#which is good bc i won't have much choice soon on if i want to live there or not

[oifaaa]

How is life?

Ive just started reading castle in the sky the sorta sequel to howls moving castle that I never read before bc I had a friend whose book opinion I really trust say it wasn't as good as howls but as I'm moving right now a lot of my books are packed away and it's one of the few that isn't in boxes

[kooktrash]

UKIYO ✧ jeon Jungkook

summary: it’s the start of summer and there’s nothing better than dipping your toes in the sand and falling for a local boy who plays beach volleyball in his free time. he’s charming in a way you’ve never seen and you seem to understand each other better than one could imagine. both stuck in an awkward time of self discovery, you try to live in the moment and forget about your worries till they become too hard to ignore.

The Japanese word ukiyo (pronounced "u-key-yo") means "living in the moment" or "detached from the troubles of life".

✧ genre/au: summer romance, local beach boy!jk x city girl!y/n, [she/her, afab]

✧ 17.7k words

warnings: smut, fluff, ‘coming of age’ but they’re in their twenties, jk falls first. oral [f receiving]. unprotected bc they’re literally on a boat. hair pulling. jk is kinda rich boy. oc seems mean but she’s got mean vibes but just sassy and jk likes it. jk was previously engaged. law student jk. intimate missionary. jk is a volleyball player. think beach town vibes. his ex is kinda stuck up—all his friends are. jk is kinda lovesick puppy who needs aftercare lol

inspired by, Nicholas Sparks’ “The Last Song”

songs: tyrant — coldplay, mind over matter — young the giant, left hands free — alt-j, omg — suki waterhouse, sex drug etc — beach weather

✧

For a long time, summer was the only thing to look forward to in the year. The days were longer spent outside enjoying time with your friends and letting yourself sleep in until noon. As you grew older with more responsibilities that didn’t suddenly disappear when the temperature grew warmer, you began to lose feelings for the season. It made no difference in your life anymore and you longed for the days it would.

Maybe that’s why it was so easy for you to drop everything and leave your worries behind. A couple months in the sun, no stress, nothing holding you back.

”I still can’t believe I managed to convince you,” Your friend said for the third time in the last hour. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes, again, “I still can’t believe it either, don’t make me regret it.”

Hoseok mocked you using a high pitched voice, turning the Jeep Wrangler into the driveway of a modern beach house, “How could you regret these next few weeks waking up to the waves crashing on the shore?”

”What magazine did you read that off of?” Your friend asked from the backseat, laughing to herself at his expense, “I hate when you talk corny.”

”Whatever, you guys are so ungrateful,” Hoseok jokes, pulling the car in ‘park’ and powering the engine off, “Next time I’ll invite someone else to come with—someone who I won't have to beg!”

”Boohoo,” You pretended to whine, getting out of the car and racing to get to your luggage first, “You love begging for me.”

”You wish,” He says with a scoff, “Hurry up and find your rooms, I want to get down to the beach as soon as possible.”

The beach was at its peak time of day where the sun sat the highest and almost every foot of sand was covered with people’s belongings. Not far from shore were rows of volleyball courts and crowds of people watching and as much as you wanted to avoid that busy side, it was the way to the boardwalk. You had no choice but to follow your friends in that direction. They were steps before you, already arguing about which store to go into first or what food stand you’ll go to but you were distracted by the large Ferris wheel in the back.

Maybe your focus should have been on the matches happening all around you but by the time you realized that it was too late. The white ball barely grazed your side when a tall figure headed straight into you with a loud thud.

A low grunt left your lips as you hit the sand with such a force that it physically ached for a moment. Your hands and face were practically covered in sand it was hard to acknowledge whatever gibberish your assailant spat out.

He didn’t have time to get a good look at you as he rushed to his feet, taking your arm and pulling you up abruptly, “Shit, I’m so sorry, I—“

“It’s fine,” your tone came out harsher than expected and it probably had something to do with the guy who loomed over you, and how embarrassed you felt. Up ahead your two friends were barely realizing you weren’t behind them and turning to find you, laughing once they did.

The stranger let his gaze trace over you with sudden curiosity, not at all intimidated by your attempt at a scowl. Now that he was looking at you up close, he had to admit he liked what he saw. He couldn’t help but grin nervously, “I’m sorry.”

His smile made you glare as you dusted sand off your jeans, “Really? I can’t tell.”

“I… it’s just, usually when there’s a ball flying people tend to dodge it,” he was walking backwards now as you tried leaving, he wanted to face you when he talked and it made his cocky smile all the more unbearable. You’ve just met the guy and he hadn’t given the best impression yet. Honestly, you’re just tired from the trip and you’re hungry so you blame that on your mood but you just want to escape this embarrassment of falling.

A scoff left your lips, “Are you saying that this is my fault? Maybe if you all played the game on the court, you wouldn’t have run after it.”

You were giving him attitude and yet he didn’t back down from returning it with a sweet smile.

“Jungkook!” Someone called from behind but the guy didn’t bother to even look back at the paused game. Instead he kept up with you, “You’re right, it’s partially my fault too so how can I make this up to you?”

You stopped walking, looking at him. You didn’t know him and he didn’t know you so there was no need to hold him up from his game any longer, “Don’t worry about it.”

“But I can’t go on like this,” The stranger, Jungkook, said, “Not until I know you’re not mad anymore.”

The way you rolled your eyes excited him in a good way. He wasn’t amusing enough for you and it was rare for him not to be.

“Jungkook! Come on man, the game!”

“Y/n!” Hoseok said loudly, “Hurry up, I’m starving.”

Just like that, the two of you walked away from each other and you had to tell yourself not to look back at him. You didn’t want to catch him doing the same before he went back to playing.

“Are you okay?” Hyeri asked, still laughing lightly, helping you shake off sand, “I was going to help you but then I saw you talking to that hot guy and I didn’t want to intervene.”

“So considerate,” you mumbled sarcastically, trying to hide your smile as you walked the steps up to the pier and forgot about whatever was happening on the sand.

The stranger really was attractive, and if he hadn’t toppled you over like it was nothing you might have stayed a little longer. When you spotted him below you couldn’t help but look him over. He wore a pair of blue and white striped swimming trunks and no shirt which gave you a good look at his muscular back and sleeve of tattoos. Compared to the players around him, he looked noticeably different from the rest and you kind of liked that.

“What are we eating?” You asked your friends who shrugged, still indecisive.

Hours after the sunset and Jungkook’s adrenaline from winning began to slowly settle down, he walked along the boardwalk with his partner. The two of them are trying to waste time for a while before their night plans come along.

“I know Yeaun is around here somewhere and if she’s here then that means Chae-hi isn’t far,” Jimin said looking around the crowded boardwalk while Jungkook followed behind lazily, “Which means a fun night for us so let’s find them.”

He could hear what Jimin was saying but he wasn’t truly listening. His attention had drifted away from the conversation the second he looked to the side and found a familiar silhouette in the distance. Well, not too familiar but he recognized it from when he crashed into you earlier.

You were with your friends at some jewelry stand looking over all the handmade bracelets and necklaces, such a short distance from him. He could easily make it over to you in no time.

“I don’t really want to see Yeaun,” Jungkook said, eyes trained on you. Jimin groaned in response, whipping back to his friend and shaking his head. He followed his line of sight and jumped in front of him.

“No, look over here, we’ve got plans,” Jimin said hoping to pull Jungkook’s attention away from some stranger, “We told Chae-hi and Yeaun we’d met them tonight.”

“No, you have plans, I never agreed to anything,” Jungkook said with a laugh, clearly amused. He tried to see if you were still there but when he looked back you were already walking away.

“Don’t be that way, think about me. Your best friend, who has been trying to get with Chae-hi for weeks now,” Jimin begged, making Jungkook sigh with defeat. He didn’t say anything as he motioned for Jimin to lead the way and went on with his life.

✧

There’s a story about how you found yourself moving into a beach house with your best friends for the summer. The opportunity sort of fell at your feet when Hoseok’s sister had to leave abroad for a couple months because of her job. She lived in a nice house on the beach that would need to be looked after and that’s when she decided to tell her younger brother about it.

Not long after, he came to you and Hyeri and asked if you wanted to join. It took a long time for him to convince you but when you realized how shitty life currently was back home, there was nothing holding you back.

Your first week has been fun getting to enjoy the warm water and sand between your toes. You’ve gotten into a bit of a routine in the area and you’ve begun to familiarize yourself with the roads and places. That’s probably why you were doing Hoseok a favor by helping him out today.

He’s busy taking care of some errands for his sister and asked if you could bring his car into the shop for some maintenance, considering Hyeri liked sleeping past noon, you had no choice but to agree to it all on your own.

“What can we do for you?” A guy in a dark gray button up and oil streaks across his hands asked you once you made it to the auto shop.

“Just an oil change.”

Jungkook had nearly forgotten about his encounter on the beach. There wasn’t much for him to remember anyway and he’s never been the type to hold onto something so meaningless. He carried on with his usual routine and busied himself away at work.

The shop he worked at was busy all of the time and it was a great distraction from whatever else happened in his life so he truly loved it. He loved getting to work with cars and getting his hands dirty. He worked with people he was friends with and sometimes, if he’s really lucky, someone who catches his attention will stagger in.

When he found you standing in the office with his boss signing papers he was visibly taken back. He had been too busy helping Namjoon take a wheel off a black Sedan, to notice when you came in but he was too late now. You were already finishing up whatever you were doing with Jin and leaving.

“I’ll be back,” Jungkook told Namjoon, tossing him the wrench he had been using and heading straight to the front.

You went across the street to the small diner and he had to think about this. Part of him didn’t feel the need to see you again, mostly because he was embarrassed by toppling you over and probably how he sounded. Part of him wanted to ask for your name, apologize and try and see if you’ll talk to him.

“I’m taking an early lunch,” Jungkook told him without much of a car as he hurried to clock out and leave for the diner.

You sat alone in a booth with your laptop open and scrolling through a website filled with job offers. It was partially out of boredom and a reminder that you needed to find somewhere for when you get back home. You could look for something in the field you used to study in but how far could you get with it?

“Excuse me,” he stood in front of you now, “I don’t know if you remember me from a few days ago but—“

“I remember,” you said blandly, looking up at Jungkook with a mixture of boredom and a small hint of possible curiosity. He looked very different with a shirt on, his abs weren’t as distracting but he still had an intimidating build. That’s why his pretty face surprised you under all that sweat and car grease. He was clearly one of the mechanics and has somehow made his way to you.

“Right, uh,” he swooped in to sit across from you, “I wanted to apologize. I didn’t mean to knock you down and sometimes when I’m playing, I kinda get a little too excited so I’m sure I was just talking and talking.”

You’re assuming he meant how he followed after you and smiled so arrogantly when you looked visibly annoyed with him. What you don’t get is why he’s apologizing again, you weren’t still upset over that.

“It’s fine,” you reminded him with a confused look, trying to read what he was really here for, “You work across the street?”

“Yeah, I’m Jungkook,” He finally introduced himself, “I saw you earlier and it was time for lunch so I came to talk to you.”

You didn’t say anything for a while and the silence wasn’t broken until the waitress came and asked what Jungkook would like. He brushed her off with a ‘Whatever she’s having’ and looked at you curiously.

“Okay,” You’re definitely not from around here because he would’ve recognized you so just who are you? He cleared his throat awkwardly, “Um, yknow, usually when someone gives you their name you say yours back.”

“Y/n,” You said distantly, “Can I ask you something?”

“Yes, anything,” Jungkook sat straighter, almost reaching up to fix his hair but stopping himself. He wasn’t nervous or anything but you’re not speaking to him with the same flirtatious tone and it’s confusing him.

“What are some fun things you can do around here other than the usual tourist stuff?” You asked him suddenly, “You are a local, I assume.”

“You assume right,” Jungkook nodded as he bit his lip in thought, “I could always show you better than I can tell you.”

“You’re a funny guy, y’know?” You smiled, “But seriously, what is there to do?”

He’s pretty sure that was just a rejection so it took him a moment to bounce back from it and tried to catch himself from doing it again.

By the time the car was ready, you were paying for your meal and hurrying to leave while Jungkook ate and enjoyed the last of his break. For the rest of the day he found himself thinking about you.

He’s lived a very repetitive and predictable life. Since early childhood he’s had the same classmates and friends, and gone to the same places and events. He’s known the same girls and has hung out with the same people for years. The only time he got any sense of independence is when he was gone for law school but now that he’s done and has returned home for the sake of his family and friends, he’s reminded once again of the repetitiveness.

Maybe that’s why he’s a little excited to meet someone new. He just had a strong feeling that you were more interesting than you let on and he wanted to know more.

He didn’t know that you felt the same and had to ignore these thoughts so you wouldn’t start anything with him. Jungkook was attractive and you’ve moved on from the fall aside from the slight bruising, and you were just trying to enjoy your time. Did you really need to meet someone?

In all honesty, he didn’t seem as arrogant covered in sweat, he looked good and he seemed nice.

But did that mean you wanted to waste your time with him?

✧

It was a crush, nothing but a small, schoolboy crush that occupied his mind from time to time. In all honesty, it was easy to ignore when he got carried away in his day to day life, it’s only when he sees you or you cross his mind for the shortest of seconds, that he finds himself getting lost. He doesn’t care for the girls his best friend likes to hang around, nor does he feel the need to upturn himself out there. Lately, all he’s wanted is to be with someone who makes him forget about himself and maybe he wasn’t looking in the right places if he thought you could help.

It was wishful thinking for him to hold so much thought over a stranger who couldn’t care less to know his name, but that’s what he liked. He wondered when he would run into you again, what he might say in hopes of getting a response and what would happen after that. He even wondered if you’d be at the beach tonight while everyone told ghost stories and drank bottles of Soju one after the other.

What does he say when he finally sees you looking at him?

You spotted him first, hating how much you wanted for him to look up and see you too. He was with his friends and you had no intentions to approach him but… well, he was cute. You can’t act like he isn’t and he’s oddly charming which makes him memorable but it was a bad idea. This trip was meant to be fun with your friends and that’s it—you weren’t going to make time for strangers.

“For once we don’t have to worry about an Uber and can walk our asses home,” Hoseok said standing over a keg, “So I don’t know about you guys, but I’m blacking out tonight.”

”When has anything ever stopped you from accomplishing that?” You asked him, turning your back to the familiar stranger, “You’re never the one ordering it anyway.”

”No, he’s usually the one we’re pushing into the backseat,” Hyeri joined in on the teasing.

“Shh, why do I always feel judged by you two? Is this what friends are for?” Hoseok pretended to be hurt as he filled your cup with beer.

“She’s not from around here, is she?” Jungkook asked as he looked across at you. You haven’t noticed him—he doesn’t think—but he’s noticed you and for some reason that excited him. Well, for one specific reason and it was simply the fact that he likes you. Does he know enough about you to pinpoint this statement? No, but he knows that he feels strange when you’re around. That has to mean something. The longest relationship he’s ever been in was with Yeaun and he doesn’t remember feeling this excited to meet someone.

“How would I know?” Jimin asked when a scoff, barely bothering to look over at you. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes, “You rather think about her than Yeaun? You’re insane.”

“Are you sure it’s Chae-hi you like and not Yeaun? You sure do bring her up around me a lot,” Jungkook rolled his eyes.

“Isn’t it obvious? I want you to get back together with Yeaun so that Chae-hi will think about me instead of her ‘heartbroken’ friend,” Jimin handed him a cup of beer, “Take one for the team.”

“No, I don’t think so,” He chuckled, “We broke up for a reason so don’t push it.”

“Not a good reason,” Jimin mumbled under his breath but Jungkook chose to ignore it.

“There you are,” the devil herself said as she found him, “We were wondering where you two ran off, right?”

“Right,” Chae-hi agreed, “Hi Jimin.”

“So, it’s kind of boring here isn’t it?” Yeaun asked looking at Jungkook for assurance, “Plus all the low lives are starting to come in and I really don’t want to be around any of them. We were wondering if you guys wanted to come back to mine.”

“To do what?” Jimin asked while Jungkook stood back disinterested and distracted. He couldn’t even pretend to be interested when he was focused on someone else entirely.

By pure luck, he looked back to see if you were still standing where you were before and this time you locked eyes with him. Without much care for the conversation he was supposed to be in right now, he walked off while they discussed plans involving a hot tub.

“I’m starting to think you’re following me,” Jungkook first said as you nearly bumped into him in an attempt to get closer to the bonfire. He walked alongside you with ease, “First, on the court, then at my job and now here?”

That made you snort in disbelief, shaking your head and trying not to smile, “Someone seems flattered but I think you have it the wrong way.”

“As in I’m the one doing the most to run into you? No, never,” Jungkook spoke dramatically, “This is all by chance. There’s no way I could’ve seen you from over there and decided to come and talk to you instead. That would make me seem desperate, wouldn’t it?”

“It would,” you agreed, slightly amused now as you broke into a small smile, “I didn’t take you as the type.”

“Well that’s because you haven’t tried to get to know me, I’m honestly a catch,” Jungkook joked lightly, following you where you walked off to, “Or are you scared?”

“Scared? Of what?” You asked, stopping abruptly and turning to face him with furrowed brows. He couldn’t help but smirk, “Oh I don’t know… getting to know someone new. You give me the vibe that you don’t like meeting new people.”

“I love meeting new people,” You exaggerated childishly, “When they don’t fall on top of me.”

“I caught myself, so let’s not lie now,” Jungkook snorted, “Besides, who’s the one who walked into the middle of a game?”

As he said that, the two of you seemed to have drifted far enough from where the fire had been going, that you found yourself not too far from one of the volleyball nets on the shore. Jungkook looked down at you with clear amusement as you looked up at the net and he walked up to the abandoned volleyball that sat in the sand.

“Do you eat, sleep, and breathe volleyball?” You jokingly asked, finally giving Jungkook some response that implied you were interested in him even slightly.

“Only on the weekends, sometimes around noon or after work if I’m free,” Jungkook told you, picking up the ball, “Do you play?”

“No,” you told him as he began to bounce the ball back and forth between his hands. You looked back at your friends who seemed preoccupied with whatever new friends they made for the night.

“It’s easy,” Jungkook said, “There’s really only one basic rule, don’t let the ball touch the ground.”

“Are you giving me a lesson now?” You asked with slight amusement as he moved to the other side of the net, “I’m warning you, I won’t be any good at it.”

“I’ll take it easy on you,” Jungkook tossed the ball your way and although you reached out to hit it, you missed and it landed a few feet behind you. He couldn’t help but laugh, “Okay, maybe you try and throw it.”

“But how do I throw it?” You looked up the tall net wondering how you would make it over. You held it up and tried doing a practice hit while he tried teaching you.

“Just try a simple serve, you can hit it from under or thro—“

“Oh my god,” you broke out into a nervous laugh as Jungkook covered his face with his hand. The ball sat at his feet, completely oblivious to the fact it had just pummeled straight into his face. You covered your mouth in an attempt to stop laughing but you were embarrassed and couldn’t do anything but try and laugh it off, “I’m so sorry.”

“Really? I can’t tell?” Jungkook said sarcastically, sounding eerily similar to you when you first met but still playful. In all honesty, the pain wasn’t too bad but it was humiliating and the only thing he could think about is how you’re trying not to laugh, “You think it’s funny?”

“No! No, I don’t, I just um,” you tried to stop, “I just…”

“You just what?” Jungkook looked at you, slowly making his way to your side and you inadvertently began to step back, worried he might actually be upset, “You like laughing at causing other people pain?”

“Did it actually hurt?” You asked with surprise, still stepping back the closer he got.

“My ego, yeah,” he joked, “And I feel like we need to get even.”

“We did, think about it as me getting back at you for the other day!” You tried to say, feeling the edge of the ride begin to touch your feet the farther you walked from him.

“Really? So this was all part of revenge?” Jungkook asked, “I don’t think so, I suggest you run.”

“What?” You stopped to think, “Jungk—“

And it began. He kicked water at you once the tide was close again and without thinking, you jumped back. You weren’t wearing a bathing suit or anything appropriate for the water so he can’t. You’re in a simple top and flowy, long skirt, not something you wanted wet, “Don’t you dare.”

“Why? Scared of a little water?” He tried to kick water again but this time you moved back in time and he smirked, “It’s better than getting hit in the face. Will you take care of me if I get a concussion?”

You scoffed, laughing, “Don’t you wis—Jungkook!”

He ran after you as you took off in a jog and before he knew it, you were splashing water back at him, not caring about how wet you got. The night was young and you were having a good time, there wasn’t much to worry about other than making sure you got Jungkook before he could get you.

Not far from where the two of you played in the ocean with the moon reflecting against the waves, a few pairs of eyes watched you unimpressed. Jimin didn’t have much to think about the matter, he just couldn’t understand it. Why would Jungkook waste his time on someone he didn’t even know?

Yeaun was right here desperate to have him back and instead he’s wandered off with some stranger acting childish. It doesn’t make sense, and neither does the big grin on Jungkook’s face once he caught you and tackled you into the low tide, both getting drenched in water.

“Jungkook!” He ignored the call of his name as he watched you shake sand out of your hair with curiosity. You looked annoyed even if you smiled and he knows you probably are considering he pushed you into the water but you’re not cussing him out yet. You’re not screaming at him for getting you into the water so maybe it was a good sign.

“Are we even now?” You asked breathlessly as you looked forward to where your friends were and turned away from Jungkook.

“I guess, for now at least,” He teased, walking toward Jimin, “It depends on if I bruise or not.”

“I didn’t hit you that hard,” you scoffed, smiling and shaking your head in disbelief. At some point in your ascend back up the shore, Jungkook got you to finally give him your number. You didn’t question when his friend approached him, going on about something you didn’t bother listening to and turned in search for someone you knew.

“You look like you need a towel,” someone said from your right. It took you a second to realize she was talking to you, much less holding out a clean towel for you.

“Thanks,” you said, trying to wipe off some of the sand with the beach towel the stranger handed to you. Hyeri was off talking with some guy and you had no clue where Hoseok was so as of now, you were on your own here. The girl was pretty and she seemed nice enough so you didn’t mind responding to her approach.

“I’m getting sand all over it,” you tried to make some sort of conversation, “Sorry, I’m Y/n.”

“Don’t even worry about it, I’m Yeaun,” She said with a smile, “You’re not from around here, are you?”

“Is it that obvious?” You asked, laughing lightly. Yeaun just shrugged as she got closer to you, “Not really, but, well… there’s just some people you should always avoid.”

Your brows began to furrow with confusion, “Like?”

“No, I don’t want to start anything,” she shook her head no, “We don’t know each other and you’ll probably think I’m meddling but… okay, Jeon Jungkook.”

You didn’t say anything to that as you tried to get a good look at the girl. Yeaun was pretty with sun-kissed skin and golden hair that shone under the moonlight. She seemed soft and glowed with a brightness that felt contagious but you didn’t know her. You don’t know why she brought up Jungkook or why she even approached you so you had nothing to say back to her.

“I just mean… you’re not from around here and you seem smart,” Yeaun said sympathetically, “Jungkook’s kind of a known player and I don’t want you to fall for his tricks, trust me, he’s not worth it.”

“Trust me, it’s not like that,” you said, suddenly disinterested in conversation with her and more focused on finding your friends, “Thanks for looking out for me though.”

Yeaun watched you walk away and not bother to turn back and she had to leave like it didn’t bother her to be brushed to the side. She can’t tell if you took what she said into consideration or if you couldn’t care less and she didn’t like that. She didn’t like that she didn’t know you and she didn’t know about your relationship with Jungkook or how you know him.

✧

His life was utterly perfect to anyone who thought about it. He had the bestest of friends, the closest family, the most money and a promising future. Everything he had ever wanted was handed right to him and in a sense, it made him arrogant. It was a given that he would end up that way and maybe that’s why he’s always surrounded himself with people of the like. He didn’t despise any of his friends, just sometimes, when he listened to the conversations they would have, he wanted to disagree.

“Yeaun said you’ve been avoiding her,” Jin said as he pulled a golf club out of his bag.

”Great, now you’re talking about her too?” Jungkook asked, lining his club up with a shiny white golf ball, “I already get enough of it from my parents and Jimin.”

“Well yeah, when you suddenly call off a year long engagement with someone you’ve known all your life, people question it,” Jin said, watching Jungkook swing the club back and shoot the ball into the air, “We’re worried about you.”

“Don’t be,” Jungkook mumbled, “Besides, there’s someone else, I don’t know if you know her, her name’s Y/n.”

“Doesn’t ring a bell,” Jin shrugged, moving his visor down to block more of the summer sun out of his eyes. He wore white golfing gloves and a pair of Raybans, making him look straight out of a country club catalog.

Jungkook sighed, growing more restless by the minute. He’s only seen you on few occasions and he’s yet to leave a good impression on you where he can ask for your number or something, “She was hanging out with this guy, I know you know him but I can’t think of his name—you dated his sister.”

“Hoseok?” Jin asked, “I remember hearing about how he was in town. How do you know this isn’t his girlfriend you’re hitting on?”

“It’s not,” Jungkook said, “I don’t think. I don’t know.”

“But what about her?” Jin asked, hopping in the passenger’s side of the golf cart, “You don’t know a thing about the girl but you like her and you’re willing to throw away your future because of it.”

“I’m not throwing anything away,” Jungkook said with a scoff, “But whatever, you don’t get it.”

He spent the evening golfing on a private course not far from the beach where you wandered around with a book in hand.

You enjoyed passing time with your friends but sometimes, you just needed time to yourself and you would find yourself wandering off on your own without much care for anything else. Your friends didn’t mind when you went off and you always made sure to tell them where you would go so there was never any problem. Ever since you got here, you’ve been doing things on your own.

“I knew I would find you around here.”

You didn’t respond at first, still debating if the person was talking to you, but one look up told you he was. Although you wanted to resist the urge to smile, you couldn’t help it.

“Stalker,” You said with a small sigh, closing your book. He didn’t say anything as he took a seat down in the sand next to you. “You’re on my turf, remember? What are you reading by the way?”

You glanced at the cover of your book, “Nothing exciting—how’d you know I was here?”

“I looked for a dark, brooding figure and assumed it was you,” Jungkook joked, “And just an fyi, my face still hurts.”

“I’m sure you've been hit worse,” You said sarcastically, sitting up and watching him get comfortable. He was dressed in a light color linen button up and shorts, the first buttons were undone and a cliche shell necklace sat perfectly against his collarbone. He was attractive and you’ve thought so since the beginning but something was holding you back.

Did you really want to waste your time on a stranger you won’t know in a few months?

“What are you doing tonight?” He asks suddenly.

“Sleeping, hopefully,” you told him, a small smile when you noticed him roll his eyes.

“It’s the summer, the sun’s out, you live on the beach—don’t look at me like that, it’s a small town. Word gets around when a new person shows up,” Jungkook said with a shrug, knowing it’s him who had been asking about you.

“You’re just solidifying my stalker allegations, should I report you?” You asked, laughing slightly.

“I’ll have you know, a lot of people would love to be stalked by me, you should feel flattered,” He nudged your knee with his.

“What? Like it’s hard? Word gets around,” You said to him, “I’ve already been warned about getting too close to you.”

Jungkook let his brows furrow as he took in what you said but it didn’t take long for it to dawn on him. As much as he wanted to act like there was no way his ex girlfriend would approach you, he knew her too well. Who else would talk down on him? Who else would feel threatened when he ignores them? What does she think she gains from telling you to stay away from him? Isn’t it his decision who he approaches and does she think you’re just going to fall in line like everyone else does?

This is the sort of thing that pisses him off. He’s not a bad guy at all, he doesn’t sleep around, he focuses on his goals, he has fun with his friends… so why?

“But if it makes you feel any better, I’m not very good at listening to what I’m told,” You finally said, standing up with your book in hand and pulling the sand-covered towel, “And I’m starving, so where’s a good place to eat around here?”

As much as he wanted to act like the cool guy and seem indifferent, he couldn’t help but break out into a grin. Without wasting another second, he got up and motioned to carry your things, “There’s a good food shack on the boardwalk. I guess I could show you around.”

“If it isn’t too much of a hassle,” You said playfully, handing him your things.

“So, I want to know, what’s a big city girl like yourself doing all the way over here?” He asked on the way up, “Or do you still want to play at being mysterious?”

You rolled your eyes, “I don't usually play games like that, I think you’ve got me confused with someone else. I just don’t talk if I have nothing to say.”

“Interesting take, I personally never know when to shut up,” Jungkook smiled, pointing up to the restaurant and walking in behind you, “But seriously, usually the tourists come to pollute our water and get away.”

“Are you always so observant? You give me the vibe that you like to watch other people,” You told him, sitting down at a high round table across from him.

“And you give me the vibe that you hate talking about yourself. Why else would you avoid every question I ask?” He asked, raising a brow making you scoff but you couldn’t deny it. When the server brought out your menus, she made sure to greet Jungkook like old friends.

“Do you really care to know?” You asked quietly.

“Why else would I ask? I’m not pretending to be interested, if that’s what you think,” Jungkook said honestly.

You didn’t say anything for a moment, looking down at the menu contemplating what to order and what to say, “Things were getting a little too complicated back home and my friend asked if I wanted to pack up my things and follow him down for the summer and I said yes.”

“How broad,” Jungkook said with a small smile, lifting a brow and waiting to see if you would add to it.

“It’s the truth,” you shrugged.

“What was complicated?” Jungkook asked.

He looked amused when you narrowed your eyes in response to his probing. “Adulting.”

“You’ll figure it out,” Jungkook shrugged, waiting for the server to come back to take your orders. He let you order first, watching the server give you a look as she listened and followed after with his own.

“How wise of you to say. What about you?” You asked him, handing the menus back and sliding your drink closer to you.

Jungkook distracted himself playing with the wrapper of his straw and shrugged, “What about me? We’ll get to me when you give me the juicy details.”

You couldn’t help but scoff, looking out the window to the view of the waves crashing against the shore, “What? I told you everything.”

He chuckled, “Barely.”

Rolling your eyes, “Rude.”

“Really?” He asked, biting back a smile.

“No. You’re actually pretty nice,” once again, you sighed, as if admitting that was hard for you.

“Nice? That’s what you tell a guy when you’re going to reject him. I just want to know more about you but there’s not much I can go with. How long are you staying?” Jungkook finally asked you.

“A couple months, are you already dreading it when I leave?” You asked, sounding sarcastic and amused.

“Maybe, you’ve left an impression despite what you might think. Crushing you under my incredible physique was destiny.” He could tell you wanted to laugh but were refusing to do so.

“Corny.”

“Funny.” He crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back in his chair and making it known that he was going to wait for you however long it took.

“I had this bad roommate situation I couldn’t take anymore and my lease doesn’t end for another two months so when Hobi asked me to come with I jumped at the chance. I left my job because it’s draining me and I felt useless so I figured it’d be easier to run away to the beach and deal with it all later. Happy? I was honest.” You rushed the words, half-assed the pace.

It was his turn to narrow his eyes suspiciously but gave in, “Content. You’ll figure it out, you don’t seem like the type to wait around for things to fix themselves.”

“Really? Because that feels like what I’m doing right now. I’m all the way over here where I haven’t done anything but run into this strange guy at the beach who I think might be stalking me,” You said, joking at the end.

“No, right now you’re trying to live in the moment, nothing wrong with that,” he chuckled, ignoring your joke.

You don’t remember much of what you said to him but for some reason Jungkook was very easy to talk to. Maybe it’s because you don’t really know him or expect anything from him at all but he got you too open up to him like you’ve known him for years. In reality you didn’t know anything about him or anyone here for that matter.

“Okay, okay, enough about me. It’s your turn,” you had finally said between mouthfuls of whatever the two of you ordered and Jungkook couldn’t avoid it any longer.

“Alright, I’m… also trying to figure things out on my own. I’m used to being with certain people and doing certain things and I don’t know, at one point I kind of got fed up with everything being so predictable. I want to meet people on my own and not because they know who I am or something,” He rushed his words, “If I could, I’d move far away from here but right now I don’t think that’s an option so I settle for next best and stick it out. In all honesty, everything’s kind of been a bore until I met you, you’re different.”

You raised a brow, mirroring his earlier stance and crossing your arms over your chest, unamused, “How?”

He smirked, “I don’t know yet, I can just tell.”

You never believe a guy when he goes on about how different you are from other girls because usually they’re just full of shit. You’re not good at picking the right person so it makes you wary to believe anything he says despite how good he looks saying it.

By the time the bill came, the server made sure to sit it without checking if that’s what either of you wanted but you didn’t hesitate to reach for yours. Jungkook snatched the small slip out of your hand and hurried the server back so he could pay for it in full, giving her a tight smile, “Just one check, thanks.”

“Sure thing,” she said with a light scoff that had you looking after her with furrowed brows. Something about the way she acted left you feeling confused.

“What a good first date.” Jungkook said at the end, walking outside with you.

“This wasn’t a date,” you teased, thanking him for the meal nevertheless, “But I should probably call it a night, y’know.”

“Oh yeah, me too,” Jungkook shrugged “But if you’re not doing anything tomorrow night, we should see each other again.”

“Hm, I’ll think about it,” You said playfully, “If I’m not busy.”

“You won’t be,” He smirked, bumping your shoulder with his as the walk turned bumpy and more trail-like as he walked you home, “But why don’t you give me your number and we can talk about it more on the phone.”

“Hah, smooth guy, aren’t you?” You asked, taking his phone and typing your number in. When you got to the soft trail of greenery and sand that led up to the backyard of the beach house.

“How about we watch the last few minutes of the sun set together,” he reached for your head and stopped you before you could head up the wooden steps.

“How about you don’t kidnap my friend for the whole evening!” Hoseok shouted suddenly, tripping over his own feet as he ran out the sliding glass door that led to the pool deck, “I’ve been worried sick about Y/n.”

“Not true, he’s been sleeping!” Hyeri yelled after him, “But you’re the guy who tackled my best friend on our first day here.”

“My reputation precedes me,” Jungkook held his hands up in surrender, “I’m Jungkook. I was just asking if you guys wanted to join us and watch the sun set.”

“How aesthetic, let me grab some bottles of Soju.”

Your attempt to end your time with Jungkook failed and he seemed pleased with himself for that. He was also polite enough to try and get to know your friends too.

✧

He was having a crisis, he thinks. A real life identity crisis because for the first time in his life he thinks he likes someone—in a way he’s never liked anyone before. It’s pathetic and makes him feel so stupid because he barely knows anything about you but it’s the truth. If anything that’s what makes him like you so much. He likes that he can’t tell what you’ll say or how you’ll react to him, it’s exciting.

He just wants to know if he’s on your mind too.

“We’re still on for this weekend right?”

“What are we doing again?” The road ahead was a scenic path between mountain and sea that led all the way to this private property of his childhood home.

“Chae-hi’s birthday trip.” Jimin spoke from the passenger’s seat of the black pick-up truck his best friend paraded in when he wasn’t on his dirtbike.

“Oh, yeah I’m not going. I was thinking of taking Y/n sailing,” Jungkook said with a small smile, looking sideways, unable to miss the way Jimin stiffened and went silent. He looked back to the road, hand tightening around the steering wheel slightly, “What?”

“Nothing,” Jimin scoffed, looking out the window annoyed now. The drive was silent for a while, nothing but the low sound of music and wind blowing through the topless truck.

“What’s up with you lately?” He finally asked, “You barely know the girl and she’s all you talk about. We’ve had plans to go with everyone.”

By everyone he meant their mutual friends—not just his ex and her friend—which made things worse. He’s known them all for years and it’s hard to see them when he wants to move on and do his own thing. Jungkook tried not to let Jimin’s tone ruin his mood and sighed, “Sorry, man, but I’m not going. Are we playing later or what?”

“You sure you’re not busy with your new friends?” Jimin asked, remembering about the night Jungkook had dinner with you. He tried calling him that night to see if he wanted to go out for drinks just to be rejected because Jungkook was too busy with you and your friends.

Jungkook chuckled, “Don’t be jealous, you’ll always be first in my heart.”

“Oh fuck off,” Jimin rolled his eyes, trying to not sound bitter as he asked, “What’s your girl doing anyway?”

“Y/n’s not my girl—yet, I don’t know. She hasn’t texted back,” Jungkook said worriedly, making Jimin stare at him strangely.

It’s not that he had anything against you personally, he just doesn’t get it. You’re a complete stranger who won’t stick around so why has his best friend chosen to hang out with you so much recently. What did you have over the people he’s known all his life? What do you bring to the table?

What did you gain from being around Jungkook?

You couldn’t explain it either. All you really knew was that a cute guy who sort of annoyed you in the beginning was starting to rub off on you. You’ve come to enjoy running into him and forcing yourself to open up because he’ll listen. It made you feel weird in a good way. You wanted to think about how fun it was to be around him and ignore all the worries you’ve had recently.

Even with your close friends, you’ve long since stopped talking about the people you were interested in. It wasn’t because you didn’t trust them or want their advice but sometimes you didn’t feel the need to say anything—especially if it was harmless fun. That’s why when Hyeri approached you about Jungkook, you weren’t sure what to say.

“It’s no fair,” Hyeri picked through a crate of strawberries, dropping them into a basket, “I wanted to find a little beach boyfriend, why’d you get lucky instead.”

“What are you talking about?” You asked dumbly, following her down the aisle of produce at the farmer’s market.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” Hyeri said accusingly, “Jungkook.”

“We’re just hanging out,” You said with a shrug that made her laugh, pushing her sunglasses into her hairline. You knocked against one end of a green watermelon, hoisting it in your hands and continuing past her.

“Right, is that what you called your date the other night? Just a nice early dinner with a hot guy who asked to watch the sunset with you?” She said playfully, “You like him, don’t you.”

“I don’t know him,” You insisted. Yes, you’ve talked a lot with Jungkook recently and you’ve begun to talk about real things in your lives but did that really mean anything? “Besides, in a month and a half I’ll be in my new place settling back into the old routine. It’s just fun hanging out with him, nothing more, it’d be too complicated.”

“Whatever you say,” Hyeri sighed.

You’re lying, obviously you’re lying because you do sort of like him but you didn’t want to think about it. You didn’t want to think about what you could become, you only want to think about now and how things progress. Whatever happens, happens. That’s it. Could you pretend like you have no worries aside from who you’ll run into on the beach instead?

When your phone rang, you knew immediately who it could’ve been and although Hyeri walked ahead, acting like she couldn’t hear it, she was clearly listening. When you answered Jungkook’s call, he was quick to ask about your plans for the upcoming weekend.

✧

“You want to take me sailing?”

Despite the early hours where the sun has yet to shine through, you still couldn’t wrap your mind around it. Even walking along the dock following after Jungkook who led the way through the darkness of the starry sky. “Or are you plotting my murder?”

“Which would you prefer I do?” He asked teasingly, looking back at you with a grin, “But seriously, it’ll be fun.”

Fun wasn’t waking up before the sun did, nor was it following a man you barely know out to the sea. If it weren’t for Hyeri begging you to take up his offer, you wouldn’t be here right now.

The sailing yacht was bigger than you expected with a small cabin area below deck to sleep and wash up in. You’ve never been on a sailboat before but you didn’t think they would look this nice and clean.

“This is yours?” You asked, watching him put in the arm work to undo the rope that tied the boat to the dock.

“Um, yeah,” Jungkook answered blandly, “Kinda?”

“Kinda?”

“Yeah, it’s mine,” he cleared his throat, helping you carry your bag down to the room before bringing you back up to the galley, “I used to be on a sailing team when I was in school and after I graduated I got this for my friends and I.”

“Nice,” You looked around, still in shock at the size of the sails. It was a Beneteau Oceanis 48 with such a sleek, clean look you were scared to sit on any part of it. You wanted to ask how much it was but resisted the urge to, scared you’d sound rude.

Still half asleep, you watched Jungkook set sail behind the wheel, his jacket already off and the sleeves of his linen shirt.

“Sleep a little, we’ve got time,” he said lastly.

It went easy between you two, you felt comfortable and for some reason safe with him enough to letyourself relax around him. You can't remember falling asleep but at some point you had and when you were woken up it was with him dropping anchor in the middle of the open sea.

The waves were calm, breathtaking deep blue and you could see the line of gold separating the ocean from the sky. It was beginning to warm up but you still shivered in your thin sweater, looking up feeling awestruck by the view.

"Look who's finally awake," Jungkook said softly as he secured the wheel and came over to where you sat. He grabbed his jacket — that he had grown too hot for — and placed it over your front. You took in the light scent of his cologne that lingered on the Northface and thanked him, "You said I could sleep."

"I know," he sat across from you, looking at you with a gentle look on his eyes, "I did wake you up pretty early, but look at the view. Do you like it?"

"Yeah, it's nice," You leaned against the edge of the seat, staring down at the dark navy blue water, almost catching your reflection in it. The line of gold was beginning to widen and a circle of light was bouncing off the ocean beautifully. "If you plan on pushing me over the edge, now's the time."

"You're dumb," he laughed, kicking your foot with his playfully. You smiled, trying not to laugh as you looked at him, "Aren't you cold?"

"No, it's hard work getting a sail boat out and I was starting to sweat," Jungkook lifted an arm, flexing it, "But these guns never fail me."

"That's too bad, I was hoping you'd want to keep me warm but I don't want you to overheat," You teased, looking at him invitingly and his eyes shifted to the open space next to you. To set it off, you even winked.

"You know what, now that you mention it, being surrounded by this sea breeze is making me a little chilly," Jungkook pretended to shiver as he got up.

"The sun's rising, I'm sure you'll warm up again really soon," You said as he sat next to you, touching your leg and making you put it on his lap.

"Who knows, I'm suddenly freezing, come closer," he rested his arm on the back of your seat, pulling you onto his lap, "I heard body heat is good to warm up."

"You can always just put your jacket on," You pretended to argue making him roll your eyes, almost sassily.

"But you look so much better in it," He brushed hair out of your face that the wind blew over, finger softly tracing the side of your face.

"I hate to admit this but... you're too good to be true," You said honestly, shifting your gaze away, "Like, too perfect."

"But I'm not," Jungkook argued quietly, "I'm just... I don't know, I'm not acting like myself—or maybe I am and haven't realized it but I think it's you. I want to impress you."

You didn't know how to respond but he didn't mind. He was more focused on the soft glimmer in your eye as you watched the sky turn a powder blue with orange, hearing the seagulls and light whooshing sound of the sails.

It's bad how affected you're leaving him and you don't even know it.

"Y/n," Jungkook tried getting your attention again, leaned his head against your shoulder. You didn't have to say anything to know what he was asking. The first soft brush of his lips against your jaw had you succumbing to his effect. He tilted your chin with the tip of his fingers, catching your lips with his, finally.

How do you describe it?

How do you explain how soft and tender his lips felt? How his fingers grazing your skin sent a shiver down your spine and how he was surprisingly very loving with his affection?

This man who you barely knew and trusted too much was making you melt in his arms, kissing you and making it feel like you've never been kissed before.

"This is bad," he mumbled against your lips, pulling back to catch his breath, eyes still closed, "I really like you."

You gave him one quick peck of a kiss, sitting up, "Tell me all about it then."

Jungkook couldn't he'll but crack a grin, licking the taste of you off his lips. He wouldn't be able to shut up if he did.

You're beautiful, stunning, truly.

Even with your face in sand or your hair a mess, a scowl or pout, just beautiful to him. It was so stupid for him to be swayed by that but it's obviously what pulled him in first.

You were so mean—he thought, at least—but it never stopped him from approaching you. It's like he knew it wasn't your intention to come off so cold and when you'd joke back with him, he could see the hint of mischief in your eyes. It made him want to push your buttons or say something he knew would get a reaction from you.

You're different and he wishes it didn't sound so stupid like he knew you would think if he ever told you but you are. You're like no one he's met—really met, beyond surface level interests or habits. You responded differently, looked at him differently, treated him different.

"I won't shut up if I do," he said honestly, "Can't I just show you, instead?"

"How suggestive," you giggled, letting him kiss you again. There was more force to it this time, like he really meant it. The first one was firm and teasing, really testing the waters when his hand disappeared into your hair to keep you from pulling away.

You were spending the golden hour of the late sunrise with Jungkook sailing on a boat in the ocean. The view was amazing and his lips were so soft.

His lip ring is surprisingly warm when it brushes your lips, and his tongue feels slick against yours. He held you closely making you feel secure and safe [?], and at one point you made it onto his lap, practically straddling him.

You pressed closer to him eagerly and the movement makes his hands travel toward your hips for support, his jacket long forgotten on the floor. The seat was hard underneath him but if he mentioned it you might pull away and that's the last thing he wanted in the moment. Jungkook liked kissing you, he liked feeling your lips trail down his jaw and toward his neck where you didn't shy away from leaving open mouth kissed against his Adam's apple or under his ear.

"Y/n—" his hands circled around you tighter, "Have you gotten a good look at the cabin?"

Your brows furrowed momentarily, looking down the short steps to the cabin door where a big bed was seen through the window, "No, want to show me?"

You began to get up from Jungkook's lap, making his hands slide off down your hip, leading you to the cabin.

Jungkook wasn’t as subtle as he hoped to be when he pressed you into his chest, peppering your shoulder with light and teasing kisses taking you further into the room. A small smile played on your lips when you turned to face him, circling your arms around his neck.

He didn’t question it when you walked him toward the bed instead, making him sit down as you kissed and straddling him once more. You were a good kissed and Jungkook could attest to that by the way your tongue slid between his lips to seek his out. It was a surprise for you to be so forward with him but he wasn’t complaining at all. If anything it made him want to take it further. He wasn’t shy with his touches anymore and you could feel his hands circle down to your butt, pressing you firmly into his lap.

It was hard to ignore his arousal from your simple make-out. It was evident in his shorts and it made you want to keep going. You began to rock your hips against him lightly, feeling his growing bulge apply pressure between your legs.

“Can we get this off?” Jungkook asked about your jacket first, feeling you miles away and when you unzipped it, you pulled off your shirt too leaving him breathless, “You’re bolder than I thought.”

“Is that a bad thing?” You asked, watching his fingers trace down your bare sides, looking at your bra and chest. His finger hooked into the hem of your jeans as if to teasingly ask if they can come off next and you gave him the go ahead, starting to unbutton his shirt for him.

“Never,” he sighed, eyes closing when your hands touched his muscular chest. His hands snuck under her jeans playing with your underwear and grinding your hips against his worn more purpose drawing out a small groan in the process.

When your hips began to move on their own, teasing his aching member, he leaned forward to kiss along your neck, finding your pulse points with ease and reaching behind you for the clasp of your bra to get it off next.

Your arms circled his neck, hugging his head close to feel his lips on your skin and moved your hips with more determined rhythm. You’d be lying if you said his kisses weren’t turning you on and sending shivers down your spine. Jungkook slid your bra off letting it hit the floor while you wrestled his opened shirt off his shoulders and hugged him in a kiss.

“You’re so sexy,” Jungkook whispered, kissing the soft mound of your breasts, “Even when I had you in the ground covered in sand that’s all I could think about.”

“And here I thought it was my personality that drew you in,” You teased, letting him finally turn you on your back beneath him. He pulled your jeans off leaving you in your small slither of panty.

“Trust me, it did,” Jungkook said, kissing along your thighs, “Hurt my feelings that the pretty girl from the beach couldn’t care less about me.”

“A real shot to your ego,” you raised your knees

Jungkook leaned forward to catch your lips in a kiss, hovering over your body, “It really was.”

A small gasp left your lips as you felt his hand trace down the curve of your sides, slipping into your underwear and feeling the soft slope of your nether region. Your thighs parted more, letting his finger tease your clit.

“I wasn’t too impressed in the beginning,” You joked, lifting your hips when you felt his finger begin to feel around your folds, surely finding where the slick began to puddle. He used the wetness to coat your clit, raising a light sigh from your lips there he swallowed in a kiss.

“I’m well aware,” Jungkook whispered against your lips. You rose your hips to meet his hand, finding some stimulation that made your body respond with raise bumps in pleasure, “What about now?”

As he asked, his coated middle finger finally pressed into your wet cunt, with his palm against your clit and grinding into it as he pushed his finger into the hilt. You dug your nails into his tatted forearm to ground yourself against the sudden feeling and holding back the loud moan that almost slipped. He smiled, clearly amused by your reaction. He maneuvered his hand around so his thumb could find your clit and with it covered in your arousal it made the slide so much easier.

Jungkook’s long finger slide into your pussy with slight restriction, curling when he pushed all the way in and finding that sweet spot that had your breath hitching and probing at it. You were at a loss for words and he loved it, it made him want to kiss you as he brought you pleasure with just his hand. He wasn’t even asking for a response anymore, he was just trying to tell you how he’s felt while he makes you feel good on an expensive sail boat in the sea.

The sunrise had long been forgotten and replaced by the thought of how good he made you feel and he was happy about that.

"Oh, fuck." You gasped, gripping his armas he hooks his finger at just the right angle. You didn’t even have to tell him that was the spot that made your toes curl, it’s like he just knew it.

"Like it?" He asked, repeating his previous action, kissing along your neck for added stimulation.

He could feel you on edge of orgasm by the way you pinched his arm but he didn’t care about the slight sting. He cared more for the glazed look in your eyes, walls tightening around his finger.

It’s like he knew exactly when the last push would be, and his pace grew more rough, ready to get you there and finally your body gave way to pleasure.

“Pretty,” Jungkook said softly, feeling your release around his hand, letting you ride out your high and pulling his hand back when you were ready. Your breathing was shallow and the sight of your breasts falling and rising with each breath was hypnotizing. When he pulled back, he couldn’t stand the constriction of his shorts anymore. Without thinking, he licked your release off his hand before yanking his shorts down along with his usual Calvin Kleins.

Jungkook didn’t say he was ready to go further, but you could tell just by the way his cock sprung free from its confines. It was pretty and long, not too think nor skinny and fit his physique perfectly. He stroked himself here and there for some friction but didn’t hurry you along. Instead, he let you catch your breath as he watched in awe at the fact that he had you in bed with him.

“Come here,” you motioned for him to come closer with your index finger and sat up, fully naked before him and getting him in the bed with you. Jungkook followed in a trance, kissing you thoughtlessly and nearly biting your lip in surprise when your fingers touched the tip of his dick, feeling the pre-cum that leaked from the slit.

You barely had your hand wrapped around his pretty cock, giving him a small jerk up his length when his fingers circled around your waist to stop you, “Not tonight.”

You tried to read the expression in his eyes but he just kissed you lovingly, “I want to feel you, all of you.”

“What a giver,” You said playfully, kissing the tip of his nose and laying back with him following after you. He held your legs apart, lining his cock at your entrance, “Can I? I’ll pull out.”

You gave a nod of your head, looking down as his cock pressed forward, aching to feel the tightness of your wet walls hugging him.

You’re not sure what came over you then, but the feel of his dick pushing past your entrance made you feel bold. Your leg hooked around his waist, pulling him forward and watching how his jaw went slack. Jungkook looked down at how eagerly you took him and his arms nearly gave out, eyes rolling as he processed the sudden pleasure.

You still needed a moment to adjust to his size and he practically fused himself to your body, trapping you beneath his muscular figure, “Fuck.”

His movements were slow at first, thrusting gently to find what felt good and what didn’t, running gentle hands over your breasts so he could feel the fullness of them. When he thrusted his hard length in, his thumbs were circled your nipples, pulling his cock out and pinching at them. Something about the leg you had around him drove him wild, feeling your territoriality over him even if there was a chance it meant nothing.

“Jungkook,” you moaned softly at a particularly harsh thrust, scratching at his back unintentionally, “Feels good.”

Something was happening inside of him that he couldn’t explain. He wanted to say things he shouldn’t, things that were too soon to admit and he had to bite his tongue to stop himself. The only other way he could stop himself from sounding like a fool was with his mouth on you and the closest thing to him were your perky nipples.

Jungkook never slowed the steady pace he set fucking you but with the added pleasure to your chest, his tongue circling around your nipple and sucking lightly, had you seeing stars. You’d nearly forgotten where you were till you looked out the windows, seeing the clear sky and the pretty water making this all feel more surreal.

Jungkook hugged you close, hand gripping your thigh and inching it higher around himself as he fucked you rougher, taking pleasure in bringing you close again and this time around he couldn’t bother being as gentle. He wanted to, he swears, but he’s so turned on by you that he couldn’t be patient at all. You didn’t even seem to mind when his hips slammed into yours, turning you to lay on your side, fucking yourself on his cock with more vigor knowing he needed release too, and let him manhandle you however he wanted. His free hand snuck into your hair, pulling slightly when he dragged you into another kiss and groaned against your lips.

Neither of you had to say anything to know you were both close, and it made you impatient. You moaned at the roughness, letting yourself get lost in the feeling unripe you couldn’t take it anymore, once again cumming with little control of yourself. He held you so roughly to his body, not letting you go as you struggled to catch your breath and you knew it was taking everything in him to not let go inside you. That’s the only thing that had you pushing away from him, trying to sneak a hand down to touch him but the second you did, his cock spilled thick cum into your hand, creamy and white. You wanted a taste badly.

Jungkook moaned your name quietly, feeling pathetic to cum so easily by your hand but he couldn’t hold back anymore. It took him longer to bounce back than you, and when he opened his eyes he caught you pressing a finger to your tongue, taking a small taste that left him shuddering.

“Don’t do that,” his voice said, raspy and tired tone.

“You did it to me,” You said, licking your finger clean, “And you made a mess.”

“Sorry,” he couldn’t help but pout, looking surprisingly cute to you even with his hair a sweaty mess and the afterglow of sex on his naked body, “Kiss?”

A grin spreads over his face when you lean in to kiss him, happily kissing you back more gently now.

“Would I sound wimpy if I said I needed a nap?” It pained him to even ask but he was suddenly so tired and relaxed in your arms. It made him feel unmanly to even think to ask but he couldn’t help it, he could lay in bed all day with you if it was an option, “We can worry about breakfast later—perhaps when it’s consider lunch or an afternoon snack.”

You laughed softly, snuggling into him further, “Let me at least clean up a little and then we can sleep for as long as you want.”

Jungkook smiled happily, letting you leave to the bathroom as he hurriedly tugged the bedding off. He wasn’t too worried about the boat, knowing he properly set anchor and the water was calm today. If anything the light rocking of the boat could lull him to sleep if you were in his arms.

“Are you sick of me yet?” Jungkook asked, watching you drift in and out of sleep as he drove away from the shipping dock. It was the evening and the hours spent in the open sun was exhausting, even with how sweet it felt. At least he thinks you might feel that way.

If he were being honest, he could still be with you longer. There hadn’t been enough hours in the day for him, “Or do you think we could still get dinner?”

“We can, but I need a shower, I’m sticky and sweaty,” You said absentmindedly, catching the way he bit his lip with a smirk that had you smacking his arm, “Don’t be gross.”

“I didn’t say anything,” He laughed, grinning as he thought about the way you said his name when you were naked in his arms, “But, I want to take you to my family home. My parents are gone for the weekend and it’s closer than my apartment.”

“Are you hiding your apartment from me?” You asked jokingly.

“No, but I live with Jimin and I want to be selfish and have you to myself longer so your place is out of the question too,” Jungkook admitted.

“And what am I supposed to wear? I didn’t really pack clothes,” You looked down at his linen shirt you currently wore, only panties underneath thinking you’d be going home after the eventful day.

“Something mine, you look good in what’s mine,” Jungkook said with a wink, “I’ll make us something nice—maybe get something ordered…”

“Oh I guess.”

You didn’t question the drive away from the houses lining the beach in his pick up truck. You stared out the window and watched the view turn more scenic would hillsides and small rocky edges, more nature-esque.

Songs played quietly that Jungkook would sometimes hum along too with a perfect pitch that had looking over at him from time to time. When he would catch you looking, he’d stop immediately and tighten his hands over the steering wheel.

He was nervous.

His family home was empty and he could go to it whenever he pleased but did he really want to bring you along? Open up another side of himself just for a few more moments alone? Did you mean this much to him?

Swallowing his nerves, he turned down a private road with tall trees and white gravel. It stretched on for a mile before ending at private gates. You sat up, slightly more aware of what was going on when he lowered his window to type in some code, hearing someone speak through an intercom, ‘Welcome home, sir.’

He could feel your eyes on him and he just smiled, “Wash up first?”

“Please,” You said, looking away, staring straight ahead at the colonial house that appeared in view. It was obscenely large with endless windows and greenery surrounding it making it all the more intimidating.

This is his family home, yours couldn’t compare.

Still, you tried not to question it.

Jungkook didn’t bother driving back to the private garage, he pulled up to the circular driveway by the fountain of a water nymph and got out of his truck, opening the door for you. It should’ve dawned on him that something was going to happen. The lights were on when no one should be home.

Still, he’s already brought you this far.

“Jungkook?”

His hand stopped at the handle of your door, just barely pulling it open but with little room for you to step out. You stopped moving instantly, watching the way he visibly stiffened, face hardening as he looked off to the distance.

“You’re here, what a surprise.”

“Mom,” he turned around immediately, “I thought you guys weren’t home.”

“Well, if you would answer the phone, when I call, you would know your father’s trip was canceled,” a women in a tweed Chanel suit and a tight smile stepped down from the entrance, “You’ve brought company?”

As if being summoned, Jungkook looked at you, motioning for you to step out and although you didn’t want you, you did—undressed and exhausted. The woman was stunning and classy like you’d never seen, somewhat taken back that she was the mother of the beach boy you’ve met.

Not to mention, it was too early to meet anyone’s parents. It made you sick to your stomach even as you smiled politely, “Hello.”

“This is Y/n,” Jungkook reached for your hand, “We were just stopping by.”

“When you thought no one was home?” She asked, making you look at him. He was grown, clearly, but still scolded and questioned like a child.

Jungkook didn’t say anything but you could feel him squeeze your hand when her eyes traveled over your barely dressed figure. He at least had on a t-shirt that was in his truck and his shorts.

“Why don’t the two of you clean up, we’re having dinner on the terrace,” She said looking unimpressed, “I’ll have a maid find you something more appropriate.”

“Oh, we don’t want to bo—“

“We have guests so don’t make a scene, I already had to make an excuse for why you wouldn’t be here, you can’t leave now. Even if you do have sudden company.”

That shut Jungkook up quicker than you’d ever seen. It wasn’t that you couldn’t catch on to what was happening, but more so you could wrap your mind around the reality of it. You moved almost as robotically as he did, sneaking into the house unsure what was going on aside from doing as told. He took you into his bedroom, pulling you in the bathroom with him and washing up. His entire demeanor changed and you didn’t know what to do.

“Should I go? I could probably get Hoseok to get me,” You told him honestly. You weren’t upset — not yet. As far as you knew, Jungkook might have a complicated relationship with his parents meeting the person he’s sleeping with, especially considering how recent things are with you. Neither of you are ready to meet the family, it’s just fun summer things. You’d say the biggest shock was that Jungkook seemed to be wealthy and likes to keep that private but does that make you worried?

“No, I want you here with me,” Jungkook said, swallowing hard and opening the door to his room, finding something folded on the edge of his bed. He handed it to you without much thought as he got dressed.

It was nothing crazy, just a light colored sundress and you had to dry off quickly so you could join him downstairs. Part of you wanted to call your friends but what would it mean if you did?

“What a surprise, brother, and I see you’ve finally brought someone new along,” an arrogant voice spoke up from the large dinner table on the terrace. It was a candle lit dinner with six guests aside from the two of you and you immediately reconciled a familiar face.

“Hello, sorry for keeping everyone waiting,” Jungkook said stiffly, “This is Y/n.”

“We’ve met,” Yeaun said when the others looked at you confused. Their greetings were bland and uncaring but you tried not to think too hard on it, “On the beach, right?”

“Yes, I remember,” You tried to smile, looking at Jungkook just as confused as everyone.

“Yeaun is a family friend,” Jungkook explained to you.

“An ex-fiancée,” His mother said coldly, making him freeze.

Why was she saying this?

“Darling,” an older version of Jungkook with salt and pepper hair said to his wife in warning.

“We’re on good terms though,” Yeaun smiled tightly, “Things have been changing recently, haven’t they?”

She asked you like you would know—like you were the reason for it but you were too stuck on what she was to care.

Ex-what?

“So, are you still going with the firm?” A woman sitting next to his brother said to him. That made his brother laugh, “He’s still playing around Jin’s auto shop.”

“Is everyone already eating? What about us?” Jungkook looked at you suddenly, “Should we get served?”

The firm? What firm? What fiancée? What was going on?

“Y/n, what about you? Are you new in town? Who are your parents?” The dad asked, making all heads turn toward you, a member of who you assumed was house staff, began to serve you and Jungkook dinner.

“Dad,” Jungkook tried to say but he didn’t get very far.

“I’m just here for the summer, I’m from the city,” You told him with a smile.

“How’d you meet?” Jungkook’s mother asked.

“On the beach,” You told her plainly. She didn’t say anything in response but you could feel the way her eyes narrowed at you like she was trying to read you. You weren’t lying or anything but it felt like she didn’t believe you. Under the table, Jungkook’s hand touched your thigh but in all honesty you didn’t even want him to touch you. It’s not anything serious, you were just confused and uncomfortable in this situation. He should’ve just taken you home or let you call Hoseok.

“A city girl, huh? You must have a big job, right? What do you do?” His brother asked.

“I’m in between work right now,” You said honestly, just as you had told Jungkook who seemed to be open to that idea and understood why. Sometimes, doing the same routine in a career you didn’t have passion anymore left you drained and you needed a change of pace. You explained this to him and he made it all feel okay so why were you being looked at strangely?

“So wasting your time over here is what you want to be doing?” His mom asked.

Jungkook took a deep breath, wanting to speak up but unsure how to do so. He obviously hasn’t told you anything but his relationship with his family is complicated. The added guests made it all the worse. Has he always been such a coward?

“That’s what it seems like,” You said bitterly, looking over at Jungkook with a cold expression.

You don’t remember much of the rest of dinner, only that you hated every second of it and how you just wanted to go home. You checked out of all conversations after a while and watched the tension between them with little interest. What you’ve learned is that Jungkook is good at keeping things from others even when he begs to know more himself.

The irony, it was annoying. By the end of dinner, you didn’t care to know what any of them had to say, much less Yeaun who everyone continued to remind you was his ex that they all loved dearly. They were saying it for a reason, like if you wanted to take her place and be with Jungkook who belonged to a group of people who won’t let outsiders in.

“Well at least she’s pretty,” you remember being told.

“I’m sorry,” was the first thing Jungkook said after dinner but you didn’t bother to acknowledge him. Instead, you led the way to his truck so he could take you home.

The car ride was so eerily silent that it felt deafening. He tried and tried to talk to you but you just ignored him, not caring at all for whatever might come out of his mouth and he can’t really blame you.

“You lied to me,” You said finally, staring holes into his dashboard.

“I didn’t mean to,” Jungkook admitted, “Everything I’ve said to you is true.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes and looking out the dark window, “Just take me home.”

“Y/n,” Jungkook reached across the middle console for your hand but you crossed your arms over your chest and shifted away from him even more, “I’m sorry, we should’ve just gone somewhere el—“

“Look, it was never going to work out anyway so just take me home and we can both go on with our lives because clearly we’re nothing alike at all,” You said bitterly, “I was just dumb enough to believe we are. It’s been a long day.”

He wanted to argue but for the first time since he’s met you, he’s left silent. He’s a coward, he’s aware of that now and it felt sickening to realize it finally. He’s always been the type to do what he’s told, follow the plan his parents have set out for him and this is the first time he’s realizing how much he hates it.

When the truck pulled up to the front of your house, he began to unbuckle his belt, quietly saying, “I’ll walk you to the d—“

The car door slammed shut in the middle of his words and although he knew it was better for him to give you space, he just couldn’t. He couldn’t let you walk off on him without trying to really hear him out—just let him get his thoughts together. As pathetic as it sounds, Jungkook feels like a kid again. He feels anxious to be ignored or scolded.

Without a care for gentleness, he swung his side door open to the large truck and got down to follow after you, “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t realize they would be home and if I did I wouldn’t have invited you over. I just wanted to spend more time with you.”

“That’s not the problem, Jungkook,” you said back to him, “The problem is that you’re so secretive about everything and fine, whatever, you don’t have to tell me but don’t act like you want to know anything about me then if I can’t expect the same.”

You released a sigh at his silence, turning away, “Go home.”

Your front door slammed in his face shutting him out and he could see people staring through the window; probably overhearing everything and he wanted to disappear. When had things gotten so complicated for him?

He missed the days when he didn’t have anything to worry about but now that he’s starting to see the people around him more clearly, he’s realizing he doesn’t like it at all.

✧

It took you days to think about Jungkook again, mostly because you wanted to ignore him and he was making it easy for you. He has only messaged and called a couple times before he got the hint that you don’t want to talk to him and gave up.

You can’t tell if you preferred that or wished he kept trying but you had to move on. The two of you weren’t dating, you hooked up on a boat before realizing his family are pretentious assholes and wanted nothing to do with him now.

You know he’s not his family but at the same time these are people he surrounds himself with and if he was attracted to someone like Yeaun, there was no way he was into you too. You barely know her but you know enough to see that you’re nothing alike.

“What are you looking at?” Hoseok asked, looming over your shoulder.

“Apartments, I still can’t find anything good, I think I need to go home for a few days and do some in-person tours,” You told him with a sigh, scrolling through listings, sitting alone in the beach themed living room that looked fresh out of a cape cod magazine.

“It’s not a quick commute,” He said, “Besides, I already said you can stay with me till we find you a place, there’s no rush.”

“I know, but there’s nothing better to do,” You said with a shrug.

“It’s called avoiding,” Hyeri said, sitting on the edge of the couch, “So Y/n’s probably not gonna come back if she leaves now. You’re mad at Jungkook.”

“No, I’m not,” you rolled your eyes, “That’s over and I haven’t done anything but laze around all day. I need to get my shit together.”

You just want to go home.

“What’s up with you? You’ve looked mad all day,” Jimin pointed out as he mindlessly dug his feet into the sand. He’s dragged Jungkook out after days of not seeing him but his friend couldn’t care less about the beach or hanging out with him. He actually didn't want to hang out with anyone.

“Is it the thing from the other night?” Jimin asked like it was so simple, “Yeaun was talking about it, so you’ve introduced your new girl to the family and it didn’t go so well?”

“Jimin.”

“Yeah?”

“Are you really my friend?” Jungkook asked, sitting at the bottom of one of the net posts, squinting up at the sun.

“Are you kidding? I’ve been around since you were in diapers, you’re like a brother to me,” Jimin said with a laugh, “I just don’t agree with some of the decisions you make.”

“Like?” He pressed for more.

“I don’t know, I just think you have a lot going for you and lately you’ve been acting like you don’t,” Jimin said, shrugging, “You passed the Bar Exam a while ago and instead of going to your dad’s firm you’re wasting time at Jin’s. You don’t answer the phone when your family calls and you ignore your friends for…”

“Say it.”

“For some chick you don’t know,” Jimin scoffed, “I don’t get it. It’s always been you and I, Chaehi and Yeaun. Always. Since we were kids and suddenly you break it off with one of the only girls who’s been here for you and find someone new to entertain yourself with. It’s weird.”

“Asshole,” Jungkook rolled his eyes, kicking off the ground and leaving his friend behind. He wasn’t sure where he was going but he just wanted to be alone.

Were you really just some girl? Is that what everyone thought? Yes, things had been incredibly easy with you but did that mean you weren’t anything more than a fling? As dramatic as it sounds, every interaction with you has been probably the best he’s ever had.

You’re funny, pretty, smart, and so much more than he ever imagined. You pulled him in and pushed him away in the best way possible. Of course it’s been strange getting rejected but you do it in a way that tells him to keep going. You were always there to listen to his obnoxious flirting and when he did decide to tell you anything about himself, you didn’t judge.

He’s so stupid for not doing the same. He wanted you to open up to him because he wanted to get closer to you but he didn’t allow himself to do it too. It was unfair so he understands why you’re mad but he can’t stand it.

He wants to call you but would you want to listen?

Jungkook found himself walking toward the boardwalk hoping the bustling energy from midday was enough to distract him. He thinks you remind him of something different, being somewhere different where he didn’t have to worry so much about what he did or who he was with. Jimin’s right that lately Jungkook hasn’t been doing anything to be apart of his family’s plans for him. He’s kind of been trying to live in the moment and clearly that wasn’t so bad. That’s how he met you and besides, it’s not like he hasn’t been thinking about his future. He just doesn’t see it here in this small town where everyone knows his name. He sees himself somewhere far in the city where he could just blend in with everyone else and do what he wants to do, be with who he wants to. It’s you, it’s seriously you.

You’ve opened up his eyes a little and he hates that his lack of honesty has pushed you away. He can’t even blame it on the uncomfortable dinner because if he wasn’t such a coward, he would’ve done more. He can’t deny that there’s something up with him and he has no doubt in his mind that you have something to do with it. Barely knowing you has done so much more for him than the people he’s known all his life.

Your best friends wanted you to forget about your plans on leaving, knowing you too well to believe you would come back. You’re not the type to do so. If you set your mind on leaving, even for a short time, you wouldn’t come back especially knowing you could run into Jungkook whenever. Maybe you were a coward too because all you ever wanted to do was run away when things get complicated and the last thing you had wanted was for this trip to get that way too.

They dragged you out of the house for a late lunch that you weren’t even hungry for and as a way to distract you but it did the complete opposite of that. Instead, you were brought to that restaurant you came to with Jungkook and the same server who you’ve seen now talk with a girl Yeaun was always around. They were friends and it should’ve been the first sign that you would never get him. You were never part of the plan around here, you were a step back to everyone involved with him and it made you bitter.

How’d you catch the attention of someone so unavailable?

“Come on, I haven’t bought a single thing here, I’ve been too busy working on my tan,” Hyeri said, pulling you along behind her to a clothing stand of sundresses, “We’ve got a few more weeks here, I think it’s time I fit the vibe, right?”

“Yeah,” You told her, looking through the rack of dresses absentmindedly. You wandered away just a little, to a table filled with jewelry and ran your fingers over certain metals and gems. You weren’t thinking much on what was going on around you, too distracted choosing between gold and silver to notice the person standing yards away looking stunned.

For the first time in over a week, Jungkook has found you again, on the beach, looking as breathtaking as usual. After all you’ve been avoiding him, he can’t help but hesitate. Does he approach you or not?

“Y/n?”

You looked up, brows furrowed slightly at who stood in front of you, “Yeaun.”

“Hey! How good to see you,” She smiled her usual tight smile that never quite reached her eyes. Up close you could see just how perfect she must seem to everyone from her height to her figure and tone of voice. She usually wore gold accessories and bikini tops or dresses. She was your perfect ‘Girl Next Door’ but if you paid enough attention to some of the things she said, you’d see how backhanded it all seemed.

“It was such a surprise to see you the other night. I guess none of us knew you were with Jungkook,” Yeaun said it so casually even if you could tell she was prying, “Where is he by the way?”

“Why don’t you ask his mother? The two of you seem close,” You tried not to sound bitter but you’re sure your body language gave away that you were. You searched for Hyeri who was looking at dresses on herself in the mirror and Hoseok left to get snow cones so once again, you were alone in her presence.

“Yeah, sorry about that, our parents go way back,” Yeaun said with a wave of her hand, “It’s a small town, y’know. Everyone knew we were high school sweethearts and when we got engaged everyone was so excited. You can imagine their surprise when we broke it off—sorry, you probably don’t want to hear about this again. I’m sure Jungkook has said enough.”

“It might sound strange but he doesn’t bring you up at all,” You told her, failing to say how you haven’t talked to him, “I guess he got over it a long time before anyone else did.”

“I guess so,” her stupid smile once again, “I like you, you’re good for him and I’m sorry if his family seemed closed off. They’re kind of exclusive with who they bring around. They don’t want just anyone around their sons. I’m sure you can see why, Jungkook is perfect, right? A lawyer in the making, athletic, kind…”

“Silver or gold?” You asked, holding up two different sets of earrings. She blinked in surprise, choosing one and trying to carry on, “What I mean is, he’s the whole package so everyone wants him but he also has a lot of responsibilities. If someone isn’t able to stand behind them all and support him… maybe they’re not the right fit—especially if they won’t stick around.”

You didn’t say anything for a moment, setting the earrings back down and smiling, amused by her audacity, “Who broke it off with who?”

“It was mutual.”

“Doesn’t sound like it was,” You said with a smile, beginning to walk away from her, “But don’t worry, I don’t usually like competing for someone’s attention. I guess I didn’t realize you did, so good luck.”

“Meaning?” Her eyes narrowed.

“Meaning, you’re wasting your breath talking to me because I don’t care what you have to say,” You said sweetly, “But it was so nice seeing you again, hopefully next time we’ll have something new to talk about.”

With that, you left her behind, nearly walking past Hyeri on the way, “Where you going?”

“My phone’s dying, I’m going the house,” you told her quickly, continuing to leave before anyone else could run into you.

“What’d you say to Y/n?” Jungkook asked, pushing his way through the crowds of people, getting to the stand too late and watching you walk away.

“Nothing,” Yeaun raised her hands in feigned surrender, “I was just catching up. Why so worried?”

“Where’s she going?” Jungkook asked Hyeri, ignoring Yeaun who called for him.

“To the house?” Hyeri said, confused by whatever she missed but she couldn’t even ask when Jungkook practically ran after you.

You cut through the beach instead of taking the long route down the street. You walked farther and farther away from him but he never stopped.

“Y/n! Can we talk?” He asks, catching you by surprise but you didn’t even act like it. You merely threw him a glance before walking faster.

“I’m kind of in a hurry,” You lied, stepping over the grassy parts in the white sand where you could see more residential properties.

“Look, I’m sorry. I really am, I should’ve been more up front from the beginning but I swear I didn’t keep things from you to hurt you,” Jungkook said, not stopping his pace even when he can see your house in the distance.

“It’s fine, I’m over it,” You told him, not turning back again as you looked up at the back deck of your house. You still walked closer to down the shore than the trail but you would get there soon.

“But I’m not, I… can’t stand the thought of you being done with me,” Jungkook said honestly, “Since I’ve met you all I can do is think about you and I’m kicking myself over letting you find things out in a hard way. I don’t like the way you were talked to and I should’ve said more but I didn’t and I regret it so much.”

“Jungkook, I don’t care,” you groaned, whipping around to face him, “I don’t care that you kept things from me. I don’t care that there’s something seriously wrong with your family or your ex fiancée. I don’t care if everyone thinks I’m not good enough for you and do you want to know why? Because it’s the summer and I’m not from here and it was fun to fool around in the moment but it’s too complicated now. I don't want anything to do with it. Are you getting it now? I want to go home and forget all about this.”

“You want to leave?” He asked, getting closer and closer, “And what happens then? We just never see each other again because I didn’t mean anything to you?”

“I guess if that’s how you’re seeing it—“

“Bullshit,” He scoffed, “I don’t care how long we’ve known each other or not, you want me just as much as I want you but you’re letting everything else get in the way. I’m sorry, I don’t know what else I can say or do to express that.”

“I’m leaving,” You argued, stepping away, “I’m going back to my normal life and you can go back to yours. Stop making this a bigger deal than it was.”

“What if I don’t want to? What if I think you’re the best thing to happen to me in a while and the thought of you just leaving doesn’t sit right with me? What if I say I don’t want this to just be a summer thing and I will follow you wherever you go if it means I get to talk to you more?” Jungkook kept going.

“Oh my god, Jungkook. Open your eyes! Join the real world, please!” You groaned, too frustrated to bother getting away, “We still don’t know much about each other, clearly. You live in this perfect little bubble with people who care about you and have plans for you. Why can’t you see that? Why are you wanting to throw that away for someone you barely know?”

“I’m not mad, I promise,” You tried to say, “Our lives are just too different and I’m ready to go back to mine—“

Your words were cut off by the rough pull into his arms. Jungkook’s touch was tender yet forceful, dragging your face toward his until your lips clashed messily and you kissed him back. Like a fool, you kissed him too despite everything you were saying.

It made your heart race, practically feeling his want for you and unable to help yourself from succumbing to it.

He can’t remember how long the kiss was, but long enough for his chest to grow heavy with a need to breathe that he had to pull away. His forehead rested against yours, “If you still want to leave… okay. I can’t make you stay but I really want you to, Y/n.”

You didn’t say anything, knowing you did want to leave. At this point it was more for yourself. No matter how harsh they were, they were right. You needed to get your act together and stop avoiding the problems in your life and that meant you needed to go home.

“And I promise that I’m going to see you again whether it be here or somewhere else,” Jungkook said.

FOUR WEEKS LATER

Jungkook was enamored by city life, he’s grown to learn about himself. Something about the tall skyscrapers and bustling traffic excited him like no other while other people hated them. Of course he missed the beach, surfing, volleyball, his friends… but this was for himself. He needed to do something on his own even if it meant doing something unimaginable but it was for the better.

He misses working with cars but he knows better. He put all that work into law school just so he could avoid it and do something else and he needed that to stop. Even if he didn’t work in his father’s firm, that didn’t mean he couldn’t get his foot in the door somewhere else.

After you left and all his distractions were gone, he was able to focus more on what he wanted to do. He got on his laptop to look at internships at other law firms and one day, in his endless searching, he found a small office to work in. It was in the city and it didn’t take him long to pack up his things and go to it. It started problems—of course— but it didn’t stop him, especially knowing you were somewhere here too.

You’ve barely talked since you moved back but he still misses you. He missed you and him on the beach or sailing in the sea. He misses making you laugh or roll your eyes and he wonders how you’re doing. He kept in touch with Hoseok and Hyeri after you left and when they followed suit at the end of vacation, he wanted to ask them about you but he knew better. He knows you weren’t just a fling but maybe one day you’ll come back and give it another shot.

“Iced Americano?”

“I didn’t order one,” Jungkook said as he sat alone at a table in a nice cafe. He didn’t look up until the cup was set down in front of him and when he was ready to tell the barista it wasn’t for him, he froze.

“I know, you don’t really give me ‘Coffee Drinker’ vibes but I figured it was worth a shot,” You sat down across from him.

“Are you stalking me?” He asked, dumbfounded and confused but more excited than anything. He couldn’t believe you were here, at the same place as him by chance.

“Well, I was going to ask the same, this is my usual stop before work and I’ve never seen you here before,” You said, continuing the conversation with him like it never ended.

Jungkook couldn’t help but smile, “Well, you see, I’m new to town and trying new places since this is on my way to work.”

“Is it?” You asked, “You must live around here.”

“As it turns out I do,” Jungkook cleared his throat, “It’s a recent move but one I don’t regret.”

“How are you?” You asked with a shy smile and flushed cheeks, the autumn air beginning to take over.

“Better now—after this coffee I mean,” he teased, taking a sip and scrunching his face in disgust.

You bit your lip in thought, “Actually um, it’s good I’ve run into you. I think there’s some things we should talk about but I have to get to work soon.”

“Well I still have your number, and we can always catch up over dinner?”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” You smiled nervously, standing up, “Tonight?”

That made his heart race, “It’s a date.”

::.

holy shit that took forever for me to update

idk how I feel about this but also after a while I think too hard on my work and can’t look at it anymore so please lmk when you think

permanent taglist

most of u are new but I tried to include some of my old, active members of the taglist and if I forgot about u pls lmk <3

permanent taglist: @notmyfaultbutours @rerefundslocals @fandems @guvgguk @kimyishin @libra04 @saweetspoiled @babycandy111 @jeonninja @skzthinker @lilliankoo @lesoleile @burnahtsw @kooloveys @ku-ku @chaelvrx @whoa-jo @sunnikthv @kochycooky @acielelyseen @giselleswifeee @ilikeitlikethatt @bangmechanpls @lvr2seok @badbyeyoongi @artmsmaid @xyahrinx @angeleen777 @jooniesxbby @maryy1300 @annabtsangels @hyunjinswifeee @bangtans-momma @butterymin @kaiparkerwifes @junggukjeonfreakinwife @tridha345 @ily4jknity @ivygguk @ryuzakiswife-blog @futuristicenemychaos @honeybunnykoo @eunhee-jk @aindrila @cherrymoonlightt @parkinglot-nights @llallaaa @crooked-haven @butterflykpop @sakuragongju @ackward-maknae @investedreader @junggukjeonfreakinwife

[oinonsana]

realities, maximalism,and the need for big book™️

some gubat banwa design thoughts vomit: since the beginning of its development i've kind of been enraptured with trying to really go for "fiction-first" storytelling because PbtA games really are peak roleplaying for me, but as i wrote and realized that a lot of "fiction first" doesn't work without a proper sort of fictional foundation that everyone agrees on. this is good: this is why there are grounding principles, genre pillars, and other such things in many PbtA games--to guide that.

broken worlds is one of my favs bc of sheer vibes

Gubat Banwa didn't have much in that sense: sure, I use wuxia and xianxia as kind of guideposts, but they're not foundational, they're not pillars of the kind of fiction Gubat Banwa wants to raise up. there wasn't a lot in the sense of genre emulation or in the sense of grounding principles because so much of Gubat Banwa is built on stuff most TTRPG players haven't heard about. hell, it's stuff squirreled away in still being researched academic and anthropological circles, and thanks to the violence of colonialism, even fellow filipinos and seasians don't know about them

this is what brought me back to my ancient hyperfixations, the worlds of Exalted, Glorantha, Artesia, Fading Suns... all of them have these huge tomes of books that existed to put down this vast sprawling fantasy world, right? on top of that are the D&D campaign settings, the Dark Suns and the Eberrons. they were preoccupied in putting down setting, giving ways for people to interact with the world, and making the world alive as much as possible.

one of my main problems with gubat banwa was trying to convey this world that i've seen, glimpsed, dreamed of. this martial fantasy world of rajas and lakans, sailendras and tuns, satariyas and senapatis and panglimas and laksamanas and pandai... its a world that didn't really exist yet, and most references are steeped in either nationalism or lack of resources (slowly changing, now)

i didn't want to fall back into the whole gazeteer tourist kind of shit when it came to writing GB, but it necessitated that the primary guidelines of Gubat Banwa were set down. my approach to it was trying to instill every aspect of the text, from the systems to the fluff text to the way i wrote to the way things were phrased, with the essence of this world i'm trying to put forward. while i wrote GB mainly for me and fellow SEAsian people, economically my main market were those in the first world countries that could afford to buy the book. grokking the book was always going to be severely difficult for someone that didn't have similar cultures, or are uninterested in the complexities of human culture. thus why GB had to be a big book.

in contemporary indie ttrpg spaces (where I mostly float in, though i must admit i pay more attention to SEAsia spaces than the usual US spaces) the common opinion is that big books like Exalted 3e are old hat, or are somewhat inferior to games that can cram their text into short books. i used to be part of that camp--in capitalism, i never have enough time, after all. however, the books that do go big, that have no choice to go big, like Lancer RPG, Runequest, Mage, Exalted are usually the ones that have something really big it needs to tell you, and they might be able to perform the same amount of text-efficient bursting at the seams flavor writing but its still not enough.

thats what happened to GB, which I wanted to be, essentially, a PbtA+4e kind of experience, mechanically speaking. i very soon abandoned those titles when i delved deeper into research, incorporated actual 15th century divination tools in the mechanics, injected everything with Martial Arts flavor as we found our niche

all of this preamble to say that no matter how light i wanted to go with the game, i couldnt go too light or else people won't get it, or i might end up writing 1000 page long tome books explaining every detail of the setting so people get it right. this is why i went heavy on the vibes: its a ttrpg after all. its never gonna be finished.

i couldnt go too light because Gubat Banwa inherently exists on a different reality. think: to many 3 meals a day is the norm and the reality. you have to eat 3 meals a day to function properly. but this might just be a cultural norm of the majority culture, eventually co opted by capitalism to make it so that it can keep selling you things that are "breakfast food" or "dinner food" and whatnot. so its reality to some, while its not reality to others. of course, a lot of this reality-talk pertains mostly to social--there is often a singular shared physical reality we can usually experience*

Gubat Banwa has a different fabric of reality. it inherently has a different flow of things. water doesn't go down because of gravity, but because of the gods that make it move, for example. bad things happen to you because you weren't pious or you didn't do your rituals enough and now your whole community has to suffer. atoms aren't a thing in gb, thermodynamics isn't a real thing. the Laws of Gubat Banwa aren't these physical empirical things but these karmic consequent things

much of the fiction-first movement has a sort of "follow your common sense" mood to it. common sense (something also debatable among philosophers but i dont want to get into that) is mostly however tied to our physical and social realities. but GB is a fantasy world that inherently doesn't center those realities, it centers realities found in myth epics and folk tales and the margins of colonized "civilization", where lightnings can be summoned by oils and you will always get lost in the woods because you don't belong there.

so Gubat Banwa does almost triple duty: it must establish the world, it must establish the intended fiction that arises from that world, and then it must grant ways to enforce that fiction to retain immersion--these three are important to GB's game design because I believe that that game--if it is to not be a settler tourist bonanza--must force the player to contend with it and play with it within its own terms and its own rules. for SEAsians, there's not a lot of friction: we lived these terms and rules forever. don't whistle at night on a thursday, don't eat meat on Good Friday, clap your hands thrice after lighting an incense stick, don't make loud noise in the forests. we're born into that [social] reality

this is why fantasy is so important to me, it allows us to imagine a different reality. the reality (most of us) know right now (i say most of us because the reality in the provinces, the mountains, they're kinda different) is inherently informed by capitalist structures. many people that are angry at capitalist structures cannot fathom a world outside capitalist structures, there are even some leftists and communists that approach leftism and revolution through capitalism, which is inherently destructive (its what leads to reactionaries and liberalism after all). fantasy requires that you imagine something outside of right now. in essence read Ursula K Le Guin

i tweeted out recently that you could pretty easily play 15-16th century Luzon or Visayas with an OSR mechanic setting and William Henry Scott's BARANGAY: SIXTEENTH CENTURY PHILIPPINE CULTURE AND SOCIETY, and I think that's purely because barebones OSR mechanics stuff fits well with the raiding and adventuring that many did in 15-16th century Luzon/Visayas, but a lot of the mechanics wont be comign from OSR, but from Barangay, where you learn about the complicated marriage customs, the debt mechanics, the social classes and stratum...

so thats why GB needs to be a (relatively) big book, and why I can contend that some books need to be big as well--even if their mechanics are relatively easy and dont need more than that, the book, the game, might be trying to relay something even more, might be trying to convey something even more than that. artesia, for example, has its advancements inherently tied to its Tarot Cards, enforcing that the Arcana guides your destiny. runquest has its runes magic, mythras (which is kinda generic) has pretty specific kinds of magic systems that immediately inform the setting. this is why everything is informed by something (this is a common Buddhist principle, dependent arising). even the most generic D&D OSR game will have the trappings of the culture and norms of the one that wrote and worked on it. its written from their reality which might not necessarily be the one others experience. that's what lived experience is, after all

*live in the provinces for a while and you'll doubt this too!

[joelsbeard]

yoooo I've been thinking about this for dayssss 🤤🤤🤤 get ready for

🏝️❤️‍🔥✨ Honeymoon/Vacation Headcanons with pre-outbreak!Joel Miller ✨🐚☀️

*with some pictures at the end too to get a better idea, they're not quite as i pictured in my head but similar :)

the horny really popped off with this one i fear. I think this might be one of my favorites!!!

Since neither you or joel have super high paying jobs, but still live in a dual income household, you can afford to go on some vacations but you likely just do short ones that aren't too far from home

Additionally, I have the feeling that joels favorite type of vacation destinations would be ones with more tropical locations where he can just sit back and relax on a beach since he's always stressed and tired from work, and doing a lot of walking to him doesn't seem like too much fun (although you convince him to do a couple of those bc you like going to historical landmarks and learning about other cultures).

With that in mind, I feel like places you could probably visit are Hawaii, Mexico, or a good amount of countries in the Caribbean, and you also at one point save enough go to Tahiti lol (maybe for your honeymoon or a special anniversary 🥺)

On your vacations, you and joel just fuck nonstop LOL, AND because they're mostly in tropical destinations, it's hot ;) so he always tells you not to pack too many clothes bc you won't be needing them ;)

You basically fuck for most of the time, only taking breaks to eat, sleep, and do a little bit of sightseeing or checking out the hotel or resort's amenities (mainly the pool)

Basically as soon as you check in you guys are vibrating (lol) with anticipation as you walk to your room, its on as soon as yall lock the door asdflj

Every time after checking in and walking to your room, he's always like "I can't wait to fuck the shit out of you for days baby 🤤" or "Starting today imma fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk properly tomorrow 🤤" as you're walking or as you're waiting in the elevator (if no ones around, otherwise that'd be awkward lol, or he just waits until people are a little out of earshot ;) )

Sometimes if you do get to the hotel/resort kind of tired, joel always looks around the room like "👀🌚 so where do you want me to fuck you first, your choice baby🤤" LMAOO fuckin horndog. He is just very straightforward and does not want to waste time 😀

^ and all of a sudden you're not tired anymore lmao

Lets just pretend these hotel room walls are sound proof (they never are) but on these vacations you guys are always super loud bc you don't have to worry about neighbors, or maybe having to see them again as opposed to your actual next door neighbors at home

You're damn near wailing half of the time with how hard he's fucking you

You love these vacations bc you get to hear more of joel's grunts and moans than you get to at home

He's always pulling you back by your hair when he fucks you from behind or has his mouth right next to your ear as he's fucking up into you from behind and holding you upright with one arm across your stomach and one arm across your tits and he's like "lemme hear those lil moans baby, don't hold back. You like that?"

Meanwhile you're like "fuckfuckfuckfuck. FUCK! god you're so big, I feel so stuffed 🥺" He almost cums right then and there.

Yall fuck in every part of the room lol, the chair the bed the bathroom the shower the balcony the sundeck chairs the pool the goddamn walls

Okay the next hc's will be based on the pictures below so you can take a look at them to get a better idea. Note, these places are probably all like 5 star resorts and way out of you and joel's budget but who cares lol

For your honeymoon you stay in a super nice place where you get a private pool with your room and it comes with a poolside lounging spot/bed? Which you take advantage of rather than going to the resort's public pool since you prefer some privacy ;) You'll probably start off your day fucking and then take a break to swim in the pool (where you also might fuck LMAO) then cuddle and take a nap on those outdoor beds and wake up just to fuck again HAHAH yall do not pLAY when it comes to these vacations

The windows in these hotel rooms are huge so you have a good view from almost anywhere, including when yall take baths together so ✨optimal relaxation and vacation vibes✨ and yall will 99% of the time fuck in there too lol, it always escalates after you guys help each other wash up

AND in the outdoor shower too, how could you not.

He loves when you wash his hair 🥺 you're extra gentle when you rinse his hair to not get any water in his eyes and sometimes you tell him to tilt his head back so you can give him little kisses on his cute forehead.

Since you and joel are goddamn freaks, part of the reason yall like fucking in the outdoor shower is because one of your neighbors might overhear 👀🙈

Which is why you guys will go to the resort's main pool and joel always probably tries to fuck you in one of those cabanas lol even though theres people basically right next to you

He just tells you you have to stay extra quiet as he fucks you ;)

Which obviously can be QUITE difficult, bc joel is just so goddamn fine🤤🔥thats YOUR MAN.

Imagine him bending you over with your hands braced on that bench in the outdoor shower while he rails the shit out of you from behind

You love teasing him in your skimpy barely-there bikini's and you can tell he's always about to lose his shit/drooling/getting hard when he sees you

One time you didn't tie the strings well enough (maybe on purpose) and your top almost falls off and you look at joel while holding it to your chest like "oh no! 🥺 my top came undone, can you help me retie it baby?" joel is damn near barking LMAOO and he's like "well i got a better idea, why don't you just leave it off ;)" but you can't bc this is the day you decide to leave your room and go to the resorts main pool lol

Both of you have extra fun "helping" each other out with putting sunscreen on each other hehe 😏 and you both end up taking extra time just to "make sure you're getting all the hard to reach areas". And you also don't want pookie to burn 🥺 but he probably tans better than you tbh lol

He's always like "I don't want you to get sunburnt baby, why don't you take your top off so I can rub the sunscreen into your chest better 🥺😏"

Sometimes you do sometimes you don't ;)

When you don't, he just puts his hands under your bikini straps and rubs the sunscreen REAL good into your skin lol

Sometimes he takes too long rubbing sunscreen onto your tiddies lmao and maybe someone will be walking closer to you both/ nearby and you're like "okay I think that's good babe I'm pretty sure they're not gonna get burnt if I keep my top on" and he's like "🥺just wanna make sure the girls don't get burnt 😏" LOL

He damn near moans when you're rubbing the sunscreen from his back and sliding your palms back around his trunk to cover his pecs lol

and when you're like "well I don't want you to get tan lines 🥺" and you slide your hand down his happy trail to the spot right under the waistband of his swimming trunks hehe, all while you're whispering dirty shit into his ear from behind him.

At the end of these vacations you guys leave with a ✨glow✨, not just from the sun (joel always looks so cute when he get's a little redness on his cheeks and nose ❤️) but also that ✨post-coital, 4 days of straight fucking, vacation glow✨ LOL

The resort also has these nice cabana beds right on the beach, and you and joel like to spend time there cuddling and watching the sunset 🥺

and guess what else? fucking! LMAO

you and joels exhibition kink goin brrrrr on vacation fr lol

Okay but you and joel fucking with a ocean view is just 👌🏻 or getting to cuddle on the beach while the sun sets 👌🏻

If anyone could hear you guys baby talking to each other while yall cuddle on the beach theyd be sick lol

Not only do you guys fuck everywhere on vacation, but yall also fuck in a million different positions too lol

After you guys swim in the pool or take a shower/bath, as soon as you're dry he's whipping that towel off of you and tossing it somewhere, he's like "no clothes or towels allowed! You're dry already so you don't need it anymore"

He definitely walks around yalls hotel room naked lol 1. for easy access 2.it's hot anyways 3. its not like the neighbors are gonna see you, your hotel room and pool is completely private

Tbh idk how yall manage to fuck for so long, like how he has any nut left in his balls by the end of the day is beyond me LOL and you lose track of how many times he makes you cum by late afternoon dude

[devourable]

so bc we’ve been given the green light on asking for more tobias and sebastian i’m gonna ask: smut for them pls! also would it be a threesome situation or would they prefer to do it separately? do they interact with each other at all or do they focus solely on darling?

(also i’ve asked a few questions about sterling and gene separately, can i be an emoji anon? 🍭 or 🍓, your choice!)

yall dont need a greenlight for the record. idk why many of yall seem to think that 😭 anyway here you go!

nsfw mdni / ageless dni

the boys next door • tobias and sebastian [ nsfw ]

· these two do everything together. that quite literally includes you. their first time and every encounter after that was with you and they refuse to have it any other way. sharing is caring after all, and what could be better than sharing the thing they love the most?

· if one of them is with you and the other is busy, they’ll wait for the other to come back before they really do anything. they'll kiss and touch you and get you all riled up, but you won't get any real satisfaction until the two of them are with you.

· sebastian has far more restraint than toby does. he'll rub you through your clothes and tease you relentlessly, pepper you in kisses, never giving you enough to get off or even really edge you but still enough to get you begging. it's a stark contrast to tobias, who will get as close as he possibly can to actually fucking you without doing so — he'll finger you until you're on the verge of tears and dripping on him and grind his cock on you till you're both at your peak. but neither boy will fuck you without the other being present.

· these two love it when they can both be in you. whether that be dp or spitroasting you, though they have a heavy bias for having you between them — one of the boys being under you, and the other being over you. it’s way more fun when all three of you feel good together! and it's always fun to see what limits your body can handle.

· their focus is mostly on you, but they'd never neglect each other, especially if you're the type to tap out early during sex or the type to not want it at all. if you can't handle the amount of rounds they want to put you through, it isn't uncommon for the pair to get each other off (which they like way more if you're willing to watch). they like to take their time with each other the way they would with you.

· it isn't uncommon for the pair to experiment with one another, trying out things they found online to see if they enjoy it before they try it out with you. they found a lot of their mutual kinks this way. it also isn't uncommon for the pair to start something up knowing you'll walk in on them soon — it's just so fun when you catch them!

· despite all of this, their end goal is still you. they'd much rather fuck you and get off with you. making you feel good with them is what they love the most, and if they'd have to choose between each other and you, they'd choose you every single time.

[notnights]

i legit love the idea of jax leaving anonymous gifts for gangle, and enjoying being on stage w/her bcs he's actually challenged and active enough to a point where he isn't feeling boredom or dread. also, there's a certain escapism in taking on the role of a character.

hmm, other ribbun scenarios? i can imagine gangle infodumping to zooble abt smth she used to watch, and jax feeling irritated by her rambling at first, but soon becoming accustomed to it and enjoying hearing her voice and opinions. perhaps he even remembers some of the shows she talks about. maybe he chimes in absentmindedly from his hiding spot and zoob n gangle are both like "u were here this whole time ??"

or what about caine using his ringmaster authority to make sure that jax is kind to gangle for a day? and now he has to do whatever gangle asks, and he's not allowed to break her mask. i wonder what she would do with that opportunity? dress him up in silly outfits? get him to pose in different ways for art references? like a mannequin doll.

i love seeing dynamics like these in moments where they have to work together for a common goal, as well. like, they get paired up together in an event and the reward is like. new crayon colours and a can of silly string/sticky hand/centipede or smth. i imagine a lot of yelling and fighting and cartoon violence shenanigans, but maybe, mayhaps, a "good job! we crushed em!" every here and there when things go well.

i also think jax trying to drag gangle away from a teaparty (hosted by ragatha ofc, no jaxes allowed) so that he can have an accomplice in ruining said teaparty for everyone would be fun. he wants to cause some chaos with his favourite victim

anyway hope u like these misc thoughts. idk im new to their dynamic :3c

1). Yeah it's a good thought! For a moment he can be someone else, someone who cares or someone who is open about being in the company of others.

2). I like to think sometimes Jax enjoys Gangle talking... but that's also why he doesn't like it. Doesn't like that something as simple as Gangle going on about something she likes makes him happy. Doesn't know why yet. Too close, too sentimental maybe. Feelings he's not ready for. So then he breaks her mask to shut her up. :(

3). I really want to imagine Jax and Gangle can get along in that way a bully and his lackey does. Bully picks on his lackey too but sometimes they get up to nonsense together and laugh at others together. Comedy!Gangle liking funny things too, which can range from something as silly as giving one ice cube to someone who asked for a couple, to seeing people get physically hurt (to the extent it happens in the DC anyways).

She won't go as far as Jax, when the going gets tough she'd start feeling guilty before Jax does, but up until then she's laughing and fooling around at Ragatha stepping on and getting slammed in the face by a misplaced rake.

Rare moments where they get along because Gangle is acting more willingly in Jax's interests. Idk if this idea has any merit with what we've seen so far. We still have no reference for Comedy!Gangle, and Jax atm really doesn't have any respect for her as an actual friend, at least when she's Tragedy!Gangle. I can only really imagine him getting along with Comedy!Gangle if she really is completely different though, and again we don't know if she is yet.

So it's an idea I haven't worked too much with despite how much I want it. I want them to be silly together. They both ave forever smiles in that aspect.

(concept for the next chapter-promo for the zooblecaine fic)

Anyways, with that said yeah something that gets them working with mutual goals is a good way to get that kind of interaction going. Awful together in a different way. Awful at each other vs Awful together at others lol.

4). Yeah I like the idea he'll drag her to help him with things too. Much to her dismay but she goes along with it, she doesn't really have a choice poor girl. Drags her around like a wet rag until he gets bored of dragging her because, what a drag!

"Wants to cause some chaos with his favorite victim," is such a good line also. I hate Jax, love to see him be awful. My poor girl Gangle deserves better.

[ophexis]

I am alive! After a long delay (forced to work in office for 2 weeks killed me), here's my post on the chosen dnd cookbook recipe!!! lmao

I chose to make the Vedbread! They're mushroom rolls with cheese. Not exactly a meal by themselves, but I just really wanted to try them so bad lmao

The recipe calls for a different kind of mushroom but they say you can use shiitake, so that's what I went for. I had to buy a lot of shiitake sdfsg

Anyway, let us begin!

First thing to do is to dice the mushroom. I unfortunately don't have a food processor yet so I had to do it by hand. It...took a while.You cook the mushroom with salt and butter until the moisture is gone and they're all nice and grilled. You also dice some shallots and cook them with! And finally when this is all cooked you remove from the heat and add parmesan and fresh thyme. I'll admit I didn't feel like spending the extra money for fresh parmesan so I just used the cheap stuff I had in my fridge, which I admit probably changed the flavor but it was still tasty so wtv!

While this is cooking and smelling delicious you prep the dough. Shred some gruyère and all that.

The shredded cheese goes directly into the dough! It's a chunky dough. You have to knead it just enough thats its smooth and incorporated. Then you have to spread it in a rectangle, which was somewhat challenging due to my lack of tools and preparation lmao. Ignore the ball of saran wrap I dont wanna talk about it

Then you spread the mushroom mixture all over this nice rectangle!

Struggle number 2, rolling it up in an even tube! Mine was not even at all but it was a tube! Then you have to try and cut it into equal pieces. Mine were....not equal pieces but the show much go on! They tell you to trim off and discard the ends but since there's no eggs in the dough I just ate it. Which legally I can't recommend bc raw flour can also be bad for you (more likely to, iirc) so do as I say, not as I do!

FINALLY you place them side-up on a baking sheet and brush them with an egg wash! And then you pop them in the oven!!! And then you take them out and be in awe and the delicious rolls you have just created!!

These were super good! And I'm saying as someone who generally doesn't like cooked mushrooms, but I've been making an effort with shiitake lol. If you like the general flavor of shiitake but don't really like the texture of cooked mushrooms, I really liked these bc the mushrooms are minced really small! The cheese is also really good. They kept SUPER well at room temp in an airtight container and they reheat in the oven really quickly and for the entire week that I've eaten them they tasted always fresh after a little trip in the oven. This was definitely a nat20 on recipe choice!

Those of you who were looking forward to this I apologize for the time it took but I changed projects at work and it's been a nightmare lmao. I'll probably be stuck in office for a week and a half soon again so I probably won't do the next poll within that time, but hopefully soon. I might do a noodle recipe from one of the star wars cookbooks tho just cuz i feel like it. I haven't actually cooked a whole lot lately bc of work :'D So I kinda miss it. Anyway I hope that was mildly entertaining, and get out there and make yerself any kind of bread rolls bc everybody deserves breadrolls. (Cough cough check out misohungrie's video if you want the precise recipe cough cough)

[sayakxmi]

[Magi reread] Night 66: Holy Palace's Aladdin

It almost feels weird to return to Aladdin right now

Weird thingies

Idk, just that giant head is kinda silly

Also, damn, Aladdin's wobbly legs

Nvm, they aren't Schehe's clones. But it still confuses me a little, cuz I feel like it's sort of implied later on that they are? But I might be misremembering thing - I'll comment on it when I get to the Magnostadt Arc. For now it's just a bit ?? Like, it's a real possibility Ohtaka didn't plan that far ahead yet.

You look really sad about it for a guy who nearly murdered him in blind rage

Ok, to be fair, I can imagine him feeling bad about it after calming down. Still, weird choice to want to explain Alma Torran to Judar instead of, idk, Yunan for example. I feel like it would have made the whole dying-and-coming-back-over-and-over-again a little more bearable. To actually know the point of that. Bc when Aladdin and Yunan talk, Yunan admits that Ugo'd never explained anything, and in that form (the blob, probably) form he couldn't ask. So. That fucking sucked.

Anyway. Giving Solomon's Wisdom to Judar? Really? I think you're putting too much faith in that guy.

F

I... forgot that's what happened. I remembered they were the same guy, but that magic turning into one? Tbh, cool.

Pretty!

Hello there, characters nobody cares about, least of all Ohtaka

Don't worry, grls, I've got u.

Look at this annoyed Alibaba, lmao

F A T E

I mean, I jest, but it's pretty cool. Fate is one of Magi's main themes, that for sure, and to have it explained the way it is, I think it really works.

Black Sun

Honestly, I just love it being explained like that. Things becoming inverted, distorted.

Idk man, there's not much I think I can say about it. The explanation is solid on its own, and it's pretty damn cool.

Tho later Ohtaka will come and try to convince us that maybe falling isn't so bad after, yeah, sure, all these brainwashed people are a good proof of that...

That's... yeah. I was thinking about it lately, cuz I was thinking about the Kou Empire Arc.

Maybe that entire becoming more powerful god than the other guy then that guy becoming more powerful than you and then you becoming more powerful than him... etc didn't come out of nowhere here, bc Hakuryuu's falling feels kind of like that. Abra is fallen, so she works against fate, so she fucked up the fate for Hakuryuu, who then proceeded to, idk, +2 to that by also falling, and, since he's not returning things to the actual fate's course, he just makes even bigger of a mess... Which is ironic as fuck. He tried to destroy Al-Thamen by literally doing what they wanted to - sowing more chaos and disasters all around, which at worst could have led the world to an end (given Judar could cause Il Illah to descend, apparently). Idk man, put some make up on to the clown music, you fucking moron.

Like, don't get me wrong, I like Hakuryuu for the most part, but Jesus Fuck he's an idiot. This is why he's constantly painted as immature. Because he fucking is immature. He never thinks things through, has no patience to speak of once he snaps, and ends up just making everything worse for everybody and himself, and wakes up with a hand in the pot, because turns out he has no idea how to handle the aftermath of his stupidass choices, because he was too busy fucking up people's minds to consider what happens after the war.

Ok rant over.

Foreshadowing

(soon) RIP Alibaba

Honestly, that's such a cool moment.

It kind of looks cute

Idk man, awesome moment all around. The fact that all of these blobs are helping him up is really cute, too

That crying Aladdin : (

Also, not gonna lie, this feels like the theme of this arc, among other things. And I'll definitely talk about it more. It's about losing the people you love, but at the same time meeting new ones, too. Of course they won't replace them, but the point is simply you're not alone.

;;;

Honestly, it just looks aweosme

[tomhardysurinal]

Tale as old as time and we've all said it I know I know but vote for her!! I don't careeeee you can do whatever you like but I'd have so much more respect for you as an individual with integrity if you

Didn't make up a defence for imperialism just because blue team good red team bad

Didn't lie and come out with "oh but she'll be easier to budge than Trump on xyz and we can move her on it later". We've seen you do this over and over again! We can't even test the theory of whether a dem would be more responsive than a republican cuz you stop giving a shit and disengage as soon as you win!!

Again, stopped lying with the "okay but if the choice is good national policy and bad international policy, or both bad policies, it makes sense to pick the first one". It's not a zero sum game and you're lying by saying you care!

Be honest! It's constant lies and misrepresentation and misdirection. Be honest and say she doesn't offend your sensibilities like he does. Overseas does not matter to you if the interest rate on your useless student loan is lowered by 0.01% 😂 say that you don't feel threatened by the police state and, though your neighbour does, that's not a significant enough issue on your radar to behave any differently. "But it'll be worse under red team!" be prepared to back that up and don't throw your toys out of the pram when someone gives evidence to the contrary. If you really think you're representing the grownups, act like one?

Like I'm not even joking like I'm not saying "admit to being kind of a dick" 😂 cuz I know my tone is often uh... a bit bitchy. But people will at least be able to look at you though and go okay. I don't agree with you, but those are your values, they're not the same as mine, let's have a chat. Probably won't get anywhere, but we'll come to the table with some honesty. People not agreeing with you is just life babes it's gonna happen all the time. It's the lying about it that pisses me off more than the disagreeing bc that to me means they actively know there is something wrong, something really dismissive and destructive about what they're espousing and so they choose to lie about it. Absolutely hate that like it is so unimaginably spineless. And it feels like a particular staple of living in north America, Europe etc. of quietly knowing we benefit from a lot of suffering... and I don't expect anyone to self-flagellate over that every second of every minute because that is not a feasible way of staying sane but I don't think the solution is lying about any aspect of it.

There's another option here as well btw which is remembering you don't actually have to be a political commentator and you can keep your shit to yourself if you want! You don't need to broadcast EVERY thought just be quiet and fill the ballot 🙄 if it's that or lying because the only way you can engage on this subject is by being really disingenuous, just be quiet about it 🤷‍♂️ you don't have to be an "activist" like actively being an activist for a political cause of any type should be quite a tiring and educating experience and not everyone can or should do it. Turn the internet offffff

[bsd-verse]

Fyodor's Ability?

Still to this day, as we all know, his ability is a mystery just like himself, so I've made a little theory about what could be his ability and how it actually works. Must say that I don't know if this had been made before, so it's all an idea for now. Also these are my opinions, you don't have to agree with them anyways.

🔸️manga spoilers!🔸️

Let's get started already with the name of his ability, Crime and Punishment which is one of his most famous work. It's about a man called Raskolnikov and his act of the crime he did. I haven't finished the book yet so I can't really say all the stuff but you can tell it's mainly about this and I think the choice of the work suits Fyodor's personality. He sees himself as if he's God, superior than most humans he's seen. Sounds similar right? He enjoys having control on others in my opinion, also won't hesitate to kill even an innocent life. He sees those lifes as a 'pawn' and nothing more. All this to achieve his goal. As far as I remember he wants to get rid of ability users, which is an interesting yet intriguing one. Why would he want this anyway? Maybe he doesn't like ability users? Or maybe he doesn't like his own abilty. We still don't know it yet but I'm pretty sure we will learn it soon, with his backstory. And what's his backstory? I don't have any clue tbh, but I think his goal has something to with both his ability and his past. And this is where my theory comes from.

I think Fyodor's ability is not something active but rather a passive one. More specifically, it's just killing with a single touch on skin. Just basically the same as seen in the manga and anime. And on this one, I agree with others saying that his ability doesn't work on ability users. But on just normal people. As if showing them having an ability isn't something that cool or good at all. Bc his ability would only kill and pretty much that. Who would want an ability like that anyways? Not just this maybe that's why he thinks people are sinful, especially ability users, since they have an ability, which in his opinion is a 'crime' and shows people that his crime, only kills them bc they are sinful, it's their 'punishment' that is death. But since it doesn't work on ability users, he can't kill them. That's why, he is looking for the Book, easily with a good narrative he can get rid of everyone with an ability, including himself too. This way he thinks God would erase his sins he has as an ability user. It's already a crime in his eyes, and playing the villain there, he proves his ability's 'crime' part. Just like how murdering someone is a crime already. His punishement would be staying in jail for years, but why would he really choose that instead destroying all of them, erasing the sins it has and being finally 'free'. Maybe that's why Nikolai says Dostoyevsky is the only one who understood him. And I think his whole goal started way before. As known, there are not many ability users, and even if some ordinary people have, they probably don't know it, since it can be something very random, such as Kajii's, I wonder how he even found about his own, but that's not the topic for today. So I like to believe Fyodor discovered his ability when he was a child or maybe a teen. Maybe his own ability killed someone dear to him, but dunno about that one, given his current personality it just doesn't suit him, but that would explain why he would want to get rid of them. Or he has another reason for this.

Tl;dr: Fyodor's ability only kills ppl with no abilities and he thinks it's just a crime and then shows them that this is just a punishment, both for those whom he kills and himself. So he wants to get rid of all of the ability users, including himself.

I don't know how much this makes sense, but wanted to share my opinions! ^^

[izzy-b-hands]

An odd little modern au thing with izzy doing a solid for mary and doug during an emergency, in the process pissing off stede leading to a stede and mary argument, which lands izzy in explaining his own near death experiences while babysitting the kids bc mary won't call stede and ed for it while pissed at stede. It gets wildly serious and sad, but i also tried to keep my own death positivity vibe in there, in that yes death can be scary, but it doesn't have to be and you can sit safely with your fear.

is genuinely the easiest way to describe this odd thing.

Fun fact: all of the described experiences i gave izzy belong to myself or other family members! We have a joke of the [our last name, my maternal grandfather's last name] curse as a result! sometimes it doesn't feel that much like a joke lmao

anyway: TW for multiple medical emergencies (two appendix related and two severe allergic reactions), detailed descriptions of near death experiences. Brief mention of beliefs, but v general in nature.

---

"We're in your debt," Mary smiles and hands over a sobbing Louis. "I'll call as soon as we get there."

They speed off with Alma in the backseat of the car, leaving Izzy and Louis in the dark front yard together.

"My appendix didn't kill me," Izzy remarks, after a moment of patting Louis' back hoping for a break in the hysterical sobs. "Your sister's won't kill her either. I promise."

Dangerous promise, considering they'd been sent back from the doctor multiple times over the week over the exact pain that had made Alma pass out now.

He winds up essentially wearing Louis with how the kid clings to him. It's not unlike a possum baby clinging to a parent, and it would be sweet if it wasn't actually painful.

So he sits on the couch and lets him cry and vent out everything he's worried will happen to his sister until finally, Louis sleeps.

--

"She's okay," Mary says. "Back home as of today, actually."

Stede narrows his eyes. "And I'm only finding all of this out today because..."

"Because she nearly died, Stede, and we've been a bit preoccupied with that!"

"I understand, but she's my daughter too and I could have helped look after Louis! Surely he didn't enjoy being there for all that."

"Izzy looked after him. Has on and off while Doug and I took turns staying with Alma."

"You called him first?" Stede knows he's being a touch dramatic. But he's also just found out how close their oldest was to death, all over an improperly diagnosed appendix that burst, in all of five minutes of arriving for their weekly group dinner.

"He doesn't have kids or a partner that stays with him usually, so I thought he wouldn't mind being bothered, and he's helped babysit the kids before," Mary splutters. "Stede, we were panicking, and it was one in the fucking morning and I couldn't wake her up! Forgive me for just hitting the first name in my contacts list that seemed a good choice!"

"Okay," Doug says softly after a beat. "I'm gonna put out dinner for the kids. Ed, can you help these guys get to the theater room? The kids know to join us after they eat."

"We should go," Stede says. "Izzy might be available though. He's usually sitting home alone anyway."

"Stede," Ed hisses. "Come on. Let's at least talk to them-"

"No! I'm always the one suggesting talking, and no one else ever wants to! Now it's my turn to say no to it!"

"As if you would have done any better had this happened on one of your weekends," Mary scoffs, and sniffles. "Fuck off then. Ed, we'll try again next week, and I'll box some of this up for you to take home. You don't have to share it with him though."

"Mary, I didn't mean-"

"I know," she says bluntly. "I don't care right now. Both of you, get the fuck out of my house."

"The house I insisted you take in the divorce."

"Stede," Ed's hand carefully but firmly grabs his arm. "Enough."

He's right.

They walk back out and get a wave in at the kids from the front window.

--

"I can," Izzy replies. "Are Stede and Ed out of town again? They didn't mention-"

"Please don't bring them up right now," Mary interrupts, voice tinny through his old flip phone's speaker. "To us or the kids. We're... it's just a rough patch we're working through."

"Understood. Anything Alma shouldn't be doing yet?"

"She's got permission to sit and watch TV, or read, but no physical running around yet," Mary sighs. "She's giving her doctor grey hairs."

"That just means she's feeling better."

He heads over a half hour later, a little earlier than Mary had requested. It gives him time to think about what the fuck might constitute a 'rough patch', and to call Ed to ask.

"Stede is furious that she called you instead of us," Ed says plainly. "And I mean...I see both their sides. I think they'll see that too, eventually. Doug does already, so he and I have been in contact trying to help mend the bridge."

"Is that him?!" is shouted in the background.

"Yes, he had a question for me," Ed replies. "I'd better go. The kids like you; just act like everything is normal and it'll be fine."

He's right, up until Mary and Doug drive away from the house and towards their restaurant reservation, and Louis bursts into tears.

"Awful early for that," Izzy groans and picks him up. "What are we going to do when you get too big for that?"

"Lift weights," Louis grumbles and sniffles into his shoulder.

Inside he finally is able to shed his leather jacket and Louis, though the latter is immediately back at his side.

"Alma keeps saying she isn't going to die now. I don't believe her."

"Wouldn't she know best if she was about to?"

Louis blinks. "Oh."

He takes the opportunity to lead Louis to Alma's room, though per usual, she's fine.

Sat in bed, reading, headphones on-

With a book entitled Near Death Experiences and You.

"Oh," Izzy sighs.

--

"Have you ever almost died?"

"You know, these taste better because they're shaped like faces," he's spent the entire dinner of dinosaur chicken nuggets and smiley face chips like this, trying to avoid actively discussing death while Alma asked the same death-related questions.

"You're avoiding the question," she says.

"He's not dead, so what does it matter?" Louis asks. "The smiley face ones are my favourite, even though Mum says they aren't healthy."

"They're potatoes; that's a vegetable and that's healthy enough."

"That's what I said!"

"Izzy!"

Alma slams a hand against the table top. "I want to know!"

"And that's fair enough, but would Mum or Dad let you act like that? Or Ed or Doug?"

She blinks. "No. Sorry."

"Eat your dinner. After that, we can talk. Louis, you can stay up for that if you like. But I leave it up to you."

To his surprise, Louis walks into the living room with them after dessert.

"Have I ever nearly died?" Izzy repeats aloud as they settle beside him on the couch. "Yes. More than once."

"When, and how?" Alma asks. "What did you see? You know, during..."

"Are you sure this is actually something you want to hear?"

She nods. "I don't...I keep reading about it and looking it up online because I don't know...for me, it was..."

She gives him a pleading look as her words trail off.

"Not sure what it was or how to explain it?"

She nods again.

"Okay. Well, the first was when I was all of two years old. My mum had to tell me this one, of course, so I can't exactly give details of how it felt. Bad, I'm sure."

Alma looks horrified. "Two?"

"I was given an almond and a few other mixed nuts by my grandmother; my first time ever eating them," Izzy continues. "Turns out I'm allergic at varying levels to all of them. Bad enough with some that my throat swelled and I wound up in hospital."

"And they said you almost died?"

"I did. Mum, grandparents have all confirmed my lips were blue by the time they got me there. But I was so young that I don't remember it beyond what they've told me."

"That's why you have Epi-Pens," Louis remarks. "I thought maybe it was for something cooler."

"Louis!"

"It's okay," Izzy smiles. "He's right. They should be for something cooler, but no. Just in case I accidentally get given a walnut and don't realise it."

"You said your appendix didn't kill you," Louis says. "Was that another time?"

"It was! My first year working with Ed, both in our early twenties and in the ship yard together. I insisted I only had a stomachache, and the doctor the company called in agreed. Ed was the one who protested and finally dragged me to the hospital himself."

"Had it burst by then?" Alma asks.

"It did right about as he got me in the door of the hospital, actually. But they didn't believe us, so I sat in the waiting area for hours. Then, once they had me admitted, they still didn't believe me and had me waiting for all sorts of tests."

"How long?"

"Believe it or not, days. Ed tells me three, because by then, we later found out, I had gone septic. So I don't have a lot of detail on that either, except for the surgery itself."

"Holy fuck," Alma breathes.

"Language," Izzy murmurs.

"Pot meet kettle."

"Okay, fair enough. Anyway, during the surgery, and remember, we don't actually know what happens during all of this, or after. Everyone believes what they believe, and that's fine. Belief isn't...what you need everyone to know to prove a point about things, like what happens after death. It's for your own comfort and life, yeah?"

"Sure," Alma says. "What did you see?!"

"I...did see a light. No tunnel nonsense, just a light. And I felt very calm, even though I could register that people were rushing around me, operating on me finally. I thought of Ed, and it was like there was something of me away from my body, sitting there beside him in the waiting room. Jack had come by then and was comforting him and I kept trying to get him to look at me, but he wouldn't-"

It occurs to him that he's started to cry. "Sorry. Um, yeah, but then suddenly I was awake and on the operating table and in the worst pain of my life. They got me sewed up after that, and then finally I was given proper pain meds while I recovered. But I was dead for a few minutes per the surgeon."

Alma nods.

"You okay?"

"Is there more?"

"Yeah."

"Jesus christ."

Izzy snorts. "That's about how it feels, honestly. There's a quote about that, about being someone who did not die when they should have died..."

"That's how it feels," Alma says softly.

"You want to talk about what happened?"

"Can I hear the rest of yours first?"

"Sure."

Louis crawls into his lap and snuggles.

"You want to hear the rest? If not, I can take you up to your room."

"I'll stay," Louis replies. "You're really unlucky, huh?"

"That's one way of putting it. But...the one after that, you guys don't need to hear about. Not yet at least. I was a teenager and it was stupid and...maybe in a few years."

"I guess," Alma says.

"The next one was just another allergic reaction."

"Just another one," her eyes roll. "Right."

"That was...I was nearly thirty then. Ate a couple of chocolates that had massive amounts of pecan in them, but I didn't know that. Didn't have my Epi-Pens at that point in my life, so I took some over the counter allergy medicine and tried to carry on. Don't do that, if either of you ever wind up in that situation."

She just stares. Understandable, because no one he's told about this one has ever had any other reaction.

"Eventually, my body tried to make me sick anyway it could, to get it out, all the while my throat swelled. I finally broke down and called Ed for help. By then I was at the oddly calm stage, even though my body was still trying so hard to make me sick. Laying on my bathroom floor, feverish, not realising at all how bad it was, feeling utterly outside of myself-"

Alma grabs his arm. "That. I felt like I was watching myself!"

"I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to experience that."

"What happened next?" Louis asks. "Did Ed get there in time?"

"No, he died," Alma snaps.

"No!"

"Alma," Izzy chuckles. "He did. He found me there in my bathroom, called the emergency line and asked what to do, then drove me to the ED and stayed with me while they..."

He pauses. "Wow. While they tried to keep me breathing. Anyway, one panic attack over them inserting an IV later, I was being pumped full of epinephrine and benadryl and some other things I don't remember and was feeling much better. Left the ED a few hours later, actually."

Alma frowns. "They wanted you to leave?"

"They did. Said I was good. I felt horrible the next few weeks after, and my sensitivity to those allergies is even worse now, but otherwise I was fine."

Louis yawns. "You need to stop almost dying."

"I'll do my best."

"I could hear Doug crying."

Izzy lets Alma take his hand.

"But I knew he was with Mum a bunch of rooms away, so I shouldn't be able to hear him. Also, Mum knows a lot more swear words than I realised. I think she made some up, because she kept going after the doctor that said I was fine."

"You need to tell your Mum and Doug this too," he says. "They should know, and they can help with this."

She nods. "I'm sort of tired. Can we go to bed?"

"I think your brother is drooling on me."

"He is. It's really gross."

--

He makes it home by midnight, but he doesn't sleep.

It isn't exactly a bothersome thing, to talk about each experience. He has to at various doctor visits now and again anyway.

But he's unsettled all the same.

"Ed?"

"No," is the icy reply.

"Sorry, I'll-"

"Alma said you did a good job tonight. Texted me earlier. Said to be nicer to you because you keep nearly dying. Is that true?"

Izzy sighs and chuckles. "Do you have an evening to hear about it?"

"I suppose I do. Ed and I are still awake, and staying up if you want-"

"I'll be there in five."

[safyresky]

😤😮‍💨

I am once again venting below the cut, please enjoy this Jacqueline in the meantime:

GOOD LORD!! CIRCULAR CONVERSATIONS ARE GENUINELY SOOO FRUSTRATING. I've had my new car for a WEEK and for a WEEK it's been the SAME SHIT between the hubbers and the MIL:

He mentions the car bc he's excited about it

She goes on an emotionally charged RANT about how concerned she is that we went and bought this car and how she's worried about all the debt we have and that we won't be able to "just vibe"

He assures her we went over everything (which we did) and that it's affordable for us (it being the bi-weekly payment)

It stops there. He laments to me. I reassure. I boost him the FUCK UP LIKE HE DESERVES TO BE! 😤

He brings up the car again with her in the hopes she'll be like I'm also excited about this for you!!

She instead once more lectures us on debt

He once again reassures her

He comes to me lamenting once more

I am stuck watching this circle and smacking my head against the wall

I love this man so much, and he does NOT deserve the shit his mother is giving him and I VERY MUCH DISLIKE that he is STILL SEEKING HER APPROVAL. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE WE DIDN'T BUY THE CAR FOR HIM!! WE BOUGHT IT FOR M E AND HE CO-SIGNED BC THE PAYMENT IS CHEAPER AND HE IS VERY EXCITED THAT WE HAVE A NEW, RELIABLE VEHICLE THAT IS SAFE FOR ME! HE'S HAPPY I'M SAFE!

And he's NOT explaining this bit to his Mom, and keeps being like w/e her opinion doesn't matter

BUT THEN THEY HAVE THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN

AHHHHHH

I hate circular arguments y'all. They make me want to explodE. My entire morning/afternoon has been reassuring the hubbers and trying to point out how the convo is circular bc he's looking for her approval and excitement but she is looking for Something Else BC she's worried about our finances. Guys, imma be real with you. This is an affordable payment for us. It's literally only coming out of MY PAYCHECK since it's MY CAR and they BOTH seem to be forgetting that and it's causing this stupid discussion that won't end until either:

He tells her he's heard her concerns and asks her what she's looking for (since despite his reassurances and walking her thru the process we went thru last weekend and showing her the numbers and how it all works out fine she STILL keeps voicing her concerns, to the point where I haven't even talked with her about it but am dying to yell WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE US TO DO MARGE, GET RID OF THE CAR??? Because really, what WOULD you like us to do and it's presumptuous of you to assume we can't handle it and will need your help)

He tells her he's heard her concerns and asks her to just listen to his and please show some excitement because he's excited about it, so why can't you be

They let it die and never talk about it again the end OR

He understands that this is another one of those Margie being Margie scenarios and he's not gonna get her approval or excitement, and accepts that all he needs in this scenario is his OWN acceptance and excitement, and find a way to be OKAY with that

And I don't know how LIKELY any of these are going to be in the near future (and dw, I texted him that blurb already so hopefully it's on his mind and he makes good choices, good choices being either 1 or 4 bc this isn't gonna get resolved any time soon with my MIL's old fashioned REPRESS UR EMOTIONS ass 😤) so I am instead FUMING about situations OUTSIDE OF MY CONTROL bc as an outsider Incan see how it's going and after 4 years of therapy I can see what needs to be done bc I'VE BEEN THERE TOO

This situation has me so down it's making me wanna call and vent to my Mommy and that's how you KNOW it's yucky tbh

[izzielizzie]

thoughts on the college application process? i'm starting to think about it now bc i'm a junior

ooo that's such a good question. i have five pieces of advice:

unless you're absolutely convinced that you want to major in something specific that has a certain track, like nursing, i wouldn't choose a college based on what you think your major will be. nearly every person i've talked to since starting college has said that they've changed their major or career choice at least once. the great thing about college is that there are just so many new things that you don't really learn about in high school that you may love way more than what you love now. i mean i came into this year as a bio major and i'm coming out as a polisci major. it happens and it's nothing to be upset about. so really factor things like location, weather, student demographics, and career opportunities into your search along with the quality of the degree/concentration you're going in with.

work smarter, not harder. if there's an essay in one college that's similar to another college's essay that you've already written, then just rework the essay you have. there are big themes across colleges when it comes to essays, and if you can just do some tweaking here and there it would save you so much time. also!! if you can, write your personal statement early so that you can think it over and edit it so that it's really strong when you submit it. it's the firs thing admissions people see, and they're looking for essays that stick out.

save money!! college is so expensive and unfortunately paying to apply to colleges is expensive too. i payed 90 dollars to apply to stanford which is a ridiculous amount of money. if you can get an application fee waver then do it. also — apply to every scholarship that comes your way. doesn't matter if it's only one hundred dollars, trust me that'll cover a textbook. doesn't matter if you maybe think you won't get the scholarship bc you might. so just apply bc college is so, so expensive. and if you want to go to grad school, that's even more money

don't count out a college early on in the process. the college i'm enrolled in rn was a safety school, and i really thought about not turning in the application. thankfully my mom caught wind of that and told me i'd regret it if i didn't, and now that i'm here i wouldn't trade this place for any college. so don't count a college out too soon

take any opportunity that comes your way to learn about colleges. if there's an info session @ your high school for a college or a group of colleges then go! learn about the school and talk to some admissions people about the school. you'll learn so much about so many different schools and it'll help you solidify your college list

good luck, you got this <3

[bats-after-dark]

I am so sorry that it seems like I'm always ready to snipe more filth at you, please don't feel pressured to indulge me, but I think our timezones just align perfectly, whatever they are. Also, in other news, I LOVE YOU? FOR ALL OF THIS. We have put poor Xiaobao through so much and he's so pretty when he cries, of course Huaien will give in and give him what he needs. (Repeatedly. Until Xiaobao is crying for a different reason.)

And hell, you made me think about Huaibao and praise now! Me, who has been happily stuck in Xiaobao degradation land! Xiaobao I feel like is more into degradation than he is into praise, but at the same time I do think that Huaien's degradation sometimes borders on praise, and not to make this sad, but I think some of it could occasionally come across as Huaien degrading Xiaobao for liking him because he has all these FEELINGS and he doesn't know where to put them because he’s hurting Xiaobao (even if it’s consensual) and because trauma. But then they fuck about it and it's more sexy than sad, I swear. But where this was supposed to go was that for Huaien? It's definitely praise. Xiaobao may not be able to communicate other than in incoherent moaning and whimpering during sex, but I assure you, he will butter Huaien up afterwards, assuring him he feels nice, telling him what he liked. Which will probably lead into a new round sometimes, now that I think about it. I also think that Huaien is just unable to deal with praise, it gives him bluescreen brain and white static and leaves him no other choice than to, quoting you here, fuck Xiaobao in conveniently placed side rooms. And Xiaobao knows this, right? Takes advantage of it. But not only in a sexy way but also in a disgustingly loving way.

I don’t know what's going on, I'm in my Huaien feelings and trying to crack what Xiaobao can do to make him lose it, emotionally and hornily. Some more intox thoughts are also surfacing but I'm not sure how you feel about those so I won't dump anything like, uh, ancient Chinese chemsex on you just yet. Just know that it's out there.

Time to pick up the plot (lmao) again!! These are EXCELLENT THOUGHTS!!!! Wow yes wow. The circling around of Huaien’s degradation of Xiaobao into praise! Xiaobao feels too good to not be fucked, too perfectly made for it, Huaien can’t help himself. Maybe if Xiaobao weren’t so desperate for it, Huaien wouldn’t want to fuck him constantly. It does have a slightly self loathing edge to it—Huaien sees his love and attention as something he inflicts on Xiaobao, something Xiaobao suffers through—but it gets a little better over time and with, yes, incredibly judicious application of Xiaobao begging to be fucked and also telling Huaien how much he liked it.

So, in the show, Xiaobao is incredibly elliptical abt sex in sort of a cutesy way? Although I can’t tell how much of that is subtitle choices ofc. But I think Xiaobao turns this against Huaien as soon as he gets comfortable with the idea of bottoming. Huaien cannot handle the shift toward Xiaobao as fully realized sex pest at all and it is the easiest way to rile him up. Xiaobao leans over in passing during the day and whispers, “Furen, you fucked me so hard I can still feel it,” and Huaien is dragging him into a side room and bending him over a couch. In bed, it’s all, “but I like when you fuck my face till I cry,” when Huaien expresses concern over whether Xiaobao enjoyed himself and Huaien is just !!!!?!?!?!????? abt that bc wow. Wow okay sure Xiaobao can just say that??? with his mouth?! And it’s allowed????

But yeah this is just to say that Huaien has a praise kink a mile wide, which okay, is not exactly what I described but I think I will also blue screen if I imagine Xiaobao saying, “Good boy,” to Huaien. SEND ME UR THOUGHTS ON ANCIENT CHINESE CHEMSEX. I WANT THAT.

[nathank77]

3/21/24

2:15 a.m

So some good news. I called my eye wear company and I complained.. The guy I talked to at my eye wear company was so rude last night, and I brought up that they shipped them despite me putting them on hold.

I wouldn't say the guy I talked to tonight was overly nice or anything but he listened and did what I wanted. They are processing a replacement right now. I'm getting Oakley Airdrops!

They expect me to return the Ray-Bans, they sent me a prepaid shipping label but I won't..I've gotten away with this many times with my Eyewear company.

They make the new pair and send them before you send in the return. I won't abuse it further. I'm not going to complain about my Beau glasses, I love them tbh. And I don't need more than 4 pairs of glasses.

They won't be able to charge my account unless I authorized it lol to make matters better i got refunded 28$ bc the Oakley airdrops are 28$ cheaper.

So I'm paying 240$ for a pair of Ray-Bans and a pair or Oakley Airdrops. Thats about 120$ for each. Which isn't half bad.

They look very similar but this is an investment in my future Eyewear too. When I get a new script, I can get the lenses replaced somewhere for like 70$ each. Now I won't have to scour the earth for the frames I like anymore.

Half frames are available everywhere, and they are cheap af. As long as I don't end up in progressives.. but for now I'm safe.

This style of frame and color really does seem patented by Oakley and Ray-Bans, I'm not kidding. So I just spent 240$ on two frames with lenses that would have cost over 500$!

I'm excited 😊 saving the 28$ is nice too. Maybe I'll get the rimless but not anytime soon. They are cheap but I'm trying not to he ridiculous...

I had 7 pairs of glasses last year/last script, bare in mind 3 were the same pair of half frames. However, when you buy cheap frames spending 70-80$ on new lenses to be put in far exceeds the cost of what you would spend on a new pair with the same frame. That's the funny thing.

I was worried they wouldn't ship them until I sent back the Ray-Bans but they are already making the lenses! I figured if they didn't make them and kept it on hold until I shipped them back, I saved 28$. Which isn't too bad..

The kinda horrible thing is, I want to wear my half frames but I feel like if I don't wear these Ray-Bans constantly, I wasted too much money. I spent like 51$ on 2 Beau frames...

Spending 240$ on 1 pair of glasses makes you feel like you should only wear that pair... so I may never go rimless. Idk.... cause then I'll have so many choices to chose from most of them won't get enough wear time..

I will wear the half frames sometimes. I put one pair in my backpack as a spare if my current lenses get too dirty. I finally bought glasses cleaners but sometimes they just smear around the smudge.. nothing clean a pair of glasses like water and soap.. especially if it's oil from your fingers. Glasses lenses are like a magnet for the oil on your skin.

What I'm going to do is carry whatever case for my current glasses, whether it's Oakley or Ray-Bans bc the glasses are way too big for traditional glasses cases. I bought 3 glasses cases and they don't even begin to fit. Thankfully the Ray-Bans and Oakley come with their own case.

So I'll bring the case of the current pair I'm wearing, and if my glasses get dirty beyond repair, and I need to wash them bc the glasses cleaners don't do the job I will just switch to my half frames in my back pack.

I really want the rimless but I've spent 290$ on glasses altogether.... the rimless is like 50$. And idk when I'd wear them to justify it.

I suppose if you're a fulltime glasses wearer like me, you absolutely need more than 1 pair and you should have more than 2. Washing a pair with soap and water especially full framed glasses but regardless, is difficult cause they always have water droplets on them. You can try hard and get it almost perfect but it's time consuming.

As a full-time glasses wear I recommend 3 pairs. 1 for on the go to switch to assuming you scratch the lenses or they get dirty. The other two is to switch between frames at home for fashion. I'll have 4. A little too many. That's not a bad thing.

Next year I'll get my Ray-Bans and Oakley lenses replaced. I'll buy a pair of half frames from my Eyewear company and I'll get an insurnace pair that I'll upgrade to anti reflective so I can wear them. Otherwise they'll be useless. If things really work out next year I'll get half frames from my insurance and then I'll get rimless from my Eyewear company!

I don't know what frames will come in my size from my insurance so my hopes won't be too I high for that but either way I'm excited that I get to have my Ray-Bans and Oakley Airdrops!

Spending 120$ on each makes it easier to switch glasses bc I'm not joking, spending 270$ on one pairs makes you feel like you're required to wear that pair.

If my script doesn't change, I'll pay for the anti reflective on my insurance pair and then get rimless for my new fashionable choice.

No matter what I'll be spending around 300$ on glasses a year assuming I don't need Progressives. Things will have to change when that happens lol but for now let's have fun.

I'm fucking over the moon I don't need Progressives and I get to get both Ray-Bans and Oakley.

Since I hallucinate 24/7. And everything sucks. It's nice that something worked out

[fandxmslxt69]

hello beloved!!! <3

13, 18, 26

oh my gosh my love!!! hello dearest <333

13. How many siblings do you have? Are you oldest, middle, or youngest?

UGHHHH. Lmao. Uuuh I have 3 siblings, two brothers and a sister- I'm the oldest!!! Tough tough job let me tell you. It's fun I guess, because I've got dirt on everyone and I'm one less for my parents to worry about. But it's also kinda tragic cuz I feel held to such a standard my siblings see me as enemy #1 because I "get everything I want". I mean YEAH I more or less do but consider: my work really hard to collect enough Parent Points to get my stuff soooo really it's their fault :/ NOT TO SOUND DRAMATIC but its also kinda tragic cuz like between me and my younger sister is nearly a whole lifetime. My youngest brother is in that horrible middle school boy phase, and the older one is so distant I think he'll ditch the family as soon as he can. Also- lmao the anger issues that run in this household!!!

ANYWAY THIS GOT OFF TOPIC (love chatting abt sibling dynamics) but yeah, 3 siblings, I'm the oldest, it's such a blast I would not trade this life for anything.

18. What's the most expensive thing you've ever bought?

Stares at my bookshelf that has over 3k dollars worth of books. uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hmmmmm. I mean, other than my books, my mom usually buys me most of my stuff. Like no yeah sure I go clothes shopping but she's always there cuz a) i cant make choices and b) i cant be trusted with a credit card and c) i dont have my own money ahahaha. So ummm yeah, most expensive thing has to be my books (bought a book once for 30 bucks.) or my computer/laptop/thing (200 bucks, but it was my dad who got it sooooo) I mean I have clothes that were rather expensive like coats and shoes, but I never bought that stuff with my own money (has never worked a real job in her life other than library tutoring) so my books are the #1 i guess.

26. Do you believe in second chances?

Hm. If it's an honest, little mistake, sure. But if it's something bigger? My pride won't let me. My mom drilled it into me pretty young. Funny enough I got pushed around pretty easily growing up, and I didn't really know how to say no (most of that was due to being thrown into an environment in which i a) could not speak nor understand the language and b) i was. well. Not White and thought I had to appease everyone so no one could pick on me). Anyway yeah my mom drilled it into me that second chances had to be earned and only for the right things. STORY TIME!!! Gosh oh gosh okay, so I got pushed back a couple years in school when we first moved to Canada, hence why I'm so behind on everything. When I (finally) hit 5th grade, I remember I made 2 good friends. One of them, my parents were friends with her parents, the other was this nice white girl whom friend A had known for a very long time. I was kindly invited into their group (I'd known them for about a year or so but was never very close) and I tagged along! It wasnt unusual, since we lived in a small area and went to the local school, so pretty much the entire grade knew each other and we (the 20 smth kids) were always in the same class together for a solid 3 years. Anyway, these girls were fun and we had a good time but shit went DOWN and it kind of fucked me up real bad. I still think abt it to this day. Long story short they spread shit abt people in their little diaries and the teachers caught them and they thought I was apart of it but TURNS OUT I was the CENTER of the shit talking and to this DAY, nearly a decade later, my parents refuse to tell me about any of it. I gave them quite a few chances before and after bc we had some fights, and in the end it like just. it humiliated me completely. Anyway lmao um um um yeah, ever since that shit I kind of stuck to avoiding second chances.

If it's not deserved, it's not happening. They're cut from my life immediately. I simply refused to let myself be put in that same vulnerable position again. So no, I don't really believe in second chances. If it was an honest mistake, a misunderstanding, miscommunication or something harmless, I'm okay. It's fine, it'll wash over. But most other shit? Man I can't handle it at ALL. My pride genuinely won't let me. I'll end up burning all the bridges in anger before I even consider it.

UMMM THAT WAS LONG WOW but im tired and idc anymore. WHOOPS

THANKS FOR THE ASK AMPHI i love you :D