#which i saw as well - but instead of outrage i felt awe - i recognised in david the Christ like we should see in every person

[guiltywisdom]

David Kirby (1957-1990)

He looks like Christ, I see Christ in him.

David Kirby on his deathbed, a victim of AIDS. Also pictured, David's caregiver and friend Peta, David's father Bill Kirby and David's sister Susan. Photographed by Therese Frare in Ohio (1990). David's father Bill has made it clear, David wanted everyone to see his picture.

[anayaahwrites]

KOT Ficlet #5 (Momoya Natsu/ Yoshinaga Atsumu)

When the lights start flashing like a photo booth (And the stars exploding, we'll be fireproof.)

Warning: Themes of underage drinking and implied sexual content.

Natsu roughly based on this art by @sasukeslove

A small AU on MomoYoshi's first meeting:

...

Natsu is six when he learns about Angels.

He’s perched on mama’s lap, carrying a new storybook with tiny hands and slowly pronouncing all the words. Her proud smile encourages him to read the larger words too, the ones he’d avoid out of embarrassment—something about a pro-fe-cky and a pro-mice that He exists up there somewhere, over the pillowy clouds watching down on them.

Mama tucks him in that night and tells Natsu to close his eyes and pray because Angels only come to good boys.

He’s ten when it all sounds like bullshit to him.

Over the years, Mom’s rosy smile had withered into a fatigued sigh, a cry for help to the God that never answers no matter how much they pray. Dad was more a guest than a resident. He came around once in a while to eat lunch—with a taut smile plastered eerily over his smooth features—and swiftly vanish to not return in that week .

They’ve stopped waiting for him and Natsu stops asking questions.

He’s thirteen when he meets Sei, a child around his age, except so much more charming and calm and composed for someone that carried half the same set of genes Natsu had. He learns of his father’s betrayal and is honestly shocked at his own lack of surprise. Still, he questions his God and why why why would He let mom’s heart shatter like that?

Sei is quick to laugh and tell him that God doesn’t exist and mom is just a victim to their monster of a father.

So he goes home that day to his outraged mother, hair coloured like glittery Christmas tinsel and sapphire lenses replacing his usual shade of honey brown. She snaps at the sight, yelling at him till her throat closes up, till nothing but a harsh sob escapes her and he lets her. They both had to cope somehow.

By the fall of his fourteenth year, he gets pierced four times and stops talking to his mother almost completely.

To hell with dad. To hell with God.

Natsu is fifteen, and he doesn’t care about anything anymore.

He’s fifteen and quickly realising from his daily job as a guitarist in the club that girls aren't attractive no matter how much they flock around him. He still humours them sometimes, a touch here, a kiss there since the pay is good enough for him to add some extra service on his part.

Mom plies herself with work as often as possible, to douse her misery in the decayed scent of piled papers and clunking keyboards. She leaves Natsu to deal with everything else on his own like the obedient son he is, letting him go like dad left her.

Natsu is alright, though. He’s done this far longer than she knows.

He stops reaching out to her, stops talking to someone up in the skies, settling instead to live a tranquil life in the shadows, under the dependable shade of music. He hates people. He hates the world.

Natsu is basking in the warmth of another uneventful day in the club, when in walks a boy out of fucking nowhere and his entire world tips on its axis.

The boy takes shaky, wary steps as if he were balancing on a trapeze. Dark black bangs like thick black rain spill over the side of his face, half covering wide brown eyes. Splotches of pink and porcelain white stick out where his sweater ends and skin begins. He’s small and delicate and beautiful, Natsu’s heart skips a beat. Or two. Or maybe three.

And why should he lie? Natsu has seen beautiful, quite a few varieties of it too. But this…this was different. This was unreal.

The boy looks around nervously before he catches something and there’s a spark in those hazel eyes, sharp and electric, a smile tugging at his lips.

Natsu follows his gaze. On the stage lies his own guitar—a pre-performance habit for people to know he was next. He took great pride because this itself garnered more clusters than anyone in the entire house.

Natsu smiles. So he was a fan.

He downs the customary shot of vodka, waving at the people before hopping on stage and wrapping the sling around his neck. He scours the audience for a familiar face and it doesn’t take a lot, to spot a splatter of ink black in the crowd, batting eager eyelids at him. The smaller boy realises the attention on him and glances behind to confirm his suspicion.

By the time he swings around, eyes blown wide in a stare, Natsu plays the first chord.

In an instant, his expression shifts to a mix of awe and interest, a silent worship and a loud cheer compiled in one small, thin body. He claps more than anyone else in the room, beaming like a floodlight by the time Natsu finishes.

It was nothing strange. He played among cheers every day but none felt as satisfying with this voice hooting and clearly standing out from his regular gang of squealing girls. He throws his head back laughing back stage when no one is there to see.

By the time Natsu gets out on the floor again, a little more thrilled for the night and dressed in something less flashy, he’s gone. He screws his lips in displeasure and asks his friend to make him something stronger than the usual.

This happens more nights than not, and it was frustrating him.

The moment Angel boy—as he’s dubbed him, steps in through the door, Natsu traces his every move and quickly registers a pattern. He only comes around on days the club was the busiest—specifically during Natsu’s performance, talks to no one and leaves before he has the chance to even ask a name.

Not that Natsu was interested in him or anything. He was just curious, is all—why this boy looked like a starved pet every time he saw him on stage and if he really smelled like soft winter blankets and warm fireplaces, all angelic and pure.

Okay, so maybe he was a little interested.

Months pass like that.

The mid-November chill comes with its blistering snowstorms and the club is jam packed—winters were some of their busiest months—and Natsu’s up to perform. Instead of preparing, he watches the door resolutely from the bar, tapping impatiently at the table.

As routine, it barely opens a crack, and he sees a sliver of ebony snaking it’s way through the crowd. The boy stands on his tippy-toes which don’t give him much of a view, so he does these tiny jumps—that are so adorable, for a second Natsu forgets his own name—and scowls when he notices no guitar on stage.

He checks the time, the stage and then scans the crowd. The anticipation throbs through Natsu as he follows his eyes cross the room in slow motion, dragging dragging until they eventually land on him. Everything stills—the thundering music, the singing and all he can hear is the low thump of veins against his skin.

It’s over in a flash.

“That your Angel boy?” The bartender gestures at the figure turning tail and running, drying the pad on his prized work station. He skillfully pours two coloured liquids into an oddly shaped glass and passes it over the counter to him.

Natsu hums, swirling the absinthe stained drink in hand, eyeing the smaller boy gasp as a couple slams against the door, clearly piss drunk with her suspended over his thighs and gyrating her hips into the man.

“Hey, chief.”

“Hm?”

“You think I can get off early tonight?”

The man raises an eyebrow. “Like when?”

“Like now.” Natsu answers, never letting his gaze falter from the head full of black hair slowly receding through the crowd, horrified.

The man guffaws, lifting a glass of water—since he can’t drink on duty—and clinking it with Natsu’s.

“Must be fuckin’ Christmas if you’re taking interest in anyone, so I’ll let this one pass. Don’t scare him off now. He already looks like a trembling lamb.”

Natsu knocks back the contents, swallowing the liquid till it numbs his entire mouth and smirks.

“I’ll try.”

So he follows the boy. Hands are immediately all over him from faces he recognises in passing—a girl he once kissed, someone that made him cake, but he pushes them off.

His boy of interest forces the hood of his shirt up all the way, and glances behind him once before increasing his pace. Maybe the lights are really getting to him and maybe Natsu is a little tipsy when he reaches out to grab his hand.

The boy flips around to lock eyes frantically, as if a ghost had seized him.

“Hey.” Natsu musters his sweetest smile.

“Hi..” The boy replies.

And oh, his voice. It’s sugary sweet and so so soft like—like actual rolls of smooth and silky cotton had woven them. He blushes fiercely under Natsu’s relentless gaze and stares where their hands were connected in a tight grip as if it burned holes through him.

Natsu frowns. “Don’t run.”

The boy’s gaze shoots up, and he’s pulling away.

“I-I’m sorry I really h-have to go—”

“It’s my birthday.” Goddamn, he must be really wasted to admit that. Now that he thinks about it, what did he just drink?

Twentieth November, the day he was born and incidentally also the day he found his father’s tongue down another woman’s throat, holding a child over his shoulder.

“Oh,” The boy stops, pursing his lips and letting the hood go all the way down before flashing easily one of the most ethereal smiles Natsu has ever seen.

“Happy birthday.”

“Thanks,” he replies awkwardly. “It’s not going really well.”

“No?”

Natsu nods. “It’s nothing different.”

“You want it to be special?”

The buzz in his nerves practically screamed a yes to that—he wanted something to remember, to bury the horrible memories he associated with this day, for the days he wished he was never born in the first place. He wanted to fit it all in this one boy in one night, this angel he didn’t even know, to free him from himself.

Natsu tightens his grip. “Dance with me?”

Oh boy, the alcohol was talking.

Angel boy looks at Natsu with wide doe eyes, peers back at their hands and gulps. Natsu frowns and releases his hold. He was drunk, probably a little more than he’d admit to, but he didn’t want to pressurize anyone—not when this boy already looked so out of his element, a beige hoodie and skinny jeans in a club full of scantily clad folk.

But he reverses the roles, grabbing Natsu by the fingers so delicately, he releases a soft hum of satisfaction. He rubs fingers between his own, feeling the brush of calloused fingertips on them. It reminds him of mom’s soft chest rising and falling when she slept beside him because he was her ‘perfect little angel’ and made him feel safe.

He misses it. Misses being safe. Misses being loved.

“Okay,” the boy mumbles, peering from under his natural hood of hair with a light smile. “Okay. Let’s dance.”

Natsu doesn’t really know what he’s doing anymore. The lights blink and they’re suddenly in stop motion. It tricks his brain into thinking of them as pictures trapped some place in his brain forever. So he stares and stares and captures the blush spreading like wildfire across the boy’s face, a smile widening in tandem with the soft beats.

They’re two faces among a thousand on a random winter night. The music isn’t his type nor is his attire anything to be proud of. But this boy. Holy heavens, if he isn’t the prettiest thing ever then the stars should be ashamed because damn, he’d beat them even on a bad day.

His hair sways—a steady swing of left right left right and a pleasant smile sits snug on his features like that’s where they belonged, that’s where they had always belonged and Natsu closes his eyes when their hands meet again.

This is perfect.

It’s when the music stills that they transition to a slower lull of movement, and the blaze of liquor in his blood emboldens him into yanking the boy a little closer. He lets him fall with a small plop on his chest and laughs when he rubs his nose, scowling.

“Why do you never wait back?” He asks, exhaling at the warmth the boy’s presence brings. Natsu puts his hand around his waist and he swears, it was like he wasn’t human, like someone had sculpted him out of clay, moulded to near perfection. And maybe he’s treading into dangerous waters, but his mouth had a mind of its own and there’s nothing he could do to stop it.

“I always look for you after I’m done but you’re never here.”

Pair of hazelnut eyes sheepishly peer at him.

“I’m sorry. I’m just.… not good at socializing.”

“So you say,” Natsu laughs, “But you’re doing better than me.”

“No way!”

“Yes way.”

“You have to be kidding me you’re so cool—and and so beautiful I really cannot—since the beginning I haven’t been able to take my eyes off—”

He squeaks when he's dragged closer by the small of his back. Their eyes meet. Natsu sees flashes of every happy moment of his life mirrored in them; His first recital, mom’s naturally loud laugh, the first time he played the guitar. They reach into Natsu’s soul and drag out his joy like the reel of a kite.

“I thought you were an angel,” he chuckles so close, he feels the boy shiver against his cheek. “I still do. Everyone here calls you Angel boy. Score a drink from them with that name sometime. I’m sure they’ll oblige you.”

“Angel? I—” He breathes a giggle, twisting silver strands with his fingers. “If there’s any angel here, it’s you.”

But this is fake, he wants to say. It’s fake, artificial, made of desperation because he never wants to look into the mirror and see his father’s face staring back at him. He won’t be him. He won’t.

“Atsumu,” he says. “My name is Atsumu.”

“Atsumu.” Natsu repeats in his head till it rolls naturally over his tongue. Like Atsu meaning heat and summer and everything bright and cheery.

Natsu purposefully lingers near his ear, to breathe his name in the air, smiling, content.

“ ‘Tsumu. It’s cute,” he hums. “You’re cute.”

“Are you drunk?”

“Definitely.” He chuckles.

Atsumu whispers, low and uneasy. “C-can I ask you something?”

“Mhmm.” At this point, his voice gave him a greater high than the drink he had downed fifteen minutes ago. Or was it an hour? He couldn’t really tell and decided very quickly he didn’t care, anyway.

“Why don’t you.. come to school?”

Natsu’s eyes open a crack to glimpse at the boy who trembles softly under him, as if he were admitting to a crime.

“I—” he continues in alarm, “I swear I’m not a stalker I just—Oh my god please don’t misunderstand me—”

“Calm down.” Natsu shushes, smiling apologetically at the few people around him that had been torn out of their aggressive make-out session as if they weren’t the ones that needed a room. God, if he sees another dick hanging out, he’ll have to bust out the chainsaw in the basement and go wild.

“So,” he leads them to a quieter corner with very few people and lesser eyes their way. “School,” he waves a hand dismissively, “It’s boring. Lots of people. Annoying questions. You know the drill.”

“Right,” he gulps. “Right so, I’m uhh—in your class I don’t think you noticed and I’m from an instrument club and someone asked us a question. Something about erotic sounds—wait that sounds bad—not erotic erotic but.…Ah, I’m bad at explaining.”

Natsu doesn’t keep back the dreamy giggle that leaves him, swaying lightly to the music. He’s exactly as he imagined—hell, even his name was spot on—all warm and giggly and fluttery.

“I’m still listening,” Natsu smiles. “Go on.”

Atsumu scrunches his nose and continues. “So one of my club seniors—he comes of a little rough but he’s really nice—went to one of my other seniors house who I think he really likes, and her mother told him it’s—I’m sorry am I too confusing?”

“I think I can manage.”

“Okay, so basically, her mother says it’s the pause in between his words and actions. The space that is just…there. And so I was writing about it—because I write everything—and Oka-kun saw my book.”

Natsu scowls. “Oka is annoying like that.”

The boy giggles this time. “Funny. He said you’d say that.”

“It’d be nice if he attempted to change it, then.”

“And so he told me you play music, where you work and that maybe you could do something good for once—I didn’t say that he did—So…” He moves his hand vaguely around them. “Here I am.”

Natsu hums against his head, bringing him to a slower pace as the song changes.

“I’ll have to thank him for that.”

“You’re not..angry?” He says through furrowed brows. “Oka-kun said you would be if you found out.”

He’s certain if Oka showed up here uninvited, Natsu would promptly kick him out. Because Oka is annoying. Atsumu however….

“So? Did you get your answer?” He asks instead.

The smaller boy makes a face, pulling all his features in to make his button nose stand out more than it already does and pout.

Natsu laughs. He’s been doing a lot of that today. Laughing.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

“Don’t get me wrong! Your performances are splendid and I really can’t get enough of them but the answer…I still haven’t reached a conclusion.”

Natsu plays with the fingers in his hand, shuffling to let them sink into the gap between his. Atsumu stares and responds by shyly tucking his fingers in.

“Want me to help you?” He whispers, tapping the side of Atsumu’s waist with his other hand.

“Can you?” He whispers back.

Can he? Yes. Should he? Probably not.

But what use is logic anyway, when a boy the embodiment of a sunny summer day amid a bitter winter stood enclosed in his arms?

Yeah. To hell with logic.

Natsu sways his hips, raking his free hand through Atsumu’s hair. He releases a pleased sigh when the tiny fingers between his tighten as if it were the only thing anchoring him to reality, which was good. Natsu felt the same, like his sanity was slowly slipping through open fingers.

“Spaces…exist everywhere. In words, in voices, in time…” He draws their joined hands to his mouth, dragging wet lips over porcelain skin. Atsumu shudders, breathing in sharp, shallow exhales.

“These hands..there’s a space in between them too if you look carefully. We’re so close,” fingers tighten around his shirt. “But still never close enough.

He runs a palm down the boy’s face that angles and angles till plush, red lips are within kissing distance. They part and blow warm clouds of air that taste mint and chocolate in his mouth. Natsu smiles. “Space is where there is distance. Space is where there is intimacy. Space is where there is friction. And this exciting gap that keeps us wanting to be closer till not even an atom could squeeze in—” he leans in closer, “—is erotic.”

He backs away while he has the physical capacity to do so, before the alcohol overrides every decision in his head and they end up a tangled mess of limbs in some random hotel room, but Atsumu having none of it.

He pulls Natsu to himself, clutching the pleats of his shirt and tugging him down to his lips. Teeth knock loudly against each other and Natsu hisses lightly, parting to lick the tingle in the tip of his incisor away.

“S-sorry!” Atsumu covers his embarrassment behind shaky hands. Natsu wraps thin fingers under his chin, reeling him in slow and steady and closes the distance. It’s soft, like a snowflake on a tree, virgin snow settling on frozen water and ironically, melts him. It boils and freezes, ignites his soul into a firework of bursting flames. He’s touching, feeling, pulling until every inhale feels like fire in his lungs.

“Closer,” Atsumu murmurs, throwing nimble hands over his shoulder and locking their lips together like puzzle pieces on a gameboard. “Make the space go away.”

It’s chaotic, and it’s magical. Like every star in the galaxy twinkled around them tonight, like every blossoming flower settled wherever Atsumu touched him. He’s drunk on vodka, drunk on happiness, drunk on love.

Closer. Natsu pushes a knee in between his thighs. His mouth hangs open in a silent moan, eyes slowly rolling into the back of his head.

Closer. The hands in his air pull him in for another searing kiss, pressing for entry, to delve deeper, deeper into themselves. Atsumu nibbles lightly on his lip and Natsu lets him bruise him for tonight. To wreck him, destroy him.

Closer.

They settle for a slower casual rhythm when they part to breathe. He keeps them moving on the floor, smiling against a pair of swollen lips.

“School suddenly sounds much more interesting.” He says.

Atsumu squints incredulously. “We can’t do this at school.”

“No?”

“No!”

Natsu shrugs, pecking the tip of the boy’s nose. “Shame.”

“Then you’ll come?” Atsumu bumps his forehead against Natsu’s. “I’ll really see you tomorrow?”

“If you can walk home straight after tonight, then sure.”

Atsumu gasps and slaps him across the back, blushing as they leave the club, hand in hand, away into the wintery night.

Natsu turns sixteen—a little drunk, a lot happy—but he’s sixteen and he can pinpoint this as the day he falls in love even years later.

And every other birthday is insignificant but so much better, spent at home, in the arms of the boy that saved him in just one night, all those years ago.

Mom only ever asks where he’s going and who he’s moving in with while he packs his bags to leave. She frowns when he answers with the widest smile on his face, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“An Angel.”

Ignore the sloppy writing haha. I'm writing this while travelling back home after a god awful six hour exam.

It felt too plotless to post on my ao3 kdkcd—

If you look at the colouring of Natsu I based it on (go give @sasukeslove all the real love), I imagine the art as the morning after when Oka's annoying Natsu and Atsumu walks in through the door (≧▽≦)

[serendipitoustae]

What Your Father Says

pairing : alt band! taehyung x reader

genre : college au, established reationship, fluff, implications of smut but not that explicit

word count : 7.8k

summary: your father doesn’t want you to be with taehyung but you simply do not care

a/n: loosely inspired by the vamps song because all i could think about whilst listening to it was rebellious teen romance.

“That ridiculous band have been wreaking havoc again” your dad sighed as he looked at the local paper whilst you ate your bowl of cookie crisp cereal. “Says here that they spray painted the local skate park before having a bonfire on the premises all for a silly little music video” he continued shaking his head.

“They were getting permission to do it” you told him before realising what you’d said “I mean I assume they did because they used to always ask before they did things for videos” you quickly added

Your boyfriend Taehyung was part of the local rock band that the majority of adults over 40 absolutely despised. They hated their style, their music and most importantly the so called trouble they caused in the name of art. Your dad had never been a fan of Taehyung no matter how polite he was whenever he came to your house. A couple months ago after you helped the band set off a load of fireworks in a car park, your dad forced you to break up with him. He didn’t want his precious little girl involved in that kind of thing. You’d never understood why he cared who you were with, he never cared about your life at all. He rarely even asked how your day was but to avoid arguments and tension in the house you “broke up” with Taehyung. As far as your dad knew you had no contact with him at all but of course you did. You weren’t going to break up with the boy you loved because your dad didn’t like him. Your mother knew you were still with him, she’d always loved Taehyung and was outraged when your dad suggested you broke up with him. She often covers for you when you go out with Tae and says you’re studying at a friend’s or simply that you’re ‘out’ because your dad really didn’t care that much about your whereabouts.

“I bet you’re glad you’re not involved with those trouble makers any more” your dad said as he turned the page of the newspaper

“Yeah I’m really glad” you said in a blunt tone before your phone went off

From: Mik

outside angel x

You’d changed Taehyung’s name in your phone to ‘Mik’, his last name backwards, so that if your dad saw your phone he wouldn’t know you were still with him. You looked out of the window and saw Jungkook’s truck on your drive way, Jungkook was the bands lead singer and despite being the youngest he was often the designated driver. Taehyung used to always drive you to college but since you ‘split up’ he’s been riding with JK so your dad didn’t recognise the car.

“Namjoon’s here I’ll see you later” you said

You always used your best friend Namjoon as a cover up for anytime you were going out with the band. Your dad loved Namjoon and often asked why you’d chosen to date Taehyung over him as he was so intelligent and sensible.

“Bye, send Namjoon my regards” your dad said not looking up from the paper as you left

“I will” you said as you walked out of the front door.

You opened the back door of JK’s truck and were instantly met with the sound of ‘something in the way’ by Nirvana one of the band’s biggest inspirations. Taehyung was sat in the back behind JK just in case your dad ever happened to look in the car. He didn’t actually know what the other band member’s faces looked like so if he saw JK you’d be able to lie about who he was.

“Hey baby” Taehyung grinned as he pressed a kiss to your lips the second you were sat next to him. You brought your hand up to cup his face as he nestled his ring cluttered hand in your hair and deepened the kiss

“Ugh! Guys come on it’s not even 9 am it’s too early for your pda” JK groaned from the driver seat next to Yoongi, the bands bass player.

“You’re just jealous you’ve not got a girl as hot as mine” Taehyung smirked as he wiped the remnants of your lip balm from around his mouth “is that strawberry flavoured?” he asked licking his lips to which you nodded “it’s nice” he said pressing another kiss to your lips. This one a lot shorter lived than the other.

“Can we just get to college before they fuck in the backseat” Yoongi groaned causing you and Taehyung to laugh.

The drive to college was fairly uneventful other than the boys talking about the big show they were playing at the end of the week. It was their biggest show yet and there would be a tonne of record labels scouting for new talent so to say they were nervous was an understatement.

“My dad heard about what you guys did at the skate park” you said

“Let me guess he said ‘aren’t you glad you aren’t with that absolute rapscallion Kim Taehyung anymore’” he said mimicking your dad with a pretty spot on impression

“Yeah pretty much” you laughed “you guys did get permission though right?”

“Of course we did, they said they’re thinking of demolishing the skate park soon so we’d be doing them a favour” JK explained.

When you got to college JK and Yoongi went straight to their music class but Taehyung walked you to your lesson as he always did even if it made him late.

“I’m perfectly capable of getting to class by myself you’re going to be late” you told him as you walked up the stairs to the art department

“It’s a music class, the teachers don’t give a shit about us so it doesn’t matter” he replied as you got to your class door

“If you get in trouble don’t blame me” you said

“I would never” he said as he pulled you into a quick kiss, you went to pull away as you knew your whole class was probably watching but he followed your lips and held you there for a bit longer

“I don’t think my whole class needs to see that” you laughed as you pushed his chest away from you

“Sorry that strawberry lip balm just tastes really good” he smiled licking his lips

“You can have it if you like it that much” you told him

“No it tastes better this way” he said quickly kissing you again

“Bye Tae” you said as you rolled your eyes and walked into your class.

Your lesson was off to an extremely boring start. There was only so long you could listen to your teacher talk about colour theory before you were ready do a Van Gogh and cut your ear off.

“I wish we could just get on and do some painting already” Namjoon whispered from his seat next to you, you agreed as you doodled on the page you were meant to be taking notes on. Even though he complained about it you could see Namjoon’s page was full of notes written in green biro.

Once you had finally got on with some painting your phone sounded from the pocket of your denim jacket.

“Phones on silent please” your tutor said, you knew it was Tae texting you because your phone was on silent but you had it on the setting so it would go off no matter what if it was him.

From: Mik

can you come outside please x

You looked up at the window of your class and saw Tae looking at you with his big puppy dog eyes. Despite the majority of your friends not caring for the school system at all you were somewhat of a goody two shoes. Tae was well aware of this so you knew he’d only want to get you out of class if he really needed to.

“Can I go to the toilet please sir?” you asked, your teacher said yes without even looking in your direction. You quickly left the class as you wanted to be out of class for as short a time as possible.

“I’m so so sorry I didn’t want to pull you out of class but I need to calm down because if I ditch again I’ll get expelled and I can’t get expell-“ Taehyung rambled before you interrupted

“Babe it’s okay what’s wrong?” you asked as the two of you began walking out of the art building

“So you know we’ve got that massive show on Friday, we wanted to practise for that in our lesson because obviously that’s our priority right now” Taehyung started as you entered the smoker’s area and he sat on one of the tables pulling out a box of cigarettes.

“Our teacher said we had to learn some shitty pop riff instead and obviously we should get an exception because we’re the only people in the class that actually give a shit about music but no, apparently they don’t give a shit about the biggest opportunity of our lives” he continued as he lit a cigarette with the lighter you’d painted for him and pressed it past his lips. The lighter had your own take on Van Gogh’s starry night as you knew Tae loved that painting. You’d done it so the moon was the Nirvana smiley face and you still remember the smile on Tae’s face when he’d received it for his birthday. After blowing out the smoke carefully to avoid getting any in your face he began speaking again.

“I refused to do the task and explained to the teacher why but she didn’t seem to care so she kicked me out for being disrespectful” he said taking another drag of the cigarette.

You felt bad for him, you really did. He’d gained such an awful reputation as a student for speaking out against the system. He hated being told what to do with an absolute passion. Obviously he listened to his teachers, but sometimes he just didn’t think they were fair and more often than not he was right.  You stepped closer to him and rested your hands in the traffic light red hair at the back of his head, careful not to loosen his bandanna. You felt his entire body relax under your fingertips.

“I know you’re stressed about the show but I promise you could do it tonight and absolutely smash it so not much more practise is needed. I know it’s unfair and stupid that they won’t let you practise in your lesson but you’ve just got to suck it up, I know that isn’t what you want to hear but you know your parents will stop you from playing the show completely if you get in anymore trouble with school” you told him as you continued to play with his hair.

He sighed as he put his cigarette out in the ash tray beside him.

“I love you” he muttered as he dropped his head to rest on your chest “I’m sorry you have to put up with my bullshit”

You pressed a kiss to his head before pulling him up by a hand on his jaw so he’d look at you

“It’s not bullshit you’re passionate about your music and your teacher should understand that , I love you too please don’t think you’re something I have to put up with helping you is what I’m here for” you smiled

“Thank you, can you come over tonight please?” he asked

You knew you’d have to tell your mother in advance so she could make up a lie to your father as to why you weren’t home.

“Of course I can I’ve gotta get back to lesson are you gonna be okay?”

He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into a tight embrace

“Yeah I feel a lot calmer now sorry for keeping you from your lesson” he said as he released you

“Stop apologising I’m here for you okay?” you told him once again holding his face so his dark eyes were looking in yours

“Okay” he grinned before pressing a kiss to your lips

“I’ll see you later” you said walking back to into the art department.

“Was I gone for suspiciously long?” you asked Namjoon as you carried on with your painting

“No not really, is Tae okay?” Namjoon asked obviously having seen him outside before you left

“Yeah he just needed calming down but he’s okay now” you said

“You’re really good for him you know he’s been so much calmer since you two got together”

Namjoon and Taehyung were neighbours so they grew up together and were still best friends now. That’s how you’d met Taehyung in the first place.

“What’s that noise?” you asked Namjoon as you sat at his dining table studying

“Oh it’s Taehyung and his band” Namjoon told you.

You’d seen Taehyung around as you spent a lot of time at Namjoon’s so it was inevitable you’d see him every so often. You’d never really spoken to him though oddly. You were quite happy about that fact though, he was extremely attractive so much so that it intimidated you slightly.

“They sound good” you said

“We could go watch them rehearse if you wanted? I think we’ve earned a study break” he smiled as he closed his textbook and removed his glasses.

You loved the sound of whatever they were playing but you weren’t sure if you’d be able to cope watching Taehyung playing drums and actually being in his company.

“No it’s okay I’m sure they don’t want us intruding” you said

“Oh come on I know you’re just scared because you think Tae’s hot” Namjoon laughed

You looked at him with wide eyes and furrowed brows.

“Did you think I didn’t know? You think I don’t see you staring at him through the window every time he gets home” Namjoon chuckled

“Okay fine let’s go then” you said as you stood up pulling your oversized Kurt Cobain t-shirt down as you did so.

You and Namjoon walked over to Taehyung’s garage and Namjoon let himself in as you assumed he’d done hundreds of times before

“Hey guys this is Y/N she thought you guys sounded cool is it okay if we watch you rehearse for a bit?” he asked.

The garage was painted a dark blue and covered in old rock band posters, it actually looked quite similar to your bedroom. Once you’d taken in your surroundings you looked at the three boys before you. The guitar playing lead singer was smiling at you as was the bass player, it was the sort of smile that made you feel like they knew something you didn’t. You looked at Taehyung as he was sat behind his drum kit running his hands through his dark hair as he shot you a small smile.

“Yeah that’s fine” Taehyung said as he twisted his red drum stick round in between his fingers.

Namjoon introduced you to all the boys properly and Yoongi told you he liked your outfit even though it was simply just a long t shirt with some fishnet tights. You sat on the sofa opposite their set up and watched them perform a cover of ‘Paradise city’ by Guns ‘n’ Roses. You were surprised that you’d never been friends with any of the band considering their style and music taste was very similar to your own.

After that day you realised Taehyung wasn’t nearly as intimidating as you thought he was. He was actually really sweet which most people wouldn’t assume from his leather jackets and the multiple metal hoops in his ears.

It took around a month after officially meeting for you and Taehyung to get together. All the boys had said from the second you met it was obvious you two would get together as you were just perfect for each other.

When your lesson had finished and you were off to lunch you and Namjoon met the band at their usual table. Once you were sat down you texted your mum telling her you’d be going round Tae’s tonight.

“Would you be able to sleepover tonight?” Tae asked as he rested his arm on the back of your chair.

Sleepovers with Taehyung were always harder to get away with. Your father wouldn’t allow you to sleep round a boy’s house not even Namjoon’s and unfortunately you had no girl friends that you were close enough to that they would lie for you.

“I don’t know I’ll have to think of some sort of excuse” You told him

“I was thinking we should all get new piercings so we look cooler for the show” JK announced

“Yes I am up for that idea” you answered knowing the statement didn’t include you but you would love to see your boyfriend with more piercings. He already had loads in his ears and one in his tongue that he got done when you got your nose pierced. You still remember the horror on your dads face when you came home with studs on either side of your nose. That was probably the start of his hatred for Taehyung.

“What would you like me to get?” Taehyung said as he faced you. He was so open to things like tattoos and piercings and didn’t really make a big deal out of them.

“A nose ring maybe?” you suggested excitedly

“Okay gorgeous, do you wanna go after college?” he asked to which you nodded.

“I was thinking of getting my eyebrow pierced” Yoongi said

“Okay great I’ll get my nose done too” JK said

“Are you gonna join us?” Taehyung asked Namjoon

“I’d pass out if I even saw a needle so I think I’ll just go home” he said

Namjoon was very different to the rest of you, he had completely different style and completely different music taste but you were still all great friends which you couldn’t be happier about.

Once you’d finished college for the day all of you minus Namjoon piled into JK’s truck and made your way to the piercing shop. It wasn’t the most amazing place but it was cheap and you didn’t have to make appointments.

Yoongi and JK went in to get their piercings first as you went in two at a time.

“I’m gutted we can’t even post a cute photo of us having almost matching piercings after I get it done” Taehyung said as you sat on the black leather sofa in the shop.

The chances of your father seeing anything you or Taehyung posted on social media were low but not zero so just to be safe you hadn’t posted anything accept for on your private stories.

“We can take some and put them up in your room maybe” you suggested

In the year and a bit that you two had been together Taehyung had made a photo wall of the two of you above his bed. There was photos from your dates, from his gigs and just stupid little selfies you’d taken together. You wished you could do the same in your room.

“You ready?” the piercing woman asked Tae as she came out with Yoongi and JK. Taehyung nodded and you both inspected the boys’ piercings before going into the room.

Taehyung laid on the chair like he’s done several times before and you sat in the chair opposite. You watched as the needle went through his nose cringing as you remembered exactly what that felt like. Despite his eyes watering slightly due to the pressure on his nose he was fine. After thanking the woman he came over to you standing close to you so you could see the piercing.

“It looks so good” you smiled

You both left the room before joining the other boys. They all had a proper look at each other’s piercings smiling as they did so.

“We’re gonna look so cool at the show” JK said everyone instantly agreeing.

JK dropped you and Taehyung back at Taehyung’s house and you were still thinking of a way to stay the night without your dad finding out where you were.

“Dad I’m home” Taehyung called as you both walked through the door

Taehyung’s dad came to meet you at the door quickly noticing the piercing

“Oh nice piercing, loving the outfit Y/n” he smiled

You’d always adored Taehyung’s dad, he was always so complimentary and supportive of you that it made up for what you lacked from your own father.

You and Taehyung went upstairs and you laid on his bed as he hung his jacket up on his door. He came and laid next to you before pulling out his phone to take photos of the two of you. You did multiple poses making sure you could see his new piercing. He also did a little video because he loved being able to take screenshots from them to have genuine photos of the two of you smiling together. Once he’d edited the brightness and vibrancy of the images he sent them to his Polaroid printer that he had. Once they’d printed he grabbed the ball of blue tack from his bedside table and added them to the photo wall.

“I’m so jealous of this wall” you told him as he laid back down with you

“Why don’t you just tell your dad we’re still together? I treat you well I’m polite I don’t see his problem” He said as he fiddled with your fingers that were rested on his chest

“I know it’s just that he thinks you’re a bad influence and think you’re the reason I dress like in his words ‘a groupie’ and the reason I got my nose pierced” you explained causing him to scoff

“You dressed like that before we even met properly and you’ve always wanted a nose piercing, it’s not like I’ve impacted your life badly your grades are still perfect and the only time I’ve got you in trouble was when I snuck us into that pool that one time” he said

You could feel his frustration through the way he was speaking and how he sighed after each sentence.

“Babe you don’t have to tell me I know , I just don’t want the argument with him and I don’t want him being an asshole to you” you told him you know your dad would eventually get over it but it would just cause a lot of problems in the house and there didn’t need to be anymore.

“Last time I checked we’re planning our lives together you’re gonna have to tell him at some point you’re almost eighteen he can’t control who you’re with” Tae said sitting up which made you fall to the mattress as you’d been laying half on his chest.

“Why are you blaming me?” you asked as he pulled his bandana off and ran his fingers through his hair.

“I’m not” he muttered

“Well it sure sounds like it” you told him

“I just don’t understand when you’re planning to tell him , he can’t really do anything about it and if he kicks you out or something you can just live here” he exclaimed

You sat up and looked at him. He was deliberately avoiding your gaze and you rolled your eyes at him.

“Well maybe if you didn’t have such an awful reputation then he wouldn’t want me to date Namjoon so bad” you said

You knew it was a low blow and something Tae often got jealous over but you couldn’t believe he was blaming you for your father’s disapproval.

“If it makes your life easier go fucking date him then! You know all the shit your dads heard about me is just rumours” he yelled instantly turning to you as he stopped.

“I’m so sorry babe” he said, he’d always had a rule that he’d never yell at you. There wasn’t a specific personal reason for you it just didn’t sit right with him. “It’s just so frustrating I treat you like a fucking princess and I still can’t get his approval because of things other people have said about me”

You didn’t mind that he’d yelled at you, you found the situation frustrating but it must’ve been even worse for him. Your dad used to somewhat like him but the bigger the band got the more rumours about him spread and eventually your dad didn’t care about the whole year he’d already got to know Taehyung.

“It’s okay I get it I’m sorry about the Namjoon comment you know I’d never want to be with anyone but you” you told him

He sighed and wrapped his arm around you

“It’s not okay I should never raise my voice at you I’m not mad at you I’m just mad at the situation” he said before kissing your head.

“I’ll see if I can talk to him at some point soon” you said

“I don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring as long as I can be with you I don’t care” he said before pressing his lips to yours.

You gently moved your weight forward so he was laying down and your position was more comfortable. His hand gripped your hair as his tongue moved against yours the metal of his tongue piercing creating an icy contrast to the warmth of your mouths. He hummed slightly into the kiss as your hands travelled under his ‘Children of Bodom’ t-shirt. He sat up slightly, assisting you in pulling the shirt over his head before laying back down and pulling you further up his lap. You could feel the cold metal of his rings on your skin as his hand ran underneath the skirt you were wearing. It was then that your phone rang causing the two of you to groan at the interruption. Sitting up, still on his lap, you leaned over and grabbed your phone seeing it was your mum before answering it.

“Hello?” you said sounding more breathless than you’d hoped

“Hi sweetie there’s not a way I can convince your dad to let you stay out for the night especially as it’s a school night, he’s home late from work tomorrow so Tae’s free to come round here I’ll leave the house to you two” your mum said

“Okay thanks what time do you want me home?” you asked

“Eight pm latest”

“Okay see you then”

You hung up before tossing your phone on the bed next to you

“Take it you can’t stay” Tae mumbled against your neck as he pressed kissed up to your jaw

“No I’ve got to be home for eight but dad’s out all day tomorrow so you can come to mine” you told him as you tangled your fingers in his hair and leaned your head to the side giving him more access to your neck.

“Ooh sneaking about now are we?” he said as he trailed kisses back down to your collar bone “that’s hot”

You laughed at his words softly before you felt him bite lightly at your neck

“You can’t leave marks remember” you reminded him

“Not in visible places” he smirked as he undid the zip at the back of your skirt.

“Babe”

“Babe!”

You stirred at the mellifluous sound of your boyfriend’s voice

“What?” you groaned as you snuggled deeper into the warmth of his bare chest

“It’s almost eight I’ve gotta get you home” he said

“I wanna stay here” you whined still half asleep

“I want you to as well but you can’t” he said as he got out of bed gathering both of your clothes and underwear before dropping them in a messy pile on the bed “You gonna be able to walk?” he smirked as you did up the clasp on your bra.

“Don’t flatter yourself” you replied

“Excuse me” he grinned in false offence causing you to laugh

Once you were both dressed and you’d made yourself look presentable, he drove you home stopping a road before your street so your dad wouldn’t see.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, I love you” you said pressing a kiss to his lips

“I love you too” he told you as you got out of his car.

“I’m home” you said as you entered the dining room to see your parents

“Hi sweetie did you have a good time at Namjoon’s?” your mum asked

“Yeah it was great” you said

“Why does he never come in to say hello?” your dad asked

You look at your mum quickly “Uhm he’s a busy guy these days lots of studying to do” you lied as best you could

“he used to always come in when he dropped you home, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re secretly still dating Taehyung behind my back” he chuckled causing you and your mum to let out nervous laughs

“No never, I’d honestly forgotten about Taehyung until you mentioned him” you lied as if you hadn’t been laying naked in bed with the boy less than twenty minutes ago

“That’s what I like to hear” your dad said

You quickly exited the room and went to the bathroom before turning on the shower as you hadn’t had a chance to have one at Tae’s.

Once you’d finished and were in your pyjamas back in your bedroom you checked your phone.

From: Mik

my bed smells like you come back please i miss you

To: Mik

trust me i wish i could, almost thought my dad was onto us a second ago

You explained what your dad had said and discussed whether or not you thought your dad knew. You two had been so careful that there’s no way he could know and it’s not like your dad was that clued up about your life so you were pretty sure you were in the clear.

“Okay I’m going to be out as long as you want me out for later” Your mum said the next morning as she came into your room “I’ll tell your dad to let you know when he’s on his way home you’ve got to make sure you leave no proof of Taehyung being here though” she continued

It was risky sneaking Tae into your house whilst your dad was at work. You’d never done that since you “broke up” but you thought if you were careful it would be fine.

“Get him to come in the back door so that the neighbours are less likely to see, I’ll unlock it on my way out” Your mother added

“Okay I will” you told her before she left the house

Text From: Mik

house empty?

Text To: Mik

yep, come in the back door x

You had a couple hours until you had to be at college so you were hoping you’d be able to get some more sleep in whilst Tae was there. Within ten minutes you heard the back door open and footsteps coming up the stairs.

“Morning beautiful” Tae smiled as he entered your room instantly pulling his shoes off and climbing under the sheets next to you. His cold body sliced through the warmth you’d previously been surrounded by as he wrapped his arms around you.

“You’re freezing” You whined despite curling into his chest

“Would you rather I wasn’t here?” he said

“Of course not” you replied as his hands began playing with your hair.

You laid in silence for a while, simply enjoying the comfort of a sleepy morning together that you hadn’t been able to have for a while. When you were allowed to be together he’d stayed most nights and if he didn’t it was likely you were at his. You’d spend every morning wrapped in each other’s warmth having nonsensical half asleep conversations.

“I’ve missed this” he muttered into your hair but you had already fallen back to sleep.

You were wrenched out of what was a seemingly pleasant dream by the screeching of your alarm. Tae’s arms tightened around you as you rolled over in his embrace to turn the alarm off. You managed to sit up out of Tae’s arms slightly deciding that as he was already dressed he didn’t need to be woken up yet.

As you sat next to him you took the time to fully take in his appearance. The slow rise and fall of his chest signified his relaxed state as did the way his thick lashes that were smothered with eyeliner sat upon the flawless skin of his cheeks. His red hair that was once flat against his forehead was now sticking up in the air exposing the slit he’d shaved into his eyebrow a couple weeks ago. You were flooded with a sudden rush of adoration for the boy lying next to you, you never got to properly relax and appreciate him for what he was as you were always worried about getting home and making up excuses these days. He groaned slightly as he rolled over, his arms wrapping around the duvet you were previously laying under. You’d always found it endearing that the Kim Taehyung most people were intimidated by had to cuddle something in order to sleep, whether it be a pillow, a teddy or ,his preferred option, you.

“Stop staring at me you weirdo” he grumbled as his puffy eyes opened and met yours

“Is it wrong for me to appreciate how beautiful my boyfriend is?” you asked

“When you’re denying him morning cuddles it is” he said through a yawn as he made grabby hands at you

“I’ve gotta shower and get ready” you told him before ruffling his hair and getting out of bed

“Can I join?” he asked smirking at you

“No you cannot you can get me an outfit ready though” you laughed before heading to the bathroom.

Once you’d showered and put clean underwear on you walked back into your room and saw Tae sat at your vanity table his hair now a lot neater than when you’d left him.

“I chose the AC/DC t shirt and your red skirt” he said as he quickly stood up to grab the clothes “I was thinking you could where the long sleeved fishnet thing you wear sometimes with your red boots maybe to match the skirt” he said as he looked up at you with his pouty lips and wide eyes showing you he wasn’t sure if he’d chosen well.

“Yeah that sounds great” You smiled walking to your draw to pick out your fishnet top.

“You look so hot in that” he muttered as you pulled the fishnet shirt over your head “Shame JK’s getting us in ten minutes”

You rolled your eyes at him and the way he was like most boys constantly thinking about one thing.

“Don’t forget we’ve got all afternoon once we’re back” You reminded him

“How could I forget? My favourite person all to myself with no interruptions, it’s a dream come true” He grinned as he pulled you into him by your waist and pressed his lips to yours

“I’m starting to remember-“you said into the kiss “why we were late all the time when you’d stay here” you smiled as your arms wrapped around his neck

“That’s young love for you” he grinned as his hands began trailing down south

“Go downstairs so I can get ready with no distractions please” you said as you took his hands off of you

He feigned offence as he looked at you

“The one time your boyfriends here with you in the morning and you’re telling him to leave? The audacity” he said

You giggled at his expression

“You know I take ages to get ready even without distractions and you said it yourself JK is gonna be here soon so please”

“What if I don’t want to?” he challenged as he stepped closer so he was towering above you face inches away from your own

“What if I make it up to you later?” You shot back raising your eyebrow at him looking him up and down for extra effect

“Done!” he said before leaving the room

After being only slightly late to college you were in your usual spot next to Namjoon.

“Are you sure sneaking Tae into your house is the best idea?” he asked as he mixed his water colours

“My dad’s at work all day and my mum has left us the house so what can go wrong?” you asked

As much as you loved him, Namjoon didn’t have a rebellious bone in his body and would often make you think through your antics properly before you did them. You weren’t particularly rebellious apart from dating a boy your Father hates and consistently lying to him so that you can go and see said boy.

“What if your dad comes home early or what if one of the neighbours sees and tells him?” Namjoon said

“He’s going to text me when he’s on his way home and Tae’s going to go in the back door so the neighbours probably won’t see” you assured him

“Okay let me know if you need me to cover for you at all for any reason” he said

No matter how much he disagreed with your actions he’d always be there to help you if you needed it and for that you were eternally grateful.

Once you finished college you got JK to drop you home, you went in the front whilst he drove round the back to drop Tae off. You dropped your bag and walked through the house to open the door for Tae.

The second the door was open his hands were on you as were his lips. You stumbled backwards into your living room as Tae walked forwards, his lips still feverishly attached to yours.

“What’s the rush? We’ve got all afternoon” you asked as he started trailing his lips down your neck

“We never get to be this alone, I’m making the most of it” he mumbled as his lips reconnected with yours your dark lipstick now smeared all around his mouth. He continued walking the two of you backwards before grabbing the back of your thighs and pulling you up to wrap your legs around his waist. Taehyung carried you through the house for a second before pushing you up against the wall simultaneously pushing himself into you causing the both of you to groan slightly.

“As much as I love this just go to my room already” you said moving your lips only millimetres away from his to speak.

“What’s the rush? We’ve got all afternoon” he smirked mocking you

“Shut up” you rolled your eyes

“Gladly” he said as he reconnected your lips and began blindly walking to your bedroom.

Once you were there he dropped you onto your bed before taking his shirt and jeans off and climbing on top of you. You’d already taken your shirt off so he instantly placed his hands under your skirt and began pulling your underwear down with one hand whilst the other held your face. Seconds after you’d put your lips back on his you heard the front door open. Tae pulled back and you stared at each other with a similar look of horror.

“Y/n?” Your dad called

“I thought he was working late?” Tae whisper shouted

“He was supposed to be!” you replied as you quickly got up throwing your shirt back on and checking yourself in the mirror. You quickly grabbed a makeup wipe to get rid of the lipstick on your chin and neck.

“Y/n are you home?” your dad’s voice sounded again

“Yeah I thought you were uh working late?” You said as you made your way downstairs

Your dad was in the living room placing down his brief case and loosening his tie when you walked in

“I was meant to be but my meeting got cancelled, I was going to text you but my phones dead” he explained

Your mind was running a million miles an hour trying to work out a way to get Tae out of your house without your dad seeing.

“When you didn’t answer and I saw the back door was open I thought someone had broken in” your dad laughed causing you to laugh in return

“Sorry I had my headphones in” You lied avoiding eye contact with him. As you did so you noticed a pair of shoes by the still open back door. Tae’s shoes. How did you not even realise he’d taken them off? Anyone that had ever met Tae could recognise those shoes as his anywhere as they were covered in little doodles he’d designed. Your father was yet to see them but there was no way you could discretely hide a pair of size 10 Doc Martens.

“Would you mind getting me a beer?” your dad asked you as he sat down on the sofa

“Yeah of course” you said but you didn’t want to leave the room because you knew your dad would see Tae’s shoes if he wasn’t distracted by conversation. As you grabbed a beer from the fridge and were making your way back to the living room you heard your dad yell your name.

“Where is he?” your dad said as he met you in the kitchen

“Who?” you said knowing there was no point lying but not knowing what else to say

“Don’t play dumb with me Taehyung’s here his shoes are by the back door, god I thought he’d be smarter than to leave evidence of him being here right in the living room” he scoffed

“In his defence you weren’t meant to be home for hours” you said knowing it would just make the situation worse

“He’s upstairs isn’t he?” your dad asked despite knowing the answer and already heading upstairs

“Dad wait!” you called rushing after him, oh how you hoped Tae had put his clothes back on and wiped his face before your dad found him.

You trailed behind as your dad opened your bedroom door and saw Tae sat on your bed. You let out a sigh of relief as he was now fully clothed. “What are you doing in my house?!” Your father said causing Tae to jump to his feet “Dad it was my idea don’t be mad at him” you tried as you stood between them both but your dad dismissed you completely “She’s lying sir it was my idea I’m so sorry” Tae said You snapped your head towards him a his words “What are you doing!” you exclaimed at him “Dad I promise you it was my idea he’s just trying to protect me” you said turning back in your dad’s direction. “I don’t care whose idea it was I want him out now!” Your father shouted pointing at your door. Tae looked at you with an apologetic look on his face before walking towards your door. “Tae stop” you said causing him to look back at you “Dad what’s your problem?” “What do you mean? Isn’t obvious? Look at him!” Your dad exclaimed gesturing towards Tae “He looked like that when you knew we were together so what’s happened to make you hate him so much?” You asked as Tae made his way too your side Your dad sighed and sat down on the chair of your vanity table “For starter’s he didn’t have red hair and a nose piercing when I knew, I just don’t want my daughter involved in the antics him and those boys get up to” he explained His words made absolutely no sense to you and you were about to voice that when Tae spoke up “Sir if you don’t mind me saying the things the papers write about us and our music videos we always get permission for everything we do, we’d never do anything against the law and if we did I wouldn’t involve Y/n” Taehyung explained “I understand you’re protective of her as any father would be but I can confidently say I treat her perfectly and have given you no reason to think I don’t” he finished Your dad looked up at him and shook his head “I never said you don’t treat her well I know you do, but I also know what it’s like being in a rock band it starts out harmless and legal but the bigger you get the worse it gets and before you know it you’re all drug addicts and alcoholics and I just don’t want her getting caught up in that like I did” he said You never knew your dad had been in a band. You’d never think he’d ever have the guts to do something like that, he’s always been so sophisticated and quite frankly up himself as far as you were concerned. “How have I never heard about you being in a band?” You asked “Because it’s not a time I’m proud of and I wanted you to think better of me” he admitted causing you to laugh “I’d have thought better of you if you’d told me” “Well now you know , Taehyung I never asked for you two to split up as a personal thing I’m just afraid you’ll get into things like I did” You father said looking at Taehyung without disgust for the first time in a while. “You know how headstrong and stubborn she is she’d never do something out of peer pressure and would probably be the one stopping us from doing anything like that” Tae laughed smiling at you “I know you’d rather her be with someone like Namjoon I’m aware I’m not good enough for her but by some miracle she thinks I am so would there be any hope at all of you letting us be together?” Tae asked “Honestly I always knew she’d end up with someone a bit different and alternative and if you continue to treat her well and promise you won’t get her involved in anything bad then I suppose you can stay together” Your dad smiled “Seriously?” you asked making him nod

“Thank you! I promise I swear on my life and hers I will never involve her in anything bad” Taehyung grinned at him

“Thank you dad” you smiled as Tae pulled you into his arms

“This door stays open though!” Your dad said as he left the room.

“I can’t believe that was so easy I should’ve snuck you in weeks ago!” You said

“I told you if we just spoke to him it would turn out okay” Tae said

“so where were we?” he added as he kissed you running his hands under the hem of your shirt.

“We weren’t anywhere, not with my dad right downstairs” you laughed as he continued to trail his hands under your shirt

“That’s definitely not stopped you before”

[gofancyninjaworld]

OPM Manga Chapter 120 Review: Strength

I won’t go into recounting what’s going on this chapter --  the-nysh is doing a great job!  Go read their reviews, particularly this one! https://the-nysh.tumblr.com/post/188753068741/re-thoughts-on-genos-carrying-ch120-i-like-how

Instead, I’m putting more into the context of the chapter and how it’s a culmination of a lot of other threads. 

You may want a cup of tea or other beverage -- this post is long! 

A: Rescue Complete-ish

Finally, the support crew and hostage are in a reasonably safe situation.  Their extraction was not without event: when I saw this panel, I realised that I wasn’t going to be able to sneaky read it at work and just left early so I could savour it properly (priorities, eh?)

this panel is cinematic in how dynamically it portrays the real danger of falling to one’s death

I expected that Genos would coordinate the removal of the support heroes from the danger zone, but just picking them up, lashing them together like logs with Strange Binding Shell’s rope and running out with them, man, I did not expect that.  I both howled with laughter and felt awe that it was just that easy for him. Genos isn’t strong. He’s outrageously strong, carrying 18 people on his arms alone, which unfortunately has meant that Murata has been able to letch over that butt of his, his speed limited only by the fact that if he goes any faster, they’ll fall off for real.  

At last, they’re dumped -- I’d like to say set down, but gentle and Genos only share an initial letter -- in the hands of the armoured convoy sent to escort them back to A-City headquarters.   The first ironic closure is Sekingar reporting back to Sicchi on the outcome of his taking A to C-Class heroes instead of a Class S hero:

how does the saying go? The stone the builders rejected... Rest well, guys.  You did valiantly and you deserved better.

Can I praise Sicchi for a second?  He’s Sekingar’s superior and was horrified at the latter’s decision to exclude Genos and Bang. And yet, when he spoke to Genos, he took full responsibility for the decision and outcome.  What a good boss!

Of course, there are still monsters lurking, hoping to snatch defeat out of the hands of victory, but as I’ll explain later, I don’t think it’ll be an issue. 

B: The Curtain Closes

This chapter makes it clear that the glimpse behind the scenes that we got last chapter is going to remain just that, a tantalising glimpse.   There is definitely a bigger story afoot, and one connected to cyborgs, robots, conspiracies and almost certainly the mystery of the town massacre of which Genos is the sole survivor. 

Whether out of pride or from actually having more strength than he’s letting on, Drive Knight refuses to let Genos carry him out of the war zone.  More interestingly, Drive Knight refuses to let Genos kill Nyan, saying that he wants the monster as a study specimen.  

“You understand, don’t you? If we want to become even stronger, it is necessary to conduct research and learn from these unknown life forms.”

Drive Knight’s use of ‘we’ as if he recognises Genos as a fellow being and the way he later draws a distinction between beings like themselves and ‘mankind’ --  another translator, u/Berobero, uses ‘humanity’ -- points to there being a transhuman cyborg identity separate from that of regular people.  Whether Genos will sympathise with that identity the way Drive Knight assumes he must is a question for another arc.  As is indeed, whose side Drive Knight really is on.

The irony of Drive Knight’s praise of bio-inspiration is not lost on us readers. Genos may not be wearing bits of Elder Centipede’s armour, but Dr Kuseno has definitely drawn inspiration from it as the armour not only looks vaguely organic, but it reconfigures itself in ways that feel like it’s almost alive. 

Under normal circumstances, this speech would have been a gimme for Genos, a line of enquiry that he would have followed as far as Drive Knight would have let him, but first, getting the heroes to safety is more important, and second, something Nyan said confirmed to Genos that Saitama was definitely underground already. 

I don’t cry for monsters.  So help me, I love the cruel irony of a monster who has enjoyed incapacitating its victims before slowly ripping them to bits realising that it in turn has been incapacitated and is going to be torn to bits like a toy. 

Bless your kind hearts if you feel bad for Nyan, but this fucker has earned his ending.  Die slowly!

C: Random Walking Disasters

One of the ways that Genos distinguishes himself from other heroes is that he doesn’t just wait for something to happen.  He hunts. 

No monsters will be following this convoy.  Like a demonic Santa Claus, he’s making a list and checking it once.  He knows where they’re lurking, for he’s mapped their locations.  When he goes in, he’ll kill ‘em all, no hesitations.

That said, not only has Genos curbed his curiosity in keeping his conversation with Drive Knight short, he’s also curbing his intense desire to return to the fight and to find Saitama.  No one is forcing him to, but Genos isn’t moving until the convoy has stabilised everyone enough to ship out and he’s double-checked that Waganma is going to be in safe hands. 

But hold that thought a minute. 

It’s so easy to lose the world when we see heroes fighting monsters -- they easily devolve into weird characters in funny costumes with silly names fighting even weirder freaks against a Lego backdrop of something known as a city.  In expanding on the build up to the fight at the Monster Association headquarters, ONE has been grounding the story in the context of a very scared advanced society. And Murata has been grounding us visually.  

From chapter 80 onwards, we see a change in the way Murata (and assistants) draws buildings and settings to make them feel much more like real places in which people move and live and less like painted backgrounds. This is a functional society, one fighting to protect itself.  A few of the more notable ones:

 This chapter though is EXCEPTIONAL in its grounding.  The well-detailed armoured carriers, the people wearing full body armour with proper helmets and face plates, toting heavy guns, the choice of shading that is nearly photographic at times, that makes the scale of the sort of monster threats facing people much more comprehensible.  Much more real. 

If it’s a wolf-level monster, these armed men and their vehicles will be able to dispatch it without too much of a struggle.  If it’s a tiger-level monster, it’s touch and go -- somewhere between a great struggle and impossible. And as for demon-level monsters, it’s a sick joke: the monster will do well to even notice them as it blows them away.  

It’s that understanding that puts the power of Class S heroes into context.  Genos may be tiny, especially crouched as he is, but he could blow the entire field away, ashing everyone and reducing all the metal to slag before anyone could scream.  

Having someone this powerful just sitting there brings to mind the ambivalence we’ve seen many heroes express towards Class S, an ambivalence expressed beautifully by Amai Mask: only to the extent that they follow orders are the individuals of Class S heroes.  Otherwise, they’re just monstrous (Mangastream’s translation as ‘random walking disasters’ is wonderfully apt). 

But as we see, the obedience of an individual powerful enough to kill everyone and there’s nothing no one can do about it is not guaranteed.  One can only hope for their cooperation.

And yet, somehow, they’re the best hope in the worst times.  As Food Battler acknowledges, there comes a point when clever plans, natural abilities, determination, courage, intelligence, none of those matter.  There comes a point when only overwhelming strength counts.  His request to be allowed to accompany Waganma and free Genos up to return (well, ‘free’ is a tenuous word) to battle felt as much prayer as it was noble offer.

...I choked up at this panel

Food Battler’s words parallel those of Saitama’s so perfectly, it hurts. Stupid as it sounded, it was just the truth: more power would have meant that Elder Centipede would have been burned beyond the point at which he could extinguish the fire, never mind repair the damage wrought. 

Sekingar, in tossing the precious monster data to Genos, has thought about everything he’s heard over the last day regarding who can and cannot be trusted.  He’s made his choice: he’ll put his faith in this one. 

I’m sorry Genos, the heavy burden you say you feel on your shoulders has just grown ten times heavier.  May you be able to carry it at least some way. 

He’s supplied him with more battle experience, better weapons, more power and now critical insider information -- what evil has ONE in store for Genos now?

D: Hey, aren’t you forgetting someone?

No, I haven’t forgotten Sekingar.  Sekingar deserves his own post and by gawd, he’s going to get one!  I’ll be writing that next! :)

[mrs-captain-evans]

Blind Date - Chris Evans x Ofc

Summary: Melanie (ofc) has been set up on a blind date with Captain America himself, Chris Evans. How will it go? Pairing: Chris Evans x Ofc Word Count: 1841 Warnings: Fluffy

A/N: Today is my birthday! So to celebrate I have written this little piece which sprung from an idea due to a friends first (and awful!) date. Thank you @mycapt-ohcapt for once again being an amazing support. Forever grateful <3

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This was the worst first date you’ve ever been on. Your best friend, Emily, set you up on a blind date with, what she described as, the perfect man who will make all your dreams come true. She gave you his number last week in case any plans change, but the only thing she told you was his name, Chris, nothing more. When you asked for his last name she said you’d bail if you knew who he was. You were sat at the 2 person table in a luxurious and exclusive restaurant in Boston fearful for your life. What if he was a serial killer? He didn’t sound creepy in his messages, but you still felt panicky.

The restaurant was far more expensive than your liking. Looking around at the other diners, feeling out of place, you couldn’t help but notice the time. He was 35 minutes late! If it wasn’t for the fact your glass of wine cost more than your weekly shop, you would of left 15 minutes ago.

Feeling frustrated and wanting to take your anger out on your best friend, you pulled out your phone to send her a text, ‘Ugh, he’s so late *rolling eye emoji* This is the last time you set me up, the fucker couldn’t even cancel himself. The waiters are giving me funny looks. You owe me big time for this!’

With a tight smile on your face, you looked towards the waiters, who were giving you a sympathetic look and asked for the check. Reluctantly paying for your drink, hoping your card didn’t decline, you thanked your server while vowing to never listen to your best friend again.

Standing up and downing the rest of your wine, you moved to leave, but a tall, muscular man with a full beard and a frantic look on his face caught your eye. The hostess pointed in your direction and the man politely nodded and turned in your direction striding towards the table. Reaching you, he apologised instantly “Oh god, I’m so sorry, my meeting overran, the traffic was terrible and I couldn’t find anywhere to park.”

Realising who your date was, you replied with a dazed edge to your voice, “That’s okay, I was just about to leave but I’m going to quickly use the restroom.” Before giving him a chance to reply, you rushed off in the other direction to compose yourself.

Chris Evans. Your date was Chris Evans. Captain America, Chris Evans. You couldn’t believe Emily, how could she? Not only was he the hottest bachelor in Boston, he was your celebrity crush. You were aware that Emily was distant friends with him but you never thought she’d actually set you up with the actor. You always knew that letting her plan the whole date was a bad idea, she picked the most over the top restaurant in Boston and now you were going to have to sit with the man, trying to act normal.

Heading back towards the table with a smile on your face, you noticed your wine glass was now full again and Chris sipped from a glass of his own, with the remaining bottle in a silver bucket to the right of him. As you approached the table to introduce yourself, Chris noticed you and awkwardly reached his hand out towards you, miss judging and knocking your glass over, tipping it straight onto your brand new, and expensive, dress.

“Shit! Fuck! Sorry.” Grabbing some napkins and passing them to you, he continued apologising, “I am so sorry, let me pay for the dry cleaning.”

Irritated at him for not only ruining your new $170 dress, but also being late, you couldn’t help your sarcastic response, “No point in dry cleaning, it’s ruined!” Looking up at him, seeing the sheepish look on his face, you couldn’t help but carry on, “I can’t just afford to spend nearly 200 dollars on a dress for it to be destroyed after wearing for an hour! This is the last time I ever let Emily interfere with my love life.”

“Look I am really sorry, I can’t apologise enough, I’m just- well I’m nervous.” Seeing him shifting on the spot, his hand rubbing the back of his neck, blushing, you felt bad for snapping at him.

“No I’m the one who should be sorry, I shouldn’t of snapped at you.” Still trying to wipe off as much as you can, you gave Chris a small smile, showing him he was forgiven.

Both of you sat back down and finally got onto the formal introductions, “I’m Chris Evans, the biggest and most awkward dork in Boston. Nice to meet you” He sent a wink your way.

Laughing at his humour, you flicked your hair over your shoulder, throwing him a cheeky smile, “Melanie Clarke, or Mel, the most wine drenched girl in Boston right now.”

“Yeah, I asked for that!” God, his laugh is infectious. You couldn’t help but look around the room in discomfort. This was not your kind of place, you’re a simple girl who loves a local and casual restaurant with home cooked food and doesn’t cost a months rent for a three course meal.

Noticing your uneasiness, Chris asked you if everything was okay. Wanting to be honest, you told him how you felt, “I’m not really a fancy kind of girl, I prefer little quaint, family run places. You know where the owners know your name and you can have a fulfilling meal surrounded by charm. Nothing that breaks the bank.” Seeing his embarrassed smile, you tried to make him feel a bit better, “Don’t get me wrong, this is a beautiful restaurant.”

“But..”

You looked into his eyes, shrugging slightly “It’s just not me.”

Seemingly delighted with your response, Chris let out a sigh of relief, “Thank god, I hate places like this. Do you wanna get out of here? I know a great pizza place”

“Yes please, I thought you’d never ask!”

Signalling for the check, Chris reaches into his pocket to pay the bill. Frantically searching through all his pockets, raising his voice slightly “Fuck! I cannot believe this.”

Surprised by his sudden outburst, you glanced at his annoyed face, “What’s up?”

Repeating his words and no doubt feeling mortified, “I cannot believe this! My earlier meeting overran and I left my house in such a rush to get here on time, that I forgot my wallet.” Shaking his head in disbelief, cursing at himself, “Chris you dick! And shit, you were late anyway! And now you’re cursing in front of a lady, fuck!”

As much as you enjoyed seeing him squirm in his seat, you felt a tiny bit sorry for the actor. You had a feeling he wasn’t always this horrendous at the dating scene, he did have a bachelor boy reputation after all.

The waiter comes over with the check and recognising the guilty look on his face, you reached into your purse and produced your credit card. “Don’t worry I’ll get this, a bottle of wine can’t be too expensive right?”

Wrong. As you studied at the bill you nearly choked on your own breath when you saw the figure at the bottom of the slip, $120. Trying not to look startled, you forced a smile the waiters way, hoping that your card didn’t decline. Thankfully the payment went through and you politely thanked the waiter.

Breaking the silence, Chris cleared his throat from across the table, and spoke to you in a timid voice, “All I seem to be saying to you is sorry, but I really do apologise, for everything.” Not wanting to be a bitch, you acknowledged him with a curt nod, trying not to let your anger boil over. “Please let me at least drive you home.”

“What and potentially get run over? No thank you. I’ll call a cab.” You exhaled loudly while pulling out your cell phone.

Just as you were about to dial the number, Chris’s small, gentle voice interrupted you. “I’ve really screwed this up haven’t I?” Closing your eyes for a brief second, you let his words and tone of voice sink in. Opening your eyes, you could see he was slumped in his chair, not making eye contact with you and looking very ashamed of himself.

“Sorry Chris, I just don’t think it was your day.” Feeling a bit guilty for barking at him a moment ago, you wanted to let him down gently.

He lifted his hopeful eyes, and while he stared into yours, asked “I’m guessing a second date isn’t on the cards?”

“I don’t know Chris.” Shrugging lightly, you couldn’t help but think this was all a big mistake.

With a smug smile on his face, and a knowing smirk, you suddenly felt on the spot, “Oh c’mon, please, I owe you big, remember?”

Confused at his question, you furrowed your eyebrows together not understanding him, “Huh?”

Grilling you further, “The ‘he’s late, what a fucker for not cancelling, you owe me big time’ text.”

Completely forgetting you had his number, texting him back only 5 hours ago confirming you were still on for this evening, you must of accidentally sent your message to him instead of Emily! Now you were the embarrassed one, “I umm- oh shit”

Chuckling lightly at you, “Looks like it’s not your day either.”

Mortified at making such a rookie mistake, you didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Nope, obviously not.” Your voice was tight and your breath was coming out in short bursts. Noticing Chris’s laughter you were pulled out of your near anxiety attack and couldn’t help but feel amused. This was definitely not the way you thought your evening would turn out, but as much of a catastrophe it was, you were happy you shared this awful experience with such a charming and humble man.

“Look, I know this evening hasn’t gone well. Actually it’s been a disaster, but I would love to see you again.” Pausing a little, he sent a wink your way, “Plus I owe you that pizza right?”

After a small debate in your head, you quickly decided to give him another shot. After all it was Emily who planned this outrageous dinner date. If you were both in a more comfortable environment then things, may perhaps, be more successful.

“Okay Evans, you’ve got yourself a second date….just.”

Smiling widely at you, he stood up, checked his watch, and held his hand out for you to follow his lead, “C’mon, it’s only 7.45pm, my condo isn’t too far from here, I can pick up my wallet and treat you to the best pizza in Boston. It’s the least I can do for being late, and ruining your dress. Oh and for making you pay for that ridiculously overpriced bottle of wine.”

Placing your hand into his, you both walked out of the restaurant feeling a lot more relaxed with big smiles on your faces.

“Just you wait until Emily hears about this!”

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Tag List: @mycapt-ohcapt @princess-evans-addict @gigglegirl77 @coffeebooksandfandom @the-sunshine-in-the-dark @loricameback

[starwarsnonsense]

The Last Jedi: A Beautiful and Exquisitely Emotional Film About the Lows and Highs of Failure

I didn’t feel prepared to review this film after my first viewing, since I felt too overwhelmed by what I had seen and I wasn’t able to properly articulate my feelings beyond the level of mostly incoherent squealing. I have just seen it for the second time and feel much more capable of writing about it now. This review will be chock-full of spoilers, so please don’t read it until you have seen the film for yourself (and I implore you to do so - it’s a brilliant ride).

As I mention in the title of this review, The Last Jedi is ultimately about failure. This didn’t quite click with me on my first viewing, but it came through with startling clarity upon my second viewing. Every character has to deal with failure, but the beautiful thing about this film is that failure is shown to have the potential to be a source of strength and wisdom rather than helplessness and despair. Every character suffers and has their plans thwarted or their efforts proved in vain, but this doesn’t mean nothing was achieved.

To begin considering this theme, let’s start by discussing the story of Rey and Kylo (they have their own stories as well, but I want to begin by talking about the journey they take together). These characters are the beating heart of the film, and their mutual journey is the main through-line throughout The Last Jedi. Rey and Kylo are bound together through the Force, and their early scenes together are all about how they negotiate this and are forced to confront each other as people rather than enemies. They come closer and closer through scenes that are brimming over with intimacy, tension and tenderness, their encounters culminating with a lovely tableau where they extend their hands to touch each other. This is a moment of profound vulnerability and sensuality - Kylo deliberately removes his glove so they can touch skin-to-skin, and they gaze directly into each other’s eyes with the firelight between them, oblivious to everything except each other. It’s framed something like a pre-Raphaelite painting of forbidden lovers touching for the first time, and it is intensely romantic and beautiful. Later, we learn that this is the moment when they both had visions of a future together - Rey saw Ben returning to the light with her help, and Kylo saw Rey coming to his side to join him. These visions inform most of their subsequent behaviour and give them purpose. 

Luke, still filled with fear and afraid of allowing Rey to slip into darkness, bursts in and stops them by exploding the hut where the would-be lovers are connecting (a parody version where Luke comes in screaming “NO SEXY TIMES IN MY HUT!” is surely incoming). Rey, however, has been swayed by her interactions with Kylo and her new appreciation of his origins - she considers him wronged in the worst possible way by the uncle who was meant to be guiding and caring for him, having had the truth of Ben’s turn to the dark side revealed to her by Kylo. Convinced that there is still hope for Ben, Rey leaves the island to go to him in the hope of turning him and bringing him to the side of the Resistance. Kylo, however, seems to betray her and takes her to Snoke. Snoke proceeds to torture Rey and is puffed up with pride over his apprentice’s achievement - he orders Kylo to murder Rey, reading his thoughts and revelling in Kylo’s new resolve. But Snoke, in a stunning moment, is actually reading Kylo’s resolve to murder him, not Rey, and is sliced in half by the sudden ignition of a craftily turned lightsaber. 

Rey and Kylo fight Snoke’s Praetorian guards together in a gorgeous, virtuous fight scene that is easily the greatest setpiece in the film - they are completely in sync to the point that they fight back to back, with Rey leaning to rest against Kylo’s back in order to better launch an attack. It is a fight scene founded on their innate connection and trust in one another, and it is their high point together - it embodies everything they can achieve when they are at their best.

It has taken a while for me to get here, but this is the point at which failure comes into it. At the end of the fight, Rey appeals to Ben to stop the attack on the Resistance fleet. He refuses and reveals his ambition to rule the galaxy as the new Supreme Leader - he interpreted his vision of the future as proof that he was destined to rule with Rey besides him, and appeals to her to join him. Kylo makes the offer with desperate sincerity and longing, and clearly sees no evil in his dream - instead, he envisages a future where he and Rey will rule side-by-side to give order to a chaotic galaxy torn apart by factionalism and warfare. He considers it a question of destiny and responsibility - the most apt use for their remarkable and unique power. He tries to appeal to Rey by highlighting the awful truth of her background - in particular, her abandonment by uncaring and drunken parents - and telling her how important she is to him. 

But Rey, of course, is horrified. She realises that killing Snoke did not restore Ben Solo, and that going to him was not enough to trigger the change. She reaches for the Skywalker saber - which she had passed to Ben in the battle - and she and Kylo battle for it through the Force, straining for control until the moment the saber breaks in two, exploding into a dazzling blast of light that knocks them both unconscious. 

For Rey, Kylo’s offer to her represents the fact that she has failed - but there is also a lesson in it. She fails to bring Ben Solo back but the lesson is that he must be left to find a way forward alone - at least for now. She recognises the sincerity of his feelings and the conflict that stirs within him, but cannot share in his dream for two of them. She flees The Supremacy while Kylo is still unconscious, re-joining the Resistance and taking up the mantle of the last Jedi, inspired by Luke’s teachings and her own experiences with the Force. In a magical moment that embodies what Rey stands to become, she lifts the rocks that block the exit from the cave complex that the few surviving members of the Resistance were using to escape. They behold her as if she’s a miracle. By the end of the film, Rey has new resolve and confidence in her ability to represent hope for the galaxy and continue to propagate the light side of the Force. She may be a nobody born to scavengers from Jakku callous enough to sell their own child for drinking money, but the humble nature of her birth makes her a greater inspiration and heightens her achievements.

Kylo’s failure, naturally, has a different form. For him, the failure lies in the loss of Rey. He awakens to find her gone and is furious, immediately charging into what he wants to be a final battle against the Resistance. He is determined to destroy anything and everything that reminds him of his past - the weakness he had earlier told Rey to “kill” if she had to - and goes about in a chaotic and senseless fashion. Hux attempts to reign in his more outrageous and childish tactics, but Kylo is rendered stupid and short-sighted by his blind rage - when he sees the Falcon, he screams for “that piece of junk” to be blasted out of the sky. When he sees Luke, he orders every gun to fire on him before finally going out to face his uncle himself. When he fights Luke, he fights sloppily and in anger, intensely frustrated by his uncle’s ability to evade his blows. He ultimately realises that Luke is nothing but a projection, a distraction that worked all too well and allowed the Resistance the time they needed to escape. While Rey ends the film on a note of achievement, purpose and belonging, Kylo ends it solitary and acutely aware that he hasn’t got what he craved - he may be the de facto Supreme Leader of the galaxy, but it’s a hollow title and a hollow victory. The dice from the Falcon - which Luke had projected across the galaxy with him - vanish from his fingers, and he has to look up in despair as Rey gazes down at him sternly and closes the door on their connection. There is a lesson for Kylo in this - IX will be where we see what he takes from it.

Every other main character deals with failure of a different sort, and while I won’t go into all of them in detail I will touch upon the stories of Luke and Finn and Rose. Luke starts the film on a note of failure which is contrasted with Rey’s optimism - he exiled himself as he feels he betrayed Ben Solo, and is convinced that the Jedi caused more harm to the galaxy than good. He wants to die and let the Jedi end. He is slowly won over by Rey and begins giving her lessons about the nature of the Force, albeit non-traditional ones that subvert expectations (ours and Rey’s). He is shaken by the discovery of Rey’s connection with his nephew, but one of the best things about The Last Jedi is how it challenges Luke himself and subverts his expectations and beliefs. Speaking to Yoda after Rey has left to join Kylo allows Luke to realise that Rey has all the wisdom she needs, and will gain more wisdom through any failures or trials she endures. This gives Luke a sense of peace and allows him to let her go and take up her own path. 

One of the final tracks on the soundtrack is ‘Peace and Purpose’, and it is matched with the scene of Luke’s triumph at the end of the film - he faces his nephew with the clear goal of saving the Resistance. It may not be the grand set-piece many wanted for Luke, but I find it more effective than that since it really stresses all those qualities that make him a true Jedi - his selflessness, patience, calm and optimism. As much as Kylo is filled with rage and hurt, Luke projects calm and confidence and makes it clear that he will be with Kylo going forward. When we go back to where Luke really is - the island of Ahch-To - he is wearing his old Jedi master robes and is clearly under immense physical strain - the Luke that is fighting Kylo is an embodiment of Luke’s fine-tuned mental state, not his suffering physical body. The strain of projecting himself across the galaxy ultimately kills him and he becomes one with the Force in much the same way as Obi-Wan, having responded to his sister’s appeal for help and had a spark of hope for Ben Solo restored by Rey (Leia seems to have given up hope for Ben by the end of the film, but Luke has greater optimism and tells her that “no one is ever truly lost”). Luke attains the greatest wisdom that there is, by learning from his own failure and accepting that his apprentice must also fail to tread her own path. And his wisdom is ultimately rewarded by triumph, even though it comes at a cost.

Finn and Rose have an arc that’s as complex and fully realised as Kylo and Rey’s, even though it doesn’t have the same narrative heft. I will get to it in full later on, but in relation to the theme of failure it is worth mentioning that Finn and Rose’s whole side-mission is ultimately a failure. They infiltrate The Supremacy in the hope of disabling the tracker that is keeping the First Order on the tail of the Resistance fleet. The mission is proven to be in vain when a Resistance ship rams into The Supremacy and brings the whole ship down. The futility of their mission is crushing and the losses to the Resistance are huge, but what Finn and Rose experienced together wasn’t worthless - their adventure made them both better people, and Finn in particular was inspired by Rose and her bravery. At the end of the film Rose drives her skimmer into Finn’s on Crait to prevent him from ramming into the First Order’s weapon, saving him from what was effectively a suicide mission - in a way she makes Finn fail, but she also saves him. This underlines the film’s fascinating moral complexity and nuance, which are easily its greatest strengths. 

The Last Jedi is more interested in character than action, and every set-piece and battle is designed with the goal of serving the characters’ stories - individual and intertwined.

There is so much to say about this film, and I know that I have many happy and productive months of meta-writing to look forward to. It is not entirely without flaws but I have already gone on too long here, and will have more time to write up my feelings in the coming months, weeks and years. I am so psyched and am intensely grateful to have a Limitless subscription right now.