#which i know id be getting back at 3pm at the earliest

[digiblueslush]

Chat I'm about to combust

I've spent the past 3 fucking hours trying to get my computer to cooperate. Like I went from trying to restart/refresh, then reinstalling windows, and now i finally figured out how to just reset my computer because every other troubleshooting thing wouldn't work, and i tried every other way to reset it and reinstall and it wouldn't even let me -______-

I miss the simplicity of Chromebooks :( if only I could use that for school. I don't got the funds for a new laptop right now and I've literally got a week and a half left of the semester I just need it to get me until then PRETTY PLEASE and then I can get a better, and hopefully longer lasting laptop at the beginning of next semester (it's crazy that I've literally only had this one for not even a year and a half. Twice the price of a Chromebook, but 1/3 of a lifespan -____- and I literally only needed to switch for ONE TESTING SOFTWARE

I have a 5 page paper I've barely started and a 2 page paper I haven't started at all that are due in literally 18 hours. I pulled an all nighter and messed up the timing of my vyvanse to WORK ON MY SHIT and now I'm all pissy because I finally want to work on it and I had a good start and my computer just decided to flip me off

[mumblecrumble]

04/03/21

daIly RAnT... I've been sleeping a lot. well this week ive been sleeping like a bad amount of times. Last week my shitty ass was so proud with her sleep schedules, I sleep like around 12? well 12 is my earliest and I often sleep at around 1-2 am. Then I time myself for 7 hours, so you know.. a 7 Hour sLeeP.  well a 7 hour sleep isn't that bad, adults sleep 7 on a regular and I've seen something that sleeping 7 hours can actually be more great than sleeping 8... if you're an adult. YeS, yes im very well aware with the fact that it IS BAD FOR ME, but I don't know why I spend so much time not sleeping. I don't even drink coffee anymore, well those days I didn't. OHHHH I remember having a hard time sleeping, as far as I remember, I even had an embarrassing log and history of how to sleep. e a r l y.  So back to the problem, RIghT Now. Well this week ive been sleeping before 12, which is indeed great, right? problem is, last week  where I time myself 7 hours, I always end up waking up before the alarm, meaning I sleep lesser than 7 hours. The thing right now is that I still do the 7 hours crap, cause the earlier I wake up, the more things I can so? even though I spend an hour and maybe two hours in bed on social media , I am still awake . So the thing is I always wake up at around 9-10AM. It is bad, since wtf?  did I just slept for a glorious 10 hour and I still look like a lying piece of garbage? yes. my skin condition this days is really bad now im wondering where is the benefits of this 10 hours long sleep. NOW to add another problem, my head will start to hurt between 2-3PM, so what do I do? well I have the option to tell my parents, and hopefully they give me medicine and they'll blame it on the gadget, which is in fact true, but gadget with the good purpose of answering stuff. So as far as I know the only option I have right now is, sleep. yeah average sleep is like 1-2 hours. and as weird as it gets. YeS I dO Time mySelf when I slEEP. because I thought its only a nap and it turns in to a whole hour of me takin a nap, anD ThAtS Not A NaP aNymORe. So in a day I sleep in an average of 9-12 hours. Now its isn't really a problem (if it is then, uhmm, yikes), the thing is our review starts on monday. problem number 1 is that I am indeed dumb as far as you know, problem number 2 I am dumb, im going to highlight the fact that im dumb so you can be aware of how stupid and pathetic my dumbass is. 3rd problem is sleeping is indeed good, and that's the problem. Its aDdIcTing. if my parents haven't brought food then id still be sleeping right now, And noT WrITING tHiS piEcE Of tRaSh. so yeah. OH AND DID I TELL YOU I ALMOST HAD A MINI BREAKDOWN LAST DAY. OHHH YES, cause my dumbass really thought shes finish, well in fact she haven't started two assignments and she was planning to pass everything by today. SiLly hEr. well did she pass everything today. yessss. bY the power of iMprOViSe. I did change a lot. And I mean a lot of things. I didn't write any single thing. hopefully they won't think im some lazy dumb gurl, well I am, but hopefully they don't see me like that :D... of gosh how wonderful it is that I can write something this long and the speech im about to deliver, uhmm AnYTiMe soon isn't ready yet. isn't ready at all, I mean. ur still fat btw

[loveinthebones]

Day 01- Lines, Discoveries, and Swalla (Part 1)

I had just landed in California and I could not help the smile splitting my face as I set foot in the airport.

I’m in California! Holy shit!

I sat at a table in one of the restaurants and checked in with my Hubby and mother to assure them that I had landed safely before calling the hotel I was at to see if I could possibly check in a bit earlier than 3pm (It was around 10:30) and the woman told me the earliest they would have a room was one so I thanked her and stretched my arms over my head because my shoulders were sore from the flights.

When I remembered: I had a meet and greet at noon.

I bit my lip because my duffel bag was heavy and I wasn’t too keen on the idea of lugging it around with me as 1.) It would be my luck to be stopped by security to search my bag. and 2.)I had packed my bag in a specific way so my unmentionables were on top. I weighed the options before ordering an Uber to take me to the convention center.

I couldn’t check in until one and with getting my badge at registration...I would just barely make it.

So I shrugged to myself and started to make my way to where I thought the front of the airport is before glancing around me with minor concern.

This airport was very quiet...I had just passed a stand where there were magazines and books on display before tearing myself away to follow the path that for whatever reason my mind had decided was the right way.

I came to an escalator and shifted from foot to foot.

This looks...wrong.

I’m not lost. Am I?

Right. Well...Oh my god. Is that guy watching me? Don’t look at him!

Just ask for directions, dummy. 

I made my way to the guy and said, “Excuse me?”

(This man had the most bluest eyes like whoa. Like...sky-colored but it was like they were under a ring light. Glowing.)

He was bemused but very sweet and explained that I had managed to wander to the very end of the airport and was about to make my way into an area that I was not allowed into so he was curious as to what I was doing. 

That explains him staring. I’m an actual idiot. 

He sent me on my way towards Gate 6 and I bid him farewell as I started the trek back to where I came until I worked my way out the doors...

Finally.

California is not as...hot, is not the word and humidity is not quite accurate descriptor either...California is not quite as something as Texas. The sun still shines brightly but there isn’t that hazy heat from the asphalt reflecting back to you. The air feels...thinner. 

It was very strange. 

I leaned against a warm column, muscles relaxing. 

(I don’t know why I love the heat that comes from stone in the sun but I do- it calms me.)

I get a text from my Uber driver telling me he is here at the airport by column 3 and questioning where I was. I was confused as I glanced around me as the columns I were situated by didn’t have any identifiers.

I paced as I replied before a thought struck me: There was an underground pick up area that I had seen on my way out. Perhaps he was there? On the second level?

I grabbed my bag and made my way down, mentally repeating the license plate number that was displayed on the app. My eyes flitted from car to car when I heard my name. 

I watched an older man make his way towards me and I let out a breath of relief and smiled. He took my bag from me (which surprised me) and I got in the car.

This driver was talkative and friendly which soothed my nerves a bit more. I mean...I had just landed, gotten into a car with someone in a state I don’t know with a little over an hour of sleep under my belt. So the easy and superficial conversation was welcome.

He chatted to me about his wife, the sights I could see, and other things. I happily reciprocated: telling him about Hubby, that no, I’m not a YouTuber but I was going to VidCon for research and because it seemed like fun. 

Then we were pulling up to the Convention Center.

I quietly said my good byes and stared at the banner sporting a very familiar face with Escape the Night 2 printed on it before I let out a squeal and made my way towards the huge glass building.

I’m here. I can’t believe I’m here.

I’m really here.

There were many people milling about.

So. Many.

I was too excited to take in the sheer density of the crowds as I tried to find the registration hall. My heart was fluttering regardless and giggles were escaping me without my permission.

I was elated and so, so happy to be where I was.

Eventually, I was pointed to the right place and as soon as I stepped through the door, my heart stopped and then jumpstarted to an even quicker rhythm.

The queue was long but that wasn’t what was bothering me. There wasn’t anyone else with luggage and I saw a couple pair of eyes dart to my duffel bag, I felt the blush spread across my face and I’m sure even the freakin’ tips of my ears were pink.

I needed my badge though so I queued up and let my brain switch off for a bit to people watch. There were vlogs happening all around me and I grinned, even as I shuffled away from a lens that was rotating my way. I could hear the excited calls of the girls in front of me and a girl stood behind me, scrolling on her phone. She was a brunette and carried herself with a quiet grace.

(This week on my pansexual ass finds everyone pretty: VidCon 2017.)

I didn’t say anything to those waiting around me...though I wanted to. I kept quiet- flicking through the menus of my phone quickly as I debated perhaps doing a vlog, I mean...I was here to see if my silly idea of starting a YouTube channel to help with my anxiety was feasible so why not?

I shook the thought away before rifling through my folder holding my information and sent a silent prayer that the confirmation number would be acceptable in lieu of the QR Code that was lost to depths of Hell when that particular email had been hacked.

(I’m telling you my luck is horrible.)

“Can I take your picture?” I heard the quiet words and watched the brunette girl speaking to a child before flicking my eyes away in embarrassment. 

It’s none of my business but how lovely.

I continued to wait, humming to myself when I heard “See! She has her luggage too!” 

I blinked, chuckled, and responded without thinking, “Yeah. I was a bit frazzled after my flights were delayed and rushed here.”

“Yeah. Our flight was delayed too.” 

The muscles in my jaw unclenched a bit as I laughed and continued, “Yeah. I think I have a meet and greet at noon so...”

“Today?!”

“I think so.”

We went back and forth a bit more before the conversation fizzled out naturally and I logged into my email to double check the times of my 2 meet and greets.

I groaned out loud as I looked at the information.

The meet and greet was the next day at noon.

Such an idiot I am.

I noticed the girl peering at me curiously and explained, “I thought the meet and greets were today so I basically gave myself a heart attack for no reason.” and she gave me a soft chuckle and nod.

We were at the front of the queue now and I watched a volunteer in a red shirt wave people forward in small groups or pairs- depending on how many were together for this event. 

“You together?”

I immediately shook my head. “Just me.”

He looked surprised before he waved the girl forward along with her friend before he pointed to a booth, “Actually, you go ahead too. Right there.”

I made my way to the booth where a greying man with glasses met my gaze and I handed him my ID and began the mortifying speech I had planned,

“I--um--I don’t have a QR Code bu-ut-- um-I have my confirmation code. Is that okay?”

He didn’t seem fazed, taking the printed email from me and asking me to hold out my arm. I did so and he attached two colored plastic bands to my wrist.

“These are your meet and greet bands. Don’t take them off or you can’t get in.”

“Yes, sir.”

He attached a more paper-y feeling white band under the others.

“This is for the concert tonight.”

He handed me my badge then and I scribbled my name quickly and went to hand him the marker.

“You can keep it.”

“Oh! Thank you!” I had forgotten to bring sharpies.

He gave me a smile before telling me, “You’re all set, darlin’. Go on ahead and grab a goodie bag.”

I nodded and thanked him once more before heading to the area where they were handing out free VidCon bags with different candy logos: Twix, M&Ms, Malteasers, Snickers, and (I believe?) Skittles.

My fingers danced over the Malteasers bag idly-- it reminded me of Dan Howell’s video of him stuffing Malteasers down his throat-- before contemplating the Snickers before I grabbed the bright yellow M&Ms bag.

I’m feeling Yellow.

I also got my agenda and a small announcement for the YouTube OnStage concert.

This day will be fun! The whole VidCon will be awesome!

I juggled my duffel bag and the new items I acquired and went to organize my thoughts and ground the wild excitement thrumming through my veins. Maybe even slow my heart down for a moment.

I doubted it be that easy even as I made my way to a column in the registration hall by a mural people could take selfies in front of.