#which is another piece of advice i guess— watching stuff that makes me feel optimistic is great for bad days!

[calamitydaze]

calam do you have something nice to say. just like in general. words of wisdom even. whatever sounds good yknow? today sure has been a day and i am not cut out for it👍

i can definitely try! the two things i always lean on that might qualify as words of wisdom are “almost everything almost always works out” and “everything will be okay in the end and if it’s not okay it’s not the end” :^) and i really do think both of those are true! life is cyclical— there are ups and downs, good days and bad days, friendships come and go, but that means there’s always something good around the corner and even the worst times pass. if you weren’t cut out for it you wouldn’t be here <3

[etraytin]

Quarantine, Day 186-187

September 13-14 It's been a couple of difficult days and I'm pretty tired, so who knows how long I will type tonight. It's funny, sometimes I start to journal and really get on a cathartic roll that makes me feel better, while other times I just pound out enough to let me feel I have done my job in chronicling my life for another day. And it's really hard to tell ahead of time which is going to be which.

Sunday was supposed to be the day when we finished the kiddo's room, but he got very little done even with my help. He melted down a couple of times throughout the day while I was trying to get him to do even a little work on his room, and then again at bedtime when he decided that he hated everything about the new bed and it was terrible. He wound up sleeping on the couch, which made my life more complicated because he did not want any noise or lights when he was sleeping on the couch. At least he did eventually go to sleep, I guess. I ended up snapping at him once when he didn't deserve it and had to apologize, and had to word my apology very carefully inside my head so it didn't come out sounding like "I'm sorry I'm at the end of my rope because you drove me crazy today" because that would be a pretty shitty apology. I think I said something about it being a long day and I was tired but I should not have snapped at him. We were okay then but I was frustrated at myself and the world in general. 

Husband has been having some health issues lately as well, old problems acting up in new ways, worrying both of us and making it hard for him to get peaceful rest. He's seen a couple of doctors but they haven't been particularly responsive so far. My biggest line item for tomorrow is going to be goosing the doctor's office for the referral he needs, just so he can stop worrying! We could all use a few less worries. 

Today we had the kiddo's annual checkup with the doctor, which we started prepping for on Friday. Last year's checkup was a DISASTER because I did not know there was going to be a blood test involved and the kiddo is not on board with needles any time for any reason. Today was better because he got over being upset on Friday and we spent the weekend building up the idea that it was going to be okay. Yesterday we spent some time finding funny Avatar: the Last Airbender meme compilations on YouTube so he would have something distracting to watch on my phone, and discussing how when it comes down to it, kitten claws are probably more painful than a flu shot, which he was also due for today. 

Anyway, the needles today went all right, he did a very good job considering his level of needle anxiety. Anxiety was sort of the theme of the day actually; talking with the doctor about how he's been feeling and what's been going on, and how sometimes it seems so hard just to keep the kiddo on an even keel. The doctor, who is an excellent doctor and takes a lot of time during the annual checkup especially, said that he's heard a whole lot of this going around, and the pandemic has been incredibly hard on kids this year. We talked about everything we're already doing and some new things to try, and we're going to go back in a month. The visit was exhausting, but good I think. We celebrated with a trip to McDonalds, the kiddo's favorite treat. 

Since by the time the appointment was over it was too late for class anyway, we headed straight down to the IKEA in Norfolk to do some room stuff shopping. Kiddo was in a much more rational mood about the new bed today when he wasn't so tired, and I sweetened the deal by helping him pick out some stuff for it. He got sheets for the bed, along with an incredibly fluffy faux-fur pillow that he adores and a string of little lights for the bedrail. We also talked about how we can make the ladder rungs more padded and less ouchy, as well as the possibility of doing what I always did with my loft bed and use other pieces of furniture (chair, dresser) as a step up ladder. Unfortunately, IKEA currently seems to be sold out of basically every kind of large dresser. We were hoping for a six-drawer MALM, but they were out of every color. Five drawer MALMs were gone too, as well as the similarly sized HEMES. They said they've been having a lot of problems with their supplier, and that they hoped to get some in at the end of next week. The tags we looked at on the floor said they were planning on being restocked September 13, which is yesterday, so I'm not super optimistic. Still, if we don't find something this week, I'll probably go back down there. 

Despite this frustration, we were able to successfully get the office chair we badly needed, as well as a large assortment of odds and ends including Lilleplutt III. Lilleplutt is the name of Ikea's small-medium stuffed cat, an ideal fake mama for lonely kittens. Lilleplutt I did yeoman's work with Latte, one of my singleton fosters last year, while Lilleplutt II went into service with a tiny fuzzy feral baby we picked up in the street a couple months ago. Lilleplutt III will likely end up in a similar occupation, though in the meantime she will keep the kiddo company as part of his stuffed toy coterie. The IKEA restaurant was closed, bummer, but I at least took home some lingonberry jam. 

After IKEA we ran across town and did the mystery shop that subsidized the gas for the trip to Norfolk. The kiddo is an old pro at mystery shopping now and is a little bit hilarious when he tries extra hard to be Friendly Local Child. He ended up getting most of our shared milkshake and was happy. There was surprisingly little traffic on the trip home, but after such a long day and a bunch of driving and shopping, I was very stressed out. Especially when Husband called and I realized that 24 cups of water had not been enough for the beans I was trying to slow simmer all day and they were ruined. Ugh, very disappointing! 

But he had Taco Bell for dinner and the kiddo and I were full from shopping, so it was generally not terrible. We put the kiddo's new mattress up on the bed (it arrived in the mail yesterday but needed 24 hours to recover from its travels) and made it up with the new sheets. I put his fan on the old dresser to put it high enough to reach the bed, and we discovered that with the low-slung purpose-bought mattress, not only was there more room to move around, but he can sit on the bed with a couple inches of clearance to the ceiling and has basically no risk of rolling over the bedframe and off the bed. He actually went to sleep in his bed tonight, hurrah! 

I guess this is one of the nights where talking things through was helpful. There's a lot going on and it makes sense to be stressed out, no matter what my brain tries to tell me about being lazy and not doing enough stuff. I'm going to try and take the advice I keep giving the kiddo and get some sleep. Tomorrow is another busy day and I think we'll all need it. 

[helmes-deep]

Thoughts on Season 3 of Fuller House (3B):

Thoughts on 3A here. So just binge-watched all 9 episodes of it today haha and here are my random thoughts:

I LOVE THE GIBBLER FAMILY I LOVE FERNANDO AND KIMMY!!!! I JUST NEEDED MORE AND MORE OF THOSE TWO TOGETHER THROUGHOUT THIS SEASON AND/OR MORE GIBBLER FAMILY MOMENTS IN GENERAL THEY’RE JUST SUCH A WARM, LOVING, AND ADORABLY PERFECT FAMILY WHEN THEY’RE TOGETHER AND SO FUNNY WHEN THEY TRY TO OUTSHINE EVERYONE ELSE I LOVE THEM HAHA

Seriously, Andrea Barber is such a great actress!! Like honestly, she should really win an Emmy for this show I am not kidding haha. She is soooo entertaining!! and wickedly talented at acting!!!!

DJ AND STEVE YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! FINALLY!!!! I’VE WAITED SO LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!! I’m not exactly 100% down on the whole DJ x Steve thing; I’ve said before that I think currently, the actor who plays Matt has more chemistry with DJ, but DJ x Steve was how it was SUPPOSED TO BE and I’m 2000% down for that. Also, idk how, but I think the Steve actor guy (Scott Weinger) somehow got cuter/more likable over the Season 3 break. He just seems to look a bit cuter and has more chemistry with DJ now lol (the kind he should have had at the beginning of Season 1).

The wedding fiasco... didn’t go down as ideally as I would have liked it to... it was the ultimate break-up — a wedding break-up — so it was, in a way, what you would have expected: really sad and harsh-letdowns all-around... idk how it could have turned out better (although there really is no excuse for how Steve and DJ treated their significant others ://). I am glad they didn’t drag out the whole DJ x Steve thing, though. And the Japanese-set episode was really fun!! Really enjoyed seeing all of the different, beautiful sights and experiences!! Wish we had gotten to see more of those :33 (The Japanese episode was definitely a bit shorter than I had expected.) Also loved how the episode was shot.

The appearance of the Japanese boy group Sexy Zone made me think of K-pop, and how much I love it, so I could relate. Sorry, guys, I just had to put that in there :PPP 

KIMMY’S FASHION STYLE IS JUST SLAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! PROPS TO HER STYLIST IDK HOW THEY DO IT BUT SHE MAKES WACKY AND CRAZY LOOK SO AWESOME AND GOOOOD!!!!!

That alligator scene was top-notch. Great acting/balancing!

Seriously, as much as I love DJ and Steve, I will be so, so, so, so, so sad to see John Brotherton (the guy who plays Matt) go if he no longer gets a larger presence on the show. I have really, really appreciated the character Matt and have really enjoyed watching John’s performance.

Max, thankfully, is getting a little less annoying to handle on-screen (might have to do with his lack of scenes with the dog, which perhaps makes him less juvenile???). Also not exactly into his whole “I’m a smart guy”-type persona, but it’s not done terribly or maybe I’m getting used to it, so I can live with it. Idk, I just know I laughed more at and enjoyed his scenes more than I used to (he’s my least favorite character on the show, and probably still is).

Not really a fan of Max’s relationship with CJ’s girl, either (seems a bit forced), but whatever. If they want to make them that horrendously (I am not exaggerating when I use that word) cute couple, then more power to them.

Kinda sad/disappointed we didn’t get to see Popko for 3B, but he was a jerk, so it’s all okay. Ramona didn’t exactly get any love interests this time around, which is fine. And I really, really hope she doesn’t get with that high school dance-team guy, ugh. The dance-rival thing-y is cute enough, though, and I can see it being pulled off in the future.

I also don’t know why Ramona would skip out on SAFSPA: seemed like it was definitely her dream/goal as portrayed thus far, but okay, maybe it wasn’t. I thought the lesson we got out of that whole parent/kid situation was really good/nice.

Jackson and Rocki are a thing, and I AM LIVING FOR IT!!!!!! I’m just a sucker for nerdy guy/cool girl relationships, tbh :p :p

Still don’t like how Gia (a.k.a. Rocky’s mom) is sometimes cast as the “villain,” but oh well. I guess that discrepancy comes from us wanting post-Full House to be absolutely, 100% “feel-good,” but Gia was inherently written as a “bad” character, so she’s destined to be somewhat of the “bad” girl, no matter how far we get into the Fuller House world. At least she was written as less “evil” this time around.

ADORED Fernando and Tommy; ADORED Fernando, Tommy, and the race-car storyline; and ADORED Fernando and Tommy vs. Jesse and Pamela moment.

Tommy’s cute rn and had some really, really adorable moments this time around (funny enough, I enjoy him with Cosmo more than I do Max + Cosmo). I just really hope he doesn’t end up becoming annoying and unlikable like Michelle was on the original show. I liked Michelle as a baby/younger, but I didn’t enjoy her when she got older/was a toddler.

Honestly, I’ve never been a big fan of the “let’s be cute with babies” on TV-thing, especially on the original show, but I really liked seeing the guys or anyone holding and playing with the babies this time around. For once, I was like, “You know what?? I get it. This totally warms and melts my heart into a million pieces.” Idk, something cute and maybe more maternal?? within me just spoke :’pp

I STILL don’t think Stephanie should have a baby, especially when she has no job, no stable relationship, etc. I also kind of don’t want anymore babies lololol (first Jesse and Becky with Pamela, and of course, there’s already Tommy); there’s already so many people I have to keep up with on this show haha. But if that’s where they want to go, then hey, I’m glad the surrogate’s Kimmy and not someone else.

Needed more Stephanie and Jimmy. Or just Jimmy tbh.

When I saw Vicky, I gasped out loud. Could NOT believe she’s back, even though I already knew she’d be back/had a strong feeling she would be (idk if it was announced).

I DO NOT want the older guys (aka Danny, Jesse, Becky, and Joey) back for the majority of next season. It just seems like whenever the older guys come back it’s more of a static “callback” than actual progression of the episode/overall storyline. I enjoyed a lot of this season because there was less of the older guys; vice versa, I much more enjoyed seeing the older cast members visit this time because there wasn’t so much of them around. So yeah, reaaaalllly hoping we don’t see that much more of the older cast during the next season (if they get a next season), since they all announced they’re going to move back to San Francisco.

On the other hand, I’d really like to see Danny and Vicky finally get a news/television show together and get married already, lol.

I do like it when the older and newer generations are well-integrated, though. The Danny, Jesse, Joey, Steve, and Fernando scene was really funny and one of my favorites. Fuller House is basically just one big fanfiction that isn’t perfectly written, but it’s pretty snappin’ close, and it’s all TRUE AND Y’ALL GET TO CLAIM IT AND CALL IT CANON!! :P :P

Like I said, glad the whole DJ x Steve thing didn’t get dragged out, but a little disappointed it wasn’t exactly, totally resolved... But it’s okay; I can live with it, for the most part. At least they’ve decided they really do love each other, got in a good kiss, and want to try to pursue a real relationship again (hopefully that doesn’t get messed up next season). Excited to see what happens when they’re finally together after the “6 months” are over huehue...  

CAN YOU IMAGINE STEVE BEING A DAD AND HELPING JACKSON, MAX, AND THE REST OF THE BOYS OUT?!?!? LIKE MAYBE THEM COMING TO HIM FOR ADVICE ON “BOY/GUY STUFF” AND HIM ANSWERING ALL OF THEIR QUESTIONS AND/OR TRYING HIS BEST TO HELP THEM OH MY WORD IT WOULD BE SO CUTEEEEEEE!!!!

Happy that there wasn’t so much drama over “whether DJ would pick Matt or Steve”; I really didn’t want that plot point to drag on forever :V :V There was a lot more focus on the girls and family-interactions this time around, which I liked, even though it meant less of the adult pairings altogether.

TBH, there weren’t that many substantial main storylines or funny lines during this half of the season, imo (SHOUT OUT to that “ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM” EXCHANGE THOUGH; that scene was hilarious!!). A lot of it focused on everyday family interactions or Stephanie’s “surrogate/trying-to-get-a-baby” storyline (for those who are curious, I’d say the most we got this season was a solid on Stephanie’s storyline, and DJ and Steve confirming they will be getting together, but there really isn’t any further development toward their relationship. Also surprised they didn’t have a Christmas episode??) But tbh, I’m not mad. It was nice to not have to worry about any big romantic or whatever-else-possible drama, and just focus on seeing these characters interact with one another as a family. It was just ordinary, nice, and cheesy fun, and somehow kept me laughing and smiling like an idiot the entire time (which, in a way, is a nice nod to the original show’s purpose). This is really, really just a feel-good show. And you can see that reflected in the cast. You can just tell how comfortable everyone is with one another, and at times, you can see some real tears about to be shed during a couple of heart-felt scenes. It really is just about one big, ordinary, and optimistic family (although sometimes a bit too optimistic lol; I think they give themselves a bit of a dig about that at the end). So yeah, Fuller House is cheesy, ridiculous, lame, or whateverrrrrrrrr you want to call it, but I love it. And I enjoyed watching every episode of the entire second half of this season :’333

Please tell me they bring on Urkel as a special guest for Season 4.

Please tell me they will get a Season 4!!!! I KNOW THE SHOW SUCKS AND IS CHEESY AND LAME, BUT I AM LIVING FOR IT AND LOVING EVERY SECOND OF IT!!!!!

Yup, I think those are my thoughts for now. Might add/edit some more points in later if I can think of anything!! lol :P :P

[thisislizheather]

March Magic 2021

Above Photo: Cherry Blossoms are in bloom at the University of Washington right now - Photo By Kai Wang

Am I alone in thinking that was the longest March of all time? It truly felt like it would never end. Usually I love my birthday month, but with everything still the way it’s been for the past year, there really didn’t feel like much of a reason to celebrate. Also, Nathan got COVID. It was awful and scary and I was worried about how he’d be, but all is well and he just got his vaccine this past weekend, which is incredible. So a real roller coaster type of month, but thank god it’s over.

Here’s everything that went down last month.

I recapped how my winter list of things to do went.

Forever an optimist, I made a list of spring things that I’d like to do. One of my favourite things to do is get a pedicure on the first day of a season. I don’t get them very often at all, so it’s a nice way to usher in some new weather.

I finished watching Superstore, which is such a great show. I would’ve never watched it on my own, so this is why you have to listen to your best friend’s recommendations sometimes. They know more than you. Also, it was weird as hell to hear the Smashing Pumpkins song Today in one episode. Just seemed like a strange pairing, them and this show. Or any show, really. But I mean they did lend a song to that Apple ad, so I guess the old days of Billy Corgan complaining about everything are over.

I read and reviewed Joan Rivers’ book Enter Talking.

I made my way back to Lilia with Irene to devour their seasonal leek focaccia & green salted butter, which is always heaven on a plate. (Me and focaccia have had a pretty strong love affair going on for some time now. I plan on making it at home soon, but I can’t decide on the flavouring I’ll want to add to it. There are too many possibilities.) We also shared two pastas: the corzetti with pine nuts, marjoram & parmigiano reggiano as well as the sheep’s milk cheese agnolotti with saffron, dried tomato & honey. Always a good meal here. Might benefit from some new pastas, though.

Above Photo: My sweet baby girl, leek focaccia & her green salted butter

Above Photo: Stunning Irene & pasta

Above Photo: I’m very excited for bread

I got my first Moderna shot! I usually have tons of anxiety around needles, but somehow it wasn’t a problem this time (maybe because I had the kindest nurse on the planet). It sounds so simple, but she told me to look away, to take a deep breath and while I was taking that breath she put the needle in and THAT WAS IT. So grateful for that advice. Must remember that for life now. I have my next shot on April 8th! (I did get COVID arm, but it went away in 24 hours so it really wasn’t a big deal.) Also, I’ll definitely ask a medical professional, but if it’s allowed then I’m definitely getting my card laminated for free.

There’s this great, cute new store called Gift Box on Broadway in Astoria. It’s very similar to Lockwood, only better. Lots of cards, gifts, beauty products, candles, that kind of thing.

It’s green garlic season and we must all celebrate! I’ve also decided that I might devote my life to compound butters. Making them, eating them, giving them away as gifts potentially. Maybe this is what’s been missing.

Google image search the vagar faroe islands and let’s go.

I can’t stop putting this Esti vegan feta on everything, it tastes exactly like regular feta only slightly less salty.

Everything from the brand Umbra is gorgeous.

These are officially (and my niece Layla can attest to it) the greatest socks on the planet. Not too tight, not too short or high, and soft as a cloud.

Best kale caesar dressing I’ve had in months. And I love the idea of using breadcrumbs instead of croutons to liven things up a bit.

I made this roasted winter citrus and wow was it hot fruit. It should be a crime to make something look this good, but taste average as hell.

I started using the app Google Keep to organize all of my lists and tasks and I love it. It’s so much better than using Notes.

HOW have I never even HEARD of Shake Shack’s Innovation Kitchen?! AND HOW HAVE I NEVER BEEN. It’s moved to the top of my current Must Visit list.

I may or may not have fallen down a rabbit hole of incredible Melissa Clark recipes. Love this woman.

If you live in Englewood, New Jersey, how do you not just LIVE at this bakery? My god. Every item. In my mouth. Now.

And listen, I’m no scientist, but this seems like huge news…?

If you find yourself anxious or unsettled, this video of lasagna being made from scratch is the most soothing thing I’ve come across in months.

Target sells candles?! I’m the last person on earth who learned this. $4 for an actually great mini candle is wild.

Tried a slice of the red velvet cake from Milk Bar and it was unexpectedly good. I don’t usually care about red velvet (because it’s a scam?), but honestly their cakes always find a way to taste amazing.

I made this cajun linguine and it was so lackluster, I hate when a pasta recipe doesn’t work out. It’s so upsetting. Also, cajun seasoning can blow me.

They’re opening a Sonic in Manhattan, which I’ve never been to before, is it worth going?

I know Eataly is for tourists, but once in awhile I like to stop in to peruse. I tried one of their prepackaged foods (the eggplant parmesan) and it was a hard pass. Just no flavouring at all. The only thing that saved the day were their individual little Italian chocolates. Always amazing. I do want to eventually try their dried pasta Afeltra since I’ve heard such good things about it.

I don’t know about you, but I’m definitely not ready to watch documentaries about the pandemic yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever want to. I mean… we’re still IN IT, for christ’s sake. HBO needs to just sit down.

Tell me that you know the song Sea of Love.

You had me at “cheese-oozing focaccia.”

Great piece on diet culture by Julia Turshen.

When I was in Seattle in April a few years ago, I wandered onto the University of Washington’s campus and was blown away by their gorgeous cherry blossoms. They have a livestream of them right now, if you’d like to take a look.

With plastic bags officially banned now, I desperately need a basket bag to take when I go to the farmer’s market. So f-ing lovely. Everyone will think I’m Belle or some shit.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a fresh Jamaican patty in my life, so I’m definitely going here the next time I’m in Mississauga.

I love this chickpea salad, especially after adding basil.

Some of these are actually really great tips.

How on earth have I never heard of the restaurants Dell’anima or Anfora?! They’re both under the Joe Campanale umbrella (of L’Artusi fame)! I’m so excited to go. Just look at those menus.

Speaking of, I can’t go for too long without eating the wagyu steak tartare at L’Artusi. It’s a problem. (It also makes me want to buy a really great finishing olive oil, so I’m looking into that. I’m thinking either Monini or Frantoia.)

Above Photo: Wagyu steak tartare at L’Artusi

One thing I’ve started to do that you should too: buy good butter. I stopped buying margarine many years ago and thought I was a better person for buying regular grocery store butter. But sweetie, you can do more. The butter (specifically European butter) in specialty shops or some bakeries or markets is EONS better than the run-of-the-mill basic grocery butter. And it enhances literally everything that you use it in. Right now, the butter in my fridge is beurre de baratte butter and it’s ridiculously good. Obviously I’m not going to use this butter when I’m baking because I’m not a millionaire, but when I’m making something savory for dinner? Or a compound butter? Or on top of asparagus? On some bread as a snack? It’s unreal.

Speaking of food advice: don’t buy your parmesan at the grocery store either. I’ve never had amazing parmesan from there. It’s always the same, even the expensive stuff. Get your ass to a cheese shop. Enough already, you’re an adult.

I tried a CBD chocolate and just as I thought: it’s a scam. Just like red velvet. It did nothing for nobody.

I bought this tea tree toner on a whim from The Body Shop and I might keep buying it for the rest of time. I use it on my face right when I get out of a hot shower and it’s kept my face feeling incredible lately.

A new coffee shop opened up in my neighbourhood called Coffee Avenue and I can’t recommend it enough. The macadamia milk hot chocolate blew my face off.

I finally ate at Bar Primi in the city and it was spectacular. We had the ricotta crostino with hazelnuts & truffle honey (which is almost like a dessert, it’s so good), the linguine with 4 cloves of garlic & breadcrumbs as well as the penne ragu alla bolognese with ricotta which was the very best. Can’t wait to go again. Loved the atmosphere of the place, too.

The seasonal candle is out at Trader Joe’s and it’s grapefruit, which smells perfect. I’ve finally stopped hoarding their candles and have started burning them. Only took me a year of lockdown to realize I should try to enjoy my life.

Lemon Kit-Kats exist and all is right with the world. Delicious.

I don’t go very often, but I’ll always love The Dutch. Perfect cornbread. Perfect tartare. You can’t go wrong.

Above Photo: Housemade scallion-chipotle cornbread with whipped butter

Above Photo: Wagyu steak tartare, capers, bearnaise aioli

*Note: if it seems like I eat a lot of steak tartare - I do. Good observation. It’s incredible.

Controversial opinion but the Dove chocolate peanut butter eggs are one millions times better than Reese’s peanut butter cups. I couldn’t believe it either.

This leads me to another declaration: Easter candy might be better than Halloween candy. Hear me out. Halloween candy is almost chaotic when you think of the candy options, it’s overwhelming and more often than not, disappointing. Easter candy, however, is usually always new and fresh each season. They’ve got to work harder to get you to notice Easter candy, so infact you’re getting a more well thought out product, which usually tastes better. Anyway, can you tell I’m depressed…?

I went to the new Ulta location in NYC in Herald Square and it’s great, it seems bigger than the UWS one and it’s way more convenient to visit. Must remember. Oh! But speaking of Ulta, remember how last year they had such great birthday gifts? They really dropped the ball this year. They’re trying to give a $5 Mario Badescu facial spray as the March gift?! Are you fucking serious?! That’s the worst. Literally the worst gift of all the months. Fighting every urge in my body to write them a strongly-worded letter about this. Just insanity. I didn’t even go claim it. Keep your damn gift, no spray can calm me down from this.

New love: macadamia milk in my iced coffee in the morning. Just heavenly.

I rewatched Wall-E and what a great movie. For all ages. Too perfect.

Love the song Team by Lorde.

I watched the Woody Allen & Mia Farrow documentary on HBO and it’s obviously a must watch. So many things I didn’t know about that story were shown, this man needs to be stopped.

If you ever get a new phone and you want to transfer over all of your WhatsApp messages to your new phone (and you’ve never backed them up), you can pay $40 and use this site to do it.

The new Super Mario World in Japan looks incredible.

Do not judge me, but I ordered (and returned) a SKIMS bralette. I was swayed by a few photos of women wearing it and wanted to see for myself what it felt like. Verdict: crap. Sure, the material is soft but only because it’s so poorly made and unsupportive. An immediate return. The beautiful colours of the bras are what sells the product, in my opinion. It’s so hard to find well made, beautiful browns and neutrals in undergarments.

Speaking of what’s her name, I also ordered this KKW mini lip liner set that I’m unfortunately in love with. I use it as a lip liner and filler, and each fucking one is gorgeous. I’m going to do a post to show you. You’ll see what I mean.

I came across this wonderful stationary store in Chelsea, City Papery. I could spend hours roaming the aisles in there. Made a mental note to go back to get some really beautiful envelopes (why on earth am I still buying the basic-ass white envelopes at CVS??), such a great store.

I’m proofreading a book right now about the idea of living with intention and I’ll post a link to it as soon as it’s released later this year. It’s honestly one of the best self help things I’ve read in a long time.

I’ve had a Pinterest account forever and I recently organized a lot of the recipes into seasonal categories, which has inspired me to make so many new meals this season. Check it. Also, I haven’t tried these yet, but these spring recipes (below) sound delicious.

Blueberry Ricotta Cake with Lavender Glaze

Banana Carrot Cake Cupcakes with Coconut Cream Cheese Frosting

Lemon Almond Pudding Cake

Asparagus Quiche with Hash Brown Crust

Apricot Shortbread Bars

Buttermilk Lavender Scones

Carrot Cake Bread with Nutella Cream Cheese Frosting

Lemon Olive Oil Cake with Lavender Mascarpone

I’ve mentioned my filmmaker friend Dusty before (his film Violation was at Sundance this year), well his movie is a Critic’s Pick in the The New York Times this month, which is amazing and so well deserved. Truly could not happen to a better person.

I have eaten approximately five pounds of asparagus since spring began and I can’t see myself stopping anytime soon. It’s so fucking good. One grievance: that huge, fat asparagus. Why’s it so big like that?? Unnatural as hell. Give me that thin, beautiful asparagus that’s increasingly so hard to find any day. And to anyone who’s like, “Don’t you hate how it makes your pee smell?” - why you gotta go smell your pee? Be normal, weirdo.

I did Nathan’s podcast and we talked about how it’s been so beneficial to get some intentional offline time each Sunday.

Here were the best tweets of the month.

Some things that I’m looking forward to this month: I’m trying so hard to find a way to stream the last three episodes of Stanley Tucci’s Searching For Italy which has been impossible to find, will definitely go check out Little Island, excited to maybe go to the Kusama exhibit, I’d really like to make the Carbone garlic bread, I want to locate and try milk bread, my brother Robbie told me to mix balsamic vinegar & mayo and put it on a burger so I’ll try that soon, I bought some dried Rao’s pasta so I can’t wait to make it, I’m so excited that movie theatres are opening on the 2nd here (I’ll be fully vaccinated very soon so this is great), and I’m adding a resolution: I’d like to do one new thing on the first of every month (examples: buy stock in something, eat ramen, etc.).

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in February over here.

[invisibleimpossibilities]

Rivals

Morgan (Niece) || @forgetful-morgan + Robin

Auntie Robin, are you trying to sleep with Inigo?

One step, and she’s moving closer to another task for the day. The next, untaken, stopped in an immediate moment by… this.

(Like mother, like daughter…!)

Sure, she’s been KINDER to the man after getting to know him beyond some of his false pretense, but it certainly hadn’t been to more effect than any other Shepherd? Well… maybe in comparison to how people usually treated him, it mightlook like… and there’s no way she could have known about…

But seriously, it tended to be the other way around with his pursuits, if anything. Ugh.

Brush it off, Robin. Pretend you didn’t even hear. Wasn’t Morgan too young to be worried about such things, anyway? Yet something needles in the way innocent voice sounds more like inquiry than accusation. Something lurking, that Robin might soon REGRET not clarifying when the chance had presented, if she lets it slip by as absurd.

She turns, glaring for a solid minute at the girl, while processing too many possibilities for how and why this question even came into existence.

“… Excuse me?”

“Well you were flirting with him!” Morgan said optimistically, not actually looking at Robin and missing the glare entirely. Instead she was focused on playing with her cat, giggling as Lilly wrapped around her hand and batted at it with her paws. “It’s kind of obvious once you’ve watched Mother do it with Father all the time.”

She stopped playing for a moment to look up at Robin thoughtfully, scratching her chin as though something just occurred to her. “Although…if you’ve got a crush on Inigo…and I’ve got a crush on Inigo…”

She pointed at her accusingly. “That means you’re my rival!”

Admittedly, her actions probably had aligned with the definition of flirting (did one exist?), but being compared to a married couple hardly felt appropriate. That’s just the kind of banter that happened between people after awhile, wasn’t it? What was so suggestive about making sure her friends felt IMPORTANT around her?

And yet as the cat’s fur weaves between pale fingers, Robin finds herself wishing in deep, secret recesses, it might just happen to turn around and scratch at that sweet little face. …Just once. A tiny one.

Which she doesn’t quite understand, but it doesn’t matter. With suspicion proven that this isn’t really about her feelings as much as Morgan’s, she doesn’t have to worry about figuring out a real answer. (Let alone trying to make any sense of how life has condensed realities close enough together that her niece is attempting to start a fight over one of her own mother’s friends, the son of one Robin’s closest friends. …When technically neither of the two have even been born yet. Naga,why…?)

Regardless, it seems she needs to be the ADULT in the situation. Like always, she’ll take the game given and turn the rhythm back around.

Once finished scowling at the finger in her face, lids relax to reveal irises of a gentle brown. Knees bend, so Robin may crouch slightly. One hand presses down the outstretched arm, and she moves in beyond it to meet Morgan eye-to-eye. A caring thumb flicks over the curve of the girl’s cheek in softer imitation of a pinch.

“I don’t know what fanciful love triangles your mother and grandmother have been reading about to you to make you think like this, …but I’d say allies of love are more valuable than rivals. Listen to your Auntie on this one, kiddo.”

In attention-garnering fashion she lifts up a pointer finger, “One: don’t ever desire someone if you worry their attentions could be so easily swayed by someone else. If that would make them happier, you shouldn’t want to hold them back anyway.” A middle finger follows to create, “Two: don’t ever waste your time fighting for someone who hasn’t already chosen you.”

Heh. She follows the same logic. She doesn’t flirt with Inigo, she has a BOND with him. If he’d abandon developing that for the whimsy of a naive schoolgirl throwing herself, well, then Morgan can have him.

The fourteen-year-old girl kept glaring at her for a moment as her aunt pinched her cheek, pouting as her cat reached up to pat curiously at Robin’s sleeve. “I’m not a baby, lemme go.”

It wasn’t really her fault she was acting like this - she was young, uneducated (formally, at least) and very easily influenced by her family. With a mother like Cynthia, was it any wonder that the tactician-in-waiting had turned out to be an absolute terror?

“I mean…I guess that makes sense…” She said reluctantly, setting Lilly down as the cat proceeded to wrap around Robin’s ankles for a change, reaching up to paw at the end of her robe in fascination.

“…although…that’s almost exactly what you’d say if you just wanted me to stop competing! You don’t just want me to quit crushing on Inigo because I’m young or whatever - or even to stop me from being a contest - you don’t want me telling everyone else about your crush on him!”

She clasped her hands together in glee, starting to laugh a little. If the world obeyed the laws of drama, the sky would darken and clouds gather around her head.

“Hahaha! You really don’t want that to get out! I can blackmail you into doing anything!”

The sway of a coat hem and cuff does its job of bringing attentions to the cat. If Morgan doesn’t want her affection, this little girl would accept it. Nails just long enough for scritches comb their way behind ears and down a spine while Lilly freely continues to weave.

A bit of that shadow around Morgan covers Robin’s face as well.

The brat is smarter than she acts. Advice had been given truly, but a HINTof dissuasion for her own sanity indeed lain as ulterior motive alongside the good intentions of trying to teach wisdom where it lacked.

However, where once Robin might be freaking out about reputation among her troops, her claiming leverage for blackmail strikes as too excessive. Truly, who would see it - the new, absent-minded recruit trying to tell tales of a command tactician attempting trysts with someone that most believed to be the latest army dandy, full of flirtations for just about everyone - as anything but a misunderstanding by a fanciful child?

(The pang of another piece of emotion that doesn’t quite float to the surface of her consciousness simply has her not even minding if people thought her fond of him. She’s allowed to spend time with whoever she wants to. There should be no shame or secret about it.)

Ha! Morgan really does have her in battle mode. Might this be the appeal of these rivalries then? Less about the chase of the other person, and more in the excitement of a chess game between two? The second level of her calm, is that in being sodramatically aggressive, Morgan makes this feel less like anything regarding truth or consequence, and more like bouncing volleys in one of her hypothetical simulations. And if she’s going to turn this into personal attack, there’s little choice but to put up some defenses.

Do you think this family’s DARK only comes from your father, dearie?

So then, that makes her the mastermind to Morgan’s mad mafioso, as she rubs intimidation into a feline’s chin with each calculation. Fingers still slither smooth over the fur of one creature already claimed beneath Robin’s robes, purring under her touch.

“Blackmail that would blow up in your face, you mean. Go ahead… spread the rumor. Surely the news would make its way to Inigo, too, yes? Would you really give him such a good excuse to come confess to me before you even have a chance?”

“Would it really blow up in my face?” Morgan laughed again, running her fingers against each other as her cat glanced up at her, slightly concerned. The creature started to purr, leaning into Robin’s touch as her caretaker occupied herself with her own thoughts.

“It’s called scorched earth, Auntie Dearest. If it leaks back to Inigo and he decides to go after you, well, it’s not by anything you did is it? You might be happy for a while, but…see, it’s going to be because of someone else. You’ll always have that in the back of your mind, feeling unworthy of his attention. It’ll drive you mad and you’ll break up with him, and then I’ll be there to-”

Thunk.

Morgan was snapped out of her reverie as she stared at the javelin that had suddenly lodged itself in the nearby water barrel, the clear liquid draining onto the floor as she suddenly realized what this meant.

“Uhoh.” She mumbled, turning to flee before Cynthia’s hand clasped itself around her collar, a strained smile on the pegasus knight’s face.

“Sorry, Robin. I’m trying to get her to understand, like, boundaries and stuff - I swear.” She apologized, her daughter trying to squirm out of her grip before giving up and hanging her head limply in defeat, sighing. “She won’t do half of what she said she would, I promise. Because for a start, and we’ve been over this, no dating until you’re eighteen!”

“Yes, mother.” Morgan said sheepishly, her cat padding back over to her owner’s feet now that the tactician-in-training had been defeated by one of her two weaknesses. “Sorry, mother. I’ll leave Inigo alone, mother.”

“And you’re going to apologize, right?” Cynthia said sharply. Morgan blushed a deep red, the malice and intelligence she’d been showing moments ago replaced with a childlike sulk.

“…sorry for teasing you, Auntie Robin…”

And now Robin goes from pleasing the cat to almost feeling a need to keep it safe and tucked away. While Morgan goes from flawed but understandable logic to downright actual madness. Already, she can’t even play along anymore; that just seemed overboard.

Why would she feel unworthy just because a little reassurance would be what finally made him admit to - - - whoa, whoa, Robin. This is still hypothetical, isn’t it? Where was that path of thought going?

Thankfully, it’s also distracted when the path of her eyes follow the arc of a javelin barely brushing Morgan’s cheek. It startles them both, and Robin feels slightly ashamed for letting her guard down as she watches leaking fluids soak into the grass. Even though it’s drinking water lost, it’s still somehow refreshing to have it break the tension of this little moment.

Cynthia has her daughter by the scruff, and even Miss Lilly seems to know what that means as she plods a return to Morgan’s side.

She straightens and collects herself just like Cynthia enforces on Morgan. A clear of the throat could be the bell to signal the end of the match. It’s difficult to be mad at a face already so CHASTISED. Ah, the freedom of simply being Auntie.

“Boundaries… Yes that would be wise. I teased you back, though, so… consider us even. It was a fun little scenario, but I’d suggest curtailing some of the dramatics next time.”

”Besides, er… I think I learned some things too.”