#which like I can't be working last minute like they do
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random2908 · 2 days ago
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Ok, I have a lot to say about scientific glassblowers.
First, luckily, there are a lot of them in China who are very good. If, like me, you work in private industry, the government has rules against buying Chinese components. But there's at least one American company (FireflySci) that launders Chinese custom scientific glass components, so you can still get them. If you're in academia you can buy direct from China and save a ton of money, if you or a colleague knows enough Chinese to be able to find these glassblowers on your own.
Within America, you have to know, the quality varies immensely. Scientific glassblowing is one of those trades that takes like 20 years to master. So there is a huge tension between the old masters who are really really good but have significant limitations in their capabilities because they're using old techniques; and the younger glassblowers who are learning or inventing new techniques but don't have the hand-skills to pull them off successfully. In larger shops, you can have a mix of ages, and so get around this a bit--but larger shops mostly don't do (serious) custom work. And often these larger shops are an in-house shop within an even bigger company.
For a lot of things, though, any scientific glassblower will do. In which case, you can still find them scattered all over the country. When I was dealing in glass a lot at a previous job, we had a long-standing contract with a glassblower about two hours away, who did all of our simpler stuff. There was a closer one, too, 20 minutes away, I'm not sure why we didn't go with them, I think because they had too much work already to take a long-term contract with us. So, yes, you can still find glassblowers, although not in large quantities.
But sometimes you need something really precise. This is science, after all. And your local glass shop just can't do it.
So then you have to find an old master using newer techniques. (I recommend Mike at Spectrocell in Pennsylvania, careful of the spelling--there are many similarly named companies--but he sounds very old over the phone.) (I know a lot of scientists will say Jay at Precision Glass Blowing in Colorado is the only guy they will go to for serious work, and I have some rude things to say to such scientists; not that Precision Glass Blowing does a bad job (...at the glassblowing part, that is--buyer beware if you ask for extras from them, but their willingness to offer extra services, such as chemical handling, is why everyone uses them in the first place), but they're not the only, or best, option out there.)
Get talking with an old master, and they'll constantly complain about how they've run out of apprentices. It is a real problem. It is a dying art, within the United States. (And, despite "scientific" in the name, it is very much an art; "scientific" refers to the customer base.) When I was collaborating with the University of Michigan at a previous job, the Chemistry Department's glassblower, Roy, was complaining that he was in his 70s and it had been several decades since he last had an apprentice, and he was going to retire any day now and the university would have no one to replace him with. (It wouldn't at all surprise me if he's retire by now, and if you could no longer get custom glass in-house at the University of Michigan.)
The irony is that there's still significant demand! Not as much as there once was, because you can buy mass-produced beakers now, you don't have to go to your local scientific glassblower for some of the simpler components. But for anything at all custom? For anything at all delicate? That's still done by hand. There's still a glassblower, somewhere, probably in China, whose handicraft that is. But like all trades, scientific glassblowing in the US has been almost entirely undercut by the availability of cheap labor (even cheap skilled labor, even cheap mastery) in other countries.
the world is running out of glassblowers and yet you want to become a fucking doctor
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captain-huggy-bear · 1 day ago
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Into the Penalty Box
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Pairing: Jack Hughes x Fem!Reader
Warnings: N/A
Summary: Jack has to put your son in the sin bin...
Notes: Short but I had this really fun idea for how Jack doles out consequences as a dad.
Totally happy to take requests/ideas/prompts at the moment in my ask box :)
Writing Masterlist
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"Jack, baby...Carter just bit Ellen." You're tugging Carter along behind you by the wrist gently, he's pouting at the entire way and dragging his feet. Ellen is in your arms sniffling and crying into your shoulder because her big brother (at the tender age of 5 years old) decided that the best way to get rid of his 'annoying' baby sister (of 2) was to bite her. Hard. On the arm.
"Let me see, baby girl." Your daughter holds her arm out to her dad, who's suitably sympathetic, cooing over the teeth marks and pressing a kiss there to 'make it better'. It brings a smile to her little face, tears starting to dry up, but leaving blotchy redness behind.
Once Jack has dealt with the issue of his baby girl crying he turns to his son who you've release your grip on knowing he's unlikely to make a run for it and has typically been pretty good at accepting punishment. Mostly because he's stubborn enough that he always wants to plead his case first.
Jack folds his arms across his chest looking down at the spitting image of himself at 5 years old, light brown near blonde curls, bright blue eyes, chubby blushing cheeks and many missing teeth. Carter is Jack, rowdy, loud, full of energy and from time to time fed up with having a baby sibling who wants his attention all the time. One day he'll grow to love it, hate when his sister stops idolising him, but for now? For now apparently biting has become his new solution and Jack had always taught him that biting was not something they did in their house.
You bounce Ellen in your arms, running a hand over her hair and down her back while you watch Jack crouch down to Carter's level. Jack, despite people's belief, was a disciplinarian. Just not in the usual way...he never shouted, he didn't scream, he didn't insult the kids, none of the typical old school dad stuff, but what he did do always seemed to work.
"Bud, you can't bite your sister."
"But she was being annoying!" It's like watching a second Jack, the way Carter folds his arms across his little chest and puffs out his cheeks as he pouts. You're surprised he didn't stomp a foot on the floor, but it seems he learnt from last time that that only got him more penalty minutes.
"I don't care, it's against the rules, bud, against the code. You've got 5 minutes in the penalty box, get." Jack points to the corner of your living room where the penalty box sits. At first the penalty box had been simply a pillow in the corner, but one summer Jack, Quinn and Luke had spent some time and money making a replica penalty box that sat perfectly in your living room. At first you'd been...less than pleased, but now it was the highlight of your parenting adventures. The way Carter would slam the little door closed, how he'd pout on the bench and drink from the water bottle you always put in there for him as he'd watch the little clock. Whenever he was in hockey gear it was made even better, especially the replica Devils Jersey Luke had gotten him one Christmas. Then it really was like watching a baby Jack sitting in the sin bin.
"But you bite mom!" Carter's face practically goes bright red with his frustration, brows so furrowed they're almost in his eyes and this time he does stomp his feet.
There's a beat of silence, one in which you do your very best not to laugh because Jack's play biting apparently has come back to haunt him. All those times he's come home and pretended to take chomp out of your arm or neck, every time he placed a kiss on your neck in front of Carter only to bite you lightly to make you laugh...
Jack tries everything in his power to remain stern, to not laugh, to not give in because fuck, he's really dug himself a hole with this one, "I nibble on your mom, I don't 'bite' her and I never hurt her. You were trying and succeeded in hurting your baby sister."
"Dad!"
"Do you want another 5 for unsportsmanlike conduct?" Jack's favourite tool whenever Carter or Ellen start to argue back to him, although mostly Carter. Ellen has yet to reach the terrible period of defiance that all toddlers go through.
"No..."
"So into the penalty box, bud." You both watch as Carter slumps off towards the box, slamming the door closed behind him, the wood and plastic wobbling slightly under the force of it.
He sits on the bench, arms crossed, glaring at the clock. Jack sets a timer for 5 minutes and you watch. There's something about watching either of the kids in the box that's interesting because you can see the moment they start to cool down and realise that maybe they're in there for a reason.
With Carter it's the way he starts to look towards Ellen, face scrunched up in guilt, biting on his little lip. You know at 2 minutes and 24 seconds in the sin bin, that Carter will never bite Ellen again and you know that he understands that he hurt her, really hurt her.
It's what has you putting her down and letting her waddle towards the box nearer to the time being over and what has you opening the box a minute early.
You lean into Jack's side and watch as Carter leans down and pulls his baby sister into a hug, before reaching for her arm and placing a kiss on the boo boo where he bite her a little too hard.
"'m sorry, Ellie. I shouldn't have bit you."
"'s okay, Cay-Cay" Because she always struggled to fully say Carter so he'd become Cay-Cay to her. She pats his cheek with her little hand and you know, you know it'll be okay, that you're raising two good kids even if they have their moments.
"Sin bin works again, and you wanted to get rid of it." Jack looks smugly down at you, all dimples and stupidly attractive smirk as he wraps an arm around your shoulders.
You roll your eyes at him even as you lean further into him, "Yes, well, I guess you have good ideas sometimes...biter."
"Hey! You love when I bite you...just, maybe need to avoid the jokes around the kids...did not see that coming."
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hellsslibrary · 8 hours ago
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hear me out , yoichi with m!reader on the same team but the dear reader didn’t pass to him and now isagi is mad (BOTTOM ISAGI NATION)
ily
I hate you, I despise you, you are absolutely hateful to me, you are a pathetic excuse for a man... What difference does it make if I cook you cream buns in an apron that says "best wife in the world"? (real dialogues with my husband, like quotes day I go crazy)
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MASTERLIST is here.
#a.n. : I love you too, anon. If only you all knew how I squeal like a little schoolgirl in love when I see requests for power bottom characters. Next request, if I finish it before another one, will be about a game that 1,5 people know, I hope you're ready for that LOL.
!!Warnings: subtop!male!reader, meandom!Isagi, he is not wild like on the field don't worry (or cry if you are a slut for that), riding, overstimulation, but Isagi is cute later, the reader sits between Isagi's thighs, jerking off, teasing.
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"Why the hell did you give him a pass out of all people, huh? I was the best option there in terms of everything... Moreover, you hate him too!" Isagi says, biting your neck, watching with great pleasure as you lean your head back on his shoulder with a groan.
"I... I don't know," you're repeating the same thing as in the past, because fuck... Of course, you're an idiot, why did you even give a pass not to Isagi, but also to Kaiser of all people?
"Wrong answer."
You bite your lip, hearing this answer, feeling his hand moving on your cock again, repeating it for the third time. The sensations are simply tearing, you can't even figure out what the game looked like, even though it ended only twenty minutes ago, and you're already such a mess from just a couple of orgasms.
"Well?" Isagi asks, kissing your shoulder while his thumb lazily strokes your head, specifically touching your urethra, causing your hips to jerk up But he doesn't give you the right movement, even though he plans to drive you into a frenzy.
What do you have to say? 'Sorry'? Utter nonsense. It's just a game, he's overreacting. Although we're talking about Isagi, of course, he's always taken it too seriously. Too much.
He doesn't rush you with an answer, allowing you to think about everything with your last working convolutions, while his blue eyes are practically fed up with the sight of your current penis and how the predicate flows onto his fingers.
Your body relaxes when you exhale heavily, shifting most of your weight onto his chest, actually lying on top of him and just looking at the floor below you.
"I'm sorry," you say without thinking, even though you couldn't have thought of anything better.
You are absolutely sure that he will take it out on you at the next training session, even too much. Especially if that idiot German thinks to tease Yoichi about giving him a pass...
"I'm not offended," the brunette whispers, speeding up the movements of his hand again, pulling a satisfied moan from your lips, rolling one of your nipples lazily with his other hand. "Give the pass to anyone, but not to him... And not that shitty chihuahua, huh?"
"Yes, Yo," you nod, although you have absolutely no idea what you are agreeing to, because your brain is focused only on the feeling of his hand on your penis and the warmth of his body against yours.
"Will you come for me again?"
You don't have to say it twice, right? Of course, after that, anyone will be a good boy! So your cock twitches, and you feel the knot in your stomach unraveling as Isagi's hand is covered in white liquid...
"Nice. Get off me, I'm not done with you," he says, making you immediately straighten up and turn to look at him, to which he just shrugs his shoulders. “What? You still haven't fucked me, no?"
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charmre · 4 months ago
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When your groups either won't get back to you about meeting times or haven't decided on a direction to go in so you can't make work for it...and the projects are due on Monday...
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cappurrccino · 7 months ago
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i was gonna say "i shouldn't have to go to work when my brain feels like a depression slushie" and then i was like "wait but then i'd basically never ever go to work" and i'm actually doubling down on the first part now bc my god how am i supposed to heal my brain from burning out 5 years ago if i can never get an actual break
#//juri speaks#i also at this moment: do not know if i have health insurance anymore / if i will be able to get insurance#if i can't get insurance i will not be able to take classes this fall#if i can't take classes my loan repayments will kick in immediately#i already don't have enough money for anything and i certainly don't have a spare $150 a month for the government#at any rate i need to submit my tuition waiver Soon but i can't until i know if i can get into the second class#so i have to wait for the prof or my advisor to get back to me#all the while a funeral day draws nearer#and then AT work i still feel like my position doesn't need to exist#but i desperately need it to exist because i need the money#and this big mchuge data migration project we were SUPPOSED to have had done in JUNE is being pushed to the absolute last minute#not by us but by the folks in control of the software we're moving to#so we're not going to have any safety margins with the old software#it's going to be GONE and dead and unlicensed while we're trying to learn the new shit#and i'm going to have to deal with the other branch cataloger trying to do everything for us which Won't Help#and i need!!!!!! a break!!!!!!!!!! from everything!!!!!#i need the world to stop and i need to go sit in the desert for like 6 months#instead best i can do is go buy the new taz gn for a little crumb of escape. maybe a little coffee drink while i'm there#even though i've been hitting sugar hard lately and really do not have the funds to buy more clothes if i gain a few more lbs#and can't afford a walking pad/treadmill and don't want to go outside bc it is a billion degrees all day every day rn#uuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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tackrusso · 16 days ago
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i'm like i have nothing to be stressed about and then i'm having a breakdown in the car and then i'm like oh okay maybe i do have things to be stressed about
#number one. living with my parents. that shit is INSUFFERABLE#there is never a break from the questions and the prying and the needing to know everything i'm doing and everywhere i'm going#and what i'm eating and how much i'm eating and how i slept and when i slept and how long i slept etc etc etc#i'm only working four days a week but i'm working two jobs and it's beginning to wear on my nerves#my mother was like we're going out last night. then they didn't go out. frustrating but whatever#then this morning she says oh i don't think we need you at work today#i'm like thank god i'm so tired i can go back to bed. ten minutes later she changes her mind and then gets mad that i'm frustrated#she's like well I WORK SIX DAYS A WEEK#YOU WORK FROM HOME MOST OF THE TIME AND YOU MAKE YOUR OWN HOURS. WE ARE NOT THE SAME#also i have to work fine but don't dangle a day off in front of me and then take it back#i'm planning on leaving this job soon to go full time at my other job WHICH WAS ALWAYS THE PLAN and she's full tilt guilting me about it#i still haven't heard back from any schools and i can't start planning my next steps until i do#i can't start planning ANYTHING until my primary job officially takes me on full time#no idea when that will be!#and then what. if i get into school i move back to canada. if i don't get into school do i still move back to canada?#do i go south? do i stay fucking put? I DON'T KNOW. and ALSO#collaborating on music with **** is all fun and games until i keep writing lyrics i cant share with him because they're OBVIOUSLY about him#also i have no time to work on any songs because i'm NEVER ALONE THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE IN THE HOUSE#re: **** i'm being so normal about it i'm smiling and saying have fun visiting your long distance girlfriend. whose name is my deadname. :)#then just minor things like i'm booked for a haircut next week which is stressful in itself#i have a LOT of baggage with hair cutting in general and also people touching my hair. also i don't know what i want to do with it exactly#and my citizenship interview is in less than a month and it's not that i'm worried but what happens if they don't give it to me?#would they revoke my greencard? i mean that would be insane right? but who fucking knows at this point#okay so maybe i have a couple of things to be stressed about
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keeps-ache · 1 month ago
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another day another consumption of vegetables
#just me hi#i am warding off the scurvy!! yippee !!!#not that i've ever Had scurvy to be clear. i just like to know i am warding it off 👍#the wizard of Eating Plants (it removes Poison Effect (scurvy))#/didn't realize how nice of a lunch that sandwich i take to work is. it's got the grains it's got the meat it's got the vegetables#what CAN'T she do?#hydrate me. but that is all#OH. AND tomatoes! which are a fruit :3#/alsooo didn't forget my waterbottle thing there today by accident which is dope 💥#left it there like 3 days ago and couldn't pick it up bc the building was closed for new years ;w;#good thing they have a sink there cuz i washed it when i got back but i don't think i rinsed it very well#That or i was smelling the handsoap from the bathroom on my hands when i was taking sips and neither of those sound very cool so !!#//n holy shiz i was falling asleep at one point cuz i didn't sleep right last night KGSFH#lunch break rejuvenated me :3 that and talking w/ flame while i was sitting on the floor behind the desk to do stretches#ten minute stretch breaks are pretty good actually the only thing is that i'm not sure doing splits there is a good idea Lmaooo#i can have normal behaviors when given a small slightly-hidden space and a bit of free time. do you think doing full splits is a good idea🎤#//what else Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#oh i was greatly(minorly) afraid that my mp3 player would die while i was working bc i turned her on and she was on half battery ?#i thought i'd plugged her in last night but apparently not :/ </3#it's alright though we survived. For Now#hfsh#//but YEA what else#i need to write </3 or i'll explode </////3#i have some really cool ideas but MANNNNNNN#i am so bad at. doing the ideas <////////////////////////3#god created me to make stuff and then said Actually. no#which to be honest is fair. for many reasons kfshvhjg#BUT. buttttt gehehgehehg#i do have Ideas#and i gotta do somethin about em so i will probably get around to it... maaabeee
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sskk-manifesto · 2 months ago
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(´。• ◡ •。`)
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blackfilmmakers · 3 days ago
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(Do want to point out I'm Korean on my mom's side. I'm biracial in a sense my mom is Blasian and my dad is Afro Latino, so, Black)
Hi, it's always fun to talk about Blasian identities, seeing as how of all the mixed identities, that's the one you see the least in media. And I can't help but feel it's because we have to always focus on white people one way or another in stories. Same thing with interracial love stories
Here are some things to consider when writing about Blasian characters:
1) Physical features - This is something people struggle the most when it comes to biracial Black characters in general. Everyone just assumes the "Blackness" washes away the moment another race is mixed in. That's not how genetics works people. First off, Black and Asian people come in a widerange of skintones and hair textures, yes this includes East Asians. Second, you can't determine how a Black and Asian couple's baby will turn out. You can probably have a guess as to how, but you can never guarantee they will come out lightskinned with straight wavy hair.
Yes you can have someone like my mom who is very lightskinned and Asian passing(is that a word?). You can also have someone like Naomi Osaka who has monolid eyes but a deep brown skin tone. Or you can have someone like like Miss Universe Vietnam, Huýnh Thị Câm Tiên, who is darkskinned and has more predominant Black features. If anything I definitely encourage you to give them dark brown skin and Black features, only because colorism is a bitch in media.
But definitely don't do the thing where you make Blasian girls inherently lightskinned and more mixed in appearance, while the Blasian boys are allowed to be darkskinned and unapologetically Black. That's colorism, and racism. Equating Blackness with masculinity, yeah, don't do that. It hurts both communities
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2) Don't ignore your Blasian character's Blackness - Essentially don’t put so much focus on their nonBlack heritage, you practically forget they are Black. No, there is no one way to be "Black enough". But a Black character's Blackness is something you have to consider through their design, personality, worldbuilding and story all the way through. Take Kipo from Kipo and the Age of the Wonderbeasts for instance. I like Kipo. I like how she is Korean and Black, cuz shout out to me specifically ❤️. But if it weren't for the fact we've seen her Black dad, no one would think she is also Black. You have a sense she's Korean the moment she named her pig mutant companion "Mandu," but what about Kipo celebrates her Blackness? Her skin is dark pink, but that just tells us she's not lightskinned(glares at fanartists that whitewash her). She has Black friends, and the show's music track has a lot of hip hop, but like.....gestures to Black entertainment used by everyone worldwide.
I wish I can find the fanart, but there was this drawing someone did where Kipo is braiding Wolf's(a darkskinned Black younger sister figure character in the show) hair. And I wish the show had moments like that. Kipo doesn't need to braid her own hair into cornrows, and she doesn't necessarily have to have an afro based hair texture, but braiding hair of someone close to you does show a celebration and unity of her Black identity. When you don't consider your Blasian character's Blackness in their writing, you miss out on effective, subtle characterizations like that. If you think I'm accusing Kipo of "not being Black enough" btw, the show creators literally admitted that making Kipo Black was a last-minute decision, which as a Black and Korean person, I picked that up quickly.
I don't want to say you have to sacrifice your Blasian character's Asian identity either, but it's one of those things where everyone wants to get rid of any trace of Blackness so badly, they would figure that "Asian" is the closest thing to whiteness, thus the more important heritage to focus on. Case in point, Kipo.
The other issue when writers do that is that they ultimately dilute the Asian identity as well. Like Kipo names a pig Mandu and likes Kimchi and listens to K-pop cool, so does every white kpop fan. Was there anything else about Korean culture the writers could have established for Kipo's personality and story?
They did this with G3 Clawdeen Wolf too, where her latina heritage is what they focused on mainly cuz "it's not Black" (even though latina isn't a race, and Afro Latines exist). At the same time, they have her eat an entire tamale with the entire husk still on.......on multiple occasions, demonstrating they did little research on even her latina heritage
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3) Avoid making them quirky - It's overdone and colorist at this point. The idea that a Black character can only be weird and quirky when they are mixed with a nonblack identity and divorced from their Blackness is all antiBlack racism. This doesn't mean they can't be odd in the sense that main characters stick out from the background characters naturally. But don't make them quirky to be palatable for white audiences. It also comes off as “because they are mixed they are weird” 😕. Have a good understanding of your characters’ different heritages before giving them a trait that makes them “weird” too cuz that’s how you end up calling different races odd too 🫤
4) No anime references - At least not in a sense where because they are Asian that gives you the excuse to have their entire characterization be nothing but Japanese animation references. Like the moment Lars from Steven Universe was confirmed to be Filipino and has a whole character arc of what that means to him, struggling to fit in- they killed him, turned him pink when revived, and changed his entire personality to just space anime protagonist. Don't do that. Again, it's just another way to make the character of color palatable for white audiences, this time through orientalism
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5)Take note where your character lives - Like any other character you write, you need to do research on where they live and how that affects them as a person. No character lives in a bubble. Do they live in the Asian country one of their parents is from? Do they live somewhere in the West or global South? Are their parents/grandparents immigrants? Are they themselves immigrants? What language(s) or dialect(s) do they speak? How do they interact with the community? Again, it's all stuff you have to consider writing any character. Even if it's not necessarily important to the story, you as the creator need a good understanding of your character
6) Who is this story for? - Are you writing this character to actually uplift unheard mixed people's stories? Or are you doing this for brownie points?
Keep in mind when you write about a Blasian character, you are not just writing for Blasians. You are writing for Black and Asian groups as well. You need to understand the connection between Black and Asian groups, which goes back to point 5 a bit. Like how did the parents of your Blasian character meet? Do they both live in LA in neighboring communities? Was one parent and African migrant that moved to an Asian country?
You want to make a biracial character, you're gonna have to do a lot of work to research both sides of that heritage.
There's some ugly in that history, but there is also community and solidarity at times
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7) Stop only giving them white friends/love interests - W/o fail you have these characters live in such a diverse environments, only to somehow be surrounded by white people. I’ll give Kipo credit here for having mainly Black friends. It's again the need to force white people take up the main focus of the story. Frankly I’m tired of it 🥱
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Note this is not a thorough “How to Write Blasians” check off list because I’m just one Blasian with my own one experience. Seek out more Blasians, and Blasian writers. Most of this has to do with how much research you are willing to put into
Hi,any help on writing Biracial,Blasian in particular characters?I can only find some about Black-White Biracial characters but not really about Blasian characters.Thanks in advance.
Unfortunately I only have my lesson on multicultural Blackness! @blackfilmmakers might have more direction on this point!
Also, it may help you to direct your research towards a specific group (e.g. where from in Asia?) as you can then narrow in on aspects of both cultures, and then research the experience within that community. Typing in "Blasian" won't be more than generally helpful because Asia is a gigantic continent with a LOT of peoples within it, so there's no One experience.
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ilkkawhat · 3 months ago
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just reflecting today on the 7th poured drink tonight and recalling how when i was venting to my co-workers about yesterday and the panic attack i had and all that, she mentioned how I needed more help when I was drowning and i swear to you the immediate thing that came to mind when she said that was alan wake
#i haven't really made many drowning gifs have i#also i feel bad cause like. god#this is so stupid and convoluted and part of the guilt i'm carrying right now#our customer service department ended up being the straw that broke my back and made me have that panic attack/meltdown yesterday#and i try#i TRY SO HARD to have some empathy towards them cause i mean#they're the ones getting basically abused by our customers#and it hurts so much to me that i can't be more help#and specifically the situation yesterday was me having to jump in and finish something that idk took me all of ten minutes to do#after i asked for some forklift assistance that took maybe like half an hour#but i had asked my employees to get that done *last week* and they couldn't do it#and the poor customer service rep had to escalate it to the director of sales which she flaunted in myf ace#and i felt terrible when i snapped and said 'ok i'll drop everything i'm doing to help you'#when i did legit have a million other things i needed to do#i'm honest to god tempted to rate myself as unsuccessful this year just cause like#i've been having to do my own employee's jobs which is also my fault for maybe not being firm like i need to be#but anyway her saying how i was drowning of course made me think of alan which honestly made me feel a little better#cause i mean it's like nick right#if alan could get out of the dark place even though it took him 13 years maybe i can too#and also inspiring in the way that like. alan needed help and i probably need help too#i've gone to therapy twice once in person and once online and like nick it's just...#not my thing#but something both therapists seemed to concur upon was that my support system isn't the best and i also need to work on myself#and love myself and lmao that's soooooo much easier said than done#but anyway i'm sorry i should get a real diary or somethin but#something about the formatting of tagging like this is weirdly comforting
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britneyshakespeare · 3 months ago
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Yesterday at the high school I was in for this art teacher and they all had like projects they were gonna present to work on in Google classroom, so like many days as a substitute teacher it was quiet and I mostly just sat at the desk and read. But then this one kid in my peripheral vision was looking at me and when I glanced over her laughed a little. And I looked away cuz I was like whatever maybe he was whispering smth w his friends.
But then he says "I have a question"
"Yeah?"
"What two colors make purple?"
"Oh. Red and blue"
"Thank you... I appreciate the no judgment answer"
I didn't even think about it lol
#when youve been asked enough silly questions you just accept all of them#tales from diana#and this class in particular was not an intro class which. makes it a little extra funny#i told him ive heard sillier questions and he said 'like what?' and i was just like... oh idk but i used to work prek#i guess i am such a no judgment person that it didn't even register to me hed worry abt me laughing at him#u just forgot kid! its ok it happens to the best of us#there was also another interaction i had at the end of the day which was kinda weird#the last like 10 minutes. there was this kid in the front of the room like#apparently he was dancing and i guess i turned my head like toward the whiteboard for one sec#bc i was thinking abt erasing it. which was right next to him#and he was like 'she totally saw me bust that move' to his friends#i didn't know if they meant me or they were talking abt some other student. but fwiw i totally was not looking at him lol#but five minutes later i go up to erase the board#and the kid is still standing there and he's like 'what was your name again?' (it was literally on the board still. kids dont read)#'miss -----' 'oh. it was nice to meet you' and i was kinda like uh the fuck lol#i can't stress enough i dont 'meet' most of these high school students i just take attendance#i didn't say a word to any kids this class unless they asked to go to the bathroom#but i was like. uhm. 'nice meeting you too' like wtf?#'nice being here at my job where i oversee dozens of interchangeable students everyday'#ive always said i can usually tell when students have a crush on me. but that really applies to like. k-8#bc of how little i really get to work w high schoolers it's not like i can just read their minds#even if im a 'pretty substitute' to them i dont know that and they dont talk to me and i dont care#it's definitely weirder to have a teenager talk to u like ur a cute girl or smth. bc they don't do it in the earnest way of younger kids#not that that was like an offensive interaction it was just completely unexpected and awkward lol
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confinesofmy · 5 months ago
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i did something incredible today. i was terse with my flakey cousin over the phone before fully understanding why i was angry with her. i acted on it BEFORE completely processing it. and i withheld information to put her at a disadvantage and benefit myself! i am so proud of myself, this never happens.
#she gave away all her scuppernongs to someone she barely likes then wanted 40% of mine that she wasn't even involved in picking#and showed up last minute so i gave her two quarts#then today i lied and said i had already processed them all into juice for jelly because i thought we were going there today. which i did#but i'm pretty sure the whole time this whole week she's known she was never going back#so she thought i would go do one last pick for the both of us on a day when i was already exhausted and then it'd be over#let me do her dirty work as a favour 'to me'#>:^) that's what she thought#because i am guileless patient sharing and kind#but i am also capable of withholding the truth for my own gain >:^))))#so now i've given away 2 quarts to her and probably 2qts to my grandmother#and now i can put up 5qts of juice for jelly#mwa ha mwaha mwahaha ha ha hahaahaaaa#she's also wanting more persimmons from me but in all honesty. grandma gave her a gallon of the ones from asia. & mine aren't shelf stable.#if she really wants some then she'll have to do the legwork to get them. i'm not making a home delivery#i don't know where she gets off thinking i'm gonna give her a sizeable portion of everything when i can't rely on her for anything#because it is crazy now that i think about it.#i'm doing all these favours for her and she's driving me crazy + doing me no favours + probably gonna let me down on my bday#AND I'M PISSED. :D i am correctly identifying and acting on this emotion of being PISSED OFF. :DDD so happy#adam yaps
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tardis--dreams · 6 months ago
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I actually realized i hate work. Won't be putting any effort into this anymore ♡
#sure whatever#it's funny because when i applied there i really really wanted this job#and it had nothing to do with that one person i got a little overly attached to#and when i started working there it was fine but i think really the only reason i liked it was because of that colleague#and now he's gone there's only annoying things left#also maybe i got too cuddled by him because he's always had my back until now#but i have to try to get things from the design team now and they just straight up ignore me lmao#like. my colleague asked me last week if i could ask them to edit some images which i did and they ignored me for 2 days#then HE sent them a follow up message and surprise surprise the images were there within 30 minutes#now again. he asked me to request some images and then built them into the journal#i request them. i hear nothing back. i send a follow up saying it's kinda important. i get nothing#oh well sorry man. guess you'll have to do that yourself after all (:#(i think it's really nice he's trying to give me so much more responsibility and all but if he's not there to back me up#it's literally not working because Everyone Is Ignoring Me :)))#also two weeks from now I'll be alone in our office because my other colleague who's in the same office as us#has announced she's gonna go share the office with someone else because she's gonna be alone otherwise#lol thanks#also some other shit someone posted in the group chat today which really pissed me off#AND the fact i got ignored AGAIN when i asked for work :) like bitches. i literally just watched netflix on my private laptop#while wiggling the mouse on my work laptop until i got off lmao#i won't go to the office tomorrow either#i was gonna go but i can't do shit there if i get ignored again#at least at home i can do whatever i want when they decide i should just get money for wasting my time ♡#i might actually just not work tomorrow#I'll probably log in just to see if there's any updates on the images situation but if not I'll fuck right off#fun times#(also maybe just maybe I'm generally a little negative these days. that may play into it. I'm sensing that sweet summertime blues ♡#((who cares if it's because of my father's death or because of my colleague's going away or because of general existential despair due to#university.... i'm just annoyed) )#void screams
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finniestoncrane · 2 years ago
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running around in a circle tugging at my hair and holding back tears: too many things too many things too many things too many things too many thi
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#if i could just. focus. for more than 30 seconds at a time#i write one sentence of a fic and then go and check my work emails#but while i'm there i'm like oh wonder if tumblr looks different on the remote desktop internet#it doesn't but i get distracted anyway until i realise and close it down#and then go back to my own desktop to look at tumblr#where i promptly get distracted for minimum ten minutes before i catch sight of the messages i haven't responded to yet#and i type a couple words out and then think oh shit i have messages on discord#so i go there#and get distracted by scrolling through not even new messages#maybe type a few words of a message before i mark it as unread because i'm like#oh i gotta finished writing the next chapter of my thing#and then i'm like hmmm but tempting commission work#and then i go actually i guess if i'm going to take a rbeak i'll do some drawing#so i grab my ipad which is still open on creepshow which i was watching last night#and so i start watching it but i can't focus because there's something else going on#and i realise i'm already watching the simpsons on my phone which explains why i have five different simpsons quotes on repeat in my head#and then i realise that there's a song playing on spotify on my laptop#and amidst those three noises i am also entertaining myself with in my head vocal stims and out loud vocal stims#and my anxiety is like hey... wanna worry about something#AND I JUST WANT TO FOCUS LIKE ONE THING AT A FUCKIN TIME ONE FUCKIN THING#finnie shouts into the void
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savage-rhi · 1 year ago
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Magenta.
#i love my team i rarely if ever say a negative thing because i am grateful to their humanity and compassion toward each other#but I'm aggravated#i don't like imposing my will against others especially when it comes to children#no matter how verbally abusive or physical they try to get when they throw a trantrum or are legitimately triggered#i know there are times where these situations call for more strictness and redirection#but god damn if somehow I'm getting through to that kid in the middle of that and they're talking to me and telling me how they feel#and trusting me to hold space for them#the last thing i need anyone doing is coming in cornering them and being like NUH HUH NOT THAT#“your options are sit in the rain or attend pe!”#cause we're right back at square fucking 1 and also you underminded me in front of the kiddo which hurts me and also may plant the idea#that they can undermine me in the future#i was hired to be a mentor and a specialist#let me be a damn mentor and specialist and work my magic#i had this kid coming down from a 10 with aggression to a 6 within minutes then the conversation got derailed#i like the teacher i work alongside but sometimes i get the impression she doesn't like my methods for getting on the kiddos levels#cause it can be very childlike and yes it does take away time from their education however this is also a treatment facility and school#the mental health component is just as if not more important#cause how can they function and learn if they can't get their basic needs met?#ok off my soapbox#i love helping kids but damn it do the adults in and out of the job don't appreciate that#magenta is my safe word for venting lmao
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bloomingonionbitch · 2 years ago
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(my school is taking the 8th graders for pizza and to see "Guardians of the Galaxy 3" as an end-of-the-year treat. i read a review [on gd NPR of course] and it emphasized the amount of pretty brutal "live" animal experimentation, see below:
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i think it's going to really fuck with some of my students and it seems like a not-so-stellar idea to have the entire 8th grade class WALK 32 minutes to the movie theater for a fun celebration, only to wind up sweaty and sobbing over baby Rocket Raccoon's insides being messed with).
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