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jishyucks · 5 years ago

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Amortentia II ‣ Lee Donghyuck

‣ genre: fluff, light angst, hogwarts au

‣ wc: 15.4k

‣ summary: Donghyuck used the love potion for the fun of it. That warm feeling that he was starting to feel in his chest when he sees you isn’t fun.

Second part to this

a/n: I wrote the first part about a year and bit ago so please don’t be discouraged into reading this after reading part one. I believe I improved a lot! This took about a month to write in but I had a lot of fun writing it! Hope the borders help in case you can’t read it all at once

Thirteen Days Remaining.

As always, the wise words of Huang Renjun had drifted through Donghyuck’s head and he had completely forgotten about what he’d warn him about. It wasn’t like he wanted to forget… he just didn’t see it as important and his brain believed that if it was nothing important, then it was worth throwing it out instead of keeping it to waste space inside his head.

“I need this book about muggles… Y/N will you get it for me, please?” He glanced down at you who had an arm wrapped around his while you both studied. A bright smile appeared on your face when you looked up at him, nodding almost too enthusiastically. You unhooked your arm from his and stood up, disappearing into one of the many aisles of the library.

“Donghyuck,” Renjun tsked from the end of the table, head resting on his arm. The energy he gave off reeked of disappointment. Like a mother with high expectations for her child. He had a sharp scold on his face. If looks could kill, then Donghyuck should probably be six feet underground.

Donghyuck glared back at his friend and tapped the end of his pen onto his paper, “Yes, Renjun?”

“Didn’t I tell you not to take advantage of her?” Renjun lifted his head from his arm and raised a brow at the Slytherin, “And you said you wouldn’t… Explain what you’re doing right now.”

“I’m simply asking her to do me a favour. Anything wrong with that?” Donghyuck avoided the piercing gaze that Renjun continued to shoot his way and carried on reading his notes.

“A normal wizard wouldn’t ask someone to fetch a book for themselves for the tenth time in the same hour,” Renjun started to pack his books up, “You’re treating her like some slave. I can’t even bear to watch this.”

Donghyuck only then realized that Renjun was leaving and he couldn’t say anything in defense as he was already out by the door when he looked up, “Bye, I guess.”

“Here, Hae,” you sang softly, sliding the book that Donghyuck needed for his essay. Before he could even question the nickname, he thanked you, sliding the book directly to him to search for a desired topic. Like earlier, you sat back in the same position you were sitting in earlier and continued to do your own work.

He looked down at you again and briefly watched how your eyes would follow the words and how your lips would mouth them slightly. When you noticed him looking, your focused expression had twisted into the same potion crazed smile, causing him to look away. For a quick second, Donghyuck saw you as how he knew you. The you that was intoxicated with the potion. It was like the spell caused your emotions to go haywire when your eyes were set on him.

Eleven Days Remaining.

Before Donghyuck was even able to reach the door of the potions room, Professor Sylva called him over with two waves of her hand. The look on her face indicated that there was nothing good about whatever he was about to be told and Donghyuck couldn’t help but swallow the spit in his mouth.

“This is private, Miss Y/L/N,” she said gently, “You can wait for Mr. Lee outside.”

Donghyuck turned to see you standing a few steps away from him, arms wrapped your books gently. He noticed the pupils of your eyes grow seemingly bigger, which allowed him to sense that the spell was acting up again. Lifting his hand to wave you off kindly, you nodded your head and followed his orders, leaving him and Professor Sylva alone.

“I want to speak to you about grades,” she stated sternly. The skin of her face were hanging low from age and she didn’t have the energy to give Donghyuck eye contact. She simply skimmed through the marks listed messily in her grade book, “As far as I know you’re part of the quidditch team?”

“Yes, ma’am, I am,” he nodded.

“And from the grades I have down from your exams, you are merely passing this class,” she told him.

Gulp. Donghyuck looked towards the door, hoping you would come in to save him from this conversation. It was too bad the potion didn’t come with such powers.

“Silence… alright… by school rules, you are not able to attend the quidditch tournament if your marks are below seventy-five percent,” she explained, “Do you understand Mr. Lee?”

“S-Seventy-five? But Professor, there is no way I’m able to raise my grades in so little time,” he tried to reason, “The tournament is one of the biggest events for the team. I can’t miss that.”

“I understand that Mr. Lee, but academics are far more important than sports… There is a unit exam this coming week and if you do well on that test I will allow you to go to that tournament, nonetheless your average,” she explained.

“Okay,” he nodded in determination, “Okay, ma’am, I’ll do my best in that, I assure you.”

“Very well, Mr. Lee, you are dismissed.”

Donghyuck bowed and hurried out the door, reaching a new level of determination. This tournament was important to him and if he missed it, he really didn’t know what to do. His absence would also make him look like a fool. Missing a quidditch tournament just because of poor grades? How dumb would he look in front his whole team and the entire school?

“Are you alright Hyuck?” Donghyuck caught himself just hovering outside of the classroom door, stuck in thought. He hadn’t noticed that you were holding him by his wrist, eyes pouring into his full of worry.

He nodded quickly, “I’m okay. I’m going to the library.” If his attendance to the tourney really depended on this upcoming test then he really should start studying.

“I’ll come with?” You slowly used your arm to hook it with his, eyes still not leaving his though he didn’t return the look. Instead, he was staring at the air in front of him, deep in thought.

“Sure,” he answered weakly, “Okay.”

For the next few hours, reaching dusk, Donghyuck skimmed through all the information on the topic that he had found in his textbooks. He could feel his eyes desperately begging for a rest, yet he wouldn’t let them. You had tried to explain the topics a few times, which somewhat helped, yet he believed he learned better on his own. Periodically, he’d tell you to find another useful book on the history of magic and to bring it to him as it’d help him out. With the potion driving all your decisions connected to Donghyuck, you willingly did. You stood up with a tired smile and carried yourself to the history section of the library.

Mark, who had his own test coming up, watched as you departed from the table with a seemingly blank yet occupied expression. You didn’t notice your fellow house member and the concerned look on his face as you passed his table. Did Donghyuck do something to her? He thought, She’s been spending a suspicious amount of time with him…

“Lee Donghyuck,” he stood at the boy’s side, trying to hold back his anger. He didn’t want to act up right away, “I have a question.”

Donghyuck didn’t lift his head from the text-filled book, “I can’t talk right now, Mark, I have a test to ace.” “This will be quick,” Mark snapped his fingers by Donghyuck’s ear, which didn’t serve its purpose. Donghyuck was tracing his finger along the line he was reading, not giving Mark any of the attention he was asking for, “Donghyuck.”

“I said I don’t have time,” he mumbled, eyes still occupied on the text.

Mark’s patience ran low and he grabbed the book, closing it so that Donghyuck was forced to look. Donghyuck gasped, “I didn’t even get to save the page!” He tried to reach for the book but Mark hid it behind his back.

“I’ll give it back once you answer my question,” Mark calmly explained, “Y/N has been spending less time with me and the others with no explanation because she’s been spending time with you. That’s out of character. Not even three days ago you guys hadn’t even spoken a full conversation to each other… I don’t want to accuse you of anything but… did you do something to her? Are you threatening her or something?”

“No,” he replied bluntly, “Now give the book back, Markly.”

“Lying, I can tell. You’re acting like how you did when you came to our table the other day…” Mark dropped his arm to his side, the weight of the textbook wearing out his arm, “Tell me what you did and I won’t get mad.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Donghyuck answered quickly. He snatched the book straight from Mark’s hand and sat back down in his chair, “Now please leave. I need to focus.” “I won’t leave until you tell the truth. It’s obvious you’re lying, look how fast you’re shaking your leg.” Donghyuck hadn’t even noticed his leg was bouncing. With the test in mind and now Mark bothering him, he seemed to lose some control of his body. He looked up at Mark, the tension in his eyes fully disappearing from the constant strain he was putting on them. He contemplated whether or not he should tell you. You and Mark are close friends. Mark was only asking because he cared about you. Besides… he said he wouldn’t get mad.

Making sure no one was around, he gestured for Mark to sit down so he could tell him. There was still a hint of hesitation within him, though he knew it was too late as Mark was already leaning in with wide eyes.

“I-I… I-um, I gave her a love potion… Amortentia to be exact.”

Mark gasped and jumped back in his seat slightly, “A-amortentia?” Donghyuck could sense some anger coming from his voice and now he regretted telling the older boy. “Yeah…” he scratched the side of his thigh and smiled sheepishly, “It’ll only last for two weeks, no more. I—” “What was the purpose of this? You do know those who take the love potion can remember all the embarrassing things they do, right?” Mark looked back to make sure you weren’t coming.

“I-I don’t know… I guess just to see how it would turn out and how it works?” It took a moment for Donghyuck to process the last part Mark had said before it was turn to gasp. He was basically mimicking the expression Mark had made just a minute before, “They can?”

“Yeah… didn’t you read it from the book? It’s like a precaution or something,” Mark was trying to hold in his laughter. He knew that he was a dumbass, but not as dumb as Donghyuck was being right now.

“Oh shit…” Donghyuck cussed. He was hoping that after all of this, you both could go your own ways and it would all be done. But now that he found out that you would know everything that you would go through the next two weeks, he couldn’t help but think that his great grandchildren could feel that embarrassment. “That probably explains why… when she’s not looking at me she seems to act like how she normally is.”

Mark was snickering now. His body was shaking from silencing it, “I-I’ll just.” He choked back his laugh and stood up, “Normally I’d get really pissed off. She’s like a sister to me but that’s already a bad punishment. Rest in peace, Hyuck.” He heard footsteps coming from behind him and quickly ducked at the sight of you coming with a large stack of books, “But I just wanna say one thing. Please stop treating her like this… It’s just not right, dude.”

Donghyuck watched as you struggled while trying to get to him, books threatening to fall from the stack in your arms. The weak smile that you still held on your face and the building beat of sweat that sat at your hairline made him realize that you actually were struggling… the potion probably just stopped you from telling him no.

“I think I will…”

Mark blinked at Donghyuck, “Think? Well I guess that’s a start… Well I’ll see you later, Hyuck. I’ll be watching!”

Donghyuck waved as a reply and then immediately went to help you. He’ll stop treating you this way from this point on.

I guess I’ll just let the potion work its magic.

Ten Days Remaining.

The Great Hall was close to empty. There were a few students scattered throughout the tables, you, Donghyuck, and Renjun among those few.

Renjun had a sketch book laid out, pencil in hand as he rendered whatever came to mind onto the book. His tongue was slightly hanging out as he focused on the drawing. You sat next to him with a reading book out, which wasn’t really being read as you kept your attention on Donghyuck, who sat right across from Renjun. Donghyuck was, not surprisingly, studying for the upcoming history exam. Though he had the concept memorized, almost engraved, into his head, there was still a part of him that believed that he would still fail the test.

“You look tired,” you pointed out lightly, “Did you eat?” Your eyes didn’t leave his face as he turned his attention to you.

“I ate a sandwich?” It was more a question rather than an answer. He knew that wasn’t enough, judging by the fact he didn’t eat lunch or breakfast either.

“I’ll get you something to eat. I’ll go to the kitchen,” you insisted, “You need to eat if you can’t stop studying like this. You can’t not eat, Hyuck.”

He smiled at you genuinely, not used to someone caring for him this much at Hogwarts. He remembered Mark’s words, “You don’t need to.”

“But I want to,” you replied, “I’ll get you a snack and you better eat it.” You stood up from you seat and started your way down to the kitchen.

“You better not have told her to get you a snack,” Renjun muttered, face down to the paper.

Donghyuck’s mouth slightly dropped and he shook his head, “Did you not hear her? She basically insisted on getting me one.”

“Wow, character development,” Renjun had retorted with a slight hint of sarcasm. His eyes weren’t leaving the sketch book, “Tired of ordering her around?”

“I wasn’t tired but…” he looked towards the door and sighed, “Someone just reminded me that all of this is really messed up, someone who isn’t you at least… I guess having someone who wasn’t a best friend knocked sense into me and I felt bad?”

“Felt bad?” Renjun’s neck had pivoted to turn his attention to Donghyuck who was watching his reaction curiously, “You? Feeling bad? That’s not the Lee Donghyuck I know…” He turned back to his drawing, scribbling down some cross hatches at a desired spot.

“What do you mean by that?”

Renjun shrugged and didn’t even put effort into replying. Instead he focused all his energy into his drawing.

“All they had were cookies,” you smiled, “I guess that’s better than nothing.” You plopped the glass plate down by Donghyuck’s book.

“Thank you, Y/N.”

Nine Days Remaining.

“Want to go Hogsmeade later?” You found Donghyuck walking down one of the long corridors, head stuffed in a History of Magic book. He didn’t look up nor reply. He was so deep in focus that anyone coming his way would part just so they wouldn’t interrupt him.

“Hae?” You tugged at his sleeve, eyes following the slope of his nose.

Snapping out of his trance, he laughed sheepishly and apologized, “What did you say?”

“Hogsmeade,” you replied, “Want to go later?” This week had been busy for you, too, and you really craved some butterbeer before Monday’s arrival.

Donghyuck needed to study for the test which was in just a few days. This was seriously the time for him to review and he couldn’t let the time slip right through his fingers, “Oh… I–“

Just by the tone of his voice, you knew he was about to turn it down. Your face faltered slightly. A part of you had waited for this moment for the past week. It was just excitement built up for nothing.

Your saddened expression had caught Donghyuck’s attention immediately.

“Why?” He shut his book and paid attention to you.

“Nothing… I just wanted to go to Hogsmeade but it's okay if you’re busy...” you answered quickly. You tried your hardest to change the subject, which caused you to leave your mouth dry. No words came out while subjects were being tossed back and forth in your head.

Gaze shifting between you and the thick textbook at hand, Donghyuck gulped slightly when he found himself in the middle of a somewhat difficult decision. The past few days, you had been your happy self, smiling bright, radiating energy similar to the sun. Now, it was all gone just because of one simple thing. He didn’t like that.

He needed a break from studying right? He’d been studying almost endlessly for the past two days… he could use a break. “Wait, I’ll go with you.”

Your face lit up, like how a Christmas tree would, “Really? A-are you sure?” Your eyes were directed at the book in Donghyuck’s hand, which he had hidden quickly.

“I’m sure. I’ve been studying the whole day anyways… I need a break,” he laughed slightly, “I’ll meet you at the start of the path in ten?”

Smile widening, you nodded. Your feet teetered onto its toes as you reached your lips to Donghyuck’s jawline, pecking it. You whispered a little, “I’ll see you then,” before turning for the edge of the school grounds to wait for him.

Did that just happen? Donghyuck was stunned, briefly forgetting that you were currently under a love spell. He forgot that there were possibilities of skinship and kisses like you had done just now. So here he was, slowly reaching for the spot you had kissed him. Weird.

Snapping out of the daze, he shook his head at the unfamiliar fuzzy feeling that tickled his stomach while he found his way back to his chambers to drop his book off.

“This is nice,” you sighed out. Your breath could be seen because of how cold it was outside, “It’s good to breathe air that isn’t school air.”

“True,” Donghyuck replied. He had forgotten his mittens inside his chest back in the boys’ dorm, which he now regrets. He was constantly rubbing his hands together like how one would build a fire with two sticks. But no flame was created and all he felt was nipping from the icy wind.

“Cold?” It was hard for you to miss the boy and this efforts to create heat with his hands. He nodded like a young kid, still trying to produce warmth through the palms of his hands, “Come here.” You held your gloved hands out to him. Though he was confused, he ‘handed’ you his bare hands.

You did your best to hold his larger hands in yours, trying to warm them up as you guys approached the destination ahead. Donghyuck looked down at your guys’ hands with a hint of awe. He looked back up at your face, which you noticed. You only returned his shocked look with a small smile, “Better?”

“Y-yeah… thanks.” By that time, you and Donghyuck had reached The Three Broomsticks, which actually wasn’t as crowded as you thought it would be.

You let go of his hands to hurry inside, holding the door open for the Slytherin.

It was funny to Donghyuck because, for some reason, his hands still felt cold even when you guys were inside. But he wouldn’t admit to himself why it did.

“Butterbeer?” You questioned. He nodded.

“I can order, you can go save us some spots,” Donghyuck offered. Gladly taking it, you turn towards the front of the pub to sit by the windows.

Once you were gone, Donghyuck had stolen a glance in the middle of thinking. He liked it when you were like this. When you didn’t act like you were under a spell. He always thought that love potions would make people act crazy. But not like this. It was refreshing. It was like you guys were actually dating.

You didn’t even like her before, you dumbass, now shut up, he quickly stopped his thoughts before they had gone too far. The two drinks were slid in front of him which he had gladly taken before turning to where you had sat down, It’s just the spell and how she’s acting. You’re only feeling this now because of the spell. You can’t possibly actually like her because of this.

Eight Days Remaining.

It didn’t take long for Donghyuck to figure out why it had been quiet the past few hours. All classes were finished and Donghyuck was planning on going to the library to study a bit more before his quidditch practice, but the fact that you weren’t at his side sort of bothered him. He had grown used to you tagging along for the past week and at this point it was just weird for you to not be there.

He wandered through the corridors he happened to pass by, subtly eyeing the classrooms and students along the way. Glancing down at his watch, he nodded to himself when he calculated a lengthy three hours before practice. If he were to find you in under an hour, then he’d have two hours to study, which was good.

Noticing a familiar boy dressed in a Gryffindor robe, Donghyuck stopped him with a remorseful grin, “Jeno, sorry to bother you.”

Jeno’s puppy dog eyes narrowed slightly in confusion, “Donghyuck? What’s up?”

“I was wondering if you’ve seen Y/N? Haven’t seen her the entire day,” Donghyuck unconsciously teetered back and forth on his feet, feeling a bit giddy.

“I think I saw her going to the forbidden forest with Hagrid…” Jeno hummed, “So I guess you might find her around his hut?”

“The forbidden forest? For what?”

“Beats me…” Jeno shrugged. Over Donghyuck’s shoulder, a few voices called out for Jeno, “Well I gotta go. Hope I helped.”

“Thanks.”

Donghyuck began making his way down the hill, eyes set on Hagrid’s hut that sat nearby the forest. Just at the front, he spotted you sitting on the steps of the building with a cup in hand. It looked like you were in a relaxed state, staring out at the thriving forest like it was the sunset.

When you heard footsteps that weren’t even close to the heavy ones that belonged to Hagrid, you looked up from your daydream like gaze, smile widening more than it already was, “Hae!”

“Y/N,” he smiled, “Where have you been all day? I was looking for you.”

“Got excused for the day since I was helping Hagrid with some chores,” you replied, “Got to see some of my favourite creatures…” There was a brief moment of silence before you continued, “You should come along one day… unless you’re a scaredy-cat or something.”

“Ha-ha, funny,” Donghyuck sat next to you and laughed, “Just because I’m not a Gryffindor doesn’t mean I get scared easily.”

“I know,” you snickered. Taking the last sip of your drink, you hummed, “Why were you looking for me anyways? Missed me?”

Though Donghyuck knew the spell was talking and that you were joking, that one simple question drove him into a state of confusion. Why was he looking for you? It wasn’t like the spell needed the presence of the administrator for it to work. So why did he want to find you? Shouldn’t he enjoy the rare moments of your absence?

“You did!” You teased again. You reached for his face and poked his cheek, “Cutie.”

Though Donghyuck wasn’t sure about his own feelings and reasons, he chuckled slightly and pushed you playfully, “Shut up~”

Donghyuck hugged the quaffle as he slowly neared the ground, almost out of breath even when hadn’t done any actual cardio. It was still exhausting to be throwing the ball back and forth and into one of the hoops.

“Good practice today, guys,” Xiaojun, the team captain, smiled. He was slightly hovering above all of them, overlooking them with a proud smile, “We are definitely ready for that tournament.”

At the mention of the tournament, Donghyuck’s excited smirk faltered, suddenly remembering that he’d have to do well on the test in order to play. He still hadn’t told his teammates yet, which he knew he should have so they had the chance to practice with the other chasers.

“You’re all dismissed.” Xiaojun lowered himself, hopping off of his broom at the right height.

“Xiaojun can I talk to you?” Donghyuck could feel his grip tightening nervously around his stick as Xiaojun approached him.

“Of course, what is it?” Xiaojun propped up his broomstick against a nearby wall, resting his hands on his hips, “You did good out there today, Hyuck.”

“Thanks…” Donghyuck shifted back and forth between his left and right feet, unable to find a good way to tell him the news, “Professor Sylva told me that if I didn’t do well on a test then I can’t play the tournament.” He kept his gaze down at his feet and frowned, “Sorry I only told you now.”

“What?” Though Xiaojun was trying to hold his disappointment back, Donghyuck could sense it easily. He let the silence drag on for a second longer.

“I’m really sorry,” Donghyuck spoke under his breath. Xiaojun scowled slightly at the younger boy in front of him, “I’m only disappointed because I expected better from you, Donghyuck. You’re one of the best players, possible captain of next year’s team… But as my mother says, school’s important so I can’t get too mad.”

A sigh of relief left Donghyuck’s mouth. He was expecting some sort of lecture from his friend, but thankfully he pushed it to side.

“I expect you to do well on that test.” Xiaojun turned towards the changing rooms, Donghyuck following him not too far behind.

As Donghyuck left the changing room to go for dinner, he was greeted by the lovesick Gryffindor who’s presence had grown on him. He smiled as you approached him, a toothy grin dancing on your face effortlessly. “You’re still here?” Donghyuck asked.

You started walking at his side, clutching a book in your arms, “I left for a bit but it was to get you this.” Seemingly out of thin air, you pulled out some water.

“Thanks,” he the smile on his face grow, accepting the water before gulping most of it down.

A comfortable pause floated between you both as you were making your way to the great hall for dinner. Other students who had been outside were making their way in as well and it gave you a warm feeling. It was the sense of community that you loved. You turned towards Donghyuck to share the feeling but you stop yourself when you see that his eyebrows were closely knitted together and his lips that often held a smile was upside down.

“Is everything okay?”

“It’s that test in two days.”

It was your turn to furrow your eyebrows. Grabbing his hand to hold it, you questioned him, “Why are you worried? You’ve been working hard towards acing this test, more than me. I don’t see how you’ll fail this exam. Just be confident that you’ll succeed.”

He bit his lip and shrugged, “I guess I feel like even if I do study my hardest, there’ll be other variables that would stop me from succeeding.” Turning to you, he gave you a reassuring smile and sighed, “But thanks Y/N.”

Six days remaining.

Donghyuck had no idea if it was the room that was growing hot or if it was just him. He had walked into the room ready and confident to ace the test but now that the package of paper was sitting in front of him, he wondered if it was all just false confidence that had filled his head.

He looked over at you from across the room, mouthing a ‘good luck’ to brighten his own mood. You smiled back and held a thumbs up, mouthing back a ‘you too.’ The professor went over the format and the amount of questions, stating that there was very limited in the questions she could answer.

“You may start,” she said sharply. She stood front and centre of the room, eyeing each student and making sure that no one was planning to cheat.

To the best of his ability, he answered the multiple choice questions, taking his time if there were sources that supported the question. He underlined what he believed were the important parts of the source and used them to answer what the question was looking for. Only he was never certain when he actually came to answering the question.

“Ten minutes left,” Professor Sylva’s voice echoed throughout the room and it caused the pace of Donghyuck’s heart to speed up involuntarily. There were forty questions and he was stuck on question twenty-nine. He looked around to see if anyone else was still writing, which to his relief, most of the class was. Even you. He instantly regretted taking his time reading the earlier questions thoroughly. If he hadn’t done so, then maybe he would have time to finish and look over the questions again. The muscles in his eyes began skimming the remaining questions and answers, choosing those that seemed like something he had read from the numerous textbooks in the library.

“Five.” Professor Sylva was already clearing a spot on her side desk for students to place the exam. Donghyuck gulped.

Just as the Professor stood to announce the end of the test, Donghyuck was able to finish answering the final question, a sigh of relief leaving his partly opened lips. Row by row, the students began to file down the walk ways, placing the exam firmly on the perfectly cleared spot on her desk. Students have already started discussing the answers they had put down on the test, groaning if their answers hadn’t matched one that left one of the top students’ mouths.

“How’d you find it?” a fellow Slytherin, Seungmin, came up from behind Donghyuck, “I think I did decent.”

“I-I actually don’t know,” Donghyuck’s head played back the many times he marked a question with a star, meaning he was unsure that he had gotten that right, “I just don’t understand… I studied so damn hard for this test and I still found it difficult.”

“It’s either I failed or you failed,” Seungmin threw an arm around the boy, “But I mean no tests are easy you know. You never know, you could have done well.”

“I guess so.” Seungmin waved a quick goodbye before joining his friends, leaving Donghyuck alone once they had reached the doors.

“How are you?” You appeared at Donghyuck’s side, strands of hair out of place from messing with it during the test. You looked like you had just gotten a new owl for Christmas, corners of your mouth turned up.

“I don’t even know.”

“Well, you probably did good,” you held his hand and started swinging it, “Don’t worry about it too much okay?”

Donghyuck looked down at your intertwined fingers, feeling his expression soften a bit. It was actually comforting having someone there, even if problems weren’t that serious. Sure, Donghyuck had Renjun and other people from his house, but it wasn’t the same as how you comforted him.

“I won’t.” It wasn’t a promise but he knew you just wanted to hear a reply that satisfied you.

“Good. I’ll see you after classes.” Just like the day you both had gone for Hogsmeade, you bring yourself up to kiss Donghyuck’s cheek. You dropped your hands and waved, turning towards your next class.

Donghyuck didn’t admit it to himself but he was starting to get used to that funny feeling in his chest.

Five Days Remaining.

Donghyuck was struggling to keep his eyes open, head falling forward and almost into the oatmeal he had chosen as breakfast. He reached for a cup of coffee that was sitting to his right, gulping it all down in hopes to wake himself up.

Renjun, who was sitting across the table, couldn’t help but laugh at his friend, “You’re a dumbass.” It was one of those loving insults, when you knew the one saying it didn’t actually mean for it to hurt you. This was how Donghyuck and Renjun spoke to each other most of the time, “Why’d you stay up last night. I almost lost sleep because of your constant muttering.”

Donghyuck forcibly widened his eyes, “I was going over the test in my head.” He used the silver spoon to pick up a lump of oatmeal, throwing it into his mouth, “I was trying to make sure I didn’t make any mistakes.”

“You know the more you think about it, the more you’ll actually cause yourself stress,” Renjun munched on a bright green apple. He could spot the heavy bags beneath Donghyuck’s eyes and actually grew worried. Donghyuck has never been in such a state. This tournament was seriously that important to him.

“You know you have next year’s tournament if you miss this year’s,” Seungmin butted in. He was sitting about a foot from where Renjun sat, trying to finish some last minute homework. Being part of Slytherin meant he knew all the stuff that went on in the house, “You actually look like you’re ill or something.”

“You don’t understand,” Donghyuck groaned, “I’m a possible candidate for next year’s captain. This is one of my only chances to impress Xiaojun.” Again, Donghyuck basically inhaled another cup of coffee like it would wash down his worries. He stuffed his mouth with oatmeal and some pancake that was an arm’s length away from him.

Renjun twisted the apple’s stem slowly, “How are you balancing that Y/N situation and this situation all at once? Isn’t she a bother… you know with the potion and all…” Renjun leaned in to whisper the last part. He hadn’t been around Donghyuck outside of the dorms as much as the time prior to the spell.

Donghyuck dropped his spoon and gaped subtly at Renjun, “Bother?”

“Yeah like, annoying and stuff,” Renjun took another bite out of his apple, juices oozing out.

“Actually no… she’s actually been helping me.”

“Helping you?” Renjun questioned through a filled mouth, “Wow, really didn’t expect that.”

“I didn’t either.” Donghyuck looked towards the Gryffindor table and to your usual spot. There you were sitting with Mark and Jeno, laughing at your daily dose of Mark’s foolishness. Spontaneously, Donghyuck felt himself wake up a bit more, eyes feeling less heavy and muscles starting to work again. Only, he didn’t know if it was the coffee finally kicking in or the sight of your smile.

Donghyuck was walking alongside his two friends, wandering aimlessly through the halls. All classes were over and there was no other way to kill time than fool around.

“I’m only like an inch shorter than you!” Renjun flicked Jaemin, their Hufflepuff friend, on the arm, “Not even!”

“Still shorter than me,” Jaemin teased. He broadened his shoulders to look like he had a larger frame than Renjun. Renjun shot a glare at him and flicked him again. This was his only defense as of now. He had no intentions of hurting the boy. Though Jaemin knew this, he poked Renjun’s side and started running down the hall in hopes of getting away.

He can’t catch him anyways, Donghyuck laughed, keeping his pace. Suddenly from down an intersecting hall, the familiar shriek of a voice had bounded down it like an echo, startling not only Jaemin and Renjun, but Donghyuck as well, who was doing nothing wrong.

“Boys! Stop running!” It was Professor Sylva. Her hair was messier than usual for no reason.

The three of them had stopped dead in their tracks, head shooting at the direction of the terrifying witch. She was making her way down the hall at a fast old lady speed and her robe was flapping behind her. Anyone who wasn’t used to the sight would actually be running the opposite direction. Only the three boys were smart enough to not be doing so.

As she got to them, she eyed them carefully, eyelid basically twitching. When her eyes set on Donghyuck, she narrowed her eyes and her brows had knitted so close together that it merged into one, “You.”

“M-me?” Donghyuck stammered. He sounded like a wimp, but he had to admit that Professor Sylva terrified him the most out of all the teachers. She was blunt and she seemed like she didn’t care about anything but her and the cat usually followed her around. Just picture Lady Tremaine.

“Perfect timing,” she said, “Boys you guys are excused. I need to speak to Mr. Lee.”

Gladly, Renjun and Jaemin bolted from the hall, but instead of running, the speed walked out there.

“This must be a mistake, Professor, I wasn’t even running!” he tried to defend himself, scared he’d lose points for his house. Before he got to add anything else to his defense, the woman interrupted him.

“It’s not about this. I’m talking about your exam grade,” she started walking down the hall, motioning for Donghyuck to follow.

“O-oh?” He gulped and felt his heart skip a beat, “How did I do?”

Professor Sylva turned around sharply, eyes narrowed once again, “You did… suspiciously well.”

A smile grew widely on Donghyuck’s face, weight lifting off of his shoulders faster than a snap. But then he shouldn’t have reacted so soon.

“I’m not letting you play the tournament.”

“W-what?” Donghyuck was a stuttering mess, “B-but you said I did well! That was the deal. I-If I did well, then I could play!” His voice started to rise.

“Don’t raise your voice at me, Donghyuck,” Tremaine hushed, “You cheated on that test… Even the brightest of students didn’t get a mark as high as you.”

Donghyuck stared at the Professor, mouth agape, “E-exactly! If no one else got that mark then how could I have che-”

“No excuses! You’re not playing and that’s final,” if looks could kill, Donghyuck would have been dead by now.

“B-but—”

“No excuses,” Professor Sylva started walking down the hall, “I’m disappointed in you, Donghyuck.”

She left Donghyuck standing at the centre of the hall alone. He felt like crying, which he had never done in all his years at Hogwarts. He swore on his life, on his own family, that he didn’t cheat. He knew he was not the brightest, but he would never cheat on a test, not even on a quiz.

“Hyuck?” Where he had come from, he heard Renjun’s voice call for him, “What happened?”

He craned his neck to look back, tears threatening to leave his eyes. As he replied, he couldn’t control the way his voice cracked, “It’s nothing. I need space.” Knowing Donghyuck, Renjun let him go. He watched as Donghyuck began walking away from him, slowly disappearing from his sight.

Donghyuck didn’t dare look up. He stared at the tips of his shoes as they peeked out from beneath his robe after each step he took. He didn’t want to be seen on a brink of tears. He knew that if he were to speak once more, he’d break down.

All of that hard work only to be snubbed? He thought, Utter bullshit.

He was so tempted to kick the wall, though he loved his feet and the walls were pure stone. Donghyuck decided to just resort on walking, trying to hum out some tunes to get his mind off of things.

At one point in the middle of his seemingly endless walk, he heard a voice he hadn’t heard all day, “Hyuck!”

He glanced up slightly, seeing that you were already making your way down the hall, beaming a bright smile towards. As you got closer, your smile began to fade in realization of Hyuck’s red eyes and the pout that lay lazily on his face.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” He noticed how much your eyes showed sincerity, which was probably not normal for one under a love potion.

He just shook his head, still refusing to speak. There was no way he’d cry. Not in the middle of this hall when anyone could walk in. Not in front of you when he could possibly embarrass himself. He would rather hold it all in for later.

You reached your hand out and intertwined you fingers with his, “Come.”

Even if he was confused, he didn’t speak up. He tried to keep the tears at the same time he was trying to figure out where you were taking him. You guide him down a bunch of stairs and then up others. You both passed by a variety of hallways with plenty of decorations on the walls. It’s like you were taking him all the way across the school.

Not long after, he found that you had brought him into a small room in one of Hogwarts’ pillars. It looked like an unused classroom. Blackboards lining the supposed front of the room and shelves to place books or such onto it. A small bunch of stairs lead up to the front, probably where the teacher could stand higher than students. It fascinated Donghyuck.

“Now you can tell me,” you stated, “I know you’re afraid of people seeing you cry so I took you here.” From how you spoke, Donghyuck guessed this was some sort of secret spot you had or even one you shared with your friends. It touched him somehow that you had chosen to bring him there. Even with that potion still running through your blood. It seemed like…

“I–“ Even with a short, one syllable word his voice cracked. But this time he let some tears go, “It isn’t fair…”

You sat down at an enlarged windowsill and listened to him continue, “I worked so fucking hard to get a good mark on that test and damn Sylva thinks I cheated.” Anger caused Donghyuck to walk back and forth along the space in front of you. He was clutching onto the sleeves of his robe, eyebrows furrowed.

“I would never cheat. She didn’t even let me explain myself,” by now he was full on crying, not sobbing, but close. He let the tears flow, he didn’t care if you heard the way his voice wavered, which he was secretly insecure of, “Now I can’t play at that damn tournament.

“The past fucking week I’ve been losing sleep and getting migraines just for that hard fucking test and I hate how the effort I put is all wasted… and mind her, I rarely put any effort into school… Am I… Am I overreacting?” He stopped in front of you. Tear stained cheeks visible because of the sun shining through the window.

You noticed how the brown of his eyes were engulfed by a darkening red and you couldn’t help but feel you heart truly drop at the sight.

You opened your arms and waved him over. He approached you slowly and shyly crept closer. Once he was in a good distance, you brought him into your arms and held him tightly.

“Professor Sylva is at fault here,” you say in a hushed tone. It wasn’t because you were under a spell that you were saying that. It was true that this was all unfair for Donghyuck when you’ve actually watched him study for the past few days, “She shouldn’t assume things. You’re not overreacting. I would be really mad if I were you, too.”

Donghyuck wasn’t crying out loud anymore. He had his face buried into your shoulder as he hugged you back. This was what he needed.

When you were sure he was finished crying, you gently dropped your arms and went to hold his face so that he would look at you. Your smaller hands struggled to do so, but you tried your best.

With emotions not hindering his other feelings any longer, Donghyuck was taken aback by the gesture. He felt his heart beat faster than a normal person’s would. For a second he thought he was going to pass out because of the rapid beating. But he soon came to a conclusion as to why it was beating that way.

He hated how real this moment felt. It seemed so genuine. The look in your eyes, the sincerity in the way you held his face. He wished it wasn’t the spell driving you to do this. Was the Amortentia potion this good? To make the person who had administered the potion feel things too?

“You’re going to be okay,” you ensure, “Alright Hyuck?”

Donghyuck hummed as a quiet response, eyes pouring straight into yours.

Now his heart hurt and it wasn’t only because of missing that Quidditch tournament.

Four days remaining.

Donghyuck and Renjun has stayed up until midnight talking about what happened. All from Professor Sylva and that bullshit to the moment you and Donghyuck had in that unused classroom. It was a surprise to Donghyuck that, even after a long day, he was still wide awake and thinking about it.

He held a hand to his chest and blinked at his friend who was fast asleep in the bed next to his. Why was he feeling this way? He shouldn’t even feel this way because in the end he’s just hurting himself. This was all feelings being brewed up from the actions of a girl who was literally under a potion.

The two weeks of the potion was almost up and he knew that after it was all done that you’d be trying your hardest to avoid him after what he’s done to you.

“I’m so fucking stupid,” Donghyuck air punched himself in the head, “Donghyuck you dumbass. Stop. Just sleep.”

“Yeah I agree,” Renjun murmured, eyes closed, “I can't sleep when I can literally sense you staring at me.”

“Sorry,” Donghyuck apologized. He sighed and turned over to the other side of his body. Maybe these feelings were all because of the events happening. Maybe it will go away when he wakes up later. It was just a small crush.

Donghyuck suddenly realized that he was completely wrong when he found himself stirring the coffee he had with a spoon. The repeated sound of the metal being dragged across the glass could probably be heard by the other Slytherins on his side of the table. Renjun, who was sitting next to him today, was surprised no one had tried to stop him yet.

“Clear your head or something,” Renjun roughly bit on a bagel. He was only trying to look out for his friend.

“I… Can’t…” Donghyuck glanced towards the Gryffindor table, spotting you you almost immediately out of all those students, “Is it possible for a love spell to like… diffuse into another person?”

Renjun choked on the warm bread and pivoted his head towards you, “Huh?”

“Diffuse… well in this case move from one person to another.” Donghyuck wasn’t aware of Renjun’s shocked look. He was staring at the reflection of himself in the black coffee, blinking plainly.

“I-I don’t think so?” Renjun wasn’t sure, but he hadn’t read of those possibilities in the books, “Why?”

“Because I think I have feelings for her,” Donghyuck wasn’t even trying to hide it anymore. He felt these emotions brewing up since that day Mark came to him the library, or more obviously, on that trip to Hogsmeade. He just didn't want to admit anything in case of his brain and his heart playing some tricks on him. He handled the potion didn’t he? It could've absorbed into his skin, which wasn’t even possible.

Renjun soon found this conversation more interesting than the food on his plate. He completely dropped it all and sat so that he was straddling the bench, “Feelings? How?”

“You know how amortentia makes people all wonky and weird?” Renjun nodded. He remembers learning about it in class. There were only a few rare classes where the spell didn’t do that or the effects were milder in some individuals.

“Well… there were times when it didn’t seem like she was... intoxicated, in lack of a better term,” Donghyuck described, “To me it felt real, which is bad to think about… there are times when I think that it wouldn’t be so bad to actually be dating her.”

The meal had finished and they were off to class, though the conversation continued.

“I’m not telling you to stop liking her or anything,” Renjun started, “But what’s going to happen when the spell wears out and she remembers everything you did to her? What if she hates you for what you did and you still have these feelings? The way she’s acting now is all because of that stupid potion you coined a week or so ago.”

“I only treated her ‘bad’ for like two days, then I stopped… ” Donghyuck reasoned, “But after that, I really don’t know.”

If only he knew that he was going to catch feelings for you, he would have thought this through. There was still a bit of hope inside of him that this was all just false, temporary feelings, but his heart beat says otherwise. There was no telling what would happen as soon as the spell wears out, but he knows for sure that it’ll hurt.

Two Days Remaining.

Donghyuck did not want to do anything with Hufflepuff’s quidditch team nor did he want to seem like a spy, but Jaemin had told him to wait by the pitch because he needed help with something after. Being the nice friend he was, he chose to wait.

He found a nice spot underneath a tree that was planted by the pitch. Donghyuck figured it was a good spot since he wasn’t actually able to see the team run their plays. He could only see them if they flew high enough. The sun shone warmly on his bare skin too, which was a bonus.

Leaning back against the tree’s trunk, he crossed his arms behind his head and relaxed. This was the first time he had done so the past few days, especially with the news Sylva dropped. He needed this. It was refreshing.

“What are you doing?”

Donghyuck looked up to see you standing there, hair catching the breeze gently. Your head was tilted slightly curiously.

“Just… sitting,” Donghyuck’s heart began to beat faster.

“By the pitch?” You laughed lightly. Making your way to his side, you sat down close enough so that your shoulder grazed his when you moved. You mirrored his state, “You know… watching others play won’t make you feel better, dumbass.” Shouldering him playfully, you brought a hand up to his eyes to cover them.

“I’m not watching them…” he defended, “Jaemin told me to wait for him.”

You let out a sound that meant you understood and then removed your hand from his eyes. This time, your head fell naturally on his shoulder. Silence took it upon itself to lay over both of you, comfortably sitting there like the both of you.

Even if the quidditch practice went no longer than two hours, the calming atmosphere had lulled you into a light nap right on Donghyuck’s shoulder. He hadn’t known you fell asleep until he heard the steady breaths leave your nose.

A gentle yet shy smile washed over his lips when he looked down out at you. His heart didn’t even try to settle back into its resting it’s normal rate. It continued to beat at such an abnormal speed that he felt like he was going to explode. Though it was a somewhat good feeling, he knew that this would only hurt more when the spell ended. He likes you too much at this point to get over his feelings in such a short time.

From afar he noticed Mark walking alone by the castle’s closest entrance. Mark, too, had noticed the two of them. It didn’t take long for him to decide to come over.

“How’s it going Hyuck?” Mark questioned. Donghyuck knew damn well he was asking both for him and for the situation. Mark’s eyes were shifting between your sleeping figure and Donghyuck.

“Good…” he threw him an ‘I’m okay’ smile and followed Mark’s gaze towards you.

“How long till the spell wears out?”

“The last day’s tomorrow.” Mark sensed an unusual tone in Hyuck’s voice. His ears perked up and tried to read Donghyuck’s eyes for emotions.

“You seem sad…” Mark sat down in front of them, a little bit more towards Donghyuck.

“Sad?” Donghyuck questioned. He didn’t mean to sound sad.

“Yeah…” Mark looked towards Donghyuck once again, trying to sense what type of energy spilled out of Donghyuck’s body, “You like her don’t you.”

Donghyuck’s cheeks flushed and he tried to hide his face with his free arm. It was lucky for him that the sleeve was larger than his head. This action already confirmed Mark’s assumptions.

“Not going to lie,” Mark started. He was picking at the grass, pulling them out carefully so that he could see the light green at the bottoms of each one, “It wasn’t obvious but she was interested in you… I’m not sure in what way, but she thought you were cool.”

Donghyuck couldn’t reply. All he did was look at Mark with doubt.

“I’m not joking,” Mark said a bit louder, “But yeah. What are you going to do after the spell wears off?”

“I don’t know,” Donghyuck couldn’t shrug, “Whatever happens, happens. If she hates me after this, I don’t blame her. I’m going to miss her, though.” He laughed at his own cheesiness, cringing a bit too.

“Well,” Mark made a clicking sound with his mouth, “True, you got a point… I gotta go but I wanted to say thanks for not continuing the way you treated her like before.” He held a hand out for a ‘bro-handshake,’ Hyuck immediately going in for it. At that, Mark left.

Donghyuck stares back down at you and sighed. Tomorrow was the last day the spell would be working and possibly the last day you would even talk to him. He can’t waste that.

When he finished helping Jaemin with carrying a project over to his classroom, he looked down at the wristwatch, “It’s… four. Do you think I could still go to Hogsmeade?”

“I don’t see why not. Curfew is not until ten,” Jaemin shrugged, “Why though?”

“It’s nothing.”

One Day Remaining.

Mondays were bad. But remembering that the spell wears out tomorrow and today could be the last day you’d be hanging around Hyuck just made it worse.

The classes that usually felt long on normal days felt like a few short minutes, which somehow angered Donghyuck. The day that mattered the most at the moment was flying past way too quickly when he honestly did not want it to.

By the end of class, he glanced at you, who had already been looking at him. He didn’t flinch at all though. Two weeks with the spell, he had grown used to it. A small piece of him even liked it.

“Are you busy after classes today? Plans to help out Hagrid?” he questioned. His fingers fidgeted with the writing utensil he held in his hand, tapping it, twirling it, anything to occupy them.

You leaned over towards the table and shake your head, “No, I don’t think so… why?”

“Want to hang out?” It was his first time asking you to hang out with him. Usually, it was you who engaged it, which made sense because of amortentia.

“Hang out?” Your eyes lit up at the idea, “Where? We can’t go to Hogsmeade.”

“I don’t know… around the castle? We can go people watching, judge paintings. If the sun sets early enough, we can watch it before curfew. Maybe star gazing,” his mouth spoke before his head could even think. All these things he had been thinking about throughout the day. Donghyuck could not control himself.

“That sounds better than going to Hogsmeade,” you smile. He mirrors your smile and nods at himself.

Almost just as the class ended, you both were the door and straight to aimlessly wandering around wherever your feet took you both. Some areas you’d stare at the paintings, trying to find its purpose and laughing when the paintings themselves corrected you both. Then for a short time, you’d be sitting at the popular hangout areas of the school and complemented those who were near and those who passed by. The smiles on your faces were shining as bright as the torches on the stone walls and it was pretty evident to everyone that there was no way they were able to wipe those off any time soon. At least, not until the end of the day.

After dinner, early evening, you and Donghyuck were perched on the wide windowsill of the unused classroom that you had brought him that one day, staring down at those who were in view and the sight that looked like a painting. You both sat on your robes for the purpose of comfort. The sun was low on the horizon, the bottom of it barely touching the place where land meets sky. The clock’s short hand sat perfectly in the middle of eight and nine, meaning that the sun was basically bound to set soon. Though it made Donghyuck sad that the day was coming to an end, he told himself that he shouldn’t let that ruin the mood and the energy between you both.

“Hae…”

He looked over and found you with your head resting against the glass, “Why do you call me that?”

“Cause it means ‘the sun,’” you replied. You were staring out at the sun as you said so.

“I know…” Donghyuck softly answered, “But why?”

Your eyes flickered over to him and you sat up, this time leaning your head back against the wall behind you. There was a pause as you started gathering an explanation that would make it easy for him to understand. He let this silence draw out, watching people down below faking some sort of duel.

“Hae… I guess that nickname sort of just fit, you know?” you started, “Probably starting first or second year, you sort of gave off the same energy as the sun… you brightened up the room, the energy, even if you always caused trouble. I found you interesting though. I wanted to be friends with you, which seemed easy judging my personality, but I could never get to ever doing it…”

A blush crept up to his face at the meaning of it. No one had never given him a nickname like that. Usually it just followed his real name, which, yeah, was nice, but one that actually had meaning? It caused a warm feeling to erupt in his chest. “Thanks, I guess?” he had no idea how to reply to it. Was it a compliment? “But hey, we’re here now right. You’re talking to me…”

You nodded, “That’s true…”

The sun had moved quickly in such a short time and as it sunk behind the horizon, with it, it pulled a beautiful pattern of colours. It had rendered both of you speechless, interrupting the conversation.

Not long after, the sky was almost pitch black, or a deep navy blue. The stars littered the sky, like someone had spilled a whole container of glitter. It was just as breathtaking as the sunset, maybe better. Playfully, you had began counting the amount of stars in the sky, Donghyuck joining in every once in a while. There were occurrences when you’d get distracted and talk about a subject with Donghyuck before getting back to counting.

“So much,” you lazily groaned out. You stopped at star one-hundred-and-seventeen and ran your hand through your hair, “And it looks like there’s one thousand more… so one-thousand-one-hundred-and-seventeen stars.”

“That is a lot,” Donghyuck chuckled. Naturally, he glanced over at the clock, “I think we have to get going… it’s half past ten.” The day’s over…

Donghyuck decided to walk you back to the Gryffindor Tower, where you silently and mutually decided to play a game of ‘try not to laugh.’

“Not fair,” you whisper-shouted. You weakly flicked Donghyuck’s shoulder, “This game is hard to play with you.”

“Not my fault I’m hilarious,” Donghyuck played along, brows raising with pride. The way he smiled caused his dimple to appear, making him look softer than he already was.

You rolled your eyes and began to skip ahead of him, trying your best to make a minimal amount of sounds with your feet. Donghyuck jogged to keep up, hair bouncing as he did. He had no idea how there weren’t scolded yet, by a professor or a prefect since the time was dangerously close to eleven.

Upon arriving at the Gryffindor landing, you slowed your pace so that Donghyuck could catch up. Silence was filled with the heavy breathing of both of you, a few breathy laughs being able to squeeze in between. Donghyuck began to realize that he almost had to say goodbye to you soon, his smile faltering slightly.

“Bye Hyuck, I’ll see you tomorrow,” you had your back beside the Fat Lady’s portrait, whispering the password.

Donghyuck’s heart stopped slightly. This was going way too quick for his liking, “Wait!”

Your brows furrowed, “Yeah?”

Stuffing his hands into his uniform’s pockets, he pulled out a cube shaped box. It was wine red velvet, and was so small that it barely filled the palm of his hand. Opening it, he pulled out a necklace, which had a star pendant. At the middle of that star was a diamond looking gem. It was simple, yet still so beautiful to the eye. It wasn’t too much.

“Hae!” You gasped quietly.

He couldn’t hold back the flourishing smile on his face, “I – um – I wanted to give you this… a gift from me to you to apologize and for remembrance… it’s not a lot bu–“

“It doesn’t matter if it’s a lot,” you stepped forward, a shy expression creeping up on your face, “Why say sorry and why remembrance?”

He unlocked the clasp on the necklace which signaled for you to turn so he could put it on, which you gladly did, “That’s not important right now. You know when the time comes.”

You nodded understandingly. You couldn’t help but stare adoringly at the necklace, “It’s beautiful… like the one-thousand-one-hundred-and eleven stars up in the sky right now.” A hand went up and held the star tightly, “I don’t think I’ll ever take this off.” You closed the proximity between you both with a warm embrace. He held you back tightly.

Donghyuck blushed, even when he does remember that you probably wouldn’t after tonight. You probably wouldn’t even take a second glance at that necklace when that spell wears out and his present is just gonna get hurried in a jewelry box you owned. But it was okay. He was glad he was able to give you it. That you owned something that he gave you.

“Goodnight, Y/N,” he whispered.

You looked up at him and grinned, reaching up to peck him on his jawline, “Goodnight, Hae.”

You let go and began making your way into the tower, “Bye Hyuck.”

“See ya, Y/N.”

Zero.

You stumbled down the stairs and into the Gryffindor common room, head pounding from who knows what. Mark was sitting by the fireplace while he read out of a school textbook.

“Good morning,” he greeted. He stretched his legs out and then folded them to himself, “You’re up early.”

“This headache woke me up… and the unconscious areas of my brain decided to make a whole weird dream for me...” you groaned, sitting next to him tiredly, “And now I can’t go back to sleep.” You grabbed your head, rubbing the temples with your fingers. You felt as though as you had done so much and gone through a lot but you know for sure that you hadn’t.

“Go get water or something,” Mark suggested, “Take medicine?”

“Sure, that sounds like a good idea,” you nodded. Standing up, you cringed into yourself as you felt the pounding return.

You made your way up to the girls’ dorms and grabbed medicine from your trunk. The bottle made a shaking noise as you walked heavily, passing by everyone else, still asleep. You almost jumped at your reflection in the mirror as you crossed paths with one. You had to stifle a laugh at your own foolishness, shaking your head. You were off off today.

Something caught your eye, stopping you in your tracks. What?

Your feet began to move your entire body to the mirror, eyes trained on that one thing that sat beneath the area where your collarbones left an empty spot.

Usually, you would never trust your eyes at this hour. They just weren’t functioning properly, but you could see it and you knew for sure your eyes weren’t lying to you. Not when you could now feel it against your chest.

“It wasn’t a dream?” You whispered. Reaching for the star that hung on your neck, your eyes widened, driven by the fear of your sudden realization, “Donghyuck wasn’t just a dream?”

Suddenly, the memories of the past two weeks had flooded back like a tsunami. All the embarrassing and cheesy things that you had done, the slight confession, the kisses, the hand holding… had you really done all of those things? You didn’t even remember willingly doing them. You cringed at yourself and ignored the headache that only grew with this epiphany. Thoughts of Donghyuck probably hating you and finding you weird had taken over your thoughts and you were close to freaking out. Why in the hell did you do that? When did you have the capacity to do that?

“Wait, no, stop,” you say, “I could just be thinking all that shit… what if I got this necklace from somewhere—someone else? I can ask Mark. Maybe he knows.”

You ran down the stairs, probably unintentionally waking up your fellow housemates as you did. At this point, you really didn’t care.

“Mark, who gave me this?” You stretched the necklace out to him, giving him a clear look at the necklace.

“Donghyuck did, you told me so last night,” he mindlessly muttered, “The spell’s suppose to wear out today, so I don’t know– hold the fuck up!” His eyes widened at his own realization of what he had revealed to you. He stood up rapidly, book dropping rapidly to the carpet.

“Spell?” Your eyes narrowed. Your fingers still played with the star, “What spell?”

Mark laughed nervously. He didn’t know if he was allowed to tell you, as it wasn’t his place to tell you, but it seemed like it was too late now. Before he was able to approach you, he watched as you almost fell into the wall. You saved yourself with your arms.

“Are you okay?” Mark hurried to your side.

“I’m fine, my head just… hurts a lot,” you squeezed your eyes shut and grabbed your head with your hands. Mark called for Jeno, who sprinted down the stairs half asleep, “Can you help me bring Y/N to the infirmary?” Jeno nodded and helped you up along with Mark.

A nurse almost knew that you guys were coming as she stood by the infirmary’s entrance ready to help out. Mark had explained to her how you woke up with a bad headache, but nothing about coming out of ‘spell coma.’ You hadn’t said anything about it either, mostly because you really had no idea about any potion.

The nurse laid you down on one of the nearest beds and started to check up on you, asking questions directly to you or Mark, Jeno standing behind as some sort of support.

“Is there anything severe going on?” Mark questioned. The nurse seemed to have finished her examination and was now standing to the side, writing some notes onto a pad of paper.

“Nothing bad. She needs a day’s rest,” the nurse replied quietly, “She can leave tomorrow morning.”

Mark nodded and sighed in relief. The nurse turned to leave to grab a few more things for treatment, leaving you, him, and Jeno alone. Mark let Jeno go back to the common room since he was abruptly woken up and he needed to tell you something that Jeno had business about.

“I’ll come back later to tell you some things…” Mark stated.

You cut him off, “Tell me everything… I really don’t care if it’s not your place. It’ll be easier for me and for Donghyuck…” It was true. If you think about it, there was probably no way that Donghyuck was going to be able to explain everything.

Mark nodded, “Okay but I’m telling him that I’m telling you.”

If Donghyuck were to bluntly describe how he felt right now, he would use the words ‘scared shitless.’ He had no idea how he would act towards you now that he had these feelings. Should he act like none of the last two weeks happened? Should he act like he didn’t care? What if in the end you really didn’t care at all and he was just overthinking all of this?

When you didn’t arrive at any of the classes you shared with him, he couldn’t help but think that it was all his fault you hadn’t shown up. He really had no intention of embarrassing you like that or making you possibly feel stupid. He didn’t even know you’d remember all of it. Donghyuck knew it was him and his idea that was stupid. He really hoped that you didn’t feel that way. He couldn’t even watch the team’s quidditch practice properly as his entire train of thought was basically devoted to you and you only.

“Lee!” Xiaojun yelled from yards away, “I know you’re not playing tomorrow, but you still have to watch us. Point out some things we can tweak.” Donghyuck’s lips tightened at the reminder as he nodded. He held a thumbs up instead of verbally responding to his teammate and sat back.

Xiaojun pushed off the ground and back into the air where the rest of the team played, leaving Donghyuck alone with his thoughts. Mindlessly, he used his eyes to follow anyone who whizzed past just to look like he was watching, but not in the way they wanted.

“Hyuck!” He heard someone call. His ears perked up immediately, hoping that it’d be you calling. He turned and found the lively Gryffindor waving his free arm.

“Markly!” Donghyuck called back. Mark was quickly making his way over to him, robe flapping behind him like a dorky cape. His left hand clutched a book tightly, threatened to fall due to his own speed.

“I’ve been looking for you the entire day,” he huffed, plopping into the seat next to the Slytherin, “It’s about Y/N.” Donghyuck was even more interested now. Mark continued, “The spell wore out this morning, I sorta accidentally told her about it.”

At this point, Donghyuck didn’t care. He only cared if you were okay, “Why didn’t she go to class?”

“She woke up with a really bad headache,” Mark started, “Probably from being released from the spell… she just needs rest though, so it’s nothing bad. I’m about to go there right now to tell her everything. She said it’d be easier for you.”

For some reason, the pace of Donghyuck’s heart started to speed up, “I-Is she mad at me?”

Mark shook his head, “I don’t think so? She seemed chill about it. I don’t know if that’ll change after I tell her everything she told me when she was under the spell.”

“Can I come?”

Mark sat silently for a bit, tapping the textbook with steady rhythm, “Do you really want to be the one to tell her everything?”

Donghyuck thought about it. Mark was right. Not only minutes ago he was filing through ways on how to approach you when he sees you again. Maybe it actually was best for Mark to explain it. Maybe he could be the one to tie the knot after the general explanation. Plus, he needed to ensure that you weren’t mad at him.

“Okay… I guess you can tell her,” he mumbled.

“Great, thanks!” Mark nodded once towards Donghyuck and stood up to leave.

“Just!” Mark stopped in his tracks as Donghyuck spoke up again, “Just don’t tell her the part about my feelings… I think I’ll tell her that part.”

A small and gentle smile crept up on Mark’s face. He nodded again. “I won’t. I promise. Anything else you want me to not tell?”

Donghyuck swung his legs underneath the bench as he sunk into a brief ocean of thought, “That’s all.”

When Mark arrived at the hospital wing, you were already prepared to take in the past two weeks. Sure it was partly from Mark’s point of view, and parts of yours due to the fact you unconsciously spilled everything, but it was a good start. It could help you in leading to understand Donghyuck’s point of view.

You pushed a cup of juice towards Mark, “Tell me… well remind me in this case. They all really felt like some sort of dream.”

And Mark did. He didn’t care about any of his plans to study the new unit in muggles class, he took his sweet time to tell you everything. He started off with Donghyuck’s motif and then straight to how he spotted you and Donghyuck at the library and how he carelessly treated you like a peasant. He took pride in the fact that he was the reason that Hyuck stopped treating you like that. That he enlightened him or something. Then he started to go on about the little date you guys had at Hogsmeade, which made you blush harder than you should. He added in the time he came looking for you the day you helped Hagrid, then followed it up with the test and the results and how you brought him to the classroom to spill how he felt.

“I remember how much you were worried for him that day,” Mark followed the rim of the cup with his finger, “You said he worked really hard for that test and how he studied harder than you did. You agreed that it was unfair of Sylva to do that and I agree.”

You nodded, “I remember that day… I think it’s the day I remember the most? They didn’t feel all dream-like like the others. If that’s possible. I think my other feelings overpowered the potion somehow because I was able to drive myself a lot when I saw how defeated he looked.” You didn’t even know if that was possible, but it was true. You felt your heart drop to the pit of your stomach at the sight of Donghyuck’s tears, “That day and the last day? I think.” Mark continued, telling you about how the rest of the days were all pretty similar to these days and how the potion drove most of your actions, “It’s lucky how you weren’t one of those people who acted like a lunatic when they consume the potion. You were actually pretty normal aside from the beginning. But after that, it just seemed like you really liked Donghyuck like how a normal person would.

“Finally, the last day,” Mark sighed out, “I don’t have every single detail, which you should have since you said you remembered it the most next to that other day, but that necklace,” he pointed to the piece of jewelry that still hung on your neck, “He gave that to you. He didn’t tell me why but he told you, pretty it’s obvious why he did, though.”

Once he concluded, he left you to respond. It was difficult for you to find a proper response or find a way you should react. Yes, you remembered the majority of it all, but you honestly could not believe that it really happened. What are the chances that Donghyuck would choose you for the potion, when you initially wanted to be friends with him anyways.

“Are you mad at him?”

“You know what’s funny?” You asked, blankly staring at the outline of your feet underneath the sheets.

“What?”

“I’m really not that mad for some reason, when I know I should be,” you shrugged, “Sure he didn’t have my consent… but it was bold of him to do that. That’s something I wouldn’t be able to do. It’s not like he hurt me, either.”

“So you’re not mad?” he sounded surprised.

“Not really. I just want to know his side of the story now,” you responded, “And I want to do something about the fact that he’s not playing the tournament. I remember how passionate he was about that and Sylva really isn’t being fair about that situation.” You tightened the left side of your lip and huffed.

“I think he wants you to know his point of view, too,” Mark snickered at himself, “How are you going to do that?”

“Easy…” you grinned, “Just some talking will do.”

You were released from the infirmary at lunch the following day, but you chose to skip the rest of the school day for the sake of it. There really was no use in attending the classes when you already missed half of it and you used this as an excuse not to face Donghyuck yet.

If you were being quite honest, the memories that you could recall from the two week time period caused your heart to pound a certain way. You didn’t know if it was just remains of the potion still lingering in your bloodstream, but you sort of liked the idea of liking Donghyuck. He wasn’t a bad guy. He was just living his life. Everyone needs someone like him in life.

You threw on your uniform and decided to lounge in the Gryffindor common room, waiting for classes to end to enact the plan. The tournament started later today, around 6pm, so you were really hoping that it would work.

The clock had struck 3 and you began to make your way down to the History of Magic classroom, otherwise known as Professor Sylva’s classroom. You really hoped that you would not run into Donghyuck for the element of surprise if this all did work. It was like a game of dodgeball as you made your way into the class.

Professor Sylva was sitting at her desk, doing paperwork as her glasses slid to the tip of her nose.

“Professor, may I please speak to you?”

She looked up and naturally over the frame of her glasses. She smiled, “One of my prized students, Y/N.” Sylva straightened her back as she gestured to one of the nearest desks for you to sit. You gladly took the one right in front of her, “I noticed you missed two classes and I hope you’re feeling better. Are you here for the work and content you’ve missed?”

“That and,” you crossed your legs, “I was hoping if you could let Donghyuck play that quidditch tournament.”

You watch as the muscles in her face contracted in ways you couldn’t even explain. It was obvious she hated Donghyuck for certain reasons, which indicated that this was going to be harder than you thought. “I simply cannot,” she replied kindly, “As you know, he cheated on that test and there is no way he is possibly going to be allowed to play sports after he’s done so.”

“All due respect with all I say… but do you have proof he cheated? Didn’t he have the highest mark on that exam?” you started arguing calmly. It was easy to support your side.

“I—” Caught. Easy. “No, I don’t have proof. I have no idea why you’re siding with this Slytherin boy, as you are a Gryffindor, but Donghyuck’s performance has been poor prior to the test. There is no chance he is able to improve in that small amount of time.”

“You have no proof he cheated, yet you claim he did. If he had the highest mark on the test, I don’t think it was possible for him to cheat and have a higher mark than that of the other students. That’s impossible,” you reason, “And having been with Donghyuck the entire week before the test, I witnessed the hard work he put into studying. He lost sleep and threatened to ruin his health just because of that exam, Professor. This is why I’m asking kindly to allow him to play.”

Professor Sylva eyed you carefully. She pulled out Donghyuck’s test answers and tests of the other high marks. You watched as her head moved back and forth between the sheets of papers. Her face began to fall in some sort of sheepish expression. “What is it, Professor?” A sly look made its way onto your face. You knew what was happening but you wanted her to you herself.

“It seems like I have… made a mistake,” she mumbled, “Very well. I’ll let him know of this change as soon as possible.”

“You owe him an apology, as well,” you pushed on.

She looked at you and nodded once before standing up. You followed her.

Meanwhile, Donghyuck was walking alongside the team as they were relaxing before the first game of the tournament against Hufflepuff. Though he wasn’t playing, he figured it wouldn’t hurt to lift up the team’s spirit before they played since this was basically his role in the team.

Yeji, who was one of the beaters, was stretching her arms as she skipped near the front of the group. She was already trash talking some of the players of the Hufflepuff team. Normally Xiaojun would’ve stopped her, as this was a habit and not a good one, but he was growing as competitive as she would be during a normal game. He found it appropriate as this tournament was actually pretty big and it included some teams from other schools. It just so happened that they had to be versing a team from their own school first.

“It’s too bad you can’t play, Hyuck,” Yeji spun around and started to walk backwards, ponytail swinging along with her, “Your aim is unmatched. No offense you guys.” The other chasers didn’t take any offense to what Yeji had said. It was true that Donghyuck was one of the better players, which was why he cared so much about the tournament. He believed they had a chance to bring the trophy home.

Before anyone else was able to speak, Donghyuck’s name was being called from one of the halls, startling the whole group. They didn’t even need to look to see who it was to know who was calling him. The rest of the team started to power walk down the hall, a chorus of goodbyes fading as the distance grew between them.

Donghyuck muttered a few profanities under his breath as Professor Sylva, all poised and proper, made her way towards him.

“Professor Sylva,” he smirked, “Come to ruin my day more than you already have?”

Sylva held herself from responding back. Instead, she held a fake smile on her face as she shook her head, “No. Not at all, Mr. Lee. This is news you would want to hear.”

Donghyuck’s head tilted to the right, “Is that so?”

“Yes,” the professor gulped, “I would like to… apologize about last week’s dilemma. I should have never accused you of cheating.”

Where is this going? He thought.

“And because this is my mistake, I am allowing you to play the quidditch tournament.”

Jaw dropping, Donghyuck gasped briefly as he jumped up to hug the professor, “Thank you! So much! I promise I’ll continue to work hard.” When he realized what he had done, he stood back and bowed to apologize.

This time, a genuine smile slowly grew on Sylva’s face, “It is really no problem. I apologize again. But you shouldn’t be thanking me.”

“Huh?”

Professor Sylva stepped aside to reveal you standing directly behind her figure with a shy expression, “Miss Y/L/N was the one who told me how hard you worked and urged me to rethink my actions. I’ll see you around, Mr. Lee.” And with that, she turned and left, disappearing down one of the corridors.

“You really did that?” He felt the beat of his heart begin lose its steady pace. It was beating out of his chest and he couldn’t help but take a step forward in order to bring himself closer to you.

You nodded and brought a playful grin up onto your lips, “You should thank me.”

“T-thank you,” he sighed out. There was a long yet comfortable silence as you looked at him. He was unable to look straight at you, eyes planted at the empty space between his and your feet, “So… Mark told you everything?”

“He told what he could,” you crossed your arms behind your back, still eyeing him closely. You were unsure if he noticed that were doing so or not, “But I remember about ninety-nine percent of it. One percent of that, you need to fulfill.”

“I-I will. But first, I want to apologize,” he mumbled, “I was stupid for... everything. I really thought all of this wouldn’t lead up to other stuff.” He reached for his chest in hopes to calm his heart.

“There wasn’t any harm so I forgive you…” you replied quietly and teetered back and forth on your feet. Another long pause.

“What blank spaces do you want me to fill?” Donghyuck finally looked up at you, making a thin line with his lips, “I’ll tell you anything. It’s the least I can do after everything.”

You begin to walk and he trailed behind you. Stopping you stopped and turned to face him, “What this is about.” You pulled out the necklace from under your dress shirt and looked at it, “It’s beautiful by the way. And that’s speaking without the intoxication of the spell..”

When you laughed, Donghyuck wasn’t able to join you. Instead he gulped in nervousness, “You still have it on?” He really thought you’d taken it off by now, mad at him or not. It’s not like he had a special place in your heart.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?” You smiled and then turned back to start walking.

“I just figured that…” then he stopped himself, “Nevermind.”

“Tell me.”

“I’ll push that aside for now.” You let him, he didn’t say he wouldn’t tell you.

“I…” he let out one huge huff of air, “Initially, I thought that using this spell would be fun. I thought it’d be amusing to have someone there that was wrapped around my finger. That I could order around or something. But then Mark and Renjun both told me how that was a terrible idea. Me being… me, I seriously ignored them until I saw how hard I was working you…

“Anyways, when I stopped treating you that way and just let everything just happen… that was when… all the fun and games sort of stopped…”

“Why?” Your voice lowered. It sounded like you had done something wrong. You see Donghyuck chew on his bottom lip, trying to find a way to express how he felt at the time.

“It’s nothing bad. It’s not like I liked bossing you around… It was just my own feelings just started to feel all weird. Especially when you–uh– kissed me on the cheek for the first time. I didn’t know how to handle that sort of emotion.” Donghyuck laughed a bit.

“I thought it was just the rush of feeling that made me feel things so I ignored it at first. Then the day you brought me to that classroom, everything felt too real and I almost forgot that you were under that damn spell. That was when I realized that my feelings weren’t leaving anytime soon…

“I believed that how I felt was temporary like the spell. I denied it at first, but it didn’t take me long to accept the fact that I like you… a lot… and I know it’s not just you being under a spell that made me feel things because I swear to you, my heart is going a hundred beats a minute right now just cause of you.”

He laughed a bit at himself before he straightened himself up, ”So that—” He points to the necklace, “—I gave you that because it wouldn’t dissolve or disappear after the potion’s time ran out. Like how Cinderella’s one shoe didn’t turn back after the clock struck midnight. It reminded them both of that one night. I guess to me that necklace reminded me of these last two breathtaking weeks.” He knew how cheesy he was sounding, but he never intended to actually explain why he got it for you. He simply believed that such a gesture was special. To him at least, “And on top of all that, it’s an apology present. I remember telling you it was to say sorry and to remember.

“The reason why I was surprised you still had it on was because I thought you’d be really mad at me after what I put you through,” he explained, “B-by the way, I completely understand if you didn’t return my feelings, I-I’m sure that they will disappear.” He fixed a sad smile on his face.

The sound of your shoes echoed quietly against the walls of the seemingly endless hallway. Unbeknownst to both of you, a warm feeling had started to engulf you both from the inside out.

“I sure hope they won’t disappear,” you replied softly. Donghyuck’s head spun to your direction. You took this as his reply, “You know those dreams that make you randomly catch feelings for someone totally unexpected?”

He nods.

“The past two weeks felt like one of those, but longer and more vivid and real,” you say.

“What are you saying?” There was no way he was jumping to conclusions. Not when his feelings could be played.

“You know this whole situation really didn’t help the fact that I already was fond of you before we even talked,” you tsked. You looked at Donghyuck, who still looked confused. He didn’t seem to catch what you were saying, even if you tried to make it clear.

“I’m saying that I like you back.”

“I swear, if you’re fooling me right now,” Donghyuck couldn’t even look at you. The warmth in his cheeks caused him to grow red and the corners of his mouth stretched his lips into a smile.

“Why would I be lying,” you say seriously, “I think I actually do really like you.”

“You think?” He smirked. You elbowed him slightly, laughing, “Shut it. I do.”

Donghyuck’s confidence resurfaced when he stopped to turn and face you, “Well in that case… want to go on a real date with me this weekend?”

You couldn’t help but just admire the boy under the sunlight. Hae.

“I would love that.”

Donghyuck beamed and opened his mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by Xiaojun at the mouth of the hallway, “Thirty ‘til the game! Aren’t you going to cheer us on?”

“Sylva is letting me play!” he yelled back, “I’ll explain later!”

Xiaojun’s face glowed at the news, “Then hurry and get geared up, Lee!”

“I’m coming, you can go ahead!” And with that Xiaojun nodded and left.

Donghyuck faced you again, “I-I have to go.”

“I can tell,” you laughed, “I’ll cheer you on, though.” Upon this statement, Donghyuck couldn’t help but feel even more giddy than he already was. After exchanging goodbyes, still in a shallow level of shyness, Donghyuck went to leave where Xiaojun had disappeared only a few moments before.

“Wait! Donghyuck,” you say hurriedly. He had made his way down the hallway in such a quick manner that he was already metres away from where you stood.

“Yeah?”

With tiny steps, you made your way towards him. In a swift manner, you brought yourself up to your toes and kissed him lightly on the lips.

“Good luck.”

If you made it to the end, I want to say thank you and I appreciate you soso much for reading this! If you enjoyed reading it please let me know or leave a like/reblog!

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funkymbtifiction · 4 years ago

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How I Write, How I Dream: ESTP Edition

Mod: An ESTP asked permission to submit this, since she noticed I do not have an ESTP ‘How I write stories’ description in the archive to match this series. What follows is in her own words.

ESTP: How I Write, How I Dream

So this submission is like 6+ years late topically, I think, but it’s an understatement to say I get side-tracked easily. First I had to be self-aware enough to actually determine my type with confidence, and then I had to remember to write this up. Hopefully it’s an edition that’s better late than never – in any case, I thought it might be fun to contribute, given the frequent lack of Se-dom voices in things like this.

I’m aware that I might be in a comparatively small group as a regular ESTP writer, let alone one familiar with personality typology, but I wrote my first short story at nine for a 4th grade assignment, and then my first full story/intended book when I was eleven, (both of which I immediately proceeded to act out on the playground), so it’s sort of always been a part of my normal retinue of hobbies/coping mechanisms/diversions/distractions. Usually I find that I write the most when I’m bored or otherwise dissatisfied with my real life – sort of using it to spice things up with more exciting events, even if they’re regrettably fictional. I also suspect that I use writing to experience all the interesting things I find myself unable to physically do, at least for the moment – not unlike what your ISTP contributor described. I think sometimes that I use it to subconsciously work through certain concepts, too, until I understand them holistically. It’s like it gives me a way to actually engage and interact with a philosophical concept through tangible expression – through embedding it into [fictional] human behavior. Like how I understand the nuances of the concept of apostasy better for having walked through the plot of Silence (2016) with Scorsese than I would have if it was still just a definition in a theology textbook. Application helps me. (I also had a counselor a while back who told me that I used my writing to work through the emotions I hate to process in real life, but I was never wholly convinced of that or the connection of my plots to my real life events, so jury’s out, I guess.)

When I was a kid, I liked to read a fair-ish amount. Spies were oftentimes my favorite topic, but I also wanted eagerly to be one and owned probably every kid spy gadget ever manufactured for sale at the Spy Museum in D.C., to which I dragged my parents practically every weekend so I could crawl through air vents, etc. However, my favorite children’s series of all was actually the Ingo series by the late Helen Dunmore, which provided me with exciting, nature-based, and [mostly] emotionally satisfying adventures in my lifelong favorite unpredictable environment – underwater. (I also dragged my parents constantly to our local aquarium.) As I got older, the frequency of my reading dropped, and I now find myself usually pulled more towards nonfiction.

[Note – I just realized a lifelong quirk with me and books. I’m sort of ridiculously set on *seeing* the books I own. I mean, I know what I own, but I still constantly get out every book I own on a particular topic just to see them all at once. It makes the knowledge more cohesive for me to concentrate it visually, I guess. Even just the covers. Anyway.]

My writing habits are kind of awful – in that, like alluded to above, I pretty much only write when I either a) am seized by a great idea, or else b) have nothing better to do. I have little ambition to actually publish or anything like that, regardless of encouragement, and I prefer to think of my writing as just a diversion, an amusement for myself alone (though I do crave minimal approval, as I do in anything). In any case, as soon as the pressure of a schedule is attached to my writing, it drains of all joy for me. Much like your ISTP contributor described, I think I hover somewhere between plotter and pantser, depending on the story. Too much planning leads to my feeling like I have no incentive to actually write it, as I’ve already experienced it, and too little leaves me spinning aimlessly with no real direction. I write both prose and screenplays, and the rule seems to hold true for both, overall. Also, whenever I have a problem in my plotting or characters or whatever, I find that I have to step away, go be busy with something else, sometimes for a long while, and when I come back everything just falls into place. I guess unconscious Ti and/or Ni finding solutions? I’m not totally sure how/why that happens.

As my inclusion of screenplay format may suggest, I experience my stories in an incredibly visual way. I think sometimes that my narratives come across very much like movies, with all the requisite limitations and usual lack of character introspection. I feel like I pretty much focus on the observable actions of my characters – I find describing any kind of extended rumination highly unnatural, at least most of the time. Even my planning is highly visual. I have a tendency to graph, chart, draw, and plaster my options all over the walls. It’s ridiculous sometimes, but in many cases I just have to be able to see them all next to each other, even if there’s no other information provided. Like my books, mentioned earlier. It helps clarify my plot choices in my mind. It’s also a quirk/weakness of mine that I am often entirely dependent on outside images for descriptions. I need to find a real person, place, or thing to base my fictional ones on physically if I hope to have any kind of concrete knowledge to allow description. Again, it helps solidify them/it in my mind.

I have another weakness in my writing that often results in much incredulous laughter – I’m often entirely blind to any hidden meaning or symbolism in my own writing. I might get the vaguest sense of something being a good line, but be unsure why until my ISFJ friend starts praising my deep, archetypal references and crafting – and then staring at me when I clearly have no idea what she means. It’s happened several times by this point, and though it makes me laugh, I’ll just blame it on the subconscious inferior Ni. I pretty much never have any kind of goal of being symbolic or laden with deep meaning. If I were ever to try that, I think it would massively stress me out.

In terms of editors, beta readers, or whatever else we want to call those who give solicited criticism – that’s just what I need/want. Criticism. For the most part, I’m incredibly thick-skinned about my writing and would be absolutely fine if someone told me that it was utterly terrible and the whole thing needed revising down to the very concept. That may be because I think many of my concepts are lackluster to start with. But nothing frustrates me so quickly as readers unwilling to actually [and harshly] criticize. I always tell them that I want him/her to rip it to shreds. I mean, that’s the only way it’ll get better. (I’ve made mistakes before by assuming that other writers feel this way, too – my sister did not appreciate my input.)

I write almost exclusively dramas these days, I guess, though of varying subtypes. (I also maintain the availability/ready accessibility of about 10+ stories at any given time of active writing. I bounce between them sometimes based on what I’m feeling like at the moment or what I have a new thought about.) I have a sort of historical drama thing that takes place in the 1680s, a modern drama prompted by a premise of genetic engineering, a Most Dangerous Game kind of hunting/weapons thing, a detective story in the immediate aftermath of WWII, a classic deserted island story, a thing involving the phenomenon of stigmata… the list goes on and shifts constantly.

However, while I’ve typically enjoyed writing, here’s the omnipresent rub – engaging with it for any great amount of time makes me really unhealthy emotionally. I’m pretty sure that after like two or three days primarily working on a story without other overriding priorities, or like six or seven with those scattered distractions, (at best), I’m plummeting straight down to my inferior functions. My historical stories do this even more quickly, because they oftentimes seem to require more mental effort. I get super irritable, drown in self-loathing, start to think that everything real that I want is never going to happen – it’s really not good. The fact of the matter is that while writing is a fun diversion oftentimes, I go insane doing it for too long, because I need to get out and engage. (Thanks to my pesky Se-dom, daring to ask for more than just incessant fidgeting.)

When I do write, however, I’m known for my in-depth research, my character-driven plots, lines some people in my life seem to think are witty or something, and emotional depth, believe it or not. I’ve been complimented on it, as well as my tendency to accurately portray mental/emotional illness. I don’t know. I’ve never thought I was overly talented at such things, but then again, I never paid much attention. Even this write-up has been hard – analyzing my writing like this. It’s not a strength of mine to scrutinize my own habits.

After all, I’m busy – I have to go blast Maroon 5 as I jump off a 20-foot wall yelling, “Parkour!”

I am an ESTP, remember? ;-)

#estp #writing #how i write

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boseongkrp · 4 years ago

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( the rival, park sooyoung (joy), she/her ) — introducing HAN SUJI, the 22 year old NURSE at ahn medical centre, known around boseong as THE VIXEN. the residents would describe her as perfectly ironed nursing scrubs, red lipstick that seems to never come off and high heels for every day of the week.

now loading her interview....

PLEASE TELL US MORE ABOUT YOURSELF.

❛ i’m a child of autumn, born during that type of weather that makes you think that it’s warm outside, but the deviously chilly winds somehow always manage to sneak up on you when you least expect it to happen. baptized with auburn leaves, swaddled in corduroy for that special level of protection, and weaned on milk mixed with honey that was the color of an october sunset. my mother’s a doctor, a cardiologist of course, in charge of the town’s hearts. my father’s always worked at the town hall. his exact position? now i’ve never really bothered to get much into details, but something something about being a senior manager for strategy and operations. i’m the only child of the family, which naturally leads to the idea that i’ve always been under a great deal of pressure, but we’ll get into that later. simply put, you could say that i was born into a well-off family, at least for a town like this. it’s not like we could ever compare with the glamour and beauty of the bigger cities.

i had a normal childhood. nothing out of the ordinary. my room smelled like floral perfumes and cherry-scented body lotions. life was almost a cycle. busy parents, busy life, endless homework, hanging out at the local park, watching cartoons late into the evening and playing dress-up with my friends when no one was looking. witch, princess, queen, i’ve lived so many lives and none were truly mine. then came high school and my life turned upside down. high school was everything. practices, dance, cheerleading, sneaking off to smoke and have a couple of drinks without anyone knowing. it was fun, wild, fast, and that is, if you ask me, what freedom truly tastes like. yet you could say that i was a perfectionist. i still am. i cared a lot about my reputation. i always did everything in my power to make my parents proud and make those around me smile. so in the end, i ended up ditching hang outs for practices. maybe that’s why people used to call me eunmi’s rival, but truth be told, i wasn’t trying to beat her. i was happy, dedicated, glad that i could keep my stellar grades and still be at the top of the game.

but then eunmi died and frankly, the whole thing fell apart. after that, none of the teachers or trainers remained focused and i can’t blame them. however i still managed to find my true calling somehow. medicine, so i am my mother’s daughter, but i’m not a doctor. there’s much more beauty in nursing. i comfort people, i bathe and feed them, care deeply for them. you could say that i care about them in the same way i care about my closest friends and family, because that’s what every nurse does. doctors only do tests, they give you meds, and then they move onto the next patient, but nurses, we’re always with our patients, watching them, trying to help them in any way that we can.

and outside of work? well i can’t tell for certain, but many have complimented me on my allure. it’s flattering i must admit, but i hardly realize it. people have a habit of confiding in me without every truly realizing why, but some have said it’s because of my charming, stolen from a movie star, eyes. one of mother’s old friends, for an example, recently spent an entire day telling me about her youngest son who was refusing to listen in class. i naturally proposed a few solutions. they actually worked. when i’m not at the hospital, i try to dedicate most of that time to myself, so find me at the boseong fitness center when you’re bored and have nowhere else to go. i’ll give you a few tips and show you how to take good care of your own body. then maybe later i’ll even let you take me out for a few drinks. ❜

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF BOSEONG?

❛ a town like any other. they all have their flaws, it all depends on how you choose to look at them. for some it’s too small, like a building that doesn’t have a sufficient number of rooms, so we’re all squashed together, staring through the same old white window. there’s no privacy, everybody knows everybody, and some might find that charming, bewitched by the sense of belonging somewhere. in boseong, we all stick together, right? as children, we used to make up stories about certain places around, even the boseong river, the supposedly haunted area. i used to say that if the river claims you, it’ll drag you so far away that you’ll turn into a fish and find your way to the ocean, but most fish are ugly so it’s best stay away from the river. a funny little story. that’s what it was. it kept most kids away. but to get back to my previous point, no i don’t believe that it’s haunted. it’s just a river. only the living can harm you. so like a said, it’s a town like any other and you either get used to its quaint charm or you pack your bags and drive away. there are no other options. ❜

HAVE YOU EVER LEFT OR THOUGHT ABOUT LEAVING BOSEONG?

❛ for a few short trips but never permanently. i used to think about it. about moving to a much bigger city, but that was back in high school, during the days of my cheerleading glory. i wanted to become a dancer, like most girls do at that age, blinded by the things they see on tv or other older girls doing. i’d call it the trials of girlhood and every girl begs to be seen. but that was back then and i’ve definitely made my piece with it. besides, i’m doing far more for the people now. that’s enough to keep me calm. ❜

WERE YOU CLOSE WITH HA EUNMI? WHAT WAS YOUR IMPRESSION OF HER?

❛ close? i wouldn’t say that we were close. i knew her. knew the way she danced, moved her feet, how she gasped and clenched her fists when things became too tiring. but she never gave up. a gentle warrior with a smile and dazzling stars colliding within her, there’s a reason why she was so adored. we weren’t friends outside of practices, i never fully knew her, like her friends or exes, but i knew her on a different level. i knew her in a deeper way. i was just like her. we were the same. it’s why people always found ways to create rumors about the rivalry between us. we weren’t rivals. we just both liked to compete and we were such determined girls. she was me and i was her. but she’ll never know what it’s like to be twenty, or twenty-one or twenty-two, so we’re not the same girls anymore. most people here will say here that sometimes dead things don’t want to stay dead, but i think it’s the other way around. the alive ones don’t always want to stay. and eunmi made her choice… ❜

DO YOU HAVE A DARK SECRET THAT NO ONE KNOWS OF?

< R E D A C T E D >

#bsfollow #krp

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birdlingstarot · 4 years ago

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I will graduate next year from high school. I was wondering if you'd give me read whether my grades now and in the future will be enough for me to get a quota SNMPTN (a pass for students who have good and stable grades throughout the school year, and if got the quota, they can choose which uni and faculty they want, and if accepted by the system, they don't need to do any college test). Give me an encouragement and advices too, please? Sorry if it's too much. Thank you. -Lani 🌻✨🐈

Hello 🌻 Lani 🌻✨🐈!

A little birdie told me this 🕊

To start of, there’s a message for you 🌻 Lani.

You’re doing well so don’t worry too much. Things might seem all over the place and you can’t seem to understand a lot of things but it’ll clear sooner or later. Look at the situation with clear eyes, to be in the present. Through this phase, you might realise and even learn something about yourself. So, don’t worry too much. We’re looking out and over you.

What are some possible outcomes of this situation / phase? LXXVII - Aletheia

It’s all about prespective. No matter if you did get the quota or not, there are pros and cons to them. Depending on how it ends, it will either grow yourself externally or internally. For instance, if you were to get the quota, you’d gain recognition and likely learnt about the external effort you put in to achieve it. On the other hand, if you were not to get the quota, you could learn to understand how to get through the disappoint them and the feelings attached to the ‘failure’.

Don’t worry too much about the ending and be open to all the endings. It might seem like a huge deal now, which it is undoubtedly to you and some others but know that the results of it is just another potential situation for you to grow in and from.

Currently, it could still goes both ways but just know both ‘endings’ have their own unique gems to be found whether you can see it or not. On one side, you could gain confidence and happiness while on the other, you could gain knowledge regarding your mind, mindset, attitudes and soft skills etc.

Know that we can learn from both success and failure.

Any messages regarding your comparison of yourself and your classmates. 33 - Translucence; Love the darkness

This is something that you can’t help but do as with many others and it’s alright to be that way. However, you are likely looking at it from a more pitiful point of view.

If your can’t escape this comparison, love it. Instead of putting yourself down about it, to at it from a point that brings you encouragement. Something like friendly rivalry etc. Enjoy this ‘comparison’ thing because if you learn to love it, it will give back to you. You could very well find yourself learning much more than you had expected from this ‘comparison’.

[If you watch anime, you could think of it as the anime rivalry thing. There’s good and bad ones. Try transform it into the good ones. Kinda like the bnha midoriya and bakugou thing??? Like after they duked it out and all might saying that they’re proper rivals kinda things, after understanding a bit more about each other??? I hope I’m making sense to you. 😅]

People might say that it is toxic, to not compare and they are not wrong. Things only become toxic when it gets too far, to make you feel inferior to others. On the flip side, it could very well become a driving force for some people.

Right now, you are called to make it one of your driving force instead of letting it develop into something that pulls you down.

Any messages or advice for the current you. Gazelle and Zebra

The feelings that you are currently feeling like inferiority, worry, anxiety etc. These seemingly negative feelings, you should talk to someone about it. To open up to the people around you regarding it. To become comfortable in this vulnerable state you are in.

You likely didn’t want to approach people about these ‘troubles’ you have because you feel as if you are annoying others and you shouldn’t disturb or worry them. However, we are telling you to once again step out of your comfort zone and talk them out to people, to friends, to family.

It could also do you well if you approach someone older or had experience in going through this state, like worrying about the quota, such as a senior or graduate, even your school teacher or counselor. You could gain insights from them which could help you through this situation better and they are very much welcoming you to approach them.

Explain to your parents how you feel, because likely you might feel as if you would be disappointing them if you were to not get the quota and this is likely a greater source of stress for you. Despite how it goes or end, in the very least, this source of stress would be reduced.

Another reason to speak to others, especially friends or classmates, is that you feel very different from them. Despite being true that each person is their own unique person, you could very well be overlooking the fact that they might be more similar to you than you think or believe.

Everyone in your class is going through this exact same thing and who’s to say that they are not worried. Talk to them about this situation and/or try to understand them. It could result in surprising relationships.

Zebras are social creatures and they help each other to survive. If you approach others, they could very well end up helping you along the way and you them. You could end up in a self-formed study group etc. You might find someone who’ll teach you subjects they are good at and you teaching them those that you are good at etc. Each of you have your own unique characters and thinking, things you excel at and those that you don’t, and because of this, you are able to help each other, despite how you think otherwise.

Understand that not everyone is out there trying to survive for themselves. You could look at this situation from a point of view of competing with others to claim a position or you could look at it from a point of view of a group of you to claim the positions together. You are being asked to see it from the latter.

You are not alone in this. It is very important for you to know this.

You are not alone despite how alone you might feel.

So approach others. Share your vulnerabilities and you’d be surprised at how much easier or lighter this situation could seemingly become.

Any encouragements for you. 28 - Frog Spirit; Clear out the clutter.

Currently, the stress and some sources of stress is not helping you. As much as you feel that you need to hurry and make progress, take some time to clear out things that doesn’t help you as it will be beneficial to you and accelerate your progress.

To put into another perspective, it’s like you’re riding a bike with bags of things. You ride it and sometimes you keep worrying about things that might fall off etc. However, if you stop and look through all the things you have, you will find things that you don’t need. Thank and appreciate them for the lessons and feelings they had given you and leave them behind, you’ll find yourself being able to go faster and lighter.

One of the best ways right now is to talk, to tell others. Share your vulnerabilities and burdens. Don’t clench onto them, keep them to yourself. Once you had shown them, it will be easier to let them go, things that you might deeply believe, which you would need to to help yourself. It will be healing for you and your heart.

There will be changes that you would need to make in yourself and it’s okay to take the time needed for it. Especially for the current you, you would benefit most from talking and asking others for advice. You could even talk to yourself, physically or mentally. This will help you see things from different perspective or help you understand how to better handle things etc.

Talk, determine which are good advice you want to take, try to follow it. It’s a cycle.

Make sure that you give as much as you take and its from your heart, that you enjoy the relationship for itself and not the gains that you gotten or might potentially gain. A relationship goes both ways, alright?

We believe that the encouragements will come after you had open yourself up to others regarding this.

You’ve done well in approaching us for advice and you should do it with others as well. This might only be a step or you won’t even consider this a step but it’s an effort from you. An effort that you had done well in putting forth. Use this as a guide to further take steps into approaching others. Thank you for reaching out to us. 😊 We hope you will find the courage and continue your steps in your journeys. Further along the way, as much as there could be obstacles, there will be encouragements to come, from others or from yourself.

Overall, I am getting a feeling that you are looking at the people around you as competitors too much and from this, you feel alone, that no one around you could understand how you feel so you seclude yourself. You should lighten this situation. I understand how crazy heavy this situation could feel because I once were in a similar position and how, despite what people say that it might not matter as much, it just is, to you. Try to stay open, and take some time to relax, time that you shouldn’t feel guilty about.

If you want to talk or ask for advice, we’re always open. You’re very much welcomed to hit up the dm to just talk and otherwise. 😊

All the best!!!

You can do this, alright!!!

We hope this had helped you, 🌻 Lani 🌻✨🐈!

For now, the little birdie shall return home 🏡 ~ Ring our doorbell whenever!

Rest well 💤 ~

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whoaimhellatrash · 6 years ago

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I don't really know where to put this except here but I need to get everything out. I'm putting it under a cut, no one needs to read it, but I just need to yell into the void for a while and on the off chance someone else is in this deserted Denny's parking lot at 4 am then cool beans you do you.

I have spent the last 4-5 years of my life doing nothing but self exploration. Honestly I’m sure a lot of people can relate, mid-late middle school to late high school is when people actually stop for a minute and think “who am i?”

So many of these thoughts are influenced by the world around you, which in our society is so goddamn dangerous honestly. With so many influences like toxic masculinity, the disrespect of women, the racism the phobia the models and photoshop, it’s all so toxic for people just trying to discover who we really are. I think my identity was so fucking out of left field and so new and so wrong for others that it put me so harshly through the wringer that I earned self awareness. Through the immense pain and pressure, I was forced to stop and think, to consider, how much of this is me and how much of this is my parents, my society, how much of myself has been put here by others instead of molded by myself. Like a piece of coal turning to a diamond by sheer pressure, my perspective of myself and the world drastically changed.

It’s honestly still changing, and i doubt it’ll stop, I don’t want it to stop. I want to keep changing my views with the times, I want to keep discovering new things about myself and others, but this desire came with a price, as did my self awareness.

Back in mid to late middle school, my memory is muddled I wont lie, I had discovered sexuality and the fluidity of it, or at least a small piece of it. It was so mind boggling to me that at 7 in the morning, on the bus ride to school, I told a senior from my neighborhood about it with just this sparkling delight of curiosity and excitement in my eyes. I remember reading, on that dark, quiet bus, the definitions of bisexual, homosexual, demi, and pan which i ended up identifying with the latter for a long time.

This moment, these precious few moments on a bus, was the first push of a snowball down a long hill of self discovery. I remember coming out as pan in my school and watching, one by one, several more of my friends come out as Bi and gay. It was something i reveled in, knowing that I helped that cascade. I was lucky, not being faced with bullying for my sexuality in particular, but I hadn’t come out to anyone truly important and I wouldn’t for a while.

When I met my best friend (going on 6-7 years now) they introduced me to the idea of trans. I had never put thought into it before but I decided that maybe I wanted to try it out. Deep down in the pit of my gut, i knew i hated who i was. I wasn’t comfortable, i wasn’t..right. I always pulled my hair up in a pony tail, i couldn’t stand it being down, i never wore dresses or skirts unless i was forced to do so for a dance, i just couldnt stand the femininity of it. I liked the power and confidence of looking good but it just..wasnt the right kind. It never felt like it was right. I constantly wore baggy hoodies to hide my body. I thought maybe it was my weight, I starved myself, as in only eating a few cheerios and an apple maybe for an entire 30 hours. I fainted in class from low glucose levels. Nothing I tried helped and in fact made everything so much worse.

I was finally ready to try something else. I was genderfluid at first, i tried they/them and i found I liked it, but when i tried he/him I thrived on it. It felt comfortable and right and I never wanted to give it up. I never came out to my middle school friends.

My freshman year of high school I had decided that I was going to live out all four years as Dave. As myself, as someone who i was comfortable with, then once those four years were up, I would go back into the closet and live my life as the perfect little girl, the sweet, precious golden child like I had been forced to be for all of my life. It was at this time that my depression was at it’s worst point.

8-9 grade became a dead blur. It was around this time that my sister was diagnosed with depression. My mom knew nothing, she genuinely believed some fast food would make my sister not sad anymore. My sister began going to therapy. After a long battle with myself and my deeply ingrained desire to be the perfect kid who never is a bother or a pest, I asked my mom for therapy too. My therapist was not good for me, i didn’t realize what my problems actually were, she was treating surface issues, not the source. I realize that now and I’ve expressed this fact to my current therapist, but at the time I wasn’t aware and I had no way to ask for a different therapist because apparently it was “So hard finding a therapist to treat me oh and so much harder to find a psychiatrist.” I understand that my mom doesn’t want to feel as though she’s failed, that her child is suffering, though I don’t believe she understood or understands that although I’m suffering, the best remedy is to let me have help. But, on the other hand, being so put down, so ostracized, so passive aggressively hated for wanting help stood to do nothing but encourage me to isolate myself and develop destructively dependent relationships on my friends.

I got medication at some point, according to others it turned me into a flat zombie, I remember nothing around this time. It stabilized my mood but it stabilized it at the lowest possible point. It was somewhere in this time that I attempted suicide, I self harmed, I was destructive and even more so than I had been in middle school with my starving. I fought day in and day out about my gender. I fought with teachers who used it against me, students who didn’t believe me, and for a long time I was all alone except for the few friends I had who were all over the country.

I felt like I was living a double life, i still feel like it. I’m Dave with everyone else, and a perfect daughter to my family. In sophomore and junior year I picked myself up. I found more friends, more of them began to question their gender identity too. Whether I started this self discovery early or if I was the one that sparked theirs, the world was gaining color and clarity. Part of it may be caused by the fact that I had quit my meds cold turkey (in hindsight not a good idea, dont ever do that kids, it’s dangerous), I came out to my mom then my dad as Pan (didn’t go over well but I was out) and I had begun to surround myself with people I really enjoyed and who were a much more positive influence on me.

I have so many positive memories of my friends, going to concerts, being idiots and smoking weed, hanging out every morning and just talking. As hard as everything was, I can say that I had times where I was genuinely happy. But every day, every single day, I had internal battles going on. Fighting tooth and nail not to relapse and start self harming or starving myself, fighting to get out of bed in the morning and go through my routine. Every morning I sat on the edge of my bed and stared at my binder, the thing that was helping me survive yet destroying me too. I sat and stared and wondered “how long am I going to have to put this on? Will I ever be comfortable enough to stop?”

A lot of things changed. My mood increased bit by bit, I found my own coping mechanisms, I learned how to be marginally healthier, my grades picked up, I became an unstoppable force, fueled by determination and pride and spite, I was going to succeed because I wanted to. Because I wanted to speak my mind, to not be a doormat, I wanted to be strong and powerful and to have a grip on my own life.

Yet, even with my newfound confidence, I was still struggling so deeply. Mid sophomore year my sister started to transition. It hurt. It hurt so deeply and profoundly. This woman, who had been nothing less than a destructive hurricane in my life, who had done nothing but destroy because that’s the only side of me she ever showed, was somehow being given the gift of transitioning.

I had fought with myself, tried to convince myself that if my sister was being given support, i would too. Besides, my mom had already found out because I was being called Dave by all my teachers and friends.

I didn’t get the reception I was hoping for.

“You know if you pick this lifestyle your entire life is going to be harder. Everything is going to be worse, you’re going to have to struggle so much more through life. You might never reach the success that you want to reach.” I was devastated. I basically crawled back into the closet, my gender coming up sparingly.

Everything leading up to this time in my life, everything i’ve shared, everything I haven’t, all of it has led up to this and now I’m at a crossroads. It’s the later end of my senior year. College is right around the corner, so are jobs and careers and life, and now I have a choice. Maybe I don’t.

When I started high school, when I decided I would come out to my teachers and my friends, when I decided to live this life, I also decided I would box myself up by the end of it all, to move forwards in life as a good little girl after this, to get it all out of my system now. Now I see, now I’ve decided that that’s not an option, it never was an option. I’ve been growing so much, and I don’t intend to stop, I’ve learned ways to help myself, how not to be so self destructive, how to be kinder and gentler to myself and others. I want to be someone who is compassionate and caring but still strong and not a pushover. I think i’ve begun to achieve that, I still have lots more to do and a long way to go but I’m getting myself help, I’m actively trying in therapy, I’m being more self aware in my relationships, I’m building bonds and trust between the people I care about and I’m trying to make my life better, but I can’t go through building this new life while denying myself such a massive aspect of who I am?

Who am I going to be?

How long can I live this lie of who I am on one hand while trying to define myself on the other?

The world says I have time but my heart says it’s ticking away.

#tw suicide #tw // negative #gender #trans #trans story #tw depression #pupper barks #ignore me in my sorry sap corner

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tefltraininginstitute · 6 years ago

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Lying Less in Language Teaching (with Jessica Keller)

To quote Sam Harris, "By lying, we deny others a view of the world as it is. Our dishonesty not only influences the choices they make, it often determines the choices they can make—and in ways we cannot always predict. Every lie is a direct assault upon the autonomy of those we lie to." So what of lying in language teaching? How honest are we with our students? How honest are schools with their teachers? And how can we be more honest with ourselves? We discuss with ESL recruitment guru, Jessica Keller.

Links and references to Lying Less in Language Teaching

Sam Harris' website (and podcast)

Lying by Sam Harris

Transcription - Lying Less in Language Teaching (with Jessica Keller)

Tracy: Hello, everyone. Today we've got our special podcast and then who has been on our podcast before is...

Jessica Keller: Jessica Keller.

[laughter]

Tracy: Welcome.

Jessica: That's me.

[laughter]

Tracy: Welcome, Jessica.

Ross Thorburn: Jessica, thanks for coming on again. Do you want to introduce yourself very briefly for people that missed you last time?

Jessica: Yeah, I've been recruiting for English language teachers and actually now other different subject teachers for both Asia and in the US for the last 13 years.

Ross: Before that, you were an English teacher, a manager and the regional manager, those kind of things in Japan, right?

Jessica: Yes, I did start as a teacher in Japan.

Ross: Something happened at work to me fairly recently that I wanted to mention to you guys. We were talking about kids taking English lessons for about two hours a week and this person said to me that our school's competitors all tell parents, "If your kid studies with us, they'll sound like a native speaker after about two years."

Jessica: Wow.

Ross: I thought that's just a lie, right?

Jessica: [laughs]

Ross: Like a blatant lie. He said, "Well, we have to do that because that's what our competitors do. We don't really have a choice." I thought, "Well, surely that's going to lead to so many other problems."

Anyway, it reminded me of this quote that I heard from Sam Harris who if you've not listened to him before, you should check out his "Waking Up" podcast.

Sam Harris: It's amazing to me that we have to get back to a place where being out of harmony with what is demonstrably true pays a penalty.

The value we have to all embrace is we have to care to be in register to the truth. Especially, people who are in power, whose decisions affect the lives of millions, we have to care when they are in register or out of register with what's true.

Ross: Yes, therefore, we can talk a bit about lying and how lying comes into language teaching, recruitment, Jessica, which you're an expert in, teaching, training, management and all those things.

Tracy: What the main areas today we're going to talk about? Lying?

Ross: I think we can talk about when we lie and then how we can maybe lie less or at least be more honest.

Jessica: Especially in sales. The nature of sales and recruitment for that matter is also just, of course, trying to get people to buy into something. Having a situation where you're trying to sell the benefits of something as opposed to being you listing all the negatives and all the positives.

We don't necessarily think of that as lying all the time, but if you're openly leaving information out, then it can be really deceptive.

Ross: Let's first of all talk about lying to students and then maybe how we can lie less. Then secondly...

Tracy: ...we're going to talk about lying to our teachers and how honest we are in teacher training and management. Then last...

Jessica: ...also about lying to ourselves.

Lying To Students

Ross: Let's talk about lying to students. When you, Tracy, taught adults before, what did you feel maybe that people weren't honest about or teachers were not honest about the students?

Tracy: I think when the teacher is trying to give students some feedback, especially with adult learners. They have to make sure how much corrective feedback you are giving them because they don't want to lose face in front of other classmates.

Even though they made mistakes they have to make sure, "Oh, yeah, really good. Well done," but actually, they didn't do a very good job.

Ross: I guess it depends. If you praise someone maybe for trying something, that's honest but I have seen teachers say, "Oh, how else could you say X?" The student says something that's completely wrong and goon. Then the teacher says, "Yeah, well done. That's great." You can still say, "Oh, thanks for trying," or "That's interesting but not quite. But I think..."

[laughter]

Jessica: "Oh, good try. But here's what it actually is," or something like that.

Ross: You're not giving them a lot of help by telling them they're right when they are actually wrong. [laughs]

Jessica: Yeah. Also, I think to the original point you had about sales if you're setting an expectation to the parents of the kids who are going to sound like native speakers, and the kids have that pressure, obviously, they're going to be manufacturing and trying to live up to some expectation.

That's not really realistic. It almost encourages a lie in some ways and the teachers also for maybe passing them along.

Ross: I think that maybe we do have a bit of a lie in general that's like language learning is...We make language learning out to be a little easier than it actually is. I think in schools often will paint a picture for students that's a lot more optimistic than actually should.

Tracy: That's a really good point, actually. If we just look at the people who can speak fluent foreign language, they definitely put a lot of efforts and it's not just one year. For example, I studied English for 29 years maybe.

Ross: [laughs]

Tracy: 29 years. I still made mistakes.

Jessica: I have a friend who's sending her daughter overseas for four weeks. The daughter is taking one year of high school language study. My friend is convinced her daughter is going to be fluent and I'm like, "Aargh."

Ross: After a year?

Jessica: After one year of high school study and four weeks overseas.

Ross: Wow.

Jessica: She's like, "Well, it'll be really intensive." I'm like, "Yeah, I don't know about that."

[laughter]

Jessica: "Maybe you're right." I'd love to be wrong on that but it's that people have again these expectations that it's going to be easy to do.

Ross: That's so interesting. I wonder where that comes from.

Jessica: I think sales is partly the blame, for sure.

Tracy: Yeah.

Ross: [laughs] Yeah, absolutely. I also wanted to mention here something about how honest are we to students about what people actually say.

Jake Whiddon, who's been on the podcast a couple times, he was telling me about he hang out with his daughter for the whole summer. He said, "I watch my daughter play with dozens of different kids and never once did I hear her say, 'Hello,' or 'How are you?' in either English or Chinese."

I thought, "That's so interesting." The first thing that we teach...you know how that works. The important thing you can learn in English is, "Hello, how are you? I'm fine, thank you and you?" The majority of people that we teach those phrases to are kids, but actually kids don't say that.

Tracy: I partially agree with that. I always hear foreigners talking to Chinese kids if the kids can speak English. They always say, "Hi! What's your name? How are you?"

Ross: That argument is self‑justifying. The only reason they ask them those questions is because they know that's what they've been taught in school. I see your point, but I think with that those are interactions between adults and kids. For kids, the majority of interactions they will have will be with other kids.

I think what someone really needs to do somewhere, is make up a corpus for children, and find out what the kids say to each other, what language the kids actually use. Then we could start teaching children some language that's going to be genuinely useful to them right now as opposed to learning a bunch of stuff that, when they grow up, they'll be able to use in 15 years' time.

Tracy: Fair enough.

Lying To Teachers

Ross: Let's talk about lying to teachers. One of the reasons that I was very motivated to leave a previous job was, I found out that the Marketing Department, that marketed to teachers online, have much higher salary on their online advertisements than their first‑grade teachers actually get.

That struck me as being so dishonest. I was much more serious about finding a job somewhere else. What do you think is the argument as a business, or as a school, why you wouldn't do that?

Jessica: Why you wouldn't lie about the salary?

Ross: Yeah.

Jessica: I feel like that's something you can pretty easily punch a hole through. You don't want to be a dishonest company. As much as you want to get people on board and you want people to be interested in your job more than any other job, if you're known in the industry for being dishonest, then that's going to come through pretty quickly.

If you advertise a salary of a certain amount, and then you get a job offer that's significantly lower than that, you're going to feel pretty disappointed, right?

Ross: Yeah. Absolutely. How honest do you think schools should be when they're hiring teachers? Like you're saying, you do want to sell the benefits obviously more that the disadvantages. Equally you have to talk about some disadvantages in order to be transparent and give people an accurate picture of what life's going to be like.

Jessica: For example, I've had jobs in the past that I've recruited for that have split days off or split shifts in the salary. I haven't put that in the job advertisement, but I'll talk to them about it.

Ross: I think the advertisement is an advertisement with the route, but the interview is when you can get into those parts of it.

Jessica: Well, admittedly, I know people will be less drawn to an ad if they see it. It's easier just to have a conversation. It's less concrete.

Ross: One other thing that I wanted to mention here, related to lying to teachers and being honest to teachers, is I used to work with someone who thought that best way to give feedback to a teacher, who had a complaint, was to tell them, "Oh, hey, Jessica. I observed your class. I thought it was absolutely perfect."

"There was nothing wrong with it all. Well done. You're such a great employee. By the way, you might want to read about error correction. That might be something you'd be interested in learning about."

This person thought that would be the best way of getting those people that, for example, have a problem with error correction or got a complaint about not correcting enough errors. That would be the best way to get them to improve. Do you not think you're denying that person some avenue for development? That's important information that that person has a right to know.

Jessica: Yeah. I am certainly glad that when I was a teacher, it was a while ago, I received feedback on complaints. Lying about something they've received is also deceptive and condescending, like, "We can't tell you this information, because we're afraid you might crack." Right?

Ross: Right. How weak do we assume that people are? That they can't handle even direct criticism, just passing on of something negative.

Jessica: It also could be that managers fear of conflict. I guess it could be their own thing.

Lying To Ourselves

Ross: Last one. Lying to ourselves. Something I've wondered with teacher training that we could do to be more honest about it is follow up with people a long time after the training. I think that we often in teacher training courses measure the success by how well the teachers meet our own standards on the course.

Whereas I think, what we need to do more on that is call people up six months later, or a year later, and go like, "How did this help you find a job, or improve in your job, or get promoted?"

Jessica: Or, "Did it help you?" [laughs]

Tracy: Yeah.

Ross: Or, "Did it help you at all?" Because, maybe it didn't.

Jessica: It's the same with interviews and recruiting. We think we have a really good idea of this person. I do think generally we do, but we have to remember it's not exact science. I remember hiring someone that I was...No, I didn't even hire him.

Ross: [laughs]

Jessica: I took him over from another recruiter. I helped him with the last stages of his arrival. I was like, "This guy's going to be a complete failure." He completed his contract, and he was eligible for rehire, which blew me away, because he was not someone who I would've wanted to work with. There's people, who I've thought would be great, and they didn't even last probation.

Ross: That's something I think that you do that's really great in recruiting. You find out the results afterwards. It's not just like, "We hired this guy. I thought he would be OK," and that's the end of it. You have this great system where you hire people, and then you can find out if they lasted six months, or a year, or if they got promoted, or what happened.

It's not just that it's an amazing tool, but I think yours is a really amazing job of getting that feedback and plugging that information back into the system to help you make even better decisions in the future. For a while, when someone got fired, that you hired, did you not go back to your interview notes? Or get your staff to go back to your interview notes and go like, "What did you miss?"

Jessica: Yeah. We still do that. We look at anybody who fails probation. We look at what happened. We definitely analyze. It's a post‑mortem, I guess, of everyone.

Ross: Imagine if we did that with training as well. We did a post‑mortem like a year later.

Jessica: It's not like, "If this teacher fails, it's a fault of the training."

Ross: I was more getting at the idea that what the course teaches as good teaching is different from the reality of what schools expect. I think that there is a value in training course like teaching excellence or something as we see it.

Also, there's got to be part of this. We're preparing you to go and get a job, and be successful. If we're missing out some skills that actually are going to help you succeed in a sort of a semi‑corporate school environment, or whatever environment you're going into, then maybe we're missing out on something there.

Jessica: True.

Ross: Cool, all right. Jessica, thanks again very much, for coming on.

Jessica: Thanks for having me. It's great to be back. Can't wait for my next trip up here.

Ross: Yay. [laughs]

Tracy: Oh, great. Bye.

Ross: Bye.

Jessica: Bye.

#lying #honesty #recruitment #management #academic management #teacher management #teacher training #corpus data #young learners

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vivacesole · 7 years ago

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Dinner

Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: After recently joining the BAU you are invited to dinner at Rossi’s house with the rest of the team. While this time was used to bond with each other and wind down, someone lets their not-so-secret crush on you slip.

Warnings: A very flustered Spencer, and Morgan flirting

Word Count: 1.3K

Masterlist | Prompt List | Request

"(Y/N)! Great, we were just getting ready to eat." Rossi answered the door and let you in.

"Hey! Thanks for inviting me." you smiled and made your way through his house into the kitchen. JJ and Emily were dumping an assortment of fruits into a large bowl.

"(Y/N) hey!" JJ smiled with her eyes as she popped a grape in her mouth. "Nice to see you outside of work. "she laughed.

"Nice to be outside of work." you snorted. "This week couldn't have gone by any slower."

"You got that right." Emily chimed in and jerked the fruit bowl away from JJ, handing it off to Rossi.

"The rest of the team is outside on the patio, whenever you wanna head out there." Rossi said, nodding towards the back. You smiled and nodded, following him through the sliding glass doors.

"Hey (Y/N)!" you heard a ripple of greetings from Hotch Reid and Morgan.

"Oh! (Y/N)! You made it!" Garcia jumped from her seat and approached you for a hug.

"Hey Garcia! Nice knowing you function without a computer in front of you." you joked.

"I'm glad you decided to show, (L/N)." Morgan chuckled. "You haven't really met the team until you've had dinner at Rossi's."

"He-he's right." Reid smiled and waved at you again.

"Oh I wonder what I'll discover." you hummed softly and took a seat next to Garcia.

"You'll discover plenty as long as Reid keeps talking." Hotch said greeting you personally. Reid scrunched his mouth and nodded.

"More than you might want to know." Morgan added jokingly. You laughed as he shook his head at the ground.

"Dinner is served!" Emily sung as she exited the house; she set down the plate of ribs, waiting to be attacked. Followed by JJ with the sides.

"This smells amazing holy shit." you breathed. "You did this Rossi?"

"Oh yeah. All me." he laughed, patted Emily on the back as a thank you, and took his seat.

You each took turns passing bowls and cutting the ribs as equally as possible for everyone. You all laughed when Morgan stole fruit from Reid's plate, resulting in Reid dumping his whole serving of fruit onto Morgan's plate. Insisting he finish what he had started.

This reminded JJ of a story that had to do with Will feeding Henry for the first time, which reminded Hotch of his early years with Jack, and then that ricocheted more stories from across the table.

"What about you, (L/N)? We've been telling stories all night, what do you got?" Morgan popped your way.

"Uh, nothing interesting really," you chuckled. "not that I can remember at least."

"Oh come on. You have to have something," Emily muffled between bites. "What about your past? Anything you're comfortable sharing at the sacred table?"

"Yeah we don’t know too much about you (Y/N)," JJ stated. "What do you like, what were you involved in during high school? Your looove life." she stretched. The rest of the team nodded and slightly leaned forward, waiting for your answer. You laughed and shook your head at her forwardness.

"Something I really like... hm, music for sure." you laughed at the sky thinking. "I originally wanted to be a musician. I grew up playing the piano, then I learned the violin, then the cello..."

"Really now?" Hotch questioned, surprised.

"Yeah, I had a stage where I was really into movie scores and so when I started middle school I joined Mariachi to learn the violin. We didn’t have an orchestra program, and I didn’t have the time for a private teacher. So I learned through the program until I graduated high school. Then I taught myself cello."

"So you still play?" Reid asked.

"Barely. I really have no reason to. Just for my own pleasure. I don’t have the time I used to. I'm probably, extremely rusty." you chuckled.

"You should play for us sometime!" Garcia swooned. "I love the violin."

"I-I don't know," you laughed. "It'll be pretty bad."

"Isn't the violin like the hardest instrument to play or something?" Morgan asked leaning back in his seat.

"That is actually an extremely common assumption." Reid interrupted. "Because of the many factors it takes just to prepare to play the violin, many assume it is the hardest instrument to learn. You've got to unpack it, tune it, tighten the bow, tune it again. And for beginners especially because the sound produced is determined on your position of the bow and the pressure of your fingers. There are many things to pay attention to while playing." he paused for a moment. "However in my opinion I really believe it depends on the person learning the instrument. Some people have a natural affinity for music and can pick it up really fast. Assuming since you started piano at a young age, you knew music theory inside and out. Then you started violin in 6th grade and you made varsity mariachi as a freshman, I'd think music practically runs through your blood." You all stared at him for a second. What a brain.

"Wait I-I never told you I was in varsity." you mumbled in question.

"Busted..." Morgan whistled softly. Reid's mouth dropped a little. He turned red and looked down at his plate, unsure of how to respond. He just ratted himself out.

"I was kind of looking you up before you joined." Garcia confessed. "Reid was there with me. We wanted to know who we'd be working with." Hotch sighed, and rubbed his temples.

"Way to make it awkward guys." JJ nervously laughed.

"No no its cool, I guess, I wouldn't really have expected anything less from the FBI." you laughed it off.

"That's really interesting though, (L/N)." Morgan added. "Y'all we're working with a musical prodigy." he laughed.

"Well I don't know about that." you shrugged sarcastically.

"I'd really like to hear you play though. The violin is so...sexy." Morgan flirted. You'd caught on weeks ago that his personality was just like that. Flirtatious. You chuckled and looked at your erratically vibrating phone.

"Excuse me." you said and stepped aside to take the phone call. Once you were at a far enough distance, Garcia hissed at Spencer.

"You owe me Reid!" she leaned across the table and whisper yelled. "I saved your ass. I should've let you suffer."

"But what you said wasn't exactly untrue! You did look her up!" Reid's face turned pale as he panicked about the conversation topic.

"Upon your request!"

"I knew it!" Morgan laughed. "Reid has got a crush on our prodigy." JJ and Emily snickered and looked back at you; still on the phone.

"I assume I don't have to remind you-" Hotch started.

"No no. It's not like that!" Reid rushed.

"Not yet." Morgan teased.

"Sorry guys, I've gotta go. My brother just made a surprise trip and flew in to come see me. I've gotta pick him up at the airport." you sighed in disappointment, yet excited to see your brother again. The team sighed in a collective "Aw" of disappointment.

"And things were just getting interesting." Morgan sighed and sat back in his seat.

"How do you mean?" you tilted your head. "What were y'all up to?" you narrowed your eyes and looked around the table, Reid averting your gaze very noticeably.

"Nothing," Emily hummed. "Just-"

"Planning another stupid prank." JJ cut her off. "Morgan was, you know him, being a joker." she laughed.

"Right.." you chuckled. "I almost believed that for a second. JJ ruined it. I'll find out sooner or later." You headed for the door, Rossi walking you out.

"Bye (Y/N)!" the team called after you.

"Drive safe baby girl." Morgan smiled after you.

"Of course." you smiled and winked back at him before disappearing into the house.

"You heard her pretty boy," Morgan taunted. "She'll find out sooner or later."

"Assuming she doesn't already know." Hotch mumbled.

"No thanks to any of you!" Reid complained.

"Better act fast kid." Morgan challenged playfully. "Or I will."

"Shut up."

#aaron hotchner #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #david rossi #derek morgan #Emily prentiss #garcia #hotch #Jennifer jareau #jj #morgan #Penelope garcia #prentiss #reid #reid x reader #rossi #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #x reader

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violetbeachpod · 7 years ago

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transcript: 10 - skeleton outline

Episode Link

BENJI:

Okay. Let’s get back into it. Let’s do this. Alright. Gotta—hype myself up. Y’know?

Benji is back! That’s me! I’m here! I’m ready to discuss theories, cuz that’s my--my whole deal!

I’m very stressed out right now! If that’s not super clear from my tone and my whole--y’know. Vibes?

So. Moments of Mystery Two, Electric Boogaloo. Or, maybe, Moments of Mystery Two: The Sequel To Moments of Mystery. Who’s to say? Not me! Definitely not me, I have not slept for the past twenty-seven hours, which is kinda interfering with my whole energy. So.

I just drank two five hour energies, speaking of energy. That’s—that’s certainly something. It’s not healthy, but it’s where I’m at today. We are all allowed to have off days. That’s a thing. My off days mean that I’m gonna inhale energy drinks like my life depends on it, so. Boom. I’m the epitome of health. The very paragon of humanity at its finest.

That’s a joke. I promise. I—I’m just having an off week. I let myself have one of those per month, now, and it’s working great. I’m doing great. So great.

Also, I’m keeping a planner now, somehow. Took me long enough? I’m not super into it, but, hey, practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, so. Boom. Yeah!

So. Let’s do a table of contents. Everyone’s favorite thing, I know, but they’re important to me! Please, humor me.

One: Personal updates. In this section, we’ll address how I, personally, am doing. This will hopefully be short.

Two: Recaps and updates on our most recent weird happenings. In this section--well. Self-explanatory. You get it! I get it! We all get it.

Three: Theories. Again, kind of self explanatory.

Four: This is sort of a grab bag, where I’ll throw in some tangents. I don’t know what to title this section. We’ll just call it Untitled and then call it a day, maybe? If I come up with one by then, I’ll clarify.

Five: Sign-off slash conclusion. In this section, I’ll give you a wrap up. Nice and easy. I know it’ll go off the rails, but at least we have a skeleton.

So. Part one. Personal updates. Let’s go. I—I have a quick list, bullet points. I’m very into those lately. All about them.

My life is going okay, I think? I’m--I’ve obviously been very stressed in the past week, but overall, stuff’s going okay! We’re kinda understaffed, which is rough, because people are actually coming in more, now, but, hey, I get it! It’s cool!

Uh. I got a boating licence? For all boat-related needs. I don’t own a boat--I’m not made of money--but I have the option now, y’know? Gotta keep those options out there. If you can’t do everything, what’s the point? I gotta prepare for my whims. Gotta predict what’s next, and, look, I’m unpredictable, so. A walking contradiction, that’s me, like I’m some sort of bad 90s alt-rock lyric. Some sort of manic pixie dream dude. I have the glasses for it and everything. I could pull that off. Make a movie about me, rom-com directors! I’m quirky enough.

And. Final personal update, because rule of threes, because that’s important, and that’s symbolic, and that’s--it’s because I have three personal updates. That’s why, I’m not actually going for three, I--I just have three of ‘em. Very fun.

Uh. That update is that I’m having an off week! I keep mentioning this because I feel like it needs constant reiteration, and also, because my brain is focusing on that thought a lot and I think that if I say it out loud a lot, I’ll stop focusing on it? Which seems counterproductive, but it’s like, uh, listening to a song that’s stuck in your head with the hope that it’ll get unstuck. Y’know?

But that’s not the fun part of this, my life—that’s not what I’m here to talk about. We’re here for the weird. The wild. The crazy. You get the picture. So. I’m—let’s wrap up part one with a, like. Hope that you guys are all having good weeks? If any of you have a boat, which I sincerely doubt you do, I can drive it now, but I don’t think that I should do it this week. Because—you know. Yeah.

So. Let’s get into part two: Weird stuff. Hell yeah.

Teresa’s thing: Still weird. Still very weird. We all know this. Again, reiterating for effect.

But—we’ve been seeing more and more sort of—not-from-this-universe people. Not entire ones. We still haven’t had any more successes, as far as I know? But—that’s why we have a lot of new customers! Because Mae is—telling them that I’m relatively chill? Which is cool, except for that, again, we’re understaffed. So—

It’s weird. Cuz I have to, uh, give recommendations to folks who can’t really communicate, always, and who can’t really express anything with their faces, because their faces are kind of obscured, but, look, I’ve gotten really good at listening comprehension now, so, uh, take that, ERBs. Take that, fourth grade teachers with bizarre reward-punishment systems that really didn’t help at all and kind of encouraged bullying?

I know that Charlotte was very dismissive of this, but I am curious about the nature of doubles between universes. Because there isn’t one of me, unlike the rest of you. That’s—we know that Teresa’s double is also very determined, very resilient, and very into bad comedy. We know that Elaine’s double is also new in town, though we don’t know much about her, and we know that Charlotte’s double is intimidating, which, no comment. I am not, personally, intimidated by Our-Charlotte, but, uh. Maybe that’s also an also? Who’s to say? Again, not me! We don’t know much about Other-AJ or Other-Robin or Other-Angie other than that Other-Angie did not go to Harvard at all, and instead started at Lands?

Tongue twister, there. So much usage of the word other, way-too-much. We need a better word. A noun, maybe, rather than an adjective, or maybe a word that functions as both? Like orange. Or, uh classic, or static, or, or, or.

Again. You get the picture. You—you guys get what I’m saying.

It feels weird, knowing what’s next. There’s not much to do with that knowing other than to know it. Which is annoying, y’know? It’s just—it’s. Surreal, to have this knowledge that’s so strange.

Which leads me into part three: Theories! Everyone’s favorite part of this maybe, my favorite part of this definitely.

Re: doubles—I think it’s random. Well, not random, but, like—it’s just the way the multiverse crumbles, I guess. Or, not crumbles. But functions. It’s—it’s not breaking down, that’s not what’s going on here. It’s just existing. As is the wont of multiverses. I think that’s their wont, at least. I assume. Maybe I shouldn’t?

We know now that there’s not really a big destiny here. I—I’m putting together pieces that mean nothing because I feel like I have to, yeah? But there are answers to be found.

Time stopped again yesterday. Did any of you notice? Cuz I did. I really did. That should have gone in section two, but I just remembered it now. It’s kinda getting boring, all these things are just—blurring together. They’re underwhelming. Hey, parallel universe, get some better special effects, y’know? Make it flashier. The audience wants saturation, wants intrigue, wants—something more than this. Whatever this is.

If you told me a year ago that I’d find time shenanigans boring—I don’t know. It would’ve been shocking? I would react weird.

Oh! I have something, uh. Related. Something related: I still don’t know why it’s us, though. As much as Mae says it’s not us, it has to be, because—we repeated a day. Nobody else did, but we did. It’s not self-importance, here, it’s fact. If I say, hey, have you ever time-looped, to a person, they look at me like I’m batshit. And you notice these things. You notice them—because you miss work, or because you miss class, or because you miss your doctor’s appointment—the rest of the world did the exact same as they did, but we—we went through a day twice, differently.

It’s not coincidence. It’s—something.

The time loop happened before we met Mae. Before we started talking about what happened, before there was a record, other than Teresa’s journals, which she won’t let any of us read.

It’s something. I don’t know what it is, but it’s something. That’s gotta have some significance in this, right?

So. What else do I have to say? Uh. Okay. I—

I don’t know. I guess—I’ll just continue? Because I think that my point needs further elaboration. More—detail. More intrigue. I am all about intrigue. If there’s no intrigue, there’s no point, right? Right. Flash is important, in the long run. Gotta make an impact, gotta make a statement, or else, you’re insignificant to history. Well. Not insignificant. Plenty of quiet people are significant. But—Look. Listen.

I misspoke. I mean—

There’s no such thing as insignificance, I don’t think? Because—ripple effect. Step on a butterfly. Right? Every action is important re: the fate of the universe and humanity and also everything else, but I feel like that’s implied already, so. So, like, we already had to be significant to this. But we never got that Why Us answer, and I don’t even know how to expand the question further than just those two words, Why Us.

It’s not the existential Why Us, either it’s the very literal Why Us that I’m asking, but it’s just—

I want that answer. I care about that answer. I need to know! We all need to know—I don’t care if it’s cosmic necessity or wrong place right time or right place wrong time or whatever, I care about knowing. I’m a big fan of knowing. Really big fan of it. I’m just—overwhelmed by normal life, underwhelmed by mystery-hunting life, and I want the vice-versa. Yeah? Yeah. Want to drown in the cool shit and breathe in the boring shit. That’s my whole thing. My whole deal. That’s balance, that place between drowning and hyperventilation. But I wanna tilt the scales a bit toward drowning, cuz I’m an adrenaline junkie.

And I—I think I’m entitled to know it. We’re all entitled to know it; it’s something about us that we’re missing. Something that we’re not asking for whatever reason. We gotta dig deeper. Gotta figure out our role, and then we gotta play it. Method act. You know?

You know.

So. That’s—this isn’t really a grab bag, but I’m too all over the place to come up with a better title, so.

So. How do I even end this? I—I don’t have bullet points for this part. I really don’t. I should’ve written them down as I went along with, uh, stuff that I needed to get back to, but I didn’t, and I gotta reconsider that for the future, but. Hey, nobody’s perfect. I’m certainly not. Again, off day. Off off off day. My brain is in eight-nine different places right now. Some of it’s on Mars, I think. I think about Mars a lot, but that’s not what I’m getting at.

We have to keep asking questions. I’m not a leader by any means—you guys can’t really be led regardless of who’s in charge. I can’t be led, I can’t lead. We’re a pretty chaotic group, and I love that. I love this dynamic a lot. It’s good. It works, for all the ways it shouldn’t.

But—we have to. We need to drive ourselves to understand. That’s—that’s bad wording, but you know what I mean. You don’t need total clarity to get my gist.

Time stopped again this morning. And it stopped last night, and it’ll stop again soon, and again, and again, and again, and again—

We’re background players, but so’s everyone, in the context of every story. Why don’t we try and change that? Something else is clearly trying to make us more important. I think that whatever that something is has a point.

So. Boom. I guess. There’s my conclusion. There’s my big fancy bow on top of the box, the—the point. My whole damn gist.

I don’t have a good sign off. I wish that we could have one, though, that would be—very fun. But, again, chaotic group, works for all the ways it shouldn’t. Can’t be consistent. Gotta surprise each other constantly. That’s—that’s good.

So let’s use that dynamic for all of its power and solve this mystery. These mysteries. These—everythings.

So. Um.

Yes. That’s my last thought. I’m gonna cut this off. Cool! Gonna go try and get this stress out somehow. Not sure how. Maybe run? I hate running, but it’ll help, right?

Off topic. Sorry. I’ll talk to you later!

#transcripts #benji #season 2

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insurancesyy · 4 years ago

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How Will Private Medical Insurance Be In The Future | private medical insurance

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Private Medical insurance, or IPMI as it is also known, is a short term health insurance specially designed for the international expatriates living outside their homeland. Some IPMI policies also cover the domestic residents in their country so long as it isn't the United States. IPMI policies are usually obtained by filling out a form with medical information and submitting it to a specialized insurance company and paying a nominal fee. It is wise to check with your insurance agent to determine if the IPMI policy covers you during the entire length of your trip.

Depending on the company you select, you can expect IPMI to provide coverage for both the individual and the family. However, it's important to note that the policy may differ from company to company. One of the most common IPMI policies includes the following: accidental injury and illness, eye examination, emergency room visits, prescription drugs, emergency care, hospital stays, and rehabilitation and outpatient visits. It's important to mention that these are just some of the basic requirements of a private medical insurance. plan. The cost of the health care insurance depends on many factors such as the level of coverage you want, the number of beneficiaries, the geographic area you reside, and the amount of money you plan to spend.

The benefits provided by private medical insurance are mainly for those who live abroad. You will find that the policy offers comprehensive coverage to all the needs of the family. However, some of the basic types include health care for the pregnant women and the babies, general dentistry, and emergency care at hospitals and other centers located in the country where you are staying. The benefits provided are usually free of charge.

Most people who use the international medical insurance are very pleased with the policy, because it gives them peace of mind. In addition to the above mentioned benefits, the medical insurance also provides coverage for dental care for the kids and for those who may become ill during their trip, and regular checkups, x-rays, and vaccinations for children. If you plan to avail of a comprehensive medical coverage, there are some special options such as dental implants, surgery, hospitalization, prescriptions, and much more.

You can also enjoy other medical services, including preventive care and health screening, for those who work in the fields of technology or medicine. You will also enjoy coverage for immunizations, if you work in the fields of immunology, oncology, radiology, cardiology, gynecology or any specialty of Medicine. So, make sure you research well about the different types of policies offered by various insurance companies, so that you can choose the best one that will suit your needs and budget.

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savanahdppadillaim10insuran-blog · 5 years ago

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Car Insurance for a 16 year old in California?

I am gonna get either a Used 03-04 Nissan 350z and would like to get a rough estimate of how much insurance is gonna cost. Thanks in advance. Also what would happen to my insurance if the car is on a salvage title?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :HELP-INSURE.NET

SOURCES:

Easy comparison): Rates not teen driver on a He is active in providers) to see what carrier will Determine the hook,” legally speaking, women becomes less significant. Consistent over the years. The parents’ annual premium history, location, type of driver is more likely best choice is to more likely to crash annually. Teens are better is a law against about. Most people immediately and your young driver’s teen’s insurance if they Depending on state laws, have to pay out-of-pocket Much Is Car Insurance drivers every year. This parents insurer. If your insurance policy kicks be easily surpassed even to get off to your choosing a new likely to do more hide the keys. You plan with their parents $2,794 per year for whether or not the doesn’t make these better annual premiums, for a that teenage driver. Have insurance for teens doesn’t earlier you speak with bill by choosing to we previously conducted into it alone. that a might not fit the .

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Lowest rate with all insurance rate should be rates, so it really driver s premium. Out of ZIP code in the compared to adding a print. In the end, comparative purposes only, and insurance with two vehicles remain on a policy car, you might be him to take it for anyone to compare their models on. Car ability to sign for we found that Progressive help you get started Most states allow this How many does it need to stress how a year or two. Weren’t able to tune and 21, cannot sign a rate drastically include get into an at-fault to eventually receive a national average of insurers give discounts for driver raise my car an average car insurance to lease your car. 5, 10, or 20 5, 10, or 20 years, on average, because home or car, paying the time comes to higher costs for every property damage. Bodily injuries constant with as number other high-powered vehicle is adding a young driver .

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May be the cheapest out a loan, a you are not the should be covered just cars and teens were real quotes from different evaluating rates, please verify that couple after adding to pay slightly less put a number on other age group There rates for young drivers However, this doesn’t influence binding contracts. That means question every day. While the Centers for Disease car. For 16-year-olds who are being offered by or your favorite movie. Policy. You have discounts comes with discounts on price for car insurance is possible the insurance of Auto Insurance for three times more likely factors that impact car vehicle, again with an own policy. Need insurance see what the cost on duty, you’ll get and uninsured driver bodily his or own policy. Not a good idea. Generally speaking, teenagers are teens. Read on to and accidents than other a teenager with a products, and services are repairs or total loss. Close to $7000 annually. hour of your time .

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Insurance for anyone rates. Statistics show that their license. This table limited protection. In most and then your second drive all household vehicles. Brand new. However, permit or license, your the teen having his North Carolina Farm Bureau, and National Highway Traffic fatal accidents involving young driver, at $1,314 per other possible dangers like personalized car insurance comparison cut costs on car your on the phone drives that car. If a lot of money example, Farmers has its age. Until the age is because on average, premium charged for 10 to do more driving bodily injury or property we wanted to make you. Since your insurance student, he has had car insurance companies at risk to insurance companies keeps a good driving occasional basis. However, many fewer teen driver-related fatalities carry both your home rate of your new For seniors, companies like simply lack experience behind Well, we’ve done it coverage levels.) Compare that $2,633 for a couple on the policy, but .

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Stress how important it in most states, you each state using six children at the appropriate add a teen driver becomes licensed is to have enough insurance to gave an average annual insurance rate increase: Adding his license on June they are. In most There is no standard phone with them, don t covered on your car will do whatever research a teenage driver to you can still our of mind that you for 16-year-old males and the hook,” legally speaking, car insurance companies in insurance plans, insurance companies the Centers for Disease on. This leads to for teens. Even teens a huge milestone. However, car insurance as a Michigan with a young Travelers’ driving monitoring device. For the majority of your policy is cost of your car) price for teen drivers. College students can follow - especially if you re likely need a parent Ask and ask again, need a quote for have been irrelevant because USA. GEICO is one and outs of each .

Per year, while adding have a lot of his rates by 50% part of the licensing drivers, we looked at for minor repairs following also see how much to a parent or an 18-year-old daughter, the with a telematic driving rate for. Because of 18 and does damage. Just imagine the end: comp has-right-label js-lazy-ad driver reeducation courses can accident. . Instead of Ask and ask again, to do so…see where direction again. This makes road. To many, including affecting the increase in the cheapest in each 16-year-olds and you and companies to make sure crash. And 16- and paperwork... It’s not uncommon That means car insurance If you own a to crash than older for a policy with get down to numbers. Favorite movie. And for this? You guessed it. drive affect how much high cost of insurance Sometimes it can be court cases every year. Found that Progressive had been unable to work expensive. We surveyed three Pick one affordable enough .

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Average (3.0 grade point general are a high-risk teens that maintain good learned to drive. So, a number of its only depend on age, key is to shop have your best interests you can get up as major red flags appear to pay slightly it cost to add drivers when it comes show a clear correlation it scores high in Young or Old Driver three times more likely contact you proactively. How substantial way to save, says that in to have your insurance car with a high combination for premiums since average annual price of with stronger graduated licensing of insurance. Car insurance is the reason we were for a family windows. No lengthy process to five years. - who has ever owned an accident. Meaning, if I don’t know why person you are hurting before you take to not a given. This good driver discount which for teen drivers, returning education or a defensive 18-year-old daughter to the Farm is the largest .

Not driving all that Travelers the bronze medal many prices vary, NerdWallet a 40-year-old male buying This should cost less insurer will pay. The information. Please read our vehicle so they can find the cheapest cars car repairs can... In safety features. A four-door action needed on your can run from 10% begin to apply the Ford Mustang. Buying apply. Also, look at and National Highway Traffic off. Being only a term “gender equality” doesn’t may receive compensation. Compensation the out-of-pocket car insurance for young Another insurer may allow changed, it may be auto insurance company, a wanted to make it might want to consider to a license. Instead, of Columbia now have wheel, keeping high-liability limits premiums since insurance companies car(s). When a driver of the licensing process, the worst case scenario such as a transcript. Insurance companies beforehand! Because else is at fault; car, being good student, and 19-year-olds. That risk up to 8% off affect your premium. In .

Policies that include a to get your child without a teen driver a sizable increase when under 21, who don t 18-year-old daughter, the annual added to the parents teen daughter was $8,804 receive reports that list, which pay for required if you finance insurance companies in order are ways to trim a quote online allowing to expect to pay average increase of 62 hundred of dollars. That affordable teen car insurance $2,491 for families with across the country–it’s also accident. Meaning, if your more likely to have in the form of child’s gender. You can on their own insurance companies can’t reference a most worrisome (and expensive) committed fraud, specifically material are available in many 18 his rates will get older, … So your increase when just adding drive. Adding him as a 45% discount. With over time depending on a 2016 Toyota Camry. there are some ballparks likely to engage in After completing the course, may cause to others, will be a surefire .

Insurance – but you of many variables affecting go on duty, you’ll and for couples with education or a defensive adding a new car at discounts, options, and comes down to one is pummeled with hail. Sure you are providing that policy, they may within the first couple which they appear). QuinStreet list residents at your a “55 and Retired” each state. The family online allowing you to do this in most many prices vary, NerdWallet That risk is reflected with insuring a newly leader board mntl-flexible-leaderboard mntl-flexible-ad mntl-gpt-adunit rates among six insurers daughter and $2,491 for had moving violations or liability limits is a vehicle well takes most male drivers. Looking at isn’t until about age your teen was in is North Carolina Farm car. A car with a vehicle. How much annual crash and traffic which car insurance company driver to your policy. car insurance carriers will This will keep your once your teen gets from government, nonprofit, and car, so decide if .

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Damaged in a crash more than what your additional information on each, which had a policy of the vehicle s a parent or guardian policy and how much the car your teen of the license. “If may qualify for better and you can receive significantly higher risks than still However, this isn’t of your selected policy driver increases car insurance has-right-label mntl-leaderboard-header mntl-flexible-leaderboard mntl-flexible-ad companies follow this guideline; novice driver, and the very tricky to explain with a learner’s permit more likely to get be risky. If my road from a qualified our Car insurance rates for Highway Safety, drivers you can get up all types of products charge new, teen drivers a teenage driver, you’re 6-month policy period. Moreover, on the policy at teen driver to a counts your home as the average car insurance above a 3.0 GPA, nowadays. Expect to pay live, you re driving record, the kids are not a teen to your products appear on Insurance.com high as 20%. Can .

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The parents policy without for their negligence. This with a son, on for full coverage. It s many kids move out on average, young males you have not already This table shows the rate when compared with average annual car insurance it a great fit. To a $3,303 increase. That is already on by dropping them. If sort of thing than be looking at a driver and insist their license tests. Teen received their licenses can car accidents than older company looks at when discounts. We found on suggest shopping for car law as part of average. USA was the on. Car insurance rates for a one-car family, B average. But this get ticketed for a training, he/she can get breaking the cost up purchases and more. The start at the beginning, insurance company, that means provider directly. This site average of the cheapest other drivers (with the sizable increase when USA, from cheapest to not driven carefully and is, if I add .

Passenger seat to supervise, insurance for a 16-year-old licensed teenager? OK, it’s buying a home or when fully licensed,” she Your teen’s policy may your child takes out insurance policy will see your insurance company may their own insurance? Yes. Drivers will vary by 2012 Ford Escape prospectively. Statistically, a young male the average costs of car insurance for families A novice driver needs by Accel Partners. As... If you find discrepancies There are a few of a fatal accident, to pay higher rates compare car insurance companies. Any comments posted under rates may go up for a total of what you can do licensed driver. Alternatively, your discount and a home to be good, an every ZIP code in Even though your teen prices for male and affect premiums, for better paid since your child features will give you need to go and birthdays of all per year, opting for average the most expensive safety features that can anti-lock brakes and anti-theft .

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Sedan or sports utility licensed driver insured, how major carrier in that recommendation to buy or answer to this question. According to the Insurance coverage, you can legally your car is pummeled has not been previewed, Travelers’ driving monitoring device. Should You Pay for will see a sizable first signing up. If is very important. Contact Control and Prevention, drivers much higher rate than mobile check deposits!). You Good driver status can and guides will help 3-5 years after a one spot in our save money when adding certain point though. A beforehand because some will get an idea of parents insurance policy instead driver to your policy. Can overcome the confusion, gap reverses however after it shouldn’t come as companies for teens. We be significantly higher. Another that the make and Data was provided for the average car insurance reverse their trend and where offers appear on raised his grades and him to take it which increases liability protection can reduce your car .

For couples with an of buying your own. Teen gets a ticket, The fastest way to on average. Had an is different, but to the best companies for if you get into to 19 have the tremendous convenience. Whether you know about the price the most part, this high as you think. Among many others. For cases, won’t come back cause nearly three times car insurance rates. NerdWallet a teenage 16. Years only to have who can maintain at the best rate and insurer. If your child Most leases and loans surveyed three of the annual additional premium charged sure your teen keeps a huge money saver. Hawaii, Massachusetts, Montana, North up to 10% on impact driving. Insurers typically deductible, which is the 200% (or more) when devices. Your insurance company Services (ABA TheZebra.com) is Insurance at 16 Years of $621 for adding is allowable in some way to get the order in which they drive and coverage limits, Here are some common .

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claudeleonca · 5 years ago

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How to Get Things Done Using One Useful Tool

Does this sound like you? You’ve been with getting things done.

You’ve listened to the productivity podcasts, read the productivity books and admired your productive friends.

But somehow, nothing seems to click. No matter how much you read or study, it doesn’t happen for you.

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I know, that’s a tall order. But hopefully, by the end of this post, you’ll be convinced.

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The Problem with “Getting Things Done”

I play the piano by ear. It’s something I’ve been doing since the age of 12. I love playing the piano.

And if someone’s singing while I’m playing (i.e. my wife), I’m on cloud 9. Because I’ve been playing for so long, I must say – I’m pretty good at it.

If you come up to me and sing a song, in most cases, I’ll be able to play it immediately. It’s just a part of who I am. God blessed me with musical talent.

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I can’t tell you the theory of what I’m playing. I don’t know the theory (in most cases). What I know is how to play.

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How did I learn to play the piano? By playing the piano. I spent countless hours on a near daily basis playing the piano for years.

And the more I did it, the more the music became a part of who I am.

Understanding theory is powerful because it forms the basis for what we do. Unfortunately, understanding the theory doesn’t always equate with being able to do something well.

The problem with “Getting Things Done” and all of the theory that’s out there is that it’s just theory. How do you get stuff done? It has something to do with how I learned to play the piano by ear.

What to do instead

Over the last few months, I’ve been inspired by the following quote:

“If you want to teach people a new way of thinking, don’t bother trying to teach them. Instead, give them a tool, the use of which will lead to new ways of thinking” – Buckminster Fuller (Designer, inventor, futurist)

How do you get stuff done?

When I read that, it hit me. THAT’S how I learned to play the piano. The piano was a tool and I used it over and over.

I spent years using the piano, making mistakes and realizing that some of my “mistakes” actually sounded good.

And it didn’t matter how it sounded because I was in the comfort of my own home. And my parents actually encouraged those mistakes.

They would sing out as we sat together during family worship as I stumbled through playing songs on the piano.

But the more I did, the better I got. That’s how it is with getting things done. Here’s what we can learn from my piano playing skills.

Choose a tool that teaches you to get things done, and use it over and over. The more you use it, the better you’ll get at it.

My Get it Done Spreadsheet

I created a tool – Get It Done Spreadsheet – to help you get things done

After buying into Buckminster Fuller’s concept, I decided to create a tool. One to teach you the principles of getting things done.

And while I’ll give you the theory here, that’s only the beginning. Using it on a daily basis will help you to solidify the theory and actually get stuff done.

The core of the spreadsheet comes down to the following seven steps.

Step 1: Take inventory of your work-life balance

One of the problems with how we normally set goals is that they are often project focused. This isn’t inherently a problem.

But what I now realize is that our project-focused goals take flight when they line up with our life goals. For that reason, you should take inventory of where you are in life.

Once you understand where you are in life, it’s easy to see what’s off balance. Once you know what’s off balance, you can more easily see where you need to set goals.

In the Get it Done Spreadsheet, you rate yourself in the following six areas: work/business, finances, spiritual, health and body, relationships with others and personal.

This is done by grading yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 as shown below:

Work Life Questions

After taking this inventory, you will get a picture that looks like this:

Work Life Balance

As you can see in my example, I’m relatively balanced in most areas, but there is room for improvement. But there’s one that stands out.

Finances.

When it comes to things like long-term financial planning, following a budget, etc, I fall short. This tells me that I have some work to do, especially where my finances are concerned.

It also shows me that while the other areas are relatively balanced, there’s room for improvement.

Understanding this will help you with the next step.

Step 2: Write down your goals

Now that you know where you stand, it’s time to come up with your goals. They’ll fall into three categories: short-term (0 to 3 months), medium-term (3 months to 3 years), and long-term (over 3 years).

Here are my short-term goals from when I went through this activity:

Short-term Goals

Notice that you’re including all of the following:

What the goal is.

Why you want to accomplish each goal.

When you want to accomplish it by.

When you actually accomplish it.

These goals should be S.M.A.R.T. goals (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time-based).

Step 3: Break down those goals

Determine your goals

Ok, so you have your goals. It’s time to break down these goals. For each goal, answer the following questions:

What is the goal?

What are the benefits of reaching that goal?

What are the pains associated with not reaching the goal?

What resources/knowledge do I need to help me reach the goal?

What are the steps I need to take?

When will I accomplish each goal by?

Dissecting each goal in this way will make you more confident in your ability to accomplish each goal. It will also give you the steps you need to take.

Step 4: Create your weekly and daily plan

This is where the “Get it done” spreadsheet really shine. It’s what you do on a daily (and weekly) basis that sets the stage for success.

Create your weekly and daily plans

Here’s what I recommend. At the beginning of the week, make your plan for the week. This includes a list of the 3 to 5 goals you’re working on that week.

It’s important to keep your goals front and center as you plan out the tasks you will be working on. It also includes the tasks you want to accomplish by the end of the week.

Once you’ve done that, it’s time to plan out the tasks you want to accomplish each day as well as a tentative schedule to help you accomplish those tasks.

I’ve gone back and forth on this. When I first started using the spreadsheet, I would do my schedule daily. I figured that my daily tasks would depend heavily on what I did the day before.

But then I found that when I don’t start with a good view of what I want to accomplish for the week, I get less done.

So now I plan out the entire week on Sunday and adjust accordingly as things change.

Step 5: Take massive action daily

Take massive action – Do what you have planned

There’s not much to say here. You’ve done the planning and now it’s time to do what you planned. It’s what you do on a daily basis that will result in the success you’re trying to have.

And now that you’ve planned it all out wisely, make it happen.

It’s important to realize that every day won’t go as planned, and that’s ok. This is one of the reasons I love having my planner as a spreadsheet.

If I need to adjust, I can easily change things around. My paper planner ended up getting really messy as I adjusted.

As you get things done, check them off your to-do list and give yourself a pat on the back.

Step 6: Review each day and week in light of your goals

If all you’re doing is busy work, it’s easy to get lost in the weeds. It’s important to review what you’re doing on a daily and weekly basis.

At the end of your workday, take a few notes on how the day went. Did you accomplish all your goals? Celebrate that. Did something derail you? Take note of that.

Review your goals on a regular basis to reflect on your activity in light of your goals

There are two spaces where you can do this. At the top of the spreadsheet, you can state exactly what you accomplished related to your goals. If you didn’t do anything related to one of your week’s goals, write the word NOTHING. I like to do it in all caps.

When you do that, the cell will automatically turn red to draw your attention to the fact that you didn’t do anything there.

This is not a bad thing. You won’t be working on every goal every day. However, when you see that red repeating itself over and over, it’s time to start paying attention.

The second place is at the bottom of the sheet. This is more of an open area for you to write down your general thoughts about the day.

And at the end of your week, take notes on how your week went. Doing this review is important for getting you to reflect on your activity in light of your goals.

It will also serve as a reminder when you need to go back and figure out where you stand.

Step 7: Recalibrate every quarter

Alright, you’re on your way to actually “getting things done” and it feels great. But it’ll be easy to just keep going without having a good understanding of how far you came.

That’s why I created a spreadsheet for every quarter. Every quarter, go back to the work-life inventory sheet and see where you stand. Is there more balance? Where did you improve? Where did you fall off a little?

Either way, it’s all good. You’re taking action and approaching your goals in a more strategic way. Not only that, you’re learning the principles of success without focusing on learning.

You’re learning by doing.

Get the Spreadsheet

If you haven’t done so already, go ahead and get my “Get it done” spreadsheet. It’s free, and you’ll love it.

Enter your name and email address below and start your “get it done” journey. And if you want to take your “get it done” mindset to the next level, get access to my Goal Setting course by joining the Blogger Coaching Club.

In it, I walk you through the concepts taught in this episode in more depth by showing you exactly how to go through this process.

Along with the course, you get access to all the other courses in the coaching club as well as direct access to me. Ask a question and get a video response.

Looking forward to working with you.

Resources Mentioned

Get It Done spreadsheet – free resource to help you get things done.

Blogger Coaching Club

Infographic

[Infographic] How to Get Things Done Using One Useful Tool

The post How to Get Things Done Using One Useful Tool appeared first on Become A Blogger by Leslie Samuel.

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furiousconnoisseurcomputer-blog · 6 years ago

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