#which tbh basically only holiday meals can take up so much space that i don’t think about fic before bed

[sergeantpixie]

could not sleep because i hadn’t finished planning my thanksgiving menu, is this adulthood?

[grailfinders]

Grailfinders #330: Martha (Santa)

today on Grailfinders we’re actually mealfinders! today we’re building Santa Martha! she’s still a monk, but Skadi’s rune magic has mixed things up a lot. now she’s a Mercy Monk, and since she had the literal bajesus zapped out of her, she’s a Shepherd Druid instead of a cleric. don’t ask why the Tarrasque is still hanging around, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t know either.

check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

next up: tai gong what? *blush emoji*

Ancestry & Background

I know changing these around doesn’t make too much sense, but just blame Skadi for all of that. I’d love to keep Martha a human, but there’s really no way to sneak Create Food and Water in without the Mark of Hospitality, and the only way to get that is to be a Halfling. I mean, she’s a child now, so that tracks? I guess? like all halflings you’re Lucky, letting you re-roll all natural ones one time. you’re also Brave, giving you advantage against being frightened. you saw a guy warping reality and claiming to be the son of god and went, “yeah I want to hang out with him”. you don’t get phased easily. you’re Ever Hospitable, giving you a d4 extra on all checks involving brewer’s supplies and cook’s utensils, which tracks. finally, you learn some extra magic! your Innkeeper’s Magic gives you prestidigitation, purify food and drink, and unseen servant, the latter two once per day, for free. you’re killing your food and picking it up off the ground, so yeah. good call on washing it before cooking with it. on top of all that, Halfling Nimbleness lets you squeeze through spaces taken up by anything bigger than you are- now too many cooks won’t spoil the broth!

you also get Spells of the Mark, adding a bunch of stuff to your spell list. again, we’ve got the whole list on the character sheet, but spoilers- Create Food and Water is a third level spell and also why we’re here at all.

also since this is pre-jeezy Martha, she’s a Folk Hero, not an acolyte. that means she gets proficiency in Animal Handling and Survival checks.

Ability Scores

tbh stat #1 probably should be something else but I made it Dexterity any way, since cooking takes a few levels to get and I’d rather like you to not die before we get there. given that Martha wears, at best, super light armor, you need some good dexterity. you can also use good Constitution, but we can chalk that one up to home-cooked meals. third up is Wisdom, since that tends to be the cooking stat (and we need it for multiclassing). that means your Charisma isn’t super high, but you’ve still got that girl-next-door charm to you. your Strength is middling since you’re not kicking ass for jesus yet, and we’re dumping Intelligence. you got your christianity zapped out of you in order to celebrate a christian holiday, and I cannot believe Skadi did a good job of messing with your brain.

Class Levels

1. Druid 1: starting as a monk probably would be smarter, but druids get more skill proficiencies I like, such as Insight and Medicine, and they also get Intelligence and Wisdom save proficiency to boot. on top of that, your Spells can include all sorts of things like Create Bonfire and Mending as cantrips, so now we have the basic big sister package complete- figuring out when a sibling’s lying, taking care of them (sickness and health editions), and your first way to cook, sort of.

you also get a bunch of first level spell slots, and you can prepare spells each day to rotate whatever one you want/ think will be useful. this means we don’t have to worry about having a 100% in-character spell list at any one time, so we’ll just go over the highlights in this build breakdown. that being said, we might not bring up every one, but healing spells are always a good menu item.

for now, Beast Bond will help you work together with Tarrasque, Create or Destroy Water will help you boil pasta and drain it super easily, and Entangle is an early version of big sister meddling to stop baddies from using their noble phantasms. if you need to flavor it, consider it a very creative use of a scarf or something to that effect.

also, you learn Druidic. it’s a language.

2. Monk 1: we’re going to stick around druid for the early game, at least until we start cooking, but I wanted to grab the monk multiclass real quick for the Unarmored Defense it brings, adding your wisdom modifier to your AC while not wearing armor. it’s not much, but every addition to your santa suit makes Christmas a bit less traumatic for the little ones. you also get Martial Arts, letting you make unarmed attacks using your dexterity and as a bonus action after attacking, and your unarmed attacks are d4s, but I mean. when are you ever going to use that?

3. Druid 2: okay, back in our usual stomping grounds. as a second level druid you can use Wild Shape, but obviously the slightly more in-character option is using those two charges per short rest on a Wild Companion instead, which lets you cast find familiar for free. it’s not as powerful as the usual Tarrasque, but I bet he can still help with cooking. don’t worry, we’ll get the full sized one eventually.

and by eventually I mean now. second level druids get their circle, and as a Shepherd, you can summon a Spirit Totem as a bonus action to spread christmas cheer, creating a holographic Tarrasque who comes packing a 30’ aura of good cooking smell to bolster your allies for a minute per short rest. obviously all options are dragons, but the book gives you three “animals” to pick from. the bear spirit gives chosen creatures temporary HP and advantage on all strength checks and saves. the hawk spirit lets you use your reaction to give an ally advantage on an attack, and you all have advantage on perception checks for free. finally, the unicorn spirit spreads out your healing power- whenever you cast a healing spell, any creature you wish in the aura gets some HP back as well.

you also know the Speech of the Woods! it’s a language! specifically, it’s Sylvan, but it also gives you the ability to talk to beasts. I’m pretty sure Tarrasque can already speak on his own, but in case he can’t, now he can.

4. Druid 3: third level druids get second level spells, Locate Animals or Plants will make your treks through the storage rooms of Chaldea a lot less annoying, and Summon Beast is our first battle-ready Tarrasque, though he’s definitely not as strong as the original yet.

5. Druid 4: fourth level druids can give their friends Guidance, another big sibling classic, but you also get your first Ability Score Improvement, which we’re using to become a Chef. with this feat, your Wisdom gets +1, and you gain proficiency with chef’s tools. more importantly, you can use said tools to cook snacks for the party on a short rest, giving them an extra 1d8 HP. you can also spend an hour on (or get for free over a long rest) a bunch of treats you can hand out to people. if they’re eaten within 8 hours as a bonus action, that creature gets temporary HP. it’s not a lot at later levels, but it is, if you’ll pardon the pun, flavorful.

6. Druid 5: fifth level druids get third level spells, so now you can Create Food or Water out of thin air. you can also Conjure Animals to summon a bigger Tarrasque, but free food is always a good selling point.

7. Monk 2: second level monks can use Ki, letting you spend some points to attack twice, dash, disengage, or dodge as a bonus action. each option costs one point, and you get a pool of points equal to your monk level each short rest. you also get Unarmored Movement, increasing how fast you can book it in a single turn. kitchens get busy during the holidays, you have to keep your eyes on just about everything!

you can also turn a weapon nearby into a Dedicated Weapon as long as you’re proficient with it, making it a monk weapon no matter what it really is. that doesn’t matter much now, but it’s how you’ll be able to use your dexterity to hit people with cookware.

8. Monk 3: third level monks can Deflect Missiles as a reaction, reducing incoming damage from flying fruits or throwing knives. if you reduce the damage to 0 this way, you can even spend ki to throw it back! third level is also when we start showing Mercy to our foes with Hands of Healing. as an action, you can spend a ki point to heal someone with a touch(ing display of kindness by giving them food). you can also replace one of your flurry of blows attacks with this healing for free. if you’d rather give out rotten food, that’s a bad christmas party, but also you can use Hands of Harm to add necrotic damage to an attack once per turn.

9. Monk 4: fourth level monks can be caught by Tarrasque, reducing their falling damage with a Slow Fall. you also get another ASI, which we’re using to become a Tavern Brawler. that feels a little too OG Martha, but it’s the only way to get improvised weapon proficiency so you can turn cookware into battle gear. you can also grapple people using your bonus action if you hit them with a fist or a pan that turn.

10. Monk 5: fifth level monks can make an Extra Attack each turn, and you can make your melee attacks Stunning Strikes by, you guessed it, spending ki points. we’ve all seen Tom & Jerry, we know how getting hit in the face with a frying pan works.

11. Druid 6: now we’re pretty much done with your physicality, so let’s get back to cooking! sixth level shepherds are Mighty Summoners, granting your beast and fey summons extra HP and magical attacks, bringing them a lot closer to our draconic goals.

12. Druid 7: seventh level druids get fourth level spells- Confusion is our greatest meddling yet, throwing enemy strategy into complete disarray- any creature caught in its radius needs to make a wisdom save, and if it fails it starts doing stuff at random. also, if you find the regular Tarrasque out in the world, try using Dominate Beast on it. it won’t work, but at least you tried.

13. Druid 8: use this ASI to round up your Dexterity and Constitution for more AC and more health. my ma always said, “never trust a cook with less than 10 constitution.”

14. Druid 9: ninth level druids get fifth level spells. now we can Summon Draconic Spirit to get a proper Tarrasque on the battlefield! he’s still mostly supposed to be helping you cook though, so maybe consider using the less expensive spells unless you really need to.

15. Druid 10: Tenth level shepherds have a Guardian Spirit, which means whenever a creature you summoned ends its turn in your spirit totem, they regain HP. so now Tarrasque and Hatsune Miku Tarrasque have some synergy, go team. also you get a cantrip so… Frostbite? keep the food cold?

16. Druid 11: we’re all used to the song and dance by now, but the only sixth level spell we really want or care about here is Heroes’ Feast. it’s literally making food, it increases max HP, keeps people from getting frightened, and it’s MAKING FOOD.

17. Druid 12: last ASI, bump up your Wisdom. now you can spell good, but tbh it’s not that big a deal since most of your magic is here for healing, summons, or buffs anyway. still, now your perception is better, which means you can taste better, probably.

18. Druid 13: thirteenth level druids get seventh level spells, but by now there’s really nothing we’d want aside from using the bigger slots for bigger Tarrasques. I mean there’s Regenerate if you really want more healing, but I doubt Martha’s soup is so good it can regrow arms. I’m not confident to that that 100% until the end of the event, but it’s unlikely!

19 Druid 14: a fourteenth level shepherd has Faithful Summons- once a day when you hit 0 HP you automatically cast Conjure Animals at max level for free, creating four CR2 beasts to protect you for an hour. that’s right, if you faint in the kitchen Tarrasque, Tamamo Cat, Beni-Enma, and Jeff all appear to help out. it’s like a christmas miracle!

20. Druid 15: it’s an eighth level spell slot, which means your draconic Tarrasque is as powerful as he’ll ever be!

Pros & Cons:

Pros:

like I mentioned in the Okuni build, having a character gimmick that requires materials from the world around you adds plenty of new excuses to go on adventures. while cooking probably won’t be as in-depth as building a combat robot, it’s still an additional way to interact with the world, and talking about food all the time will make the DM hungry, and thus more susceptible to snack-based bribes.

while you’re not the most powerful healer we’ve made, you’re probably one of the most economical. thanks to your unicorn aura, you can burn a first level spell slot to heal up a bunch of creatures at once, probably around or above 60 HP in total, or even more when you start throwing summons into the mix.

speaking of, while the in-character option is always to summon the one biggest thing you can as a Tarrasque stand-in, that still gives you the option of summoning large groups of small creatures, making your healing even more effective and skewing the action economy in your favor. just make sure you keep on top of everything so the DM doesn’t get too mad.

Cons:

the best way to summon Tarrasque is to make him a Dragon, and our dragon summon has 0 synergy with your shepherd effects. unless your DM is okay with giving you a massive power boost for no reason, don’t expect that to change any time soon.

we also don’t do much in the late game. most players don’t get that far anyway, so it probably won’t be a big deal, but if you do get to the higher levels you might want a build that utilizes the big bad spell levels more effectively.

your Bonus Actions are absolutely packed, making it hard for you to multitasks. will you move your aura around to keep it centered on allies, or dash to keep up yourself, or use flurry of blows, or a spell, or- there’s a lot of plates you have to keep spinning, is what I’m trying to say.

[redisriding]

Tell us about yourself!

Yikes! So I didn't really know where to begin with this one, Well I was born on the banks of the river... Nah! So I googled “fun get to know me questions” and the resulting questionnaire had 371 questions. I decided to answer the first 100!

Strap yourself in, because HERE WE GO! 

1. What is your full name?

Red is Riding ;)

2. What does your name mean?

Funny story, so I actually created this alias to partake in some underground hedonistic activities. When I went to start my Tumblr I just decided to use the same one because I’m not very creative and didn’t want to make up a new one. I never thought that this blog would become as popular as it has, and now I couldn’t be bothered changing the name. It does make me laugh though, if only you people knew what I used to get up to under this alias. 

3. Are you named after anyone?

Little Red Riding Hood?

4. Does your name make any interesting anagrams?

I don’t think so, but maybe someone smarter than me could figure it out. 

5. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to?

I would probably change my real first name if I could as unfortunately I share it with a reasonably well known facist.

6. Where are you from?

A small European country. 

7. Where were you born?

In the capital city of that small European country. 

8. Where did you grow up?

In the suburbs of the capital of that small European country. 

9. Who did you look like growing up?

A member of the band Hanson, if they had red hair and wore those terrible 2000’s wire rimmed glasses. 

10.What are your best characteristics?

Oh gosh, isn’t it embarrassing to talk about your good traits? Especially when the way you see yourself is often so different from the way others see you. 

11.What are your favorite things about yourself?

Honestly, I’ve great boobs.

12.Which of your parents are you closest to?

Depends on my mood.

13.Which of your parents are you more like?

I think physically I’m more like my mother, but my character is closer to my father. 

14.Are your grandparents still married?

Yep, on one side. On the other side my grandad is dead and has been for a very long time. 

15.What relative was important to you growing up & why?

I guess my grandparents, they are the only members of the extended family I ever really saw growing up. I was never close to my uncles, and my aunts and cousins all live in different countries. 

16.What is one thing that you’ve never revealed to your parents?

Anything about my love life, we just don’t talk about it. Ever!

17.What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?

I’m actually not sure. I know they had lots of other traditionally female names picked out, but I don’t know any male names they had for me. I’m not sure if they knew early on if I was going to be a girl, would make sense though.

18.What do you call your grandparents?

I call one of my grandmother’s by her first name, and my grandad, grandad. 

19.What is your best physical feature?

My boobs!…I have pretty eyes too.

20.What is your biggest accomplishment?

Probably getting into University and graduating top of my class.

21.What is your biggest fear?

Having all my joints simultaneously dislocate. 

22.What is your biggest regret?

The way I’ve treated certain people over the years.

23.What is your eye colour?

Blue.

24.What inspires you?

Hope that tomorrow can be better.

25.What is the most important thing in your life?

My family, and my future. 

26.What has required the most courage of you in your life so far?

Hummm, I’m really not sure about this one. 

27.Who is your favourite actor?

I truly could not name a single actor.

28.Who is your favourite actress?

As above. 

29.Who is your favourite celebrity?

I genuinely have no idea.

30.Who is your favourite musician?

Lorde has been getting me through this quarantine, but my favourite singer/band is/are Florence + the Machine. Maybe that dates me. 

31.Who’s your favourite person in the world?

I can’t choose just one! 

32.What is your favourite childhood memory?

I’m very lucky, I had a really marvellous childhood. I guess I have some great memories of playing with my brother as a child, but I’m not sure I have a favourite memory. 

33.What is your favourite colour?

Teal. 

34.What is your favourite cultural activity?

I love going to the theatre.

35.What is your favourite drink?

Water is the thing I drink most often. I don’t like tea or coffee, and I only drink alcohol in social settings not alone of an evening.

36.What is your favourite fairytale?

I’m actually not sure. I know it’s not quite the same but I was never allowed to watch the Disney princess films growing up (a lot of which are based on fairytales) so I can’t say I am particularly attached on any. Although, in answering this question I have remembered by blog name so I probably should say Little Red Riding Hood. 

37.What is your favourite food?

Potatoes, they are so wonderfully versatile, I will never get bored eating them.

38.What is your favourite holiday destination?

There is so much of the world I have not yet seen and I cannot wait until we’re allowed to travel again. The last big trip I was on was to Canada, Vancouver, and it was amazing. 

39.What is your favourite ice-cream flavour?

Ice cream does not agree with me at all, I always thought I was lactose intolerant because of it (I’m not), but I did love a pistachio ice cream as a kid. 

40.What is your favourite music genre?

According to Spotify my most listened to genre is “alternative” whatever that means.

41.What is your favourite physical activity?

Hiking. 

42.What is your favourite quote?

I don’t believe I have one. I do know someone who has “live laugh love” tattooed on their foot. Take from that what you will.

43.What is your favourite snack?

Tbh I don't really snack (am I coming across as awfully boring in these questions?) I love three big meals a day. I will eat an apple or something if I need something pre dinner. 

44.What is your favourite song?

Either Fascination by Alphabeat, Prayer in C by Lily Wood and the Prick, and Robin Schulz, or Brimful of Asha by Cornershop, the Fat Boy Slim Remix. Those songs never fail to put me in a good mood when I need it. 

45.What is your favourite sport?

To watch? Rugby. But I am OBSESSED with the Olympics, especially the winter olympics.

46.What is your favourite time of the day?

Early evening. 

47.What is your favourite type of clothing?

Dresses…with pockets! Or jumpers, I love a big wooly jumper. 

48.What is your favourite way to pass time?

Read.

49.What is the name of your favourite restaurant?

My favourite restaurant is called Dishoom, but unfortunately it has yet to make it to my little European country, so it’s a real treat if I get to eat there. 

50.What is your all-time favourite town or city? Why?

I don’t have one.

51.What is your favourite candle scent?

Probably a classic vanilla, but not an overpowering one. The vanilla candle from IKEA is the NICEST. 

52.What is your favourite social media channel?

Probably Twitter, although Tumblr is my place for escape. 

53.Where’s your favourite place to take an out-of-town guest?

Ugh I hate being the one to choose where we go. I think it’s because I’m a Libra. 

54.What was your favourite subject in High School?

Okay now this is a fun fact, I didn’t actually go to school. I was “Home Educated” which is ideologically different form being Home Schooled. There was no curriculum for me to follow so I could basically dick about doing whatever I wanted during the day. I did study Law which I really enjoyed, and I went onto study it at University. 

55.What was your least favourite subject in High School?

Again see above. Although I do remember crying every time my father tried to teach me maths. To this day, I’m still not sure how to work out a percentage, let alone anything more advanced than that. 

56.What was your favourite TV show when you were a child?

Sabrina the Teenage Witch (the Melissa Joan Heart version) or anything with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen in it (have I dated myself again?)

57.What do you love about your favourite TV Show?

They were fun. I wanted to be them!

58.Are you scared of heights?

Nope, but I’m scared of falling and shattering all the bones in my legs.

59.Are you high maintenance?

Definitely not.

60.Are you more inclined to “build your own empire” or unleash the potential of others?

I don’t know what this means, but fuck imperialism. 

61.Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on?

Ugh, I hate conflict, like I go all trembly, but if there is something amiss I can’t not confront it.

62.Are you a dog person or cat person?

I really adore animals, I had hoped to get a cat during this long and lonely lockdown but my landlord wasn’t keen. If I had more time and space I would love to get a dog, it’s just not feasible in my life at the moment. 

63.Are you a fan of any sports team?

Just my national team no matter what the sport.

64.Are you a good cook?

I like to think so.

65.Are you an early adopter or late-adopter?

Depends. I don’t always love change.

66.If you had more courage what would you do differently in your life now?

I don’t think having more courage would change anything in my life right now. 

67.What is good about how you are living your life right now?

Oh gosh, I’m so incredibly lucky to have the like that I am living right now. Truly blessed, but at the same time, I have got here because of all my hard work and determination. 

68.If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation in your life, what would it be?

I’m not sure if this strictly answers the question, but I wish I could be kinder and more sympathetic to people. I can be harsh on people I care about because I want to see them do well in life and get frustrated when they are doing things that so obviously curtails their ability. I’ve lost friends because of it. 

69.Who has left the most impact on your life?

I don’t think I can name just one person.

70.What aspect of your life needs tremendous improvement?

My love life. It’s not existent. Truly. I don’t even have a far away crush on anyone at the moment. I desperately want to experience romantic love, but it’s scary and you have to allow yourself to be soft and vulnerable which is not something that I am very good at. I also have a lot of negative thoughts/self doubts about whether I am good enough to be in a relationship, or worthy enough for love. It’s stupid, obviously, everyone, flaws and all is worthy of love, but because of things that have happened/been said to me I do kind of have this negative chatter of “who could ever love me” or fear people thinking “god love the poor guy who ends up with her.” All that said, I have never actually met anyone who I’ve really liked, let alone anyone who has liked me back. The closest I’ve got, is I’ve been in lust twice in my life with guys, who objectively speaking, I would never think I would be attracted to.

71.What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen in your life?

I’ve see a lot of weird things tbh, but the first one that springs to mind is that every year we used to go to these big gatherings of families who home educate their children. Now, there are two groups of people that tend to home educate their children 1) EXTREMELY religious families who don’t want their children going to secular schools, and 2) new age hippies who don’t want their children to have to conform to the rigours of school. When these two groups meet…it is interesting. The religious families usually have a lot of children (10+ in many cases), while the hippy families wander around semi-nude and breast feed their children until their grown (7+ years in many cases). So at these home education conferences, the hippy parents would be wandering around, leaky boobs out, and the religious babies would be wandering around because their parents have too many children to keep track of. Whenever one of these babies wandered within range of the hippy parents, they’d take them, and latch them onto their breasts. Absolutely bizarre stuff.

72.Who is the best teacher you’ve ever had?

Myself. 

73.Who is the biggest pack rat you know?

I don’t know what this means. 

74.Who is the first person you call when something exciting happens?

If it’s a big enough deal to call someone, I’ll call my parents, but usually if something exciting happens I’ll just message my friend group.

75.Who is the first person you call when something horrible happens?

Same as above. 

76.Who is the worst boss you’ve ever had?

I had to sue her to get her and her husband to pay me for the work I did. 

77.Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?

Yep? Can you not?

78.Can you do a split?

No, but I want to learn! I have really tight hamstrings so that would be good to stretch them.

79.Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No. Can you?

80.Can you whistle?

Yeah.

81.Can you dance?

Everyone can dance, the question is whether you can dance well or not! I have no rhythm or style, but get me on a dance floor and I’ll bop my socks off.

82.Do you remember your dreams?

Sometimes. 

83.Do you save old greeting cards and letters? Throw them away?

I save them for a while, but I’m not overly sentimental. 

84.Do you sing in the shower?

Never. 

85.Do you sleep with the lights on or off?

Off. 

86.Do you spell the colour as grey or gray?

Grey you weirdo! 

87.Do you take any pills or medication daily?

Never.

88.Do you prefer kissing or cuddling?

I like kissing because it’s hot and fiery and I think I’m reasonably good at it. Cuddling is the best but it’s something I struggle with as I find it far too intimate. See my answer to Q70.

89.Do you prefer that people shoot straight with you or temper their words? Why?

Hit me between the eyeballs with the truth, please! I just like people who are clear and direct about their intentions, it means everyone knows where they stand. 

90.Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?

I saw a black and white documentary about the Titanic when I was a very small child (maybe about 5 or 6) and for a long time I thought that was the movie Titanic! I have seen neither the real film Titanic nor the Notebook, although from what I know of the latter I don’t think it would be my thing.

91.Do you have a catchphrase?

I don’t think so, but maybe people in my life would be better at answering this question. What is it that I say a lot?

92.Do you have a garden?

I wish!

93.Do you have a hidden dream that you’ve never shared with anyone?

I’m taking this to mean a goal or aspiration, and not something that I have subconsciously dreamed and been too embarrassed to share? I would love to write a book one day. I’m work on something periodically but I’m not sure if anything will ever come from it, a gal can dream though!

94.Do you have a tattoo?

None! I’m kind of a commitment-phobe, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed?

95.Do you have a whole lot of acquaintances or just a few very close friends? Why?

Both! I know lots of people in passing, but the people I consider actual friends, who know what is going on in my life at any given time, I could count on my fingers.

96.Do you have any allergies?

Not that I’m aware of…

97.Do you have any birthmarks? If so, where?

I used to have one on my back, but it’s faded as I’ve aged.

98.Do you have pets?

Not at the moment.

99.Do you hold any convictions that you would be willing to die for?

That is a big question. I think however, if there was a guarantee, that sacrificing my life would make the lives of others immeasurably better, I would be scarified. I have plenty of convictions that I’m willing to protest/riot/go to prison for.

100.Do you carry a donor card?

Bit ominous after Q99 but yes I do, and my driver’s licence states that I’m a donor.

I’m not sure if this is at all what you were hoping for in asking this, but I honestly had the best fun answering these questions! :)

[gra-sonas]

Thanks for prompting me with Malex, lovelies! 💚

who hogs the duvet: Alex, because he's always cold. He prefers when Michael snuggles up close to him tho, he's the much better heating blanket (plus he gives Alex neck kisses, which Alex LOVES)

who texts/rings to check how their day is going: They both text occasionally, Michael likes to send Alex pictures, Alex is a little more formal in his texts. The day he starts adding the 😘❤️ emojis to his texts, Michael feels so loved.

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts: they are both incredibly thoughtful when it comes to giving gifts. Michael's perhaps a little more creative since he likes to make gifts (though we're not talking salt dough or knitted socks here, we're talking something more elaborate like a bionic leg for Alex that allows him to walk with absolute ease and almost no chafing)

who gets up first in the morning: Alex, still. It's been ingrained into him (first by his father who liked to make his kids do drills before dawn, then it was a terrible habit the Air Force continued to inflict on him). One of Alex’s greatest pleasures in his life is the moment when he wakes up, sees how early it is, turns in Michaels warm embrace and goes back to sleep (well, it’s more like a nap, but it's amazing and relaxing nonetheless). When Michael takes too long to wake up, Alex can get very ~creative tho... 😏

who suggests new things in bed: they both do. The first time Alex properly doms Michael and makes him fly is a revelation to both of them, and they like to explore that side of their relationship further. The first time Alex asks Michael to mark him with a hand print before sex tho? They both end up in tears because having their respective emotions reflected back a thousandfold is so overwhelming, it takes them a long time to calm down. When they do, they look look at each other, stunned by the utter devotion and endless love they see, it's not really a surprise that they utter the next words in unison: "Do you want to marry me?" (It's a YES from both, obviously)

who cries at movies: Michael

who gives unprompted massages: Michael. He just knows when Alex is hurting on days he’s walked too much and needs a massage, even knows where to find the worst knots. Michael’s hands are always tender, yet firm. (Michael will never get tired of teasing Alex for falling asleep underneath his kneading hands on more than one occasion).

who fusses over the other when they’re sick: Alex is rarely sick, but when he is, Michael turns into such a mother hen/nurse, it's almost ridiculous. While it does get a bit intense at times, Alex lets him fuss.

who gets jealous easiest: they don't get jealous at other people anymore, they know that they are it for the other. They do get jealous of circumstances keeping them apart for any length of time though. After his honorable discharge from the Air Force, Alex starts to work as a freelance cyber security advisor. While it comes with the perk of being ridiculously well paid, his job also entails that Alex has to travel every now and then. They are both miserable during those times and send more text messages in a day than they'd usually send in a month.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music: they refuse to be embarrassed about any kind of music they listen to, Alex has probably a more eclectic taste tho.

who collects something unusual: do pieces of an alien space ship console count as ‘something unusual’?

who takes the longest to get ready: Alex, but only because he needs a little extra time to attach his leg in the morning.

who is the most tidy and organised: They both are. Michael's never had that many things to begin with, and the Airstream with its limited space also demanded him to keep things in order. Three years into their marriage, Michael expands the cabin ("I want it to be a home for us, but also maybe... a kid?" Alex has never loved him more than in that moment). The cabin’s still not HUGE and therefore requires for them to keep things in order. That changes the minute they have kids tho, from then on it’s chaos 24/7 until the day their triplets leave for college.

who gets most excited about the holidays: Michael. Holy Santa, the first year they spend Christmas at the cabin, Alex leaves in the morning for an appointment in Albuquerque, only to find Michael has turned into Clark Griswold when he comes home. The cabin looks like it's on fire, there are sooooo many Christmas lights. 👀 When Alex opens the door, Michael is waiting for him in the living room. A fire is roaring in the open fire place and the room is decorated with lots and lots of Christmas themed knick-knacks. Michael is wearing an honest-to-god Ugly Christmas Sweater (it depicts a little green man wearing a Santa outfit, the lettering says 'Ho ho ho, kiss me, I'm an alien') and he's holding up two beautifully embroidered stockings with their names on them. Alex hangs up his jacket and helps Michael to attach them at the mantle of the fireplace.

Bonus: On Christmas morning, Alex sneaks out of the bed and shortly after Michael wakes up to the sight of the sexiest naughty elf (the mistletoe was completely unnecessary btw, Michael just wouldn’t stop kissing Alex)

who is the big spoon/little spoon: It depends. If Alex is cold (and he often is), there's no question that Michael is the big spoon. When Alex takes Michael apart tho, it's him who'll spoon up behind Michael afterwards to keep him safe until Michael returns to earth.

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports: Alex is extremely competitive when they are playing charades with their circle of friends. Neither of the aliens are allowed to mark their partners with a hand print before so they won't cheat via that connection, which makes Alex is even more eager to win ‘naturally’ (they often do, they are just so in tune).

Michael's pretty competitive from the sidelines of their one daughter's softball games, and there's one memorable incident where Michael disagrees with a referee at their other daughter's soccer match. Their son isn't too fond of sports, much to Michael's dismay. "Dad, Mara and Nova are your sports buddies, I'm Papa's coding buddy." Michael smiles and ruffles his son's curly hair. "I know, nugget, your Papa loves to code with you." "Daaaad, stop calling me nugget." "Alright, nugget."

who starts the most arguments: they don’t really argue anymore. They'll have minor disagreements like any couple, but a short and mature discussion will sort things out quickly, otherwise they are on the same page.

who suggests that they buy a pet: when Michael learns about Mimi's prediction, he comes home with the most adorable beagle puppy the next day.

what couple traditions they have: they are not big on commercialized traditions like Valentine's Day, they prefer to do other things. The most important rule for them is: never leave or go to bed if either of them is mad/upset about something. They’ll talk it out and won’t part/fall asleep without an ‘I love you’. Apart from texting, they also love to hide little hand written love notes for the other to find (shirt pockets, wallet, etc)

what tv shows they watch together: they don't watch that much TV tbh. They tried to watch the most obvious show together (X-Files), but it didn't really click. Upon scrolling through Netflix one day, Michael mentions that he's never seen Star Trek or Stargate, and they enjoy watching every iteration of these shows immensely. Even though Michael sometimes does get riled up about technical specifics his scientist's brain just won't allow him to let slide. “It’s sci-fi and I’ll cut them some slack, but this is ridiculous.” Alex can’t help but laugh and kiss Michael silly until he forgets what he was mad about just a minute ago.

what other couple they hang out with: When Jenna returns to Roswell, her and Kyle get together and they like to spend time with them a lot. There are also family gatherings where they see Max and Liz with their kids, and they have a standing invitation for Sunday bbqs at Isobel and Maria’s place.

how they spend time together as a couple: when they get together for good, they first go on a long road trip across the US. Michael's never really left New Mexico and it makes Alex so happy to see Michael visit places he’s only known from pictures win wide-eyed wonder. Apart from traveling, they enjoy star-gazing in the desert, making music together (Alex sings, Michael plays guitar) and once they have kids, they are the most devoted dads who just LOVE spending time with their little ones.

who made the first move: Alex, it took Michael a moment to catch up. 💕

who brings flowers home: neither, they prefer to look at the flowers growing in their garden.

who is the best cook: they are both decent cooks who can do basic stuff. When Michael builds an annex to expand the cabin, they get a bigger kitchen. When the kids are old enough to help, they enjoy cooking meals as a family. And there’s of course The Great Guerin Bakeoff each year prior to Christmas.

[rapturesxsilliestxfool]

Really Long Character Survey

RULES. repost ,   don’t  reblog !    tag 10 ! good  luck !

Tagged by: @sanctamater

Tagging: idk if you have some time to kill/are procrastinating, you can say I tagged you. This is really long. It’s good procrastination material.

BASICS. FULL  NAME : Diane Louise McClintock NICKNAME :  Miss/Ms. McClintock (does that count??) AGE : 28 when she dies BIRTHDAY :   23rd June ETHNIC  GROUP : Caucasian NATIONALITY :  American LANGUAGE / S : English, some basic French from holidays in Paris SEXUAL  ORIENTATION : Heterosexual. tbh though I’m not sure if that’s a definite thing, or it’s just because of the time/way she was raised. She might be a lil bit bi. idk. She doesn’t know either tbh. ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION :  Heteroromantic, but see above. RELATIONSHIP  STATUS : Taken. Unmarried. Engaged sometimes, verse dependent. CLASS : Upper middle class on the surface. Very near the top in Rapture once she becomes Ryan’s official girlfriend. And then during the civil war, way down near the bottom of the class system, can just about afford a flat after selling her jewellery. It’s quite a shock for her because she’s never really been poor before. HOME  TOWN / AREA :  San Francisco. CURRENT  HOME : Rapture. Various places, verse/time dependent. PROFESSION : Baker (although mostly she worked the counter- she did little baking in practice); girlfriend of Andrew Ryan

PHYSICAL. HAIR : Blonde. Curly, but only because she puts it up in rollers before bed. Sometimes she does little victory rolls at the front, but not every day. It depends how she feels that morning. EYES : Greeny-blue. Little flecks of brown, if you’re up close enough to see them. Thick black lashes (is it mascara? if it is, she’s not telling a soul.)

NOSE : Quite thin and elegant, as far as noses go. Turns up a little at the end. FACE :  Classic oval face-shape, with a delicate chin. Rounded cheeks, which she furiously tries to hide by using make-up to enhance her cheekbones. But she still has cute lil cheeks. LIPS :   Always wearing lipstick. Red is her favourite, followed by a soft coral pink. But red is definitely her usual colour. Only time she is not wearing lipstick is when she goes to bed, but she slathers her lips in lipbalm before she sleeps so that her lipstick won’t dry them out. COMPLEXION : Fairly pale on the surface, although she is the sort who tans a little in the sun. Just a little. In Rapture, obviously she’s hella pale she’s on the bottom of the ocean. BLEMISHES :  She has a few freckles, which she hides with make-up. SCARS : well. if the civil war has started, she has a pretty major scar because she was caught in an explosion at her favourite restaurant and had to undergo extensive surgery to fix it. She is never happy with her face anyway, but especially after this. TATTOOS : None HEIGHT : 5 ft 1 inch. The one inch is important to her. WEIGHT : healthy. Diane is soft, soft, soft. She has a nice shape to her- not quite an hourglass, her hips are too wide in proportion to her shoulders/chest for that- and is soft. I can’t think how else to describe it. You cannot see her ribs at all. She is a good weight. BUILD :    shit i just described this in the weight bit FEATURES : She has rosy cheeks when she’s been outside on a day that’s anything even remotely resembling breezy. And she has a smile that can be beautiful, could charm nations, yet it’s heartbreaking when it’s paired with tears in her eyes. ALLERGIES :  Mint. It gives her a rash. USUAL  HAIR  STYLE :  Roller-curls USUAL  FACE  LOOK :  A basic coat of foundation to hide all the things she doesn’t want the world to know about, red lipstick, mascara. Eyebrows are shaped and maintained well. USUAL  CLOTHING : She favours skirt/blouse combos, but wears dresses to events.

PSYCHOLOGY. FEAR / S : Being abandoned; dying alone; not being enough ASPIRATION / S : Diane is pretty sure she wants to marry a nice man and have kids, and then raise those kids and become a housewife/stay-at-home mum. POSITIVE  TRAITS : Loyal, dedicated, precise. She has, at the end of the day, a good heart and a strong moral compass. NEGATIVE  TRAITS : Fiery temper, judgemental, unlikely to question authority  MBTI : ESFJ ZODIAC :   Cancer  TEMPERAMENT :  Melancholic but with a close side-order of choleric SOUL  TYPE / S :   The Performer ANIMALS :  Wildcat VICE  HABIT / S :   Wrinkles her nose; taps her nails against surfaces FAITH : lowkey Catholic. She was raised in a Catholic family, but has never been especially religious personally, and it all stopped being important to her when she moved to Rapture. GHOSTS ? : Yes AFTERLIFE ? : Yes, although after she joins Atlas, Diane struggles a little with the concept of Heaven/Hell and Good/Evil. REINCARNATION ? : No. ALIENS ? : tbh I can’t see her being surprised if presented with concrete proof of aliens, but she’s likely to laugh and ask if you’re crazy if you bring it up, just because she thinks that’s how a lady should act. POLITICAL  ALIGNMENT :  Pre-Civil war, she’s not really political at all. Whatever her boyfriend thinks best, she’ll go with. Post-Atlas, she thinks for herself more, and is drawn towards the left side of centre. She’s spent several years dating Andrew Ryan though, so she’s never going to be far, far left. ECONOMIC  PREFERENCE : Diane has always (pre-fall) been pretty well-off, so she definitely has a preference for that lifestyle and those people most of her life. SOCIOPOLITICAL  POSITION : In Rapture, once she starts seeing Ryan she’s basically at the tippity-top of society. EDUCATION  LEVEL :  Diane dropped out of high school at sixteen, as she had a stable boyfriend (Dr Mattie Richards, the reason my Diane even ended up in Rapture) and so if she was destined to be a good and dutiful wife for him, there wasn’t much more she could learn at school that would be of use (in her opinion).

FAMILY. FATHER :   Robert (Bobbie) McClintock MOTHER : Alice McClintock nee Laurent SIBLINGS : N/A EXTENDED  FAMILY : Her mother is French, and Diane’s grandparents and aunt still live there. This is why Diane spent a lot of time in Paris as a child, and why she has a basic grasp of the French language. NAME  MEANING / S : Diane- French form of Diana, meaning “heavenly, divine”; Roman goddess of the moon, hunting, forests and childbirth / Louise- French feminine form of Louis, which in turn stems from the German Ludwig meaning “famous war/battle” / McClintock- Anglicised form of the Gaelic Mac Gille Fhionndaig (Scottish) or Mac Giolla Fhionntóg (Irish)  meaning “Son of the Servant of Saint Finndag” HISTORICAL  CONNECTION ? :  Uhhhh not really... I do like to think of Diane as the sort of woman who is in the background, though. She isn’t going to go down in history, and if she does it will be simply as “wife of *this dude*”. But she contributes so much to the world and gives everything her all, and I think a lot of women throughout history have been Dianes in that respect.

FAVOURITES. BOOK :    Jamaica Inn- Daphne du Maurier. It’s enough of a romance that Diane can be seen reading it without feeling too self-conscious, but at the same time it’s hardly a romance at all? MOVIE : Singin’ in the Rain. Diane can’t really dance, and her singing is nothing spectacular, but when she feels down, it’s this movie she turns to. 5  SONGS : Are you kidding 5?? I am too young to know 5 50s songs that my daughter would enjoy!! ok. um. I’m going to cheat and use my above answer, and say the Singin’ in the Rain soundtrack. Especially You Were Meant for Me, which she just feels is so romantic gosh. DEITY :  There is only one god in Catholicism. HOLIDAY :   Valentines. Diane would be the sort to use it as an excuse to spoil her partner. Think an expensive restaurant booking, a new dinner suit laid out on the bed for them, a card sent to their office, a special effort to wear a dress their favourite colour that evening, etc. Diane loves being spoilt, but she also loves spoiling others. MONTH :  June SEASON :  Summer PLACE :   Her Auntie Estelle’s house in Paris, on the white-painted iron bench that sat in her garden by the fishpond. WEATHER : Sun, sun, sun! SOUND : The door opening and her partner coming home; the easy chatter of a crowd on a busy shopping street; music that can take her to another place if she closes her eyes and lets it; the click of heels against a hard floor; the pop of a lid being replaced on a tube of lipstick SCENT / S :   Rosewater; expensive perfume that smells of flowers and fruits; moisturising creams; hair product- hairspray and mousse; the strong smell of nail polish in an enclosed space TASTE / S :   lipstick accidentally painted on teeth before it’s noticed and rectified; strawberries- in cake, as a flavouring in lipsticks, in drinks, just by themselves, with cream; fruity little drinks that smell sweet and taste sweeter FEEL / S : A hand in hers, squeezing just enough to let her know that its there and attached to someone who cares; a brush running through freshly unrolled hair in the morning, separating out the curls; taking off a pair of particularly restrictive shoes and feeling her feet find themselves again ANIMAL / S : Birds, particularly canaries and doves. NUMBER : Nineteen- the age her mother was when she married her father. Diane is secretly disappointed that she’s now older than this and unmarried herself. COLOUR :   Coral pink; pastel colours.

EXTRA. TALENTS : Hair and make-up; acting stupid; cheering other people up when they are down BAD  AT : Cooking anything resembling a meal; self-confidence; trusting partners- she’s been cheated on before, and part of her still sees that as her fault. She can’t help but expect it to happen again. TURN  ONS :  Formal wear; dark hair; cleanliness; manners TURN  OFFS :   Bad manners; an unkempt appearance HOBBIES : Reading romance novels (/science, secretly); sewing (this comes in useful post-Atlas, as it means she can patch up her dresses when they get torn); planning events TROPES :  Break the Cutie ; Horrible Judge of Character ; Heroic Self-deprecation ; Always Second Best ; I Just Want to be Beautiful ; Took a Level in Badass  AESTHETIC  TAGS :  dresses/skirts that do the thing when you spin; bright, bold lipstick colours; dainty heels- especially ones with bows; bows in general tbh GPOY  QUOTES :  “Chin up, princess, or the crown slips.” - I have no idea where, I saw it somewhere once and it just fits her.

FC INFO. MAIN  FC / S : Amber Heard ALT  FC / S : Emilie du Ravin OLDER  FC / S :   N/A YOUNGER  FC / S : N/A VOICE  CLAIM / S : Miriam Shor GENDERBENT  FC / S :  N/A

MUN QUESTIONS. Q1 :   if  you  could  write  your  character  your  way  in  their  own  movie ,   what  would  it  be  called ,  what  style  would  it  be  filmed  in ,  and  what  would  it  be  about ?          A1 : I think I’d just call it Diane, or maybe Miss McClintock, because minimalist titles are cool. It’d follow Diane through from her arrival in Rapture up to her death. The first part, where she is still naive and innocent, would be all in bright colours and beautiful dresses and sparkles. The accident would trigger a colour change, and suddenly the world would look a lot darker- because Diane’s worldview is a lot darker from that point. I want to be super cheesy and say that whenever Atlas is onscreen, though, the colour returns- just a little- to symbolise the hope she feels. idk. Q2 :   what  would  their  soundtrack / score  sound  like ?          A2 : Ummmmmmm... I want to say jazzy? Classy jazzy? idk. Q3 :   why  did  you  start  writing  this  character ?          A3 : I played Bioshock 1 and 2, and wanted to write something somehow because I felt so many feelings (goddamn games making me feel shit) but didn’t have any solid ideas for a fanfic. Indie rp was something I’d been considering for a while, so I figured what they hey, and picked Diane because she’s so... interesting, and great. Q4 :   what  first  attracted  you  to  this  character ?          A4: I think it’s this idea that Diane doesn’t really influence Rapture’s fate, she isn’t one of the people that does science, or business, or whatever. Yet at the same time, she matters. She gets upset and she cries and she loves and she hates and she’s so incredibly human, and I love that about her. Q5 :   describe  the  biggest  thing  you  dislike  about  your  muse.          A5 : She’s a bit more impulsive than me, and a bit more blunt, so that makes her kind of hard to write sometimes. Q6 :   what  do  you  have  in  common  with  your  muse ?          A6 : I, too, need to be wearing bright lipstick in order to feel even remotely confident. Q7 :   how  does  your  muse  feel  about  you ?          A7 : uhhhhhhhhhhhh.... idk.... She’d probably be happy that I’m quite career-driven and chasing my dreams, whilst at the same time be like gurl why are you single, let me introduce you to this guy... Q8 :   what  characters  does  your  muse  have  interesting  interactions  with ?        A8 :  Andrew Ryan (duh.), Atlas/Frank Fontaine, Jasmine Jolene, Alex @thegirlfallsfromthesky. She actually has very few friends. Q9 :   what  gives  you  inspiration  to  write  your  muse ?         A9 :  My pinterest tbh. or Bioshock, in general. I see a Bioshock reference somewhere and think my daughter. Q10 :   how  long  did  this  take  you  to  complete ?          A10 : idk don’t mock me I did this in chunks.