#which is probably why i like travis most under a transfem reading

[whatyourehungryfor]

Specifically having Travis and Jackie have sex is so interesting because both of them, I feel, are doing it to fulfill something they feel like needs to happen for them to be secure in gender/sexuality. And in the end it has consequences and is iffy at best because neither of them have the proper vocabulary or positive examples needed to navigate that!

With Travis he says yes because he misses Nat and is insecure that she's slept with multiple people while he has been with no one. When it comes to how this might affect his relationship had the night not gone batshit insane, he doesn't think because the ideals he has tell him he NEEDS to have sex to be a better man for Natalie as opposed to just being there for her and communicating normally. Toxic masculinity n all that with him desperately trying to hold onto anything that makes him feel more masculine, more capable, more desirable- but it's an ill fitting role (transfem Trav truthers I see you).

As for Jackie, there's a lot going on there. First up is the fact that she's essentially given up on survival at that point and is preparing for death accordingly in a passively suicidal sort of way (which might I add Travis also experiences. Just later) so she feels the need to Do Things. As for the sex stuff itself, from the scene in the pilot and Shauna's admittedly less reliable meat shed conversations, it's pretty clear that it wasn't comfortable at the best of times and his pressuring sounded like it was pretty consistent. Jackie's view of virginity and sex sounds almost transactional at times; a "he's waited long enough" type deal. Then there's the fact that it was wrapped up in Shauna: telling Shauna while wearing her flannel, looking at Shauna, having sex in Shauna's bed.

Jackie seems to not know how to not involve some pressuring because Jeff always did that, and she's pretty past caring about being nice. Travis doesn't know how to not take what he should want, and later on he's tripping out. Add the emotional detachment of not having negative history, a poor mental state, toxic yuri, and shrooms, and you've got a recipe for vaguely unhealthy casual sex while thinking about other people!

All this to say it was a perfect storm for the two people most insecure in their sexuality/gender presentation to use each other to feel affirmed about it only to face massive consequences (however disproportionate) for something ultimately unfulfilling ("so that was sex?"). Those old standards they live by don't fly out here. It's still a society, they're just still unlearning the rules of the old one.