#which i think is only a problem cos im okay with not being relaxed in public i am literally never relaxed

[sorryjustafangirl]

it’s a love story

a/n:  this is my submission for the @doubleminor​’s #hockeychallengemusic ! im so so super late but i finally had the time to write this. the toronto six of the nwhl have this as their winning song and i loved watching them celebrate this season. and apparently all i can write is matty tkachuk but i felt he really fit this idea

Pairing: Matthew Tkachuk x reader

Work count: 2.2k+

warnings: mentions of the pandemic and one swear but other than that just fluff :)

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and real person fiction if you don’t like that, please don’t read! also the gif isn’t mine! all credit to the fantastic gif-maker!

prompt: choose an official team/player goal song and make something using that goal song // found here 

He had wanted the proposal to be perfect. The moment he knew you were the one he wanted to marry, he asked your best friend for everything you had ever mentioned about a proposal. You were only going to get proposed to once, and he wanted to make sure it was perfect. 

Secluded, yet meaningful, place? Check. 

Get it on camera? Check. 

Cute outfit with nails done? Check. 

But a global pandemic was not in his plan. Not even close. 

When the season had got put on pause, his parents suggested he come back to St. Louis to spend time with them, since Brady was coming back too. He was hesitant to go considering you were still going into the office for an essential project, but you assured him that he should go spend time with his family. He didn't get to see them a lot, and you knew he missed them. When he packed, he made sure to take the little velvet box and shove it between his socks. He didn't want to risk you finding it while he was away. 

A couple weeks later, after many FaceTimes and virtual date nights, you finished your project and work gave you the all clear to work from home. A two week quarantine and one plane ride later, you had joined him in St. Louis. You were still working, but working from the Tkachuk's home and with your boyfriend was much better than working alone in your shared apartment. 

Since you had joined the family, Taryn had noticed her oldest brother was a little jumpier than usual. Before, he was more carefree, aside from the occasional moping, and he definitely wasn't making sure his bedroom door was closed whenever he went in there alone. But now? It seemed odd. He wasn't moping, but he had those moments when he seemed too sad for it just to be about the season.  

So after Matthew's third sigh and retreat to his room while you were working, she decided it was time for an intervention. She quietly followed him to his room, where he methodically closed it and made sure it clicked. 

***

It was the second time today Matthew had looked at the box today. He knew he was torturing himself, opening the box to look at the ring he had picked out. It wasn't too flashy, something just your style. He remembered the way his heart jumped when he saw it in the store. It instantly reminded him of you and he just knew it was the one. It was like he couldn't help himself, looking at the box another time.

You could’ve already been engaged by now. The two of you could’ve been looking at venues and dates and even if he said he never really cared about that stuff… he couldn’t help but long for those things, because it would mean it was real. The two of you would be getting married, and he’d get to be your husband. 

But instead of being engaged, he’d just have to stare at the ring and wish he could make this all go away so he could give you the proposal you’ve always wanted. He relived the time he knew you were the one, anything to remind him that you wouldn’t mind waiting until this pandemic was over to get engaged. 

It was a home game against the Senators. Nothing speculator, just a regular game that they unfortunately lost in OT. Because it was against the Sens, and because he scored the only goal of the game, Matt knew he’d be chosen for press. He was tired, and there was nothing he wanted more than to see his family who had made the trek out to Calgary to see the boys play. He left the dressing room with his tie a little crumpled from the rush to meet them. 

He turned the corner to see Taryn sitting on a bench, with Brady standing with his parents, probably cracking a joke based on the way his mom was playfully glaring at Brady while his dad laughed loudly. His mood picked up a little after the interview and the loss.

As he got closer, he realized that Taryn wasn’t sitting alone. You were sitting there, your head resting against her shoulder, your eyes slightly closed. He stopped in his tracks when he saw your work bag sitting in your lap and your suitcase beside you. Your flight was supposed to get in around 8 and he had insisted that you just meet him at home after the game. This work trip had been horrible, your co-worker throwing you under the bus in a meeting with executives on a project he didn’t work on. You deserved to be relaxing with a glass of wine in the sanctity of your shared apartment. But you were here, at his game, straight from the airport, laughing with his family despite your drooping eyes. He had never felt more loved than he did right there. 

A knock startled him from his thoughts. 

“Uhh... just a second!” He snapped the ring box shut and quickly stood up from the bed to shove it in his drawer. Taryn popped her head in to see him very suspiciously standing in front of his dresser.

“It’s just me, dork. What are you doing?” She entered his room, making herself comfy on his bed. He scoffed, and closed the door behind his sister. 

“I’m not doing anything. What are you doing?” He went back to standing by the dresser and Taryn rolled her eyes.

“That’s exactly it, you’re doing nothing. Normally, when we’re all home you’re like bouncing off the walls. Like I know this time it’s different but Y/n came too so I thought… I don’t know, you just seem off but Brady didn’t think so and I didn’t want to worry Mom… so like, what’s going on? Is everything okay? Are you and Y/n fighting?” 

His eyes bugged out and Taryn would have laughed if she wasn’t so serious. “What no! We’re fine! We’re fine, why-why would you say that?” 

“You’ve been quiet Matt. You’re never quiet, especially when Brady’s home with us.” He rolled his eyes and she huffed at her older brother. “You know it’s true! So... what’s going on?” He sighed and turned to find the box from the drawer. He looked down at the velvet in his hands as he sat on the edge of the bed. Taryn moved to be sitting beside him and gasped quietly. 

“Is that...?” 

“Yeah. I was going to...you know, before the world went to shit. I had it all planned out too. The weather was getting warmer and there’s this hiking trail we like in Banff, it’s only like an hour drive. There’s this perfect spot where I could prop my phone up so I could get it on camera, just like they wanted. But now... I don’t know what I’m going to do.” 

“Do you still want to, you know, propose?” 

“’Course I do. Honestly, I want nothing more. But, they deserve it to be perfect, you know? And like, I don’t know how I could surprise them here, because we’ve been chilling in the same sweatpants for the past week! Asking them to get dressed up would seem suspicious and I want it to be a surprise,”

“Could… could I help you? I might have an idea…” She grinned towards her brother, his eyes brightening at the idea of marrying you. 

***

“Y/N, do you want to do a TikTok with me?” She called to you from across the Tkachuk’s backyard. Taryn must’ve been feeling the quarantine because yesterday the two of you did your nails together, which prompted you to, for once, put on a pair of pants that weren’t Matty’s sweatpants and do your hair, so you had no problem setting down your book and hopping up from your seat to join her. She squealed and you laughed as you joined her. 

“It’s so easy! I promise! So, it’s to a remix of Taylor Swift’s ‘Love Story’ and the only set in stone parts are that you actually kneel when she says ‘knelt to the ground’ and then the camera will start to pull away and then you just freestyle! We can do a couple practice ones before we film it for real, if you want?” 

“Yes, please, you have severely overestimated my dancing skills,” you laughed. Right at that moment, Matthew came out of the house with a Bud Light in his hand. He placed it on the edge of the firepit before walking over to you.

“What’s got you all cracked up?” He pressed a kiss to your cheek.

“Taryn thinks I’m a good enough dancer to film this TikTok on my first try,” He grinned at you. 

“A TikTok you say? Can I do it too? If you can do it surely it’s easy enough for me,” You gave him a playful eye roll and laughed. 

“How bored are you to want to film a TikTok?” 

“I want to spend time with my girlfriend, is that a crime?” He smirked and you cracked a smile.  

Taryn spoke up. “Hey no, this would be perfect! I need to move the camera away from you when you’re dancing anyways, and this way you won’t be alone. And you’ll get Matt’s dancing on camera for future blackmail!” You laughed at her comment and slugged him lightly in the arm. 

“Game on, we’ll see who's the better dancer after this,” He just laughed and then told you to tell what the heck he was doing for this dance. After a while, the two of you were ready to film. 

Taryn got behind her phone and started the music. You got into position and bumped Matthew’s hip before facing the camera. 

Is this in my head, I don’t know what to think. He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said

You knelt down and pretended to open a ring box, while Matthew pulled out the box he’d been hiding for six months. 

Marry me Juliet, you’ll never have to be alone

You started to dance as Taryn pulled the camera away from the both of you. Lost in the music, you didn’t seem to notice that Matthew was still on one knee, an adoring smile on his face. 

“Y/n,” 

I love you and that’s all I really know

You stopped dancing and glanced to your side. “Oh my god,” Your hands flew to cover your mouth as you saw Matt still on one knee, but with a black box in his hands. “Are you joking?”

“Not joking, baby, I promise.” He opened the box to reveal the most beautiful ring you had ever seen. It was classy, with just enough bling to catch your eye and go with the rest of your jewelry. Your eyes filled with tears as he started to speak. 

“Y/n, you are the best person I have ever met. I never thought someone would be willing to put up with me, not with my job and the media and how I play my game, but then I met you, and it’s like the whole world shifted. I have fallen more in love with you every day, even the past few days when we do the same thing every day. I love you so much, babe, and all I want is to keep being your person. I know my job means I’ll have to leave sometimes, but with me, with this, I promise you’ll never be alone. I want to be your husband and I want us to have little mini-us’s running around, well really mini-you’s but with my hair, because let’s face it, they aren’t escaping the curls,” You let out a teary laugh, and you could see his shoulder visibly relax a little. “When I look to my future, all I see is you. You are my future. And I know this isn’t perfect or even ideal but..”

“No, no, Matty, it’s perfect.” You whispered, your eyes full of tears. “It’s perfect because it’s with you.”

His grin widened if that was possible, and he looked down at the box in his hands before up to you. “If that’s the case, then Y/n, will you make me the happiest man on Earth and marry me?” 

“Yes! Yes, yes, of course,” You bent down to kiss him, leaving your tears on his cheek when you pulled away. He slipped the ring onto your finger and swept you into a bear hug. “Oh my gosh, we’re going to get married!”

“It’s you and me, baby, for the rest of our lives.” He tried to smirk, but it didn’t last long, a smile covering it as the euphoria overcame him. 

“Okay, okay, show me the ring!! Matthew didn’t tell me he was proposing!” Chantel came out in the backyard with a bright grin on her face. You couldn’t contain the smile on your face and the two of you admired the ring together. 

“I didn’t tell Dad either, don’t get offended,” Matthew said, coming over to meet the both of you. 

“Oh, you liar! You totally called me and asked me for advice.” Keith chimed in with a laugh. “Granted, you never told me you were going to do it today… but I’m happy for you kids.”

“I didn’t think he’d ever get the guts to propose, sorry for the wait Y/n,” Brady chirped, earning a whack from his mother. 

“I don’t mind, he’s worth the wait.” You looked to your fiancé, only to find him already looking at you, his blue eyes gleaming full of warmth. “So worth the wait.”

let me know what you think! thanks for reading!

[illfoandillfie]

5 Simple Rules for a Successful Fake Relationship: One Small Hitch

READ PART 1

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

summery: You and Ben have your first official date and settle into your "relationship". But, with filming coming to a close, you'll need to be more committed to the act than before, especially when Ben's keeping secrets.

Warnings: Again, nothing much. Some language. Drinking. Nothing else I can think of.

Words: 8355

AN: Chapter 2 is finally here! Sorry for the delay but hopefully the next part will be up faster. I'm really really enjoying writing this series and I am so very excited about what's coming! The song mentioned is Reckless Serenade by Arctic Monkeys. Sidenote: Can anyone work out the theme of the chapter titles?

Taglist:  @laedymoon​  @dtfrogertaylor​  @vee-ndetta​​ @atomic-watermelon​ @kellypenac​​ @labessieisallama​​ @deakyclicks​​ @jennyggggrrr​​ @drowseoftaylor​​  @hannafuckingsucks​​  @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming​​ @queenmylovely​​ @supersonicfreddie​

“I’ve got something for you,” you half shouted at Ben when you saw him walking towards you from across the field you were filming in. You shuffled your shitty takeaway coffee into your other hand so you could reach into your bag, pulling out a piece of paper folded in half. He took it and pulled you into a hug, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.  “Funny cause I have something for you too,” Ben said as he let you go, reaching into his backpack and handing you a magazine, “Oh, shit, it’s our rules. You want page 15 by the way.”  “Figured you’d want a record of them. What exactly am I looking f-” you let the word hang as you found the right page. It was decorated with a photo of you and Ben kissing on his doorstep, his hand around your back, the shirt you’d borrowed riding up just enough that it was clear you didn’t have shorts on underneath as you clutched at him. There was some text beside it, mentions of your most notable roles and his, a brief description of the movie you were in the process of making, and some speculatory remarks with a couple of innuendos thrown in. The usual gossip mag fare. On the other side of the paragraph was another photo, both of you leaving set the previous Friday, hand in hand and smiling.  “We look pretty good together,” you laughed, getting only a noncommittal grunt in return. He’d suddenly become very interested in the sheet you’d handed him, staring at it like he hadn’t been there when it was written. You reread the brief article, trying not to gawk at the photographs. It certainly looked believable.   “I’ve had about four people wish us well this morning,” Ben suddenly said, seemingly pulling himself together, folding up the rules and shoving them into his back pocket, “and I’ve not been here long. It’s kinda weird having everyone know we’re together. Or think we’re together,” he quickly corrected himself.  “Yeah, Mel kept asking me questions about it while she was doing my makeup this morning, so I hope she took my awkwardness as me wanting to keep things private and not me not knowing how to answer some of them.”  Ben chuckled, “yeah, Gail gave me a bit of a grilling too. I just told her we’d been sort of seeing each other for a few weeks and had only just like made it official or whatever and she seemed to buy it.”  “Good, I told Mel the same sort of thing. Hopefully that’s enough for them.”  “I’m more concerned with what my friends are going to say. I don’t think any of them read Heat though so hopefully it doesn’t come up any time soon,”  “Lucky. My friend Felicity has the dumb site bookmarked. Checks it religiously. Bloody miracle she hasn’t called yet.”  “Better turn of your phone then,”  “And come back to a full voicemail and about a hundred texts demanding to know why I’m ghosting her?”  “Tell her you were filming. I do it all the time,” he was grinning at you and you couldn’t help but grin back as you pulled your phone out and shut it off, “atta girl,” he pulled you into his side and gave you an affectionate squeeze that you leaned into , fully aware of how many people were around you, potentially watching. It was a feeling that didn’t really let up. You knew, rationally, that everyone there was focused on their jobs, but you couldn’t help feeling like you were constantly being scrutinised, and not just for your acting. It didn’t help when Seth had to stop recording to fix a problem with the boom mic and, good-humouredly, said, “don’t worry lovebirds, we’ll have her running in a second.” Or that one of the ADs delivered your call sheets for the next day with a, “I always thought you’d be cute together.” And it certainly didn’t help when you turned your phone on at the end of the day to find a series of texts from Felicity each with more exclamation points and capital letters than the last, and a missed call from Mary.   “Better call her back,” Ben said, following you towards the carpark.  You rolled your eyes, already holding the phone up to your ear listening to it ring.  “Y/N, I was just about to try you again,”  “Sorry, Mary, I had my phone off while we were recording, what’s the matter?”  “Are you free this weekend?”  “Um yeah, I think so, why?”  “We’d like for you and Ben to go on a date this weekend. Somewhere in London preferably but it’s up to you. You saw the article in Heat? It seems to be going well. The hits your names have got on google have increased and there have been a few tweets about it. Nothing huge, you’re not trending or anything but you’re still relatively unknown so we weren’t expecting that to happen, certainly not overnight. But we think if we get a date story out quickly it’ll really help get people interested.”  You rubbed your temple as you tried to process everything she’d just said, “Okay, I’ll talk to him and we’ll organise something. I’ll text you the details once I have them.”  “Okay, let me know as soon as you can though. And send Peter the info too.”  “Will do. See ya Mary.”  “Was that about me?” Ben asked, smiling as he leaned against your car.  “You up for a date this weekend? Apparently the first story went well and they want a follow up ASAP.”  “Sure, where are we going?”  “I don’t know, somewhere around London would apparently be best, but we get to choose. Any thoughts?”  He thought for a moment, “This isn’t our first date is it? Like, we’ve said we’ve been on others before, right?”  “Yeah, why?”  “Well normally for a first date I take girls out for dinner and then, depending on the girl and how the dinner went, either a quiet drink or like a romantic as fuck walk in the park or something.”  “That’s pretty standard stuff, Ben,”  “Yeah, but in the fiction of us as a couple, this isn’t our first date. This’d be, what?”  “Fifth maybe?”  “Fifth. So I’m still trying to impress you a bit, but it’s like, more relaxed. We’ve done the dinner date, we’ve done coffee and a movie, we’ve even done the Museum. Now we’re getting into the fun shit.”  “Museums don’t count as fun shit?” you chuckled, not sure where his train of thought was taking you.  “It’s a bit overdone is all.”  “What do you have in mind then?”  “There’s this place that runs art classes during the day, right? Life drawing or like painting for beginner's type stuff. But a couple of nights a week they run these art and wine nights. They’ll give you a canvas or a ceramic figure or something like that and some paints and you can have a few drinks and do something arty. I did it with some mates a while ago, had heaps of fun. Seemed like the sort of thing yo- a girl might like to do on a date.”  “That definitely sound fun.”  “Really? You’re into it?”  “Yeah, for sure.”  “Okay,” Ben pulled out his phone and began typing, “shall I book us in for the Saturday night ceramics session?”  “Go ahead. What time was that, so I can let Mary and Peter know.”  “Seven thirty. If we get a cab in a little earlier we can grab something to eat on our way.”  “Cool, okay I’ll text them. Is it BYO?”  “Yeah. They do sell some stuff but it’s a pretty small selection.”  “Okay, well that’s something to look forward to. Anyway, I should be going since I have about a million texts to sort through, I’ll see you tomorrow.”  “Wait, one thing,” Ben said before you could open your car door, “There’s a few people coming off set now so I’m going to kiss you, okay?”  “Thanks for the heads up,”  “No worries,” he stepped closer, his hand rising to cup your cheek as he kissed you softly. He took longer to break away than you’d expected, letting the kiss deepen instead, but you didn’t mind too much. It was a good kiss. And if it hadn’t been for Ben and the movie, you would have been severely lacking them recently. Which explained the vague feeling of disappointment that hit you when he did step back.  

On your way home your phone beeped with another text from Felicity but you ignored it until you were inside and changed into the comfiest clothes you could find, flopping down on your bed to scroll through what she’d written. They varied from, “omg why didn’t you tell me about this Ben guy?” to “Y/N!!! Answer my texts!!!” all the way up to, “BITCH!!! CALL ME!!!!”   She picked up on the first ring.   “Where the fuck have you been all day?”  “Some of us don’t have office jobs we hate,” you laughed, “I actually had to work, funnily enough, and because we were on location I had to keep my phone off while we recorded.”  “Well I’ve been going crazy over here. Imagine my shock when I boot up my computer and open Heat and see your fucking arse being grabbed by your co-star.”  “He was not grabbing my arse.”  “Close enough. You didn’t tell me how fucking gorgeous he is.”  “No, well, I don’t usually think about the people I work with like that, do I?”  “Which is why I was so surprised to see you’ve shacked up with one of them.”  “It’s not quite that serious.”  “One night stands aren’t your usual thing. Definitely not with guys you work with anyway.”  “I never said it was a one night stand, just that it wasn’t super serious!”  “How many times then?”  “We’ve been on like four dates.”  “You fuckhead! You mean to tell me you’re actually dating this guy, who by the way looks like he could be a fucking underwear model, and you didn’t think to tell me? No so much as a I got dicked down by a total babe aren’t you jealous message?”  “I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it if it wasn’t going to go anywhere.”  “But still, I’m your best friend, I tell you about every shag I have.”  “In graphic detail,”  “Exactly.”  “Look it’s just a bit weird still. Neither of us have really hooked up with a co-star before and we didn’t want to say anything until we worked out what was happening.”  “I guess that makes sense,” you could tell she didn’t mean it, “But, now that it’s out you owe me. I want to hear all about it.”  “There’s not much to tell. We became quite good friends during all the pre-production stuff when we were rehearsing and all that. Our director wanted to make sure we clicked and had the right chemistry and stuff, since it’s a romcom and our characters get engaged in the first scene, so we hung out a lot. And then just before filming started he asked me out. Took me to this nice Chinese restaurant. It was fun so we agreed to go out again and it’s sort of just kept going.”  “Those photos, was that the first time you’d stayed over at his?”  “Second. First time was a couple of weeks ago. The night that led to the photos was just a few drinks after work with some of the others and we ended up ducking out a bit early and wound up at his.”  “And?”   “And what?” You had a hard time not laughing when you heard her groan. Her eagerness to know every sordid detail made her easy to fuck with, and that made the whole business of being secretive a lot more fun.  “And, how was he?”  “I mean…y’know,”  “Y/N, I swear to god,”  “He was good, okay? Really good,” you remembered what Ben had told you to say, trying not to laugh too much while you repeated it, “like, three orgasms good.”  “Shit, really?”  “Uhuh. And then another in the morning.”  Felicity replied with a long whistle, “shit, girl, hold onto that one then. That’s definitely worth any trouble working together could cause."  “Believe me, I know. We’re going out again this weekend.” It was surprisingly easy to lie about dating Ben. Though, of course, you weren’t technically lying since you would be going on a date.   “Shit man, date five. That’s serious shit. You better tell me everything, in graphic detail.” 

When you told Ben about the conversation the next day, admitting you’d spent ages praising his sexual prowess, he laughed and then thanked you, pulling you into a tight bear hug. You thought it was a slight overreaction considering he’d been the one to tell you what to say but his happiness was infectious, and you found yourself smiling more than normal as you hung out between scenes. An attitude which could only help your performance, making people more ready to believe you were a couple. His easy laughter and bright smiles continued until the afternoon when you were telling him more about Felicity and what you’d talked about.   “She thinks you’re a keeper and kept telling me not to let you go.”  “Your friend knows what she’s talking about.”  “Lucky for you I can’t let you go since it’s all written up in a contract,”  Ben laughed but when you glanced at him his smile seemed to falter.   “You okay?”  “Brilliant. Just had a bit of a late night and it’s catching up on me. Think I might try to have a quick nap before we’re needed again.”  “I was thinking of grabbing another coffee if you want one?”  “Thanks Y/N but I think the nap will do me more good.”  “Probably better people don’t see us heading off to a trailer together anyway or they’ll suspect we’re getting up to mischief.”  “Very true. I’ll see you a bit later.”  “Sleep well!”  Ben turned to leave, his smile seeming more forced than earlier. You would have worried except he seemed to be back to normal when he was called for your next scene. And it continued on through the week, his happiness only getting more pronounced the closer it got to the weekend.  

You couldn’t quite match his energy on Friday, anxiety over your date getting stronger the closer you got to it. Hanging out at his place had been easy, even if it did include leaving half dressed. All you’d had to do was kiss him which you’d done enough times during filming that it was no longer too odd. But a proper date was something else. It was going to be the first real test you faced, the first time you’d really have to sell yourselves to the public as more than co-stars and more than a hook-up.  “Hey are you okay?”  “Huh?”  “Your jiggling your leg a lot which you only do when something’s worrying you, what is it?”  “Oh,” you forced your leg to stop moving, “nothing,”  “Is it about our date tonight?”  “What if it’s bad? What if we don’t look like we’re actually together and Mary and Pete have to cancel the whole thing?”  “I’d get a decent night sleep not thinking about us,” he muttered.  “What?”  “I’ve been worried about it too,” he said louder, “but I think we’ll be okay. It’s not like we’ll be starved for conversation and we’ll have the paint and the wine and we’ll be fine. Plus, weren’t you the one who said this would be easy?”  “Yeah I was,” you said sheepishly, “but -”  “No buts. It’ll be a piece of cake. We go and have a good time painting a couple of plates or bowls or whatever, and then hold hands while we head home. They’ll get whatever shots they get, and they’ll spin it so we look like a couple.”  “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry,”  “It’s okay,” he reached out to rub the back of your hand, smiling softly at you, “the nerves might actually help you look like you’re legit. And worst comes to worst we can always run lines. I’m honestly so much more nervous about shooting that scene tomorrow.”  “The one where we’re playing matchmaker?”  “Yes! Have you seen how many names are in there?”  “Theres like six, Ben,”  “Yeah but they’re all repeated, and I know I’m going to get the order wrong,”  You giggled and shook your head, “You’re unbelievable,”  “Oh whatever,” he pushed your shoulder almost making you overbalance, “Just cos you know the lines already.” 

Ben’s efforts to calm you down worked and you got through the rest of the workday without a hitch. Though your stomach was once again tight with nerves in the hours before the date. You spent a solid half hour standing in front of your wardrobe, freshly washed hair slowly dripping down the back of the towel you had wrapped around you, trying to settle on what to wear. When you were finally dressed you checked and rechecked the contents of your purse, and, in a moment of panic, you grabbed the heavily highlighted and notated script pages with the matchmaker scene and shoved them in beside your lipstick and bank card. By the time Ben arrived in an Uber to pick you up, ushering you into the backseat with a kiss on the cheek and a complement about how lovely you looked, you felt like you were on the verge of throwing up. But, once again, Ben’s natural charm eased your mind. The way he talked to you and smiled constantly had your heart rate slowing and your stomach settling within minutes. Even the way he squeezed your hand when he helped you out of the car, and the way he laced his fingers with yours as he led you towards your destination were welcome comforts.  “D’you wanna grab something to eat?” Ben asked, stopping on a corner and looking around, annoyed people passing by on both sides.  “Uhh, s’pose so.”  “Has anyone ever told you you’re indecisive?”  “I swear I’m not normally.”  “Oh? Do I make you nervous, snookum?” he asked, playfully.  “No, you git,” you laughed back, though you found it hard to meet his eyes, “I just don’t know I’m that hungry.”  “Well, keep in mind there’ll be wine drinking. Don’t want to do that on an empty stomach.”  “Valid argument. What’s nearby?”  After some wandering you ended up in a McDonalds, Ben wolfing down a burger while you picked at the fries, not quite certain you’d be able to keep your food down. It was when you were coming out of a bottle shop, Ben holding the wine you’d agreed on, that you spotted the photographer. It was the same one who’d been outside Ben’s house when you stayed over, camera aimed at the two of you. Quietly you nudged Ben. He just wrapped an arm around you, pulling you into his side as you walked. You struggled to not watch the photographer as he followed you towards the art studio, having to keep reminding yourself to pretend he wasn’t there.  “Relax,” Ben said softly in your ear, “He’s not important.”  You nodded, afraid if you said anything you’d lose the meagre dinner you’d had. Ben’s thumb rubbing over your own gave you something else to focus on, counting each soft, smooth stroke, until you reached the right place.  

You weren’t the only couple there, far from it. Most of the claimed tables were taken by pairs sitting close together, hands clasped or laying on thighs as they talked. A few tables held larger groups, double dates maybe or perhaps just friends. You felt a few eyes on you as you found a table close to the clear glass of the shopfront, but they turned away again quickly, more interested in their own little bubbles than yours. You glanced outside to check if the photographer was still there but couldn’t see much more than the reflection of you and Ben. His knee bumped yours under the table as he leaned toward you, pressing a finger to your jaw to turn your head towards him.  “Forget the photographer. Forget Mary and Peter. Forget our arrangement. We're just two friends having a fun night out, okay?”  “Okay,”   “Okay. So what are you thinking of painting then?” He unscrewed the bottle of wine and grabbed one of the glasses you’d been handed on arrival.   “Well what are my options?”  “Well there’s your classic teacup, mug or plate options. There’s a couple of different jewellery boxes, I think. And then there are the statues, ummm, fairy, dragon, alien. Maybe a princess one, I can’t remember.”  “More than I thought there’d be. What were you thinking?”  “I did a dragon last time I was here. But I think I’m going to do a mug this time. Need some extras if you’re gonna be staying over more often.”  “Maybe we should both do mugs, then? Something we can use at each other’s places.”  “Alright, deal. But we can’t look at what the other is painting until they’re done.”  “That’s going to be so hard!” you laughed, feeling properly relaxed for the first time all night.  “Yeah but it’ll be fun though. Wait here, I’ll go grab us the mugs.”  You took the opportunity to look around the room, trying to think of what Ben might like on a mug. There was art everywhere – paintings hanging on walls, examples of what the classes could teach you, decorated ceramics lining windowsills and shelves. Judging by the wildly differing levels of talent displayed, you assumed at least some of them were left behind and never claimed. There were plates decorated with fruit trees and ocean scenes, jugs covered in splatters of different colours, aliens in shimmery blue and princesses with green hair and orange dresses. But nothing that sparked your imagination. The noise of the room was steadily growing as everyone got stuck into their creations. Ben sat down, took a drink and got to work mixing colours.  “You know what you’re going to do then?”  “I have an idea. But I will warn you I’m not a particularly good artist so it might not look anything like what it’s meant to.”  You picked up your blank mug and put it down again, tapping the end of a paintbrush against the table as you tried to come up with an idea. What did Ben like? He liked coffee. And dogs. And his guitar. More than once he’d brought it to set, playing it in his downtime. He’d been embarrassed the first time you mentioned overhearing him as you passed by his trailer, but you’d assured him you’d liked listening to him. You’d had the song stuck in your head for a week afterwards.   “Made up your mind, have you?” Ben asked, glancing up from his handiwork as you mixed a pale peach colour.  “No peeking,”  “I wasn’t peeking. If I’d been peeking, I would have done this,” Ben craned his neck, leaning over to where your mug was.   You laughed and pulled the mug closer to you, pushing him away with your other hand.  He caught it in his own, taking the paintbrush from you, “Oi, careful with that.”  “Oops, sorry,”  Ben laughed and kissed your palm before letting you have your hand back, “No harm done. But y’know if you splattered me I’d have no choice but to get payback.”  There was no need to reach for the script you’d brought as you and Ben fell into conversation while you painted. He asked if you’d had any more awkward phone calls with your friends and told you about what had happened when his mates had found out. Nothing like the conversation you’d endured, though there’d been plenty of teasing. You had to admonish him for nearly getting paint on your work when he began using the largest brush he had to artistically spray drops of paint over his mug. And then he’d laughed when you paused, admitting out loud that you weren’t actually sure how to paint the thing you’d planned on painting. He’d promised not to peek while you whipped out your phone to look up a reference image, going to far as to cover his eyes just to make sure. Once you gave him the okay he went back to painting, switching to a thinner brush and shushing you so he could concentrate. It was ridiculous how cute he looked, tongue between his teeth, bent over the mug as he slowly outlined the design. You shook your head to clear the thought and went back to your own work. 

“Okay, I’m done. You wanna see now?”  “Yes, absolutely. Unless you think we should wait until after they’ve been glazed?”  “Fuck that, we can’t pick them up for a couple of days, I wanna show you now.”  “Alright, show me then,” you put down your brush, focusing all your attention onto the mug in Ben’s hands. The base coat was a light purple, with splatters of darker purple over top. Slowly he turned the mug to show you the design on the front. It bore a slightly wonky engagement ring, similar to the one his character gave yours in the movie. On either side of the ring, in thin, not quite straight lettering, was the words we’re really good at this dating thing.   You smiled as soon as you read the quote from the script, “I love it, Ben”  “Thought it was kind of fitting,” he chuckled, “plus it’ll be a nice little souvenir once the movie wraps.”  “That was a fun scene to shoot. Best proposal I’ve ever had.”  Ben smiled and carefully turned his mug back towards him, “Best proposal I’ve ever given,” He seemed to be about to say something but stopped himself, shaking his head.  You lowered your voice, “Promise I’ll get to keep it after we break up?”  “Promise,” Ben said, matching your level and leaning in close, “Until then maybe you can use it as a reminder whenever you feel anxious about this whole dating thing.”  “Thanks, I will.”   You were suddenly very aware of how softly you were speaking, how close you were sitting, leaning in to hear each other over the rest of the room, and for a split second you thought he was going to kiss you again. But then the moment passed, the noise of the room intruding as Ben leaned back in his seat, “So do I get to see mine?”  “Uh, it’s not quite done,” you said, picking up your brush again, the moment gone, “give me another couple of minutes.”  “Masterpieces take time, I get it,”  “This is by no stretch a masterpiece,”  “I’ll be the judge of that thanks very much,”  Ben turned to look out over the room while you tried to finish your painting without smudging anything, occasionally making comments about other people there or the art that decorated the room.  You took one last look at what you’d painted, the guitar with the words stun gun lullaby written in cursive beside it, “Alright, I’m done now, you can look. Careful, some of it’s still wet.”  Ben gently took hold of the handle and turned the mug so the design faced him. He broke out into a grin and you felt relieved that he liked it.   “It’s definitely a masterpiece. For someone who didn’t know how to draw a guitar you’ve done an incredible job. And how did you know that’s one of my favourite songs?”  “Is it? It's just the song I overheard you playing that one time. I thought that line was a good one for a mug. Nice and short so I didn’t have to paint too much.”  “This is definitely my new favourite mug.”  “Oh stop it.”  “And hey, they kind of match.”  You laughed when he pointed out the similarities, “Guess they do. Y’know that’d make a pretty cute Instagram post.”  “You going to tag me as my mug?”  “Of course. You could post a photo and tag me in it too,”  “I don’t know. I don’t really post much personal stuff online.”  “Well at least comment on mine,”  “I can do that.”  

After you’d taken a decent photo and posted it online you cleaned up, handed your mugs over to the woman running the night’s activity and stepped back out into the night. There was no sign of the photographer anywhere and you supposed he’d got what he needed and then left.   Still, Ben grabbed your hand as you walked back up the street, just in case you’d missed the photographer in the crowd.   “Guess that means we don’t have to worry about going home together,” you said, nudging Ben.  “Guess not,” his lips quirked down in a soft frown.”  “What is it?”  “Nothing, nothing, just...feels kind of weird to just end the date here, I guess,” he scratched the back of his head and laughed, “Normally I’d offer to give you a lift home. Or at least give you a good night kiss, but I guess that’s not really needed now.”  “Well, it’s like you said, we’re just friends having a fun night out. We could share a ride home though, if you wanted. You live near enough to mine it wouldn’t matter.”  “Nah, don’t worry about it. I actually might go grab something to eat, don’t think that burger was quite enough. See you on Monday?”  “Oh, yeah, okay, see you Monday.”   There was a pause, both of you hesitating and then Ben gave you a much too quick hug before he walked off, disappearing into the crowd. You sighed and hailed a passing cab, spending the whole ride home wondering what the hell had just happened. But you pushed it from your mind once you were home, going through your usual nightly routine and very deliberately thinking of anything other than Ben. It didn’t help much. You still dreamt about him. Dreamt about the goodnight kiss you’d missed out on.    

When you woke you had to laugh at yourself. You were sure that, had you binged a few episodes of a tv show or read something before you’d gone to bed you would have dreamt about it instead. Brains were suggestable like that. When you felt awake enough you rolled over and grabbed your phone finding a text from Ben and one from Felicity and an email from Mary. You opened Mary’s first, skimming over it and vowing to look at it properly once you had a coffee in your system. Ben’s was much easier to understand, a short message to say he had fun last night and that he’d pick the mugs up on his way to work on Monday. Felicity’s was just a series of question marks. You sent back a short response saying the date had been a lot of fun. It wasn’t enough and she was bound to come back at you asking for more details, but it would have to satisfy her. Slowly you got out of bed and made yourself a coffee, setting your laptop up next to you at the kitchen counter so you could try to read Mary’s email again. There was some information about some scripts she was going to send you, a couple of potential future roles, but the majority of the email was about you and Ben. She’d already seen the photos, apparently, and some of them would be run in the coming week’s magazine while others were being put online. She’d also seen the Instagram post and commended you for thinking of it. Another date would have to be organised, but it was better to wait until the next weekend or even the one after, so as not to fatigue the public.  

So you and Ben fell into the routine of it. An email from one or other of your agents sometimes as vague as just telling you to organise a date, sometimes much more specific in what they wanted you to be doing, then the date itself, and in between work where you played up the romance as much as possible. You got good at pretending to stay over at each other's places, often just hanging out watching TV or running lines until the photographer called it a night and you were free to leave. Once or twice you’d opted to sleep in your own bed but get up early and head over to Ben’s for the required morning after shots but that process got old very quickly so you ended up actually staying over more and more. There was one day when your period came unexpectedly while you were at Ben’s. You were halfway through asking him to take you home when he offered to run to the store for you instead.  “No, no, you don’t have to go out of your way like that, I’ve got plenty at home I just didn’t think I’d need any today.”  “Y/N, I promise, it’s no trouble. I feel bad I don’t have anything here for you already. Been a while since I’ve lived with a girl and it didn’t even cross my mind. Seriously, it’ll take me two minutes.” When you still weren’t convinced he continued, “Plus, if I go we won’t ruin Peter and Mary’s plan for today. And the Paps can get a shot of me staring at boxes of tampons like a good caring boyfriend. It’ll help our image.”  “Oh alright, as long as you don’t mind.”  He was out the door a second later and back within ten minutes, though you did get a call from him at the shop, asking what brand you preferred. Once he was home, he made you a cup of tea, gave you a painkiller and, after checking you didn’t mind, cuddled up with you on the couch, teasingly calling you his cuddle bunny as he pulled you back against his chest. You almost complained, almost cited Rule 5, but it wasn’t so bad. Some might even go so far as to call it cute. It was better than snookum at any rate.  

 The dates themselves got easier after the first. You knew what to expect now so it wasn’t as nerve wracking as before. And Ben was always fun to be around, your list of inside jokes steadily growing as he became the one person you spent the most time with. You let yourselves relax a bit. On your third date Ben’s arm stayed glued around your waist as you walked around the zoo, only losing contact when a lemur jumped on his shoulder and you stepped back to take a photo. It wasn’t low enough to violate the rules you’d put in place but his hand was dangerously close to falling below your belt, and it was definitely something you would have put a stop to when you first started the charade. The Instagram posts had got more frequent too, though Ben still refused to post anything to his own profile. But he commented on everything you posted whether it involved him or not. And people were buying it. You’d been moved from page 15 to page 13 and then to page 10 in the magazines. You both picked up more followers online as your photos were shared across Twitter and Facebook and Tumblr. There were some downsides like rude comments and nasty messages but mostly they were easy to ignore. Worse were the phone calls and messages from family members and friends asking when they’d get to meet Ben. He’d had to fend off his own family as well, but you both stuck to Rule 4, making up excuses and promising it would happen eventually, but it just wasn’t possible right now. But your biggest problem was the issue of intimacy. It wasn’t the lack of sex itself, that was easily managed. It was that Ben had started to intrude on your fantasies. You’d be there with your fingers or your toys and suddenly it was Ben’s voice you were thinking of, Ben’s hands, Ben’s teeth and tongue and chest. Ben’s name falling from your lips. And you knew it was just because you were pretending to date him, on and off set. It was the dumb suggestable brain thing again. The thoughts were only there because you were pretending to be in love with him and usually sex was tied up with love or at least relationships. And really, you hadn’t been attracted to anyone much lately because you hadn’t been looking because you’d been pretending to be attracted to Ben so it’s really no wonder you’re brain got all confused and mixed him into those other thoughts. The first time you saw him after it first happened you wondered if he could tell, a slightly flustered awkwardness hanging over you. But it wasn’t worth mentioning to anyone. You just vowed to push him out of your mind as much as you could.  

Nearly two months later you found yourselves back in the office where the idea of pretending to date was first floated. With filming drawing to a close Mary and Peter were keen to check in with you. The first thing either of them said when you and Ben turned up is how well the story was going.  “Projections have the sales for this movie increased by five percent, just because of your relationship and that number is expected to grow as we get closer to release,” Mary spoke fast though whether that was excitement at the boosted numbers or just a busy schedule rushing her along you weren’t sure.  “What happens now?” Ben asked, “I mean, since we won’t be filming together anymore after this week,”  “That’s exactly why we wanted to talk with you both today,” Peter opened a pocket notebook and thumbed through a couple of pages, “so not much will change but we may occasionally need to balance out the loss of on set photos with shots of you out and about together. Nothing stressful and all very easily staged. You probably wouldn’t even need to be out for more than an hour or so at a time. People have been loving the domestic sort of photos you’ve been putting online, Y/N, that one of you using the coffee mugs you painted was especially good. So we’d like a few more of those sorts of moments. The two of you grocery shopping or walking a dog, do either of you have a dog? No? Hmmm, we could hire a dog and write a story about you sitting for a friend. We’ll put a pin in that for now. But yes, just some candid shots of you walking around London and doing regular everyday things together.”  “We’ll also need to schedule the argument soon. We’re thinking somewhere within the first two weeks of filming being over. It means we can run speculation about whether the relationship is on the rocks now that you aren’t working together anymore. We’ll see how things go this week and make some decisions later, but we’ll give you plenty of warning before you have to perform it. Obviously, it has to be scheduled so we can guarantee someone will get photos but we need it to seem as natual as possible so we’ll leave the specifics of the argument up to you.”  You nodded along but Ben had more questions.  “What does this mean for any jobs we might be looking at taking after this movie wraps?”  “You can still take on whatever roles you want provided they’re filming here. It’s harder to keep you in the public eye if you’re separated and while the drama of a long-distance relationship might be interesting at first, it’s not sustainable.”  “If it was filming somewhere else in the UK we could maybe organise something. We’d have to look into it and see if it was possible to stick to our same plan but just shift the location. Maybe have a weekend visit angle to it, Y/N flies out to see Ben, Ben comes home to see Y/N, that kind of thing.”  “Leave it with us Ben and we’ll get back to you on the logistics of it all.”  “Oh, that’s okay, I don’t have anything set in stone, I was just curious.”  “Is there anything else you have questions about?”  “No, I don’t think so,” He looked towards you.  “No, I’m all good.”  “Okay, well, if you think of anything you can message us any time.”  “Really, though, this is going very well. It’s already paying off but we need to keep the momentum during the post-production phase, so we need you both to be committed to this.”  “We are.”  “Unbelievably committed,” Ben added. 

You and Ben left the meeting joking about potential arguments you could have and for the rest of the day, whenever you passed each other in the halls or had a moment alone you’d try to one up each other's suggestions. It was a good way to keep your spirits up even though the end of filming was fast approaching. One by one each cast member recorded their last scenes, saying an emotional thank you to the crew when the director called cut. You and Ben were the last to finish since you were the leads. A small pillow talk scene that you could do in your sleep. It was a nice way to end it, lying in bed with Ben’s arms around you, even with the heat of the studio lights. While you were waiting for the cameras to be positioned you and Ben joked around with the crew that were flitting around angling mics and adjusting set decorations.   “Hey, Seth,” Ben said suddenly, “can you pass me my phone. I think we need to document this moment. What d’you say, cuddle bunny?”  You laughed and poked him in the side but agreed. Ben stuck his arm straight up into the air, trying to angle the camera just right but he couldn’t quite get the photo to take without blurring. Seth took pity on you and offered to take the photo himself, allowing you and Ben to snuggle in close.  “If you post it on Insta you better credit me,” Set laughed, turning it round to show you.  “I’ll do that,” He said with a smile, “It’s pretty cute, I think I have to post it.”  “Really?” you asked, surprised he’d volunteer to do such a thing.  Ben didn’t have a chance to respond because everything was ready to go. Seth put the phone back away so you could film the scene, laughing in between takes until everyone was satisfied.   “That’s a wrap on Ben Hardy and Y/N Y/L/N everybody,”  A round of applause started as you pushed yourself to sit up, trying to stop yourself from welling up.  “And that’s a wrap on The Perfect Match.”  The applause continued and Ben pulled you into a tight hug, rubbing your back and pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You had to say a few words but you managed to get through it, and Ben’s little speech, without completely losing it. Afterwards, as people packed up the equipment and you headed back to your trailers to change, Ben pulled out his phone again.  “I guess I should post that photo now, how’s this caption,” he said each word slowly as he typed it out, “Thank you Y/N for being the perfect Edith to my Andy. And thank you @theperfectmatchmovie for finding me my perfect match.”   “Did you tag me?”  “Of course,”  “Did you tag Seth?”  “Uhhhh, camera emoji by @seththesoundman. Now I have,”  “Then it’s perfect. Little bit cheesy but I’ll let it slide.”  “I’ll post another lot of photos with everyone else later and write a longer thing about how much fun this movie was and all of that, but I think this’ll do for the minute. Mary and Peter better fucking appreciate it.” 

That evening most of the cast and crew headed out for drinks at the local pub. The official party would come later but everyone needed to get out and celebrate for an evening. You and Ben stayed for a few hours, Ben getting a little more clingy with each drink he finished. You limited yourself to only a couple. Ben wasn’t going to be able to drive so you decided to fall on that sword, switching to water quite early on. When he reached the point of intoxication that had him constantly complementing everyone you decided to call it a night, taking a final lap to say goodnight to everyone. There were a few wolf whistles and slurred comments about getting some as you left, Ben’s arm around your waist and his laugh in your ear, but you waved them off and led Ben out to your car.   “C’mon Benny boy, I’ll drop you home.”  “What about my car?”  “Well you’ll have to come get it in the morning, won’t you.”  He hummed and lay his head against the back of the seat, chatting animatedly as you made the trip to his. You wished him goodnight as he got out of the car and watched him make his way up to his front door. There he paused, patting his pockets.  “Everything alright? You called out to him.  “I don’t have any keys,” he laughed, turning around to come back to the car.  “You fucking goon, did you leave them at the pub?”  “Guess so,” he shrugged, “Can I crash at yours?”  “Get in,”  “Thanks cuddle bunny, you’re the best”  You rolled your eyes, “Guess this means I’ll be your taxi tomorrow, running you around to find your keys and your car,”  “That’s what girlfriends are for,”  “If you say so.”  

Once at yours you headed to the kitchen to make tea, Ben following to grab a glass of water and a snack. He knew where you kept everything by now, making himself a sandwich with whatever he found in your fridge, and then carrying it out to the couch. By the time the teas were made Ben already had Netflix queued up, ready to play the next episode of the series you’d started watching together. Nearly Twenty minutes into the episode Ben’s phone dinged.  “Ah shit,” he said as he glanced at it, “forgot I said I’d call Joe. Do you mind if we pause the ep? We’re trying to organise travel stuff for him and it’s easier if we talk it through rather than texting it all.”  “Sure,”  “I promise I won’t be long.”  “Take your time, it’s fine,” you were already reaching for your laptop.  Ben smiled at you before ducking out of the room. You head him walking down the hall, footsteps fading as he got further away. For a while you just enjoyed the quiet as you checked your emails and social media profiles but after commenting on the photo Ben had posted and replying to a few messages from people you knew there wasn’t really much left to do. You drummed your fingers on your keyboard trying to think of another website you could visit. There was still no sign of Ben and you didn’t want to continue the show without him so you stood up, stretched, and headed back to the kitchen to grab some chocolate from the stash you kept. You were just about to shut the fridge when you heard Ben’s voice coming from the other side of the wall. Your spare room where he’d clearly gone to make his phone call.   “Yeah, Joe, I fucking know. But I don’t have much choice.” He sounded more sober than he had when he’d got up. There was a pause as Joe spoke and then you heard Ben again.  “I don’t know what I was thinking getting into this mess…..Yeah maybe. Doesn’t really matter though now does it…. What’s that supposed to mean? I can’t just call it quits now, the story is doing too well and Peter has assured me that the numbers are promising or whatever I don’t really know how they measure it. All I know is that people are going to see the movie because of us.”  There was a long pause. You quietly shut the fridge and took a step back towards the doorway. This was not a conversation you should be listening in to. But then Ben spoke again, and curiosity got the better of you.  “It doesn’t matter Joe. It doesn’t matter how I feel.” He laughed but it was completely devoid of humour, “Of course it sucks. It’s fucking shit, man. I just keep waiting for her to tell me she feels the same but it’s not happening…... No, I know it’s completely one sided…..No, I don’t think she knows. She wouldn’t have wanted to do it in the first place if she knew…. I just wish things were different. I love being around her and being able to hold her and kiss her but it fucking sucks that it’s only in public….. I don’t know. Maybe not filming together will ma-”  You could feel your cheeks burning as you tiptoed back towards the lounge room, not quite sure what to do with yourself. You paced back and forth for a moment before deciding to go to the bathroom, at least then Ben couldn’t walk in on you as you tried to process it. You let the door shut loudly behind you, hoping that if Ben had heard movement he’d think you’d just got up to use the loo. He couldn’t know you’d overheard him. You leaned against the sink and tried to make sense of what you’d heard. Ben couldn’t have a crush on you, he just couldn’t. But it was the only thing he could have been talking about. What the fuck did that mean for your arrangement? What the fuck were you meant to do now?

[angrylizardjacket]

the band with no name {Douglas Booth} 2

A/N: 1654 words. A bit shorter, but we’re getting into things now. idk how i feel about it, please give me feedback.

[PART 1]

Flop of The Month, your band, has an instagram account with exactly two posts on it, and Douglas feels like both and idiot, and a creepy stalker, for the amount of time he spends flicking through the two photos without actually liking them, for fear of you realising who he was.

Colson, however, seemed to have no such reservations.

“Look, I’m on their story,” Colson’s grinning from ear to ear as the cast and crew break for lunch the Monday after they’d seen your band play, showing Douglas his phone, and your band’s instagram story. It showed their notifications, highlighting how Colson had liked both photos and followed them, and had the caption ‘how’d the rap devil find us?’ and ‘not complaining tho’. 

“Bloody hell,” is all Douglas can bring himself to say, wearing a half-smile as they made their way to the costume department to get changed before lunch. It had been a low effort day, just jeans and t-shirts, but it was always safer to not eat in costume. Hair and makeup could stay and be touched up however.

Your band’s page had begun the day with 217 followers, and ended it with over a thousand. There wasn’t a link to your personal page, and so all he can do is scroll through your Facebook while waiting for Colson to be ready to go.

Y/N: weird question Y/N: also, hi Y/N: but yeh, weird question Y/N: was your friend last night mgk?

Douglas takes a moment to compose his thoughts before typing out his response.

Douglas: hi back Douglas: and yes.

There’s a few minutes of silence, and Douglas can feel his scalp itching beneath his wig, just a little, but he tries to ignore it.

Y/N: cool. Y/N: well it was nice meeting you guys!! Y/N: looking forward to seeing if ur band is real btw Douglas: probably wont be for a while Y/N: im happy to wait Y/N: if u want me there that is Douglas: if we ever actually play a gig, you’ll be the first to know

You send a blushing smiling emoji back, and Douglas finds himself strangely pleased.

“Is that her?” Colson asks, eyes shining as he pulled on his leather jacket; with his wig and makeup, he still absolutely looked the part. Douglas quickly slipped his phone in his pocket, knowing that a faint blush dusted his cheeks despite his best efforts. As he waffled his way through an affirmation, Colson’s smile just grew wider.

“I still don’t understand why you were being so vague; she probably would have jumped you there and then if she knew you were part of the Motley Crue movie, man.”

“Yeah,” Douglas said, his discomfort mounting at the insinuation, “that’s the problem, dude; first of all, I don’t know if she like the band themselves, or just the music, and if she does like the band,” he paused, shrugging a little, quietly embarrassed, “what if she likes them better than me?”

“They’re all married,” Colson says, like it immediately solves everything.

“Man, you know that’s not the issue,” Douglas sighed, but it’s clear he wasn’t done, and Colson just waited, eyebrows raised, “you know, girls who are like... like... how did you say it the other week? When that girl from Instagram was in your DMs every other minute?”

“Clout chasing,” Colson nodded sagely, suddenly understanding all too clearly his co-star’s apparent fears, “well she doesn’t know who you are yet.”

“Exactly,” Douglas exclaimed, glad the craft services tent was finally in view, feeling himself grow hungrier by the moment, “and I think I wanna keep it that way, just for now.”

“Better pray she doesn’t watch Jupiter Ascending,” Colson snorts, just as Douglas punches him in the arm. 

The next day, he messages you first, sends a photo of himself and the rest of the band out of costume, but holding their instruments, all wearing heels to help make it easier to wear them around set. 

Douglas: the band says hi Y/N: shit, you guys have instruments and everything Y/N: getting less sketchy by the minute

You follow it up with a winking emoji, and a photo of yourself, out in the sunshine, dressed impeccably, makeup dark and sharp, holding a stack of posters beside your head, advertising your band’s next gig; this Saturday.

Douglas: are you inviting me? Y/N: only if you’re saying yes

Your confident coyness amuses him, despite the way the shoes are pinching his toes, and he tells you he’ll be there.

The next day, you send a link to a band name generator, but more interestingly, you send it right around the time he’s getting his makeup done, early in the morning.

Douglas: early start? Y/N: my shop won’t open itself Douglas: your shop? Y/N: mini mall tattoo parlor hahaha

“She owns a tattoo parlor?” Daniel asks, reading over Douglas’s shoulder between takes, “you’d better make your move or Colson’s gonna go for her.” 

“Go for who?” Colson himself calls across set where his makeup’s being touched up.

“You weren’t meant to hear that!” Daniel shouts back, though he’s grinning, and adds, “Y/N. She owns a tattoo parlor.”

“Really, shit man, Doug she’s cool as hell,” Colson muses, before snorting, addressing Daniel, “gimme some credit, I’m letting the man shoot his shot; he’s my bro, not my competition.”

“Thanks man,” with the slightest smile, Douglas puts his phone away as the scene is reset around them, and Colson joins him in the middle of the living room set.

“I expect free tattoos, however,” he says with a faux seriousness, “because if you like her, like really like her, I’m gonna wingman the shit out of you.”

“Seriously?”

“Absolutely, man,” he claps Douglas on the shoulder with a surprisingly sincere expression.

It’s Colson who suggests, the following day, sending a video of Douglas playing the bass, asking if you had any pointers. They’re at band rehearsals again, blasting through their repertoire, when they get to Take Me To The Top, and as the song dies down, Colson makes the suggestion.

“Why are you filming it?” Iwan asks, and Colson’s smile is all teeth where he’s holding Douglas’s phone, answering before Douglas has the opportunity.

“Tryna help impress that punk chick from the band last weekend.”

“You’re actually talking to her?” Iwan asks with a bright, almost incredulous smile, “after everything that happened? She must really like you.” He muses, and Douglas feels his soul leaving this mortal plane.

“Smart move; asking for advice from her, lets her know you think she’s talented, and, well, you know,” Daniel shrugs, wiggling his fingers with a casual air. Douglas frowns, but Colson’s nodding.

“Exactly what I was thinking,” he agrees, and finally Douglas clues in. Dexterous fingers.

“Don’t be gross, guys,” he sighs, already regretting letting Colson help at all, “just take the damn video.”

It only takes thirty seconds for you to respond in All Caps.

Y/N: ARE YOU IN A MOTLEY CRUE COVER BAND

“I’m fucked,” Douglas mutters under his breath, staring wide-eyed at the message.

Y/N: you play so well dude just relax your stance and shoulders Y/N: fkn love take me to the top Y/N: seriously a motley cover band??? Y/N: you just instantly got 100x cooler

“Okay, maybe I’m not fucked,” he concedes after a moment, quietly breathing a sigh of relief.

Y/N: now i have to see u guys play!! Y/N: if that’s alright of course

“Nah, you’re definitely a little bit fucked,” Daniel offers over his shoulder, and Douglas pushes his face away.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Douglas grumbles, and Daniel shrugs bemusedly. 

“At least she thinks you play well,” but Douglas isn’t listening to him, he’s frantically tapping away on his phones, scowling, “what ‘re you doing?”

“Trying to come up with a name for our band -”

“Our fake band?” Iwan asks, arms crossed over his chest wearing an amused little smile, “do we have to play along with this too?”

“Not if you don’t want, just don’t... don’t tell her it’s fake is all.” Douglas offers, and the rest of the band nods.

“So how long are you going to play along with this bit?” Daniel ask, and Douglas heaves a sigh.

“Not sure; until I can trust that she’s not just in it to meet the actual band -”

“Which she doesn’t know you know,” Iwan interjected again, and Douglas nodded a little. After a beat, the rest of the band looked to each other, and seemed to share some sort of silent communication, before turning back to him.

“Okay,” Colson agrees easily, “if you’re serious about this chick you’ve known for five days,” he emphasizes, though Douglas doesn’t seem phased, “if we ever run into her, we’ll pretend we’re in a Motley Crue cover band.” He agrees, while Iwan and Daniel silently agree, though they look rather amused at the whole situation.

“There’s just something about her,” Douglas muses quietly.

“It’s the fact that she’s the coolest chick you’ve ever met,” Colson tells him with far too much authority, “and your little posh, school-boy brain wants to try something new.”

“Hey -” Douglas scoffed, though he was quickly talked over.

“She looks like she’d punch me in the face but I’d be okay with it,” Iwan adds, which, strangely enough, the rest of them agree to with various mischievous smiles. Douglas doesn’t exactly deny that he feels the same way.

“What’s our band name gonna be?” Daniel asks finally.

“The Fourskins,” Colson answers back immediately, grinning wide and proud of himself.

“Absolutely no-”

“That’s kind of genius,” Daniel snorts over Douglas’ protest, and so, on a three-to-one vote, their fake Motley Crue cover band is named The Fourskins, and Douglas kind of thinks he’d rather come clean there and then to you, rather than suffer through ever typing or saying that name to you. But he doesn’t. 

He really hopes you’re worth it.

[a-table-of-fics]

Oddworld: Conar’s Ambition, Chapter 1, Draft 1

           It was another uneventful day in Slog Hut 1884. Little Sloggies were being raised and trained. Food was brought in by the Mudokon Scrubs, and sometimes they would act as surprise treats for well-behaved, or simply fortunate, Slogs. Of course, they also had to clean up after the animals. The Sligs were too busy training them and making sure the Scrubs knew their place. They had a place to fill and a payroll to maintain.

Conar sighed as he punched in. Not that he didn’t enjoy his job; the visor, gun, and mechanical legs were the dream of any Slig. He was also fond of the Slogs. They were vicious, loud, and smelled awful, but there was something endearing about them.

But was it really worth being a nobody in a glorified animal pen? Making next to nothing overseeing both the future guard Slogs and the Mudokon janitors?

Eugh. Maybe he’d feel better if he caught a Scrub doing something wrong. Physical therapy was relaxing, he heard.

He walked out to the pens, passing several ravenous Slogs. They seemed to stare at him intently, but Conar knew they’d be trained and focused killing machines soon, and would be shipped off to Rent-a-Cop stations everywhere.

And Conar would remain assigned here. Maybe he’d be lucky and get a promotion from Slog Hut Corporal to Slog Hut Sergeant, but he’d still be here, just with a shinier pair of Slig Pants and maybe a small raise.

He shook his head. Sligs were supposed to know their place; it was part of the deal. What could he even accomplish if he had his things taken away? Crawling around without Slig Pants to hold him up, totally defenseless against people who would squash him after one look at his hideous unmasked Slig face.

He came up to his coworker, and gave a standard, professional greeting.

“Whaddap, you slime-skinned bastard?”

“Piss off,” came the return greeting. Conar’s colleague turned around, and only a Slig could see a grimace on another’s be-tentacled face, rather than casual boredom.

“Whoa. What’s gotten into ya, Wiren?”

“You ugly AND stupid?” came the tart response. “Boss is comin’ for a visit.”

Conar groaned. He completely forgot, but Wiren was right. Their Glukkon manager Zeb was gonna throw his weight around some today. Their pay was likely to be docked, but maybe it would sting a little less as they all sucked up to him.

“Well,” Conar said, hopefully, as they did last-minute patrol rehearsals, “the Anum Press said that we were sellin’ more Slogs than ever before. That oughta impress ‘im!”

Wiren shook his head. “Stocks been takin’ a hit since the Rupture farms fire. I don’t get it either, but the boss said sales don’t matter.”

Conar thought about this. It didn’t make sense. Gazillions of moolah and the stocks were crap?

They were stationed by the front-facing pens, so there wasn’t much to their patrol routes. They just had to make sure the scrubs were doing their jobs. A few shouts at and smacks upside the heads of the hapless Mudokons seemed like it was enough.

Conar felt his worries melt away as he enforced some discipline on them. It was what he was born for, after all.

“You call that feedin’?!” he demanded, hitting the back of one hapless Mud carrying an enormous bag of Slog chow. “You ain’t eating until all o’ the Slogs have! Now MOVE IT!”

The Mudokon grunted, stumbling a little on his path.

Conar heard Wiren behind him, repeatedly beating on one of the scrubs with the butt of his gun. He sighed. He’d be called a Mud-lover for weeks, but he never understood why his coworkers went to town when a simple jab or smack would do. Not that he cared about anyone under his charge, by any means – no self-respecting Slig employee would. No; it just didn’t make sense. If the Mudokons were here to work, they should be in decent condition so they can get it done.

With that in mind, he shoved Wiren to the side.

“What the hell? I was getting’ ‘im good!”

“Yeah, yeah, save some for the rest of ‘em. Now c’mon, we got a pissed-off Gluk to worry about.”

Wiren grumbled, moving back on path. Conar heard him grumble something about “no fun” and “scrub softie”.

Anyway, there was also the matter of which Slogs to showcase in the front pens. Neither Conar nor Wiren were in charge of those decisions, but it was known that they would need to help get the loudest, most vicious Slogs to the front. Obedience was the real goal, sure, but nothing impressed clients more than a slavering maw on legs ready to tear them a new one, apparently. Maybe they fantasized about those teeth ripping apart those beneath them.

Conar couldn’t reflect on this. Not only did he have the boss coming in, but he had the more pressing issue of one of the escorted Slogs breaking off its chain, and it was making a beeline for him. Without thinking, he turned to flee. He’d seen what happened to those who shot and missed. He’d rather step into the Recycler than suffer that.

The guffaws from his colleagues echoed in his mind as he ran, even though he would likely be doing the same any other day if one of them got into this. The laughs were being drowned out by the furious barks of the Slogs, but it was clear the other Sligs weren’t about to wrangle the animal until he gave this show an ending. He just had to get to the ladder, and he’d be fine. Hopefully, his co-workers could help get the thing back into its pen.

The Slog was fast, but Conar had a head start, and was quickly able to get to the ladder. He started to climb for safety, but a sudden weight and cheers from the other Sligs told him the Slog had clamped itself onto one of his mechanical legs. He looked down and, yup, the thing had its teeth imbedded into his lower leg. His joint whirred as he tried to shake the red thing off, but it held fast.

“It smells the Mudokon on ya!”

Wiren’s crack caused ripples of laughter across the workforce. Even Conar heard a chuckle come out of himself. You had to have a sense of humor at work.

Finally, after much shaking, the Slog slipped off its own saliva, grunting as it landed on the floor. Conar quickly clambered higher before it could focus on jumping at him again. The Slog was still snarling and snapping in his direction, and no one was too eager to move close.

Conar sighed. Seemed he would have to do this himself.

“Open that pen!” he yelled to a Scrub who was on cleanup duty in it. Without question, the Mudokon opened the gate. So there was that, at least, but the Slog wasn’t exactly inclined to go into the pen. Okay, lessee…

Moving carefully around the second floor, Conar guided the Slog into the pen, and shouted for the same Mudokon (he believed the scrub’s name was Mike) to close it. Mike made a mad dash out as the Slog shifted its attention to him, and quickly slammed the gate back shut.

“Right,” Conar said, as the other Sligs groaned. “Show’s over. Let’s try to make the boss happy for once.”

The rest of the time was spent trying to get everything perfected. Of course, there were a variety of stains on the floor the Muds could not scrub out, no matter how many whacks and threats they got from their managers. The tiling was still an ugly green, the Recycler looked as rusty and bloody as ever, and the back room with all the Slog huts was just too poorly-lit.

Still, the facility looked…at least a little more presentable. The Slig patrol routes were memorized down to each step, their guns were full and ready, the Mudokons were compliant, and the Slogs were not only safely contained, but slavering for anyone stepping out of line.

Everything was set up just in time – Zeb’s valet had come, clad in cheap brass armor and wielding a sizable hand cannon, to announce the boss’ arrival. Every other Slig’s posture unconsciously straightened around this higher-ranked one as he said “All right, you slack-jawed Stunkz, listen up! Zeb is here, and he’s already pissed, so make his day!”

Behind the valet/bodyguard, the unmistakable silhouette of a Glukkon stood. Orange eyes looked around, scowling as they searched for problems. Waddling forward, into the light of the Sloghut’s lobby, he revealed his unfeatured, deep blue suit, with a pin at the lower stomach area signifying his recent favor with the Magog Cartel.

Conar remembered the ceremony – very boring if you weren’t a moneymaker.

Zeb’s unusually thin mouth chomped on a small Sickly Smooth cigar – not a super-premium choice, but a far cry from the cheap Lungbuster cigarettes the middle management and security forces used. He waddled through the facility on a pair of shiny black dress shoes, barely acknowledging the saluting and bootlicking from his security, or even the cowering and sniveling from his Mudokon Scrubs.

He walked all the way to the back, and went up to the bulletin board, humming tunelessly as he assessed the personnel numbers.

“Oy!” he finally shouted, turning to the nearest Slig (Gurol from Slog training). “Explain why we have retired employees!”

“Ah, erm, sorry, boss! Some of the younger Sloggies are still teething, but…”

Gurol looked up at the board, reading the numbers.

“…That can’t explain all of ‘em, boss,” he noted. “We only ‘ad one Slig and a coupla workers get attacked back here…”

           “You serious?” Zeb asked, shaking his head. “You lot don’t know how much it costs to replace ya – you can’t even keep track of each other?”

           “Sorry, boss, but I’m in Slog trainin’. Maybe one of the front-facing guys can explain it.”

           The Glukkon turned to his valet and nodded. There was a little bit of spring to the Slig’s step as he marched back to the front of the facility, where the guards were patrolling once more.

           “You there!” he called out, grabbing the attention of the nearest Slig, who happened to be Wiren. “Boss wants answers!”

           Conar was about to follow as well, but he bumped into the valet’s outstretched hand.

           “Yer not desertin’ your post, Scrub-watcher. I just need the one.”

           “Yessir…”

           Conar couldn’t help but to chuckle a little as Wiren tentatively followed the high-ranking Slig. At least he wouldn’t be facing the boss’s wrath. He just hoped his co-worker wouldn’t cost him any of his pay.

           In the meantime, he knew that if anything worsened up here, it’d be on his head. So back to patrolling it was. He had to make sure the Mudokons didn’t relax just yet. Besides, he needed to keep his mind off the risks he might face. He could have his pay cut, get a reassignment to one of the worse Slog Huts, or even be fired and sent to Skillya as a soup ingredient.

           None of that. Focus on the job.

           Step, step, turn, step, step, step, hit Mudokon, step, turn…

            He had to give the Scrubs credit; the floor was less rough and grimy than it should have been.

           Step, step, hit Mudokon, turn, step…

           The Slogs up front seemed calmer, though the one that harassed him earlier still faced him at all times. It was less intimidating, but at least they were all still alert.

           Step, step, turn, step step…

           Okay, what was taking Wiren so long? He couldn’t keep concentrating on stepping and smacking Mudokons upside the head. He was supposed to start on his break ten minutes ago, and he really needed a Lungbuster, but if he left now, no one would be watching this Odd-forsaken floor, and he’d get chewed out for that. He just had to keep focus for a little while longer, that was it.

           Not like anything ever happened…

           The minutes stretched on and on, as did Conar’s need for a smoke. Nothing was happening, as usual, and his mind screamed that his break should happen now, if not sooner. Normally he wouldn’t have an issue just lighting up on his patrol, but it wasn’t technically allowed, for reasons Conar had trouble understanding. Everyone did it when the boss wasn’t around, and he wasn’t around often at all.

           Screw it. He was going to step outside. The Scrubs could take care of themselves for a minute.

               He was almost to the door when he felt a presence behind him. He turned, and winced as he saw those dress shoes tapping impatiently under that suit. Conar could hear that valet snickering behind him.

               “Uh, hi Boss. Just goin’ on break.”

               “Mhm. And I guess you’re leaving the Scrubs on their own, when there’s A KNOWN TERRORIST ON THE LOOSE?!”

               The secondhand smoke as Zeb leaned forward to get into Conar’s face wasn’t enough to satiate his needs, but it did help clear his head for a moment.

               “…But boss, that Abe guy was last seen at Rupture Farms, right? That’s nowhere near here!”

               “FEECO IS ON A COMPLETE LOCKDOWN RIGHT NOW!”

               “What?! When did that happen, boss?”

               “Watch the news for once, you insignificant ! It was just on an hour ago!”

               “Sorry, boss,” Conar said, shaking his head. “I was workin’ then. Couldn’t watch the tube.”

               “Well,” Zeb sneered, “the ‘tube’ says that that blue Mudokon bastard’s gonna try to break into Soulstorm! Is that close enough for you to take your job seriously?!”

               A cheer came from behind Zeb, cut short by a hand going over his mouth. It was one of the Scrubs, and Conar recognized him as the one he called “Slim”. Yeah, he probably had a name, but he was noticeably lankier than other Mudokons, and a little bit taller and thinner for it. Even his cap looked a little taller on his grey head. His yellow eyes quivered as Zeb’s valet spun around in an instant.  

               “Y’see?” Zeb said, over the sounds of punches and grunts. “We gotta keep ‘em in line in these trying times! If someone like that Abe guy shows up, who knows what’ll happen?! Moolah’s already tight as it is!”

               Conar had, just the other day, saw in the Daily Deception how Zeb and his associates at other Slog Hut chains gave themselves sizable bonuses this quarter. He silently thought about this.

               “Now, since your worthless co-worker couldn’t answer me, maybe you can …WHY ARE WE HAVING EMPLOYEES RETIRED!”

               “It ain’t my fault, boss! Idiots keep stepping into the Recycler!”

               He pointed to a giant fan of rusty blades that was on the wall opposite them. It was an effective way of making Slog chow, but all it took was one wrong step for the blades to start, and the suction power of the machine was insane. There wasn’t any way to turn the sensor or the fan off, either.

               “Well maybe if you bums didn’t try to sneak outta work, accidents could be prevented!”

               “It was past time for my break, boss…”

               Conar immediately winced, realizing who he said this to.

               “With your pay, I’d think you’d need the extra work time… LIEUTENANT!”

               The valet stopped beating Slim and was at his boss’ side in an instant, holding a notepad. “Yes, sir!”

               “Take a note! This incompetent Slog Hut is getting half pay.”

               “Already on it, sir!”

               Conar sighed. He could already guess who was going to have to deliver the news.

               “Oh, and there are gonna be some longer hours ‘round here… these upstart Mudokons need some closer watching. All hands on deck, at all times.”

               “Yes, sir,” Conar said, trying his best to keep his voice neutral.

               The lieutenant finished writing down everything, humming to himself the whole time. He pulled out a rubber stamp, signing the note on his boss’ behalf, before handing it to Conar. He read everything over, and his tentacles sagged as he saw Zeb nod at him. He started to walk over to the back, as he heard the boss and crony start to walk out the door. He overheard a little bit of their conversation as they left.

               “Smart way to save Moolah, sir!”

               “Just a few more cost cuts and Ma’s sure to be proud!”

               Slim gave Conar a weary look and slowly got to his feet. He was shaky, but he walked over and extended a hand for the note.

               “Wha…?”

               “C’mon,” Slim sighed, “I know you’re gonna have me tell ‘em anyway.”

               Conar looked at the note in his hand, then back to Slim. The guy already took a wallop, and such news would make him an outlet for Slig rage. Conar would enjoy the view as much as the next guy, but really, they were down enough workers as-is, and delivering news like these pay cuts was a good way to get a Mud thrown into the Recycler. Besides, the guy still had to clean up after the Slogs.

               “You tellin’ me my business?” Conar demanded, slapping the Scrub in the face. “Ya still gotta get the Slog crap!”

               He watched Slim carefully. The Mudokon’s eyes were wide as he rubbed his cheek, and it looked like he was trying not to smile from gratitude. Conar couldn’t stand it; he was a supervisor, dammit, not a caretaker!

               “And pick yer hat up! We got uniforms for a reason, and I don’t wanna see your ugly bald head!”

               That seemed to snap him out of it. Slim nodded and ducked to get his cap back on.

               The other Sligs reacted as well as could be expected. A lot of groans and pointing fingers echoed across the back room. Several Lungbusters came out and the room was quickly full of little red lights. The foul-smelling Slog Hut barely changed its smell. The Scrubs winced instinctively before the Sligs began to resume their duties their way. If the boss wasn’t around, why not? And they had a lot of stress they needed an outlet for…

***

               It wasn’t much longer until quitting time anyway. Conar didn’t mention that they were just being used as a ploy for Margaret favor; what would be the point? He was pretty sure everyone already knew. He simply waited in line to silently clock out. His fellow Sligs were already chatting as if nothing had happened, talking about different kinds of guns, grenades, and liquor. Not that Conar didn’t enjoy those things, but the boss had given him a lot to think about.

               No one noticed as Conar hailed a cab home. He’d normally hit the bar with his colleagues on days like this, but he wasn’t really up to the hell he’d get for delivering the news. He remembered the laughs he had when some other chump had to give the update. No Scrub was available, so the sucker was stuck paying on top of being raked over the coals after work was over.

               Conar was sure he’d still have to do that, but he wasn’t in the mood today. He just wanted to lie in bed for a bit, maybe watch some Name That Trauma, and get himself ready to endure another day. Thankfully, the Mudokon driving the cab knew to drive fast. Yelling at Scrubs was great, but it wore at the throat after a long workday.

               The cab stopped at a part of the city where a lot of Sligs lived. It wasn’t hard to tell, what with it looking like a barely-controlled war zone. Scorch marks, shrapnel, and bullet holes were everywhere. There was the smell of not only gunpowder, but also chemical weapons that were tested here. Even the Mudokon that dropped him off had a rag over his face ready. Conar never got it; every Slig knew the gas weapons were weak stuff. The Mudokons were just chumps, but that was no surprise.

               Conar pulled a keycard from a compartment on his pants’ waist, stepping over a broken mask and a discarded blunderbuss on his way to the apartment gates. He shouldn’t have bothered; he could see that someone smashed the lock again, and a couple of Sligs were working on it. One of them nodded absently while Conar just strolled in through the gate. Obviously, they weren’t security detail. They didn’t have the guns for it.

               No, once again the guy at the front desk had a pistol ready, loudly demanding to see the keycard of anyone coming in. Conar rolled his eyes as he showed his. The clerk grumbled, but let him in. Conar could tell the offending Slig was already taken care of; the clerk grumbled about “only gettin’ to take one shot” as he climbed the stairs.

               It was otherwise uneventful getting to his apartment, but Conar groaned as he opened the door. Ratz had gotten in. The place was more of a mess than normal, and green glowing eyes gave him a shudder. He knew it was a real load, but he couldn’t shake the feeling they were watching him, and taking mental notes for… something. He just wished they took notes of the gunfire that came their way when he came in. It was getting expensive for multiple reasons.

               And there was a reason outside of the bullets – this time he blew a hole into the wall. He could see his neighbor shooting out of bed with a start, turning towards him.

               “What the hell?!

               “Ech, Ratz,” Conar explained, taking another potshot.

               His neighbor rolled over, reaching for something.

               “No, don’t,” Conar said, shaking his head. “They’re already gone.”

               The neighbor sighed, carelessly dropping his gun again, and pulled the sheets over himself again.

               Conar walked over, and dragged his gun locker to cover the hole he made. He did not need this after a pay cut. What he needed was to unwind and turn the tube on. It took time to find the remote and dig through the fridge for some Paramite Pies, but it would be worth it for the season finale of Name That Trauma. It was always fun to see the Mudokons squirm and scream, and this one promised to have the most exciting and elaborate tortures.

               Thankfully, he got the TV on in time. Just at the end of the title card.

               It was a fine season finale, but Conar felt it was less creative and exciting than last season. It just wasn’t as fun when the Mudokons passed out before anyone could even answer.

               Still, it was good for taking his mind off things. He was able to guess along with the contestants, and more correctly than they were. He wished he was there on one of the podiums, because obviously none of the Glukkons, Sligs, or Vykkers they pulled from wherever worked security detail. He’d be able to retire a happy Slig. Hell, he could probably host. He’d put up with wearing that stupid fake toothy grin and gaudy wig if it meant he had moolah to throw around because people guessed things right.

               The Terminal Trauma round arrived. Conar was hopeful; they always saved the craziest and most challenging torments for last, and he hoped this would live up to expectations. Last season involved four different assaults on the Mudokon, one on each limb. How would the ante be upped this time?

               The hapless Mud shivered in the spotlight. His eyes darted nervously, as the crowd waited with bated breath. Two Sligs emerged from either wing of the stage, and the curtain came down…

               And that’s when an emergency bulletin from Magog on the March came on. Conar groaned; he knew that they’d be selling the season finale at an inflated price, and wouldn’t be doing reruns.

               “Special bulletin from the Magog on the March – news you can’t abuse!” the newscaster began. “Mudokon terrorist Abe was seen in Slig Barracks. General Dripik declares martial law!”

               The broadcast cut to a shot of the Glukkon general, surrounded by microphones at a press conference. Any Slig who graduated the Barracks could recognize him.

               “No mamby-pamby Mudokon meat puppet’s gonna make me look like a fool!” he barked. It was a similar inflection to the one he had at Conar’s class graduation speech, which was surreal to say the least. “We’ll have that traitor Abe in no time, or my name ain’t….uh…”

               All the brave resolve and vicious spittle stopped, as his one real eye looked around nervously. His brow furrowed.

               “Er…”

               “Dripik, sir,” Conar said, automatically. He could hear a chorus of the same coming from other apartments.

               Apparently, someone there reminded him too, as he perked up and repeated “DRIPIK! …I knew that, I-I did…”

               Conar sighed as the broadcast’s sponsor came on, M.O.M. ended, and it abruptly cut back to the credits of the game show. There went that highlight of the day.

               Amazing how some random Mudokon could have the big shots shaking in their expensive dress shoes. Abe had to have had that effect; why else would M.O.M. deal with this? Yet, such a powerful figure would be a humiliating way to be ruined? Sure, he was a Mudokon, but he’s the one who caused the Rupture Farms fire!

               “…gonna make me look like a fool!”

               Those words echoed in his head as Conar turned off the TV. He hadn’t put his mask or Slig Pants away yet; he was too distracted with the gears slowly turning in his head. Zeb seemed to be pretty scared of any of his Scrubs following in Abe’s footsteps, even as he and everyone else called them inferior.

               He looked at his pistol. He realized that Zeb might have the Moolah, but Conar might have the power to take it away.

               Of course, he mused, pacing around, he couldn’t do it alone; any Glukkon worth his suit had loyal security of some kind, who would eliminate any threat, no questions asked. He might become a very rich Slig, but he’d also be a short-lived one.

               The scary thing with that Abe guy is no one knew how he did it. How did he cause the Rupture Farms fire with nothing but a loincloth and a feather to his name? Surely if one Mudokon could cause such a ruckus, another could help him raise hell, too…

[pbandjesse]

Today didn't go exactly as planned but it was a really good day. This was a nice little vacation. I didn't spend to much money and i feel really happy. Im sitting in my hotel relaxing and enjoying my night. Im really looking forward to going home though. I miss my cat and my apartment and my boyfriend.

I slept really well last night. I woke up with the sun and I was so cozy with my feather pillows abd blankets. I stayed in bed until 830. Playing on my phone. Being comfy. It was really nice.

I got up and got washed. My makeup looked great. I felt really cute. It was a bit colder today but it was still beautiful. I had breakfast in the hotel's restaurant. I listened to my podcast and just wanted a chill morning.

I got my backpack and headed out into the world. I tried to walk out of the parking lot from the back side and i got turned around and while the veiws were beautiful I was annoyed with myself for going the wrong way.

I walked up to a local park that has a small museum on the property. But it was closed. Thats okay. I kept walking. Then I decided I would go to the Garden of the World. A private park that is set up to emulate different cultural landscapes. Cool.

I walked up to a 711 to make it easier for a lyft to find me. And I got there in less then 15 minutes. California is funny. It would have taken me 2 hours to walk to this place but it was a less then 15 minute drive. Everywhere has been like that. Its bizzare.

But we get out there and its closed. Until 1. Okay im bummed but its fine. Not a huge deal. I walked around that area and found a neat little store and got myself a hair clip that I have had on my wish list for a while. And I got Jess a present. I still had like a half hour until I needed to be at the meeting thing. So I walked.

I ended up finding a really awesome Portuguese cafe and I got their signature pastry which was essentially a warm baked pudding. Almost like a creme brullee. It was great. When I was done I called a car and headed to the meeting.

The gps got confused and me and my driver had some trouble finding the building. But we did it and I was on time. The lady at the front desk wasnt very nice to me. I told her what I was there for. Who I was supposed to meet. And she just said. I dont know what that is is who that is. And i tried to show her my itinerary and she snapped at me. And I was about to get upset but someone leaned over the wall and figured out what was going on and solved the problem. Thank you nice lady.

The meeting was funny. When they asked me to do it they said it would be about 10 to 15 people. And that was fine. But when I got there today it was only one person. Well the one person and the person running the meeting. I don't know what happened but it was funny to me. Like I still had a good time and it was nice to talk to them both butt they spent $300 a night for this hotel for me. And they flew me across the country. And it was only one person. We could have done this over Skype guys. Like I'm not going to turn down what has been a really nice couple days but it was just pretty funny.

I told you my story. I told him about my art and my history. Medication and trials and errors. Insurance issues and finding a doctor. All the scary parts that go around being a patient. Even though it was only the one person I was talking to I really hope that my story can be impactful enough that she will really understand when she's out trying to get doctors to carry this medication and to prescribe it to people that it's a big deal. And financially it's a lot. That just because it works doesn't mean that everyone can take it. It's not just about filling a prescription with this kind of thing. There's a lot that goes into it.

But it was a really nice hour. I was there until about 1 and then I went to call the car and head to my next thing. It was funny while I was sitting outside waiting for the car a guy walked past me and told me it was too cold for me to be sitting out there. And I'm not going to deny it wasn't chilly. But it was still about 55°. It was funny people were walking around and basically winter coats. And I had a sweater and a jacket on. I didn't even have double tights on! It was beautiful. Californians art week.

I took the lift up to the Thousand Oaks Mall. According to the internet there is a branch of the California Art Museum there. Cool. I decided to just wander the mall for a while first. It's a nice small. Have an indoor and outdoor apart. Lots of pretty fountains. I walked around the Disney Store and I'll look for new shoes. Because the shoes I wore are killing my feet. They will not be travel shoes ever again. I didn't have any luck with shoes but I was enjoying just walking around. And then finally I found the branch of the museum. Was to galleries. Except they were closed for a private event. Awesome. I was pretty dejected. This was now the third thing I had been to today that was closed. I went and sat down and called James. I just needed to talk out my feelings because I was feeling stupid.

He made me feel better though. I think I was starting to feel like other people were going to think I wasted my trip. Like I didn't go to the beach and I didn't see a ton of things. But I don't actually feel bad. I had a great time. I walked around. I cried at mountains. I bought little Trinkets and got to see a bunch of antique stores. I decided while we we're talkin that I would go back to the gardens of the world. It said it would be open to the public again at 1. And it was about 2:30. So that's what I did.

First though I decided to buy myself a present. I know it's just a couple days after my birthday and I said I would stop by myself things but I was a little upset and I bought myself a stuffed lion from the Japanese store. And I love him so much. He's so soft and he's slightly under-filled. He's just perfect. So I don't feel bad about my purchase at all. He's great. His name is Daniel.

Once I bought my lion I wandered out of the mall in search of the Goodwill that I read was on the other side of the mom. I did find it. It was a pretty good Goodwill but I didn't find anything I wanted. I was mostly looking at shoes anyway. There was a very cute bear shaped rocking horse and a small Hello Kitty car for toddlers. But I wanted to get to the gardens. And they were only open till 5. I didn't know how big they were and I didn't want to feel rushed so I called a car.

This is the first time ever I had that was chatty. He was really nice and asked me all about my life story. And we talked all the way until we got to the gardens and then dropped me off. It was nice.

The gardens were beautiful. Free to the public. Privately owned by an elderly couple. They had apparently owned a travel agency and when they sold it they decided to take their millions of dollars and open this 44-acre public garden. It was amazing. Completely privately funded.

I wasn't sure if I was allowed to take pictures. There are a couple signs that said stuff about like photographers and that you need a permit but I wasn't sure if they were talking about like pictures of people like wedding photos and then I saw one sign that said something about cell phones but I was confused so I only took a couple pictures on the down low. Just in case. It was mostly empty. A couple small groups besides me. I walked the whole ground and it was beautiful. There was a section that look like an English garden and one that looks like an Italian Villa with Italian cypresses in a fountain. Lots of fountains. Each little cultural section had a water feature. The Japanese pagoda was really pretty and it was just so nice. I walked it twice. The first time around just kind of sneaking pictures of my Furby and enjoying the quiet. It was a little cooler and clouds were rolling in but it was still very nice. I got to see a lemon growing on a tree for the first time in my entire life. That was really cool. And then I found a volunteer. He was a really nice guy. I asked him to tell me all about the gardens and he did and then I told him where I was from and got to tell him about ships and he turned out to be a volunteer at the Reagan Library. So that was cool meeting another Museum professional. And so I walked it one more time and really enjoyed myself. And then I headed out. I wanted to see what else I could do with my day.

When I had left from the gardens the first time I had made a left. So this time I made a right I walked and walked and then I was just too tired to walk anymore. And I really lucked out because as soon as I call the car it started to drizzle. And then it started to rain. Thankfully I was right next to a Starbucks and they had an umbrella outside so I didn't get all wet. And my driver was very fast. But I got in the car and it started pouring.

I have the car take me up to the Target. And the rain had started to Peter out by then. But it went into Target and I found some sneakers. They have memory foam insoles. And they're very comfy. I also got a juice that is fine but kind of grassy tasting. And then we just walked around the shopping center. I went and all the little stores. Enjoyed the scenery. I was kind of on the top of a hill and I could see the mountains on all the sides and it was just so pretty. I don't know what it is about the mountains here but they make me want to cry when I stare at them for too long. I just find them so beautiful. It's different than the ocean which causes a different reaction in me. If I had another day I would probably try to get out to one of the mountains again like I did last time I was here. But It's okay that I didn't do that this time. I'm a little too sore from all the other walking I did to get lost in the mountains where I can't call a car when I run out of steam.

I just had to get something to eat and was a little frustrated because I couldn't find just like a grilled cheese sandwich anywhere. But I ended up at a brewery in the shopping center that was really cool on the inside. I liked the big silver Brewing machine things. And the food was good. My waitress was really nice. And I just listen to my podcast and enjoyed myself.

It was really running out of steam though. I thought the food would help but it didn't pick me up as much as I was hoping. I was a little disappointed in myself because I had tried to find the postcards or something to give as gifts to people. And I just completely failed. I couldn't find anywhere that sold anything like that. Thousand Oaks isn't really a tourist destinations they only have anyting. And so I kind of wandered around the shops longer to try to see if I can find anything similar to that. But I didn't have any luck. I'm hoping maybe tomorrow at the airport I can find a couple things but I'm not holding out hope. Because I have assumed it's going to be incredibly expensive if I can find anything at all. We'll see. I was trying not to be too hard on myself though. No one's going to be mad at me. Even though I'm afraid that they will be.

But like I said I was getting really tired. I went back to the Target one more time just to see if I can maybe find any California type stuff there but like I said Thousand Oaks isn't really a tourist place so no luck. I tried on a sweater and then I just decided it was time to go back to the hotel. I caught a car and then I got back and I was very happy to be here.

I ran a bath and I'm packed my bag. Started packing my actual suitcase bag. I might have to use both backpacks. I haven't exactly figured out that part yet. But I'm not that concerned. My bath was really nice. I got a bloody nose while I was in there but it wasn't too bad. Mostly just surprised me. Put away things and put my outfit out for tomorrow. I packed what I could. Put all my receipts in one bag. And now I'm just kind of sitting here and watching videos. I'm going to go to sleep soon though. I'm really tired and I got to wake up early to get the ride to the airport. They're coming to pick me up at I think 8:15. My flight is in two parts. I think I'm flying to Chicago and then from Chicago to Baltimore. I'm not positive it's Chicago though. Wherever it is I have an hour and a half there so I get to at least get a snack if not dinner. It's going to be a long day though. I don't get back to Baltimore until about 10 p.m. and then I work Friday morning at 9 at ships. So that's like a whole thing. Pussy town Much sleep I can get on the airplane but I'm not holding out hope. I hope you guys all have a great night. Wish me luck tomorrow. It's going to be a long travel day. I'm really excited to be in the same city as my boyfriend and my cat. Though I am a little sad I missed the snow storm today I'm glad that it's not going to affect my flight tomorrow. I hope it's just a really nice day. Sleep well everyone.

[tumblunni]

Me in the hospital: i cannot sleep for 24 hours, the slightest noise is blaring, i am perpetually anxiety adrenaline

As soon as i get home: has the best sleep of my life

I usually take an hour to get to sleep each night but i totally just curled up like a snail and dropped into dreamland instantly. And i woke up to a nice warm house cos the heating turned on while i was asleep, and now all the anesthetic is completely worn off so i feel energized and great! And my throat pain has eased up so thankfully i wont have to be liquids only for as long as i thought. I was all hyperactive and cooked a great fancy omelette and it tastes like heaven itself! Its so weird how stuff tastes slightly diffetent when its the first time youve been able to chew with the right side of your mouth in five years. I guess the tastebuds on the sides of your tongue are slightly different? When i eat everything now im gonna be rolling it all over my mouth like WOW ITS ALL SO NEW AGAIN! Will probably look nuts in the middle of mcdonalds with my cheeks puffed like a squirrel XD

Oh and this is also a great excuse to drink loads of chocolate milkshakes from my milkshake viking mug! I feel so energized with calcium and yums!! EVERYTHING TASTES SO NEWWWWWWW

Oh man i do feel a bit sleepy again now after just being up for a few hours tho. I have these good jaw pain specific medicines i have to take for the next two weeks til my followup appointment to check if theres any infection left. But man i feel SO ALIVE AGAIN im pretty sure all the rot is gone! It feels so wild having space in my mouth and not constant clenchy tightness. It actually hurts less recovering from the surgery than it did before, lol! I can feel all my teeth moving apart again and loosening up into normality and the gums healing up all their injuries and oh god i just love how they cleaned out all the broken parts of my teeth and capped them with these great replacements that look so real you'd never be able to tell! My smile looks not ugly!! My smile looks not ugly!! Aaaaa! I just expected regaining the right side of my mouth, i didbt expect to e like "holy shit it must have hurt even more than i realized cos this feels so amazing now". Like i guess i got used to putting up with it and forgot how it felt to not have painmouth? Underestimated how good a teeth can be! And man i never asked for reconstructive cosmetic stuff too but they did these caps and aaa my teeth never looked his good even when they were new!! My front teeth were always crooked even before they did the weird balogna slam together and shattered into a pile of crap. And now they look like perfect supermodel teeth!! The only side effect is that its a lil hard to get used to the lack of gaps between them now after so long dealing with the shattered mess. My tongue keeps being like "oh no did something get stuck in the gaps again oh wait there arent any" and then i subconsciously try to clean them after taking every bite and just bite my tongue instead. Man i never noticed i picked up a bunch of weird mannerismd cos of tje bad teeth! I was constantly paranoidly checking my mouth 24/7 in case the slightest thing made it even worse, and eating super gently so that nothing accidentally touched the Wrong Tooth and set off a jolt of pain. And i actually needed to get a filling put in on the leftmost back tooth that was the ONLY TOOTH I COULD USE TO EAT WITHOUT PAIN for all this time! Overuse of it meant that it got ground down a little and probably would have become painful too if i'd left it any longer. Then i really would have been all soups all the time and that sucks!! Soups are good but nothing but then gives u stomach issues. The bad poops!!

Man sorry im rambling so much im just so hyper and happy and also still kinda dopily sleepy! Im not still delirious or anything i just feel the happy kind of sleepy where the anesthetic is all gone and its not "oh god i cant stay awake" and more natural sleepyness of a long day being over and everything being okay. I had such a good long nap and i feel well rested after getting so little sleep beforehand due to all the dumb anxiety. And i still feel dozey but happy doze~

Anyway its awesometo be able to really chug and crunch a foods! With the other side of my mouth i forgot about! And taste milkshake to its fullest extent!! Oh and whats weird is that the reconstructive surgery capping on my front teeth means that theyre kinda one tooth now? The caps are all linked in a single piece to fill the gaps fully without even the natural ones you'd have on healthy teeth. So its like a solid tooth guard just sculpted to look like three teeth. Itll be tricky to train myself out of thts subconcious rubbing the gaps with my tongue when theyre not even there. But i expect once i get over the unfamiliarity this triple cap will be really useful! Theyre totes reinforced so that even if i do get tight mouth problems again and the front teeth take the brunt of the pressure, now theres no gaps to smash into each other and become a painful mess. Its like scaffolding reinforcing my whole mouth by fixing the loadbearing beam, or something.

Oh also these pain meds make u a little bit more sleepy than normal paracetamol so i'll probably doze off again soon. But hopefully i will have slept off most of the "healing debt exhaustion" tomorrow and will be able to go walk down the shops and buy some icecream and other soft food. I mostly stocked up on purely liquid food cos i tjought my mouth function would be more limited. But honestly the teeth are working so much better than before, they were already so swollen and painful that i couldnt crunch stuff! Now the mild discomfort of mid-healing from surgery feels like barely anything and i bet i could bite thru a goddamn rock right now! I just cant really swallow crunchy stuff or stuff thats too salty or citrusy. I didnt even know about the stabbity throat pipe so i didnt expect it to be the most painful part that takes the longest to heal. It feels so weird cos i keep coughing like my brain thinks theres phelgm stuck in my throat when its actually a skin flap/blister from the insertion. So obviously that aint going anywhere and i have to try and force myself not to cough or swallow or else i set off this cjain of "must get thing out of throat must puke" reflex. And the pain feels like a sore throat but it isnt?? Its not really inflamed ot anything its just an actual friction burn on the opening of my airway. Which is not a common occurance so the brain is justvlike "what the fuck is happening, must send all contradicting signals at once!" So sore throat medicine wont work cos that goes down your throat passage to your stomach when really this lil skin tag blister thing is in the lung throat opening thing. And sucking on throat sweets made it worse cos all the muscles were really tense around the area where the tube was inserted, hence why it was hard to swallow food even tho it was my windpipe that hurt. And sucking on something is kinda like perpetually swallowing nothing, when you think about it? Im glad that the muscle tenseness is mostly gone now and the painkillers are helping with the ouch, and my brainis getting usedto not coughing and making it worse. But still should eat soft easily swallowable stuff for a lil while and it'll be fun to go aroundthe shops with my last pocketful of change and find neat ingredients to stick in omelettes. Im so excited to taste all my favourite things in new HD functional mouth power!!! And i can smile at the shopkeeper!!!

And oh man i really do think that my sleeping problems with stiff neck and that kind of 'bloodrush to the head' migraine were indeed part of the bad wisdom teeth bleeding internally under the gum. I thought it had to be that cos nothing else in my life changed around that time aside from getting a better and healthier bed which should have been beneficial to my neck. And even going back to sleepong on the floor like before didnt make a difference so it definately wasnt the bed! And it kept getting worse while nothing was changing, and i kept trying different things like changing my pillows and headphones and cutting caffeine out of my diet and eating more salt and eating less salt and fuckin ANYTHING ELSE cos i knew if it really was the dumb tooth being infected then there was nothong i could do about it til my surgery day arrived. Itd be such a relief to know for sure that it was indeed the tooth and now that nonsense is gonna be gone forever! But also thats really worrying to know that it was getting so bad it could have spread an infection to my jawbone and the top of my spine if itd been left much longer. I kept sneezing up blood lumps like the size of a fifty pence piece! Had never had nosebleeds for a decade and now suddenly all the time! God it feels so good to be able to lay my head down and not feel all woozy and tense im the forehead or neck. I really hope this good neck untenseness continues and the awful aches really were just the tooth. But everyone in the hospital was so nice that i think even if i do need a second surgery to check for jaw infection then id be able to be less nervoud than i was this time

Man do u ever get that thing where youre so peaceful and contented that like you can breathe easier? Like subconciously taking bigger breaths and the middle of your chest feels slightly puffed out and warm. I guess thats what the "heart leaping in yout chest" idiom is meant to refer to, lol! Or maybe i can just literally breathe easier cos the tooth pain might have been passing into my nasal cavity too, lol. My entire head feels so less tense!! Its like all my bones were rebelling against me and now they're at peace again!! Man i feel so giddy happy like i chugged a giant energy drink or something but its the opposite its a good sleeps drink XD

So im gonna go lie down again and have a relax and watch a movie or something and see if i pass out when the medicine kicks in, or if its not too bad and i can still continue my hyper mood. But my nap was so long that its too late to go to the shops now anyway so i'll just make more plain omelette and milkshake if i get hungry. I mean it doesnt taste plain when all my sense of taste is so amplified likethis! I dont mind if its all i can eat all week. PURE MILKSHAKEY DECADENCE

Aaaaa im just so happy!! I missed my chance to get the new. Kingdlm hearts but ive beenwaiting fkr this surgery for ages too and it feels like just as much of an exciting relief!

[oceanbreaks]

they call me an ugly white man’s whore … but HE KINDA CUTE Ok , even tho my friend said he looks like ned from horton hears a who and i can’t stop thinking about it … ANYWAYS ! tl;dr is below but a right mess , so apologies in advance . also wanted connections for ALL THREE OF MY CHARAS ! pls feel free to come and plot with me i want plots with every single one of y’all ‘cos im Greedy:tm: , alternatively , like this post and i’ll come to you !

⋆ ◦ ° ☾ paddy considine + male + he/him — have you met ethan rylance? they are a forty three year old known around town as the entangled. they’ve been in the gang life for seven years, and currently work for the savages as a medic. they are a bisexual virgo, which means they are steadfast + tender, as well as reticent + weary. annotated articles, the crunch of leaves under chelsea boots, reluctant acceptance . × tasha. twenty. she/her. est. ×

⁃ [ mconahey hey hey vc ] alright , alright , alright … this bitch never knew his father ! probably for the best, but surprise he was off in valdez up to no good, him and his dearest ma were in the city of stars ( angels ? ) LA ! his mother was an aspiring actress who never made it, but did her best to support him all the same . it made him kinda v independent , with a lot of time to himself which he spent mostly in nature b/c la has some rly nice hiking trails omg

⁃ suffers from ptsd stemming from a car accident he was in when he was like sixteen, resulting in the death of his step-dad and a rly bad stammer that he went to therapy for . 

⁃ mr. ethan was always curious abt his but his mom was adamant on telling him anything until he was eighteen . when he turned eighteen , his mom was like ye he’s in valdez i don’t talk to him but like do what u will with that info !

⁃ he takes a trip down to valdez to discover his dearest daddy is just bumming around total deadbeat… Sad  but ethan so very longing for that father figure keeps in touch, and gets to know him and for the most part rly likes him . discovers he has an alcohol abuse problem , most likely stemming from ptsd from vietnam .

⁃ anyhaps he doesn’t stay in valdez b/c he’s like nah .. not my scene lmao , but goes to school a couple states over in arizona , so he can be close to his momther and father … aw , but closer to mom cos she’s more Valid but he keeps in regular contact with his father and tries to see him at least once a year

⁃ he studies psychology and loves it , loves school , becomes a counselling psychologist specifically for those with ptsd ( but also has the right requisites for like psychiatry cos he took bio or whatever life sci requisite u need idk ) 

⁃ ok bare with me cos im not even sure on the details, but in the span of him first meeting his pops and now , dad ends up in jail ( he owed money to the savages, so did a job to pay it off which included a home invasion with several other ppl in which one person died, even tho he wasn’t the one who shot him , he took the fall cos he was pretty expendable considering he wasn’t actually part of the gang ) , ethan offers to help with costs of legal advice and his sentence is reduced to like ten years

⁃ n his dad is like hey im out ! come chill xd and ethan’s like ok !! and he comes and it turns out his dad’s been out of jail for like six months and has already amounted a debt against him so he’s doing jobs for the savages again ? and is like lol wanna help ,, , and a 35 year old ethan still vying for his father’s acceptance is like ok .. . ig

⁃ so he delivers some drugs ( his dad comes up with some bs excuse like the ppl he’s meant to deliver to will recognize him n beat him up or something ) but apparently it was the savages set up to kill his pops 1) b/c he’s a general nuisance and 2) so he wouldn’t speak out against them regarding the home invasion as he’d been trying to get outside law help to prove his innocence even tho it never amounted to anything

⁃ so instead ethan gets brutally beat up instead and nearly killedt until the assassin or whoever is like .. . im p sure the target’s meant to be older ghjfkfgh ( this wouldn’t be like assassin incompetence they were prolly just told kill the guy who shows up with the drugs xoxo ) the ptsd is NOT thriving ... 

⁃ as soon as he’s out of the hospital ethan goes stupidly all high and mighty to the savages hq being like wtf is up kyle , and they’re basically like,  if u wanna protect ur dad u gon have to stick around in valdez and mr. deadbeat dad over this is putting on the puppy eyes like pls dont let me die lol and reluctantly he’s like aight fam i got u

⁃ SO NOW HIS DAD’S JUST LIKE A 60 YEAR OLD SOD deadbeating around valdez basically trapping him and which rly shows his father’s true colours ( also did he kno that ethan cld’ve gotten killed .. maybe so ) and yet the amount of reverence ethan still holds for him is .. Crackhead level

⁃ honestly it’s been ten years and doesn’t know if the threat still stands but valdez has kinda been ingrained in him at this point and although he wants to leave he can’t bring himself to , it’s also why he doesn’t switch to the cobras even though he has plenty reason to  - feeling like participation in the feud would only ensnare him more

CONNECTIONS

crack open a cold one : he loves beer okay .. let him crack open a cold one with the boys . that’s it , that’s the connection .

person who tried to assassinate him : he probably hates him ! still has nightmares about that night , so thanks for that ! wld be a rly cool connection to take up , and just wanna emphasize that whoever higher up probably just told the assassin to kill the person who showed up with the drugs so /technically/ it’s not their fault, but it is THEIR FAULT that they’re a frikken murderer ! all my charas a cowards , we been knew .

person who killed someone in the home invasion thingy resulting in his father going to jail : ethan probably hates this person too ! he has a lot of hate to go around .

hook-up : he’s 45 , not dead … though he’s not the biggest age gap stan , again , he’s a COWARD .

ex from before valdez : he probably lost contact with everyone when he came to valdez , sad , idk how this one would work honestly, but if they’re not from valdez hmu we can figure something out and hc !

ex in general : can healthy relationships exist in valdez ? exactly . someone who tries to convert him to cobra-hood omg : i mean he has a lot of reason to but just never bit the bullet idk !

therapy, bitch ! : come talk to him , let him counsel u uwu , need an unbiased ear ? he’s ur man !

FRANCES !

law clerk or crooked cop : this is kinda integral to her plot, basically the person who made sure she didn’t go to jail when she accidentally killed her father , i feel like frances would feel super indebted to them , but also hold the slightest bit of resentment towards them because she feels as though she deserves to go to jail .

college friend : if there are any students in this hizzy house , hmu ! someone she partied with in the brief time she was in college , and then also someone who introduced her to the clubs . can be the same person or someone else , but also someone she loves dancing with . also someone she can be a nerd with and like rent out a space or come to the club when it’s not open and learn dumb dance routines like the one from riverdale dhjfgf , I JUST REALLY WANT HER TO LEARN THE DANCE OK !

friend who comes over to dinner : listen her grandma worries abt her a lot ok and is always like do u even have friends lmao, so GIMME SOMEONE who comes over to dinner and says yes when gma offers a second serving and quells her grandma’s worries about frances .

BOBBY !

childhood friends : okay consider this, listen to sticks ’n’ stones by jamie t , and give me a friendship based on that ? basically kids who just got into a bunch of shit together ,  mostly this iconic lyric : and rushed back to your momma’s flat , it’s the only place but home i feel relaxed enough to crap , i know it sounds crude , but there’s something to that . since bobby was basically jesus of suburbia , it’d be cool if the friend was probably like had some connection to the trouble ja feel .

fellow movie buff : god this’d be so pretentious i hate it already, but gimme someone who also nuts over old film , and criticizes blockbusters or in opposition someone who argues for the validity of marvel movies shdfjdf - it’s jus a fun dynamic , movie night , CUDDLING , POPCORN ! getting blasted and watching requiem for a dream , then going on a bad trip because they got blasted and watched requiem for a dream fhgdf

drug dealer : a man likes his drugs , we been knew . pretty basic . but ! uk what would be cool , if the drug dealer was older / same age as him and it was the dealer who got him into the gang , uwu solidarity ! i figured they had like a brief romance , remained good friends idk , we could figure it out . but if not , just regular drug dealer . he’s like hit me with the good stuff , he’ll take anything he’s not picky , just an addict .

[min-drop]

Your blog is great I really enjoyed reading it xd How abt Jimin x Hobi teachers au? They obv look like they both have a thing for each other but don't rlly do anything abt it until...one day BAM! Again, love your works 🌻🌻🌻

yesss jihoppeeee. its not even my otp but im so here for it ?? then again i literally love all jimin ships

also tysm

          “Okay guys, good work today, go get changed.”

Hoseok dismissed his class of thirteen to fourteen year olds, walkingto the corner of the room to turn off the generic rhythm music thatwas playing as the pitter patter of kids leaving filled the hall.This was the one time of the school day where he wasn’t thinkingabout kids or lesson plans because he was thinking about foodinstead. In around five minutes, the bell for lunch would soundthroughout the entire school and Hoseok was free to go and devour thefood he had packed for himself this morning before he left. Hoseokhad been a dance teacher at this high school for roughly two yearscome April, and it was the best job he’d ever had. He was doingwhat he loved still – dancing – but at the same time he was alsopassing on that same passion to younger people, and even if only twoout of fifteen people in a class began to love it just as much as hedid then he was doing something right. He pushed his black hairback, sighing as he stretched his back a little, he always preferredto put as much energy into his lessons as he expected the studentsto so he always ended up a little sweaty at the end. Not that heminded much.

           “Hey, how was class?” He turned around to see afamiliar smiling face peeking around the double doors. The appearanceof the brunette man put a soft grin on his face, and he waved theother inside, shaking his head and ruffling his hair up so he lookeda little more presentable.           “Hey Jimin.” Jiminwas a little shorter than him with chubbier cheeks that alwaysbunched up when he smiled or laughed and made his eyes look likecrescent moons, not that Hoseok always paid that much attention…“Yeah, it was good. There are a couple students in this class I’mpretty sure are going to sign up for the summer show.” He said,noting that Jimin had loosened his navy tie and unbuttoned the firsttwo buttons of his white blouse for comfort, knowing that he didn’tlike when things were too tight and stuffy.           “Yeah?”Jimin’s voice was light and airy too, Hoseok found it pleasant tolisten to – it had this calming and relaxing effect on him that nomatter how tensed or riled up about something he was, all he had todo was simply talk and listen to Jimin and it was as though he waslistening to a lullaby and could momentarily push down those negativefeelings. “I think the show will be really good this year. I have acouple bands that are really serious about music who are going to doit.” So with a voice like that, it makes sense that he’s a musicteacher. The passion Hoseok has for dance is exactly how Jimin feltabout music and performing in general, though while Jimin wassomething of a dancer himself, he chose to focus more on music as acareer path and Hoseok was secretly glad. If he hadn’t, Jimin would neverhave applied for the music teacher position at this school and Hoseokwould never have met him.           “Good.” Hoseok nodded,trying not to get too distracted by that little glint in the youngerman’s eye or the way he crossed his arms and jutted his hip out tostand comfortably.           “You sound a little out ofbreath.” Jimin chuckled, teasing him a little but still sporting anunderstanding smile.           “Just a tad.” There was apause after that, and they both looked down at the ground, unsure ofwhat to say. Jimin worried his bottom lip, playing with the fabric ofhis shirt before he cleared his throat.           “Do youwant to get lunch?” He asked, and Hoseok wasn’t expecting thequestion, so he simply said the first thing that came to mind withoutmuch thought.           “I brought my own today.” Which hethen realised made it sound like he didn’t want to get lunch withJimin. Which he did. He very much did.           “Oh okay.”Jimin put on a smile, looking a little awkward. “Nevermind then.”           “No, we can still…We can still eat together. If you want.” He tried to salvage thesituation. After all, any time he had with Jimin alone always endedup being a time that left butterflies in his stomach and made himforget that he was almost 26 years old.           “It’salright, I should probably get some marking done anyway.” Jiminshrugged, putting his hands in his trouser pockets and clicking thepen that was left loose inside.           “We could get lunchtomorrow?” Hoseok quickly interjected, knowing by the shuffle ofJimin’s feet that he was getting ready to leave.          “It’s Saturday tomorrow, Hoseok.” Jimin scoffed, an endearinggrin on his face replacing the previous stiff one that was hidingdisappointment.           “Yeah?” Hoseok wasn’t quitegetting what Jimin was insuating, not seeing the problem.          “Well, we’re not at school on Saturdays...” Which is whyJimin’s explaination had his mouth gaping open in an ‘o’ shape.           “You’re right, sorry.” He laughed, shaking hishead at himself and leaning his hands on the rail against the mirrorbehind him. “Monday then.”           “Yeah, cool.Monday.” Jimin nodded his head in confirmation, smiling down at thefloor. Once again, they reverted into silence until Jimin’s footstepped backwards with a hesitant tap against the floor. “Erm.Well… I’ll see you around.” He said and Hoseok nodded his head,waving as Jimin eventually turned around to walk properly away.          “Yep.” Hoseok whispered to himself, his hand droppingdown to his side with a sigh as the door swung closed behind theyounger man.

Hoseok wondered why he could never have a normal conversation withJimin. The two could talk for hours and hours about anything andeverything but by the end of it, it was always awkward. He didn’tknow if it was his fault or Jimin’s – most likely both of them –but whether it was conflicting plans or reluctant goodbyes, Hoseokalways felt that uncomfortable feeling in his chest that made himwant to scrunch his face up and sigh loudly in an attempt toalleviate said feeling. Maybe it wasn’t necessarily awkwardness butHoseok still found himself mulling over words he could have saiddifferent or things he could have done instead when it came to Jimin.Only when it came to Jimin.

          “You’re hopeless.” Yet another recognisable voicedrifted into the dance hall; this time it made Hoseok roll hiseyes with a groan.           “Yoongi, I swear you are alwayseavesdropping on me.” He huffed, pulling away from the mirror asYoongi walked over to him.           “No, I came by to see ifyou were finished with your class and I heard you and Jimin talkingand I can’t pass up on anything that might give me a reason totease you.” The older maths teacher hummed, a mischievous grin onhis face as he popped a crisp in his mouth from the packet he washolding in his right hand. “And your plain awkwardness is enoughfor that.”           “Oh shut up.” Hoseok frowned, notbothering to tell Yoongi that he couldn’t eat in here because theolder man would just continue anyway and tell him that he has tobecause he needs his sustenance.           “You two confuseme.” Yoongi said, loud crunching following his words. “Youliterally turn into teenagers when you talk to each other. ‘ohum, sorry… I, I mean if you want. Oh’.”He pulled a face and mockedthe way Hoseok and Jimin had spoken with each other, definitely notacting his age and pulling yet another eye roll from the dancer.          “Okay, I get it.”Hoseok started organisingthings, pulling the plug out of the wall and rolling the long wireup.          “Why don’t youjust ask him out to dinner or something? You’re both grown adultswhat’s the worst that can happen?” Yoongishrugged, speaking with his mouth a little full and Hoseok let out along breath before replying.          “He says no andwe have to live awkwardly avoiding each other which will beimpossible because not only are we co-workers but we work in the samedepartment and have to work together for the performing arts shows.”Yoongi looked at him with adead stare and Hoseok stared back with an equally blank gaze.          “You’rehopeless.” Yoongideadpanned before he turned on his heel and walked away, leaning hishead back to tip the rest of his crisps into his mouth whilst Hoseokglared at his back.

It’s not as if Hoseok didn’twant to ask Jimin out. He definitely did. However, it had been solong since he realised he had feelings for the younger man that hewas worried he would ruin things between them if he tried to pursueanything further. In hismind, even though Jimin doesn’t give him any inclination that hewould say no, there was no explicit reason for a yes either and theuncertainty was Hoseok’s biggest problem in trying to find thecourage to finally ask…

                                                              ~~~

So once again, Hoseok found himselfthinking of Jimin as he sat on his couch not watching the TV that wasplaying a show he didn’t recognise. Hetapped his fingers on the arm, puffing his cheeks in boredom.

However, his boredom wasn’t goingto last very long as there was faint knock at his door. At first, hethought he was just hearing things as it was so quiet but then itrepeated, much louder but still hesitant sounding. With a confusedpout, he stood up and pulled his shirt down a little, making his waypast the kitchen and through the hall to the front door. He had noidea who was knocking at his door at 7pm, it definitely wasn’tYoongi because Yoongi didn’t leave his house for anything but workor to go to a pub and if it was going to be anyone else, theywouldn’t come unannounced. Without any expectations, he reached hishand out and enclosed it around the cold handle, turning the lockwith his other hand.          “Oh, Jimin. Hey.”Hoseok opened the door to seethe slightly wind blushed face of the music teacher, hands in his coat pocketwith a scarf wrapped around his neck and touching the bottom of hislip. He looked bundled up despite the dashes of pink acrosshis cheeks and nose.          “Hoseok.” Jiminsmiled, bowing his head a little and sniffling.          “What are youdoing?” Hoseok asked, alittle confused and slightly concerned at how cold Jimin was lookingand sounding. Jimin looked down at his feet, rocking back and forth alittle.          “Well, I justwanted to take a walk and I guess my feet just took me here.” Hesaid with a shrug, glad that he could hide his blush behind the coldthat had been nipping at his face.          “I’m surprisedyou remember where I live.” Hoseokchuckled, stepping out of the way to let the younger man in, noddingat the small utter of a ‘thank you’ sent his way.          “Well, I’vebeen here enough.” Jimin said, unwrapping his scarf and taking his coat off, slightlytaken aback when Hoseok took them off of him to hang up.          “What’s up?”He asked, doing a good job athiding the fact he was slightly nervous Jimin was currently in hishouse for the fifth time but it was the first time he had come completely out of his own volition.          “Erm, nothing…Like I said - just took a walk.” Thebrunette said with pursed lips, clasping his hands together in frontof him and swaying a little on his feet. Avoiding Hoseok’s eyes forsome reason.          “You came herethough. You could have gone anywhere else.” Hoseoktook a teasing tone, walking to the kitchen with Jimin trailing behindhim.          “I guess I justwanted to see you.” Jiminsighed, smiling and leaning on the counter as Hoseok took a glass outof the cupboard. “Even if Ididn’t realise it.”          “I’mflattered.” ThankfullyHoseok had his back to the younger, so the heat colouring his facewasn’t on show and he could pass his comment off as a joke.          “Shut up.”Jimin chuckled, watching asHoseok moved around the room.          “Do you want adrink or anything?”          “You actually havedrinks? Other than water and alcohol?” Jiminmock gasped, pretending to be shocked because he knew exactly whatHoseok was going to say next.          “No, I havewater… And alcohol.” Theolder pouted, holding up the glass and staring at the tap in thesink.          “Never change.”Jimin shook his head,grinning endearingly. “I’lljust have water.”          “On a Friday? You’rea riot.” Hoseok quipped,pouring Jimin a drink and then getting himself the same.          “I don’t wantto end up saying or doing anything stupid tonight thanks.” Jiminreplied quietly, taking the cup and looking down at the water insideof it as he talked rather than at Hoseok.          “Like what?”          “Nothing...”Jimin shrugged, flushing andwondering why he had even said anything in the first place.          “Do you want towatch a movie?” Hoseokasked, noting Jimin’s sudden change in demeanour and not wantinghim to feel uncomfortable even if he wasn’t sure whyexactly he felt uncomfortable.          “Yeah, sure...”

Theyboth settled on the couch andplaced their drinks on the coffee table,each sat on either end with a space left between them, as Hoseokflicked through the channels until he found the only movie that wasclose to have started to watch. It was some coming of age movie thatHoseok is pretty sure he was made to watch in high school but Jiminseemed interested so he went with it. The silence soon washed over them asHoseok vaguely remembered the plot, he knew sometime soon that therewas going to be some big dramatic reveal that the main character’sfather was dead and that would, in turn, kick start the plot.

Wanting to get comfortable, he movedfurther down the couch to pull his legs up, arm laying on the back ofthe couch so that his torso wasn’t awkwardly trying to stayupright. He was closer to Jimin in this position however and he sawthe younger man shift his eyes to look at him, shuffling a little inhis seat and clearing his throat, the tips of his ear turning red.Hoseok tried not to thinkanything of it, and he especially tried not to look at the way thelight of the television highlighted Jimin’s face, from the wisps ofhis eyelashes to the tip of his nose and the outline of his plumplips that were slightly pouted in concentration. Instead, he tore hisgaze back to the movie and tried to look interested. He also tried toactually be interested but he was finding it difficult. The movie wasactually boring him and he wasn’t sure if the heaviness of his eyeswas just a random sensation or if he was slowly falling asleep… Hisblinks grew slower and slower and his limbs weighed down on him moreand more until his eyes wereclosed longer each time he blinked. He tried but eventually his eyelids just stayedshut…

          “Hoseok?” WhenHoseok finally woke up, not even realising he had fallen alseep, hewas greeted with the sight of everything appearing horizontal. He heard Jimincall his name but he didn’t respond as he tried to make sense ofwhat position he was in. He figured it out when he felt a hand in hishair and saw the edges of Jimin’s kneesin front of him. In his sleep, he must have started to fall over onthe couch and had ended up in Jimin’slap. If that wasn’t enough for his poor heart, the younger had also started to play with his hair at some point in his sleep (a sleep that waslong enough for whatever movie they were watching to have finishedand gone to advertisements). “Areyou awake?” Jiminasked but yet again, he didn’t respond. Rather, he wanted to relishin the moment for a second because he could just about believe it. Hewould have expected Jimin to push him off or at least lay him down onthe couch or something but instead he decided to twirl his fingersaround the black locks of hair as though it was the most naturalthing to do… He could barely believe it. He closed his eyes,planning on enjoying the feeling for a little while longer. He didn’texpect any more than this. This was enough. This was more thanenough. However, Jimin didn’t want to stop there it seemed as hecould soon feel the brunette leaning down and his heartbeat picked upin anticipation, though he wasn’t entirely sure what he wasanticipating. Then he felt something soft press against his templeand linger there. It soon clicked that Jimin was kissing him. He waskissing the side of his head. This is where Hoseok was sure his heartwas going to stop and he almost held his breath but Jimin didn’tlinger for long, soon sitting back up and also removing his hand fromHoseok’s hair. “Iwish we could do this every day...”Jiminwhispered with a sigh and Hoseok could no longer pretend.          “Jimin...”Hebegan, pushing himself off of the comfortable lap and turning to face the other man who was now staring at him with wide, scared looking eyes.          “You were awake?”Jimin gaped, hands coming upto cover his mouth in disbelief. “Ohmy god, I’m so sorry.” Hebegan to panic and Hoseok reached out to try and calm himdown.          “Jimin, no -.”          “I have to go.”Before his fingers could evenreach Jimin however, the younger man was bolting upright to a stand,brushing his hair back and looking around in a fluster, as though hewasn’t sure what to do with himself – which in all honesty, hedidn’t.          “Jimin, wait.”He said before the othercould walk off, effectively grabbing his attention. “Wait,sit down.” Jimin did justthat, a guilty look on his face that made Hoseok feel bad even thoughhe had nothing to feel bad about. This wasn’t a bad thing.          “Hoseok, I’mreally sorry. I thought you were asleep and I just. I don’t know.”Jimin couldn’t even look athim and Hoseok could only smile understandingly.          “It’s okay.”           “You’renot mad?” Hoseok shook hishead, unable to stop the little breathy chuckle that tumbled out fromhis lips.          “Why would I be?In fact, I’m… I’m actually happy.” Hesaid, rubbing the back of his neck. “Youjust did something I’ve wished I could do to you.” Fora second, Jimin looked surprised but that surprise soon melted downinto relief, and then there was soft grin on his face as his entirebody relaxed. The trust he already had in Hoseok telling him that this wasn’t a joke, Hoseok was being serious.          “Why didn’tyou?” Jimin asked, his voicewas quiet and near a whisper but yet loud enough for Hoseok to hear himloud and clear.          “I was worriedyou would reject me.” Heanswered honestly, unconsciously moving closer to Jimin, their kneestouching.          “So we’ve beenthinking the same thing this entire time?” Jiminhuffed, tilting his head and feeling rather silly as he buried his face in his hands with an embarrassed groan.          “I guess so.”Hoseok hummed with a nod ofhis head, the tips of his fingers brushing against the fabric of Jimin’strousers as his eyes looked down.          “We’rehopeless...” Jimin let his hands fall down onto his lap, somehow managing to both pout and smile at the same time.          “I guess we are… Neverthought I would agree with Yoongi.” Hoseokscoffed, thinking back to what Yoongi had said to him earlier thatday that he had primarily refuted.          “What?”          “Nothing,nevermind.” Hoseok shookhis head, just now realising that he hadn’t stopped smiling sinceJimin had sat back down.          “Sois it safe to assume our feelings our mutual?” Jiminasked hesitantly and Hoseok could only find it endearingly adorablethat even in this obvious situation, he was still nervouslyuncertain. Although, he could understand.          “Mostdefinitely.” He said, theirhands finding each other without looking, fingers naturallyintertwining on top of their laps. Jimin bit his lip as though he wastrying to suppress a smile – though it didn’t work.          “So can I kissyou again?”          “Also a most definitely...”Hoseok leaned forward, and sodid Jimin, their heads tilting. For a second they stayed there, as though they were waiting for the other to make that final move and Hoseok was more than happy to be the one to do it. With one hand holding Jimin’s and the other resting atop the younger man’s thigh, he pressed their lips together together and ifHoseok thought Jimin’s lips were soft when they were touching his head thenhe had no idea what soft felt like… The kiss was warm and more than hehad ever dreamed about (and he’d dreamt about it a lot). 

Everythinghe’d wanted to say for the past year, he poured into the kiss, andwhen Jimin’s hand came up to cup the side of his face, hecould say for certain thatthis was probably the happiest he had ever felt. Not even dancing couldcompare.

run era was iconic tbh

hope you liked it!

[kalon-confessions-blog]

Hello my dears,

[asap if you will tree]

phew okay so please please bare with me on this, it's going to be long and rambling and im sure it will jump back and forth a lot so you've had a fair amount of warning :p

im going to start off with the long "essay" posts from yesterday, just to kinda get my foot hold on things c: and guys please understand that in writing this i am really not trying to come off as rude or attackful or anything, and i apologize if i do or if i come off overly "unprofessional" it seems a lot of the time when i try to be super professional i come off as condescending or cold and when i try to be a bit more relaxed im just being silly or unprofessional.

"artists not doing anything for months and then getting to come back whenever they want, taking up a slot that could’ve been an active artist filled with energy and vigor to create instead."

I've seen this mentioned a lot ,, the whole slot thing. the thing is guys, that we don't have a set number of "slots" on staff ,, really we base what we think we need on how efficiently the staff we currently have is functioning. I know recently [the last month or so] things have been a little slow but you have to remember that it was the end of the year, many staff members [and heck people in general] we're busy with finals/vacations/family/the holidays and a whole slew of other things. Bringing in more staff during the holiday season because there a bit of a dip in activity doesn't really make a whole bunch of sense in my opinion because its just the natural ebb and flow of how things go, it happens every year. 

"nursery slots being weeks and even months overdue while dozens of personal work and things for other people get put out"

I'll be the first to admit ,, this is actually a bit of a problem ,, it doesn't happen with every artists but I do understand that sometimes owed work gets forgotten, especially when the artist keeps taking on more and more in an attempt to keep up with demand that the community has created. we are aware of this, and myself and Karmel have been discussing it for quite awhile and throwing ideas back and forth for a way to manage it ,, at the time I think we have a pretty solid solution and it after a bit more discussing and working out the kinks it should be able to be implemented fairly soon and shouldn't take too long to see the effects c: i do apologize to anyone that has been on the brunt end of having to wait. one thing you can always do though is message the artist directly to see whats up, and if you don't get an answer then you can always come to myself or Karmel [or if you're noticing something that you aren't a part of you can even submit it to us anonymously via ask or tumblr!!

"hardly anyone but a handful of artists having hm customs open almost constantly, and i’m sure we all know why that is, other than the few artists who genuinely can’t open slots right now."

HM customs have always been a bit of tricky situation since it was switched so that only offical team members could do them and I do apologize that it was never fully explored how to best impliment this system. in the beginning i dont think it was set up to handle a community the size of which we have and hasn't ever really been revised to help fix it. with that being said though we do have a fancy new thread you may want to check out !! its still in the works as all the artists find their spots but there are already several artists who have started using it if you would like to keep track. its called the <a href="http://www.chickensmoothie.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?f=87&t=3701780">Kalon Artist Alley</a>!! essentially every artist on the Kalon team has a post here and they will be able to detail what work they are open for, lay out what projects they currently have, and list any examples or prices [as they may apply] for their work! with this it should make it a lot more easy to find an artist that is open to HM customs and browse just who you might want to partner with!

"staff not responding even to help questions until it’s irrelevant or the other person completely forgot they even asked. not enough nursery artists who are actually active to compensate for the rise in kalon members looking for batches."

I do apologize for any questions that have went unanswered! Its really unfortunate that we've gotten this reputation, but I do swear to you that it is never intentional! Sometimes I so wish I could just show you guys a day in the life of the staff chat, it is honestly off the hook 24/7 with people chatting about all kinds of different business from questions to designs/growths/rule breaking and a whole slew of everything in between! And often times our inboxes are just the same, I know mine is! Things fall through the cracks sometimes in a community so big and id be willing to bet that more often than not we actually have discussed the question at hand and it may just be that the conversation rolled over to something new that distracted the original staff member handling it from responding to you and then never picked it back up. that is something that we will have to start working a lot harder on, but like i said, it is absolutely never intentional that we are forgetting responses. if you dont hear back usually within 72 hours it is absolutely okay for you to resend the message or to send it to a new staff member !!

"staff don’t have an obligation to be active since if they aren’t, they don’t get the activity rewards, but again, like i said in a previous point, artist activity is a serious issue that isn’t taken seriously enough, or at all. if people aren’t active but get on to post maybe one kalon every few months, that’s an issue and needs to be talked to with the person. if they can’t get on enough to post kalons more than every few months, maybe they should take a break and someone who can be more active can be brought in."

like you mentioned, i kinda touched on this one in the first response, however I would also like to point something else out. while i dont consider Kalons to be a business and myself and Karmel dont run them as such, even if you are looking at this from a real world employment there are actually a lot of different levels of activity that are acceptable!! normally you have full time ,, part time ,, and PRN [as needed] employees all working for the same company. my artists are just like that in a lot of respects and its completely unfair to say they dont deserve compensation for what they do when they are able to do it. they aren't taking up a slot from anyone else and they are still providing amazing designs and input into the community ,, heck a lot of the time when an artist is unable to make designs they are still active in the staff chat and in other areas that may not be their primary duty as an artist.

" staff apparently being too big to manage properly"

[cutting this one a little short]

you are absolutely right !! we have said this a lot and that's because we really do mean it !! and when we talk about staff being too big to manage we dont actually mean that all those names are just too much, we mean that the active people that we are currently managing is quite a lot !! looking back on our activity documentation for the last 6 months there has consistently been an average of 30+ active artists working !! and that not even including our mods or myself and Karmel ,, for two people who have adult lives off the internet that is a lot to manage and we are trying our absolute best while still not spreading ourselves too thin because then the issues that you have already expressed just become more exaggerated when we have to provide them with even less attention than we already do. and while we think that the staff we have right now is very strong and putting out a lot of work already [did you know that last month alone over 200 designs were put into the community just from the nursery and main adopts ?? and over the last 6 months over 2,000 designs were?] we have opened the nursery search again and may soon be opening the main artists search as well to alleviate some of the demand that you guys are throwing out there c: 

I'm not going to quote any of the last point as its quite long but to a degree I would like to agree, just in all honesty. I haven't been able to be a real part of the actually community for quite some time since becoming a co-owner and in that time from the position i am in I have seen a lot of stuff. I know that it may seem like no body cares but really I think the issue is just in a community this large in general it can be hard to find a foot hold. now im not making any excuses for those that go out of their way to ignore everyone or only talk to their friend group, but I do also know a lot of people that try their hardest to talk to new people or as many people as they can. i wish there were some easy clear cut way that I could address this and have it fixed in just a couple of days but the sad truth is that you are right, this is more than just what we as staff can tackle by ourselves and really takes the effort of the entire community but we are trying to promote it !! our events have shifted from just token grabs to be more development and cooperation based and often offer or require the interaction with community members that you may not know !! while I dont have any wonderful news for how we plan to fix it please know that we see the rift and we do want to fix it ,, if you or anything really has suggestions or just wants to talk about the experiences that made their introduction to the community better/worse i would honestly really urge you to come talk to me or any staff member. i promise you for all the anxiety it can cause to message one of us we are really just a group of massive dweebs and our side chat would definately prove that. we don't ever aim to make anyone uncomfortable or to be rude when responding to you guys and i apologize if it has ever come off that way when dealing with one of us with Kalon related things. one good thing about such a big staff is that if you have an issue with one of us you can always find someone else <3

Im sure i've missed some stuff and i know i had origianlly planned to address more than just the essay posts but its getting late for me and I have a really big day tomorrow ,, so if ive missed someone or you guys have anything else you would like to have addressed I would actually really urge you to send it on over to the Kalon tumblr. you can find it at kalon-adopts.tumblr.com [where this was submitted from] !! i vagued it earlier but yeah !! its brand spanking new and still under a lot of construction as far as  coding and the like goes but it is functional !! as much as i despise the premise of both of the confessions blog i have realized that Tumblr has become quite an ingrained part of the CS and Kalon community and I would love to continue engage with you guys over it. I know its not the same as the confessions blog but hopefully you will feel more at ease contacting us anonmously there or just sharing your views and opinions in general c: we plan to eventually link the blog on our CS pages once its compeltely set up so please keep in mind nothing explicit will ever be allowed to be submitted there.

ack so yeah here's my really long and drawn out submission that i promised earlier c: i hope you guys read a bit of it and maybe understand a bit more now. i know sometimes it can seem like the staff is being really quiet and maybe not doing anything at all but i can assure you that we are always abuzz and honestly we are just about everywhere listening to just about everything and in some way or another almost all complaints are brought up and discussed. we may not post or announce every little move we are making but i cross my heart and pinky promise that we are working tirelessly to try and improve this community for you guys and for ourselves ,, we love this species and we know that without each and every one of you there wouldn't be anything for us to love so we want to make it as friendly and functioning as we can. all i ask is that you give us a little understanding and patients and i promise you are going to see the positive outcome <3

[also please forgive any mistake its late for me and im tired and not the best at typing anyways lol]

-Wicced!

[lukeysgirl]

Relentless | Calum Hood Series Pt.5

                                                 Part F I V E 

Request: Being the cousin of Ashton Irwin was exciting, especially when invited to their tour to hang out with his best friends. You found yourself becoming fond of Calum Hood, who finds you annoying from your constant appearance. But what would happen if you stopped giving him that attention?

Word Count: 3k+

A/N: let’s reach for 100, as usual! i really hope you guys enjoy this part as well (bc i kinda really like this part). im so happy to write this series and it makes me happy that ya’ll totally encourage me on it!! 

Parts: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty. [DONE]

                                                  I M A G I N E 

Helsinki, 18:28 P.M. (last day in Finland, concert day)

“Where the fuck is it?” Calum growled, throwing Ashton’s clothing up in the air as he dug through his things. You watched in fear as Michael, Luke, and Ashton watched with you. 

“Calum, calm down,” Luke begins, casually shoving his hands in his pockets. “We’ll find it, we just have to do it in a more civilized way.”

“Yeah, like stop fucking rummaging through my fucking shit for a moment!” Ashton yells, picking up his shirts and pants and folding them quickly and sloppily. You quickly rush to his aid, folding the clothing nicely and neatly on the bed for him. “Thanks, Y/N.”

“It’s no problem,” you say with a nod, folding his clothing while the boys deal with the abruptly angry Calum. 

“I need my fucking pick, Ashton!” Calum roared, emptying Ashton’s luggage completely. “I swear to god, if you’re fucking hiding it somewhere--”

“Why the fuck would I hide your lucky pick, Calum?” Ashton countered, refusing to take Calum’s wild assumptions. “Unlike you, I’m not a huge dickhead!” Calum turned over at Ashton and gave him a sour look. 

“Guys, cool it,” Luke began, stepping in between the two before something got out of hand. Luke nodded at Ashton before turning around to look down at Calum. “It might be with the rest of the equipment, okay? So let’s relax and stop harassing Ashton’s luggage.” 

“Thanks, Luke,” Ashton agreed, nodded at him before grabbing the rest of his clothing to fold. “You can stop now, Y/N. I’ll ask someone to do it for me since we have to go rehearse and prepare for the concert.” 

“Okay.” Obliging, you let go of Ashton’s shirt in the middle of folding and began for the door. The other boys exited quickly, but Calum was a little behind from the guys. You quietly approach behind him and sigh a bit. 

“I’ll help you find the--” you began softly, approaching your hand to hold his shoulder. But Calum quickly swatted it away, feeling the abrupt impact on your forearm. 

“I don’t need your fucking help!” Calum hissed. “Just do me a favor and leave me the fuck alone today.” You felt a little defeated, dropping your hand as your heart sank into your stomach. 

“But what about yesterday?” You whispered, fondly recalling the sick Maori boy give you a hug in gratitude for taking care of him. 

“Nothing happened yesterday,” Calum said coolly, opening the door and stepping into its frame. “So shut up already and hurry up.” With that, Calum rushed out of the suite and left you feeling a little torn. 

‘Thank you for choosing to stay with me.’ How can he say that and claim it was nothing? You felt the strong urge to cry, but you didn’t want Ashton and the other boys to see it. But you felt a little defeated after yesterday’s win. Did Calum really think nothing of it? You willingly stayed for him instead of watching Michael show off his amazing guitar skills.

“Y/N!” A voice interrupted your thoughts as Michael Clifford stood in the doorway of the suite. “What’re you standing around for? C’mon then!” 

“I’m going!” You insisted, smiling as Michael went and wrapped his arm over your shoulder. He walked the both of you out and closed the door behind you two before leading you down the hallway. Guards quickly surrounded you as you all entered the elevator and began descending the floors. 

“Is everything alright?” Michael asked softly as the elevator was taking you down. “You held back a bit and I got a bit worried.”

“It’s alright, I was just double checking to make sure I had everything I needed,” you lied, patting your pocket with your key card, phone, and wallet.

“Rad,” Michael said, taking your lie with a polite smile. 

“Hey, can I ask you something?” You began as the elevator finally came to a stop and the doors opened. The guards led you out of it as several screaming fans came into sound. 

“Shoot,” Michael said in your ear. 

“What does Calum’s pick look like?” You pondered into Michael’s ear. 

“Oh, it looks just like the rest of ours,” Michael began, shifting into his pocket to reveal a black pick with his printed name and signature engraved in gold. “The rest of us don’t use ours as often, but Calum uses his every single performance.” 

“So it’s gonna have ‘Calum Hood’ and his signature?” You asked for confirmation. 

“Yeah, his signature is just his first name and a smiley face beside it,” Michael mused, having you giggle as the two of you were finally led outside to the black Jeep awaiting you. 

“Sorry for holding you guys back!” You apologized, going in first as Michael let you. You were in the back now between Michael and Ashton as Calum and Luke took the middle seats already. Calum scoffed a bit as the car was turned on and began pulling away from the hotel and mob of fans. 

You all made it to the stadium in which the concert was being held, having you completely breathless and awestruck from the largeness of it. Fans were waiting behind the bars at the entrance, having the boys get out of the car first to greet the fans. But you were a little hesitant, as they were not your fans and didn’t exactly know who you were. 

“C’mon now,” Ashton asked, offering his hand to you to help you out of the car. 

“I’m a little scared, you guys are greeting them right now...”

“Yeah well, when else are you gonna come out the car and watch us practice?” Ashton humored, having you giggle before taking his hand and exiting the car. “Just stay next to me, alright? All you need to do is smile and say hi.” 

“Okay...” you say with uncertainty in your voice. Leaving the car, you were introduced to multiple fans screaming the boys’ names and pleading for autographs. But you listened to Ashton and followed him, watching as he signed pictures and took photos.

“How’re you guys today?” Ashton asked them, receiving multiple excited responses in return. “I don’t think you guys have met her just yet, but this is my cousin, Y/N. She’s the ‘mystery girl’ that’s been joining us on our tour.” You blushed a bit before waving sheepishly. The fans went insane and offered hugs to you. 

“Were you the one who took care of Calum?” One of them chirped, having you gulp while your heart raced. 

“How’d you hear about that?” 

“Michael tweeted yesterday about it!” Another one informed. Damn, you thought. I really should get on Twitter more. 

“Uh, yeah, I did take care of him last night,” you admitted shyly, receiving a lot of ‘thank you’ and ‘yay’ from the fans as you took several photos and spoke with a lot of them. Ashton smiled warmly at the interactions as you resumed greeting. 

“Okay boys, let’s go,” one of the executive managers called out, having all of you hurry up the greetings as you went to enter the stadium with the boys. As you did, you glanced over to see Calum at your right, looking distantly with a frown as the entrance was finally closed behind you. 

“Y/N, come look at my guitar!” You were summoned by Michael, who was on stage for soundcheck. The other boys were doing the same, but Michael was the only one with his guitar plugged in to play aloud. 

“Its very lovely,” you comment, staring at the shiny, sapphire guitar that Michael was holding. He smiled widely, having you smile in return. 

“Sit over here,” Michael urged, grabbing your hand to sit you on the large amplifier nearby. Crossing your legs a bit, you watched as Michael plugged in his guitar to it and began to play. He was strumming the chords to Lost Boy.

“Oh my gosh!” You freaked out, feeling the loudness from your bottom as the loud sound sent vibrations from below. Michael began laughing out loud as he started playing the pre-chorus. 

“I’m coming because I need to find you!” Michael began to sing, dancing around you as you contorted your body to keep your eyes on him. “Is anybody there, who can rescue somebody like me? ‘Cos I’m just waiting for somebody like you, somebody like you-- without you I’m a lost boy!” He stopped playing, allowing you to sit there and applaud him. 

“That was amazing!” You entertain, smiling widely as Michael bowed and smiled in return. He put his guitar behind his back and went to pick you up. “Michael-- Michael!” You shouted, playfully hitting his back to have him put you down. 

“I’m just so glad you liked it!” Michael cheered, hugging your thighs tight as he spun you in circles. The two of you laughed so hard as Michael stopped due to himself getting wildly dizzy. 

“Hey.” Michael turned you both around to see a hotheaded Calum stare at the both of you sternly. “D’you mind not distracting Michael, Y/N? We have a show to practice for.” Slowly, Michael put you down as the both of you stared at Calum sheepishly. Luke and Ashton were looking over, too, giving you sympathetic stares as you slowly began to trot off stage. 

“M’sorry, boys...” you whispered shyly as you led yourself off the stage and off to backstage where the team was working to make the concert perfect. Shoving your hands into your pockets, you glance back to see Michael yelling at Calum with inaudible words. Calum stuck with his moody face as he let Michael yell his words. You widened your eyes at the realization as to why Calum was this upset. 

So, you set yourself on a mission to find Calum’s pick to change his mood. 

19:54 P.M.

Where can this pick be? You’d been searching restlessly around backstage to find Calum’s pick. You’ve been searching box after box, lifting several wires, and even asked around for the small object. But still, you were stumped with no leads whatsoever. Especially with backstage being so dim, there was no way that you were going to find that pick with ease. 

“Y/N!” You heard your name suddenly called. You rose from the ground where you were searching around a pile of aux cords and turned to see Ashton smile down at you. He was already styled hair and clothe-wise, and had his earpiece in his ear. 

“Ash!” You say excitedly. “A few minutes ‘til the show, eh? Are you nervous?” 

“Just a bit, but that’s the usual adrenaline from excitement!” Ashton mused, smiling as the sold-out stadium roared the bands name. “It’s always so amazing to perform in front of people who support us completely.” 

“I can’t even manage it,” you say, smiling at how fond Ashton was with the fans and how they stand behind his career. “Where are the other boys?” 

“They’re standing at left wing over there.” Ashton pointed at the boys, which caught their attention and had Luke and Michael wave at you happily. Calum was looking distantly at the crowd, seeming bothered by something that you figured was his missing lucky pick. 

“Mm, and you get on stage first right?” You asked, receiving a nod from Ashton. You anxiously wanted the show to begin already so you can look for Calum’s pick. “That’s rad.”

“Uh, Y/N?” Ashton began, having you look up into his hazel eyes. “Why are you looking for Calum’s pick so hastily? He has another pick, he doesn’t need the lucky one.” 

“I just want to be helpful,” you mumbled, your eyes looking down to scan the floor around you. “He seems bothered about it and I just don’t like that he is. It sounds stupid as he hasn’t treated me the best, but I simply don’t like that face he has on right now.” You sniffled a bit from frustration to think that the pick might not even be around at all. You then suddenly felt a pat on the head from a familiar hand. 

“You’ve been so kind to Calum ever since you’ve arrived in our tour,” Ashton cooed, keeping his hand firmly on your head. “Don’t fret about this one little thing so much, okay? You’ve already done more than enough for him. Even if he doesn’t appear to like you, I am very sure he is gracious for what you’ve done for him so far.” 

“Thank you...” you whispered, running into Ashton’s arms for a big hug. He wrapped his arms around you for a genuine embrace before a worker called for him to get on stage. “Go out there and rock it, loser.” 

“Will do, dork,” Ashton joked, getting a soft punch on the shoulder from you before he darted on stage with his drumsticks. You watched as the boys one by one joined Ashton on stage as the crowd became deafening. Closing your distraction from that, you begin crossing off the places you’ve searched and tried thinking of other places where it could be. 

His bass case! That’s it!

You rushed into Calum’s dressing room (with no consent, of course) and scanned around the room for the case. It took you several minutes as you had to go through multiple piles of clothing and chip bag wrappings. But finally, after a good half hour, you found the case in the shower of the bathroom. 

“Calum sure is something,” you mumbled to yourself as you brought the large case into the small living room that Calum had. Sitting on the couch, you search through the entire case, inside-out for the pick. But you checked all the pockets and small hidden holes where the pick could be. You felt a little defeated as sweat began to stream down your head from nerves. “Fuck...” you muttered, holding the case by its strap as you sat there in thought. Your eyes began playing around, scanning the pitch black thing until you noticed a different texture. 

“What is...” Your index finger gently rubbed against the smooth texture, which was entirely different from the thread-like texture of the strap. It was stuck through some of the threading as you grabbed hold of it and yanked it out of the thread. Turning it around, you saw Calum’s full name and his signature engraved in gold. 

Right beside the signature, a cute little smiley face. 

I’ve got to get this to Calum! 

Your heart was racing as you stood at left wing where Calum was performing. Sweat was dripping down his body, highlighting all those toned muscles that you could help but get infatuated with. He was singing passionately, but his posture was bad, his back completely slumped like his mood. 

C’mon, Y/N... just call for him! With great hesitation, you held the hem of your t-shirt with your free hand and called as loudly as you can. 

“Calum!” You called, seeing as your yelling was not good enough. “Calum!” You tried once more, but the crowd combined was much louder than your one voice. Sighing, you found yourself growing frustrated from this somehow daunting situation. 

You found yourself stuck between two options: standing there and doing nothing, or getting on stage and handing it to him yourself. But you couldn’t dare get on that stage could you? 

Could you...?

Dammit, fine! You lifted your legs of jelly and dashed right on the stage. As you were finally inches away from Calum for him to hear you, you found yourself getting distracted by the thousands of fans that now have their eyes and cameras on you. Stage fright doesn’t necessarily exist with you as you haven’t tested it before, but truth be told, you now know that the stage life is definitely not for you. But you weren’t on stage for no reason, so you called out to Calum as loud as you can. 

“Calum!” You screamed, relieved that his name finally escaped your lips. Calum turned to stare at you, horror filling his eyes as he continued playing Waste The Night. Your heart was close to ripping out of your chest as Calum stared at you with this strange intensity. 

“Get the fuck off stage!” Calum scolded, having that echo loudly in the stadium by accident. But he was so focused at being angry at you that he didn’t realize how much attention he got all of a sudden. You felt like crying, but you had to give him the item you were searching for the entire time for him. 

Sheepishly, you offered Calum his pick and dropped your head down to stare at the floor shamefully. Please take it so I can leave... Silence entered your mind as you waited for Calum to take the stupid pick. You could feel Luke, Ashton, and Michael staring at you with the thousands of fans that had come here to watch them perform. 

Thankfully, the pick was finally out of your grasp and you quickly turned around and escaped the stage. You dropped down to your knees once you were deep backstage and alone. You were out of breath, and your brain was playing all sorts of thoughts as you shut your eyes and quietly cried.

23:05 P.M.

Music quickly came to an end as you leaned against the wall by the back exit of the stadium. Ashton had told you before the concert begun to wait there when the concert ended. So there we you, still a bit bloated from the tears and shaky from the experience you willingly caused and endured. You let out a shaky breath, but quickly had to collect yourself as the boys’ voices suddenly rang in the staircase of the exit. 

“You there, Y/N?” Luke called out. 

“Down here!” You responded, tapping your cheeks a few more times before turning to watch the boys rush down. They were still dripping with sweat, but the adrenaline was still kicking in their blood. “You boys killed it!” 

“Thanks, Y/N!” Ashton, Luke, and Michael said in sync before rushing down to pull you in a sweaty group hug. 

“Ungh, you guys are so gross!” You groaned, feeling a bit of sweat on your arms as they boys detached and laughed. You glanced up to see Calum trot down the stairs quietly, refusing to leave his gaze on the floor. You quickly looked away from him to look up at Ashton. 

“So I see you found the pick for him,” Ashton mumbled, having you nod awkwardly as you watched your twiddling thumbs. You felt a hand pat down on your head and ruffle your hair a bit. “Good job.” 

“Seriously, that was really cool of you to do, Y/N!” Michael cheered as he gently nudged your shoulder. “When Calum took it from you, he was having a blast and running around the stage!” Before Michael could gush some more, though, the Jeep honked from the other side of the exit. 

“That’s our ride!” Ashton pointed out. “We’re going to a Finnish bar to celebrate tonight's concert-- the usual. Wanna come with us, Y/N?”

“Um...” you began, very hesitant about the idea of being in the same building as Calum... again. But you really did want to celebrate with the boys as they seemed very ecstatic and longed for your appearance. “I guess so, yeah.”

“Yay!” Muke cheered as they shook your shoulders and dashed out the door. Ashton trailed behind them, watching as the three giddily approach the Jeep. You start for the door as well, but you were suddenly halted by a gentle tug by the back of the hem of your shirt. 

“H-huh--” you began, staying still as the hand let go of your shirt and the hem went loose once more. Footsteps were heard behind you as you saw the head of a shadow much taller than you. 

“Hold on for a sec.” The voice of the Calum Hood rang through as you turned around and looked up at the almond-eyed bass player. 

aha, please tell me whatcha guys think here, if ya want! thank you for all the support in my writing, like it’s beyond me how grateful i am!