#which is something ive NEVER heard from other asian people unless they were trying to be edgy on purpose

[specialmouse]

!!DO NOT GO HARASS THIS PERSON I JUST WANT TO USE THIS AS AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT AND IF YOU DO I THINK YOURE A WEIRDO!!

so first of all you are white and i asked white people not to comment on this pretty much for this exact reason. i am mixed japanese and i made this post because i finally was able to put into concrete words why i hate when people love japan, which, prior to this realization, i felt was some unbalanced internalized hatred or something. if i was truly worried about "westerners" being racist towards japanese people for the reasons other asians hate them, i would have put it in the original post. but i didn't, because it's a) not the point, b) completely distracting from and undermining the point, and c) not something that happens with enough frequency for me to have to warn against it.

non japanese asian people, which i believe is who you're talking about when you say westerners whether you realize it or not, have a right, in my opinion, to complain about and even be mean to japanese people. of course there's still, like, personal boundaries and social etiquette and shit like that, like you shouldnt harass a japanese person standing around doing nothing because you hate what their government has done and what it represents, but people dont do that and again it's not something i see as a pressing enough issue for you as a white person to say something about it in the tags of a post that is sooooo not about that, that i fear you just speed-read the post and decided you needed to defend japanese people from the mean nasty terrible OTHER asians that want to hurt them :(

when i talk about japanese exceptionalism/fetishism being racist i dont mean that it solely affects, or even MOSTLY affects, japanese people. japan is the america of asia. japanese people on the mainland are fine. but what japanese exceptionalism and fetishism of japanese culture does is, well, exactly what it seems like im saying--it places japan (a deeply racist imperialist society) as the pinnacle of asian civilization. and what does that do? it places all other asian civilizations on a hierarchy, usually determined by skin color, and how close to "japanese" the asian person/asian ethnicity is. there's a reason why westerners are gooning over south korea right now and it's because they see a lot of similarities between south korean culture and japanese culture (which is funny because uh, colonialism guys. come on)---but hate china and the dprk, and see all of southeast asia as dirty and backwards.

when the archetypal japanese woman (pale, hairless, thin, yamato, submissive, etc.) is fetishized, it is usually not the japanese woman who faces the brunt of fetishistic violence (unless she is of the diaspora in which case... lol)--it is the vietnamese woman, the thai woman, the indonesian woman, etc., because they are more vulnerable to exploitation a) because they are more likely to be brown and *andre 3000 voice* across cultures darker skinned people suffer the most, b) southeast asian countries are still majorly suffering from the after effects of western colonialism and asymmetric warfare that leaves their country far worse off economically (particularly vietnam, laos, and cambodia) and, c) westerners, despite recognizing her as an asian woman, do not see her as a Japanese woman, and therefore treat her worse because they see her as uncivilized. there's a reason why, when pedophiles want an asian child, they go to thailand, not japan---because the sex tourism industry isn't something they can get rid of. japanese women are considered the ultimate trophy to be shown off as a sign of the man's virility and masculinity, and southeast asian women are seen as consolation prizes to the men who can't get the "real thing". do you know how many mixed asians i know whose dads scooped their moms up from a military base in the philippines or okinawa? and the mom has only gone to see her family maybe five times in 20 years? she's not the porcelain doll the man wanted, but she still has to try and "japanize" herself to be seen as even worthy of respect, which she still doesn't get because no matter what she does she will not be japanese. that's what japanese exceptionalism does.

[rickriordanfandam]

opinions on riordanverse ; my edition

a lot of people have been doing this so i decided why not right. probably gna lose some followers or smth but anyways. pls respect my opinions! if u disagree, thats fine, but please be polite. unless any of my opinions strikes u as morally wrong then pls point it out to me respectfully. thanks!

- i actually liked drew. im so sorry to everyone who hates her but full offence, why. think about it this way ok, first of all drew became hc because silena died. silena was the traitor, the one who betrayed chb, yet after she died campers celebrated her as a hero? and then drew suddenly has to replace her and live up to idk that legacy she left behind,, when all of a sudden this girl named piper swoops in and takes her place. idk abt u but i wld be salty abt that too. not only that, but as an asian, the chances of drew having faced racism/bullying as a child is pretty high (she studies at brooklyn academy). which means that when she finds out shes a demigod, and arrives at chb where most of the campers are white (this is an assumption btw), she’d obviously be scared of being bullied for her skin color right?? so the first thing she wld do before the campers get to bully her is to bully them before they can do so. (sentence structure here is wack i apologize) ofc this might not even have happened, drew could have had a perfect childhood && was a b1tch for no reason, BUT EVEN THEN HER ROLE AS A BULLY WAS PRETTY VITAL BECAUSE THAT FURTHER SHOWED THE CONTRAST BETWEEN HER AND PIPER,, HIGHLIGHTING PIPER AS A HERO//GOOD CHARACTER,, AND THEREFORE MAKING READERS LIKE PIPER MORE. anyway stop hating on drew please. ALSO WHY IS THIS SO LONGA SDFJHG

- jason isnt bland, the fandom just kinda erased his backstory (thanks to @pjohoo-memes for the phrasing lol)

- reynabeth wouldnt have lasted/would have broken up several times. idk i just see them as two extremely powerful characters who have firm opinions and will definitely clash at some point. in a platonic relationship,, i can see them as really good friends but as lovers? idk i just think theyll break up

- PIPABETH

- i dont really like jercy,, i see them as better friends than lovers. also idt jason and percy were that close..?

- the dam and not my type jokes are srsly cringey and were never funny. ik that seems hypocritical since my username literally makes use of the dam joke but honestly i dont actually like the joke. its not funny to me and has never been funny

- the seven were not best friends. they definitely argued,, and honestly probably werent as close as the fandom makes them seem. like ure dumped with 6 other people, out of which u only know a few. my introverted ass would have jumped off the argo 2 quicker than leo valdez could bomb camp jupiter up. also leo was a dick to frank. so what if frank is bigger sized?? thats not a valid reason to tease him

- the fandom needs to stop hating on octavian while worshipping luke. if u hate luke and u say u hate octavian too, then okay. but if u tell me ure a luke stan but u despise octavian?? imma disagree w u. luke was worse than octavian im sorry. first of all, octavian being a dick was kinda justified. hes been after the praetor position for so long, and everyone keeps saying to “wait for jason” when suddenly this dude, whos a son of NEPTUNE (neptune wasnt liked much by romans), and the camp decides to make him praetor?? dude i would be pissed off big time. and then afterwards, he finds out that greek demigods are real and the dude they made praetor is greek. AND THEN GREEK DEMIGODS COME TO CJ AND ONE OF THEM BOMB IT UP?? octavian has been told all his life that greeks are scum and this dude called leo valdez attacks cj. sure it was an accident, but did octavian know that? no. so it was honestly justified that he was such a salty prick im just saying. also some of yall be hating on octavian for cutting a teddy bear open and thats the funniest shit ive ever heard i swear 

- luke didnt go to elysium

- travis and connor stoll r way too underrated. the two have been head counselors of the hermes cabin since luke was revealed as a traitor, can u imagine the stress? luke, the person they probably looked up to as a brother, betrayed them. and they didnt even have time to process this when they were  thrown the roles of being hcs. that would have been so stressful and i would probably have broken down if i were them. the stoll brothers taking turns to wake up at ungodly hours because a new camper is crying and homesick and terrified, the stoll brothers having to comfort and take care of new campers, having to deal with the amount of people in that cramped space because not enough campers are being claimed fast enough. having to resolve issues between campers in the hermes cabin all the time. the stolls arent just comedic relief, and we need to stop treating them as such

- tratie shldve been canon idc idc

- demigods of the demeter cabin arent talked about enough and i love the fact that meg was demeters kid. like she isnt the child of one of the big three yet shes so powerful.

- we need to hype clarisse up more her character arc was phucking amazing 

- rachel is overhated. sis found out greek gods exist and regularly come down to earth to fuck around and went “ok cool”. queen shit behavior methinks

- the floor 19 crew of mcga is srsly underrated. like do u even remember halfborn gunderson, mallory keen, tj, etc??? bc i feel like we only remember samirah, magnus, alex, and sometimes blitz and hearthstone

- sadie (tkc) was kinda annoying at first. i like her more now tho but i rmb not liking her for a phat while

- tkc and mcga need more love

- carter kane and jason grace arent boring. theyre just really sweet boys who are too good for this world and yes yes yes 

- hazel and frank (especially frank) need to be hyped up more. i hardly ever see anything about them. also yall seem to forget that frank was literally made praetor and that even hecate admired hazel and was willing to fight beside her because of how powerful she was

- frazels age gap is kinda sketch but i still think theyre really cute

- nico definitely had trauma from going to tartarus on his own

- GROVER IS PERCYS BEST FRIEND

- annabeth isnt smarter than leo but neither is leo smarter than annabeth. ive seen a lot of discussions about who is smarter and heres my hot take on it: neither. theyre equally smart, just in different ways. leos a genius mathematically speaking. he has no issues solving math problems meant for people much, much older than him. annabeth on the otherhand, is great at strategies etc. she can make an army of 1000 more powerful than the enemy, even if theyre outnumbered. so in my opinion, both are equally as smart//u cant compare their intelligence, because their talents lie in two different areas.

- while i do agree rick riordan isnt a god and that hes bound to make mistakes,, AND that hes given us a lot of representation,, if the representation offends the people its sposed to represent, then theres a problem. im talking about piper as a poc and wearing feathers in her hair. im not a poc, so i cant speak for them on whether or not its wrong, because i dont know either. HOWEVER, i have seen multiple posts BY pocs talking about how they didnt really like rick’s representation of piper, and thats an issue. pocs have been and are still oppressed and discriminated against by many. as a white cis man, we cant really blame him for not knowing (tho he could have done a research,, asked some pocs,, idk), but by representing pocs in that manner, hes influencing impressionable kids/teens into thinking “oh pocs wear feathers in their hair all the time” etc, which isnt true. the pjo/hoo series is extremely successful, and kids who read the books will probably start forming inaccurate opinions on pocs. the amount of fan art that depicts piper with feathers in her hair dont help either. “but rick said so in the books, so its canon” yeah well rick isnt a god and he can get some things wrong at times. im not saying we should cancel him, im saying we should start educating ourselves and not spread false info like pocs wearing feathers in their hair all the time. also that snake song shit where she sang Summertime was just- yeah. bc heres the thing you can be racist, and still include minorities, but portray them in a racist way. And even then, ignorance isn't a thing to admire. Getting those facts wrong still has a major impact. It continues to perpetuate racist stereotypes.

“ With the feather thing, I looked it up myself; it takes less than five minutes to figure out that Cherokees don't braid feathers into their hair. I didn't grow up in the country where my parents are from. I have many other first/second generation American friends who have also been through that, with a bit of a disconnect from their culture. But something that most of us have in common is that when we didn't know something, and when our parents weren't that big of a help, we looked it up. We sought out resources online and through other people from our culture to be able to connect more with where we came from. Some of that took a Google search. So I find it hard to believe that Piper, a girl who Rick's trying to portray as someone who is attempting to connect with her culture and is totally against racist stereotypes, wouldn't know that eagle feathers aren't supposed to be braided into your hair casually. She may be disconnected from her culture, but she's also shown to want to connect back to it. Piper wouldn't be casually braiding feathers into her hair while also telling off people for being racist. It makes no sense.” - reddit thread (down below) 

for those of yall who wanna know more please please read this, it has a lot of things i wanna add in here : https://www.reddit.com/r/camphalfblood/comments/gy3gl2/piper_mcleans_portrayal_is_innacurate/ 

as well as https://finding-my-culture.tumblr.com/post/189422373260/maxie-ratties-and-cattie-finding-my-culture 

i will be posting screenshots of these in future posts so if ure viewing this on ig and u dont have tumblr,, dont worry 

- the fact that most of the strong female characters in the series refuse to be “girly”, and ngl i dont really like that. just because ure girly doesnt mean u cant be strong. 

- piper would have been a great way for him to start making the strong characters act girlier, but instead he went with the “I’m not like other girls” trope which is quite obnoxious to hear constantly, and I don’t think it’s necessarily great for younger girls to read that idea growing up.  the closest we've ever had to a strong female character who was also into "girly" things was Silena. when I was younger I admired Piper's "I'm not like other girls" thing, but then I got older and realized that the whole mentality of "not like other girls" is super obnoxious, and a little bit toxic

i have a heck load more that i cant rmb rn but yeah feel free to add more 

[endymionstudies]

ive always wanted to go to an hbcu!! howard is one of my dream schools :D what's the social environment like? how does being at an hbcu affect your courses, especially your social science courses? just thoughts in general abt your time there

hey!!! so i literally spent like an hour replying to this and reorganizing how i did it bc i had SO MUCH TO SAY and i kept jumping around and it was crazy. but here’s your answer finally :D 

SOME NOTES:

so howard is very different from xavier! if you have any specific questions about howard, you can send those my way still because my cousin goes there and i can pass them along.

i would like to preface my answer with this: xavier is a small, low endowment school. we are the only roman catholic hbcu, and this is very, very central to us. i’m also white passing, and grew up in a very mixed area (mostly white + asian), so my living experience prior to college was very different from that of my peers, and still is. so this is my own experience, but many of my friends have very different outlooks; college is a extremely individualized experience. no two people are the same!

i also tried to keep this general, in case you were applying or looking at other hbcu’s as well, but definitely added specific howard vs xavier things to give the idea of what a small school is offering

also i talk about stats some so here’s the basic ones: Endowment: → howard is 692.8mil → xavier is 171mil

Undergrad Enrollment: → howard is around 6.2k  → xavier is around 2.2k

SOCIAL LIFE / CULTURE:

the thing about hbcu’s is that they are not diverse. so if you come from a heavily diverse area, you are going to have a little bit of culture shock. this isnt something that i really expected, because i never thought about the fact that an hbcu is homogenous, whereas a lot of pwi’s are actually p culturally diverse. if thats not any issues for you then its not a problem! but its a thing, because everyone is very like-minded, and of similar backgrounds, so when youre not, you stand out. my cousin came from a similar background as me (more comfortable/wealthier than her peers, heavily diverse neighborhood, LA private school) and had the exact same problem of not being accepted for not have an “authentic” black life or whatever that means. so there is a very heavily prevalent idea that unless you grew up in one exact way, you’re not “black enough”, so like,,, just be mindful that this is a Thing and that people are surprisingly judgemental about it

each hbcu has a much more insular culture than ive really seen or heard to be at pwi’s, ESPECIALLY if you go greek. theyre extremely close knit, and i know that they are extremely involved and dedicated to each other and to the sorority/fraternity even after they’ve graduated. each school is very distinct, so you have to really get to know and get immersed in the culture. at xavier, we do a lot of music events on campus, because we dont have a big sports culture, and greek life is pretty low key. there are parties, but it’s all house parties off campus bc we’re strictly dry. there are things that are specific to xavier, that you find find or understand if you go somewhere else. everyone is very close knit, and if you go somewhere small, you will know everyone and everyone will know you. so just make sure you know and like the environment and locality that your school is in.

social activism is huge here. some people are light on it, some people are borderline militant. we’re activists by mission, so that definitely has an impact on the kind of people that are drawn here. make sure to really look into your schools mission and what they stand for, because you’ll find a lot of students are like minded to it. i can only assume howard is similar because of its DC location, so be ready for access to lots of protests and heavy government interest.

COURSES:

the religious mission is very important to the school, and so we have required theology courses and service hours to graduate. in terms of social science, for me, we are rather limited. most of our funding goes to science, because we’re a science focused school. we’re known for our pharmacy program, and bio/chem pre-med. if your school only has a few masters/doctorate programs, and they’re all in one field, that’s the section that will get the most funding. howard’s endowment is massive compared to ours, so this will probably not be as glaring.

in regards to hbcu-specific courses, there’s naturally a huge focus on black studies and all of its sub-studies. like black theology/philosophy, history, literature, etc etc. this of course means that if you have an interest thats outside of solely a black focused area, then youre probably not going to find as much. our history department really only does black history in america & the world, so they dont offer classes on larger areas, like greco-roman hist, asian hist, etc. if you have interest in a wider range of studies, but still want to go to an hbcu, i would suggest looking into whether or not your school has a consortium with nearby schools. xavier has one w tulane, so i take german class there bc its not offered for me. i think howard has one with american, so you’d be eligible to take some of their courses, which gives you more access to specialties of interest.

OTHER THINGS:

if you havent, when quarantine is over, i would suggest trying to visit howard and really get a feel for it. its in the middle of DC which is amazing, but the area is very heavily gentrified, and i know that the students are having a lot of issues with the local residents because of this. 

also, make sure to research not just the courses, but the culture. i got told culture didnt matter and that was a fat ass lie. this is how youre living for the next 4 years, and you cant study 24/7. so make sure you will actually enjoy your college years somehow. look at rate my school, look for facebook groups of applied/accepted students, look online for blogs or youtubers who talk candidly about their experiences. talking to current students is the single best way to get a feel for the university, because they can tell you what really goes on, not what the brochures show you.

i hope this helps some!!! if you have any more questions just send them my way, and if i can’t answer them myself i’ll find someone who can :D

[breakingmllc]

God Knew My Heart Needed Love So He Sent Me My Boston Vintage T-Shirt

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Hello miss camila you do not know me obviously but not surprising since I am small time compared to the position you have attained in life and society it is not likely that we would ever meet not probable that you will even respond to this all I have is aspirations and my hope that you see something enough in me to know that I am worth your time I will do my best to show you in short manner that this is the truth I cannot promise anything but what I believe and anything else is an assumption on what I would hope you know or think which is unknown to me so it is something found to be less desirable I was getting a God Knew My Heart Needed Love So He Sent Me My Boston Vintage T-Shirt tattoo yesterday finished it today actually the reason this is mentionable is because the guys in there were talking about ladies after this very attractive and happy little asian lady got a tattoo she quickly became the talk of the place even the ladies that were there were happy to help this lady because of how she carried herself and the grace she posed so as they were talking about their interests and different girls they had been with or what they saw as being attractive or how it was so cool that such a pretty lady wanted a tattoo and more things it started coming to a point where the conversation shifted to a more masculine intent and the guys were talking about things better left un repeated here it was mentioned that someone wanted something certain they desired it and in the mix they were breaking down how they sought after something and it made me think of you because they were all talking about things like how they could not have this or needed that or other more unmentionable things so I showed one of them a picture of you because from everything I have seen of you in my time spent watching videos with you being what I think is yourself at your best I realized that I needed to meet people who were intelligent and who knew how to value things I cannot accurately say that I know something about you from the short views I have had into who and what you are but I have a slightly educated guess now about some of these things and what I can see in you and your being is something that is beyond the regular person exceptional I understand that it is not likely I will get a response or that I might even be noticed I am only reaching out to see what might happen because when I showed your picture to that guy we talked a little about how gorgeous you are and then he mentioned that I should write you a letter I thought about it a bit and decided that the only way to know if I was worth your time and notice was to make an attempt so I am starting here this is the best I can do for this moment I will try this a few times and if nothing happens I will look towards writing you a letter which will look kind of funny because my handwriting sucks go figure I write well but my presentation is terrible looks like a gradeschooler wrote it no joke I had the idea of sending it to your record label if I could find it and understand also that it is not likely to reach you but it is still possible there is a lot to share with you and I can promise that from my perspective I know that you will not ever be disappointed in taking the time to respond to me if you ever come across this or anything else and actually read it my intention is to make an impact to help fix the balance that has been off kilter for a long time since the dawn of this species as far as mainstream history will teach you I am an equal rights producer of philosophy and perspective a revolutionary and a rainbow warrior you can look up the rainbow warrior if you are interested and revolutionary is a title I choose because I like it and my efforts span beyond the physical realm this is a unified effort and I believe that a large part of it is introducing exception to the feminine bringing ladies to their place of righteous entitlement this species has been sick for a long time look at the world of the human race mankind has been hurting for long enough to leave us in a position of self that is in poor nature women around the world have been hurting for a long time and it has not ceased only grown in confusion and need this is where I believe that our sisters need a way to understand what is happening to them this is where consciousness comes into play which I will describe later if there is a chance and you decide that I am interesting enough or worthy of your awesome attention my revolution is made to fit this world outside of the species we are a part of and beyond the third dimension as well call it the spirit realm or the energetic planes higher vibrating dimensions synchronicity is a revealed part of my life now and it is regular I would like to show as many as are willing and able what this means and how to pay attention to it exactly there is so much love and compassion that this world needs the life upon this planet and all of those who exist beyond it are crying for the salvation of this species since we exist by my belief and experience in multiple planes of existence under the energies of creation itself I see a sickness that has spread into all of the rest of reality bringing the feminine back to where you rightfully belong as creators of life worthy of every respect is what you deserve and more as an individual and as a collective this is where you shine the most because of your successes and your ability to reach the mass of ladies who are more likely hurting and not able to know why my truth is not everyone’s truth it is my perspective and what my experiences have taught me and that is the best I can hope for if you parallel these expressions then we are kindred in this but I have no hopes of ever brainwashing you or converting you to something you do not consciously choose for yourself I bring my everything to show you consciousness my form of it but no less I will literally give everything I can and am able to for you to know that I am legitimate within myself and genuine in every word I have had rough times as have many but I have overcome them and reached to the stars beyond them even but that is a talk for later times I want to show you a life that shines in a way to set trends people never knew existed and those same trends will be the undoing of abuse in this world as they take hold and come to fruition this may not be as doable in my life time and I know this but I am doing what I can to show the world that our future deserves better than what we have now and with that that they have every entitlement also called a right to a future that is less in servitude and more in harmony and love this centers on you as a lady assuming the position you have earned through all of time as a creator of life you are called upon now and always as what will save this world and all life beyond it from the torments of a masculine world I will show you exactly what I mean through time as you venture with me I will do my best to reveal to you exactly what I see in other higher frequency realms of reality and how that ties into your beauty as one who creates life with your very essence along with your ability to grow and nurture a spirit and consciousness inside of you simply because you are able to because it is a gift from creation itself because you are the goddess that the bible ignores not to be worshipped but to be revered to be honored and to be appreciated along with being heard and many other things it is your duty to yourself to know everything you are not my place to tell you anything unless you wish to hear it but that does not stop me from giving you what I can to provide a true first impression I am here to bring you the truth as best as I am able to you decide if it is the truth for you or not I have no intention of forcing anything on anyone but there is so much adverse control in this life that I know I must make a statement to combat the airwaves of dissonance even if I am not looking for conflict this species is going down hard right now and we are taking all life with us upon the planet at least but it can be a lot worse if we survive in this state I am asking for your time and enough trust to give me the chance to connect with you to share myself with you and for me to enjoy your blatant spirit of intelligence and beauty in this life along with what you offer in the spirit realm I understand if you think I am crazy or something I get it if you judge me poorly this information is not for everyone and to be honest I am pretty far past the curve that everyone is beginning to round not to sound full of myself this is what my experience has taught me I am ready to be proven wrong your time and energy is what I seek after and if that turns into something that can help us prosper in so many ways then we will know there is no way I would ever abuse your trust or look to advertise your connectivity with myself not unless you were looking to do that yourself if you chance it and connect with me truly I can truly say within myself that you will never be let down maybe a little sometimes but that is what expression and understanding is for compassion and empathy and love for life along with forgiveness and intent I will introduce what I believe is consciousness to you and anyone who will listen and I seriously adore when people ask questions but so much more love it when you provide your own input both are essential I am an awesome talker but I am an exceptional listener as well if you ask me multiple questions I will answer each one to the best of my ability and will always give you the most honest answer I can provide no matter what it is about anything always my name has a bit of bad energy attached to it but when you understand my story better you will know that love does crazy things to people and I am a true lover I wish to bring light to the darkness love to the world and truth to the children to all forms of life give me the chance and this is what will happen you will never meet another like me we are all unique but this is something different which will be known throughout time it is my sincere hope that this reaches you at the least so that you can know your life and those of everyone around you is loved and someone is looking out to help improve the quality of existence even if people are not aware that there is pain in all the ways you are needed I am as well but that may or may not be in your presence of any sort love that is my life my name is pearce lane leckenby I want to show you the kingdom of zion from my heart the surviving bastion of hope in times when people have lost faith in themselves and eachother I bring you true revolution evolution and a break from absolution it must be time to shut up now not sure if you will enjoy this or not but this is a portion of my all there is so much more I could write books on this if I had it in me to do so and I am not sure what it would take to do that but it is possible this is the best way I express myself talking to people peace be upon you harmony be within you and love be all of you I am what I am that I am not a character from a book but a life with a story my hope is that you find it worth your time thank you for reading and sticking through with this if you make it this far if anyone else reading this decides that I might be worth your time you can always add me or if you want to be around me to talk and learn you can always join my group it needs help so I must get back to it after a long time away this is my group I will talk to you about pretty much anything always send me a message anything your time in not ill spent this is my revolution this is my life this is the way and I will show you the truth forever and always. What s my 2019 anthem level up and earn up sponsored check out the first of many ways I plan to crush goals with chase alwaysearning. Honored to have fernando belasteguin the best padel tennis player in the world by my side on my zenter court at padel zenter See Other related products: Wine In A World Full Of Princesses Be A Witch Poster

[3inghao]

crush anon here and AHHHHH I DONT KNOW WHATS GOING ON bc i feel like out of all of us we have the weirdest (?) relationship bc we dont even have each other on social media or each others numbers and like again im still not in their group chat?? only me and my other suitemate (the other asian girl) arent in the group chat??? which is like,, really weird bc they mention it a lot but theyve never made any moves to add (1/15)

us to the group chat and like thats not really something you can just like,, ask to join,,, and so they all hang out and grab meals together or whatever and idk i guess its just bc they dont have as much schoolwork i guess?? and my roommate and him are both film majors so they have similar classes and i guess i just havent had that many opportunities to hang out otherwise?? but like ive only seen him once since drunk (2/15)

night and it was yesterday and it was because he was downstairs in the dance room of our hall taking pictures of three of the girls from our friend group for his hw and after theywere done they just came up toour room and hung out and like ,, i wanted to talk to him more but then my friend started swiping through her tinder and so he started to swipe through his and then my roommate and her started doing the matches (3/15)

on tinder for him and it was like,, they were judging the girls as they went by like ‘oh shes cute’ or ‘oh my god shes so weird’ and it was mostly them but i felt really uncomfortable bc they were all like attractive girls and i was like ahh,,, i guess theres me the potato ,, and like i dont want my friends to know i like him either bc 1. theyd all think its like the worst idea in the world bc everyone knows how much of a player he is (4/15)

2. i still dont know if my roommates into him and 3. i still dont really know him super well and it would just be so weird for the friend group?? dating within the friend group would be a terrrrrrible idea too,,, and like im so confused about what to do but one thing i do know is that i will never tell the friend group at least until i get closer to them and him.. and even so i dont think he likes me,, although i do think hes intrigued by me,, (5/15)

if that makes any kind of sense at all… i know hes actively trying to hook up/date other girls bc of the whole tinder incident and also the other guy friend in our friend group (went to hs with x) told us that he was trying to get with this british girl he met in an elevator bc she was super pretty (and again when i say super pretty i mean it bc the girls they were swiping left on tinder were all so pretty too ????) but yeah i just felt my (6/15)

stomach drop when i heard that bc i knew what kind of guy he was even before i had a crush on him but i cant help but feel so terrible whenever stuff like that happens.. and yet at the same time i feel like our dynamic is different anyways?? like idk if this makes sense but you know when you can just feel like theres something more to your relationship with a person?? like idk this might just be me projecting my delusional (7/15)

hopes and desires onto this interpretation but i can sense like we are both trying to feel each other out, and that we dont really know how to act around each other, and i feel like im so crazy and i must be imagining it but every time we make eye contact it always feels just a tiny bit longer than normal or with other people??? you know????? im honestly going insane thinking about this,, and every time we were together (8/15)

before drunk night i would shut myself down around him like i tried to avoid eye contact or engaging in conversation bc i was so scared of letting myself fall for him but it happened anyways and now im still scared but im trying to put myself out there and engage with him but then things happen like the tinder thing and i just shut right back down yesterday and pretended like i was really focused on my schoolwork or my (9/15)

readings and ahhh i really dont know whats going on anymore i still have so much hw to do on top of that and i dont see him often bc he doesnt live in the same hall as me, im not in the group chat, and im not the same major as him so essentially we only hang out on the weekends or occasionally on the weekdays if he comes over to our dorms bc my suitemates invite him or whatever ahhhhhh i cant stop thinking about it (10/15)

and i just keep oscillating back and forth from thinking that somethings finally gonna happen and that theres a crazy spark there to thinking that theres absolutely zero interest from his end and that he would never like me and that i would never want to be with a guy like that anyways and ahhhhh i know i just have to wait it out and continue to work on it (at least being his friend) but at the same time i feel like i should just drop the (11/15)

whole thing and pretend like that drunk night never happened and just treat him with polite distance and act like my opinion of him is 100% just neutral guy that im kinda friends with and has had some good times with but i also know nothing will ever happen unless im trying from my end and actively showing interest in him but again it would be so weird bc i cant flirt with him bc my friends would 1000000% be able to tell and i (12/15)

know its still too early ahhhh my head is spinning im literally going insane AHHHHHHHHHHH sorry and literally just as im writing this my roommate is facetiming her friend and was telling her a story and she referred to our group as ‘our friend group and also two other people who live with us’ MEANING she doesnt consider me and the other girl to be part of the friend group and i knew that deep down i really wasnt but i (13/15)

hang out with these guys a lot and i try my best to be supportive but not too clingy and idk what im doing wrong??? why do people not want to be my friend??? i?????????? im sorry for being so depressing but this is legit what i feel !!! and ahh i just kinda want to distance myself away from these people and get my own friend group but at the same time i dont bc i love these people but the thing is i dont know/i dont think (14/15)

they love me !!!!! wowie wow wow anyways that was my entire fucking rant about life in general and im sorry if im burdening you but i hope this message finds you well

AHHHHHHH CRUSH ANON IM SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO ANSWER THIS I’m starting to feel better now I was at a real low place the past two weeks and just feeling bleh but i’m getting some help and i’ll be fine :))) but since it’s been so long WHAT ELSE HAS HAPPENED i don’t think you need to give up on your feelings for him and i don’t think you need to give up on the friend group, they’ve probs just been more tight-knit for longer so it’ll just take time before you’re fully part of the group, if that’s what u want. Don’t stress about the boy tho!!!! if it’s meant to happen it will ya know, you can’t force something. Maybe try just being friends with him first and maybe go from there?? ahhh i feel so bad at giving advice lolollll i hope i’m helpful or can just be some that can lend an ear to you to rant

[paradox-oflife]

massive q and a post part 4 ignore this pls

1. Is the grass greener on the other side? It depends on perspective I guess. To me, not really. All of us are going through some stuff in the inside.

2. If a tree falls in the forest and there's no one around to hear it does it make a noise? uuuuuh yeah, i’d say so!

3. Why does it always rain on me? (idk how to respond to this)

4. Have you ever sailed a boat? One time. It was kinda scary ngl but my brother basically did most things for me.

5. Do you love or loathe Harry Potter? Love. Bro, 2nd grade me reading books under the covers. Catch me with some Percy Jackson or HP.

6. Do you do your utmost for the environment? Of course mate. Though one person won’t have much effect on global warming, you gotta respect your surroundings.

7. Do you love or loather Eurovison? I only watched it once. Reminds me a lot of the Voice. I don’t really watch that type of stuff though.

8. Have you ever wielded a sword? YEAH. I got a plastic one for a skit in school and god it was so much fun doing choreographed fights. I felt cool.

9. If you were famous would you want a statue or a building names after you? Maybe something small. Nothing too big. Depends what I did to become famous too.

10. Whats your favourite type of fish? Why the Blobfish of course.

11. Which do you prefer pony tails or pig tails? Ponytails. I wear low ponytails like everyday because my hair makes my face irritated sometimes.

12. Whats the ultimate cake topping? Fruit. Enough said.

13. Do you like marzipan? It’s no bad.

14. Whats better? Center Parks or Butlins?  (I’m assuming this is another British thing for hotels)

15. If you were in a band, what instrument/role would you play? I actually was in a band during high school with my friends, except we barely performed. We just hung out in the garage playing songs we liked. I was the bassist, or sometimes when the keyboardist couldn’t make it I’d play piano. I wanted to try drums but i can’t move my limbs independently enough. I tried picking up the guitar but there’s too many strings lmao i can’t memorize enough chords

16. Can you erect a tent? Nope

17. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Suck it until I get bored, then i CRONCH it

18. Have you ever used a telephone book? (yeah im old enough to remember these things) I used it as fuel for a fireplace lol

19. If you have an mp3 player what size is it? I used to have one. It was smaller than my hand.

20. Do you still have any music on vinyl or casettes? No :( I don’t have a vinyl player but I have old casettes of Chinese Children songs lmao

21. Do you still have a camera that uses conventional film? My dad has one, but it’s out of batteries.

22. Approximately how many DVD's do you have? A lot. I have one of those books with DVD holders and they’re just movies like Shrek.

23. Approximately how many Albums do you have? Downloaded on my phone - a lot.

24. Do you talk to yourself? When I’m alone. I’ve done it before at school and I got crazy looks

25. Do you sing to yourself? ONLY when Im by myself. God forbid anyone hears me singing.

26. Do you know any identical twins? I know two pairs that’s my age, and a pair that’s 27 I believe.

27. Have you ever given blood? No, I really should as someone with blood type O+ but im a big WUSS when it comes to needles.

28. Could you ever be a medical guineapig? Nah. I need something that’s been tested. Because if they screw up, chances are they won’t know how to fix it.

29. Whats your favourite radio station? Classical music station for short drives because I don’t know like any of the “mainstream” stuff. But I just connect my phone to the car and listen to my own playlists.

30. Whats your favourite letter of the Alphabet?  X feels so exotic

31. Which is better? rollerblade or rollerskates? Rollerskates.

32. Have you ever written a love letter? No

33. How many valentines cards did you recieve this/last year? 5. They were all from my friends :)

34. What are cooler? Dinosaurs or Dragons? Dragons for SURE

35. Have you ever made your own ice lollipops? No

36. Have you ever made your own Ice cream? No

37. Which foreign language did you have to learn at school? and do you still remember enough to hold a conversation in that language? I did two years of Spanish in middle school, but for high school I went the easy path and took Chinese. Then again, most people who take Chinese already speak Chinese. I did it to jump to AP faster.

38. Do you know CPR? Only from the Office, but I’ve never had to do it before. I heard you have to keep pushing until the ribs break?? 

39. Do you have any swimming badges? Nah, I can swim but I sure am slow

40. Do you prefer digital or rotary/analogue clocks? I’m alright with either

41. How tall is the tallest person you know? 6′7″. Mate, I’m 5′1″, I literally have to tilt my head so high just to talk with him.

42. Have you ever got lost in a maze? omg yeah in New Zealand there’s this thing called a sensory maze. And at one point you go into this room where the seizure inducing lights are flashing on and off super quickly and it’s filled with mirrors. Me and my cousin were basically crawling on the floor because we kept crashing into mirrors.

43. Have you ever been attacked by a wild animal? No and I hope I never do

44. Have you ever ridden a camel? No. Don’t see a lot of camels in California

45. Whats your opinion on rats? They’re alright. As long as they’re not in my house

46. Have you ever been to a gym? Yeah.

47. Have you ever been in a helicopter? No, but it seems kind of fun

48. Have you ever cheated at a test? Okay, maybe a couple times but after 9th grade i STOPPED

49. Have you ever ridden a tractor? Yeah, I even wore a bandana.

50. Are you a gossip? No. I only spill tea around people I know who can keep secrets.

51. Have you ever cried at a film? Yeah. The last time was during Avengers Endgame when Black Widow sacrifices herself.

52. When you're ill do you struggle on regardless or just curl up in bed as much as possible? Well, coming from an Asian family, I developed that type of mentality where if it’s just a cold, then I keep going. If I have a fever, then I stay home.

53. Do you need to write down things to remember them? Most of the times

54. Do you keep a diary/journal? I’ve kept one since 6th grade. It’s so interesting to see how my mentality and thinking has changed over the years. From my lowest points to my highest, it’s so cool.

55. Are you scared of thunderstorms? Nah, unless there’s lightning close by. One time I was at Taiwan and there was lightning like right outside my house. Bro it’s the scariest thing ever. You see a flash of lightning next to the window and the house rattles with a BOOOOOM. Legit, it’s so loud

56. Do you have any unusual fears or phobias? I mean, needles are a pretty common fear so I guess not.

57. Whats your favourite disney movie? Lion King. The remake wasn’t that bad imo.

58. Have you ever slept in a caravan? Nope

59. Have you ever painted a house? I’ve painted inside one

60. Have you got green fingers? I mean, I’m alright with plants. 

61. Whats the tallest tree you've ever climbed? Not that tall because I slipped and fell one time and had the air knocked out of me. Thought I would die there lol

62. Have you ever dialed the talking clock? (another uk thing)

63. Do you always wear identical socks? I try to but hey, if I don’t care, then it’s a free for all

64. Do you live by any motto or philosophy? A couple actually. A lot of comes from the Bible, specifically the whole  Matthew 5-7 sermon on the mountain

65. Do you lick the yoghurt or desert lid? Yes, there’s so much on there.

66. Do you lick the spoon clean after making something sweet? Usually, unless it’s like raw or something

67. Do you like the sound of music? (the musical/film) I remember watching that on those old TVs during elementary school. I think it’s a pretty nice film!

68. Have you ever made your own orangejuice? Yeah

69. Have you ever sucked on a lemon? yes and i think i had a sweet lemon because it was honestly not sour

70. Have you ever licked a battery? no WTF

71. Are you a good aim with a rubber band? Ah, not really.

72. Have you ever played golf? Yee

73 .Whats the most unusual name you've ever come across? I met a Jezebel before. The name meaning itself isn’t bad, but that character in the Bible is associated with pretty bad things

74. Do you prefer to wash in the mornings or evenings? Evening showers>>>> you literally CANNOt change my mind

75. Have you ever danced in the rain? No. because I hate getting my shoes wet.

76. Do you like long or short hair? Long hair

77. Have you ever sworn at an authority figure? Nope. I’m a good kid

78. Have you ever walked into a wall? Yes. So embarrassing.

79. Whats your favourite precious metal? N/A

80. Whats your favourite precious stone? N/A

81. Could you ever hunt your own meal? No way. 

82. Have you ever read any comics? None of your standard American DC Comics, but yeah.

83. Where do you like to go to on a first date? Somewhere personal. Doesn’t matter where really. I mean personal like, a picnic on a grassy plain, or under a starry sky. Studio Ghibli vibes.

84. Do you prefer vertical or horizontal stripes? Horizontal I guess

85. Have you ever baked your own bread? Yeah and it came out like pita chips lol

86. Can you believe I can't believe its not butter is in fact not actually butter? I don’t eat that much butter, but I guess it’s what it says in the title?

87. Can you name all 50 American states? Yes. Capitals though? Maybe 70%

88. Have you ever owned a goldfish? Ive had a beta fish and two guppies in second grade. 

89. What was your favourite school subject? Orchestra and Literature. A lot of people are surprised at my choice of lit. But I actually love reading and analyzing, though writing papers kind of suck. The problem for me when it comes to writing papers isn’t coming up with a topic, it’s wording it in MLA format. Like I could discuss with people all the time but its hard to organize my thoughts.

90. What was your least favourite school subject? Math. Which is a bit odd because I’m actually not too bad at it. But I’ve had the most mental breakdowns when it comes to math. Geez, AP Calc was a ride. I also cried in Chemistry once. 

91. Have you ever passed wind in an embarassing situation? Not that I can’t think of. And Im sure if I have, it would be engraved in my memories.

92. Have you ever played the bongos? Yeah. Pretty fun.

93. Have you ever handled a snake? Yeah it was a smol milk snake. He was a shy boy.

94. Have you ever assembled furniture by yourself? OMG YEAH from Ikea it was such an experience. The satisfaction of sitting in a chair you built all by yourself is so satisfying.

95. When did you last go to the beach? Like... a while ago. A year ago maybe.

96.  When if ever did you last go to london? Haven’t been there, but totally would!

97. What do you do to cool down when its hot? Sit inside with a fan, or A/C

98. Whats the most unusual thing you've ever eaten? Okay now don’t judge me on this one but i LOVE century eggs. It’s not too uncommon to find them in Taiwan.