#which honestly made me more nervous than an in person would bc of rules for the video

[sneepty-shepherd]

Ok now a silly one

[dog-teeth]

is there anything you wish you had known before starting T? are there any effects that you dislike? sorry if this is too personal, i'm just trying to make sure i'm making a good decision. i'm agender but i want to present more masc but i'm scared that i'll end up hating the effects of T even though there are some things that i really really want from it. also, i love your art!

no worries im honestly fine with talking about almost all transition/gender related stuff! im gonna talk (p non-explicitly) about sex and body stuff so i’ll put this under the cut

there aren’t any effects i dislike. when i started there were things that i was very nervous for because i thought i would hate them but ended up loving them. i prefer almost everything i experience on hrt, or i don’t care about it, so for example i LOVE my voice now & i love the way T makes me feel emotionally (both physiologically and psychologically), but i don’t care about having facial hair because i always shave it but it’s not that much of a hassle and sometimes stubble is cute. i don’t care for the body hair either bc i was already basically as hairy as a cis man pre-T, i even liked my old leg hair better because the texture was less coarse. the only thing i like better not on T is sexual sensations, but honestly i dont have sex so it doesn’t matter lol. i was v scared for bottom growth and was certain i would hate it but it actually rules i love it (i don’t love that i need like three times as much lube now tho cuz ur ability to naturally lubricate goes way down) also this was one of the most uncomfortable changes at first cuz it makes the clit very tender and sensitive and it will rub against your underwear and be really uncomfy with friction, so make sure u have soft underwear and loose pants. sorry for talking about my genitalia but tbh there is nowhere near enough information about trans bodies and its one of the least discussed aspects of hrt.

however, i was not always this content with taking T! it was a rocky start! there’s nothing that bothers me now, but when i was first starting, a lot bothered me. i was SO sweaty for NO reason, my voice HONKED like a third of the time i opened my mouth, i was VERY ANGRY very quickly, and i was so so hungry!!! snacking forever!! all of these things mellowed out over the first few months, i’m back to not sweating very much and being able to speak like a human person and my anger is actually significantly more manageable than it was pre-T because it comes and goes easily which means i no longer fester deep frustration and anger all the time. i think my appetite leveled out but it’s still higher than before, i gained a couple pounds but it wasn’t a lot.

i don’t want to pressure or sway anyones decision to take hrt, but i would say that your body and mind are so very capable of adapting to new things & even if you end up not liking some parts of hrt you will be able to deal with them and move on, and most of the things that are nerve-wracking end up being fine. its super super scary to try taking hrt since so much is permanent changes to your body. but you can always take a low dose to make the changes happen slower, and like i said you get used to things way easier than you think you will.

i was really really really scared and uncertain when i started T, but i’m so glad i made the jump to do it! i could never have imagined how much it would improve my life! there were so many things i was terrified of - doing irreparable “damage” to my body, regretting it, being read as male, certain specific physical effects, etc. i also didn’t know anybody irl who took T, just my beautiful lovely trans woman friend who started E years ago while we were friends, so seeing her go through the process inspired me a lot. we r both so sexy now like we were sexy before but honestly hrt has made us unstoppable & i love it for us. i definitely couldn’t have done it without her support. i’m getting off track, my point was that i didn’t know anybody on T so i couldn’t see firsthand what it was like, i was basically my own experiment, and it was so scary. but eventually i reached the mindset of “i’m so fucking miserable and something needs to change and i’m not 100% certain it’s this but i need to try because i can’t spend the rest of my life wondering about it and if i do end up hating it i’ll just fucking deal with it from there” i would def recommend being more certain than i was but i do think theres a lot about hrt you just wont know how youll react to until it happens. above all my fears, i just wanted it, and all my fears were very surface-level (what if i hate my body [i already hate my body] what if i hate how people percieve me [i already hate how people percieve me] what if it makes me miserable [i’m already miserable] what if i regret taking it [what if i regret not taking it or i miss out on an opportunity to be happy] )

i cant tell you if T is the right choice for you, but i can tell you that i also had fears and uncertainties before starting, and that if you do end up hating it you’ll be able to adapt.

[blossom-hwa]

fashion major!kevin

ANYWAY THERE WAS LIKE ONE PERSON WHO CALLED FOR A FASHION MAJOR KEVIN SPINOFF OF THE COLLEGE MODEL JUYEON AU I JUST POSTED (linked below) anyway! hope you enjoy, please reblog if you did, and check out my other dumb overly long blurbs in the stream of idiocy tag on my blog <3

pairing: kevin x gender neutral!reader

wc: 2.5k

genre: fluff, university!au

triggers: cursing

college model!juyeon

TBZ Scenarios Masterlist | TBZ Drabbles Masterlist

kevin moon is known on campus for two things: 1. his bright personality literally everyone loves him and if you don’t you’re jealous of him like sorry not sorry i don’t make the rules you know i’m right and 2. his.... unorthodox fashion sense. like eric thought his snake patterned shit was weird as hell?? but there are weirder things in kevin’s closet i swear to you. anyway this unorthodox style is what got him accepted into the fashion program at the university and even though there are a few assholes who stick their noses up at kevin’s work the vast majority of people are cool w his outfits even if they personally wouldn’t wear them and kevin is v well-liked in his major and on campus in general bc he knows everyone and is nice and polite and really a v cool person to be around when he’s not being a fucking idiot

and on campus there are fashion shows a few times every semester to show off the fashion majors’ work, and let’s just say that this university if p well know for its fashion major so some famous people sometimes come along to these events so EVERY TIME a fashion show rolls around the fashion majors get nervous as FUCK and there’s a lot of speculation on who will get noticed and whatever and everyone is secretive about what they’re working on and just. everyone goes fucking haywire and kevin is always v happy when the stress winds down after a show

(no one knows it but kevin has gotten offers from several companies to work with them after he graduates. he hasn’t told anyone except a few friends like juyeon/jacob and his family)

anyway you are also a fashion major who secretly really admires kevin’s stuff?? like you just think he’s so daring and creative and all of his work is absolutely amazing even if it’s a little weird and honestly you don’t even feel overshadowed by his talent and hard work you just feel in awe that you can be in his presence at all. you’re p sure kevin has no idea who you are bc even though you have a lot of the same classes you’re always too shy to sit or work near him bc even though he seems so nice and approachable he’s also just.... god he’s so good

BUT THEN. one of your professors announces that for the next fashion show they’ll be modeling projects that he’s assigning right now. which is weird asf bc usually you’ll all take your best clothing and like fix it or tweak it for the next show, like sometimes people will make something completely from scratch but that’s nerve-wracking and not many people do it unless they’re in a real pinch but it gets even WEIRDER bc this is not a regularly scheduled fashion event?? it’s like a smaller event apparently that they’ve organized just for this project AND THE WEIRDNESS TAKES THE CAKE when your professor says that YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE MODELS. YOU ALL ARE GOING TO PICK SOMEONE IN THE CLASS TO MAKE CLOTHES FOR AND THEY WILL MODEL YOUR OUTFIT

and this SENDS EVERYONE FREAKING THE FUCK OUT??? bc oh god you can’t rely on the models you’ve been using all semester now??? and you have to make flattering clothes for someone you might not even know v well and it’s just. holy fuck holy fuck holy FUCK

meanwhile you already know who you want to create for (/ahem kevin moon/) but you’re also chicken so like??? you’re just sitting in your seat looking over at him but not saying anything until your friend chanhee just pushes you out of your seat in kevin’s direction and is like GO ASK HIM BEFORE YOU LOSE THIS CHANCE and you’re like JESUS FUCKING CHRIST CHANHEE but kevin’s noticed your movement and he’s looking over with a smile on his face and you’re like jfc i can’t do this but chanhee shoves you again and so you kinda smile (you really hope it looks like a smile) and your voice is LITERALLY shaking when you go over and ask if it would be ok to use him as a model for this assignment and he’s like.... oh my god yes

because what YOU don’t know is that kevin has been ogling your designs all year?? like he enjoys his own style and is comfortable in it but he loves your work as in LOVES IT. he thinks your designs are absolutely flawless and original and you combine styles so effortlessly that he just wants to look into your brain when you come up with ideas bc what the fuck?? you may have different styles but kevin knows how to admire art AND YOUR DESIGNS ARE ART. 

so you’re reeling a day later bc now you have kevin moon’s number and he has yours and he’s now texting you on when you think you’ll have the first preliminary designs ready and when you can meet up so you can get each other’s measurements and all that and when you eventually meet up your hands are shaking so much that you can barely take his measurements and kevin is screeching in his mind as well bc oh my god you’re going to model his clothes YOU’RE GOING TO MODEL HIS CLOTHES

most people are again being secretive about their designs and even though someone in their class is modeling for them this time so there’s a bit less secrecy they’re still working alone so you get a shock when kevin asks if you want to coordinate your outfits. like work on designs together and maybe make something that matches a little though ofc retaining your own styles and you just shriek when you get the text and poor childhood best friend younghoon spills his coffee (you have been friends since basically birth and there are no romantic feelings whatsoever ok it’s strictly platonic like you watched younghoon vomit after eating too much bread when you were like 10 and he watched you get tangled up in a soccer net when you were 13 there are no romantic feelings stemming from any of that)

needless to say you reply yes yes ye sYES and kevin is grinning so wide on the other end that juyeon wonders if he’s gone slightly insane (which he has but we’re not gonna dwell on that) and both of you show up to the work rooms nervous as all hell (i’m not a fashion major i have no fashion sense i still think t-shirts/leggings are the way to go so idk how any of this works do not sue me) but kevin has a natural ability to defuse any tension in the room so within minutes you’re comfortable and laughing with him and wondering why you were so scared to approach him before and THEN YOU’RE REMINDED WHY when he shows you his design for you because... oh god.... it’s unbelievable. like it has a distinctly kevin feel to it but he’s clearly been paying attention to what you wear and what you design because it’s something you would like to wear and something you even think you could look good in. holy shit

and you just blurt out like kevin what the fuck this is so good did you like stalk my designs or some shit?? and you mean it as a joke ofc but kevin just goes beet red and mumbles something about how he really likes your work and how it’s so sharply elegant but also insanely creative and you’re just. open-mouthed like. dude i’m in love with your work too oh my god i’m gonna cry my fashion idol just said he likes my designs i’m gonna screaM

kevin stops you from screaming though even though he also feels like he’s gonna scream and this is the start of a very productive partnership between the two of you like most of the fashion majors are friendly despite the competition but you and kevin are on a whole other level?? and you start hanging out more and more often even when you’ve finished designing and are actually sewing (you ask him if this part can be secret bc you want to add a few things as a surprise - he ofc says yes and winks and tells you he has things he wants to add too which just makes you want to scream out of excitement)

and it’s a week before fashion show day and you and kevin are finished with putting together the designs and you’re excited as all hell and kevin is literally about to burst from his own skin and you insist that he goes first and when he pulls the outfit from the bag you’re just. in absolute awe. the colors match the design you made, it looks like it’ll fit, and even though it screams kevin moon it also has a distinct vibe from your own fashion style and you just yell KEVIN MOON YOU GENIUS as you snatch it from him and go change

(you don’t know obviously but kevin is blushing like a tomato while waiting for you to finish changing)

it fits almost perfectly, kevin marks a few places to fix and is debating whether or not to compliment you bc??? that sounds like he’s complimenting his own work and that’s egocentric as hell but then you say something like does it look fine and he just blurts out more than fine. you look great

AND YOU’RE SO FLUSTERED THAT YOU ALL BUT THROW YOUR OWN BAG AT KEVIN and are like GO CHANGE 

so he takes out the clothes and goes silent and you’re like.... oh my god does he hate it i mean we worked on the designs together and he said he liked it then but what if he changed his mind but then he looks at you and his eyes are sparkling and he’s like y/n this is perfect. literally perfect and he rushes to go get changed and when he comes out your eyes are bugging out of your head bc holy hell you pictured kevin in these clothes obviously since they were made for him but he looks so much better than you ever imagined

and then you blurt out something like holy shit you look beautiful

and kevin blushes again

anyway you both take your measurements and run out and then the day of the fashion show rolls around and both of you are freaking out backstage but the instant you two go on it’s like you both are literal gods bc you feel so confident in each other’s clothing and the crowd can feel it THEY CAN FUCKING FEEL IT and they go nuts when you two walk out!!! and even though it isn’t like a huge major fashion show, it’s just for this one project that your professors cooked up, you and kevin are both beaming like the sun when it’s over despite the fact that it wasn’t an important event bc holy shit you two had fun and everyone’s complimenting your clothing and it’s great it’s just great

finally all the chaos is over and the clothes have been put away and the makeup removed and you and kevin are now standing outside the venue in a kind of stunned silence that all of it’s over. it’s all over. and then you suddenly thrust out the clothes you made that kevin wore and tell him to keep it. it’s a present. and kevin takes it but he also forces you to take the outfit he made for you. and then there’s silence again

but if there’s anything you’ve gained over the past few weeks it’s a bit of courage. courage that let you talk to kevin, courage that let you design clothes for him, courage that let you become friends (and maybe something more) with him. you’ve also learned that kevin is a massive dork and a lovely human being and you’d really love to at least stay in contact so in that the moment you smile and say ‘if i asked you on a date, would you wear that outfit?’

poor kevin looks like he’s about to have a fucking aneurysm and you start to lose confidence but then he’s nodding like there’s no tomorrow like yes ye sYE S OH MY GOD YE S and omg you now have a boyfriend whom you like very very much and kevin has a partner whom he likes very very much

you two may not be a pda couple but you ARE that couple that matches every outfit they wear, you make jewelry and accessories for each other and also make each other clothes every so often. everyone is jealous of your combined fashion sense bc even though the outfits might look outrageous, you two both manage to pull them off and look fabulous at it, but also they can’t even be that jealous bc you two are the sweetest couple and are absolutely lovely 

both of you do wear the outfits you made for that show on your first date which is to like a musical or smth bc theatre kid kevin is something you can pry out of my cold dead hands and everyone’s staring but you two are in your own little world and it’s amazing

kevin admits at one point that he was afraid to ask you out bc he thought younghoon was your boyfriend and you just snort and tell him everything stupid younghoon’s done and by the end younghoon is done with you, kevin is about to vomit he’s laughing so hard, and you are smirking like no tomorrow

for the end of year fashion show you and kevin fix up and accessorize the outfits you two made for the show that brought you two together and there is absolutely no surprise that several different fashion companies scout both of you (and a couple modeling agencies too since you and kevin decided to model your own clothing again - younghoon whines that you’ve replaced him but you shut him up with chocolate bread)

kevin’s a sucker for romance (you CANNOT tell me this isn't true) so your first kiss is on the roof of the fashion building at sunset when kevin does the cheesy thing where he says you look more beautiful the view and you almost slap him but you’re laughing so hard and kevin’s cackling and somehow it turns into a kiss

you are a dork and kevin is even more of a dork and it just works out beautifully bc you’re so absolutely in love that it makes people fake vomit from the sides (looking at chanhee right here) but it’s also really sweet in that you two trust each other completely and would do absolutely anything for the other except murder. kevin made that v clear but really only bc blood would stain his clothing and he doesn’t need that. you agree wholeheartedly (younghoon/juyeon are looking from the sides like what the fuck is this couple do they need help and you two are like just go away and let us be the weird couple we are ok). the conversation ends in a v soft v sweet kiss and just. ik i said it with juyeon but kevin moon is also best bf ever ok you cannot convince me otherwise. 

and that’s how it goes :)

If you enjoyed, please don’t forget to reblog and leave a comment to tell me what you thought! Thank you for reading and have a lovely day <3

(1 reblog = 1 prayer for this weird-ass couple)

[nightswithkookmin]

Hi I just want to ask something. Do you think Jungkook has been always like/love Jimin the way he is before or just when he started to glow up. I'm just asking this bc you know Jungkook has been always rank Jimin last on looks or said he look different without makeup before. I know he didn't meant harm to Jimin but do you think Jimin has been trying to look good and go on extreme diet to be loved by Jungkook or Jungkook has been always trying to hide his feelings for him but act tough

Huh?...

What an interesting question....

For a moment there I thought I had already discussed this in my blog posts? Chileee.

Now you'd have to specify which period in time you consider a glow up point for Jimin. Do you mean the period of 2014/15 when he was starving himself, passing out on stage and bleeding through his nose to stay anorexic? *Side eyeing you.

To me, Jimin's 'glow up' coincided with their debut in 2013. Those fine abs, sculpted muscles yet soft toned feminized features- sorry Jimin, you weren't fooling no one.

This was also the period I noticed JK showing overt signs of sexual and emotional attraction towards Jimin. Jimin just seemed oblivious to it. And he would begin his own whipped journey around 2015/16 in my opinion.

Personally, I believe JK fell first for Jimin and 'turned' him- turned for lack of a better word. I don't buy into this whole Jimin fell first JK fell harder rhetoric.

But I think JK's interest in Jimin began long before this period. I don't think Jk had fully grasped the concept of his own sexuality much less to have come to terms with it in any time before 2012- before Jimin arrived in Bangtan- ok maybe he had a vague idea of it, but I do believe Jimin was his sexual and romantic awakening.

Jk and Jimin have two very distinct and opposite idol personas. I keep saying this.

Since we don't know them in person, I think it's safe to assume every aspect of them we experience on screen is a persona.

That persona is a facade, a curated wall on which they project bits and pieces of their true self and often put up a performance of this identity for our consumption.

In Jk's persona, he likes to retract and conceal aspects of his true personality and censor himself a lot while JM likes to amplify and exaggerate his true personality and put up a performance of it.

As I've said, it's mainly due to their backgrounds. JK was given a lot of leeway in his upbringing which he feels puts him at a disadvantage because he ends up exposing himself too much. Thus he likes to retract and hold himself back.

Jimin coming from a conservative background with many rules and what not revels in the new found freedom Idol life gives him so often he doesn't hold back as much as JK does. But that doesn't mean that who they really are in real life.

So often you'd hear people say Jimin looks more serious in person than he does on camera while JK is said to be more expressive than he usually is on camera.

But here is the thing, concealing his feelings is not JK's nature it's his choice. And this is very important to note. He chooses not to do certain things on camera while Jimin chooses to do certain things on camera.

So when JK is not showing his feelings for Jimin it's not because he can't show those feelings, it's more like he doesn't want to show those feelings.

Thus when people say he wasn't showing his feelings for Jimin because he was shy I raise my brows- Shy my ass. Lol

Was he acting tough then? Hmmmm. He likes to act tough no two ways about that. I've said he has a good poker face between him and Jimin. If you are not careful you might think he doesn't like Jimin. But trust me, that man is whipped on god.

But I don't think that's what he was doing in those early dynamics.

I think he was hesitant in pursuing Jimin openly at the time because he wasn't sure about Jimin's sexual orientation much less whether or not Jimin reciprocated the feelings he had for him.

And you could tell not knowing these about Jimin terrified JK a lot, hence his hesitation.

But later when he was certain of both he became more confident in the way he expressed himself and his feelings for Jimin.

Prior to this you could see him fishing and testing the waters with Jimin, slowly pushing Jimin's boundaries- a gentle touch here, a lingering stare there.

He would often pay attention to the things Jimin would say but especially about his romantic and sexual preferences. Like when Tae said he felt Jimin liked men and when Jimin was asked about why he liked JK and JK seemed like he wanted to know.

Then he went through that phase where he seemed obsessed with Jimin's reaction to when other guys sexualised him and expressed interest in him. He seemed very attentive to these little details in a way that seemed to me as if he was fishing for confirmation that Jimin actually liked men and liked him- in a nonplatonic manner.

I feel Jimin noticed these things too in JK but was mostly fascinated by it. So often he would go out of his way to express his sexuality, exaggerate it and perform it as if to let JK know he was ok with JK liking him in that kind of way. Often, you'd see him egging JK on to touch him where JK seemed hesitant, reassuring JK- I think y'all know the bit I'm talking about. I feel JM wanted JK to feel comfortable expressing his interest in him- he ain't slick.

I've said Jimin's persona is a performance. I can see how to JK that could be very confusing. Hell, half of the fandom still read Jimin wrong to this day. Is he gay, bi, straight, a woman, a man, bigender- it's a lot of questions. Legitimate questions.

And I think for JK, seeing Jimin behave like the rest of BTS with the skinship towards him was equally confusing. So often he would shy away from it. Jk was going through puberty, everything was heightened for him.

It's also important to consider the possibility that, if JK was LGBTQ plus that he was going to hide it and not come out to his bandmates for as long as he worked with them- because it's none of their business first and foremost but also because it would have affected their attitudes towards him.

I mean look at the fear and panic with which they greet Jikook when Jikook breath anywhere near eachother in public spaces- not to call them out or anything but I don't think if they were straight that they were going to treat them same. I mean Taejin is as wild as Jikook but.... sigh.

So then going on to catch feelings for one of such said band mates who gives off queer vibes, he had better be sure about him before coming out to him and confessing to him lest he risked his career and friendship with him.

If Jimin wasn't LGBTQ plus it would have been cruel of him to act the way he does with JK honestly. For instance Joking about marriage knowing full well the fight LGBTG plus couple have to put up to have this basic human right- of course JK would yeet himself out of that conversation. I'm talking about that Jikook Vlive and all the time JK has squeezed his face disgruntledly when Jimin has asked him to have his kids- like why Jimin!

Jimin I feel because he is Bi whatever doesn't take this gay business seriously at all. If you've ever dated a bisexual you'd know the feeling. He is my bias and I love him but God he frustrates me for Jk honestly.

What annoys me most is I know how deep he is into JK. Like I've never seen a man so in love with another man in my entire queer life! Like shut up whippidy whipped ass we saw your face at Manila. You like that man. You like him.

Let JK put up a front and you'll see this tactless homegirl descending into that space we all hate so much and embarrassing himself left right left clinging on to JK seeking validation and reassurance- like can you be serious in your life for once Park Jimin. 😒

Anywho, I went off on a tangent there. Sorry.

But yes, this is another aspect of their dynamic I feel most people get twisted. Jimin enjoys JK's expressions of interest in him- however way he does it. Jk enjoys it too when Jimin shows him he wants him. Remember magic shop? Show me, I'll show you? And that line JK sang to Jimin that made Jimin nervous on Live with VMin? Yea...

They love each other and they love when the other is showing and expressing their love. Hell, isn't that why they are constantly trying to find creative ways to communicate their love? 5/8, love letters punctuated with sorries? Chileee.

Could Jimin's look be a contributing factor to JK liking him? Let me put it this way. People are attracted to people for a plethora of reasons, physical appearance being one of them.

Looks attract people, emotional connection binds them and make them stay. I have said this time and again JK is attracted to all of Jimin-looks, everything. When asked which part of of Jimin he liked most he put all of Jimin as the answer.

With regards to JM's weight, I think the tears he shed on stage during the performance of I Need You says it all. Jimin was killing himself and it was killing JK. Jimin wasn't doing all that out of self love much less for the love of JK.

He was doing all that because he wanted to be an Idol in every sense of the word. He was killing himself for his career. A career JK was once willing to walk away from and JM advised him to stay.

Jk defies the dictates of his career with the piercings and tattoos and gay pubs- the emphasis is mine. Y'all think he is about to be demanding of his life partner to look like what now? Chileee.

And when JK was starving himself and losing weight who was it that brought him down that ledge? Jimin. If it was a positive thing I thing he would have encouraged him.

Jk allegedly called Jimin his Mochi in that infamous graduation night track video. Did you see his reaction to when James Corden called Jimin Mochi? Baby fat cheeked Jimin was cute not ugly. And even if you think he was, JK still found that attractive. Jimin could be looking like my Aunt Becky and Jk would still fuck him.

Have you seen JK freeze frame to take snapshot photos of Jimin? It's almost always pictures of Jimin looking like the wicked witch of the west. He loves him some park Jimin memes. Loves that man to death.

How many times have he said Jimin looks beautiful without makeup? Remember the Vlive Jimin didn't want to be on camera because he didn't have makeup on? What did JK say?

Jk isn't a shallow person you know. He really isn't. He doesn't strike me as the kind at all. Questions like these presupposes that JK is a vain shallow person who only likes people for their looks. Don't get me wrong, it's a valid question, one that I'm happy to discuss but it also exposes the biases against JK and indirectly, Jimin.

Do you feel JK is shallow? I find a lot of people do and it breaks my heart.

Have you heard any of his songs? His GCFs?

He barely idolizes his subject matter's looks and appearances. You gave me the best of you, so I'll give you the best of me. What I found in you is real. That's doesn't sound shallow to me.

They work in a highly competitive and highly vainglorious environment. I think they know more than anything the dangers of vanity- it's fleeting. They put themselves through so much to appease the vanity matrics, to subject people they love through the same.

I've talked about how because JM comes from a demanding home and work environment that acceptance is one key aspect of his love language. He wants a person who loves him for who he is and accepts him without placing expectations on him.

If JK was this shallow JM wouldn't honestly have found him attractive much less love him to begin with. He wouldn't have found fulfillment and nourishment from JK. He loves JK because JK's values and upbringing makes him the perfect person for him to trust himself fully to.

Besides, for JK to be only attracted to JM because he glowed up, he himself must have been a ten from the onset which he wasn't let's be honest- no shade to him but he wasn't exactly packing now was he?

BTS are pretty but they've all undergone hefty transformations throughout the years, magic foreheads and all. So if you wonder if Jimin's glow up contributes to JK liking him, then you'd have to wonder if Jk glowing up also contributed to Jimin finding him attractive- it's a vicious cycle.

As for JK ranking Jimin last... did he ever rank himself first? No. He ranked Jimin last and himself second to last consistently. If he found Jimin unattractive he certainly found himself as equally unattractive only one step above Jimin.

I honestly think he was just teasing Jimin. He loves teasing Jimin because it's how he flirts with him. It's just the masculine energy in him I guess. V does this too when he flirts with Jimin. He teases him about his pinky, his Mochi cheeks and his glow up- Iland anyone?

Why y'all think JK looked away sharp when JM dropped to the floor?? He recognized what V was doing- don't mind me. I'm trolling. Lol. But deadass.

Jimin teases JK too by acting like he is available most times. It's the feminine energy in him. Girls like to tease their crush by amplifying their sex appeal. What better way to amp up your sex appeal than by having other people show interest in you? Jimin is a tease. Bless him.

Besides, when JK ranked Jimin first in looks he ranked himself last. I hope y'all don't think it's because he has low self esteem?

He ranked himself and Jimin last because he wanted to humble himself and by extension Jimin because he sees himself as Jimin's equal and as such recognizes their place as the youngest within the group. As he has explained, as the youngest, he places everyone else above him.

I honestly don't think Jungkook had always been interested in Jimin. But somewhere along the line while he came to terms with his own sexuality he began developing feelings for Jimin. His glow up had nothing to do with it. In my opinion.

I think Jimin caught him off guard? It's that red string serendipity destiny voodoo working its magic that orchestrating their love. In my opinion.

I don't think either of Jikook went searching for this love thingy either as I keep saying. It wasn't planned, it wasn't foreseen, it just happened to both of them but at a different pace.

I hope this helps?

Signed,

GOLDY

[pencilash]

HQ ADHD Headcanons! All your faves have ADHD sorry I don’t make the rules

Hinata

- This bouncy boy is 100% hyperactive type, you can’t tell me otherwise

- Stims by bouncing and waving his arms, also all those vocal stims (gwah!! woosh!! wham!!)

- All the emotions all the time! I think he feels them really hard, which is why he’s so excitable and gets so nervous his stomach hurts before matches!

- School is so hard because he has a hard time appropriately stimming in class and is always thinking about volleyball! Definitely a hyperfixation. Task switching is really hard and I can see Hinata struggling with morning volleyball practice> school> volleyball again. Asking him to interrupt something he’s really invested him is torture!

Kageyama

- Volleyball works off most of his hyperactivity, I feel like both he and Tsukishima do this and have more racing thoughts than an active body!

- Quick thinking is what makes he and Tsukishima good at split second decisions during matches

- Not always sure how to Social Skills. He feels like there is a logical way to do things but doesn’t really get people!

- Likes to stim by holding a volleyball and feeling the texture, v nice and soft

- I feel like he’d have a big issue with time blindness. It’s been three hours since I started practicing? No way, I just started!

Tsukishima

- Like I said, vbc probably works off physical energy and his hyperactivity is more in racing thoughts, quick thinker.

- Sensory hell! What do you think those headphones are for? Loud noise I can control is better than a bunch of smaller noises I can’t control. Picky eater because some food just Feels Bad!

- Probably likes pressure stims! I feel like he has a weighted blanket and doesn’t mind Nishinoya jumping on him for this reason.

- Emotions are very hard, much easier to just be cold to everyone than try to figure out what each person wants from you. Also def has anxiety over being understood and communicating exactly what he means so he uses sarcasm like a shield

- Totally hyperfixates intensely, but not good at sharing bc people think it's weird when he infodumps, probably only does it around Yamaguchi.

Yachi

- My sweet RSD child, emotions run Wild for her

- Repeating the same three words over and over bc you want to say something but your brain won't let you

- Why do things in order when you can do them chaotically and whenever your brain wants you to?

- The structure school gives her means she’s a pretty good student! Some people with ADHD can be really good students because they do the same thing every day and habits are externally reinforced. Color coding her notes probably makes her feel Calm.

- Is the queen of to do lists. Does she do the things on the to do list? Maybe not. But she made one!

- Coordination? Never heard of her.

- Probably likes to stim by flapping her hands or playing with the bottom of her skirt!

Nishinoya

- Short fuse because of emotional dysregulation, easy to get fired up!

- Very good memory but only for not important things. Ex. can remember a conversation you had three weeks ago but not what homework was assigned today. Also applies to emotionally charged memories! Much easier to remember things he was upset about.

- Sometimes you just gotta yell! Vocal stims to the Max for this boy. Totally spooked Asahi at first but now he barely notices it. Also probably likes chewy things!

- Also very tactile in general! Likes to jump on people and put his hands on stuff! Let him touch!!!! Half the VBC lets him hold hands or hang off their arms whenever.

- Honestly would probably explode if he didn’t play volleyball, can you imagine the Energy

[kayliemusing]

33

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? - If you're talking about aliens or ghosts, yes lol

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? - 3. I can manage but sometimes I get unnerved, especially if I'm alone in the dark outside

3. The person you would never want to meet? - Anyone who could hurt me

4. What is your favorite word? - Wonderstruck. I also like the word 'elegance' bc I like the way it sounds.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? - cherry blossom tree

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? - 'Ew'

7. What shirt are you wearing? - I'm wearing a blue sweater

8. What do you label yourself as? - A few things: a romantic, writer, daydreamer, perfectionist, etc

9. Bright room or dark room? - Bright

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? - Heading to bed

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? - I think I liked being seventeen, but I can't really remember

12. Who told you they loved you last? - My mom probably lol

13. Your worst enemy? - My sister's abusive ex

14. What is your current desktop picture? - A forest

15. Do you like someone? - No one in my real life, but I've developed a sudden crush on Evan Peters in the last 24 hrs lmao

16. The last song you listened to? - The Last Great American Dynasty by Taylor Swift, I think

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? - My sister's ex

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? - My sister's ex

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? - Idk if I'd have a slave tbh lol

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) - My hair, I guess

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? - I'd probably look like myself, but maybe taller and obviously more masculine. I don't know what I'd do. I don't think I'd be a writer, because maybe my experience would be different. So...not sure.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? - This is weird and if anyone asks me, I'll deny it, but I can make stomach grumbling noises without opening my mouth. Honestly not hard to do, but I think I'm really good at it lmao

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? - I don't really have a unique fear. I think what I'm afraid of is normal. I'm super afraid of failure, loss, and getting older bc I feel like growing old comes with loss. Terrified of spiders and most bugs. Deep water bc I can't swim well. So...Pretty basic I think.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. - A standard PB and J.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? - I'd probably just take it to the bank and put it in my bank account, which would most likely end up going towards makeup, books, skincare or clothes.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? - Maybe NYC? Or totally the opposite and going somewhere super quiet and beautiful, like a countryside in England or France lol.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? - I feel like an angel wouldn't offer me that, but maybe a dessert wine. I'm not really a fan of alcohol so Idk what else I'd choose lol.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? - Everyone listens and loves Taylor Swift, if not, you're going to jail

29. What is your favorite expletive? - 'bitch' I think lol

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? - My laptop

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? - Probably an embarrassing moment. I would want to erase traumas but then I feel like that would actually end up messing everything up. i.e., would lead to confusion or misunderstandings about love, etc.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! - Interesting. I'm not sure what the question is, but if I could move anywhere else in the world, I'd probably move to a big city like NYC, Vancouver, or LA OR I'd go the opposite and move to a super cozy cottage in a countryside somewhere.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? - My dad

34. What was your last dream about? - Last night I had this bizarre dream that I was camping with Matthias from YouTube and he was being super mean to me lmao. Then all of a sudden I was in Calgary with my sister and we were just like wandering around.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? - I feel like you're asking if I'm a good person, to which, I think yes.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? - No

37. Have you ever built a snowman? - Yes

38. What is the color of your socks? - I'm not wearing any, but they're usually white or black.

39. What type of music do you like? - Pop, Alternative/alternative pop, folk, country, country-pop, some 80s stuff, acoustic, etc. I span through a few genres, but I think I like something with a catchy melody and good songwriting.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? - Sunrises

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? - Vanilla, bc i'm basic

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) -I don't watch football oops

43. Do you have any scars? - A few. Mostly acne scars rip, but also a big scar on my elbow from when I fell off my bike when I was a kid. I have a few chickenpox scars on my forehead that like to peak out every now and again too.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? - I already graduated High School, but I just applied to college so the plan is to be a Copy Editor and a novelist on the side.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? - That I had a flat stomach

46. Are you reliable? - Tbh no. I think I'm pretty flaky :/

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? - How did it turn out?

48. Do you hold grudges? - Yes, unfortunately

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? - Maybe like a bird and a chinchilla or a fox or something so it would be like this flying fox thing. Idk. I saw a fantasy drawing on pinterest of a bird/something-else and it was super cute.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? - I don't know actually lol

51. Are you a good liar? - No, because I get super nervous and can't make eye contact or I start smiling. Even worse, sometimes it's both.

52. How long could you go without talking? - I'm pretty quiet, so a long time. Maybe a day, but not two days lol.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? - I got a perm when I was in the sixth grade and everyone laughed at me so.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? - Yes

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? - Not well, but sometimes I like to butcher a British and Australian accent. Usually happens when I'm alone which is worse.

56. What do you like on your toast? - Usually I'll just put margarine on it or jam. If I feel like being fancy, I'll put brown sugar and cinnamon on it.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? - I probably doodled some hearts not too long ago

58. What would be you dream car? - Probably a red 1960-70s chevy convertible.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. - I talk to myself in the shower a lot which is weird but i'm just kinda processing my thoughts out loud lmao. Sometimes I'll sing or hum to myself.

60. Do you believe in aliens? - That would be a hard no.

61. Do you often read your horoscope? - No, unless it's in a fun meme like the signs as tv shows or something

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? - I have never thought about this before tbh. Maybe S? or R? or C? Idk

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? - Dragons

64. What do you think about babies? - Cute

[falloutmelody]

“She’s the prettiest girl at the party, and she can prove it with a solid right hook”- Natasha Romanoff x reader

(GIF IS NOT MINE, FULL CREDIT TO THE PERSON WHO MADE IT!)

WARNINGS: None! This is meant to be set just after the events of the first Avengers but before Winter Soldier bc I felt like it fitted in best then! Also, the reader is supposed to be a sibling of Bruce Banner, as the requester asked for the reader to be a sibling of an Avenger, and I felt like Bruce worked best! This isn’t meant to attack those who ship Nat x Bruce, btw! I had a female reader in mind whilst writing this, but it’s gender neutral, so anyone can enjoy!

REQUESTED BY: anonymous! Thank you for being my second request, I hope you like it! Natasha is my favourite MCU character and has been for years, so I’m very hyped to write for her! Also, repeat it with me, NATASHA DESERVED BETTER THAN WHAT HAPPENED IN ENDGAME.

WORD COUNT: 2005! Again, I had a lot of ideas for this, so I managed to write a lot!

Requests are still 100% open! You can find my fandom list and rules here, and you can request here! Feel free to send me any requests you desire!

It was a cold Tuesday morning. The view out the window before you seem to reflect that fact, as you watched distant, unfamiliar people dashing quickly back and forth several miles below you. You’d observed that SHIELD personnel seemed to always have a strange way of walking with purpose, regardless of what the actual task was, and you weren’t entirely sure if you admired that ability or if it made you uncomfortable. Perhaps it was somewhere in the middle.

What were you doing here? The summoning letter and the person that had driven you over here hadn’t been the most forthcoming with information. Nor had the countless people that had vetted you before you’d been allowed to even set foot inside SHIELD HQ. You supposed you understood the need for security, given what this building was home to, but given how secretive everything was, you didn’t understand why they’d taken the risk in reaching out to you in the first place.

Yes, you missed your brother. Of course you did. Honestly, you couldn’t even remember the last time you saw him, it had been years ago, before everything had gone… wrong. The idea of reuniting with him was the sole reason you’d agreed to go through the solid, stressful months of SHIELD analysis and observation. You just… ugh, you didn’t know. The stress of that moment, and all the emotions you were experiencing in that moment were messing with your brain.

And then, in a single moment, all of your rambling, messy thoughts were silenced.

“Y/N?”

Your head quickly turned in the direction of the voice, your whole body soon following suit. There he was. Slightly dishevelled and tired looking, but still your brother. A warm smile immediately spread across your lips as you met his gaze, however, you fought the urge to run to him as you didn’t want to startle him.

“Hi, Bruce.” You finally responded to his greeting. For a few moments, neither of you seemed to know what to do, as you both stood completely still, awkwardly looking at each other. Eventually, however, you caved in, and made the first move, slowly making your way over to him. Your movements were intentionally slow. You’d lost count of the amount of times that you’d been warned not to emotionally overwhelm your brother, given what often happened when that occurred, you just… you supposed in that moment, you just couldn’t help yourself.

Upon reaching him, you very, very gently embraced him, an action which seemed to catch Bruce off-guard as he didn’t immediately return or reject the gesture. “It’s really good to see you again,” you spoke quietly, not wanting your sibling’s awkward personality to ruin the moment. However, you only allowed the hug to linger for a few moments, soon beginning to slowly pull away. You went to talk as you did so, realising that there was so much that you needed to catch up on.  

“So, I’m guessing this is the infamous Y/N?” A female voice caused you to quickly close your mouth and silence yourself, glancing over your shoulder in the direction of the voice. Stood there, a short distance away was a redhaired woman that it took you a few moments to mentally place.

Stood before you was the Black Widow.

You’d watched so many hours of news footage of the battle of New York since it had happened that you were genuinely surprised that it had taken you so long to recognise her. But, being stood there before her in real life, your brain couldn’t help but register just how beautiful she was. You were sure you were far from the first person to have that thought cross your mind, but still, she rendered you momentarily speechless as Natasha slowly made her way closer to both you and Bruce.

You finally regained the ability to snap yourself out of your appreciative thoughts when she got closer to you, forcing yourself to swallow down the nervous lump that had formed in your throat. Thankfully though, Natasha didn’t seem terribly phased by your response, because there was no way that she hadn’t picked up on it. If anything, it was the opposite, as a slightly coy, amused smile momentarily formed on her expression as she soon finally came to a stop, just in front of you. A couple of seconds passed, wherein you frantically tried to find your voice, finally managing to speak up. “U-Uh, yep. That’s me. It’s nice to meet you,” you stumbled over your words somewhat as anxiety once again got the better of you, something that only made the amused smile on Natasha’s expression grow somewhat.

Thankfully, Bruce took this moment to interject, something which caused a soft rush of gratitude to rush through you. “Y/N, this is Natasha. One of my…” Bruce began to talk, but soon trailed off, which you presumed was due to him not knowing what exact label to give the woman. You supposed they were technically colleagues, given that they both worked on the same team, but perhaps your brother was too hesitant to use that label. You had no idea, you weren’t actually in the Avengers, so how were you to know what the dynamic was actually like?

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ve seen her on the news,” you softly took over from your sibling. Should you have said that? Would you now come across as creepy? You hadn’t intended it to, you’d just wanted to save your brother from floundering for his words for ages as you had just done.

“Nice to finally put a face to the stories,” Natasha continued, her attention still seemingly being solely on you. Her words took you aback somewhat. Presumably that meant that Bruce had mentioned you at some point in time, but you hadn’t been expecting that. But that was a nice thought, the idea that your brother had continued to mention and think of you, despite how separate you’d become in recent years due to everything that had happened with him. The confusion that had momentarily crossed over your expression at her words earned a small scoff of amusement from Natasha, before she once again continued to speak. “So, let me guess, you’re the knowledgeable type too, huh?” You weren’t entirely sure from her tone if her words were a question or a statement of what her impression of you was from what Bruce had told her, and so, you momentarily stayed silent as you tried to scramble up an answer that wouldn’t make you come across as being either cocky or an idiot.

“Um. Maybe. Kinda depends on your definition of knowledgeable. I know some things. Definitely don’t have seven PhDs though,” you spoke in your best attempt at a playful tone, giving a quick glance back in your brother’s direction to make it clear that was who you were referencing.

Natasha gave a small nod at your response. “I’m sure you’re more intelligent than you make yourself out to be. Fury doesn’t just request for people to be brought in for no reason.” Her oddly motivational words earned a genuine smile from you, as you soon gave a small shrug of your shoulders.

“Well, hopefully, I’ll get a chance to prove you right.” There you go. There was the confidence that you’d been badly looking for throughout this whole conversation. Nice of it to return once you’d gotten towards the end of the conversation, huh?

Once again, a look of amusement formed on the redhead’s expression, that coy smile appearing on her lips for a second time. “Well, I look forward to getting a chance to see that. Now, if you don’t mind, I have places to be.” Of course, you didn’t object to this, even though you did want to continue talking to her. Given what her job was, she probably had something important to be getting on with, something dangerous. Thus, you stayed quiet for a few moments, allowing her to walk around you and make it a few steps down the corridor before you mustered up the courage to call a goodbye after her.

“It was really nice to meet you, Natasha.” Your simple goodbye caused the redhead to briefly stop in her tracks once more, with her soon turning back to look at you. For a brief moment, you could have sworn that a genuine smile with a hint of real warmth formed on Natasha’s expression as she met your gaze.

“You too, Y/N. I’ll see you around,” she returned the farewell, giving a small nod before she turned back around once more and continued to walk off in the direction that she’d been heading in. Then, just as suddenly as she had arrived, she was gone from sight. However, despite her not being physically there, her effect on you didn’t immediately fade. The sound of your heart, which was racing at an absurdly fast rate, continued to echo up into your ears, and you soon anxiously pushed your slightly sweat-dampened hands into your pockets.

“Y/N? Are you alright?” And, just like that, you were once again snapped back into reality by your brother’s voice. Hoping that you hadn’t been staring at the end of the corridor for a creepy amount of time, you soon turned back to face Bruce, giving him a small nod in response to his question.

“Ye…“ You soon cut yourself off, needing a quick moment to clear your throat. “Yeah, yeah! I’m okay. Just a little starstruck, I wasn’t expecting to run into another Avenger today. Am I gonna run into Captain America today too?” Your words were playful, obviously intended to make your attraction to the female not seem obvious. Not that your brother was the type to playfully tease you for having a crush, or at least, he hadn’t been when you’d last seen him, but still. You didn’t want to make things awkward for him by making it clear that you found one of his co-workers attractive. You were supposed to be here to see him after all, that was why you’d agreed to be dragged here.

Bruce’s expression seemed to suggest that he didn’t entirely buy this explanation, as his face briefly scrunched up in confusion, but unsurprisingly, he chose not to question it. Instead, he merely nodded, allowing his expression to somewhat relax. “Okay,” he replied simply, softly smiling at you for a moment. “Um, I’m not busy at the moment, so do you wanna go find a place for us to talk? It’s been a while.” A soft but brief laugh momentarily escaped your lips at that understatement, before you soon nodded in agreement with his idea. You stayed still for a moment, allowing your brother to start walking and thereby lead the way to wherever he wanted to take you. Before you did so, however, you just couldn’t help yourself. You took a quick moment to once again glance back in the direction that Natasha had disappeared into, before quickly turning on your heel and walking quickly in order to catch up with your brother, the SHIELD agent that had been assigned to watch over you that had, until now been stood a short distance away, soon following after the pair of you. That didn’t bother you too much though, you knew they were just doing their job.  

As you walked with your sibling, you found yourself hoping that Natasha’s parting words to you would turn out to be accurate. Whilst, of course, you were hoping that this event gave you a chance to properly reconnect with your brother, you couldn’t deny that more than a small part of you was looking forward to possibly getting a chance to see a certain redhaired agent once again, and getting another chance to have a longer conversation with her.

And perhaps, just perhaps, although you didn’t want to get your hopes up, you could possibly one day be friends. Or maybe, if you were extremely lucky, maybe a little bit more than that. 

Only time would tell.

AN: And I’m gonna end it there! Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed! As mentioned above, my requests are still 100% open, so feel free to send me any requests if you have them! 

Hope you’re all having a good day, and I’ll see you all next time!

[shellheadtm-a]

Steve x Tony @shieldslinger​ / send me a ship and-

Who asks the other on dates:  lbh with each other here, these are the kind of assholes that have an actual date night.  sometimes they even make it to it and do date things.  but also let's be honest with the fact they've been going on dates for years and were too dumb to realize it.  museums?  burgers and a movie?  you know they've done it, you know it was a date, and you know they had literally no idea.  because they're dumbasses. Who is the bigger cuddler:  with all the unnecessary touching that went on with them from like literally steve's first day out of the ice and you come into my home and ask that question?  as touchy as they were before (those sweet, sweet shoulder squeezes of validation) you know it's worse now.  movie night's probably a nightmare just because you know it's either bc tony's draped some part of himself on steve, or they're jammed so close together you couldn't squeeze a sheet of paper between them, or...listen.  when two tactile people love each other very much, they're probably really gross and annoyingly handsy, and i don't mean in the...gropey kind of way, they're just touchy.  all the time.  must toch.  plus they have a shitton of issues, which probably doesn't help in that either but eh. Who initiates holding hands more often:  there's a theme here, you know that right.  there's a theme here, because it's a theme in canon, and it's tony offering a hand up to steve.  like it's a thing, you know it, i know it, so if you don't think tony's needy hand holder in this relationship, you'd be wrong.  it's sad, he gets this weird little thrill at even being able to do that, and on the one hand...you gotta feel bad for him.  he'd take whatever steve gives him and tell himself that's enough and he's content with it, because it's steve.  but knowing steve's okay with it?  a religious experience.

Who remembers anniversaries:  well, it's not steve rogers, i can tell you that.  and you know what, that's okay, and that's fair, and tony loves him anyway.  he might be the man with a plan, but he's useless with a planner.  he gets caught up in things, it's fine, tony remembers for the both of them, it's why he has friday.  what i'm saying is the only one who really remembers any important dates at all is friday. Who is more possessive:  i don't know that...you could really classify either of them that way?  overly protective, sure.  clucky with mother hen tendencies, the both of them, yeah.  taking what they can of each other's time, even if it's just to be able to say good night and good morning, absolutely.  but i don't think...with who they are as people, they really can't be. Who gets more jealous:  which goes back to being possessive, right, like tony has a little jealous streak but it doesn't manifest blatantly as one.  two, they're public figures so...there's not a lot of room for jealousy there.  like captain america and iron man might be characters they play (which are still them, i know i've talked about it but bear with me, it's an idealized version of them, separate from the inner selves) but they're public, you know, they're superheroes, and there's an expectation you share each other with the job.  and with the people you save.  with the world, really.  i think it's more about taking what time they do have as steve and tony more than anything else. Who is more protective:  this is a joke, right?  this is a joke.  these two idiots would throw themselves in front of each other over and over and over again if you let them.  that said, tony's moreso.  and i'll tell you why.  everything he's done?  all the bad?  the times he's sold his soul?  was to keep steve - and their loved ones - safe.  or happy, in a situation where there was really nothing they could do.  every time.  or i'll go one better.  tony will absolutely trade his own life for steve's in the blink of an eye, because he's always believed between the two of them steve's the better man.  he's done it.  willingly.  without a second thought once he's made the decision to do it.  he probably has a "sacrifing myself for the greater good and especially steve" face.  i'd like to lie and say that he understands if something happened to him how badly it would hurt steve but...if it came down to a choice of tony dying if it meant steve would live, he'd trade himself in a heartbeat.  that's uh.  something he's working on (he's not). Who is more likely to cheat:  this really is a joke.  steve "my middle name is noble" rogers and tony "has been in love with steve rogers for years" stark.  like tony would never, ever, ever say it, but this is it.  i don't mean in some fatalistic way, and i mean he fully believes he has an expiration date so he wouldn't say anything anyway, but this is it.  steve's always been The One.  his Person.  never would happen, not in a million fucking years. Who initiates sexy times the most:  you would think the answer is anthony edward stark and in most cases you'd be right, but steve rogers is not most cases, it is steve rogers and the rules don't apply to him.  by which i mean surprisingly steve is the proactive one here, and i think it's because tony is...he is hesitant.  it's weird, he's pushy with his forms of affection and then he backs off in this arena but i would argue he's getting better about it, and that the only reason he is like that is because he doesn't...he's very careful with steve, really, he's still walking on eggshells a little.  give him time, the tables will turn, he'll be pouncing steve from dark corners like an overgrown house cat with the 3am zoomies and a need to fight. Who dislikes PDA the most:  they're not, you know, public yet.  so it's not like this is really a thing outside of their friends circle, and even then, like.  i'm willing to bet literally nothing has changed in the slightest except you might walk in on them smoochin.  oh, the huge manatee.  tbf, for some people it might be (clint, looking directly at you) considering who wants to see their parents doing that but you know.  tough tiddy.  anyway, they’re just...not really the type. Who kills the spider:  listen they know some spiders who are very good people, and it's not nice to talk about premeditated murder.  there is a strict catch and release program in place and by that i mean tony will absolutely release said spiders back with their people.  except nat, because she's scary. Who asks the the other to marry them:  steve's joked around about that once.  once.  and tony did not take it well with his past history of failed relationships.  not out of a fear of committment, are you kidding me, this is tony who makes being married a personality trait.  but because he thinks he's a jinx.  i can tell you one thing, it won't be him that asks, if they ever get around to doing something more official than cohabitating.  shaking up.  whatever you want to call it.  not unless it's a jokey thing that gets taken seriously (which would change his tune embarrassingly fast).  he's gunshy at this point.  he's been engaged a few times and it's telling that he doesn't have like three divorces under his belt.  and also they're still feeling out the new them, which is fine, it's good they're doing that.  but he'd say yes in a heartbeat. Who buys the other flowers or gifts:  the answer you're looking for is tony stark.  it is tony stark who does this, thank you.  it could be big things, like, i don't know, a mansion (hello, 890 5th avenue).  training robots for the gym that...no one needs to know the price tag on that steve's going systematically tear apart.  training scenarios for the danger room he's spent three days straight coding and putting together.  new uniforms.  or it could be little things like a book steve's been meaning to get and read or his favorite bagel or...either way.  it's just who tony is, he can't help it.  if he has it, he gives it.  honestly i feel like at some point steve's just learned to roll with it because there's no stopping it.  he's been doing it forever, since day one (hey guys, remember the cray mainframe?), but now he's signed up for no complaining so you know.  that's on him. Who would bring up possibly having kids:  said like it hasn't already happened.  it's steve, by the way.  it's 1000% steve and he's already done it and tony's giving ten million reasons why he shouldn't when he knows he's going to say yes, and so what i'm really getting at here is they need to start thinking nursery colors for the mansion, because they're not fooling anyone.  and they're gonna be amazing parents and that kid is gonna be the most spoiled, loved, protected baby ever.  she hit the jackpot and doesn't even know it.  this is also the only superfamily content i am here for.  just a dumbass, a himbo, and a superbaby.  also consider.  all the cute.  knitted things.  i demand cute knitted things, it's not up for debate. Who is more nervous to meet the parents:  that's...not an issue, for one thing.  for another, like.  literally their entire friends group are...all...the same people.  lbr there was literally a betting pool in place and i wonder who won.  it keeps me up at night, wondering who cashed in on tony and steve no longer being quite as big of a pair of dumbasses as they have been.  part of me hopes it was peter parker, i worry about you, spooder-min. Who sleeps on the couch when the other is angry:  tony uh.  will stay in his lab if they have a row but i can promise you he doesn't sleep much.  if at all.  it's part and parcel with the tony stark experience in this case.  he'll stay in his hidey hole and be sad because steve's mad at him, but won't do anything about it at first, just stay and be sad.  because he's sad.  and also Feeling An Emotion is hard and they don't know how to use their words. Who tries to make up first after arguments:  i'd argue 70% of the time it's probably tony.  like, they're both stubborn, we know that.  they both dig in their heels and think they're right, the other's wrong, and they're being stupid about it.  and about some things they're just literally never going to agree but don't know how to agree to disagree.  tony gets set in a rut and won't consider a deviation from what he's already decided is going to happen.  steve gets mulish and refuses to listen to another point of view.  they butt heads.  but honestly, at this point, at the end of the day (if he can stop sulking), after everything that's happened?  you know, at this point it's obvious that when they argue and stay mad, bad things tend to happen.  tony doesn't even have memories of the worst of it but he knows he took it badly, let's be real here (i say, like badly's not a hilarious understatement).  he may not apologize in a way that says he's wrong, but he may do it for helping escalate a fight.  bc, you know, blah blah, not half as good as anything as i am doing it next to you, blah blah, azure eyes, blah blah, good morning beloved. Who tells the other they love them more often:  honestly, now that those big scary words are out there, and there's no takebacksies in having said it, they've both been pretty free with them.  making up for lost time, i guess.  i think they have different tones, though.  tony's as free with those with steve as he's ever been with anything else.  he gives them...often?  and with no expectation of anything in return.  because that's how he's always been with steve.  and from steve like...a lot of time it seems like...as much as he says it?  it's a reassurance more than anything (because we know how tony is).  sometimes tony even lets himself believe it without second guessing himself.

[survivor-mesopotamia]

Ep. #4 - “I’m extending a bridge to you” (Zach)

There is zero upside to being captain. If captains are swapped, then I'm basically screwed, and if they pick, then I have to reveal my allegiances to people still in the game. I absolutely do not want to be captain. I'm not crazy about Zach being it either, I'd prefer it to be someone like Kyle or Grace, but if Zach is going to push for it we will see what happens

https://youtu.be/9jTSUqwcuPU Confessional 7 (Round 3 #2)

Voting out Chrissa was probably one of the hardest votes I've ever had to encountered, and it honestly really hurts. For me, voting her out was the best strategically because we talked the least. And by the time tribal started, I ended up in alliances of 3 with Will & Megan and JJ & Julian respectively. Given the ranking system, we are all expecting some sort of tribe swap, which might be best for my game so long as I have someone else on my tribe with me. However, JJ recently got into a lot of trouble. Stuff about sending nudes because he "perceived there to be consent". Yikes. Apparently other people know about it too, which makes sense because this call happened in tengaged about it. We are thinking he might be removed, but we don't know what's to happen yet. I think most of us are running under the assumption that he'd be voted out next tribal should he not be removed. It's pretty gross what he did, and I definitely won't be aligned with him any longer. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTzwD-rR8Ws&feature=youtu.be

I am happy JJ is out of the game, both because he deserves it based on his behavior and because one less number. The tribe challenge has me worried. I hope it is a challenge with Zach representing us, because he is good and it also keeps him a bigger target than me. If it's a swap, I'm very nervous and will probably have to paint myself as being on the outs if I end up in a minority, which would almost certainly happen relative to the other two tribes. No matter what, the backstabbing is probably going to start very soon, so buckle your seatbelts everyone.

Confessional 9: https://youtu.be/WhBt-uWOdEA Confessional 10: https://youtu.be/1ZbVWE-2AqM

volunteering for the summit bc im bored and wanna just be a bit risky. i feel like if a twist gets leashed upon me, it'll be surface level. Praying for the best!

Tribe Summit - https://youtu.be/46NdXf1N37U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeX4PKTjQlw&feature=youtu.be

https://youtu.be/96RCT99DDWI Confessional #8 (Round 4 Confessional #1) Contents: JJ's removal, the summit, Kyle's removal, new tribe.

Holy shit so we've had a tribe swap and two removals. Both kinda shocking and completely out of the blue what had happened. Oddly still not the craziest thing I've seen done on either end of org playing but still. So far with the new tribe I feel I got the good end of the stick with zach and Collin and myself staying together for the most part kinda wish we had all stayed together because of you know being out numbered by returning players there's the enitial Holy shit fuck I'm screwed feeling but so far the tribe seems pretty cool. Which is odd and weird from what I've heard for Tumblr games from my understanding they're the more cutthroat game but so far everything has kinda been predictable in placements just as an outsider looking in but ya know. So far I'm really enjoying Abby she seems pretty cool and like I could work with her for a while but yeah that's all for now

post swap BIG boy confessional https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyooK5AHp1Y&feature=youtu.be

https://youtu.be/6IrXzJm6qNk

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https://youtu.be/MoJSBeUUdWQ

https://youtu.be/CSKB4qzvWU0 Group Confessional #1 Catching up on Each other's games and preparing for what the swap has in store for us

Uhm hi so a lot has happened and I'm sorry I didn't do confessionals before describing it all but yah -Not sure if I did a conf for the last round but basically the challenge was more flash games (yay fml) and my tribe flopped yet again (yay) -We decided to vote out chrissa unan but chrissa apparently voted for me so that was cute, already breaking my goal of not getting votes so early THANKS CHRISSA -Then JJ got removed from the game for sexually harassing ppl which is NOT COOl but then my tribe was down to four members and thats just sad luv -Then there was a random ass ranking for this summit thing and i was like wtf i dont know but I kinda figured id be getting voted as the team captain for my tribe which like eeeek could potentially put a target on my back but also i like these people and i think they like me so i'll just accept it -turns out the other tribe captains voted in were Johnny and Zach and I was like well thats cute tbh i think i like both of them (i have been on zoom calls in friend groups with zachary lately and although he is pretty quiet he seems like a nice person) (and i think i know johnny from a sequester mini before and hes a brother of aepi which is basically the partner fraternity to the sorority i was in called aephi and so were basically connected by greek life blood because hes a pi and im a phi and yas Jews -Okay anyway i volunteer to not be a tribe captain because 1. i didnt want the blood on my hands for picking a tribe (memories of svalbard ahhhh) and 2. i wanted to be on johnny's tribe hehehehe. so i did that and then i let johnny pick first and guess what!! he picked me first on his tribe!! even before anyone from his og tribe!! i thought that was weird but really cool -the new tribe seemed pretty cool and chill and i thought i was digging everyone BUT THEN kyle makes fucking COMMENTS ABOUT JEW STEREOTYPES and i was like SIR and i kinda missed everything in the heat of the moment but basically kyle got removed and im not surprised he did because to my knowledge, i already know of three fkn jews on our tribe (benji me and johnny) and we have a jew host so like why kyle would make comments like that is beyond me but WHY DO I KEEP GETTING PUT ON TRIBES WITH CRAZY PPL -anyway right now i adore johnny and i want to work with him i feel like he and i vibe so well together and we are already planning on making a stoner alliance with abi and jay from his OG tribe lmfaooo -i also like grace and julian on my tribe and benji so far is really cool and isabelle is a sweetheart so i really just hope we dont lose the next challenge and have to vote someone out because i like these people so far and i wanna get to know them more -this has been a really mentally difficult week both in game and in real life and im sorry i havent been doing more confessionals but ive really just needed a huge break due to everything thats been going on 

I've locked in a five person alliance with original An (Johnny Isabelle and Benji), plus Adam. Johnny I'm connected to with Trace, Isabelle and I somehow both go to Georgetown, and I like speaking with Benji. I don't know how this alliance interacts with original alliance, that's future me's problem, but I really like this group

---

If Megan ��may have accidentally” found out information from the other tribe, then I “may have accidentally” decided to shift the target onto her. Somebody not purely abiding by the rules of the game is somebody I won’t completely trust

So JJ and Kyle both got removed. OOP!!! Now to figure out how messy this game is gonna be. Will Will and I be able to play middle for our first tribal and get to choose between returnees and newbies? hopefully. More on that scoop later! 

https://youtu.be/vGd9Ik49CmU Confessional #10 (Round 4 Confessional #3)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stpzz7-cKUg

Confessional 11: https://youtu.be/ad2R99H1g1k

https://youtu.be/PjodrB6CgLo

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https://youtu.be/y0n7YKB0EF0

NOOOOOOO HOW COULD WE OF LOST we had everything planned i do feel kinda safe I've talked to abby mostly and i think i have a girls alliance in the works with her but for now being the only two female identifying people on the tribe. We have to pull in some boys but we've got our old tribe mates which lucky for me is my main alliance from that tribe not having Michael is a big yay because love him but pretty sure he was planning on flipping on us to work with some people from the an tribe but ya know it is what it is and hopefully this is the only trival Council we have to go to and hopefully from the sounds of it it's Eric going home so hopefully that's the case and i don't end up voinv home because FYCUCJUCK THAT SHIT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9YueU_paNg&feature=youtu.be

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Of the players left on my tribe, I think Megan is the biggest threat to my game, with many cross-tribe ties. Last night, I began laying the groundwork with Johnny of eventually making her the target, without expressly stating my desire to vote her out. We'll see how this plays out, but I want Megan out first

---

From the other tribe, I badly want an original An to go. It takes away an option from the Ans on my swap tribe and locks them in more with me, while preserving my options. On the flip side, a Triforce member going is the worst case scenario for the exact same reason as above, this time benefiting original An. Original Enlil going is fairly neutral

https://youtu.be/7IpJ1SC2ah8

So we lost :( It really sucks bc i put more effort into my lip sync than I think I ever have before. And of course with losing comes tribal, the first tribal for some people on my new tribe. I don't think I've done a confessional since we swapped so I'll just run down how I feel about everyone. Monty/Abby - Just gonna bunch these two together since they were on my original tribe. While they weren't in my alliance, I bonded with them like I bonded with everyone on An. We made an alliance immediately at Ea and I feel real good about facing this swap with them. Part of me does worry they knew about that original alliance and they'll throw me under the bus though. Will - Okay so I was completely blindsided by the fact that I already knew Will before the game! We played at least 1 ORG together and I remember him a little bit from just being in the community. I feel like I've really hit it off with him again and working with him feels natural. He was the first one who threw Cameron out as a vote to me last night and a lot of people really latched onto that plan. So he's definitely charismatic and influential. Eric - I've known Eric for quite some time actually. He's someone who's very easy for me to trust. Like I really hope I'm not getting the wrong read on him but he just feels honest in our conversations. He did kinda suck in the music video challenge tho LOL so I feel like he could be in danger if we go to tribal again. Cameron - They're who I'm voting out tonight. I've had no contact with them outside of the tribe chat at all. And our interactions in the tribe chat I just feel...idk like every time I talk they give me some snide remark. Zach even told me that Cameron barely spoke to him and Collin on their original tribe. So it just feels easy, if a bit TOO easy, like I'm scared it's secretly me somehow. So I guess the upside to anxiety is you never get blindsided cuz you always think it's you. Zach - I've been talking to him more often these last few days and he is wayyy smarter than most 15 year olds I've interacted with. He knew it was Cameron immediately when I started talking to him about the vote (Though I suspect it's because Will told him). He's told me more info about his original tribe than I really thought I'd get out of him. He's basically telling me that it was Zach/Collin/Kyle vs. Cameron/The rest of the newbies. So like it makes sense that he's willing to just let Cameron go. However this situation is worrying because Zach's position is almost EXACTLY my position in a game I played very recently (703 San Andres). I've seen firsthand how a competent duo in the minority can upset the majority if just one person in that majority makes a mistake. So I'm not gonna promise Zach anything just yet, I don't want him to sell me out. But I would like to see him stick around even if we lose another time. Collin - Okay I REALLY like Collin. He's super nice, he basically compliments me every time I talk to him. Which is nice, but I know he's playing that social game. And he's playing it WELL. I think if all goes well at tribal, then I'm gonna talk to Collin about really working together going forward. Basically my overarching plan on this tribe has been to make sure that if my name comes up, there will always be someone to shut it down. And I really feel like Collin, Monty, and Eric would especially keep me safe. 

Cameron left.......it sucks, because it takes away my options, but among the Enki's it is the least bad scenario, since I was closer with Collin and Zach. I don't hold it against them for voting against Cameron, do what you gotta do, but I am nervous for them. I'm not throwing any challenges or anything, but I hope they survive, and I'm less nervous about myself losing than them

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kWts3h2n9s

hi hi hi so far so good on the Ea tribe! i dont think anyone know about zach and i so we're remaining in the clear hehe (he has been a little difficult to corral tho) i feel like im making good connections so far so hopefully ill remain utr and if we go back to tribal i wont be a target, and if we dont i hope the other tribe takes out a big target for us

Have I mentioned that I love winning? It's just so great that nobody knows me and Monty are working together and we're subtly pulling the strings - Jay thinks he came up with Cameron's name, great he's the mastermind now and we can target him. Collin and Zach want to form a four with me and Eric - great, that keeps me and Monty apart so nobody will know and we can still vote separately. Eric's an easy target for everyone so we (Monty) just get the other returnees to target him (if we lose again) and then I can use that to flip Eric on Abby or Jay and it's just... so delicious. It's so easy to take everyone out one by one when nobody knows that you have a solid F2 already.

https://youtu.be/CVG2Z_-XjBM from this past round

https://youtu.be/yMGLsGhv6wc Confessional 12

https://youtu.be/ylahV3wyXrs

Cameron voted out 7-1

[oceansborn-blog]

intros: next gen verse, pt. 1

ALICE LONGBOTTOM: seventh year, hufflepuff, head student, halfblood, cis female, she/ her. fc: milena tscharntke. pinterest. 

Mum Friend™ 

alice is like... very nurturing, honestly. she likes to be there for people and take care of them -- they come first, in her mind, and she comes second. definitely considers most people around her more important than herself -- she doesn’t have a bad self-confidence, really, but putting herself first isn’t something she’d think of?

even from first year she’d be the kid others could come to if they couldn’t sleep and she’d make them some tea and stay up with them 

favourite subjects are care of magical creatures & herbology -- just loves everything about nature and all the creatures in it 

her room at home is full of plants & she joined the herbology club at hogwarts as soon as she could so she could help out in the greenhouses; makes her feel like home and less homesick, though having her siblings and parents at hogwarts now definitely helps 

her tag is ‘steady flame’ which i tend to think pretty suitable for her -- she’s not a bright, roaring wildfire or anyone that sticks out particularly much, but she’s steady in her light and her love and she’s always there to provide some comfort 

always tries her hardest in her classes but if she has to help a friend out that takes precedence -- she cares about her grades but not as much as helping people, so if she needs to skip out on revising more for a test to comfort a friend, she will 

takes her prefect responsibilities quite seriously and now her head student ones, but isn’t a stickler for the rules in the sense that she always tries to understand the reason behind why a student got in trouble and if exceptions should be made 

her biggest passion is dragons and they have been her favourite animal since she was a kid her heart just !!!! soars when she thinks of them 

her dream job is to be a dragonologist but she hasn’t really... committed to it because she’s like... afraid of leaving home? she doesn’t want to be somewhere else if people need her? in a way ig she considers herself a bit more important than she is -- people will be fine if she moves elsewhere, the world will not fall apart, people will be happy for her -- but simultaneously she’s afraid to leave if like. nothing changes when she’s gone? and she’s not as important and necessary here as she thought? idk she has Conflicted emotions so her solution rn is just to let that dream remain just a dream 

hopefully she’ll get her act together and go for it one day 

but rn she’s considering a herbologist career instead even tho her heart is yelling at her to work with dragons 

AISLINN FINNIGAN-THOMAS: seventh year, hufflepuff, vampire, cis female, she/ her. fc: inbar lavi. pinterest.

bde: big dumbass energy

chaotic horny

kind of spoiled in the sense that she has both her dads wrapped around her little finger and kind of... charms her way into avoiding punishment?

gets away with a lot of shit she shouldn’t and has since she was a kid

maybe that’s why she’s such a disaster now! whom knows

was sorted into hufflepuff not so much because she admires or embodies the traits, necessarily, but because hufflepuff takes the rest and she really couldn’t fit anywhere else

she’s really just here to have a good time and wants to accomplish that in any way possible

she’s really... not interested in anything that doesn’t involve having fun. schoolwork? serious matters? will gladly ignore!

she Loves her friends and family but might not be the best person to always turn to for emotional support? or ever gfhsjd. her strategy for anything painful is ignore, ignore, ignore! and that tends to be her advice to others. she’s for sure nice to turn to if you want to distract yourself and do something fun, but in terms of actually discussing things and trying to process them? really not the right gal

‘mate, am genuinely jus here for a laff x’ in a person

gets into A Lot of stupid and reckless and dangerous situations just because she’s a person who tends to follow any half-rotten idea she gets. could be seen as brave, i suppose, since she’s not really scared of much --- but it’s more because she doesn’t think about it or linger on what consequences could come long enough to actually get scared

really doesn’t have an ambitious bone in her body. she’s never been one to even plan a week ahead but just lives her life a day at a time. teachers might try to get her to settle on a career and plan for it but she’ll just say a goal and by the next meeting drop another random career that she has no intention of trying for. probably drives them up the wall

does just well enough to scrape by in her classes so her parents can’t complain but no more than that

makes a lot of bad decisions, especially if she’s drunk

key example: deciding that knockturn alley seemed like a good place for a hookup and went there late at night, alone, and drunk as hell

did not find a hookup, but a vampire found her

woke up the next day feeling like absolute shite and with a very obvious bite that aislinn in true dumbass fashion thought was the ugliest hickey in the world

really hasn’t.... processed being a vampire? she’s like eh! can be ignored! i’m not emotionally and spiritually a vampire which is all that matters!

insists on still doing stuff she can no longer do, like eat a shit ton of garlic bread and lie out in the sun when she’s fucking nocturnal now

she’s quite sweet but her disaster energy brings a lot of stress to the logical people in her life

ISABELLA POTTER: fifth year, ravenclaw, disaster, halfblood, cis female, she/ her. fc: lana condor. pinterest.

she’s like the really trashy love child of leslie knope and ben wyatt?? mostly their bad sides lmao??? she too would be referred to as a human disaster on national tv

she’s a descendant of the part of the potter family that moved to america ages ago, so until she transferred to hogwarts in her fourth year she didn’t know the other potters?? like obviously she knew of them what with harry saving the wizarding world and all, but they hadn’t met each other before. she’s an only child with no close cousins so like meeting the potters and the huge fam that comes with them was kind of like ………………… wait what for her and she’s still like??? doubt we’re actually related sorry can’t live up to you all

but yeah it was just her & her parents growing up and she was quite close to them when she was younger, but her dad is a politician ( now the president of the magical congress of the us ) and her mother is a healer, and they’re both just really ambitious, hardworking people so they didn’t have a lot of time to dedicate to their home life?? and when isa went off to boarding school they drifted further apart, so at this point they honestly don’t know each other that well?? and tbh they’re not bad parents per say, if you don’t count how focused on their careers they are rather than supporting her, it’s just that they’re both so focused and confident i don’t think they ever consider that isa might,,, not be?? and she really, really isn’t.

her self-worth is so low and confidence is basically nonexistent, and when she’s nervous or struggling a lot with anxiety she tends to ramble a lot, which her parents just interpreted as her being talkative rather than there being an underlying reason for it, and basically there was just… a lot of misunderstanding between them? like isa still loves them, but whenever she was home she just didn’t feel good, and she hates herself for it because they are good people, but she just doesn’t know how to change that??

somehow did not end up nearly as charismatic or smart or anything as her parents tho and is just a mess™ so she mostly introduces herself only with her first name and tries to like not think of the fact that that her dad held such an important position bc she doesn’t want to bring more embarrassment to the family than she already has lmao

she really wants to make her parents proud and everything and tries to behave properly she’s just ??? failing epically. always finds a way to embarrass herself and put her foot in her mouth and once it happens her pride kicks in and she just makes it worse and worse because she can’t just admit that she did something wrong so she just continues to dig her own grave like every second conversation it’s amusing to watch but she’s just a tragic mess

with her father being the president and her mother out there literally saving lives she was like i gotta do something good with mine!!! she doesn't see becoming an author as good enough in comparison, so she's gonna study to become a healer like her mom after she graduates but like,,, it’s so not the right career choice for her, she'll probably would dropp up halfway through training

when anything remotely bad happens she’s like this is THE worst thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life and i cannot show my face ever again so basically,,, the ppl in her life are probably used to her Dramatic self by now. tho i guess now that there is an actual apocalypse going on, everything sort of is the worst thing that’s ever happened in her life?? anyways 

when it comes down to it isa is just a mess™ who just. gets into embarrassing situations Constantly because she never shuts up. she is often awkward and anxious and always puts her foot in her mouth and once that happens her pride kicks in and she just makes it worse and worse because she just can’t admit that she did something wrong so she just continues to dig her own grave like every second conversation. amusing to watch but a terror for herself she’s just a tragic mess who Cannot shut up for two seconds 

her mouth just runs on it’s own and her brain struggles to keep up so she just says weird shit sometimes 

it is honestly a surprise she hasn’t run off to live in the woods and write trashy romance novels yet 

that’s genuinely a thought she has daily djhasg she loves her family so much so she wouldn’t but like. she thinks she should not be allowed to talk with other people because she Will fuck it up and she’s proven that again and again

lowkey terrified of actually falling in love despite how often she gushes about it and just runs away at the thought. quite literally. she will ramble and then run as fast as she can she’s gotta GO

VERA WOOD-KRUM: fifth year, gryffindor, broom racing mess, halfblood, cis female, she/ her. fc: brittany o’grady. 

vera is entirely her fathers’ daughter and that becomes clear to everyone who has heard of them like .5 seconds after meeting her

she is Loud and she Will Not be stopped!! 

so yeah she’s the daughter of viktor and oliver, and at this point they’re even more iconic than they were when they were younger tbh. even their ‘love story’ is pretty famous around the wizarding world, their rivals-to-eventual-friends-to-lovers story touching many, not to mention being one of the first openly gay couples in the quidditch sphere

vera will always argue they’re the most iconic couple at the very least in the quidditch world but also probably in the wizarding world but lbr she is Biased 

she has three siblings, a younger brother named max who is... probably in his second year at this point i wanna say, and two older siblings, katya & alex, who are a bit closer in age to her. oliver and viktor used surrogate mothers and mixed sperm and have their kids, and yeah long story short vera is fiercely loyal to her family and would highkey die for them. 10/10 always ready to fight for them if someone talks shit 

very grateful for her family and her happy upbringing and they mean more to her than anything in the world 

obviously comes from a very quidditch centred family, and tho neither of her parents would force their kids into any career, they did have her join a little league quidditch team as a kid to encourage a healthy lifestyle and bc it’s their favourite sport in the world lbr. vera started out as a chaser but the coach decided to switch her position to seeker because he thought it would be a more suitable position --- which it definitely was, only more so than intended. her time in the little league quidditch team made her realise her intense love for broom racing, and she quickly lost interest in the actual game, racing off the pitch before quickly crashing and being brought back by the coaches fgjgdsfjhs

has been set on becoming a professional broom racer since she was a kid, basically, and is as obsessed with that as oliver is with quidditch --- if not more. like father, like daughter fjhsdgfhjs 

basically all her birthday and christmas wishes since then has been related to it, whether for broom polish or workout clothes or books on the matter, even sometimes wishing from brooms when a new version was released 

always makes sure to keep up with the latest news regarding anything from brooms to quidditch 

anytime one of her fathers went to diagon alley, she would hound them into bringing her so she could hang out in broomstix, overtime annoying the old owner into liking her LMAO, becoming something like the granddaughter he never had 

she worked there over summer and helps out a bit now during christmas break as well 

but yeah vera was sorted into gryffindor like .2 seconds after the sorting hat touched her head HFJSDGFJS she was so far from a headstall it’s ridiculous 

she takes after oliver a lot which i think is one of the first things ( and sometimes only if they don’t get to know her ) people notice about her --- she’s vivacious and loud and dramatic and incredibly competitive and is absolutely ridiculous, most of the time, especially when it comes for the lengths she’ll go to when it comes to broom racing. but she holds viktor’s kindness and loving nature at her core and she has quite a fixed 

definitely wouldn’t be wrong to call her a daredevil, one of the things she loves about broom racing is flying around obstacles and how wrong it can go if she’s not good enough gjhdsgfj 

has been in and out of both the hospital wing and st. mungo’s many, many times for a sixteen-year-old 

her whole family is very supportive of her dreams which she is So grateful for, partly because they just want to see her succeed and be happy but also to reduce the amount of injuries she gets hsdhjfgs viktor especially trains her a lot with his seeker experience in mind, a role which her older siblings took on when she started hogwarts 

that said, the wood-krum siblings are just as likely to encourage each other to get into trouble as to help each other so she ends up in trouble a lot hjsdghfj she Loves it tho all the professors probably think she is a pain in the ass, albeit a charming one

vera always tries to get around hogwarts by broomstick or longboard so like. rip in peace to the rest of hogwarts’ inhabitants bc the amount of detentions she gets doesn’t face her, she is set in her ways 

[tayegi]

Ahhhh I love how u ended chapter 11 of NR!!! I am SO here for OC calling jk out on his bullshit 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Anonymous said:Lu, I think this was my favourite chapter of new rules so far. This one really hit home for me – a similar thing happened to me before with a guy, said he liked me, but treated me like a walking vagina and then he turned round and got a girlfriend like I meant nothing. And this chapter really brought it back for me, you wrote it so well and the emotions feel very raw. I also love the friendship portrayal of Yerin and Mijoo, it's nice to see that chicks before dicks mentality in a fic for once :)

thotitup said:the new chapter of NR is amazing!!! I usually finish chapters needing a new one for closure/satisfaction but this one could be the ending and i would be just fine!! girl said what she had to say and went into the storm (metaphor for heartbreak and epiphany journey?) by herself like a BOSS ASS BITCH. Jk is cancelled until he grows up, nice work xxx

Anonymous said:Jeon jungkook really is a fucking coward. I was crying with oc the whole time. What I really respect about her though is her bravery to tackle on her problems headon. She's afraid but that didn't stop her from confessing her feelings and calling jungkook out, laying her feelings out there in a room full of frat boys. I would neverbe able to do that. She shows her strengths even in her weakest moments. She's definitely one of my fav oc in existence. Thank you for writing this!!

Anonymous said:being a lesbian really do be the best thing to ever happen to me bc men AINT IT ! love ur fic x amazing as always :)))uwu

Anonymous said:The OC spitting the truth in JK's face?? "You're not the relationship type ? "..." You love that shit." & the "It'd be easier to get over you"? I could've cried it was amazing I love her so much. And JK too but she is right. She doesn't have to endure all of his insecurities & unsolved issues. Sure he very probably have his reasons. But if he doesn't try to work on them with her, she doesn't have to suffer from it. She grew up a lot during the series. Thanks to him for a part. It's his turn now.

Anonymous said:A thing that I really wanted to tell you is how the O/C of New Rules pushed me to be more vocal and supportive to other women. I honestly think that she is a person to look up to. Although she has flaws (as other humans), I consider her a role model for what she does for other women. Thank you so much for this story. ⭐️

Anonymous said:BITCH IM SCREAMING U UPDATED NEW RULES !!!!! Ok I just finished reading and like..... damn..... ur mind.... the way you've fleshed out ur characters is so incredible you've spent so much time carving these characters like they're 3d yo also y/n is such a bad bitch !! She needs to listen to that vibe "I'm a bad bitch! U cant kill me!" This ask is all over the place but just know uh I love this story the characters the writing the dialogue & u obviously. Thank u for sharing ur talent w us kween 💖

Anonymous said:This chapter squeezed my heart so bad but I am SO happy that OC stood up for herself in the end I literally LOVED her speech especially about the toxic masculinity, im proud that she was able to speak out what she was feeling and hopefully it got through to jk who obviously has some emotional barrier or something, this whole chapter is so relevant to hookup culture and young relationships and ppl often don’t confront others with their feelings so this was rlly refreshing

Anonymous said:I LOVE NR!!! I just love the new chapter. Expecially the last part where the OC finally call jungkook out! You really are amazing Lu

Anonymous said:I love how multidimensional all of the characters in NR are holy shit. I could probably go in depth on a bunch of examples, but I think the OC stood out to me the most in this chapter. I've read fics about strong women before which is awesome but sometimes they're just like... unrealistically strong where they can immediately brush off their feelings. I'm SO HAPPY you write the OC where she's obviously affected by the rejection but realizes that she has to be there for Yerin and wow I love her

Anonymous said:when the oc barged into the frat house I was so proud of her like yes queen! tell them how disgusting toxic masculinity is! go go go ❤️ thank you so much for updating lu 💛

Anonymous said:i thought that the oc was brave because she confessed her feeling and we all know how much courage you have to muster to let yourself be so vulnerable BUT when she called out jungkook???? in front of those frat fuckbois????? that was so fucking bad ass, i really love her with all my heart because it doesn’t matter how much she’s hurting, she’s always showing a confident & strong facade

lovemusicn1d said:Luuuu, I love the fact that the main character is subjected to the idea of "grow up and get your shit together" for having what I personally think is a normal reaction to being treated the way she was by Jungkook, whereas at the end she grabs the situation at hand and flings it back into the depths of hell where it belongs because fuck the idea that emotions are weak and THANK YOU for having her confront that issue and making it so she doesn't let herself be shamed for what she feels altogether.

Anonymous said:hi! thank you for updating us with such an empowering & strong chapter of new rules!!! i immediately told all my friends that u updated and was always amazed by ur characterization of the oc!!! she is such a boss i love ur work it really inspired me a lot thank you

Anonymous said:thanks for ch 11!! short but intense! i thought this chapter would make me feel sad in a way due to jungkook's actions, but instead it ended with me feeling empowered lmfao!!! rooting for the oc and how she stuck up for herself! i loved the part about the discord between giving and receiving love and toxic masculinity. it's something society still struggles with today ugh.

Anonymous said:Chapter 11 is my favorite of the story so far!!! So many things happened in one chapter aaahhhh. Go OC! Hit him with the truth!!! As what Red Velvet says "Shot another bad boy down."

bangtan-sai said:OC from the new chapter of new rules is incredibly brave! She confessed and didn't try to backtrack. Even when Jungkook avoided her she continued to try to talk to him. She called him out in front of all those people. She may have found it difficult to do these things but she still found the courage to do them and I think that's amazing 💖

Anonymous said:Chap 11 made me feel things and i really do admire the oc a lot after this chapter. I love that she stood up for herself when jk was trying to make her feel like it was a one-sided r/s. The way he reacted to her confession was uncalled for, and it was very brave of the oc to call him out for being a coward and pushing her away. It certainly wasn't easy given how his friends were "mocking" her towards the end and the fact that she held her head high makes me want to root for her even more!!💖 💖

taetata95 said:I feel so like !!!! idk like I’ve been waiting for oc to kick jungkooks ass and THE WAY SHE STORMED IN THERE I LOVED IT I’ve been meaning to message you about new rules I love it it breaks my heart ngl the way she thinks about herself but I want to see oc kick some ass and IM BASICALLY READING IT FOR OC I LOV HER

Anonymous said:YES GO GIRL JUST GET OVER THAT LIL SHIT. YOU DESERVE BETTER. men and their toxic masculinity can fuck off srsly ugh

Anonymous said:I finally got to reading ch 12 of NR tonight and ended up in tears at the last scene when oc stands up to jungkook in front of all his other frat brothers. Telling them they’re a bunch of children that clings to their toxic masculinity, that was really cool of her and i wish i could be as courageous. i’ve always been proud of NR oc but i love her even more!

Anonymous said:“Because it’ll be so easy getting over you.” Yaaaaaasss girl throw it in his face. This line made me want to both cry from the angst and jump up and down cheering OC on for her confidence. I know people are sad about them ending, but I'm excited for the next part of this fic. Jungkook really has been an asshat so I'm happy OC finally realized his issues and confronted him.

LAKSDJFLSDFJ this makes me so happy!!! there is nothing i love more than girls supporting girls

and this esp makes me happy bc i have been planning this exact confrontation scene since like sept 2017 and was so nervous about it! in fact, the last line “it’ll be so easy getting over you” was prob the one thing that inspired me to write this entire, enormous, monstrous fic in the first place. so im so relieved that it’s out there and more importantly, that you guys have related to it so much klasdjf you guys are the best and i love you all

[gocatboygo]

1-50 for Rosa

I’m Love You.

1) What is your OC’s favorite color?

maybe red? could also be brown, but like probably red

2) Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect?

bad christian romance novels from pre-war. cass gives her most of them. twilight is included in this but its by no means her favorite like she thought it was just ok

3) What kind of things is your OC allergic to?

nothing comes to mind

4) What kind of clothing does your OC wear?

in public she almost always wears a mask, usually either the legion recruit mask or the ncr ranger mask. also construction gloves. spends most of the beginning of the game in a sherrif’s duster & then from there she just wears whatever covers most of her and supports her gear, if it’s really hot out she’ll wear the wasteland surgeon armor

5) What is your OC’s first memory?

she still has her memories from before the bullet so probably something from her childhood

6) What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite?

she really fucking loves horses. like she’s a Horse Girl TM. least favorite is like,, djfdsfjs cazadores idfk

7) What element would your OC be?

definitely earth!

8) What is your OC’s theme song? 

probably a mitski song lmfao. either that or everybody wants to rule the world by tears for fears

8) Do you have a faceclaim/voiceclaim for your OC?

bold of you to assume i have anything for this oc / i just realized i fucked up the numbering here so enjoy that sdkfjdsk

9) What deadly sin would best represent your OC?

after she gets pretty deep into the game, maybe after the sierra madre? greed. i can see her going a little out of control after she has to give all that gold up (even though she could bring 1 bar back bc She Big) and just kind of. taking everything

10) What are your OC’s hobbies?

she’s a courier at heart so delivering packages dsjkflsjdw. farming, solitaire, reading those bad novels i previously mentioned, knitting, gecko hunting… watching holotape movies on her pipboy… getting terminally bored and taking med-x ksdjfkds

11) How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they?

she’s fairly patient, the only time she really gets hot-headed is at fortification hill when she goes to meet with lanius (caesar dies of his cancer p early in her canon). also probably at the tops, she doesnt like bein in there

12) What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race / species / etc.?

cis woman / bi / mexican / human / etc.

13) What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods?

uhh she learned how to cook from home-grown ingredients and in lasting bulk so she mostly eats stew and potatoes. every time she goes to freeside she gets that “mystery meat” from the stand in front of the gate despite the fact that its transparently radroach meat. she doesnt like the meat from the ultraluxe (even before she finds out it might be people, its fancy and garnished and she dont trust like that) but she loves their brahmin cheesecakes so she like, settles kdsjfksd

14) If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why?

rex. rex. rex. rex. r (she also has like 2 brahmin at some point ksdjfksdf)

15) What does your OC smell like? 

that’s ! a wildin question huh! probably gunpowder and old leather 

16) How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job?

she works for house, owns a small farm (after a while, in spring of 2282), and does various quests around the mojave for money. she was a courier for 8-9 years and she loved it, so id say thats her ideal job, but she’s past it. she’s very happy with where she is in all 3 of those jobs !

17) What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths?

her biggest fears would probably be claustrophobia and getting buried alive (because benny). she has nightmares abt it, like 2 the point where every so often she wakes up and just Has A Good Sob. she has very low charisma (1) and very high endurance (9), her strength is also pretty good

18) What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song?

she thinks truly madly deeply by cascada is the best love song ever written. she also listens to radio new vegas & a holotape cass gave her that’s mostly feminist anthems from the 20th century and 2 instances of mad about the boy

19) If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do?

oh god she would fucking hate the pre-war world. she would probably just go find a horse tbh sdfjsdkf what else is there to do! 

20) What personal problems/issues do they have? Pet peeves?

she has brain damage from the bullet. it didnt affect her intelligence or (for the most part) her memory, but she does have, like. chronic headaches, brain fog, dizzy spells, things like that. like i said before, she also has nightmares & claustrophobia from the same incident. as for pet peeves, she hates people who talk a lot without saying anything or try to sound smart for no reason. she has no problem with talkers as long as they like,, Say Something dsfdksfj

21) What kind of student were they/would they be in high school?

she grew up in a very small (very catholic) village, so im not sure if she exactly went to high school?? but she did attend school. she was sort of a loner, she had a single mother w no siblings & shes like 6 feet tall so both of those things made her a little bit outcast ksdjfksd. i mean she. She Was A Horse Girl what else do i have to say

22) What is a random fact about your OC? 

god i dont know!! uh… oh omg she thinks astrology is something vulpes made up and when she hears arcade talking about it she out of bodies

23) What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living?

rosa’s a very simple person, she mostly just wants a good life for herself. stable work and a stable life make her happy. a lot of her philosophy throughout the game is based on the fact that she’ll do (almost) whatever her employer asks her to, thus her being a house courier. most of her relationships are based almost entirely on trust, which is another major philosophy of hers 

24) What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them?

honestly??? i read so many fics (especially f!courier/vulpes) where the courier was a Relateable Pretty Girl TM that i probably just wanted to make a female courier who had actual substance and weight. rosa is married to (ex-legion) vulpes so she rlly does largely serve to subvert the genre in fnv fic

25) Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why?

i mean. her husband probably skdfjkdfs. she’s been travelling with vulpes for a long time and she’s had to put her life in his hands a lot of times because of that, so he’s grown to be very important to her. mr house is a close runner up. i hate to say this but arcade is probably her least Impactful TM companion skjfdkds she barely travels w him 

26) What kind of childhood did your character have?

i say some of this in the other questions but like heres all of her backstory in one i guess kdsjfsd. rosa was raised in small catholic village somewhere outside nevada, i havent decided on what state its in bc im fucking dumb as hell. her family (like great grandmother type shit not her personally) & a few others came up from mexico years ago to get away from raiders, made a village and Kabaam. her mother had her, and then a second baby who was stillborn, and her father disappeared a few months after this happened. her mother raised her there until she was 20 and she signed on with the mojave express as a courier in an attempt to get out of her village and find Something To Do With Herself TM. she was a little outcast growing up, not totally isolated but certainly not very popular, and it caused her to be a very independent person later in life.

27) What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions?

she fidgets sometimes but i wouldn’t say she stims. clenches her fists when she’s nervous. she likes to smoke and chew tobacco (especially when she’s stressed out) but it’s only a minor addiction

28) If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose?

honestly?? “Forgive Me Mama” bc that’s what it says on her helmet sfjdsfhd

29) Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why?

apparently bc she fuckin did! she wants stability and someone to take care of her, and she likes the idea of being a unit with someone a lot more than she likes the idea of just dating them, so i guess thats how vulpes Happened ™. she actually can’t have kids bc she got irradiated pretty bad while she was looting searchlight :/ but she doesn’t want kids because 1) she’s travelling a lot for her work and 2) she doesn’t want to have to shape her life around a child. god knows vulpes cant interact w children, but he still wants them in theory because he wants a legacy

30) What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory?

ring-a-ding-ding! it’s getting shot. her favorite memory is probably either like, easter when she was a child, or some time she swam in a river with vulpes, she’s fuckin basic

31) If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be?

a horse. i wanted to answer this differently but it really is just a horse

32) Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why? 

she’s killed! if she’s provoked or if her employer asks her to, she will absolutely kill someone. destroying the bos bunker was hard for her though :/ i like to pretend she didnt do it even though shes house ksdjfklsdhg

33) What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?

maybe its just the fact that its 2am and i have poor reading comprehension but i have no fucking clue what this means

34) How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?

her imagination is pretty good! i wouldnt call it excellent but it’s pretty good. she usually only daydreams before she falls asleep or gets up in the morning (or if she’s just like rlly chilled out skdfjds). she doesn’t worry much.

35) What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?

i have no idea how to answer this one, which is a tragedy. maybe ill come back and answer it someday lmao

36) What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do?

The House Always Wins I-VIII

37) What would your character do with a million dollars? 

in all seriousness she’d probably just stop having any financial restraint and start buying whatever she wants whenever it comes to mind. also she’d buy vulpes like 100,000 gambling chips from gomorrah and tell him to lose his mind skdfhjldksg

38) What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On their bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can?

fridge at her farmhouse: vegetables, gecko meat, some seasonings, leftovers, beans, cram / fridge at the 38: An Entire Pot Of Stew ™, leftover tops restaurant takeout, a cheesecake, crispy squirrel bits, a post-it note from veronica saying they’re out of shampoo / bedroom floor: ;) / garbage can: empty cans, vulpes, plastic wrappers

39) Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with?

first thing that came to mind was to gomorrah, in her Fancy Riot Gear and ranger’s helmet, with raul. no idea why but like have a fun night bb sdkfjdslkf

40) What does your character do when they’re angry? Why?

depends on why she’s angry, but usually she’ll either start ranting at whoever she’s mad at (which never lasts long) or just go silent and tense up. she’ll also grumble. i mentioned this before but fortification hill was probably the only time she was so mad she was just yelling at everyone skfjkdsf

41) Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from? 

she has a lot of scars! the most visible one is a cobweb-shaped scar on her forehead from when benny shot her. she also has another less prominent scar on the side of her face from Some Shit. various scars on her torso and arms from various sources, another bullet scar on her arm from raiders, maybe more. there’s a particularly bad scar across her ribs from being slashed w a knife (raiders again)

42) What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said?

she hates the irish

43) How does your character react/ accept criticism?

i dont know if she really cares? shes still a little bitter abt some insults she took as a kid but like arent we all. it makes her more angry than insecure

44) If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza?

under normal circumstances, she’d throw it in the fucking trash. if she HAD to eat it she’d be fine skjfsd she just wouldnt like it

45) Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works?

yeah, she probably puts a needle in its shoulder or something to see if it works. shes so used to being end 9 she doesnt consider the fact that She Will Lose Her Shoulder

46) Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle?

she can’t draw slkdfjsd. she probably has like… some warrior cats type drawings from when she was a kid and thats it

47) What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult?

her father dipped when she was maybe 1-2 years old, a few months after her brother was stillborn.

48) Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush?

she likes a little bit of candy, mostly lollipops. i cant see her getting a sugar rush

(i know i fucked up the numbering) 50) If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count?

this,, could actually very easily happen because of her brain damage, ive explored that concept before. she would probably spend a lot of time alone or with the people she’s closest to reflecting on her life and trying to die in peace. if she had enough time she’d go see her mother again, but it’s still unlikely

————

jesus fucking christ thats long, rip mobile users. tysm for sending me this!! i didnt realize how much 50 questions was dksjfkds. yall can keep sending me these (like 1-10 at a time skdfjdg) for other couriers if you want but like i understand if ur tired of hearing me Fucking Talk after this

[brokenhayatim]

exhale

idk how long this is gonna be but it goes a little something like this. you ever been so afraid of failing that you just procrastinate and avoid for so long? each day you tell yourself you’ll finally suck it up and push through but the fear and anxiety are almost so paralyzing you don’t even wanna go near the task.

i’s just been months..like maybe even five at this rate. i tell myself to start the clock the day i graduated but i know the truth. the last year-ish was my idkwhatimdoingwithmylifeohmygod era and i just thought i passed it with a bit more advice and options. but it’s like it was all almost pretty bubbles and they just popped so long ago that i’m lost and confused and afraid and nervous and all of that is so ridiculous, it embarrasses me. i’m not really that lazy but i say it to try and explain alot, i think. or i say that i’m just relaxing or something, when i know everyday my thoughts are always on this same thing and never being good enough to get through the rut. it wasnt till i was on a walk, voice memo-ing a friend and the anxiety just peeked through a bit and i was hearing my own thoughts aloud like ....thats true? and i’m told to not be afraid and to just let whatever happens happen if it’s best for me and i know that but i also dont?

everyday i constantly think about deleting every single social media app i’m on bc i feel this heavy weight of uselessness and incompetence. why couldn’t i have learned things like this person or been more out there like that person?what’s wrong with me? and i begin to rationalize it with my childhood and how i was raised and it never is fulfilling. it’s constantly not enough, nothing about me is. i’m not creative at all and what i can do, so many can do better and so why would anyone actually pick me? even the things and issues i’m passionate about, what do i really know? even my knowledge seems so below average and it’s confusing and stressful. i feel like if someone asked me a question about anything right now that i’ve just forgotten everything important and couldn’t even articulate a proper response. and i wanted to be an activist??? since i have to interview for jobs online now bc the pandemic it’s made me so nervous. i feel most in my element during in person interviews and i say that as someone that’s also awkward and nervous in the room. but i’m more anxious of the constant string of rejections i know i’m gonna receive now bc i can barely speak english and there’s nothing special about me at all. at least in person, i can smile and make it less weird. and i connect so much better that way, which loosens me up .000009% more. it’s really babyish i guess bc everyone is adjusting and i’m just not. and i thought i was with everything but i guess i really wasnt. and coming home everytime makes me fall back into this person i dont like ad i get so sluggish (my sister says its the trauma) and i dont know bc one day she’s waking up in florida and being a good semi productive human and the next she’s back in new york and its many low days and nerves. honestly the way this house sucks the life out of me, i dont even think i’d be good at any remote job. it’s kinda the reason half my brain is pushing the dead part bc i want to leave. be more self-sufficient and alone again. but where and how, you know? obvs im gonna need a job for that. it’s just this domino effect and i’m scared to push the first one and it’s annoying and i hate it goddaammit.  the moment i came home, i just have always felt unworthy and other to my family. like they don;t care, like they’re not proud, like i’ve done nothing these past years and that’s my fault for not being an open book like the rest.

i’m gonna have to edit this bc i will not remember 87 months worth of pandemic thoughts into this post right now but. i tell myself i came home and decided to take a break for a bit, or focused on my health and appointments, but really..i dont know. i think i say it to justify all these hollow days of disappointment, which it never does. i’m afraid to ask for help or even a nice job recommendation from my last employer bc all i can think about is that it’s been months and what have i been doing this whole time? and i think they’ll ask that or think ??? now ??? and i get in my head. i know its not illogical and the worst anyone can say is no and yada yada but ugh this is why i hate my mind and just overthinking ... or not thinking?? who knows. i’m constantly letting myself down but .., i dont want anyone to know that. does that make sense. maybe i have this need to be superficial and make my life seem so nice and good and right bc i never see myself as that and i worry of people’s opinions and crave affirmations. 

the first appt i had coming home was my neurosurgeon one and my dad and him sort of just had this rushed timeline in their heads of how i would go into the ER one day soon and bam its done. i didnt wanna think about that so i tried to focus on my job stuff .. then got stressed so i just started scheduling the appointments i needed. then stopped and did more work stuff. then the secretary called me like ???? u havent done these exams yet and i was like yeah uhhh. bc when i do them it’s one step closer to doing the surgery and i know i want the surgery i’m just getting in my head again and don’t want it to be now. my sister told me to make sure i let her know when i choose a date and i was like mhm i wanna finish the job stuff and get my life sorted first and she was just ???? what ?? this is clearly more important. but here’s the kicker. i went on a walk the other day and just cried coming to terms with it all bc honestly i still dream of not making it out alive and a part of me thinks, at least if i did this one thing right and found a job and all that, that it would okay what happens next. like at least i was successful in that one thing. i think about how unworthy and unproud i am of myself and for months now, just felt like this would be a beautifully cowardice way out. and i think about the after, and cant even imagine strong devastation and sorrow. is that strange? like i expect everyone to just go on. bc i’m a simple buffer with no real purpose left. i walk and think about dreams and hopes and what i would miss and just one thing that make me call this entire fantasy completely insane and i just draw blank. so i cry because, of course. this fantasy isn’t new either, since last year i’ve been speaking to my therapist and writing about it. we would speak of suicide and i always respond like that’s a huge no bc of my religion but i say, i think about if something went wrong and that was it, how i want it to be like that. take the pressure, take the blame, take it all off me in a way. and some days i’m scared that i’ll wake up in the hospital bed after and be in pain and coddled and annoyed by the attention i’m only getting bc of that pain. and i dont want you to be here just because of the pain but i feel like you’re here only because of that. that you came, that you’re seeing me, that you care only because of it. so what am i without it? just back to nothing? the headaches were lonely but i feel less lonely with this diagnosis, like i have something good about me, worthy about me. something that makes me important to someone, even if it’s the neurologist that wants my money. to be real, i dont even think i care about the pain leaving as much as the fact that i can’t label myself as this person with chronic pain. like even if i was cured and oo lala all better, a part of me would still want to have this neuro condition. like ?? i was thinking: imagine beating cancer and feeling better but wanting to say .. and then realized the key difference. with that you survive, you are survivor. even if it’s gone that who you are. when this leaves me, i’m nothing and i’ll just go back to being nothing. no one says u survived brain surgery or survived a brain condition. it’s just done and forgotten. there’s nothing exciting about my life other than my mri visits i swear. i decided to do the surgery bc it would be stupid of me not to, and i’m still holding back, still unsure of even a set month. i just know i didnt want to follow covid rules of 1 visitor bc i know it would be one of my parents and i would jump out the window myself. but covid isnt rlly going away so is that the best excuse i have? i havent thought past these appointments and its almost like im doing it all for the wrong reasons, like enjoying it rather than wanting it to help me. i dont know.

unrelated but a song that always makes me cry and is actually the song i was listening to when i had that panic attack on the plane: finally by james arthur around 2:30. always brings out the hollowness in me hm.

**** i’m coming back to this but i got all my plaguing thoughts outish so

[goodnightmoonvale]

92 truths tag

RULES: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. at the end choose 25 people to be tagged.

Tagged by @radio-charlie . . . sort of

LAST:

drink: water

phone call: idk, I don't answer my phone

text message: to my husband to tell him I was on the way home from work

song you listened to:  There's A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet by Panic! At The Disco

time you cried: Tuesday at my therapy appointment

HAVE YOU EVER:

dated someone twice: no

been cheated on: probably. Given that I didn't realize what was probably happening until we were already broken up, I'll likely never know for sure

lost someone special: no one I love has died yet. I'm worried I'm not going to deal with it well when it finally does happen

been depressed: oh yeah

been drunk and thrown up: nope! I've never even been drunk, lmao

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

made a new friend: yes? I hope some of my Discord peeps would count me as a friend . . . 

fallen out of love: nope

laughed until you cried: I honestly don't remember. Probably. I get giggly when I'm tired and I've been tired a lot this past year

met someone who changed you: yeah, I mean every friend you make changes you a little, right?

found out who your true friends are: I honestly don't really label someone as a friend unless I am pretty sure I can call them a true friend for the most part

found out someone was talking about you : no, I am usually completely clueless if people are talking about me

GENERAL:

how many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: Uh, well, there is exactly 1 person I follow on Tumblr who I went to high school with, but she doesn't know it's me (it's not weird; she's a semi-popular comic strip artist and lots of people follow her) Otherwise I keep my Tumblr pretty separate from my real life

do you have any pets?: nope, our apartment doesn't allow them and also my husband doesn't really like animals 

do you want to change your name?: Naw, my name is fine

what time did you wake up this morning: 6:30am

what were you doing last night: eating, putting the kids to bed, working on more work stuff, doing the dishes, staying up late for no reason

name something you cannot wait for: spring, I'm getting pretty sick of this Seasonal Affective Disorder shit, yo

have you ever talked to a person named tom?: Yep, one of my friends in highschool was named Tom. He was very tall and big and had a loud voice and played Gaston in Beauty and the Beast (but was actually one of the nicest guys I knew)

what’s getting on your nerves right now: my back/neck has been tense for like 3 days and it keeps giving me a headache

blood type: uh forgot, A+ maybe?

nickname: "Orenijūsu" by my dad when I was a kid, "Spiderman", "La Reine", and "Butterfingers", all by a particularly nickname-prone supervisor in college, "Moon" and "Moonie" by my Discord peeps. I don't have an actual nickname that someone calls me on a regular basis anymore (tbh my real name is fairly hard to nickname especially since I got married and changed my last name)

relationship status: married

zodiac sign: Scorpio

pronouns: she/her, they/them

favorite show: Mythbusters

college: Brigham Young University, aka BYU

hair color: brown and hot pink atm. Need to bleach the rest of it and dye it purple again.

do you have a crush on someone: nope

what do you like about yourself: my singing voice. 

FIRSTS:

first surgery: wisdom teeth (yeah, they put me all the way out because they had to chip my wisdom teeth out in little tiny pieces)

first piercing: the normal earlobes ones

first sport you joined: softball

first vacation: uh . . . I think we went to Disneyworld when I was 3 and don't remember; idk if that counts as a first vacation or not though

first pair of sneakers: literally no idea

RIGHT NOW:

eating: shredded wheat

drinking: the milk out of the bowl

i’m about to: take a shower and go to work

listening to: Effington by Ben Folds

want kids: yep! Got me some :) I'll probably have another one in a few years

get married: already am :)

career: marketing

WHICH IS BETTER:

lips or eyes: both are good ;)

hugs or kisses: hugs! You can get them from more people

shorter or taller: idk, I'm fairly short so not many guys are shorter than me 

older or younger: around my age? Not too much younger for sure, a couple years younger and everyone starts seeming like a baby. But I feel like dating someone too much older would be weird

romantic or spontaneous: are those opposites?

sensitive or loud: sensitive. Loud people make me nervous bc my family is fairly quiet

hookup or relationship : relationship

troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant. I'm kind of terrified of getting in trouble, I don't want the person I'm with to rachet up my anxiety

HAVE YOU EVER:

kissed a stranger: mmmmm, nope

drank hard liquor: nope

lost contacts/glasses: no, don't wear 'em

sex on first date: nope

broken someone’s heart: unfortunately. I was just out of a serious relationship and not looking for anything too serious and he sprung "I love you" on me like 3 days after we kissed for the first time. In retrospect it was probably good I got out but I did it in the most dickish way possible, so that's still one of those things that I think about at 3am when my brain is showing me a movie of all the awful and awkward things I've ever done in my life

been arrested: nope

turned someone down: see above

fallen for a friend: yes - was friends with my husband for a couple years before I realized I liked him

DO YOU BELIEVE:

in yourself: depends on what I'm doing, I suppose

miracles: theoretically yes. have I seen any in my own life? Not sure

love at first sight: attraction, yes, love, no

I don't think I have 25 individual people to tag in this so if you read this consider yourself tagged (seriously I would love reading your responses if you want to do this but I hate pressuring ppl into stuff and this is super long so only do it if you want to. But tag me if you do so I see it!)

[agirlnamedally]

Allyyyy I start hsc on Monday and I'm supppppeeer nervous. I have been studying a lot but ofc enjoying my time with everyone at the library and talking etc. I'm stressing about my atar bc I really want to get in to social work bc I really wanna help people :((((( I wanna do psych but it's 99!!!!!

My tips for anyone starting Year 12/HSC/Senior Year:

Know that it’s perfectly normal to be nervous! I’m pretty sure I was scared to start VCE from Year 7 onwards, it always seemed like this giant, scary, looming monster that would destroy my happiness and suck out my soul like a dementor. Mostly, I just assumed I would have no free time, wouldn’t be able to keep up with the workload, and would fail absolutely everything.

Then, something funny happened. Year 11 came around and I realised… nothing had changed. The work might have been harder, but I had done the required training (aka Years 7-10) and was fully equipped with the skills to handle it. The transition from Year 10 to Year 11, and then again from 11 to 12, is really not that significant or scary! Your workload might increase a tiny bit, because (and in hindsight now I can look back and 100% support this) practice really does make perfect. Teachers don’t make you write 100 essays because they hate you and want you to be miserable or have no social life, it’s because they want you to be a good writer, but more than that, they know that the more essays you write, the easier it will be for you to write one come exam time. It will be less stressful, less terrifying and so much simpler to just regurgitate a piece of writing you’ve practically memorised because you’ve ingrained it into your memory throughout the year. That’s just an example for say English or Literature, but I think the same thing applies for all subjects, no matter how you’re tested. Practice makes perfect. Or at least, practice makes progress, haha.

Now, ATARs. Those finicky little bastards. I’m not going to tell you to forget about it, because I know that when I was in the midst of VCE it was always on my mind. I even had older kids, who had already graduated, constantly telling me how insignificant it was and that it wouldn’t matter one year from now, but I didn’t believe any of that. Now, looking back, I know that they were right. In terms of measuring your intelligence or potential for future career success, ATARs mean nothing. No matter what score you get, I promise you, you can go on and be anything you want to be in life. There will always be obstacles and challenges between you and your dreams, but if you want something and you’re willing to work hard and be nice to others, nothing can stop you. The only difference an ATAR can make is the journey and how you go about it. The only thing an ATAR determines is which course you might do. You might have your heart set on a dream course with a super high ATAR. If you want to shoot for that, go for it! Just know that if your number is lower, there are still ways to pursue it. You can take a gap year, travel, discover the world and find out who you are, uncover your passions, gain some experience. Do a TAFE course, start somewhere else, transfer. Defer it, reject it, volunteer somewhere, change your entire perspective on life, completely change directions. You still have the choice. Unis will often accept someone who didn’t get a first or second round offer initially as a mid-year enrolment, or you could do a semester or two somewhere else and then jump across and hopefully they’ll let you keep those credits under your belt. You may not even want to go to uni! There are many many options and paths you can take, don’t let a number limit or define your future.

Personally, I knew I wanted to further my education but wasn’t entirely set on any particular existing occupation. I knew my two favourite subjects were Psychology and Health and Human Development, but that I also enjoyed writing for English, so I could envision myself happily doing something that encompassed those things. For me, an Arts degree was the perfect choice because it allows you to dip your toes into many different areas of study, test the waters of various fields before arriving at a favourite – your major. The course I most had my heart set on had a pretty high entry score, one which I actually thought I had no possible chance of achieving, but I set it as my goal anyway because as I was so undecided, I didn’t want to ‘limit myself’ (typical Year 12 brain thinking). It worked out wonderfully for me, somehow I found the drive and ended up doing a lot better than I’d expected, really surprising myself (and probably everyone else) and guaranteeing a spot in the course. However, I wholeheartedly believe that had I not achieved the score I did, had I gone to a different university or course, or even taken some time off from studying, I would be just as happy. I would have found another way to continue learning, whether it be by sitting in a lecture theatre or travelling to see it myself. I could have enrolled in a different course, disappointed in myself and thinking it was only temporary, and ended up LOVING it. Maybe even more than this course! Who knows? These are the kinds of ‘what if’s and ‘maybe’s that make my brain want to explode. Being a human can be exhausting.

Whether you have a goal course you’re hoping to get entry for, a dream uni, hopes of studying abroad, a plan to defer for a year or no desire to study at all – but they’re all okay and all achievable! No matter what it is you want in life, there are ways to get there. Not just one, but limitless varying courses of action you can follow. One might be more direct, but it might also be more boring, or less challenging. It might grow you less as a person, or prevent you from meeting some really interesting people that another path will introduce you to.

Year 12 is an awesome time. It can be stressful, overwhelming, demanding, sleepless. It can invoke self-doubt, nostalgia, fear of plummeting into the depths of the unknown (your future) and leaving behind the safety and security of routine (your past). However, it can also be rewarding, exciting, bonding, enriching, growing and deliriously fun. I say delirious because there will definitely be times when you and your friends are so overcome with work and anxiety that you just have to laugh. Misery loves company and Year 12 is proof of that. Study dates are perfect for simultaneously motivating each other and collectively crying into the bowl of chocolate you just devoured. I’m probably not painting the best picture here, but seriously, it can be a terrific time.

If I could give you one piece of advice for entering VCE, it’s to maintain a balance. Balance in life is the key here, because otherwise you will either burn out from too much studying, fall behind from not enough, get sick from not taking care of yourself, or something else just as un-fun. When you’re studying, dedicate proportionate amounts of time or energy to subjects depending on their current level of significance. If possible, do assignments as soon as you get them, but prioritise the ones that are due first or worth the most. More importantly, ensure you have balance throughout your whole life, holistically. It’s just as important to take care of your mental, social and physical well-being as it is to reach your education goals. Make the time to keep active, even if it seems like there is none. I can’t even tell you how beneficial it is to get outside, clear your head and get your heart rate up. Endorphins are your best friend and a powerful stress-buster, so keep a pair of runners at the ready. If you’re not a fan of solo workouts, can’t stay motivated or simply don’t enjoy it, I highly recommend joining a team sport! In fact, I recommend this for everyone, because it’s beneficial to your mental, social and physical health. All at once. Plus there’s the accountability factor – you can’t just skip the workout or hit snooze when you don’t feel like it  - you made a commitment and your teammates are counting on you! Honestly being a part of a group like that will make you feel so needed or wanted, and it’s great to make new friends or connect with like-minded people. SPORT RULES. Taking care of your physical health also means nourishing your body with the right foods, getting enough sleep and drinking plenty of water – all the basics. Back to balance – it’s also essential to dedicate time to doing things just for you. Bubble baths are a great choice, there’s also reading, meditation, getting a massage or mani-pedi, having a movie night, seeing a friend, anything that makes you feel relaxed, happy and at peace. These are the things that keep you going! Imagine a pie chat, split into 3 sections. One section is school and schoolwork, one is health and fitness, and the last is dedicated to me-time or fun activities. The three sections represent mental, physical and social wellbeing = all equally important and necessary for not only success, but holistic health in general. If you’re feeling stressed out, look at which of the three sections might be out of balance. Are you not getting enough sleep? Have too much on your plate? Need some alone time? Not fuelling your brain and body with enough or the right nutrition? Try to keep these things in check and remind yourself that they’re all significant and deserving of your attention.

Most of all, know that VCE is completely unique to your own experience. Like karma, you will get out only what you put in. You can make it an easy time, just for socialising and blowing off class, you can dedicate 110% of yourself to studying every waking hour, never lose a mark and never see anyone else, OR you can have the best of both worlds and strike that beautiful, sweet balance.

Decide what your own goals are. Make your own rules. Ask yourself what motivates you, and then go after it. Use this time to challenge yourself, grow as a person and exceed any expectations, limitations or barriers that have been set by anyone – including and especially yourself. It’s an exciting time that you should definitely make the most of, because it will be over before you know it. I know it’s hard, but try to forget about ATARs, or at least diminish the all-mighty power and holy-grail presence that it can take. It’s just a number. If you try your best, that’s all you need to do. I have complete faith in you anon, 

YOU CAN DO IT :D

[linkspooky]

with all the backlash mutsuki got after rue island bc of his trauma and obsession i wonder if there will be a similar reaction to hairu once she gets back. Being revived must be one hell of a trauma and learning arima's fate should be enough to make her go in a rampage against kaneki (though hairu once a more popular character so maybe she will be seen in the same way seidou was)

I’m almost positive that the fan reception to Hairu will be totally different than Mutsuki. 

I could use Furuta as an example but Furuta seems more of a fifty fifty character with people so let’s go with Ui instead. 

Ui demonstrates the same kind of “I can’t stop, this is the only thing that will make me happy” obsessive behavior, and possessiveness over an individual who did not feel the same way about them.

I cannot stress this enough, as sympathetic as Ui’s willingness to plunge himself into total darkness for the small chance of seeing the person he loves again might be: 

Hairu did not love him back. 

This is important because Ui is obviously reviving Hairu with the expectation that Hairu in some way might satiate his loneliness. He’s using her, pretty much the same way that Mutsuki intends to use Sasaki. 

Both of them are just using the other as someone to fight for, someone to give them a sense of purpose and security, and also the imagined idea that they were loved. They both want to impossibly return themselves to their own rose filtered idea of the past .

Ui wants to go back to the old CCG where they were heroes of justice and did not suffer such horrible losses in oeprations, Mutsuki wants to go back to the old Quinx squad when they were a closely knit family not dealing with any loss. 

Mutsuki lost two people though, Shirazu and Sasaki, while Ui lost for, Hairu, Take, Arima, and Sasaki. However, the two of them only choose to obsess over one single lost person and deluding themselves into having much greater feelings for the other than they originally did, because this makes the loss easier for them to deal with in a way. 

“Everything would be okay if Sasaki came back.” “Everything would be okay if Hairu came back.”

Accepting that kind of simplified reality is a lie they tell themselves to make dealing with the current harsh reality easier, by almost avoiding it entirely. 

Honestly, to me Ui’s actions read as even more possessive. Mutsuki seems to just want to murder Sasaki, then maybe talk to the corpse?? 114 was weird let’s not get into that. 

Ui is not only disturbing Hairu’s peaceful death, but he’s giving the okay for a man like Kanou to experiment on her (look what he did to Seidou), and he’s injecting her with a ghoul’s kagune making her into a half ghoul Oggai. Which means Hairu will effectively become internally in her own body something she has been trained to hate her entire life as a garden child. Considering the instability of the Oggai surgery, Hairu might be forced to eat human meat too. 

It’s on a level worse than just stabbing her a whole bunch of times. It’s bringing her back from the dead without permission, and then changing her biological makeup into something of that she hates.

In fact it reminds me a lot of what Frankenstein’s monster wanted in Frankenstein, and begged Viktor to creat for him. Another female monster in order to soothe his own loneliness. That the monster after monologueing for so long about how wretched his existence is, could be so self absorbed as to not realize how horrible it would be to bring another monster into existence to deal with the same horrible existential questions he has to deal with… for the sole purpose of being created to love him with the implication that the being does not have a choice in the matter because the reason she was made was just to love him.

Anyway, all of that negativity and his sudden turn away from the hero of justice he once was is read as a natural fall for Ui’s character. However, for Mutsuki it’s always read as a sudden swerve and “Ishida not knowing what he’s doing anymore” with his writing. 

Which is just weird to me. Yes, there is a lot of uncomfortable implications of Mutsuki’s character, and it’s not at all progressive. If you hate Mutsuki’s character writing on those grounds you have every right to. 

It’s just I personally never read it as coming out of nowhere? It makes sense as a logical progression? 

I think part of the bias stems from (1) a fandom bias that has an inability to see Kaneki’s own actions in the wrong light and (2) a misunderstanding of Mutsuki’s original arc. 

People argue that Mutsuki’s violence comes from nowhere, but to me from the start Mutsuki was always the Q who cared the least about ghouls. I always saw Mutsuki’s growing confidence also growing in his ability to kill ghouls as a negative development. 

Entirely because of the second half of that sentence, Mutsuki was not really dealing with their internal issues, he was just simply learning how to fight better. Any confidence he gained at the behest of killing ghouls, was never going to be true confidence. I read that from the start of the manga, Mutsuki felt almost nothing about killing ghouls. He was compared to Suzuya of all people, and of the four he was the most fearful and nervous around the monstrous quality of ghouls. 

It goes along with the kind of illusion that the audience is told at the beginning of :Re. That things are much simpler, the only ghouls we really see in action are the Aogiri ghouls, or obscenely wealthy ones like the Tsukiyamas who attend auctions. We see none of the innocent ghouls who get dragged along like in the Rabbit case. Peaceful organizations like :Re are completely out of focus. The CCG are heroes of justice protecting their comrades and fighting ghouls, and ghouls are almost always terrible weird murderers, (Torso, Nutcracker, etc.). The cracks in this narrative did not really start showing up until the end of the Rose arc, when the CCG continued to pursue the Tsukiyamas because their message of total extermination meant they could not even let one single ghoul escape even when the rest of the family surrendered to them. 

If you add in the details of Mutsuki’s backstory, his turn to violence makes sense. Imagine you are in a horribly abusive household, every day is a walking nightmare and finally you have to act and kill your own parents to save yourself. However, you feel so guilty about this action of self defense you took, because violence on its own disgusts you. 

Instead of having this violent side of you treated through proper child psychology though, it’s the only thing that is encouraged by the people who take you in. You’re encouraged to be violent and to point that violence towards ghouls. 

Then finally, after years of your own parents abusing you, and other caretakers being cold or not caring at all, you get a nice loving dad. He is the best dad in the world, he cooks for you, he buys you poetry books, he is always patient, always encouraging. When you were at your most weak, he appeared from nowhere to save you, then gave you his jacket so you would be warm. 

Then one day your brother dies, you turn to your father to give you comfort but while you’re still dealing with that sadness your father just completely cuts you off without a word. The best dad in the world, and suddenly he’s as cold to you as everybody else in the CCG was. You are kidnapped and tortured, and he seems to barely care about you. You spend all of your time waiting for him to come save you like he once did and he never shows up. 

Then when you finally get home, after having to be violent again (the thing you most hate about yourself), you come home to the news that your father who you were still secretly hoping would return all this time, joined sides with the guys who kidnapped you. 

From Mutsuki’s perspective alone, it makes sense to have a great deal of anger and resentment towards Kaneki. 

I understand people not liking Mutsuki because he is a bad victim of these circumstances, but I at least can see the extremes where he came from and what fueled that reaction?

Once again it also comes from people not really able to see fault in Kaneki. I’m not sure how Kaneki waking up from Yamori’s torture, and the first thing he does immediately is break all of Touka’s brother’s bones right in front of her as a sign of his affection for her. And that somehow reads better than what Mutsuki is attempting right now. The parallels between Kaneki’s violent phase of lashing out and Mutsuki’s violent phase of lashing out are strong. Yes, Mutsuki is implied to be killing a whole lot right now but is that somehow any different than Kaneki’s first action after his introduction being to murder an entire room of 100 people he had just deemed bad without any due process? 

There’s also the fact that Kaneki’s refusal to explain himself after effectively abandoning Mutsuki, when he was the one to take the onus to put Mutsuki’s well being and emotional responsibility on himself is extremely neglectful behavior. It’s not like Mutsuki’s attachment to Kaneki came out of nowhere, this was something Kaneki wanted and fostered, until suddenly he did not with no explanation. Which is why I like to frame Sasaki as Mutsuki’s father in this situation, imagine somebody adopting a child and then a year later after dedicating themselves to nurturing and growing the bond of trust between the two of them leaving them on the side of the road with no warning or explanation. 

Anyway, to me Mutsuki’s character progression makes sense. I can understand totally if other people find it distasteful or even offensive, especially since Mutsuki is not a cis female like Hairu, a cis male like Kaneki, or a cis male like Ui. Writing does not exist in a bubble and there are already different sets of expectations the readers will have going into those characters. 

This is the most I’m ever going to comment on Mutsuki’s character, which is to say I try to make it a personal rule in this blog to only work with the text and sources closely linked to the text. 

Anyway, so as I said, both Ui, Mutsuki and even Furuta have reacted to the lack of love in their lives with obsessive feelings. As @kingkishou said in their own recent ask response about Hairu [x].

Hairu’s crush on Arima may be a cute character trait now, but one sided obsessive feelings have never been framed well in Tokyo Ghoul. Especially incestuous ones, as Arima is either her cousin or her half brother. 

These feelings always turn into feelings of destruction. It happened with Kanae, it happened with Furuta, it happened with Ui, it happened with Mutsuki. I doubt Hairu will be the first one to break the pattern.

Especially since Ui seems intent on only reviving Hairu, rather than both Hairu and Arima. I can hardly see Hairu agreeing with that once she is revived and conscious. 

There’s also a heavily unexplored aspect of Hairu’s character, which is to say her repressed violent side. We only see parts of it during the Tsukiyama Raid, but a revival will probably be the perfect time to explore it. 

There’s also Nico’s prophecy to consider, when talking about the nature of obsessive people.

People either live beautifully, or live for beautiful people. For those who can do neither, they go insane and die. 

There has to be a consequence for Ui violating the laws of nature like this to bring about Hairu’s return, and I can see if Hairu comes back sentient, this side of her desperate for Arima’s praise and willing to kill anything in her path to gain it being that consequence. 

Obsessive love, even in those starved for affection like Furuta and Hairu, and the other garden children has never been portrayed as a good thing in Tokyo Ghoul. The setup in Hairu’s character for it is already there. 

Especially with all of Ui and Urie’s parallels as of late. Just as Urie needs to grow up in order to confront Mutsuki and actually be able to conflict with him as a person instead of loving him from afar I can imagine a similiar arc for Ui eventually.