#which is crazy because I utterly despise my parents

[unma]

One of these days my sister will get slapped for being an utterly annoying piece of shit and I will laugh at her. Here's to hopping it's not me.

[lifenconcepts]

Excuse me sir may I ask about your past life in the USSR? I find that very interesting

YES ABSOLUTELY! I’m currently figuring all the specifics out but I’ve always had a deep pull towards it without any proper reasoning, I.e. going mad (in a good way) whenever I see things referencing it, craving the life there, and watching/listening/reading media from that time with such a high pleasure that never materialises anywhere. For specifics, I’ll say what comes to mind first: Mosfilms/lenfilms group on YouTube and their soviet films, soviet cartoons, soviet music clips that are available on YouTube (love Альянс), soviet music in general, soviet history (I’ll have you know I was sickened to death in school by how much I despised and hated history, and wouldn’t you know - of all the countries, I actively sought out books in libraries and Wikipedia articles on its past! Not really the political stuff more so the culture), loving food products that were popular at the time (like plombir. But not all. Tbf I despise Халва), and also being the number one fan of listening to my parents talk about their childhoods (which my friends say they find strange for some reason? What do you mean you don’t feel excited and overjoyed to know about their time??! It’s actually so lovely, even the ‘boring’ stories. Stuff as simple as the shopping experience or tradition of visiting one another was so different and to be fair I absolutely adore it. I ADORE COMMUNITY! But yeah)..

Ah, I’m unsure if you found that interesting but I just had to give you the evidence to back up my claim of at having a past life in the USSR, most of all just being overjoyed and resonating when seeing media or items from the past. One time I blindly just saw a soviet symbol and went “yeah I’m buying that” (for my ushanka, one from faux fur the other from raccoon which can’t really hold that star thing aah forgot what it’s called) but nowadays I’m able to withhold myself from just blindly throwing money at anything that says it was made in the Soviet Union. I’m actually surprised that it happens since usually I’m very strict with not purchasing anything that I don’t really need. Ah. RIGHT! Why haven’t I gotten to the actual past life yet? Well because I have very little concrete knowledge on the sort of life I led, but can vaguely remember how I looked like, acted, and felt. Brown hair, that classic haircut most guys (especially my dad) had in the Soviet Union, wearing cool jackets like something akin to a black leather jacket or aviator one, had a good stride, wasn’t afraid to just carry myself through the streets, could crack up a convo with most strangers I’d say and was a free guy. I know I liked to go on walks, sometimes I have this distinct feeling of being in Russia whenever I go to the wilderness at night as especially snowy conditions (despite never being in the country yet, it’s on my bucket list), I know I had some busted up car I was utterly proud of (unsure of the branding but it’s shape is similar to the 1970s Ford car), also I am convinced my main centre of interest is in the 70s/80s, that’s the period of music which I feel most connected to and have truly cried over despite hearing some of them for the first time. Again, more so speculation but I believe that I had a walkman or vinyl record player, went to concerts, went to pubs, and just maybe been drafted for war? Have a strange lingering love for the soviet army for no real reason. Also have cried to the soviet anthem as a child. Take what you will from that I have no clue how it affected me that much. I rarely cry from music. But also have always wanted to be a cosmonaut in the Soviet Union (also since 5/6/7 years old) AND I STILL WANT TO BE but like.. the damn country fell apart :,( sad. ALSO deep fascination with soviet folklore of leshii, Baba Yaga, Кащей бессмертный, Водиной, and domovoy - and you’ll say I’m making something up but I have seen that one before and it was crazy. Peaceful encounter but my brain collapsed on itself and all the beliefs I had prior.

Could more or less point to certain soviet things or guys and say if I knew it back then or if it’s just something I like in this life. There’s a concrete distinction in my heart/soul.

[animeyanderelover]

Whoo, requests are open! Can I get Azusa Mukami, Ash Launders, Lau, and Grell Sutcliff with a darling who's a ghost, or something akin to one? Thank you, please take your time with this and remember to take breaks when you need to!

I recently talked about this with my friend, but both of us are amazed with how popular Ash actually is. He suddenly became so beloved in here. Not that I complain😏.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, paranoia, self-harming behavior, kidnapping, killing

Ghost s/o

Grell Sutcliff

🟥Grell is a grim reaper and for that probably met ghosts quite a few times ago. Ghosts are souls from people who didn’t find peace yet and whilst humans can’t see ghosts most of the time, other supernatural creatures can. Grell feels sometimes a bit sorry for ghosts whose souls are tight to this world until whatever doesn’t allow them to Rest In Peace is solved. There are exceptions though, it isn’t unheard that even after the issue was solved, ghosts decided to stay, mainly because they started enjoying life as an undead once again. So at one point such examples were counted in the supernatural community as well.

🟥If her darling should be a pure ghost, it depends on whether they still try to find a way out of this world or are one of those who decided to live forever as a ghost. If it’s the first one, she would definitely try to make her darling enjoy life once again since she doesn’t want them to leave. She wants to give them happiness once again and would try about everything to make them feel joy again. If it’s the latter case, she would switch from a worried mother mode in a totally fascinated one. She did meet ghosts before, but normally they are more of loners since they grief over whatever they couldn’t finish during life. So having a darling as ghost makes her more interested since ghosts aren’t that known to other magical beings.

🟥Hopefully you know how to manifest yourself or else Grell will get really pouty since she’s clingy. A ghost can learn to materialize their body so others can touch them even though that takes practice. Girl loves you just very much to the extent where she often wants to jump on you and tackle you in a hug after a boring day of work...which ends with her being met with the ground of you don’t know how to control it or did it on purpose. It also tends to scare her a bit if you suddenly pop somewhere up without her knowing since you can just walk through objects. There was this one time where you were looking for her, ending with your head popping up through the ground right in front of her. And Grell might be able to handle, blood, zombies and other gore stuff, but not this. It ended with her screaming startled.

🟥If you’re not dead, but just possess the possibilities of a ghost, the whole walking through walls and turning invisible stuff, you’re most likely a hybrid because believe it or not, in materialized form ghosts can create or bear children too. And half breeds have been since the earliest days always been a more risky topic. Many creatures are still lacking the openness to accept persons from two different kinds since many are still in the classic belief that only the same species should have children together. It leads her to being more overprotective over you since she doesn’t want you to endure hatred and racism from others. She’s fiercely overprotective in that regard.

Lau

🚢He has a weird fascination with such things, at least in my opinion. He might only be human, but he has awareness of the more otherworldly creatures on this planet and his assistant, Ran Mao, herself appears to be some sort of superhuman as well. He has probably heard a lot of ghost stories before, either from his own country or here, in England. And he is somewhat good in telling when a story was just made up so the person could suddenly gain attention or if there is a spark of truth in it. He has a nose for stuff like this and actually likes listening to such stories.

🚢So expect his obsession to very quickly grow if his darling should be a ghost even though he would hold himself back if they are unhappy due to their unfinished business. He is manipulative and is also, despite being good in hiding it from his darling, very greedy and mercenary. He might not show it, but he has every intention to make his darling stay with him, even if that means ensuring that whatever they need to do in this world will never be finished. If you are that kind of ghost who’s happy with their new life, he would be much more open with his curiosity, expressing his interest in your abilities and also backstory. Especially if you should be a lot more older than your appearance gives away, he would be keen on your story. If it should happen that you were murdered and the killer is still alive, that guy will join your kind maybe very soon if they have regrets in their life.

🚢He’s also interested in how your anatomy works since he’s an expert in it. He of course wouldn’t use you like some test subject, but he is just kind of interested how you are able to turn your whole body in one moment in something thinner than air and in the next moment into something that appears to be flesh and blood again. He also kind of likes it to touch through you since your transparent body has a certain coldness around it which gives him goosebumps. It’s a great contrast to when you have materialized and are in possession of a warm body which leads him to being even more touchy than usual. Lau finds it also always very amusing whenever you suddenly appear out of thin air, your abilities are such a breath of fresh air for him. He tends to be a bit surprised, but is good in hiding it with his usual mysterious smile.

🚢He can only guess that a half-ghost like you are one isn’t very beloved in this world. Lau of course doesn’t think you, he finds it highly interesting that you are a mix from two different species, he never thought ghosts could actually create babies. If there’s the possibility, he would like to meet your parents and talk with them, especially the parent who’s the ghost. It kind of leads him to wanting to isolate you a bit since he doesn’t want some other creature trying to kill you since different from a normal ghost you can get hurt by weapons and die like a normal human even though it’s harder to do.

Ash Landers

▫️Whilst he definitely is informed about all the other magical beings existing in this world, he stays away from pretty much everyone, even his own kind. Ash is just embossed from his obsession with purity and doesn’t think of anyone as really worth living since everyone is tainted by greed, lust, sloth and other unspeakable sins. He even hates his own kind since many angels protect the exact lowlife he wants to get rid off, believing that every life deserves living and given a chance. He is somewhat alone with his crazy goals, but he doesn’t mind.

▫️I think Ash with a ghost darling isn’t a very good mix, a horrible if I’m being honest. For the simple reason that you already died and merely your soul remains on this planet, either because of your own free will or because you carry a burden with you. You’re dead. That should say everything to why Ash is experiencing the true deepness of madness and terror someone could never possibly begin to imagine. He failed, he pathetically and utterly failed to protect the only person who actually deserved a happy and good life. It makes his whole life shatter, next to his already screwed up sanity. It does not matter if you were killed, died in an accident or because of a deadly sickness. The village you lived in will be blamed and slaughtered by him.

▫️He’s horrible to act with this because I have this terrible thought that he will not only not allow you to leave, but also desperately try to search for ways to somehow get your soul back into your body or will find a vessel in which you can live. He does not care if you want it or not, he doesn’t even really care if you’re happy or not. Dead is dead and he wants you alive. He would get incredibly prone and torn apart if you yell and cry at him that you don’t want it, that you want to die finally in peace or like being a ghost. You just don’t understand!! HE HAS TO MAKE SURE YOU’RE ALIVE AGAIN!!!

▫️With you being only something akin to a ghost, a hybrid in here, the situation would still be very tangled, but a bit less than with you being an actual ghost. I see Ash as someone who usually despises hybrids, but you are made the only exception from this. It isn’t worth saying that he isolates you since he would do this in all scenarios, even though he also does it in here due to fearing that someone might talk down to you because of your unidentified species. He kind of thinks he’s the only one who can truly cherish you for your whole beauty. You might have an advantage since you can just sneak past him whilst invisible, question is if you’re heartless enough to let innocents suffer under this because Ash can and will burn whole cities down if it leads him to getting you back.

Azusa Mukami

🔪I don’t think he ever met ghosts or other otherworldly creatures before even though he lived a pretty long life. It stands even open to question if he is aware of the existence such other creatures. Whilst he does know that vampires exist, he himself is a half-blooded one, he is not really too informed about other creatures and might even not really cared about it anyways before meeting his s/o. His brothers on the other hand considered the fact of other magical beings on this planet.

🔪He is saddened that you are already dead, it doesn’t matter since how long you’ve already been. It’s still very upsetting for him, especially if you should be mourning over something you couldn’t do in your life as well. I do see him as someone who might actually possess the selflessness to let you go if you’re really desperate despite knowing he’ll die without you. So it’s up to his brothers to find ways to bind you to this earth because they’re scared what Azusa will do if you should ever disappear and leave him alone for eternity. With a darling who likes their current body and is satisfied with themselves, Azusa will be happy as well and be in love with you and your fascinating powers.

🔪But please let him touch you. He is clingy and likes having physical contact with you and if you aren’t able to manifest yourself and hurt him, he will become overtime more desperate. His brother also realize the problem with you being able to escape anytime you want from them except if you make this place your new place to haunt for eternity which all of them hope. Whilst he does like feeling your actual warmth and body, he still finds your ghostly form appearing, the feeling of cold and lingering touches everywhere and yet nowhere at the same time. I do not know if ghosts possess blood or anything like this, I doubt it. So that means at least you don’t have to worry about him eventually giving in to temptation.

🔪He will never be able to understand if someone should dislike his s/o if they should be somewhat of a half breed. As I mentioned, I don’t think he really cared much about the possibility of other beings existing and certainly not a mix made from more than one species. It does add up to his worshipper tendencies since apparently people like you are not very common. He thinks you’re wonderful. As a half-ghost you might have blood inside of you, if it’s from a human is another thing to discuss. But Azusa is from all vampires the one who wouldn’t want to suck your blood, even if it drives him crazy. And even if his brothers try to force him, you can abandon your materialized form anytime for your ghost body. You give Azusa’s brothers honestly a bit of a hard time with your abilities, it’s mocking for them in a way.

[lyallblacklupin]

If you are taking suggestions, then can you please write Remus being a little shit and just driving sirius crazyyyyy like Remus smirks and Sirius just dies. Ps love your writing!!

Wolfstar AU: Enemies to Lovers. 

Sirius is breathing raggedly. His heart isn’t beating at a normal pace. Not because he is at a dinner party at the Black household but because he is at the dinner party of the Black household. And with none other than Remus Lupin.

“Will you relax?” Remus whispers in his ear.

“How can I relax when I’m in the middle of people who don’t just despise their son’s ‘house mate’—“

Remus bits the inside of his cheek to keep himself from sniggering.

“—but the son as well! Look, there are Lestranges, Averys, Malfoys and fuck here is Lupin? How?

“Because you invited me?” Remus suggests with a smirk which pushes Sirius on the edges.

“I cannot believe my parents approved of letting me bring a friend to this party.”

“Sirius, it’s your birthday.” The birthday party is just a platform made by Walburga and Orion to eradicate all of the doubts and misjudgments of the high pureblood families towards Sirius who was on the front page of the Daily Prophet last year to be almost beaten to death by his family and ended up in the St. Mungos. The news was accelerated faster, in Great Britain, than the Black Family’s anticipations, so to keep up with their reputation, they have thrown Sirius a formal birthday party. The guests seem relaxed to see the Black heir suited up on the staging area with his parents on either of his sides. So, technically the birthday party is not for Sirius in any way. “And what did you just call me your friend?”

Sirius rolls his eyes at him. Remus Lupin is one of the roommates he shares his dorm with at Hogwarts. They have survived four years together without ripping each other in halves. But one day, the enemies became allies when James Potter interfered with his utter generosity by asking him and Peter to become Animagis to accompany Remus on the full moon after they openly confessed that they knew about his condition. Peter has been humble like James—but dense, of course—but Sirius has been unable to. However, Remus has softened up comparatively to him. Again, Sirius finds it difficult to reconcile. Fortunately, now he knows why.

Remus takes the champagne from a grim-looking waitress before Sirius bats his hand away and puts the drink back on the tray.

“Don’t you dare drink or eat anything from here. They must be trying to poison you.” Remus slams his palm on his face in exasperation but then he smirks.

“So you do care about me, don’t you, Black?” Remus winks at him, and Sirius swallows hard. The blood feels to be reaching up to his neck and cheek. He feels very hot all of a sudden because Remus Lupin is stupidly grinning in an abnormally tight suit. The blue shirt underneath his black mackintosh is unbuttoned from the collar, and his tie is loosely hanging around his neck. Sirius tries to avert his eyes from him.

The fact that he has a filthy half-blood werewolf in the middle of the dark pureblood families, and how he has to cope-up with an extreme sweet behavior—not to mention, fake—of his parents, are not the only reasons for him to look like he has ants in his pants. He is troubled by his very own fact that Remus Lupin looks utterly, insanely, and hopelessly breathtaking. He doesn’t want to accept that he is head over heels in love with him, and no one is ever going to find out.

“Sirius, that was the same drink Bellatrix picked up,” Remus whispers when Sirius doesn’t answer, eyeing the Lestranges cackling loudly as if they are competing against each other on who cackles the loudest.

“Oh, her blood is already venomous. I highly doubt a poison could kill her.” Sirius whispers back harshly. He feels like he is stuck to stand too close to Remus—not that he doesn’t enjoy it because he relishes it a little too much—and it does no good to him in breathing normally. His nostrils are filling the scent of Remus’ cologne, which is infuriating. He stops himself from picturing Remus laying shirtless on his bed.

Remus lets out a sweet chortle which brings Sirius out of the haze that sings ‘Remus’ like a mantra, but then Remus is staring at him intensely. His amber eyes remind him of honey and autumn. Sirius looks away again.

“What’s going on?” His voice is so gentle that Sirius feels his insides squirm.

“Shut up.” He mutters.

“Okay.” And Sirius is extremely indignant at him for not arguing. He loves to argue with Remus because it makes him love him fiercely. It is nonsensical, but it is what it is.

Push him on the wall so hard that his head bleeds, and then I kiss him firmly on the lips. What!? Yes, disturbing. An absolute disturbed heir, everyone!

“What do you mean ‘okay’?” Sirius protests.

“You command me to shut up, so I shut up.” Command? Command, Lupin? Are you trying to kill me? Remus looks thoroughly oblivious while Sirius thinks he must be looking like a raging psychotic because he believes he is one.

“Fuck you.” He says under his breath, and fucking Lupin smirks!? Sirius grabs the first glass of the pack of champagnes the waitress comes with and drinks a long sip of it.

But then Remus begins to wander here and there. Sirius feels like his anxiety is back taking a toll because a dark-skinned girl is smiling at him. Before he knows it, they are hitting off with each other. Sirius clenches his teeth at the sight, and the grip on his glass is tight enough to break it as he feels his magic raging up inside him.

Thankfully, the party goes on, people have come to wish him birthday greetings with hopes that he might offer them to take a picture with them, but his feet remain grounded on the spot he was standing at, with Remus. His eyes fixedly are following him everywhere he goes with that girl. At the same time, Sirius is surprised about how the girl hasn’t figured out that he is a half-blood who also hasn’t suited up like an aristocrat. He smiles deviously to himself with the satisfaction that soon the girl is going to figure out and eventually she wouldn’t date him, and then…

“Mine,” Sirius growls.

A few minutes later, Sirius finds Remus reachable—fortunately, without that girl—trying to make a conversation with other people. Sirius immediately smells something bad when he realizes that Remus is going to talk to some Averys. Without thinking, he lunges towards Remus and grabs the first thing his hands could reach. He hasn’t completely registered that his fingers have caught the loops of his belt, which takes Remus off guard. And he slams his steel chest against Sirius’ and the champagne pours on his expensive suit. Remus gapes at him, looking angry and apologetic.

“Oh, Merlin! Sirius, I am so sorry but what the hell!?”

“Wow, the audacity!” He spits with venom in his voice, “My suit is spoiled, not yours!”

“Wha—? You pulled me!” That’s it, my boy, keep arguing! You drive me crazy, Lupin.

“You were clumsy enough to ram into me!”

“I—“ His anger is like a feather. It flies away, “I’m sorry…come here, let me fix it for you—“ He is taking out his wand but Sirius doesn’t like it because he doesn’t approve of the simplicity in the situation. He needs fire and set himself on it. But for that, he needs Remus Lupin.

“No. You have driven me crazy tonight, Remus Lupin. I am going to make you pay for it.” Sirius grunts, and then they are out of people’s sight as he drags Remus to his room. He looks genuinely surprised. His parted lips, his rosy cheeks, his silver scars glowing on his face make him look ethereal. Sirius walks towards the dumbfounded prey of the night.

But then Sirius is rammed into the wall as Remus crashes his lips against his. He instantly kisses him back. Hard, like he has been wanting. For years.

“I drive you crazy, huh?” Remus says against his lips, before slamming his mouth back to Sirius’.

Sirius pulls him closer by those fucking belt loops that have gotten them here in the first place. He deepens the kiss but Remus pulls away to take a breath.

“I will drive you crazy for the rest of your life,” Remus whispers in his ear maliciously, which causes Sirius to shudder beneath him. He has no time to process how it is all happening, but for now, he knows that this is the best birthday of all of his years.

“Yeah, you better.” He manages to say between his breathlessness but then Remus takes him again by the back of his neck and doesn’t stop kissing him.

[hgsn-moved]

im not doing this on anon because im not a coward but theres this mutual in law i utterly despise because of reasons that make me so angry i wont mention and it makes my blood boil and also makes me want to bite people and sometimes im so tempted to block every mutual we share but im attached to all those mutuals so im here like i hope they die i hope we both die. theyre not even the only person that makes me feel this way but theyre the one i share the most mutuals with so💖 also i dont want to send two asks so heres another vague: theres this dgm fan who is like utterly crazy like they said Kanda is like Allie's dad (keep in mind Kanda is 19 and also im Allie's parental figure and so is Mana but we dont talk about that) and ship Kanda with a 25 year old which isnt illegal but it is freaky and also they just hate my guts (me as in the character im an introject off) and say its all my fault (i dont even know what is all my fault considering there's nothing connecting me as a guilty party to all that shit) and im here like what in the goddamn hell are u talking about??? what did i do that makes it all my fault im just sitting here suffering because my daughter cant catch a break and also hating g-d in the process shut the hell up! have a good day Rowan :)

>Kanda is Allie's dad

THEYRE LIKE 4 (?) YEARS APART WHAT IS THIS... he doesn't even have dad energy... did this person forget older brothers exist or something. this person sounds um. hm.

[dracosearlgreytea]

indelicate marks (4)

indelicate marks: chapter four - the proposal 

A/N: hi guys hope you’re all doing okay with everything going on right now. i also hope you’re ready for some angst very soon because oH boY you’re in for it. thanks again for the support and ill see you soon :) - ivy 

warnings: language, tEnSiOn

lovely tags: @h-annahayy @okaydraco @fanficflaneuse

indelicate marks index

You'd gone invisible again. And Draco, much to his annoyance, noticed this time more than ever. He'd begun to associate you with a very odd feeling - a mixture of dread, pity and guilt. It was a feeling that clouded his thoughts for days after he'd last met you in the bathroom, and it kept him avoiding going to see Myrtle as much as his panic attacks allowed him to. Because, as much as he tried to, he couldn't shake that awful, burning sensation from your memory. It was already familiar to him, yes, but the screaming played like white noise in any moment of silence, and waves of nausea would flood through him when he recalled Bellatrix Lestrange's harrowing eyes. Somehow, hearing someone else's pain was a lot worse than hearing his own, especially in his dreams. Yet, whilst he felt as though he should speak to you, he found himself steering clear of you as much as physically possible. Draco despised the guilt you made him feel - as though he owed you an apology, or something.   But, even avoiding you proved difficult. Seeing as he was never sure where you actually were. Draco tried to take note of where you sat in classes, but you were always writing, head down, and half the time he wasn't even sure if it was you. Rare occasions in which you, or he, for that matter, showed up the Great Hall never seemed to coincide. You were making the entire situation very bloody exhausting. Autumn had started to brown the leaves of the Whomping Willow before he saw you again.   He couldn't deny that the bags under his eyes had become more prominent over the weeks. Face hollowing, his clothes were feeling a lot looser than they had done before. If he wasn't in classes, he was in the Room of Requirement, muttering to himself as he tried - and failed - to repair the Vanishing Cabinet. To make matters worse, he was also gradually becoming immune to the Sleeping Draught that Snape supplied him with. But plotting any means of completing his mission left little room for any other thoughts. It kept him up until the very early hours of the morning, trying to banish memories of summer from his mind. Draco felt at his wits end - and at this point, a little bit stir-crazy. He'd come to the bathrooms in hopes of talking to Myrtle, wanting to voice the plans that went round and round in his mind. Maybe they would make more sense, he guessed, if someone else heard them. His hopes, however, were diminished the moment he pushed open the door. You were sat on the edge of the sinks, swinging your legs as you mumbled to Myrtle. Draco's chest tightened as the ghost let out a shriek at the sight of him in the doorway, shooting off into the pluming. Turning to face him, your wand tightened in your grip, once hanging loosely from your hands. Fucking hell, is she always here? He stared back at you, expression blank, as you searched him. In fact, you didn't seem all that phased, not bothering to move from the sink. He wasn't sure what he should say, or if he should even stay, for that matter.   "Let's not make this a habit," You muttered, before he could leave, features stony. "I'm not attempting to." Draco shot back, ignoring the scoff that came from you. "You're the one that seems to haunt this bathroom more than Myrtle bloody does." You scowled, but remained silent, staring down at your lap. He slipped his hands into his pockets, unsure if he should bring up your last meeting, but he supposed it would be best to clarify your intentions whilst you were sat in front of him. "Should I be expecting a visit from the Ministry anytime soon?" Frowning, confusion flickered amongst your features for a moment. Then, you shot him a quick glance, hinted with disbelief. "I told you." You said, tone empty. "You can trust me." Despite the unease that melted away from him, he sneered. "I can hardly trust someone who's Occlumency is that shit." You tensed, before pushing yourself off of the sinks and rounding on him, wand tight in your grip. Eyes hard, and accusatory, you glowered. "What's that supposed to mean?" Your glare flicked up and down his body, finally taking in his appearance properly for the first time since he came in. He shifted under your inspection, uncomfortable with the way your features pulled in, as though you were judging him. Raising an eyebrow, you spoke again, abandoning whatever words you were about to hurtle at him. "Bloody hell, what happened to you?" "What happened to you?" Draco narrowed his eyes, eager to have the focus off him. But, he had already noted how ill you looked compared to the last time he saw you. If you passed out there and then, he wouldn't have been surprised. You blinked, throwing him a glare. "Why do you care?" "Why do you?" Draco countered, raising an eyebrow lazily. You frowned, but stayed silent. He pushed again. "So it hasn't got anything to do with the fact that my convict of aunt came to visit, then?" You stiffened, eyes glazing. A bitter regret pinched at his gut. Why was he even still stood there? He should have left as soon as he saw you in the room - plus, he knew you weren't going to tell anyone for sure now. But then, you recovered, fixing Draco with a look that he wasn't sure how to take, wrapping your arms around yourself protectively. "What happens in my personal life isn't of your concern, Malfoy." "Back to Malfoy, are we?" He deadpanned, prompting you to grimace. "Maybe you should have thought about that before invading my personal life." It didn't take long for frustration to take over your indistinct features, glaring at him with a clenched jaw. "You're the one that decided to practice Legilimency on me!" You spat. His lips pulled into a light scowl. "And I've told you, I'm not going to tell anyone, so can you please stop tormenting me now?" Draco hesitated. He was reluctant to just leave you walking round knowing a secret that could get him killed. Yes - the chances of you telling anyone was unlikely, and yes - it was doubtful that anyone would try and find out through Legilimency. But the idea of exposure had made his anxieties so much worse over the past few weeks. He was willing to do almost anything to get them to calm down, even in the slightest. If he could just get a decent bloody nights sleep... He sighed. "If you're going to know, you'll need to learn better Occlumency." You froze. Before, you had been acting rather restrained - as though you were unsure of how you should act around him, other than maybe a little pissed off by his remarks. Your expression now, however, had dissipated into a very genuine dread. "What?" "I can't risk you knowing unless you can keep people out." He paused, watching your reaction carefully. "Which, clearly, you can't." You scoffed. "My Occlumency is perfectly fine, I'll have you know." Face dead set, Draco raised his eyebrows and you sighed, defeated. "Fine. If you're that bloody bothered. I'll talk to Snape." Panic and a hint of anger flashed through Draco at your implication, and he jumped forward, instinctively taking a few strides towards you. "No!" He hissed, only to freeze when you pulled back. Your breathing hitched, staring at him with panicked, wide eyes. Clearly, you hadn't forgiven him for the last time he lost control over his actions. Swallowing, he took a breath, clearing his mind. "No. Don't talk to Snape. Who taught you last time?"   Eyes clouding, you studied him again - prompting that uncomfortable feeling in his gut. Something about the way you looked at him made him feel utterly too conscious of himself. Never before in his life had he felt so self-aware, and hated it. But then, your eyes became avoidant. You threw him an uncertain glance as your eyebrows flicked up, lips pulled into a bitter, half-smile. "My parents." Ah. Draco was aware that at some point, your parents had managed to escape Azkaban. After the whole exposure of Deatheaters, including his father, at the Ministry, he wasn't sure if they were caught a second time, or if they had even been there at all. Though, it was unlikely that they hadn't been there, being some of the more avid supporters of the Dark Lord. He could recall recognising a surname amongst his in the Daily Prophet, too. Honestly, he hadn't considered it that much. Now, standing in front of their daughter, he wished he had.   "That's what I thought." You mumbled, having noticed the pause in his demeanour. Draco stared at you, debating his options. After what he'd seen in your memory, he was pretty much certain that you talking to Potter was out of the question. This wasn't, however, something he could risk. It wasn't exactly some petty secret that could cause a scandal if it got out between students, no. Keeping Dumbledore - and anyone else with the ability to use Legilimency on the opposing side, for that matter - unaware, was the utmost priority. Even if it meant having to give someone he'd spoken to a handful of times Occlumency lessons. He let out a particularly heavy sigh. "Fine. I'll bloody teach you, but for one hour a week at most. I do not have time-" "Wait, wait, wait." You shook your head, staring at him in disbelief. Draco flicked his eyebrow upward. Struggling to get your words out, you continued to look at him, horrified, prompting him to let out an impatient growl.   "What? "You - You want to teach me Occlumency?" The expression on your face could have been laughable. Eyebrows drawn in, mouth agape - as though he had suggested trying to poison a Potions Master. Rolling his eyes, he begun to wish he hadn't suggested anything. Draco only fixed you with a very bored look. "I wouldn't say I want to, but yes." Your stare continued for a minute longer, beginning to annoy him to no bloody end. There was a hint of discomfort in your look that almost made him feel annoyingly guilty - but he pushed it away. Instead, you only sighed, frowning with a shake of the head. "Fine. When?" "Thursday, 6 o'clock. At the abandoned classroom on the third floor." Crossing your arms, you gave him a singular nod, expression absent. "Okay." Draco continued to search your face, unconvinced by your uncertainty. He would have missed it if he wasn't looking so carefully. Your lips sent him that twitch he remembered so well. A promise. You can trust me. Without a word, Draco turned away from you, but not before capturing the feeling you left him with, tucking it away deep inside him for the rest of the week.

[applejuizz]

irrational goals x and x mindless illusions

after years of relentless searching, kaito has finally managed to find ging. as the two hunters pass the evening in the mountains, ging tells a story of his past. characters: ging freecss, kaito (kite) pairing(s): ging x gon’s momma (in the past!) no warnings word count: 1.880

pretty much my headcanons on what happened to gon’s mother.

“For all those years that I’ve known you, Ging-san, and I would’ve never guessed you have a kid.” Ging’s laughter, loud and brash bounced off the cave walls and scattered along with the howling winds. “And I thought you knew better than to make assumptions,” the hunter replied wittily, his large, amber stare glinting with amusement.

Kaito huffed out a short-lived smile and took a generous bite out of his freshly-roasted fish. He chose to let the crackling fire fill the silence as he masticated, carefully pondering over his next words.

“You’ve left one hell of a legacy behind, you know. He’s got your willpower and plenty of potential.” In response, Ging grunted through a mouthful of fish. “He’s good with animals as well. He’d make an excellent hunter.”

Kaito raised his gaze slightly to catch a reaction from across the vivid flames of the campfire. Maybe it had been just a product of the lights and shadows constantly dancing on Ging’s features, but he could’ve sworn that for a brief, insignificant moment, his master’s petrified expression had twitched. Now, whether it had been the ghost of a smile or a grimace, he couldn’t tell.

“Looks like my son did quite the impression on you,” remarked Ging, swallowing the last of his bite. “He is definitely something. I’m surprised how you were never curious enough to visit. Poor boy grew up thinking his parents were dead.” “Good.”

The sheer finality in the hunter’s tone made Kaito’s head instantly shoot up to stare incredulously. “Don’t look at me like I’m crazy, Kaito,” said Ging before his disciple could conceal his surprise, “hunters are greedy people. They seek adventure, despise routine and never settle. Bringing a kid into this world is a big and dangerous deal that we couldn’t bear.”

Then why did you do it in the first place? The question was entirely plausible, yet it died on Kaito’s tongue before he could voice it. It wasn’t his place to ask. Perhaps the boy was the result of an ordinary one night stand - that was quite often the case. Besides, he couldn’t imagine Ging lingering in one place long enough to fall in love and willingly father a child. Then again, he hadn’t thought it possible for the carefree adventurer to even be a parent at all, and he’d been proven wrong. In all truth, predicting Ging Freecss’s actions was a game of chance, similar to Kaito’s Crazy Slot, and the white-haired hunter wasn’t sure he liked that resemblance.

“Was his mother a hunter as well?” As he spoke, Kaito watched Ging’s posture stiffen, his usual relaxed attitude forgone. On second thought, it might’ve been more suitable to ask about his reasoning. “Who said anything about her? What did I tell you about assumptions?!” “You said ‘we’.” “What?!” “When you talked about bringing a kid into this world, you said ‘we couldn’t bear it’.” “As in you and me and every other fucking hunter in the world. Now stop nagging me.”

From the years he’d spent as his disciple, Kaito had learnt a lot about Ging as a hunter - extremely gifted, strategic, adventurous -, as well as a person - stubborn, unpredictable, carefree and at times, awkward. However, he had rarely, if ever got the chance to see a truly flustered, caught off-guard Ging. It took a lot to surprise him. Yet it seemed that the question Kaito had deemed innocuous had managed to utterly baffle the rogue hunter. He watched in awe as Ging’s features shifted through various phases of surprise, outrage and awkwardness, his foot nervously tapping the ground and his voice cracking with indignance. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.” The only response Ging gave was a graceful, yet expressive burp. He deliberately avoided meeting Kaito’s eyes, busying himself with wiping clean of meat every little fishbone.

By the time he spoke again, the fire had considerably dimmed. “She is a hunter. Part of the association that helped me create Greed Island.” Kaito was leaning against a smoother portion of the wall, hands behind his head, eyes closed in contemplation. When his master spoke, he immediately turned to look at him. The black-haired man was staring pointedly at the dying fire, scattering the ashes with a stick in a halfhearted attempt of keeping it aflame. “Ging-san, you don’t have to talk about this if-“ “Just shut up and listen, ‘cause I’m not telling this story twice.”

Kaito settled back against the stone wall and listened.

“As I said, she was one of the creators of Greed Island, so we were both pretty young when we met- 18, I think. She was the friend of a friend, she heard of our project and she wanted in. We were fine with it, since she was a strong Nen user and her contribution has made the game what it is today.”

The cave entrance was growing darker by the minute as nightfall crept in. They would have to get some more firewood.

“While we were busting our asses off scouting the island and thinking up cards, we got to talkin’ and you could say we grew... close. She was pretty and as charming as they come, simple-minded, and always up for an adventure. And I was a bit of an impressionable kid.”

“We wanted to travel together. She was passionate about myths and languages, I liked ruins. A match made in heaven,” Ging chuckled bitterly. “Now, don’t get me wrong, ‘twas nothing official. We couldn’t be bothered to label anything. But one thing led to another, and all of a sudden we were a couple of dumb nineteen year-olds with a baby on the way.”

So, Gon was a mistake. Kaito had figured that much.

“Obviously, we had to push back our plans - we wanted to try and explore the Dark Continent eventually - and we had no idea how we were going to raise a kid together when we didn’t even know how to define our relationship, but we never thought about giving up Gon. Not once. Soon after we finished up the game, Daina gave birth. May 5th, 1987. Five months later, I was urging her to come with me on an unofficial, undocumented expedition near lake Mosubi.”

The sheer name of that place gave Kaito the shivers as he listened attentively to the other hunter’s story.

“She didn’t really want to go. Childbirth had changed her. She began to realize the risks we’d have to take, the high stakes, the danger that was awaiting and how inexperienced we really were. But I was having none of it. I thought I was invincible, and I thought I’d always get what I wanted.” There was a pause, and Ging cleared his throat almost awkwardly.

“So, I threatened to leave by myself. Woke up that morning and started packing. She got scared, like I knew she would; there was no way to stop me, so she eventually gave in.”

“You pretty much manipulated her into following you,” Kaito concluded. Ging continued to stare into the fire for a while before answering, and his disciple was almost sure he’d managed to piss him off again.

“Yeah. I guess you could say that,” he answered calmly. “Anyway, we left the baby in-game, summoned a Panda Maid to care for him and left. Long story short, something... beyond my understanding happened on that godforsaken shore and...”

“Did Daina...?”

“No! I mean... she disappeared. I have no idea what happened to her. I couldn’t look for her. It’s a miracle I even got away.”

Kaito let out a breath he hadn’t even known he were holding.

“And before you start to think I’m some delusional dumbass, the moment I got back, I went to Greed Island and summoned Double Postcard to the Dead. I’ve been doing it annually since then. No response so far.”

Ging needn’t explain more. Kaito knew Greed Island fairly well from the time he had attempted to clear the game, and therefore he had plenty of knowledge on the card system. Double Postcard to the Dead is a card which, if summoned, allows you to send a message to a deceased person of your choosing. If the person is truly dead, you’ll get a response within the next day.

“Anyway, after all that, I’d realized a couple of things.” Ging raised his pointer in the air. “First. I was going to need at least a decade of training, experience and qualifications to even pass lake Mosubi’s shoreline, and second,” he raised another finger, “I couldn’t raise Gon on my own. It was too dangerous to pursue my goals with him around, and he would’ve been better off living a normal life.”

“So you sent him off home.”

“And lost custody in court when Mito decided to sue me. The rest is history.”

There was silence as Kaito pondered over what he’d just heard. He supposed he could understand the reasoning behind Ging’s decision to leave Gon in someone else’s care, but he could’ve at least visited. Kaito was no king of morality, yet he couldn’t have lived with himself knowing he had a kid out there that knew nothing of him.

“I’m sorry.”

Ging’s eyes switched back to Kaito. He no longer looked lost in space as he made a dismissive hand gesture, very much characteristic of him.

“Don’t be. It was for the best. I would’ve been a crappy father either way.” There was humor in his tone and the white-haired hunter laughed cordially, but he could tell his companion’s words were more than just a joke.

The more he thought about it, the more obvious it became. Ging had decided to utterly avoid his son not only for his safety, but also out of a selfish, yet understandable reason. He couldn’t have possibly bore the embarrassment of looking Gon in the eye and telling him his mother had gone missing simply because he had dragged her into his irrational goals and mindless illusions.

But you won’t be able to avoid him forever, Kaito thought to himself. If that boy is anything like you, he won’t drop dead until he finds you. I’ve seen the look in his eyes. You’re in for one hell of a ride, Ging.

“Yo.” He was awoken from his reverie by the hunter’s deep voice. “I’m gonna go get some more firewood. You coming or what?”

Kaito had barely noticed that the sky had gone completely dark and the cave was only lit by what little was left of the campfire. He could barely distinguish Ging’s features anymore as he stood at the entrance.

“Sure. I wasn’t expecting you to spend the night here though, Ging-san.”

As they walked along the abrupt forest path, wind howling at their ears, Ging scoffed. “You and your damn assumptions.” He grumbled and pointed at the sky. “No stars. Can’t you smell the thunder? It’s gonna rain tonight.” Kaito doubted a little storm would stop Ging from leaving if he really wished to do so, but he said nothing. “Oh, and drop the honorific.”

Kaito must’ve looked extremely surprised because Ging spoke again, a smirk creeping on his face.

“Don’t look at me like that. You found me, so you passed your test. We’re equals.”

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

PROMPT GAME #2

"You two really looked great together," another older couple beams at both Y/N and Taehyung after giving their greetings. The two smile and nodded, like they usually do for the millionth time at this kind of parties.

"And there goes another one, saying how great we look," Taehyung chuckled, passing her a glass of wine. Y/N just nodded and, smile, gulping down her drink. At the rate this party is going, she will be needing way more than just a glass for sure. "Aunties and uncles alert," Taehyung whisper and nudge her with his elbow and the two immediately puts on a smile at the two impecabbly dressed couple hewded their way.

"Taehyung, Y/N, you two look wonderful today. Taehyung, handsome as always," Y/N's auntie, her father's oldest sister smile and beams at the young man, and Taehyung flashed his charming smile, making the older lady blush.

"Thanks Aunt May. You look gorgeous as always too,"

"But not as pretty as Y/N here right?" She winks. "So, when are you two ever going to make it official? You wont have a secret engagement or anything right?"

"Aunt May!" Y/N os horrified. Why cant family members just be normal?

"What? Did I say something wrong?" Aunt May feign innocent, strongly believe that the two is a couple although theu have denied it too many times.

"Its definitely wrong! You know we are just friends!" Y/N protests. "We are just... friends," she repeated again, softly this time and sighed and Taehyung chuckled softly besides her at her flustered reaction.

"Young people these days. Is it so hard to woo a girl? Just take her out on a date and pop the question!" Uncle Kent gives out a booming laugh, making Y/N wants to face palmed herself. Thabk god Taehyung is calm and a good sport.

"It cant be that simple Uncle, its not easy to win Y/N's heart, I have to make up some super deliberate plan to woo her before she would ever say yes to me," Taehyung plays along and grab Y/N's hand, holding it tighr, causing her heartbeat to race.

"Well, then I wish you the best of luck son," Uncle Kent tapped his back and make their way to greet some other people. Y/N pulled back her hand the moment they left and pouts.

"What the hell is that Tae? Why are you giving them expectations? You know I dont like that. Now they will be telling asking my parents when we are getting married and the my parents will be asking me and when I tell then its a joke they will nag me about being single and say I'm waiting for a prince to fall down from the sky again!" Y/N grumbles.

"Are you?" Taehyung turns to look at her, smiling that stupid smile that makes Y/N goes crazy. "Waiting for a prince to fall down from the sky?"

"No. Of course not!" I am just waiting for you Kim Taehyung. Y/N wished she can just say it out loud. Oh if only she have that courage. But that will never happen. They have been friends for too long for her to ruined it. Too long. In fact, since the day they were born. Both born as the heir to the wealthiest empire in the country, their parents being close friends and business partners, they are bound to be best friends. Growing up with a silver spoon in their mouth together, some are even convinced that they will marry each other. Well, until Taehyung hits puberty and grew into his looks and turned into the number one romeo in the country. Making appearances at all the parties in town, having one night stands with girls he cant remember the name of and charming everybody socks off while Y/N, who although also grew into her beauty hides behind books and classical music, poetru and arts. Despite their differencesz at the end of the day, Y/N and Taehyung still turns to each other, which is why everybody thinks they are a couple, or want them to be.

Especially at a party hosted by Y/N's parents, filled with cloae relatives and friends.

"Well, you have been single for as long as I have known you Y/N. Which is.. hmmm... let me see... since forever?" Taehyung eyes her carefully. "I wonder who is it you are waiting for?" He smirks. "Is it by any chance, me?"

Y/N chokes on her water.

Taehyung laughs, sipping his drink while watching her closely.

"Ewww. No. Never! Never ever!"

"Oh come on. I am not so bad. What? You have never thought about us? We do make a great couple you know," he winks.

"W-well... I uh," Y/N wrecks her brain, trying to find an answer to this wkward question. Yes, Taehyung teased her a lot, thats what they do, teased each other, but the topic is never this. Never about her wanting him. Because to be honest, there is nothing in this world she rather want than him. "I would! If you are not the number one international player!" Sheaughs nervously, trying to pass it off as a joke, although deep inside it hurts to know how true that statement is. Taehyung will never see her like that. Not when he is surrounded by any girl he could possibly want.

"Really now?" Taehyung smiles and take a step forward, still holding her hand tight, squeezing it while the other cups her chin slowly do her eyes met his. "Then why are your hand sweating so much Y/N?" Taehyung smile, eyes never leaving hers. "You have never imagine us? Together? You have never..." he leans in closer lips only an inch from her, his breath warm on her face. Y/N can smell his intoxicating scent and her eyes flutter close, heartbeat racing like crazy. "Imagine me kissing you? My lips... on yours?" He rubs his thumb on her soft lips, slowly grazing it. Taehyung inched closer, almost closing the tiny gap between them ehen Y/N snapped into reality, realizing what she is about to do and who shes about to do it with. Her eyes opens immediately and Y/N shoved Taehyung away, hard, making him stumbled back in surprised and ran out to the enormous garden.

What is wrong with me? You know Taehyung is just playing. Stupid Y/N, stupid stupid, stupid!

Tears are already running down her face, cascading down her cheeks like endless waterfall. She can hear soft footsteps approaching. Footsteps that she can recognized anywhere.

Taehyung.

How can she forget. Taehyung knows this garden, her garden, as much as she does. He knows exactly where Y/N would hide herself away everytime she wanted some peace and quiet from all her troubles. Taehyung knows her more than she knows herself, so why dont he know how in lovr she is with him?

So in love. Definitely more than friends. Is she really not worthy in his eyes?

"Y/N?" Taehyung took a seat beside her on the cold stone bench, the air immediately turned wuiet as both trying to think of what to say. They have seen each other uoset beforex and Taehyung always seems to know what to say to put a smile back on her face. But not this time. This time, something feels off.

Did he say something wrong earlier?

"Hey Y/N... can you please look at me?" Taehyung whisper softly.

"Can you just please go away Tae? I have never asked you for anything, but just this once, please leave me alone," Y/N sobs.

"No. You need me Y/N..." Taehyung's voice is still soft and calm. "Just like I need you,"

"There you go again!" Y/N snapped and raised her face, eyes filled with anger like Taehyung never has seen before, her whole face dampen with tears. "You just say whatever you want dont you?! Without thinking about anyone elses feelings!"

"Y/N.. what are you talking about. I dont understand. Why are you so mad at me for?" Taehyung is utterly confused at all this anger directed towards him.

"You need me. Just like I need you! You have never imagined us together? You have neevr imagined me kissing you?" She mocked. "What the hell Taehyubg? You think feelings are some kind of a joke?!" Y/N screamed, no longer cared. Patience are running thin when her feelings are this vulnerable.

"You are angry at me because of that?" Taehyung looks at her in disbelief. "I am sorry if you think I crossed the line, but this angry?" Taehyung stands up and paced around. "Do you hate me that much that even the thoughts of being with me makes you want to scream in anger? Make you this upset? Am I that unworthy to you Y/N?"

Y/N was surprised. How can he thinks that way? For what its worth, its the other way around. She will never be good enough for the great Kim Taehyung, best friend or not.

"No Tae.. its not like that..." her voice softens at his sudden outburst.

"Then what is it? I am not good enough for you? Do you despise who I am to the point ot makes you cry? Do I-"

"Its because I love you!"

Taehyung stopped mid-sentence, turning around to face her, mouth slightly open.

"Got your answer now? Its because I fucking love you Tae. Deeply, sincerely in love with you. Has been for years," she laughed through her tears. "But you will never see me that way do you? I am just the bestfriend. The nerd, goody two shoes bestfriend. I understand, how can you even look at me that way with all the girls flocking you. You can have anyone and anyone is licky ro have you,"

"Y/N-"

"Let me finish!" Y/N raised a hand to stop him. It took me years to finally find this courage to say all this, so let me finish,"

Taehyung kept quiet, obliging to her demands.

"I love you Tae. Always have, always will. But I know we will never be. And i am fine with that. I have made my peace with that. But please stop humoring me by saying things about us together. I know its a joke to you but its like a bullet to my fragile heart. Atleast stop until I get over you,"Y/N sighed. "Its funny right? And pathetic. Not to mentioned cliche. Bestfriends falling for the other," she lets out a humorless laugh. "I just need to know one thing Tae. One thing and I promiaed we wont talk about this evee again,"

"What is it Y/N?" Taehyung took a steo and sits back down beside her on the bench.

"What do they have that I dont?" Y/N looks him straight in the eye. "All those firls you have been with, night after night, what do they have that I dont? Why wont you ever look at me Tae?"

Taehyung's heart breaks when Y/N aaked the question. The way her lips quiver, the way her eyes shines with tears, the look in her eyes thay shows him how she really believed that shes never going to be enough for him.

"Do you really want to know the answer? Are you ready for it?" Taehyung looks at her, unblinking and Y/N nodded, already bracing herself for an answer that will break her heart forever. "Then I am going to tell ypu what they dont have instead.."

Taehyung's face is serious as he takes her hand and places it in his.

"Well, for one... they dont have my heart. This heart that just automatically surrenders to you ever since I understand what love is," he smiles, his beautiful, charming smile.

"T-tae. W-what are you-"

"Shhh. I am not done," he puts a finger on her lips to quiet her down. "You talk to much, its my turn noe. Second, they dont have the permission of your parents to marry you..." he smile wider. "And third, they dont have this ring," he took out a diamond ring from his pocket and kneels down in front of her, making Y/N speechless. "That I have been carrying around for weeks, trying to find the right time to do this,"

"T-tae?"

"Y/N... baby," he grins. "Will you make me the happiest man alive by not just being my best friend for life, but also become the love of my life, my wife, my everything?"

"I-i..."

"I can help you with that. Yes would be great," he flashed her another one of his charming smile. The same smike that has made Y/N's heart race for years, but now she knows it fully belongs to her.

"Yes. Kim Taehyung. Yes. Definitely yes

[ignitingwriting]

Igniting Writing ‘Explore’ Contest 2019, Submission by Vince from Lake Erie Ink

Some good news to share with you all - we have our first entry for the Igniting Writing 'Explore’ creative writing contest, in collaboration with Fighting Words, Young Writers Project and Lake Erie Ink! Our first submission was sent in by Vince, from Lake Erie Ink, and it’s a great read, capturing the rebellious streak of bored teenagers and a supernatural twist! Have a read for yourself below:

Exploration was a godsend to the kids of Mountain Brook Street. Due to the amount of space around them deemed ‘private property’ there weren’t many places for people to hang out. Often times the kids on the street found creative ways to get around the rules or odd places to chill.

A lot of the families on Mountain Brook Street had their kids grow up there and then all leave. It was a very move-in-then-move-out kind of place. Despite that stigma, there was a small cast of families that never quite got the memo. One of these families was the Beckers. Thomas and Julie Becker had bought the house when they were newlyweds and despite having three kids of varying ages they hadn’t ever thought of moving out. Their youngest child, Richie, was definitely the most adventurous of the group. He was the youngest of the three, at 15. His two brothers, Randall and Donnie, were 21 and 30 respectively, so they were already out of his life at a young age. This meant that family visits and reunions were an absolute drag for him. On one hand he got to see his siblings, but on the other, he’d get scolded by old people he barely knew for trespassing, cheating, or whatever he’d done that week.

It was July 18th and his three cousins and two uncles were coming to town. He despised them and it’d been the sixth time this year that they decided to come ‘visit’ for a week. They all knew the real reason why they came over so often, but no one wanted to argue about it. Money was thin these days and, likewise, so was Richie’s patience about this whole ordeal. Summer vacation was an evil that he would never wish on anyone (other than his cousins, of course). He was alone to do anything his free will granted and he wasn’t happy about that. Richie longed for a chance to do mischievous things with others. He just hoped high school was going to be the haven for chaos that he’d always dreamt of. All his previous friends were one-off jerks who lived in the city and until this summer he never realized what it was like to not have people around. Luckily for him, there were a few younger neighbourhood kids that he could hang out with. One of which was always open for causing a ruse.

Gregory Palm was the perfect mixture of true neutral and chaotic evil. He lived with his parents, four siblings, three cats and a canary. Richie never really saw him as more than an acquaintance, but it was evident the feeling was not double-sided. Gregory trusted Richie with his deepest regrets and despite being a year younger was very trustworthy himself.

Today was a reckoning day for sure. Today was the day that Richie was going to do the impossible. He was going to ditch a family reunion. Gregory had told him about this place he found while wandering a few weeks prior, that was right between the steel mill and the salt mine (and processing plant) that had plagued them their whole lives. For a while ‘Private’ and ‘Property’ were the only two words he knew how to read besides the omnipresent ‘yes’, ‘no’ and ‘because’. It was just one of those things the kids of Mountain Brook Street grew up with.

Richie set off on his expedition early that morning. It was about 8:30am and the guests were due to arrive in about an hour. He yelled, “I’m going to Gregory’s house, see you later, bye!” very quickly towards the direction of his parents’ room as he stormed down the staircase to the front door. He practically leapt out of the house and slammed the door behind him. This was the beginning of a very long day. He made his voyage down the sidewalk to Gregory’s abode. It was definitely what people would classify as a fixer-upper, but it still managed to be menacing in its own way. Before even stepping foot into the yard he heard the somewhat loud voice of his friend. Gregory hung out the second floor window, dressed in a flannel and a vacation-esque floral t-shirt. He was waving down at Richie, who seemed to be shocked by the level of incompetence he was witnessing.

“Gregory, what are you doing up there? Aren’t you scared of falling? You could get hurt!”

“Shut up!”

After he gave his response Gregory pushed the window closed and ran downstairs faster than what seemed possible. He swung the door open and skidded to a halt in front of Richie. He was breathing heavily, hands on his knees.

“I told you, dude, I do a lot of things I don’t really think about first.”

“Seems about right!” Richie laughed.

“I didn’t ask for a response from the peanut gallery, did I?”

“Ugh, can it! Where is this crazy forest tunnel thing you were talking so much about?”

“Oh, yeah! Um, follow me!”

The walk was pretty long by any 14-15 year old’s standards, so there were frequent stops for water and jokes until they finally arrived at about 9:45am. Amongst the clouds of factory gas and industrial flower gardens there was a hole in the ground. It wasn’t an uncommon sight in the built-up areas between the many manufacturing plants, but something seemed to draw Richie closer.

“So, this is what you were so crazy about?”

“Yeah, I can assure you I didn't just bring you out here to any old hole!”

“Oh? What’s so special about this hole, then?”

“Look at this!”

Gregory took Richie by the arm and pulled him forward to look down.

“A staircase, Gregory?”

“Yeah, pretty cool, right?”

“I wonder what’s down –”

He was cut off by Gregory yelling, “Not it!” out loud and pulling his hand away from his friend’s arm.

Richie sighed. “So, you’re asking me to go down this suspicious spiral staircase in the middle of the woods between two big factories... by myself.”

“When you put it that way, it makes me seem like a jerk, ouch!”

“Well right now I don’t think that’s far off from the truth!”

Richie crossed his arms and turned around.

“Fine, fine, take this –” Gregory took off his bag, rummaging through the top portion and pulling out a Swiss Army knife on a keychain with pepper spray and a mini flashlight. “If you see anyone super crazy down there, you’ve got a weapon! I’ll stand up here and keep watch; I think our parents might be looking for us. I may or may not have told them I was hanging out with Tommy from over on Redwood Drive.”

“Gregory Marvin Palm, you lied to your entire household about where you were going? They have phones, you know!” This terrified Richie, although it did not cause him to leave this crazy place so soon.

He sighed, turning back around and releasing his arms from their criss-crossed position. Richie stepped on to the first step of the spiral staircase and smiled. “If I don’t make it out alive, put it on record that I told ya so.”

Gregory nervously laughed, as the other boy walked slowly down the descending pipe into the earth below.

It seemed to go on forever, down into the dark depths. Despite only being lit by the keychain flashlight, Richie could tell that the place was rather clean for what he would assume to be a sewer. He reached the bottom and walked down the long corridor extending from the final landing. There was an old-fashioned wooden door held together by metal and century old nails. He brought himself forward to grasp the doorknob and turned it. On the other side of the door, there was a huge open room, with slits in the ceiling, like water vents for rain. The walls and floor were decorated with flowers, fruits and vegetables of all kinds. It was a marvellous cacophony of darkness and life. Richie was comforted by the familiar smells, which brought him closer to the greenery.

All of a sudden, the door behind Richie slammed and he heard a ringing noise in his head. He had the Swiss Army knife in one hand and the rest of the keychain in the other. The ringing died down and he started hearing a shaky, strained voice. It wasn’t loud, yet he could still hear it. Panicked, he ran for the other door in the room that he hadn’t seen when he walked in. It was open, so he figured there was a way out somehow. The voice went in and out in his head. It sounded like a test recording of some kind. As he walked cautiously to the door, he yelled, “Gregory, this isn’t funny! Is this why you wanted me to come down here? To lock me in? You’re sick y’know!”

The voice shuddered before responding. “Who?”

Richie stepped into the second room, pulling the door open completely. There was a huge machine against the right wall, with someone in a black cloak standing in front of it. Richie was petrified with fear, which caused him to stand there blankly. The person in the cloak turned, showing his skull-like face. “Oh, I wasn’t expecting anyone! Hey! I’m not too sure what’s going on, but you seem a little worried, how about we sit down?”

Before Richie could say anything, he was sat down at a table across from this crazy skeleton-esque man. The guy was so goofy, that he couldn’t help but laugh in almost terror from being so scared before. This was of course terrifying, but not to the extent he was preparing himself for.

“Oh – um, well, before you say anything, I should probably get off my chest that I am completely and utterly deaf. I cannot understand, or lip read, but! That machine in there is for telepathy! I can hear and speak to you through brain waves! Pretty cool, right? By the way, I’m Death! Death himself!” Death stuck out his hand for a shake.

Richie obliged, shaking his hand. He went to open his mouth, before realizing that he can’t just speak out loud. Once they stopped their handshake, he started to try to speak telepathically.

“So, you’re Death himself?”

“Yeah, pretty sure I am!”

“Why do you, like, live down here with plants? Don’t you kill things?”

“Ouch! Um, not exactly. Death is at the end of life, so honestly, my job is to nurture and care until they’re too weak to support themselves anymore.”

“Weird. Why are you deaf?”

“Why? Do you ever ask someone why they have cancer? Why do they have a pet? I mean, come on!”

“So you’re not going to tell me.”

Death sighs. “Hearing is just a foresight that I cannot ever truly obtain in this mortal form. What you see now is much like a hologram of who I really am. I’m the new Death and unlike most before me I don't loathe Earth – I enjoy it. Much like people having to make sacrifices to be happy, I had to make a sacrifice.”

“Huh. I should probably get going. Gregory is probably freaking out right now –”

Richie went to stand, but Death got up before him and said, “Wait! Take this!” as he ran over to a potted plant with bright purple flowers. He walked back to Richie and handed it to him.

“You might not need this now, but here's a token of my thanks for visiting. Just remember that even if you know things are a certain way, you don’t have to take it as it is. There are a million things you can do in life and I hope that you do all that you want to before I see you again. Take care and goodbye!”

Richie woke up in a cold sweat, in an empty sewer, next to a potted plant and a staircase. No door in sight.

[owoforhorror]

[[ Hewwo! I bring another fic becuase the last one was well-loved and 💕💕💕!! Thank you for all your support, it means so much!!

[[ I'll continue this on if you all enjoy it!

That is what David wants. He wants to go and eat garbage food, drink bad alcohol, and fight whoever he wanted without being questioned. His parents got to a point that they just set down a few rules for him, which he could agree with. No sexual acts, be fair in fights, and come home alive by four a.m. He had agreed right away, but of course there was a catch. He had to participate in the meetings his parents had with other big businesses. He thought he could deal with that, he wasn't doing anything major or anything so it would be fine. That was until he actually went with his parents, dressed up in formal attire, having to wear a nice hat to cover his partially shaved head and long sleeved, and a high collared shirt to hide his tattoos.

Of course the meeting was with the Park family, another heavily wealthy family. It was something about putting the kids in public schools and whatnot, David didn't care, really. He was just there to show up, read his cards in a awfully fake formal voice, and then get out and free himself from the itchy confines of the suit. They got into the meeting room early, and so David just took the last chair, which happened to be closest to the door. He couldn't care, he was going to have to look at these people anyway so it might as well be faster. A cough from his father made him jump, which only then he noticed that he was slouching and had his head in his fist. "David, dear, be more formal. They're outside the door." "Then why don't they just fuckin' come in, then." His parents never specified that he had to have good attitude, and he was up for any loophole in the system he could get. His eyes gazed between the door and the chairs in front of him, what was taking them so long? He just wanted to get this over with and not see them for another two weeks. That was until the other family came in, all dressed up nicely and looking prestigious, except for the last boy that came in. His hair all disheveled, David could see a few twigs in his hair. His suit was loose, and he had the utmost annoyance and unwant on his face that it was almost funny.

Actually, it was funny. Very funny. So much so that David grinned with the quietest snicker. The boy shot him a glare across the other side of the table as he sat down, making a huff. They were sitting across from each other, which made this so much funnier. As soon as the meeting started, David reached his leg over to jab the other’s, which gained him a glare. His parents started on about how they would be better at communicating if they went to the same school; and would probably help them get to know each other and to not be so quiet or aggressive. When he saw Jake roll his eyes, he pulled his leg back. He didn't even know this kid's name, but he clearly didn't want to be here, so he decided he could be a distraction. "Mom-" He cut off them as they brought up how David should go to Jake's school, apparently that was his name. That suited him, if David was honest. He had to come up with something that would be serious, but not too much so that Jake wouldn't be the one that had to go with him. All eyes were on him, and if he was true, he felt oddly nervous. "There's a cut down my leg, I...” He felt Jake's eyes boring into his, he could tell what he was trying to do. At least everyone else was denser then him which worked out in their favour. "Jake, help him to the car." Jake's mom cared more than his own mom apparently, cause David's mom was gonna carry on the conversation. She slid his parent's card over to Jake, along with the car keychain. "Take him home, I've seen you patch up yourself before, you can handle it."

So that left David and Jake to rush outside, David being allowed to lean on Jake just to pretend that he couldn't walk well. Once they got outside, the Brit jerked himself away, he knew he was a bigger guy so it couldn't have been comfortable. "Jake, aye? Be a lad and drive?" All he got was a stare from Jake, and David spent several seconds trying to figure out why he didn't understand, he hadn't used several different words. Then it hit him, this Jake Park wanted him to be polite. He sighed, which only provoked Jake's eyebrow to turn up in question. "Please drive for me. The bitch hit me with glass." "Okay." David felt quiet anger welling up in him just due to the fact that he forced him to be polite, and then didn't even seem to care that he did correct himself. Also how Jake just looked absolutely uncaring constantly, it drove him crazy; in a weird-nice kind of way. He forced himself to brush it off even as much that he didn't want to and just get into the goddamn car. It felt like ages for them to finally get to the King's house, and finally David was actually slightly limping so there was several reluctant movements until they could walk. Jake steadied them and guided David on how to have one arm over his shoulders and use his own to hold David's waist, which was very unpleasant. First of all, they were two men, and it could ruin David's tough reputation. He was pretty much horrified when he stopped going out with girls because then it hit him that he didn't even love girls, and that being with a man would get him kicked out. But... Jake was cute, and very calm, it was... Relaxing. Something he hadn't felt for a long while.

The night was spent as the parents took it upon themselves to just have a night for them, which was appreciated for the two. They'd gotten the wound cleaned out and wrapped up thankfully, and whilst they were sitting on the porch with a Polaroid camera it started dying off to just a sting. It was obvious for Jake's distaste to more fancy things, so David got them into the car and went to Wal-Mart to buy some poor ass quality wine, and then took them out to the forest. David had more self-control when he was drunk then most so he didn't worry, and after it was assured that they would be safe Jake agreed to drink.

Jake glanced over to David who was sipping down on the bottle he had. "Our parents suck." At least he could say that he tried to start a conversation between them. "Of course, but what bollocks? Ya didn't look pretty far from bein' cheesed off." His accent was merely just because he'd been raised with those words, bollocks a kinder way to mean bullshit and cheesed off a politer way to say pissed off. Jake didn't seem to care, really. "I heard you were forced to come. So was I." "Glad I got ya outta it. Bloody hell was what they were on about, yeah?" All David got back was a affirmation of a hum from the forest lover. They seemed so different and strange together, and it would be thought that their personalities wouldn't mesh okay, but it was alright. David offered confidence and pride to Jake, Jake offered calm and collected thoughts to David, it just strengthened their bond. Several minutes went by before the small talk started up again, but on an entirely new subject. "So, y'know, sexuality wise, what you into?" David didn't have much shame in asking such personal questions, and if they weren't on okay terms as kids and he wasn't a little out of his head, he would have declined to say.

"I think anything's fine." A small nod from David and that conversation switched to him just because Jake didn't feel up to the silence right now. "You?"

"Don't go 'round tellin' people this. My parents would utterly fuckin' screw me." David accidentally breathed in too much smoke from his e-cig, so it took a moment longer to answer, but Jake was patient. "I fancy boys." His answer got a thoughtful hum as Jake leaned on him, and the quiet forest around them filled the surrounding sounds. A creek flowing nearby, the tree leaves swaying in the cold wind, the small sound of a cricket chirping, it was nice. Jake had a loose hold on the bottle, and just knocked off the cap with his teeth and took a swig again. It tasted piss-poor, and he utterly despised it, but it was good in his book of cheap. He wondered aloud about if they could spend the night out in the forest like a camping trip, and David made a shrug. "If that's what yer wantin'."

So there David was, lugging a tent and two bottles of pringles in his arms. Jake promised that he knew how to set them up which was good, because David could not whatsoever. He finally found the track that they had took with the bottles and his e-cig, and there was a Jake already racking up a fire in the middle. "I'll keep it goin', you get this set up." He dropped the tent to the ground and the forester got to work, and after the fire had a steady pace David was just watching him. It was quite obvious that he was just leaning on the ground and watching as Jake's muscles moved to pummel the corks in the ground. Jake glanced back over to David to quirk his eyebrow up, and David merely shrugged with a dopey grin. Jake turned away to finish the task on hand, albeit a little redder than before. Thank god the Brit didn't have much shame or it would have been an embarrassing time for him. Never minding that though, the tent was up and Jake huddled in to test it first. It didn't come down when he pressed against the walls a bit, so it was absolutely fine, and he came out to sit next to David. "It's been a nice night, really." "'M glad, lad. We've gotta do this again." An arm around Jake, holding him to his own chest, and under the moonlight. Sure they were a little tipsy, but they were having fun regardless. Plus, they didn't get out-of-hand drunk, so there wouldn't be a horrible time when they got up in the morning. Their parents would be so fucking mad when they found this out in the morning, but whatever. They could chill out in each other’s rooms. It hadn't even been long, but they were out there talking about more personal matters already. It just felt safe with the other, very comfortable and all around just calm. Even though the birds cawed loudly to make their presence, and usually David would have gotten mad, but it was very intensely difficult with Jake on him.

David's hand sifted through Jake's hair as Jake rested his head onto his chest and the other hand on his opposite shoulder. Even with the lingering pain from David's wound, he couldn't be mad. It was so very hard to even think about being mad right now, as he was worried that it would rub off on Jake; at least that was his excuse. The real reason was the boy in general, he offered so much comfort. Even through David's time of just being reckless and trying to fight everyone, Jake made his anger simmer down. It was remarkable, really, and as if Jake knew what he did to him he could feel his hand trailing up from his shoulder. Collarbone, neck, chin, cheek, cheekbone- with Jake's thumb on David's chin he turned his head to face him. Jake could feel the heat on David's cheeks from being so close, their noses were practically touching and Jake was just staring questioningly into David's eyes. Their hearts throbbed, they were both so unsure of making any moves now. It was stupid, they didn't know each other quite that well but it was like an unnatural bond was tugging them together, closer, until they couldn't part. David's heart clenched as he felt Jake's breath on his chin and neck, and his worry of hurting Jake was obvious as his eyebrows moved together and his hold lightened. Jake could make out every perfect angle of David's eyes, every small freckles that were being shown off by the fire, and he counted them all like stars. David was getting inpatient clearly, as his eyes flickered from Jake's own and then down to his lips. His mouth curved in a small grin and that only made David want to retreat more, and it was shown by his bottom lip being sucked in his mouth.

Suddenly they were closer than ever, pressed against the ground and their lips meshing together in sloppy attempts to kiss each other, their eyes shut tight. Hands roaming each other until Jake had his jacket off and by then David kept his lips by tugging on them with his teeth just barely; and so Jake pressed harder down on him. Even though every inch of their bodies were covered by something of the other's, they only broke away to breathe heavily for three seconds before they were back on each other. Jake’s neck felt like it was going to burst in from how little oxygen he had, and so he pulled back away from his lips. David didn't have much of a horrible issue because he was used to getting the air beaten out of him, but he could understand why they’d stopped. Their chests were pressed close together as air was finally being replenished, and so David could feel Jake’s heartbeat that had sped up from kissing. He sucked in breaths before he basically went back full force to smother David’s face in kisses. David reluctantly just let him do what he pleased because each time he tried to lift his head up Jake pressed his chin down. Though, when Jake was content with that, their eyes locked with small smiles. Even with the backache from having someone laying on his chest for so long, David didn’t care. He just wanted Jake right here with him, and he was satisfied. Actually, much more than satisfied, he had Jake here and honestly everyone else could fuck right off.

[sextonsharpwinhalstead]

Chicago Med Review 3x12 Born This Way

Well I’m glad we got that last episode because the mundane of Med is back. I didn’t hate this episode, but I definitely didn’t love it either. They wasted valuable time going back and forth spinning their wheels with the different cases. It was a poor use of their time.

I would have love to have had more depth and background about Laura and how she ended up on the streets. We got the cliff-notes but in-between contractions they could’ve pulled off this story. It might have come off heavy handed but if her story mirrored more of Emily’s his broken-date with April would’ve felt more natural. I knew Emily was going to show up and I almost screamed when I got my precious Arden onscreen! I can’t wait for that story to unfold!

Speaking of family, the handling of Sarah’s father, Robert, has been amazing. I think that it’s the actor because the writing isn’t stellar, but he is so charming and convincing; which is a hallmark feature of psychopathy and sociopathy. I like that they aren’t going the lazy route with this. I love the interaction between Dr. Charles and Dr. Abrams who hammered it home about the fact that there is no cure, no real viable treatment for that personality disorder. That not all people with that disorder are violent, in fact only a small percentage are. The rest are emotionally manipulative and personal annihilators. They lie as easily as they breathe, and they twist things just enough, so their victim feels crazy. You’re more likely to experience financial ruin, gaslighting, horrible trust issues, and low self-esteem after being involved with someone with this disorder. I’m glad Med is going the realistic route.

What I wasn’t particularly crazy about was the pep-talk for a pedophile. This is a subject matter that the “After-school-special” formula One Chicago franchise is known for, does not have the depth to truly address. It cannot be done in a single episode and it did absolutely nothing for our characters. We had April feeling badly for not taking her emotions out of her job (one of her strengths) and “judging” this man. What would she have changed? She still followed all of Will’s orders and treated the patient with the same amount of urgency she would any other. The only difference is she didn’t go to bat and be the pro-life character we know she is. It’s a shame that she and Ethan didn’t have a chance to connect later on because men like her patient are the reasons a lot of those kids are in that encampment to begin with.

Although he hasn’t been to church in a while, Will like April, is also Catholic so that could be part of where he was coming from, but this was A LOT. I mean where was this spirited compassion and tenacity for the young couple who came into the ED and lost their baby? He was so detached, and he kept saying that he wanted to help them get through the inevitable but those were just words. We never saw Will lend them any kind words or discuss grief counseling. Nothing. It was procedural. He seemed as though he had more compassion for this man who literally daydreams on the daily of destroying the minds, hearts, and utterly the souls of children through sexual condemnation. I just found the entire thing to be self-serving (on Will’s part) and slightly bizarre.

Natalie won the judgmental award. I have no idea how a woman, who is a mother, could watch as that poor girl gave up her baby and not be moved. Kudos to Brian Tee again on the subtle acting he portrayed. When I saw that single quiet tear go down his face I knew I wasn’t the only one crying in that scene.

Natalie is just… I don’t know. She is quickly becoming a character I despise.

Right after Connor… he fucked up this entire episode, but Med did that thing where he was wrong but not really wrong. *eyeroll* Characters like him are less Mary-Sue when they fail, and we see what kind of integrity they have when they do.

Ava’s scenes were great. When she was speaking to those parents we got to see the surgeon disappear and the woman come forward. There was something about this particular illness which made me wonder if there wasn’t more to her story. Did she lose someone she was close to? Superb acting by Norma and even better when she declined Connor’s offer. I have a feeling she lives by the credo of do unto others before they do unto you. But it comes from a place of protecting her heart and emotions which is probably why she thinks that her night spent with Connor was a mistake.

If you didn’t notice, all the pairings went their separate ways at the end of this episode. I for one think April and Ethan will be fine, Connor and Ava haven’t really done much besides bang, so it could go either way and Will and Natalie…this is the beginning of their problems. I’m telling you. They have built a lengthy story around them but now it’s time to reap the harvest or whatever that analogy is.

Lastly continuing in the theme of “Men Aint’ Shit” is that ambulance driver who snitched on Maggie. I feel bad for the man who lost his leg, but Maggie did ask for paying patients, not exclusively, but she did ask. I thought this was the hammer that would finally be brought down on Sharon, but they flipped it. I wonder if Maggie is going to have a dilemma of profits over patients? All around that dude wasn’t shit and frankly neither is the hospital’s lawyer but I guess one could argue that they were just born that way…*wink. (God that was awful…I just want to be loved.)

[comebeforegod]

Perception of Life: Pursuing Fame Is Not the Road to Happiness

By Ziyi, Italy

When I was in elementary school, every summer or winter vacation my cousins would come home in their cars, bringing back various presents.

 All the relatives, friends and neighbors would come over and our house would be full of people. Seeing how they all cast admiring gazes at my cousins, I felt very envious. At that time, I made a resolution to myself: “I must strive hard to achieve something in the future so that I can be outstanding like my cousins. I want to bring honor and glory to my ancestors, and lead an aristocratic lifestyle.”

After working hard, I achieved modest success.

After graduating from technical school, I was very lucky to find a job as an office clerk in a foreign company. In the beginning, I was secretly happy with myself: “No matter what, I now work in an office, so no one can deny that I’m a white-collar worker.” But I didn’t expect that because I had a low position and poor qualifications everyone else could boss me around in the office. My self-esteem was severely damaged, but my ambition was stimulated. I resolved to make other people look at me with new eyes through my own efforts. Therefore, I worked harder and spent all my spare time learning the company procedures and all about the products, and generally gaining professional proficiency. Every day, I worked from dawn to dusk, and I hardly took time off all year round. In five years, I practically went nowhere but the dormitory, canteen and office. Finally, my years of hard work paid off: I was promoted from ordinary office clerk to salesperson, then manufacturing manager, then purchasing supervisor, then imports and exports supervisor, and in the end I became an executive in the company and was admired and looked up to by others. Those who once despised me nodded and bowed in front of me. Such an achievement made me feel glorious and proud.

But as I came into contact with more and more people, I saw that there were a great number of successful people who were richer and more powerful than me. Thus, my sense of satisfaction gradually faded. I thought: “Although I have gained a high position and the support and admiration of my colleagues, I’m still working for other people. As they say: ‘You have to be crazy to be highly successful.’ I’m still young; why don’t I start a business by myself? As the old saying goes: ‘People struggle to go upward, but water flows downward.’ I shouldn’t be content with my current situation, but should seek to progress.” Several years of work experience had given me enough faith and courage, so I quit the high-paying job as an executive to start my own business.

Later on, I opened a store selling cosmetics of a famous brand. To fulfill the high performance targets I set for my company every month, I had to work out various marketing plans besides managing the store. No matter how many customers there were during the day, I always stayed in the store all the time and didn’t go home until very late at night. I had no holidays of my own. Sometimes I felt very tired, but at the thought of the success that was just around the corner, I would exert myself again and keep persisting. After a few years, I achieved a fair amount of success and made some money. Then I expanded my store, and bought a car and a house. All my relatives, classmates and neighbors around me cast gazes of admiration at me, and my parents were also proud of me.

Sudden diseases left me in unbearable pain.

Just when I was tirelessly busy with my business and enjoying a sense of achievement, I started to have some health problems. I often felt faint and had numbness in my hands. After having an examination in the hospital, I was surprised to learn that I actually had cervical spondylosis and periarthritis. The doctor said to me in a serious voice: “These diseases cannot be eradicated. The treatment can only help you relieve your pain. You must take good care of yourself, take more rest and avoid overworking. Otherwise, your diseases will get worse and worse. Though these diseases aren’t deadly, they will influence your quality of life if they get serious. You are still young, so you must pay more attention to your health. If your condition goes on like this, you might get muscular atrophy, or even quadriplegia.” The doctor’s words made me think of those people I knew who suffered from cervical spondylosis or lumbar diseases. Both their work and quality of life were negatively influenced; some of them even seemed to be half- paralyzed and could do nothing. Thinking of all this, I felt very disheartened. I had never expected that I, who was barely 30, could get diseases which occur mainly among people in their 50s or 60s.

When I was driving home, I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing down my face. Thinking back on all those years, I felt I was like a wound clock that ticked round and round and couldn’t stop.

In the following days, I went to the hospital for treatment every few days. I tried all kinds of treatments to treat my cervical spondylosis and periarthritis, such as physical therapy, massage, cupping, acupuncture, traction and small needle-scalpel therapy. These treatments cost me a lot of money, but were of no help to me. On the contrary, they left a shadow on my mind: The sound of the acupuncture needles going in kept echoing in my head. Every time I went into the hospital, my heart would start pounding; when I thought of the pain brought by traction and acupuncture, my legs felt weak. Many times I thought: “I’ve built up my career and gained money and reputation through hard work, but my health is now ruined. I spent nearly half of my life striving to fulfill my ambition of building a successful career. How come my hard effort has resulted in this?” I lived in extreme depression and pain, but I didn’t know how to get rid of them.

After believing in God, I reflected upon my life.

When my agony was at its greatest, God’s gospel of the kingdom came upon me. I saw these words of God: “Born into such a filthy land, man has been severely blighted by society, he has been influenced by feudal ethics, and he has been taught at ‘institutes of higher learning.’ The backward thinking, corrupt morality, mean view on life, despicable philosophy, utterly worthless existence, and depraved lifestyle and customs—all of these things have severely intruded upon man’s heart, and severely undermined and attacked his conscience.”

Through reading God’s words and listening to the fellowshiping of some brothers and sisters, I found the root of my pain. I remembered that when I was little I saw my cousins succeeding in their careers, and that all the relatives and friends admired them, so I secretly became determined to become an outstanding person. When I began my career, controlled by notions such as “rising above others,” “bringing honor to the ancestors,” “People struggle to go upward, but water flows downward,” I was not content with being an ordinary white-collar worker. In order to satisfy my desire to be outstanding and be admired by others, I worked like crazy. I got so absorbed in studying as to forget food and sleep. After I became an executive in the foreign company, I still wasn’t satisfied and so I worked hard to build up my own business. I didn’t cease to pursue fame and wealth until I’d ruined my health. In modern society, the majority of people admire the rich and powerful, and are eager to be one of them. They do their utmost to struggle for fame and wealth, but little do they know that fame and wealth are Satan’s tricks to tempt and harm mankind. Satan uses these erroneous ways of thinking to control us, and make us turn away from God; bound by fame, wealth and status, we live in pain. Many people have achieved success, won recognition and have great wealth, yet they actually feel even more empty and depressed than before. Some of them get depression because of their great mental suffering. Some of them indulge themselves in lives of pleasure and lust, and even get addicted to drugs to numb themselves and relieve their pain; some even choose suicide to end their lives. Through the revelation of God’s words and examining all these facts, I came to realize that pursuing being an outstanding person was not true happiness, and that success and fame couldn’t bring true satisfaction or sureness to me.

Ecclesiastes 1:14 in the Bible says: “I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.” In Matthew 16:26, the Lord Jesus said: “For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” That’s true. No matter what we gain in the world, we cannot take anything with us when leaving the world, and in the end, everything is empty. If we struggle for money, fame and status and sacrifice our lives, then we are very ignorant and stupid. In those years, I strived hard in order to be outstanding and live an aristocratic life, but now I’ve ruined my health and live with the suffering of illness. Thinking of this, I realized I was so ignorant.

Later, I saw these God’s words: “From the moment you come crying into this world, you begin to perform your duty. You assume your role in the plan of God and in the ordination of God. You begin the journey of life. Whatever your background and whatever the journey ahead of you, none can escape the orchestration and arrangement that Heaven has in store, and none are in control of their destiny, for only He who rules over all things is capable of such work. Since the day man came into existence, God has been steady in His work, managing this universe and directing the change and movement of all things. Like all things, man quietly and unknowingly receives the nourishment of the sweetness and rain and dew from God. Like all things, man unknowingly lives under the orchestration of God’s hand.” “I believe that it is best for us to find the simplest way to satisfy Him, that is, to obey all of His arrangements, and if you can truly achieve this you will be perfected. Isn’t this an easy, joyful thing? Take the path that you should take without paying any mind to what others say or thinking too much. Do you have your future and your fate in your own hands?”

Through the guidance of God’s words, I came to realize that our fate is in God’s hands and only by obeying God’s ordination and arrangements can we gain the blessings of God and enjoy true happiness and ease. However, I originally didn’t see God’s sovereignty and so obstinately lived in accordance with Satan’s philosophy, regardless of how bitter or tired I felt. Not until I fell ill did I stop to reflect upon myself. I realized that all that I pursued brought me only pain, and that only when I come before God to obey His sovereignty and arrangements, let go of fame and status and no longer rush around for them, can I stay away from Satan’s temptation and harm and live freely without restraints. When I realized this, I knew how to walk my future path.

When my viewpoint was transformed, I regained my freedom.

Later on, the cosmetic company changed their marketing strategy and wanted to select some stores to be model stores. Those stores had to have good locations, a steady stream of customers and high sales volumes. When the executive told me about this plan in detail, I was kind of tempted to apply. I thought: “Once my store becomes one of the first group of model stores, not only can I derive a variety of support and good discounts from the company, but there will also be a constant stream of customers when my store is redecorated. Then the sales figures will surely keep improving.” Just when I was picturing this beautiful future, God’s words flashed into my mind: “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” (Mark 8:36). “If you were asked to choose again, what then would be your position? Would it be the former still?” Pondering God’s words, I started reflecting upon myself: “What on earth should I choose? Money, fame, status, or my life? After hearing the company’s new strategy, I still want to take this opportunity to gain money, fame and status regardless of my health. Won’t I be repeating my former mistake? If I was to end up paralyzed in bed, then no matter how much wealth I possess and how much admiration I win, what use would they be? My life is the most important thing.” Thank God. Under the enlightenment and guidance of God, I knew how to choose the right way. Later, I went to the executive and told her: “I’m in poor health. If I expand my store, my health will break down. So I’ve decided, I don’t want to be selected.” The moment I made my decision, I felt as if I had rid myself of shackles that I had borne for a long time, and I gained relaxation, freedom and relief that I had never felt before.

After that, I no longer spent all my time managing my store. I started to fulfill my duties to the best of my abilities in the church. When it came time for meetings, I would go; and when it was time to work, I would go to my store. Surprisingly, sales didn’t decrease because of my attending gatherings and fulfilling duties. From this, I clearly saw that all of this wasn’t decided by my own efforts but depended on God’s blessings and control, as all things are in God’s hands.

I thank God for selecting and saving me. Through living the church life, reading God’s words with my brothers and sisters, and sharing our individual experiences, my depression was gradually alleviated and my condition took a favorable turn. Thank God. I’m willing to pursue the truth according to the direction God has pointed me in, and walk on the right path of life—obeying God and revering God. All the glory be to God.

[sydsmoody-blog]

so. it’s nearly september. which will then mean, like,,, a month until i turn 20. and while nothing really groundbreaking happens when you turn twenty (meaning i can’t start drinking my problems away, sad), and i’m in... a very conflicting set of emotions atm, which i hear is normal, but personally i don’t think it’s the most normal thing and something that people deal with every day... whatever. i’m not the most Personal person, and i like keeping a lot of stuff generally private. which might be a shocker if u know me online, but in the real real world? it’s bad. i don’t talk about anything, ever. i can’t remember if i ever had a heart to heart with either of my parents, and my true feelings are usually unknown and that’s the way i like to keep things. 

but seeing as i don’t have a crazy amount of followers here, and i’m just... kinda stressed out, i felt like this would be a good place to go. ranting in circles to the same people just feels like it’s unhealthy and exhausting, both for them and myself, and i’m well aware that the issues i have aren’t ones that can be solved through just talking. and that’s... not okay. i wish that was how it was, but it isn’t. so i want to make some personal goals. for myself, for twenty!

i can’t do much, day to day, since i’m usually stuck at home being... a mom. a second mom, but mostly the mother, if i’m being totally honest. i feel like a mother. the only things i don’t do every day would be putting them to bed every night. otherwise i’m usually the one to do things for them. my mom helps, but my sister just... isn’t there. i don’t want her to be as much as i do!! she’s a very scary human being and i’m scared she’s going to really mess their heads up, but all the same, i never wanted, or want, kids. i want to do things with my life!! i have always had goals that very quickly got destroyed by her mistakes and it’s scary how... not guilty she feels about it. she expects me to be there, now, and i feel guilty when i’m not. it’s exhausting in so many ways, not because of them - of course they frustrate me because they’re kids and that’s what they do??? , but it’s her that really gets to me. her constant terrible decisions that are only for whatever is best for her. she’s probably the most self-centered human being i’ve ever met, and i highly doubt i’ll ever meet another human being who’ll ever pass her up.

which takes me to my first goal!

1. don’t be such a pushover?? 

i’ve always learned, growing up, that one of the worst things you could do to another person is say no. i’ve never been able to do it, and rarely have i ever, because i’m scared of disappointing people or making them mad/upset with me. but i have to learn that sometimes, for my sake, it’s best to say no. this applies to more areas - things that i want to do, but i can’t. i can say no. i need to say no, because in the end, saying yes will likely lead to them being even more disappointed in me. 

2. become more confident.

this isn’t something that happens overnight, duh, but it’s a problem i’ve dealt with since i started to realize other people were better than me. a lot of my life, i grew up hearing my older sister complimented while they just said hello to me. i didn’t think about those things in that moment, but overtime it becomes all you can focus on. even as i get complimented now, it’s hard to actually let it sink in, and that’s something i need to learn how to deal with. i need to stop hiding and focusing on the negative stuff people have told me in my life and start believing the good things!!! i don’t know how i’ll do this, exactly, but... i’m gonna try, so that’s the important part. another thing is jealousy. jealousy when people are smarter than me, or better at me than something. it comes from a place of never really having a talent of my own, but i really need to learn how to be appreciative of others success instead of being self-centered and only caring about my own success.

3. stop only liking people who don’t like you.

throughout everything i’ve done, there’s been a very common theme of me only liking people until the point that they like me. i think it has to do with the confidence thing, but it’s a very strangely self-loathing thing that i’ve done, even in elementary school?? i like people who don’t like me, or if they do, i stop feeling anything for them. i’m never going to be happy this way??? stop doing it?????? thank u 

i wish i had grown up in a house that was more open about feelings. i wish i’d grown up in a house where we actually talked to each other before we were too old and it was too late to change the way that we are when it comes to things like that. i wish slight raises in someone’s voice didn’t scare me. but those are things i can’t change, and they’re things i need to swallow and surround myself with people who do make me feel comfortable. people who will make me open up. people who genuinely care, and people who aren’t so angry all the time. 

5. stop complaining so much

this one... it’s a complicated one. one i’ve been trying to work on, but still fail. i get frustrated, i don’t want to complain vocally, so i go to online friends to vent. it makes me feel better in that moment, but it’s... a lot. it’s things that they can’t help me with, and it’s heavy stuff that is hard to respond to. i need to work on staying positive. being more positive, in the ways that i used to be. that i still am, underneath frustration and anger that’s built up over the past year and a half. i need to understand that while i’m not dramatic, i don’t need to always downplay my feelings, and also that... sometimes it’s not the time and sometimes i should leave nice people alone and stop ruining their day with my complaints of the day.

6. do things that make YOU happy!

a big problem i have is doing what i think would make other people happy instead of doing what would make me happy. i need to stop worrying about that so much. it’s ok to worry about what other people want from you, and try to make them happy, but me? i’m important too? i should do things that don’t make me miserable and annoyed just so they’re having fun. make a few decisions once in a while. (see: #1 again).

another problem i’ve always had was how nosy i am. i don’t know why i search for things to upset me, but i do. i don’t think it really hit me until i found myself reading shea’s journal - something i deeply regret for the fact that i just can’t look at the the same way. i despise her because of how utterly selfish she is and how she really does only care about herself, constantly complaining about her children while also expecting praise for being a good mother when she’s barely raising them in the first place. i wish she’d just go away, which i felt before, but knowing the things she’s done makes me want her away even more. i shouldn’t have been nosy, however, and i blame myself at the end of the day. i have to stop searching for things to upset me.

i also have to stop getting so protective and jealous over everyone and everything. having only a select number of friends is nice because i can manage it, but it also stresses me out at the end of the day. i’ve lost so many people throughout the years and i just get scared of it happening again, i get overly attached to the ones i have until they leave, and i NEED to stop doing that. i need to let those people have other friends and other experiences without me. i can’t control them. i don’t WANT TO, but i just don’t want them to forget about me. 

i have a lot more. but i feel better, and honestly, i rly hope no one is even reading this because i said way way too much lmao i’m too in my feelings peace out ! 

[ruffoverthinksthings]

What are some of Claudine's likes and dislikes? I love how you craft her to be spicy and saucy with her tongue, yet accomplished in her studies and quick on her feet (literally and figuratively).

All that reading of the Bible and being secretary to administrative work, listening in to speechs of a very well-spoken and well-read man, and having to defend her faith and later on seduce and manipulate people paid off dividends.

Likes

Books.

After being forced to read and study the Bible and other (verystrictly curated) books about Christianity over and over again, andbeing denied all manner of literature that ends up on thebarges--either overrun copies of cheap/generic adventure/romancestories, or hardcover copies of serious texts like that of history orphilosophy--Claudine finds herself enjoying finally seeing all the“blasphemous and subversive” material that Frollo has so warnedher will corrupt her mind and turn her away from God.

Philosophy interests her primarily, as she’s always been toldthat there is but One Truth, and that is (the Christianinterpretation of) God, and seeing all the many different ways peopleinterpret the meaning of life, what is our purpose, and the manydifferent explanations as to why we do the things we do interest her.

She develops a great interest in Psychology, especially theconcept of “mental gymnastics” whereby people bend overbackwards, go through hoops, and perform all manner of impressivefeats of reasoning and justification just to defend their beliefs,their choices, and their worldviews.

Of particular interest to her is religious extremism and hypocrisyin Religions of all forms, though for obvious reasons she studiesChristianity first and foremost, and second is the way Auradon’s peoplejustify their unfair and inherently skewed social order.

On a leisurely reading note, she really likes romancenovels, adventure stories, and “slice-of-life” works that showher how relationships are supposed to be, protagonists overcomingoverwhelming odds and their own hang-ups through determination,personal growth, and friendship, and how life is supposed to be whenyou’re lucky enough to be born into a (mostly) well-functioningfamily.

Fashion

Because of the limited materials on the Isle, Maleficent having amonopoly on most supplies, and the Evil Queen taking the lion’sshare of good stuff for herself and Evie, a broke and withoutconnections girl like Claudine was forced to rely on just two fashionstyles:

Highly conservative and simple dresses with long sleeves andskirts, and repurposed linens, and of course

Heavily modified and scandalized school uniforms that theiroriginal owners had outgrown and couldn’t find anyone to hand itdown to

She really rather enjoys the expanded choice she has here inAuradon, access to raw materials and fashion from all over the worldas now she can go to all the Well Intentions branch in Auradon Cityand pick-up all the “pre-loved” items for a pittance, planoutfits in advance without fear of it getting stolen, and justgenerally mix-and-match with more styles, designs, and moods than sheever thought possible

It also helps that Esmeralda bonds with her by doing each others’hair and make-up, making outfits for each other that express thesexuality they’re so comfortable with than hide it like mostAuradonians do, along with assisting the drives for collecting goodsand items for the less fortunate

This is both for the ostracized and forgotten of Auradon, and thepeople of the Isle of the Lost. “True, they could just scavenge itfrom the trash, but it feels so much better to open a box that wasmeant for you specifically.”

Confident and Principled Public Figures

Personal bias: Claudine is a VERY big fan of my interpretation ofElsa in the Descendants universe, modeling herself after her assomeone who is not willing to just let awful systems thrive andquestionable decisions be because “that’s just the way thingsare,” be able to ignore her “Pharisees” without even givingthem the time of day, and she also rather enjoys the fact that theIce Queen is a Mistress of Sick Burns.

After living in a congregation of Yes People that just constantlyexcuse and justify everything in their mind so their fragileworldviews are never shattered, Claudine finds great admiration,respect—and if we’re being totally honest, sexual attraction—topeople that are willing to stand by their beliefs in the face offerocious unpopularity, threats and insults, and have unshakablefaith to one thing:

“The Actual Truth”

In her words, “What can I say? I get wet for someone whorises up and doesn’t back down until you give them a damn goodreason.”

Other people she admires for similar reasons include Queen Tiana,Queen Merida, Mulan, Consort Jasmine, Flynn Rider AKA King EugeneFitzhebert, Queen Rapunzel, King Aladdin, Queen Elena, Queen Belle,Maid Marian, Megara, King Ben, and Jordan

Peopleshe respects, but has something of an intense non-romanticlove-hate-but-mostly-hate relationship with include Sebastian, Zazu,Cogsworth, and Rafiki, all of whom have at some point or another beenher mentors in the art of logic, reasoning, politics, publicspeaking, and philosophy

(“Ifyou’re going to curse like a sailor, at least enunciate your fourletter words properly!” - Cogsworth)

Shehas something of an odd inter-generational friendship with Lumiere,as her premiere sparring partner for “swords and slander” alongwith bonding over his checkered, “not entirely legal” past, andthe fact that, true to the stereotype, is her primary source ofromantic advice

Dislikes

RealityTV

Assomeone who dislikes plasticity, hypocrisy, and shallowness as muchas Claudine, Auradon “Reality TV” REALLY gets on her nerves.While nowhere near as trashy or awful as that of Jersey Shorehere, the point still remains that a lot of this shows areshowing carefully planned, scripted, and highly exaggerated versionsof events being pedaled as “the real, unedited thing.”

Claudinecan see right through the bullshit of the adventures of “The GoodSamaritans” with a quick Google search about all the good thingsthe show has actually done, and whether or not their workstuck after the end of the episode, and it gets even worse when shereads about (and sees for herself) the kind of complacency, lack ofcritical thinking, and shallowness excessive TV watching breeds.

Anddon’t get her started with the replies and the messages sentwhenever she criticizes the shows on Social Media…

Alongsideher fellow 3rd Wave VK Anthony Tremaine, she utterlydespises “the boob tube” and how something so good on paperbecame something so horrible in reality.

SocialMedia in General

Claudinedespises Social Media.

Shehates the careful cultivation of personas and outward looks thatdon’t nearly reflect the ugly realities, the careful cutting andpasting of which elements of your life to show off to others tryingto do the same. She hates the constant emphasis on number of friends,likes, and shares, as if that actually meant any sort of meaningfulachievement. She hates the fact that echo chambers, bias, and trollsare a thing there, constantly getting into arguments that she can’tend with her ultimate, never-fail rebuttal:

Kickingsomeone in the crotch, before flipping the bird at them.

Shehates how it just grows all the insecurities she has about beingostracized and left alone by everyone all over again. She hates thefact that it makes her hyper-aware of her appearance, that it bringsup her self-image issues when someone criticizes her for being toorisque, and she hates the fact that she finds herself constantlycomparing to other, prettier girls, with seemingly more perfectlives, and definitely healthy, happy, and not-abusive-nor-crazyparents and family lives.

Butmost of all, she hates that she can’t quit it.

Shehates the fact that “Outcasts” like her all over Auradon tend toconnect with each other on Social Media and the internet for avariety of reasons. She hates the fact that it’s one of her onlyreal platforms to express her opinion, use the voice that has beenconstantly shushed by her father and the congregation for so manyyears. She hates the fact that this very same thing that helpscultivate the “it’s always sunny and happy in Auradon” is alsothe one thing that is rapidly helping dismantle it as the Outcastsare now finding their voices once more, joining in solidarity withthe VKs to finally make Auradon a paradise for everyone.

Inher words, “I know I’m on Storybook like 16 hours a day,everyday—WHY DO YOU THINK I’M SO PISSED OFF ALL THE TIME?!”

Hypocritesand Opportunists

Thisis the reason she does not get along very well with Audrey, Chad, orher fellow 3VK Richard “Rick” Ratcliffe: they’re incrediblyhypocritical, engaging in mean and cruel behaviour despite seeing andthinking themselves as “Good” people; incredibly keen on jumpingon every last opportunity to better themselves and will flag fromtheir principles as soon as it proves more convenient to switch sides when the going gets tough; or both.

Shehas lived ten years of her life praising and loving a man whoespoused himself as the epitome of Goodness and Righteousness in aland of Sinners and Heathens, and from both personal experience andhearing the other side of the story, learned just how much his actiondoesn’t match his rhetoric, the things he will believe and tellhimself and others in order to justify doing the exact opposite ofwhat it is he’s supposed to be doing.

ThatFrollo was also indirectly responsible for Claudine almost dying in afire doesn’t help.

Inher words, “You can’t do anything with someone that’ll get softand back down at the first sign of trouble, and you don’t wantanything to do with someone that’ll do everything and believeanything just to get their way.”

[love-god-forever]

My Joys and Sorrows After Achieving Success

By Ziyi, Italy

When I was in elementary school, every summer or winter vacation my cousins would come home in their cars, bringing back various presents. All the relatives, friends and neighbors would come over and our house would be full of people. Seeing how they all cast admiring gazes at my cousins, I felt very envious. At that time, I made a resolution to myself: “I must strive hard to achieve something in the future so that I can be outstanding like my cousins. I want to bring honor and glory to my ancestors, and lead an aristocratic lifestyle.”

After working hard, I achieved modest success.

After graduating from technical school, I was very lucky to find a job as an office clerk in a foreign company. In the beginning, I was secretly happy with myself: “No matter what, I now work in an office, so no one can deny that I’m a white-collar worker.” But I didn’t expect that because I had a low position and poor qualifications everyone else could boss me around in the office. My self-esteem was severely damaged, but my ambition was stimulated. I resolved to make other people look at me with new eyes through my own efforts. Therefore, I worked harder and spent all my spare time learning the company procedures and all about the products, and generally gaining professional proficiency. Every day, I worked from dawn to dusk, and I hardly took time off all year round. In five years, I practically went nowhere but the dormitory, canteen and office. Finally, my years of hard work paid off: I was promoted from ordinary office clerk to salesperson, then manufacturing manager, then purchasing supervisor, then imports and exports supervisor, and in the end I became an executive in the company and was admired and looked up to by others. Those who once despised me nodded and bowed in front of me. Such an achievement made me feel glorious and proud.

But as I came into contact with more and more people, I saw that there were a great number of successful people who were richer and more powerful than me. Thus, my sense of satisfaction gradually faded. I thought: “Although I have gained a high position and the support and admiration of my colleagues, I’m still working for other people. As they say: ‘You have to be crazy to be highly successful.’ I’m still young; why don’t I start a business by myself? As the old saying goes: ‘People struggle to go upward, but water flows downward.’ I shouldn’t be content with my current situation, but should seek to progress.” Several years of work experience had given me enough faith and courage, so I quit the high-paying job as an executive to start my own business.

Later on, I opened a store selling cosmetics of a famous brand. To fulfill the high performance targets I set for my company every month, I had to work out various marketing plans besides managing the store. No matter how many customers there were during the day, I always stayed in the store all the time and didn’t go home until very late at night. I had no holidays of my own. Sometimes I felt very tired, but at the thought of the success that was just around the corner, I would exert myself again and keep persisting. After a few years, I achieved a fair amount of success and made some money. Then I expanded my store, and bought a car and a house. All my relatives, classmates and neighbors around me cast gazes of admiration at me, and my parents were also proud of me.

Sudden diseases left me in unbearable pain.

Just when I was tirelessly busy with my business and enjoying a sense of achievement, I started to have some health problems. I often felt faint and had numbness in my hands. After having an examination in the hospital, I was surprised to learn that I actually had cervical spondylosis and periarthritis. The doctor said to me in a serious voice: “These diseases cannot be eradicated. The treatment can only help you relieve your pain. You must take good care of yourself, take more rest and avoid overworking. Otherwise, your diseases will get worse and worse. Though these diseasesaren’t deadly, they will influence your quality of life if they get serious. You are still young, so you must pay more attention to your health. If yourcondition goes on like this, you might get muscular atrophy, or even quadriplegia.” The doctor’s words made me think of those people I knew who suffered from cervical spondylosis or lumbar diseases. Both their work and quality of life were negatively influenced; some of them even seemed to be half- paralyzed and could do nothing. Thinking of all this, I felt very disheartened. I had never expected that I, who was barely 30, could get diseases which occur mainly among people in their 50s or 60s.

When I was driving home, I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing down my face. Thinking back on all those years, I felt I was like a wound clock that ticked round and round and couldn’t stop.

In the following days, I went to the hospital for treatment every few days. I tried all kinds of treatments to treat my cervical spondylosis and periarthritis, such as physical therapy, massage, cupping, acupuncture, traction and small needle-scalpel therapy. These treatments cost me a lot of money, but were of no help to me. On the contrary, they left a shadow on my mind: The sound of the acupuncture needles going in kept echoing in my head. Every time I went into the hospital, my heart would start pounding; when I thought of the pain brought by traction and acupuncture, my legs felt weak. Many times I thought: “I’ve built up my career and gained money and reputation through hard work, but my health is now ruined. I spent nearly half of my life striving to fulfill my ambition of building a successful career. How come my hard effort has resulted in this?” I lived in extreme depression and pain, but I didn’t know how to get rid of them.

After believing in God, I reflected upon my life.

When my agony was at its greatest, God’s gospel of the kingdom came upon me. I saw these words of God: “Born into such a filthy land, man has been severely blighted by society, he has been influenced by feudal ethics, and he has been taught at ‘institutes of higher learning.’ The backward thinking, corrupt morality, mean view on life, despicable philosophy, utterly worthless existence, and depraved lifestyle and customs—all of these things have severely intruded upon man’s heart, and severely undermined and attacked his conscience.”

Through reading God’s words and listening to the fellowshiping of some brothers and sisters, I found the root of my pain. I remembered that when I was little I saw my cousins succeeding in their careers, and that all the relatives and friends admired them, so I secretly became determined to become an outstanding person. When I began my career, controlled by notions such as “rising above others,” “bringing honor to the ancestors,” “People struggle to go upward, but water flows downward,” I was not content with being an ordinary white-collar worker. In order to satisfy my desire to be outstanding and be admired by others, I worked like crazy. I got so absorbed in studying as to forget food and sleep. After I became an executive in the foreign company, I still wasn’t satisfied and so I worked hard to build up my own business. I didn’t cease to pursue fame and wealth until I’d ruined my health. In modern society, the majority of people admire the rich and powerful, and are eager to be one of them. They do their utmost to struggle for fame and wealth, but little do they know that fame and wealth are Satan’s tricks to tempt and harm mankind. Satan uses these erroneous ways of thinking to control us, and make us turn away from God; bound by fame, wealth and status, we live in pain. Many people have achieved success, won recognition and have great wealth, yet they actually feel even more empty and depressed than before. Some of them get depression because of their great mental suffering. Some of them indulge themselves in lives of pleasure and lust, and even get addicted to drugs to numb themselves and relieve their pain; some even choose suicide to end their lives. Through the revelation of God’s words and examining all these facts, I came to realize that pursuing being an outstanding person was not true happiness, and that success and fame couldn’t bring true satisfaction or sureness to me.

Ecclesiastes 1:14 in the Bible says: “I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.” In Matthew 16:26, the Lord Jesus said: “For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” That’s true. No matter what we gain in the world, we cannot take anything with us when leaving the world, and in the end, everything is empty. If we struggle for money, fame and status and sacrifice our lives, then we are very ignorant and stupid. In those years, I strived hard in order to be outstanding and live an aristocratic life, but now I’ve ruined my health and live with the suffering of illness. Thinking of this, I realized I was so ignorant.

Later, I saw these God’s words: “From the moment you come crying into this world, you begin to perform your duty. You assume your role in the plan of God and in the ordination of God. You begin the journey of life. Whatever your background and whatever the journey ahead of you, none can escape the orchestration and arrangement that Heaven has in store, and none are in control of their destiny, for only He who rules over all things is capable of such work. Since the day man came into existence, God has been steady in His work, managing this universe and directing the change and movement of all things. Like all things, man quietly and unknowingly receives the nourishment of the sweetness and rain and dew from God. Like all things, man unknowingly lives under the orchestration of God’s hand.” “I believe that it is best for us to find the simplest way to satisfy Him, that is, to obey all of His arrangements, and if you can truly achieve this you will be perfected. Isn’t this an easy, joyful thing? Take the path that you should take without paying any mind to what others say or thinking too much. Do you have your future and your fate in your own hands?”

Through the guidance of God’s words, I came to realize that our fate is in God’s hands and only by obeying God’s ordination and arrangements can we gain the blessings of God and enjoy true happiness and ease. However, I originally didn’t see God’s sovereignty and so obstinately lived in accordance with Satan’s philosophy, regardless of how bitter or tired I felt. Not until I fell ill did I stop to reflect upon myself. I realized that all that I pursued brought me only pain, and that only when I come before God to obey His sovereignty and arrangements, let go of fame and status and no longer rush around for them, can I stay away from Satan’s temptation and harm and live freely without restraints. When I realized this, I knew how to walk my future path.

When my viewpoint was transformed, I regained my freedom.

Later on, the cosmetic company changed their marketing strategy and wanted to select some stores to be model stores. Those stores had to have good locations, a steady stream of customers and high sales volumes. When the executive told me about this plan in detail, I was kind of tempted to apply. I thought: “Once my store becomes one of the first group of model stores, not only can I derive a variety of support and good discounts from the company, but there will also be a constant stream of customers when my store is redecorated. Then the sales figures will surely keep improving.” Just when I was picturing this beautiful future, God’s words flashed into my mind: “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” (Mark 8:36). “If you were asked to choose again, what then would be your position? Would it be the former still?” Pondering God’s words, I started reflecting upon myself: “What on earth should I choose? Money, fame, status, or my life? After hearing the company’s new strategy, I still want to take this opportunity to gain money, fame and status regardless of my health. Won’t I be repeating my former mistake? If I was to end up paralyzed in bed, then no matter how much wealth I possess and how much admiration I win, what use would they be? My life is the most important thing.” Thank God. Under the enlightenment and guidance of God, I knew how to choose the right way. Later, I went to the executive and told her: “I’m in poor health. If I expand my store, my health will break down. So I’ve decided, I don’t want to be selected.” The moment I made my decision, I felt as if I had rid myself of shackles that I had borne for a long time, and I gained relaxation, freedom and relief that I had never felt before.

After that, I no longer spent all my time managing my store. I started to fulfill my duties to the best of my abilities in the church. When it came time for meetings, I would go; and when it was time to work, I would go to my store. Surprisingly, sales didn’t decrease because of my attending gatherings and fulfilling duties. From this, I clearly saw that all of this wasn’t decided by my own efforts but depended on God’s blessings and control, as all things are in God’s hands.

I thank God for selecting and saving me. Through living the church life, reading God’s words with my brothers and sisters, and sharing our individual experiences, my depression was gradually alleviated and my condition took a favorable turn. Thank God. I’m willing to pursue the truth according to the direction God has pointed me in, and walk on the right path of life—obeying God and revering God. All the glory be to God.

[xottzot]

2018-20(MAR)-25th--Sunday (Early afternoon--rain forecast then no rain but heat then rain and uncertainty about anything as almost usual.

2018-20(MAR)-25th--Sunday (Early afternoon--rain forecast then no rain but heat then rain and uncertainty about anything as almost usual.

I had to go to the corner shop and get some milk for dear Sam & dear Max and myself, just so could have some plain cornflakes or something like that to eat. They alwaya need milk because of their growing bones in their massive dog body's. And of curse I need milk too even though nobody sycj as dear Fliss or Cath doesn''t seem to now ever care about me. And I do mean that. It's part of my being in utter hell.

My own brother doesn't care about me and wishe me dead dead dead forever exepcially so Can never tell anyone the truth. Especially any truth about him.

Fliss alwasy understood that about me and loved me for it, being a truthful person, as well as our love for each other. I still love you dearest Fliss and I will love you even after I am dead dead dead. Dear Fliss I want to be with you, I truly do. Please let it be so. I am being driven insane without you.

This is not just another loves-lost message dear reader, never ever assume that. We are couple who loves each other and has been so for over 10 years but have been ripped apart by dear Fliss's physical and mental ailments. which I never ever blamed her for desite what others may think, but her own parents tell nobody abut the ailments dear Fliss has because they are so utterly destroying and how they parents (especially dear FLiss's mother alwasy said to me via Fliss herself, 'She just wants back the daughter she once knew, but that daughter is never coming back to her again no matter how much she tries. I' myself for better or worse, most people say it's the worst.......'

Then saying such to me, dear Fliss would break down in utter sorow for many hours and sob and cry and wail. And I comforted her and of course I loved her. And of course I believed her, even before and afterwards for how she was so very very harshly treated by her own semi-estranged interstate mother and her own family and relations. This is yet another reason dear Fliss was always with me ad relied upon me so much. Dear Fliss considered me the ONLY person she could EVER tell the truth about ANYTHING.

And this lonely sad person that I am trusting and honest, sincere, truthful and gentle, was as Fliss herself in her own word would constantly say to me, "I tell people you're the wall at my back and the wall in my face. You (she would use my name) support me in everthing I do but stop me from doing anything stupid that I do. Espceially anything that's liable to get me into trouble. I ma not liek it at the time and I kick up a stink and a fuss, but you stick by me....and THAT'S why I'm getting better. You're there with me at my worst times. All the stuff NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT and nobody cares anyway. I don;t care what they think. I love you. Please don't ever leave me or give up on me!"

And I'd alwasy promise I wouldn't, and I NEVER EVER HAVE......

And for all of that I have been made out by unkowing uncaring others to be all just utter lies and deceit, a fool, an exploiter, a person who abuses her (NEVER!!), a person who cause(s) dear Fliss to have mental break downs (NEVER!!!), a person who asaults dear Fliss (NEVER EVER EVER!!!!!).

And on and on and on and and on.......

It was a hell of its own kind. Only dear Fliss and I ever knew of her despair and everything. She REFUSED TO TELL ANYONE ANYTHING real or truthful, even her dearest friend(s) Cath of Queensland who now was across on the other side of Australia from us, a fact which despaired dear Fliss tremendously. And which was also part of her first breakdown and all others.

I thought yesterday that I had gotten a personal email (or like) from dear Fliss yet again, but when I went to search for it later I could find no trace of it having existed. That is how dear Fliss often operates in real-life. I always gently berated her about doing that but she alwasy felt she was being persecuted and constantly 'watched'. - Truly. It was something that we were having to constantly deal with. And I never knew if anything was real or not about all that.

When I seriously brought this up with Fliss's own physicatrist, (a seemingly inept physicatrist working here in Midland that dear Fliss cherished), I was told it was all 'nothing' and not to ever worry about it all.

Many years later I told another physicatrist of the same company (now existing not in a ramshackle giant old house across from the Midland Police station, but now in a brand newly built concrete and brick multistorey building around up the road and around two corners from there.) ...... and he thought nothing of dear Fliss at all,not even though she had been a patient of their company and a fellow physicatrist still working there at that time. (dont; make the mistake they were al frinedly to each other....they were adversarial to the extreme, not to least was gathering and harvesting and holding on to patients whom they considered 'forever income' to forever keep exploiting in any way they could. And they thought more of always forever getting and keeping any money than of any patient themselves. - Truly.

And dear Fliss thought so too over her time there.....years.

Dear Fliss ws kind about it all and respectful. But becase dear Fliss as she refferred to it as, "I've played all their games before....I know the rules far better than 'this lot' even does! - I could be a better physicatrist than them!....and I'd be rich and wouldn't have to keep working as a slave like I have to do forever for peanuts and a pittance as I do now!"

That would lead to her being angry, and again I would have to work with deaest Fliss to calm her mind down. She would be becoming frantic. Self-detructive yet again, Utterly secret about any and everything she did. She would confide tiny selective snippets to unknown others.....

And I would ALWAYS say to dear Fliss not to do all that, for her to etll teh truth abut any and everything and not be lying by selcting what bits of truth to sting togther to make a lie-of-truths. It was damging to them, damging to her and most damaging of all was damaging to us because of how it was doing to her.

She would laugh it all away. (literally) and then launch into yet another diversion....diversions which would somhow drag me into because I had to oncreasingly keep and watch upon her. (I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE! dearest Fliss) more than anone else wants to accept. They think it is just simple love, or that I was only out to us her for myself (NO, NEVER EVER THAT!).

And so FLiss and I would have verbal arguments and people once again assumed I was 'going crazy' and just atatcking her for no reason, they made up in their tiny minds ANYTHING thay could to explain why I would be arguing with dear Fliss....and Fliss herself ecouraged all this! And NEVER WOULD CORRECT THEM! -- It was part of dear Fliss's self-defensive mechanisms she had learned years before she and I had ever met. And of course I had known nothing about.

Sorry! - I've just right now caught sight of my hands and seen how gaunt they are since dear Fliss has abdanodned and let me years ago here at this hellhole, whislst she fled back to her parents once again lying so much all thw way. THEY TOO because of all that utterly despise and hate me and wish me utterly dead. And they stop any and all communications with dear Fliss and I that we have tried over the years. - This 'total micro-managing control aspect' is how they had been manging dear Fliss even long before I had ever known of or met dear Fliss on the oher side of Ausralia from me here.

And of course all this mental and physical mental/physical maladies that aflicts dearest Fliss I knew nothing of but THEY did. But even THEY had cut her off and partly away from their family contact....perhaps hoping she would get better as if it was just a common flu cold?

Dear Fliss and I came here to Western Australia and we started a new life together, and everything was fine for several years....until Fliss suffered major mental breakdowns and mental assaults upon her through frst through employment conflicts and disasters and also through being exloited by others (NEVER EVER ME!) who were constantly "AT HER" and alwasy trying to not only exploit dear Fiss for their own ends, which were often vicious and cruel, but they wanted her out of the way so they could exploit ANYTHING & EVERYTHING. -- Truly, it was vicious.

NOBODY has any idea of it all. Wehenever I've tried to anybody ANY part of ANYTHING about ANY of it, they instead just can't understand AT ALL, and BLAME ME! - Andor they dismis from ever getting involved with anything about dear Fliss and myself. - It was more than if a bomb exploded in dear Fliss's faces and my own. It destroyed businessness (MORE THAN ONE!), employess lives (including Fliss's!) and including my own including trying to destroy our very relationship and life existing together.....

Can you see now why dear Fliss often said to me crying and sobbing, "My life is cursed....CURSED I TELL YOU! - EVERYTHING I DO ONLY HURTS OTHERS! - EVERYONE ONLY ENDS UP GETTING HURT! - THEY SHOULD CONSIDER THEMSLEVES 'LUCKY' THAT THEY ONLY LOSE THEIR JOB....THEY COULD END UP LIKE ME INSTEAD AND WANT TO DIE AL THE TIME! - I DESERVE NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN! - I'M NO GOOD FOR ANYONE OR ANYTHING! - I'VE SHOW THAT THEY'RE RIGHT! THEY MUST BE RIGHT! IT KEEPS HAPPENING! I ONLY WISH YU WEREn"T INVOLVED IN ALL THIS CRAP....YOU DESERVE BETTER.....YOU DESERVE SOMEONE GOOD......"

"You ARE GOOD Fliss!"

"I MEAN SOMEBODY 'NORMAL'....I'M NOT NORMAL......I'M DAMAGED GOODS! - IF ONLY I HAD NEVER TRIED TO HELP ON THAT TRAIN THAT DAY LONG AGO..!!!!! - OH HOW I DESPISE THAT DAY!!!! AND WHICH IT HAD NEVER EVER HAPPPENED!!!!! - IT RUINED MY LIFE!!!!! - IT'S RUINED YOURS! - IT'S RUINED EVERYONE'S!!!!!! - KILL ME NOW, PLEASE KILL ME!!!!!!"

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Because what I have written above of that conversation has happened so many times, that in myself writing the above for teh worl to know (YET AGAIN BCAUSE NOBODY AND NOTHING CARES!), especially all that conversation parts is JUST like dear Fliss is here herself. I can hear our voices and our crying, and her wailing, and our poor dear dogs howling and scrabbling to get outside, or the dogs always trying to comfort dear Fliss but getting ushed away from her and yelled at which they could never understand.....

And once AGAIN I have revealed to the uncaring, unfeeling world that does NOTHING AT ALL to get me and dear Fliss back together, and I know I will again without being with dearest Fliss have terrible nightmares about it all....just as our dogs do all the time without us being without dearest gentle Fliss....and we live in a perpertual HELL of which NOBODY & NOTHING is ever made of to get dearest sweet innocent Fliss and I back together again.

It's dark and colder.......that is NOT an analogy but could very well also be one.......

I need to go outside with poor Sam & poor Max before it rains so they can do their doggie ablutions again.

I KNOW there is no mail in the mailbox from dearest Fliss (I've checked already)

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Shortly afterwards.....................

I have taken dear Sam & dear Max outside.....Max was DESEPRATE and did massive ablutions and Sam was too he decided he'd betetr do 'somthing' after Max. Or vice verse I have no idea becase they both did it all out of my sight. I was ready to whisk them inside throuh the back door safely because it KEEPS sprinkling rain as it has been all day, is always overscast, yet NOBODY (not even the official weather department) makes a forecast EVER applicable to reality even for the very day or a few hours beforehand....NOTHING is APPLICABLE AT THIS HELLHOLE AREA..........it's been hot then cool, too-warm then cool.....cool then horrible and cool-but-overhumid.....and that's in the space if a few hours let day after day after day after day....

The criminal aboriginals have been running AND around ON the roads at fatguts criminal housheold and PLEASE do NOT ever believe I'm racist or ANYTHING LIKE THAT. I AM NOT NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN! - Dearest Fliss herself she was alwasy telling me tis herself, she is aboriginal she was always keeing silent of it to all others. She told me she would otherwise not be hired for jobs or would be discrimnated against. I don't know how true any of that was, I am only repeating what dear Fliss always told me and promised me to keep secret which I did, as so MANY things you even know never know she made me promise NEVER to tell anyone.....

The Western Ausralian Police early this morning did a flying. momentary 'look' at the place and the area there early, why I have no idea. Probably for any andor all the usual criminal reasons, but they simply did as they alwsy try to do....the least amount of time about there as possible, and they left as quickly as they could. (NOT with any speeding off or sirens sounding and lights flashing though that as is what usually is constantly the case sometimes.

THIS IS A HELLHOLE LIKE NO OTHER......

So many abo feral kids have been also been on the roads and roaming all about.....ALSO as still OTHER adult abo's have been coming and going from s many other places in Koongamia and elsewehere. AND THAT's just in the times I have happened to dare look and see.

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(my internet is crashing and totally stopped for no reasons AT ANY TIME......AGAIN).....

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I want to be with you dearest Fliss just as you promised me and yourself. Please. And dear God please allow it to be. PLEASE.

WITHOUT BEING WITH DEAREST FLISS, I WANT TO BE DEAD AND NEVER EVER BORN EVER AGAIN, NOT EVER.

I have to go now and give poor Sam & poor Max something to eat again, something small, and perhaps eat soemething small/tiny in amount for myself. I have no desire to eat or live without being with dearest Fliss.