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crguang · 9 months ago

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Okay sat, I might’ve forgotten to my anon mark at the end of my last message aand I’ve reread part 4 like 5 times, but still,

what the fuck, literally was thinking abt it in all my classes. And I will be yapping, as I guessed.

First of all, fuck Kafka really wish I was tbh she is so annoying, like just assuming r isn’t that upset, like they’re just having a little argument when r is grappling w the fact that they fell for a criminal, and literally killed their coworkers and a ton of other people, she is pissing me off. Also the stuff abt Kafka and her nihilism…giving me some thoughts. Btw have himeko and Kafka encountered each other in this, or has Himeko just heard abt her? And shes so nice, calling r everyday and being so understanding…

I can’t imagine what Kafka did when she found out she got blocked. Her going to text u and then realizing she’s blocked…kafka pausing when she sees that r blocked her. Kafka waiting to get unblocked as she orders gifts for u, who keeps checking her phone for messages from u as she sends more gifts, reminiscing abt when your first met in the store, silver wolf and blade noticing how Kafka seems to be waiting for smth, Kafka who decides to text you on an encrypted number to see how you’re doing, Kafka who sees that she isn’t forgiven and orders so many fucking flowers bc she didn’t know ur favorite. Ugh I can imagine her bringing all of them into r’s house, god she’s pathetic, I need to kiss her so bad so she shuts the fuck up.

anyway I may or may not have started writing a Kafka fic 👀 tbh I don’t rlly read romance novels so idk how the typical academic rivals thing usually works, trope wise. For some reason I keep fixating on her fucking nails. Like to me, she has them manicured all fancy, but Im fairly certain shorter not manicured nails are better for fingering. On her violin ofc, obviously. I played cello middle and high school, and I kept them long, bc I liked scratching people don’t ask I was a strange kid, but I feel like she’d keep them short bc she’s rlly serious abt it. Also Kafka is so dislikable, her ego is so big, and she’s always calm, like if she didn’t look like she was trying and still top of the class it’d piss me off too 😭

Also in the wardence event rn, I haven’t played it bc I’ve been sleeping or smth like that, but silver wolf shows up 😭 like ik it makes the most sense, since she has holograms but Kafka showed up as a hologram once ok 😭 but what silver said is like “i heard u we’re joining the wardence, and two whose names I won’t mention insisted I go check on you. Why couldn’t they do it themselves.” Ugh Kafka is so obvious it’s actually gonna kill me. And yes wtf couldn’t Kafka have showed up, she’s worth like 11 billion, so ik she can’t show up all the but cmon.

-🌠

hehfjfjgjfjfj posting a new chapter and having ppl go “man fuck kafka” is funny as hell because honestly, yeah, fuck her😭 i think it was important for me to portray how her personality can be irritating in certain contexts and how being with her really wouldn’t be bliss all the time cause she doesn’t deal with emotions much, and that includes others’. she’s not totally detached from them which is why she does try but it’s very clumsy. it’ll be elaborated on in the next part but in her mind she really has picked the best outcome here and even if she was acting in her own interest, she was protecting R, she’s just an information hoarder. being on the opposite side means you dont know wtf is going on in her head and cant explain her behavior as anything else but “she doesn’t give a shit about me”. it’s an interesting situation to write that’s for sure but im glad that her efforts, though genuine, make yall feel irritated bc thats the point hehe

what i wrote about kafka’s nihilism was not entirely true, and i did it on purpose because R doesn’t know her. i do think that nihilism/finality creates a certain distance between her and accountability. when you tell yourself that this outcome was always a possibility, that it could have happened anyway, the choice you make is no longer fully yours which means that the consequences aren’t fully on your shoulders as well. i think that makes it easier for the stellaron hunters to do what they do, that and the goal they’re working towards that is supposedly the best outcome for humanity. but kafka is anything but passive. she is not “subjected” to things, she has an active role in her future and the ones of the millions of people that it touches within the constraints of destiny. i think with nihilism it’s easy to fall into a state of learned helplessness, where you suffer through the things happening to you because “nothing matters” and “it was going to happen anyway”, but kafka is not like that at all. “if destiny doesn’t propel me forward, i’ll be the one to push destiny”— this is what she does, so describing her as a drop in the ocean isnt entirely accurate because she’s making waves. R will learn that

himeko and kafka have crossed paths canonically before the trailblazer so it’s the same in this. i like that himeko has an opinion of kafka that has been cemented through their brief meetings over the time. in that one “keeping up with star rail” where kafka’s kit is presented, hime has a lot of shit to say about her 😭 all bad. she’s also aware that kafka plays mind games in it so really for her to hear “kafka manipulated me” was like “fork found in kitchen” there’s no surprise there. one of my favorite qualities in hime is her understanding and ability to understand multiple perspectives at once, it develops her already deep empathy and its just very admirable. shes a very soft character, i love her

AND YESSSSS SHE DEFINITELY REACTED LIKE THAT TO BEING BLOCKED HDJFJFKKG she stared at her phone like “oh. they’re really mad” and decided to give them a few days to cool off which is why she sent the first gift and after that she’d be wondering whether to text you or not for like a week; would open her phone, type in your number, pause for ten seconds then go “they’re probably still upset” and send another gift. silver wolf would be like “damn youre on your phone as often as i am. whats wrong with you” and firefly’s eventually the one telling her to go there herself to apologize and not wtv tf shes doing which is why kafka finally texts 😭 shes funny asf. the sheer ridiculousness of ordering hundreds of flowers and taking over half an hour to place them inside your apartment (that she technically broke into) to surprise you is so patheticcccc i would have swooned a bit im sorry. like omg youre pathetic get out of my house but also kiss me before you go… “forget it i’ll just get all of them” can she die 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

aaaaa im glad you have time to write the academic rivals au!! typically people have the rivals work together in some sort of assigned group project to force them to interact together but you can go about it differently, like one of them’s practicing for a big piece and the other gets to the practice room too late but but the others are taken and they have to practice the same thing anyway so might as well. or the mc is struggling and kafka happens to pass by and give her some (snarky) pointers which turns into her showing her how its done and the mc actually learning from her (which would make me homicidal). they could also just happen to meet outside of the school context and start developing a new relationship that way. do what feels right!! and yeah, kafka’s nonchalance makes it seem like shes effortlessly good when in reality she takes that shit seriously and practices often😭 it’d still piss me off tho idc

silver wolf showed up in the other event and its just so ridiculous how they always have her everywhere man😭 like fine she’s always keeping up with new games coming out and shit but would it kill them to show kafka once im gonna tear my hair out, we even got to text firefly during the wardance like im gonna screammmm. but kafka and her sending SW to check ip on the tb is so stupid they care so bad😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 typical of kafka not to show or text herself i need to strangle her. the lufou hates her tho so it’s WHATEVER.

#sat answers #🌠 anon

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jackieandwilsonbyhozier · 5 months ago

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hi hello is anyone out there ? i need real life adult advice or maybe i just need ppl to pretend to listen to me so would anyone mind pretending for a moment. ok thank u

ill make it quick for the poll but put my actual thoughts under a readmore bc i have a lot to say sry....anyway vote in the poll reply reblog send me asks whatever just somebody help me for the love of god.

basically i hate my job and its killing my soul but im making pretty good money ($20/hour) but now they want to promote me to a manager which will kill my soul even more, but ill be making $27/hour. i kind of just want to quit but now theres that, plus if i stay for 2.5 more years i can sell my company stocks and get another big bonus. but again its fucking killing me working here

so i have been at my retail job for 2.5 years im a department manager and im very comfortable and confident in my position also im making $20 an hour which is great. i just got like a semi promotion i guess so now on days when they dont have a manager to close (usually 2 days a week) im the manager on duty and those days i make $22 an hour

however now they rly want to promote me to a manager full time. like the store manager and assistant manager r both telling me how great i would be and even the fcking district manager apparently agrees and wants me. i would be making ! $27 ! an hour which tbh is the only thing actually tempting me

i honestly kind of hate being a manager. i mean i like working with like the product and planning and paperwork and that stuff im confident in that but i hate hate hate actually having to manage PEOPLE. coworkers AND customers. im an extremely sensitive timid pushover-y person i just am and that is where i face the most difficulty. angry customers make me panic and i cant make myself be assertive enough for any of my coworkers to listen to anything i say

and most of all i hate the like manager culture/attitude. if uve worked in retail or probably anywhere else maybe ull know what i mean. like laughing at ur workers bc they asked for accommodations, making fun of them bc theyre all stupid and useless, chasing homeless ppl out of the store and shouting insults at them, basically just being a bully bc u know u can cuz ur in charge. and i rly rly dont want to participate in that and wont but then the other managers wont respect me lol

and actually bottom line is im sick to death of retail. this job is already draining me and if i become a manager im afraid itll be worse. obviously customers kill me and i would be happy if the rest of my life i never had to serve another customer. but even besides them. it takes me over an hour to bus to work and that wasted time adds up. i kind of put my all into work so when i get home i dont have the energy to do literally anything else. i dont know how to have a work/life balance i only know how to work. im a little bit living in filth it feels like bc i cant make myself do chores or take care of myself it feels like my life is just work, and then being at home waiting to have to go back to work

i havent gotten new piercings or tattoos in a couple years, and i havent cut or dyed my hair in over a year, its back to plain brown which i havent seen since i was like 17. its kind of killing my spirit not to be dramatic but thats the truth. art and creativity are the most important things to me and i feel like im losing myself bc i dont have the energy to keep up with stuff like that anymore the stuff i rly care about like my self expression, i feel like im killing myself in order to turn myself into a normie ass-kissing servant. i dont even draw anymore i dont do shit. im honestly kind of depressed as fuck. i mean i also havent been on my meds for over a year now which im sure isnt helping

but.........if i keep this up i could be making $27 an hour :-) the position is more than just being handed to me theyre practically begging me to take it. also another thing about my job is that u somehow accumulate/earn (?) stocks in the company, and after uve been here for 5 years u can sell them. but only if uve been working for 5 years. if u leave before that u lose them all. so if i stay another 2.5 years ill get another big bonus when i leave. but the thought of staying here that long kind of makes me wanna die😭

because thats the thing too and my final point, i honestly dont need the money. im 100% fine financially where i am rn. i have enough that i can pay my bills and put a lot in savings and buy my fun treats and whatever and i literally never ever worry about money this is the most money ive had in my life ive saved up quite a bit too. even if i just quit my job rn i would be good for like at least six months probably more. but i rly love being in this position financially lol. like im literally just like i love money yes i want more money thats the only thing making me want to stay

so i guess after typing all that out i can confidently say i dont like this job at all i just love money. im earning a lot already but i could be earning even more if i take the promotion but i AM losing my mind and kind of dont even want to work here at all anymore. i honestly dont know whats worth it i know all work is soul sucking and miserable so like should i just be grateful for what i have?? and what im being offered??

what i rly actually want to do is become a tattoo artist. i think i would be a lot happier and freer but my income would be a lot more uncertain as well which im very scared of like idk i havent been like tight on money and struggling in so long i dont want to give it up like ive been running like this so long idk how to stop. i rly dont know what to do

#shelby.txt #polls #poll

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acaciapines · 21 days ago

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rolls up to your ask box. hey. i don't know if this happens in the drk au but. how do the dreemur/holiday families react when they figure out dess n kris are still around. would they be angry at dess or glad she's back or some mix of the two. curious about noelle specifically because she wasn't really old enough to understand or remember what happened but she has to deal with the repercussions. also is kris still a puppydog or a deer goat puppydog or what. most important question

oh dess and kris ABSOLUTELY come back lol, there is no universe where they arent major characters. i love them both too much for that. before i even knew what all the dark worlds were gonna be i knew how kris was gonna come back and i knew dess was getting an interlude to explore what shes been up to.

your pretty spot on with a mix of anger and relief!!! dess gets the brunt of it 'cause it was very much Not kris's idea lol (they were. i wanna say 5-7 but i forget how much i widened the age gap between the sibling pairs to make drk work lol. tho tbf its not like we know the real canon age gap so i could be right <3) but everyone IS very mad at dess for essentially kidnapping a kid and just vanishing for like. five years or whatever. the answer the adults had sort of settled on (so, carol tori asriel asgore, plus rudy but hes dead soooo) is that dess had probably just wanted to show kris something cool in the woods, 'cause the two of them liked that, but she never really was the most responsible when it came to watching kids and that + a record snowstorm led the two of them to getting lost and probably freezing to death. (drk au takes place in the us south, so the kids were Not in any way used to snow lol). so like, dess and kris being alive is a lot better than dess getting them both killed, but it also means dess made the CHOICE not to like. call. do anything. kris's involvement makes this a lot worse, basically--its one thing for 18-year-old dess to vanish and start a new life. its another thing when she does that with her six year old kinda-cousin.

noelle has REALLY weird feelings about this whole thing, because noelle doesn't actually remember dess! she repressed that shit SO HARD she formed a system about it, and her headmate is the one who holds all of the dess memories (this is poinsettia. we love settia <3 it'll be a long time 'til it gets that name tho lol). as far as noelle is concerned she's always been an only child and dess hasn't ever existed, which is held up by her family because nobody ever explicitly talks about dess. maybe vague references that noelle can easily tune out. but any pictures of her are hidden away and while some of her things are still around, they dont actually mean anything to noelle. ex. asriel has her old bat but to noelle its just like 'i guess asriel played baseball before i was born????'

so noelle is mostly just Mad when dess comes back. so SHES the reason noelle's been sheltered her entire life? this woman she doesnt even KNOW, who claims to be her older sister, and even if thats true, she still chose the neighbor's kid over noelle???? noelle would like nothing to do with her actually. she and kris have a better but still strained relationship, tho they'll be good friends in the end.

as for kris, kris's species identity is something i put a LOT of thought into lol--in drk they're a monster! in my deltarune 'canon' (think i know im not well, that tends to be my base) kris is a monster as a kid, but finds out they're biologically a human around the same time dess disappears, their parents get divorced, etc etc, and a lot of their coping mechanisms fall into self-destruction and isolation. dess leaving particularly is a HUGE hit bc she's always been the biggest advocate and supporter of their species, and without her kris basically has nobody in their corner (their parents dont really get it, azzy doesnt get it and will insist their human bc he thinks their issues are because nobody ever explained that to them, noelle is Also a kid and literally just lost her sister so shes really in no place to be much help). kris also tends to idealize monsters as best-of-all so in 'canon' they end up not good enough to be a monster, but they know, they KNOW they arent a human, because being a human would kill them. so they find coyote--they really identify with the general narrative around coyotes as unwanted pests who are trapped and killed, as well as their loyalty to their smaller packs and their cleverness, and they've always been pretty caninecoded even as a kid, so thats what they settle into. sidenote that kris is not aware of this lol, kris just Exists, they do not actually think this hard about the Why behind things.

ALL THAT TO SAY in drk this arc goes a lot differently, because they're with dess basically their entire life! so they never have the same break around being biologically human--they probably still LEARN, at some point, but they're like okay thats stupid. im a monster like dess! and dess is like hell yeah you are harbinger, and thats that lol. they present as a monster and specifically would model themself after dess, and are usually read as monster bc especially when with just chara and frisk (very common bc dess is. yknow. not around a lot bc she never wanted this) their silhouette tends to read monster when contrasted. kris says :3 about this. and of course they still have their caninecoded traits, those dont GO anywhere, they just narrative...ize? them different. these are worked into being a monster rather than being a coyote, if that makes sense lol.

tl;dr drk kris is a deer puppydog <3

#ask #drkau #THANKS FOR THE ASK i looooooove talking about drk :333 #so i'll answer even more hint hint nudge nudge #drk isnt getting posted anytime soon so any spoilers are subject to change lol god knows whatll happen when i actually write these sections #ive been plotting a lot actually to work in all the c3 + 4 stuff in #like what im keeping adapting etc etc etc #for sure stealing the knight design to add those elements to drk dess's dark world design bc it RULES #and the prophecy stuff is SO fun :333 dont thiiiink we get a church dark world in drk #but you know thats coming back. god. ralsei cant win in any universe unfortunatly

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odysseys-blood · 10 months ago

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ive been having fun looking through the cards on the intimacy page and seeing what all i can understand/intepret from them and i just wanna ramble a bit about each so thats going under the cut (currently i have owyn, delos, xiel, mishe and heigl so just them until i get the others. also a little bit spoilery ofc)

no particular order so starting w/ mishe

his has the most obvious pieces i think. cityscape with a clock tower when he was raised in one after being taken in by his grandfather. books on shelves surrounding him because thats how he preferred to live etc etc. i think the stars in the inner circle could represent the sky that he loved to watch at the top of the tower during the evenings dotted with stars with everything still and calm. * i think what im most interested in is the outer ring (w/ the zodiac symbols) bc it looks a little like a magic circle and might be a nod to where he was originally from also hes got a very calm and neutral pose but i dont think theres much to glean from that

even with how much time has passed and heigl knowing his wife is dead and gone it still looks like hes waiting for her. which is funny considering her name which i have been ao sad about for days. If you didnt know, her name was Laica (which im sure is supposed to be said like laika. yknow the dog that was sent to space on a one way trip) and she left one day (on their anniversary no less) and didnt come home. but hes still there and he looks like hes thinking hard, probably about all the time he missed spending with her in favor of work. theres ofc also the gravestones at the bottom and the candles for a vigil. also did a quick look because i noticed the roses in his hand and scattered around the edges, and 3 (in his hand) can mean "i love you" and 8 (around the borders) can be a symbol of appreciation. also the roses in the border look like theyre on textile and from his backstory laica seemed to enjoy sewing and knitting.

ok from here i have a bit less to say/its a lot less concrete continuing:

owyn's looks the most peaceful to me tbh. out of all of the ones ive seen hes the only one thats smiling and seemingly content. what i will point out though are two things: one being the eagle, which im wondering is just a bird he might know or if its the one that was the messenger between helsinf and whoever it was that was warning him about people pursuing beastmen like owyn, and the other being the flowers in the border. unlike with heigl's theyre kind og hidden behind the border designs which feels to me like it represents his past with experimentation (and from what i can tell it was probably experiments eith the vialis curse). i wonder if he still thinks about it at all

i think the first thing i noticed is just how. empty delos' feels. like its still just as elaborate as the others so i dont mean that it LOOKS empty..but it FEELS like it is. despite how confidently he appears for the most part in the actual story here it looks like hes trying to hide. he doesn't want to be seen and i think its a mix of not wanting to take on his father's duty as the zarketh yet (mix of not feeling worthy of the role as well as feeling that if he takes it then its the same as writing off his father as dead which u see in the current event) plus feeling shame for not being the protector he swore he would be even if nothing that happened to his family is his fault. because at the end of the day he was supposed to be there for them no ifs ands or buts. and while the ocean is an important part of zarcove and a symbol of it i think you could also take it for the feeling of him drowning in his own insecurities and grief and lonliness

i forgot who i saw point it out or if it was on here or twit ill look late but i really didnt notice at first that he isnt smiling. i guess bc it looks so close to his actual sprite and he has a small smile there but it rly is a blink-and-you-miss-it detail i like. honestly to me his feels a bit empty like delos' just instead that "emptiness" is filled w/ a pretty background that screams opulence but like. it means little to him because thats just what he was expected to inherit. honestly while it has a church look to it (which i wouldnt understand much rn how that would fit in anyways i havent unlocked his last room) it does also remind me of a bird cage a little and i wonder if the floating pages have anything to do with all of the books and general entertainment he just couldn't have while growing up

#noctilucent: before dawn #noctlu #there might be some typos i gave it a quick once over but ill come back to fix it later #cliffnotes/.txt #feel free to add on if u like also 👍🏽 discussion fun

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largetriangles · 6 months ago

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been working on this paper most of the day and just sent an email asking for an extension. it was supposed to be due on wed and he made it due on fri to give us more time.

it was due at 5 but the assginment closes at 12. Im gonna submit my in progress doc and then submit the rest later. I dont feel good but this is not new for me so it's not too bad either i guess. Asked to have until the middle of next week as extra time bc i want to redirect my project slightly, which is true. I've got better ideas than what I was doing.

It wouldn't have been fully fixed, but being out of my vynse really fucked me up. like whatever I was hanging out this weekend thats fine. but if i had done any work on monday, tuesday, wednesday, or thursday I would have been fine lol :skull:

but i didnt do anything on monday. I slept in and got my meds which I took 1 of them around 2pm bc thats when I got them which led me to being up kinda late. tuesday I wake up kinda late take my meds at a more normal time but I woke up late enough that I only got a couple things done before Isaac was home and hes more important than doing that stupid ass essay on that day (I had the rest of the week to do it. it's literally fine to not write an essay 4 days in advance). Wednesday. I wake up late -_- and I freak abt another paper for noooo reason once I sent the email he reminded me of a convo we had and I'm literally fine. I do get some work done finding sources yayyy. Then I've gotta go to work and be ready for my momma to get me and go home. not gonna write an essay late at night at my parents house. Thursday (yesterday) I um I. oh right. I woke up super late bc I forgor how dark my room is here. Then I go out on the couch and I open some stuff up but mostly research boxing gyms and watch tv. watched my cousin vinny (vyvanse lets me watch movies?) and called with Doctor (who is Not the fuck you guy shes awesome actually). Then I'm watching tv with momma and then tv with dad. jeez we watch tv. we just always have shows to catch up on together lol. anyway then suddenly its today and I do set alarms and do go to coffee shop to get a decaf drink and work pretty well for a while. but also I had that crying breakdown which did lead to a short panic attack haha. I lock in and get some more done (2 hrs of work) and then I get food for what felt like 15 mins but was 45+ and then i work for another hourish before writing my email asking professor (who is actually the fuck you guy) for an extension. and here i am 30 mins later after god knows what finishing a long tumblr post. OH i messaged dio a little. love that guy

#boring diary post about writing this paper #its dangerous for me to have a computer keyboard for posts. i can type so much so fast #mutuals irl and online i love you all

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raven · 8 months ago

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i get & kind of agree with your point, i guess i'm just looking at the bigger issue as a whole. i do think in a lot of cases it's super feasible to just. play something else. or to wait until you can afford to upgrade your pc, etc. but i think the trend in the gaming sphere (esp triple A titles) of not caring for optimization and expecting consumers to just keep up is a little concerning for the future of gaming. i think gaming is already something that's inaccessible to a lot of people for inescapable reasons (required internet access for most games now, having to purchase consoles or a pc isn't cheap, etc.) and with with the way optimization is becoming more scarce i think it's leading to a future where new releases will be entirely unreachable for a large portion of the community which is an issue that should not exist. if 60% of your target audience can't afford to play your game, what's the point?

yeah definitely. &i did somewhat feel this with the new dragon age, there were so many just.. pointless visual effects on the screen, most of which i couldnt turn off, and i couldnt help but think "would this game run better if it didnt have these...?" while style is important, i do think game studios should be focusing more on WHY you need a game to be in a certain visual style. why do you need certain filters etc. veilguard didnt even look good, imo, so whats the point... But also like. games are for two types of people: people with powerful computers, who care about their computers being top of the line and able to run anything, updating whenever they can and people who will buy a new console every console generation, because games are pretty much guaranteed to work on the latest consoles. and unfortunately if you are not a rich pc gamer or a slightly less rich console gamer, you might not be playing the big hits. but like, thats why you get a console, so you can play without needing to worry about an upgrade for several years. Idk. ive never had a console and i just play what i can play. but there are a lot of people out there with consoles. and it seems to be going fine for them, bc if games dont run on consoles theyre promised on, theres usually patches and more work done. I also dont really care about the AAA audience or studios and if the studios go under... Thats not my problem i dont really care if they live or die. Maybe the world would be better off without call of duty,? If gaming companies are fucking us over with optimization, theyre fucking themselves over, and if they have to shut down.. well that's on them. I have other games to play. (& like, when i say innovation in triple A games.. you know whats the kinda shit im talking about its game awards shit its not call of duty its like, god of war, red deaddedemption, death stranding (...2!), elden ring, baldurs gate 3 (not really triple a, but the reach and success can make it feel like one). (Im not personally interested in all of these, but im interested in what they have done for the medium.) of these games that have released, theyve had issues and most have been fixed. And most of them have done things worthy of discussion, even if they take up a lot of space and people like to complain about that. We can only hope interesting games arent dead on arrival because of poor optimization, but it seems most of them havent been.

#mostly i just hate the discussions around this that are just 'if a 6 year old piece of shit laptop cant run a game its not worth playing!!'#like..#uhhh. youre fucking stupid. go back to stardew valley or whatever you can play that game forever. go play undertale. we dont need millions #of games that are like that.

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magnoliamyrrh · 2 years ago

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I really hate how trauma effected my art. Ive seen many trauma survivors make beautiful art about survival and growth and other really beautiful stuff while i can only make really gross stuff about destruction and hopelessness. I dont like it. Every time i tried to make lighthearted things it didnt feel sincere.

I saw a movie about a disabled person who had an accepting environment and parents who loved him and everyone who heart him learnt from it and became kind to him and he grew up happily. It was around the time my story was really shapping up and i was even starting to be proud of it. But after watching that movie i felt so gross. That story actually gave hope to people but the only thing people will get from my stories is a small echo of my trauma. My brain is too clpuded by pain in order to create anything else. It makes me feel like a bad person. Did you ever go trough something like this?

heyo dear <3 yea i really do get what youre saying. my best friend some weeks ago was saying i need to put my art and writing and ideas out there and it send me down this same spiral, and its still something im struggling w tbh.. it makes me feel like maybe ive got nothing to add but my hopelessness, dispair, endless entrapment and contemplation of pain and sadness and doomfullness and trauma to this world... at least, most of it seems to be that, or it seems at best a fixation on trying to find some sort of grim, melancholic beauty in the rot. and whats the point, when theres already so much of that in the world..? and its made me feel like a bad person too, bc it just further reminds me im not that "ideal" trauma survivor

but. ive been trying to look at it other ways too. i think theres value in your writing and art if it comes from sincerity, and i think theres value in art which is depressing and doomful if its real and from the soul about it

i think it can provide a comfort for people who are much like you and i, at least, i always found that sort of art did.... if anything, while everyonce in awhile i appreciate a movie like the one youre speaking of, theres also many (most times) when even if i find it sweet, i find it.... harder to connect to, harder to resonate with, harder to care about. its nice and all, but i guess i tend to gravitate twoards art which makes my pain feel understood, seen, like someone else out there gets it, feels it too... and i think there really is just as much importance in that sort of art being out there as there is in that more positive side of it i guess ....... kinda like how i find comfort in even you sending this message, you know? you didnt write me some sort of hopeful thing, and yet, its both nice and sad just knowing someone has had these same thoughts and feelings running through their head and struggles w this too

... and.. maybe it doesnt seem like it to you at times, but i think in the first place writing a story, working on it putting it out there is in and of itself able to give ppl hope. bc its making something out of your pain and trauma, using it in some way, channeling it; hell, managing to get stuff out there despite feeling bad and traumatized - thats something

... and really on top of that, havent so many of the great pieces of literature of this world Been that anyway? doom, melancholy, lements, depression feeling haunted trauma endless problems endless tragedy with seeminly no resolution a general feeling of doom and dispair, clearly heavily influenced by these authors own shit.... and yet, they are read by so many people so many times, for both their artistic quality sure, but their relatabilty and realness too, their rawness, so that we can sit with something which understands. if you feel like your story and your writing is all doom and dispair you wouldn't be the first one for sure; plenty of great writers kept that going for decades

...

you cant and shouldnt force art, it should come from the soul. if right now this is how it is bc youre not feelijg or doing better, then it is how it is and it still has value.... and maybe one day, and i really hope so and wish so for you, you'll be better, yea? you will feel more healed, more hopeful, more at peace, in less pain, less tired deep down. and maybe then, your art will change and reflect what you will be feeling inside moreso, you will be making more of that art which feels more hopeful abt things... but until then, i rly think its still worthwhile and meaningful to keep working on what you've been working on <3 its what ive been trying to tell myself too

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gayestratgirl · 1 month ago

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i went ahead and put this together bc ive been thinking about these games again (still need to play great ace attorney + layton) and i think this is where im at and i kinda just wanna talk abt them for a bit.

investigations 2 was really fantastic to a degree i honestly wasnt expecting, the through-line of the story and the way every case bled into one another was really well done, nothing was filler and it was all important and that was amazing AND each and every case was very enjoyable on it's own, very fun. which on contrast, investigations 1 wasnt really fantastic and that also surprised me, mainly because aai2's reputation didnt even give me the whole story, i expected aai1 to be at least a very solid title but it just... wasn't? it's clearly trying a similar idea that doesn't feel like it connects very well in the same way, its very disjointed feeling and the cases themselves feel very lackluster, like they're trying to find their footing the whole game but can't quite do it. i think they do really hit their stride in case 4, i think it's the best case in the game and case 5 is really close to being fantastic as well but it's climax is really obnoxious in the whole sense of "erm fuck you its over" into "WAIT ACTUALLY a new piece of evidence blows this WIDE OPEN" and it does this like 5 times, the argument before the final one was a lot more satisfying. also i just dont really enjoy the whole "little thief" part of investigating in this game, its okay in case 5 but it REALLY *REALLY* bogs down case 3 and is part of what makes it really unfulfilling.

i dont have as much to say abt the original trilogy, t&t is fantastic (outside of case 3 which i can't stand for multiple reasons) and aa1 takes a bit to find its footing but really starts hitting it's stride in case 3 and especially case 4 (and 5 but that's different circumstances, love that case though), jfa is the weakest to me just bc of case 1 and 3 but case 2 is fantastic and i think case 4 is the best mainline game case period, so good.

also a massive apollo justice fan, cant really explain what it is specifically but i love the main cast a lot, just has a vibe that i super vibe with even though i feel like the most standout case is it's first one, although i do really enjoy all of them.

and then there's uh. dd and soj which are.. fine? theyre fine. i guess. dual destinies for being a game that's *mostly* about athena really feels like it sidelines her a lot. i love bobby and blackquill, theyre great but everyone else is kind of... fine i guess? i don't find there to be any stand out character's other than some parts of the main cast and i find myself wishing, a lot, that athena was just the pure focus and wright/apollo were her maya/trucy, idk how that would work logistically but i feel like it wouldve given her more room to grow. also the whole thing with apollo and his friend was just really. cringe im not gonna lie they didnt need to shove a back story into the boy he was fine without it but then soj does it AGAIN and i think it's *better* but uh. did apollo justice (the game) just not happen??? are we not gonna talk abt that anymore??? ugh. i think the cases in dual destinies are pretty lackluster, case 5 is almost cool but theres idea's and concepts that feel half baked and they make me upset. i think soj actually has some pretty good cases but the way apollo fits into the whole story rubs me in a weird way that it makes the overall package feel off. also really happy to see maya again after so long but uh, shes like the exact same character. which like sure, sometimes people are like that but she feels like she was trapped in a time bubble, she doesnt feel almost ANY different and thats kind of a letdown, especially because what she does in case 5 is *really* cool. like pearl feels like shes grown and changed idk why maya didn't feel that way either. loved how present ema was though, no notes.

im out of things to yap abt i love ace attorney :)

#ace attorney #massive yap city #heard some ace attorney music #just wanted to throw my scattered thoughts somewhere #so now everyone can hear my insane ramblings

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marionettou · 2 months ago

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Greetings! I apologize if this ask is sudden and invasive, do not feel presided to answer of you don't feel like it :D!

But, if I may ask, do you have any kin memories of Neige? May you share some? Thank you in advance!!

eh ?? omg wow i feel like i never get asks like these aaaa dont be sorry fer nothin , yer good !! i LOVE talkin abt this stuff (ㅅ´ ˘ `) ⋆˚࿔ LOTS of text under the cut dfkjhdgkjf

well i know fer sure i overblotted at some point. fer sure after vi did. it wasnt rlly a Conscious choice to overblot. it came on slowly n kinda ate me at my very lowest point. i didnt even notice rlly ;; (ᵕ—ᴗ—) had a lil bit to do with the fact that vi did genuinely hate me enough to wanna hurt me which i. knew. technically. i know vil did Actually manage to poison me but it wasnt to Kill me. it rlly did just put me into a deep sleep that made my heartbeat VERY very slow so i COULDVE died if he wanted me to.. not sure what happened 2 me after !! but it was just another smaller thing that wouldnt have bothered me otherwise if i wasnt already so upset. bein upset made it worse at the time cuz i was dealin with unrequited feelings n also feelin like i didnt rlly. have a right to feel that way in the first place ? that n gettin rlly rlly overwhelmed by the idea of losin ppl i care abt or failing to help them when theyre in trouble. these thoughts n concerns are also abt vi bc he overblotted n was suffering fr a long time. the idea that he couldve died rlly set me into a paranoid state that eventually lead to overblottin im pretty sure. id be losin someone i cared about the most. then i couldnt take care of anyone !! then i couldnt make anyone happy anymore. id try, but i dont think i could. a trait of mine that seems ta be prominent is a genuine phobia of death . . . (which is funny cuz my overblot form is if snow white was never woken up. perfectly preserved but smth is Wrong.) but im still learnin stuff abt that specific thing !! but it was all very. pmmm witches. if that makes sense. overblotting is a much more dramatic n serious thing than it is in canon. it takes a lot of work to get out of, even out of the overblotted form itself. it keeps u at a tipping point fer months n yer emotionally stunted n regressed along with it. i know my vi barely made it out of it n suffered big time after the fact. he was very. Not Himself. im sure i mustve taken care of him at some point but i cant quite remember. similarly to how oshisan was after exvalkyrie fell apart. (IF you enstars. <- assumption) i still don't know if i ever made it out myself !! i sure remember how it felt real well. it feels like fallin backwards in a chair but yer Stuck in that state while experiencing every lonely neglected feeling youve felt As u felt it in that moment all at once. n not just that !! in my case i was pretty much trapped in every calm or happy moment ive ever experienced. sounds nice but it stops bein nice when yer me n miss the past a lot. overblots bc of triggered phobia of loss + being alone. vi and i used to be very close childhood friends in my eyes !! vi absolutely never thought so (according to him), so i guess im a lil canon compliant that way. and ive always had a huge crush on him !! but i didnt know thats what it was until way later . . . ive always been obsessed with the idea of love n being loved so because vi was the kindest to me (and understood me the closest) i attached 2 him real bad cuz i wanted to be like him !! he was always very gentle and kind when he was younger. i was too , or i tried to be, but i always wanted to be the sort of person he was. i was and am obsessed with him n how wonderful he is.

also one thing i wanted/want more than anything is love n care !! i am OBSESSED with love. giving it , getting it , losing it , being hurt by it , its all important. its one of my most favorite things in the world !! it hurts a LOT sometimes but its basically what i live to experience n give to others !! ✧｡٩(ˊᗜˋ )و✧*｡every experience with it is precious. thats what i'll never start to dislike or hate vi over the way he feels abt me bc no matter what he's always thinking of me the most n thats a very special type of love ~ (ꈍᴗꈍ)♡ besides, i do kinda like bein thought of violently. not a lot of ppl think id look prettier coughin up blood n clutchin my throat.. yk ? ^^ vi is very important to me bc ive always wanted his love and attention the most.

also i !! love rook !! so much !! he seemed to enjoy admiring me at a distance . . . but sometimes i'd pamper him with a little attention like going out on short little dates together privately and id send him free exclusive merch and id send him supportive text messages or recipes sometimes. >w< i trusted him a lot but i usually just pretended i didnt notice him stalking me so he could do as he liked djgdhkjf i think he was probably the first to notice smth was wrong with me before the overblot thing,, not sure if we ended up closer yet !!

im sure my canon unique magic is gonna be exclusive to animal communication but for me bein able to commune with animals was just a passive skill !! my unique magic was shapeshifting !! ⋆˚࿔ only woodland creatures tho !! couldnt be just anything. but i do wonder if i had a secondary unique magic or a spell specific to being able to imbue things like food or my singing voice with love potion/magic sorts of properties . . . cuz that feels familiar Somewhere. not sure yet. sometimes memories arent 100% accurate or remembered as clearly as they end up bein later on with kins that dont have enough lore yet. so some of these experiences could change or become a better understood view of the way i felt or what i experienced which might mean i know more abt a situation than i *did* and feel a little differently about it. but this is how i remember things currently ! aside what I've written here im very canon compliant. ^^ thank ya so much fer yer question ~ i love questions n i love sourcemates so feel free to ask more anytime !! (๑'ᵕ'๑)⸝*

#mika.asks #sorry you caught me at a good time. i really did go on #but aaaa thank u again. even if this is just a one-time interaction i hope you're doing well ~#sorry if the alternating typing quirks are confusing btw i rlly am shifting around between mika n neige here djghkdf

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rekaisbored · 4 months ago

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hi i dont mean to be rude or anything so i hope this doesn't come across like that but is saw your post about pandora and peter as a ship and while i do think they would be a great ship together i can't help but point out that your description of them (pandora having a dream about peter's betrayal) is just sybill and peter considering sybill is canonically the seer who gave the prophecy of the chosen one and had multiple visions about people's deaths

*takes a deep breath, pulls out a page-long essay*

Okay so i get that canonically sybill was the seer which i love but pandora has been characterized as one for so long in the fandom its practically canon for me.

Also i kinda see a difference in the way they ‘saw’ things so i guess that makes the two very different for me. Idk if this is just something i made up or just the way theyre usually written in fics, but hear me out, for me, sybill feels like she only saw glimpses of the future very few times, like one big important prophecy for a long time, but pandora kind of saw smaller things and more often, like more casually idk? I think its even mentioned in the books that sybill couldnt really predict anything most of the time or that people just didnt believe her idk and it only very rarely happened to her that she told like a real prophecy, maybe thats why i think that.

But if were strictly sticking to canon, technically sybill never couldve known about peter bc then wouldnt she have told james and lily or dumbledore or whoever she told the prophecy? But like… i dont particularly care about canon. What even is canon in this fandom? (i also dont remember canon so if im wrong then sorry lmao)

But also. I really like the hc that peter was friends with evan and barty and thats how he and pandora got closer and became friends and only after did she find out about peters betrayal. There is also a lot of angst material with them, maybe because pandora has a more detailed fanon personality than sybill. And i love angst. I will male up ships just so i can come up with angst about them.

But i see your point and let me just say i also love love love sybill/peter and you’re right that pretty much the same hcs could go for the two of them as panda/peter. This is just me having fun with their characters and being a multishipper.

Also i like pandora/peter bc sybill and peter usually are very background characters, and pandora is becoming more of a popular character so if they were in a fic i guess that would kinda bring a little more attention to peter?? Let me explain. I personally love peter, simply bc his character is so interesting to me, why he betrayed his best friends, what drove him to that blabla. But bc he isnt a good person neccessarily, people tend to forget he was also once a marauder and most fics just ignore him. And i feel like pebill is very often used as an excuse for writers not to have to deal with him in scenes, like ‘oh, petes with his girlfriend sybill who we’re only mentioning once or twoce in passing, and that’s why he isn’t in most scenes’. Very often it feels lazy.

Now i say all of this while working on a fic that has peter/sybill. I love peter and sybill. Theyre precious and beautiful. But most of the time, theyre just together out of convenience of the author. Not always but very often. Or at least thats what it feels like to me.

Also peter deserves ships with not just side characters and well tbh im not a pandalily fan and i have the same problem with xeno as i have with sybill, so this is my solution i guess???

This is so much im sorry lmao but i hope it at least kind of makes sense??

#marauders #marauders era #marauders fandom #pandora rosier #peterpan #peter pettigrew #back on my pandora x peter shit #pandora x peter

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incomparable365 · 5 months ago

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12/6/24

Ahhh. Yet another post around death. I guess it's just a part of life?

On this day, we lost our sweet anchovy. The sweetest, most adorable lil bby has joined Claudio.

The last few days before it all were very tough. Maybe ill just rewind to when the battle started. It was in July 2024 when we noticed Anchovy wasn't eating, followed by an unbreakable fever that lasted for weeks. Eventually, we found the answer, and things got better. Even then, there was a new norm for you and we all learned how to navigate it together. You were such a champ and easy cat to care for when it came to these things, you took your meds without a fight. Even trialing FIP treatment, it was an easier process than most of the stories we heard.

As things were looking up, we went back to square one with ya not eating again. We found an ulcer and had to get you seen immediately. This time, answers were leaning towards the unfavorable side. Cancer, lympohma, and it all just did not look too good. I'm glad we crossed paths with a great vet at the ER, she laid it all out and helped us understand.

Weds night, we were able to bring you home. We got the living room all cozy for ya, and hung out with you every second. I dont think we left your side ever. I slept on the ground while your mama slept with ya on the couch. We'd wake up periodically to check on ya and admin the meds to keep ya comfy.

Thurs rolls around and this is basically the final full day we have with ya. We made calls to the vet telling them that it was time. They fit us in on Friday w/ Dr. B. A few weeks ago, a neighborhood photographer lost their dog and documented the last moments together. It inspired me to do the same as these moments are important capture. Often times, we just see too much good that no one documents the bad anymore. I'm glad I did it.

This last day with ya buddy was very hard. Life isnt fair at all and im so sad that this life dealt you the cards that it did. You dont deserve it. You were seriously just a baby. A kind, warm, soft, comforting lil dude. You were a weird one but you had a big heart. You loved both of us in your very own unique way, and thats something i'll never forget.

You jumping on my lap at the shelter was such a great thing to have happened. When we brought you home, it was like you already lived here. You integrated so well. You even were cool with hanging in the bathroom a few days as you got adjusted. The rest is history, but i'd definitely like to reflect so I dont forget the small details.

At the start, having ya in my life was different, in a good way. We were so use to all the things that claudio would do and with ya, ya did things so differently. Its funny that sometimes when you wouldn't come to bed, I'd just bring you over, and you'd be like ok, this is cool. Lizzy always pointed out so many similarities we both shared. Retrieval service is kinda similar to me in a way. I see it as ok, this is cool, it works, i'll go with the flow, which is quite similar to how I am at times. Your aura, energy, demeanor, and whatever, it was just calm, chill, and very grounding. Just like myself id like to think.

You were definitely different, as I've never met a cat that goes crazy over dry food and mangoes like you do. We'd call ya a tropical boi bc what cat eats mangoes lmao.

Sometimes in my life, things got hectic, stressful, and you were always there as a reminder that its ok to slow down and just chill. You were great at being such a chill dude. I think the cutest thing I remembered recently is during friendsgiving and how you were just out making rounds saying hi to everyone. You were just a part of all the lil circles and convos as if you were participating in the convo too. It was beyond cute to see. Everyone loved you man, all the homies coming over to sit ya, all the vets and staff too.

We fought really hard for ya man and did everything we could to ensure you had the greatest life. I know that adopting you was the best choice and I hope that we will meet again soon. You were so loved and I want to say thanks for being such a great and easy cat to love. You've set the bar high and no one will ever match ya bc everyone will be unique in their own ways. You've shown that to me and for that, I am super grateful to have been one of your humans.

I love ya lil anchovy pizza and thank you for everything. Physically you're not here anymore, it's painful and sad, but I know when the time is right, we will meet again. I can show you the tattoo I got whenever I see ya next. Until then, take care, no more cat fights, eat lots of mangoes, and dry food for us.

Love,

Your other mama <3

PS: this is something I saw long ago when claudio passed and it was sent to me by one of my friends responding to my story about ya anchovy. It's a beautiful poem about the rainbow bridge. It brings me comfort that we will meet again.

#personal

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mochiotomedumplings · 8 months ago

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man, now that im done with this isekai fic… its been a long time since i managed to finish writing a fic, this is quite the feeling. ive recovered from the sunday crunch, now revving to write the author’s notes for this… just cos there’s so much to say.

(writing and ranting by extension becomes much easier after i broke my back writing 31k… its really like a muscle that needs to be regularly used)

this fic is kinda hard to explain in few words, “in another world” is, as vague and encompassing as that sounds, is the best description so far. i guess “childe transmigrates into a novel and falls in love with an ex-villain who loves the og him in the other timeline too” works as well, but it isn’t enough. this is the second longest fic ive written, but in terms of details it probably rivals scattered flowers 😂 scattered was wordy from smut and character exploration, but theres not much in terms of actual interaction btw zc. theres a lot of memories and alluded-to interactions, but theres a whole lot more internal simping. even the smut is 90% delusional 😂 this fic however, has much actual interaction (shocking, for me) and lotta side characters as well. side character lore ! on top of zc’s backstory. and the complexity of parallel timelines which i dig so much. despite how much it grew on me, i did learn to not plan a story with a time gap in between - it would be too easy to want to fill in the gap and things go out of hand quickly since i take longer to write these days.

i suppose what i adore the most was the story of the other timeline - i settled with “tale of purple: alternative” as the name bcs of it. the whole fic is essentially a fix-it for the other timeline, though few things remain just as tragic (sorry i only have zc in my eyes). i got this idea a while back, wanting to write an isekai where ch comes over and is clueless on zl’s simping for him (classic but always so good) and since zl loves ch in every timeline for me, i had to puzzle out the og timeline too. the og version was a bit more… *interesting* in terms of the events, other!zl was also a villain then, but he was directly responsible for ch’s disappearance instead. ofc, he only took ch to his lil dungeon and had his own twisted time with the ginger… that was an otome isekai au, zl was spose to be that villain you can’t date, for actual reasons 😂 in the new variation, he was hate-pining after the ginger until ch accidentally died, so it became tragic. it didn’t hit me how sad it was until scenes of him being broken afterwards showed up in my mind - other!zl had grudges but it wasn’t that bad until what happened to ch. this was also where the theme of “place where i belong” came in as well, completely unplanned - zl was so enamored with ch that it kinda solved/ restrained his resentment for the world. so he was quite destroyed and went ham with villainy when his angel went away. alternatively (ha ha) when new ch crossed over, he managed to save zl completely and survive his cannon fodder fate as well, so all was good. the important thing was that regardless of timeline, zl was head over heels for ch.

thinking of the specifics of the og timeline added a bunch of stuff as well. it unexpectedly became even more tragic, and part of it was not even fixed in the new timeline - bcs i need it to make sense for ch to puzzle his way thru the lore (only to come to the wrong conclusion anyway but thats a required misunderstanding lolol). this was one of the more surprising part of the writing - the tragedy had felt so bad in one moment that i had to take a forced break from writing. it was unexpectedly quite dark for a story that was spose to be all fluff.

initially i hadn’t intended for it to be so family-focused, but it somehow wiggled its way into the story bcs of ch. i hadn’t intended to expand on ch’s story before he transmigrated either, per isekai tradition, but i ended up doing just that - he’s not just a corporate slave who simps after a novel’s character, he’s an orphan who was saved by an orphanage director after being pummeled by his gang, then became a normie who spends most of his time playing with the orphanage children bcs he’s afraid of losing his family - his stabilizer so to say. he also adopted some children as well (just so i can make him freak out and fight xiao before the climax) and well, since the whole fic is in his pov, eventually even his feelings for zl gained the family tint. what was supposed to end on him just realizing zl’s feelings, turned into a whole proposal bcs family. i just realized how much i derailed bcs of it, they really was just spose to start dating… skipped a few steps haha.

even zl’s story as well, he already got a bunch from other!zl’s lore, but he got some more bcs ch wanted to know his past for some reason. made it sadder how the other timeline turned about - he lost his “place in the world”, which was by ch’s side, even if he never managed to reach out to ch in that world. that was why the meaning of aster was so sad - it was a wish for things to have turned out differently (hence, alternative).

i had this burning thought of other!zl transmigrating to ch’s og word, as like a ceo or mafia boss. and then other!ch transmigrated into new ch’s body ! so its like they switch world 🥹 but yeah i just want to give them a future. zl deserves a second chance to reach out to his angel and protect him properly this time, since other!ch has few issues growing up without anyone to save him like new ch did. i imagined that zl woke up in the hospital after gaining memories from the other world. it made sense now why he felt so empty all his life. and then he saw ch in the hospital kinda dying from that truck hit. zl tried his best to save ch and thanks to the modern world’s medical prowess. ch woke up… with the other world’s memories as well, not that zl knew. other!ch probably pretends to lose his memories (he doesnt have new ch’s memories while zl does) but slowly warms up to his family anyway, even if it might be rough. he had a crush on other!zl to begin with so other!zl approaches him quite easily, and maybe they’ll end up having a more physical relationship before an emotional one - they’re both rather broken ppl after all. eventually i hope they can be honest about their memories with each other, which would be quite sweet and heartwarming - they are the only ones to share memories of that world after all.

oh this was also something i couldn’t help imagining, out of sheer pity for other!zl. i think ch will have a dream one day where he meets other!zl, who’s so happy - and afraid - to see him. he would be quite taken with ch, bcs ch did manage to save him in another world after all. but more than anything, he’s just so happy to see ch again, alive. he would hug ch for the entirety of the dream, just to feel better (ch realizes that its not quite his zl, but still zl after all) before asking for a kiss at the end. ch would tease him for being so shy for a villain, but they would kiss rather sweetly and then woke up. no one remembers the dream but the next day zl is a bit clingier than usual. other!zl… i guess he would love new ch just as other!ch - they’re still ch after all. from a technical point of view they’re different variations of the same person so they can be compared, but since they will never see the two versions side by side, it matters little i guess (but if i *really* have to say, i would like for other!zl to love other!ch more, bcs that was the version he knew, and there for *his* own version of ch. sure that ch did leave him when being beaten up, but ppl make mistakes let alone a child. other!zl might even feel like he doesn’t deserve new ch cos of how broken he is, but thats a pretty sad way of looking at it).

one of the most burgeoning parts was how zc’s friendship evolved - i never meant to explore it but well, the gap has to be filled. from their first (second) meeting to how zl slowly wiggled into ch’s life, the simp that was rex lapis. ch’s a clown for how much he (internally) simps over zl and yet refuses to actually follow his desires, and zl’s the same clown for not taking his chances until way later. in retrospect, there is quite a big secret between them, and ch doesn’t even know the full story. they really could have kissed much sooner though - but its the slow… idiocy (?) that makes it funny to read ? it can’t be slow burn bcs they practically simp at first sight, but also ch was in denial for a long, long time. its quite funny how he managed to hold on for so long despite his inability to stop yapping about zl’s eyes and lips and everything.

ch’s clueless in all the ways that make him cute. ofc he doesn’t realize he has a fanclub, and that ppl were avoiding his eyes bcs they’re too ravishing. ofc he doesn’t realize that zl became friends with his servants so easily bcs they all simp for him, and the fanclub members (including ch’s most trusted subordinates/ caretakers he calls them) all support zl’s pursuit, partly bcs the duke is just too pitiful being friendzoned by their master 😂 and ofc, if he doesn’t realize zl’s feelings then he wouldn’t realize that he’s being jealous over himself - tbf zl has some responsibility for not just telling him, but we can’t have that can we.

and theres also the aster flower - one variation called “tartarian aster” (hehe) and shion in japan, means “i won’t forget you”. and aster when placed on a grave indicates a wish for things to have turned out differently. i didn’t plan for this, it was called “jade winds of aster” just bcs of xiao and that it sounded nice. only later did i realize how much it fit, and had to add so many paragraphs bcs of it 😂 worth it tho i guess, its quite the meaningful correlation.

well, i think that’s about all the stuff i can think to rant about now. damn…

#rant #writing #zhongchi #fic

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urf1lterr · 2 years ago

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lovesick | pedro pascal [3]

"and on this night and in this light i think im falling, im falling for you."

next chapter: [4] previous chapter: [2] series masterlist

summary: in which a 1975-obsessed film student accidentally falls in love with an older man she can't have.

pairing: actor!pedro x intern!reader

genre: acting world!au, big age-gap!, strangers to friends- maybe lovers?? au | angst, mature, awkward, love- eventually

word count: 5.7k

status: in progress

author's note: in my head i have a certain way this story ends- but thats farrrr from this chapter. i couldn't stop laughing while writing this. i might have to rethink my ending bc i don't wanna make this series looooong. not edited.

Brutal banging on your bedroom door was not how you imagined to be awakened, especially when you were barely endearing maybe four hours of sleep.

Jolting up, you could feel your shoulders begin to ache as your severely tangled hair got stuck on the insides of your shirt. The shades in your room being shut, you had no sunlight whatsoever so you weren't sure what time it was.

Not like you needed to be anywhere important on a Wednesday- not until later anyway. Wednesday's were your arranged day off from school so you made sure to plan something productive to not feel more useless as you already were.

Typically, you were scheduled to work on these days- but we all know how that ended.

Thinking about your unemployment status aggravated you. The same day you were told you were going to be cut was actually your last despite being scheduled for the rest of that remaining week.

Oh how you wish you could say you didn't show up because of your stubbornness.

But frankly you had covid.

Not only did that job fire you, but they gave you a thoughtful farewell gift of a deadly virus to remember them goodbye.

Guess they took their storyline a little too seriously.

However, you did receive a few texts from your old coworkers wishing you well. At first, you wondered if Finn disclosed your personal medical information after you contacted him, but Jules admitted to doing so, swearing she only told Joon with the likelihood someone overheard and the rest was history.

Sadly, you barely talked to Pedro and Bella anymore.

The duo did reach out once they discovered you were sick and Bella would occasionally send you tiktoks at the most randomly times. But again, occasionally.

Pedro, on the other hand, never got back in touch after his 'feel better' text.

You weren't exactly distraught over it, it wasn't like you two made it your mission as friends to go out every day. But the thing was, you still did that when you worked together. Barely seeing him for a few seconds on some days in the past still meant you got to see him, but now you don't.

And strangely you miss him.

You always heard your coworkers discuss how considerate and down to Earth he was whenever they managed to work with him and you agreed. All the stories of him being one of the rarest, mindful human beings were true.

He was always the one spamming you with texts, but the only messages you received now were from your roommate, Joon, or the deals sent by your favorite food places.

But you weren't going to think too much of it. He's an adult, his days are always scheduled with new projects. You can't blame him for not making time for you.

Two weeks later here you were, using your extra free time to your advantage to stay up past midnight watching shows like Hell's Kitchen while eating ramen noodles.

The only con was you had the tendency to wake up late all the time.

Yanking the warm covers off your body, you slowly slip out of bed trying not to hit your desk by how poor your vision was at the moment. Opening your door, you give daggers to the other person behind it. "Is there a reason why you felt attempting to break my door was necessary?"

Jules sheepishly smiled, lightly rubbing the door in remorse before continuing. "I just wanted to remind you about our study date!"

"That's at 11."

"It's 10:32," she replied, pulling her phone out and showing you.

Gasping, you shut the door in her face before searching for clothes to wear. How could you possibly sleep in?

Actually, it was quite easy with American Horror Story having amazing plot twists. You decided to switch up your late night shows every now and then to spice things up.

But you were certain you turned on your alarm the night before. You must have slept through them. Damn, you were turning into Jules.

Quickly running to the bathroom to take a quick shower, you managed to finish the rest of your routine with ten minutes left to spare. You were certainly glad you could always count on the city's nonstop traffic as an excuse for your late arrivals.

Once you were able to catch a cab, which was a tremendous struggle considering your hand signals weren't clear enough to apprehend, Jules and you made it to a coffee shop a few streets away.

Being your designated place to study, you had to introduce Joon to it. He was practically the fifth member of the group, the third one being one of Jules' friend you frequently talked to and the fourth being the one you shared with Joon.

The best part about this cafe would have to be that it was two stories. You guess you could say you used the upstairs room conveniently when it came to debating, definitely not being afraid to raise your voice when your friends believed disagreeing with your opinions was acceptable.

"I didn't know a triple meant three shots of espresso," Joon pulled a disgusted face as Jules and you arrived to your familiar large booth. Sliding right next to him, you saw the coffee he was drinking was extremely dark. "I thought it meant three shots of creamer."

"For a guy who is phenomenally smart, you are phenomenally stupid," you heard your shared friend, Yoongi, comment after looking up from his notes.

The next hour consisted of the five of you centralizing your attention on your individual work before you decided you wanted to buy a coffee as your energy slowly drained away.

Walking down the stairs and placing a swift order, you stood to the side of the counter waiting as they prepared it. Scrolling through your phone to pass the short time, you felt someone near you.

"Hey, covid girl!" you heard a man exclaim, causing you to rush and shush him before the customers begin giving you the eye. "Long time no see."

"Don't expose me like that! I'm negative," you flush, tapping your fingers on your face to cool it down.

"Don't expose me," he clarifies, taking two steps back. "You're the one who's sick."

"Was," you groan, not standing for his teasing this morning. "Stop messing me with me, Nick. I am just a tired, broke college student who can't take anymore mocking in their life."

Nick chuckles, not denying that may be the case. He understands how you're feeling, he was once a student and knows how stressful it can be. Honestly, he can only imagine how tough it is now compared to when he last attended.

Inflation was no joke.

"I take it you're studying?" he eyes the large black frames on your head and the thick headphones around your neck. You only nod, making him laugh. "Very studious I see, it's a shame they let you go even after I told them not to. You could've done our taxes."

Pulling a forced smile, you just raise your right shoulder slightly not really wanting to talk about it much.

"Good thing I am very understanding," you joke.

"Hell, I wouldn't be," he curses, shaking his head briskly. "The least they could've done was offer another position while we left the country."

"When are you guys leaving anyway?'"

He looks up at the ceiling, trying hard to remember the exact date before clapping his hands. "The 3rd of next month."

"Three weeks from now? Are you ready for the cold and the snow?" you laugh as he shakes his head.

"Dealt with it growing up, don't wanna do it again," he groans before a barista calls out his name for his coffee. He excuses himself for a minute, grabbing the coffee along with a few napkins before walking back to you. "Have to get back to filming, they only gave me a half an hour break before we change scenes. Good look in university, kiddo. If you ever need anything you always have my number."

With that, he retreated back outside but not before sending you one final wave. You loathed the fact you missed them, but you had to get over it.

Grabbing your coffee once your name was called, you walked back up the stairs to find your friends staring at their own laptops as if they were going to breakdown in tears any second.

"When I tell you I would rather give up one of kidneys than learn about screenwriting," Jules weeps, pulling her hair in distress. "I just wanna tell people what to do, not write stories."

And that's how your whole study session went, one of you having your own malfunctions for the next few hours before the five of you agreed to end it.

"I am going to get a refill, meet you by the door?" Jules asked as you packed up your school belongings. You nodded, allowing her to walk downstairs with her friend as you stayed behind with the two other boys.

"I need to go to the bathroom," Joon called out as the three of you were making your way down the stairs. "I'll be out in a jiffy."

With that, Yoongi and you were stuck around a large crowd of customers trying to get their coffees in this 5 o'clock chilly evening. And one thing about these customers, they loved to push.

"If one more person hits my arm a brawl will unfold," Yoongi proclaims, making sure to raise his voice a bit to make his point come across. Which did nothing as he was granted another push in his arm in return.

Moving you head towards the exit, you made it clear to Yoongi that you two were better off just waiting outside unless you wanted to continue being compressed by total strangers whose been god knows where.

Feeling Yoongi's loss of touch from your shoulder, you sensed a group of friends rudely crossing between you both in order to make it to the front of the shop.

It amazed you how people had no manners in public places.

"Ah!" you shriek, feeling somebody aimlessly hit your body hard, knocking the wind out of you as you fell on your side.

That was until arms wrapped tightly under your upper arms, barely being able to stop your whole body from touching the ground as you felt you legs lay across the cold floor.

With the strong pair of arms effectively pulling you up, it caused you to slam your body against their unknown chest as the mob of customers didn't seem to die down any time soon.

Trying to find some stability, your eyes widened as your peripheral vision was met with a broad chest that you were too scared to figure discover who it belonged to.

This could either end with you meeting the love of you life or encountering a complete weirdo.

Moving your gaze upwards, you were met with familiar brown eyes that creased slightly as a gentle smile was released.

Okay, the second option was indeed your answer.

"Pedro? You fucking scared me!" you pushed him away, slapping his chest as he whined in response, clutching it in pain. "I was going to grab my pepper spray!"

"I see you're still satan," he glared as you crossed your arms. "No 'thank you for saving my severely mentally mad life from the mass of people who could've stamped over me'?"

Expressing an infuriated expression as he scared you, you begin to walk away from him but he quickly pulls you back into his arms and stares down at you. "Why are you leaving?"

"My friends are outside," you declare as he peers over the crowd to see who you were talking about.

He glances back down at you before pushing you straight by your waist, causing you to trust his guidance as he directed you backwards until you were against one of the walls to avoid being crushed again.

"Wait, my friends-"

"You wear glasses?" he slightly grasps the frames propped on your face, generating a strike from you. "What a dweeb you are."

"Isn't this a question you can ask through text?" you remark, causing him to purse his lips at how mediocre you were being.

"Oh come on, kid! I haven't seen you in weeks, it's my right to ask questions," he defends, giving you a staggering look as you sighed.

"And my glasses were the first thing that came to mind? Very clever."

"Would you rather me ask why we say 'cool' when it's not really cold?"

Studying his face in pure boredom, you set out to march past him but he pushes your shoulders back again, forcing you to stay put. "Sorry! Just trying to lighten the mood."

Scanning past him, you tried to locate your friends but to no luck they were absent. Glancing back up at him, you take a deep breath. "I really have to go before they leave me stranded a-."

"I can take you home," he instantly speaks up. "I know where you live remember."

Laughing, you disagree with his proposal. You arrived with Jules, you were leaving with her. But you were curious as to why he hasn't left you alone. It surely couldn't be just to chat about corny jokes-

Actually, you've had many of those conversions in the past.

"Is there a reason why you aren't letting me escape?" you blurt out, making him tilt his head suspiciously, trying to figure out what you were speculating.

His body language became edgy as he motioned his palm out in front of you. "I just so happened to drop by for some coffee and ended up being tackled by you," he confessed, making you scoff. "We haven't talked for some time, I wanted to check up and see how you were doing."

"I am as happy as a clam," you let out a radiant smile, making him squint his eyes and direct them to the side.

"English, please?" he pleaded.

"It means I am very happy," you respond, standing up straighter as he questioned you longer with his eyes as if he didn't believe a single word you were saying. "Everybody knows that expression."

"They really don't," he denies, giving you an awkward smile by your strange dialogue. "Anywho, I've been wanting to talk to you."

"Then why didn't you call?" you accidentally spit out, shutting your mouth as you grasped how bitter it came out.

He caught onto the sound of your tone, registering how unhappy you must've been for abandoning you friendship after strongly bonding for two months.

But he couldn't let you believe he did it on purpose, he had a reason. One that he was finally going to disclose after fighting battles until it was finally approved. "I was preoccupied with something else, I really am sorry," he apologized. "But I was going to reach out today."

Uncomfortably shrugging, you don't put too much thought into it. You didn't want him to assume you were upset, but you had a feeling he could sense it by how tense you were becoming.

"For what?"

He looked around before averting his eyes back to your own, grinning widely. "So I think there's a chance you'd be able to get your internship back."

Standing up straighter, you stared at him dumbfounded. What the hell was he talking about?

"How? They already terminated our useless contracts," you argue. "Why hassle making another one."

"Work for me," he ignores your sour tone, getting straight to the point.

This was why he didn't have time to communicate. Too busy trying to find ways to convince his own boss to keep you, it led to him being in a bad mood after failing each attempt.

He couldn't talk to you knowing his plan went wrong.

After the constant begging, whines, and even going out of his way to format a ridiculous petition as to why you should stay, which centers all interns because he didn't want to throw himself under the bus for you- the main producer eventually gave in.

"You want me to work for you here when you're leaving the country in a few weeks?" you narrow your eyes, confused as to how that was going to work out in the end.

"I was going to sneak you into my suitcase."

"What in the world are you rambling about?" you exhaled sharply.

Pedro grinned brightly as he held onto your shoulders again, "Come with us to Canada."

"No," you quickly answer, not even processing fully but you knew it could never happen.

There was no possible way you could ever go through with this. For one, you can't even leave the country. You parents were so strict they'll probably smuggle drugs in your luggage so you'll be gunned down and locked into the country.

Second, well there really isn't another reason- your parents were enough.

"Oh come on," he whined. "It'll be great! You'll gain so much experience like you've been wanting. Plus, you'd do more hands-on work with the film crew. Think of it as a student exchange program."

"That's literally not what a student exchange program is."

"Stop rejecting the idea. You go to school here, yeah? I assume you're taking classes online because you basically lived at the studio," he implied and you slowly nodded. "We can adjust your schedule to where you'd have time to work and focus on school."

Silently looking to the table nearby, you began digesting what he was going on about. It wasn't a bad idea, but it wasn't an easy one either. "My parents would never let me."

"Give me their number and I'll convince them," he persuades and you sway you head. You wanted to laugh in his face if he really believed he could make your parents agree.

"No," you fight back, watching him exhale loudly by how restrained you were being. "I k-"

"What would Matt Healy do?"

Immediately shutting your mouth, you freeze as he catches you off guard. He did not come to play and knew you well enough to use your weaknesses against you.

He knows Matt Healy would easily agree- that man was literally the devil's spawn.

And god, you just knew Matt would be disappointed in you if you didn't go.

Curse you and your infatuation over this short English man.

Luckily, your thoughts disappeared as you felt a tap on your arm. Looking up, you see Yoongi breathing heavily as Pedro eyes him, unsure if you knew him.

"There you are, I've been looking for you everywhere! My god the lecture your friend gave me about losing you-" he groaned, shivering. "-I was certain she was gonna file a police report."

Slowly averting his eyes to the older man beside you, Yoongi's face fills with curiosity. "Hey, aren't you that one guy from that Netflix show..." he stops, looking up as he tried hard remembering the name. "Narcos!"

Pedro's eyes shoot open as he tries to innocently stretch his body, purposely blocking your view of him, "No." Secretly waving his palm across his neck, he sends Yoongi daggers to keep quiet. Stiffly turning to you, he becomes flustered. "But don't watch that show."

Raising a brow, you decide to drop the random topic and focus your attention back to your friend until you heard another person shriek. The three of you searching to where it came from, you find Namjoon stumble between people, trying his hardest not to fall face first on the floor.

"A jiffy later and I'm back," Joon winks once he's released from the mass.

Pedro scrunches his face. "Jiffy?"

Joon breaks out into smiles once he notices who was with Yoongi and you. "Oh my gosh! What are you doing here? Did you miss us that much?"

"I don't think it was you he missed," Yoongi muttered, making Pedro send him a questionable glance and Joon tilt his head, not sure what he meant.

Wanting to leave this now weirder conversation, you step forward and grab onto Yoongi's shoulder. "Let's go, I wanna breathe." Turning your attention back to Pedro, he swiftly moved his eyes from your hand to your own. "Text me if you need anything else."

"Only you," he sends you a cheeky smile making you blush by how nice he was being. Yoongi glanced at the two of you, dazed as what you two were implying.

Staring at him, you waited for him to say his farewells first so everybody could leave already. Waiting for one, you never received anything but his quiet stance and gaze stuck on you.

It felt strange not feeling the strength to walk away- not even the strength but the need to go anymore as you couldn't take your eyes off him. It also wasn't only you as he couldn't help but bear comfort from the sight of you.

It felt like the both of you were interacting to each other in your minds.

"Are you having a staring contest?" Joon questioned, making your your consciousness come back to life as you looked back at him. Pedro's gaze weakened, but they were still on you as yours was unfortunately long forgotten.

"No," you laughed, now gripping onto Yoongi harder. "But seriously, let's get out of here. See you whenever, Pedro."

Watching as you stayed close to your guy friends in hopes of being secured through the populated room, he sighed to himself. He was sure your friends might confess their own intuitions to you and perceive him as a creep.

The sad part was he knew why your particular friend would have his suspicions. He never knew his age would have that much of an effect, but he never hung out with people that young before unless it was for a project.

Shaking these thoughts away from his head, he chuckled to himself. He shouldn't care about what other people thought, the two of you never engaged in anything but friendly encounters.

He just despised his gut feeling as if he was doing something wrong. People are making him feel this way, that was guaranteed.

But he feels awful how he keeps trying to find ways to see you, too embarrassed to think about the things he done just to see you for not even a minute.

He's just never had a friend like you before. It was nice.

"I can't believe he's offering us a job like that!" Jules exclaimed as Joon and you nodded. Yoongi lived in the opposite direction so he made his departure a few minutes ago as well as her friend. "I can't go."

Widening your eyes, you stared at her. "What? Why?"

She laughs before pointing at herself. "You think I'll be able to properly manage school and work in another country? I barely did that these last two months- I'll just be partying it up at hockey games eating gravy with fries."

"You mean poutine," Joon corrected.

"Same thing," she rolled her eyes. "All I'm saying is, being home made me realize how much I love sleeping. I would rather give that up when I graduate and actually have a real adult job."

She did have a point, she really enjoyed her naps.

"I'll consider it," Joon spoke up, putting his hands inside his hoodie as the three of you continued walking. "Doesn't sound too bad, it'll look good on resumes."

Smiling, you nodded. You weren't sure why you even dared to be happy about this when you were the one wanting nothing to do with the idea not even a half an hour ago.

You just knew your lord was giving you a disapproving glare from the clouds.

Within the next 20 minutes, Joon went his separate way home as Jules and you arrived in front of your shared apartment. Rushing to the bathroom, your roommate excused herself for the next hour for her 'needed' relaxation.

In other words, a bubble bath.

Turning on the tv, you sat down on the couch swiping through boring news channels until you decided to switch to Netflix. You still had to make time for Evan Peters before the night ended.

Clicking on the current season you were on, Freak Show, you began thinking about how massive Evan Peter's hands were. How can his girlfriends survive.

The thought freaked you out, this really was a freak show.

Soon, the next episode began featuring Twisty the clown more and you were terrified by how huge he was. He could crush you with a flick of his fingers.

Knocks on your door alarmed you, making you slightly jump and look towards the bathroom. Your roommate's music was softly playing in the background meaning she probably couldn't hear the blows on the door.

Slowly standing up, you grab the bat you keep near the door, in case someone tries viciously murdering you in your doorway, and go on your tiptoes to see what kind of stranger needed to pay a visit in the middle of the night.

Well, it wasn't even 7 o'clock in the evening yet but you get the point.

Gasping at the sight presented through your little peep hole, you promptly unlock the handles before extending the large door wide. "And why exactly are you here? Miss me that much?" you tease.

Not receiving an answer, you scoff. "Are you really giving me the silent treatment? You're hurting my feelings."

When he didn't react to that either, you felt your face drop. Slowly striding towards him, you notice his head was low as he stared at his shoes. Placing your right palm softly on his left shoulder, you felt him glance up.

Did something happen during your short time apart? Was he in trouble?

Knowing it was really you in front of him, Pedro lunged his body onto yours before you could stop and think about what was happening. Colliding his lips upon yours, you felt your thoughts drift away as he steadily moved forward and made his way inside your warm apartment.

Stopping to swiftly shut the door, you had no time to take in a full breathe before his mouth found yours again. Clutching the back of his head, probably pulling his hair out, you groan as his nails claw your exposed waist, your shirt slowly inching up more and more as the seconds went up. Slipping his tongue inside you, you felt the way his nose hit yours as dominance took over.

He wanted to control all of you.

It wasn't until your legs began wobbling from the long standing when his hands lost your waist, instantly making contact with the back of your thighs, squeezing them, soon allowing them to suffocate his sides. Following his lead, you pull your lips back before diving them to the corner of his jaw as he groaned, walking to god knows where.

You figured out where once you shrieked as your back made contact with your couch, his palms widening your legs in a hurry before situating himself on top of you. Surprisingly, the difference of weight wasn't an issue as he clinged harder against you, moving his hand behind your neck to pull it down, making sure to make you feel the pain of the slight hair tugging.

"What are y-" you softly choke, voice coming out in whimpers as he ignored you. Latching his lips to the top of your chin, he stuck his tongue out, dragging it gradually down your neck as your back arched, needing to feel closer to him if that was even possible. Your wish was his command as he hastily pressed himself against you, making you groan in surprise.

Making his way lower, he passes your neck down to your chest while his hands found their to your collarbone, smoothly rubbing the area up and down before clutching onto it harshly as he continue down his path. Something about the way his soft fingertips applying pressure near your neck as his lips kept kissing the rest of your body had you in wonders. You couldn't believe this was happening.

It wasn't until you felt his mouth near your exposed waist that made you completely lose it. You had long forgotten that Jules was in the room next door when you gasped, feeling his teeth swipe against your skin. "Shhh," he whispered against your lips as a way to silence you. "Don't want to let your friend know I'm here now, do we?"

You could only stammer shaky sounds as he planted a few more deep kisses, slowly pulling away and feeling the wetness of both your mouths descend down. He gave you one last dark gaze before returning his mouth on yours, loving the feeling of the dampness between your faces.

His mouth opening wider, he began intensively tasting you, swiping his tongue around your lips as you tried to keep up with his eagerness. Not giving you much time to catch his pace, you could feel how wet he was making you.

No, he was literally drowning your face.

Pulling back, you squint your eyes and take a few seconds to adjust to the poor lighting in your living room. You were met with dark, green eyes.

Lady Gaga.

Shrieking, you grab the black, green-eyed demon on top of you and throw her off, causing her to let out a loud hiss with the immediate sounds of footsteps following afterwards.

"Lady Gaga!" you hear Jules squeal in her pink robe, wrapping the nauseating cat in her arms before turning to you, giving you a look of rage. "Did you throw her?!"

"She licked me!"

Jules scoffed harshly before hurling a nearby pillow at you, allowing it to hit your face in full force before stomping back to her door and violently slamming it shut.

You fucking hated that cat.

Laying back against the couch, you rubbed your red face in humiliation. Not only did you have an intense dream about Pedro but you're pretty sure you just had a full on make-out session with a cat.

Groaning, you couldn't believe what was happening to you. Why would you dream about him-

No- why would you have one doing not so child friendly activities?!

You just know you'll never be able to face him with a straight face, too embarrassed to even be near him now without thinking about this moment.

It wasn't even like you thought about him in that way- you didn't.

Maybe your time of the month was approaching or you were in desperate need of a date because there's no way any normal human being would fantasize over some older man that way.

Okay, maybe it was possible.

But that was definitely not you...even though you just did. Although, you did see the comparison between him and Lady Gaga.

They looked kind of alike- right? Same whiskers.

One thing that was certain was you were never going to tell anybody about this. If people believed for one second you had feelings for him, which you don't, you'll never hear the end of it.

He was not your type nor close to your age. It would never happen.

Sighing, you close your eyes and silently send out a prayer to not engage in another session with the demonic cat. Maybe sleep will make you think clearly once awoken and abolish all these wild concepts floating through your head.

But once you were actually awoken, your mind still wasn't clear- or maybe it was because the pounding on your door ultimately pulled you from your slumber.

Stretching your arms, you scratch the top of your head as you try to open your eyes but it was no use, you were way too tired to fully engage with anybody right now.

Completely avoiding looking through the peep hole, which was a red flag on your part, you swing the door open to find a man who looked like Pedro standing on the other side of it.

Groaning aloud, you slap yourself as he takes this by surprised, not sure why you just did that.

How are you having another dream about him? Was this the bad luck needed after scoring tickets to your favorite band? Is this some kind of sick revenge someone has against you?

Pointing at Lady Gaga, who was dressed up as Pedro, you rudely spit out the words needed to be said. "You are just a cat. Nothing happened between us."

With that, you step back inside, ignoring Lady Gaga's attempts of trying to gain your attention by waving their arms in front of you. Making your way to your room, you see Jules walk out of hers.

"Who was that at the door?" she questions, hearing another round of knocks appear.

You tiredly wave your hand in nonsense, denying that thought. "It was Lady Gaga, go back to bed."

Jules sends you a bewildered look as you enter your bedroom and face-plant on your cozy bed, allowing sleep to reel you back in. Turning her head, she looks at Lady Gaga who was sitting casually by her bedroom door.

"She is turning fucking nuts," she whispers to herself before swiftly opening the door to reveal a very confused Pedro. "What's up?"

Pedro's concerned face takes over his actions as he jumps to his eager questions. "Is y/n okay? She thought I was a cat."

Jules shrugs, rubbing her eyes with her palm. "Who knows, I think she's getting over her coffee hangover."

Pedro carefully nods, still skeptical as to what happened to you. What did you mean nothing happened between you two? Did something happen that he wasn't aware of?

Were you hiding something from him?

Gracelessly gesturing his leave, Pedro walked quickly down the hall as Jules stood there for a moment too tired to comprehend why he paid the apartment a visit this early in the morning. The sun was barely out, why did he come?

After shutting the door and taking a seat on the couch, she laid back and stared at the ceiling. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but for some reason a strange intellect emerged out of nowhere.

She shrugged it off, instantaneously knocking out, too exhausted to conquer her suspicions.

taglist: @thesapphirequeen @floralsightings @wrathofcats

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galaxyhanart · 3 years ago

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You have given me brain rot. I love it

So I was thinking about the Cabinet man and I thought about how the other ninja would be. There is a huge part of the team missing. One of the more physical issues are the golden weapons and the golden ninja, stuff along those lines. Like, Nya could hold the nunchucks but she couldn’t use them. Lloyd could use them but he’s never been trained in lightning. Also, issue with lloyds training. Whomst gonna teach him lighting? Wu? Maybe but it won’t be good. The golden power, another issue. How that gonna exist without a quarter of it’s base ingredients. If the ninja get this far, we can assume work arounds but still, no lightning, no prophecy. Another thing, the Bounty. Jay was the one to build the damn thing first. He got this hunk a pirate wood to fly. Yes, Nya is an engineer but we can assume she can’t jury-rig a fully functional engine out of scrap metal and parts and shove it into a boat and make it work like jay can. Yes she built her suit, but thats different. Thats good hardware and a lab and schematics planned out before hand. The bounty was a semi secret project done in the desert and (judging Jay’s character) was planned on the fly. So no bounty *Smashes skateboard* yet, they probably wait till the need arrises for a flying anything before doing anything. The big thing for me is the team dynamic and how drastically different that would be. The ninja would be so much more closed off and serious and self sacrificial than they are in the show. Jay is such a balancing figure on the team, he’s the one with the most normal reactions to things, he’s the one bringing more levity to darker situations. He brings out the most joy in the bad situations. He’s so important to keep the team balanced. More so, when I look at jay’s relationships, especially early on, I think he was the catalyst for the team becoming friends. When I look at Jay, I can see someone who is easy to make friends with. He’s got tons of hobbies so you’re bound to share at least one and he’s also awkward which would help others see that “im not the only awkward one!!” And help relax people. He’s the one I could see others being friends with first. And this leads into how the others interact with each other. Without Jay, Zane would be more insecure about himself and his differences because Jay wouldn’t be there to help him navigate them. Jay is the one helping Zane with his sense of humour in the beginning. He’s the one who makes the nindroid name to help zane feel still connected. Jay is the one who shows Zane his robotic features can be used beyond protecting, in stupid fun ways, like his pirate voice. He does the pirate voice thing as a prank in possession and Zane uses it in seabound. Zane lets himself be stupid because Jay taught him too.Cole and Kai would be more closed off and serious. Kai would still be acting responsible because he never really got a chance to be a kid. Cole never would have gotten past the protector role he took on. Both would be too lone wolf to really try to make friends. Jay was the one to show both Cole and Kai how to act stupid and have fun. Jay isn’t afraid to fight either of them, whether it be with words or fists so he riles them up and makes them act childish. He breaks down the “im too good for emotions other than brooding” and lets them act their age and be stupid. Nya, without Jay, would never let herself rest until things were perfect. He’s the one who showed her things can be imperfect and still be good. He’s the one who (and you’ll never guess what this point is) showed her she can be stupid, that you can have fun and do dumb things and they’ll still be good. Lloyd would feel like he’s failing everyone around him bc he feels he’s too immature and he can’t fix it. Jay showed him he can be immature and it’s not a failing. If jay can act like a kid than lloyd can act like a kid, no matter how old you are. Yes lots of the things I said were indirectly communicated but it’s still communicated. This turned into a character and relationship study but you get my point. This au is fascinating and I crave more.

HOOO BOY THIS IS SO LONG BUT I LOVE IT

Yeah there'd be a lot of changes to the show and to the characters! I honestly haven't figured out TOO much about how missing an element of creation will impact things, simply because that'd require me to rewrite the entire show up to that point and that's 11 whole seasons so i actually did something to help jay be a bit more involved sooner than he would be!

Changing up the order of the seasons! Basically Prime Empire becomes season 6 and Skybound becomes season 12

Sadly that means Cole isn't a ghost in Skybound which makes me sad bc I love ghost Cole in Skybound but alas sacrifices must be made.

But back to the point about characterizations, the team would definitely lack some of the humor that they do in the show. They're still very close, even without Jay, but they do feel like a piece of the group is missing, even if they can't explain it. They lighten up a lot once Jay joins the group.

Although, JAY is a much different character, too. He's INCREDIBLY lonely and has even worse abandonment issues than he already does in canon. He still plays it off through jokes and stuff, but instead of being bullied for being a junkyard boy he's betrayed and abandoned by his only friend over his powers. It hits even harder AFTER the season ends, because now Jay has to learn about his destiny and his life outside the game. He has to cope with a bunch of different issues now.

I'll figure out the rest of how to fix the prophecy and lloyd's powers. at some point. because rn i'm not sure LMAO

#BUT YES if y'all wanna offer up ideas and other things feel free!!#i like talking about this AU #cabinet man AU #jay walker #ninjago #ask #galaxyhantalks

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mach1ne-g1rl · 2 years ago

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Saw your most recent post on dhmis and tma and I've got opinions to say I believe Computers is an Eye episode because Colin's whole deal is stealing personal info and being smart but its not my strongest I see Jobs as a buried because while it doesn't involve much claustrophobia its more about harmful workplaces and overworking which ties in with the buried in a symbolic sense. I will argue so strongly Death is an End episode. The End is LITERALLY the fear of death smh. While I can see the argument its a Stranger because of Stain Edwards the theme of death is so strong that it isn't that relevant. I see Family as both Stranger and Corruption, Stranger because the whole episode feels very uncanny with the design of the family and set being a "real" place. It's also Corruption because the episode is about toxic family relations. I still cannot believe how you thought Friendship was originally a Vast episode. While I can see why you would assign it Lonely it's clearly a Corruption, it's literally about toxic friendships. Also bugs. Tbh i don't know what to assign to Transport my closest guess is Vast but my argument isn't very strong Electricity is a hard one, I don't think i can assign it to one entity. I think Electracey is a Extinction avatar because she's a robot and the "everything in the home will be plugged in and part of the electric family" line. I could see Charged Yellow being either Eye, Stranger or Extinction. Eye because he's want to find the truth and also green eyes, Stranger because Yellow gets replaced, and Extinction because he gets replaced using specifically technology. The power outage is probably Dark because darkness. Lesley is a Web avatar, I will fight you on this. She's controlling them, she's the literal puppet master. You said that Lesley isn't the main one pulling the string making her less Web aligned but I would argue that makes her MORE web aligned because she's knows she's not fully in control. I interpret becoming a web avatar as not only being manipulative, but accepting your lack of free will. As Annabelle said in 147, "let it never be said that I do not dance the steps I am assigned." Sorry this is long and probably sounds a little rude i just have very strong opinions on tma and dhmis have a lovely day

COmputer being eye was also on my first post but i removed it bc i didnt think it was part of the big Fear factor ? but the way you phrased it does make it work

jobs being buried makes sense too !! my main reason for it being spiral is just Duck calling everything out and then Also going weird ? and then going back to "this is all wrong" very strongly (also the episode is reminiscent of Sculptor's Tool to me with only duck pointing out how this is Odd)

death SHOULD be end ur right , i just didnt think anyone in dhmis seemed very scared of the Death there ? so i thought it wasnt very important but Yeah when you mention it its definitely end ty (Or desolation bc it also feels like . theyre more focused on the grief of losing someone n not the Fear of Death ? if that makes sense=? but i dont rly get the End and Desolation anyway so)

CORRUPTION FOR FAMILY IS SO RIGHT i think i considered corruption for it at one point but i second guessed myself enough to remove it again . and stranger never reallly seemed correct to me but it was the closest and i had no one to discuss with so i ran with it:sob:

IM SORRYY LSITEN OK i hadnt listened to tma in full when i made the first list. i just read the entities wiki page and heard season 5 ..!!!! honestly idk if i agree with corruption bc , while thats probably the deeper meaning of the episode (toxic friends) warren always seemed like just an autistic asshole to me so i never saw the whole . toxic thing ? and he never really actually seemed friends with any of them ?? yea taking advantage of their kindness but i wouldnt call it a toxic relationship bc there never Was a Relationship to me (probably factually wrong n im being ignorant here but its my list and blehh :P im biased towards warren) and im probably just forgetting something bc i havent rewatched it in a while but are there bugs besides warren (are worms bugs)?

transport i assigned Web bc red guy being like . aware of the whole They're Trapped There thing and trying to escape and Lonely bc they're trying to get to other people/ civilization/ community but are just . stuck ? and in some episodes the lonely just takes ppl to endless places that they cant leave (cul-de-sac is the only one i remember) and it just (again) reminded me of that

ELECTRICITY /SHOULLD/ be more than 1 or 2 very true but i just Really hate assigning more than 2 to these idk why ive set that rule for myself but it just feels wrong, disorderly and i dont like it . but yes i can see electracey being extinction (tbh i feel like teachers being avatars/ assinging them patrons/fears could be a whole other list itself) Charged Yellow being stranger i disagree. yes hes replaced but it feels more like . if s1 jon got replaced by s5 jon ? does that make sense ? I HAD DARK For this episode too bc the power outage but it didnt feel like a big fear factor here ? and i just didnt think it was significant enough (the dumb self-imposed rule) Lesley IS web coded i completely forgot annabelle for a second when i made this :sob: ive had too much michael on my mind and i thought being trapped wasnt enough of a theme here ? not like it was in Transport or like Dreams but yea it definitely should be Web

IM GLAD this is long i like hearing other ppls thoughts and input on this silly stuff (it did sound a little rude at times but dw i get it) I think at the end of the day the way we judge these is just Very different? Unless you disagree, i dont think the web series is this "up for debate" as the tv show is bc it just has . Less. There's maybe 3 lines at the start, then the teacher comes in and starts singing about what they embody, then the horrors and the end (only the last 3 episodes rly made me question which Power would be associated with them bc it kinda follows a plot so they could all a little be taken as web and lonely with red guy?) Theres just so many more ways the TV show can be interpreted. These could be judged on the Teacher, the Lesson, the thing that scares the characters, the thing that scares the Audience, symbolism/manifestations, etc. (i think i just went with whatever seemed the most relevant to me / what scared the characters ? but i was also being pretty inconsistent there lmao) i feel like there would probably have to be multiple lists or just one BIG list of everything that could count as one of the entities ? or maybe im blowing this out of proportion and its really simple for you, and only i struggled with this :,) either way it was fun ! and i think thats all that matters maybe the real dhmis tma entities assigning list were the friends we made along the way aww

#sun.ask #can you tell im very unsure of myself

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