#which is so fucking funny because all this clan hopping and you still managed to marry a cat youre related to

[stagwhisker]

Why is Skyclan in an inbreeding speerun lately

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-yigas]

good evening yiga scribe would you be interested in writing something where a certain two yiga footsoldiers are trying to have sex without waking up any of the people sleeping in the yiga dorm rooms 👉🏻👈🏻

For you, freckled, absolutely??

Also I've never done anything with JUST two footsoldiers before? It'll be a fun change of pace!

(Also if you want specific naughty bits, pls specify next time!)

Love was a funny thing. It was plentiful in the mundane, yet, it was totally rare in the extraordinary. It was a fancy way of saying that love in the yiga clan was pretty fucking difficult. It wasn’t impossible, but there were so many hoops to jump through in order to obtain it, that many didn't bother.

But not him. No, he found the absolute love of his life here, a mere number of months ago. And he loved her. He loved her with all his heart. Every fact about her made him fall more and more in love with her. Her favorite flowers (swift violets), her favorite color (purple), even her favorite place to watch the sunset. Each fact made him crazy for her. So much so...that he couldn't wait till morning to see her. He snuck out of his room (a huge no no) and quietly snuck into her room (ALSO a huge no no). Everyone was sleeping restfully.

Including her. She slept in her own bed, damn near in the middle of the room. Despite how nearly everyone looked the same, he could recognize her from a mile away. She just. Was his everything, you learned to know where they were.

"Get...outta..."

He nearly jumped at the sound of a voice. The blade master, right by the door. A blade master took shifts sleeping in these rooms, in order to keep an eye on the foot soldiers. It helped keep an eye on traitors, and horny yiga, just like him. Thankfully, this one was just sleep talking. He sighed in relief, before sneaking over to her bed. The room was so silent, it felt as if every movement was as loud as a bang. But then, FINALLY, he hopped into her bed.

"Darling. Darling?"

She slowly awoke, groaning as she lifted her head up. She recognized him immediately.

"My little banana muffin! What are you doing in here? You're going to-"

"I had to see you. I missed you. I couldn't sleep. My heart ached for you, I was in AGONY."

She 'awwed', wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Alright. You can cuddle me for a minute. But you need to go back, you know what they're like when they catch you."

"It's worth it, if only to hear your lovely voice."

They bonked their masks together in a yiga kiss, before he laid down. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her back against his chest. She was so warm, so beautiful, so sweetly smelling- she was so...perfect.

"You made brownies in the kitchen today, didn't you?"

"Yeah?"

"I can tell. You still smell like them. You always smell like you came straight from a bakery, and everytime I smell bread, I remember how hungry my heart is for you."

She chuckled, reaching behind her to pat his cheek.

"Your inner poet just never stops, does it?"

"As long as your beauty continues, so will my words. You are my love, my home. I want to hold you forever. I want to-"

"Honeyfruit?"

"Yes?"

"I...think you're more excited than you think."

He looked down at himself, and saw that he had, without knowing it, been grinding himself against her back, and had a boner. Not what he intended, but...well. She DID always feel good. He cupped her face in his hand, and decided, he was already pushing the boundries, why not see how far that line could go?

"I am. Don't tell me you aren't too."

"Well of course I am, I love being with you. But we can't...do that here."

"We do it in the corridors all the time?"

She huffed, though the way she held his hand, he could tell it was affectionate.

"This isn't the corridors. This is here, in the rooms, where we could be caught so easily-"

"Then I'll take the blame. If you do not want me, so be it, I will leave. But I will not hesitate to show my love for you."

She looked hesitant. Yigas got up to mischief like this all the time, but getting caught would get them in trouble. Not to mention she was just honest to goodness shy about this. Yet, she was excited. He could see it.

"Alright...but do be quiet, you always get so loud."

"The better to proclaim my love for you, my dear."

With one more mask bump, he carefully had her on her front. The thing about sex in the clan is that, while it was a bit of a no no, getting undressed was pretty much a crime. So, this meant they had to think of more...creative ways to help themselves. In this case, him slowly grinding against her ass. She had just the cutest little butt (one of the ways he managed to tell her apart, not that he'd ever tell her), which he loved. His arms wrapped around her, his chin rested upon her shoulder. He could already hear her start to breathe a bit quickly.

"Okay...I'm not going to lie, I did miss you. Just a little bit."

"Your body says you missed me just a little more than you're letting on. You're wet."

He parted her legs a bit, and started to push himself not agsinst her rear, but right against her pussy. She was wet enough to seep through her attire, and it was making him absolutely weak. Not just how she felt against him, but the way SHE was clearly feeling.

"You've...never done that before...~"

He hadn't. Sure he rubbed her there in the hallway, but it mostly involved them just rubbing each other through their clothes. He chuckled, bumping the side of her mask.

"I...haven't. But I've always wanted to. Oh I can feel you, right through the uniform. You're so warm, and wet, I could imagine my cock actually sliding into you. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

She nodded, reaching down in order to play with her little clit in small circles. Oh he could feel her wetness stained his clothed boner. He was throbbing, just imagining how incredible it would be, doing this for real.

"That's it darling, touch yourself while my cock pushes against you. Seperated by just some thin clothes...I could make you feel so good. I could fill up your precious womb with my FUCKING seed-"

She lifted her stained fingers up to his, forcing him into silence. He WAS always sort of the loud one between them, he couldn’t blame her. He held the hand against his face, inhaling the scent of her, and continued. He wasn’t just grinding now. Driven wild by the feeling of her softness, he started to buck against her. He could feel his cock push into her. Not fully, because of these DAMN clothes, but he could feel it. It was practically nothing, but for a touched starved, loving soul like his, it was everything.

Then she came. With but a helpless little whimper, she came, only giving him more juices to help himself with. Through excited, hot breaths, she turned to look at him.

"Cum for me. Press up against me and cum, I want to feel it."

He nodded, pressed himself against her, and came. He could feel the cum seeping out from his attire and against her eager pussy, leaving her a whimpering mess underneath him. He waited a moment, before he shakily moved off of her. He was about to up and leave, knowing he had been here too long (most yiga sessions were quick), when she turned, and lifted herself up a bit.

"Wait. Before you go. I...I want to give you something."

She parted her mask, just a bit, showing her just the cutest set of lips. Then, she grabbed onto his thighs, and leaned in, licking some of the cum off of his his clothed cock. Oh it was warm. Oh it was soft, it was wet, it was HER. He grabbed onto her head before he could think, wanting to keep her in place.

"Fucking SHIT-"

He wanted more. He wanted to give her a fresh load of cum, for just her precious lips. Then they heard the skid of chair legs on a wood floor. He jumped off of her and into the higher bunks. The said yiga woke up immediately, about to raise hell, when he put his finger over his mask, making him shut up for a second. They both watched as the blade master walked up to her, clearly not very happy.

"You're awake. Why are you awake?"

"I'm sorry, Sir. I had a nightmare and woke up."

"Can you get back to sleep, or do you need to head to the medical bay?"

"I can go back to sleep, thank you. I'm so sorry to have woken you up."

He grumbled something under his breath, taking a look around the room. He clearly wanted to look around more, but his yawn reminded him that he could catch a few more hours of sleep instead. He walked away from her, sat back down on his chair, and folded his arms across his chest. In a moment, he was snoring. She looked up at him as he climbed back down. She smacked his arm immediately, huffy in embarrassment.

"You. Are SO lucky you’re charming, because you are loud."

"Sorry. In my defense, your lips are just...so small and cute. They remind me of fairies."

She scoffed, leaning up to bonk her mask against his again.

"Well then you can dream about them later. Now get out of here so I can dream about you."

The yiga from the bed above them gave a light cough.

"Next time you fuck your boyfriend, can he hop in a different bed? I nearly had a fucking heart attack."

"Sorry, sorry!"

He chuckled. With one final mask bump, he snuck right out of the room. Love was difficult in the clan.

But it was terribly worth it.

[staircasttext]

Ep 14 Transcript: Brokenstar's Polycule

Episode 14

[intro music]

PAZ: Hi, everybody, welcome back to Stairway to StarClan, a Warriors cat reread pawdcast. I'm Paz.

JULIAN: I'm Julian.

LIZ: And I'm Craig.

PAZ: No, you're not.

LIZ: I'm Liz. Just a little joke, a little humor, you know, from me to the listener.

PAZ: Well, I'll probably put-- that'll probably be at the end, the context. Well, look forward to that, I guess.

JULIAN: The end of the episode where we explain the joke at the beginning.

PAZ: Well, no, just where I put the beginning pre-intro. Sorry. This is gonna be another late episode. I have been having computer issues. But hopefully nothing will happen to this recording. And if not, we have Craig. That's why Craig is here. Thank you, Craig.

JULIAN: Thank you Craig.

LIZ: Thank you Craig, but with a caveat.

PAZ: O-oh.

LIZ: Craig, if you-- look at me, Craig. If you fuck up, I'm gonna kick you. We'll ban you from this exclusive podcast server.

PAZ: I didn't realize Craig was like on a probationary period.

LIZ: Listen, podcasting is cutthroat, man.

PAZ: Yeah, that's true.

JULIAN: Craig's on thin fucking ice. Just like the cats of ThunderClan.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Eyy.

PAZ: Yeah. Uh huh. Wow, look at that segue. That's some professional podcasting.

LIZ: Seamless.

JULIAN: Thank you. Thank you.

LIZ: Craig, that's what you have to live up to.

PAZ: Yeah, so we're continuing Fire and Ice. Shit's getting real. We read chapters...

JULIAN: 22 through 25?

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: They were a doozy. A lot happened.

PAZ: They sure were. All right. Let's hop into these summaries. So chapter 22, patrols keep reporting that RiverClan and ShadowClan have been scented in ThunderClan territory. Meanwhile, Fireheart is busy hunting, trying to look after Cloudkit, Cinderpaw, and Brackenpaw. Graystripe is Brackenpaw's mentor again but is still slipping way to see Silverstream often. The camp no longer has greencough.

Fireheart goes to visit Cinderpaw who is staying with Yellowfang. She tells him the exercises for her injured leg hurt a lot, though she is still cheerful. Fireheart says he likes spending time with her and he misses their training sessions, which makes Cinderpaw sad. She says she probably can't be a warrior anymore. And Fireheart says no instead of anything supportive or even offering any alternatives. No editorializing here.

Then Fireheart asks about what happened when the monster hit her, fearing that Tigerclaw had something to do with it, but Cinderpaw can't remember. They talk about Cloudkit instead, and Fireheart expresses how worried he is about Cloudkit being bullied in the future for being born a kittypet. Cinderpaw reassures Fireheart, even though he hasn't done much of the same for her.

Fireheart asks Bluestar if he can go to the next gathering, and she agrees. He then goes to see Cloudkit, and Brindleface tells him he might have a fever, which worries Fireheart. He overhears the other apprentices mocking Cloudkit for this. Then he meets Sandpaw, who is also going to the gathering. They talk about how it's odd she hasn't been made a warrior yet. And she reassures them about Cloudkit's future. Later they all leave for the gathering.

At the gathering, Fireheart greets some cats from WindClan as they wait for RiverClan and ShadowClan to arrive. Bluestar doesn't wait for the normal introductions and announces immediately that RiverClan has been hunting in ThunderClan territory. There is more arguing, and Crookedstar, the RiverClan leader, says an unknown ThunderClan warrior has been scented in RiverClan. Both Fireheart and Graystripe realize he must mean Graystripe. Whoopsie.

Tigerclaw accuses RiverClan and ShadowClan of joining together against them and Crookedstar accuses ThunderClan of doing the same with WindClan. The leaders keep arguing until a cloud passes over the moon. Runningnose, the ShadowClan medicine cat, and Yellowfang say the StarClan is angry they fought at the gathering and that the darkness is a sign to stop.

Chapter 24, Tallstar ends the gathering because of the sign from StarClan, and all the clans leave. Fireheart hopes Graystripe will be willing to talk, but he only agrees to meet Silverstream at Fourtrees instead of in RiverClan territory. Graystripe is still upset with him. They return from the gathering, and Fireheart checks on Cloudkit. Bluestar tells everyone that RiverClan and ShadowClan have joined together and are now a threat. Fireheart is uneasy, thinking of RiverClan's difficulty and ShadowClan's reduced numbers.

The next day, Cloudkit is recovered from his fever. Fireheart watches Cloudkit happily as he play-hunts a ball of moss. Then he sees a scary leg.

Unknown Speaker

[laughter]

PAZ: Liz wrote these summaries. I'm reading them for the first time.

LIZ: Well, he does.

JULIAN: No, that's exactly what happens.

PAZ: Yeah, I really can't argue with that. Woo. Then he sees a scary leg and tells Cloudkit to stop. It's actually Tigerclaw, who gives the moss ball back and says to Fireheart that he should be careful with his quote unquote "playthings."

Chapter 25, Brindleface calls Cloudkit away and Tigerclaw leaves ominously. Then Whitestorm, Mousefur, Sandpaw, and Fireheart go patrol the ShadowClan border, but smell the other clan before reaching it. Fireheart recognizes the scent but can't remember which ShadowClan warrior it's from. The patrol also finds rabbit bones, which were apparently left by the ShadowClan as a sign of disrespect. Whitestorm is angry and says they have to tell Bluestar and punish ShadowClan.

When the patrol returns, Bluestar has already left for her own patrol. Whitestorm tells Tigerclaw about the rabbit bones, and they quickly decide to retaliate against ShadowClan. Sandpaw isn't allowed to go, and Tigerclaw tells Fireheart to stay behind, leaving him as the only warrior in the entire camp.

Yellowfang recognizes the scent on Fireheart as Brokenstar's, and he realizes that was who he was smelling earlier. She says Brokenstar and his friends must be the ones trespassing on the territory, and not ShadowClan, and that Fireheart has to stop Tigerclaw before he attacks ShadowClan. Fireheart can't leave the camp undefended in case Brokenstar attacks. So he sends Brackenpaw instead. He manages to tell the rest of clan all of this right before Brokenstar shows up. And that's the end of our reading.

JULIAN: It's a very dramatic place to leave off.

PAZ: Yeah, this was a very dramatic set of chapters.

JULIAN: Especially like the first-- like chapter 22 is just beat after beat. The stuff starts coming and it don't stop coming.

PAZ: Yeah, I mean, it sure is a set of chapters in terms of poorly thought out writing decisions, but also then good writing. You get both.

JULIAN: Yeah, you really do. It's a little of, uh... you get a little ableism, you get a little cat racism, you get a little excellent plot beats.

PAZ: This is what Warrior Cats is about, baby.

LIZ: A tasting platter.

PAZ: Um, let's take... where should we start?

JULIAN: Let's just start from the beginning. Um, Graystripe continues to not be shit.

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: Makes me so mad.

JULIAN: I don't know what 10 year old me was thinking when I was like, Yeah, Graystripe is cool.

PAZ: Okay, I also feel like I remember Graystripe being cool, but I only knew him from like A New Prophecy onwards.

JULIAN: Yeah, I think he does some cool stuff maybe in later books, but uh....he's struggling.

LIZ: He's a shitty teen now.

PAZ: This is really clouding my perception of him.

JULIAN: Like Brackenpaw's sad little oh, I guess he just doesn't have time for me or whatever.

PAZ: I know.

JULIAN: It's just awful.

LIZ: It's so sad.

PAZ: Sort of to set up what we're talking about, it starts off with Graystripe's missing again, and Fireheart's basically asking Brackenpaw like, oh, where'd he go. And Brackenpaw's like, he went hunting without me. So sad.

JULIAN: Brackenpaw's like, he said I could go tomorrow and like, of course--

LIZ: God.

JULIAN: We all know that tomorrow's never going to come.

LIZ: It has such the tone of like, tiny child says, oh, my dad just went out to get milk.

PAZ: No.

JULIAN: Like, kid waiting for their parents to come pick them up, like, oh, I'm sure they'll be here soon.

PAZ: I don't know why. Why is Graystripe not being like reprimanded more? It's pretty obviously he's not trading his apprentice.

JULIAN: Right? Well, Fireheart has this moment where he's like, Oh, "Fireheart knew that Tigerclaw wouldn't accept Brackenpaw's answer so easily." It's like well, Tigerclaw, do your job. Be menacing. Graystripe should be menaced a bit.

PAZ: He should have been menaced like two weeks ago.

LIZ: He needs to have I guess like a disciplinary meeting with the manager that is Tigerclaw.

PAZ: Yeah, there was also like a apparently like a vague timeskip or something, because it mentioned like the last gathering didn't happen because it was cloudy, which was very funny. A very funny note. So that means like at least one moon cycle has passed by or something.

JULIAN: I'm like a little-- this makes a lot of sense actually for why the clans are in such like political disarray, if they can only meet once a month if it's not cloudy, and they live in England.

PAZ: Oh god.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Really setting themselves up for failure.

LIZ: It's that seasonal whatever thing, right?

PAZ: I was gonna say like, like oh, what happens if there's a gathering and there's like an eclipse, but I'm fairly certain that's a plot point that happens later. So, you know.

LIZ: They're cats. They like it to be sunny when they go. They wanna, you know, soak in the vitamin D.

PAZ: It's not even the sun. It's the moon.

JULIAN: It happens at night.

LIZ: Oh, um, well, fuck if I know.

JULIAN: It's also like... not to criticize the world building here but like when there's a full moon out, it's much harder to see the stars.

PAZ: Yeah. It's not fucking MoonClan.

JULIAN: Like I get the whole cyclical nature or whatever.

PAZ: Do it on the new moon.

JULIAN: And if it's the new moon, you probably won't even notice if there's clouds.

PAZ: Yeah. I don't know who came up with that rule, but I think they planted the seeds for a lot of political problems.

LIZ: Imagine if they were just like, yeah, let's meet every two weeks.

PAZ: Cats don't have calendars.

LIZ: Let's meet every eight days, which is how many paws we have on two front legs, I think.

PAZ: What? What?

LIZ: Wait.

PAZ: How many paws? Hold on.

JULIAN: Liz, what kind of cats you been looking at?

LIZ: Paws? How many beans? How many toes? I didn't want to say toes.

PAZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: I was imagining like a fucking Sleipnir.

PAZ: Yeah, like fucking catbus from My Neighbor Totoro. Oh god. That's actually how all the cats look. It's just not mentioned.

JULIAN: That's where they keep all their magic. In their eight legs. Maybe it's just the leaders who have eight legs where they keep their lives.

PAZ: Wow.

LIZ: You become president, you just pop out four extra legs.

PAZ: Oh god.

JULIAN: I hate this actually.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: I know I suggested it, but it's very bad.

LIZ: I know the sound it makes. It's like [pops lips]

JULIAN: Ahh!

PAZ: Stop. Okay, we're gonna move on from that. I mean, speaking of legs, the next part in this chapter is Cinderpaw makes her speaking debut again.

JULIAN: Ugh.

LIZ: Ugh.

PAZ: Um, yeah, and there-- I-- this is time to really talk about like, the problems that come up with her character and honestly continue to be a theme throughout Warriors to this day, apparently, based on what I've seen on like Twitter and forums and stuff.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's--

LIZ: Like-- no, go ahead.

JULIAN: It's really great to like, see her as a speaking character again, and it really sucks that like, they have apparently have cat physical therapy. But it's like, well, nothing can be done.

PAZ: Yeah. I mean, like, it's nice that she's like, not like, deeply depressed and like, she's... like, it hasn't like, destroyed her character. Not destroyed her character, but like, I don't know how to word it.

JULIAN: She still has the same personality.

PAZ: Yeah, like, it hasn't like completely changed the personality and purpose of like her as a character in the book. Um, I mean that's really about all I can say for it.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's, uh... it sucks. I mean, I guess like, kind of brief spoilers, but she ends up becoming a medicine cat, which is sort of the thing that happens to any disabled cat is like, well, you're a medicine cat now. Which is just like, cool. Like, that's all you can do.

PAZ: Yeah. And them getting that position is like 95% of the time, like, against their choice in some way or form, because it's just like, no, you cannot be a warrior at all.

JULIAN: Yeah, and it's especially like... in literally the next chapter we meet Deadfoot.

PAZ: Yeah, that was a really egregious, like... the scene kind of like right after this is is Deadfoot showing up. And his physical disability is even pointed out because it says like, oh, he's limping. And there he is being a deputy. And it's like, it literally doesn't make sense, doing that to Cinderpaw's character.

LIZ: It's not even like, I don't know. What you said before about how so many, like, of the disabled characters are forced to become medicine cat. That's not even a case of like, oh, this one became a medicine cat and now like, can give perspective on you know, better care for other disabled characters. It's not like that. It's just like, you cannot have the job you want anymore. Ugh.

PAZ: Yeah. I mean, like, cat physical therapy exists, which is nice to see. But like, that really doesn't get utilized in any good way going forward or in this scene really.

JULIAN: Yeah, and there's no like, oh, you should like, you know, do your exercises so that like, you can regain some motion and like, you know, it'll be easier for you to be a w-- you know, that's not even like presented as an option.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: Yeah, um, I was reading around a bit and watched some videos on this topic that I figured I would shout out and like, quote from. So there's a really good video on YouTube by transredtail. Great name. Just called "Disability in Warrior Cats" if you want to check it out.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's really good.

PAZ: But yeah, it's a good video, and he's disabled himself. So he was speaking from that perspective about disability in the video. And kind of like the three main points in the video, were like, one, any disabled cat cannot become a warrior is like a running theme. And two, when writing a disabled character, the Erins frequently choose to have the surrounding characters make decisions for them, often unwanted decisions. And then three was like indications that life as a disabled person is less than life as an abled person is kind of like the reoccurring themes when it comes to how disabled characters are written in Warriors. And then also points out that like, disabled characters exist as plot points or as a way to create pity or guilt in the surrounding cast of characters, which is also definitely true.

JULIAN: Yeah, that's definitely happening here with like, Cinderpaw as sort of fuel for Fireheart's manpain.

LIZ: God. The scene where he goes to see her is like so... so frustrating because here's his, like, young apprentice who had like... who's really cheerful and enthusiastic and so clearly happy to see him cause she's bored out of her mind. And the scene just becomes about like, how sad he is that she doesn't have a future, and how it's his fault, and how suddenly he's worried that the same thing will happen to his nephew. And she-- this kid is the one who ends up comforting him about his nephew and all of his worries about Cloudkit that he doesn't really have for her anymore.

JULIAN: Yeah, it sucks that like he has immediately jumped from being worried about her to like, being worried about Cloudkit, as though he's just completely given up on her as like a person that he needs to care about her future.

PAZ: Yeah, it's so weird that he doesn't like, fight for her at all, or, like, encourage her at all. Like, it's just like, her fate is sealed without really any discussion.

LIZ: The thing he says about like, oh, well, maybe we can go hunting again and we'll find you the slowest prey possible. And she just like laughs, instead of like, being sad because that's, it's so patronizing. And it makes all these assumptions about-- it's not like being accommodating towards her because she didn't ask for any of that.

JULIAN: Yeah, like she wants to be a warrior. And like, I just, I can see a way that it could have been... like, transredtail talks about this and has like a lot of really good videos of like, how disabled kits actually move, that's really like, helpful for the well, what about the realism? crowd. Because like, spoiler alert, it turns out that cats that like lose the use of their back legs can actually scamper around pretty well.

PAZ: Yeah, like, even cats are like completely paralyzed in their back legs still move around pretty good.

JULIAN: But like, I can see, like an alternative where like, Fireheart is like, yeah, I'm going to help you with your physical therapy. And we're going to, like, figure out ways for you to hunt that are different. And maybe you'll have a slightly different role as a warrior, but you'll still be able to, like, hunt and do patrols. And it's just-- it sucks to see him completely give up on her. And it also, I wish-- I know that this would require like an acknowledgment of the fact that Fireheart is being ableist, but I wish she got to be angry about it.

PAZ: Yeah, it's like, the book doesn't.... the framing of this is just like nonexistent in the book. Like it doesn't-- there is no like self awareness of what it's doing. And like, it's kind of just presented as-is, like, yep, this is what's happening now. And Fireheart's reaction to it is not portrayed as bad or anything. It's just...

LIZ: Yeah, it's so like, thoughtless and lazy, I don't know. Someone mentioned before how in the next chapter, we see Deadfoot again. And also like, just to note, still the worst name possible to give to your--

PAZ: Absolutely.

JULIAN: Yeah. Oh, God, it sucks.

LIZ: God.

PAZ: That's, um, that is another thing in Warriors is like once cats get like injured or physically disabled in a way, they get renamed. It's very weird.

LIZ: I think they should be able to choose better ones for themselves. God. Um, but yeah. It's such a missed opportunity, too, because one, there's like the precedent of mentors taking their apprentices to gatherings. Why not just have Fireheart take Cinderpaw there and meet this extremely, like, respected, perfectly happy other warrior, who is very much in the-- who has like a very similar experience to her?

JULIAN: Yeah. Like they're on good terms with WindClan.

PAZ: Yeah, I just-- I don't know, like, it was just like non-thinking on the part of the authors, I think. But like the juxtaposition, cause Deadfoot being like, mentioned again in the story come so soon after that Cinderpaw stuff. And it's like you're not even like making sense within your own narrative.

LIZ: It's like wow, that's just-- it's extremely... it's bad. On the subject of disability, it's bad, and also on the subject of like, just plotting, it's real bad.

JULIAN: Yeah, yeah. And like, I don't know. I like, I think the name thing is awful. I don't think it's like... I don't hate the idea of like taking a new name when something like as life-changing as like a major disability happens to you, because that does like... like disability does change the way you identify for a lot of people. But like the fact that it's not anyone's choice is... that it's like the leader giving you this like... Oh, well, your foot is dead now. And that's who you are, like euaaaagh. Bad.

Yeah, I don't know. I also like, obviously, I have thought a lot about disability recently, because like, I just got out of-- the reason we didn't record for like, a month and change was because I had surgery on my arm that I couldn't use for six months. And like, that's definitely not the same as like a permanent disability. But like, I thought a lot about what it means to like, lose the use of one of your limbs. And I wish they had handled this differently.

PAZ: Yeah, um, another good point that came up on a thread I was looking on the same forum as last time. What was it again? WCRPforums.com, which is like the most active big Warriors forum right now, there was a thread about Warriors Cat ableism, and this was a post made by a deleted member, but they made a really good point. I'll just read part of it.

"I think this is the thing that's forgotten a lot when adults argue about this stuff. These are books for kids. The cats already have superpowers. There's already magic out the ass with StarClan sending mystical prophecies that foretell the future and manipulating the weather. And saying that there wouldn't be physically disabled characters with positive life as a warrior because it's an unrealistic is just oof.

I think people forget just how much positivity good rep brings into the life of kids, and good physical disabled rep in popular kids media isn't common enough for my liking. A three-legged warrior will not break my immersion. A warrior without a tail shouldn't break my immersion. Blind and Deaf warriors are not immersion breaking for me. If kittens talk fairly well when they're a month old, I can easily buy lip reading.

With all the series has thrown at us--" here's a great list. "With all the series has thrown at us-- ghost badgers, super powers, future telling prophecies, cat Heaven and Hell invading the real world, being able to kill ghosts, magic spirit weather, miracle plant medicine, cat farming, cats amputating with rocks, magic water that lets you visit the afterlife and talk to ghosts, cats literally dying and coming back from the dead and more-- I can live with disabled characters. And I'm not sure why it's such a big deal that would absolutely destroy the immersion for other people."

But yeah, the main point in this that like, this is a kid series and like kids are reading this and seeing this stuff, and how like that could like negatively impact a disabled kid reading this is like, really important to think about.

LIZ: I don't know. I like--

JULIAN: And--

LIZ: Oh, no, go ahead.

JULIAN: Oh no, it's OK. I think like, there was-- a lot of the Twitter threads that we're talking about have come out of a hashtag. I think it's #warriorcatsableism?

LIZ: Mm-hmm.

JULIAN: And there was a recent discussion of something that happened in like one of the most recent books, and it does sound like someone wrote a letter, and Harper Collins said that they would like work on doing better in future books.

PAZ: I think they actually like, edited a line out in like future like, releases, whatever book editions you said. Gosh, I wish I could find that again.

JULIAN: I think it was, like... yeah.

PAZ: I don't know where the fuck I saw it when I was reading all this stuff. So, I mean, the hashtag is great. And I think it has brought some awareness of the issue hopefully. So I'm hoping the series like improves on that front going forward.

LIZ: Yeah, it's, it's so much a thing that's like... it's been going on for so long. It's still so popular. And it's still a pretty recent, like, fumble or just thoughtlessness that's happened, and that it's even recently corrected. They must have the budget now for like, a sensitivity reader. I don't know.

PAZ: Yeah. Yes. I sincerely hope they--

LIZ: Better to catch that early.

PAZ: --they find one.

LIZ: Find several, please.

JULIAN: You know, it's already like... it's a team book already.

LIZ: Yeah, exactly.

PAZ: Another point transredtail made in his video was that like, just like have more disabled characters so that representing like, a plethora of experiences means like, if a disabled character dies or something, if there's a lot of other disabled characters, it's less egregious. But the fact that like, there's so few disabled characters, and they frequently go through like the same sorts of plot points, yeah, it's like not... it's bad. It's not good representation. And it needs to be fixed.

JULIAN: Like, if you have multiple disabled characters, you can show characters having conflicting ideas about their own disability and like, you know, you have-- because there is a diversity of like, how people feel about their own disabilities, like within the disabled community. And if you have a lot of cats, then like, if one of them dies, it's not, well, that was the only disabled character who had any agency and now they're dead.

PAZ: I mean, it's a similar principle as like writing the queer characters. It's like, if you have, if you have more than like, one or two of like, the minority group you're representing then like, you can just represent more experiences that way. And they don't have to carry the whole group on their shoulders. And it's just realistic to have a variety of characters.

LIZ: It would also be good to have like, disabled characters talk to each other instead of just having them only talk to abled characters and be their comforting, like soothing whatever.

PAZ: I feel like that might happen in A Power of Three, but it is not necessarily done well.

JULIAN: Oh.

LIZ: Okay...

PAZ: We'll see when we get there.

LIZ: Rough times ahead. Oh god, there's an airplane flying.

PAZ: Oh no.

LIZ: Do you hear it?

PAZ: Yes.

JULIAN: Yeah, I do.

LIZ: This is where I live. I am sorry. Oh, my God, my Audacity waves. Go away.

PAZ: I'll silence them with a stroke of my mouse.

LIZ: I'll mute. This is terrible.

PAZ: Okay, and another point transredtail brought up was the fact that like, a lot of disabled characters are forced into the medicine cat position, and then like, that's a position where you aren't allowed to have children.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: [gasps] Aw geez.

LIZ: I forgot about that.

PAZ: Which is a very-- like, it's definitely unintentional, but like, the parallels to real world eugenics and like, how like real world disabled people like, often have trouble starting a family because the way the government like, doesn't provide good like support or money. And like you kind of can't marry--

JULIAN: You can't get married. You'll lose your benefits.

PAZ: So... yeah, the fact that like, no children kind of happens to a lot of disabled characters through this medicine cat position is... yikes.

JULIAN: It also-- like you were talking about where it's like the disabled character takes on this role of like, comforting the abled character about their own disability is like... the medicine cat role is in some ways kind of an extension of that where it's like, okay, well, you have to be the caretaker now for everyone. That's your job. Like, oooh.

LIZ: It's so patronizing and also just bitter, because we won't provide you the care that you need. But please give it to me.

PAZ: And this is in later books, but Jayfeather, like being a blind protagonist, lots of people have also raised the point of like, you also get the weird disabilities as like superpowers or like the trope of disabled character whose like disabilities, quote, unquote, like... God, what is the phrase I'm looking for? My brain is empty. It's like counteracted. Counteracted by their supernatural abilities.

JULIAN: It's like, oh, he's blind. But oh, don't worry, he's not really blind. He can still see via the magic of StarClan. And it's like, well, cowards.

PAZ: Yeah. There's also-- I can't remember if it was just in Twitter threads or in the YouTube video of like, blind cats hunting flies, which was very cute. So like, screw realism, because these books don't have realism. But once again, like, cats with disabilities are very capable.

JULIAN: Yeah, I mean, the realism argument feels a lot like the same kind of discussions that come up any time that like, there's characters of color in like fantasy, or like, medieval novels, where it's like, oh, it's not realistic. And it's like, God, there's dragons.

PAZ: And also, like, it is realistic.

JULIAN: And also Black people existed in medieval Europe. But like.

PAZ: Yeah, it's literally the same exact same sort of...

JULIAN: Yeah, it's the same thing where it's like, A, it is realistic. And B, it shouldn't matter if it's realistic or not, because magic.

PAZ: Were you gonna say something else, Liz?

LIZ: Um, yeah, just on the subject of realism, like, it does matter a lot that there are, like Julian said, people of color in medieval settings already existing and people in so and so places already existing, like, in actuality. And, like, it sounds silly to talk about cats, but like, yes, disabled cats are like real. And they're doing fine. Whether it's like, even stray cats versus like, you know, domestic cats. And if you're gonna take the metaphor of the cats in the books being people, then of course, disabled people are just out there living their lives. And I don't know, it's also patronizing the way that the books have done it so far.

PAZ: Yeah. But, yeah, unfortunately this will probably be discussion that keeps coming up because it is an issue that keeps coming up in the books to this day, so.

JULIAN: God, there's one, like-- I know we're moving on. There's one like throwaway line where Cinderpaw says something about like... or like, I think Fireheart mentions that-- oh, he's like, when did you get so smart? Because she is like, angry at the other apprentices' cat racism. And she goes, "suffering can do that to a cat."

LIZ: Ugh.

JULIAN: And it's kind of a joke, but it's also like, the whole trope of like, oh, she's stronger because of what she's gone through. And it's like, awwwww.

LIZ: It's also interesting, because suddenly she has the emotional intelligence of an adult. And she has to comfort another adult because she has suffered, and that means the adult doesn't have to do anything for her?

JULIAN: Yeah, it's like her disability erased the fact that she's still a child. And she's suddenly like a little, little wise adult.

LIZ: A little wise adult who also doesn't get the privileges of being an adult, which is, you know, choosing what you want to do with your life, or having like bodily autonomy.

PAZ: Yeah, I wish she was like, allowed to be like angry, like, at the people around her for treating her so poorly. But.

JULIAN: I wouldn't even like-- you know, I'm glad that she's like still... she's always been like a very like kind of spunky, like, I'm going to do it no matter what kind of character. And so it kind of sucks to see her completely give up on being a warrior so quickly. But also, like, I wish that we did get to see her be upset, or more upset about like, her life path completely being cut off by the people around her.

PAZ: I mean, the really weird thing is like, that didn't happen on screen, like that conversation.

LIZ: Yeah, exactly.

PAZ: She was just like recovering and like, not awake. And then we skipped to her like, being awake. And it seems that conversation, to her, has happened somewhere offscreen, which is really weird.

LIZ: I think what it says about I guess the writing is that we didn't see it, because the authors didn't think it was important to see it, which is [heavy sigh].

JULIAN: I mean, it kind of feels like we do see it though, because she's like, oh, when am I going to go back to training? And Fireheart's like, uhhhhhhh. And then she goes, Oh, I'm never gonna be a warrior. And that's like, the sum total of the conversation.

PAZ: Yeah. I kind of read it as like the final conversation on that topic.

JULIAN: That makes more sense.

PAZ: Um, it's still weird. And there's no real, like-- Fireheart doesn't have much like internal thought going on in that moment, so he doesn't really offer much perspective on that choice.

JULIAN: Yeah, and like I get, you know, it's Fireheart's POV or whatever. But a lot of the other characters clearly have so much going on internally that like, we do kind of see through Fireheart's eyes that it's... I don't know, it's weird that we don't know what--

PAZ: If you want to your POV character to be in the scene, you just do it. You make up any excuse.

LIZ: We saw, um, Sandpaw for like, a much shorter amount of time. And like, it was easy to get a sense like, oh, she's really unsatisfied with what's happening to her. And why hasn't she been cat promoted yet? And she's really frustrated. And that didn't take very long at all. And you get-- there is a sense of sympathy there. And he sympathizes with her. And he doesn't really do that for his own apprentice who he's just-- he's known for much longer, or I mean, known more, I guess, like closely.

JULIAN: Yeah, like, he's very sad, but it's all like guilt. It's all about him.

LIZ: Yeah. It's not frustration for her. It's like, oh, I fucked up.

PAZ: Yeah. I really think it just comes down to like, the writing was thoughtless. And it was like, not a proper way to handle a disabled character and leads to this kind of, like lack of care given to her arc.

JULIAN: And then we get the cat racism.

LIZ: Double whammy.

PAZ: Yeah. I guess we will be moving on from that topic for now. Because yeah, then it goes right into the cat racism.

LIZ: God.

PAZ: Which I-- it's handled a bit better, because it's actually intentional is what I will say.

JULIAN: Like, it's intentional and it's framed as bad, even if it's like a little, you know, it's cat racism in a kid's book.

LIZ: It is the metaphor that the kids will understand.

JULIAN: Um, I wrote like three different times, "Cloudkit is a child." In all caps.

PAZ: Yeah, they're being like, really cat racist, like worse than we saw with like, Fireheart, honestly.

LIZ: He's just a baby.

PAZ: I'm like, this is a two week old baby.

LIZ: Listen, since it is-- I know it's cat racism. But I do think it's very funny that these British ladies wrote about-- made a metaphor about racism, and had it be like racism against the white cat.

PAZ: Oh god.

LIZ: Just a fun little note.

PAZ: That's extremely funny. I guess they were trying to be like what coat colors would a house cat have. Oh my god.

LIZ: It could have been like a fancy one instead of... like white stray cats are pretty common too.

PAZ: You know what I was thinking that whole time? I'm like, Yellowfang's a Persian cat.

LIZ: Yeah, what the fuck?

PAZ: I'm like, why? I don't think--

LIZ: Yellowfang's a purebred cat.

PAZ: I know. Oh my god.

LIZ: She's an escaped show cat. That's the secret.

PAZ: It's so funny.

LIZ: Yellowfang's living like the Anastasia movie or whatever.

JULIAN: Oh my god.

PAZ: Oh, my God. I was just picturing my cat Kip though.

LIZ: Mm.

JULIAN: Just a little guy.

LIZ: Just a little guy.

PAZ: Just a little fluffy guy, but everyone is like, I want this child to die.

JULIAN: I am glad that we do get to see-- I mean, obviously it's not great. But I'm glad that we get to see Tigerclaw back at it again with the kit murder, the threatening to kit murder.

PAZ: Yeah, that's like a couple chapters away but--

JULIAN: It is.

PAZ: Damn.

LIZ: I love the scene where he shows up cause it's so like just over the top, and it's the fucking funniest thing I've ever seen.

PAZ: I was like, this rules. Wait, I should go find it.

JULIAN: He's like twirling his metaphorical mustache.

LIZ: Oh, you didn't know? Tigerclaw has been a mustache cat this whole time.

PAZ: I'm still trying to find it.

JULIAN: It's in chapter 24 at the very end. You're right. It is an evil leg.

LIZ: The way he shows up is you just picture, like, stage lighting, and the spotlight shows up, and like a leg just sticks out from behind the curtain.

[ominous music]

PAZ: Okay, I found it. The scene is Cloudkit playing with a little moss ball, which is very cute.

LIZ: Adorable.

PAZ: "He rolled onto his back, threw the ball up with his four paws, and kicked it away with his hind legs. It landed next to the nursery. Cloudkit scrambled up and scooted after it. He crouched a rabbit leap away, his hind quarters bunched in the air. Fireheart watched as the kit prepared to pounce. Suddenly his fur prickled. A long dark foreleg was reaching towards the moss ball from behind the nursery. 'Cloudkit,' Fireheart called. 'Wait!' Shadowy images of rogue cats were still fresh in his mind. Cloudkit sat up and looked around at him, puzzled."

[drum roll, dramatic organ music]

"Tigerclaw emerged from behind the kit, holding the moss ball between the teeth. He carried the ball over to the kit and dropped it by Cloudkit's fluffy white paws. 'Be careful,' he growled. 'You wouldn't want to lose such a precious plaything.' As he spoke, the dark warrior stared at Fireheart over Cloudkit's head."

JULIAN: Literal like children's cartoon villain out here like, oooh.

PAZ: It's so funny.

LIZ: You'd better not lose your moss ball. [evil laugh]

JULIAN: Like literally the mafioso like, [deep voice] nice kit you got here. Shame if anything were to happen to it.

PAZ: This is the next little part. "Fireheart shivered. What did Tigerclaw mean by that? He seemed to be talking about the moss ball. But did he really mean that Cloudkit was a plaything?"

LIZ: Yes.

PAZ: Yeah, he's threatening your two days old nephew.

LIZ: You know he loves baby murder. He's trying so hard.

JULIAN: He loooves baby murder.

LIZ: He's gonna send your nephew to snake hell.

JULIAN: Well, and then there is the whole plotline of like Fireheart suspects that Tigerclaw was responsible for like Cinderpaw's accident. So he's really up on the the child murder or attempted murder.

LIZ: His rate of success is so-so, but boy is he determined. Yeah, it's not for lack of trying. Do you think like Tigerclaw goes back to his den every time he fails? It's like [clicks teeth] if it weren't for those darn kids. Next time I'll surely succeed.

JULIAN: That meddling kittypet.

LIZ: All I need is a big cliff and a long trail of Temptations treats. And when Cloudkit has the final treat, then I'll appear. Okay, I think of all the cats that I could see standing twolegged, Tigerclaw could be one, because that seems like the most evil. He's walking like a man towards--

PAZ: I think he should be one of his cats whose like, fur patterns make it look like he has a little mustache.

LIZ: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: Um--

JULIAN: God. Sorry, go ahead.

PAZ: I was just gonna say, but like, yeah, like other cats in the clan are also just being like, I want this child to die. Because like Longtail says at one point like, when Cloudkit gets a fever like, he won't last through Leafbare, like, happily.

JULIAN: They're like, joking about how long this child is gonna survive.

LIZ: Hey, y'all have a low birth rate, low infant survival rate. Shut up. Jesus.

JULIAN: It's like, are they so numb to child death? Like does it happen so often that they're just like, whatever?

LIZ: This is like the cat xenophobia.

JULIAN: God. Speaking of-- this is a terrible segue, but speaking of bad leadership decisions, what's up with Bluestar?

LIZ: She's so--

PAZ: Yeah, the scene with Sandpaw.

LIZ: What happened to her?

JULIAN: The scene even right before Sandpaw, where Fireheart is like, oh, I want to go to the gathering, cause I want to like see how WindClan is doing. And she's like, I don't need reminding of what you did for WindClan. It's like, what? She sounds like she's like, she thinks he's trying to like curry favor with her or something. And it's like, no, he's like, being normal. What's your damage?

LIZ: I guess like, is this gonna be a plot point?

PAZ: Is she that upset about him bringing a kitten when she's been saying over and over again, we don't have enough warriors?

LIZ: She's the one who brought him in for that express purpose.

PAZ: Right? He was just going by example.

JULIAN: And like, do I think it was a good idea? No. Do I think he should have checked? Yes. But also like, you deal with what you're given.

LIZ: There's been many worse decisions made in this clan recently, too. This isn't the worst one. It's just, well, it's a baby. We did need one.

JULIAN: ThunderClan is a smorgasbord of bad decisions.

LIZ: I wouldn't want to be there.

JULIAN: No, if I had to choose a clan...

PAZ: WindClan.

JULIAN: I would choose WindClan. They seem normal.

LIZ: They seem fine.

PAZ: This is jumping ahead again. But at the gathering like, Tallstar is like, we've been minding our fucking business. Like I don't know what all the rest of you are doing, but. We're just chilling. Leave us out of this.

LIZ: Tallstar is just like, he gets there late with like Starbucks or whatever. Sorry. That's an old meme, but he's like, hey, what's happening?

PAZ: The room's on fire.

JULIAN: Tallstar like, we're really busy hunting rabbits. Y'all figure this out yourselves.

LIZ: Like, I have to go now. My mom's calling me. Bye.

PAZ: But, um, yeah, there's a scene with Sandpaw at the end of chapter 22 that was nice. I like them building up the relationship between Fireheart and Sandpaw, since he like, saved her life. I like that it's like playing out over the long term. It's also cute that Fireheart keys to being like surprised, like why is she being so nice to me?

JULIAN: It's very fun.

LIZ: I think it's also good that he's like--

JULIAN: I also--

LIZ: Oh, no, go ahead.

JULIAN: No, no, no, go ahead.

LIZ: No, he's like, why haven't you been a warrior yet? You're like, so competent.

JULIAN: Yeah, Graystripe is a warrior. Mr. Chucklefuck himself.

PAZ: Yeah, can he be demoted and like, give it to Sandpaw?

LIZ: Yeah, can they switch?

JULIAN: I also do like that Sandpaw like, criticizes Bluestar's decisions.

PAZ: Yeah. She is right, too.

JULIAN: Also, she's nice about Cloudkit, which gains her points.

LIZ: It is.

JULIAN: She's like, oh, he's gonna be fine and his fur is really thick, so it's really helpful in the winter.

PAZ: Yeah, she's like, oh, he'll blend in.

LIZ: He's so fluffy, he'll be-- he'll never be cold.

JULIAN: Ugh, the gathering is just a mess.

PAZ: Yeah, so then the next chapter is the gathering. It is indeed a mess.

JULIAN: I have written on three lines in a row, "Graystripe, oh my god. Graystripe please."

PAZ: Graystripe is gonna cause like an international incident. He's caused like two indirect manslaughters, and now he's going to cause a war. He is, this one cat.

LIZ: He's not doing anything to hide it either.

PAZ: No.

LIZ: Cause he has no plans to stop. He's not even like, oh, I'm gonna roll in some garlic so they don't know it's me or something.

JULIAN: Right? He's not even trying to disguise his smell.

PAZ: I cannot believe that.

LIZ: That's the only thing you guys got. You're cats. Do something. Oh god, there's another airplane.

JULIAN: It's like he's trying to sneak into a building, but he's using his employee ID badge to do it.

LIZ: They'll never know it's me. How? It could be another Graystripe.

PAZ: Yeah, all that anyone has to do is come up and like sniff him a bit.

JULIAN: Like, why did he come to the gathering? They're gonna smell him.

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: Why did he come? He's clearly not interested. He's like so checked out. He's just... he's wifeguy (derogatory.)

JULIAN: We also-- and I know this is partly like Fireheart POV. But like, because we don't see anything of like the relationship between Graystripe and Silverstream, we don't see them interact ever, it really is just like, why is he doing this?

PAZ: Yeah, it's like I don't... why are you so like, adamant about this, bro?

LIZ: We have seen a lot of Graystripe, though. And if I was Silverstream, I wouldn't be risking it all for this guy. I don't know.

PAZ: Yeah, Silverstream also sucks in this instance, frankly.

JULIAN: No, that's true. We see Graystripe sucking directly, but she is also like putting her clan at risk, and...

PAZ: It takes two.

LIZ: At least they are with each other so they don't have to be with anyone else?

PAZ: Thank God, they're out of the dating pool.

JULIAN: I know this would cause more problems. But how come she never comes and visits Graystripe?

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: There's already RiverClan cats on ThunderClan territory, apparently.

JULIAN: It wouldn't even cause an incident.

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: Why are they meeting each other in like one territory instead of like starting to meet like somewhere neutral? It seems really short sighted.

JULIAN: Why don't they go meet in kittypet territory? No one will care.

PAZ: God, right?

LIZ: Yeah. You just go back home, and Bluestar is like why do you smell so much like catnip?

JULIAN: Like, oh, Yellowfang told me to go get some. Boom. We're so much smarter than Graystripe.

LIZ: Graystripe, why do you smell like garlic? Oh, just love the taste.

PAZ: Aside from Graystripe, I have to put an alert on our Fireheart/Onewhisker watch.

JULIAN: Oh, I forgot about that.

PAZ: Yeah, we're on Fireheart/Onewhisker watch.

LIZ: Oh, it's real.

PAZ: It's going, it's happening. It's out there. It's real.

JULIAN: Onewhisker does glance at Fireheart with an amused gleam in his eyes.

PAZ: You wanna talk about cross-clan romance blooming.

LIZ: Where's the Fireheart/Onewhisker marriage of convenience--

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: --to cement the allegiance between their two clans?

PAZ: Liz, you're so smart.

JULIAN: [typing] Archiveofourown.org.

PAZ: Yeah, I think Onewhisker like comes up to Fireheart during the gathering, and they're just like excited to see each other again. It's a cute scene.

LIZ: Isn't he also like oh, wow, Deadfoot said hi to you. What an honor. So like clan dad approval or whatever. You've met my family.

PAZ: Deadfoot's the dad who wears the shirt like, you can't date my daughter.

JULIAN: Great news.

PAZ: Oh yes?

LIZ: Oh?

JULIAN: There's 25 works.

PAZ: Oh fuck yes.

JULIAN: In the tag, which is kind of a lot. There's not like that that many Warrior Cats fics.

PAZ: Damn.

JULIAN: There's 3000 of them. So 25 for like a pretty obscure rarepair is not bad. Um, the first fic, or the most recent fic in the tag is a Peter Pan crossover.

LIZ: Huh.

PAZ: [snorts]

JULIAN: In which Fireheart is Peter Pan.

PAZ: Okay.

JULIAN: I don't know which character Onewhisker is. This is orphaned.

LIZ: Is it because he has red hair?

JULIAN: Maybe? Um, oh boy. Warrior Cats lemons. Discontinued until further notice.

PAZ: No...

LIZ: My god. No!

PAZ: No, you can't do that.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: Oh my god, I think um, whoever wrote the Peter Pan-- who orphaned their Peter Pan account, I think they probably wrote this other one too.

PAZ: Oh no.

JULIAN: Because this seems... no, no, no, not the lemon. It's not the lemon This one that I'm about to describe, which is a Warriors/Cyrano de Bergerac crossover.

PAZ: A what crossover?

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Cyrano de Bergerac, which is the... it's like She's the Man type of like, uh, story where it's like, oh, this person has a crush on the other guy-- or on a girl and I'm going to like write letters.

LIZ: Oh, it's a Half of It situation, Paz.

PAZ: Yes, okay, I see.

JULIAN: Yes, not She's the Man. That's a different...

PAZ: Maybe this person has a big brain, I think.

JULIAN: I think this person has a gigantic brain.

LIZ: I'm so happy for them. What a great, completely unexpected AU.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't know what else happened in the gathering besides Graystripe being the source of all conflict.

JULIAN: Tigerclaw was being pretty aggressive and like, making things worse than they needed to be. And I wish Bluestar would tell him to shut up.

PAZ: Yeah, was he about to like fucking attack clan leaders or something?

JULIAN: He like... I don't know if he like got close to attacking, but he got close. Like he's definitely doing a lot of yelling. I'm glad that StarClan sent a cloud to defuse the situation.

PAZ: Thanks, StarClan, I guess.

LIZ: You know cats hate clouds.

JULIAN: I mean, listen, my cat Chickpea has spent the last two days like hiding under various objects because she hates rain so much.

LIZ: Aw, Chickpea.

JULIAN: Aw, her traumas.

LIZ: StarClan sends one cloud to pass over the moon. All of the cats, all of them, they just like fluff up. They're like, ah fuck, we gotta go home.

PAZ: Cute.

JULIAN: Yellowfang is right. They shouldn't be fighting among themselves, especially during Leafbare. They should be worrying about keeping their clans safe.

PAZ: Yeah, she's right. Yellowfang has like the one brain in this whole book, maybe.

LIZ: Yellowfang should leave and join a better clan. It's real fucked up here.

PAZ: Yeah, just go make your own clan, Yellowfang.

LIZ: Maybe she should make like-- okay, here's a clan where you can have more than one doctor so I can like sleep once in a while.

OLIVER: [yowl]

LIZ: I'm so old. I'm a cat. I'm so old.

PAZ: Oh hold on, Oliver wants to go out. Be right back.

JULIAN: I think it's really good when our podcast is interrupted by our actual cats.

LIZ: Yeah, it's a little bit of flavor, I think. Makes you think like, hey, who's the real kittypet? Oliver, Chickpea, or us?

PAZ: Okay, I'm back.

LIZ: Hi.

JULIAN: Hello.

PAZ: Hello. Um, I don't know. I guess the next like, stuff that-- we've already talked about the evil leg scene. So the next stuff is like the ShadowClan stuff. I think that was all chapter 25. It was a really fun chapter to read.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's like very fast-paced. Oh, I thought there was a nice little detail. When they find the rabbit bones that they're like, oh, this is ShadowClan, there's a bit about like "Clan cats normally buried the bones of their prey as a sign of respect for the life they had taken." Which is you know, that's a nice little world building detail. I'm sure it will never come up again.

PAZ: Yeah, I'm like, wow, this showed up out of nowhere and just for this one plot beat, but okay.

LIZ: You know, there's like 100 more books. Might show up again.

PAZ: Maybe.

LIZ: Would be nice. Would love to know about, you know, burials and... what is the relation between like, animals that aren't cats and aren't other carnivores?

PAZ: I don't know.

LIZ: And what's the spectrum of like sentience and respect there? I don't know.

JULIAN: Like I knew we talked a little bit way back when about how dogs are maybe semi-sentient in this universe, but this is not a Redwall situation.

PAZ: I think badgers are also sentient? I don't 100% remember.

LIZ: Badgers are always sentient in any animal thing.

PAZ: So true.

LIZ: They're just like fun guys.

PAZ: Yeah, cause I'm pretty--

JULIAN: They really do have like an outsized impact in children's literature for how many badgers actually exist.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen--

LIZ: I've never seen one.

PAZ: Yeah, not even like in a zoo, I don't think.

LIZ: Mm-mm.

JULIAN: When I click on the Wikipedia page for badgers, which we've done before on the podcast, one of the suggestions is List of fictional badgers.

LIZ: It's very big.

PAZ: Yeah, so the ShadowClan stuff is like Tigerclaw gets all gung ho about rushing off to deal with ShadowClan, leaves the camp completely undefended. And it turns out it's not ShadowClan. It's like Brokenstar and his posse, who basically just set up like a ambush.

LIZ: They're his friends. Please, the text calls them his friends.

PAZ: Sorry. Brokenstar's polycule.

LIZ: [laughing] No!

PAZ: Sorry, sorry. Okay, I just had to get that out.

JULIAN: No, you're... listen, who's to say? Who's to say it couldn't be?

LIZ: You're right. Just completely got me-- just threw me off. Not just the track, but just like the region. I'm in another area code.

JULIAN: Hard left.

LIZ: There's a part where it's pointed out that no one is telling Bluestar before they go attack. And then Tigerclaw's like, well, you go tell her, to Fireheart. And I don't know. I think it brings up an interesting like question like, how much of this is Tigerclaw just acting the way he wants because he thinks that's like the right thing? And how much of it is like pre planned or part of his like, grand evil, usurping murder scheme?

JULIAN: Yeah, it is-- because like, it is very clear that like he thinks he's acting in the best interest of the clan. But also it happens to be that he thinks that the best interest of the clan is for him to be in power absolutely. And like, I think that's a good point. Like, how much of this is him scheming and how much of this is him being like, well, I know what's right, and I'm not gonna listen to anyone else?

PAZ: Yeah, I mean, that's something we will presumably find out.

LIZ: I am kind of surprised like, at almost the end of the book, how much he's been like an enjoyable antagonist because he does like seesaw between like, I'm your mean teacher. I'm your comically evil teacher. And then I'm your comically evil king killer.

PAZ: He's so fun.

JULIAN: Tigerclaw really is like, he's a great character. Like, he does some wild shit later. Uh, but he's one of like, you know, I didn't read a lot of the later books, but he's one of my favorite characters in the series.

PAZ: Yeah, I'm excited to be reading and like actually seeing him on screen because I mean, he's mentioned a lot in later books. But here he is doing his thing.

LIZ: Doing his evil leg reaching out to take your basketball.

JULIAN: You know, I guess the Brokenstar like reveal is... cause we were talking in the first book that we were like, yeah, the Brokenstar stuff seemed to get resolved like way too quickly.

PAZ: It wasn't resolved.

JULIAN: And I guess this is why.

LIZ: Makes sense.

PAZ: Which makes sense. Yeah, cause he wasn't killed or anything.

LIZ: No, he just got Team Rocket blasted off. He's back now. He's here to steal your Pikachu.

PAZ: Yeah, I mean this chapter is just like good, like, rising tensions and then also like Fireheart like making like decisions on the fly. And there's like a scene where he like gets on top of Highrock, which was fun. Kind of had to take like de facto leadership in like this situation where literally everyone else left.

JULIAN: Yeah, One-eye, great name, the oldest ThunderClan cat--

PAZ: Okay, One-eye's name is like One, and then there's like a little dash, eye. Why is he allowed to...

JULIAN: I guess he has a hyphen because otherwise it would be two E's in a row, which is awkward to read.

PAZ: Maybe. Maybe.

LIZ: Or maybe it's his surname, and he double barreled with...

PAZ: Why does he get a special name?

LIZ: He's the oldest one.

PAZ: Okay, true.

JULIAN: When you get old enough, you get bestowed a hyphen.

LIZ: Yeah. You have to-- with every decade, you get access to one more piece of punctuation.

PAZ: Oh shit.

JULIAN: But he goes like, oh, what do you think you're doing up there?

LIZ: Well, he is very old, so it would sound like [creaky voice] What do you think you're doing up there, young man?

JULIAN: You're right. I'm sorry. I didn't do a good voice. [creaky voice] Warriors these days.

PAZ: Could be a little bit of foreshadowing, you could say.

LIZ: You could say.

PAZ: You could say. Well, you know, at least Sandpaw-- okay, I said everyone was gone. But Sandpaw is still there.

JULIAN: That's true.

PAZ: Even though Bluestar refuses to make her a warrior for some reason, she's very competent, so.

JULIAN: When one girlboss falls, another must rise to take her place.

LIZ: It's like, oh, god, that's the episode title.

PAZ: It's very long.

JULIAN: The law of conservation of girlbosses? Is that shorter?

PAZ: Yes, thank you.

LIZ: Is there cat sexism?

PAZ: I don't think so. I don't really remember that.

JULIAN: I don't think so.

LIZ: Maybe not. Maybe there's like--

JULIAN: There's not really in-world sexism aside-- like there's not sexism. There is like un... the role of queens is...

LIZ: The biological essentialism.

PAZ: But yeah, there's not like, like, like, sexism really. I feel like--

JULIAN: No one's like, oh, Bluestar's a girl.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: I feel like there's a lot of male leaders but I think-- I don't know, that's just like, what happened, I guess.

JULIAN: I think that's the bias of the authors and like not any intentional in-world...

LIZ: That's an author.

JULIAN: And like, you know, the authors are all women. But, you know, we live in a society.

LIZ: Yeah. It is very funny that like, girl character, plucky girl student character does not get promoted, just as a consequence.

PAZ: I need to know if there's an explanation for why this is happening, because it's so funny.

LIZ: There has to be because it keeps getting pointed out.

JULIAN: I think we're gonna get to it. There's certainly an explanation for like, why Bluestar is, um...

PAZ: Yeah, I sort of know about that.

LIZ: Well, I don't cause I haven't read this yet. But okay.

JULIAN: Sorry to be like heh heh heh.

PAZ: That's the basis of our podcast though.

LIZ: It is.

JULIAN: Girlboss starts to behave weirdly. You'll never guess what happens next.

LIZ: Can I give you some theories?

PAZ: Oh, sure.

JULIAN: Yes, please.

LIZ: Um, so have you ever seen Men in Black?

PAZ: Yes.

JULIAN: Yes.

LIZ: So you know the alien that's like a guy, but it's actually a very little guy in a human guy suit.

PAZ: Yes.

LIZ: I think Bluestar, in the middle, was abducted for political reasons, and they replaced her with a little Bluestar replicant.

PAZ: Damn.

LIZ: Another reason may be that she's being mind... well, actually that's the same thing. I was gonna say like by a weird cat parasite, but that's kind of the same premise. Evil twin?

JULIAN: I was gonna say Bluestar's toxoplasmosis. But um.

PAZ: Yeah, they do that to us, not.

JULIAN: Yeah, I don't think it goes the other way around.

LIZ: Yes, that's it. I think that's it.

PAZ: Great, thank you.

LIZ: Evil twin or teeny alien.

PAZ: That's the only explanations. I don't know. I don't know if I have much else to add.

JULIAN: Yeah, I think we really kind of, we covered it.

LIZ: Join us next week to see Fireheart flush out the alien controlling Bluestar's politics.

PAZ: I'm trying to decide if we'll just finish out the book next time or what.

LIZ: I think it's five chapters, right? We could just finish it.

JULIAN: Yeah, I mean, if it ends up like... it's five chapters. If we go through it chronologically and it ends up being like a super long episode, we can...

PAZ: Roll with it or do something. I don't know.

JULIAN: Yeah it seems like we've hit the--

PAZ: Climax, kind of.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: Okay. Well, yeah.

LIZ: Just be special extra long for a finale.

JULIAN: Yeah, there you go. Big finale episode.

PAZ: That's what we planned.

LIZ: FATT-style, join us for a four-hour long finale.

PAZ: No. Yeah, I don't have a segment planned because I knew we were gonna have a long discussion this week.

JULIAN: Yeah. I think we kind of talked about a lot this week.

PAZ: Did you-- did you have something?

LIZ: [emphatically] No.

PAZ: Okay. Well then.

LIZ: We could plan out some more of my Onewhisker/Fireheart political marriage of convenience AU.

PAZ: Yeah, you wanna end on that? You wanna give us some thoughts?

LIZ: I mean, just going from canon characterization, I think Fireheart's going to spend a lot of time being like wow, Onewhisker's really friendly and competent. What a good acquaintance.

PAZ: Oh no. Fireheart oblivious in this case.

LIZ: I also think he'll have some sort of major political social faux pas in the middle.

PAZ: Of course.

LIZ: Which is the crux of the conflict. But he's so darn personable because he's got that protagonist personality.

JULIAN: Onewhisker and his charming himbo spouse.

PAZ: Tallstar orchestrates this, of course.

JULIAN: Yes, of course.

LIZ: Tallstar's like okay, you guys need to have a conference about fish trade right now. The two of you only, in the idyllic meadow. Here's a picnic basket.

PAZ: Oh my god, there was only one cat bed.

LIZ: There was only one pile of leaves.

JULIAN: Oh, I love it.

LIZ: There was only one emergency rat sewer.

JULIAN: Oh. Fireheart trying to prove that he's gonna be a good member of his new clan and just hunting a lot. Bringing back a lot of rabbits.

LIZ: Onewhisker finds just like, oh my god, what's something comically large? Like a deer at the foot of his door or whatever. What do you do with this?

PAZ: Okay, is there cat royalty in this au? Or what's the political situation?

LIZ: We could go--

JULIAN: Onewhisker is the deputy, so he's like the heir. Not really, but you know.

LIZ: Maybe they're just like high ranking diplomats.

PAZ: I see.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's like Tallstar can't marry a cat from another clan because that would be too, like, too much.

PAZ: Also Tallstar still pining after his star-crossed romance with Jake, of course.

JULIAN: Of course.

PAZ: He sees--

JULIAN: So two reasons.

PAZ: He sees himself in Fireheart and Onewhisker's relationship.

LIZ: Oh, I see. Also, Bluestar is a lesbian, despite her girlbossification.

JULIAN: Yeah. Lesbians can be girlbosses.

LIZ: You're right, you're right.

PAZ: That's so true.

LIZ: It's equality.

JULIAN: We can be just as bad as straight people.

PAZ: Heard it here first, folks. Proud of it. Maybe Bluestar's parents were killed by dalmations. That explains--

[laughter]

That explains her situation.

LIZ: God.

JULIAN: I think Tallstar should get to have a good heart to heart in which he explains to Fireheart that Onewhisker is in love with him.

PAZ: So true.

JULIAN: Cause Fireheart is too dumb to see it himself. And Tallstar is like this can't happen again. We can't have another Jake.

PAZ: Fireheart's like, surely there's no feelings here because of our arranged marriage. Oh, I'm so sad.

LIZ: How can Onewhisker possibly fall for me, a protagonist cat with anime hero hair that everyone admires, and who's extremely accomplished, and apparently friends with everyone unless they super hate me?

PAZ: No, but he's a kittypet, Liz.

LIZ: You're right. He's like, but I'm just a kittypet.

JULIAN: Does Onewhisker also have anime bangs?

PAZ: Of course.

JULIAN: Okay, good.

LIZ: Oh, they're in the other direction. So it's like parallels.

JULIAN: Oh, so they match.

PAZ: I see.

JULIAN: [laughing] So when they kiss it forms a perfect bowlcut.

PAZ: Wow. Love is real.

LIZ: You complete my stylish fringe.

JULIAN: I'm imagining like, I don't know if y'all have seen Taemin's like perfect circle bowl cut from like, early Shinee era.

PAZ: I feel like I remember seeing it.

JULIAN: You may have seen-- I think one of our friends has posted pictures of it. It's just a real circle.

LIZ: Oh my god. I see it.

JULIAN: Yeah, if you just search Taemin bowlcut, it'll come up.

LIZ: Oh my god, it's seamless.

JULIAN: Yeah, just a perfect orb.

LIZ: I'm just gonna paste it in chat.

JULIAN: That's what I'm imagining when they come together.

LIZ: This is a child. It's a young lad.

PAZ: Oh my god. It looks fake. It looks fake. That cannot be his real hair.

LIZ: It's a mushroom.

JULIAN: Sorry, for people who are not in our Discord server, Liz has just posted this in our critiques-to-read channel.

PAZ: Makes you think.

JULIAN: It really does make you think. Also I'm sorry if I'm blowing out the audio by laughing too hard.

PAZ: Yeah, same. Ooh, boy. Maybe we should call it there.

JULIAN: What a note to end on.

PAZ: Thanks for joining us this week, everyone. As always, you can listen-- wait, you're listening to the show right now. You don't need to know how to do that. You can find the show @staircast on Twitter.

LIZ: Well, what if they want to switch apps?

PAZ: Yeah, we're on other apps. If you want to switch it up, go ahead. You can find the show @staircast on Twitter. You can send questions and stuff to stairwaytostarclan@gmail.com. Join us next week. We'll be finishing out Fire and Ice. Who knows what will happen? But until next time, may StarClan light your path. Bye.

LIZ: Bye.

JULIAN: Bye.

PAZ: [outro music]

LIZ: Need to Photoshop this onto Fireheart.

JULIAN: Please do so that we can tweet it.

LIZ: It'll be really easy. It's just one shape.

PAZ: Let's clap.

LIZ: No gaps.

JULIAN: Should I have Craig join?

PAZ: Oh yeah, maybe.

JULIAN: Just in case.

PAZ: Yeah, we can see how it works, too.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: [startled] Ah!

JULIAN: Oh, geez, hi Craig.

LIZ: Oh my God.

PAZ: Craig, that is scary.

LIZ: I think Craig's gonna betray us because he's an evil AI.

PAZ: Yeah we're about to be in 2000: A Space Odyssey.

JULIAN: Craig was Tigerclaw this whole time.

PAZ: Oh shit.

LIZ: Oh god.

PAZ: What if Tigerclaw's name was just Craig?

LIZ: That has like evil manager energy.

PAZ: That's basically what he is in this book. That is his vibes in Fire and Ice.

JULIAN: Craig-- or Tigerclaw, loudly: if you have time to lean, you have time to clean!

PAZ: God.

JULIAN: Enemy of the people, Craig.

LIZ: Craigslist, but it's his list of murder victims.

PAZ: Well, his list of attempted murder victims would be pretty high, pretty long.

LIZ: God.

PAZ: Okay, but I will do the intro.

JULIAN: Oh, should we do time.is?

PAZ: Oh fuck.