#which is NOOOOOOOOOT what I wanted I'm like that NORMALLY nobody wants that | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

musical-chick-13 · 1 month ago

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Absolute worst thing about Not Performing Anymore (<-in a public/professional context anyway) is that, when my entire life was art and nothing else, I just...didn't care about anything else. I didn't care if people liked me. I didn't care about whether my non-artistic qualities were in any way "palatable" or not. I didn't care about my supposed Normal Life Timeline. I didn't even care if I was happy. And now that I don't have full-time art...I care about the other stuff. And it fucking SUCKS man.

#day-drinking is so far not helping #but. that's probably to be expected #all it's doing is making me sad and introspective #which is NOOOOOOOOOT what I wanted I'm like that NORMALLY nobody wants that #nobody wants AAAAAAAANYTHING about my normal state #because why would they!!!!!! when I was (ostensibly) Good At Art then there was a thing to point to to say 'well if you don't respect me #or like me or. ugh LOVE ME or. whatever. lmao. then I both have this other thing to focus on so it doesn't matter and even if it DID.#you would be WRONG because this is the value I provide'#and now I provide no value!!!!!!!!! to anyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and yeah yeah worth is not stored in the productivity I would never say that drunk OR sober but like. *I* don't have any worth outside my #Service Value. I will never be SEEEEEEN. or LOOOOOOOOVED. or KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN. because why would somebody DO THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT #anyway alexa play [redacted song that if I delineated it would give too much information away about The Situation™]#:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)#drunk blogging #tw: alcohol

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