#which is funny since she technically caused his initial distress xD

[honorhearted]

Love was supposed to be beautiful, pure, enduring, and yet in the following days, Benjamin was enveloped by none of these things. Emma stayed true to her word. She didn't seek him out, nor meet his gaze, nor even go near him, and yet this failed to bring the relief he yearned for. No, the separation somehow made things worse, and Benjamin's temperament quickly changed from sour to combative.

With his hurt and frustrations at an all-time high, it wasn't difficult to find himself butting heads with Washington. It was typical for them to disagree, but this? This Benjamin wasn't letting go. He knew the general was wrong about Sutherland, but Washington wouldn't hear otherwise.

Before long, Emma was brought into the room to settle their dispute. God, he could scarcely stand the sight of her with her long, golden hair that practically blinded him akin to burnished sunlight. Flinching, he lowered his eyes, curling and uncurling his hands as she detected a lie in both Shanks and Sutherland.

Even with this good news -- or at least, in the sense he wasn't incorrect about the latter -- Washington dismissed him again, and asserted that he wouldn't interrogate either man. Sackett would, starting with Sutherland.

Furious, Benjamin tore from the hut and resisted the urge to slam the door like a petulant child. Mercifully, he did not, for Emma pursued him a moment after.

"Major, just a moment..."

Despite his urge to dismiss, to run, Benjamin stumbled to a clunky halt. Once his injured eyes turned to her, a knot formed in his throat and he straightened, attempting to look far more put together than he currently felt. "Yes? What is it, Swan?"

Swan... Didn't she detest the use of formalities? And yet what they'd once shared could no longer be -- never again.

Feeling homesick for an embrace that was never truly his to begin with, he exhaled and gestured for her to speak.

"Look," Emma began, "I don't exactly know what's going on, but I can tell you believe we need to watch our backs from Sutherland, right? And I... I trust your instincts, and you can't go against orders but I wasn't given any. I'll go to Sackett's tent too tomorrow, alright? Try to see what Sutherland must be hiding."

Benjamin squinted, turning toward her with a hint of leery intrigue. "Sutherland's lying," he agreed. "To what regard, I'm not sure, but I also can't prove Shanks' innocence...he seems sincere in his contrition, but that could easily be the fear of being hanged talking. So Washington..." Sighing, he shook his head, squaring his jaw while looking off to the side. "He is not wrong in his suspicions, but I don't feel Sackett should be alone in this interrogation. He isn't trained in weaponry the way we are."

Benjamin felt Emma's gaze on him, and despite his better judgment, he met with her entreating stare. The moment their eyes locked, a terrible ache formed in his chest, and the pressure blossomed at her next words.

"I'm leaving soon, let me do this for you. Washington is under a lot of stress, he's not thinking clearly, but I know if you believe Shanks needs to be heard it must be true."

"You're leaving?" Blinking in rapid succession, Benjamin suddenly forgot how to breathe. "But..." She has to go. Let her go, damn you! Swallowing back any potential damning words, he cleared his throat in an attempt at loosening the painful knot of emotion. Here, he forced a wobbly smile and inclined his head. "Thank you, Swan. I...owe you a great debt." For far more than you could ever possibly know.

She looked at him with genuine, pure longing as he spoke of wanting a future with her, but her fears were so much louder than his words; she had never let herself contemplate such things, she had never allowed herself to face them before, and now that he was doing it for her it had awoken the worst thoughts.

"but maybe I want to take that risk. And if you don't…well, then it's as I said: I can't force you. But I also can't wait around either, because whether we like it or not, Mary and her fiancé have the right idea. Time waits for no one."

He was right, he should have what he wanted, what he deserved, someone who could feel the same way, who thought that Mary and her fiancé were right, someone who didn't need time just to warm up to the idea. She still thought they were horribly wrong, that even if they were right it was worth waiting, that the risk was too big, the tragedy of it going wrong surpassed the joy of the marriage going well, but Ben? Ben lived in a world where since the future may not exist, the present was what mattered. She lived in one where she feared what the future would bring.

"If you can't look at me and instantly think yes, you're the one, then the answer should be obvious. From what I've been told -- from what I've been feeling -- you behold that one special person and just know. And if you don't know with me, then you have your answer."

"I'm not like you... I'm not capable of feeling that way, of knowing. So you are right, you feel time is precious and you should... be allowed to find someone who can give you that," she agreed meekly, sniffing and trying very hard not to make more noises than that. She could cry her heart out later, when he was gone. She could do what she did when she saw Arian: hold it in for a few more minutes and once alone find herself unable to breathe right. She'd probably cry for him forever, because she had already gotten too close to actually wanting it to pretend it hadn't happened, and with such an ending there would be no bittersweet memories, just pain, looking back. "I will give you space, I won't make things more difficult for you." And start preparing and putting her affairs in order, so that once her parents would be done touring around the Colonies in a few weeks, she'd leave to go join them at the harbor.

She was lucky she was a woman, and in the following days she could wear enough makeup to hide any sign that she may be in distress, but she also knew everyone was aware something was wrong, especially James who had seen the change happen closely and August, who had been told a few things here and there. But no one pried, not after Emma gave a few looks and chose a tone that made clear she'd only place nice, sunny, sweet princess if the matter was left alone.

She stayed out of his way as promised, although that meant literally hiding in her tent every now and then, until Washington asked for her opinion. He didn't give her much information, she just had to listen to two men and tell him which one was lying, since she had the gift of noticing right away. And when she came back certain that they both lied about something, which was not the most welcomed answer, she was forced to see Ben too, but tried to make herself invisible, quiet while of course polite to the general, who was at least thankful that she had been willing to help, and who apparently became even more certain that Benjamin was wrong about whatever it is that they were discussing about. Her heart hurt, badly, from the lack of sleeping and the grave mistake of eating less than she should, but she came to understand that Washington believed Shanks to be the worst of the two and wanted Sackett, not Ben, to interrogate Sutherland more. Against Benjamin's opinion that Sutherland was also a danger.

That wouldn't do.

"Major, just a moment," she called once outside, looking around and waiting for other people to walk away. It was the first time she addressed him, and as hard as she was, she owed him that. Because of course she still trusted him more than anyone else. "Look... I don't exactly know what's going on, but I can tell you believe we need to watch our backs from Sutherland, right? And I... I trust your instincts, and you can't go against orders but I wasn't given any. I'll go to Sackett's tent too tomorrow, alright? Try to see what Sutherland must be hiding." She forced herself to meet his eyes, and the emotions she felt hit her like a sword to the chest, "I'm leaving soon, let me do this for you. Washington is under a lot of stress, he's not thinking clearly, but I know if you believe Shanks needs to be heard it must be true."