#which really sucks for stuff I havent backed up into word ugh

[whumblr]

Say bubs, anyone else having trouble with scheduling posts?

I've noticed for a while now that there's a delay between the scheduled time and actual posting time. Usually just a few minutes. But last night it took over two hours.

The post can't be found in the queue, nor has it posted. It's lost in limbo.

[storiesofsvu]

Random from the fanfic ask game: 4, 8, 17, 26, 43, 67, 78, 85, 90

4. What is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying around the longest? Bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written iy yet and experience deep existential dread?

LOL. Okay, so the STORY that’s been floating around longest is Unexpected Circumstances (sonny x reader) which i put on hiatus like a year ago. I was going to pick it up then realized it was going in a similar direction of another fic, which ended up going a different way anyways lol.

Otherwise i think it’s probably the parent trap au! With barba & Nevada….i have basically nothing for it but it’s there, lingering, making me try to figure it out lol.

8. What’s your relationship with constructive criticism and feedback like? Do you seek it out? How well do you take it?

Without feedback, there would be no fics in this world. (I believe). Feedback is what motivates us writers, comments are what’s keeps us going, it shows us people are actually reading it, and enjoying the content we’re putting out. I don’t think I’ve ever received *constructive* criticism? Like, i’ve gotten anon hate that was all “oh boo, your stories suck. You write the girls so ooc.” Shit, and during classified affairs i got one that was all “oh, great, you’re writing toxic relationships now” and my reply was “uh…yeah…thats kinda the POINT, keep reading, you’ll understand” lol. So i think i handle it well? But i havent really gotten any at this point.

17. What’s the fave line you’ve ever written?

Either the “i put a fucking bow on it, didn’t i?”

Or the line where Gallagher’s bragging about assaulting Rita and yn (Rita’s wife) comes in hot all “i know for a fact my dick is bigger than yours, and unlike you, i know how to use it.”

26. Do you like to wwrite one shots or series? And why?

I prefer series. It gives more time to establish dynamics, explore relationships and helps me keep the writing motivation going, knowing people are waiting for the next ch. i like to tell full stories. One shots i always end up either doing straight pwp, or they end up WAY too long with backgrounds of the characters, how they’re involved and the like. BUT, i do like little fluffy drabble one shots. And i like to keep them going to keep my writing skills up to par, like, i can easily jump around from fandom to fandom and genre to genre, it’s also how i break in a new character.

43. How did writing change you?

It helped me harness all the creativity and fantasy daydream i kept coming up with into something actually tangible. It helps focus me when there’s nothing else to do, keeps my brain active. It’s also brought me a very large circle of good friends all over the world, and introduced me to my girlfriend.

67. When have you felt the least confident in your writing?

Going back and reading the super old stuff, like, i just cringe at some of the shit i wrote. ESP some of the longer stories that i know i could do a WORLD of better on, but don’t want to rewrite them lolol. Also those times when you have a REALLY good idea fleshed out in your head and it just wont transfer to paper very well, then you say fuck it and post it anyways? And then just….always regret…esp when it’s part of a mini series or collection.

78. How do you choose where to end a chapter?

Good god. Ending things is almost as hard as titling them for me. Ch’s at least i can cut off a little bit more abruptly cause there’s a continuation of the story, each individual ch doesn’t need a beg, mid and end, i can just cut to black. One shots you always need to wrap up all the lose ends and UGH, ive had 1500 word stories end up 3000 just because i can’t end it lolol

85. What would be on a moodboard for your current wips?

Lol. I made moodboards for both of them! The Nanny, is obvi, cute, adorably dressed kids, manhattan, rita & raf.

90.do you notice your own voice in your writing style?

Yes. Unless y/n is a lawyer or politician, she very much has my vernacular. And obviously i put a lot of cursing into my fics, whether the narration or from the other characters, but like…some of them do canonologically swear, and other ones would if the show had a higher rating.

I think as long as i have a good wrap on the characters from shows, that i do a good job making their voices/vernacular heard in my fics.

Thanks for asking!! 😊

[wychive]

𝙪𝙣𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨

summary // you found your pile of ‘letters’ to hyunjin that contain thoughts that have never been said and decided to write to him one last time.

pairing(s) // hyunjin x gn!reader, hyunjin x oc, slight minho x reader

genre(s) // angst, letter fic 

warning(s) // mentions of food, themes of being forgotten, vulgar wording, humiliation, overthinking

word count // 2.0k

author's note // happy birthday @noya-sannnn​ !! im sorry this was so late hhh you know how i am irl,, but i hope you enjoy this! i love you so much, jane <3 i apologize for the many grammar mistakes gn. i recommend listening to iu’s ending scene while reading this! btw y/n/n means your nickname.

[10/01/14, 3:55am]

dear jinnie,

hi there! it's y/n <3 i hope you're doing okay - i mean of course you are pfft anyways, just writing this short letter (more like paragraph)  sort of as a venting mechanism? for things i cant tell you about lol  im not so sure how you would call it, since you're so much better at words than i am. basically were like:

hyunjin: ow a brain freeze!

me: haha brain go brrrr

anyways haha yea <3 it's 4am so like,, ill see you at school!

signed,

your loser,

y/n/n

[15/02/14, 12:34am]

yo heartthrob!

im back with this kinda stuff haha it's been a whole? week? since ive written one of these so like yes..hi! i just wanted to say thanks, for today. you really know how to cheer me up huh? you really outdid yourself by setting up that little picnic for us. congrats on making the strawberry cake so perfectly <3 this day will always stay as a core memory in the back of my brain. you're too caring sometimes,,, istg you'll pay for this [maybe hugs?] >:) 

signed,

your partner in crime,

y/n/n

[30/02/15, 01:29am]

jinnie-senpai~~

LMAO you hate me calling you that, doesn't change a thing though. hehe,, nways i hope you enjoyed your birthday present :) i got you that really cool skateboard that you wanted. i worked my ass off for that in my mother's garden so like,, you gotta thank me for that a thousand times :D nah jk, its a sincere gift, from me to you. i rarely do this for ANYONE so consider yourself lucky to have a best friend like me -3- also, seungmin is like….kinda the cutest person ever. introduce me to him pls, thank!

signed,

<your bestest friend3,

y/n

(p.s. you're kinda cute too,,,, ig,,, still stinkee tho)

[13/04/15, 9:04pm]

hey 'baby' (HAHAHA ihy for this)

i hope your day was okay! i didn't see much of you today (which was sort of a bummer but wtv) so like…. uh yea. you told me you were doing okay over text, which kinda surprised me because like?? we always video call lol this is kinda the first time,, but its okay, i trust you! (i really hope youre doing alright tho, i'll beat anyone up if they make you sad >:( ) you also called me 'sweetheart' today which was like…. omg wtf haha????????? that was so weird to me for some reason… a good kind of weird :D we haven't done those kinds of nicknames in a while so…. happy to know that they're back in session <3 i talked to the new girl today, she's really cool! like she knows the bean song on tiktok so like its a total win heh, ill introduce you to her tomorrow! you'll love her a lot

signed,

your 'lover',

y/n/n

[08/06/16, 10:23pm]

hey howl (hehe go back to that movie night we had)

this spring break sucks so much,, esp because youre not here (you still couldve brought me along :'[ ) but wtv i hope youre enjoying yourself. ive been hanging out with yeonnie lately and i found out she likes conan grey too like pls i love her sm. can we adopt her?? please???? she told me you guys have been video calling too and that makes me so happy!! you two are getting along so well aaa my precious babies </3 

what if you developed a crush on her? haha…..jk unless?? (no jk dont shes all mine, stay away >:) ) anyways, i hope the three of us hang out soon. maybe go to that ice cream parlour where they serve the best cookies and cream?  

signed,

your daisy,

y/n/n

[19/07/15, 01:23am]

peepee poopoo hello

heyheyhey!! (heh, haikyuu thingz) i hope youre doing okay! i mean sure you are, with everything going so well. also i feel like you're not telling me something. maybe it's just me? is it? i hope it is because you tell me everything,, we've been talking less these days but its okay! i know how busy you are, especially with your dad always bugging you,,

also, i think yeonbin likes you :0,, she keeps talking about you whenever we hang out. don't get me wrong, its not bad that she likes you but...something doesn't feel right. i feel like i'm being the third wheeler here and like ugh idk. haha laughs yea i think its just me.. im sorry, i didnt mean to do you like this,, anyways, ill see you soon + her too ofc- yall are inseparable lmao

signed,

your moonlight,

y/n/n

[23/07/15, 01:56am]

greetings, kind sir

lol more like mean sir but like aight KSKSK,, anyways,, how have you been? we haven't really talked in a while,, our convos are always so short with it being one-sided :/ i wish you were online more. yeonnie is ignoring me,, do you know why? i think you do,,, but when i asked you just said you didnt know. did i do something wrong? pls tell me.. 

she blocked my contact the other day and she won't even smile at me when i pass her in the hallways. its,, sad and stressful especially because she was the only one that would genuinely talk to me. i hate to say this,, but i miss you. us, hanging out like the best trio we are, yknow? but i dont think you miss me the same way. sorry, im getting out of hand. i know im just overreacting. im just gonna sleep ig,, good night! sweet dreams,,

signed,

your pink lemonade,

y/n/n

[25/07/15, 03:25am]

hi there

i heard you and her got together?? congrats, jinnie! im so proud of you,, especially because you never had even considered getting a girlfriend a few months earlier lmaO you really woo the ladies huh? anyways,, i hope you've been well since we last talked,, how many days has it been?? i would say nearly a week or so but honestly it feels like a hundred years,, considering you and i used to talk every day. but you have her now to keep you company.

keep this a secret but can you possibly tell me why it hurts when i see her? or when i mention her or even think of her?? is it because she's connected to you? but.. you're my best friend, so why? is it because i miss you? is it because im alone now? is it because you left me with a simple 'i have to go now,, bye y/n/n.'? im not sure either. im being silly, i apologize. ill figure it out sooner or later. sweet dreams, jinnie

signed,

your asswipe,

y/n

[25/07/15, 04:30am]

jinnie

it's because i love you. 

signed,

your butterfly,

y/n

[??/08/??, 05:??am]

you

i miss your lame jokes. i miss your smile. i miss your laughs. i miss your funny faces. i miss the way your eyes twinkle. i miss th way you would make me happy just by doing the bare minimum. i miss the disaster you made when cooking breakfast. i miss the night when you snuck me out just to go to that pretty lantern event. i miss when you would call out my name everytime we met. i miss when we would share earbuds in train rides. dont you get it, hyunjin? i miss you.

[??/??/15, ??:??am]

asshole.

please tell me that isn't true, please. you're too kind to do these kinds of things, right? + i was your best friend,, then, why, why did you hurt me like this. i didnt do anything wrong.. you couldve just told me you didnt like me,,, why did she have to tell me? out of all people. 

youre so pathetic for this,, i thought you were brave, bold - but youre just a fucking coward. i loved you, i really did. and i realised too late… im sorry. she,, i shouldn't have talked to her in the first place, right? i bet you knew she humiliated me, in front of everyone. of course you did, you were the only one that knew. you told her. fuck, i hate you so much (yet why do i long for you on a night like this?). you know how much that'll affect me and yet, there you are, laughing about it with her.

signed,

fuck off,

you know who i am.

[31/08/15, 03:41am]

ah, jinnie

please tell me this is just a nightmare. please, please. stop just reading my texts, please answer them. jinnie. i miss you so much. i dont care bout her, please just let me be in your arms. i dont care if you love me back, please just talk to me at least. tell me what i did wrong,, jinnie,, please,,, clear these tear stains on my cheek with kisses.

signed,

your fuck-up,

y/n

[15/09/15, 04:59am]

jinnie

why do i keep crying because of you? its been a few weeks since everything has happened. please, nothing has changed. i still love you the same even with all the hatred i have pent up in this stupid brain of mine. i wish i could just walk back in time, to where it all began.

when i first met you in third grade and you pushed me while playing soccer or maybe when we took those ridiculous prom pictures, remember those? i hope you still have them,, because i do too. i hope the pictures of us on your wall still hang there,, it'll remind you of the happy times. hm,, maybe you don't need them. 

you already have millions of pictures with you and her,, i bet you printed some and replaced those with ours right? sly dog. 

signed,

friend,

y/n/n

[04/02/16, 12:57am]

hey

i went to the park today and saw both of you being happy. it's nice to see your smile again. im sorry i didnt go up to you,, i just thought it would be awkward. when i heard that adorable laugh of yours, it made me realise that i lost something special. but it's okay isnt it? as your happiness matters more than mine. 

signed,

y/n

[06/01/20, 08:00pm]

dear hyunjin,

im doing fine here. how about you? gosh,, how long has it been? years? since we last talked to each other. i havent heard from you since. i would just like to say i still think of you sometimes, when watering the plants or dancing while making pancakes. sometimes i think you're here with me too, just being the pals we were. 

sometimes i'd see you out, just reading a book in the park or buying pasta sauce at the grocery store. it's nice to see you having a stable life. im not sure if you're still with her or not, but its good to know that you still have that large friend group. also! you're never gonna guess who im dating--

it's minho! do you remember him? the one that i used to hate,, uh yeah. he asked me out the other day- you may wonder how tf,,, i too do not know how tf but he gives the best hugs ever. he gave me the love i wanted from you. he stitched my heart back together after it broke,, i love him so much, jinnie..

it's snowing,, do you remember when we would skate on the frozen lake in front of your house? are your parents well? i wonder if your mother still has those earrings i bought for her birthday. i never told you this but your laugh and hers sound so similar. 

i would just like to say thank you, for everything. you were a big part of my life, up until now. when we see each other after this, we would just be strangers. maybe flash a little smile or give a little wave whenever we greet each other but nothing more. some memories of us would flow in every now and then but it'll just be a short teaser. well, i'll be going now. smile for me, okay?

signed,

the one that loved you the most,

y/n.

taglist // @/noya-sannnn, @crvgio​ , @neo-shitty​

reply to be in my gen taglist!

[bunnyriviere]

my god i cant get my head out of this mess so imma rant, then MAYBE i can focus on my assignment like damn babe i thought your passion is stats, why are you obsessing over a guy that doesnt care enough. huh? care about stats instead babe!!!!!! i just want to only have to care about maths but i know my life is ruined if i dont have relationships, so i try. but i must suck at it so bad if everything just ends in flame like this, im so tired im teary eyes.

im on my phone and honestly dont know how to do the uh line to cut short the post so if anybody unfortunately see this im sr :(

this is not even about a romantic relationship, i dont even know why i just couldnt like a person like that but damn fine. this is about a male friend i made in grade 11 i guess. i have never liked men. im afraid of them and dont want to have to interact with them ever. i know its bad and i should change but i just really want them away from me im sorry..... so i wasnt even friendly with him, but i was polite, i know how to be a decent person. he was friendly and nice and friends to all which only made me think aw geez just stop being friendly i know this is not because you like me. but i was eating the snack he brought to class anytime he brought it without much thought cause he offered i aint gonna say no. all the while still not consider him a friend. not until a friend said im not being nice if im eating his food while still not seeing him as a friend. and i have always feel bad about not being friendlier towards men in general and he made the 1st move which made it easier for me to just go along. so i did and thats how we became friends.

hes really nice and i mean it. i think really highly of him. maybe its just me having bad luck so i havent met many that are nice?? i really believe they are just myth tbh, im about to settle for that thought. and this guy is really how i wish is the standard for all men. hes just that good, i have no complain. i truly like him and glad that my friend said something cause otherwise we probably wouldnt be friends.

again no romantic feeling. i just have to, remind the invisible audiences of this post i guess.

now we all know covid. and because of it, i couldnt come home and wanted to lay in bed even more than normal. so i didnt push for it when he said he couldnt meet anybody in the summer because he didnt want to accidently give somebody it. just saying that cause this is a 2 ways road right, nothing is ever only his fault, its also mine. i want to rant about my feelings but i dont want to dismiss any mistakes i made yk. so we didnt meet up then.

christmas came and before then we were talking about christmas gift and i didnt wanna any so i didnt prepare anything also. this person is too nice and i dont want him to feel bad. but anw i just thought maybe we can still meet up even if its not for gift exchanging. but i didnt ask or anything at all cause well, hes from here, he has family and friends that are definitely closer to him, and he had work. i know hes busy and if he wanna hang out he know where to find me. i just dont want to accidentally add something more onto his list of to do. he would be too nice to say no. and we are not that close i dont want to add more work for him. i dont have relatives or friends here other than him so im free anytime if he wanted to meet up. but that didnt happen, i dont think we talked at all. which fine i hate to admit but i was hurt. ugh hate showing how vulnerable i am. yuck. yikes. -100/10.

i just didnt think about it? i didnt try to reach out either so that was my fault too but just, if he didnt care then i wont either. so i really didnt think about him anymore.

came reading week! it really was 1 year from the last time i saw him honestly. he asked to meet up and if i want to go somewhere and tbh no im in the countryside rn is that the corect word so there are no place to go. but i remembered this 2ndhand place i like to go sometimes and i hadnt gone in a while so why not. so we agreed on that. and i know he was probably just tired, and there are people who sigh a lot, its not uncommon. but not seeing him for a long while and knowing this is a place i suggested, him doing that really made me feel bad. i probably shouldnt, but couldnt get the thought that he was probably doing this just because hes friendly not because hes friend with me. it fucking sucked. when we got out and he dropped me back at my home i still felt so bad he didnt get to enjoy himself so i asked if we could watch jojo together. yeah he loves jojo. i dont really care for anime im so sr i prefer realing manga lmao sr.

now ok maybe im still being dumb, probably. but tldr i truly believe people can be friends and affectionate even when they are from opposite sex. it didnt work out so well cause i got molested lmao cause some other guy thought that was cool to do. so that honestly worsen my uh wariness of men. but like i said, i think ive said it, i trust this person. honestly i do, we hug a lot and i had never felt afraid of it. i believe he wont do anything. im just really comfortable around him. so we cuddled while watching anime, that had happened before im really sr if you think thats wrong, i still believe that could happen.

but maybe its because i was tense from thinking he really didnt enjoy hanging out with me that much. i kept connecting remembering what the molester did and while i just knew i swear i knew he wouldnt do anything like that, i couldnt get it out of my head. i felt bad for that but there were just 2 things that happened so similar to what happened with the molester. haizz he kinda laced our fingers together but it wasnt handholding, same thing happened once before with m-dude and it felt weird but i didnt want to question that friendship so i didnt. and at some point of jojo i kinda jumped and he held me back, not pulled me back or anything but was holding me in place, and it was probably to make me feel safe but honestly if anybody even use a little bit of force i will just think of when i finally got the courage to turn around to confront the other dude for touching me, he held me back and i couldnt move at all. i think i froze a bit.

argh back to the main story. see how i totally suck? hahaha just blaming this friend for something somebody else did. im so sorry, i suck.

well after that we picked up talking again but idk! was it me overthinking? was it? because it felt like he didnt want to talk to me at all. it was, how to say it. he was friendly yes he talked hmm. damn how-- it felt like he didnt care for what i said. its a feeling idk how to put into words. and that sucks. he didnt seem interested in me before, felt happy enough when we cuddled, then back to being uninterested. i knew i know he doesnt want me romantically. damnit am i only good now for hugs. are we friends? what i meant is not sex but am i only good for physical stuff? i dont fucking know, the m-dude obviously just want a fwb and i was to trusting to notice. is this my gut feeling or my anxiety idk!

another side story. another guy suddenly expressed interested in me right when covid hit but it was because he couldnt get over his ex so i stopped talking to him for a while and picked it back up when i thought he was no longer idk being annoying about it. i thought he had to at least like me as a person to even express he liked me romantically. but apparently not. he looked so uniterested suddenly and denied when i asked, then stopped reading my texts.

so you see. i just cant if haiz ok do- do anybody like me? just as a person? idk.

god i knew i fucking suck for being so sensitive and anxious and im sr for wanting stuff but maybe i want you to look like you care a bit when i said you are reminding me of the m-dude, instead of saying ok we can talk less then. i already felt like you dont want to talk to me, you dont have to say that...

officially crying heyho.

just saying no you dont dont like talking to me when your actions were saying the opposite is not cutting it either... i also thought highly of the covid confession guy too but what happened now. im sorry for comparing you to others! but i learn from experiences... and this was sus... (yah its a joke i cant help it.)

and if i just agreed and stopped talking to him right it just, felt like a confirmation that yeah its true hes just letting me hug him not because im his friend and he knows i like hugs so he lets me. but its more like its convenient that a girl is hugging him so he wont say no. something like that. that sucks. thats all im good for. if i were his friend, it would include the talking too.

ah!! i know we are not close, we are both casual friend. he is definitely not on my top list to tell stuff to but damn i still like him enough to hurt. and to not asking for too much.

so anw i kept talking with the anxiety that never got solved and that made me frustrated and i picked at his insecurity to made him hate me enough to stop talking to me cause i couldnt bring myself to stop, id feel so bad. this is really toxic and i admit this is not the first time ive done it, to a different person but its the same thing.

hahaha act like i hate him while just want him to see how i feel so bad. yeah im a tsundere.

it worked so i stopped talking to him for a week and focused on talking to my other friends. friends i know without a doubt love me and want me because i really didnt feel that with him at all. sorry i know you were tired with covid.

that made me felt better and i was not in panic mode anymore, i can calmly assess things now. and before, i felt bad because i truly believed i was just seeing things, i couldnt see pass my anxiety and was blaming him for what, nothing. he did want to talk to me. but my mind was clearer after that one week and yeah i cant really make more excuses? yes i was sensitive and made things worse, but there must be something for me to pick up first. it didnt just come out of thin air.

so i sent him some texts saying that, because just leaving without a word is bad communication. i have to tell him and at least give him a chance to change i guess? did he need change? im doubting myself.

i- hm he just said yeah his look and way of talking really make him look like hes tired and uninterested, and laughed at my marie kondo joke. you know the one. idk! all i saw in that was yeah thats how it is, accept it. and i-- i, cant? i dont want to... i dont want to :(

but my mindset for just about anything is value the process, not the result, like as long as you put work in! thats great! and he- he was, talking... he put work in..... i would feel so bad to deny it. but at the same time, it was not enough... i hate! to say you need to do at least this and that! but it didnt feel like enough..... im sorry :(((( i am.

ive talked about my tendency to lash out. last time i didnt want it but i had to get away quick so i didnt mean it but i still did it. but this time i was truly angry. because i just wished there was more care for me but i know that was all there was, and i couldnt do anything about it. couldnt even ignore him. he was even drier then, and i got it, i lashed out at him, ofc he wasnt going to be friendly. but just why were you trying so hard... no, no it was not trying hard, you were answering texts at the speed of once every 2 days. why were you answering at all? you clearly didnt want to. but again so was i. did i really have a say.

so i sent angry texts at him. about how fake his friendliness was, did he really consider me friend, why did he keep saying no it was not that he was uninterested while it was obvious that he was. also that i want to fight him. i really do want to. hopefully he will beat me up hard enough that i can be in a coma and die in 9 months idk. (listen 9 months is enough time to make a new human, if im not awake by then, you need to let me go, thats my wish.)

he said that no he doesnt like to fight and thats the last text i got from him.

because ofc i dont hate him him, the whole him idk what im saying. just angry and hate that hes not matching me on how we value this relationship i guess. not besties like how he likes to joke, but eh, was hoping more than what i was sensing. i still sent a text being like ok fine do you still want to talk and if so how do you want me to do. but he didnt answer it in time so i decided for him that nah we wont talk anymore.

heyho i was sad, i am sad. and ok hear me out, HEAR ME, i dont use tarot for future but just for my feelings and how to deal with them, and my deck said ok babe this is the end, you will have to move on now. so i will.

tbh lmao for every relationships that i emotionally invested in. i always make an essay on my feelings because thats how i conclude things, and so i wont forget that my feelings are legit. so the moment i started this post, hes dead to me i guess.

wow this post is long. but i did really like him so.

im moving to uni city next month but i know he will leave in the summer so i wont have to worry about seeing him then. and probably not further in the future either, we go to different uni and are quite far away and our common are not gonna question things i dont think. dont think they would even notice, we are not in a group or anything. and even if i do end up meeting him. my feelings while was anger, but it stemmed from sadness and disappointment so it wouldnt be too bad. on the other hand... m-dude..... i am afraid of meeting you, lets please please please not meet damnit.

[fizzingwizard]

i have to send reports back about the situations at the places i work.

ive been stumped what to say about my current place because 1) parsing reality from my feelings is hard, 2) i havent been here that long, 4) its not like i ever got training on “this is good, this is bad” so all I have to go on is my own judgment. which i hope is good?? but it’s not good 100% of the time u feel me??

so every time ive just been writing “all is well, we had a little trouble about X but it’s solve and everyone is happy.” so i was contacted and given some specific questions to answer so i would be less vague.

this was useful, but if youve ever read my writing, you know i tend to be long-winded. i tried to edit and cut down as much as i could because even when you’re not saying anything bad, if you send something the receiver thinks is longer than it should be, and it’s anything besides exultant praise, they get the impression that it’s a laundry list of complaints. being short and direct and as impersonal as possible is the best strategy, I feel, but unfortunately it’s one I absolutely suck at.

not only because i’m incurably long-winded, but also because reporting makes me feel a bit like a spy. i’d probably feel less weird about if i’d been trained. not being trained makes me feel like i should just be able to Know Stuff, and since I don’t, I must be an idiot. le shrug

anyway, i sent the email. took me quite a long time to complete it. but i decided it was short enough, there was little to no extraneous info, and I’d been honest but fair and nonjudgmental, and i sent it.

and now im a wreck! i keep thinking about it and wishing i’d taken out that word, rephrased that sentence... I don’t want to come across like I’m complaining. I don’t want to be seen as pointing fingers at anyone I work with.

it’s also a bit of bad timing because! although this workplace has been not! great! overall! this week so far has actually been pretty nice! a minimum of micro-management and unwelcome surprises. everyone’s smiling and helpful this week. it is refreshing. it almost makes me feel like i imagined all the crap that went down in march. in any case, though I try my best, I am finding it hard to detangle my own feelings and be logical. so i just can’t trust myself. ugh.

i really wish i’d been born with more common sense. feels like everyone’s got plenty except me. a wiser person would probably have written one-sentence answers to each of the report questions, let everyone off the hook, and said we are all happy as clams. because one thing i’ve learned through life is that, even if you’re in a group and all the other group members claim to feel This Way, if you take it upon yourself to be the voice of the group and act for change, suddenly, everyone will insist they feel That Way instead, and no one will back you up. “but you said you felt X was unreasonable.” “yeah I said that but I don’t want to get in trouble.” i end up feeling hung out to dry. and no matter how certain I felt about how everyone else feels, I’m human, and biased, and can’t prove even to myself that I wasn’t projecting.

however, one other thing I am extremely prone to doing, besides writing long-winded essays, is overthinking. fingers crossed that that is what i’m doing now, and not one single eyebrow will be raised about my report. better yet, maybe it will turn out that my judgment was perfectly fine for once. idek.

i might have felt better if the person i’m reporting back to were someone I knew better - there are others at the office who I find really easy to trust and discuss things with, but the person I’m working with now is kind of distant and a bit particular. meaning i find her hard to read because i’m a freak who doesn’t understand convention. le shrug again

[leesungjongg]

BTIMFL Review

This is long and it goes from Negative to Positive, and then to Negative... and then to Positive. I guess you’ll see if you decide to read it. Also it’s very long. warning. Also it’s disorganized and i don’t have time to spam the drama for now but i will later just a warning ok also spoilers and this is just my opinion you don’t have to agree with it. here it is:

warning: rape mention. there was an attempted rape in the drama itself and i talk a little bit about it near the end of the review. just so u know

It was an okay drama. I probably wouldn’t watch it again though, because there were a lot of things that I still had questions about and although the ending was nice, it was not that great, in my opinion. When I was reading the captions/subtitles when Jiho was talking (whether it was the background voice or just her speaking), half the time I ended up not even understanding anything she was saying and I started zoning out .-. Of course, there were cute scenes and scenes that made me smile. There were also scenes where it hurt my heart and I teared up at (like when Sooji’s mom told her that her legs were holding Sooji back from being with her boyfriend LIKE THAT SCENE UGH. MY HEART.) Cute scenes where Jiho was smiling and everything made me really happy :’))))) honestly idek why she decided to terminate the contract bc she twisted and turned with her words so much that i got lost and i was like man, i need a new GPS system. Anyways. The characters were great! The plot? the storyline...???? idk. the scenes also cut off weirdly. everything about this drama is weird. even the whole contract that Sehee and Jiho made to live together/get married and have like nothing else... that was weird. I told my friend and she was like “marriages are more like contracts of loyalty rather than contracts of businesses” and although it wasn’t a business... it wasn’t... i guess it was for loyalty? man idek what im talking about. it was weird that’s all i have to say. what really tugged my heartstrings was when Jiho came back and Sehee was like “no ur just a dream, this is so cruel. but i love this dream, please never leave” aND LIKE JIHO SAW HIM CRY LIKE BRUHHHHHH SAME HERE MAN I WAS LIKE UGHFHFHHHHH JIHO!!!!! my love :( seriously... Jiho... idk who plays Jiho but i remembered her from D Day and in this drama she looks so beautiful. ok here comes the positives im so excited. the lighting... especially the lighting when it came onto Jiho’s eyes (or anyone’s really) WAS SO. PRETTY. WTFFFFFFF honestly she’s so beautiful. I loved her hairstyle, I want to draw her. I suck at drawing but literally @Jiho ur my muse now. i loved the hair and makeup and the lighting so soooo much in the drama. I loved Jiho’s pink coat at the end of the drama, and I surprisingly liked her wedding gown at the beginning of the drama when they first got married. I love Jiho’s shy smiles, she looked like an actually bunny!!! I love everything about her! ok maybe im talking about the actress more than the character BUT STILL. she’s so pretty ;(( Sehee’s pretty cool. Everytime he made a facial expression, I found it hilarious bc he was always keeping the same face in every episode. Idk how he did it. but he’s amazing. i loved when CEO Ma came up behind him and was about to surprise him but then he said Jungmin? AND SEHEE LITERALLY SCREAMED AND ALMOST KILLED CEO MA ok maybe not that far but he almost whacked him in the face lol. the way he got surprised made me laugh. throughout most of the drama though, he had red eyes and from my experience, everytime i’ve had red eyes is when i havent slept enough... i hope the actor who plays him gets a lot more sleep :( CEO Ma. I love him so much. One of my favorite characters. He was so pure honestly and he deserved everything. I’m glad he was there for Sooji, and everything he did for her. It was weird because Sooji didnt want him to intrude on her life but he did it anyway, and in such a romantic way too? I thought he’d be somewhat annoying about it but he was sincere and such a gentleman. Love u CEO Ma. Please continue on your being nice path. Sooji. Very harsh, difficult... she scared me at times. But I loved how badass she was. i would probably be afraid to approach her but i would love to have her as a friend. she’s tough, but sometimes i think she needs a break from life ;( glad she started her own business and quit her job (even though i would’ve loved to see her quit sooner and have a flourishing business) Wonseok.... and Horang :(((((((((((( SERIOUSLY RELATIONSHIP GOALS. Despite the arguing THEY WERE SO CUTE TOGETHER. I loved them so much. It was so weird when they broke up and it felt so wrong, but they got back together in the end... it was weird. like i said, this whole drama is weird. BUT MINSEOK PLAYED IN THIS AHHHH GOOD JOB MINSEOK!!!! Horang is literally gorgeous. so so beautiful, and her smile BLINDS you, god. she’s so pretty. Overall, this drama was okay. ALSO OMG I FORGOT TO MENTION Bok Nam. he’s kinda cute. i wished Lee Hyunwoo played him. he’s adorable in my eyes. Bok Nam was really fishy at the start with him knowing everything SO I WAS SO SURPRISED WHEN HE WASNT THE KIDNAPPER WTF? dude u played that part so well, good JOB. i fell for it. we all fell for it. anyways, at the beginning the drama, Jiho was in a group where she was the assistant writer and honestly i didnt understand anything that she went through with her writing and stuff, all i know is that 1) she wasnt enjoying her position because the other writer kept crossing everything out on her story and making it her own, 2) the guy who had flirted with her for three years and got a FRICKING GIRLFRIEND ended up almost raping her while he was drunk like you deserve to eat dirt. good bye. glad Se hee kicked his ass at the end of the drama (which also made me angry because WOW. it took THIS long for him to come and apologize AND THAT HE SAID HE DIDNT MEAN TO?? WHAT?!!?! son u had every intention of doing that to her that night dont u even dare cover it up with any bs excuse, ur poop now) and to bring back the third point, 3) the writing team tried to get Jiho back WITH HER FRICKING RAPIST AND SHE DECLINED I WAS LIKE YES DONT DO THIS TO YOURSELF YOU DESERVE BETTER IM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!! overall. it was an okay drama. didn’t like the almost rape part. didnt like how the scenes were cut weirdly. didnt like how the contract was made and how jiho explained her way of things (even towards the end, her mom was like “i dont understand you” or smth and i was like omfg same thank goodness im not the only one), and didnt like how jiho explained the divorce. but the scenes where you could see sehee and jiho get closer together (the kimchi and the ocean and the looking forward to seeing your husband on the bus, waiting for you, saving a seat for you like son....... that’s so cuTEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! ALSO WOOSEOK AND HORANGS RELATIONSHIP. minus the bickering and the fact that Horang tried to change Wooseok.. being together 7 years and being happy for that long is amazing. i loved when wooseok called Horang Rang. it was so pretty. i love sooji’s and CEO MA OMG HE’S SO GREAT. I WOULD GIVE HIM EVERYTHING. So glad he was there for sooji. the characters and their relationships together were so great, i really liked it a lot. but the plot was just ahhh.... it could’ve been better. that’s all. i give it a 6.8/10. maybe a 7, but not quite a 7. thank u for reading. hope this mess makes sense :/

[fluffi]

so should i reply in tiny font or just regular font?

hybe should do better in spreading out the comebacks of the groups under them :/ they're already at a huge advantage, might as well use it strategically. AHA streaming mvs is so convenient for a multi. the filler vids i could use in between could be mvs from the other groups that i stan. also you know what, i still haven't watched a single final performance bc im waiting for a friend to watch with me :D

i have a chinese movie recommendation in case you want something to cry over. i still love its ost and it's been months since i watched it. i'm not sure if you watched it already but more than blue. i've never cried over a movie as much as i cried for that one. the angst *chef's kiss*. i'd do anything to wipe my memory of it and watch it again for the first time.

also sungchan is mc-ing in inkigayo every sunday! and honestly, what the hell is nct hollywood :D but a part of me thinks it's just going to be a bunch of asians living in america like johnny that'll be a part of it. just a hunch tho. imagine having all 4 units coming back in a year with like 1 unit per quarter of the year. i'm not sure if sm even has the money to do this, especially when they filed bankruptcy recently.

and i've seen a lot of twitter memes saying taro's ghosted stans T_T alexa play ghosting by txt T_T sm come on give him smth to do, you're wasting talent.

the mall didn't burn down entirely (like from the outside it looked fine). the ventilation system caught fire so it was more internal—ceilings and all that. covered things with soot(?) and ashes so the entire mall was closed for nearly 2 years. and hey, i've experienced a school fire too back when i was younger. i, too, thought it was nothing but a fire drill until i saw the charred remains of the buildings behind our school : D thankfully, no one died.

the new nct track is for a samsung commercial AHAHA it's funny because nearly everyone uses apple TT_TT and the mv screams neo culture tech tho (well as it should lmao). yes, i was talking about that part in hot sauce but yes, it grew on me too.

ateez really know how to do a performance. they put the standard so high for me when it came to performing. their facial expressions and overall stage presence just impresses me. it's been a while since i've seen idols draw me to them by those standards.

ah, the long stan list! good luck in getting through it and i hope you do have fun as you go :] (also you can check out aurora by ateez and whiplash by tbz. the songs popped up in my head as i was typing this reply, you might like them)

ohhhh, what was the pd48 scandal? i don't watch survival shows so i don't know any of the stuff going on. would you care to elaborate? about their disbandment :(( i hope you're okay now tho! are the other girls still debuting in new groups? anyone eyeing an acting career instead of being an idol?

YES, A PATTERN IN THE BIASES (if you count an analysis of two ppl as a pattern, that is.) because it's the same pattern i have for my biaswreckers :D jake & seungmin, not only do they have the same animal to represent them, they have the same 'golden retriever' type of personality that just makes you go all soft. ygwim ;n; i wish i could elaborate but both boys just devastate me in the same level and my friends pointed out that they were quite similar in some aspects.

jaemin used to send really long bbl messages :< like if there was anything he loved most it was nctzens and it was obv in his messages. speaking of dream, album repackage news today! idk what to feel bc my hot sauce albums haven't even arrived yet :D + i'm dead br0ke.

how do you even manage to read 30k TT__TT i cant handle long fics bc of my attention span :D also, yes, i found the user now, i'll check if i'll like their works soon. <33

YES YOU SHOULDVE BEEN THERE T_T what a day that was. i think seungmin is still sweet and active in bbl. not a single cent goes to waste with him. also i think i'll post the drabble some time this month.

and oml seungmin vs jake :o let's see how that goes O.O XDD

clickity-clackity AHAH do you have a mechanical keyboard? :c i wanted one too but i haven't got around to saving up for one. but yes indeed, typing asmr v relaxing \m/

sunny hyuck day, fullsun sunday, fullsunday T_T feels were very strong that day. i kept seeing edits on my twt tl and i would just s o b : D i've only stanned nct for a year but i've seen him grow so much i just wanted to crie i love him sm :') yk my mom didn't cook spaghetti for my birthday, but she cooked for hyuck's? : D

and i checked ur recs blog and indeed, full of nct T_T

also have i mentioned that your desktop thing amuses me so much HAHAH i got confused for a sec if i had twt opened or tumblr. plus, i've been wanting to mention that i noticed that our mobile themes are opposites. black and red, white and blue. it's cute XDD <3

help, people have been telling me that our asks are long but i highkey love it. i added a ‘keep reading’ for the mobile users though, sorry in advance hh.

honestly, both works. tiny font saves space but regular font does more justice for my poor eyes haha. its your call!

hybe comebacks :( yeah enhypen got lucky because they came back right before cb season so they got three wins (yay)! on the bright side, txt just got their first win and bts has six wins, so it all works out i guess. omg yes, the streaming thing is perfect. i stan like 20 groups so i have a never-ending cycle of filler mvs and its always so helpful. ooh for the final performances - you wont regret watching any of them! literally wild, kingdom's budget and talent are wild.

ooh, I don't watch any cdramas lmao. i want to but i can barely finish kdramas. if its a movie ill watch it! ive never heard of more than blue but ill check it out <3 where can i watch it?

yes yes i have just realized that sungchan is yujin's co-mc! i watched their special stage (which is literally adorable) and was today years old when i realized that the dude is sungchan pls. nct hollywood was so unexpected and i still have mixed feelings about it now. LMAO JUST ASIANS LIVING IN AMERICA...help. that would be interesting (?) but the concept reminds me of those horrendous awesomeness tv shows. lets hope sm pulls this off well and proves me wrong. lmao all 4 units coming back would probably happen, but i hope none of them get overworked :( i constantly feel like mork lee has four clones :'( also...sm filed bankcruptcy??? dang, what happened?

ugh omg yeah shotaros talent is seriously being wasted in the basement right now. as for fires, scary T-T i wasnt that fazed by them until the australia wildfires happened, and i learned about the consequences of fire and got really scared. its good that the entire mall didnt burn down though! although its weird that no one is opening it :( schools really need to tell us the difference between drills though, it might be dangerous for those rebellious kids.

yeah i just realized that the nct track is an endorsement which partly explains why i cant listen to it. the mv's visuals are stunning!! the set and people are so gorgeous aa i cant

oh yeah im not an atiny but i have acknowledged since 2020 that they have one of the best, if not the best stage presence and expressions on stage for 4th gen. i think their only worthy competitor would be stray kids actually. theyre truly one of a kind and all of them are cute especially that yeosang guy. i will definitely check out your song recommendations though!

oof the pd48 scandal is extremely complicated. to condense it in a few statements: all of the girls' rankings have been rigged since the very beginning and it was rumored that they already had their end group before the show even started. it was like this for pf48 and pdx101 (group x1) which was why x1 disbanded within a month of debuting, and izone were on hiatus for like 4 months. im not the best at explaining stuff like this haha, but i think you get it. you can check out yt or search up 'pd48 scandal', a ton of articles and videos. as for new groups, nothing has been made clear yet. theyve only made instagram handles for now and appeared on variety shows haha. as for acting career, hyewon was supposed to do acting but was forced to join pd48 so maybe she'll continue acting afterwards? nothing is confirmed yet!

lmao two similarities, its okay it counts. ah, true, i can see their similarities now that youve mentioned it, as well as how jeno is kind of like that. however, i am currently attached to jaemin so we'll see what happens from there hehe. i swerve easily.

jaemin on bubble grr, that would be a whole experience. from the bare minimum of vidoes ive seen for him wbk jaemin is so whipped for czennies. ah yes repackage! i saw the post on instagram and went to the comments to see everything screaming ‘iM bROke!’ and it was lowkey hilarious lmao. kpop is really trying to suck our money T-T.

ope the longest fic ive read is like...40k words i think? and it was by jeonginks. ill read anything eiko produces lmao, theres always so much substance in her work. ooh, tell me what you think of luvdsc’s stuff, i just finished binging their entire masterlist lmao.

seungmin vs jake yeah, i havent been catching up on skz enha content because im still obsessing over the dreamies but when that saga is over then im going to focus on my ults lmao (which might include dream soon, hehe).

yes yes i have a mechanical bluetooth keyboard that i use to connect to my computer! it literally sounds amazing lmao, its only 10am here but i feel like im going to doze off from the clickity clackitys already. i cant wait for you to get one! tell me when you do, we can match hehe.

hyuck is an aodrable brat please. hes like the best comedian of nct at this point, so hilarious and filled with variety i love him. he rose up my bias list pretty fast too. LMAO YOUR MOM IS SO COOL I LOVE HER ALREADY. if only my mom would cook for my ults’ borndays.

yes my rec blog is a mess right now, ill organize it soon haha.

omg thank you and yes my website theme is one-of-a-kind. even i get confused when i open it or edit it, and i constantly get comments about it. also i just realized our opposing theme colors and i love it! its adorable.