Scully the 1940s scarlet and he the leading man who pales in comparison to her. There is no one he’d rather be overshadowed by.

“It’s humiliating,” she croaks. “Missy and my mom are the only ones who know.”

“I’ve got the monopoly on humiliation in this partnership, so I wouldn’t worry about that,” he says, flicking some ashes to the ground.

“This is a particular form of humiliation you can’t experience, I’m afraid. Or at least, it wouldn’t impact you the same way.”

“Let’s hear it.”

She sighs. “My abductors removed all of my eggs, causing my menstrual cycle to shut down and me to enter perimenopause.”

His breath catches in his throat. “Jesus christ.”

“Uh-huh.”

He throws his cigarette on the ground and stamps it out, though it could have burned longer. “That’s fucking horrifying, Scully. You’ve got to inform the Bureau. We’ve got to catch these--whatever they are. We’ve got to make them pay.”

“No, Mulder. It’s too much. I don’t want to keep reliving it, I want to be able to move on with my life.”

“How can you move on when they’re still out there, probably doing it to more women?”

She shakes her head, feeling the snag of tears and holding them back for fear they might freeze on her face. “I don’t know, but I can’t think about it like that. It sort of...shatters everything, the idea that this could be a phenomenon happening to other women in secret. I wouldn’t believe it if it didn’t happen to me. I still don’t believe it.”

Mulder shudders. He can’t discern whether it’s from the cold or their conversation. “Do you think it was men who took you? Or do you believe Duane Barry?”

“It seems like a level of monstrosity that only man could achieve. It requires a certain understanding of society, gender roles...dehumanization that only humans could perpetuate.”

Mulder nods. Her reasoning tracks, but the thought of him failing to outsmart humans who stole away his partner is something he cannot fully process. It makes sense that he couldn’t find her if she was in space, but if she was on the face of the Earth, he had no damn excuse.

“You were just gone, Scully...you were just gone.” His aching is so palpable, his voice a cliff’s edge they could both tumble down.

“I know I was.” She takes one last puff, then lets her cigarette fall to the ground. She crushes it with her heel, her force premeditated and brutal. That pain is for the ones who took her, the ones who have obviously never loved a thing at all.

Head bowed, she moves toward the door, but not without grasping for Mulder’s elbow, assuring that he is following behind. He is and he will be, for as long as she lets him.

Inside, the home’s manufactured warmth hits them, unreal in comparison to the cold they have known. The kitchen is as quiet as it was before their ordeal, the dining room empty aside from Mrs. Scully clearing serving platters.

“Where did everyone go?” Scully asks, momentarily alarmed that she may have ruined the entire gathering.

“We’re going to drive around and look at lights before mass. Everyone’s getting ready.”

“Oh.” She looks to Mulder, as if to check that he hasn’t left her stranded. “I think I’ll stay here,” she tells her mother. “Make a cup of hot chocolate and relax for a bit.”

“Well, you’ll be missed. Fox, would you like to join us?”

He takes a leap, hopes he’s got the right idea. “I’ll stay here, but thank you.”

“As you wish,” Mrs. Scully says with a slight smile. Mulder had never noticed her resemblance to her daughter until that moment. It was like looking at a sketch of a famous painting; the lines are there but the colors missing.

Soon enough the crowd leaves and Scully and Mulder settle on the couch with mugs of hot cocoa. Margaret Scully’s tree forms the centerpiece of the living room, and it’s hard not to admire its gold and red decorations and the shiny angel on top.

“That’s gorgeous. Does she do it every year?” Mulder asks, ignoring the steam rising out of his mug and going right in for the kill.

Scully nods. “Every year since we were kids. There used to be a lot more homemade ornaments, but I guess she swapped those for a more elegant look now that we’re grown.”

“Well, it’s beautiful.” He looks at her, curled up with the glow of the fireplace falling upon her, and he feels warmth and safety like never before. It would be so easy to slip in “and so are you,” it is practically begging to be said. But she wouldn’t believe him if he said it now; she would think it was a pity compliment. Instead, he mouths the words, and she is not looking, and that is okay.

She snuggles deeper into the cushions, closing her eyes and letting her mind wander. She is the most at ease she has been in months--here in the house she lived in during high school with the fireplace crackling and her partner by her side--and that’s not what she expected from Christmas Eve. Heaven strokes her skin, and she blinks her eyes open to find Mulder tucking her in with her mother’s microfiber blanket. She smiles her soft Scully smile. “Thank you,” she coos, burrowing herself deeper into the blanket’s embrace.

“You’re welcome,” Mulder whispers into her ear. His fingers tangle in her hair as he pulls her toward him, his lips meeting her temple. She catalogues the feeling for her memory bank: chapped but carrying the hot chocolate’s warmth. She will spend the next while convinced that it was a dream, a fleeting image in the moments before sleep, but she will carry the feeling until she feels it again.

[imaginepirates]

Mini Series

Something Informative

For @chiminie-pabo. You, dear reader, have an interesting run-in with Captain Sparrow, and you gain some much needed insight on James. 

Other Chapters:  1  2

You left James to read his book the next morning, choosing to go out and get some groceries. Mostly, you needed to buy breakfast foods for the two of you. James had insisted on coming along, but you had told him that it wouldn’t take you long, and that he should enjoy his downtime. In reality, you wanted some alone time to think. James seemed nice enough, but you weren’t sure if he was entirely trustworthy. 

You reminded yourself that he had every right to keep secrets. The two of you weren’t old friends or some such thing, so he had no reason to answer any of your questions at all. Still, he was an educated man with mysterious motives. You couldn’t help but be interested. You’d never had someone like him stumble upon your little bar, and you wanted to know why someone like him would end up in Tortuga. 

You absentmindedly looked at the wares people had spread out on tables. The prices of food were going up; you’d make sure to thank the next East India officer you met. The East India Trading Company made it hard to get things cheaply. They controlled too much of trade and had too big an impact on the poor. At the rate things were going, you’d starve to death within the year. 

The fruit you bought wasn’t horribly priced. If the Caribbean was good at anything, it was growing fruit, and local products were always cheaper than those from far off places. The lady selling you your things had a kind face with deep smile lines. She was an old but cheerful woman, and you couldn’t help but think that she would’ve been better off in a nice little coastal town in Cuba. 

Dropping the items in your cloth bag, you turned to find a familiar face, though it didn’t find you. Telltale dreadlocks swayed back and forth as the pirate walked among the stalls, picking things up and setting them back down, squinting and making odd faces. You eyed him with distaste.

Why had he been so afraid of James? You guessed the two of them had a bad past, but how awful could James have been? He seemed like such a nice gentleman; he couldn’t have done something utterly terrible. Why, then, did the pirate have such a bad reaction?

You watched the man stumble into the owner of a market stall. When they pulled away, the pirate apologizing profusely, a bag left its place at its owner’s hip to be in the pirate’s hand. It was a small pouch of money, but no doubt it was all the shop-owner had. You furrowed your eyebrows. You saw nasty men all day, every day, but it didn’t mean you condoned of their behavior. 

“Hey!” You hollered. “Thief!” 

The word was enough to get others into action. People sprang about, looking for the alleged man. You pointed at the pirate with a finger, and he began separating himself from the crowd to run away. You didn’t want to be part of a great chase, but you hoped that he’d be caught. He’d probably done many things that deserved public justice. 

You watched the scene unfold with no little amusement. Pirating was all good and fine until someone actually got robbed from. Then, things could get hot. Piracy was tolerated in Tortuga- even encouraged- but only if it didn’t affect anybody within city limits. How ironic. 

You started heading back, stepping into an alley to get to the bar faster. Entering the street, things were just fine. How you ended up shoved through a doorway and pressed against a wall with a hand over your mouth, you didn’t know. Thankfully, your bag still seemed full, but you couldn’t look down to make sure. 

“Rat,” someone hissed. 

You looked up into dark, kohl rimmed eyes, eyebrows slanted down in distrustful annoyance. 

“I could’ve gotten away with that much more easily. But you took it upon your pious soul to say something.” He shook his head. “Women.”

You were tempted to bite his fingers, but you didn’t know what kind of dirt covered them. If you had, you might’ve given the pirate a nip to show him a piece of your mind. Even without prompting, he lifted his hand from your mouth and stopped pinning you to the wall. You tried to speak, but he shushed you, listening intently to the goings on outside whatever room you were in. After a stretch of silence, he allowed you to talk, though he encouraged that you do so quietly. 

“It’s what anyone else would’ve done,” you hissed. 

“No, it’s not, because everyone else would’ve minded their own damn business. I don’t know what little angel you think you are—”

You slapped him, hard, right across the face. “You have no right. You’re the one who comes into my bar and talks to me. You pry into my life and my business. Don’t say that I mess with the way you do things. As far as I’m concerned, thievery is still a crime here.”

He mumbled something under his breath that you couldn’t quite catch, but you squinted at him anyway. “What’s your name?” He finally asked. 

“Why do you care?”

“I don’t,” he said flatly. 

The response surprised you, and you smiled a bit. “Y/N,” you responded. 

“Alright, Y/N. What do you say to never pulling a stunt like you just did ever again?”

“I would have no reason to agree to those terms.”

“Let me make this a little clearer.” He stepped closer to you, your chests practically touching. “I have some information on that boy of yours what’s staying in your tavern. I think you might like to know it.”

You considered, eyeing the pirate. “First, I’d like your name. It’s only fair.”

He looked slightly offended. “I’m Cap’n Jack Sparrow.”

You involuntarily stepped back against the wall. The Captain Jack Sparrow? Truly? Impossible! But he was very handsome, and he did have tattoos on his arms and hands rather similar to those in the book, and the beads hanging from his headscarf matched the description. But really? Him?

“I don’t believe you,” you said. 

“Believe me or not, I still know about that man, and I think you’re interested. He’s different, isn’t he?”

“Very,” you agreed. 

Jack- or maybe he wasn’t- slid away from you into the shadows of the room. It was a cellar of some sort. He poked his head out the door, and upon deeming it safe, strolled out into the street. You quickly followed, trying to keep up. 

He lead you down a number of side streets you’d never set foot in before arriving at the wharf. There, a number of ships stood proud, though there were many littler ones dotted about. Jack didn’t go to any of them, instead heading towards a tipsy man with a kind face. He had been the one Jack had pulled out of your bar earlier. Jack waved a hand in front of the man’s face, pulling him to awareness. 

“Gibbs. This is the fine young woman who owns the bar in which Captain Norrington is staying.”

Gibbs hummed. Then, “Captain Norrington? Captain Norrington! It’s no good to have him around, Jack.”

“I’m well aware.” Jack scratched a spot on his temple. “Now,” he turned to you, “you must know that the man staying in your place works for the Navy.”

You raised your eyebrows. 

“Untrustworthy already.” Jack paced. “It would be much appreciated if you could keep an eye on him. It would be rather unfortunate if he happened to head my way, you see.” The pirate flashed you an uncomfortable smile. “If you could keep track of when he leaves, have somebody posted at your backdoor to tell me… I would be in your debt.”

“You’re in a lot of debt,” mused Gibbs, who’s head lolled back on his neck in a drunken manner. 

Jack grumbled, but you thought about what he was saying. “You mean for me to believe that James is part of the British Navy?”

“He is. And he’s letting you call him by his first name, eh?” Jack’s eyebrows shot up suggestively. 

“To be more undercover, I suspect.”

“To be sure.”

“What would I get from this? How would it benefit me?”

Jack pondered the question, fingers stroking his chin. It occurred to you that he liked to strike a pose, and you found it quite amusing. 

“What if I told you that no man would ever pester you again? That you could be assured of your safety?”

“And just how would you do that?”

“A name can go a long way, love.”

You felt heat rising to your cheeks. Love? You tried to stifle your embarrassment as much as you could. You hated to help the pirate, but at the same time, he made a tempting offer.  

“Deal,” you said. 

When you returned to the tavern, James looked up with what you thought might be a worried glance. “I thought you said things wouldn’t take long. I should’ve accompanied you.”

You looked at him in a new light. Yes, only a man raised to be properly British would offer to help a barmaid with her shopping. “Don’t worry,” you said. “I just ran into someone.”

[hellofellowweirdos]

Chapter Two

Ava is taken aback by the greeting, Tony can tell: her eyebrows furrow together in confusion; and Tony retracts his hand awkwardly.

“Err… I’m Tony, Tony Stark - but you know that of course.” As soon as he says it he immediately regrets it; mentally slapping himself: he sounds so arrogant. This is not a good first impression. So much for your advice Cap, he thinks - although he knows he doesn’t actually appear calm, but he’s trying - it’ll go smoothly my ass!

Ava soon recovers from the unusual greeting and plasters a nervous smile on her face to match his own.

“Ava,” she introduces herself. They fall into awkward silence. Tony looks down at his feet and takes a calming breath.

“Well, welcome home,” he exclaims - throwing his arms out wide as if showing off the place, “Would you like a tour? It’s a big place: don’t want you getting lost.”

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to just go to my room and unpack: it’s been a long day,” she says politely. Tony can not only sympathise with this, he also feels relieved; and works hard to make sure his relief doesn’t show in his expression: he doesn’t want her to get the wrong idea.

“Sure. Let me get that for you.” Tony discards the packet of blueberries on the coffee table and moves to take her suitcase from her, “I’ll show you to your room.”

Tony leads her up the stairs and Ava follows behind, remaining silent. The silence is deafening to Tony - the Avengers are a loud bunch. He’s never realised just how much he’s become used to the constant noise; only now, in its absence, does he begin to miss it. Tony was never one for awkward silences but it doesn’t seem appropriate to make a joke at the moment like he normally would, so he powers through it.

When they arrive outside of Ava’s new room Tony opens the door, allowing Ava to enter before him. He sets her suitcase down beside her bed and glances around the room, making sure everything is in order.

“You can decorate how you like,” he tells her, grimacing at how bland the room is. Still, Ava looks around the room with curiosity and maybe a hint of awe - he can’t really tell. In order to avoid another awkward silence Tony excuses himself quickly.

“Dinner will be around 8 so you can meet everyone then. Or before, whichever you prefer. Feel free to wander; get used to the place… I’ll leave you to unpack.”

~ ~ ~ ~

With a gentle click, the door closes behind Tony; Ava heaves out a sigh. This is no longer some future event that she was told may happen anymore: this is happening now. This is real.

Ava decides not to dwell on the subject, for fear of breaking down, so she occupies her mind by unpacking. She drags her suitcase onto the bed and unzips it, the contents spilling over the edges. Pulling out an armful of clothing, she opens the door which she assumes hides a closet behind. At the sight of what lays behind the door her mouth drops open in shock. It’s not like she’s never seen a walk-in closet before - she’s had one herself - but she’s never seen one of this size. By what she can tell, the closet is almost as big as the room itself. She glances at the pile of clothes in her arms, and then at what’s left in her suitcase. I’m never gonna fill that, she thinks - she wouldn’t even fill a quarter of it.

After all of her clothes are hung up in the closet (only filling a corner of its extensive space) Ava starts unpacking the remainder of her things: a couple of her favourite books, school textbooks, and a few keepsakes that her mom brought home from her missions abroad.

Finally Ava pulls the last item from her case, the last keepsake. Tears begin to spill from her eyes as she holds the angel wings in the palm of her hand.

In a fit of rage she launches the necklace across the room, not caring where it lands, then aggressively shoving her suitcase from the bed.

She quickly calms down and she regrets throwing the necklace now. In a panic she searches for the jewellery - looking on, under and behind the desk. Her state of panic increases when she doesn’t find it.

Eventually, however, she finds it hooked onto the bulb inside of the lampshade; she sighs in relief, reaching in to retrieve it. For a moment, she stares at the silver wings as hot tears once again form in her eyes. She can’t bare to look at it anymore: she shoves it into the draw of the nightstand; closing it with a loud slam.

She breaks down in tears.

~ ~ ~ ~

“F.R.I.D.A.Y, call the Avengers to the kitchen,” Tony orders as he runs down the stairs.

“They’re on their way.” Tony thanks the AI; checking the time on his phone, 7:41. He doesn’t have a lot of time.

Once he reaches the kitchen he finds the rest of the Avengers already waiting for him. He falters in the entrance as all eyes turn to him; waiting for a run down of what happened.

“How’d it go?” Sam prompts after Tony doesn’t say anything. All of them are intrigued, and Tony knows he’s going to have to tell them all how it went before he gets to the problem at hand. Sighing, he collects his thoughts.

“Well, I royally fucked up the greeting,” he admits loudly; shaking his head at the memory. Tony knows all too well that when he tells them he’ll never be able to live it down: they’ll torture him with it for as long as he lives (he wouldn't be surprised if they brought it up at his funeral).

He explains what happened and their immediate reactions are to burst out in laughter.

“You sure know how to make an impression,” Natasha chuckles.

“You can laugh all you want but we’ve got a problem,” Tony says. The Avengers laughter dies down as he says this: ready to suit up for a mission. Tony resists the urge to mess with them - make it out as though the problem at hand needs superheroes.

“I told her that dinner is at 8 and everyone would be there,” he reveals, watching their expressions relax.

“We never eat all together,” Rhodey points out the obvious and Tony sighs, exasperated.

“That’s exactly my point.” He turns to Steve for help.

“You’re right. She just lost her mother: she deserves some normalcy back in her life,” Steve helps explain, leaning back against the kitchen counter. Tony’s glad that he’s taking charge - although he’ll never admit it - because he’d never be able to do this without his help.

“This isn’t exactly normal, we’re not normal,” Wanda speaks up for the first time - showcasing her powers to prove her point. Tony lets out yet another sigh and checks the time. Why did he ever think this would work?

“It doesn’t matter. We’re her family now - and yes, we are a family. It may not seem like it, but we are. We all take care of each other,” Steve clarifies. What an inspiring pep talk that was, Tony thinks - half sarcastic, half grateful. Everyone nods in agreement.

“Thank you for that wonderful speech Mr United States, but we have ten minutes to get dinner ready,” Tony announces, “Any ideas?”

“I can make a mean beef stroganoff,” Natasha offers - looking to Tony for approval.

“Great, I’ll help.” Natasha raises her eyebrow at Tony’s offer; Tony mimics her.

“What?”

~ ~ ~ ~

“Are you alright?” The sudden voice causes Ava to jump, not having heard the door open - although she was sobbing loud enough to drown out the sound. She turns to face the owner of the voice and is surprised by what she sees - her best guess is that he isn’t human.

“Yeah, I was just… my eyes were sweating,” she lamely jokes as she wipes her eyes with a tissue, from the packet Happy gave her earlier.

“Oh, my apologies: I wasn’t aware humans could do that. I’m Vision.” Ava tilts her head; a hint of a smile making its way onto her lips.

“Ava. That was a joke, by the way. We can’t really do that,” she clarifies for him, a barely audible chuckle escaping her lips.

“Thank you for clarifying. Is there anything that I can do to make you feel better?” He asks sympathetically; Ava is already starting to like him.

“You’ve already done just that, I feel much better,” she assures, and Vision seems quite pleased - however perplexed - with her answer. Ava already knows what he’s going to say before he even opens his mouth.

“You were just yourself,” she shrugs. From this conversation, she’s come to the conclusion that he’s most likely from another planet - after all, aliens have been known to exist since that fiasco in New York a few years ago.

“You’re welcome?” Vision replies, sounding more like a question: unsure as whether it’s the right thing to say. Ava nods in encouragement.

~ ~ ~ ~

Twenty minutes later Tony sets foot in the kitchen to the wonderful smell of Natasha’s beef stroganoff. He has to admit, it smells delightful. Natasha glances up, from dishing up seven servings, and sends Tony a raised eyebrow.

“Come to help again? Since you were so helpful earlier,” she taunts, putting the empty pot into the dishwasher. Even though Tony enjoys cooking, he isn't very good at it and prefers to eat out or order in a takeaway. But he loves a home cooked meal whenever he can. He makes a mental note to start cooking more often.

“Hey, I was fantastic at pealing those potatoes,” he defends, sneaking a taste while her back is turned.

“Hands off!” Tony jumps back and attempts to protest, “Don’t try that, I know what you were doing.”

“How did you…” he trails off, watching her carefully. She doesn’t reply; sending him a smirk before turning away to take a couple of plates into the dining room. Tony takes two plates and follows behind her.

Once the table is set, Tony orders F.R.I.D.A.Y to call everyone down for dinner and it doesn’t take long for the Avengers to come barreling into the room - all starving for their first taste of Natasha’s cooking. Tony takes - what he believes is - his rightful place at the head of the table; the Avengers all taking their seats as well, leaving a space for Ava beside Tony.

Ava is the last to appear. She stops short at the door as she sees everyone waiting for her. Since he doesn’t notice any sign of her moving, still stood in shock, fear, or maybe awe - he can’t tell - Tony invites her to sit beside him.

“Ava, this is Steve, Natasha, Wanda, Sam and Rhodey,” Tony introduces her to everyone; each of them sending her a smile or a small wave when their names are spoken.

“Nice to meet you all,” she says rather confidently, which surprises Tony: she seemed terribly shy when they first met (although that might have something to do with the fact that she was meeting her father for the first time in 15 years, Tony still can’t believe that he’s a father).

He motions for everyone to tuck in.

“Where’s the android?” Sam asks.

“He doesn’t eat,” Tony says as an explanation; and noticing Ava’s confusion, he explains, “Purple guy, not a big fan of doors, goes by the name Vision. You’ll meet him at some point today.” He knows his description is extremely vague however, despite this, Ava still seems to know who he’s talking about.

“She’s already met him,” Wanda announces, no doubt reading her mind - which prompts Tony to send her a warning look. They are trying to be normal for once in their lives by having a meal together and reading his daughter’s mind upon their first meeting isn’t exactly normal. Tony doesn’t want Ava to freak out and never want to talk to any of them ever again after only having known them for not even a whole day. Oh god.

“You’re overreacting,” Wanda states, looking right at Tony, and before he can speak Wanda explains for Ava, “I can read minds.” Tony resits the urge to face-palm. Why did Steve convince him that this could be a normal meal?

“That’s awesome!” Ava reacts, genuinely amazed, “Ok, what number am I thinking of?” Tony chuckles shaking his head fondly: it’s exactly what he would do. Apparently, Rhodey also notices this because he says quietly to Tony, “She’s your daughter alright.” Tony’s immediate reaction is to smile proudly - a reaction that surprises himself.

“73,” Wanda answers almost immediately; Ava’s eyes light up with astonishment.

“That could've been a lucky guess,” Ava jokes, “what colour am I thinking of?” Everyone chuckles, expectantly waiting on Wanda’s answer.

“Turquoise.” Ava is now truly astounded. Tony realises that normal isn’t what she needs: Steve was right about her needing a family but it doesn’t matter whether they're normal or not. Normal’s boring anyway.

“You know, I have a beautiful turquoise dress, with black lace on the top, that would look gorgeous on you,” Natasha offers, attempting to bond with the teen; and Tony realises he hasn’t said a word to her since the beginning of the meal. As Nat and Ava talk Tony looks to the others for help, struggling for a conversation topic. Steve decides to launch right into conversation.

“So Ava, how’re you liking the place so far? From what you've seen of it of course.” Tony’s confused as to how this helps him.

“It’s big, different to what I’m used to. I mean, the short time that I was staying at S.H.I.E.L.D I only had a small room - probably the size of the elevator here - and about ten of us shared a bathroom and living space. If you spent longer than five minutes in the bathroom you’d have a group of angry kids banging on the door, especially in the morning,” Ava chuckles, easily falling into the conversation, “This place isn’t what I expected it to be inside though.”

“What were you expecting?” Tony asks almost nervously.

“I was expecting it to be a lot like the S.H.I.E.L.D facilities, only bigger. Much like a military base for the Avengers. I didn’t expect a beautiful penthouse,” she explains, gesturing around with her hands. Tony lets out a sigh of relief.

“Your dad designed this place, the whole building,” Rhodey talks him up; the name seems weird being spoken to Tony, especially when it means himself.

“Yeah. I had to redesign it twice. Something always happens to destroy part of my building. I wonder why.” He looks around at all of the Avengers with a humorous smirk on his face. Ava laughs.

“I saw it being destroyed a few years ago on the news, back when it was called Stark Tower.” Tony remembers that all too well; and the gruelling process of redesigning the place was a nightmare.

“Now that was a pain in the ass to design,” he complains lightheartedly; explaining all of the problems he came across in exaggerated detail for Ava. She listens intently, seeming genuinely interested.

“In other words it’s because he had to account for us,” Steve summarises with a smirk.

“Exactly. You’re tough to please,” Tony replies with absolutely no remorse; Ava lets out a hearty laugh.

Tony could get used to this, this family thing: it’s not half bad.

[offshore-defxxx]

Part One

The Lebron James of Beer Pong

“Ughhhhh, I hate going out. It’s so much work!” Your friend says as she looks in the mirror and pulls off yet another top she didn’t like.

“Isn’t this a house party that Jaebeom’s friend is throwing? Plus, house parties are fun. It’ll be a good time.” You say from the bathroom while you’re curling your hair. You were in town visiting your best friend Diana. You’ve known each other since high school but were complete opposites.

She’s ambition and tough. Graduated college two years early and had successfully launched a booming jewelry business. Set to go international within the year so she said. She was only a year older than you at 23.

You, on the other hand, is a 5th year senior at a well-known university in the south. And the only reason you’re a 5th year senior is because you decided last semester to pick up a double major in biology AND computer science because “it was only another 7 credits anyway”. At least. that’s what you talked yourself into believing. But you enjoy being in college. You especially enjoy beer pong at house parties.

You glance at your phone and saw the time.

“Hey Di, let’s do another shot!”

As if she read your mind Diana is already walking into the bathroom with a bottle of Captain and her shot glass.

“Cheers! I hope you get laid tonight.” Diana fills your glass to the rim with the dark liquor as you cringe, but you down it like a champ and chase with the beer you’ve been babysitting since you started getting ready.

Your last relationship ended bitterly, and you swore up and down that you will never - ever - date a man again. They’re all the same. Useless and nothing but grown babies. The only thing they were good for is sex. Which, by your count had been almost 6 months since the last time you had any.

Diana is in a happy relationship with some r&b music producer she met at a coffee shop while in college. She loves to tell the story of how they met because it sounds like what happens in the movies. Not that you blame her. Her and Jaebeom had to be what every girl wishes their relationship would be. Considering the way Jaebeom looks and Diana’s uncharacteristically positive attitude since they’ve been together tells you the dick is good. Which is yet another facet of your lives that contrast with each other, but Diana deserves to be loved the way Jaebeom loves her.

You could feel the warmth of the liquor course through your body and you’re happy to see the Asian flush hasn’t reared its ugly head as you look in the mirror. You finish curling your hair as  Diana calls you out to leave. You both down another shot before heading out. Her cheers earlier in the night echo in the back of your mind.

“So Jaebeom said a lot of his friends from the industry will be there tonight so if you see anyone you’re interested in let me know! I’ll get him to introduce you.”

“Of course. You know how I like my men, a pretty face with a broken soul. The basic make up of every starving artist and musician.” You say sarcastically as Diana rolls her eyes.

“Thank god we don’t have the same taste in men, but I really do wish you’d quit trying to ‘save’ people. It pisses me off every time I see you throw your entire being into someone’s life knowing it’s going to go nowhere.” Diana says something like this every time we talk about relationships. And in typical Diana manner, she’s usually right.

“Can’t help it man. Everybody needs love. Some just need a little work is all.” You flash her a chastising grin. Another point that the two of you are never on the same page on.

The sound of a heavy bassline fills the air along with the chirping of crickets lets you know you have arrived. The neighborhood street is packed with cars and people are teeming outside. Diana hooks arms with you and pulls you toward the back of the house.

“Diana!!!” A handsome guy shouts as you two round the corner. “Jackson!! Hey!” He gives her a big ol bear hug and picks her up. You know those are her favorite kind of hugs.

“It’s so good to see you! You look great!”

“Thank you! You know what I always say, take care of your health, both physically and mentally. Have you been drinking the organic tea I got you guys last time? And who is this beautiful woman you brought with you?”

You blush at his sudden compliment.

“Ah! This is my best friend from high school! Amy! She’s visiting for the weekend.”

Jackson very obviously checks you out and you could feel your cheeks getting red. Guess you didn’t need any alcohol to do it for you.

“Hi.” You awkwardly stick your hand out not knowing what else to do.

Jackson looks at your hand amusingly and opens his arms wide and gives you a cute tight-lipped smile.

“Amyyyy, a best friend of Diana and Jaebeom is a best friend of mine. Come here.” He closes the distance between you two and picks you up in the same marvelous bear hug he gave Diana. His warm embrace felt incredibly comfortable but strong. Maybe it’s because you haven’t had any physical contact with a man since your break up, but Jackson’s innocent gesture makes you feel very aware of yourself.

“Speaking of Jaebeom, where is he? He stopped replying to my texts like an hour ago.” Diana pursed her lip as she checks her phone.

Jackson lets you go much to your dismay. “He’s inside! Probably by the DJ. You know Jaebeom, he can’t stay away from music. Unless it comes to you of course.”

You find it amusing watching Jackson and Diana interact. He must always be this charming considering Diana is hardly the friendly type. The only reason the two of you became friends is because your mom forced her to be friends with you in your freshmen year of high school and her sense of responsibility got the best of her. You make a mental note to ask Diana about Jackson later when he wasn’t around.

Jackson leads you both to where Jaebeom is and you’re surprised by how many people are inside. This is nothing like the house parties you have been to back at the Hill. Diana grabs your hand as she spots Jaebeom and you both head to the DJ booth.

“Hey babe.” Diana lets you go as Jaebeom wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her close for a kiss. It was disgusting how happy they were together. You literally felt like you were going to vomit.

Diana pulls back briefly, “Jaebeom, Amy here needs to get laid tonight. Do you have any potential suitors in mind? No criminal history, no assholes, no guys with girlfriends.”

He looks up as if he’s reading through a list of people in his mind. The bass was loud but melodic and you could feel each beat vibrate through your body.

After a bit of contemplation, Jaebeom replies, “Ah, I can’t think of anyone off the top of my head, but definitely stay away from Jackson.” He throws a sideways glance at Diana and she laughs.

“What? Why? We ran into him on the way in. He seems really friendly!” You question looking at Jaebeom and your friend.

“That’s EXACTLY why. He’s always to friendly plus -” Diana swats at Jaebeom playfully and laughs again “What? It’s true! You saw how friendly he was with Diana right? Brothers or not, even I get a little jealous when he acts that way.” At this point Diana is bent over laughing. I’m not sure if Jaebeom knew just how head over heels in love Diana is with him. There’s no way she would ever consider anyone but him. But you just smile and promise you won’t even look at Jackson. Feeling a little more like a third wheel than you want to you excuse yourself to get a drink.

You walk purposefully through the throngs of people making sure to throw a glance at every cute guy you see just in case.

You recognize a few people as friends of Diana from photos she’s posted on Facebook and Instagram. A guy your recognize as Bambam was engaged in what must be a super interesting conversation with a taller attractive looking guy and a couple of girls. Bambam works at the coffee shop where Jaebeom and Diana met. He also apparently owns said coffee shop. Leave it to Diana to make friends with the shop owner you thought to yourself.

You finally reach the outdoor mini bar and help yourself to a beer. You easily uncap it with your hand. A trick you learned from one to many shotgun challenges in college. The chill beer and the breeze in the air felt perfect. You hated the heat and the Midwest provided a much-needed reprieve from the humidity that plagues the south. The only thing that could make this night better would be –

“Hey! Will you be my beer pong partner?! Please?”

You are staring into the eyes of the most beautiful stranger you have ever seen. No, in the world.

He waves the ping pong ball in his hand in front of him. You realize this dazzling human being is talking to you. Use your words! The voice in your head tells you. 

“Oh, beer pong? Yeah! I’m great at beer pong!” You mentally pat yourself on the back at how normal you thought you sound. Still not believing that this walking, breathing, talking, angel on earth is asking YOU to be his beer pong partner. You pinch yourself behind your elbow to make sure you aren’t dreaming.

“Ouch.”

“Are you okay? Sorry, did I step on you?” The angel creature was speaking. Okay, not a dream.

“Yeah! No. Sorry. I’m fine. You can step on me. err, I mean, no you didn’t step on me.” You let out an awkward laugh. Idiot.

He lets out a light chuckle. Or perhaps baby angels were singing. You weren’t quite sure.

“I’m Taehyung by the way. But everyone calls me Tae. Thanks for agreeing to be my partner.” He smiles down at you with the most beautiful rectangular smile you have ever seen. You curse your mouth for having teeth that were not worthy.

Again, words. You thought to yourself. Though, you were sure the little voice in your head is actually Diana. The little voice was right.

 “Amy. Just Amy. Not short for anything.” Okay, maybe better words but it’s a start.

 “Amy, nice to meet you.” Tae laughs again. You make a mental note to call your mom later to thank her for talking your dad out of naming you Jack because your name has never sounded so beautiful before.

 You both walk up to the beer pong table to see a game is almost over. You hear Jackson before you see him.

 “KOBE!” He does a little hop and flicks the ping pong ball toward the solo red cup and it goes in without touching the rim. The people watching the game erupt in yelling and start chanting Jackson’s name. He strips off his shirt exposing his extremely toned arms and waves it around his head to celebrate his victory. If you didn’t know any better, you would think that he actually won a real NBA championship with his celebration.

 “He is so cool.” Tae’s soft voice surprises you. You could hear genuine admiration in his voice. You see a soft smile play at his lips and notice he has a small birthmark on the tip of his nose. You wonder if it was possible to be reborn as a birthmark in your next life.

 Jackson spots you mid-celebration and calls out to you.

 “You got next? Are you sure you want to go up against, the KING.” Jackson flexes his arms and strikes a pose.

 “Sorry, ignore him. He was in the junior Olympics for fencing when he was younger and is more competitive than he needs to be.” His partner responds apologetically. You’ve never met him before, but he was also breathtakingly beautiful. You’re not sure what part of the garden of Eden you stumbled into, but you held your breath afraid the tiniest bit of doubt might make it all disappear.

 “He won’t be king for long. I’m ready to redeem myself. Comeback king!” Tae speaks up while your head is still caught in a daze.

 “Yah, V! Did you trick this poor girl into being your partner?” The other man turns to you and shakes his head apologetically.

 “Taehyung here is the WORST beer pong player I have ever seen in my 23 years of life.” Jackson finally has his shirt back on and joins the conversation.

 “Hey now, that’s not true. I have gotten a lot better thanks to playing against you guys.” Tae laughs again but doesn’t deny Jackson’s statement.

 You were keenly aware of just how friendly they all were and felt extremely out of place. Panic must have been showing on your face because Tae put his hand on the small of your back sending fireworks to your cerebellum. You jolt straight up.

 “This is Amy, not short for anything, just Amy. She’s my good luck charm and secret weapon.” Tae says confidently pushing you forward gently. You can feel the blood rush to your face. The zantac you took earlier to prevent the Asian flush was useless against this.

 “She’s the Lebron James of beer pong.” Tae throws a sideways smile at you. Proudly showing you off although you’re not sure where he was getting his information from because you were definitely not the Lebron James of anything.

 “James aint got nothing on Kobe! I didn’t know I’d be seeing you again so soon Amy, once I beat you guys in this round you should give me your number so we can see each other more often.” Jackson flashes you an undeniably charming smile.

 “Hey! She’s my partner. And we’re NOT going to lose.” Tae volleys back. “Come on Amy, let’s show them.” Tae leans forward as does Jackson. The tension is palpable even though you were playing outside. Men and their competitive spirit. You were never one to get so closely involved and yet here you were. You secretly wish Diana would show up like she always does and bail you out, but you knew that wasn’t going to happen.

 “Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!” 

You hear Jackson cry and Tae cheer indicating your team had won the first throw.

 “See what I mean? Good luck charm.” Tae winks at you and casts a sneaky look toward Jackson who is visibly pouting from his loss.

 “Okay! We’ll start!” Tae puts the ping pong ball in front of your lips expectantly. You look at it confused.

 “Blow on it. For good luck.”

 Oh right. You think to yourself. You comply, and Tae takes his shot.

 It goes way over the table almost hitting Jackson in the face. Tae looks mortified and Jackson theatrically falls backward as if he had been suckered punched.

 “Amy, it’s not too late to call it quits! You wouldn’t be the first one. Taehyung hasn’t won a single game all night and no one will partner up with him.” Jackson’s partner says matter of factly.

 You see Tae purse his lips and cross his arms. “I’m getting better okay.” You hear him say under his breath. He is so cute you’d be crazy to not keep playing with him. Besides, even if you two lost you’d still count yourself as a winner in your book for being in such close proximity to what is probably the closest thing to god you’ll ever get.

 You grab another ping pong ball out of the cups in front of you.

 “Don’t worry. Didn’t I tell you I was great at beer pong?” You beam at Tae and your heart swells as you see his face brighten.

 You look across the table at your opponents. Jackson and his partner attempt to distract you with different antics and you can feel the eyes of onlookers as you take a breath. It’s just beer pong you remind yourself. It’s just beer pong. You flick your wrist and the release the ball.

  The people surrounding the table roar as you bounce the ball on the table and land it in a cup. That’s two cups out. Leaving only one left on the table for Jackson’s team. This evens the score for the two teams.

 Tae cheers the loudest and gives you a high five.

 “You’re killing it Amy!!! You didn’t tell me you were LEGENDARY good. When I said you were the Lebron James of beer pong, I said that to chastise Jackson, but I guess I was right!”

 You couldn’t tell anymore if you were blushing or not. The game has been so close, and you were definitely feeling the shots you took before coming. Still, you couldn’t help but feel giddy at Tae’s praise.

 “Jack, Jack! Calm down. Focus Jackson Focus.” Jackson’s partner was coaching him as he makes a spectacle of his stretching. This was the most intense you have seen Jackson all night and knowing you are the cause of it is exciting. Jackson took a couple deep breaths and took aim at your last cup. You and Tae make taunts at Jackson to throw him off. You start rattling off your phone number.

 “5! 5! 5! 2! 3! – “

 “NooooooOOOOOOOoooooooo!!” He misses. And Tae turns to you absolutely glowing.

 “We got this! YOU got this!!!” He grips your shoulders and gives them a quick squeeze. You didn’t realize how tense you are, and you aren’t sure if his touch helped or not. But you are feeling good. Better than good actually, but you didn’t have a word to describe it yet.

 He blows on the ping pong ball before he hands it to you.

 “For good luck.” He smiles his radiant rectangular smile at you that you’ve decided you would die for. Taking the ball in your hand you again face the other end of the table. Never have you felt the weight of your actions weigh so heavily on you before this moment. Over this white plastic ball, in the backyard of a stranger, in a state you’ve only once visited before.

 It’s funny how the world works sometimes, and you half anticipate that the little voice inside your head would say something snarky at this moment the way it always does but nothing comes as you take a deep breath and throw the ball.

 The entire scene seems to slow to a crawl as no one dares to breathe watching the ball float through the air. Jackson looks like he is in the middle of letting out a yell and his partner is mid-jump from anticipation. Tae’s eyes almost look like they are bulging from his face so that he wouldn’t blink as to not miss this moment. The noise around you disappears and all you can hear is the low heavy bassline that fills the air from the music playing from inside the house. The vibrations raise the hair on your skin as you think back to Diana’s cheers at the beginning of the night.

 You watch with the rest of the people outside as your ball hits the rim of the cup threatening to miss. It bounces off on another side of the cup and swirls into the warm beer below.

 All the sounds of the night come rushing back to you.

 The crowd goes batshit wild.

 You made it.

 “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” You scream as loud as you can. At this moment, this is your crowning life’s achievement. Tae grabs you by the shoulders and gives you a hug not letting go. Jackson’s partner humorously consoles him as he is lying face down on the grass.

 “You did it Amy!!!! We won!!!” Tae is absolutely beaming, and his happiness fills you with so much joy you feel bad for wanting to vomit earlier at Diana’s happiness. You two are still standing unbearably close to each other.

 There was a moment of hesitation in Tae’s eyes as you stare at each other smiling. His eyes lock onto your face. You can feel his eyes trace your features making you suddenly aware of all of your flaws. He brings his face closer to yours as you stop breathing. You’re 99% sure you’re going to die from lack of oxygen with how your night has been going but you beg yourself to stay alive for whatever happens next.

 His lips brush yours and immediately you feel a rush coursing through your body. You feel more intoxicated than you were moments before and hunger for his touch. The gentle pressure of his lips on top of yours is ecstasy and if you could wish any moment from tonight would never end it would be this one. Your lips parted letting in the crisp night air and your lungs fill with oxygen you desperately need. Tae pulls back from you only slightly to search your face for a reaction.

 Assuming you didn’t look as dumb as you feel with his gaze on you he smiles softly and pulls your head to his chest in a warm embrace. Your skin is on fire and you feel like melting. You hate feeling so hot, but you would rather physically set yourself on fire than let go of Tae.

  Diana spots you two from the mini bar outside and her lips curl into a mischievous smile. Oh, she is going to have fun with this.

[restlessmaknae]

Smile for me #4

A photographer and a girl who hates being photographed.

Pairing: wedding photographer!Jungkook x Nam Jia (OC)

Genre: fluff, comedy, romcom, slice of life

Chapters: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7

Word count: 11.7k in total

Warning: slightly tipsy Taehyung 😂

After the wedding ceremony, everyone was invited to the restaurant where the wedding reception would take place. It was a cosy restaurant and my aunt knew the owners, so everything was already settled days after the proposal.

There were rose petals, vanilla-scented candles, pink and white bouquets and heart-shaped things everywhere. I had no idea whose idea was the design but I found it quite stunning. Especially Mr. Hot Pink looked good in the room but now I understood why we were asked to show up in either a black and white or a rosy-coloured outfit.

The party soon began and events followed events. You know, what it’s like; the couple was asked to write a poem to each other; say some nice words to their parents; play the do-you-know-each-other game; the groom, the best man and the father of the bride presented their speeches and when all of this came to an end, it was time for the music.

Instead of a wedding band, we had one of Namjoon’s friends – Park Jimin – on the stage who had a voice of an angel and sang lovely songs. Even though I particularly enjoyed the whole thing, I got tired and annoyed by the loud music, the even louder conversation between the guests, the already drunk people and the lack of oxygen. The air was suffocating, but I wasn’t in the least surprised since I was in a room with 200 other people. I seriously needed some oxygen. Like right then.

After I’d told my parents that I would go out a bit and let off some steam, I headed to the garden behind the hall. It was calmer and quieter and I liked how only a light wind blew through and I saw as it was blowing the restaurants’ curtains in and out. I stepped up to a fence and closed my eyes. I enjoyed how the sun was shining and closed my eyes. I exhaled, inhaled, exhaled, inhaled…

Then, I suddenly heard the sound of shutter. Oh no! I exactly knew what was happening and I have to admit that I wasn’t happy. Not at all. I frantically opened my eyes and turned around. There he was; Mr. Innocent behind his camera, capturing me as I was standing by the fence, trying to recharge my batteries.

“What did I tell you about being photographed?” I exclaimed, my hands balled into fists. I didn’t want to fight, of course, I had no idea how to do so, but I always acted like this when I got really pissed off.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled right away and removed the camera from his face, solemnly clutching it to his chest. “It was just… the angle was perfect and the way the sunset reflected your silhouette, it looked so−“ he explained, looking so damn nervous but I cut him off.

I wasn’t in the mood to listen to his excuse. It was what it was and although I got used to him during the ceremony, it was still my healing time and not the reception party, so he shouldn’t have taken pictures of me.

“Delete it!”

“O-okay, sure.” He nodded while biting his lips and his hands were so shaky that he couldn’t even press the buttons.

I took the camera without his permission and looked down at the photo which he had taken of me. Surprisingly, it wasn’t even that bad. I mean, you couldn’t even see my face, nor realise that it was me. You could only see my silhouette in the dim light of the sun and the surrounding decorative elements. Despite having a lack of knowledge at the field of photography, I knew without a doubt that it was quite artistic.

“Oh, it’s not that bad. You can’t even see that the girl is me.” I commented and let my eyes wander at the picture. I felt as my tenseness drained from my body. Gosh, I suddenly felt so delighted by the thought that I could give him inspiration for a moment like this. I didn’t even know what hit me, my feelings from before totally disappeared.

“I promise I’ll delete it!”

“No, no, you can keep it if you want.” I shook my head and suddenly felt a serious need to disagree because who knew that he could take such wonderful pictures? I personally didn’t know what happened to me and Mr. Innocent also furrowed his eyebrows in question. Then, he blinked a few and looked at me with his mouth agape.

“Really?”

“Well, it’s quite good. I mean, you could capture the sunset well.” I shrugged like it was nothing but I swore I saw his shoulders slumping in relief. I didn’t want to make him more embarrassed, so I knew that it would be a sensible idea to give back his camera but the thought that the rest of his work was in my hands and I could easily look at them… well, it actually piqued my curiosity.

So, I ended up going through his pictures and I couldn’t even phrase how surprised I was. His creations weren’t good, they were great. There weren’t pictures only about people but also about the interior of the church, the flowers in the bouquets, a lonely heart-shaped muffin on a plate and a desk full of rose petals and candles but without anyone around it. I couldn’t easily be amazed by artistic attempts but I soon realised that I was making approving sounds as I was looking at them.

Jonghyun was silent during the whole time and when I finally looked at him, he was more than flustered. A shade of light pink tinted his cheeks and his ears also turned red. He was so cute. How can you not say that a guy is cute when he looks so innocent, his hair is so fluffy and his eyes are the most beautiful onyx-black that you had ever seen?

“So, I guess you don’t always take wedding pictures.” I said and tried to clear the tension in the air. I couldn’t forget about the fact that his hands were still shaky, so I assumed that it would be the best if he could loosen up a bit. For this reason, I gave back his camera and as soon as he grabbed it, a huff of air left his nose. He nodded.

“No, I rather take pictures of landscapes.”

“Do you do this for a living or you just help them out?” I inquired and tilted my head forward. I was curious but he didn’t seem to mind it. He was more confident, now that his camera was in his hands but he still cutely scratched the back of his neck as a small, sheepish smile was forming on his lips.

“I’d love to but I’m still at university. I’ve just finished my fourth semester and I’m doing it as a part-time job.” He said and wrinkled his nose.

His answer got me thinking. So, he had just finished his fourth semester? Well, that means that he was at my age if he didn’t fall behind. It was hard to believe. I mean, Mr. Innocent looked so much younger when I first saw him but now that he gazed at me with such a sincere look, well, maybe I could accept the fact that he wasn’t a little kid.

I knew that it was time for me to avert my eyes back to the sunset because I felt my cheeks heating up a bit. I was sure that he wasn’t aware of the fact that he looked undeniably attractive but his presence did weird things to the state of my heart. Like, really weird ones.

“I think you’re quite talented. I mean, I have nothing to do with photography but for me, these ones look quite aesthetic.”

“Thanks.”

He responded with one of his trademark bunny smiles and we soon fell into an awkward silence. Mr. Innocent was probably too shy to add anything and I didn’t know what else to say. As we were standing there, not even saying a single word, guilt shot through my veins out of nowhere. Even though I initially had no intention of apologising, after getting to know him a bit, I thought that he deserved it. If it was for Mr. Grey Hair, I would definitely not apologise because he was just as adamant as me. But because it was for Jonghyun, it was fine.

“Sorry for being so rude to you.” I confessed nervously and gave an awkward cough as I wasn’t good at things like that. I don’t remember the last time I said sorry. I was such a terrible person, you know. It wasn’t likely from me to admit that I was wrong. “I just hate being on photos but it has nothing to do with you, really.”

“That’s okay.” He nodded. There was no sign of rage or even grudge in his onyx-black eyes, so I was relieved. “I can understand. I’d rather take photos than being photographed.”

“Seriously? I didn’t think that a photographer would feel the same way as I do.”

“Seokjin hyung and Yoongi hyung are keen on taking selcas but I’m not really.” He shook his head but the gummy smile which was creeping onto his face indicated that he respected the elder guys despite their opposite mind-sets. Now, I knew why he wasn’t so mad at me and started yelling when I asked him to stop taking photos of me. He was just like me.

“The other two guys?” I pondered for a thought because I only learnt that there was Mr. Jeon, Mr. Min and Mr. Kim but I had no idea who was who.

“Yes. Jin is the cameraman and Yoongi is the other photographer.”

“And you’re Jonghyun, right?” I gave him a proud grin because I was glad that at least, I remembered his name.

I couldn’t have been more dumbfounded when he corrected me.

“Jeon Jungkook.”

“Oh, sorry. I’m Nam Jia.” I snickered half-heartedly. I was more than embarrassed; I was totally, undeniably, ineffably and irrevocably an idiot. I just wanted to dig myself a hole and disappear from planet Earth.

I was in the midst of mentally cursing myself when I heard a weird sound from Jungkook’s direction. I turned my face to see what it was when I heard it again and realized that it was his stomach. He was hungry and his stomach was growling.

“You haven’t eaten, right?” I glared at him but already knew the answer. The guests had eaten while the photography crew was working diligently. He must have skipped his meal even after our dinner.  “I’ll get you something.”

“No, no, no, you don’t really have to.” He protested fervently but it was more like his shyness than his actual condition that made him say that. His stomach growled again.

“Oh, come on!” I flung my arms in the air and probably sounded like an overprotective girlfriend. “Don’t starve yourself! I’m sure the others will be alright without you for 5 minutes or so!” I scowled and not even waiting for his answer, I turned around and headed back to the hall where I immediately heard a familiar voice.

“I thought that you’re not hungry…” Taehyung showed up as I was gathering some food for Jungkook. I wasn’t surprised that he scooted closer to my side when he spotted me among the guests. He was always clingy and a bit nosy.

“It’s not for me, it’s for Jungkook.”

“Jungkook?” His eyes widened in surprise and that cunning look came into his eyes as he continued. “Your cute photographer?” He cooed and started wiggling his eyebrows. I merely rolled my eyes. He was always like this when it came to my love-life – which by the way wasn’t even a definition. He tried to set up some dates for me with his buddies but none of them turned out to be fine. He was the worst date planner ever.

“He’s not my photographer but yes, it’s for him.” I shrugged absent-mindedly while I packed the plate with some grilled vegetables. I had totally no idea what Jungkook liked and he didn’t follow me, so it was all up to me. I got lots of meat, rice, vegetables and a suspicious-looking dipping which I assumed was white sauce.

“So, you two are already over your first kiss?” Taehyung hollered and couldn’t even be bothered to stop wiggling his eyebrows. I indignantly turned to him and gave him a deadly look. Oh, how I wished that I could wipe off that greedy smirk on his face!

“What? No, Taetae! Don’t be stupid!”

“But you two have a thing, right?”

“Your imagination is off the rail!” I bellowed in annoyance and nudged his shoulder – not so gently − when I walked past him. He didn’t get offended, not even a bit, but I heard his voice one last time before I left the hall.

“Good luck with your cute photographer!”

[swagyano]

Helpless Crush

They should be decorating for Christmas. But Dia is an admirable beauty in every way, Yoshiko is a good friend and wingman, and Riko is a useless lesbian dealing with a huge crush she hasn't talked about yet until now.

DiaRiko

Words: 2,185

AO3 Link

I haven’t written or at least posted anything in so long but DiaRiko snatched me and while I have a few WIPs with them, this one actually got done! I’m starved for content of them so here I am...... also platonic Yohane and Riko bc I adore them in sister-like friendship. I’m hoping to make a more Christmas centered sequel that focuses on them more but I’m not reliable.

Hope you enjoy!

“Here, let me help you out-” She wasn’t sure what exactly happened in the span of five seconds that suddenly got her legs moving to the other side of the room and words spouting out of her mouth before she could even think, but it certainly wasn’t the first time Riko ended up offering her assistance to the pretty upperclassman who never asked for it in the first place. However that didn’t mean the help wasn’t accepted in such cases, as she could tell in Dia’s slightly confused expression she did appreciate it, after all she’s been struggling putting up that big Christmas garland for a while now. Something Riko just so happened to notice by accident. Not because her gaze often searched for the brunette in question. That would be silly. She grabbed one of the ends of the decoration and attempted to ignore the fact their hands slightly brushed when she did so, hanging it across the wall while Dia held up the other end to make sure it doesn’t fall. It is such a simple task for two people that could’ve been done minutes ago, but a part of Riko was glad the student council president was proud enough to insist she can do it herself. Especially when their eyes met and Dia gave her that rare, sincere grateful smile that made her stomach flip every time. “Thank you, Riko. You shouldn’t have troubled yourself, but I appreciate--” “It’s fine, I don’t mind!” Again her words come out before she could construct a proper sentence in her head. At this point all she could do was hope the heat in her cheeks wasn’t too obvious. She wasn’t so self aware until she noticed the older girl’s brow raise in confusion. “If you need anything else I’ll be over there, alright? I’ll be happy to give you a hand if needed.” They exchanged nods, and Riko was blessed by another graceful smile. With a wave of hand she was dismissed and made her way back to her previous station; a set of connected tables where they’ve been decorating too many Christmas cards with stickers. Immediately she was greeted back with a pair of narrowed amethyst eyes. “... What?” “Hmpf, I should be asking you that.” The pouting Yoshiko huffed and placed her focus back onto the Christmas cards. Did they really have to make one for everyone in the school? Chika has the craziest last moment ideas. “What was all that about? You didn’t even say a word before you stormed off! Inobedient little demon, it seems like my powers over you have been weakened.” The tone of her voice was low as one would fit a fallen angel, dramatic as ever. Though nothing new, therefore leaving Riko with an unamused expression. “Blast that terrible curse you’ve been infected with...” “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” “Oh but you do!” An unfortunate reindeer sticker ended up on Riko’s forehead like a charm that’s meant to make all the evil perish. “This isn’t the first time it happened, Lily! You cannot fool me with your little lies! The way you get distracted, the way you never hesitate - you’re under the curse of a Kurosawa!” For the last part of it Yoshiko did lower her voice enough to keep the conversation between the two of them, You and Ruby already paused with the Christmas tree decorating to shoot them a questioning glance. While the second year was frantically trying to scrap the sticker from her forehead, Yoshiko’s words slowly sunk in, prompting a small embarrassed yelp. Or was that because she ripped the sticker off too hard? “Y-You’re being ridiculous! I just… happen to be around at the right time.” And she just so happens to notice how pretty she is every time. And the kindness and respect she treats her with. Before Riko could finish the thought she already buried her face into her hands, it was Yoshiko’s turn to look unamused. “Ugh, Yocchan-! The point is, I’m just trying to be a good friend--” “By constantly seeking her attention?” Amber eyes widened in shock at her companion as something in her chest sunk. Was the self proclaimed fallen angel smirking? How scary. And she continued quietly before Riko could utter a word. “Smiling like something hit you over the head whenever she compliments what you have to say? Getting all nervous when she looks at you for longer than you can handle? Seems like you are the one in denial here, my little demon~. Fufu, mortals are so curious, yet entertaining when it comes to this silly thing called love!” “I-I-It’s not like that at all!” Riko was the one who interrupted and earned glances from everyone else in the clubroom this time. Her breath hitched under all that attention, until they shrugged it off and returned to their tasks and chattering. Something in her was wishing demons and the underworld Yoshiko speaks of so often were real so at this very moment they could open up the ground and drag her into it, away from this situation. Dia must’ve seen it too, but Riko dared not to turn and check. And that evil angel stood there with the biggest grin on her face, completely amused and snickering at poor Riko. ‘How rude…!’ Yoshiko is truly more dangerous than one would think. The Christmas cards were long forgotten as the first year leaned onto the table, inviting the other to join in with a nod for more privacy. Having no other choice like a cornered mouse, Riko gave in and took a seat beside her. “So…~” “Okay, I might… admire her a little.” If that’s a proper way to say ‘crushing real bad’. This isn’t as simple as in her novels and manga, as much as it sometimes felt like one. Accidentally falling for the beautiful, responsible, yet sometimes dorky upperclassman. Reality is much harder than that though. “Sickening,” Yoshiko’s lips curved into a mischievous smile upon seeing Riko pout. “In an almost cute way! I never thought our serious Lily could be this weak… ah, such a curse truly has very strong effects on inexperienced mortals!” “Jeez, what’s with the whole curse thing anyways--” “Why aren’t you just honest about it?” She wasn’t sure if it was the question itself, or the unusually serious tone in the first year’s voice that genuinely caught Riko off guard. Her gaze searched for any trace of teasing on Yoshiko’s features, but she appeared really serious about it. “It’s-- it’s not that simple.” “And? Acting like such a dummy is effective, huh?” Those words didn’t even hurt when they were true. Riko huffed and lowered her chin onto her hands. They fell into silence while Riko let a hopeless sigh slip from her lips, one that made Yoshiko roll her eyes but in a endearing way. “... Dia is amazing, isn’t she? Always determined, organized…” The younger one huffed, “Childishly competitive? Have you seen the way she was ready to fight Chika one on one in table tennis over a silly idol magazine?” She couldn’t argue Yoshiko when the event from just a few days ago was brought up, but she could chuckle with adoration at the thought. The ‘softer’ side of Dia was something they all got to know very slowly, and Riko was lucky enough to witness it on her own while the two worked on projects for the group together. It only captured Aqours’ pianist’s heart even more, the elder Kurosawa was truly amazing no matter which way you look at her. “And compared to her I am well, simply put, kind of plain. Don’t you think? There’s nothing special about me, it’s a ridiculous to even think about her finding me mildly interesting.” The lack of response after a certain amount of time passed was concerning, and Riko raised her gaze to meet Yoshiko’s looking at her almost angrily. Puzzled she swallowed hard and the sense of self awareness returned. Yoshiko scowled and broke the eye contact with a shake of her head. “You’re ridiculous, Lily! I can’t believe I decided to take in a little demon with such dumb ideas under my wing! If that were true, Dia wouldn’t be trusting you with as many things as she does, yes? Seriously… you give yourself less credit than you deserve. You are also smart and just as admirable as the scary demon, it’s why you two seem to get along so well. But tch, I wouldn’t expect a mere mortal to be aware of such a strong equal wavelength.” Now she was truly speechless, mouth gaping at the underclassman in belief. While her words were scolding in a way, yes, they were clearly with a lot of good intention. Especially coming from Yoshiko, who Riko knew was not always good with words. Maybe that’s what made them even more touching. “I’m just saying, don’t cut yourself short.” The serious expression disappeared as the fallen angel hit one of her famous dramatic poses, chuckling with a weird amount of softness, “You’re forgetting you are a part of my demonic army. I promise good things to those who serve me, so just trust me and follow the darkness in your heart!” The encouraging speech was weird and unlike any Riko has heard, but it was effective. Not that she even expected one. Touched, Riko shook off her anxiety with a smile. “Yocchan, thank you...” “Pardon, Riko?” The familiar angelic voice snapped Riko out of their little realm, so much that she jumped out of her seat to meet its owner. And as expected, Dia waited there patiently, not doing much aside from that but still making Riko catch her breath. “Dia? Can I help you with something?” Her head tilted curiously at what seemed like a moment of hesitation in emerald hues. The older girl glanced behind her and Riko’s eyes followed, just to realize it was aimed for none other than Mari. Mari, who disappeared about twenty minutes ago to god knows where and left the other two members of Guilty Kiss to suffer with all the Christmas cards. And was she smiling? Why? What was that encouraging nod for? Her attention was brought back to Dia as she finally continued by clearing her throat. “I was informed about a lot of paperwork that needs to be quickly done by the end of the day, because someone,” The second year smiled to herself because she could feel Mari’s sheepish grin without even looking at her, “... failed to inform me about it sooner. I was wondering if you’d like to accompany me, with your assistance we could be done before practice…” “M-Me? Not at all, but--” “No worries!” Before she could even gesture towards the unfinished cards, Mari chimed cheerful as ever, much to Dia’s annoyance. “The two of us will make sure to finish the task in time, trust me when I say they will be shining with Christmas spirit! Is that right, oh mighty Yo~ha~ne?” Almost as if she felt bad, because she had a hunch Mari might stray away off somewhere again despite her humming promise, Riko worriedly looked back at Yoshiko. Just leaving would be impossible without a feeling of guilt. However the encouraging thumbs up seemed like a good enough approval. Smiling, she faced Dia again with a beaming smile. “Alright, I’ll be happy to help!” “R-Right.” Was that the sound of two mischievous people high-fiving behind her? Riko caught the way older girl bashfully scratched at her mole as she invited her to follow. The two exited the busy clubroom and made their way down the much more peaceful hall, Riko following along behind with hands clasped. “May I ask… why me? Isn’t Mari the one who should be helping you, being the director and all…?” “Yes, I could certainly have Mari help me.” An adorable pout was audible in the voice she tried to keep so serious. “And get nothing done, as usual! You’re a reliable one, Riko.” The heat rushed to her cheeks and she nearly missed the last part from how loudly the blood was boiling in her ears. “Besides… I admit to be rather fond of your company.” Was this the wavelength or whatever that Yoshiko went on about? It wasn’t until she had it pointed out to her that Riko thought back on moments they shared together and the certain serenity they all held. Her chest felt swelled up from such a thought, and the girl giggled as she took the courageous step forward so they could walk side by side. Was that a tint of red she spotted on Dia who insisted to keep her gaze ahead? The anxious knot in her stomach uncurled. “I enjoy it, too!” At first the third year seemed a little puzzled. But she soon joined in with a calming chuckle of her own, and the two indulged themselves into a conversation about the upcoming Christmas act. Riko didn’t know until now that her heart can beat so rapidly yet feel so content.

[dciji-blog]

( * shin deiji . )

scanning shin deiji, he is twenty-two years old and read as audacious but hazardous, which explains why he is referred to as the scelestic. before virtual reality he was battling multiple personality disorder and living in japan. he’s been said to look incredibly similar to park jimin, but he’s never seen it. in this new virtual world, he plans on finally taming his temper and hopes to never go back to reality.

trigger warning: multiple personality disorder, abuse ( physical, emotional, sexual ), death, murder, violence, blood, adoption.

heeeeeeey-ho, your favourite friendly neighbourhood loser sky is finally here to talk about her beloved Angel™. she/her, twennnnney & from cest aka gmt+2, a nerd. but !! i’m not important here, my baby is sooo i’m really fckn hoping you guys are down for reading some perhaps confusing shit bc i plan on rambling a lot eeek ok here we go.

ps. i hope no one is triggered by this. if you have a problem with any part of my bio, feel free to contact me but only if you genuinely have a problem with it & not because you wanna be an asshole. ok ty~!!

pss. i know that it might seem Extra, introducing so many dark topics here, but abuse, separation & depression are believed to be among the main causes of mpd, so they needed to be included.

psss. i won’t actually be portraying the mental illness itself. it’s only present in my love’s past.

GANG JINYONG:

of course shin deiji isn’t a real name. shin deiji doesn’t exist in reality. at least not with this face. the name they’d attach to his solemn features back home was gang jinyong. jinnie.

born twenty-two years ago on november 11th in ilsan, south korea, this scorpio was raised by a single mother with occasional, undesired appearances of his sperm donor ( his father, but he doesn’t deserve to be called that ).

he was a result of a loveless act, a drunken hookup that failed to turn into anything more. a product of reckless infidelity. his mom, min seo, was a college senior & the guy, jiho, was the owner of a local pub, a married man with two children. when she discovered that she was pregnant & that he was married & uninterested to help her with the baby, she threatened to ruin his marriage if he did not support her financially.

he did so during her pregnancy. she kept asking him for help even after giving birth ( naturally, bc her parents didn’t want to support her & she had to drop out of college so she had no income whatsoever. couldn’t work bc who’d take care of tiny jinnie then ? ). he found them a decent apartment & gave her a job at the bar. jinnie grew up in that bar and watched men catcall, emotionally & sexually abuse his v young mother night after night. he even witnessed jiho slap her a couple of times when she asked for a raise or complained about the regular customers being nasty towards her.

min seo, bless her soul, was a wonderful mother. she put her child first and would rather starve than let her kid walk around hungry. but during the years of torture she became very mentally ill & she would snap at jinnie during her breakdowns. afterwards, though, she’d fall on her knees in front of the tiny kiddo & apologise, kiss his little cheeks & forehead.

when he grew up, he became a victim of the drunks as well. i don’t feel like writing about that now, it was too nasty.

experiencing all of this first hand, more often than not, jin would lock himself away & daydream about a better life. either a life where he was capable of protecting himself or a life in which he was appreciated. those two were among many scenarios he’d get lost in. 

while he was still young he dealed with some blackouts & memory loss. he couldn’t figure out how he ended up standing in a particular room. he couldn’t remember certain conversations or things he had done. it was a rare occurrence at first, but as he got older & more plagued by tragedies, it became more frequent.

min seo, believing she was doing the right thing, gave jinyong away when he was eleven. he would’ve been taken away from her anyway, since she was deemed an unfit parent & jin was growing up in an unhealthy environment.

the separation made his illness even worse, it really did. that’s when he had the most alts who distracted him. however, all of them merged and then split into two, leaving jin only with jiu & jeaki.

he was adopted by won mina & jongin, who moved to tokyo, japan with him a year later.

he went to school there & was a remarkable student who was especially interested in nanotechnology.

personality-wise, he was more of a quiet type. not shy but he didn’t like to speak when he had nothing smart to say. blunt af, honest. though, still considerate & kind.

JIU:

the only major alt that survived besides his most prominent one, jeaki.

jiu loves fashion more than life itself. sometimes jin would wake up in piles of new clothes & then look in the mirror and see that his hair’s grey or pink   ------   that’s mostly how he discovered when this alt was in charge of his body. jiu always styled his host. other alts didn’t really care about that, but would sometimes sigh at jiu’s extravagant fashion choices, cashmere suits & silky scarves, while going through the closet.

jiu wasn’t delusional, he knew he was not actually a fae prince, but he liked to view himself as one. no one ever praised him, so he took it upon himself to praise himself.

he was created to battle sexual abuse & the depressing lack of love jin was dealing with.

sweet af. pure. heart of gold. god of love. lecherous. classy.

heart-shaped sunglasses. dimmed lights with a rosy glow. tasty, edible lip scrubs. summer.

JEAKI:

main alt. he came when jin was feeling helpless. when anger was bubbling inside of him & ached to be released. he was initially envisioned as a protector of both jinyong & his mother, but soon jin could no longer control him & jeaki became a separate personality with a mind of his own. he started appearing more when jin moved to tokyo to live with his adoptive parents. with a tongue as sharp as a razor & steel knuckles that aren’t afraid to fight back, he failed to manage his wrath whenever he was present.

he was aware of his host & other alts and he wanted to do everything he could to be the most superior alt, often engaging in conflicts with them in jin’s mind even when he was not controlling his body. he managed to consume a couple of minor alts.

he’s not your typical murderous alt you know in media. no, he was never violent just because and he was never aggressive when unprovoked. as i said, he was there to fight back for jin, who was too afraid to do it himself.

thunderstorms. static noise. heavy eyeliner. danger. sore knuckles. bruised skin. jumping out of a plane. taking risks. cats. glares. autumn.

the night of doom: jeaki didn’t have the time to change from jiu’s ridiculous clothes. he needed to go out & get some fresh air. he was angry. mina yelled at jin because of a bad grade, not knowing that he, jeaki, took that test insted of jinnie. jeaki was the one feeling worthless so he needed to go out & cool down. but when his anger management issues combined with a street thug calling him out on his ( jiu’s ) fashion choices & using slurs ( reminding him of his days back at the bar in ilsen ), he could only see red. he started a fight without the intention to end a life, but that’s what happened.

TRANSITION: 

jinyong came back to his senses in the middle of the street with dirt & blood on his knuckles & face, beaten, but without a sign of the other’s body anywhere around him. he had no memory of what had happened, but he was having a panic attack & didn’t trust his adoptive parents enough to ask for help.

not long after that jinyong was tracked down & supposed to be charged for murder but a psychiatrist managed to prove that jin had dissociative identity disorder, so they placed him in a mental hospital.

alone, terrified & clueless of jeaki’s deed, jin cried his eyes out in his room in the hospital, until everything around him started pixelating.

SHIN DEIJI:

present day. no, there was not an epic war between alts & their host in order to determine who’d be the cured version of him in this world. it was peaceful. fragments of jin, jiu & jeaki merged in order to form a boy who thoroughly knows himself, but doesn’t know how he’ll react to anything. the voices from his head are gone   ------   they all speak at the same time when he opens his mouth.

seeing how he’s the perfect harmony of the three boys that used to live in his body, he couldn’t choose one of their names. he also didn’t want to be associated with anything from his past. that’s when he adopted the name shin deiji, deiji meaning daisy, his mother’s favourite flower. he might introduce himself to you as daisy rather than deiji if you don’t speak korean.

depending on what kind of person you are, you will be shown an appropriate side of deiji’s personality. so, when a couple of different people sit down and start talking about deiji, they might realise that it sounds as if they’re talking about different individuals.

he doesn’t trust people easily. he’d rather die than let anyone lay a poisonous hand on him again. he sticks up for himself. he’s his own protector and best friend. he’ll play you before you even think about playing him.

him not trusting people doesn’t mean he doesn’t engage in various interactions with them. he loves to charm his way into people’s lives because he’s no longer scared that he’ll blackout & do something that he won’t remember afterwards. something that he won’t be fully aware of & unable to control.

hooo, boy. he’s so angry. if you’re rude to him, he’ll be twice as rude to you. always wants to one up others. always. if you’re playing a game ?? he will lie & cheat & do everything to win. then lie about lying & cheating. if he still loses, expect a hissy fit.

god. affection. give this boy affection. would 11/10 die if someone cuddled him. especially when he’s being Extra with his raging, burning anger. he’d just ... melt tf away.

loves to party ?? he doesn’t have to take his medication anymore, but that doesn’t mean that he’s going to drink and get high every chance he gets. get those nasty substances away from him. they took his mother away.

he’s forgiven his mother for every single bad word she directed towards him bc he knows what it’s like battling a mental illness. he’d give anything for a chance to see her again & tell her that he loves her.

nanotechnology is still the love of his life & he’s still such a nerd and wants to know what tf is up with this virtual world & figure out how it works but like ... he’s a scared bambi that fears that he’ll get sent back to his own personal hell if he tries to figure out what’s going on.

so rly what he’s focusing on rn is becoming an actor because he has all these FEELINGS that need to be expressed without having a poor individual who’d be hit by that tidal wave. he rly wants to act, he thinks that will help him a lot. the idea of finding roles that would fit each of the personalities he previously consumed makes him all giddy.

pansexual & rly just a sexual person afaf.

so ... basically what i’m giving you here is a screaming nerd who loves to flirt. ok. should’ve only written that. rip.

if you’re still confused: he no longer has mpd. call him deiji/daisy. don’t yell at him. unless you want bad shit to happen ??

if you’ve read all of this, you’re my new best friend & i love you more than anything glrwbgowgo. come plot with me !!