#which is hr speak for ‘we’re trying to make it look like you’re being ridiculous’

[stylishanachronism]

Kk cool, I’m going to be fighting with hr about so much shit I can smell it

[xbladekitkat85]

Why Clint is on Tony’s Sh*t List

Word count: A bit over 3k.

Chapter summary: Peter and Harley are brothers and the children of Tony Stark. Which is highly classified knowledge that nobody outside of the Avengers knows. Until Clint Barton accidentally spills the secret with a technology related mishap.

Warnings: A bit of language here and there. Tony threatening Clint’s life because he did an oopsie.

Peter's POV

In the school that is Midtown School of Science and Technology, everyone is basically a genius of some sort. You have biology geeks, math geeks, chemistry geeks, robotics geeks. You name a branch of STEM subjects, there are guaranteed to be at least 5 masters in every subject.

That being said, being a master in a subject doesn't mean that you would be instantly popular. Sure you might get hounded for homework help, but it doesn't mean you actually make friends as easily. It's more like people want to leech off of your knowledge and don't bother to get to know you.

There's a social pyramid in all schools and let's just say I'm towards the bottom of mine. I build Lego sets, I love Star Wars, I'm a whiz at chemistry and math. But people ignore the fact that I'm 'somewhat' intelligent and focus on the Lego and Star Wars part of my image. Which sucks big time. At least I'm graduating this year.

But at least I have my brother Harley to confide in. We argue over stupid stiff but we both enjoy poking fun at each other.

3rd person POV

Peter was sitting at his usual table with his small group of friends. Ned, MJ, and Betty made up this small group of people.

"So, what are you guys doing this weekend?" Ned asked the group.

"Uhhhh, I was planning on going to see that new movie coming out." Betty answered. "You know, the one with Emilia Clarke and what's his name."

"Oh yeah, I know which one you're talking about." Ned replied.

"You losers can go see a movie, I'm going to a protest outside of Oscorp." MJ replied, sipping her thermos of coffee.

"What did Oscorp do?" Peter asked curiously.

"They're trying to cover up an employee getting severely injured, the safety protocols are shitty, and HR is as usual, the worst part of it all in addition to the censorship of the incident online."

Peter nodded his head, eyes widened.

"Gotcha. I definitely understand why you're going."

MJ set her thermos down and opened her latest book, Speak.

Ned turned to look at Peter.

"Stark internship all weekend?" He inquired.

Peter shrugged and took a sip of water.

"I'm gonna hang out with Harley. Probably do some stuff in the lab. Usual stuff."

Betty shook her head in disbelief.

"I still can't believe you're friends with him." She said. "He's pretty high on the social ladder here. I mean I know you guys have the internship together but it's still kind of baffling that I never see you interacting in school."

Ohhhhh, if you only knew Betty. Peter laughed to himself on the inside.

Nobody at school knew that Peter and Harley were half brothers and the children of Tony Stark. Not even Ned or MJ knew although he suspected that MJ somehow knew or was close to figuring it out. She's scarily perceptive and freakishly good at knowing things about other people that she definitely shouldn't.

The bell rang signaling the end of lunch.

The four friends parted ways and headed to their respective classes.

*After school*

Peter arrived at the tower straight from Delmar's after picking up snacks for the weekend. He had grabbed an assortment, ranging from potato chips to pretzel M&Ms.  He waved at Ms. Maldonado, the lady who commanded the reception area and dashed to the elevator, scanning his pass when prompted.

FRIDAY greeted him when the doors closed.

"How was your day Peter? Harley is already waiting for you. He told me to tell you, and I quote, "Peter, I hope you remembered my PRETZEL M&Ms not PEANUT M&M's like last time. If you forgot, I'm going to steal that new Lego set you were planning on building tomorrow. And I WILL hide it somewhere you'll never, ever, find it. Insert maniacal cackling, blah blah blah."

Peter stifled a laugh at Harley's message.

"Uh, well my day was the usual, you know. And tell Harley I got his stupid M&Ms. And I grabbed him something else too if he promises not to threaten the Legos again."

"Sure thing, Peter."

He exited the elevator to the floor which housed the labs he shared with Harley. There were multiple as the duo tended to accidentally blow things up and would need to have another place to work while repairs were being done. Needless to say, Tony was more than a little annoyed that his kids needed multiple labs because they kept blowing them up. But whatever, he loves them and will pay for it as long as he gets to blackmail them with all the ridiculous stories of what blew up and how it happened.

Harley looked up towards the door Peter walked through and lifted his welding mask off his face.

"Hand over the merchandise, blockhead." He said, his arm stretched towards the bag of goodies Peter was carrying.

"Only if you promise to leave the Legos alone, biotch." He replied.

Harley rolled his eyes and dramatically lifted his hand in the air as if he was testifying in court.

"I promise not to touch the Legos." He said in a half joking tone.

Peter handed him the pack of M&Ms as well as a container of Oreos.

"I still don't understand why you like pretzel M&Ms." Peter remarked. "There's too much pretzel and not enough chocolate."

Harley stared directly at him as he tore open the M&Ms and popped a few in his mouth.

"I don't understand why you don't like pineapple on pizza." Harley shot back as he swiveled around in his chair

Peter groaned.

"We are not having this discussion again."

"Peter you're an idiot if you don't like pineapple on your pizza."

"Harley, you're a disgrace to the entire state of New York if you do. Fruit is not supposed to go on a proper pizza."

Harley chucked a bolt at Peter's head.

"Hey!" He protested as he turned to look at Harley. And then he saw a glint in Harley's eyes.

"Pizza is a dish with everything from the food pyramid. You have grain, dairy, meat, vegetables, fats, and oh, wait, you don't like pineapple so you're missing out. You could be getting every nutrient from the food pyramid but you're an idiot so you miss your daily serving of delicious pineapple on your pizza."

"Oh my god, stop."

The boys busted out laughing for a full 3 minutes, eventually with Harley falling out of his chair. Tony walked in to find his kids cackling at who knows what, and one on the floor, almost incapacitated by his laughter. He sighed before clearing his throat to gain their attention.

The boys sobered up and finally stopped laughing but they had unshed tears left from the fun.

"What on earth were you two dying of laughter over? Should I call a therapist? Do I need to be concerned? Did you eat something that you shouldn't have?"

Harley sniggered as Peter was trying to keep a straight face.

"He was eating pretzel M&Ms!" Peter said, holding back his laughter. "The type that should be illegal!"

"Peter, you don't diss Pretzel M&Ms, they're an underappreciated member of the M&Ms family. If you think pretzel M&Ms should be illegal, you clearly haven't tried the raspberry ones." Harley replied while doing his best to keep his face straight. "If anything, you should call a therapist for Peter and help him overcome his aversion to pineapple on pizza."

Tony looked even more lost than he was before.

"Ok, I don't know what I'm supposed to make of this. FRIDAY, show me footage of what the hell happened while I wasn't here."

"Sure thing boss."

Friday pulled up security footage of Harley and Peter's conversation. Tony watched it as the two teens were snickering behind him. After he understood the situation he turned to his kids and let out a tired sigh.

"Ok, I don't understand your sense of humor, but I came to tell you that we're having Italian for dinner."

Peter pumped his fist and Harley just shrugged.

"Italian is fine by me I guess."

"All right kiddos, be in the dining room by 7ish or else I'll cut the power to these labs. We eat as a family."

*Time skip*

It was 2 am, Monday morning and everything was silent except for the faint noise of shuffling towards the ceiling.

Clint Barton was crawling around in the vents, obviously on his way to do something he probably shouldn't be.

He had lost a bet with Nat earlier and the punishment was that he had to steal something for blackmail off of FRIDAY's databases.

He quietly dropped out of a vent shaft into an important looking office. He didn't bother checking who it belonged to but he was already too far gone to ask.

"Ok Nat, what do you want me to look for?" He whispered into his earpiece.

"Check the computer on the desk. The password is written on a sticky note in your pocket."

He checked his pocket and there was indeed a post it with a password on it.

"Ok, what am I supposed to find?" He asked once he logged in.

"Look for footage from the labs." She said. "Check labs CTS2 and IAI1."

"CTS2 and IAI1, gotcha." He reaffirmed.

He browsed around until he found the cameras he needed.

"Ok, found em. What dates should I look at?"

"Look at this past Friday," She answered, "around 4:45 to 6:15 pm. Tony drank from a can of motor oil instead of his coffee cup. I would like this footage in my posession. For my entertainment, and possibly blackmail to pull on him."

"All righty, ok, uhhhh." He muttered as he searched through that window of time.

He watched snippets of the footage and fast forwarded a few times until he glimpsed footage of Harley swiveling around in his chair as Peter looked exasperated. He paused and rewound to see what the situation was.

As Clint watched the whole argument play out and the aftermath, a shit eating grin began to spread across his face. He emailed himself the whole interaction for his own entertainment (blackmail, cough cough) and went back to searching for what he originally came for. He eventually found it, sent it to Natasha, logged out of the computer, and climbed into the open vent.

"You get it?" Nat asked suspiciously.

"Oh yeah, I got it." He said, trying to hold back the mischievous laughter that was threatening to let loose. He checked his phone to see whether he got the email he sent to himself. But to his surprise and sudden panic, it was not there. His social media, however, was blowing up with comments about the two kids and who they were and theories people were spouting.

"Oh shit."

"What did you do, Clinton?" Nat asked in a threateningly monotone voice.

Clint banged his head on the vent, forgetting that he still had his comms on.

"I may or may not have accidentally exposed Peter and Harley as Tony's kids."

Nat was silent for a moment before she finally responded.

"Tony's probably going to kill you for this, so you should pack your bags right now. Make funeral arrangements as well and update your will."

"Ah shit."

*Monday morning, 6:45 am*

Peter woke up to his phone ringing. He groaned and turned on his side to ignore the call. The phone rang again and he sighed before reluctantly sitting up and grabbing his phone.

What the hell, who's calling this early?

He looked at his notifications and saw multiple missed calls and texts from Ned and MJ. Something must have happened because Ned had typed in all caps, 'PETER EVERYONE KNOWS! CALL ME NOW!' MJ's text just said, 'I knew already. Don't try to hide it from me whenever you come to school.'

Instantly, Peter was wide awake. Did the whole world know he was Spiderman? But how did this happen, who would leak that information and how did they get it?

He called Ned and before he could even say, "What's up?" Ned butted in with a sentence he was not expecting.

"Peter, when were you going to tell me your dad was Tony Stark?! This is even bigger than Spiderman! As your Guy in the Chair, I think this knowledge might have been missing in our conversations."

Peter was at a loss for words as he stood up.

"It's all over social media and people are going apeshit over this!"

"Ned, you shouldn't believe everything you read on the internet." Peter replied in a nervous tone as he began pacing back and forth in his room. "How do you know the source is credible? Remember what Ms. Hernandez said about credibility when giving information in an essays or whatever?"

"But Peter, Hawkeye was the one who posted it. You know, the Avenger who shoots arrows?"

Peter stopped pacing and froze midstep.

Uncle Clint was behind this? But why?

"You sure he wasn't hacked?" Peter asked as he feebly attempted to get out of this confrontation.

"No, it's security footage from a lab. Tony said in the video that you guys were a family."

Peter then realized that he couldn't worm his way out of this situation. The whole world knew he and Harley were brothers and the sons of Tony Stark. Of course this happened, why wouldn't it?

"I'm going to call you back, I need to talk to Clint." Peter said.

"Ok, just let me know if you and Harley are going to be ok or not." Ned replied.

"Bye Ned."

"Bye."

Peter hung up and took a deep breath before leaving his room to go find Clint.

He entered the kitchen and almost everyone was there except the one person he wanted to talk to.

"Hey, uh, where's uncle Clint?" Peter asked.

Uncle Steve looked up from his breakfast.

"He left last night. Family emergency."

"Uh huh, so correct me if I'm wrong but Clint left because dad was going to kill him, right?"

Suddenly everyone was avoiding eye contact with Peter. Yup, everyone knew what happened.

Just then, Tony walked in with a very irritated expression.

"I don't think you and Harley are going to be able to go to school today. Some kid from your school, Dash or something posted you go to school with him and know you both. So there are multiple news stations outside the tower and surrounding your school. Might be best to just stay home today."

"Is Uncle Clint still alive?" Harley asked as he walked in, yawning.

"He is alive," Tony responded "Not for much longer though."

"Dad, you can't just kill him." Peter protested. "It's not like he actually did anything that warrants his death."

"I don't think he meant to do it." Harley added. "He deleted it maybe 10 minutes after he posted it but other people recorded it on their own devices and re shared it. He probably realized what he had done and tried to delete it but of course, once it's out there, it's out there."

"Don't kill Uncle Clint, he's got a wife and kids. Besides, we need him on the team." Peter said.

"We don't need Clint," Tony said, waving his hand. "I already got a replacement set up."

Peter had not heard of this new team member that was apparently going to replace Clint.

"Who is it?" Harley asked curiously.

"Kate Bishop. She's already on her way here. Clint trained her to take over the mantle of Hawkeye anyway so it shouldn't be that big a deal." Tony shrugged. "She's a bit older than you two, 18 or 19, I can't remember at the moment."

"Ok, then, as long as she's trusted by you." Peter relented.

"Don't know what she might be like, but if Clint trained her, and they share similar personalities, whatever spirits above help us." Harley said solemnly.

Peter smacked Harley's arm.

"Hey!" He complained.

"She's not even here yet and you are badmouthing her already. Have some manners, dude."

"It doesn't matter at the moment right? You said it yourself, she's not here yet and I will 'have some manners' when she does."

All of a sudden, Peter heard a nearly imperceptible shuffling coming from above. He felt a shiver go down his spine and the instinct to get into a defensive position.

"He's right, you should have some manners young man." An unfamiliar voice boomed from above.

Harley looked around wildly in confusion.

"Who's there?! Are you a spirit from above???" He asked.

All of a sudden, a figure dropped out of the vent directly above Harley and tackled him to the ground.

"And that is Kate Bishop." Tony said, answering the question in everyone's mind.

Kate released Harley from her grip and she helped him up.

"Clint was right," She said, smiling. "Crawling through the vents to prank people is fun."

She looked up to the open vent and held out her arms, to everyone's confusion.

"Lucky, come on down!" She called.

To everyone's shock, a dog with one good eye poked his head out from the vent and jumped into Kate's arms.

"Oh crap, nobody has allergies to dog dander, right?" Kate asked, looking at everyone.

"Maybe? I'm not sure." Peter replied.

"Damn, I should have checked before bringing him, huh." Kate muttered.

Tony waved his hand at the dog.

"As long as he's potty trained, we should be fine." He said, trying to reassure her worries. "We're all fine with dogs."

Peter thought back to all the dogs he's pet on patrol. They always seemed happy to play with him and now there was a dog in the tower. Huzzah, he didn't get to only pet dogs on patrol now!

"Well, all's well that ends well, right?" Peter said.

"How about everyone gets acquainted with Kate?" Tony suggested. "It's not like you two are going to school today anyway."

Peter and Harley agreed and that day became a get to know the new team member day.

Peter texted Ned to let him know he was going to school the next day and invited him to the tower after school to meet someone. Oh the look on Ned's face when he found out would be priceless.

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[kpopfanfictrash]

Drabble: the Holiday Party

Member: Mind in the Gutter!Jungkook (reusing this banner from the fic, made by the wonderful @underthejoon​ )

Prompt: Y/N and Jungkook trying to be inconspicuous about their relationship at the holiday party and ultimately, failing.

Rating: R (nothing explicit, but there is a lot of innuendo lol)

WC: 2,465

↳ part of my 30K milestone drabble game

“Now remember,” you say as you enter the party. “We’re not dating.”

“Right.” Jungkook gives a little salute, looking way handsomer in his suit than any human has a right to be. “We’re not dating. I did not bang you into the headboard last night.”

“Jungkook,” you whine, glancing around – luckily, no one seems to have heard. “I’m being serious.”

“I know, so am I.”

You smile, about to respond but before you can, Taehyung appears. “Jungkook!” he beams, pulling Jungkook into a hug. The two exchange a rather complicated high-five before Taehyung turns to you. “M’lady,” he bows.

You fight the urge to groan. “You’re ridiculous, did you know that?”

Taehyung pops back up, grinning. “I do, actually. Have you seen Rhea?” He squints, searching the sea of holiday dresses. “She borrowed my lip balm at work, and I need it back. Mistletoe,” he adds, by way of explanation.

“Oh, sure,” you say, fighting a grin. “But no – haven’t see her.”

“Alright.” Taehyung’s frown deepens as he returns to you and Jungkook. “Wait. So, am I just supposed to pretend I don’t know that you two are… you know…” Rising both brows, Taehyung mimes a lewd act with his hands.

“Taehyung.” Jungkook steps closer. “HR doesn’t know we’re dating. We’re keeping things under wraps, okay? Taking it slow.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes. “Oh, please. You two are so obviously dating. You’re more obvious than – what’s the story where the two leads hide their relationship from their families, and it leads to inevitable disaster?”

Jungkook blinks. “Romeo and Juliet?”

“No.” Taehyung snaps his fingers. “The Notebook.”

Jungkook stares.

“I mean, he’s not wrong,” you add helpfully.

“Anyways.” Taehyung snags two glasses from the tray of a passing waiter. “Drink this. A whole night of not groping Y/N? You’re going to need it.”

Jungkook’s cheeks flush, grabbing the glass. “I don’t grope, Y/N,” he mutters, tipping it back.

“You do a little,” you say cheerfully, taking one as well. “It’s okay. I like it.”

Sputtering, Jungkook replaces his empty glass on the tray. Wiping his mouth with the back of one hand, he levels his gaze in your direction. The way he stares makes you shiver, heat in his expression you pointedly ignore.

“C’mon,” you say, reaching out for his hand – only to freeze, yanking this quickly away.

Jungkook breaks out in a grin. “Seems like this might be difficult for you, too,” he teases, following you into the crowd.

You grumble, failing to respond as you push through the party. Taehyung veers off at some point, spotting Jimin at the bar and yelling something about shots. Jungkook continues alongside you, speaking low enough that he cannot be overheard.

“So, you like it when I grope you?” he murmurs, beneath his breath. Reaching out, he grabs another drink from a passing waiter.

Your heart begins to pound in your chest. “That’s neither here, not there,” you say, scanning the room.

The hotel ballroom if beautifully decorated, you must admit. The décor is miles above anything your last company did to celebrate the holidays. All they had was a company party, held two days before Christmas, which was really just an excuse for parents to bring their kids to work and forgo a sitter for the day. Occasionally, people brought in cookies.

There was nothing like this, though. Nothing like the chandeliers dripping with icicles, evergreen trees standing tall in the corners and frosted snow draped in piles on each available surface. It is beautiful, simply put.

Glancing at Jungkook, you cannot help but think he outshines it all. With his hair parted to the side and his grey, form-fitting suit – it is small wonder people are staring. Which they are, you realize, sipping your drink. Subtly, you narrow your gaze at Betty from Accounting.

Noticing this, Jungkook chuckles beneath his breath. “C’mon, baby,” he purrs, low in his throat. “You know I don’t want her.”

“I know,” you say sulkily, swishing your drink in its glass.

Jungkook studies you for a moment. “We can tell people, you know,” he points out. “There’s not a rule which says employees can’t date. Only direct reports.”

“I know that, too,” you sigh, setting your glass on a table. Its long white fabric drapes down to the floor. “I just… don’t want people to look at us differently.”

Nodding, Jungkook finishes his glass. “It’s up to you,” he says squarely, setting this onto the table. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. You know I’d shout about this from the roof if you asked – just say the word.”

Cheeks heating, your lips part – and Lauren, from Marketing appears.

“Oh my god, Y/N!” she squeals, grabbing your arms. “I love your dress.”

“Thanks,” you say, fighting back a laugh. “Yours is beautiful, too.”

“This old thing.” She waves a hand. “I unfortunately blended into the wall during the Marketing team photo – but oh, well. Don’t wear white in the winter, I guess.”

You laugh, looking over and catching Jungkook’s gaze. He seems to be appreciating your dress as well, gaze dark where he lingers on the hem of your skirt. Pointedly, he looks up and swallows the rest of his drink. Slamming the glass down on the table, he forces Lauren to jump.

“Going to the bathroom,” he barks, turning around.

Fighting back laughter, you watch him push through the crowd.

Lauren stares at his back. “Weird guy,” she remarks. “Super-hot, though. Those pants.”

Gritting your teeth, you fight back irritation. “He’s the nicest guy,” you say pointedly. “We’re friends.”

“Oh, cool.” Lauren does not seem to care either way, not getting the hint as she rummages through her purse. “Anyways, have you seen Namjoon? I heard that he…”

Sipping on your drink, you nod and mingle for the better part of an hour. As you talk, you keep glancing around to see where Jungkook is. He is right – this is stupid, pretending not to be dating when you obviously are. It feels strange not having him by your side, as though you are missing a crucial piece of yourself.

Not that you need him to be happy, of course. You are fine attending parties alone – you have your own friends, your own life and hobbies, but still. The point is you are not alone here; Jungkook is here, too. Each time you think of something funny to say, you turn to tell him and realize he is not at your side. Each time you are cold, you reach for his jacket – only to stop, withdrawing your hand.

Each time you do this, your heart sinks a little – and for no good reason, because Jungkook is right there. He currently stands across the room, laughing with Yoongi and you could be with him if you wanted, but you were the one who said to keep quiet.

Finally, you give in and walk across the ballroom. Jungkook is laughing at something Yoongi said, another glass in his hand and as you approach the table, you realize he is tipsy. Cheeks flushed, hair mussed and telling everyone around him how great the delivery food in his neighborhood is.

Hiding a smile, you lean into Yoongi. “How long has he been like this?”

Yoongi swirls his champagne. “Oh, about an hour. Hoseok convinced him to do shots.”

“Hobi?” you ask, perking up. “He’s here?”

“Yeah, he’s Rhea’s date.”

“O-h,” you say knowingly. “That explains why I haven’t seen her all night.”

Yoongi shrugs, tipping back the rest of his drink.

Jungkook turns at the table. “Y/N!” he says, gaze brightening. Realizing you are not the only two here, his voice drops. “You look, uh, nice.”

“Thanks,” you allow, ducking your head.

Looking at your boyfriend for too long is all kinds of dangerous. It puts risky thoughts in your mind – like dragging him off to the bathroom, yanking his pants to his knees and having your way with him.

An unfamiliar guy next to Yoongi reaches out a hand. “Hey,” he grins, shaking yours. “I don’t think we’ve met yet. I’m Mark, I work in finance.”

“Y/N,” you respond, smiling pleasantly. “I’m new to the company.”

“Ah, that explains it,” he says, smile widening.

Arching a brow, Yoongi removes his drink and walks pointedly off. Now, it is just you, Jungkook and Mark who remain at the table. Jungkook glowers darkly at Mark, although Mark does not seem to notice.

“So, Y/N.” Clearing his throat, Jungkook sets his drink down. “Is the software I installed on your computer working well?”

“Uh, yeah.” Raising a brow, you look at your boyfriend. Jungkook has not installed anything recently. “Really well.”

“I’m in IT,” says Jungkook to Mark in explanation. “Y/N has had a lot of… needs lately which require my attention.”

Cheeks heating at the double entendre, you lift your glass to your lips. God, he is in so much trouble when you get home. He seems to know it, too, staring at you with a wolfish grin.

“IT, huh?” Mark says, turning to Jungkook. “Wow, what a relief. My email was going haywire the other day and I was wondering who to call.”

“Call me.” Jungkook’s lips curls, still looking at you. “I’ll help. That is, if I’m not busy fixing other… problems.”

“Oh, sure, sure.”

“What kind of problems?” you interrupt, meeting his gaze.

Jungkook’s eyes narrow. “All kinds. Vertical reviews. Horizontal reviews. Penetration testing.”

Coughing abruptly, you nearly spit out your drink.

Jungkook smile widens. “You’ve heard of it?”

“Oh, yeah,” Mark chimes in. “That’s where you try and hack into the company as a test, right? Try and find where there are exploitable holes?”

Nearly beside himself, Jungkook grins as Mark does his work for him. “Yeah, we find those holes, alright,” he agrees, utterly wicked. “Sometimes it takes all night to fill them up.”

“O-kay,” you choke, grabbing Jungkook by the elbow. As you drag him away, you wave apologetically at Mark. “Excuse us for a moment. What are you doing?” you hiss, whirling to face Jungkook once you are alone in a corner.

“What do you mean?” he asks innocently.

“You know what I mean,” you growl, poking him hard in the chest.

Jungkook easily catches your finger. “No touching,” he purrs.

Something dark and needy swoops in your stomach. “Jungkook,” you groan, gaze darting to his lips.

“Yeah?” Subtly, he licks his.

The desire to kiss him is nearly unbearable. God, you want to crush him dumb lips against yours, listen to him discuss IT innuendo while thrusting into your body, but no – this is a work function.

“Behave,” you caution, dropping your hand.

“Fine,” Jungkook exhales, disappointment clear on his face. “I’ll be on my best behavior from now on.”

“Good.” Giving him a severe look, you turn around and march across the floor.

Problem is, you can feel his gaze on your retreating backside and each step you take sounds like stupid, stupid, stupid. This entire thing is idiotic when he is so close. For the next hour though, you continue to hold out. As the clock nears midnight, you stare at Jungkook, now out on the dance floor. Surrounded by Jimin and Taehyung, he bravely shows off the sprinkler.

“Hey,” says Rhea, sidling up alongside you. “What’s up?”

Glancing her way, you notice the straw in her mouth. “Isn’t the city getting rid of straws?”

Removing this, Rhea sticks it into her drink. “Don’t even get me started. The whole straw debate is just a way of distracting the public away from the true conversation about climate change which needs to happen. Please.”

“Noted,” you grin, returning to your drink. Glancing at Jungkook, you feel yourself pining and when you tear yourself away, you realize Rhea is staring. “What?” you say, somewhat defensively.

“Nothing.” She shrugs. “It’s just – why the hell aren’t you sprinkler-ing with him? Nothing dirty intended.”

“Rhea!” you groan, then laugh. “I don’t know, it’s complicated.”

“Is it?”

“Yes.”

“O-kay,” she says, slurping her drink. “Because to me, it looks like you two are head over heels for each other.”

“Maybe.”

“So, then why aren’t you wish him?”

“Okay. So, here’s the thing,” you exhale, turning to face her.

Rhea’s grin broadens. “What’s the thing?”

“What if…” Swallowing hard, you trail off. “What if everyone knows about us?”

“That’s kind of the point.”

“No, but – what if everyone knows about us and then we break up?” Shaking your head, you sigh. “Not that I think we’ll break up, but… I mean, we could! And then I’d have to see him at work but at least like this, I could pretend to be fine. If everyone knew... I couldn’t.”

“Hm.” Rhea pauses for a second. “That sounds like an awful lot of work for a what-if scenario.”

“Let’s be real, though, most office romances don’t –”

“But most office romances aren’t you and Jungkook.” Rhea cuts you off. “I’m not trying to be annoying, but I want to point out the obvious. This sounds like an awful lot of pain you’re putting yourself through for something which might not happen.”

Knowing she is right about this, you turn towards the dance floor. Jungkook has entered the middle of a dance circle, pretending to twerk that flat ass of his. Trying not to laugh, you shake your head. Rhea is correct; this is dumb to not be with him right now.

“You’re right,” you decide, setting your drink on the table. Rhea whoops. “This is stupid. I want to go hang out with my boyfriend.”

“You go!” she cheers, scanning the ballroom. “You go break up that dance circle of his and I’m gonna drag Hobi under the mistletoe.”

“It’s a plan,” you laugh, already striding away.

As you cross towards the dance floor, your heart beats a mile a minute. Jungkook twists around beside Namjoon, both arms overhead and you cannot help but smile. He is such a dork. Your dork, though.

Reaching his side, you dance in between. “Hey, baby!” you call, flinging your arms around his neck.

Jungkook looks down in surprise. “Baby?” he says, gaze brightening. “Are we… are you…?”

Hands sliding into his hair, you nod. “Hey,” you grin, setting your chin on his chest.

Grin widening, Jungkook cups your face with both hands and lifts your lips to his. His kiss is soft, chaste but Taehyung hoots all the same.

“IT’S A PARTY NOW!” he yells, breaking out in a shimmy.

Ignoring this, Jungkook grabs your hand and begins to lead you off the dance floor. “Let’s go,” he demands, finger rubbing your palm. “Can’t wait any longer.”

Heat shoots to your core, knowing exactly what he means. Lacing your fingers together, you catch up to him quickly. “Alright,” you say, pushing open the door to the parking lot. “I’ve already thought of several horizontal reviews for you to conduct.”

“Oh?” Jungkook grins.

“Yeah, so let’s get back to my apartment. Detailed instructions forthcoming.”

  © kpopfanfictrash, 2019. Do not copy or repost without permission.

[readyouagain]

The Hating Game: Epilogue

It’s a red dress kind of day. It’s Friday afternoon. I’m sitting in my office at Bexley & Gamin and I can see my reflection in my floor-to-ceiling window. Outwardly I look remarkably corporate, but on the inside I’m forever an immature little weirdo. I cross my legs and begin to play the Mirror Game with myself. The Staring Game. Even a whispered How You Doing Game. It’s just not the same without my opponent. It’s been a shitty day. I spent the afternoon fighting a valiant battle against Mr. Bexley over electronic distribution royalties, and then I found out that there’s a bug in our latest e-library app.   I’m so tired I can feel my own skeleton. I need to be lying on my perfect couch but it’s not going to happen tonight. It’s so quiet I can hear the fluorescent tubes buzzing. The elevator bings. Whoever’s just arrived on the tenth floor needs to be kept out of my office so I can get the hell out of here. Scott, our executive officer, is a pretty good gatekeeper. I can hear muffled conversation, and then there’s a rap on the door. There’s only one person in the world who can put so much short, sharp love into a single knock. “Come in,” I say. The door swings open and there he is.

Joshua Templeman is dressed in black. Everything, from his underwear to his cufflinks to his tie, is ink-black midnight. He enjoys the drama of it on a Friday, sliding into people’s office doorways like Dracula just as they’re loosening their ties and thinking about their weekends. All he needs is some devil horns and a pitchfork. I feel vaguely bad for whoever he’s been terrorizing today. He leans against the doorjamb and we’re playing the Staring Game for a minute until his dark navy eyes spark. “Shortcake,” he breathes like he can’t believe I’m real. “I missed you so bad.” My. Heart. Bursts. I stand up and go to him. He picks me up off the ground, kissing my jaw, my cheekbones, his fingers stroking my nape. He turns me in a circle and I cross my ankles prettily. The tiredness falls out through my feet and dissolves. He’s here, and I’m lit up. It’s the kind of light that never fades. People in the opposite building might be able to see us. Motorists at the traffic lights below can probably make out the silhouette of a ridiculously large man twirling around a ridiculously small woman. During one slow revolution I catch sight of Helen and Mr. Bexley, standing near Scott’s desk. They’re all looking at us like we’re the most gorgeously silly couple in the world. It’s accurate. We are. Helen glances at Mr. Bexley with a wry expression, and I swear I see a little moment of connection between them. I’ve been suspecting it more and more. I know love-hate when I see it. I speak into Josh’s neck. “I hate not being able to stare at your pretty face all day.” I breathe in his addictive, perfect scent. Deciduous trees in the sun. Evergreen trees in the snow. A pencil sharpened to a razor point, pressing into fresh white paper. “It’s against HR policy to stare at your corporate rival all day.” I hug him harder. “Whose HR policy?” “One of them, I’m sure. I’ll look it up.” Josh sets me down and kisses my cheek again. Once he starts, he can’t stop. In the elevator I’ll wipe off my Flamethrower lipstick so I can get my proper hello kiss. If I’m lucky he’ll hit the emergency stop button, although we’ve been pissing off the security guards with that. I treat myself to a nice squeeze of his torso before I remember the door is ajar. “Who have you made cry today, Overlord?” At the Sanderson Christmas party, I overheard his nickname and had to laugh. He earned it. “Nobody,” he tells me with adorable sincerity and a blink. “Not a single person. I’m a changed man.” I’m trying to teach him how to be more approachable. More understanding. More like me. At the first Sanderson Christmas party, I stood alone and awkward for an excruciating two minutes, during which time I was the subject of speculation. I felt like the word how was said a lot. I could hear their drunk, high-pitched whispers. She looks normal. Sweet. So small! How does she cope with that…monster?  We should rescue her. Maybe he keeps her chained in this basement. I waved like a dork to show that I was not shackled and was there on my own free will. They shrank back, then fell totally silent as their chief financial officer, aka the Overlord, approached me with a glass of wine. His eyes were soft with tenderness and my heart stopped beating until he restarted it with a kiss. The Overlord snuggled me into his side, fitting us together just right. Hard and soft. Darkness and light. Good cop, bad cop. I registered the jaws dropping. He’s smiling! He’s the Overlord, he calls them his Underlings, but I can see the little signs that he’s getting better at this. At a lot of things, actually. “Did you remember your dad’s present?” “Yep. We’d better get going if we’re going to make the party. Mindy and Patrick have been texting me obsessively. Don’t be late, don’t be late.” He’s sarcastic but I know how much this means to him. I give his arm a stroke and a squeeze. “We won’t be late.” I can’t lie on the couch tonight because I’m needed in Port Worth. I’m Josh’s little lucky charm. When I’m there, he and his dad don’t fight. Luckily for them both, I’m always there. “Got quite a collection by now, Shortcake,” Josh says, looking at the rows of Matchbox cars on the shelf behind me. He forgets our hurry and takes a red Volkswagen beetle out of his pocket, sliding it into one of the gaps. “My toys have given me a reputation for being quirky and approachable.” “No one would guess this strawberry-sweet exterior hides a complete hard-ass.” “I learned from the master. I’m known for being firm but fair.” “Mmm. Tell me more.” He loves sitting at my desk to look at everything I surround myself with, and he lowers himself down into my chair like it’s a milkmaid stool. His eyes are lit with a creepy kind of devotion as he looks at the castle of books against the wall, and the Smurf hiding in one of the battlements. He finds my bottle of perfume and smells the lid as he strokes my computer mouse. “That’s where you’ve been,” he says in a scolding tone to the cardigan slung on the back of my chair. He folds it into a bread-slice square on his knee. I’ve turned him into such a total freak. I’m an even bigger freak when I visit his office. I once touched the speed dial button on his phone marked SHORTCAKE just to make my cell phone ring. Then I was jealous of myself. That’s a sensation I feel a lot. How am I living this life? How did I win so much? Like he can read my mind, Josh picks up the framed photograph on my desk. It’s us together in the strawberry fields. Our eyes are summer bright, and I am sitting between his legs leaning back against him. Around us is a carpet of green, studded with red. The picture is a tiny bit crooked because my dad was a little overexcited by the secret he was keeping. Five minutes after this photo was taken, Josh said, “Hey, it’s an old Smurf in the dirt.” He knew nothing would make me drop to the ground faster. I scratched frantically through the leaves. Where? Where? What I found in the vines at Sky Diamonds Strawberries was a Tiffany blue box. Then I realized he was kneeling down, too. Lucy blue. True-love blue. Even as he squeaked the box open and began to speak, I was dimly aware of cheering from the house. My parents were spying from the office window. After I brushed the squashed berries from the back of his T-shirt, I learned that Josh had become an expert in diamonds. Carat, cut, color, clarity. He shivered with delight as he described staring at imperfections through a loupe. I could just imagine his laser eyes crumbling stones to ash. The way he tells it, he searched through a pile of worthless pebbles until he found something worthy of my tiny finger. I tell him it’s too big, too much, too perfect. He just laughs and says, I know, then makes me forget whether we’re still talking about a diamond. I think my cheeks are going pink right now. When he looks me in the eye, he smirks. He’s definitely a mind reader. “We need a vacation,” he decides, his finger straightening the terracotta tile I use as a coaster. I got that tile in Tuscany. “I’m taking you back. Cheese and wine and sleeping in the sun.” His eyes follow the line of my dress down my body. “Red dresses and champagne and carbohydrates.” A pause, and there’s a little vulnerability in his expression now. “I didn’t go crazy and dream it all, did I?” “I have frequently assured you that I’m real.” I take his hand in mine and use it to pinch my forearm. “I was there for every incredible second. I always will be. Now, quit talking about carbohydrates. You’re turning me on.” He laughs. “We’d better get out of here.” He grabs my coat and walks out to chat with Helen and Mr. Bexley. I log off and lock away the stack of slush pile manuscripts I’ve been reading as my own little treat. I lock my door and just watch his reflection bounce around off the slick, glossy surfaces that make up level ten. The only thing better than having one Josh is having a hundred. I look at the plaque on my office door as I lock it. It says, Chief Operating Officer, and usually it has me grinning like a dork. But right now, I’m smiling over something else. The gold ring on Joshua Templeman’s left hand has set off a shower of firework sparkles in this huge black prism. Each time I focus on one particular reflection, it fractures and doubles. It’s a kaleidoscope of his love around me now. There are a hundred gold rings. A thousand. It’s still not enough. I want to spin around while they circle me like fireflies. That’s how he makes me feel, every day of ours lives. It’s wonderful. It’s primal. It’s nothing short of a miracle. My name is Lucy Templeman.

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 4x03-- The Gang Gets a Call from HR

Under the cut! 

We pick up with a reminder of where we left off last week: Xo’s restaurant being torn down. (Captions call her “Martha” but I’m fairly certain her name is “Marta” on this show)

Diane confronts Canning and taunts him with the deep pockets of STR Laurie. Canning is unfazed and Diane leaps into action. Diane thinks things are going to go her way.

Frank Landau is in reception and Marissa spots him and immediately unleashes an intense series of verbal attacks about how Eli shouldn’t send messengers if he has something to say and how she might marry a Republican. She rants and rants until Adrian shows up to greet Frank. For once, he’s not here to make Marissa’s life harder.

I do love moments like this. One, they’re hilarious. Two, Marissa thinking he MUST be there for her and also referencing her dad is just fantastic.

Landau is really there to talk to Adrian and Liz (and pointedly not Diane) about the DNC’s efforts to engage black voters. Landau wants RBL to come up with a strategy. As Adrian points out, this is a question for a PR firm. But Landau wants RBL-- they’re a black run firm and they’ve worked with the DNC before (though they fired Liz from the impeachment thing-- did we know that?), and, most importantly, they come with attorney-client privilege. 

“Dammit!” Jay exclaims when he can’t find the injunction for Diane’s case in the system. “I just told our top client to fuck off; whatever you’re dealing with can’t be worse,” Marissa responds. Heh.

Marissa can’t find it either.

God bless the loud beeping noise that happens whenever anyone can’t find a legal document. No one would have their sound on (okay, maybe Diane would) which makes this little detail hilarious to me. 

The system says the case doesn’t exist. Before Jay can investigate further, Adrian tells him he’s needed in the conference room. Jay wonders what’s wrong. Then Adrian goes to collect Lucca, who is chatting with Bianca (their convo is friendly but basically sounds like a rehash of what we saw last ep, with Lucca being like “I am a real person who has to do work” and Bianca being like “But being rich is fun!”). Lucca also asks what’s wrong and Adrian wants to know why everyone keeps asking that. Uh, because you interrupted them with a vague urgent request? That always raises red flags…

Jay goes to Diane before he reports to the conference room and shows her that the case she argued a couple of days prior doesn’t exist. This reminds me of Kresteva’s mind game but on a much bigger, scarier level.

Landau asks all the black employees of the firm, who have been gathered in the conference room, what the biggest issue facing black people today is. This feels exceedingly inappropriate. Helping the DNC brainstorm isn’t part of the job description of a lawyer (or a mailroom attendee) and it doesn’t sound like this meeting was voluntary. And who is going to be open about this with their bosses and a client present?! 

“Lack of voting rights,” someone finally volunteers. Racism and police brutality get added to the list too, as does institutional racism. 

When Landau asks what the Democratic Party is doing to combat racism, the room begins to buzz and Jay speaks up to say the DNC is doing “jack shit to combat racism.” He wants to know where the policies are if the DNC cares so much.

Lucca tries to walk his point back by saying Democrats are trying, but one of the mailroom guys pipes up and says he doesn’t feel like the Party is talking to him or giving him a reason to miss work to vote. It is ridiculous that election day isn’t a national holiday.

Landau steps out for a moment and Adrian asks the room to tone down the DNC bashing. I feel like this is an unwinnable situation. If the people in the room speak up and say the truth it’s offending the client; if they don’t then they aren’t providing the insights needed. I know this plot exists mostly so our characters can have this convo but oof, this is not the right setting for this conversation. 

Marissa shows up in Julius’s chambers and he’s happy to see her. She says things at STR Laurie (or “STD Laurie” as the very mature RBL employees call it) are weird.

Marissa wants info on Marta’s case. Julius can’t find it in the system either and gets the same loud beep sound. Julius awkwardly denies ruling on it, then Diane walks in. Julius gets flustered and says he’s no longer on the case and doesn’t remember the case. “Are you fucking serious?” Diane responds. “Don’t swear at me!” Julius says. “I never used to swear, ever, but now I find it useful. People look at me and think I would never swear so when I say this is fucking nuts it has added meaning and this is fucking nuts,” Diane says. Love it. Also, I think TGF does a pretty good job of having some characters swear for impact and others (looking at you Lucca) swear all the time. 

Julius does NOT like being suspected and says to “talk to Adrian’s girlfriend”.

Meanwhile at RBL, the topic is now maternal mortality. A male employee mentions that black women don’t need to be mobilized (I assume he means because they are the most reliably blue voters) and that causes cross-talk. This is one of the more interesting “everyone at RBL debate!” episodes but I don’t think the writers will ever tire of showing that an issue is controversial by getting two sentences into a debate and then having it turn into cross-talk.

Jay jumps in and changes the topic to reparations. The room gets quiet. Lucca says it’ll never happen. Hey, Rosalyn is back!!! Lots of familiar faces in this room. 

Okay I am not going to transcribe this whole discussion but it’s interesting.

All three name partners get called up to talk to Mr. Firth. 

“Whenever I see offices like this, I always think that we’re all gonna be dead some day,” Liz remarks before Mr. Firth enters. Adrian and Diane laugh and Mr. Firth walks in and asks what’s funny. The joke doesn’t land.

Mr. Firth launches into another story I don’t understand or care to listen to. The real issue is that STR Laurie thinks that RBL is billing the DNC incorrectly (RBL is getting more than STR Laurie). STR Laurie isn’t supposed to know what RBL is charging as part of the transition plan in the merger, but Mr. Firth clearly does not give a fuck about honoring that agreement. Pretty clear who has power and who is backed into a corner. This agreement was supposed to “encourage trust” but something tells me STR Laurie doesn’t actually care about encouraging trust all that much. 

After the awkward meeting, Diane, who is just now hearing of the DNC’s business, asks Liz and Adrian if it is old business (RBL’s) or new (STR Laurie’s). It could be argued either way, Liz and Adrian admit.Liz is more concerned that STR Laurie is looking at RBL’s books when they shouldn’t be. She goes to put Marissa on the case.

Diane takes this opportunity to ask Adrian about his girlfriend. Adrian explains he just wants to keep his private life private. I’ve heard that one before. Adrian tells Diane about “Memo 618” and that it intimidated Julius.

CREDITS, FINALLY. I am going to take a break and watch Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist, a show I’ve somehow gotten hooked on despite it being completely mediocre and something I would’ve dumped after three episodes in non-quarantine times. 

And I’m back, two days later lol

Bar-Swarm’s interface looks outdated. Diane knows how to use it, though, and asks the interwebs what Memo 618 is.

Meanwhile, Marissa refers to STR Laurie as “STD Laurie” in a conversation with Adrian. She doesn’t even realize she’s doing it, which makes the joke even better. Liz and Adrian are very amused.

Marissa narrows the potential list of STR Laurie (I gotta start shortening this-- STRL?) spies down to one, a Caleb Garland who is 39 years old and used to be in the Army.

Now Diane’s case is in Judge Hazelwood’s courtroom. Canning refers to the previous trial and Diane, knowing the last case had no paper trail, insists this is the first time the case is being tried. Canning doesn’t know how to respond and it’s pretty amusing to watch him squirm. Canning really is the perfect antagonist for this case. Kresteva would’ve worked too.

The Reparations convo, and cross-talk, continue. I hate to “case stuff happens” some of the most thought provoking stuff of the ep but, again, I have nothing to add.

Adrian mentions there’s a model for reparations in Chicago and tells the story and explains the model.

The debate Landau requested is too heated for him, because he totally didn’t expect that black voters are a diverse group with differing viewpoints, and Landau thinks the solution is… to add white people to the conversation for diversity. You know, to “gauge how the ideas are landing.” The ideas they are thinking through to help the DNC motivate black voters.

Mayyyyybeeee, just maybe, the problem is that this white dude is commissioning black employees of a law firm to do emotional labor while also treating them as a monolith and being afraid to actually listen to him? And that he’s making it seem like what black people have to say is only important if white people agree? Maybe just maybe that’s part of the problem too???

Caleb is peeling a rutabaga on a game; seems pretty silly. He and Marissa chat, and she asks him why he’s on the RBL floor before I can type out the same question. He tells Marissa he’s there as a spy but he’s not a very good spy. I’m like 99.9% sure Marissa says these same words to Alicia in season six when she shows up to be the bodywoman. 

Marissa and Caleb-- who no one even knows-- join the big DNC meeting because they are white. This seems like a good use of resources.

David Lee gets to be in the conversation, and manages to both snark and take it kind of seriously. Have we ever had it confirmed that David Lee is Jewish? I know Veronica made some comments, but Marissa’s comments here make it seem much clearer he’s supposed to be Jewish. 

Adrian tells a story that Vernon Jordan once told him, and the story uses the n-word. I think we may have heard this story on TGF before, does anyone remember?

Diane’s case is back. The actual particulars of it barely matter and I hope Marta gets more to do going forward and doesn’t just disappear. Judge Hazelwood, too, gets Memo 618, and things stop going Diane’s way. Hazelwood gets pissed when Diane brings up Memo 618 in court. She holds Diane in contempt and swears. Yikes. 

Lucca gets a call to go to the HR department that FINALLY exists now that RBL has corporate overlords. She’s there because there’s been a complaint about Adrian. Before hearing the details, Lucca’s asked not to share the details and she says she can’t promise them anything. HR still shares the complaint-- Adrian used the n-word. Lucca looks amused but HR is SUPER serious about this. A black man used the n-word. Seems like… not a big deal to me? Depending on the context, of course. 

Still no results for Memo 618. And when Diane searches “What is Memo 618?” (which is an extremely specific string but ok) her computer shuts itself off. Is… is that possible? I think I just have to accept that TGF is going to do whatever it wants with tech.

Lucca immediately goes to Liz and Adrian to tell Liz (while Adrian is conveniently there) about the situation. “Apparently STR Laurie has a zero tolerance policy on inappropriate language,” Lucca explains. 

Adrian suspects Caleb; Marissa disagrees because she trusts him already. (This is also making me wonder-- David Lee isn’t RBL, yet he was in the meeting… why?)

Marissa is then instructed to feed Caleb a lie.

Jay’s computer also encounters the issue (and all the accompanying sound effects) with Bar-Swarm and calls it targeted malware. 

Marissa, extremely clumsily (and potentially intentionally clumsily), feeds Caleb the lie. 

HR’s interviewing everyone. Most people say they weren’t offended; one woman says she thinks some people might not have liked it but she thinks running to HR is an overreaction. HR says they’re there to help and hold people accountable. Fine line between holding people accountable and making mountains out of molehills in an effort to be thorough. (Without seeing-- or remembering-- how HR ends up handling this I can’t really say they’re doing a bad job… though I feel like a situation like this probably doesn’t need to involve interviewing so many employees because one or two accounts should suffice to make it clear Adrian was telling a story and quoting someone. And also this does feel like a lot of white people who are unequipped to resolve workplace racial disputes.)

(Also isn’t the real HR problem that the employees were basically being forced into a conference room to have a debate about their own feelings and backgrounds?) 

ADDITIONALLY the HR lady is the scary-ass nurse from Evil. Yikes. That hospital episode is one of the more terrifying-- and interesting-- things I’ve seen in ages. 

Jay repeats the story to HR. They look surprised, like it’s the first time they’re hearing this. No one else told HR the story? 

Somehow this HR complaint gets back to Vernon Jordan. Ok, taking back what I said, this HR complaint has gone too far. I think they can hear from Jay’s story, which literally every RBL employee can confirm, what Adrian’s point was. And what does it matter if the story really came from Jordan or not?! This is egregious overreach that feels more like office politics than anything else.

Yeah, Adrian’s convo with Mr. Firth makes it pretty clear this is a power play to show Adrian he no longer runs things. It’s not really about his language; that’s just a pretext for STRL to send a warning shot. 

Now everyone has to take a class on racial sensitivity and Mr. Firth is lecturing Adrian about how “charged” the n-word is, which sets Adrian off. I feel like it’s pretty objective to say that Adrian knows the meaning and power of the n-word better than Mr. Firth. 

Adrian ponders quitting in one of his late night talks with Liz. I love their convos. They talk about their marriage (suddenly it occurs to me-- somehow it hasn’t before!-- that this is the kind of dynamic I imagine Alicia and Peter would have post divorce) as well as the topic at hand. Liz points out they’ll never fire Adrian for using the n-word in a quote because it sounds ridiculous and STRL has its own issues (they apparently took a group photo without black people and then PHOTO SHOPPED IN BLACK PEOPLE which… that’s worse, guys!!!). “They bought us to put us in their pictures,” they recognize. (They had to have known this going in-- still don’t quite understand why they sold; still don’t think the show will ever care to answer this question.) 

Liz tells Adrian to just do what he wants. 

Then Jay brings up the HR complaint in another group meeting and wants to know who filed the complaint. This ALSO seems inappropriate. 

Someone suspects David Lee; David Lee would never file the complaint because he hates HR. 

More interesting debate continues. Again, nothing to say, but really appreciate hearing all of this.

Oh now Landau is here in the middle of the intrafirm shitstorm.

It was Madeline, one of the equity partners, who made the complaint to make a point. Or at least it seems likely she did. She believes every black person should have a choice not to hear it at the workplace. I don’t really get an opinion here but that sounds like a valid point to me. It also goes back to the whole, “maybe a forced all staff convo about race is not a good idea…” thing. 

Adrian suggests that they could have talked privately instead of having it escalated to HR. His tone is kind of condescending but his point seems fair to me, though I think it’s up to an individual to decide if they think a complaint is for HR or not. If they don’t feel comfortable bringing up the point with their boss, that is what HR is for. 

It sounds like Madeline is a little bitter, too, about Adrian selling the firm. She’d be losing money, based on what we heard last week, so the bitterness makes sense. If she’s the one who submitted the complaint, it seems likely she had a reason to be upset with Adrian’s use of the word and also a point to make about how Adrian no longer makes the rules. 

Madeline also says that Jay bringing all of this into the open is called intimidation. I don’t think she’s wrong.

Landau, of course, sees all of this, and shuts things down despite Adrian and Liz telling him their employees are just “passionate.” Wow. This resolution might even lead one to think that having a law firm conduct an unstructured, seemingly mandatory debate about a personal and controversial topic is a bad strategy for getting things done! Who ever could have imagined it would lead to infighting and cross-talk? 

LOL at these sensitivity trainings and at Jay’s reaction to the watermelon example. 

Lucca is always so aware of rank in a really consistent way. It’s not so much that she craves status like an early season Cary-type might; she’s just very aware of where she ranks and who has power and what systems are at play. 

Adrian, Liz, and Diane (who’s barely had anything to do this episode) click through the sensitivity training slides very quickly. They’re definitely reading the slides.

Caleb goes to Liz and says he wants to be second chair on a case. Interesting. Curious where his character is going. 

Jay discovers the malware is coming from INSIDE THE OFFICE! It’s an STRL ploy! And we end with a very dramatic shot of Diane looking up at the ceiling. 

[matrixaffiliate]

Patient

NEW STORY!

(This is the story I previewed here.)  I’m so excited for this story! I’m still in the middle of writing it, but don’t worry - I never abandon a story. I’ll try and get chapters done at least every other week. Enjoy!

FFN and AO3

Ginny never wanted to end up a wedding coordinator, especially when at 35 she hasn’t had her own wedding. But when she loses her big corporate event planning position, she’s more or less forced into the job. It’s not all bad though, Ginny gets to plan Victoire’s wedding, and she’s rather taken with the fiance’s godfather.

Patient

Ginny slid her keys into her bag as she walked into work. She’d just pulled off her biggest event yet, a conference of 5000 people and she had coordinated it all: the expo-center, the hotels, the food, the speakers, the free stuff, all of it. And it had gone off without a hitch. She was looking forward to simply writing up her final review and then getting started on the next event, a much smaller in-house event for the company management.

“Ms. Weasley,” a deadly sweet voice called out as she sat down at her desk. Ginny turned to find a squatted toad in a pink dress suit.

Dolores Umbridge stood directly to her left with what looked like excitement across her normally sour face. “I need a word, in my office.”

She looked at Ginny expectantly as Ginny cautiously stood from her chair; then the toad turned on her heels and practically marched down the hall.

Ginny knew this couldn’t be good, but she couldn’t figure out what it could be about. The conference had gone off perfectly, she’d even come in exactly on budget - no small feat. It hit her when she walked into Dolores�� office and saw the HR representative sitting at the desk.

“You’re firing me?” Ginny could feel her eyes bulging out of their sockets.

“Ginny, it’s nice to see you,” the HR rep that had hired her, Richard if she remembered correctly, stood and held out his hand. Ginny didn’t take it, she just stood, rooted to carpet.

“You’re firing me?” She turned to Dolores who smiled.

“Oh no, but we are dissolving the position of event coordinator. We’ll be moving all of your responsibilities to each department’s secretary.” Dolores practically beamed as she settled in her seat, “Please, sit down.”

Ginny wearily took the empty seat, “What about the corporate wide events?”

“The secretaries will work as a team and split the work,” Richard chimed in.

Ginny almost laughed. That was ridiculous. You couldn’t make these events happen without a main face, someone who all the vendors could come to and know they’d get a direct answer. Event planning wasn’t committee material.

“And,” Dolores pushed a small stack of papers across the desk to Ginny, “we’d like to offer you the opportunity to be the marketing department’s new secretary.”

Ginny glanced at the offer letter and this time she did laugh out loud. “That’s a 30% pay cut.”

“But it’s continued employment,” Richard added hastily.

Ginny took a deep breath and counted to ten, slowly, before speaking. “I’d like be considered a layoff and have my severance package instead.”

The look in Dolores’ eyes told Ginny she’d played right into their hand. Whatever. Fine. It didn’t matter.

“Richard has that paperwork,” Dolores turned to him. “After you sign it all he will escort you to your desk and then out of the building.”

Ginny wasn’t listening. She was focusing on not screaming. She wasn’t going to give the pink toad the satisfaction. She was going to walk out of this damn building with her head held high.

The next ten minutes felt like an out of body experience. Ginny went through the paperwork, signed everything, collected her belongings, and nodded politely to Richard as she handed over her badge. She slid into her car, shut the door, took a deep breath, and then screamed at the top of her lungs.

They’d fired her!

After pulling off the kind of events she was for this stupid company they fired her!

Ginny had been mad before, but this was a whole new level of furious. She needed to get home. She needed to call Luna. And she needed to scream a bit more.

Twenty minutes later, Ginny sat on her sofa, still in her power suit, a carton of ice cream in her hand and Luna offering some comfort on the other side of the sofa.

“I’m so sorry, Ginny.” Luna repeated for the millionth time.

“Thanks,” Ginny sighed and took another bite of ice cream before grabbing her laptop off the table. “I guess I should go update my resume and start applying for a new position.”

“Is event coordinator something most companies hire?” Luna asked as she moved closer to Ginny.

“Depends,” Ginny shrugged. “If they’re big enough and they do events outside the company then usually.”

Luna looked worried as she took in that information, but Ginny tried not to notice. She was going to believe that there was a job out there right now just for her.

It turned out that she should have shared Luna’s concern. Ginny had spent a full month applying and interviewing for corporate event coordinator positions to no avail.

“I don’t know what to do,” Ginny groaned as she sat across from her dad. He’d invited her out to lunch and she ignored how readily she’d agreed to a paid meal, along with the tinge of embarrassment she felt when he handed her two cooler bags full of food her mum had prepared.

“Maybe you need to broaden your search,” her dad furrowed his brow. “Be willing to relocate or switch fields.”

Ginny grimaced at the thought of switching fields. The only other thing that existed for event coordinators outside of corporate was wedding planning.

No, thank you.

Ginny didn’t have anything against weddings, aside from the fact that they were ridiculous and overdone and overpriced and she couldn’t put on the show that every bride was getting her happily ever after day in and day out. Nevermind that Ginny was convinced that she wasn’t going to be getting a wedding of her own. As her mother so frequently put it, “you’re nearly 36, don’t you think it’s time you settled down?” Which translated in Ginny’s mind as “you’re nearly past your prime, find someone before you expire.” But Ginny had no prospects, and no real desire to play the dating game again. She’d played it all through her twenties, and she was tired of it. So Ginny had accepted that she was probably just going to be single and put a lot of effort into being a good aunt and daughter and friend and person.

“I know you don’t like the idea of moving,” Arthur patted her hand, “but sometimes we have to roll with the punches. Life has a way of leading us in the right direction if we’re doing our best to be decent human beings.”

The conversation moved on from there but Ginny couldn’t keep from fretting. She was starting to dig into her savings. Her severance was one week of pay for every year she’d worked at the company. Her four years of working there gave her one month’s pay and even with cutting back on her expenses, she knew that her savings wouldn’t last forever.

Ginny walked to her car after bidding her dad goodbye and felt trapped in her situation. She was overqualified for any store attendant position and specialized enough that standard marketing positions preferred other applicants over her. She was running out of options almost as fast as she was running out of money. Ginny was pulled from her melancholy thoughts by her phone buzzing. It was an email from someone who found her on LinkedIn asking if she’d be willing to interview with Wedding Composition to be their newest wedding coordinator.

Ginny stared at the email. She really didn’t want to do this, but she couldn’t see an alternative. Her savings would run out, and that money had originally been for something entirely different than sustaining her through unemployment. She could always interview with them, take the job if offered, and then keep looking for something in corporate. It would at least pay the bills and make it so she wouldn’t need to scrimp after every penny. She would simply jump ship the minute something in corporate came along. Weddings would be easy. No one ever had weddings that compared to the scale of some of the corporate events she pulled off. She would have plenty of time to interview elsewhere. The more she thought about it, the more Ginny thought it was a great idea.

Ginny selected the contact number on her phone and hit the dial option.

Emily McCarthy was exactly what Ginny pictured when she thought of a wedding coordinator. She was bubbly and excited and exuded an optimism that bordered on insanity. But she loved Ginny and was positive that Ginny would love wedding planning so much she’d give up on finding a corporate event coordinator position and stay on forever with her and the rest of the team.

The rest of the team included Josh and Lyndi, both had years of experience in wedding planning. They also were in love with their work and thought they were creating dreams. They echoed Emily’s sentiments that Ginny would lose all desire to work anywhere else after she’d experienced wedding planning. But Ginny really didn’t care, she just was happy to have a job again and a paycheck coming in.

“Congratulations!” Molly beamed at her daughter that Sunday. Bill had complained that the family hadn’t gathered in a few months and Molly had risen to the occasion, inviting everyone home for a full family dinner. Ginny took note that Bill and his family had yet to show up.

“Thanks, Mum,” Ginny smiled, “it’s nice to have a job again.”

“You found a position?” Hermione gave Ginny a hug and shifted baby Rose to one side.

“I found something to get me by for now,” Ginny tickled Rose’s tummy before sighing. “I’m the newest wedding coordinator for Wedding Composition.”

Hermione’s face scrunched in confusion. She knew how much Ginny looked down on wedding planning. But Ginny was saved from having to explain by Bill and his brood filing through the door along with a young man with turquoise blue hair.

“Way to show up, slacker.”

“Be nice,” Molly chided Ginny as she ushered everyone in.

“Excuse me, everyone,” Bill raised his voice, “I’d like to introduce the man who wants to steal my daughter. Ted Lupin, meet the rest of your future family.”

Ginny’s mind quickly processed the words her brother spoke and looked down at her niece’s hand. Sure enough, an engagement ring sparkled in the light. Then the room erupted with cheers and questions and a lot of tears on Molly’s part.

Ginny knew her niece was old enough on paper to get married. She even knew Vic had been dating the same boy for the last three years. But Ginny couldn’t wrap her brain around it. Little Vicky was getting married at just 18? It felt absurd.

But then, it felt nauseating, because her little niece would be married, and Ginny was not. Ginny thought she had come to terms with the idea that she probably wouldn’t marry, but that was before the next generation started marrying. That was before 35 suddenly felt like 70. Ginny was about to excuse herself when her mother added to the anxiety.

“Oh this is perfect! Ginny just took a position as the newest wedding coordinator at Wedding Composition!” Molly turned to Ginny with an excitement in her eyes that Ginny was sure she’d only seen when weddings and babies were being discussed. “Ginny you have to plan Victoire and Ted’s wedding! It would be perfect!”

Ginny forced the panic down and put on a smile, hoping it didn’t look like a grimace. “I’d love to, you’ll be my first clients!”

Bill put his arm around Ginny, “Great, let’s talk budget before Vic gives you her wish list, and Ted can get you in touch with his godfather. He’s offered to help pay for the photographer and the flowers and suits.”

“Godfather?” Ginny repeated, surprised that it wasn’t his parents offering to help pay.

Ted shrugged, “He’s the only family I’ve got.”

The next day was Ginny’s official first day at work, but it really was just going to be a continuation of the previous evening. After laying out the budget with Bill she had spent the following three hours trying to go over wedding details with Vic. It was useless though because every female family member had to have her say about what would make the wedding perfect. Ginny had figured out pretty quick she wasn’t going to get very far and just let everyone talk at Vic and Ted. This morning she was going to be able to actually begin planning things out with her niece and soon to be nephew, along with the godfather who was coming to give her his budget figures.

She sighed as she opened her calendar on her tablet, so much for being able to jump ship the minute she found another job. Now she was stuck coordinating weddings until Vic was married. The next ten months were going to be very long months. Oh well. She pulled out the white binder with gold lace applique printed on it and Vic and Ted’s names printed on a sticker and placed on the binding. Emily had handed it to Ginny when she told Emily that her first client would be Vic. Emily had been ecstatic at the news and insisted that Ginny give Vic and Ted the family discount, something Bill was very happy about when Ginny called to tell him. Ginny flipped through the binder making sure she had filled in everything that she already knew the answers to. It wasn’t too different from her corporate event planning. Instead of branding it was wedding colors. Instead of the presentation it was the wedding ceremony. But the venue was still there and the catering and the lodging. There was just the addition of things like wedding dress shopping, and suits, and bridesmaid dresses, and flower bouquets, and photographers that she hadn’t done before.

“Aunt Ginny?”

Ginny looked up to find Vic and Ted standing at the entrance to her office.

“Thanks again for doing this, Ginny, Vic is so excited I think she’s going to explode.” Ted put a comfortable arm around Vic’s waist and kissed her temple. Ginny smiled, Vic had found a good one.

“Come on in and have a seat,” Ginny rose and gave Vic a hug. It still seemed surreal that little Vicky was old enough to be getting married. They were so young. Ginny was in her mid-thirties and she still felt clueless half the time. Yet here were these babies asking her to help them have the wedding of their dreams.

“I thought your godfather was going to be here,” Ginny turned to Ted as they all sat down.

“He’s on his way,” Ted nodded, “he got a little hung up.”

“No matter,” Ginny waved it away. “Let’s start with the important stuff, and contrary to what everyone at the Burrow told you, that is not the colors or the dress or any of that. I first need to know the number of people you’re going to have at the wedding ceremony and the reception.”

“Oh,” Vic’s cheeks blushed and she looked down at her hand intertwined with Ted’s. “I hadn’t thought about that part actually.”

Ginny sighed. Obviously brides weren’t nearly as organized as most of her previous managers.

“As practical as that is,” a voice sounded from the door, “doesn’t that take some of the fun out of the first meeting with your wedding coordinator?”

Ginny looked up at her door to see a very attractive man with dark hair that fell in every direction and green, green eyes behind a pair of dark framed glasses.

“Harry!” Ted jumped up and gave the man a hug.

“Sorry I’m late, Teddy,” Harry shook his head as he pulled away.

“It’s fine, really, we understand.” Ted turned to Ginny, “Harry, this is Vic’s aunt and our wedding coordinator, Ginny Weasley. Ginny, this is my godfather, Harry Potter.”

“Pleasure,” Harry shook her proffered hand, and Ginny had to pull every trick in the book to maintain her cool. Harry’s eyes bore into her and his smile was captivating. But she didn’t particularly like being called out on her growing pains when it came to transitioning from corporate events to weddings.

“We don’t want to take up too much of your time, Mr. Potter, so let’s go ahead and talk about what you would like to add to the couple’s budget and then you can head back to work.”

“Harry, please,” he pulled a chair up next to Ted. “And I’ve taken the rest of the day off to help with this and everything else Teddy has planned today.”

“Right,” Ginny took a deep breath. She had dealt with Umbridge every day for four years, surely she could handle a sassy, good looking man with minimal issue.

Harry gave her the number and as she wrote it down in the binder he cleared his throat.

“There’s one thing though, I’m sure Teddy would have brought it up when you came to it, but we want to make it clear that there will be no alcohol at the reception.”

Ginny looked up confused. “What?”

Harry looked at her intently. “There will be no alcohol served or available or smuggled in.”

Ginny turned to look at the couple who nodded at her solemnly.

“Er, alright,” she grabbed her red pen and made a note on the catering page. She wasn’t sure what the aversion to alcohol was all about, but obviously the couple agreed which was all that mattered really. “Any other unusual requests?”

Harry flashed her a grin, “Not at the moment.”

Ginny shook her head and tried to hide the smile that was pulling on her lips. This man was ridiculous.

With a little help from Harry and herself, they were able to nail down a good estimate for the number of people to be at the ceremony and the reception. Next Ginny brought up the venue and she watched as Vic heaved a sigh. Ginny felt bad, really she did, but this was the right way to plan out an event. They’d get to colors and dresses and cakes when the big priced items were taken care of and they knew how much money was left after that.

“You know,” Harry stretched, “I could really do with a tea or something. How about we move this little meeting to the cafe down the street?”

“We have a little reception room down the hall that has a kitchenette with tea and water and sodas.” Ginny shook her head. Emily had told her to use the formal reception room for Vic, but Ginny found the room to be over the top. She had decided her office was a much more practical place to meet with her clients.

“Lead on, Ms. Weasley,” Harry stood and gestured out the door.

Ginny grabbed her tablet and the binder and her pens and everything else she thought she’d need before leading her little group into the formal reception room.

The room had cream colored couches and chairs with antique white coffee and side tables. The counter for the kitchenette was white marble and the faucet and handles for the cabinets were gold colored and polished to shine. The walls had large blown up images of smiling brides in beautiful wedding dresses surrounded by flowers and delicate decor. Ginny felt like it was trying to hard. But as she led the little group into the room, she heard Vic gasp and turned to see her niece gripping Ted’s arm with the biggest smile she’d seen on her face since the big family dinner the night before.

“This is beautiful!”

Ginny stared at Vic. Apparently being a French woman’s daughter gave you a severe romantic streak? She turned when she heard water running as Harry filled the electric kettle. He winked at her before he began rummaging through the cabinets looking for tea. Then he opened the mini-fridge and scowled before shaking his head. He reached in and pulled out a Diet Coke.

“Here Teddy,” he handed it over to Ted who grinned and thanked him.

Ginny joined Harry in rummaging through the cabinets for cups and tea and biscuits. As the kettle clicked, Harry leaned closer to her to whisper.

“I’m not about to tell you how to do your job, but your poor niece is looking like you just took her childhood dream and made it a conference room training. So maybe let her have some of the fairytale back.” He poured the cream into Vic’s tea before turning to carry it to her.

Ginny stared at the space he’d just vacated. Who the hell did this guy think he was? She turned her head to glare at him, but she caught a glimpse of Vic and paused. Vic was smiling like the whole world was right. She looked excited and like she couldn’t wait for the day she’d become Mrs. Edward Lupin. Ginny sighed. She absolutely hated being wrong. But she loved Vic. Vic was the little girl who made her an aunt. Vic was the little girl that she took to parks and played tea party with. She was who Vic stayed with when Fleur went into labor with Dominique. Vic was something special and Ginny grudgingly admitted that Harry was right, she deserved the fairytale.

“Now then,” Ginny sat down across from Victoire, “why don’t you tell me what you want your wedding to look like?”

Vic’s eyes lit up like Ginny had just offered her chocolate cake. She proceeded into a monologue of everything she’d dreamed her wedding would be. She wanted the main color to be the same color turquoise as Ted’s hair, accented with silver and white and black. She wanted it to be elegant. She wanted a roses and orchids. She wanted a proper tea instead of a cocktail hour while photographs of the family were being taken after the ceremony. She went on about her dress and the bridesmaids dresses and the way she wanted the venue decorated, how the cake would look, what food they’d have, the music that would play.

And as Vic shared her dreams for her wedding, Ginny just sat and listened. She remembered being young and in love. She remembered what she’d imagined a wedding for herself would have been like. She remembered it had never included the logistics. And finally it hit her. A wedding coordinator existed to keep the magic of the wedding alive, while making sure the logistics went smoothly. An event coordinator had to prove that they had the logistics under control, keep them out in front for their manager to see it was going exactly how they expected it would and was within budget. Ginny realized she’d been trying to be an event coordinator with Vic’s wedding, and she’d been killing the magic.

Ginny glanced at Harry as Vic continued, and found him watching her intently. He nodded once when she caught his eye, and Ginny felt like he could see right through her. She didn’t particularly care for that feeling, but she pushed it away and turned back to Vic as the girl seemed to be winding down on her monologue.

“What do you think?” Vic looked at Ginny with hopeful eyes as she nervously pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.

Ginny moved quickly to wrap her niece in her arms. “It sounds perfect, Vicky.”

They spent the next half hour filling in exactly what the first page of the binder Emily gave Ginny said to decide: date, colors, aesthetic, theme if any, flowers, ceremony desires, location desires, and number of guests. The bottom of that page had a space for the next appointment to be filled in. Ginny stared at it a moment before deciding to trust it. She set up their next meeting and walked the trio back to the front of the little shop.

“Thank you, Aunt Ginny!” Vic hugged her tight. “I’m so excited!”

Ginny held this precious girl in her arms for a long moment and smiled at Ted and Harry. “I’m going to make sure this is as perfect as I can make it for you, Vic.”

Harry winked at her as he pulled the engaged couple out the door. “We’ll see you at the next meeting.”

It wasn’t until she stepped back into her office that Ginny realized what he’d said. Did Harry really think it necessary to come to every meeting? There must have been a miscommunication somewhere along the line because for the most part she would only need Vic and Ted. Wedding dress shopping would of course include more people, as would the selection of suits, but that was it. It wasn’t worth fretting over though, because Ginny had a lot of research to do. Vic wanted her dream wedding, and Ginny was going to make sure that all the money Bill and Harry were putting towards it would stretch as far as she could make it.

She was deep in her figuring of numbers to determine how much the kind of dress Vic wanted would cost in comparison to venues and flowers and cake and catering when Emily knocked on her door.

“Wow,” Emily looked at the spreadsheets across Ginny’s monitors and the number of browser tabs open both on her computer and the one she could see on the tablet. Ginny’s notebook was open as well, notes scribbled across both pages. “I knew you were good, but this is incredibly thorough, Ginny.”

Ginny smiled, “She is my niece after all.”

Emily slid into a chair on the other side of Ginny’s desk. “What exactly are you doing?”

“I’m making sure she can have everything she wants,” Ginny pasted another link into her spreadsheet and entered in another price point, watching the figures update.

“We have the vendors that we normally work with,” Emily reminded her.

“Of course,” Ginny nodded, “and I have all of their information in my spreadsheets as well, but I want to make sure that her budget stretches as far as I can make it. My brother and her fiance’s godfather are both putting money in but it’s still a limited budget.”

“His parents aren’t contributing?” Emily asked with a furrowed brow.

“He told me his godfather was the only family he had.”

Emily’s eyes immediately filled with tears. “Well thank goodness that he has someone!”

Ginny smiled. Harry Potter was a sassy and pretentious someone, but yes, he was someone.

“Well, I wanted to tell you that I have another couple that I’ll be assigning to you. I’ve scheduled their first meeting to be a week from today. We like to do those introductory meetings on Mondays here whenever possible.” Emily handed her another binder, just like the one she had for Vic and Ted. This time, however, Emily had filled in the names and phone numbers.

“Do they have a budget?” Ginny asked, noticing that space was left blank.

Emily chuckled. “Kathleen Hawthorne’s father is quite wealthy. He’s planning on simply selling off a property to pay for his daughter’s wedding.”

Ginny’s mouth dropped. “You’re giving me a rich client?”

“Of course, you’re my most thorough coordinator and I actually think that is going to make Mr. Hawthorne much more likely to broadcast around to his friends that Wedding Composition is the best place for even the aristocracy to bring their daughters.”

“That’s a pretty tall order,” Ginny smiled, “but I’ll do my best.”

“I know you will. Let me know if you need anything.” Emily stood up to leave before turning. “Oh, how did your niece like the reception room?”

Ginny smiled, “It took her breath away.”

“That’s the goal,” she chuckled, “before you leave today, remember to restock what you used. I noticed you already put the cups and saucers in the dishwasher, thank you for that.”

Ginny nodded as Emily walked out to prepare for her next meeting.

Ginny spent the entire day doing research for Vic’s wedding, determined to find the best prices on everything. It felt good to be working and it felt good to be doing the part of her job she liked best. Sorting through all her vendor options, pitting their best prices against each other and sweet talking her way into deals. She loved seeing an event go off perfectly, but she lived for putting it all together so that she could be confident that nothing could go so wrong at the event that it couldn’t be saved.

Before heading home for the day, Ginny pulled a Diet Coke from the stock room and walked it into the reception room. She slid it into the fridge but stopped a moment when she saw what was sitting next to the assortment of sodas. Bottles of champagne sat ready to open and serve to the clients. She’d need to remember that for when Kathleen Hawthorne and Travis Schultz came in next week. That would probably be exactly what big money like that would want. Ginny put a note in her phone to pick up some fruit and scones on her way in that day as well.

But before she could meet her expensive taste clients, she had to find Vic a venue to get married in.

“I have five places to look at today, but if you don’t feel like any of them are right we can look at a few more. These are just the ones I think you’ll fall in love with.” Ginny smiled at Vic who sat in the front seat of her car with her, nearly bouncing with excitement. Ted and Harry sat in the back. She’d have to remember to tell Harry that he didn’t need to keep taking work off for this, she’d let Ted know if he needed to be there or not. Ginny glanced back in the rearview mirror and accidentally caught Harry’s eye. He winked at her before looking back out his window.

Ginny tried to ignore the way the blood rushed to her ears.

Thankfully she was pulling up to the first reception hall.

The place was very modern. Clean lines everywhere and gold and silver finishes. The floors were polished black granite and every table had a white marble top. Ginny heard Vic’s breath catch as they walked in and she grinned. But as they went through the tour, Ginny could see that while this had the elegance Vic had wanted, it was a bit too much for her.

“We have the exact date of your wedding open as well,” the host spoke to Vic as she continued to tell her how they could make this facility into her dream.

“Vic,” Ginny stepped between the host and her niece, “remember I have four other facilities for you to look at. You don’t have to pick right now.”

Vic smiled in relief, “Let’s go look at the other places, I want to know what all my options are.” The poor girl grabbed Teddy’s hand and practically bolted for the door. Ginny chuckled before thanking the host and arranging to bring her next clients through as well. This hall looked like the kind of thing they might just eat up.

“Remember, Vic,” Ginny said as she drove the to the next hall, “you aren’t required to give them an answer at all. I can call them and get everything set up after you’re back at home. We’ll have meetings to make sure it’s exactly what you want, so don’t let them pressure you into making decisions before you’re ready.”

“It’s your day,” Harry added, “and we’re all just here to make sure you love it.”

Ginny looked at Harry in her rearview mirror and he winked at her again. Ginny immediately looked back at the road. Why did this man have to be so, so, so, whatever, it didn’t matter. She’d let him know he didn’t need to be around for these things and then she wouldn’t see him again aside from suits and the wedding day.

Vic went through the next two venues with a bit more confidence, but the fourth venue had her staring out the window while everyone else filed out of the car.

“It looks even better out of the car, love.” Ted opened her door and offered his hand. Vic took it and slowly stepped out.

“Oh my,” she breathed.

The venue was an old converted manor house that had a very French chateaux feel. The gardens were the definition of a fairytale, even with it being late August. Roses, lilies, and freesias of every color were slowly fading but covered the beds around the house with sweet peas intermixed throughout. Greenery and trees brought an elegant balance to the whimsical colors. The entire picture was everything that Vic had described and Ginny had been the beyond excited to show it to her.

“Wait till you see inside,” Ginny beckoned Vic forward.

Ted gave her a gentle tug and Vic walked slowly, looking for all the world like she’d just walked through the gateway into Narnia.

Sara, the owner of the manor house turned chateaux reception hall, met them at the door. She showed them around the hall then the gardens. Sara painted the picture of a garden ceremony as the sun began to set. She showed where the tea would be held in the smaller hall on one end of the home, and how the reception could be either out in the gardens or in the larger hall off the main entrance. Sara even knew where the perfect place to take photographs would be and offered to speak with the photographer before the wedding so Vic would have the perfect pictures of her amazing day.

Ginny let a smug smile touch her lips as she watched her niece. This was the place, and Sara had just sealed the deal by inviting Vic and Ted to take some time to walk around and picture it for themselves.

“Why did you save this one for last?”

Ginny jumped as she realized that Harry had snuck up next to her.

“It isn’t last,” Ginny chuckled, “there’s still one more. We hit them in the order of closest to the office first.”

“But you knew she’d pick this one,” Harry stepped closer to her and Ginny felt her heart rate increase.

“I suspected she would, but I didn’t know.”

Harry gave a quiet laugh that was more of a rumble in his chest and that did things to Ginny that she hadn’t experienced in ages. “What did you do before becoming a wedding coordinator?”

“How do you know I haven’t always been a wedding coordinator?” Ginny was suddenly weary of where he was pulling that kind of personal information on her.

Harry stared at her a moment before gesturing to the engaged couple walking the gardens hand in hand. “I’m Teddy’s godfather, amazingly enough, and I do tend to talk to him. Vic talks a lot about you too when she’s at ours.”

Ginny felt her neck grow hot and a tinge of embarrassment gripped her stomach. She kept forgetting that Harry was the equivalent of Bill. He certainly didn’t look much older than her, but some people just aged well, and Harry was probably one of them. Ted was a year older than Vic, and so Ginny assumed that Harry must be closer to Bill’s age.

“I suppose that puts us on uneven footing. I know nothing about you, and you already know that this is the first time I’ve coordinated a wedding.”

Harry took another step closer to her, leaving a breath’s distance between them. “I’d be happy to put us on even footing, if that would put you at ease.”

Ginny felt her breath stop. Was he…flirting with her?

It’d been so long since she’d put herself out there that she wasn’t even sure how to respond as Harry stared down at her with those green eyes and messy hair that her fingers itched to touch.

“Aunt Ginny,” Vic apparently decided Ginny didn’t need to respond, and for the briefest moment, Ginny wished her niece would go snog her fiance for the next two or three hours and leave her be.

“Aunt Ginny, this is it!” Vic exclaimed. “This is exactly what I want! I love it, and so does Ted! Can we get it reserved right now?”

Ginny gave herself a mental shake and smiled at Vic, “Absolutely! Let’s go get Sara and we’ll get everything reserved and set for your big day.”

She led them back into the manor house and tried to shake the feeling that Harry was watching her. Instead she discreetly texted Luna and asked if she could stop by after work. She really needed someone to put her head back on straight.

Luna, thankfully, was free and Ginny dropped her crew off at the office where they’d all met up before grabbing takeaway and heading to her best friend.

“I brought your favorite,” Ginny handed the bags over to Luna when she opened her door.

Luna chuckled as she ushered Ginny in, “So what’s the emergency?”

Ginny threw herself onto Luna’s sofa and sighed, “How did you know Rolf was interested in you before you started dating?”

Luna started unloading the food, “He told me he wanted to date me.”

Ginny sighed, why couldn’t everyone be just a bit eccentric like Luna and Rolf? They were relationship goals. So straightforward and to the point with each other, and even with Rolf and Luna going separate expeditions all the time they were probably the tightest couple Ginny had ever laid eyes on.

“Who are you hoping is interested?”

Ginny shook her head, “I don’t know if I even want him to be interested. I haven’t dated since Dean and that was nearly five years ago. I’m just…confused?”

“Confused,” Luna echoed her.

“I guess,” Ginny took a bite of food to buy her some time to think.

“He isn’t a groom, is he?”

Ginny stared at her friend, almost sure she was taking the Mickey.

“He’s Ted’s godfather.”

Luna smiled and Ginny was sure now that she was being teased. Luna loved to tease in her own quiet way, especially if it meant she could tease Ginny. They’d been friends for nearly there decades and the friendly teasing seemed to pull the rug out from Ginny’s anxiety.

“I’m being ridiculous, aren’t I?”

“Only mildly,” Luna assured her with a quiet laugh. Ginny couldn’t help but join in on the laughter, and pretty soon the two friends were in a right fit of giggles on the sofa. It took several minutes before either was able to gain control of themselves.

“Now then,” Luna chuckled as she took hold of her water glass, “why don’t you fill me in on what’s going on like a sane person.”

Ginny stuck her tongue out at Luna. “I told you about Ted’s godfather, Harry, remember? Well he showed up to the venue tours today and he offered to tell me as much about himself as Vic and Ted had told him about me.”

Luna wriggled her eyebrows, “Oooh that sounds so romantic.”

“Luna, please,” Ginny groaned, “I’m trying to figure out what to do!”

“Let the man,” Luna shrugged, “you could do with a night out.”

“He didn’t ask me out for a pint,” Ginny huffed. “I don’t know what he was implying.”

“Stop being thirteen,” Luna stood and started clearing her food. “If you’re interested in the man then let him know. If you’re not, then be professional and don’t pursue him.”

“That’s the problem, I don’t know if I’m interested,” Ginny joined her in clearing their takeaway.

“I can’t help you there,” Luna put a comforting hand on Ginny’s shoulder, “you’re going to need to figure that out for yourself.”

“And that’s the hard part,” Ginny sighed.

Ginny didn’t know what she wanted. She was happy with her life, wasn’t she? She was comfortable being single, at least she thought so. Things didn’t end well with Dean and Ginny had decided she was done playing the field. She didn’t want to try and convince some guy she was worth the time of day. But what did she want? Did she really want to keep coming home to an empty flat? Did she really want to spend the rest of her life single? Or did she really just want to avoid getting burned again?

When Ginny fell into bed that night, she still didn’t know.

After meeting with Kathleen and Travis that Monday, which seemed to go off without a hitch, Ginny decided to see if Vic had time to look at the photographers portfolios with her. They would need to get engagement pictures done just as quickly as possible so they could decide on the invitations.

Vic responded to her text with a phone call.

“Hi Vicky.”

“Hi Aunt Ginny, I got your text and I’m at Ted’s. What do you think of coming over and after we pick a photographer you can stay for dinner?”

Ginny sighed, little Vicky was old enough to be the hostess now, when did that happen?

“That sounds lovely, thank you! Send me the address and I’ll leave here in fifteen minutes.”

Ginny had expected a flat. Ted was nineteen, only a year older than Vic, and she expected him to be living like a nineteen year old, in a flat, in a cheap part of town, with little food on hand. So when the GPS led Ginny out to the suburbs and a small home with a lovely little wrought iron fence and a slightly overgrown front garden, Ginny immediately checked that the addresses were the same. Everything looked to be right, so with a bit of trepidation and a lot of confusion, Ginny approached the front door and rang the bell. Her heart almost stopped when the door opened.

Harry Potter stood looking at her with those stupid green eyes and a sassy grin on his face.

“Oh good, you found it,” He stepped off to the side and motioned for Ginny to come in.

“Er, yes, the GPS led me straight to it.” Ginny’s brain was quickly catching up with what was happening. Ted obviously lived with his godfather. Ginny was going to be having dinner with Vic and Ted…and Harry.

She was pulled from her musings by a soft hand on the small of her back as Harry led her down the hall. The spot on her back where his hand was touching seemed to burn and Ginny tried not to let her labored breathing show. The home was well kept and the smells coming from the kitchen were amazing. She was just about to ask Harry for clarification on what was going on when she heard her name.

“Aunt Ginny!” Vic jumped up from the sofa as Harry led them further into the house.

“You ready to pick out your photographer?” Ginny smiled as she wrapped Vic in a hug. Work, she needed to focus on the wedding and she would be fine. Ginny could have a professional work dinner with her clients. It would be fine.

“I’m so excited!” Vic pulled her down to the sofa.

Yes. Ginny was going to focus on work, and stop imagining that Harry was watching her, because he wasn’t, she was sure he wasn’t.

Ginny pulled her tablet out of her bag along with a couple printed portfolios from photographers that the shop kept on hand. “Ok, let’s start with looking at the photos and then we can talk about which package would be right for you. No sense in paying to have a photographer all day if the wedding and reception will only be a few hours.”

Vic picked up the first portfolio with excitement and put it across her lap and Ted’s. “Wow, do you think I’ll look like that?” Vic pointed to the first image of a bride surrounded by roses.

“You’ll look more beautiful than every single picture here,” Ted kissed her cheek and Ginny smiled as Vic’s cheeks tinged pink.

“You are a flatterer, Edward.”

“And you love it,” Ted chuckled, “besides, I never say anything that isn’t true.”

Ginny remembered a time when she would have scoffed at that sort of exchange between her brothers and their wives. Even as recently as Luna and Rolf had Ginny rolled her eyes at what she considered sappy attempts to be romantic. But something about it being the next generation was different. It was heartwarming to see Vic growing up, to see her find someone who looked at her like she was his whole world, and Ginny couldn’t bring herself to be cynical of any of it.

They sorted through photographers before deciding on the one that Vic liked best and had the best rate. Ginny excused herself to what Harry called his office in order to call and make the arrangements. She was just finishing up, consultation, engagement shoot, and wedding day booked and planned, when Harry stepped in the room.

“Just checking something,” he smiled at her as he slid into his computer chair and began clicking around on his computer.

She should have left; she was already standing, she was finished with the call, she had no reason to still be in his office. But for some reason, Ginny pulled out her tablet out and looked with unseeing eyes at her calendar, alone in a room with Harry Potter.

“Were you able to get the dates for Vic and Teddy?” He slid up next to her and looked over her shoulder at the calendar.

“Yeah,” Ginny bit her lip.

Harry was close, close like he had been when he offered to tell her as much about himself as he knew about her. She chanced to look up at him and found him smiling at her. Ginny felt like she needed to say something, she needed to break this spell he’d cast over her that had somehow rendered her trapped under his gaze. But she couldn’t seem to gain control over her voice or manage to look away. His green eyes held hers and Ginny was rooted to the floor staring up at him with no idea of how to escape, and if she was honest, she didn’t want to escape.

Suddenly, Ginny felt the nearly five years since she’d been this close to a man as keenly as she would have felt five years without ice cream. Had it really been almost five years since she’d kissed anyone? Had she really gone nearly sixty months since she’d been held? How had she managed these roughly seventeen hundred days without really touching another person? There was a part of Ginny’s mind that reminded her that she was happy. She lived a fulfilling life and had wonderful friends and a loving family. But that part of her brain was being drowned out by the part of her that had sprung to life like a phoenix rising from the ashes, the part of her that wanted this, that wanted Harry.

“Do,” Ginny whispered, “do you want to come to the consultation, with the photographer?”

Harry’s grin tilted just a bit higher and he glanced down at the screen, “I think I can be there for it, probably smart too, since I’m paying the man and all.”

Ginny felt the smile pulling on her lips and she gave into it. “Yeah, got to make sure this bloke isn’t going to take your money and run.”

Harry laughed and moved closer, placing his hand on the small of her back again, “As long as he isn’t also running off with the wedding coordinator.”

Ginny stopped breathing. She honest to goodness forgot how to make her lungs pull breath in and expel it out.

“Harry,” Ted’s voice sounded down the hall. “The stove timer is going off, which dish is it for?”

Ginny saw annoyance flash in Harry’s eyes as his hand fell from her back. The lack of contact brought her breath back, but Ginny would have almost rather passed out from lack of oxygen than have him not touching her. Harry moved toward the door and Ginny watched him in slow motion as Luna’s advice rang through her ears.

“Harry,” she barely heard her own voice but Harry stopped dead in his tracks and turned towards her.

“The,” she bit her lip and took a deep breath, “the wedding coordinator is more interested in the godfather than the photographer.”

Harry’s smile bloomed on his face like a morning flower, “That’s very good news.” He winked at her before disappearing down the hallway.

Ginny felt her breath leave with him.

[siobhom]

Fic: Five times Captain Santiago calls Jake Detective Peralta

Pairing: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago 

Rating: PG-13 

Word Count: 3741 

Genre: Fluff, Angst 

Summary: He watches the clock, fingers tapping, knee now bouncing. The new captain will be here in five minutes and Amy still hasn’t arrived. He texts again. ‘Do you need me to stall? I will totally run into the lobby like a crazy person and spill coffee all over the new captain for you.’ 

1)

Jake taps his desk anxiously- he’s being ridiculous- Amy isn’t even due in for another twenty minutes. Except they’ve got a new captain starting today and Amy’s always at least thirty minutes early on those days. There’s nothing in the schedule she could be running late from and she definitely wasn’t sick that morning. Jake can’t help imagining car crashes or vengeful perps.  

He turns towards the sergeant’s desk for the fourth time. The chair’s still empty. Amy hasn’t silently snuck in in the two minutes since he last looked. He turns back to his phone. The new captain will be here in fifteen minutes. There’s no good reason Jake can imagine for Amy not being here. His gut is twisted in fear. He decides to send a text.

‘You okay babe?’

Before Jake can even start to worry about why she’s not answering, she replies.

‘I’m fine. My shift starts at 09.00’

‘I know. The new captain starts today.’

He feels dumb sending it. This is not information Amy would forget.

‘I know. I’ll be there on time. Don’t worry Pineapples.’

The bad twist in his gut unwinds slightly but still remains. Is something wrong? She wouldn’t lie about this. Unless she wants to make sure he doesn’t make a bad first impression and she’s waiting to tell him later. She’s probably fine. Still, he doesn’t think he’ll calm down until he sees her.

He watches the clock, fingers tapping, knee now bouncing. The new captain will be here in five minutes and Amy still hasn’t arrived. He texts again.

‘Do you need me to stall? I will totally run into the lobby like a crazy person and spill coffee all over the new captain for you.’

‘No babe. Calm down. I’m right where I need to be.’

Jake frowns at the response, turning again towards the empty sergeant’s chair. Maybe Amy’s waiting downstairs, planning to meet the captain there and discuss the squad in the elevator ride before introductions. He shrugs to himself and tries to relax. Two minutes left.

The elevator dings. Jake turns. The elevator opens and Jake’s jaw drops to the floor.

Amy Santiago is standing there in a captain’s uniform.

She strides into the bullpen purposefully to applause and cheers. She allows herself only a brief grin before settling into a professional smile. She’s making a speech but Jake’s too busy being excited (and stopping himself from pulling her into a celebratory kiss that he’s sure Amy wouldn’t appreciate right now) to really hear what she’s saying. Amy continues into her office, calling one of the detectives in with her.

Amy calls in each detective one by one. Jake is half-tempted to push in-line and sneak in there. But he’s not going to undermine her authority on her first day. He does frown slightly as Hitchcock is called in before him. Then again, maybe Amy doesn’t feel the need to have whatever conversation she’s having with the others given that they’re married. He can’t help but feel a little left out.

“Detective Peralta.”

Jake absolutely doesn’t knock his chair over in his rush to the captain’s door.  

Jake shuts the door behind him, he can’t stop grinning. “Congratulations!”

Amy grins back. “Thank you and no. We’re not doing whatever crazy celebratory scheme you’re concocting.”

“There’s no scheme. I have no scheme.”

Amy gives him a knowing look. “Uhuh. Sure.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

“I couldn’t tell you before everyone else. That would be special treatment.”

Jake’s grinning so wide his mouth hurts. “Of course.” He leans in for a kiss.

Amy pulls away. “We can celebrate tonight, at home. And we need to meet with HR again.”

Jake groans. “Didn’t we already do all the stuff when you became my sergeant?”

“Yes, but now I’m your captain, there are more forms.”

“But we’re married!”

Amy raises an eyebrow. They’ve both been cops long enough to know that being married doesn’t stop people from being shitty to each other.

“Okay, when are we meeting with HR?”

 2)

Jake watches Amy arrange things in her new home office. She’s clearly making it an exact replica of her captain’s office. It’s so perfectly Amy and Jake can’t help but find the whole thing adorable. He has tried to help a few times but has been shooed back out. So he just stands here.

Until she calls, her voice hard and stern, “Detective Peralta.”

And he realises that the office set-up was for him too. And oh, he loves her so much.

Jake quickly enters.

“Sit,” Amy orders, tone cold, and he does so eagerly.

She walks behind him, leaning down to whisper into his ear, “Remember your safe word?”

Jake nods. That’s their only discussion of the scene, and Jake loves the anticipation.

(There was a time when Amy would insist they discuss any scene in meticulous detail before starting and they still had an A2 chart denoting the intricate details of every yes, no and maybe. But it’s been long enough now that they know what each other enjoy).  

Amy picks up a case file (likely filled with blank pages- there’s no way she’d bring an actual case file home) and idly flips through it.  

“I’ve been looking at your latest report. It’s very disappointing. Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“I’m sorry captain; I’ll do better next time.”

“Next time? When I’ve already given you so many chances? Hmm. I don’t think so. See Peralta, you’re a useless detective. A disgrace. Which is why I’m demoting you back to beat cop.”  

“Just give me one more chance, I’ll be better, I promise.”

“I doubt that. Having you as a detective is no use to me, but maybe you could be useful to me in other ways.”

Jake’s already half hard and he has to fight the urge to just rip his clothes off right then. “What do you mean?”

Amy steps towards him, undoes the top two buttons on his shirt, and runs a finger down his chest. “Convince me of the advantages of keeping you in your current position.”

“What? I don’t…I don’t think that’s…”

“Or maybe I’ll just fire you all together.”

“No. Please don’t. I’ll do whatever you want.”

“Then maybe we can come to an arrangement. Here are the rules: you are mine now, to use as I please. You obey me unconditionally; do exactly as I say without argument. And only speak when given permission. Does that sound like something you can do?”

Jake swallows. “Yes.”

“Good. You better not fail me Peralta. Or you can kiss your gun and badge goodbye. Now get on your knees.”

3)

Amy isn’t too worried about being Jake’s commanding officer. Starting out commanding the young uniform cops downstairs, there were a few Jake’s she had to deal with. And she did so well. Except it’s been less than a week of being Jake’s commanding officer before she realises it’s going to be a lot more like dealing with an Amy. Except a bad one, who has never been an Amy before and therefore has no idea what he’s doing.

(“So does anyone have ideas for the new filing system?” Amy asks, standing at the front of the briefing room for the first time as a captain.

“We could do it alphabetically,” Jake says.

And she’s about to give him a look for his glibness before she realises it’s a sincere suggestion. Amy has to tamp down her usual competing-with-Jake-response – alphabetically by what, suspect? What if you don’t have one? By victim? Then what if it’s a drug bust with no victim. By type of evidence, that’s just a mess. At least if you had said numerically by case file no. that would be something. Alphabetically, that’s terrible- she’s his superior officer now, they’re not competing anymore. So she merely nods and asks for more suggestions.  

And it continues over the next few days. Jake keeps making suggestions for all sorts of things that are either ridiculous or completely insane. And he’s also spending forever on his paperwork trying to make it better- even though Holt already got Jake to make it the best he could, and now he’s just over-reaching. He’s also got a bet running with the squad that he’s going to beat his personal best in felony collars for the year. He’s doing great work. Until Amy finds him sitting at his desk at midnight looking like he’s on the brink of burning out and she has to tell him to calm down and stop trying so hard.)

She’s quickly reminded of the first year of their marriage where Jake was so ridiculously desperate to prove he was a good husband.  

Jake has never cared about his captain’s approval; sure he’s cared that they think he’s a genius, but not their approval. He does care about Amy’s though.

*

Amy has an incredibly complex and detailed system when it comes to assigning cases, one she’s honed over the past five years of being a sergeant. It considers fourteen variables for each detective: skill-set, strengths, weaknesses, current emotional well-being, current mental well-being, current physical well-being, situational relation to the case, case-specific experience, case-specific knowledge, potential bias, time between last similar case, case preference, current case-load and her gut instinct. A set of twenty-two variables for each case, sorted into twelve sub-categories. And a time-table balancing different level cases.

(And each of those variables has its own myriad of considerations. For example, if a case falls under the weaknesses of a detective, if appropriate she may still give it to them as practice, but not give them one if they already have a similar case or are not in optimal emotional and mental condition, to avoid a potential slump.)

So she knows the accusation of bias is a vindictive one. And she explains this with a power-point laden with detective performance statistics and case-assignment spread-sheets and precinct rate of completion pie-charts and scatter-graphs. Yes, she does give Detective Peralta some of the best cases; it’s not a dis-proportionate amount considering he’s one of the best detectives the precinct has. It doesn’t take more than a cursory glance at his stats to prove this.

And her superior officers give her sympathetic smiles and tell her this is the way of the world. There are people upset that the rising star of the NYPD is a Latina woman and those people are determined to do something about it. This is the only opening she’s left them. And they tell her it would be best if she deals with it before it becomes a serious issue.

“What do they want you to do?” Jake asks that night.

“Not give you any big cases.”

“Well you could just do that.”

Amy scrunches up her face. “Okay, first of all, that’s a completely inefficient and irresponsible waste of resources. And secondly, would you even be okay with that?”

“No.”

“Exactly.”

“I can transfer,” Jake offers.

“No. You shouldn’t have to. It’s my problem to deal with. If I give in now it will just be worse later.”

“Maybe you should just be really strict and harsh on me at work. Then they’ll have nothing to pounce on.”

Amy raises an eyebrow, thinking back to Jake’s Amy-tendencies with her. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“You take that back! It’s a brilliant genius idea. And I am a brilliant genius for suggesting it.”

Amy rolls her eyes. “And you would be okay with me treating you like that?”

Jake smirks. “Of course. I’ll know it’s not real. And you know I enjoy it when you denigrate my poor detective skills.”

Amy stares at him. “So you’re suggesting I treat you like I would in our bedroom to make me seem less biased?”  

“Come on. It will be fun.”

“Jake…”

“Do you have any better ideas?”

And, despite making a very long list, she actually doesn’t. So she agrees.

*

Amy’s almost certain it will be a disaster. So much so that she almost makes a bet with Jake. She’s doesn’t though because she’s a great captain and knows that it will likely increase said disaster ten-fold.  

Jake’s a mix of amused and anxious the first time Amy calls him out. He thinks it’s just because it’s the first time and he’s not used to Amy being that way. But over the next few times it just gets worse. It’s not fun like he thought it would be. But he hides his true feelings well. He doesn’t want one of them to have to transfer.

At home Amy repeatedly asks him if he’s sure he’s okay with the whole thing and he jokes that she’s reaching mother-hen levels of concerned and that he understands the difference between real and fake. She still tells him he’s a great detective and that makes him feel a little better.

As the first week of the plan draws to a close Jake finds himself triple and quadruple checking to make sure everything’s perfect. Amy always manages to find something to nitpick though, that’s kind of the point. It’s stupid, he knows it’s fake. But the whole thing has him on edge. She hasn’t even pulled him up that many times. He’s had previous captains who were on his case way more. But there’s no one’s opinion he cares more about than Amy’s and having her say these things is beginning to bring him down.  

“Detective Peralta.”

Jake tenses.

“One minute!” Jake says, in what he hopes is a stable tone as he runs to the bathroom.

It’s fine. Everything’s fine. It’s just that he’s disappointed Amy again. And he can’t do anything right. And he’s always disappointing her. He’s a terrible husband. And she’s going to divorce him. And he’s going to lose the best thing he ever had. And now he’s crying. He holds his hand over his mouth, wipes the snot coming out his nose. He’s being an idiot. None of this is real. It’s a plan, all fake. Amy loves him and knows he’s a great detective. He knows this. But it still feels like the world is ending. Like maybe Amy’s taking this chance to tell him what she really thinks. And he can’t get control of himself. He’s terrible and useless and pathetic. And Amy will be better off without him. And he’s trying to calm down but failing. And maybe he’ll just die right here in this bathroom. Pathetic.

Then there are hands pulling up his shirt, fingers sliding underneath around his waist. Amy. And just like that the dark spiral mellows. And he’s fine. Amy’s here. She hasn’t left. Everything’s okay as long as she’s here.  

 4)

Jake finds Amy sitting on the floor of their living room with papers spread all over the place.

“What’s this?”

“I’m trying to come up with a new rota system that both does what the brass wants and still works.”

“What happened to the plan of riding me? It’s going perfectly. Everyone is convinced.”

“Jake, I found you crying in the bathroom.”

“I wasn’t crying. I’m fine. That was allergies.”

“Sure it was,” Amy looks back at all the papers, “This is impossible.”

“Why don’t you just make a rota based on who hasn’t had a similar case the longest?”

“You want to give Hitchcock and Scully the same cases as everyone else.”

“I obviously meant excluding Hitchcock and Scully.”

“Yeah, I know, that’s an extreme example, but it still doesn’t work, if I’m not going to pay attention to what’s the best for the cases and what’s the best for the detectives working them, then what’s the point?” She stares forlornly, “I think I’m going to have to transfer.”

“No you’re not, I’m going to get you an appointment with Holt.”

“Jake I can’t just go running complaining to Holt every time I have a problem.”

“You don’t have to complain. Just talk to him okay, he’s awesome at advice.”

*

Holt says, “Ignore them.”

“I can’t just ignore my superior officers!”

“Your methods are beyond reproach and your spread-sheets demonstrate this. No one can penalise you for this.”

“No one cares about my spread-sheets! They said people will say I could’ve twisted the stats, even though I discussed possible multi-colinearity and showed them the analysis both with and without outliers! They said people are going to look at the situation and make up their minds and not care about anything else!”

“It’s unfortunate and it’s hard. I can’t tell you what to do. But if you give in and transfer, people will always find something to pit against you. But I have managed to get to where I am today, despite several clashes with the brass, because I do my job well and I do my job right. Just keep doing what you’re doing; do your job well and right and you will be fine.”

“Thank you.” Amy sighs, she knows he’s right.

*

So Amy stands tall in front of the precinct and assigns cases as she knows they should be.

And when Jake closes a big case, she smiles and says, “Good job Detective Peralta, well done.”

 5)

“I’ve decided to take the sergeant’s exam,” Jake says.

“Really, but you love being a detective. This isn’t about the whole issue the brass has with us is it?”

“Well, that’s what got me thinking about it in the first place…”

“Jake you shouldn’t have to…”

“BUT… I was going to say, but the more I thought about it the more I wanted it. I really want this Ames.”

“Really? That’s great.” Amy grins and playfully punches his shoulder.  

“Yeah, I was never going to be a detective all my career, I always knew I would move on eventually, when I was older, but I guess I’m growing up.”

*

The sergeant’s exam is so hard. Jake is so lucky Amy’s helping him study otherwise he would be totally screwed. They’ve just transitioned to the ‘week of exam’ binder and, even though they’re both exhausted, he grins as she quizzes him. He’s so nervous. He didn’t think this would matter so much, it’s not like there won’t be another exam to take if he fails. But the idea of being a sergeant has sunk deep in his bones and he can’t remember the last time he wanted something so bad.

Amy hugs him. “Stop overthinking, you’re going to do so well.”

*

Amy flicks through the pile of sergeants exams that she still has to mark. She’s about half way through, thirty left to do and a meeting in two hours. She can do this. Amy opens the next exam paper and immediately slams it shut again. It’s Jake’s. Of course there’s no name or other identifying information but she recognises his hand-writing straight away. This shouldn’t have been sent to her, it’s clearly a conflict of interest. She puts it aside and brings up the exam marking guidelines, so that she can quote them accurately when she sends the exam back unmarked. Amy doesn’t want Jake to get penalised for this stupid mistake someone made.  

She reads the entire guidelines and then the handbook twice. There’s nothing. It’s apparently perfectly within the rules for her to mark her husband’s exam paper. Amy still intends on sending the paper back though; just to be completely above board. But there’s no harm in having a quick look to sate her curiosity.

She leaves her pen on the table and reads through the paper, keeping a mental tally of his marks. Amy deducts two points for grammar and adds them back. She knows she’s harsher than most examiners when it comes to this. Amy then deducts them again. Every examiner has areas they are harsher on and areas they’re lighter on. If she doesn’t do this accurately then the entire hypothetical exercise is pointless.

If it’s an obvious pass she’ll send it off to be marked by someone else without another thought. Amy isn’t sure what she’ll do if the opposite is true. It’s not something she gives her mind room to consider.

Amy stares at the paper when she’s finished. One fricking point. He’s going to fail by one point. Except there’s nothing in the rules saying she can’t mark it herself and it’s only one mark that needs fudging which would be the easiest thing in the world. She could just deduct one point instead of two for grammar. No one would need to know. It would be beyond rebuke. It’s insane that she’s even considering this. But she knows, oh she knows how much this means to Jake.

But the rules are everything to her. The making of her core. Without rules there’s just chaos. And this, who gets to achieve a new rank, this is something important. It’s what she stands for. Can she really compromise herself in this way? She has to, for Jake, she has to. She loves him so much and he needs this, badly. But it will haunt her, devour her, take her apart from the inside. Amy can’t lie here. This is who she is.

She hates this. The thought of doing this to Jake, her Jake. She sends the paper back, unmarked. And hopes Jake won’t come to resent her for it.

She tells Jake of course, she has to, words tentative and gentle and nervous. And he’s upset of course. Not with her, he says, he’d never want her to compromise herself for him. And he wouldn’t want to cheat his way to being a Sergeant. And everything’s fine. But she knew he’d say these things and she isn’t worried about today or tomorrow. She’s worried what happens six months or a year or two years down the line.

*

When the results letter comes, Jake discards it unopened onto a pile of papers like he doesn’t care. Amy knows that’s his important stuff pile though. Amy itches to open it, but she understands his need to prepare himself. That is until it’s still sitting there two days later.

“I doesn’t matter,” Jake says, “I know I haven’t passed.”

“Detective Peralta,” Amy says, voice soft but firm. “Open the letter, that’s an order.”

Jake swallows, shutting his eyes as he pulls the sheet of paper out of its envelope. Before finally, dramatically, looking at it. He grins. “I’m going to be a sergeant.”

[kennysamathedeviant]

Let's Be Careful What We Wish For, DCEU Fandom

Okay, so I've gone on this tangent a couple of times before and since it's not having much effect, I'm putting it here and putting it behind me afterwards. This is about the DCEU fandom's opinion of WB and what they do behind the scenes. I've heard enough jokes about them cutting movies, interfering in the creative process, side lining the director's vision, etc, so this is about what we're all forgetting is actually happening. My post has nothing to do with whatever WB has done pre-Man of Steel (2013), I may draw on some instances here and there but only for comparison.

There's a difference between what we think is happening behind closed doors and what's actually happening, i know that a lot of fans believe that WB is partly to blame for the less than desirable critical reception of the DCEU movies and that if they did things like release a BvS Ultimate Cut in theatres, they'd have gotten better reception or something. Is any of this supported by fact? Can this franchise just take that huge, a leap of faith?

First, let's remember that the DCEU has been hated right from the outset, with Man of Steel. And despite its glaring success, there are people who'll swear by any deity to this day, that Man of Steel was a "flop" and with BvS' announcement came a whole new wave of negativity, because this hated universe is taking its next steps towards growth and so followed three non fictional years of negativity. Every news, choice, reveal, casting decision, marketing, etc, was written off and scoffed at with nary an attempt to understand or even entertain the possibility of it being good or positive. For three years, people were conditioned not to expect a highly anticipated movie, but to anticipate a high profile failure. The reviews are still out there, anyone can look them up if they need to remember just how baseless the criticisms of this movie was. But should WB have done different? These articles speaks to the reasons why that didn't happen:

DEB: Online, everyone’s like, “Oh, they’re doing an R-rated in reaction to Deadpool,” and you’re like (laughing), “We didn’t just shoot it last week, and we also didn’t edit it last week.”

ZACK: The why of that is [the DVD version] is a half-hour longer, and some of that additional material is some of the stuff we took out for the rating. I was like, “Cool, I can put it back in for the director’s cut.” There was nothing by design. This was the material I just put back in, and then when [the MPAA] looked at it again, they were like, “Oh, now the movie’s rated R.” And, by the way, it’s not a hard R. There’s no nudity. There’s a little bit of violence. It just tips the scale."

So in actuality, WB did do right by Zack, they stood behind him when haters called for him to be fired post MoS, they supported every decision he made, even when they got ridiculed for it, unlike other studios would, they actually stuck by him all the way. But like I pointed out above, this movie was already being attacked once it was announced, the negativity was relentless and constant, which in turn, dimmed the possibility of success, but regardless, they and Zack soldiered on. Till the MPAA decided their movie was "too dark" and gave it an R rating, completely destroying any possibility of success. I put it this way because I feel people have forgotten just how bad the hate was, and the fact that people actually opposed the possibility of that R rating. This is a movie that just didn't need to succeed, it needed to justify the existence of an entire franchise, and people took it to task from day one. Unlike Man of Steel, which successfully paved the way for a shared universe, BvS' job wasn't simple success, it was survival. It had to survive in a market, not because there was competition, but because there wasn't "allowed" to be one, in a marketplace overrun with bias and repeated flip flops between "needs to be exactly like marvel" and "omg, they're trying to be marvel", it needed to survive it's own predicted death because it's already been called. And therein comes the Theatrical Cut of BvS and here's what Zack says about it:

“We were just like, ‘Okay, look. We’re not making a three-hour movie. I mean, even I didn’t want to make a three-hour movie. I drove the cuts probably harder than anyone. The studio, they were willing to let the movie indulge pretty hard. But I felt like it’s at a manageable two-and-a-half hours. Let’s also not forget the credits are super long, the end credits. So the movie’s closer to two hours and 22 minutes.”

So here is Zack, pointing out that WB actually indulged his movie and time length, but the MPAA and their notoriously fickle standards of rating hampered what everyone wanted. The cuts could never have made it into the movie without that R rating. The Ultimate Cut wasn't WB "listening" to fans and putting it out, it was always on the slate, announced (around 23, Feb) before the TC was released, at no extra cost, which dumps all over the "they did it for extra money" criticisms.

The contents of that cut also make this a point of contention for me because it's frustrating that it became common rhetoric that 30 bonus minutes of the very same things used to write off this movie would somehow, in some bizarre paradoxical way, have ended in a positive reception. So a movie that was called "too long, dark, gloomy, depressing", etc, with chants of "Lois Lane sucks" and "Superman is a depressing murderer" being very common, could somehow be received differently than the way it did, if it was infused with 30 more minutes of same? It doesn't make sense. Because the key word I'm chasing here is merit, if anyone wrote off this movie for any of the above reasons, why is 30mins more of it being considered the antidote? How did "this movie was shot and framed scene by scene like it were comic book panels come to life" become "meh, it was decent, but omg watch the UC, it's a masterpiece" simply because the UC exists? Apparently this fandom doesn't believe in "even more of a masterpiece", only binaries of barely good to great. Even though merit is completely missing in people's opinion of the TC, which actually enquires you to think to get everything but now, all I see is people no longer being told to "pay attention to the damn movie" but to watch the UC, it's "better". Like how do we expect people's opinion to change if we're validating and excusing their laziness? Because what we do whether we realise it or not, is say, "nah, it's good you shat all over BvS, they didn't release a good movie but a bad one" and those who had no intention of liking it, get their validation and continue bashing it. Hell, those who had the guts to admit they rewatched and thought better of BvS right here on tumblr, always happen to have watched the TC of their own volition, because they recognised the "merit", so why the divide in the fandom's opinion? Ever wonder why there's no distinction in BvS hate but there is distinction in BvS love? These people know what they're doing and they're helped along by this binary the fandom believes in. And even if they released a 3 hr R rated movie to a crowd that's been conditioned for three years to highly anticipate failure, where is the possibility of success? Especially considering how the TC was treated with no regard for fairness nor merit?

Another thing is, people overlook the human factor in all this discussion. I've read defense posts that basically say "yeah, the critics are unfair but I can't ignore the huge second week drops which proves it doesn't have good legs." Really? So the week drops can't be ignored but we're going to ignore the relentless slamming from every corner of existence that would logically result in those week drops? We're really going to act like bad reviews are enough to hamper movies anymore? Because those days are over, if bad reviews are so dangerous, Transformers wouldn't be a franchise, it'd have stalled from go but it didn't, because it has the one thing the DCEU/WB doesn't have: permission to be enjoyed. A Transformers movie gets its bad reviews, then you're free to watch it, however, a DCEU movie gets unfair, unrelenting criticism that would make hell freeze over, then anybody that even hints that they dreamt about it neutrally, gets a bullseye on their back. Everywhere you go; online news articles, blogs, vlogs, social media, the random pedestrian on the street, the garbage collector, heck, maybe even the pizza guy, will consistently go out of its way to find out if you know the movie exists, is bad, and you've made the "right choiceTM" to avoid it and join the New World Bashing Order. Oh yeah, and all the feminist sites also hate the DCEU and have told their mass followers it's unfeminist to support it, this is the real reason female attendance slipped slightly for BvS, not because it had Batman. And people who're incredibly good at analysis, consistently refuse to lend those skills to the universe, write it off as "grimdark" and then start looking for nuggets of feminism in a very racist and misogynistic franchise. With all that, everyday, for three years prior to release and after release, to this very moment, how exactly are second week drops a surprise and why do people ignore the human factor? We know if you extolled the virtues of eating crap vocally enough, people'll start doing it and if you say good media is crap long enough, people will start believing it. We live in a world where a bad thing can be acceptable if treated with jokes while a good but relentlessly scrutinised thing will eventually be thought of, as bad. We've had ugly reminders of that, last year.

Ultimately, it all comes down to making pragmatic business decisions. Business must always have a possibility of profit and while going "all in" sounds good, it's a flawed way of thinking. Especially in an unfavorable market, you need to cover your behind at all times to limit the possibility of a loss. With a market averse to seeing WB make a profit (especially with a disastrous 2015, where all original content and ambitious projects failed), reasoned decisions that ensured survival, not just profit, from the DCEU needed to be made. If WB really interfered the way people are making it seem, I know the kind of movie we could have gotten and Zack would have walked off the project afterwards, but he didn't. At no point does he disavow the TC and he repeatedly states he did it the way he wanted but the UC is just all they took out because of the MPAA. If this were not a collaborated decision on all fronts, we'd have gotten a truly lesser movie on par with Fantastic Four '15. Which reminds me, how many people remember the fact that Trank and cast were bashed repeatedly for going in a serious direction with FF (despite a number of cheesy prior movies that were not beloved) until Fox stepped in? How many remember that the time of death was called before it started filming? Or that it was also scrutinised round the clock, which is where the problems behind the scenes started from? People don't, their role in that screw up has been erased, and a potential franchise went under, because they were not allowed to make their own movie. For all we know, XMA's reception is not some isolated incident, it could have all started from FF but due to FF's own quality, that's up for debate. We can't continue to let people fuck around with film makers ambitions, try to destroy a movie's potential, then blame the studios at the end of the day for trying to minimise the damage that's already been done. Luckily, WB has so far, in my opinion, made the intelligent move by making ambitious movies with pragmatic distribution without sacrificing the movie's integrity, rather than making pragmatic movies like Fox did and thanks to that, their movies have succeeded in a negative market in a way that going all out, wouldn't. This post also sheds light on the performance of BvS in China; which has so far, not been very instrumental to the DCEU, which is succeeding in spite of it and not because of. It showed that this movie successfully garnered WB a fanbase who'll be ready to pay for more movies. Considering how beloved it is there now, and how much Wonder Woman and Gal Gadot are loved over there (she won the most popular actress award), WB can afford to be a little less pragmatic with their distribution. Her movie can afford to have a higher run time because there's officially a viable enough DCEU audience for such.

Let's also remember that this is the real world, out here, good people lose all the time, you can make all the right decisions, all the right calls, and at the end, you'll still lose. There won't be a last second plot twist that garners you everyone's favor, people lose and often they're centuries down under, before anyone remembers there's any great thing they did that was overlooked. That is, if ever. Please, let's not forget exactly where we stand on history's side here, we are not guaranteed anything, this is how life works, all this can still come crashing down regardless. The DCEU can still (God, I hope not) crash and burn tomorrow and no one will remember it deserves utmost praise (I really, really, REALLY hope not). Because not everyone wins, shit happens, but we adapt as best we can, even if we'll lose at the end. There's an incredibly persistent narrative that paints WB as a controlling, director's vision interfering studio and it's outright wrong and exaggerated. Getting to the New Year and over the past few days, the anti dceu bias has retained strength and new attacks have commenced, with the Ben Affleck movie starting to get its own fresh hell. If I recall correctly, looking through the Unwitting Instigator of Doom section on Tvtropes.org, there's an entry that BvS' failure has caused WB to put off original content and focus on franchises. Not only is this blatantly untrue, but a failed original work has more chances of making such nonsense happen than BvS' "failure". WB and Zack's decisions are the only reason the DCEU still exists, the only reason some people can still admit we like the DCEU and are not going with the gross grain opinion. If WB was as overly concerned about profits to the exclusion of other human related factors, they could have fired Snyder years ago, and followed the Marvel method. They could have turned their movies into jokes and shallow popcorn, forgettable flicks but they didn't. They need someone with the guts to make the hard calls that other "go with the grain" people couldn't make and they need to keep being pragmatic about how they conduct the DCEU because it's failure is all people are expecting. When you're not doing business in a fair market, pragmatism is all you have, just churning out your product and thinking being impossibly impressive should get you praise from people adamantly trying to screw you over, won't get you shit. You're wide open. Because apparently, fair and unbiased treatment is something you grovel (and strive to achieve an out of reach concept of perfection) for and not something you deserve because you worked hard and put in the effort. And no, i'm not saying no one's entitled to how they individually feel about the issue, but don't be so caught up on what you think is happening that you're willing to ignore evidence to the contrary and start advocating for actions that have no possibility of success. I hope to not wake up one day to a rude reminder that the DCEU can't just haphazardly put out a movie without covering it's ass because people think going all out could have helped them "make more money" from people who've made it explicitly clear that it physically pains them to know it exists.

[itsfinancethings]

New story in Business from Time: Progressive CEO Tricia Griffith on the Nation’s ‘Sophomoric’ Political Leaders and the Durability of Flo

(Miss this week’s The Leadership Brief? This interview above was delivered to the inbox of Leadership Brief subscribers on Sunday morning, Aug. 16; to receive weekly emails of conversations with the world’s top CEOs and business decisionmakers, click here.)

One of the best indicators of economic activity is how many miles Americans drive, and as CEO of Progressive Corp., one of the largest U.S. auto insurers, Tricia Griffith keeps a careful eye on the nation’s coming and goings. Since the pandemic began, people are both driving less—miles driven plummeted by 40% in April—and getting into fewer accidents.

Griffith has spent her career at Progressive, starting as a claims rep, and is a rare CEO who previously served as her company’s head of HR, a background that she credits with helping make Progressive the top-rated corporation for diversity and inclusion, according to a ranking by the Wall Street Journal.

Griffith, 55, joined TIME for a video conversation from her home outside of Cleveland. Griffith shared her views on humor in insurance advertising (comedian Stephanie Courtney has been appearing in Progressive ads as Flo since 2008), the “sophomoric” state of the nation’s leadership, and how to build a diverse and inclusive corporate culture.

Subscribe to The Leadership Brief by clicking here.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

You’re in the risk business. How good a job are we as Americans doing at judging risks right now? How would you grade our decision making process?

F, F, F. I can’t believe people aren’t wearing masks. It’s ridiculous. And it’s selfish. Because you wear the mask for me, I’ll wear it for you. I’m looking at these beaches, and I am so disturbed. I just don’t understand why people don’t wear masks. My daughter’s wedding was 400 people and now it’s 12. And we’re all wearing masks.

And what grade would you give the nation’s leadership?

I think the sophomoric ways that both sides of the aisle are acting, it’s just like—I said to my team the other day, it was right around the time Democrats were saying $600 for unemployment. The Republicans were saying $200. And they couldn’t come to a compromise. I said, “If we worked this way as a team, all of us should be fired.” I would not allow that. And my board wouldn’t allow me to work like that. I’ve been disgusted at people not being able to compromise.

Shouldn’t the business community be speaking up with a louder voice? You have a lot of clout.

We actually have. As a member of the Business Roundtable, we have sent letters to Congress asking them to do specific things for small businesses, etc. I can forward you a note that we sent.

Yes, but there are degrees. I mean a polite letter from the Business Roundtable is nice, but a pointed comment from an individual CEO brings another level of pressure. Should more people be speaking up?

Right. I haven’t personally, but many members of the Business Roundtable have been on the different various talk shows and been more aggressive about it.

And another thing—the stock market is acting so irrationally.

I agree.

Why is the market continuing to hit these frothy levels?

It’s hard for me to say. I really try not to guess on the market. Very little of our investment portfolio is in equities, like 11%. We’re very conservative from that perspective. We are invested across the board in fixed income. We do commercial mortgage-backed securities. We do investment in corporate bonds. Municipal bonds.

So you’re not watching Squawk Box and calling your investment division and saying, “Sell! Move it all to cash!”

No, no, no.

You spend more than a $1 billion a year on advertising. Why is the consumer insurance industry such a heavy advertiser?

It’s funny you ask that because when you really think about it, everyone is required to have insurance yet we advertise it. But it works. We measure it and it works. We know customers react to it. It makes the proverbial phone ring.

You’re out there fighting every day for customers?

Absolutely. Geico and Progressive, we’re sort of Coke and Pepsi. It’s very competitive.

It’s funny, I’m an older consumer and what insurance company I use is a decision I want to make once. I’m surprised that people are constantly re-evaluating it.

Years ago, we put together personas. We have Sams, Dianes, Wrights and the Robinsons. You’re a Robinson. I’m a Robinson. I got my phone. I’ve got my cars. The ones that move a lot are Sams. They are what we would call inconsistently insured. And they do it solely for price. And so they’ll move for $50 or $100. Then Dianes are a little bit more stable, where they have a car, and maybe they have a rental policy. We want to get those Dianes so that they grow into Robinsons, which are auto/home bundles.

Insurance is a serious matter. But the prevailing tone of the ads is so comical. Why has the industry taken this approach?

There’s so much noise out there with so many different insurance companies advertising, you have to have something memorable. It is a serious category. When you’re calling in, we’re not going to be lighthearted about it. But we have to get your attention to be on the short list.

How important has Flo been to the growth of Progressive?

She’s been extremely important.

But at the same time, as early as 2015, there was a Reddit subthread advocating “Flo Must Go.” How do you balance her continuing popularity with the anti-Flo faction?

We look at the data. And so we sent out a survey that says literally, “Are you tired of Flo?” And we have not seen that change.

Are any of your new characters taking off? As a dad myself, I have to love the series on parent-like behaviors.

We call it parent-a-morphosis. You morph into your parents. We designed that in my office when I was chief operating officer about four and a half years ago. It’s funny because it’s true. Those lines are literally from all our dads: “Defense wins championships.” That was my dad.

What’s up with all the hip new insurance companies like Hippo and Lemonade, Root and Young Alfred? What’s driving that dynamic?

There’s been a lot of money to be able to fund startups. And I actually think many of those companies are answering unmet needs for people. Making it easy. You can get a really quick quote with Lemonade. Root is all usage-based insurance. Those companies are pushing us to not be complacent. I love competition. I just think it makes you better.

Let’s turn to your core business: car insurance. With the pandemic, are people driving less?

It went down 40% [in April] and then immediately upon the states’ opening, it’s crept back. So it’s not to normal levels, but it’s getting closer.

As a proxy for how the economy is doing, with reopening and then reclosing, are we down from a peak? Did it go up in June, and now it’s falling again?

No, it’s been relatively stable since things started to open because different states are going to open and close. So when we reclosed some of the states, other states picked up.

So the overall trend line continues to be up, is that correct?

Yes.

But miles driven is still down year-over-year?

It’s probably still down like 10%.

And what’s happening on the accident front?

We’re seeing fewer accidents. We believe because there’s less congestion that people are getting in less accidents.

Even before the pandemic, the frequency of accidents has been declining, right?

Frequency [of accidents] in the industry has been going down for the last 60 years. The offset of that has been severity. Our components are much more complex because of the technology. When I was in claims, the bumper might be $300. But now it would be $2,000 if it’s got cameras in it, etc. And medical costs.

People are getting injured more severely?

No, when you get injured, medical costs have gone up. So your visit to the chiropractor yesterday is a lot more than it was 10 years ago.

Regarding accidents, historically, are there certain times you want to avoid being on the road, the Fourth of July?

I think the highest rate of DUIs is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Everybody gets home. You’ve gone out with your college friends or your high school friends.

How existential a threat to the auto insurance business is full development of autonomous vehicles? Say that it was fully here tomorrow.

It’s a threat to the industry. If it was here tomorrow, it would be huge for our auto business because there would be a lot less accidents. And so premiums would go down. That’s one of the reasons why we’ve diversified and we bought a homeowners’ company, and we have commercial lines, and we have relationships with Lyft and Uber. But I think everyone’s rooting for safer vehicles because it’s good for society. I’m not putting my head in the sand. Cars will get safer and that will be great for society. But I think it’s going to be a little while.

The Wall Street Journal last year ranked Progressive the No. 1 company for diversity and inclusion. What advice would you give to a company that’s now starting to take this more seriously, going beyond making supportive statements and donations?

You have to be really intentional. You have to realize it takes a long time. And you have to really have programs in place that you can monitor. We started employee resource groups back when I ran HR in 2007. Now we have nine that are really embedded in our culture. We started a program three or four years ago called our Multicultural Leadership Development Program. We have a cohort of people that go through an 18-month program. Most of them are people of color. And their rate of promotion having gone through this 18-month program is about 60% higher than your standard peer. We’re going to supercharge that program to close that gap in the middle so that when I leave, my team is more diverse.

That same study found that companies that are more diverse performed better financially. What are your thoughts on why that’s so?

Because you get an opinion from a variety of people. If you have the same people that grew up the same way as you, that look the same as you, that love the same as you, you are going to come to probably the same conclusions. Diversity allows for debate and action. And it’s more fun. I don’t want to be around a bunch of 55-year-old white women all the time.

What else has been successful in building a diverse culture?

I’ve had the opportunity to hire several members from my board of directors in the last several years. And I think having a board that is diverse is as important because they’re guiding me. And I think we’re the only Fortune 500 company that has a female CEO and a female chairwoman. And I have 12 board members: half men, half women—and one of the women is a person of color.

Where are you from? What was your childhood like?

I was born in Decatur, Ill., which is a blue collar place. I’m the youngest of six kids. My mom stayed home until I was in grade school. She was a waitress, and then she worked as a mom. My dad sold life insurance door to door so we were really broke. I had a very small house with a lot of people.

What type of behavior will you not tolerate on your management team?

Disrespect. Be respectful to everyone.

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GRIFFITH’S FAVORITES

BUSINESS BOOK: Principles, Ray Dalio

AUTHOR: David Halberstam mostly because—I’ll tell you a quick story. So my sister bought me a book years ago, October 1964. And that was actually the month and year I was born, and it’s about the Cardinals and the Yankees going to the World Series. My dad played Triple-A farm ball for the Cardinals. He’s a Cardinal fan, so that was really big. And I was born on the day the Cardinals won the pennant, Oct. 4, 1964. My grandma called and said, “Congratulations!” And my dad said, “Yeah, can you believe the Cardinals won?”

APP: Instagram

EXERCISE/STRESS RELIEVER: My husband and I get up every day at 5 to work out. I love to go for long walks.

ALTERNATE FANTASY CAREER: I’d like to be a talk-show host.

Subscribe to The Leadership Brief by clicking here.

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[newstechreviews]

(Miss this week’s The Leadership Brief? This interview above was delivered to the inbox of Leadership Brief subscribers on Sunday morning, Aug. 16; to receive weekly emails of conversations with the world’s top CEOs and business decisionmakers, click here.)

One of the best indicators of economic activity is how many miles Americans drive, and as CEO of Progressive Corp., one of the largest U.S. auto insurers, Tricia Griffith keeps a careful eye on the nation’s coming and goings. Since the pandemic began, people are both driving less—miles driven plummeted by 40% in April—and getting into fewer accidents.

Griffith has spent her career at Progressive, starting as a claims rep, and is a rare CEO who previously served as her company’s head of HR, a background that she credits with helping make Progressive the top-rated corporation for diversity and inclusion, according to a ranking by the Wall Street Journal.

Griffith, 55, joined TIME for a video conversation from her home outside of Cleveland. Griffith shared her views on humor in insurance advertising (comedian Stephanie Courtney has been appearing in Progressive ads as Flo since 2008), the “sophomoric” state of the nation’s leadership, and how to build a diverse and inclusive corporate culture.

Subscribe to The Leadership Brief by clicking here.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

You’re in the risk business. How good a job are we as Americans doing at judging risks right now? How would you grade our decision making process?

F, F, F. I can’t believe people aren’t wearing masks. It’s ridiculous. And it’s selfish. Because you wear the mask for me, I’ll wear it for you. I’m looking at these beaches, and I am so disturbed. I just don’t understand why people don’t wear masks. My daughter’s wedding was 400 people and now it’s 12. And we’re all wearing masks.

And what grade would you give the nation’s leadership?

I think the sophomoric ways that both sides of the aisle are acting, it’s just like—I said to my team the other day, it was right around the time Democrats were saying $600 for unemployment. The Republicans were saying $200. And they couldn’t come to a compromise. I said, “If we worked this way as a team, all of us should be fired.” I would not allow that. And my board wouldn’t allow me to work like that. I’ve been disgusted at people not being able to compromise.

Shouldn’t the business community be speaking up with a louder voice? You have a lot of clout.

We actually have. As a member of the Business Roundtable, we have sent letters to Congress asking them to do specific things for small businesses, etc. I can forward you a note that we sent.

Yes, but there are degrees. I mean a polite letter from the Business Roundtable is nice, but a pointed comment from an individual CEO brings another level of pressure. Should more people be speaking up?

Right. I haven’t personally, but many members of the Business Roundtable have been on the different various talk shows and been more aggressive about it.

And another thing—the stock market is acting so irrationally.

I agree.

Why is the market continuing to hit these frothy levels?

It’s hard for me to say. I really try not to guess on the market. Very little of our investment portfolio is in equities, like 11%. We’re very conservative from that perspective. We are invested across the board in fixed income. We do commercial mortgage-backed securities. We do investment in corporate bonds. Municipal bonds.

So you’re not watching Squawk Box and calling your investment division and saying, “Sell! Move it all to cash!”

No, no, no.

You spend more than a $1 billion a year on advertising. Why is the consumer insurance industry such a heavy advertiser?

It’s funny you ask that because when you really think about it, everyone is required to have insurance yet we advertise it. But it works. We measure it and it works. We know customers react to it. It makes the proverbial phone ring.

You’re out there fighting every day for customers?

Absolutely. Geico and Progressive, we’re sort of Coke and Pepsi. It’s very competitive.

It’s funny, I’m an older consumer and what insurance company I use is a decision I want to make once. I’m surprised that people are constantly re-evaluating it.

Years ago, we put together personas. We have Sams, Dianes, Wrights and the Robinsons. You’re a Robinson. I’m a Robinson. I got my phone. I’ve got my cars. The ones that move a lot are Sams. They are what we would call inconsistently insured. And they do it solely for price. And so they’ll move for $50 or $100. Then Dianes are a little bit more stable, where they have a car, and maybe they have a rental policy. We want to get those Dianes so that they grow into Robinsons, which are auto/home bundles.

Insurance is a serious matter. But the prevailing tone of the ads is so comical. Why has the industry taken this approach?

There’s so much noise out there with so many different insurance companies advertising, you have to have something memorable. It is a serious category. When you’re calling in, we’re not going to be lighthearted about it. But we have to get your attention to be on the short list.

How important has Flo been to the growth of Progressive?

She’s been extremely important.

But at the same time, as early as 2015, there was a Reddit subthread advocating “Flo Must Go.” How do you balance her continuing popularity with the anti-Flo faction?

We look at the data. And so we sent out a survey that says literally, “Are you tired of Flo?” And we have not seen that change.

Are any of your new characters taking off? As a dad myself, I have to love the series on parent-like behaviors.

We call it parent-a-morphosis. You morph into your parents. We designed that in my office when I was chief operating officer about four and a half years ago. It’s funny because it’s true. Those lines are literally from all our dads: “Defense wins championships.” That was my dad.

What’s up with all the hip new insurance companies like Hippo and Lemonade, Root and Young Alfred? What’s driving that dynamic?

There’s been a lot of money to be able to fund startups. And I actually think many of those companies are answering unmet needs for people. Making it easy. You can get a really quick quote with Lemonade. Root is all usage-based insurance. Those companies are pushing us to not be complacent. I love competition. I just think it makes you better.

Let’s turn to your core business: car insurance. With the pandemic, are people driving less?

It went down 40% [in April] and then immediately upon the states’ opening, it’s crept back. So it’s not to normal levels, but it’s getting closer.

As a proxy for how the economy is doing, with reopening and then reclosing, are we down from a peak? Did it go up in June, and now it’s falling again?

No, it’s been relatively stable since things started to open because different states are going to open and close. So when we reclosed some of the states, other states picked up.

So the overall trend line continues to be up, is that correct?

Yes.

But miles driven is still down year-over-year?

It’s probably still down like 10%.

And what’s happening on the accident front?

We’re seeing fewer accidents. We believe because there’s less congestion that people are getting in less accidents.

Even before the pandemic, the frequency of accidents has been declining, right?

Frequency [of accidents] in the industry has been going down for the last 60 years. The offset of that has been severity. Our components are much more complex because of the technology. When I was in claims, the bumper might be $300. But now it would be $2,000 if it’s got cameras in it, etc. And medical costs.

People are getting injured more severely?

No, when you get injured, medical costs have gone up. So your visit to the chiropractor yesterday is a lot more than it was 10 years ago.

Regarding accidents, historically, are there certain times you want to avoid being on the road, the Fourth of July?

I think the highest rate of DUIs is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Everybody gets home. You’ve gone out with your college friends or your high school friends.

How existential a threat to the auto insurance business is full development of autonomous vehicles? Say that it was fully here tomorrow.

It’s a threat to the industry. If it was here tomorrow, it would be huge for our auto business because there would be a lot less accidents. And so premiums would go down. That’s one of the reasons why we’ve diversified and we bought a homeowners’ company, and we have commercial lines, and we have relationships with Lyft and Uber. But I think everyone’s rooting for safer vehicles because it’s good for society. I’m not putting my head in the sand. Cars will get safer and that will be great for society. But I think it’s going to be a little while.

The Wall Street Journal last year ranked Progressive the No. 1 company for diversity and inclusion. What advice would you give to a company that’s now starting to take this more seriously, going beyond making supportive statements and donations?

You have to be really intentional. You have to realize it takes a long time. And you have to really have programs in place that you can monitor. We started employee resource groups back when I ran HR in 2007. Now we have nine that are really embedded in our culture. We started a program three or four years ago called our Multicultural Leadership Development Program. We have a cohort of people that go through an 18-month program. Most of them are people of color. And their rate of promotion having gone through this 18-month program is about 60% higher than your standard peer. We’re going to supercharge that program to close that gap in the middle so that when I leave, my team is more diverse.

That same study found that companies that are more diverse performed better financially. What are your thoughts on why that’s so?

Because you get an opinion from a variety of people. If you have the same people that grew up the same way as you, that look the same as you, that love the same as you, you are going to come to probably the same conclusions. Diversity allows for debate and action. And it’s more fun. I don’t want to be around a bunch of 55-year-old white women all the time.

What else has been successful in building a diverse culture?

I’ve had the opportunity to hire several members from my board of directors in the last several years. And I think having a board that is diverse is as important because they’re guiding me. And I think we’re the only Fortune 500 company that has a female CEO and a female chairwoman. And I have 12 board members: half men, half women—and one of the women is a person of color.

Where are you from? What was your childhood like?

I was born in Decatur, Ill., which is a blue collar place. I’m the youngest of six kids. My mom stayed home until I was in grade school. She was a waitress, and then she worked as a mom. My dad sold life insurance door to door so we were really broke. I had a very small house with a lot of people.

What type of behavior will you not tolerate on your management team?

Disrespect. Be respectful to everyone.

Subscribe to The Leadership Brief by clicking here.

GRIFFITH’S FAVORITES

BUSINESS BOOK: Principles, Ray Dalio

AUTHOR: David Halberstam mostly because—I’ll tell you a quick story. So my sister bought me a book years ago, October 1964. And that was actually the month and year I was born, and it’s about the Cardinals and the Yankees going to the World Series. My dad played Triple-A farm ball for the Cardinals. He’s a Cardinal fan, so that was really big. And I was born on the day the Cardinals won the pennant, Oct. 4, 1964. My grandma called and said, “Congratulations!” And my dad said, “Yeah, can you believe the Cardinals won?”

APP: Instagram

EXERCISE/STRESS RELIEVER: My husband and I get up every day at 5 to work out. I love to go for long walks.

ALTERNATE FANTASY CAREER: I’d like to be a talk-show host.

Subscribe to The Leadership Brief by clicking here.

[thegloober]

Mailbag: Wild Card Game, Chapman, Realmuto, Goldschmidt

Yankeemetrics: Smackdown at Tropicana Field (Sept. 24-27)

We’ve got 12 questions in this week’s mailbag, the final mailbag of the 2018 regular season. As always, RABmailbag (at) gmail (dot) com is where you can send your mailbag questions each week.

Tanaka. (Mike Stobe/Getty)

Robert asks: Starting pitcher for the Wild Card? How about the one least likely to implode in early on. Any stats on who most often throws a scoreless 1st and 2nd inning? Probably no Didi to bail us out again this year.

The other day Aaron Boone mentioned the Yankees might only let their starting pitcher go through the lineup one time in the Wild Card Game, even if he’s effective. I’m not sure that’ll happen — if the starter goes nine up, nine down with five strikeouts, are they really taking him out? — but the Yankees have made it pretty clear they’ll be ready to go to their bullpen at the first sign of trouble. Anyway, here are the numbers (ERA/FIP/opponent’s OPS+):

Happ Severino Tanaka 1st inning 3.90/4.49/76 4.22/3.31/104 4.00/3.75/103 2nd inning 2.40/3.22/76 2.25/2.37/50 2.67/3.12/75 1st & 2nd innings 3.15/3.86/76 3.23/2.85/78 3.33/3.44/90 1st time thru lineup 3.03/4.29/92 2.60/2.74/79 2.70/3.12/87

Reminder that the first inning is the highest scoring inning, historically. That’s the only inning in which each team’s best hitters are guaranteed to hit. If the Yankees are only looking for someone to get through the lineup one time, it has to be Severino. And not just because of the numbers in the table. Tell him to air it out for nine batters and you’re getting a 100 mph heater and a razor blade slider. Severino can dominate anyone. The Yankees have to piece together 27 outs in the Wild Card Game. My guess is the bullpen get the majority of those 27 outs.

Joe asks: This might be a little extreme, any chance if Yanks make it to the ALDS, they leave Chapman off the roster and ready him for the ALCS? Don’t remember a time he looked good against the Red Sox. Maybe if they keep him on the roster, he doesn’t pitch at Fenway even in a save opportunity?

There’s no chance the Yankees will leave Aroldis Chapman off the postseason roster, in any round against any opponent. Chapman has really struggled against the Red Sox — he’s allowed 16 runs in 16 innings against the BoSox while with the Yankees — but he has the ability to dominate any lineup. You roll with your best players in the postseason and trust them to do what’s needed to win. What’s the alternative here? Tommy Kahnle? Sonny Gray? Yeah, no. Chapman’s recent history against the Red Sox is ugly and I’m not sure I’ll feel comfortable with him on the mound in a close game against the Red Sox, but he is far too good and far too talented to avoid in the postseason because of 16 bad innings spread across two and a half years.

Joe asks: Do you think that the presence of Yankees scouts with the Marlins could make an offseason swap of Sanchez for Realmuto a possibility? How would a trade look?

The Marlins would have to kick in more. I’ve gotten a lot of “why not trade Gary Sanchez for J.T. Realmuto?” questions this year and most suggest a package headlined by Sanchez for Realmuto. That is completely backwards to me. The Marlins would have to give up a package headlined by Realmuto for Sanchez. Consider …

Sanchez is two years younger.

Sanchez is under team control through 2022. Realmuto is under control through 2020.

Realmuto’s breakout season at age 27 in 2018 (.278/.342/.487/128 wRC+/+4.8 WAR) is no better than Gary’s age 24 season in 2017 (.278/.345/.531/129 wRC+/+4.4 WAR).

Aside from his caught stealing rate, the defensive numbers on Realmuto aren’t good at all.

I have no interest in selling low on Sanchez to buy high on Realmuto. Realmuto’s really good and I don’t have any reason to believe he won’t continue to be really good the next few years. But Sanchez is younger, is under control longer, and every bit as talented (if not more). If Gary were on some other team right now, I’d get a zillion questions asking whether the Yankees should buy low, and I’d say absolutely yes. Keep Sanchez. Don’t trade him for the flavor of the week. You’re never going to win anything if you cut bait the first time young players struggle.

Matt asks: Is it worth it to dismiss Josh Bard after this season and hire a former manager to be a bench coach? With bullpen management being a clear weakness for Boone perhaps an experienced manager can offer some help.

From what I understand, Josh Bard is very highly regarded within baseball. He’s considered a rising star in the coaching and managerial ranks. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if we hear him connected to some managerial openings this winter and see him possibly go for interviews. Some of Aaron Boone’s bullpen management is dumb. The A.J. Cole thing is ridiculous. But, generally speaking, Boone uses guys in the right spots, in my opinion. David Robertson is the fireman. Dellin Betances faces the other team’s best hitters. That sorta stuff. It’s up to Boone to improve his improve his bullpen management. It’s not on the bench coach. Boone has to learn and gain experience. Besides, I suspect the front office has a lot of input — let’s call it “providing guidance” — into bullpen moves. I’m not sure a veteran bench coach would change much, if at all.

Goldy. (Ralph Freso/Getty)

Craig asks: Paul Goldschmidt. Some speculation that the D-backs could deal him over the winter – do you think the Yankees would/should make a play for him? What would it take?

Next season is the last season on Goldschmidt’s contract (it’s a no-brainer $14.5M club option year) and he’ll hit free agency at 32, which makes things dicey. He’s obviously great — Goldschmidt is hitting .291/.390/.538 (146 wRC+) with 33 homers and Gold Glove caliber defense this year — but paying big dollars for a first baseman’s age 32+ seasons isn’t something teams are eager to do these days. That has led to speculation about a trade his offseason.

If the Diamondbacks are open to trading Goldschmidt, the Yankees absolutely should make a play for him. He’s a dominant player who is a big upgrade at first base. I like Luke Voit, he’s been awesome, but I wouldn’t hesitate for a second to replace him with Goldschmidt. The Yankees have a lot of players in the prime of their careers or entering the prime of their careers. Anything they can do to increase their odds of winning the World Series in the short-term is worthwhile. The time to go all-in is right now. If not now, then when?

In a perfect world the Yankees would build a trade package around Greg Bird and Chance Adams, but I’m not sure that’s realistic. I’d want Justus Sheffield as part of a package if I were the D’Backs. I don’t think that’s unreasonable for a player as good as Goldschmidt, even one year of him. I’m not convinced Arizona will trade him. I think they’re more likely to keep him and try to win in 2019. If they’re open to trading Goldschmidt, the Yankees have to at least check in. Elite players are always worth acquiring.

Luke asks: All this talk about 10+ HRs out of the ’18 Yanks, and the next closest is Tyler Austin at 8 – womp. What about how many HRs have we gotten out of each position – has to be 20 per position, right? Any records close to being broken there?

I don’t know how to look this up historically, so I don’t know whether the Yankees are approaching (or setting) any records here, but it is pretty insane how much the home run production is spread out. The Yankees have not only gotten 20+ homers from every position except one (left field), they’ve gotten 20+ homers from every lineup spot except one (ninth). The numbers:

Homers by Position Catcher: 29 First Base: 32 Second Base: 24 Shortstop: 33 Third Base: 26 Left Field: 19 Center Field: 29 Right Field: 37 Designated Hitter: 30

Homers by Lineup Spot 1. 27 2. 38 3. 26 4. 43 5. 33 6. 26 7. 23 8. 25 9. 19

That is pretty crazy. Can Gleyber Torres (or whoever ends up playing second base) hit three home runs this weekend? Can the ninth place hitter sock one? I can’t imagine many teams throughout baseball history have received 20+ homers from each position and/or each lineup spot.

Zeke asks: What’s your opinion on bad contract swap for Ellsbury and Samardzija? Maybe Yankees can throw in one low level prospect to make it work?

I think we’re heading into the third straight offseason with “Ellsbury for Samardzija?” questions. Jacoby Ellsbury was hurt all season and a non-factor. Didn’t play a single game. Jeff Samardzija pitched to a 6.25 ERA (5.44 FIP) in 44.2 innings around injuries. They both have two years left on their contracts and the money is similar enough ($43M vs. $36M) that it shouldn’t be a significant obstacle in a trade.

It boils down to this: What reclamation project do you want, the 34-year-old starter or the 35-year-old outfielder? I honestly don’t know. I feel like Ellsbury is more likely to help you as a fourth outfielder than Samardzija is as a starter or even as a reliever at this point. Plus Ellsbury just had hip surgery. If his rehab carries over into early next season, the Yankees collect insurance money to offset his salary, and the savings might be worth more than whatever Ellsbury or Samardzija gives you on the field. I dunno. Two bad options here.

Frank asks: Do you have any interest in a Robbie Cano reunion for the first base job? If so, how much of Cano’s contract would Seattle have to eat to make the deal plausible?

Nah. Robinson Cano is forever cool with me, but he’s going to turn 36 years old in October, and there’s still five (!) years and $120M remaining on his contract. It’s all downside too. Cano’s best years are behind him and you’d be acquiring his heavy decline years, the years the Yankees wanted to avoid when they reportedly capped their offer at seven years. The Mariners would have to turn him into what, a $5M a year player for the Yankees to even consider it? Even then, do you want to pay $5M a year for his age 36-40 seasons? Nah. stay away from the declining dudes on the wrong side of 35, especially when there are multiple years remaining on their contract.

Miller. (Jason Miller/Getty)

Andrew asks: Looking at your recent bullpen post. Why not bring back Andrew Miller as a FA? Let Britton walk and sign Miller who should be a cheaper? We already know he can handle NY and would give us insurance if/when Betances leaves after next year.

I suspect we’re going to hear a lot about a potential Miller reunion this winter. It’s worth a longer discussion outside a mailbag setting (and after the postseason). Miller turns 34 next May and he went into last night’s game with a 3.38 ERA (3.10 FIP) and a 31.2% strikeout rate in 32 innings this season. That is obviously very good. It also qualifies as his worst season as a full-time reliever. He’s also missed time with a shoulder impingement and ongoing knee problems that date back to last season. The Indians even sent him to see the Cleveland Cavaliers doctors to figure out the knee issue. Miller is awesome. I don’t know anyone who didn’t love him when he was with the Yankees. The question is who do you want the next three years, Miller during his age 34-36 seasons or Zach Britton during his age 31-33 seasons? As good as Miller is, I don’t think it would be unreasonable to consider Britton the better investment going forward.

John asks: Assuming a RH starter in the Wild Card game, shouldn’t Walker start over Voit?

Nah. Voit’s been hitting righties pretty hard these last few weeks. He went into yesterday’s game hitting .291/.384/.570 (158 wRC+) against right-handers this season, and that was before his 3-for-3 with a double and a homer game. Neil Walker’s had some big moments with the Yankees — what are the odds he comes up with a random huge hit in the postseason? pretty darn good, I’d say — but he is hitting .234/.326/.390 (94 wRC+) against righties. Voit will swing-and-miss a bunch against big velocity from righties. That’s not unusual though. Everyone does that. Otherwise he’s hit righties very hard and I’d go with him over Walker against a righty in the postseason. (The fact Greg Bird is not even part of this conversation tells you how terrible he’s been.)

Keane asks: Do you think the Yankees might experiment with more bullpen games or an opener next year?

I could see it, yeah. I don’t think the Yankees or any non-Rays teams would do it as often as the Rays have this year, but it’s worth considering. Inevitably there will be injuries and the Yankees will have to turn to young kids to fill out the rotation next year. That’s just part of baseball. And when you have someone like that, like Domingo German or the Chance Adams spot start this season, it’s definitely worth considering using an opener more often. It’s not something I would look to do regularly. There will be some times when it makes sense though, and I hope the Yankees embrace it.

George asks: I had one question after reading your article about re-signing Andrew McCutchen. You mention a three-man (Judge, Stanton, McCutchen) rotation in the corner outfield and DH spots, but who is the backup for center field? If Hicks gets hurt, or needs a day off?

That’s a good question and that’s something the Yankees would have to figure out. Is Ellsbury on the bench? If yes, he’d be the obvious backup center fielder. Judge played center field in a game earlier this year, so the Yankees are comfortable running him out there. Comfortable enough to let him do it fairly often? Or on an everyday basis should Aaron Hicks get hurt? I dunno. The same question applies to Clint Frazier. I wouldn’t want to play McCutchen in center field in anything more than an emergency. He’s been pretty terrible out there the last few seasons. This is definitely something the Yankees would have to figure out should they re-sign McCutchen. You need quality backup options at this up-the-middle positions. They can be awfully hard to fill.

Yankeemetrics: Smackdown at Tropicana Field (Sept. 24-27)

Source: https://bloghyped.com/mailbag-wild-card-game-chapman-realmuto-goldschmidt/

[higuchimon]

[fanfic] Crafted For Command:  Chapter 2

<

p> Daisuke hated not being able to do what he wanted to do. At that given moment, what he wanted to do was to squirm away from Kaiser’s grip and find out how to get back home, the sooner the better. Scoring some dinner along the way wouldn’t have hurt in the slightest.

<

p> But his limbs refused to move and Kaiser wouldn’t have let him go even if they would, and how in the name of all sanity had Kaiser learned how to be such an amazing kisser?

<

p> He refused to sink into it. He didn’t know why he didn’t seem to have a choice in obeying the Kaiser’s commands without some kind of Ring or Spiral dictating that, but he could still think what he wanted, feel what he wanted, and he didn’t want anything to do with this hard, passionate, unwilling kiss.

<

p> When Kaiser finally stepped back, his hands cupping Daisuke’s face still, Daisuke tried to raise up a hand, only for his captor to shake his head.

<

p> “Never, ever try to get rid of my touch on you,” Kaiser said, his tone more of a teacher lecturing than anything else. “Now. I know that you’re hungry.”

<

p> Daisuke wished he wasn’t. But he could feel how late it was getting and he’d skipped lunch anyway, too much homework and not enough time, and even though he didn’t like it, he wanted to make certain that it got done anyway.

<

p> “I think I mentioned you not going anywhere without a leash on,” Kaiser said, tapping his finger on Daisuke’s lips as he did. “But a leash isn’t quite as useful without a collar on.”

<

p> Oh, no. Daisuke would’ve thrown the most epic fit possible if whatever that strange effect was didn’t keep him quiet and restrained. He searched for a way to express what he wanted to know, what he needed to know. He couldn’t speak unless Kaiser allowed him to. That sealed off most of his options. There was always interpretive dance, but he wasn’t a good dancer.

<

p> Again Kaiser’s fingers touched against him, and this time he held an elegantly crafted dark blue leather collar in his hands. Daisuke noticed two things right away: there was a leash already attached to it and it didn’t have a buckle, just two ends.

<

p> “Stay still,” Kaiser ordered, and Daisuke did just that. Which was getting more and more frustrating with every passing moment. Kaiser wrapped the collar around his neck, spent a few moments adjusting it, the two ends brushing together on the back of Daisuke’s neck. He could hear a tiny sort of hiss, then Kaiser tugged the leash and nodded in pleasure. “No one else but me can take that off of you.” He rested his hand against Daisuke’s cheek, staring into his eyes, a mix of passion and command that melted Daisuke’s knees. “You look fantastic like this.”

<

p> Daisuke’s head spun at his tone, let alone his words. He tried hard to catch his breath, working even harder to convey that he wanted to ask a question. If Kaiser recognized the fact, he ignored it. Instead, he tugged on the leash again.

<

p> “Come along. We don’t want to be late for dinner.”

<

p> Daisuke followed Kaiser through the confusing corridors of the fortress, every ounce of his annoyance focused on finding a way to break through the commands and get his freedom back. His body acted in all ways as if it didn’t care about freedom, but just the bliss that washed over him whenever he did what Kaiser wanted.

<

p> He’s wrong. He’s just wrong. Wrong about all of it. He couldn’t be a Digimon. It wasn’t even close to being possible. And the others would have said something to him if they were too. This was all just some kind of weird, screwed up trick of the Kaiser’s. It couldn’t be anything else.

<

p> They entered a wide room with a table set with a delicious meal on it. Daisuke thought Kaiser would do something ridiculous like make him beg to get fed by hand or something. Instead, two places had been set up and Kaiser gestured him to one of them.

<

p> “Eat,” Kaiser ordered. “We’ll talk more after we’re done.”

<

p> Nothing about this was making Daisuke feel any better. But his legs and arms obeyed the Kaiser – something he found himself getting used to even as he hated it – and he settled down into the indicated chair. The food sent up tempting aromas and he let himself be tempted. At least Kaiser knew enough to feed him. He wasn’t going to complain about that.

<

p> And yet the Kaiser also didn’t take his eyes off of him, even as they ate. Daisuke couldn’t shake the feeling of those intimidating, intense eyes on him, before he stopped and gave Kaiser a look of his own, trying to ask without words why he kept doing that.

<

p> His look must’ve said more than he’d thought since Kaiser smiled at him, brushing his fingers across Daisuke’s cheek.

<

p> “I’ll allow you one question for now. But then we finish eating.”

<

p> Daisuke’s thoughts crashed into one another as he tried to grasp enough of what was going on to form a proper question. He’d wanted to know ever since waking up what Kaiser had in mind and now he could ask… and now he had no idea of what question he wanted to say!

<

p> Something finally forced its way out of his lips. “Why are you treating me like this, master?” He hated that last word. But Kaiser’s orders remained unchanged: he couldn’t try to get around his orders and he had to treat Kaiser with – unearned – respect.

<

p> That got another of those smiles that said he knew far more than Daisuke did about the situation. The answer didn’t tell Daisuke what he wanted to know, either.

<

p> “Because you are mine now, Daisuke. You just need convincing.” Kaiser tilted his head in thought. “But you don’t need to be afraid of me. I’m not going to hurt you. I have no reason to hurt you. I don’t ruin what’s mine.” Again his hand caressed Daisuke’s cheek. “You’ll give me what I want eventually, and give it to me because you want me to have it. I can assure you of that.”

<

p> Funny, I don’t feel very assured.

<

p> And Daisuke found he could say something else, something that felt so much better than anything he’d said since Kaiser’s voice called him to wake up.

<

p> “I’m not afraid of you, master.” He wasn’t. He wanted to beat the Kaiser’s stupid head into the wall, remind him that a Chosen Child didn’t try to take over the world, and that he wasn’t better than everyone or anyone no matter how good he was at anything.

<

p> Kaiser still just smiled. “I think that’s enough chitchat for now. Finish your dinner, Daisuke.”

<

p> And again his throat closed to words and Daisuke started to eat, even though his appetite wavered just a fraction.

<

p> The Kaiser’s enslaved Digimon didn’t make another appearance until after they’d both finished eating, clearing off the table when they did show up, and all of them stayed as quiet as Daisuke himself was. He wanted to ask where V-mon was and if he’d been caught to. He still cursed himself for not having asked that when he’d had the chance. But there was so much that he really wanted to know and he couldn’t sort through it all to ask what he needed to know.

<

p> Once more led around by the leash, Daisuke followed Kaiser to a well-appointed bedroom, the bed itself large enough for three, and covered in satin sheets and velvet bedspread. He swallowed at the sight of it, eyes flicking over to Kaiser, who looked back at him, hints of amusement glittering in those barely visible violet eyes.

<

p> “I told you I wouldn’t hurt you,” Kaiser said, voice low and rich and so very amused. “You won’t share my bed until you enter it because you want to.”

<

p> So where am I supposed to sleep? Daisuke asked that with his eyes, if nothing else. Plus, he didn’t fully trust Kaiser not to order him to want to.

<

p> But the Kaiser instead opened a door on the far side from the one they’d entered by and gestured inside. Daisuke saw another small room in there, a bed not as large as Kaiser’s, but suitable for one person, with an extra pillow that had something on it that lit Daisuke’s eyes.

<

p> V-mon!

<

p> Before he could take a step, Kaiser’s hand rested on his shoulder and Daisuke turned toward him at once.

<

p> “Tomorrow begins your actual training in what I want from you. You’ll learn about yourself and why you find such pleasure in obeying me.” The side of his mouth turned up. “Yes, I know that you do. You’re probably hating that you do, but you feel it anyway.” He leaned forward. “That is why you’ll come to me, sooner or later. I hold the keys to your happiness, Motomiya Daisuke, and I’ll never give them anyway to anyone else. Get used to the idea of belonging to me. Nothing can change that now that the process has begun.”

<

p> He rested a kiss on Daisuke’s forehead. “When you sleep, dream about me and what pleasure you find in being mine.” To Be Continued Notes: Daisuke has a rough road ahead, no matter how truthful those promises are.

[planner4therevolution-blog]

INTERVIEW WITH TRE TEMPERILLI

A couple of weeks ago I went to a party for a friend, by myself (gasp). As I stood at the bar courageously not looking at my phone, I was lucky enough to strike up a conversation with Tre Temperilli – Activist, Writer, and Organizer for the Hillary for America Campaign. It was a truly engaging chat that continued as we closed down Ye Rustic talking politics, musicals and how to get home in the fucking rain in LA. I asked Tre if he’d sit down with me for an interview and thankfully he obliged. Here is that conversation.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

P4R: Before we get rolling, cheers! (We clink our bottles of beer)

TT: Cheers! To the revolution… fuck it. Kind of.

Haha! Well I guess on the flipside of that, what is giving you hope right now?

Oh shit, that’s a big one! What gives me hope is actually, knowing that the challenge in this, is finding hope. I think back on what Michelle Obama said when she said what we’re experiencing, what we’re feeling now is hopelessness a hopelessness that many people throughout the world wake up to that perhaps many of us were immune to such as the depths of poverty or any kind of social construct that oppresses any marginalized community. So that’s been something that I’ve been thinking a lot about in my own personal story, because I’ve always been a hopeful person. So what it is to not have that hope? And I can honestly say, it’s not that I wake up with a sense of hopelessness, it’s kinda that sense of not knowing what to do, of how to participate always being clear, that inspires hope. Does that make sense? The picture is never so bleak that we can’t find the light. But finding that light, honestly is a pinhole right now and I understand that, I’m hearing this from so many friends. I know that you can’t give in to despair. I mean personally speaking I can’t give in to despair. I’ve given in totally to my anger and rage. Which has been sustaining me. But I also know I cannot survive off of that. It takes a toll; so then how do I turn that into something.  And this whole entire process gives me hope because it tells me that I’m a conscious being, I’m thinking, and I can see that pinhole of light, now how do we get to it and open it up?

I joined the campaign, Hillary for America and the Democratic Party of Wisconsin. I went into with that sense of urgency, that sense of hope and knowing that this darkness was coming. We knew and felt the threat on the horizon and we pleaded, begged, bargained for votes. So after that happening and the cataclysmic events on November 8th, 10:38pm CST that was the beginning, to me, of the end of a certain dream I had of our country, of America. And that hope that Obama spoke about about that leaders prior to Obama have spoken about and that I grew up with. Like the voices of Bella Abzug, Gloria Steinem, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Bobby Kennedy all these voices that instilled in me the spirit of what this fucking country could be. And I do believe Hillary Clinton had those values and again that’s why I picked up my life and went to Madison, WI for 3 months. Because I needed to see that through, I needed to see the promise of a fucking America. We were right there!

How would you describe your work with Hillary?

I was hired as a field organizer. I believe it was in August, yes. And basically what that entails is going in and working on the ground. Recruiting volunteers, getting out the vote, making LOTS of phone calls to recruit and also to remind people to early vote or to build events. It was non-stop 15 hr days 7 days a week and no time for a personal life. Like, nothing was ever not about the campaign. Except for the time I gave myself after work or early in the morning.

Had you been a campaign organizer before?

No. This was my first endeavor into the actual political landscape. I had been an activist prior to this, so I’ve done that type of activity and work.

Oh yeah, I should ask… what do you do? Like, besides organize and be a general badass?

What I do in life is I write. I track trends and I research and notate popular culture and what’s moving. Basically, I work in advertising. Hahaha! I was trying to make it sound better! Basically, it’s my job to make sure I sell the idea and do the pitch. And this obviously was the biggest pitch of my life. With the biggest deadline and that was to get Hillary Clinton elected. I went because, for me, there was no other alternative or choice. I knew I had to go.

What did a regular day of work look like? Were you set up like teams? How much anonymity, not anonymity…what word am I looking for…

Autonomy.

There you go. How much of that did you have?

First of all I could not have asked for a better place to go than Madison, WI because there are no civilians on the ground, EVERYbody is in tune with politics, EVERYbody has an opinion. Good, bad, indifferent it’s there. We had guidelines, teams, strict structure and a schedule. I had to create a structure for me because I was trying to, on top of my field organizing responsibilities, I was trying to create events that might appeal to the national campaign. So I would be up at 6:30 calling contacts in New York to say, here’s an idea, why don’t we do a huge Mother Daughter get out the vote event, trying to get that pushed up the ladder, writing proposals, I tried to get Moby to come to WI through contacts here, but I was there for 3 months and the time literally, it took me a month just to catch up with the campaign and with Madison politics. So there were teams on the ground already in place from Obama for America. So HFA and OFA came together. I refuse to fail so, I was recruiting people everywhere I would go. I would go out to dinner? I would recruit someone to volunteer.

I worked with someone within Russ Feingold’s campaign who was a Sanders supporter, he knew that I was able to discuss that platform in a reasonable manner. Not always reasonable because well my frustrations with the Sanders campaign are well documented and I don’t want to get too far of track. A lot of Sanders supporters would come into the office and we would have a one on one, that’s what we called them, and it was an honor truly to work with these people. They were some of the most dedicated volunteers that worked similar hours to our hours and never gave up, never quit and saw the responsibility in the vote. And that’s the message that I feel, that if we made a mistake, it was that we didn’t convey that message earnestly enough. But I’m pretty sure we did!

Well, 3 million more people than voted for the current president would agree. What do you say to people who blame Hillary herself (which I think is insane) or the Democratic Party for the loss? That is probably two very different things but let’s start there.

I say, fuck you. Quite honestly. I’m tired of hearing it. You missed the bigger picture we tried to tell you that this was the historical moment in which the democratic party was about to secure a third successive term. We have not experienced that in our lifetime. FDR, but I don’t think many of us were around for that. I was truly excited and inspired to see what that was going to look like. I think that a lot of people who only knew Barack Obama as their president were expecting the “hope and change” to happen instantaneously, even though he said consistently and constantly, it is a process and it takes all of us. So I’m very frustrated that people are just now coming to the table and suddenly feel that they know everything about policy and how it transpires and works. And that they’ve proceeded to buy into this ludicrous, ridiculous, supercilious message, of anti-establishment and status quo and fucking “revolution”. I have lost the taste for that word. It’s just like, I now call it #ourbrandrevolution because that’s exactly what it’s become. And it’s a danger. And it’s going to create problems in the midterms. If people are so immovable that they can’t understand that it takes consensus to move forward we are going to be fucked. Period.

To blame the loss on Hillary is to remove any responsibility one had in playing a part in getting Donald Trump elected. It’s as simple as that. People know in their fucking heart and soul that if they voted 3rd party or if they didn’t vote, that they’re complicit. Also mainstream media. Chuck Todd just went after Robby Mook today about this same thing and he’s like, dude you took down Hillary Clinton every fucking moment you were on air. Andrea Mitchell same thing. Each and everyone of one of you brought us here. Own it.  Yeah that’s what makes me pop a vein. This is making my side hurt!

Did you meet with resistance when talking with people? How did you combat rejection or resistance?

Oh well first of all, I love rejection. It’s this weird thing in me. I came out here on the actor’s track so it fed right into that, “oh reject me!” I find it humorous, like ok, the rejection, for like the smallest of details. So I learned rejection really fast. And I think also being a trans queer person you just come kind of built knowing that your life is not going to accept you. Y’know, you’re automatically rejected! So you kind of create this perseverance and a humor about it because, seriously, I don’t really fucking care who accepts me or who doesn’t. I’m here, I exist, I’m proof because I’m standing before you. And that’s basically what I would say on the doors. And when I would find rejection to mainly the message and Hillary Clinton, I would ask people to reconsider either not voting and voting.

And then there were the Bernie or Busters. That rejection, I would ask them to reconsider, they allowed me to speak, some didn’t. It was the only time I was threatened on the doors, like, “don’t come back here and if you do” and had things said to me, some male posturing.

And this was opposed to the GOP or Republican voters who you met?

Our doors were targeted towards democrats. Occasionally though we’d land on a GOP or republican door and I was met with thank you but I’m voting republican. And I was like, anything I can say to change your mind? And they were like, nope. I was like, that’s cool thank you for being polite. That wasn’t always the case for my co-workers. I mean there was psychological warfare out there. But, invigorating.

How far do you think we should go in asking our politicians to say no to Trump’s appointments, and particularly the Supreme Court nomination? How much should they say, no?

I think we demand a filibuster. I need to reread what Harry Reid said about the filibuster, I have to understand a little bit more about how that would take place. But what I’m hearing is that Donald Trump is already saying… I even hate saying his name… that he has instructed Mitch McConnell to go nuclear. Which is basically, to usurp the power from the confirmation hearings and declare that 51 votes is enough. I fully expect the Democrats to filibuster this choice. I do believe that they will go in that direction. I think we had 3 or 4 democrats that voted for a cabinet nomination…

Tillerson

The oil guy, yeah Tillerson.

The fact that we have trouble keeping them straight, that we are like “which awful person” is telling.

I imagine we’ll have playing cards with their pictures on them. Remember when those were popular in the build up to the Iraq war?

Oh riiiiiight! Yeah those would be really helpful right now.

We’re past the point of like, I think it’s Rob Reiner who said that it’s so ludicrous that it’s impossible to make parody or jokes about this because, it’s happening. And, as I mentioned earlier when you came in, speaking to my neighbor who’s from Tel Aviv, whose mom is from Iraq who has genuine concern and who has experienced tumultuous times within her own country and her own life. I think the danger here is not recognizing that this is in fact, a hostile take-over.

I went back last night because I’m a masochist or a sadist… maybe a little bit of both. And watched debate number 3.

OOOOHHHHH!

Because I knew there would be so much content there. Basically, everything Trump said he would do is right there and Hillary called it all out, right there.

She did. If you had to pick one or 3 things, what is making you pop a vein right now?

Well dude, I literally popped a gut. It wasn’t a gut but it was a muscle under my rib. And that’s what this feels like! Ok, to put this in context I have a rib contusion and a fracture on my left side, which I’ve had since October. That I used to lovingly call my “Bernie-Stein Hernia” because we (HFA) were doing all the heavy lifting. But I found humor in it and I just kept going along. So what pops a vein now? Sigh. So many things it’s hard to single out just one. But again, I’ll go back to this idea that we can’t form a consensus unless everything is perfect. This demand for purity and the irresponsible message that says to young people like, “Hey we’ll get there quicker by hastening the revolution with Trump”. And as a queer person that felt like a direct threat to my life and well being.  And it turns out that I’m right. And not just me I think women and people of color and immigrants are first on the list. This is a war. I mean the motherfucker has a picture of Andrew Jackson in the Oval Office. So every time he swears somebody in or they like do a signing. There’s Andrew Jackson, which is hardly the image of democracy that we want to see. Again, we saw this storm coming and we tried to stave it off and we were terrified that the worst possibility would happen. But even with those ideas of the “worst possibility” these are even worse. So purity fucking pisses me off. And that there are still people out there who are insisting on it and being immovable is going to cut us off at the knees and it will kill the movement.

Can you explain Andrew Jackson to me in a sentence? Or I suppose I could Google it!

What I think is so offensive that at the launch of Black History Month Trump comes out and here’s this picture of Andrew Jackson always prominent. Jackson owned hundreds of slaves, he was a plantation owner. I think he falls in line with Trumps romanticized idea of a military leader. Again, if you go back to debate 3, he talks about Patton, as well as despots and fucking lunatics and tyrants. His strategy is very much a war strategy. And with Bannon, Bannon is the same way. And they’re not hiding it. That’s my whole point with the Andrew Jackson picture, it’s like, they’re not hiding any of this. Rudy Giuliani got up and said this is definitely a Muslim ban. They are rubbing it in our face.

How do we combat that?!

Slowly, I think. We have to remember that we are a nation of laws. I do believe our Constitution is strong. And I think that if they push too far we will push harder.

What does that look like to you on the ground as someone who has worked on a campaign, as somebody who is an activist?

I think it’s a culmination of acts large and small. If all you can do is take 10 minutes everyday to call your representatives, that’s what you do and that’s what your action is. The mantra I had, when I came off the campaign, I kept saying to people just by intuition and gut was that we’re all going to be called into action. You may not know how, but it will come to you and you will respond. That’s going to happen. For all of us. We will all be called into action in some way or other. And again, no action is too small and certainly we’ll take the big actions too. I do believe it lies within this movement. “This movement” being what happened around the women’s march and that organizational structure as long as they don’t self-combust.  I think there is really good leadership there and I think there is going to be really strong leadership from the Democratic Party. There already are.

Any specific names you’d like to shout out?

Oh yeah I mean, it’s the usual suspects Maxine Waters, Sheila Jackson Lee, Barbara Lee, in the congress. You have Cory Booker, who I know Big Pharma, but this is where the purity argument comes into, without understanding the true nature of the bill that he passed on. You have John Lewis of course, Elijah Cummings. Katherine Clark. Klobuchar, Franken. There are so many. Tim Kaine. And I love seeing them get active on Twitter. I mean, I know it sounds like a small thing but they are getting used to using the tool.

Now unfortunately, what we’re getting from what I call the regressive progressives is a backlash of people stalking these democrats coming forward and still going with the “elitist status quo” argument. I don’t believe they’re (regressive progressives) actually democrats, I believe they are more libertarian. They, along with Bannon, have no respect or regard for the structures for the corridors of power and our governmental system. Those are the same people who were rioting in Berkeley last night, well they were anarchists. So.

Did you get to meet Hillary?

I did not get to meet Hillary. Because when I did an event her in Los Angeles, I was the one running interference between agitators and her. So, that was fun! I got close, but I wasn’t in a hurry either. I had a job to do so that’s what I was focused on. And I figured the time will come. If it’s going to happen. And she’s not done. I don’t believe by any stretch of the imagination that she’s finished. What it looks like only Hillary can say, she’s a strategist and she damn well can take her fucking time. She was the tip of the spear that brought us here. And the fact that people aren’t willing to acknowledge that, that’s another thing that pops a vein. Then we’re going to have to start talking about misogyny and how that played an infective part of this catastrophic loss. It was definitely there. You can’t support the guy yelling “paid speeches” and not see the double standard in him yelling “paid speeches, show us those speeches!” without revealing his tax returns, rider 2014, or filing an FEC report. I mean, if I were a Sanders supporter that would concern me! Why the double standard? I would go and look at myself in the mirror saying, why can’t I look at the faults of my candidate, while I can easily cite the faults of the opposing candidate, that’s a double standard. And by all terms, its misogyny. So, deal with it.

DEAL WITH IT! And with the 52% of the white women who voted, voting for him, the call is coming from the inside!

First of all, we don’t really know what the actual data was because we don’t know the extent of the hacking. And hacking that all was happening, that’s not some sort of fairytale story, that was happening. But again, if we pitched this election as a movie idea? We would be laughed out of the room. Because it’s got every possible character imaginable. It’s every dystopian novel ever written and we’re living in it. How do you find your way out of that? I mean, I heard helicopters tonight prior to your coming and I took a deep breath and got ready. That it wasn’t just a usual police incident but that we were arriving at the moment of the purge. Which is what a lot of these people who are on the extremes of both sides, I believe, wanted to see happen. I personally, feel like I’m ready. I was born for this fight.

What is something that you’ve done since the election that makes you proud?

I took out my garbage and did my laundry. No but seriously, I updated my cover letter and resumé and have been applying within the party to say I’m here I’m a valuable commodity, you can’t afford to have me on the sidelines. Which is basically what I did when I applied for HFA. I go to that line of thinking it and pushing that and then I think I just want to go live my Jack Kerouac life in Mexico City and find William S Burroughs. I think Mexico City is going to be a sanctuary. I think Mexico’s going to be a go-to. And I hope they get the fucking Alamo back!

This is a national nightmare. We are in a Constitutional crisis.

What would happen if we impeach Trump? Do you have an opinion about that?

Impeachment is too slow for this National crisis. But if it were impeachment and we go to Pence. We’re still looking at really destructive policies. Horrible, hateful policies. I believe, I would hope what this would lead to, is the destruction of the GOP. But we were making that calculation regarding a Hillary victory. I mean that’s what I would say to volunteers, this is our opportunity to deliver a final blow, with a crushing victory. Let’s give it to our vote, this is it, we’re here. When that didn’t happen I think we had to do a lot of readjusting and I think we thought a Donald Trump defeat would be the end of the GOP but actually it may in fact be his victory that finally destroys this goddamned motherfucking antiquated dinosaur. Again, I think I was born for this battle! I’m ready to go in.

And just to be clear the dinosaur is the GOP?

The dinosaur is, I hate speaking in such like Jungian… it’s the archetype, the white male patriarch. I mean, it’s showing itself for all that it is. And they’re rubbing it in our face. There’s not even any shame about it. And you can’t even really say White Male, because of the Orange One.

He’s the devil.

I hate insulting the devil like that.

What is one thing that you’ve learned that you’ve learned and what is something you want to learn more about?

I’ve learned more about my limitations. Which was kind of stunning. That I am vulnerable to feeling a sense of, not hopelessness, but of losing sight of my optimism. That is staggering for an optimist, and a pragmatic optimist. I’m a problem solver. So not having an immediate answer to this, that’s been revealing. So how do I find my way out to that and speak about a message that is positive and one that resonates a hopeful sense. How do we revive that? So what I want to do is learn how to do that. I said immediately after the campaign I said it is going to be time for us to dig deep, deeper than we’ve ever known. And yet, a few weeks after I was really strong like right after because, again, I was fueled by anger and adrenaline still. And when that gave out, I kind of hit bottom and didn’t quite know how to do the heavy lifting and deep digging. I mean I do know how to do this, I know it intuitively, but in this climate when there’s a constant barrage of bad things happening how do you persevere? My steps are self-care. Which I’m failing at miserably!

I keep hearing that from people. What works for you when you can do it?

Beers and tacos.

But seriously, exercising is usually a key thing for me. But I haven’t been able to do that because of this Bernie-Stein hernia. So how do I recover from that? How do I get my physical self back? In that challenge, I find hope because I know it exists within me. It’s my will. It’s my purpose. This is a calling and I think many of us have been called. And it’s whether or not you follow through on the call. When the call comes you pick up. Hopefully you’re ready. So that’s sort of what I’m doing right now, that slow preparation of whatever that next call is. That I can answer it. Fuck. Shit. Once you say it out loud! Wheee!

In another self-care question, are there any artists or any art that helping you get through this? Or even your own art and how you practice it?

Yeah, it’s trying to find the best method in which to use my words and my point of view. That is my challenge. So yeah, me. But also television is like the aloe vera to put on wounds. It always has been, since I was a kid, it would be my go to. “The Get Down” the Baz Lurhman, I love that show. I love musicals. It’s so fucking typical of a queer but, yes. What was concerning, all of my go-to’s that I would find comfort in, nothing was working and it was alarming. I couldn’t find any sense of joy, not joy but even reprieve from the barrage. And then I started watching horror movies and that helped.

Oh yeah, I did that with American Horror Story because it was the only thing that was high stress enough, that when I finished it felt like a relief.  

Exactly. It’s like trying to out terrify yourself from the reality of what’s happening. How do I make this worse? Plus I think when you’re terrified it creates adrenaline and I think many of us have become adrenaline junkies through this experience. Because many of us are driven by the belief that we are a fucking strong nation, we are a good people. I come from that optimism.

As much as I hated the message of hope and change because I knew it was exactly that, it was advertising at its best. And I knew that people were globbing onto it because they were expecting it to be instantaneous, so in that respect it was a failed message. And yet Obama kept saying this is a long-term process they weren’t hearing that. And when I say they, I mean consumers, because that’s what we all are. We’re all consumers. And it’s the same short sightedness that I find fault with the Sanders campaign, with “the revolution”. I’m sure we’re going to see commercials and runway shows that are going to be inspired by like protests and activism and that’s when you know that we’re kinda fucked. No I’m just kidding. On this subject, we’re about to experience the biggest advertising event in America, the Super Bowl. And of course I have thoughts on that because, I do love my sports. I’m a NY Giants fan and sports fucking saved my life on the campaign. Sports is a go-to that I use a lot. It’ll be interesting to see what trends during the super bowl and fucking Lady Gaga is performing and I can’t tell you how damned excited I am because I have to believe that she’s going to deliver a message. Unapologetically, I hope. I’m trying not to get my hopes up too high because like a committee has to approve it all but it’s Gaga. So I’m hoping like a brigade of pantsuits just like comes out. Because she was a big Hillary supporter and still is. We’ll see what she has going.

And then you have the Patriots who are all Trump supporters from the quarterback to the KRAFT family and you’ve got the Atlanta Falcons where Jimmy Carter goes and watches the games.

I did not know that.

This is the battle of gladiators. So it’s cheap entertainment for one second without taking our eyes off the prize. It’s ok to allow yourself these distractions. I am genuinely concerned about safety more so than any other Super Bowl. I think this man has made us a target in just what is it 12 days? Yeah.

What is your preferred form of activism?

I like coalition building and outreach and I think for me, ideally where I want to go is into the lower socioeconomic neighborhoods that Trump said we were taking for granted. I don’t think we took anyone for granted. I can speak personally and say there was not one voter we took for granted. But I do feel that there is a wealth of potential in these areas that have been ignored and not cultivated. It’s frustrating because when you’re poor and nothing has changed for you, why would you be inspired to vote? And that’s what I heard a lot. But they did still vote. And when I say they, I’m including myself in this demographic of marginalized people. Of those who might be disillusioned or “what has the government done for me lately”? I have 101 complaints about the government. But I also know that, as a queer person, I mean the barrier was broke for gay people because of Obama.

Because of specific laws that he passed?

Yeah. Yeah. And the recognition. I mean we heard Trans People be referred to in the State of the Union. I honestly never thought I’d hear that in my lifetime. Never. I always use the analogy that he was setting the ball up on the tee and that Hillary … That Hillary and Obama were a team since 2008. Do I know that for a fact? No. But it seemed to be playing out that way. I’ll get this first 8 yrs. and then it was going to be a fucking home run. We kinda blew it. Big. Obviously.

What do you think happened?

I always say, I felt like George Clooney and that big wave was coming. It was the perfect storm of many things. We were fighting from the left, we were fighting from the right, we were fighting from the daily messages from the media about Hillary, Hillary, Hillary, and never holding Trump accountable. In fact, giving him free 40-minute airtime! It was astonishing. We will go back and look at this and we will study this and everyone will be held accountable. That happened and then I have to say the Comey announcement was devastating. But even before the Comey announcement was the Hollywood Access story where we, I never thought that was the damaging blow that would ruin his campaign because he’d already proven himself to be Teflon. But I got calls from volunteers saying, “Oh we’ve got this, we don’t need to get out the vote, do we really, do you still need me?” I swear I have more grey hairs from those calls than the Comey effect. But the Comey effect was significant.

What do you think Hillary Clinton is doing at this moment, right now?

Ok. I’ll tell you. In my mind what I’m hoping she’s doing is drinking wine and hanging out with Meryl Streep while the two of them talk about the patriarch and laugh and throw the glasses into a fireplace. 

Whatever she is going to do she’ll do it with dignity, grace and responsibility. That’s who she is. People miss that point about her. I remain humbled, honored and proud to have served on Hillary's campaign. I will forever be her Brienne of Tarth.

On the flip side of that, what do you think Donald Trump is doing at this moment right now?

Having his diaper changed. I’m sorry I said that. We were programmed not to say anything negative. Haha! Gloves are off.

We all have to do this in the middle of our lives.

In the middle of a war. It feels crazy to say this but I say hostile takeover, but I do believe it’s a coup. And I don’t throw that around lightly. I think there is trouble on the horizon.

Do you think there will be internal violence in the US?

I think it will be set up that way. I think we’re going back to COINTELPRO I’ll go back to USC Berkeley. I know that these protestors who are anarchists think they’re doing good by a cause their whole theory and premise, if you create disruption, you create exposure. So again being in advertising, it’s like no that message is kinda flawed. Because The Women’s March just proved that there are ways to get exposure through peaceful means, same with the airport demonstrations. So you’re coming in (the anarchists) and doing this is highly suspect and that is around the speaker Milo, who’s a Breitbart operative. To me, it echoes of CoIntelPro and the Black Panther party. How the government made the Black Panther Party seem so terrifying to a White America and a threat. When in fact, they were doing really good social justice and activism work. And the only reason I know this history, is because my last year in high school, I came out to my best friend who proceeded to shun me. I kind of then had a whole year of being shunned my last year. So I found refuge and sanctuary in the library and I found the Civil Rights Movement, and I found all these leaders and these voices and writers. That’s what instilled in me a sense of fairness justice and equality and why we fight for it. Because that’s the foundation in which we built this fucking nation. I’m not about to give up on it.

In saying all that I just said, it’s quite possible that I’m Travis Bickle that I’m totally, that I’ve gone totally over or that I’m Colonel Kurtz, I could be that character and this is Apocalypse Now. I have no fucking clue. I’m kidding America! Don’t lose your sense of humor. Whatever you do. And my other advice would be, fall in love. Because there’s no better time to fall in love then in the midst of a revolution. Go for it. Live epic, cinematic, passionate fucking lives. But do it kindly and responsibly. And don’t fucking throw Molotov Cocktails. It’s really simple.

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Thanks so much, Tre! You can follow Tre on Twitter at treshaus

[itsfinancethings]

(Miss this week’s The Leadership Brief? This interview above was delivered to the inbox of Leadership Brief subscribers on Sunday morning, Aug. 16; to receive weekly emails of conversations with the world’s top CEOs and business decisionmakers, click here.)

One of the best indicators of economic activity is how many miles Americans drive, and as CEO of Progressive Corp., one of the largest U.S. auto insurers, Tricia Griffith keeps a careful eye on the nation’s coming and goings. Since the pandemic began, people are both driving less—miles driven plummeted by 40% in April—and getting into fewer accidents.

Griffith has spent her career at Progressive, starting as a claims rep, and is a rare CEO who previously served as her company’s head of HR, a background that she credits with helping make Progressive the top-rated corporation for diversity and inclusion, according to a ranking by the Wall Street Journal.

Griffith, 55, joined TIME for a video conversation from her home outside of Cleveland. Griffith shared her views on humor in insurance advertising (comedian Stephanie Courtney has been appearing in Progressive ads as Flo since 2008), the “sophomoric” state of the nation’s leadership, and how to build a diverse and inclusive corporate culture.

Subscribe to The Leadership Brief by clicking here.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

You’re in the risk business. How good a job are we as Americans doing at judging risks right now? How would you grade our decision making process?

F, F, F. I can’t believe people aren’t wearing masks. It’s ridiculous. And it’s selfish. Because you wear the mask for me, I’ll wear it for you. I’m looking at these beaches, and I am so disturbed. I just don’t understand why people don’t wear masks. My daughter’s wedding was 400 people and now it’s 12. And we’re all wearing masks.

And what grade would you give the nation’s leadership?

I think the sophomoric ways that both sides of the aisle are acting, it’s just like—I said to my team the other day, it was right around the time Democrats were saying $600 for unemployment. The Republicans were saying $200. And they couldn’t come to a compromise. I said, “If we worked this way as a team, all of us should be fired.” I would not allow that. And my board wouldn’t allow me to work like that. I’ve been disgusted at people not being able to compromise.

Shouldn’t the business community be speaking up with a louder voice? You have a lot of clout.

We actually have. As a member of the Business Roundtable, we have sent letters to Congress asking them to do specific things for small businesses, etc. I can forward you a note that we sent.

Yes, but there are degrees. I mean a polite letter from the Business Roundtable is nice, but a pointed comment from an individual CEO brings another level of pressure. Should more people be speaking up?

Right. I haven’t personally, but many members of the Business Roundtable have been on the different various talk shows and been more aggressive about it.

And another thing—the stock market is acting so irrationally.

I agree.

Why is the market continuing to hit these frothy levels?

It’s hard for me to say. I really try not to guess on the market. Very little of our investment portfolio is in equities, like 11%. We’re very conservative from that perspective. We are invested across the board in fixed income. We do commercial mortgage-backed securities. We do investment in corporate bonds. Municipal bonds.

So you’re not watching Squawk Box and calling your investment division and saying, “Sell! Move it all to cash!”

No, no, no.

You spend more than a $1 billion a year on advertising. Why is the consumer insurance industry such a heavy advertiser?

It’s funny you ask that because when you really think about it, everyone is required to have insurance yet we advertise it. But it works. We measure it and it works. We know customers react to it. It makes the proverbial phone ring.

You’re out there fighting every day for customers?

Absolutely. Geico and Progressive, we’re sort of Coke and Pepsi. It’s very competitive.

It’s funny, I’m an older consumer and what insurance company I use is a decision I want to make once. I’m surprised that people are constantly re-evaluating it.

Years ago, we put together personas. We have Sams, Dianes, Wrights and the Robinsons. You’re a Robinson. I’m a Robinson. I got my phone. I’ve got my cars. The ones that move a lot are Sams. They are what we would call inconsistently insured. And they do it solely for price. And so they’ll move for $50 or $100. Then Dianes are a little bit more stable, where they have a car, and maybe they have a rental policy. We want to get those Dianes so that they grow into Robinsons, which are auto/home bundles.

Insurance is a serious matter. But the prevailing tone of the ads is so comical. Why has the industry taken this approach?

There’s so much noise out there with so many different insurance companies advertising, you have to have something memorable. It is a serious category. When you’re calling in, we’re not going to be lighthearted about it. But we have to get your attention to be on the short list.

How important has Flo been to the growth of Progressive?

She’s been extremely important.

But at the same time, as early as 2015, there was a Reddit subthread advocating “Flo Must Go.” How do you balance her continuing popularity with the anti-Flo faction?

We look at the data. And so we sent out a survey that says literally, “Are you tired of Flo?” And we have not seen that change.

Are any of your new characters taking off? As a dad myself, I have to love the series on parent-like behaviors.

We call it parent-a-morphosis. You morph into your parents. We designed that in my office when I was chief operating officer about four and a half years ago. It’s funny because it’s true. Those lines are literally from all our dads: “Defense wins championships.” That was my dad.

What’s up with all the hip new insurance companies like Hippo and Lemonade, Root and Young Alfred? What’s driving that dynamic?

There’s been a lot of money to be able to fund startups. And I actually think many of those companies are answering unmet needs for people. Making it easy. You can get a really quick quote with Lemonade. Root is all usage-based insurance. Those companies are pushing us to not be complacent. I love competition. I just think it makes you better.

Let’s turn to your core business: car insurance. With the pandemic, are people driving less?

It went down 40% [in April] and then immediately upon the states’ opening, it’s crept back. So it’s not to normal levels, but it’s getting closer.

As a proxy for how the economy is doing, with reopening and then reclosing, are we down from a peak? Did it go up in June, and now it’s falling again?

No, it’s been relatively stable since things started to open because different states are going to open and close. So when we reclosed some of the states, other states picked up.

So the overall trend line continues to be up, is that correct?

Yes.

But miles driven is still down year-over-year?

It’s probably still down like 10%.

And what’s happening on the accident front?

We’re seeing fewer accidents. We believe because there’s less congestion that people are getting in less accidents.

Even before the pandemic, the frequency of accidents has been declining, right?

Frequency [of accidents] in the industry has been going down for the last 60 years. The offset of that has been severity. Our components are much more complex because of the technology. When I was in claims, the bumper might be $300. But now it would be $2,000 if it’s got cameras in it, etc. And medical costs.

People are getting injured more severely?

No, when you get injured, medical costs have gone up. So your visit to the chiropractor yesterday is a lot more than it was 10 years ago.

Regarding accidents, historically, are there certain times you want to avoid being on the road, the Fourth of July?

I think the highest rate of DUIs is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Everybody gets home. You’ve gone out with your college friends or your high school friends.

How existential a threat to the auto insurance business is full development of autonomous vehicles? Say that it was fully here tomorrow.

It’s a threat to the industry. If it was here tomorrow, it would be huge for our auto business because there would be a lot less accidents. And so premiums would go down. That’s one of the reasons why we’ve diversified and we bought a homeowners’ company, and we have commercial lines, and we have relationships with Lyft and Uber. But I think everyone’s rooting for safer vehicles because it’s good for society. I’m not putting my head in the sand. Cars will get safer and that will be great for society. But I think it’s going to be a little while.

The Wall Street Journal last year ranked Progressive the No. 1 company for diversity and inclusion. What advice would you give to a company that’s now starting to take this more seriously, going beyond making supportive statements and donations?

You have to be really intentional. You have to realize it takes a long time. And you have to really have programs in place that you can monitor. We started employee resource groups back when I ran HR in 2007. Now we have nine that are really embedded in our culture. We started a program three or four years ago called our Multicultural Leadership Development Program. We have a cohort of people that go through an 18-month program. Most of them are people of color. And their rate of promotion having gone through this 18-month program is about 60% higher than your standard peer. We’re going to supercharge that program to close that gap in the middle so that when I leave, my team is more diverse.

That same study found that companies that are more diverse performed better financially. What are your thoughts on why that’s so?

Because you get an opinion from a variety of people. If you have the same people that grew up the same way as you, that look the same as you, that love the same as you, you are going to come to probably the same conclusions. Diversity allows for debate and action. And it’s more fun. I don’t want to be around a bunch of 55-year-old white women all the time.

What else has been successful in building a diverse culture?

I’ve had the opportunity to hire several members from my board of directors in the last several years. And I think having a board that is diverse is as important because they’re guiding me. And I think we’re the only Fortune 500 company that has a female CEO and a female chairwoman. And I have 12 board members: half men, half women—and one of the women is a person of color.

Where are you from? What was your childhood like?

I was born in Decatur, Ill., which is a blue collar place. I’m the youngest of six kids. My mom stayed home until I was in grade school. She was a waitress, and then she worked as a mom. My dad sold life insurance door to door so we were really broke. I had a very small house with a lot of people.

What type of behavior will you not tolerate on your management team?

Disrespect. Be respectful to everyone.

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GRIFFITH’S FAVORITES

BUSINESS BOOK: Principles, Ray Dalio

AUTHOR: David Halberstam mostly because—I’ll tell you a quick story. So my sister bought me a book years ago, October 1964. And that was actually the month and year I was born, and it’s about the Cardinals and the Yankees going to the World Series. My dad played Triple-A farm ball for the Cardinals. He’s a Cardinal fan, so that was really big. And I was born on the day the Cardinals won the pennant, Oct. 4, 1964. My grandma called and said, “Congratulations!” And my dad said, “Yeah, can you believe the Cardinals won?”

APP: Instagram

EXERCISE/STRESS RELIEVER: My husband and I get up every day at 5 to work out. I love to go for long walks.

ALTERNATE FANTASY CAREER: I’d like to be a talk-show host.

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