#which is a weird mental space to be in ngl

[phoenixyfriend]

I had a very long Star Wars dream last night. Baffling level of narrative coherency for a dream.

Started out with Obi-Wan Kenobi, our bespectacled thirty-something, going to a university for a Grad Student thing. He's been working for nonprofits for some time, and wants to get a degree to further his work.

He gets to an advisor's office, (which is a Generic Salt-And-Pepper White Man buuuuuut we could probably swap out for an actual AU, maybe make it Mace?) who walks him through the courses and prereqs and so on. Great. All going good. He goes out to some kind of program meeting with his fellow grad students (some straight out of undergrad, some his age) and a sort of team lead person who is… Anakin Skywalker.

And it is. Tense. Like 'everyone can feel it' tense. Anakin's doing something Doctoral, whatever, and his purpose right now is to Program Manage these grad students in another department (Anakin does some analytics and database stuff for the department), and one of those students is Obi-Wan Kenobi and nobody can figure out what the damage is.

They attempt professionalism. They are… cordial. They avoid each other otherwise.

Several weeks in, there's a "we should talk confrontation" and Anakin blows up because the time to talk was years ago, Obi-Wan! Like five to ten years ago! When shit went down!

FLASHBACK TIME: These two were doing crime. It was a team of seven. I don't remember all of whom were involved but it was definitely them two, Rex and Cody, maybe Quinlan? and a few other people. (Not Ahsoka, she was excluded for safety because teenager).

They were probably doing some kind of Leverage stuff but also possibly some domestic terrorism. A job went bad, Cody died, and they all kinda split to do their own things. Partly this was to dodge law enforcement, but partly it was because they were all fucked up and grieving.

Obi-Wan wanted to take some time to himself to grieve, which Anakin was upset about because they're not just brothers in arms, they're basically brothers, at least in Anakin's eyes, and they had a huge blow-up fight about it. They haven't spoken since.

(Rex is in Anakin's life again. He acts as an Uncle figure to the twins. He is also… not in the best mental space, considering his own dead brother.)

Obi-Wan ends up getting pulled aside to talk to someone, probably Mace or Yoda, and a no-criminal-activity version of the story spills out. And it's very 'well what the fuck am I supposed to do with that' because the person pulling him aside was thinking it was like… they had a one-night stand before the program started and now they don't know how to navigate the power dynamic, not grief and distance and family bullshit.

IDK where it was gonna go from there, I think they were still circling each other like feral cats trying to decide what to do when I woke up.

(There was a sideplot about Padme and the twins doing fun things in the basement, but the fun things included a well that they'd use to act out Alice in Wonderland and other insane stuff. Which they loved but was weird. Why do you have a well that's at least ten feet deep in your basement, Padme. Why are you putting your kids in there. Also I had to run away from a bunch of wasps into a pool.)

Rex and Cody! Are just! Background Grief Bullshit! But it hovers over the entire fic.

I think Quinlan should bully his way back into Obi-Wan's life before the plot starts.

And he's the one that angles Obi-Wan into going to This Specific University. That Anakin's at.

He didn't expect them to be that close contact, just wanted them to run into each other in the hall and make amends. In my mind, the timeline is that the crime group broke up for opsec, then a year or two later Quinlan shows up on Obi-Wan's doorstep with intent to Friendship.

Obi-Wan would have done the same with Anakin but their fight was so big and horrible that he doesn't think he'd be welcome.

NGL even in the dream I was like "wow this seems like a really intense Obikin fic concept," but every time I thought about it, the dream would hammer in on the BROTHERS thing again.

[ronearoundblindly]

Toxic (2/2)

frat boy!Ari Levinson x reader (see previous or AL Masterlist)

Summary: You and Ari want each other for all the wrong reasons.

Warnings (regarding both parts of the story) for drinking and partying, language, shitty behavior from...yeah everyone is a bit of a mess in this ngl (it's college), vaguely taboo mutual pining, and not-really cheating/implied cheating (applies to multiple people). This is an angsty weird fluffy sorta romance with an ambiguous ending--SHOCKER, an argument!--because no one can communicate to save their f**king lives...BUT HEY! KISSES. MINORS DNI. There's plenty for younger readers on my Light Masterlist, but not here! WC 3k

A/N: This second half is entirely from Ari's perspective.

College was supposed to be predictable.

He played football and partied. Ari enjoyed that, he excelled at that, and then, ten days before the start of his junior year, he tore his ACL. Everything changed.

He couldn’t play. He couldn’t party. He couldn’t think too long or too hard about any of it because then dread started to sweep him toward a dark place he physically and mentally couldn’t crawl back from.

What if he never healed right?

What if he couldn’t stay on the team?

What if he got injured again?

What if he had to rely on his grades to complete school???

It was horrible, and even with the vague safeties of taking an extra year and keeping his scholarship, Ari was impatient to move on. He wished the future were predictable, but instead, healing was slow and painful. He could end up with nothing.

He went through the motions as best he could. He attended practices and whatever parties he could maneuver his crutches into. He sat. He sat a lot. He moved very little. It wasn’t the same.

Everyone asked him when he’d be back on the field. Guys thought Ari hung out doing nothing while benched, but that wasn’t true, not with physical therapy every single day, twice some days, so he could relearn normal movements as well as sport-specific ones. Girls gushed about how good he was (“are,” they’d stress immediately, “how good you are”), but Ari didn’t want to hear that. Sure, he’d draft decently. However, football was not all Ari wanted in life.

Though Ari…had no idea what he wanted anymore. He had no idea what he was allowed to want.

He sat through class after class, lost, struggling, his mind drifting, untethered to a purpose, reminded with every conversation that unless he returned to his old self, he was no one without football, without the ability to play football.

He couldn’t even grasp Women’s Studies, for fuck’s sake.

He started the semester on heavy duty painkillers in order to not miss days. They didn’t help. The meds made him foggy, but without the meds, he was worse.

Even though he knew how important his grades were, his mind would wander. He’d skirt the edge of that dark space and go blank instead of face reality.

Women’s Studies was a blur with one bright spot.

You. The only thing Ari knew about you was that you were nice, and that was plenty.

You never questioned when he’d get back on the field, or asked him to move his leg—which couldn’t bend for several weeks anyway,—or mocked him as a dunce.

When he zoned out, his gaze often shifted to you, specifically your hands for whatever reason. He was fascinated by your hands. Unfortunately, because he zoned out, he never knew if any questions he had were already answered. He felt stupid enough; he didn’t need public humiliation on top of that.

You were the only nice thing in those days, and your perfect status solidified when you saved him.

Toward the end of the semester, to push his mobility, Ari’s physical therapy got more aggressive, and he left the gym exhausted for class, where he promptly fell asleep to escape the searing agony in his knee. He missed the whole lecture.

He’d resigned himself to failing. He knew he deserved to fail.

Then you handed him meticulous notes, explanations and little insights to concepts he’d been muddling though for months.

You smiled.

You smiled and saved him. It was just so fucking nice.

He could have kissed you. He would have if not for still moving slowly.

Ari didn’t fail Women’s Studies. He got a C-, sure, but it was a start. He spent a lot more time trying in his classes than he did on the field—the only place his innate talent let him succeed—and he got better.

He changed his future, he changed himself, and he credits you.

Everything changed, and then for a year and a half, he’d never seen you again.

Ari is semi-drunk, listening to music as the pacing warps in translation from his ears to his brain, blinking slowly in response to conversation.

He’s talking to his younger (by three years) cousin, Rebekah, who still enjoys these fucking parties, so he always invites her instead of a date. His cousin, however, is a bit of a tramp—which she’s allowed to be—and loves to play mind games with his dumbass frat brothers. She’s always welcome instead of a date, too. Ari warned them; they didn’t listen. He can’t be blamed for Jay’s shit right now. 

Jay is just gonna have to reap what he sowed, or rather, who he sowed. 

“Can you believe he went back to Erin? Of all people? That bitch? Really?”

Beks has been throwing back vodka seltzers like a thirsty fish…or like Ari did his freshman year. She hasn’t shut up about her ex being here—in Jay’s own house, where she 100% knew he would be—since she arrived, and her eyes constantly scan for the senior girl he hooked up with again.

It’s unclear to Ari—partly due to inebriation, partly due to Jay being an unrelenting manwhore—whether Jay and Erin are even together. Beks could have just heard a rumor to make her think that, assumed the worst, and now plots revenge for no reason.

Ari chugs the last of his cup while Rebekah repeats how Jay was the first guy she’d let in her ass and—holy shit, does Ari need to be more drunk than this.

He laughs so he won’t throw up, the noise stopping his cousin cold, receiving a slap in the chest for not listening, and…

Did he just see who he thought he saw?

It’s been so long. The packed house isn’t bright enough on purpose, dimming the shame of shenanigans gotten up to at night, but he’d swear it was you.

Beks sees a look she’s not witnessed on him before, certainly not in the two years she’s been at this university, but Ari says nothing because the next time he clocks your face is when some guy he does not recognize hands you a drink.

Suddenly, Ari’s throat is bone dry. His arms are lead. You wade through the crowd and disappear.

“Say the word and I can get rid of him for ya,” Rebekah jokes. Ari’s eyes go wide before he squints in question, so she clarifies. “It’s not like it matters who I hook up with, as long as Jay gets a taste of his own fucking medicine.” 

“What?” he shouts back. The loud, rushing music drowns out her meaning. “Yeah, Jay’s an asshole. Fuck ‘em!”

That should cover his bases. She mostly talks to hear her own voice anyway.

Beks whips her blond hair back and forth in excitement, clinking her cup to his empty one.

“Yeah, Cuz,” she shrieks. “FUCK HIM!”

“Been empty forever—” it’s been four whole minutes since he took his last sip “—I’m getting another.”

He leaves her dancing on the stairs, starting a small cheering of ‘fuck him’ amongst the dozen or so nearest people. None of them know who they’re chanting about.

At the kitchen counter covered in fifths, handles, and two-liters, Ari makes his Jack and Coke, chugs most of it and then fills it with more soda. He’s just thirsty at this point, head on a swivel, scoping out how everyone else’s night shapes up, desperately trying to ignore the nagging question of where you are in the back of his head.

He says ‘hey’ to a handful of guys meandering in and out of the room, one of which has a cigarette tucked behind his ear, and Ari is just susceptible enough at this point that the craving will not relent.

He’s making his way outside to have a smoke (he only does if he’s drinking; Ari’s never even had to purchase a pack for himself before) when he sees you staring at passers-by in the hall.

Body warm and mind floating in booze, he doesn’t remember much of what he says. He also…forgets which number of drink he’s on, but then he’s got two cups in his hands and they’re sticky. 

It must be okay though. You seem happy. You laugh with him, and he feels like a comedy king. You’re draped over his shoulder by the time he sees that hesitance in your gaze, that bite of your lip telling him you’re nervous about something, and Ari just wants you to be comfortable and relaxed again. He felt best when you were excited to be near him, not when you were asking about Beige Billy.

He doesn’t want you to go. He doesn’t want to let you go, so he holds your hand for as long as he can, leading you around, (taking some fucking breaths because the air is so stale in here), lacing your fingers together once a second person infers that Ari and you should, in fact, be dating.

No sign of Billy.

And then it hits him: what the fuck did Beks say? Did she mean?? Shit. What if Beks did it? 

Once yet another person mentions checking upstairs, Ari’s convinced his cousin has tried seducing whatever poor bastard she thought would be doubly useful to piss off Jay, but he can’t let on to his panic. Ari doesn’t want to upset you.

Maybe Beige Billy wouldn’t. Maybe Billy is smart enough he didn’t take the bait.

Ari can feel in his gut that shit is about to go down, especially knowing Beks’ ex is a jealous douchebag who thinks it’s fine for guys to stray but not girls.

Ari cannot wait to be out of here, to ditch the heinously distracting music and feel a fresh breeze on his face. It’s too hot and he’s definitely straddling drunk.

His fingers resettle in yours for reassurance, weaving the pair of you back into the foyer.

The soothing is temporary.

Like lightning focusing Ari’s senses, he sees Jay turn the corner from the ‘dining’ room, opposite where you two are coming from, and go up to the top floor, shouting behind him that “it’s in my room, bro. One sec.”

Fuck.

Ari’s blood pumps louder than anything else as he barrels up the stairs, unceremoniously ripping his hand from yours, but his buzzy brain only notices by the time he’s on the landing. He really doesn’t want you to see anything, at very least. Low-and-behold, Tim Newland’s recently vacated room has a shut—not locked—door which Jay has already walked past to get to his.

Beige Billy is not a fraternity brother. Neither is Rebekah obviously, so they’d need an open room.

Ari’s body weight makes a terrible thunderclap of regret against the door, and it gives way.

Billy’s on top of Rebekah with his ass out. Even if Beks is fine with it, frankly, Ari doesn’t care. He just heaves the guy who should be caring for you and keeping you safe and making you happy back by the collar of his stupid beige shirt and hurls him toward the desk in the corner like Ari kinda wishes he could do to the contents of his stomach right now.

All hell breaks loose. Everyone sees. Everyone screams. Everyone’s mad.

The next image his eyes focus on is you tipping into yourself, face scrunching in fear. Ari swears you call out his name, not Billy’s, so he just rushes. He sweeps you out of there as fast as he can, tucks you into the safety of his room, and cages you against the door before locking it.

Since it’s dark, this is how he ‘sees’ you, being this close, practically wrapped around your shaking, silent frame.

“Please,” Ari breathes before the roars of Billy slice through the cracks around the frame. “Leave him, smartie. Don’t do it.”

Let me save you, he thinks. I’m returning the favor.

The noise of the hall compels Ari to curl into you, to cover you with his body. His healed knee sneaks between your thighs and braces the wall in case Billy tries to pound his way in. Ari’s hair falls in his face, wafting the scent of your skin, of your neck, up like a hit of nicotine at the perfect instant.

He lets his hands ghost over your shoulders, and you let out the smallest, sexiest gasp Ari’s ever heard. It makes him groan from somewhere deep in his chest, somewhere equally dark where he buried this fantasy.

The pure disbelief makes his adrenaline-soaked buzz fight for dominance of his mind, his head flopping back. He almost loses his balance until you yank him forward by the collar and stick your tongue down his throat. He would never have predicted this.

It’s not a nice kiss, and it’s certainly not enough.

Ari settles his hands on either side of your face, for stability, for control, for more, and you so willingly oblige.

“You’re okay,” he soothes between crushing locks of your lips. “I got you, sweet thing.”

That earns him a whimper, and since you are so responsive to his touch, Ari lowers, nudging your hips forward on his thigh, more of your weight straddling him, a gentle rocking beginning your search for friction.

“That’s it, baby. Take what you need,” he growls in approval.

You hands rest on his chest as you break, whining, “I don’t know you.”

“Want to?”

Ari deliberately grinds against you. There’s no way you can’t feel his interest.

“You don’t know me.” It’s a pathetic plea with no power.

He can’t control his excitement. Ari’s been out of the game because it was too hard to connect after his injury, but it was also too hard to not have a connection. He couldn’t win until this moment.

“Want to.” He hisses as he snakes his hands up your shirt, fingertips brushing the band of your bra. “I really fucking want to.”

You sigh like it was the exact right thing for him to say. “You’re so stupid.”

Ari thinks you jab playful rather than derogatory. Even though you repeat it, he still only gets ‘keep going’ signals from your body language.

He has no idea when Billy stopped yelling and finally pissed off, but Ari can hear Jay and Beks duking it out for a while. Who cares?! He’s got more important things to pay attention to, like your grip in his hair and the way your hurried breaths press you against him so rhythmically.

He’s drunk on the possibilities—the inevitabilities—now that he has you. Judging by the way you struggle on your tip toes and claw at his back, you’re a needy one, and he’s all in.

He cups your ass to shift you, pinning you to the door with a rattling thud, spreading your legs around his waist, but you tuck your chin to shake your head just as Ari starts to hump you unabashedly.

“Sorry.”

It’s so soft in the midst of heavy breathing and loud music.

“Sorry about your date,” you mutter. “I’m sure you expected…but I’m--I don’t think I can… I know you’d prefer the blond.”

Ari chuckles, catching his breath and swimming slightly from too much and too little all at once.

“Who? Beks? She’s not my date.” His runs his fingers through his hair and pulls to ground himself. The alcohol is hitting him harder without the high of doing. “Though I’m sure she found someoneto fuck. She’ll sleep with just about anyone.”

“And you know that from experience?”

“Ew,” Ari gags, sticking out his sweet-as-syrup tongue. “Gross. She’s family. Rebekah is my cousin.”

To his surprise that doesn’t calm you. Instead, you tsk, push him away, and snap, “you let your cousin behave like that?“

“What?!”

But you don’t relent. “You let guys treat her that way?!” 

“Whoa, WOAH.” Ari’s voice accidentally rises by two factors of ten. Transitioning between horny and furious can’t happen in a human brain this fast.

He can hear you flinch by the rustle of his jacket, so he bites his lip to be quieter.

“Me? I—I don’t…Beks doesn’t let anyone do shit. She tells ‘em what to do. She’s a big girl.” He straightens by taking a step back.

“You should be protecting your cousin. She’s go—“

“I do plenty for her, okay? If she wants to—“

“Quit being dumb, Ari. You’re both just slutty.“

“Stop saying that!” He’s pissed and so confused. “Where’s my nice girl gone…”

“You’re nice girl?” you drip sarcastically.

“Yeah,” Ari sighs, taking a beat, “the cute, kind one from class who leant me her notes.”

You have more venom built up than he realized.

“Oh, you mean the same one you spilled your drink on without apologizing?”

He would remember doing that. He would. His hand pets down the front of your shirt to check because he is, in fact, drunk. “I never—“

“Yes, you did. Nearly four years ago.” You slap his arms away.

“Well…I don’t remember that.”

“That’s great,” you grit out like broken glass, a mirthless laugh stuck at the end. “That’s just perfect. Can’t even make an impression on an idiot!”

Ari’s defenses have kicked in full force. “What the fuck? When did you become so judgmental? That’s rich coming from someone in here, humping my leg, while her boyfriend—”

“This was a mistake. I’m leaving.”

“Good. Go.”

It’s not until the wave of light and sound hit him that Ari thinks through his words. “Shit. No, hang on, smartie. I only meant—fuck.” 

But he’s too late.

The door slams in his face, leaving Ari alone with emotional whiplash and a raging headache.

At least in this moment, he feels fucking stupid, and college, if nothing else, is predictable that way.

[Main Masterlist; Ari Levinson Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

@supraveng @1950schick @patzammit @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @yiiiikesmish @ashesofblackroses @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @brandycranby @buckysprettybaby @ellethespaceunicorn @late-to-the-party-81 @bigtreefest @mistressmkay @astheskycries @veryprairieberry @mdpplgtz03 @misscherry-26 @jamneuromain @littlebitb

[blackstarchanx3new]

FSR rambles ANOTHER ONE (It's the 22nd one)

Dark's mind reading is just, so damn fun.

Like Green is gambling SO MUCH putting his trust into Dark but it pays off because Dark can TELL Green is truly putting faith in him to give him the benefit of the doubt.

And that means A LOT to him.

The fact Green doesn't want to hurt him MEANS A LOT TO HIM.

Dark knows this man ain't stupid.

I like him giving Green a goodbye hug and a kiss on the cheek hah.

It's so sweet in a way.

And his parting words being words of affirmation for Green.

He can be a very sweet person when given kindness.

I just like them a lot.

Green was a pretty good influence on Dark. XDD

Dark Link's dramatic ass flying away is so funny to me and probably just me.

Like Dark doesn't typically fly or flex his wings much but they DO exist. XDDD

He can kinda just hover like Shadow but I don't think that's been shown even ONCE XDDDD

Dark isn't really the type to flex his magic in general though.

The Headspace IS HIS BODY which uhhh is a horror.

Time to mention: It changing from a desolate blue to that bright pink woodsy area afterward is kinda a reflection of Dark and the person he's talking to's mental space.

It'll change again later when he talks to Blue too.

Now that Dark Ran off we get an insight back into Green. Even though he technically WON this interaction? If you could word it that way, he got kinda what he wanted...He's still kinda overloaded with bullshit, poor guy.

Whatcha looking at Green-

...UH HI LINK????

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???

And in Dark's outfit did ya swap? 👀

Link's just mumbling to himself about wtf just happened...which uhhh, Link. You just take the hobby of stalking yourself???

he doesn't seem to be aware of Green at all until Green makes himself known.

Not before his face bugs out. XD

Ngl. this is one of my favorite interactions its SO stupid.

The dialogue is up there in scenes that make me laugh just to read.

Like, Link my guy, did you ACTUALLY think for a SECOND that shit would work???

Link's eyes bugging out completely as he runs in terror from Green has to be up there in stupid shit. It's so ridiculous and amazing just tickles my brain lmfao. It's so dumb. XDDD

Link cycles through all 4's personalities for a second X'DD

1st panel: Vio

2nd Panel: Green

4th and 5th: Blue

6th being Red obviously

Green is so fed up with him after being kicked in the damn stomach. XDDD

Sooooo, we didn't learn a LOT from Link's appearance outside of the fact he's still lingering around within the headspace. Which is ODD because Dark hasn't brought him up or seemingly hasn't run into him...Despite Link STALKING him it seems.

Weeiiiird.

Link's adoption of the black tunic is odd to say the least. His mental state is still fractured and torn considering it's appearance.

And it dawns on me I don't think Green goes on to NEVER disclosed to anyone Link's still running around. X'DDDD (Re-reading FSR together like this is fun isn't it?)

A LOT of shit happens to where he didn't really have time to squeeze it in but it is funny this scene is still pretty up in the air on it's importance for now.

Also since this is rambles I don't have to keep secrets on who the weirdo next to Link is in the last panel.

That's FSRA Link. Which just leaves all sorts of weird implications I'll let you sit with, considering that man is from 100+ years in the future...

;)

True to his word, Shadow is able to tell Dark was active. Oh no.

LOL also not Zelda calling Green by the wrong name. X'D Poor girl isn't used to being around the four dudes her bestie splits into. (She literally had NO idea they were split until AFTER the final battle lmfao and then they walked back to the sanctuary and boom.)

So yeah Shadow tries to wrestle Dark back because dude's a dangerous little ball of evil. XD

He SAW what he did to Vio first hand and didn't wanna have that happen to Green.

I'll never not find it funny Dark can summon his sword in that form, but literally can't even use it. X'DDDD

He also yanked Green's arm away from the sword so he didn't get hit because Dark's very attached to Green at this point.

Shadow's got beef with the little guy and Zelda making a force field, and Shadow proceeding to SMACK into it always gets a laugh it's so dumb.

Art wise it's kinda funny just how LONG Dark's tentacles are in this scene considering I shortened them later. XD

Also...Considering recent updates Dark responding violently when in danger is...Well something. XDDD

Poor Green and his savior complex-

"I can help him-" - Green about the horrific monster that tormented everyone.

Shadow even points this out but Shadow's also projecting HARD onto Dark X'DDD

"I'm an evil horrible liar so this bitch must be too" - Shadow.

Shadow personally just wants everything to be perfect and peachy and that can't happen with Dark so he wants the easy way out so to speak.

Shadow sweetie, it's not your curse. XD

(Funny we're bringing that up...Shadow Link hasn't been in the headspace at ALL...Interesting huh?)

OOOMF.

That shit must have HURT to hear out of Green considering him and Shadow were doing MOSTLY well before that.

Green's been bottling his negative feelings towards Shadow for a LONG time now and JUST seeing what Shadow did while with Vio it was inevitable dude would snap.

Green immediately regrets what he said though.

Dark cuddling Green is always cute.

Shadow got called out and now feels like shit.

Not Zelda sitting here like "Genuinely wtf are yall talking about rn???"

He can't even argue with Green considering it was pretty true. X"D Even if it was a low blow.

Zelda blowing a hole through the castle has lead to...ISSUES.

Shadow's acting a bit ominously.

Mmm fast travel.

And bitter unresolved feelings. Our favorite.

Hiiiii it's been months since I touched this lmao.

Back into the game:

Green has a lot of hesitance too, he just chooses to stuff that down in turn for a more peaceful option.

he's aware dark has caused hurt and is INSANE but wants to give him a chance.

I think in a lot of ways he regrets that Shadow never had help because they just met "Too late" in a lot of ways.

Shadow had already committed many horrible deeds before anyone had a glimpse of being able to help him.

While Dark is still very new and able to be saved from a life of regret or villainy, cause Green recognized that spark of good in him that could blossom into a good person if they give it a try.

meanwhile, Shadow's being self loathing.

...To be fair a lot of what Dark Link says DOESN'T make sense due to it being...from an outsider's perspective utter nonsense (He knows Zelda lore lmfao.) but his claims Shadow just IS ganon are clearly getting to shadow cause he's got self doubt.

Meanwhile Green tries to remind him of his progress, and thinks Shadow and Dark could have something to bond over.

Aaaand there is it boy doesn't wanna be reminded of how much he's fucked up. It's hard when there's a mirror pointed at you.

Green's still feeling bad about what he said.

And since people missed it, and I was being cheeky:

Green and Shadow did share a lil smooch.

Dark isn't happy about it. XD

To be fair, I'd be pretty pissed off if my only goal was to get a lil smooch smooch and people were handing em to lord ganon evil lord of the buttholes too.

Bask in his beauty Shadow, he sure is pretty. UwU

Shadow letting Green down not so gently that he's an idiot will always be funny.

he was backed into a corner guys, be nice to him.

Shadow's of course more concerned about Vio rn.

I'd be worried about his reaction too...As we see later it's not a happy welcome to Dark Link XDDD

Dark Link isn't having being shoved back into Shadow's hat.

Shadow in a moment of...idk what you'd call it, clarity I suppose decides to let him stay with Green.

it's up to the reader to assume WHY he did that.

Realizing he makes Dark Link feel unsafe, just not wanting to argue. Overall there's hesitation on his end.

So he ends up in Green's hat. XD

Green asking a reasonable question about how he's gonna go get Blue...considering his physical form is WITH Green and Shadow.

And Dark responds verbally. So far I think he's only growled in that form. XD

So uhhh, Shadow's pissed off Dark refused to speak last night. XDDD

So if you're curious: My vision for Dark in this form is that speaking is VERY difficult for him to do so he just...doesn't.

This is his dormant form, so his "Functionality" is mostly...nonexistant.

This is a form that doesn't take a lot of effort to maintain or upkeep so his actual abilities aren't very wide.

Like he CAN talk. But simple phrases and words are easiest for him to do. Which is why he repeats "Yeah yeah" twice.

Shadow also fails to realize even THIS form was a step up from the fact Dark was a simple sphere with an eye before. XD

He grew a mouth to chew on Green...So he might have had the intention to speak last night and just...didn't.

But if he wanted to speak, he could just form back to his "Link" form or drag someone to the headspace.

Overall: Shadow ya dummy he probably just didn't have anything to say XD

Green coming to Dark's defense screaming "STOP IT SHADOW YOU'RE SCARING HIM!" is so funny because I without fail imagine the "HE'S AFRAID OF SANTA CLAUS!!!" "STOP IT PATRICK YOU'RE SCARING HIM!!!" spongebob bit.

Shadow letting the whole "Dad" debacle slip and Green's fucking face to that just sends me.

He looks so...judgmental. X'D

"This is how you'd treat your son?"

Dark Link giving Green the title of his "Dad" Whatever he thinks that means...because Shadow is a bad one is just, funny as hell to me.

Dark so obviously doesn't understand blood family ties (...His entire life revolves around 4 dudes who are one guy, and that guy's shadow all being in a weird as fuck relationship so uh...who blames him for not understanding family)

Affectively, Green is just someone Dark considers his family so...he's his "dad". XD

The title switch from Shadow TO Green is due to the fact he just feels more comfortable and safe WITH Green.

...Shadow uses THIS as an example of Dark being "Unreasonable" which is something else alright. XDDD

Green taking the piss out of the whole "dad" thing is pretty damn silly...Green you ARE the daddy now. X'D

I don't think Green would have tried this shit if Dark was in his Link form. XDDD

I know in the draft comic folders I got a comic where Green treats Dark differently based on his form and how Dark doesn't understand that. (him being uncomfortable with the finger chewing in his Link disguise vs his dormant form for example) and how he thinks Green's a hypocrite.

Last panel: Shadow DEFINENTLY not trying to keep everyone thinking Dark's just insane and not saying anything important.

I'll cut it off here since getting into the Darkblue segment (As I like to call it) is gonna be interesting I think XDD

[kankuroplease]

Hi, hope you’re having a good morning/afternoon/night

I wanted to ask your opinion/thoughts on any Hanabi x Canon ships you like? She kinda has an odd age gap with the main cast. 5 years isn’t that bad but it kinda depends on what ages they meet at (preferably when she is 20+). The obvious answer might be konohamaru or someone on his team but none of those really do anything for me.

Sorry this is kinda long. Also praying this didn’t come off as weird😅

Ngl Hanabi x canon ships would be limited if a little age gap and shared adolescence is weird for you because, like you said, the vast majority of canon characters are older than her and team Ebisu + she’s the next Hyuga clan head to be, no? Kinda hard to find someone that’s outside of konoha with a title like that.

So, I’m going to toss the ages out the window and go off of vibes (because I can’t say I actually have a Hanabi canon ship I hardcore ship):

Safe bets:

Hanabi x Konohamaru - it’s a good safe and cute ship

Hanabi x Moegi - it could be a really cute ship romantic or platonic!

Hanabi x Shino - there’s absolutely no way Shino would’ve had a real attraction to her before they were somewhat colleagues/spent time together. Plus I’m always here for Shino having a partner that’s a little more bold and confident

Hanabi x Lee - another one that wouldn’t develop an attraction until they spent time together. Both can throw hands, their energies kinda just align, and Lee would definitely try to win Hiashi’s approval

Hanabi x Gaara - as the younger sister of a quiet person, she’s equipped with the ability to strike up conversation in creative ways. Biggest problem is is that he’s a Kage and she’s set to lead the Hyuga

Hanabi x Kankuro - which brings me here. The only problem with this ship is the people that would have to tolerate them as a couple. Definitely would have prank wars.

Hanabi x Karui - two beautiful women that don’t hesitate in a fight? Yeah that’s a hot couple. ALSO, she offers a more mature balance to Hanabi’s playfulness

Hanabi x Yukimaru - give him the three tails and give Hiashi a headache that both his daughters are with jinchuriki

questionable/hear me out/kpz wtf!?:

If you don’t like big age gaps, don’t want possible angst, or villains DO NOT read more

Hanabi x Naruto - as a NaruHina shipper, it pains me to say they vibe, but they do so well. So I’m going to avoid it for my mental health and to avoid sibling conflict 💀

Hanabi x Shisui - Given he would be anbu, there’s a totally reasonable possibility they wouldn’t have actually met despite being in the same village. Also, his cheekiness compliments hers.

Hanabi x Hidan - wait, comeback! I’m going to hold your hand when I say this; they would be a bizarre power couple if Hanabi went rouge as an adult and stitched this man back together. This ofc wouldn’t really be romantic as much as a relationship of convenience

Hanabi x toneri - I’ve lost you at this point, but here me out. What IF he hadn’t done what he did in the last and they just met. Teaching your blind space bf how to people could have been sweet and also hilarious if he just flew away when Hiashi caught him visiting. Also the child they could have you be a force of nature

[neutrallyobsessed]

Do you have any headcannons of abe from clone high? Most of mine are angsty because of my trauma projecting onto him but I headcannon he's autistic, transfem and closeted bisexual

You seem to be opposite me with yo' angsty hcs and certain disregard of canon. But that's aight, I support playing with the characters like dollies, whichever way it may be~~

For me, working with what I'm familiar with and the sake of simplicity, I have Abe in the default cis-het settings and thinking of mental health things is the opposite of simple so I omit it as well

But also, at the top of my head....... well, he's not exactly in my mind all the time so i don't have anything thought out really. Abe is a pretty well-rounded... uhh well-squared character so its not easy to find empty spaces to fill with one's own interpretation so I'll try my best^^:

His Lincoln Collection started with (excluding currency) commemorative pins and weird string marionettes.

And after 20 years there's a lot more to catch up!!

Abe is the only one to still have like, pictures of Gandhi, things to remember him by.

Which is why he's the only one who remembers Gandhi by name and all.

And yes, he's most likely to be first in finding him (i just don't know how yet xd)

He has the habit of putting people in either pedestals or specific roles (Gandhi is the funny friend, Joan is the serious girl friend, Cleo is the serious girlfriend) and can get quite upset when they don't do what he expects them to do

But he never verbalizes this beyond a "You're not acting like yourself!"

He got that Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney vibes ngl. Overly attachted and willing to die for those he loves. Quite literally for his detriment. And the kinda bitchy inner monologue ;vv

But not the Attorney part. Topher showed him that he could not be able to defend someone who is either guilty or lying about not being guilty.

He likes lighthouses but he could never become an operator, too lonely of a job for him who seems to enjoy social interactions (even if he's bad at it xd)

So idk what he'd do for a living but I imagine Gandhi could be there

My mind is going to trains actually x3

I like the cat-lover idea. I'll include it in my system of beliefs.

He likes pussy lol, that's pretty straight guy behavoir ngl xdd

Music between the 50s and 70s enjoyer. Sounds that are perky and fun and great to dance to!

He also collects coins~! It did start with Lincoln faces and now has over 100 coins not just from the US but many other countries too!

Not all that good with geography tho, prolly not able to point in a map where each coin belongs to lol

Been thinking of the Joanpher future (hi anon who asked bout it, tis gonna be a long one too) and how Abe is gonna be relevant again there so here some tidbits to fill that space xd

There are 2 timelines: One with a MaryAbe end and one with a FridAbe end

I don't have much planned out but Fridabe happens when they're 20 but she dies around her 50s

And I haven't figured out when Abe becomes a ghost with Mary but it does happend and they have an open relationship of sorts cause they need souls to survive and it apperantly works in succubus/inccubus ways

He likes freaky, slutty girls, that's kinda canon tbh lmaooo

I hope this improvised rambling satisfies you ♥

[silviakundera]

alright my dudes & dudettes, it's Spirealm time!!

(jazz hands ensue)

fair warning: in these episode reactions I'm not gonna pretend I haven't read the novel. in fact, I purposely finished the novel before viewing, to get The Full Experience. thus novel spoilers, including twist end, included.

I'm spacing out posting these, so you aren't flooded.

The Spirealm Ep 1

* ngl I was legit hyped to see the hallway of doors! I am one of Those People who does not visually imagine stories in their mind, so I don't have much of a preconceived idea of what people or places in a book look like. So adaptions are a special delight for me

* ok, so he's playing a "VR game" and logs off.... OR DOES HE????? In the book, the whole narrative we think he's experiencing for the first time all happens within the 12th door - he has his memory suppressed and only thinks he just entered his first door. I am intrigued at the idea that the drama could be playing a lil bit of a slight of hand here... in which he has been a regular player of 'the official version' already and is already under the thrall. Apparently symptoms include hallucinations and death! Good times. No wonder he wants a black market copy for his very own.

* idk it's just a thought

* Mostly what I found suspicious is that he's already showing super hearing ability and he's having to shake off a mental disturbance

* Chestnut!!! Ok in the 12th door in the novel, at first Chestnut wasn't uber lovey dovey with him anymore. 1st indication of weirdness. In the drama... maybe? we see the cat backing away a bit and resisting, and he has to pull Chestnut over... LQ makes a comment, "I'll give you food, don't move" 🤔🤔🤔🤔

* Suddenly the game shows up in his mail? from Unknown Address... on... isn't it the same day? so that makes no logical sense. (intentional subtext or just cdrama time lol? ) and then for a moment it melds into the game world when he's walking outside... this is all supporting my theories!

* k it's BOYFRIEND TIME. Let's find yo man.

* He either now logs onto the official game (or THINKS that he is logging onto the official version for the 1st time, but he's been inside this whole episode)

* He walks through the door, thinks there's a glitch, and now he believes he's logged off. This time he definitely didn't. DEFINITELY.

* This door looks fantastic.

* He's hit by a car while marveling at the door. Except I don't think so, either time A or B he never logged off. Bro is SEEING FANTASTICAL DOORS IN THE STREET. That's not occurring in our reality.

* I'm really appreciating how disorientating the first episode is, by the way. When does reality end? There are like 7 options to start from.

* FINALLY BOYFRIEND \o/

* "I'm saving you and you still scold me." We may have lost Ruan Baijie 😭😭😭 but this is a nice meet-cute.

* The explanation from Mysterious Future Boyfriend: To put it simply, you're in the game. Here, if you don't finish the game, you can't leave. If you end the game here, you leave... then it really is the end." [universal sliced neck gesture]

(and ok, still banging on that drum, but this vibes with my pet theory - that he never left in the first place...)

* LQ crossed into the game -- and what that means is said to be complicated.

When LQ says as a programmer he can follow an explanation, Ruan Nanzhu just mocks that he hears but doesn't understand.

* Already we are getting a certain vibe, with LQ being backed up into a tree by looming hot stranger. Bro visibly looks down twice (at hottie's lips? at how close their bodies are becoming? the looming increases intensity)

Very strong 20 minute opener imo.

((Post-script: if we want to consider an alternative to the alternate theory of WTF is Reality in this Drama? What if is there a normal game he test plays in the first 12 minutes & separately also The Doors actually exist the same as they do in novel, and he enters on the verge of death and the drama is never actually about a game at all, & he never leaves the 12th door. He just never escapes, baby. 💥😵💥))

(that one is pretty out there tbh. just added for spice. and that very pretty door looking out of place & wholly different than the game decor.)

Next Episode

[egg-emperor]

Your analysis has been really interesting to read through, but ngl the whole mess around text interpretation has led me to ruminate on the fandom's doings a little. This probably will turn into disjointed ramblings, so please bear with me.

What I think is causing this cognitive dissonance is exactly that cutesy framing of some of Eggman and Sage's moments. Like, I don't believe that Sage was intentionally made to soften Eggman up or something, I believe that he can play the "family" act to keep her loyal to him. However, I won't deny that during my watch of a friend playing it, this specific framing left a slightly weird aftertaste, which I now see is what can easily cause so many misinterpretations of the scenes. Like, for example, the memo with Sage's pronouns. After seeing a lot of talk around the memos in general, what seems to throw people off from thinking that Eggman could be just using this as yet another play into her view of him as her father to keep her loyal is "why does he suddenly care about endearing himself to his own creation when he freely disregarded his previous creations". It can be interpreted in character, but there's just a smidge of off-ness that can be hard to wash out for some.

Not gonna lie, I kinda envy the ability of people like to at least mostly ignore the majority of the fandom's shenanigans and drama, cause I think that also plays a part imo, specifically this weird need to somehow ingratiate Sonic as a series to the mainstream, generally non-fan crowd. Like, the onus obviously should be on the people who misinterpret the text and see what's not there, yet these people also tend to be the loudest. And most non-fans seeing it just assume that's what the fandom as a whole thinks, and that's what the text actually is about. After all, nowadays Sonic is all but advertised as "its a kids game for babies so don't think about the story too much, it doesnt make sense in the end anyway", even by fans trying to genuinely recommend the series sometimes. And you'd think that there'd be pushback against this sort of mentality, but somehow, a majority of the Sonic fandom remains almost... defeatist? Like, either they can't argue to save their lives or just passively accept the misinformation. The people actually doing the analysis and all get disregarded as no-life nerds and are told that "no amount of analysis can make a product worth the money".

It's just... I dunno how or why or when it all started going like this, but at some point, the way people talked about media in general just caused immensely screwed. Discussions only seem to happen when someone wants to further validate their pre-established biases about a thing and it all just feels wrong.

Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to read and consider my analysis.

We seem to feel quite similarly. I'm not a fan of the cutesy framing of certain moments because it's not my thing and definitely makes it easier for fans to misinterpret. The casual fan, especially if they don't catch all context in the memos and apply them to the scenes to notice the undertones and understand Eggman's side of the dynamic, or if they're the kind who that stuff can appeal to and affect emotionally/they'd rather ignore the more unsettling aspects in discomfort, they're going to get it wrong.

I think the cutscenes mostly have the issue of focusing too much on Sage's side of the dynamic over Eggman's. A bunch of most important details of Eggman's side comes from the memos, which is great from the standpoint of being right from his personal perspective and words, so we get to know exactly how he thinks and feels- but not so great for those who won't listen or piece together what they learned from them with the scenes for needed context.

But Sage wasn't supposed to soften Eggman up. In the story he's still a bad guy wanting to do bad, wishing he could get out of Cyber Space to, and Sage appeals because of what she can do for him, how she's crucial to his survival, supports his desire for world domination and shows undying loyalty. The way some moments are framed as cute doesn't take away from it, a unhealthy dynamic can appear as cute and wholesome with unsettling undertones.

Ian Flynn pretty much describes it that way by saying you're supposed to feel happy for Sage but Eggman is a bad person and warming up to it for all the wrong reasons. It's intentionally more complex than what the loudest people who love and hate it are saying. I can see what Flynn means because all the pieces are there in the actual game for me to point out and analyze. They just could've been emphasized a bit more.

All you need is the memo where he talks about liking how Sage is loyal and efficient and accepting the father role because it can emphasize his genius and the pride he can take as her creator, then apply it to every interaction and you can see it. Eggman can play the act to appeal to Sage's desire for that dynamic and praise her actions as a way to further encourage her for her loyalty and efficiency, all for those selfish benefits.

It's how manipulation works and Eggman absolutely can and will play up the part with these conditions for the benefits, he's done similarly in the past. It's intentionally not done in the common verbal and physical abns!ve way like he does most commonly with his other creations, it's more emotionally manipulative. It makes the most sense for how he wants to further encourage her good work and loyalty, not lose it.

I can get why you felt that way. It's part of why I had the wrong idea of Frontiers Eggman's at first and it ruined my first experience playing it. The cute framing of certain moments, combined with fans taking these scenes and latching onto the misinterpretations from the moment it dropped and drilling into your head how they think we should think and feel while ignoring key details that disprove it, made me believe it for too long.

But had I not seen the misinterpretation and paid attention and did my usual analysis, which I closed my mind to in my first playthrough in ignorance, I would've caught on a lot faster. Just like how knowing what I know now after properly analyzing it then going into Final Horizon and avoiding what fandom was saying, made my experience more pleasant and let me think and interpret for myself. The fandom is still mostly to blame.

Yeah, the cute moments can give the wrong idea when you don't have all the context. But the context is in the game to piece together and understand why it's happening in a way that works for Eggman's character. I also think while he is of course playing the act, it's also framed cute as it is because we're seeing it more from Sage's side in the scenes, as it's a very different vibe in the memos where it's actually Eggman's side.

Maybe always being able to see the worst in Eggman (positively and affectionately lol 🥰💜) helps but I only see the memos as unsettling now. His creation starts to appear as more of a person to him so he thinks about how he can use it to his benefit by taking pride in his impressive scientific ability to create something so life-like as an artificial creation over the unimpressive traditional organic way he scoffs at and expresses aversion to.

He says if he created life it'd be "loyal and perfectly effective", which is fucked up thing to look for in your child, and says it's specifically because he's the genius creator/father, giving himself all credit and taking pride in her accomplishments as a reflection of his genius. It's selfish, egotistical, creepy, everything a parent shouldn't do. I can see what makes it unsettling in all his words. So many things are wrong with him I love it 😋💘

I really don't have much of an issue with that memo. It's one of the most misinterpreted but it's simply where he starts to realize that almost the whole time he's been calling her a "she" instead of an "it" like the program she was created to be. He actually starts just five after first mentioning her, in memo 13. He subconsciously sees her as a person and refers to her like such that fast due to how human and life-like she is.

Three memos after he's like wait why am I calling it a she? And wonders whether to call her an it like the program she was created to be or a she like he's seeing her as instead. Then another three after comes the disturbing memo about him creating life, so him establishing whether he's going to call her "she" or not leads to him thinking about how he can take pride and credit in her by establishing himself as her genius creator/father.

It's another of those cases where if context is removed it's more likely for people to get the wrong idea, especially if they're the type to be blinded by the cuteness factor but when you have the context of before and after and considering the important terms of why he values her at all with the she's an impressive life-like loyal and efficient creation and her dad is a genius memo, again it makes sense and is in character.

The "she's the best" line is one of the only parts I'd change, he's far too egotistical to say that about anyone else. It doesn't make sense because the whole reason he values her is what she does for him and the pride he can take in her, literally because he sees himself as the best person ever lol. Just specifying what she's the best of, like of his creations or something would've worked, not making it sound like he's saying in general.

But guess what? Apparently it was changed in Japanese in the translation I saw, to say she was just doing great or something lol. It's a case where I can make sense of it in English as her being the best in a specific area can again give himself credit as the creator as he's intentionally supposed to but the word choice was poor. But every time I felt a line should've been changed a bit, the Japanese version had me covered. XD

Back to the point- it's also important to consider that he's praising her in this memo with the important preface of saying that Sage has been crucial to his survival in Cyber Space and listing the ways she has served him well. It's on the condition of him getting something out of it every time. And in memo 19 we know he wants to take pride in her skill and accomplishments and take credit as her creator, so any praise is self praise.

So I can't be mad at the game, I think even in moments that had some level of cuteness factor to appeal to those into that which certainly worked on them, there was established context that made it work and in character, enough to piece it together and understand it. But some people's minds go blank with the "aww so cute" reaction and desire for it to be simply pure and wholesome so they don't think about it any more to do so.

I've been learning to avoid it just by stepping back from fandom because I'm less interested the more I see the drama and bad takes. Now I only see things if I'm forcibly subjected through someone else putting it on my dash/it's recommended/etc. A large majority of fandom is anti canon and literally admit it so I feel like I don't belong in it as a huge fan of it that enjoys celebrating it in my fan creations and discussions.

It suffers from the simplification and sanitization that modern fandom tends to do now, so they can fit all characters and stories into certain boxes and use them as bases to project fan character traits and concepts onto instead of celebrating canon. It makes it more appealing and mainstream and easier to consume by the crowd that stuff succeeds in appealing to. It's to the point it replaces people's memory/idea of it.

So of course from the outside looking in especially, non fans are going to believe that's what the text actually contains, especially since they get exposure to the fandom's twisting of canon and it's drilled into their heads how to think and feel about it by them, before they've even seen the games themselves. Then they find it hard to shut that out and look at the games alone for what they are. That happened to me with Frontiers.

Then of course you have people acting like the series "is just for babies and inconsistent and not good anyway you shouldn't think too hard about it", as if Sega JP especially haven't shown themselves to be incredibly passionate about the stories and characters they write. It is supposed to be that deep lol. And thinking that deeply is a good thing, as if it's better than just shutting our minds off and consume product.

That's why I've allowed myself to think as deeply as I want about Frontiers. I love analyzing every moment and line down to the last word and detail. Regardless of opinion on the concepts and how they were executed, it was intended to be thought about. I don't think it should be considered micro analyzing and thinking too hard about something ever. I'm looking at it in ways official writers have described it to be anyway.

The mentality is popular so there isn't much pushback. Plus I'm starting to see it in both people who say they don't like the games and those who say they're fans so I feel alienated for wanting to think deeper and seeing there can be more than meets the eye with characters and scenes. While clarification can be important so things aren't misinterpreted quite as easily, it's nice for there to be stuff to think about.

Nobody really wants to debate and discuss now. A majority intentionally oppose learning more about the media or hearing out other people. They take the challenging of one's perspective or a disagreement as an argument and act like it's intended as hate from the other person when that's not the case. They're like "I don't want to change my opinion, nobody can convince me, let me enjoy things how I want", etc.

I myself was a bit ignorant at first on the topic of Frontiers. I was convinced I didn't like Eggman's portrayal but it was all based on what fandom was telling me it was and how to feel when the actual game was actually way different. When I finally took suggestions of new perspectives, then shut fandom out and focused solely on canon with my mind open and willing to analyze it again, I saw it in a new light and enjoyed it.

Now some certainly think I'm a low life nerd, as I've been told "it's nice to be a fan until it "becomes serious" and by people saying they don't care what I have to say as if I have to do exactly what they want- because it's bad to be passionate and wanting to think deeply about something I guess. :P I'd rather be doing that than shutting it down. Canon is cool, analysis is good, being passionate and thinking about stuff is fun.

You really hit the nail on the head with that. I've always enjoyed being open minded, analyzing media carefully, hearing out different perspectives, and having discussions. But I made the mistake myself at one point with Frontiers and I regret it because as soon as I realized I almost became what I was against and changed it for the better, it became a lot more enjoyable again. It's always good to stay open minded!

[griancraft]

Ok as per my last post. This is Long and very much about my feelings so uh don’t read it if you don’t want to. Also I’m aware I sound genujneky crazy for half of this I’m just really really mentally ill in ways I don’t talk about here at all and now I am sharing them and it’s. A little scary but oh well. The system stuff is the stuff I’m most concerned about right now to be honest bc it effects my day to day and if anyone has any kind words or thoughts on what to do I’ll be happy to listen

Please read my previous post if you’re mad /gen I don’t think I say anything bad here but I have really bad morality ocd so like uhm I am scared to post this!!! Prev post

Also I’m very sorry that the prose is terrible to read and my spelling is shit I have dyspraxia which is a coordination thing and it’s worse rn

The maybe I was boring album came on yesterday while I was cleaning and I had to stop what I was doing and turn it off halfway through because I just couldn’t stop hearing an admission. I wasn’t even sad I was just. So done with it. I still am just kinda like. God I hope Shelby is doing ok with all this being public now. I’m glad she was able to heal like she said and I’m glad she made the video dude.

I almost got his lyrics tattooed if that’s testament to how much I loved his early music. It’s not connecting in my brain that this music that’s been apart of my life for like 4 years and helped me through so much was made by an abuser.

But like, in retrospect you can see it. I can’t bear to delete ycgma off my mp3 player bc I related to his songs so much as an abused lonely teenager but I also can’t bare to listen to it. I learned the fall on my guitar as my final exam and I used to repeat his lyrics to myself to cope with abuse and I wish I could still love these songs. I dressed like his dsmp character bc I thought it made me look cool. Which is lame as fuck to admit now lol

Originally I was planning on pirating them and I like, can’t especially after that manipulative ass statement. How much was an act? I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m a bad person because I still kinda do want to listen to that music again. I still want to feel that safe but I know I won’t feel that way anymore.

with dsmp stuff I think I’m going to be still able to look back fondly on it generally and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. The community was what made it and the community is what I loved, and i still do. I don’t think I’m going to reblog art of him specifically but if he’s in it I might. Idk. My policy on dream fanart is if he’s not alone in the art and it’s dsmp or mcc related I reblog so I guess I’ll continue that here. Im sorry if that sounds callous I just. Am not prepared to talk about this so I’m going back and forth

And like. We also have a wilbur factive/fictive and we have for years now and nobody in our system knows how to feel about that. He formed to fill the role of a big brother (I was being heavily emotionally neglected at that point and needed someone to be there for me) and protector from my parents abuse. Obviously, he is entirely separate from his source now bc alters change a lot for me but how we picture him is still wilbur. he’s literally just some guy now but grappling with that connection is fucked up dude it’s weird. He’ll probably further distance himself but it still fucking sucks and I don’t know how to communicate the cognitive dissonance we had to push through bc our brain struggled at first to make sense of how this person who we liked so much that he became the template for a Protector to shield us from the emotional neglect and abuse, essentially, is a terrible person. I’m sorry I know people who aren’t systems, and some who are ngl, will find this fuckibg nuts and I get that but we’re a very very internal person like I just. Kinda am with us as a system a lot and nobody else. It feels like my safe space that I’ve created in my head has been marred. Also. uhm. Our alters speak in distinct voices so it’s bad bad for me rn and we are trying to fix it. I know I know fictives and factives arenttheir source but that doesn’t change that it makes me feel gross. I’m rambling rn I’m sorry. Support Shelby.

[mamamittens]

Well, I've made minimal progress drawing my weird little alien alter (the face and appendages keep fucking with me, ngl, I really don't draw animals often lol) but I've had fun mentally plotting out a little story to entertain myself at work.

I thought it'd be fun to explore identity, disassociation, and relationships through this funky little dude. Mostly cause several of my earliest OCs are low-key excuses to explore myself cause I'm not very socially aware. I won't say stupid but like, it took 20+ years to even consider that I've never had any real attraction towards someone before in my life.

It's the tism

Anyway! So I was playing around with the concept of what would happen to your sense of self if you were stripped of your previous physical form and given a new one totally alien that didn't change with time. There's no aging. You can't grow into this body. Bond with others over the unique difficulties time gives you as you age.

Any friends you make, it's a real possibility now that they won't be there for anywhere near as long as you are. This clashes with the curse idea I started with but only if I dedicate to naming what it even is to start with. Whatever it is, it definitely isn't working like it was intended to.

And so, to do this for OP, I needed to start sometime before the main story to let this existential horror really sink in. And because I liked the idea of the timing, I figured the island Roger and Whitebeard fight would be a fun meeting point.

First idea was that they (cursed OC) go there recently-ish. Enough to know the island but not establish any super dedicated base. This goes into shenanigans where they steal a weapon to reach their only remaining human clothing item from a branch that it caught on when they fell into the verse. Naturally talking to the blade and promising to leave fruit as an apology for taking it. Maybe with an audience of a very amused owner.

The second idea is that they've been there for a very long time. The WBP and Roger pirates fight taking place just around the time their only human companion has passed, leaving them bereaved and alone. Extra sad points here. Maybe they lived together for several decades in a cabin and now it's so empty the prospect of leaving it behind feels as necessary as it is upsetting.

The third is even worse, the fight taking place several years after their friend's passing and with the lack of human company they've sort of devolved into something closer to an animal than a person. So much so that they have trouble talking for a while after suddenly being prompted to speak up. Initial idea is that Buggy is eaten by a giant frog and is saved but they tell him "wash. No hurt, wash" when they mean to say "you need to wash off the stomach acid or get 3rd degree burns in under an hour". Eventually leading the two captains to the abandoned house for tea but finding all the supplies for it having gone bad for some time.

Naturally, regardless of which one I go with, the custody battle is epic. Though I'm leaning with the third, ngl

Kiwi (their name for now, it's just my baby nickname lol) either goes with the WBP or Roger. If it's Roger the split goes badly and Kiwi ends up half feral again having been aggressively on the run to draw attention away from Shanks and Buggy. It's a few years before they're found again.

I'm leaning on the size thing being connected with state of mind. Like, vulnerable and afraid is the smol bean version. Feral is either the middle 'grown' version or full space dragon depending on how bad it is. Wholly aware and in control is usually smol bean but when talking to people 'on their level' or super comfortable, it's the grown version. So this fighting ring is a very feral, growly grown version with cat pupils.

I had a really horrible and sweet idea that Kiwi ends up in a fighting ring and nearly guts the newly appointed commander Thatch (like I could resist, who do you think I am???) Before noticing his jolly Roger tattoo.

"...friend?" And feels really bad about injuring him. He's confused but rolls with it, busting them out and is delighted to discover that Kiwi is in fact, an old friend of his captain. The rehabilitation is easier this time cause it hasn't been quite so long since Kiwi talked to people and didn't just exist in a fugue state.

Kiwi keeps more animalistic traits such as climbing people, chirping, purring, grooming, and expressive ears/tail body language. Maybe some face rubbing. You know. Like a cat lol

Not sure how human form comes about. But it'd be funny if they admit they miss certain aspects regardless of form. Like having four arms and finding clothes that fit without messing up thick fur.

[lastoneout]

Ngl on second thought I feel like this is a hypothetical about a situation that basically never happens, like welfare fraud. I don't really think there are any resources being stolen here, if someone is on a bus or train with their aid and sitting down someone else who needs a seat wouldn't go to them first to ask to switch, they'd go for someone who looks abled, and I know most city busses have room for 3 or more wheelchairs/scooters at a time so that shouldn't be a problem either. For wheelchair closets on airplanes, well at least in the US they are supposed to do everything they can to accommodate them even if there isn't room in the wheelchair closet, and tbh I think more flight attendants and gate agents could stand to deal with wheelchairs more often so they stop being assholes about it. Canes and crutches and such, I mean who else does that even effect other than the person using it, and one more person with a cane goes to normalize it to the people who see them. The theater I worked at had loads of D/HoH and descriptive audio devices so we never ran out even if multiple disabled people came through, and even the small auditoriums had 3+ spaces for wheelchairs.

Stealing resources just...I don't think that really happens outside of maybe like, people buying up loads of thick water for making slime and that's not even people faking being disabled it's just people buying something they don't need which is bullshit ofc but sadly always going to happen. And as for people actually fully faking disabilities, it's like the highest cost-lowest return grift EVER. It's SO FUCKING HARD to apply for disability that they tell you you'll get turned down the first time cuz they have to weed out the "fakers" and if you do get approved you get like no money and a bunch of awful fun new rules to follow. No one who doesn't need to would put up with that. Also mobility aids are SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE and if you've ever used one you don't need you KNOW how clunky and annoying they are(using my rollator on a day I don't need it is frustrating and pointless), and you don't really gain anything. On top of that disabled people are treated like shit by almost everyone all the time, you get weird comments, stares, people grab or move you without your permission, some will yank the mobility aid right out of your hand if they think you don't need it, trip you trying to help you when you didn't ask, you lose access to half of all public spaces, I cannot fathom why someone would do that unless they either genuinely need the device and OTHERS think they don't, or they have some sort of underlying mental condition at which point again, it's not really hurting anyone but themselves.

Overall, if someone is faking it I don't care, there are almost 0 situations where this could ever be a real problem and the person would stand to gain basically nothing because hot take, being disabled in our society makes your life infinitly harder in almost every way. Honestly, fakers just don't exist at all in any meaningful capacity, and abled society's rabid obsession with pretending they do and hounding every disabled person they see for any HINT that the person in question is an ~evil faker~ who must be punished leads said abled people to do IMMEASURABLE HARM to actual disabled people, who almost NEVER look or act like what abled people think we do because they don't actually make any effort to understand us, always assuming they know better and have nothing left to learn and no reason to listen when we speak. They're on their fun little crusade to protect the poor, suffering cripples and they cannot fathom that they're actually doing the exact opposite. (<- This is also why arguments about fake disabled people giving real disabled people a bad name or spreading false info is not a real problem, abled people DONT LISTEN when disabled people explain what's going on with us anyway. You can tell them hard facts and they'll go "hmm idk I know you're in agony but I just think if you can walk you shouldn't use a wheelchair..." so yeah. I don't care.)

So yeah. Fake problem, doesn't matter, no one cares, and if you feel the need to hyper-ananlyze disabled people, even if you yourself are disabled, to see who's faking and who isn't I wish you a very get the fuck over it and focus on literally anything else.

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[trinity-mia]

a story as endless as the ocean

the titan's curse

0.5 the weight of the world

warnings : allie argues with a god (what's new?), descriptions of blood and the teensy-est amount of gore, pretty tame chapter ngl

word count : 5.1k

0.5 I Feel a Non-Metaphorical Weight on My Shoulders

During the winter, Camp Half-Blood always looked magical. It's protected by 'weather wards' so it never rained or snowed inside the borders unless Mr. D allowed it. Thankfully, he'd get tired of listening to us wanting snow, so he normally allowed it. 

Frost covered the chariot track and the strawberry fields. The cabins were decorated with tiny flickering lights, like Christmas lights, except they seemed to be balls of real fire. More lights glowed in the woods, and weirdest of all, a fire flickered in the attic window of the Big House, where the Oracle dwelt, imprisoned in an old mummified body. I once wondered if the spirit of Delphi was roasting marshmallows up there or something and I told Luke that thought, but then the mental image weirded us out, so we mutually decided never to think of it again.

"Whoa," Nico said as he climbed off the bus. "Is that a climbing wall?" 

"Yeah," I said. 

"Why is there lava pouring down it?" 

"Little extra challenge. Come on. I'll introduce you to Chiron. Zoe, have you met—" 

"I know Chiron," Zoe said stiffly. "Tell him we will be in Cabin Eight. Hunters, follow me." 

Okay, irritable, I thought. 

"I'll show you the way," Grover offered. 

"We know the way." 

"Oh, really, it's no trouble. It's easy to get lost here, if you don't"— he tripped over a canoe and came up still talking— "like my old daddy goat used to say! Come on!" 

Zoe rolled her eyes, but I guess she figured there was no getting rid of Grover. The Hunters shouldered their packs and their bows and headed off toward the cabins. 

As Bianca di Angelo was leaving, she leaned over and whispered something in her brother's ear. She looked at him for an answer, but Nico just scowled and turned away. 

"Take care, sweethearts!" Apollo called after the Hunters. He winked at me. "Watch out for those prophecies, Allie. I'll see you soon." 

"What do you mean?" Instead of answering, he hopped back on the bus. 

"Later, Allie, Thalia," he called. "And, uh, be good!" 

He gave us a wicked smile, as if he knew something we didn't (which he did, but that's definitely beside the point). Then he closed the doors and revved the engine. I turned aside as the sun chariot took off in a blast of heat. When I looked back, the lake was steaming. A red Maserati soared over the woods, glowing brighter and climbing higher until it disappeared in a ray of sunlight. Nico was still looking grumpy. I wondered what his sister had told him.

"Who's Chiron?" he asked. "I don't have his figurine." 

"Our activities director," I answered. "He's... well, you'll see."

"If those Hunter girls don't like him," Nico grumbled, "that's good enough for me. Let's go." 

The thing I always found strangest about camp in the winter was how empty it was. I mean, most half-bloods only trained during the summer. Just the year-rounders would be there— the ones who didn't have homes to go to, or would get attacked by monsters too much if they left. But there didn't even seem to be many of them, either.

I was technically a year rounder, but I left a few days a week so I could go to college at Columbia and if I was feeling super suffocated, I'd go to my beach house in East Hampton, but otherwise, I got attacked a lot, so I stayed at Camp Half-Blood. I didn't have to ask Chiron, I'd just leave. I was actually the only one allowed to do that, and if I wasn't the Daughter of Poseidon, I wouldn't be able to. Poseidon's children are very restless, like the sea, so when we are cooped up in a space for too long we get… antsy. 

I spotted Beckendorf stoking the forge outside the camp armory. The only full siblings in camp, Luke and Brylie's brothers, Travis and Connor Stoll (and yes, everyone makes the Stoll/stole joke), were picking the lock on the camp store. A few kids from the Ares cabin were having a snowball fight with the wood nymphs at the edge of the forest. That was about it. Truthfully, it was a relief. The fewer people around, the fewer hearts I had to break when I revealed Luke's fate. He'd been here longer than most and had housed them under his wing before they'd get claimed (if they did). He was pretty much a big brother to everyone. 

And Brylie... it was way too hard for anyone to hate her. She was hardly a fighter and got along with everyone. Everyone loved her. It felt like a sword had just been stabbed in my heart, and I forced down the tears that threatened to spill over. 

The Big House was decorated with strings of red and yellow fireballs that warmed the porch but nothing caught on fire. Inside, flames crackled in the hearth. The air smelled like hot chocolate. Mr. D and Chiron were playing a quiet game of cards in the parlor.

Chiron's brown beard was shaggier for the winter. His curly hair had grown a little longer. He wore a fuzzy sweater with a hoof print design on it, and he had a blanket on his lap that almost hid his wheelchair completely.

He smiled when he saw us. "Allie! Thalia! Ah, and this must be—"

"Nico di Angelo," I introduced, waving at the small boy, who was getting excited all over again. "He and his sister are half-bloods."

Chiron breathed a sigh of relief. "You succeeded, then."

My expression hardened. "Well..."

His smile melted. "What's wrong? And where are Luke and Brylie?"

"Oh, dear," Mr. D said in a bored voice, "Not more lost."

I clenched my fist in reflexive anger at his callous words. I'd been trying not to pay attention to Mr. D, but he was kind of hard to ignore in his neon orange leopard-skin warm-up suit and his purple running shoes (Like Mr. D had ever run a day in his immortal life. I sometimes seriously doubted whether or not he had ever actually been a demigod. He certainly didn't care about us, anyway. In fact, I think he cares even less about half-bloods than the gods who were born immortal do). A golden laurel wreath was tilted sideways on his curly black hair, which must've meant he'd won the last hand of cards.

I frowned, wondering if someone else had gone off to join the Titans. Only a few had, mainly due to me and Luke regularly reminding everyone that there would be no demigods without gods, but some still hated our godly parents enough to choose half-blood extinction in exchange for revenge. Truthfully, I didn't really blame them. I'm honest enough to admit that it's my fatal flaw that keeps me at Camp Half-Blood. I'd grown close to everyone there and even my father, who still didn't fully have my respect, had gained my loyalty. He did save me and Luke quite a few times last summer, I'd give him that. 

Just then, Grover trotted into the room, grinning like crazy. He had a black eye and red lines on his face that looked like a slap mark. "The Hunters are all moved in!" I shoved down a flare of fury that he was so cheerful when Luke and Brylie were missing. 

Chiron frowned. "The Hunters, eh? I see we have much to talk about." He glanced at Nico. "Grover, perhaps you should take our young friend to the den and show him our orientation film."

"But... Oh, right. Yes, sir."

"Orientation film?" Nico repeated, then he frowned. "Is it G or PG? 'Cause Bianca is kinda strict—"

"It's PG-13," Grover told him.

"Cool!" Nico happily followed him out of the room.

"Now," Chiron said to Thalia and me, "perhaps you two should sit down and tell us the whole story."

When we were done, Chiron turned to Mr. D. "We should launch a search for Luke and Brylie right away."

"I'll go," Thalia and I declared at the same time.

Mr. D sniffed. "Certainly not!"

Thalia and I both started protesting, but Mr. D held up his hand. He had that purplish angry fire in his eyes that usually meant something bad and godly was going to happen if we didn't shut up.

"From what you have told me," Mr. D said, "we have broken even on this escapade. We have, ah, regrettably lost Bailey and Liam—"

"Brylie and Luke," I snapped. Brylie had gone to camp for over five years now and Luke had been going for almost seven years, helped me save the world and camp itself, and still, Mr. D pretended not to know their names.

"Yes, yes," he said. "And you procured a small annoying boy to replace them. So I see no point risking further half-bloods on a ridiculous rescue. The possibility is very great that this Bailey girl and Liam boy are dead."

I wanted to strangle Mr. D. It wasn't fair Zeus had sent him here to dry out as camp director for a hundred years. It was meant to be a punishment for Mr. D's bad behavior on Olympus, but it ended up being a punishment for all of us. And how dare he claim that Nico could replace Luke and Brylie? 

"Luke and Brylie might be alive," Chiron said, but I could tell he was having trouble sounding upbeat. He'd raised Luke since he was twelve and Brylie since she was eight. Luke himself considered him the closest thing he'd had to a parent and I wouldn't be surprised if Brylie felt the same way. This had to be difficult for him. "Luke's very bright. If... if our enemies have him, he will do his best to stay alive and keep Brylie alive until they can escape. And they won't be quick to kill them."

"That's right," Thalia agreed. "Annabeth probably still has a soft spot for him. And she'll know if she kills Brylie he'll never side with her."

"In which case," said Mr. D, "I'm afraid they will have to be smart enough to escape on their own."

I got up from the table. "You know—"

"Allie." Chiron's tone was full of warning. 

"— You could at least try to act like you care about us—"

"Allie."

"— Even in the slightest. Do you even—"

"Astraea." 

I froze, my mouth slightly open. Chiron's tone had so much authority in it, I almost didn't want to continue. He never used my real name. It was enough to make me pause, but not enough to make me see clearly. I was about to ignore him further and tell Dionysus just what I thought of him, but I was interrupted when Nico burst into the room, followed by Grover.

"SO COOL!" Nico yelled, holding his hands out to Chiron. "You're... you're a centaur!" 

Chiron managed a nervous smile. "Yes, Mr. di Angelo, if you please. Though, I prefer to stay in human form in this wheelchair for, ah, first encounters." 

"And, whoa!" He looked at Mr. D. "You're the wine dude? No way!" 

Mr. D turned his eyes away from me and gave Nico a look of absolute loathing. "The wine dude?" 

"Dionysus, right? Oh, wow! I've got your figurine." 

"My figurine." 

"In my game, Mythomagic. And a holofoil card, too! And even though you've only got like five hundred attack points and everybody thinks you're the lamest god card, I totally think your powers are sweet!"

"Ah." Mr. D seemed truly perplexed, which probably saved my life. "Well, that's... gratifying." 

"Allie," Chiron said quickly, "you and Thalia go down to the cabins. Inform the campers we'll be playing capture the flag tomorrow evening." 

"Capture the flag?" I asked. "But we don't have enough—" 

"It is a tradition," Chiron said. "A friendly match, whenever the Hunters visit." 

"Yeah," Thalia muttered. "I bet it's real friendly." 

Chiron jerked his head toward Mr. D, who was still frowning as Nico talked about how many defense points all the gods had in his game. "Run along now," Chiron told us. 

"Oh, right," Thalia said. "Come on, Allie." She hauled me out of the Big House before Dionysus could remember that he wanted to kill me.

"Gods, Allie. It's like you want to be killed," Thalia said as soon as we were out of earshot. 

"I mean, it's going to happen at one point or another. At least let me make it fun," I joked back, saying a thought I'd had in my head for a while. I knew the gods were less likely to kill me, mostly because they didn't want to, in turn, be killed by Poseidon. That, however, didn't make me indestructible. Then again, I was first in line for the doomsday prophecy, so that made them more and simultaneously less likely to kill me. 

She gave me a look and I knew I should stop joking about my death, especially with Luke gone. 

"Sorry, sorry. It's just..." We both gazed down at the Hermes cabin where Brylie and Luke stayed (unless, of course, he snuck into my cabin when one of us had a nightmare, which happened quite a lot, actually).

"I know... let's just get this over with, yeah?"

She stopped by the armory and looked out across the valley, toward the top of Half-Blood Hill. Her pine tree was still there, the Golden Fleece glittering in its lowest branch. The tree's magic still protected the borders of camp, but it no longer used Thalia's spirit for power.

"Nothings fair, and I know that," she started. "Sometimes I just wish..."

She didn't finish and she didn't need to. Although she was born before I was, I was now technically older than her. She was basically my little sister and the tone of her voice broke my heart. This prophecy thing was weighing us both down, I knew. She knew if I died it'd be hers, but she also didn't want me going through it. We'd gone through enough late-night talks with that damned prophecy being the main topic.

"We're going to get them back," I said hoarsely. "It's Luke. I'm sure he'll charm his way out of there before we even make it out of New York."

She smiled and laughed at that. "He'd probably just have to smile at them," she laughed harder and I laughed with her. It was a great moment, but it didn't last long. I was suddenly hyper-aware of Luke's camp necklace in my suitcase.

Over at the basketball court, a few of the Hunters were shooting hoops. One of them was arguing with a guy from the Ares cabin. The Ares kid had his hand on his sword and the Hunter girl looked like she was going to exchange her basketball for a bow and arrow any second.

"I'll break that up," Thalia said, gesturing towards them.

"I'm fine with that. I need to go change, anyways. Circle around the cabins once you're done with that, and I'll find you." She nodded and we parted ways. 

Somehow, even though it was always just me, my cabin felt lonelier. It seemed that my subconscious was trying to make it really noticeable that there was no chance Luke would be joining me that night. I’d be alone to deal with my dreams. 

At least I could finally change out of that godsforsaken Mrs. Claus dress. 

I unpacked my suitcase once I was done, just to give myself something to do while Thalia sorted out the fight. It went by much quicker than I wanted it to, though, and now I was left with an empty suitcase and Luke's necklace. 

I was overcome with the intense feeling of needing to cry again, but somehow, I managed to shove it away. Thinking, no, knowing we were going to get them back, I tied his necklace around my neck, just like I did when I fought Ares. It'd given me luck then (or maybe Tyche was feeling generous that day), so maybe it'd give me luck now. 

The cabins were the weirdest collection of buildings you'd ever see. Zeus and Hera's big white-columned buildings, Cabins One and Two, stood in the middle, with five gods' cabins on the left and five goddesses' cabins on the right, so they all made a U around the central green and the barbecue hearth. I hung out there a lot, chatting with Hestia. She was pretty much the only god or goddess I’d ever shown true admiration for, and I always gave her some of my dinners.

After noticing Thalia was taking a little bit longer than expected, I decided to go ahead and start making rounds. I went over to the Hermes cabin, who had already heard the news. Although it was their brother and sister who were missing, they all gave me sympathetic looks when I appeared in their doorway. 

"Chiron says we're having a game of Capture the Flag against the hunters tomorrow night," I said, leaning up against the doorframe and crossing my arms. It was silent for a few seconds and then there were loud groans. 

Travis and Connor hopped to their feet, identical mischievous smiles covering their faces. 

"Oh, gods," I joked looking at them as they walked past me. "What are you two about to do?"

"Oh, dear Allie," Travis patted my head, officially taller than me after it being the other way around the last two and a half years. "You'll find out soon enough." Then he frowned, grabbed my arm and spoke quieter, "we don't blame you for Luke and Brylie. You had to have done everything you could." 

Tears filled my eyes again, with me yet again keeping them at bay. "We're going to get them back. Mr. D. thinks they'll have to find their way out themselves, but if they don't let us go out and look for them, me and Thalia are going out on our own." 

He and Connor both nodded. "Thanks, Allie," Connor said and their smirks returned. "Well, we'll be off." 

I followed them out and then we went our separate ways. After going around to the cabins, I made my way back to my cabin.

My first spoil of war, the minotaur horn, was still hung on my wall where it'd been since I'd first put it up. Surrounding it were the hundreds of polaroids and pictures I'd taken of me and my friends whenever we had the chance. It looked a lot like my room in East Hampton and my apartment in Manhattan, just with another bed. 

I took off my cuff bracelet and activated the shield. It creaked noisily as it spiraled out. Dr. Thorn's spikes had dented the brass in a dozen places. One gash kept the shield from opening all the way, so it looked like a pizza with two slices missing. The beautiful metal pictures that my brother had crafted were all banged up. In the picture of me and Luke fighting the Hydra, it looked like a meteor had made a crater in my head. I hung the shield on its hook, next to the Minotaur horn, but it was painful to look at now. Maybe Beckendorf could fix it for me. He was the best armorsmith in the camp. I'd ask him at dinner. 

I was staring at the shield when I noticed a strange sound— water gurgling— and I realized there was something new in the room. At the back of the cabin was a big basin of gray sea rock, with a spout like the head of a fish carved in stone. Out of its mouth burst a stream of water, a saltwater spring that trickled into the pool. The water must've been hot, because it sent mist into the cold winter air like a sauna. It made the room feel warm and summery, fresh with the smell of the sea. I stepped up to the pool. There was no note attached or anything, but I knew it could only be a gift from Poseidon, given after I’d left my cabin the first time. 

I looked into the water and said, "Thanks, Dad."

The surface rippled. At the bottom of the pool, coins shimmered— a dozen or so golden drachma. I realized what the fountain was for. It was a reminder to keep in touch with my family. 

I opened the nearest window, and the wintry sunlight made a rainbow in the mist. Then I fished a coin out of the hot water. 

"Iris, O Goddess of the Rainbow," I said, "accept my offering." I tossed in a coin and it disappeared.

"Show me Tyson," I requested. "At the forges of the Cyclopes." 

The mist shimmered, and the image of my half brother appeared. He was surrounded by fire, which would've been a problem if he weren't a Cyclops. He was bent over an anvil, hammering a red-hot sword blade. Sparks flew and flames swirled around his body. There was a marble-framed window behind him, and it looked out onto dark blue water— the bottom of the ocean. 

"Tyson!" I yelled. He didn't hear me at first because of the hammering and the roar of the flames. "TYSON!" 

He turned, and his one enormous eye widened. His face broke into a crooked yellow grin. "Allie!" He dropped the sword blade and ran at me, trying to give me a hug. The vision blurred and I instinctively lurched back. 

"Tyson, it's an Iris-message. I'm not really here." 

"Oh." He came back into view, looking embarrassed. "Oh, I knew that. Yes." 

"How are you?" I asked, trying to sound upbeat. "How's the job?" 

His eye lit up. "Love the job! Look!" He picked up the hot sword blade with his bare hands. "I made this!" 

"That's really cool." 

"I wrote my name on it. Right there." 

"Awesome. Listen, do you talk to Dad much?" 

Tyson's smile faded. "Not much. Daddy is busy. He is worried about the war." 

"What do you mean?"

Tyson sighed. He stuck the sword blade out the window, where it made a cloud of boiling bubbles. When Tyson brought it back in, the metal was cool. "Old sea spirits making trouble. Aigaios. Oceanus. Those guys." 

I knew what he was talking about. He meant the immortals who ruled the oceans back in the days of the Titans. Before the Olympians took over. The fact that they were back now, with the Titan Lord Kronos and his allies gaining strength, was not good. 

"Is there anything I can do?" I asked. 

Tyson shook his head sadly. "We are arming the mermaids. They need a thousand more swords by tomorrow." He looked at his sword blade and sighed. "Old spirits are protecting the bad boat." 

"The Princess Andromeda?" I said. "Annabeth and Cody's boat?" 

"Yes. They make it hard to find. Protect it from Daddy's storms. Otherwise, he would smash it." 

"Smashing it would be good." 

Tyson perked up, as if he'd just had another thought. "Luke! Is he there?" 

"Oh, well..." My heart felt like a bowling ball. Tyson, although Luke had been cold to him the first two weeks he'd known him, thought Luke was the coolest thing since peanut butter (and he seriously loved peanut butter). I guess he liked that Luke always had my back and kept me from dying. "Well, no... he's not here right now." 

"Tell him hello!" He beamed. "Hello to Luke!" 

"Okay." I fought back a lump in my throat. "I'll do that." 

"And, Allie, don't worry about the bad boat. It is going away." 

"What do you mean?" 

"Panama Canal! Very far away." I frowned. Why would Annabeth take her demon-infested cruise ship all the way down there? The last time we'd seen her, she'd been cruising along the East Coast, recruiting half-bloods and training her monstrous army. 

"All right," I said, not feeling reassured. "That's... good. I guess." 

In the forges, a deep voice bellowed something I couldn't make out. 

Tyson flinched. "Got to get back to work! Boss will get mad. Good luck, Sister!" 

"Okay, tell Dad—" 

But before I could finish, the vision shimmered and faded. I was alone again in my cabin, feeling even lonelier than before. 

***

I was pretty miserable at dinner that night. I mean, the food was excellent as usual. You can't go wrong with barbecue, pizza, and never-empty soda goblets. The torches and braziers kept the outdoor pavilion warm, but we all had to sit with our cabin mates, which meant I was alone at the Poseidon table. Thalia sat alone at the Zeus table, but we couldn't sit together. Camp rules. At least the Hephaestus, Ares, and Hermes cabins had a few people each. Nico sat with the Stoll brothers, since new campers always got stuck in the Hermes cabin if their Olympian parent was unknown. The Stoll brothers seemed to be trying to convince Nico that poker was a much better game than Mythomagic. I hoped Nico didn't have any money to lose. 

The only table that really seemed to be having a good time was the Artemis table. The Hunters drank and ate and laughed like one big happy family. Zoe sat at the head like she was their mother. She didn't laugh as much as the others, but she did smile from time to time. Her silver lieutenant's band glittered in the dark braids of her hair. I thought she looked a lot nicer when she smiled. 

Bianca di Angelo seemed to be having a great time. She was trying to learn how to arm wrestle from the big girl who'd picked a fight with the Ares kid on the basketball court. The bigger girl was beating her every time, but Bianca didn't seem to mind. 

When we'd finished eating, Chiron made the customary toast to the gods and formally welcomed the Hunters of Artemis. The clapping was pretty half hearted. Then he announced the "goodwill" capture-the-flag game for tomorrow night, which got a lot better reception. 

Afterward, we all trailed back to our cabins for an early, winter lights out. I was exhausted, which meant I fell asleep easily. That was the good part. The bad part was, I had a nightmare, and even by my standards, it was terrifying and awful. 

Luke and Brylie were on a dark hillside, shrouded in fog. It almost seemed like the Underworld, because I immediately felt claustrophobic and I couldn't see the sky above— just close, heavy darkness, as if I were in a cave. 

They struggled up the hill and after Brylie slipped a few times, Luke put her on his back. Old broken Greek columns of black marble were scattered around, as though something had blasted a huge building to rums. 

My eyes widened as I saw Luke's shoulder. One of Thorn's spikes had to have hit him, because it was green and, in truth, looked awful. Blood trailed down his arm. Brylie, one the other hand, looked pale and had a large cut going down her calf. 

"Thorn!" Luke cried. "Where are you? Why did you bring us here?" He scrambled over a section of broken wall and came to the crest of the hill. He gasped. 

There was Annabeth. And she was in pain.

She was crumpled on the rocky ground, trying to rise. The blackness seemed to be thicker around her, fog swirling hungrily. Her clothes were in tatters and her face was scratched and drenched with sweat, I couldn't see what was wrong with her. She seemed to be struggling against some invisible curse, as though the fog itself was squeezing her to death. I clenched my teeth and, although she was dead set on killing us all, I couldn't help but feel slightly bad for her. She was still a fourteen-year-old girl, after all. 

"Luke!" she called. "Help me! Please!" He ran forward and let Brylie down on the ground. 

I tried to cry out: She's a traitor! Don't trust her! 

But my voice didn't work in the dream. 

Luke had tears in his eyes. He reached down like he wanted to touch Annabeth's face, but at the last second, he hesitated. 

"What happened?" he asked. 

"They left me here," Annabeth groaned. "Please. It's killing me." 

"Why should I trust you?" Luke asked. His voice was filled with hurt. 

"You shouldn't," Annabeth said. "I've been terrible to you. But if you don't help me, I'll die." 

Let her die, I wanted to scream. Annabeth had tried to kill us in cold blood too many times. She didn't deserve anything from Luke. 

Then, the darkness above Annabeth began to crumble, like a cavern roof in an earthquake. Huge chunks of black rock began falling. Luke rushed in just as a crack appeared, and the whole ceiling dropped. He held it somehow— tons of rock. He kept it from collapsing on him and Annabeth just with his own strength. It was impossible. Luke was insanely strong, but there was no way he could have been able to do that. I struggled against the force holding me still in my dream, using all of my strength to get free, even if I knew it was futile. 

Annabeth rolled free, gasping. 

"Thanks," she managed. Then she smirked, that evil look her face had gained coming back. Any sympathy I had before disappeared immediately. 

"Help me hold it," Luke groaned, a vein in his neck popping. 

I struggled more, every bit of strength I had fighting against an invisible force. Then, something incredible happened.

I almost threw myself to the floor when the force let up. With a gasp, I regained my balance and sprinted over to Luke and helped him hold it. 

Even in the dream, I could feel the pain. I could feel myself waking up from it. Brylie scrambled to her feet as well and ran to Luke's other side. 

Annabeth smiled, as if our attempts at staying alive were hilarious. She laughed and walked away. Through the pain and my waking conscious, I saw Cody meet her just before they started walking back down the mountain. 

I looked to Luke and Brylie, who seemed to be in as much pain as I was in, and I bolted awake, clawing at my sheets. There was no sound other than the gurgle of the saltwater spring. The home screen of my phone told me it was midnight. But that wasn’t the bad part.

When I sat up, the weight of the sky was still on my shoulders.

*    *    *

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[adviceforyoualways]

My ex-boyfriend and I were very much in love with each other for 5 years and ngl he was very devoted to me all the time. But I struggle with my mental health and have ROCD so I shared sometimes I have intrusive thoughts of him liking other girls in the future which wasn't smth he would have done and that's why ig he was extremely triggered and pissed off and he snapped at me and cut the call. Then I saw on the same day he put up a girl's name with hearts in his bio publicly which is weird and very OOC for him even if hes dating someone. It felt odd and I was pissed and dumped him for that. He kept saying it wasn't real which might be true because he doesn't remember he just mentioned the name to me only once when drunk that she was a friend's gf he had just met and they all hung out often and he said they are both great people and she assumed he was single and wanted to set him up with girls she knew. Then he told her about me and she understood. He did mention she's very friendly and fun and is a good person in general. And besides he didn't have any other female friends in his group and ik he could be petty and immature when triggered and knowing it would irritate me he did that and until then he never did anything like this before and did this on the same day we fought so I knew he was probably right and her name was the first name he could think of. He did insist many times its nothing real but I didn't let him explain. I was too exhausted and just wanted space from him and didn't contact him for months. After that he would still send me messages the same and insisted on waiting for me but I wasn't ready. So after 6 months of it he told our mutuals he's extremely jealous at the idea of me with someone new and he suspects I might be into someone as I didn't call him for months. A week later he suddenly starts posting extremely suggestive pictures of some girl who has her face hidden and kissing and hugging pictures of her publicly so my friends can see. The pictures seemed off like it seemed very odd and staged and artificial to everyone and he privately would keep seeing how he's in love with me. All the pictures were taken on the same day and there was some other guy in the room who took the couple pictures. It seemed suspicious and I was really hurt cuz I was in love with him too. And then I found out the girl was that same female friend who had broken up with his friend and was still in the group and he was close friends with her and she was basically the "wingman" friend of the guys in the group and it seemed very likely in the pictures they weren't actually kissing but trying to pretend they were it looked very fake and posed and also the fact that my ex looked extremely polite and had no expressions on his face which is unlike him and he even censored his eyes with huge excited stickers (very OOC) but you can see he was expressionless. And while he didnt tell me he heavily implied he made his close friend pretend to be his new gf esp as I had never seen her just because he was pissed at me and wanted to see if i felt something for him. I did reach out after that and he seemed amused that I was hurt and he was telling others he never cheated on me ever or move on he just did it to get me back. Later he himself told me he wishes to get me back and he has always loved me and I don't know what to do. Even if it wasn't real it was a horrible thing he did out of jealousy and to make me come back but I'm also still in love with him and idk if I should forgive him for this.

It sounds to me like both of you have done things that have hurt each other, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and that some space without talking OR looking at each other's social media would be good for you. You can make this known by communicating this to each other rather than cutting off communication cold turkey. That way, maybe you can agree on a certain amount of time until you talk again to see where things are at feelings-wise when you do decide to talk again.

[syringa-ephemeris]

Happy 2H Profection Year!

Or something.

I was supposed to make this entry a week ago. But in between juggling my PMDD, job, personal projects, and all the planetary happenings since Leo season started, I decided it was best to slow down and keep a close check on my health first.

But I digress. Mentally speaking, I'm actually doing better these days. My body feels quite beat though. The commute in this country is dogshit.

It was a rainy night when I first started writing this, I was sitting alone at a dinner reservation, waiting for my advanced birthday dinner. I wanted to do something different for my birthday after all I've gone through. It was normal for me to spend it alone, but I hadn't really done anything special for me before. And so after a weekend of deliberation, I booked myself a dinner reservation at a place I've long wanted to try and also bought myself a limited-edition dress back in July.

Getting to the place was easy. I had already placed a deposit, and I loathe to waste anyone's time. Wearing the dress though, was a different matter entirely. It was a long, pretty thing. I was afraid of being judged as over-the-top and self-indulgent. In the end, I managed to convince myself to wear my oversized dress after seeing a couple of Genshin cosplayers during my commute. Slay, kiddos! And thank you. It was also my alma mater's graduation day at the time, so I guess we're all having our very own special days that day.

I ordered an extra upper tea along with my meal because quite honestly, I can never quite shake the melancholia that overcomes me the week my birthday rolls around. I once dreamed of having a huge birthday party. Make it an adult debut so to speak, since I didn't feel like I could do one back when I turned 18. Yet today, I chose to celebrate by myself. I didn't even invite any family lol

My 24th/1H profection year was a doozy. I'd like to say it was a net positive. I graduated (finally!!), got a job, started embracing my AuDHD. But I also lost my cat (death) and lost some friends (betrayal). So ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . Honestly, it felt like my 12H year was still pranking me.

The 2H year deals with values. And from this point on, I'd like to start valuing myself more, start being more unapologetic for who I am. It's not just about the money--though that's a relationship I'm also working on. It's not enough that I'm no longer passively suicidal--I want to make space for myself too. And I want to own that space in spite of the people that tell me I'm unworthy.

Which is just a long-winded way of me saying that this dinner is part of my baby steps in living more as myself. I already watch movies, shop, eat, etc. by myself. But I'm ngl, the dinner reservation still felt like an uneasy growth because all attention was on me. It's not like when you're performing as part of a group. You can just mirror and fade into the background. When people are being attentive of you, just you, you (I, at least) sometimes catch yourself trying to look as dignified as your meal.

Or you can relax. Unclench and unmask. Most I'll do is straighten my back.

One day, it would be nice to have people celebrate me in my terms. But this one has stopped waiting. From now on, I celebrate each day as myself. Later on, I might even have the guts to do some shopping in my day dress. If people will look at me for being weird anyway, I might as well serve them a feast to look at.

[tiredmako]

⭒ incoming!!! new fanfic tumblr acc!! this is me grabbing ur attention so read this pls!! ⭒

so im ngl im NOT a good writer and im writing on here mainly for practice... also to show appreciation to my favorite fandoms. i used to write on wattpad which was an... era, to say the least. anyways... ig ill introduce myself and then do my lil ol' fandom list and rules ykyk? also im writing this on mobile so if the formatting looks bad on pc then like. oopsie poopsie in my defense

ab me!

soooo hii im mako :)) i go by she/her pronouns and i rlly love things like gaming, comics, shopping, music, baking/cooking, and CATS! obviously mako isn't my real name even tho that'd be cool asl... but i think mako sharks are super cute so it works!! ok next i think i should do like. a fandoms i write for list and then rules? sounds right? right? also i just gotta get it out there that i LOVE the spacing on here!

fandoms!

im ngl im a huge nerd and love a LOTTTT of fandoms! obvi i won't write for every single one ever... butttt these are the ones i will write for! these will be updated and ill make a separate post announcing what fandoms i add/take off <3 also theres wayy to many characters in my fandoms to say who i will and wont write so just send in ur request and yk if i turn u down cuz i dont wanna write for that character oopsie sorry hon

dc comics

dead by daylight

invincible

marvel comics

overwatch

rules!

honestly these rules r gonna SUCK for some of yall and im sorry but im very specific ab what i will and wont write oopsie poopsie okay

no crack fics! im not funny and half the time i dont find crack fics funny. also have u ever seen a crack fic that aged well??

no smut!! digital footprint guys!!! ill write like, dirty jokes or wtvr cuz im stupid and immature but im not writing straight up p in v oiled up booty sex okay

no matchmaking, song figs, hcs, etc. i just dont find them fun to do...

no very overly specific requests!! im sorry babe but im not gonna write 'spiderman reacting to reader being a demon princess half fish goth' like ily but no!

no gender, race, sexuality specific requests. i want my writing to be inclusive for everyoneee!!! unless im writing sm for myself, imma use they/them prns and stuff like that etc etc yk??

no requests w no specifications! im sorry but im not going to know what to do when u say 'anything w ghostface pls :)' like it doesnt even have to be super detailed just like a little 'hi could u pls write ghostface teasing his shy bestfriend' I WOULD ACCEPT THAT AND WRITE THAT PLS YALL WORK W ME HERE

if ur gonna be rude and annoying then imma just ignore u... like i have things to do and i cant spend all my time on tumblr writing things for free sorry i heart yall tho

on the topic of that be patient!! i have things to do and places to be

if ur homophobic, transphobic, a terf, or anything weird or gross just leave in advance i dont want u here bye bye

i dont feel comfortable writing ab stuff like suicide, self harm, etc. mental health is scary and i would NOT portray it right mb oopsie

when i get a few works up, ill start a masterlist!! also this is prob just going to be a writing acc cuz i have a diff/main acc so dont expect any like. reposts, follow backs, or likes from this acc cuz im probly nottt gonna be scrolling on here just writing. heart u guys pls send requests im sooo bored

[ritahayworrth]

Why didn’t you like TAR? Ngl I found it overrated too

spoiler warning for tar (2022), and tbh this is very ranty and gets very rambly

okay, so firstly, i will say that everyone in the film did give good performances, i get the cate blanchett hype, i'll give it that and the cinematography was nice

but like everything else? it just felt so shallow and full of itself. like okay wow white lesbians can fully assimilate into white male dominant spaces and be just as bad as them!! like okay, most poc already know this, this is a conversation that has been dabbled into for a while. and like fine, this is a film by a white person for white people, but even taking that into account, it still just feels like a film that's just talking without really saying anything. and i have things that i didn't really like or make sense to me like why is a supposed to be an up-and-coming conductor working as a personal assistant? why is the fact that whether or not she took advantage of her former pupil so ambiguous? and i'm sure there are others that i can't think of at the moment.

and like i can forgive everything i've said so far, but really it's the last ten minutes that just... but okay wow the fact that this is a film by a white person for white people really made itself known 💀 and like sure, i am a filipino who lives in the philippines, of course, i can like spot things others won't and be super nitpicky, but the portrayal and the implications the film makes of my country just makes me want to put todd field into a guillotine! like she has a big fall from grace in the western classical musical scene, at the bottom of the barrel is conducting a video game score in the philippines. like, firstly, is the whole it being meant to be the philippines but really filmed in thailand + that whole apocalypse now line meant to be some weird meta thing?? because it doesn't work either way. anyway, does todd field know that we have twitter in the philippines? does he not think in a nation that is one of the most consistently recorded as being very much Online, no one in the classical music sphere here would have heard of lydia tar? that no one would have made a post calling her and the event organizers out? i mean obviously not, based on how he portrays filipinos as being the ones stupid or not-in-the-know enough to give lydia a job. and like seeing it as almost an honor for them to have her, a white lady there, giving her flowers and a gift basket (idk how to word this it's just very colonial mentality). okay, there's two places the event she was hired to do would be happening at, manila and cebu, and since they went to pagsanjan (where apocalypse now was filmed) that can only mean that she's meant to be in manila. and so that just gets to me even more, because i live in manila, i have been to the nerd conventions, i have aunts with connections to the theater, one of them is literally a production manager in events!! and i say this because we see lydia in what is definitely a budget hotel room, then we see her at some random alleyway getting into a sketchy building while it's pouring rain, and then she's in a meeting in a very poorly lit room, and the scene where she's working in a karinderya. and like, the event she's been hired to do, which i later found out is kind of a big thing in japan (and that just adds to what i'm gonna say), would have been organized by people with money. and keeping the whole "it's an honor to have her" thing in mind, in real life, she would have been put up in a much nicer hotel room (i'm by no means rich, and i've stayed at much nicer rooms), they would have most likely arranged for someone to drive her to the meeting and the driver would most likely have an umbrella and would have held it as she walked to the door of an average office building most likely in a nice part of metro manila, then she would have gone to work in a starbucks. but no ofc this doesn't happen in the philippines it's a third world country, they don't know shit, and are definitely not known for their hospitality..... then there is ofc the massage parlor scene 💀 just really fucking disgusting all around. while it was a long time ago, i did write a paper on sex tourism in my country like i know this is a real thing that happens, but at this point, it has been way too many strikes for me. from the set-up, like ofc the man at reception thought she meant *that* (again, she would have been put up at a nicer hotel that probably would have had an in-house spa, also why did he have her prescription?? also we don't have those orange bottles here), and to like the scene itself?? like yes, a white person being asked to pick a sex worker in a line-up, excuse me, fishbowl (wow so oriental!!) in a third world country is a very appropriate parallel for the process of auditioning orchestra members 🙃

so yeah maybe i should be allowed to kill todd field

[makeste]

I saw this take on twitter about Hana & Kacchan having “reverse parallels” and since they both have apologised to Tenko/Deku (but one was more or less sincere and the other was absolutely sincere) and they said that, while Hana moved away from Tenko, Kacchan ran to catch Deku. There was also more to the thread abt Kacchan & Hana’s differences. They were sorta trying to argue that this is a clue that Hori intends for Bkdk to be sibling-like/brotherly. As a bkdk shipped, I’ve accepted that it makes sense.. cause it’s an established fact that Tenko & Deku parallel each other. Tenko having his own “Kacchan” makes sense. Tho yes I am a little sad since I’ve held a little bit of hope for romantic bkdk becoming canon. I just wanted to ask your opinion if Hana was really meant to foil Kacchan or was it just a reach?

okay so I have a couple responses to this.

1. while it's true that Horikoshi has woven a lot of deliberate parallels between Deku and Tenko's characters, that doesn't mean every single thing about their lives and every single person they interact with is a part of those parallels. which is to say that no, I don't really think Hana and Kacchan are meant to mirror each other in any kind of significant way. Hana's apology to Tenko was under completely different circumstances than Kacchan's apology to Deku; I really don't see any connection between the two situations. you might as well be trying to compare Hana to Endeavor, or Deku, or Hawks, or Aizawa, or any other character who's apologized to anyone over the course of the story.

2. please pardon the forthcoming rant, anon -- and I hope you know that none of this is aimed at you in particular -- but for me personally, this whole obsession with ships becoming canon is one of the most exasperating types of discourse there is. like, don't get me wrong, I totally understand people wanting to see their favorite ships validated by the author, and not to mention there's also the issue of having more LGBTQ+ representation. but speaking as someone whose own orientation (aromantic) has almost no representation in fiction whatsoever, it gets frustrating to see so many people dismiss non-romantic relationships as being an inferior type of ship, to the extent that calling a relationship "sibling-like" is now a commonly-used attack in ship wars. so many people view romance as this completely transformative element, to the point where two characters can literally tick every other box on the intimate personal relationship checklist, and none of it will matter to some people unless they actually confess their love and kiss.

and again, I'm not saying I don't understand it, especially since queerbating is a thing. it's one thing if a writer is genuinely just trying to portray a close friendship, especially in series where romance isn't really a focus. but it's another thing entirely if a writer is deliberately hinting at a romance in a blatant bid to attract a larger queer audience, while all the while having no intention whatsoever of having those hints lead anywhere. the issue, I guess, is that it's not always easy to tell which scenarios are the former, and which are the latter. and of course, you also have people who think that the former is a type of cop-out as well, because the thing is that romance is always viewed as the default. so for a lot of people, allosexual and alloromantic relationships are the only ones that get considered as far as representation goes.

but you know what, I'm just gonna say it; even knowing where people are coming from, it's still discouraging to know that so many people are so dismissive of aro and ace relationships that the thought of a favorite ship not becoming romantic in canon is considered a profound disappointment. and it's even more discouraging that the thought of a rival ship becoming canon is considered such an existential threat to some that they will literally use "oh, they're just like siblings" as an argument against the ship, rather than a point in favor of. because siblings are a downgrade. friendship is a downgrade. any kind of close relationship that isn't inherently romantic or sexual in nature is less important, and that's just how it is.

so yeah, that's kind of a pet peeve, ngl. especially since the truth is I actually do think Bakugou and Deku's relationship is very akin to siblings. and so I do sometimes get weary of not being able to just outright say that without having to first pepper the statement with all kinds of disclaimers so that people don't think I'm invalidating the ship. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells if I ever want to talk about their relationship in terms that I can personally relate to.

but I mean, here's how I look at it. they've known each other since they were small children. they call each other exclusively (or almost exclusively) by childhood nicknames. they have an openness and an unspoken, almost taken-for-granted trust in each other to the point where they'll share closely guarded secrets ("I got my quirk from someone else") and personal vulnerabilities ("why was I the one who ended All Might?") with barely a second's hesitation which they would never share with anyone else. they have a comfortable little bickering type of rapport ("I'm getting stronger"; "well I'll just have to get even stronger then"; "you'll never surpass me"; "we'll see about that") which they can fall into with ease and which looks weird af to outsiders, but is "normal" to them and something they're both grateful to have.

they're so intimately familiar with each other's personality and behaviors that they can predict them with perfect accuracy. they're so in tune with each other that they can whip up elaborate coordinated attacks right on the spot in perfect sync. their admiration for each other is so strong that they each think of the other as being the epitome of winning and saving, respectively. their mental images of each other are so vivid that they subconsciously mimic each other's speech patterns whenever they start falling into a particularly strong Win or Save mindset themselves. they take no small amount of pride in showing off for each other. they go apeshit any time the other is in danger or hurt. and each of them would literally die for the other if it ever came to that.

all of that is already canon. on just about every metric imaginable except for "now kiss", the two of them already have a canon intimacy that rivals just about every other great relationship out there. and so to say that none of it actually counts unless there's an actual love confession involved frankly just boggles me. again, maybe it's because I have no personal vested interest in romance myself, though. I'm literally just not wired that way, and so I'm really not the best person to vent to when it comes to these kinds of concerns.

but look, no matter what happens from here on out, these two care about each other on a very deep and personal level. they're going to continue to be a part of each other's lives no matter what. and each of them, no matter what, will continue to occupy a space in each other's lives that no other person can fill, regardless of how we or Horikoshi or anyone else choose to label and define that space. and so in my book, that's already a win.

anyways, apologies again for the impromptu rant. again, this wasn't particularly directed at you in any way; if anything it's mostly just a generic response to the constant shipping discourse in this and every other fandom, and a more detailed explanation for why I personally don't like to get involved in it. this is just one of the myriad reasons why I try my best to stay very far away from BnHA twitter lol.