#which in the end doesnt really foster a healthy and encouraging opportunity FOR people to change

[queerlyraging]

hey for people who desperately think their parents or guardians or loved ones opinions won't change their opinion about people being LQBTQ+ and the community as whole and think that their opinions are solidified and set in stone for the rest of their life im here to tell you that's NOT true based on personal experience of my own parents radically changing their POV's, specifically my mother, and my own personal beliefs.

my mother was, like most people raised mormon, incredibly transphobic and homophobic and generally queerphobic for a large majority of her life. as her child, i was also raised mormon and also raised with those same ideals casually crafted into my normal day life: it wasn't malicious, but it was purposeful.

when my older sister came out to me as asexual and bi, i remember feeling confused and hurt and unsure of what i was supposed to feel. my entire life ideals had been challenged at the ripe age of 11, alongside with the potential idea that i could also be queer. i resolved to always love my older sister and respect and support her decisions to be happy, even if i didn't quite understand them or really comprehend what challenges has just been made to by base idea in life.

when my close friend (soon to be best friend) not only came out to me as a lesbian but also extremely excitedly informed me of her upcoming date with another girl at the age of 16, a deep part of me knew at that moment that no matter what happened, i had to change and be supportive of her decisions and how she pursued her happiness - after all, as i looked at my best friend excitedly dancing at the potential of this date, i wondered how it could be as bad as i was taught, and slowly i began to change.

later - i had a few more realizations about myself, and very quietly accepted the idea that i was aromantic, bisexual, and genderfluid, and that it was okay to be those things. it's something i'm still working hard on internalizing - after all, being raised with completely different ideals doesn't disappear in a single day or week or even month. but i began to be accepting of not only others but myself.

my mother was much more strongly homophobic than i ever was, her queerphobia aged like fine wine over the years she had internalized those ideals. she made homophobic comments in passing casually and aired opinions that caused me to be riddled with shame. yet over the years, her own opinion has done a 180. she did her research, saw the signs in her children, and realized she needed to go through her own personal journey as a parent to fully love and accept and support her kids the way she wanted to, and so she did.

if you had told either me or my big sister at the age where we began to realize and reach an understanding of who we were that we would be able to comfortably come out to our mother and not feel rejected, or endangered, or like we were going to face extreme amounts of shame from her, we would have bitterly laughed in your face. and yet yesterday, several months after my big sister came out to my mother about being bisexual and received nothing but support, i looked my mother in the eyes and tearfully told her about my own identities, at my own pace, as my own choice.

and she accepted and supported me for who i was. she knows about me being bisexual, and she loves me still and supports me and wants to know about the girls i've been interested in. she knows about me being genderfluid and nonbinary and accepts me, and asked me what pronouns i preferred, if i had different names i went by, and what i was feeling.

so if my mother, who was raised mormon and casually queerphobic like the best of them, can go from comparing being gay to cancer to letting me talk about how i want to get pride flags and publicly come out and be proud of who i am to the world, then i know people can change. it can be hard, and it is a long journey filled with hurt and anxiety and misunderstanding, but it can happen. and i'm so glad it did.