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exitexis · 7 years ago

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part one: morning, chapter one: morning

original title: “do not hope, do not regret”

notes:

- the family name “ui” was only chosen because it rhymed with “madotsuki” and it was only appropriate to have her parents’ names rhyme also.

- ui hiroyuki and akiyama yumiko’s names are puns within themselves. “yuki” (雪) means “snow,” but he is not the “cold” parent, while “yumi” sounds similar to “yume” (夢), meaning “dream,” but she is not exactly the “dreamy” parent. yumiko’s character is based upon the yuki-onna, oni effects, and the snow world in the game.

- early on, it is mentioned that ui madotsuki drinks formula instead of breast milk, hinting that akiyama yumiko’s issues with alcohol.

- hiroyuki was given agoraphobia to set an “example” for madotsuki of someone who does not go outside.

edits:

- date changed from “march 12, 1980” to “march 13, 1980,” because Madotsuki was born on the twelfth at a late time (23:07 to be exact), so it would be logical that her parents would return home the next day, not the same day.

- explicit mentions of ui hiroyuki being the dual landowner of the apartment complex he resides in, instead of his job being ambiguous.

- masada’s name changed from “seccom masada” (english pronunciation) to “sekomu masada” (japanese pronunciation) and alternate explanation behind name provided.

- slightly more backstory of akiyama kumiko given – mentions of her moving from nagasaki to fujisawa.

- in the outline of the story, masada, hiroyuki, and yumiko all become good friends. this was later scrapped once the chapter was written. masada and hiroyuki become close friends while masada and yumiko remain acquaintances.

part one: morning, chapter two: kids

original title: “the world of people and things”

notes:

- the summary quote is foreshadowing to the next chapter.

- monoko’s real name is “momoko” (桃子, “peach child”) so that the girl would easily confuse the two when she introduces herself. the same goes for monoe becoming “momoe” (百恵, “hundred graces”). “monoko” and “monoe” aren’t exactly names, but luckily “momoko” and “momoe” are and they could be used in place.

edits:

- masada’s age is explicitly mentioned as being sixteen in 1986, making him officially ten years older than madotsuki (which she mentions). originally madotsuki mentions that he is nine years older than her – making her seven years old before her age was pushed back to officially be six years old.

- in the outline of the story, monoe would drop off monoko at masada’s and sleep with him while the girls played. this idea was scrapped once the chapter was written.

part one: morning, chapter three: crash

original title: “exploding head syndrome”

notes:

- komatsuzaki mariko’s (小松崎鞠子, “small pine peninsula,” “ball child” – i… don’t have an explanation as to why i specifically chose the “ball child” kanji for mariko’s name, it could be taken as a dark joke because of the relationship with her father… but those weren’t my intentions) character is based upon mafurako and the hat and scarf effect.

- monoko is hit by a car because of her event in the game – her body suddenly growing disfigured when you use the stoplight effect on her. she also has the appearance of a young girl, which is why the incident takes place when she is merely a junior high student. her color scheme and the setting she resides in being in black and white also adds to the fact that her event takes place in the past as a memory in madotsuki’s mind.

- the last appearances of monoko and monoe and the first appearance of mariko are in the same chapter because they are connected in the game. mafurako (“mariko”) is the one who leads the player to monoko and monoe.

edits:

- the chapter summary inspired the original chapter title. the current chapter title is a reference to crash by jerry spinelli.

- it was originally mentioned that madotsuki was the runner-up for learning the most characters in her class, but her placing is moved to fifth as an early hint towards her reading troubles that are mentioned frequently later on throughout the story.

- originally, komatsuzaki motonobu (小松崎元信, “small pine peninsula,” “former trust” ) was yumiko’s cousin – they both shared an uncle – who she briefly dated in high school before they quickly called it off once learning that they were related. then, motonobu became madotsuki’s biological uncle (relationship unknown, because he was never mentioned as being yumiko’s brother). finally, it was changed so that he was the boyfriend and later husband of yumiko’s former stepsister, abe sakura. abe sakura’s father was married for yumiko’s mother for some time but are currently divorced, making them former stepsisters. madotsuki calls him her “ex-step-uncle” for these reasons.

- motonobu’s original name was “uncle junichi.”

- in the outline of the story, monoe visited madotsuki and masada to inform them that monoko had died in a car accident where monoe had been driving the vehicle. since madotsuki was not invited to the funeral, masada takes her to put lilies on monoko’s grave. this idea was scrapped once the chapter was written. because… in japan aren’t typically buried, they’re cremated.

part one: morning, chapter four: goddess

original title: “how to befriend an american goddess”

notes:

- poniko’s name is “pomona coe” because: a) so that the teacher would mispronounce it as “poniko,” b) the city that poniko is from is pomona, california which is part of the los angeles county, and c) pomona was a roman goddess and wood nymph, ruling over fruitful abundance, gardens, and orchards.

- the title of poniko and madotsuki’s story is a reference to the rpg maker game space funeral.

edits:

- both of the original and current chapter titles refer to the roman goddess, pomona, who shares the same name as pomona “poniko” coe.

- since madotsuki’s age was lowered from around an ambiguous age of fourteen-fifteen years old to the official age of twelve years old, her descriptions of poniko were edited to appear less sexual sounding.

- a date is given on madotsuki’s letter to poniko.

- in the outline of the story, motonobu, then named junichi, would tell madotsuki that if the money and alcohol he keeps hidden in her room goes missing, then she will be punished accordingly. yumiko would have a cold and madotsuki would take care of her. yumiko apologies to her daughter for being “useless” and says that once she gets better she will find a proper home for them to get away from “uncle junichi.��

- poniko’s original name was “purificación trujillo” and she was going to be from the spanish canary islands. she earns the nickname “poniko,” when a student jokingly calls her it because her name is “too long” and she has a ponytail. she then would have agreed to go by “poniko tuhiro” to make it easier on everyone. this version of poniko had a grandmother, mother, father, older brother, and younger sister back home in the canary islands.

part one: morning, chapter five: party

original title: “house of balloons”

notes:

- mr. and mrs. watari’s names are references to quillsh “watari” wammy from death note.

- the quote from mrs. watari: “there would be a global crisis if i said no, hm?” – is a reference to the song “jessica” performed by hatsune miku and produced by kururingo (“it’s a global crisis, my headaches and dizziness won’t stop”).

- the name violette is a reference to violette from my candy love.

- poniko’s interaction with madotsuki before the party was important because madotsuki was not educated in sex. if she had been attacked at the party without this prior knowledge, she most likely would have not seen it as an attack and thus would not have even known what happened.

edits:

- the house of balloons is a reference to house of balloons and “house of balloons,” a mixtape and song performed by the weeknd. the reason why balloons are alluded so much is because of poniko’s location in the game. the pink sea is surrounded by balloons, thus meaning that madotsuki associates poniko with balloons – this was interpreted as some type of celebration or party that was significant to madotsuki’s life that poniko was associated with. the current chapter title is a reference to “the party & the after party,” also performed by the weeknd.

- poniko’s original surname was “ko” instead of “coe.” an alternate spelling was chosen to make her name appear more american.

- since madotsuki and poniko’s ages were lowered from around an ambiguous age of fourteen-fifteen years to the official ages of thirteen and fourteen (respectively), descriptions of the sexual interactions was made much less mature than before.

- more dialogue between madotsuki’s attackers was added.

- in the outline of the story, madotsuki and poniko would have accidentally taken drugs at the party and madotsuki would take her to motonobu’s home. when she wakes up in the morning, poniko is gone along with some of motonobu’s money. motonobu, then named “uncle junichi,” would have slapped madotsuki and accused her of stealing the money. he then would have stopped short of assaulting her because of yumiko arriving home early. madotsuki would leave to spend the day with masada and then return home to see yumiko threatening to stab motonobu with a knife. yumiko would demand why madotsuki hadn’t told her that he was hurting mariko. motonobu would have then gotten arrested. these ideas were scrapped once the chapter was written.

part one: morning, chapter six: afterparty

original title: “the hour of separation”

notes:

- madotsuki receives her trademark purple skirt from her father here.

- lucky the cat is based upon the cat effect. the cat effect itself is based upon the maneki-neko as the game madotsuki is shown waving one arm and having a coin in hand when equipped with the effect in the game, so lucky’s appearance was altered some to match the description.

- poniko’s abrupt departure from the story is based upon uboa. poniko in the game refuses to look at the player and when provoked suddenly turns into a monster. this event was interpreted as madotsuki associating poniko with someone who suddenly ignored her, departed from her life without a single word, and left on negative terms.

final edit:

- the original summary quote was: “love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” ―kahlil gibran, the prophet before it was changed. this quote also inspired the original chapter title. the current chapter title is a reference to “the party & the after party” performed by the weeknd.

- originally, the madotsuki, her father, and masada were celebrating tanabata, or the star festival. so, when the chapter was edited to take place during winter, they celebrated new year’s instead because tanabata is a summer festival.

- madotsuki used to always refer to her father as “chichi” (父) until it was edited for her to refer to him as “papa” when she was younger – a common childish way to address one’s father in japan – and “chichi” – a more mature word for father – is saved for when she is older.

- since the setting was changed from tanabata to new year’s, more additional details were added, such as: hiroyuki mentioning for madotsuki to bring masada a card and leftovers (it is common to eat certain foods and to send cards out on new year’s in japan), masada gives madotsuki a dog ear headband instead of a star one (as 1994 was the year of the dog), and masada teaches madotsuki beethoven’s ninth symphony (oddly, a traditional new year’s song in japan) on the piano instead of a traditional tanabata song.

- the cat’s name was changed from “popcorn” to “lucky” and changed to a white calico japanese bobtail, which is the traditional breed of the maneki-neko, a japanese figurine that is often believed to bring good luck to the owner. lucky’s appearance was changed to match this description more instead of just being just a simple white cat.

- poniko’s letter had a date added to it and the title was removed (a callback to how madotsuki preferred no titles for her writings). mentions of the new year was also added in the letter.

part one: morning, chapter seven: siesta

original title: “leitwortstil”

notes:

- it can be implied that mariko stole the money that motonobu kept hidden throughout the house (mentioned in chapter three) to help her escape.

- the quote: “she was twisting. she was screaming (on the inside). he was uncompromising. every inch, every iota of her body was screeching an ode of the banshees for him to get the fuck off of her.” – is a reference to shitty horoscopes: book iv – resolutions by amrit brar (“aquarius: twisting/screaming/uncompromising; every inch; every iota”).

- the quote: “she felt her wrath plant a seed, take root, sprout and grow, and put forth flowers in her heart.” – is a reference to fellow yume nikki fanfic every girl does it by jackofnone (“but still, she thinks about it. she wonders. and when an idea enters madotsuki’s head, it takes root in the dream, grows, and puts forth flowers.”).

edits:

- the original summary quote was: “leitwortstil is the repetition of a wording, often with a theme, in a narrative to make sure it catches the reader's attention. an example of a leitwortstil is the recurring phrase, "so it goes", in kurt vonnegut's novel slaughterhouse-five. its seeming message is that the world is deterministic: that things only could have happened in one way, and that the future already is predetermined,” before it was changed. this quote also inspired the original chapter title. it is a reference to the repetitious words seen throughout the chapter. the current chapter title is spanish for “nap.”

part one: morning, chapter eight: high

original title: “king of the fall”

notes:

- doi “cookie” gidayu (土井犠打湯, reference to takemoto gidayu, a creator of a style of narration for japanese puppet theater – this reference is made because of cookie’s family history in traditional performances) is based upon the fat effect and strober: a character that appears to be eating a cookie, can be found in the docks b, and gives madotsuki the fat effect.

- matsumoto hatsuyo (松本はつよ, “base of the pine tree”) is based upon closet madotsuki, a character that can be found hidden a closet in the checkered tile path, but can only been seen using the severed head or midget effects, as all of the other effects are too big to see inside of the closet properly, and kamakurako, a character found sleeping inside of an igloo in the snow world.

- fujisaki umi (藤崎海, “wisteria small peninsula,” “ocean”) is based upon the fisherman, a character that can be found in the windmill world and the docks a.

- fuji and cookie are introduced together because their in-game characters (the fisherman and strober, respectively) both appear in the docks.

- the black mall is based upon the mall location in the game, right down to the chilly shoppers and the cat on the roof.

- the characters fuji, cookie, and hatsuyo are also based upon the train passengers. as in this chapter, madotsuki is mainly either with cookie and hatsuyo or just fuji – a reference to how the player can either be with a single train passenger going one way, and two going the other.

- the song that masada was teaching madotsuki on the piano was a reference to “hirai, hirari” performed by hatsune miku, written by nayuta momoka, and produced by tamaz, as it is mentioned to be “…an emotional ballad about missing a lover. madotsuki liked the slow, mesmerizing tune of it.”

- the quotes: “the train station was having a special in its shop. she remembered that because a colorful flyer advertising a new herbal-chicken roast with blue cheese was practically shoved in her face as she was descending the staircase to the train.” and “her word-hungry eyes then scanned over the other posters of the train station. there was a sign that announced that the city museum had a new exhibit about mars.” – are references to fellow yume nikki fic space oddity by injusticeshallfall: “she remembered this because the special at the subway's restaurant was a roast chicken on tuesdays. herbal-roasted chicken, with grated blue cheese melted on top. madotsuki was on her way into the city, because the museum had opened up a new exhibit about mars.”

- masada jumping in front of a train is based upon the significant location of mars in the game. masada’s spaceship crashes (his “crashing” in the story was of him by being on drugs and jumping out in front of a train) and once the player reaches the underground area of the game, they arrive to a location that resembles a train station with sober piano music playing in the background (masada’s spaceship featured a piano) and meet a character, mars-san, that appears to be crying.

- hiroyuki’s character is also somewhat based upon mars-san.

edits:

- the original chapter title was a reference to “king of the fall” performed by the weeknd. the current chapter title refers to the “high” of madotsuki and masada’s relationship and masada’s “high” from drugs and from jumping off of the train platform.

- fuji’s name was changed from “fuji umi” to “fujisaki umi” only because i wanted to make a reference to fujisaki chihiro from danganronpa: trigger happy havoc. ♡

- in the outline of the story, fuji was going to confess his feelings for madotsuki on a train ride from the mall and she would have rejected him. this idea was scrapped once the chapter was written.

- in the outline of the story, madotsuki confides in fuji about masada’s strange behavior and he proposes that perhaps masada is on drugs. with madotsuki’s frustration with masada, she turns to fuji for affection. she then walks in on masada while he is using heroin. he confesses to being on drugs and she confesses to “cheating” on him with her friend. this idea was scrapped once the chapter was written because… it’s melodramatic (as if this story isn’t melodramatic enough tho).

part one: morning, chapter nine: milk

original title: “apprehension for dummies”

notes:

- the vending machines that madotsuki and fuji use are based upon the vending machines in the game that give pink drinks if the player uses the money they collect. it is to be noted that the money system and the energy drinks in the game do nothing for the player!

- madotsuki and fuji watching kiki’s delivery service in the black mall is based on the witch’s flight event that occurs on the mall rooftop when the player equips the witch effect and begins to fly off the roof.

- the sleeping man in the hospital who sneezes in his sleep when madotsuki walks by him is based upon the e-man character that can be found in the mall, who sometimes sneezes if the player is around him for too long. (this man is toriyama eiji, the brother and assistant of toriyama orochi, madotsuki’s therapist.)

- abe sakura (安倍さくら, “double peace” – because her name is written in hirgana, the meaning of “cherry blossoms” is taken away) and yamaguchi usagi (山口兎, “mountain mouth,” “rabbit”) are based upon the toriningen, bird-like women who are the only chasers in the game.

- usagi’s name and appearance is a reference to tsukino usagi, or sailor moon, from sailor moon.

- masada’s inability to walk and vocal cord paralysis – resulting in a deeper, raspier voice – are based upon how after the spaceship crash event masada’s character in the game moves sluggishly and makes slower and deeper noises than before.

- mariko’s disappearance is based on how the character mafurako is invisible to the player until the stoplight effect is used.

- madotsuki’s miscarriage is based on the floyag characters found on the infinite road – they appear to be uterus shaped and one stares at the player – and the henkei shita characters found mainly on the footprint path – they appear to be beheaded pregnant women with mouths for stomachs.

edits:

- the original chapter title was a reference to the for dummies series. the current chapter title is a reference to milk and honey by rupi kaur and “milk and cookies” performed by melanie martinez.

- originally, yumiko mentioned moving to the next prefecture over, but it was changed that she moved to the city of kawasaki instead, still within the kanagawa prefecture which contains madotsuki’s hometown of yokohama.

- in the story’s outline, madotsuki gradually became sick before happening the miscarriage to the point where she stayed home from school and sakura watched over her in the medical center. this was scrapped once the chapter was written and instead the effects of the impending miscarriage were somewhat unnoticeable and the event happened suddenly.

part one: morning, chapter ten: chum

original title: “pick your poison”

notes:

- madotsuki’s fetuses having trap syndrome (twin reserved atrial perfusion) is based upon the takofussen event that occurs in the white desert, as the character appears to resemble twin fetuses having said syndrome, since this event occurs in an area that is black and white, this was associated as something that happened in madotsuki’s past. since the takofussen event has a one in three thousand and six hundred chance in appearing and appears for about half a second every half hour, it was associated with an extremely sudden and unexpected.

edits:

- the original chapter title refers to the term “pick your poison.” to pick your poison means to have to choose between two worse cases. the current chapter title is a reference to “chum” performed by earl sweatshirt.

- since madotsuki and fuji’s ages were lowered from an ambiguous age of fifteen-sixteen to an official fourteen, the phone conversation that they have together reflects on their younger ages. fuji’s response to madotsuki telling him about her miscarriage was also changed to be more emotional since it originally seemed impersonal.

- originally, fuji asks what’s happening in the prefecture that madotsuki is in as at first her mother had gotten a home in another prefecture completely until it was changed that yumi had moved to another city, so fuji instead asks madotsuki what it is like in kawasaki. he was then also added to call himself a “little yokohama boy” so that madotsuki’s hometown location can be explicitly mentioned.

part one: morning, chapter eleven: beautiful

original title: “monday, 13 november, 1995”

notes:

- sakura’s father, abe junichi, is only divorced from yumiko’s mother because if they had still been married then yumiko’s mother would have been invited to mariko’s funeral and introducing yumiko’s mother to madotsuki before introducing hiroyuki’s mother (baba) was not preferable.

- usagi’s disturbing photograph is based upon the disturbing photographs / drawings that the player can encounter in various places, such as the mall or the sewers, in the game.

edits:

- the chapter was originally called “monday, 13 november, 1995” as that was mariko’s death date before it was changed to the fourth of july, 1994. the chapter also takes place in only one day – the first time for a chapter to do so in the story. the current chapter title is a reference to “pretty” performed by the weeknd.

- sakura now mentions how she does not like to sit around and do nothing because of her narcolepsy. before, motonobu had mentioned sakura having narcolepsy, but it was not mentioned again (because, to be honest, i forgot about).

- in the story outline, madotsuki and usagi would have started a relationship and madotsuki would only tell masada that she has started a new relationship, but not with who, causing him to believe that she has started going out with fuji. this was scrapped in the final chapter since the situation created an unnecessary love triangle and there was no solid reason for madotsuki and usagi to be together. now, any chances of said relationship are gone with madotsuki and usagi officially aged fourteen and nineteen, respectively.

part one: morning, chapter twelve: runaway

original title: “drink more water”

notes:

- mariko is given a buddhist funeral, as evidenced by the rituals everyone undergoes by placing coins in her casket, a mention of the river of three crossings, the women keeping vigil all night, and madotsuki being given incense and condolence money.

- the quote: “her mother removed the shawl that came with her dress and threw it in the corner of the room. her thin dress straps had fell from her shoulders. yumi’s posture was hunched over. the setting sun was against her back. she looked like a skinny imp with no shoulders.” – is a reference to “hold my liquor” performed by kanye west, justin vernon, and chief keef (“then her auntie came over, skinny bitch with no shoulders, telling you that i’m bogus, bitch, you don’t even know us”).

edits:

- the original title was a reference to “drink more water” performed by mick jenkins. the current title is a reference to “runaway” performed by kanye west.

part one: morning, chapter thirteen: delivery

original title: “it is useless to go”

notes:

- yumiko’s family is from nagasaki, a location in southern japan that’s sunny with beaches, and hiroyuki’s family is from hokkaido, a location in northern japan that’s snowy with mountains, for a reason. there are no beaches or overall too “sunny” places in the game, but there are plenty of references to forests, mountains, and snow. yumiko’s family remains unknown to madotsuki as she barely remembers yumiko’s parents’ names and does not even know yumiko’s sister’s name. madotsuki goes to hokkaido because a place with the aforementioned forests, mountains, and snow are prevalent throughout madotsuki’s dreams and thus were significant to her in real life. since she resides in an apartment complex and there is the neon world, it can be assumed that madotsuki is originally from the city and visited the mountains, or vice versa. since the backdrop of the apartment in the game changes and is ultimately vague (except for one, more on that later), one can assume that madotsuki is from anywhere.

- madotsuki and fuji going out at night with streetlamps around them is based upon the streetlamps seen in the puddle world, the lamp world, and the lamp effect.

- madotsuki watching kiki’s delivery service on the airplane and having a dream about being a witch whose broom suddenly disappears beneath her, causing her to fall, is based upon the witch’s flight event where when the player disables the broom midflight, madotsuki falls out of bed in real life and wakes up.

edits:

- the original chapter is a reference based upon the chapter summary. the current title is a reference to kiki’s delivery service and madotsuki being “delivered” to the mountains.

- madotsuki was originally going to stay in hokkaido for the summer, but it was changed to a year because japanese schools work on a trimester system, meaning that when students go on summer break they are still in the same grade once the summer is over – they do not start a new school year.

- in the story outline, madotsuki slept with fuji, but this was scrapped once the chapter was written.

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