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tumbleweed-palmer · 1 year ago

Note

Fic request! Reader x Palmer. Reader is relatively sexually inexperienced compared to Jimmy, who has been married and has a daughter. Reader's first and only experience was awful, and it's been years since that experience. Jimmy and Reader work together? xx

Overcoming Fear: Jimmy Palmer X Reader

smut obviously very filthy smut at that, tw: mentions of sexual assault, anxiety, loss of spouse.

There was no real guideline for dating as a widower. Jimmy had learned this lesson quickly. Sure, there were probably dozens upon dozens of books written about the subject of mourning and some of these books were focused on the demographic of widows and widowers, but there was no surefire guide to what dating could and should be after loss.

To be honest, Jimmy hadn’t imagined he’d find love again, not after the loss he’d endured. Loving another person in that way again had just felt so wrong. He’d told himself that his heart was incapable of such a thing. He’d felt that it would be betrayal of the vows he’d made to his late wife. He’d convinced himself that he’d only been lucky enough to have one great love in his life, and he should consider himself lucky to have loved at all. He told himself that he’d lost his great love and that was the end of the story for him.

He’d thrown all his focus on his work and his daughter at times neglecting his own wellbeing until he’d been convinced to start therapy.

Therapy had helped a little of course. It had at least given him a safe space to express his grief.

Still though the concept of giving love another shot had seemed so impossible and had filled him with such shame.

When Y/N had entered his life he’d felt an immense sense of guilt. She’d been hired on as Kasie’s much needed assistant in the lab and she’d managed to fit in well.

She was a great girl; sweet, intelligent, a diligent worker, funny, professional without being an absolute stick in the mud, and something that Jimmy had noticed rather quickly; beautiful.

Jimmy hadn’t been prepared for Y/N. The very first impression he’d had of her was that she was an attractive woman…the impression had left him filled with an overwhelming sense of shame. He’d mentally reprimanded himself, constantly questioning how he could have the audacity to find any woman other than his late wife attractive?

He couldn’t stop himself from making the observation. He found her stunning and he hated himself for it.

He’d made his best attempt to avoid Y/N, as rude as it had felt. He’d of course not been cruel, he’d just done all he could to remain distant. He’d kept her at an arms length ignoring the exchanged looks of worry from his coworkers. He’d brushed off concerns about his unusually standoffish behavior.

He’d been polite to Y/N but he’d never allowed her the same closeness he gave his other colleagues.

An offhand remark by Y/N during a case had changed that distance.

The case had been complicated; a dead petty officer who had possible ties to a terrorist group. The dead woman on Jimmy’s autopsy table seemed to be haunted by personal demons which may have contributed to her death. The biggest issue was the woman’s actions prior to her death. It had become obvious as the case had proceeded that the deceased woman laying out Jimmy’s table had secrets that might have a detrimental deadly impact on the living.

The case had called for a psychological autopsy of sorts. All hands on deck had been called in. Even Dr. Mallard had assisted via video conference.

Kasie and Y/N had assisted Jimmy and Dr. Mallard shuffling through the dead petty officer’s past and any clues she might have left behind that could help stop a possible terror attack on a navy shipyard.

The dead petty officer had experienced an immense amount of loss in her life including a mother who had died quite suddenly when she was a child.

Y/N had made one little comment upon this discovery. “I lost my mother when I was seven…right before my eighth birthday…it’s a rough age to lose your mom…especially for a girl…not that it excuses anything Officer Meyer did…I’m just saying, I can see how that might have impacted her childhood. Loss is hard enough on its own, being a kid makes it worse.”

The comment had caught Jimmy’s attention. His only thoughts had been of his own daughter. Victoria had only been seven when Breena had passed so suddenly. Jimmy couldn’t lie, Victoria had been struggling.

Victoria tried to put on a brave face for Jimmy and in turn Jimmy had done his best to put on a brave face for her. It felt as though they were both going through the motions though neither sure how to address the loss in their lives.

He’d tried to address it of course. He’d done everything his therapist had suggested to address the loss with his daughter. He knew deep down the biggest issue of course was that he’d put his focus on Victoria’s feelings not being open about his own with her.

It had resulted in an unspoken sadness between them that neither had the words to express.

Jimmy couldn’t help himself, once the case had wrapped up he’d gone to Kasie’s lab, found Y/N and promptly spilled his guts and his trauma onto her.

He’d apologized of course, but Y/N had been nothing but reassuring and kind.

She’d offered an ear to listen, an insight from her own experience of losing her mother, and a needed friendship and confidant.

Y/N and he had become surprisingly close. Jimmy hadn’t been expecting for Y/N to grow close to him but to his daughter as well.

Y/N’s niece had come to visit for a month during the summer. This niece was close to Victoria’s age and a playdate of sorts had been set up for the two girls.

Jimmy had thought it might be good for Victoria, having someone close to her age to spend time with. He’d thought it might be a way to experience some normalcy for Victoria.

Neither Jimmy nor Y/N had been expecting for Victoria to bond with Y/N. It had seemed as though the girl had taken to Jimmy’s coworker turned friend.

He guessed it made sense. Y/N was all the things a little girl might like; soft, gentle, and lovely. She wore pretty dresses and painted her nails with glitter polish. She wore sweet smelling perfume. She was feminine and cute and his daughter had been enamored.

After Y/N’s niece had gone home, the invitations for Y/N to spend time with both Jimmy and Victoria had continued. Victoria was often the one requesting that Y/N join Jimmy and her for pizza or a movie or a board game night.

Jimmy had told himself it was a positive thing; Victoria having another adult in her life to open up to.

Y/N and she shared a bond of sorts he’d told himself; both losing their mothers at the same age. He’d told himself that Y/N might understand Victoria in a way he sadly could not.

Jimmy had been appreciative of Y/N’s willingness to accept Victoria’s requests for time spent together. He’d realized it was a good thing for his daughter; having a female in her life she could look up to outside of his mom. She could use a good role model, he’d realized. There were just some things Jimmy knew Victoria might not feel entirely comfortable going to Jimmy for even outside of her feelings regarding her late mother. Jimmy knew Eunice Palmer wasn’t getting any younger and Jimmy figured that his daughter appreciated having a woman much younger and more with the times to turn to as she grew older and encountered difficulties in peer relationships and fitting in with her peers.

Y/N didn’t seem to mind time spent with the Palmers. She seemed just as appreciative as Jimmy was for the closeness.

She’d admitted it was nice to do something social given her life seemed to revolve around her work and she had a tendency to be a homebody as it was.

With all this time spent together Jimmy’s and Y/N’s bond had grown far beyond just being a confidant for Jimmy and a positive role model for his daughter.

He’d felt a certain sense of attachment to her. She’d become someone he wanted to go to when he had good news. She’d become someone he missed when she wasn’t around.

He’d told himself that she was just a good friend. She was someone who he felt he could turn to. She was someone he trusted. They were just dear friends and nothing more.

Jimmy could distinctly remember the sentence that had changed everything. “I have to do a rain check on game night this Saturday. I have a date.”

The words from Y/N’s lips had felt like a punch to the gut.

He’d tried to tell himself even as he broke the bad news to Victoria that he was just worried that with a possible boyfriend Y/N might begin to dramatically change the dynamic she’d built with Jimmy and Victoria.

After all, he couldn’t possibly expect Y/N to spend so much time with Victoria and he if she had a romantic relationship to focus on. Would a boyfriend be willing to go along with Y/N’s place in the Palmer’s life?

He’d told himself that the gross feeling in his gut and the twist in his heart was just over worries that Victoria might take Y/N having her attention focused elsewhere badly. He’d told himself it was his own fault, letting Victoria cling to Y/N knowing that there was a chance that Y/N would move along with her own life and develop bonds outside of Victoria and Jimmy. He should have realized it wasn’t fair to expect Y/N’s life to revolve around his family.

He had told himself he’d been selfish; clinging to Y/N so hard. He’d told himself he’d turned her into an emotional support security blanket of sorts. He’d leaned too hard on her without considering she might not always be there.

When Jimmy had broken the bad news to Victoria over a family dinner with his mother, he’d not expected Eunice Palmer to make him wake up and see the true reality of it all.

He could still remember that conversation as he stood at his mother’s side after dinner doing dishes after Victoria had gone upstairs to finish her homework.

The words his mother had said had taken him by shock “You know you’re allowed to love her, honey.”

He’d played dumb of course. “What do you mean?”

Eunice Palmer had given him an all too knowing look as she’d explained herself. “Y/N.”

He’d shifted in place awkwardly, suddenly finding the pattern along the rim of the serving dish he was holding something deserving of his focus. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s not like that mom. Y/N is just a friend. She’s just gotten close with Victoria and me…she’s really been there for us both. I’m just worried about Victoria. She’s become attached to Y/N and I let it happen. I didn’t consider that it can’t always be like this. Y/N has been way too kind. I know she understands Victoria because she’s been in Victoria’s shoes…losing a mom and all. I know it’s not fair to expect Y/N to not have a life outside of my family. Y/N dating some guy is probably going to change things and I should accept that and find a way to explain it to Victoria. I can’t imagine the guy is going to be fine with his girlfriend spending so much time with her coworker and his kid. I’m just worried how Victoria is going to take the change. I know Y/N can’t always be there for Victoria and me for the rest of her life. She needs her own life outside of us. I know this is a good change, it’s just going to be an adjustment for Victoria.”

“That’s not the entire story of what’s bothering you though. I’m not blind James.” Eunice replied, making Jimmy’s stomach churn.

She spoke again before Jimmy had a chance to deny it. “Victoria isn’t the only one who’s become attached.”

“I have leaned on Y/N a lot. I’ve probably clung too hard to be honest. She’s way too kind to tell me I’ve been so needy…I am perfectly fine with her finding someone. She’s probably missed out on a lot of dates with great guys spending all her free time with my family. It’s..it’s for the best. She deserves it. She can’t spend her entire life being my emotional support. It’s not healthy for either one of us. She’s been a good friend, and she should find love.” Jimmy had insisted he turning the serving dish in his hands pretending he was inspecting it to make sure it was completely clean.

His mother was fast to speak up, that knowing tone still evident in her voice. “There’s more than friendship there James, even a close friendship. I know you deny it, but I know better. I know you.”

Jimmy cleared his throat averting his eyes from his mother’s gaze, the words stubborn on his lips. “It’s not like that at all. I don’t…I don’t love her, not like that. I love her as a friend, nothing more. I can’t be in love with her.”

Eunice dried her soapy hands placing them on her son’s upper arms giving him a reassuring squeeze. “That isn’t true. You can be in love with her. It’s not wrong and you shouldn’t let yourself feel guilty for it.”

“I do though. I feel so conflicted. I catch myself feeling so happy when she’s around. Then I find myself missing and longing for her when she’s not here. She’s always on my mind or at least on the back of my mind. Anytime something positive happens I want to tell her first. When I’ve had an awful day I want to hear her voice. I’m even happy to sit in complete silence with her just because it’s her. Then I feel guilty because there’s only one woman I should long for and she’s no longer here. I made vows and I feel like I’m breaking them. I know Breena and I said until death do us part. I don’t wear my ring anymore…I know…I know those vows ended at death ... ..rationally I know I’m a human being and I’m capable of love even after loss, but I feel so conflicted about feeling love for someone else when I thought I’d found the love of my life. It feels like I’m doing something wrong.” Jimmy admitted the words tumbling out of him, forcing his gaze to meet his mother’s.

Eunice held him against her, she fast to respond. “That’s the beautiful thing about hearts honey, they are capable of endless love. Loving Y/N doesn’t mean you loved Breena any less. Love isn’t a competition. Love isn’t that selfish that it can only go to one person and end forever when that person is no longer here. I’d like to believe that we can have more than one great love in our lives. I don’t think that any higher power is cruel enough to make our hearts so they can only love one person and one person only. Love is endless. It doesn’t go away when someone is gone and it doesn’t fail to exist when someone enters your life”.

She pulled back from Jimmy speaking again repeating the statement that had begun this entire conversation. “You are allowed to love Y/N. The heart wants what it wants…and I see the way she looks at you when she thinks you aren’t looking. I think she’s just as afraid as you are. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s just as torn up about how she feels as you are about how you feel.”

She spoke again giving his arms a reassuring squeeze. “You need to ask yourself a serious question, sweetheart. You have to make a big choice. Do you admit how you feel and take a chance even if it’s scary and intimidating or do you let Y/N go and accept that things are going to change? The choice is yours, but whatever you do don’t let yourself make a choice out of shame or fear. You have to ask your heart what it wants and let it have it.”

The words had left Jimmy’s lips as he made his choice, his heart finally telling his shame to shove it. “I…can you watch Victoria. I have to go…I need to go. I’m not sure when I’ll be home.”

It was a huge cliche really. It had been pouring rain that night as he’d made his way to Y/N’s apartment and he’d managed to become a soaked mess by the time he’d made it to her front door.

The words had left him and everything had changed. “Please don’t go on that date. I am begging you to cancel it. Please, I should be the only one taking you on any dates. I love you. It scares the hell out of me…loving someone again, but I’d rather be afraid than deny how I feel.”

His confession of love hadn’t been smooth at all, but much to his shock and relief Y/N had stared up at him with tears in her eyes as she’d spoken “I love you too.”

His lips had met hers for the first time with that confession and they’d not looked back.

They’d had a serious talk that night after the kiss of course and there had been several serious talks after that night.

Figuring out the change in their relationship had been anxiety inducing at best. They’d been afraid Victoria might not take the change of Y/N being Daddy’s friend to Daddy’s girlfriend well, but much to their relief she’d been agreeable to the change.

Jimmy knew Y/N had played a big part in making Victoria comfortable with the change. She’d worked hard to reassure the girl that her place in their lives wasn’t an attempt to replace Victoria’s mother. She’d reassured Victoria that just because Breena was gone that didn’t mean the love she’d felt for Victoria went away. Jimmy had reassured his daughter that his loving Y/N didn’t devalue or erase the love he’d felt for Breena. Moving forward didn’t mean you erased the past.

Y/N had encouraged Jimmy to be open with Victoria about her mother. She’d encouraged him to have those talks and reminded him it was okay for Victoria to see him cry. When he’d been ready to begin packing away Breena’s things for Victoria, Y/N had helped him find ways to store the items and to involve Victoria in the process.

Y/N had been a supportive reassuring partner as Jimmy navigated moving forward.

She’d proven to be just as supportive to Victoria. They’d become even closer to the point that Victoria had spent some of her allowance buying one of those BFF heart necklaces for Y/N and she.

Y/N was the one who was happy to tackle whatever complicated hair tutorial Victoria had found on Youtube. She was the one who took Victoria to get manicures and eat brunch. They often had girl days.

Seeing Y/N with his daughter had just made Jimmy love her all the more.

It hadn’t been easy navigating love as a widower, but Jimmy had found that Y/N was patient and soothing. She wasn’t afraid to push him when he needed to move past his comfort zone or to hold his hand when he needed to be grounded and brought back down to a sense of comfort. He’d realized his mother was right; love was not selfish at all.

Love still felt terrifying of course, as beautiful and warm as it was. He still felt anxious about it all. It was still intimidating at times.

Tonight felt particularly intimidating.

When Kasie had won a trip to Vegas Jimmy and Y/N had no qualms about accepting the invitation to come along, after they’d found a reliable babysitter for Victoria of course.

Of course the trip was given to Kasie with the promise that she’d spend plenty of time in the casino. Kasie as it turns out was a high roller in Vegas and the casino hotel they were staying at wanted her to gamble.

The hotel room Jimmy and Y/N had wound up with was far less lavish than Kasie’s but Kasie’s had been given to her with the promise of casino time and Jimmy’s and Y/N’s room had come out of their own budget.

Jimmy and Y/N weren’t gamblers. So, that meant they’d been left to their own devices while Kasie spent time at the blackjack table.

So far they’d done a lot of sightseeing and eating. They’d even drank a little and played a couple of slot machines. Jimmy and Y/N had just been enjoying some one on one time together free of distractions that were involved in their everyday lives.

They’d been enjoying a grown-up vacation.

There was a certain sense of anxiety hanging in the air though over what they’d decided was going to happen on this grown-up vacation.

Jimmy knew they’d been working their way up to this but that didn’t make it any less intimidating.

As they rode the elevator up to their hotel room he was almost certain his heart was beating so loud that it had become audible.

When his beautiful sweet girlfriend had confessed her limited sexual experience to Jimmy he’d been dumbfounded.

That sense of shock had morphed into anger when she’d described her one and only sexual experience and exactly why it had turned her off of going that far with any guy ever again.

She’d described her first and only experience as being awful. She described an experience that was far too rough with a partner that hadn’t taken her pleasure nor her comfort into consideration at all. Her last sexual partner had been far too aggressive and more concerned with getting himself off than making it feel good for her. He had cared little for her lack of experience or her boundaries. She’d described the entire experience as being overwhelming in the worst way possible and anxiety inducing. She’d described a man who had seemed to manhandle and mistreat her more than make love to her. She’d described unbearable pain during the experience and a sense of feeling violated and empty when it was all said and done.

Jimmy had felt his stomach turn at her descriptions of not being wet enough, bleeding, and her feeling overstimulated and unloved. He’d felt his heart twist when she’d admitted that though it had been years, the concept of sex still scared her.

Jimmy Palmer wasn’t a violent man, but hearing all those details had left him feeling certain that if he was ever left alone in a room with his girlfriend’s former sexual partner then Jimmy would be sure the other man left in a body bag.

Jimmy had done everything in his power to reassure her that he was fine waiting as long as she needed him to before taking their relationship in that direction. He had worked hard to promise her that he was a grown man who was capable of moving at her pace. He had promised her that he was mature enough not to feel disappointed or as though he was missing out on anything if sex was something they waited for. He had done his best to show her other ways they could feel intimate with one another without going with more traditional means in the bedroom.

So, they’d made out a lot, more than a lot. They’d moved at her pace and Jimmy had eagerly taken what she was willing to give him. They’d spent a lot of time kissing, grinding against one another, and giving lingering touches over one another’s clothing. They’d never proceeded further than that though.

When they had decided to take this adult-only vacation Y/N had said the words that had made Jimmy’s heart feel as though it was stopping and racing all at once. “When we’re in Vegas, I was thinking we could go further than we’ve been going…as in all the way. I think I’m ready…I want to at least try.”

Tonight was the night they’d agreed to try and Jimmy was filled with a cocktail of emotions and anxieties.

He prayed his hands weren’t sweating as held her hand in his, allowing her to lead them out of the elevator and to their hotel room.

He tried to focus on his breathing as he fished the key card out of his pocket, his hand shaking as he moved to open the door.

She pressed a kiss to his cheek, their faces both flushed pink from more than the dry heat outside. “I’m going to go get ready. I won’t be too long.”

He nodded his head, certain that his heart was racing so quickly it might zoom out of his chest and take off across the room. He managed to speak hoping he sounded more confident than he felt. “I’ll get things ready out here. Take your time.”

Jimmy studied the room as Y/N disappeared behind the closed bathroom door. He debated taking the extra step and ordering champagne through room service but he knew they’d had some overwhelmingly sweet fruity cold cocktails hours ago and he knew they were both lightweights. The cocktails had been enough to ease some of the anxiety but Jimmy didn’t want to risk either of them becoming impaired.

He rubbed the back of his neck, his stomach in knots as he moved around the room, straightening up some of the clutter that had accumulated over the past two days they’d spent on this vacation thus far.

He shuffled through the plastic shopping bag they’d acquired earlier, his cheeks flushing as much as they had when the purchase had been made as he fished out the tube of lubricant they’d bought just in case.

He took a deep breath second guessing the choice to not buy condoms. She was on the pill and they’d agreed they were comfortable moving forward with that being their only form of birth control.

The idea of moving forward with that little protection filled Jimmy with an equal sense of excitement and anxiety.

The entire concept of what was due to happen tonight actually filled Jimmy with a mix of lust, excitement, anxiety, and fear.

This was a huge step not only for Y/N but for him as well.

She was trusting him to move past her fear and experience this with him.

It was a huge responsibility. Jimmy could admit he had his own fears about tonight.

This was the first time he’d be intimate with someone new in over a decade. He knew he wasn’t inexperienced but he felt clumsy and daft.

He feared disappointing or underwhelming Y/N. He was terrified of triggering some bad memory or just flat out being a lackluster defective lover. What if he made this experience awful for an entirely different reason than her only past experience?

Being with a new partner was intimidating enough, then add on a bad past experience on her part and his experience being tied to one partner for over a decade and it felt incredibly terrifying and nerve wracking.

Jimmy wasn’t even sure he’d been this anxious his very first time.

He took another deep breath, shakily kicking his shoes and socks off a voice in the back of his head reminding him that there was nothing dorkier and less seductive and being nude except for a pair of socks.

He chose not to strip down completely, deciding to just ditch the cargo shorts he’d bought especially for the desert heat.

He found himself left in boxers and his t-shirt he making his way over to the bed.

He debated getting under the covers but decided to hold off on it, choosing insead to pull back the bedsheets making sure they had easier access.

He made sure the bottle of lube was accessible on the bedside table he dimming the lights by the bed making the room less bright and hopefully making the atmosphere in the room less intimidating.

He sat on the edge of the bed trying to calm his racing heart as he mentally prepared himself for this.

He was silently debating the best way to perhaps prolong his stamina, a voice in the back of his head telling him that it had been so long since he’d done this that he might orgasm far too fast, when the bathroom door opened.

He quickly forgot his game plan to think about his least favorite sport, baseball if he felt himself getting too close to cumming far too soon, when she exited the bathroom.

She felt her cheeks flush debating if the white silky chemise was a little too on the nose. Though she knew she was no virgin the choice in such a pure sweet looking white silk nightgown seemed somewhat cliche in hindsight.

The chemise was low cut enough that it gave a healthy view of cleavage and it was short enough that it made her legs look incredible in her opinion. It fit against the curves of her body nicely and the fabric felt heavenly against her skin. The lingerie had been well worth the price.

Worries that she was a walking cliche disappeared when she caught sight of her boyfriend’s gaze, the man looking up at her like she was by far the most stunning sight he’d ever seen.

He stood up from the bed, his knees feeling wobbly, his heart racing all the quicker.

He made his way towards her his hands held out to her, almost sure he’d trip over his own feet and break both his arms in the process.

He took her hands in his once again praying that he wasn’t sweaty or clammy. He spoke, unable to hide the lust dripping from his voice. “You look perfect.”

She felt the words leave her first instinct to give him one response. “There’s no such thing as perfect.”

“I’m looking at it.” He insisted the words coming to him without any sense of hesitation.

She released one of his hands reaching up to caress the side of his cheek, Jimmy unable to stop himself from leaning into her touch. It was something he’d discovered throughout their relationship; he was touch-starved.

He was just relieved she was so willing to offer soft touches and gentle reassurances.

He leaned down his lips meeting hers, the kiss soft and uncertain almost like the first kiss they’d ever shared.

It didn’t take it long for the kiss to grow in confidence. He released her other hand, his hands finding a place at her sides, a soft moan leaving him at the silken feel of the fabric against her skin.

Her hand moved from his cheek placing at the back of his head, messing his hair as they continued to kiss. Her other hand placed at his side she gripped down onto his t-shirt trying to calm any anxiety swirling in her gut.

She pulled from the kiss the anxiety easily becoming a lingering pest in the back of her brain. “Can you do me a favor?”

“Anything, I’d do anything for you.” He was fast to respond, he was certain of the promise. He would give her anything. He was sure of it. She could ask him to go bungee jumping off the roof of their hotel right now and he was certain he’d agree to do it.

She felt her cheeks flush hoping she didn’t sound so childish for what she was about to request. “During it, can you talk to me? Just keep talking to keep me in the moment? I just…I want to know it’s you…I mean.”

She paused her stomach knotting up. “I know I’ve told you I’ve tried to do this before once after that first time…I tried with one other guy after my first experience but I couldn’t go through with it. I just thought it was easier to swear it off after that. The only other time I tried it with another guy…when I got brave enough to try I…it was easy for me to get in my head and panic and it stopped everything from proceeding. I don’t want to panic. I want to be reminded that I’m doing this with you…I guess I’m just thinking you always know what to say to make me feel safe. I want to feel safe. This should be about expressing love and I know it shouldn’t be scary. I feel so dumb for feeling scared…I’m a grown woman but I just get so in my head. I know I’ve made you wait so long and now I’m making it complicated. I know that it may sound like a stupid request but...”

He felt his heart ache and twist at the request he quick to reassure her not allowing her to devalue her own needs or apologize for taking this at her pace. “I’ll keep you in the moment. I promise, I will do whatever you need. It’s not dumb, nothing you need from me is dumb or something to be sorry for.”

She felt her eyes well up with tears. She spoke feeling pathetic. “Sorry for forcing you to give a pep talk…I’ve probably wrecked the mood.”

“You haven’t. How many times have you given me a pep talk? I recall you talking me down that first time we made out in my bed and I got weird. I’m pretty sure I’ve had to have you talk me through my fair share of misplaced shame and all my other baggage.” He reminded her his lips pressing to her forehead.

He embraced her, giving her a moment to relax, rocking her in place trying to wordlessly make it clear that they were moving at her pace. He didn’t care if it took all night and it was all stop and go. He wanted to make this what she deserved.

Her hand placed back at his cheek gazing down at her she becoming lost in his gaze for a while. She was almost convinced no one had prettier eyes than Jimmy Palmer. She was convinced that no one had kinder eyes either.

His kindness had played a factor into her falling for him.

She felt like the luckiest girl in the world. She had a kind, intelligent, sweet, funny, thoughtful boyfriend. He was an incredible father and a gentle partner.

Falling in love with him had given her a sense of mixed up emotions. Adoration mixed with the guilt of knowing he was only hers because he’d lost such a big part of his heart.

Falling in love with a widower wasn’t without its misplaced guilt. Jimmy had mentioned his own shame but she could admit to hers as well.

She could remember the biggest thing that had broken that shame and made it fade. It had been a talk Jimmy had with Victoria about his relationship with Y/N as he’d tucked her into bed one night. It had been pretty soon after their relationship had become romantic. Y/N had only heard part of the conversation, but the words had still stuck out to her.

“Loving Y/N doesn’t mean you and I didn’t love your mom. Loving Y/N doesn’t mean we love anyone else any less. I’ll always love your mom and I know you’ll always love her too. I loved your mom so much. Your mom is going to always love us even if she’s not here anymore. Love is pretty special because it’s not limited to just going to one person. Love is something that should be shared. You can’t hold on to love too tightly and you can’t refuse to give it to someone. Our hearts are big and they are filled with so much love. You shouldn’t hide any love you feel in your heart. You should always let people know you love them even if it feels scary. Life is so short. Remember how we talked about how everyone dies? Dying isn’t the important part honey. It happens everyday. Love is way more important than death. Everyone may die but love doesn’t die.”

If she’d had any doubts about loving Jimmy Palmer she was almost certain they would have died that night as she’d overheard that conversation.

He was right, love was to be shared even if it was scary.

She pulled back from his embrace just enough to speak the request soft on her lips. “Can we lie down?”

He nodded his head wordlessly, taking her hand in his, leading her to the bed he thankful they’d gone with a larger hotel bed even if it had brought the price of the room up.

They laid down side by side Jimmy taking the opportunity to ditch his glasses on the nightstand before he turned his attention back to her.

His lips met hers, his hand reaching out to caress her side.

He knew that this was not an unfamiliar position lying side by side their lips locked.

She placed a hand at his cheek feeling a little bolder allowing one of her legs to slide over his scooting closer to him.

He moaned at the sudden movement, the chemise riding up exposing more of her leg dangerously close to revealing the lace of her panties.

She pulled her lips from his feeling daring enough to reach for the hem of his t-shirt pulling it up. He took the hint pulling it up and over his head tossing it across the room.

He felt his pride spike at her reaction to his bare torso, her moan soft as she took him in. He knew that he took good care of his core and his abs were always something he could at least feel confident about even if he wasn’t always the most psyched about the rest of his appearance.

She placed a hand at his side caressing his warm skin, his lips pressing back to hers he reaching out to caress her over the chemise.

She reached down, finding a little more confidence placing her hand over his maneuvering it to slide under her nightgown, his large hand pressing to her bare skin.

She spoke her voice a soft plea. “Talk to me please.”

“You’re so soft, the softest.” He blurted out the blood flow moving far enough from his brain to fill other areas of his body that he couldn’t find it in him to worry if he sounded dorky or foolish.

He lips pressed to hers between words. “I love you so much.”

“Love you too.” She managed to reply her lips pressing against his he continuing to caress her shyly exploring without pushing too far.

She placed a hand at his back caressing his skin, she moving her lips down his neck nipping at his skin, certain she’d leave a mark behind. She moaned at the thought.

Jimmy groaned at the stimulation, he continued to talk, saying anything that came to his brain. “Your lips feel so nice. I could kiss you forever.”

He continued to caress her, her lips and tongue sliding along his pulse point. He whined the lower region of his body, easily reacting.

She pulled from his neck her lips slightly swollen, the slight hint of lipstick she’d worn earlier smudged.

She placed a hand at his cheek, her eyes locking with his before she spoke. “Tell me you love me.”

He moaned the words falling from his lips without any second thought. “I love you. You have no idea just how much I love you.”

She placed a hand at the hem of her chemise pulling it up, she sitting up enough to pull it up and over her head.

She felt her cheeks flush this being the most exposed she’d been in front of any man in a long while.

Though a voice in the back of Jimmy’s head screeched to be a gentleman and to show some self control his eyes shifted down to her bare breasts an audible moan leaving him.

He spoke more to himself than to her. “Fuck.”

She let out a soft moan, the response surprising. Jimmy Palmer was not the type of guy that threw around curse words by nature. She wasn’t sure if it just came from being a parent, or if he was just naturally that polite.

She relaxed back against the bed, their lips meeting again. Jimmy hesitantly reached out to touch her side, remembering to speak. “You’re so perfect. I love you so much.”

She dared to scoot closer to him, her bare torso pressing to his the sensation making audible gasps and moans leave them both.

She wrapped an arm around him she tracing his skin. Jimmy spoke against the kisses daring to ask. “Can I touch them?”

It took her lust hazy brain a second to clear and realize what he was suggesting but the answer came without doubts. “Yes, please.”

He groaned a large hand pressing over her breast. He caressed her skin before gently massaging her breast. His fingertips slid across her nipple teasing it, the action working a moan from her.

He spoke following through on what he’d promised. “They’re so perfect, so fucking soft and full. Looks so perfect in my hand. Fuck, I’ve touched them over your clothes before, but this is so much better.”

He paused, managing to bring humor into the moment even if his brain was preoccupied with lust. “Just warning you, you’ve probably created a monster. I’m going to touch these any chance you allow it.”

She managed to laugh at the comment the response leaving her. “I’ll allow it as long as we aren’t in public.”

He spoke again knowing he sounded desperate but he refused to take any step without her consent. “Can I kiss them, please, baby?”

“Please.” The reply left her she feeling breathless, her own lust beginning to flood over any other coherent thought.

He locked his lips over her breast suckling her nipple desperately. He moaned against her skin the vibration making her whimper. He spoke against her damp skin his lips and tongue teasing her nipples. “I love you. Thank you.”

She moaned surprised by the reaction her body had to him thanking her. She couldn’t deny that her clit throbbed at the statement as innocent as it seemed.

She placed a hand at the back of his head messing his hair as he continued to focus on her breasts kissing, sucking, and nipping at the delicate skin giving her the distinct feeling that at this rate she was going to have at least one serious hickey pressed to at least one breast.

He spoke between the stimulation his voice muffled more praises and thank yous spilling from him each word making her center clinch. She was certain her panties must be drenched at this point.

She was astounded given that if someone had asked her a few years ago she’d exclaim that she couldn’t comprehend going this far with anyone, but here she was wet and desperate with a man she was crazy about attached to her breast praises spilling from him.

Jimmy moaned against her skin knowing he was so hard he was almost sure he could break glass.

The fear that he might possibly be a disappointing lover seemed to be slipping from his brain the only thing he could focus on was the woman beside him and the moans leaving her. He knew he was babbling against her skin the words needy and full of reverence; beautiful, soft, perfect, sexy, incredible.

She reluctantly scooted from his ministrations, feeling her cheeks flush from more than arousal as she spoke. “Can you take your boxers off?”

He moaned almost sure he’d never moved faster in his life. His movements were so clumsy that he was shocked he didn’t accidentally kick her or fall off the bed.

He managed to somehow lose his boxers kicking them somewhere across the room.

He felt a spark of insecurity begin to blossom in his brain. Maybe he should have manscaped a little better? Was he way too hairy? Would this spook her given that he was fully nude now even if it was at her request?

She dared to gaze down at him her cheeks growing darker any insecurity that had been blossoming in his brain withering up and dying at her words. “Fuck, it’s thicker than I thought.”

He gazed down at his erect cock, he almost certain the sight must look a little ridiculous they both gazing down at his privates examining his dick.

He felt his cheeks flush at the statement the words leaving him. “I’m pretty sure I’m mostly average…I mean I’m pretty sure I’ve read that the average length is around five and a half inches though most guys will argue that they’re at least six.”

“You’ve looked into it? I mean you’ve researched it?” She dared to ask, the amusement somewhat evident in her voice.

Jimmy felt his cheeks flush further. “I have a deep understanding of anatomy due to the nature of my profession…and I had a lot of access to the internet and a lot of freetime in my early twenties.”

She spoke, still unable to tear her eyes away from his cock. “Can I touch it?”

He moaned his cock twitching at the request as though it was answering for him. He nodded his head trying to balance out being needy and reassuring all at once. “Only if you want to. I…I don’t want you to feel you know…like I expect it. I want to move at your pace.”

She tore her eyes from his cock as she pressed a kiss to his lips. She couldn’t hide the adoration from her voice as she spoke. “I want to touch it, trust me. I want this.”

She pulled her lips from his staring back down at his cock. She reached forward gently wrapping a hand around him, a soft gasp leaving her.

He moaned his gaze following hers. He whined as she placed a thumb at his tip rubbing the slit gathering the precum that had begun to bead up. She used it to swipe across the tip of his cock his balls throbbing at the action.

He spoke certain he was supposed to keep up with his promise to talk to her during this entire experience. “Fuck, oh babe. Love you, fuck.”

He groaned knowing it wasn’t the most eloquent thing he could say but it was hard no pun intended when she was currently sliding her thumb along his sensitive tip precum desperately seeping from him.

She spoke her voice soft. “I should probably use some lube before I go any further? Can’t imagine it’ll be any fun dry?”

He desperately reached out, finding the tube of lube he’d left on the nightstand fumbling through opening it as he handed it to her.

She took the lube and her cheeks flushed. She was unsure where she’d found the confidence to be this dominant after all she’d spent so long terrified of all things related to sex. She guessed it was just that it was Jimmy. She trusted him immensely. Exploring this with him and giving sex a chance seemed less intimidating because it was him.

The further they went tonight the less frightened she felt.

She warmed a healthy amount of lube in her hand before wrapping her hand around him. Jimmy moaned at the sensation, his hips moving a little eager to chase the stimulation.

He spoke as she began to stroke him, unable to take her eyes off him, almost fascinated with the concept that she was feeling this confident and making him feel this good. “I love you. Oh my God, babe. That’s so…that’s perfect, just like that.”

He kept his eyes locked on what she was doing to him, almost sure that this was the most erotic thing he’d seen in his life. He couldn’t help but to wish he could save the sight in his brain forever. Her delicate hand wrapped around his slick cock, her nails painted a bright shade of blue, he leaking against her skin making a mess.

He gripped down onto the bed sheets, his gaze unable to leave her treatment of him. He spoke his voice needy. “I love this so much. Fuck that’s so perfect, my love.”

He whimpered his balls aching it taking everything in him to say the words he hating that he had to stop this so soon. “I don’t want to cum like this, not right now. Fuck it’s so tempting. You can make me cum like this later.”

She pulled her hand from him, the giggle that left her making him throb all the more. “I’m going to so do this again before we leave Vegas.”

He moaned as her lips pressed to his. He managed to speak against the kiss. “I feel pathetic for being so close that quick. It’s been so long.”

He felt his cheeks flush all the darker the confession spilling from him. “I mean I’ve jacked off probably a little too much especially lately, but you know someone else touching me is way more intense.”

He resisted the urge to bury his face against the pillow and never emerge knowing he had a case of babbling and shoving his foot in his mouth as it was. Apparently if his dick got any stimulation he became an even bigger social disaster.

She spoke holding her hand up thankfully not calling him out on his confession. “Got a tissue?”

He moved quickly, finding them on the nightstand she cleaning herself.

His lips met hers, the kleenex going somewhere on the floor.

He moaned his cock pressing to the lace of her panties he resisting the urge to grind against her.

She caressed his body, not shy about grasping onto his backside giving it a squeeze, her voice teasing against his lips. “Not going to lie, pretty sure I spent way too much time staring at your butt before we started dating…and probably a lot of time after.”

He moaned against her lips, his voice just as teasing. “Stared at yours too, it’s okay.”

She spoke, deciding to take the next step feeling more and more confident the longer they went. “Jimmy, take my panties off please.”

He groaned, his hands moving sure his movements were clumsy. He spoke as he began to slide them down her hips. “I’ve never heard a prettier request.”

He stared down at her, a moan spilling from him as they worked her panties down her legs they disappearing somewhere towards the foot of the bed.

He kept his hand at her hip unable to work up the nerve to move it as he gazed down at her center.

She spoke uncertain of how to read his gaze. “I thought about doing a full brazilian wax, but there’s something about that just feels I don’t know…too much. So, I just decided to take care of the bikini line and clean up as usual.”

He nodded his head a moan leaving him. “Good choice. To be fair though…pretty sure I’d like it no matter what.”

She couldn't help but to giggle though she had a feeling he was being sincere.

He stared down at her overwhelmed with thoughts of what he wanted. He wanted to bury his face in her pussy. He wanted to bury his cock in it. He wanted to bury his fingers in her. He wanted to cum on her and in her.

He shoved the thoughts back a voice in the back of his head fast to speak up Let her set the pace dumbass.

She spoke a hint of shyness sneaking in now that she was completely bare in front of him. “Can you touch me…and keep talking please.”

He nodded his head eagerly reaching forward, his fingers sliding along her slit. He spoke the moan leaving him. “You’re soft here too. Fuck, my love, you’re wet too. You’re soaked.”

He spoke needing to get the green light from her. “Can I put my fingers in? I want to make you feel good.”

“Please.” The words barely left her before he slid one finger through her slickness allowing another to join along beside it.

He spoke his voice thick with lust. “Oh my god, fuck, you are so wet. You’re tight too and hot.”

She whined as he stroked his fingers experimentally sliding them in and out of her. The sensation wasn’t unfamiliar from when she occasionally touched herself but his fingers were far larger and they went a lot deeper than her own.

She spread her legs encouraging him the action working a praise from him. “So perfect, such a perfect girl, letting me make her feel good.”

He found her clit rubbing soft circles against it causing her to grip down on the bedsheets a moan leaving her.

Jimmy spoke daring to ask. “Can I taste you? I want to go eat you out, only if you’re okay with it. I won’t be upset if you say no.”

She nodded her head no doubts appearing in her mind. “Do it, please Jimmy.”

He moved down her body, his voice reassuring. “I obviously won’t be able to talk to you down here, but if you need me to stop just say the word. I won’t be upset.”

She nodded her head relaxing a whimper leaving her as he removed his fingers from her center he unable to stop himself from cleaning her taste from them. He spoke a moan leaving him. “Love how you taste. I said earlier I wasn’t going to be able to stop touching your breasts, but now I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be able to keep my mouth off your pussy either.”

She felt her center clinch there something so satisfying about hearing him say something so filthy. Maybe it was just that she knew it was a side of him only she was getting to see.

He spoke his breath warm against her center. “You ready, babe?”

She nodded her head the answer leaving her with no hesitation. “Yes.”

He lapped at her center slowly, delicately taking his time. He encouraged her to place her legs over his shoulders, wanting to be as close to her pussy as possible. He moaned against her those fears he had about being a disappointment in bed fading even further away.

He wasn’t lying. He had a feeling he’d want to spend even more time down here if she’d allow it.

He licked her from her perineum up to her throbbing clit unable to hold back any sounds of pleasure from his own lips. The moans and whines of his name that left her encouraged him to keep it up.

He gazed up at her from between her thighs moaning as he watched her reaction, her head thrown back one of her hands massaging her breast.

He reached up allowing his hand to take its place eagerly massaging her breast toying with her nipple causing her to gasp his name all the more.

She managed to speak her voice soft and sweet. “Oh, God, Jimmy. Feels too good.”

He moaned in response his cock leaking precum against the sheets he hoping he wouldn’t cum from this alone.

He began to focus on her clit remembering her reaction to his fingers moments ago. The action made her thighs quiver a whine leaving her as he gently sucked at the bundle of nerves.

He allowed his fingers to slide into her center sliding in and out of her as his tongue busied itself with her clit.

She gripped onto the back of his head pulling his hair probably a little too hard her voice shaky. “Fuck, Jimmy. I’m gonna…I’m so close.”

He moaned in response her comment encouraging him to continue; she so wet she was dripping down his fingers as he thrusted them in her center.

She cried out her thighs shaking her back arching her end hitting her so quickly and suddenly she almost felt breathless.

Jimmy continued to focus on her clit, his movements a little gentler and slower as he worked her through her orgasm.

As she came down from her orgasm the stimulation became too much she frantically moving out of his touch.

He stared up at her, the adoration clear in his eyes as he once again cleaned her from his fingers.

He pressed his lips to her thighs wanting to check in on her well aware that he still needed to be delicate with her. “How are we doing? You okay?”

She spoke, her voice shaky. “Fuck, Jimmy. So good.”

She took a deep shuddering breath, her body feeling limp and pleasant. “I don’t think I’ve ever cum so hard.”

He felt a sense of pride wash over him, he moved back up her body, pressing soft loving kisses to her skin.

His lips met hers, she gasped at the fact that the lower region of his body was still very much alert and excited.

She whimpered as his cock brushed against her center desire, easily flooding through her even in the afterglow of the most intense orgasm she’d ever had in her life.

She spoke almost sure she’d never been so certain of anything in her entire life. “I want more. Want you in me.”

He groaned, his cock aching at the request. He spoke needing to know she was sure. “Are you sure? You’re ready? I don’t want you to feel pressured. Trust me, babe. I’m having a good time regardless of if we continue or not.”

“I want more, please Jimmy. Make love to me. Want you to bury yourself in me and make me cum again.” She replied not above lying it on thick wanting to express just how badly she needed this to continue.

He groaned at the words, his voice still hesitant. “And you’re sure we don’t need the condoms? I mean...you're 100 percent sure you're okay proceeding without…I know you’re on the pill and we're both clean. You're completely sure about this?.”

He felt his cheeks flush remembering the awkwardness of the first conversation they'd had about birth control. He was pretty sure he’d blurted out that he wouldn’t mind having another kid but he would prefer to wait even if they waited a while and it made him an old dad. He was also pretty sure he mentioned that they should talk to his daughter before they even considered trying for a baby.

He was just relieved that she hadn’t minded his babbling and hadn’t run far far away at the mention of making a baby. She'd given him the gentle reassurance that she was on the pill and had been for a long while. She was fine not bothering with dealing with condoms if he was okay with it. It was a waste of money if she was on the pill she'd pointed out.

She caressed his sides, the neediness clear in her voice. “I'm so sure. I want to feel all of you. Please, Jimmy. I need you.”

He groaned, nodding his head, the question leaving him. “Me on top?”

She nodded her head, the response leaving her. “For the first time. We are definitely trying other positions before we leave Vegas.”

He groaned, nodding his head knowing she’d get no arguments from him on those plans.

He reached down grasping his cock in his hand sliding it along her center trying to coat himself in her knowing the lube they’d used earlier was most likely dry by now.

He spoke needing to ask as he positioned himself at her entrance. “Do we need lube?”

She shook her head a giggle leaving her. “You just ate my pussy like it was your last meal. Pretty sure you know how soaked I am. I don’t think we need the extra moisture.”

He giggled at the comment, his cock twitching at the reminder of what he’d just done to her.

He took a deep breath needing to say it. “If it gets to be too much just say the word. I’ll stop no hurt feelings.”

With that he thrust forward her tight center enveloping his aching cock. He groaned as he buried himself in her slowly to the hilt a cry leaving the both of them as his pelvis pressed to hers.

He spoke knowing that her request to talk wasn’t any less relevant now. “You feel so good. So so so good. Could spend the rest of my life here.”

She giggled at the statement Jimmy groaning as her body shifted against him. She spoke her voice light and airy as she stroked his skin. “You fill me up so good, Jimmy.”

He moaned at the comment daring to rock against her, not quite ready to pull out just yet. “You’re so fucking wet and you’re so snug around my cock.”

She whimpered at the comment needing to say it. “I love you.”

“I love you so much. Love you.” He replied, finally forcing himself to pull out before thrusting back in.

He did his best to keep his gaze locked with hers as he found a rhythm, her legs wrapping around his hips, tilting her hips back giving him a deeper angle to thrust.

He groaned as he watched her reaction, he was sure he’d never get enough of seeing her in this moment. Her eyes struggled to stay locked with his and not slide closed as she soaked up the pleasure. Her lips were parted soft sweet moans leaving her.

He spoke, continuing to rock in and out of her. “You’re so perfect.”

She whined at the praise, her nails digging into his back as he sped up his pace. The only thing that managed to fill the room were shared moans, soft praises, the creak of the hotel bed, and the sound of his skin meeting hers.

He groaned the words leaving him not caring if he was just saying anything that came to his brain. “Feels like your body was made for me, feels too good. Fuck, you’re never going to get rid of me after this. Gonna follow you like a lost dog. I’m yours.”

She pressed her lips to his a giggle leaving her. “Don’t want to ever get rid of you.”

She dared to reach between them, finding her clit rubbing tight circles against it. Jimmy groaned as it hit him what she was doing. He made a note to get her to do it again in those other positions she was promising he wanting a better clearer view. “That’s my girl, fuck yes. Help me make you feel so good. Want to make you cum again. Gonna make you cum so much before we leave Vegas.”

She whimpered, doubling down her head falling back ,the stimulation almost too much. She was almost certain if this was anyone but Jimmy she would have tapped out by now.

She was amazed that something that she’d been so afraid of for so long now managed to feel so amazing. She knew that Jimmy was the main factor in it feeling so wonderful. No other man would have ever made her feel this secure to ever give any of this a chance after last time.

Her last experience was pushed so far from her mind the only thing she could focus on was the man over her making her feel this amazing.

She whined, her body sliding closer and closer to finding release for the second time tonight. Jimmy sensed it, he speaking unable to stop himself from babbling it clear he was struggling not to become lost in his own pleasure. “Fuck, hon, oh God, beautiful, feels too good, oh fuck, perfect love.”

Her clit throbbed her body sliding closer and closer the feeling euphoric and so all consuming. She could feel the tension building in her body, she sliding so close to release.

She felt herself slide over the edge, Jimmy's name leaving her lips ,she digging her nails into his back she was almost sure she was risking drawing blood.

If she was, it went unnoticed by Jimmy, the sensation of her center fluttering around him she so soaked and hot he almost wanted to cry.

He did his best to keep thrusting through her orgasm though his movements were sloppy and clumsy, his cock aching his balls drawing close to his body signaling his own end was right around the corner.

It didn’t take long for him to follow her right over the edge as she finally began to come down from her own orgasm. He only managed a couple of clumsy thrusts, his own body reaching its end.

He moaned so loud he had to bury his face against the pillows, almost certain he’d deafen her or piss off their neighbors as he fell over the edge.

He spilled into her his release hot, his hips weakly thrusting. He knew they were making a mess as he came deep inside of her, her body taking it all a soft gasp leaving her the sensation intense even with as overstimulated as she was from her own orgasm.

He collapsed against her his body feeling heavy and drained as the last of his release seeped out of him.

His cock began to soften knowing any movement would mean sliding from her warmth but he found himself unwilling to pull out of her. He was relieved that she held onto him desperately, apparently just as eager to keep him within her as he was to stay.

He whined as his anatomy won out over his will he sliding from her.

He reluctantly rolled off of her, wasting little time to slide as close to her as possible.

She turned to face him cringing both at the soreness between her thighs and the smallest hint of their mixed releases leaking from her.

Jimmy reached out, smoothing back her hair, his voice raspy and exhausted. “You okay?”

“Never better…what about you?” She dared to ask knowing that tonight had been just as big of a deal to him.

“So good, perfect.” He insisted daring to lean in his lips sliding along hers lazily.

She returned his kisses, her voice soft and drowsy as she struggled to stay awake. “I love you.”

“Love you too, so much.” He insisted his hand pressing to her cheek his other hand pressing to her back as he held her against him.

She held on to him just as tightly, her voice so sleepy. “Can we share a bath after we rest?”

“Definitely. A bath sounds perfect. Then I think you said something in the midst of passion about trying other positions. I know we’ve got a week in Vegas, but there are a lot of positions out there. We can probably even google some new ones.” He replied, his lips pressing to any bit of skin he could reach he unable to resist teasing her about her earlier comment about different positions.

She giggled, nodding her head. “The hotel does have free wifi. Rest first though.”

He managed to speak as her eyes slid shut, his lips pressing to her temple, his own eyes growing just as heavy. “Love you, thank you for not letting me be scared to love you.”

#jimmy palmer #jimmy palmer x reader #jimmy palmer smut #ncis smut #ncis fanfiction

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pedroshotwifey · 1 year ago

Text

Joel Fucking Miller

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader (Can be pictured as either HBO or Video Game version)

Word Count: 8.1k

Tags/Warnings: NO use of Y/N, Smut with a lil garnish of angst, kinda mean Joel, Borderline Dark!Joel, but consent is given at a point, one singular spank, rough piv sex, exhibition kink, slight humiliation/degradation, possessive behavior, enemies to lovers-ish?, reader is a menace but we love her, spit kink, anal play, this is pure filth and I'm not sorry

Summary: You and Joel Miller have been sworn enemies from the very start, both of you at each other’s other's throats since the first glance. What he can't know is that you have been harboring a stubborn crush on him this whole time---It’s not until he has you up against a wall that you realize he feels the same way.

A/N: Now that I have all of my one-shots posted, I'm going to start posting my ongoing stories as well as some new works. I'm almost finished with the Frankie Sex Pollen fic so that will be posted sometime this week. I will also be working on creating both a masterlist and a recommendation list, so hopefully that should be done soon too. Thanks for reading!

***

Today has been a shitty fucking day—no pun intended.

Not to say every day isn’t shitty here in the QZ, but this one really takes the cake. To start your fabulous day, you woke up an hour late, making you one of the last people in line to pick up jobs. When you got to the assigning station, you found that you had been left with two options for the week: janitorial service at one of the mess halls, and sewer duty—where you literally have to shovel shit. The only card left for the mess hall was an all-day shift. You took them both.

That's why you find yourself here now, below the city, finishing up sewer duty, covered head to toe in stench and sweat even though it’s the middle of winter. You’re pretty sure you are the last one down here; it’s been a while since you saw or heard anyone else. You aren’t surprised. You’re used to being the only one who cares enough to actually finish whatever job you were tasked with that day, no matter how repulsive it may be.

You don't take pride in much, but you are willing to admit that you admire that quality about yourself. You are a damn hard worker and you aren’t afraid to show it. You have no idea where it stems from, maybe your stubbornness, or possibly your inner perfectionist. Whatever it is, you find yourself often wishing that more people would have the same mindset. God knows it would make your life easier at the very least. In the time you have spent in the Boston QZ, you have only had the pleasure—or maybe you should say displeasure—of meeting one other like-minded person.

You became acquainted with Joel Miller within the first day of being in the QZ, which was about three years ago now. The first glance you got of him was as you were being hauled through the gates, lucky enough to have not been shot on the spot when a couple of FEDRA officers caught you hiding out in the woods. Your eyes met his before they met anyone else's, and he’d held your gaze, his expression anything but welcome, as if he were trying to evaluate you with one look.

By the looks of it, he had to be at least a couple of decades older than you, but that didn’t stop the heat that started to simmer between your legs at the first glance you got of him. When his eyes didn't leave yours, you took it as a challenge and forced yourself to keep your gaze on him until he was completely out of sight. You knew what you were doing, and so did he, both of you deciding on the spot that you would be enemies until one of you either died or left.

Sure, you knew that it probably wasn't the best idea to piss people off before you made any allies, but you couldn’t find it in you to care. From the first second you saw that man, you knew that one way or the other—one of them being a heated feeling you chose to ignore—he would be trouble. As per usual, you were right. If you didn't know any better, you would have said that he was dead-set on following you around, bumping into you at almost every job you took. At first, you had been convinced that he had been doing just that.

The first couple of times it happened you considered it some stupid coincidence, some twisted kind of unluckiness. Granted, it wasn't every time, but it was more often than not, and that was more than enough for you. By the fifth or sixth time out of ten, you waited until the very end of the shift, until it was only Joel and yourself left working. You kept a close eye on him, and as soon as he started wrapping up, you cornered him. That had been the first time that you had ever actually spoken to each other instead of tossing nasty glances back and forth.

You had immediately gone to work with your rushed interrogation, demanding him to tell you why he was following you, to tell you what his problem was. The most frustrating part of the whole ordeal was the way he had sat back, leaning on one leg with his arms crossed, his expression bored as he waited for you to finish. He said nothing until he was positive that you had nothing more to say.

“I ain't followin’ you, kid,'' he had said, his voice deep and more pleasant than you would have liked it to be. His tone was hard, as you had expected it would be, but the tangy southern drawl and depth of his voice took you off guard, an unwelcome heat suddenly forming between your legs—which only pissed you off more.

The stone-cold look in his too-pretty eyes only worsened the feeling, and suddenly you found that you weren't able to speak; you didn't even know what you had come up to say at this point. “Don’t fuckin’ bother me again,” he muttered and pushed past you before you could realize you had been staring.

***

“You just gonna fuckin’ stand there all day?” A much too familiar voice pulls you out of your thoughts and back into reality. Speak of the fucking devil.

“Just finishing up, Miller,” you spit, not bothering to look in his direction. You can hear him start to walk up to you but you ignore it, opting instead to actually finish what you had been doing. It only takes a few more seconds, and by that time, you can practically feel Joel staring a hole into your back, no more than a few feet behind you now.

He doesn't move, so you continue to ignore him and start walking to the ladder so you can get out of this literal shit hole. You only make it a few steps before you realize that he is moving with you, following at the same distance he had stopped at before. Your jaw ticks as you spin around on your heel, so suddenly that Joel almost knocks into you.

“Is there something I can help you with?” you ask him as sweetly as you can manage, the fire in your eyes contradicting your tone. His own eyes narrow as he takes a step back, crossing his arms in his usual fashion.

“Maybe you should learn how to help yourself first before you go offerin’ it to other people, princess.” He says the name as an insult, and you have to bare your teeth to keep your composure.

“What the fuck is that even supposed to mean, old man?” You ask him, taking a step toward him. He doesn't back away this time, instead taking a step toward you in reciprocation. The two of you lock gazes and stare at each other for what could have been ten seconds or ten days before Joel breaks the trance and shoves past you instead of answering.

You just stand there and let him climb the ladder to the street above you. You can see right through him, the asshole wants a reaction, and you're not going to grant him that satisfaction—not this time anyway.

You wait for a few minutes until you can be sure that he's long gone before you grit your teeth and turn on your heel, walking to the ladder and hoisting yourself up. As you reach the surface you catch a whiff of yourself and scrunch your nose. You need a fucking shower.

***

The next day, you wake up in a sour mood, already dreading today's job—janitorial services. At least it's not scooping shit this time. You’re the first one there, as per usual. The hall is a mess after breakfast and you take a deep breath as you think about the fact that even after you scrub it spotless, it will be trashed again by the end of lunch and then again after dinner.

To top it all off, it's ridiculously cold in the room, the fire lit in the back of it not doing much to increase the temperature. You look down at your white cotton t-shirt under your flannel and find yourself wishing you had put a thicker undershirt on.

There aren't many people working with you on the first shift, only the usual other three this morning, not that you're complaining of course, it just means fewer people to get in your way. You keep your eyes to yourself most of the time, only looking at someone if they address you to ask for help or to comment on something. Before you know it, lunch has come and gone and you are preparing for dinner.

You notice halfway through that time that your friend is working the second shift, and she approaches you so you can work together for the rest of the time, though she only has the after-lunch shift. Rachel is a hard worker for the most part, though she likes to slack off a lot, but you appreciate the help while you have it. The two of you gossip and joke quietly until it's time for her to leave and time for you to sit back and wait for the dinner crowd to flood in.

***

It feels like a week has passed by the time the last person clears out after dinner, and you breathe a sigh of relief—you’re so close to getting back to your apartment and into your welcoming bed. You immediately get to work on sweeping up the trash that collected underneath the tables, eager to get out of here.

There are only two other people working with you this shift, which is weird because FEDRA usually has at least four people on each job, but you brush it off. They seemed to know each other and they blab amongst themselves as they work. At least the couple seemed like they were in the same mindset when it came to getting this job done, so you didn’t mind the fact that you are missing a crew member.

Halfway through your sweeping, you hear the door slam open, startling you and the couple that is now busy with taking leftover dishes into the kitchen. The chill that sweeps through the large room makes you assume it was just a gust of wind, probably blowing snow into the doorway.

Great, something else to clean, you think as you huff an annoyed breath.

When you turn to face the sound though, you find yourself wishing that the problem had been snow, but of course, when did anything ever go your way? The supposed gust of wind is actually Joel fucking Miller.

Your mood immediately sours and you have to fight not to roll your eyes as you watch him slink into the room and follow the couple into the kitchen. You hear the girl inform him that he was late—as if he didn’t know, or care for that matter. He only grunts in response. You don’t bother to stop your eyes from rolling to the back of your head. If Joel sees it, he doesn't say anything.

***

An hour later, Joel hasn’t bothered you, much to your relief. The only time you have to look up from your work is when the couple from earlier bids you farewell before they walk out the door. There is nothing left to do but scrub the tables, which you are doing now.

You only have two to go, and then you’re free for the rest of the night. Now that you're the only one left, the room is almost eerily silent, the only sound being the drip of water as you dip your sponge into the bucket and wring it out. After the table you are working on is thoroughly cleaned, you move on to the last one. It sits right next to the busted window, and you shiver as you walk past it.

“Cold, sweetheart?” The baritone voice sounding from behind you just about causes you to jump out of your skin, the bucket of water in your grasp suddenly spilling over your front. Of course, it was a huge fucking bucket, so it was enough water to coat almost your entire body.

The white t-shirt you have on under your thick flannel is soaked through so that it’s practically transparent. Dropping the now empty tub to the floor with a loud clang, you swivel on your heel to face Joel, who is leaning against the wall to his right, arms crossed.

If he sees the fire in your eyes, he ignores it as he smirks at you, obviously humored by your reaction—and likely by the fact that he can see your bra. Your mouth opens and closes repeatedly, every expletive or reprimand that comes to mind doesn’t seem to cover what you want to say.

As you stand there soaked in dirty, soapy water, you find that you can do nothing but stare. Your gaze is stuck on the man still standing in front of you, not a twinge of empathy in his own, which he has trained on you in return. You have no idea how long the two of you stay rooted to the same spots, staring each other down, but it must have been at least a few minutes because you can feel your body start to involuntarily shiver as your drenched form begins to freeze.

Of fucking course you had to have been standing right next to the broken, half-assed boarded-up window, and not by the fire that still rages into the chimney on the other side of the room.

The cool air sweeping in seems to trap you in its frigid grasp, threatening to turn the grayish liquid that covers you into ice. You can't help it as you finally move, bringing your arms up to cross over your chest in a feeble attempt to warm your rapidly cooling body and cover your exposed undergarment. You flinch as your arm presses the freezing fabric closer to your skin.

The action seems to break the invisible spell that had set over the two of you because Joel takes that as his queue to take a step back off the wall and lift his chin. The movement makes him look bigger and you have to lift your own to look into his eyes again. You can only hope he sees the fury that burns on your own. If looks could kill, he would be dead on the floor right now.

“You’re fucking joking,” you are the first to break the silence. The quiver in your voice would be embarrassing if not for the fact that it was placed there out of anger. The asshole who put it there must know it too because you can see the way he swallows as if trying to rid himself of his guilt, though if that’s what he is feeling, he doesn’t show it any other way.

You can expect that the action will be the only sign of such a thing��if Joel Miller doesn't want to feel a certain way, he doesn’t, simple as that. You have never once met a man more rude, nor stubborn as the one currently in front of you.

“Didn’t realize I was bein’ funny,” he says, straight-faced with that stupid southern drawl that you have come to despise. You don’t reply as you continue to stare daggers at him, and you can't tell what’s making you shake more at this point—the layer of fucking ice about to coat your body, or the unmatched rage that brews in your mind.

Right now, you would place your bets on the rage, considering it’s actually starting to warm you up. The sight of Joel, arms crossed to mimic your own, still staring down at you like he's some fucking god, only fuels the feeling. Sighing quietly, your eyes shut as you try to calm yourself down before you say something you would really regret. It only takes a few seconds until you speak again, which might not have been long enough, truthfully speaking.

“That was pretty fucking shitty, even for you, Miller.” You manage to get the sentence out through gritted teeth, but it sounds strained. Anyone would agree that it sounds like you are trying your best to contain yourself, though it’s obviously a task you are struggling with. He says nothing, and his body gives nothing away, so you speak again. He knew exactly what was going to happen if he snuck up on you like that, and he probably didn’t even give it a second thought.

“I mean really, how fucking immature can you be? You really thought scaring me while I was holding a tub of dirty water was the best way to get my attention?” Your mouth starts to let words out before you can even think about what threatens to escape, and there is nothing you can really do but allow it to happen.

Your lips are moving far too quickly for your brain to comprehend at this point, your anger completely taking over. As hard as it can be to hold yourself back from an argument sometimes, you always managed—but this was the last fucking straw.

“And why the fuck are you even here? You obviously don’t have anything left to do.” Your voice is quickly raising but you doubt you could do anything about that even if you wanted to right now. Of course, it doesn’t matter how loud you get, you could probably scream right in his face, it never seems to affect him.

“Seemed lonely,” he says simply, shrugging and shifting off of the wall. He looks at your bewildered expression and decides it would somehow make it better if he elaborated, though you both know that he only does it to dig further under your skin.

“Never got anyone around, s’ all. Too fuckin’ stubborn n’ self-absorbed to make any friends.” His tone is condescending and nonchalant at the same time, like he is both stating a fact and trying to beat you down. You continue to stare at him as he finishes. This is a whole new level, one you wouldn’t even have assumed Joel would ever jump to.

You’ll admit it, he’s managed to find one of your most delicate insecurities, and he knows it, too. Even before the outbreak, you always had trouble making friends, your anxiety and general mistrust always got in the way. Every time you thought you were getting close to someone, you would push them away. It was your biggest fear, being betrayed by someone close to you—a worse fear, you decided, than being alone.

To this day, you have only ever let one person really get to know you. When you met Rachel during your first week in the QZ, she showed you a sort of open kindness that let you know she was a good one. You knew then, and you know now, that she would never do anything to hurt you in any way.

In the time that you've gotten to know her, she’s become the best friend you’ve ever had, and the only one you wanted. But she is only one person after all, and she can’t spend all of her time with you, so you find yourself on your own most of the time—and of course, Joel Miller, of all people, would pick up on it.

“You are such an asshole, Joel,” you spew out after a moment. “And you have the audacity to call me lonely?” You can't help the tears that start to blur your vision, so you ignore them as you continue to rant, your hands now flying wildly. The pit of insecurity in your stomach is starting to grow to the point where you feel like it will swallow you whole.

“You act like you’re so much fucking better than me! Who do you have?” Through your watering eyes, you can see the way Joel flinches slightly, and as much as it pleases you that you seem to have finally found a soft spot, it also eggs you on. You recognize it and think to yourself that he's a fucking idiot for pointing out the fact that you don’t have anyone in your corner when he has the same exact problem.

“Huh? You say I'm alone, and maybe I am, but I’ve never seen you with anybody.” Your vision starts to clear as you feel hot tears begin to streak down your already-soaked cheeks, allowing you to see the deep scowl set on Joel's face. It almost scares you how mad he looks, but it's too late to back down now.

You stare at him for a moment, waiting for him to say something, but it never comes. His silence only encourages you, and you know you probably seem immature as you continue to insult him, but it gets pushed to the back of your mind as you quickly realize it’s the least of your worries right now. Your tears are streaming freely at this point, your breaking point finally has been reached. The words are coming out faster than you care to stop them.

“You have no fucking friends, Joel,” you spit out. That one definitely struck a nerve, and you watch as he takes a step towards you, his face giving you a warning expression as if he already knows what you are going to say next. You know his history, and you know it's a bad idea, you know it is, but you say it anyway.

“You have no friends…” You pause, your brain subconsciously trying to talk you out of what you’re about to do. Of course, you don't listen. “...and you have no fucking famil-” you get cut off as Joels hand makes contact with your throat, his grip crushing your windpipe as he pushes you back until you hit the wall and lifts you onto your toes so you are looking into his rage-filled eyes.

He says nothing for a moment as he lets you struggle in his firm grasp, watching you writhe and try to gulp in air. The panic that courses through your body is almost paralyzing, sending a hot flash throughout your entire body as your brain catches up with what's happening.

You find yourself panicking even more when you realize that fear isn’t the only thing your senses seem to be overwhelmed with as his hand tightens around your neck. The wetness beginning to gather in your panties is suddenly the biggest problem you are faced with, an unwelcome feeling or arousal suddenly making itself known.

Everything seems to be happening in slow motion as you feel your hands start to claw at the one wrapped around your neck, no doubt leaving raised scratch marks across his wrist. The man doesn't wince or falter though, as you struggle to try to pry his hand away. You can feel your mouth opening and closing, though you’re unsure of what you are trying to say. You suspect it's something along the lines of “Please”, but no sound comes out.

Eventually, after you realize that nothing is going to come from your struggle, you let your body fall limp, the only movement left is the tears that still crawl tauntingly down your cheeks. Though some of them may still be from the anger that had overcome you before you felt his large palm on your throat, most of them are now evidence of your shame.

Logically, you reason that there is no way for him to know what kind of response his aggressive actions pulled from you, but you can't help but feel like somehow, he can see right through you.

Upon seeing you submit, Joel lifts you more until you are close enough to feel his hot breath fan across your face. He loosens his grip enough so that you are allowed to catch a breath, but not enough for you to fall away from him. He starts to lower his arm, letting your feet hit the ground, but he leans his body down with your own so that his face stays less than an inch away from your own the entire time.

You know that realistically, he only had you in the air for a few seconds, but it felt like an hour with the fear—and unexpected lust—that was coursing through your veins. Though you are still trembling with the silent threat he delivered, you seem to be able to calm down a little as his hand loosens and slides around to the back of your neck, only holding you in place.

You stare into his eyes because you have nowhere else to look, and are almost surprised to see the array of emotions on display. You see anger, impatience, annoyance, a hint of restraint, but the one that seems to dominate them all is the one that takes you aback the most. You see in his eyes, what must be a reflection of your own.

Your mouth drops open again as you begin to place the look of longing and desire that burns in Joel's gaze as he stares you down, his mouth just centimeters from your own. You take a chance and allow yourself to look down at the way his lips almost brush yours, his own mouth parted as you both try to calm your ragged breathing.

You have no idea why you suddenly feel this way—well, you do, you just refuse to admit it. You hate his fucking guts because he is the only man that has made you feel something since before the outbreak. Every time you look at him, it is evidence that you are still capable of letting your guard down, that you are still weak.

You promised yourself the first time you understood what the potential problem with Joel Miller could be, that you wouldn’t allow it to become one. But this god-damned man makes it so fucking hard to keep that in check when he is staring at you like he wants to ruin you.

You feel his hand tighten around you again, and you snap your eyes back up to his, suddenly blushing as you realize that you have been staring at his lips for far too long. For once, you are at a loss for words, you have no idea what to say that might save your ass from looking like you had been doing exactly what you had. Thankfully, you don't have to wonder for long because Joel cuts right back to the chase, seemingly shaking himself out of his own thoughts as he speaks again.

“You want to try that again, little girl?” Fuck. How the fuck are you supposed to ignore the pit forming in your stomach when he says shit like that? You are too caught up in thinking of a response to answer him immediately, and he clearly doesn’t appreciate that as he shifts his position, pushing you back further into the wall behind you.

When he moves, you realize that one of his legs is slotted between your own, and your eyes widen as you feel how close his thigh is to your center—one little movement and you will give yourself away. You must be dripping at this point, and if he's not close enough to feel the heat coming off your cunt from where he stands right now, he will be if he moves any closer.

Steeling yourself, you opt not to speak as you bring your hands back up to grasp at his wrist again. Joel watches as you struggle to get a grip before he growls and uses his free hand to grab both of yours and place them on the wall above your head. Your eyes somehow widen even more and you want to shrivel up into a ball as you feel the blood rush to your cheeks.

You need to move now. You can't let this man see what he does to you, the way your body reacts to the way he so easily dominates you. You know that you have no time to plan anything out, so you do the first thing that comes to mind—you try to tug your hands out of his grip and you lunge to the side.

You’re not sure why you even attempt it, you know that it won't get you anywhere, but you do it anyway. Of course, he overpowers you once again, and nothing changes but his grip, both of his hands tightening as he leans in even closer to you. The new position causes his thigh to crush into your throbbing clit, and before you can stop it, a whimper breaks through your lips.

Nothing is said for a moment as you stare at Joel with shame, and him at you with a newfound amusement. You can feel yourself melting on the spot, and you let your head hang in humiliation, your eyes trained on the ground next to Joel, who is now smirking as he stares back at you. You feel his thigh crush into you again, deliberately this time, and you have to bite your lip and close your eyes in concentration so as to not give away any more sounds.

You hear Joel chuckle darkly above you, and the sound goes straight to your pussy. How are you supposed to resist this man when he sounds like that, when the rough denim of his jeans is rubbing you in all the right places as he begins to rock his thigh back and forth, making you bite your lip even harder. The hand on your neck suddenly releases its grip and you feel his thumb come to your mouth, tugging your bottom lip until it falls away from the punishing bite of your teeth.

“C’mon now, princess,” you hear Joel speak again and you can't help but moan softly as he sets his hand on your hip, starting to guide you across his firm thigh.

“You’ve given yourself away now, you ain’t gonna get outta this one.” His tone is taunting as he presses down on your hip, bringing you down harder against him.

The pressure on your clit is almost overwhelming with pleasure, and you find yourself moving on your own, beginning to chase the orgasm that has suddenly come within your grasp. You can’t help it with the way your wet jeans rub you just right and the firmness of his thigh is just enough to push the seam of them onto all the right places.

“F-fuck you, Miller,” you say, opening your eyes and bringing your head back up to look into his eyes, hoping the anger is apparent in yours. He stares at you for a moment before he speaks again.

“Yeah, I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t ya?” He doesn’t give you a chance to respond before he moves his hand down to where your cunt meets his thigh, and places his thumb right on your clit, rubbing quick circles. The touch is all you need to send you over the edge, becoming a moaning mess under Joel’s body. He’s right of course, you want him to fucking ruin you. God, you hate it when he’s right.

He continues the circles on your clit as you come down from your high, riding you through it. When you are finally able to catch your breath, you look him in the eye to find him staring right back at you. His gaze is intense and full of want.

“You want me to quit, darlin?” You can tell by the way he says it, that he asks genuinely. He would stop if you said the word. As much as you want to hate him, you know that he is respectful enough that he wouldn’t do anything to that effect without your consent.

Joel may be an asshole, but he would never put his hands on a woman in that sense if she showed any sign of resistance. Though he didn’t seem to have a problem with wrapping his palm around your throat.

“I can give you more, all you have to do is ask,” Joel says after you don't answer him. His gaze is hungry as he waits for your consent, his eyes slowly tracing up and down your body, taking you in. When he looks back to your face, you nod slowly, watching as his already blown-out pupils seem to take over his irises.

“I'm gonna need to hear you say it, darlin,” he says as he brings his chin up to the side of your head, nibbling your earlobe and making you shiver.

“P-please, Joel,” you say, giving up the act. You know you want him, he knows you want him, and now you know he wants you, too.

“I need you, please.” At your signal, he doesn't wait any longer as he starts to pull you away from the wall, his free hand traveling back to the back of your neck, the other still grasping your wrists. Before you can figure out where he’s moving you to, your chest slams onto one of the tables, the force almost enough to knock the wind out of you. You had expected him to be rough, but not this rough… not that you mind. He’s clearly done with being gentle with you now that he has free reign.

“Jesus, Joel,” you say, throwing him a look over your shoulder as much as you can with your neck still being pinned down.

“You fucking mind?” You hear Joel chuckle behind you and feel him step closer to you, pressing himself against your ass and leaning over so that his chest is flush with your back.

“Nope, not at all.” His breath tickles your ear as he whispers into it.

“Now I'd be quiet if I were you, girl,” he tells you, his tone almost threatening. “Unless you want to wake the whole town, of course, cause now that I’ve started, I ain't gonna stop.” Your eyes widen and a whimper falls from your lips as he finishes his threat and pushes his top half off of you.

“Maybe you’d like that, huh, little girl?” he pauses his sentence to rip your pants and panties down in one fluid motion, making you cry out.

“Let the whole town watch me fuck you, show everyone who you belong to, who this cunt belongs to.” He knows you too fucking well, knows that you’re thinking about it now, salivating over the thought of someone walking in on you like this, your pants around your ankles, him, balls deep inside of you, taking what he wants.

“Dirty little girl, out here whorin’ herself out to me so quick. Slut’s just damn desperate for some good fuckin’ cock.”

You hear a sharp zip from somewhere behind you and you struggle out of instinct, pushing up on the hand holding you down. He ignores your protest and slams himself into you, sheathing himself in one fluid motion, giving you no warm-up or time to adjust.

You expected him to be big, but you weren't expecting this. He's fucking huge, stretching you out and reaching depths you didn't even know existed. You scream out at the sudden burning intrusion and Joel moves the hand that isn't on your neck to your mouth, silencing you halfway through the outburst.

The tears that fall from your eyes catch on the palm of his hand as he brings his cock almost all the way out before slamming himself back in, setting a brutal pace.

“Tha’s alright baby, Ima take good care of you,” Joel assures you through gritted teeth. “Make you feel real good creamin’ all over my fat cock.”

Your fingernails scrape the surface of the table once he releases your hands, scrambling for purchase as Joel slams into you without remorse. You’re almost surprised at how quickly you feel the knot in your stomach start to build back up, the pain promptly turning to pleasure as Joel brutally shoves his cock into your already-sore pussy.

The sounds of Joel's grunts, your muffled sobs, and the squelching of your cunt quickly fill the room, you would be embarrassed if you weren’t so cock-drunk on Joel. Right now, the only thing you can focus on is the way the head of his dick slams into your G-spot with every harsh thrust.

The way his dick drags against your walls makes you clench with every swift pass. That combined with the way his hips slap against your ass might just be the best thing you’ve ever felt.

Your body begins to go slack, your stomach and chest pressing harder into the table, you barely even register Joel's hand being removed from your mouth until you hear your unfiltered moans break through.

“Jus’ wait one second, darlin,” Joel's voice is strained as he talks. You try to nod back at him but find that it's a bit hard when your bones have melted. His pace never falters as he reaches down to where he pulled his pants down just enough to free his thick cock and heavy balls.

When his hand finds the open buckle of his belt, he tugs it through the loops and uses the edge of the table to fold it once before bringing it to your lips, pushing it toward you until you bite down on it.

He tells you something, by his tone it sounded like a command, but you can’t seem to make out the request. If you weren’t drooling before, you certainly are now with the taste of leather on your tongue. Joel smirks to himself as your moans quiet down with the help of the belt.

“There ya go, such a good girl holdin’ on t’ that for me,” he runs his fingers through your hair as you keen at his praise. He can feel your cunt tighten around him as your second orgasm approaches once again and he has to steel himself so as not to come right then and there like some teenager. Instead, he brings his hand down to touch your clit again, not with his thumb, but with his middle three fingers, rubbing up and down, immediately setting a furious pace.

The new sensation combined with the pistoning of his hips pushes you over the edge and you have to bite down on the belt so you don't scream as you receive the hardest orgasm you’ve ever had. It's like nothing you’ve ever felt before, the white-hot pleasure almost blinding you, and the force of it almost pushing him out of your cunt.

You sob as you listen to Joel talk you through it, telling you how good you're doing for him, how you were made for him to stuff his cock into. His pace never falters as you gush around him, but he does push himself further into you so as to not be forced out of you.

The strength of his thrust is enough to surge you forward, the table screeching on the concrete floor below you as it too is moved forward slightly. After you come down completely from your high, he grasps your hands and tugs them behind your back for leverage, fucking down into you to chase his own pleasure.

“Goddamn, darlin, tight, young, little cunt, squeezin’ the fuckin’ life outta me.” His dirty words are almost humiliating as he throws them out, but you love every moment of it, the way you clench around his cock giving you away quickly.

“Oh, you like that, little slut?” he almost sounds surprised as he continues rambling.

“Filthy little thing, lettin’ some old man stuff his cock into your sweet little pussy. ‘F you didn’t take dick so good I would think you’d be a damn virgin.” You whine beneath him as much as you can with the leather between your teeth, a shameless request for him to keep talking.

“Yeah, you like that, huh, little girl?” He grants your wish, spewing more filthy comments every few thrusts. “Like bein’ told what a f-fuckin’ whore you are f’ me?” You keep, drooling on the belt trapped between your teeth.

Suddenly, you feel the large hand that was pinning your neck disappear, only to reappear on your ass, making your eyes widen as Joel quickly slides to your other hole, his thumb right above the tight ring of muscle.

Usually, you would want to struggle, but for some reason, the thought of Joel taking you there is something you find yourself wanting. He feels you squeeze around him again and he chuckles at your desperation.

“Now, you’re just full of surprises, ain't ya, princess?” He says, his voice even more strangled than it was before. It almost sounds like it should be painful for him to talk. He stops talking for a moment to allow his saliva to drip down and slide down your ass crack.

“You’d let me fuck you here, wouldn't you, little girl?” Fuck this man, you both know the answer to that.

“Put my dick in this pretty little ass?” When you don't object, you feel him spit on top of his thumb again before pushing it into you.

Your eyes roll to the back of your head and your toes curl as he slides his thumb into you until he can’t anymore. The intrusion triggers your third orgasm, your body melting into the table as you press back into him. It’s less intense than the first two, but you are still fully consumed by the waves of pleasure that wash over you.

If you had been standing, you would have fallen to your knees. You’ve never felt so full in your life, the feeling almost overwhelming as he leans on top of you again, continuing to whisper filth into your ear. You can tell he’s getting close by the way he lets go of your wrists and tangles his fingers into your hair, slamming himself somehow even deeper inside of you.

“Tell me who these fuckin’ holes belong to, princess,” he spews out through gritted teeth, pulling the belt away from your mouth and throwing it somewhere off to the side.

“Who makes you feel good, makes these little holes feel good?” When you don't answer immediately, your unleashed moans and whimpers making it almost impossible, he uses the hand that’s not fingering your ass to deliver a sharp slap to your left cheek.

“Fuck, fuck Joel it’s you,” you practically sob as you tell him what he wants to hear, what you want him to hear.

“T-these holes are yours Joel, you make them feel so good, they belong to you, all yours,” you cry out frantically. Satisfied with your response, he rubs over the red spot on your skin before returning his hand to your neck.

“That's right,” he praises you softly and you soak up every word. “Such a good fuckin’ girl, knowin’ who she belongs to.” He thrusts into you half a dozen more times before his pace finally starts to falter.

“W-where do you want me, sweet thing?” As he asks you, all you can think is “fuck this man for being respectful with shit like that.” If he hadn’t asked, you probably would have shoved him away, but instead, you make another stupid decision—why the fuck not at this point?

“I-inside, Joel, inside me, oh my god, fucking c-come inside me,” you’re only slightly aware of how desperate you sound as you beg for his cum, but again, you can’t seem to find it in you to care. You let your cheek rest on the cool surface of the table and close your eyes, too exhausted to hold yourself up any longer.

You hear Joel groan and start to say something above you, but he cuts himself off as he releases inside you with a strangled moan, almost like he is biting down on his lip so as not to shout.

A stream of curses laced with your name spills from his lips as he twitches and pulses inside you. The feeling of his hot cum spilling into you is unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. It seems like forever before he stills, practically collapsing on top of you, his cum dripping around his softening cock and down your thighs.

Despite his weight on top of you, you think you could probably manage to fall asleep there. Your body has never felt so spent and tired, every muscle sore in one way or another. Joel waits only a minute before lifting himself off of you, and you attempt to lift your head to follow his movement, only for your cheek to be gently pressed back onto the table by his palm.

“Jus' hold on a second, princess.” His tone is softer than you’ve ever heard it, and it makes your heart warm, but you can't resist the perfect opportunity to tease him as it presents itself.

“You’re happier after you get your dick wet,” you say with a small smile as you follow his request, letting your eyes close as you bask in the feeling of euphoria that’s taken over your body.

At your snippy comment, you expect him to scold you, or maybe to swat your behind, which is still presented for him. What you don’t expect is to feel his tongue on your spent cunt. Your body jolts and your eyes snap open at the unexpected feeling, your reflexes causing you to try to sit up again, only to be pushed down by Joel’s hand on your lower back.

“I said to wait a second, darlin’,” he says as he pulls away from you, his tone more stern now. He waits until you nod your head to return to your pussy, dipping into your hole and lapping up your mixed release. You shudder as his tongue grazes your overstimulated clit, but do your best to hold still for him.

After he seems to have gotten his fill, you feel him pull away again and stand up to lean over you. His hand suddenly grabs your chin, making you twist your neck slightly so that you are looking up at him. He keeps his mouth shut as he brings it to his own before squeezing your cheeks, making you open your lips, and drops his jaw open.

You gasp as you feel the combination of his spit and your cum mixed with his own slowly spill onto your tongue. He keeps his eyes open and locked onto yours as he keeps your lips together and lets the liquid drip into your mouth. When he pulls away, he replaces his lips with his hand, forcing your mouth shut.

“Swallow,” he commands. You obey without a second thought and let the substance slip down your throat. He smiles when he's sure you’re done and moves his hand, motioning for you to open up. You do, and he smirks as he sees every drop gone.

“Good girl,” he mutters as he lays back down on top of you, and you let your body rest on the table again, enjoying the feel of his body on top of yours. As the two of you stay there, catching your breath, you feel Joel's chest start to vibrate against your back in silent laughter. You furrow your brows and attempt to stand and roll him off you, but only succeed in the latter, your legs failing as if they were made of jello.

Joel stands back and tucks himself back into his jeans as you slump back down on the table, temporarily accepting defeat. You see him take a seat in the chair next to you out of the corner of your eye, his chest still rattling the slightest bit.

“What the fuck do you find so funny, bastard?” You slur your words, your tone is a lot less fierce than you had wanted it to be. He looks at you before answering, and you feel your both heart and your cunt clench at the almost adoring look in his eyes as he meets your gaze. Maybe the asshole will try to be decent for a moment, his expression promising.

“Looks like your gonna have t’ scrub this table again, princess,” he says, his tone toeing the line of playful. You feel your lips tug up into a smile as you recognize the fact that this is probably Joel being friendly. Or at the very least, he’s not at your throat at the moment—in a bad way anyway—so you’ll take it. Upon seeing your smile, he sits back further and allows himself a small smile of his own as he continues to watch you sink into the polished wood beneath you.

“Fuck you, Miller,” you say. You erupt into a quiet yet delirious fit of exhausted giggles, Joel following soon after with his own gentle chuckle.

“Might have t’ give me a second for that, princess.”

*****

Pt. 2 here

#joel miller #fan fiction #pedro pascal #ao3 #smut #pedro pascal smut #joel miller smut #bless this mess #the last of us #tlou #we likey?#exhibition kink #enemies to lovers #dark!joel miller

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damon-loves-pie · 2 years ago

Text

“Wish I Could Be Your Man.”

I had to reshare this again this morning because I couldn’t find it any of the original hashtags I had done. And I spent WAY TOO MUCH TIME writing this for it to not get the recognition it deserves.

Pairing: Eddie Munson x female reader.

Word count: About 11k words. ( I GOT CARRIED AWAY)

Warnings: 18+, SMUTTY- FLUFFY- ANGSTY KIND OF SLOW BURN STORY. Talks of reader moving around a lot, there is angst with crying and fighting between the reader and Eddie at some point. Reader was cheated on by an ex who slept with her best friend. LOTS OF POT SMOKING.(Eddie is her dealer.) There is pussy eating, fingering, sex of course, and not really much dick sucking. No safe sex happens, (WRAP IT UP PLEASE, I AM PREGNANT BY ACCIDENT SO DON’T BE LIKE ME), Reader does drive stoned. (DO NOT DO THAT PLEASE.) Cigarette smoking, other than that I think that’s all???

I did use inspiration from Eddie’s and Chrissy scene in their first hang out.

Requested by: Anonymous, link to request is here. Overall was requested for a female reader x Eddie fic based off the ending of the song, The Summoning By Sleep Token. (I am not taking anymore request at the moment.)

Summary: Reader had moved around most of her life leaving her unwilling to let anyone close to her after having her heart broken at a young age, she’d rather spend her Senior year alone than with people who probably wouldn’t care for her. She starts working at Family Video in which she asks Steve if he knew where she could find the local dealer. After learning about Eddie Munson ,reader starts buying from him, overtime starting to grow fond of him till a small relationship forms. Eddie wants more than the reader is allowing, causing a fight to break out over him begging her to come see his band play. Reader in the end pulls her head out of her ass, and realizes she cares about the boy as much as he cares about her.

Author’s note: I WILL SAY THE BEGINING IS LONG, AND EDDIE DOESN’T COME IN FOR A MINUTE. BUT PLEASE bare with me. I HAD TO ESABILISH SOME KIND OF STORY. You don't get to see Eddie till a little over 2,000 words in. BUT I PROMISE YOU, IT’S WORTH IT.

I spent the last few days working solely on this and have proofread but it was superlong so I hope I didn’t miss anything.

But to whoever requested this I hope you enjoy the vision I had came up with.

Writing Masterlist

Hawkins, Indiana. The home of the small town high school, Hawkins High, which I'll be attending till graduation in the spring.

Other than that, Hawkins was just another small town on the list of places I've lived.

It was a place that probably won't cross my mind ever again when I leave for college in the fall just like any of the other towns I have called home over the years.

My father's job caused us to move so often that I stopped being interested in finding ties to a town I wouldn't be in for long.

Ever since getting a promotion before I went into 7th grade, he has constantly moved our family so he could help run or set up different stores across the country.

In result of that, the longest I tend to stay in a place is just for the school year. Maybe for the summer too if I'm lucky, but that seems to be about every other year.

Growing up with constantly moving made me crave structure. I act like I hate the idea of settling down and making friends, but actually I yearned for it.

I wanted strong friendships, I wanted to be on first name basis with the gas station clerk kind of thing, I wanted everything that came with a normal life.

But over the last few years I didn't see the point in making friends who would stop answering my calls or letters after a few weeks of me moving away.

So that dream life will just have to wait till I go to college next fall.

I had been dreaming of it since the summer of my freshman year.

I even started working that summer to save up for my apartment that I'll have during the four years I plan on attending.

I have so much money saved up because how badly I want this, and have worked my ass off to make sure I will get accepted.

I needed to have control of something in my life and this was the easiest most important way I could.

I thought about my life and the things that made up it as I drove down the run down road towards the high school.

How after having been to five other schools as the new girl, this sixth one probably wasn't going to be any different.

The nerves I had in middle school about starting new were gone now, having died out by freshman year.

The thought of being the new girl wasn't scary anymore, it was now routine.

My tires screech against the pavement as I pull into the parking lot, entering into an empty space.

Knowing what awaited me I grabbed by backpack and Walkman off the passenger side, throwing the worn out headphones over my ears.

My fingers pressing play as I hopped out of the seat of my car.

Walking towards the wide open doors, my eyes studied the school.

Hawkins High wasn't anything special, but neither were most the schools I went to.

It was your normal brick building with the school colors scatter about to capture that 'school spirt', with a big welcome sign seated up front to welcome in the new and returning students.

I reach the doors feeling eyes turn towards me from the lockers lined down the hall, other students taking a glimpse at the unknown student.

I was used to people whispering about me, usually wondering about the newest girl of the year. And I defiantly knew it was going to be bigger news once people found out I was a senior.

Not paying them any mind I followed the wall signs towards the door labeled 'office.'

I spent the twenty minutes before class filling out paperwork as the secretary retrieved my schedule. Reassuring the people in the office multiple times that I didn't need a student to show me around before heading to my classes for the day.

My first few classes were as normal as they could be. The teachers having me introduce myself to the class after realizing there was a new student on their roster. Syllabuses got handed out and read, stating what was expected for each class. And then most students avoiding me like the plague or gave me a small smile and a wave when passing in the hall.

Walking into lunch I felt heads turn towards me, knowing all the small-town kids who've known each other since preschool were talking about the new girl. Wondering if she had somewhere to sit or would dare sit alone.

That was the thing they didn't know though, I would rather sit by myself any day then beg someone to be my friend so I wouldn't be alone.

Finding an empty table near the windows I plopped myself into a seat, music playing through my headphones as I pulled out the work Mrs. Click had given us already.

I wasn't wanting to worry about finishing it later tonight since my first shift at my new job started after school.

I would rather eat a quick lunch on the way there than get off tonight and have to worry about finishing the assignment.

After lunch was over the second half of the day seemed to fly by, surprising me as the clock hit four pm when I got home.

I threw my bag onto my bed, grabbing the dark green Family Video vest off my chair as I made my way back to my car.

The job didn't seem like anything special from the outside and I doubt it was going to change my life or anything. But it was a way to make money and something to keep me occupied during my time here in Hawkins.

The sound of the bell ringing greeted me as I entered the store, causing me to groan internally because I knew soon I was going to loathe the sound.

My line of vision hit the front desk, looking for the man named Steve Harrington, who Keith told me would be training me today.

A tall brunette comes from behind the shelf, huge hands holding a small stack of tapes.

"Welcome to Fam- Oh, you must be (Y/N) the new hire. I'm Steve." He smiles, eyes glimmering as they meet the vest I'm wearing.

"That's me." I shrug slightly, watching as he studied me.

Steve wasn't bad looking and defiantly was not my usual type, but he wasn't something I wouldn't mind looking at from time to time. I memorized the way his longish hair sat and freckles that scattered across his neck to the way his muscles peaked out from under his polo as he held the tapes.

Realizing he had spent 30 seconds too long staring, he coughed awkwardly motioning his head towards the back of the counter.

"We should probably get you clocked in before we start training you in the 'Family Video way." He quotes sarcastically.

His free hand making quotations causing me to roll my eyes playfully in response.

Steve notices, laughing lightly while he placed the tapes on the counter.

"It's what Keith says we have to say when we train someone new. But I think he just likes trying to make my job a little harder." Steve explains, rummaging through a drawer till he pulls out a blank time card.

Laughing at his comment, I take the time card and pen from his grasp.

"So you can smile, I was worried you were going to have the whole 'I'm going to kill you vibe' all night long." He teases, watching as I write my name and the date across the paper.

"Don't get too excited, if I end up not liking you it could still happen." I shake my head playfully, going to sign on the time.

"You can write you were here 10 minutes earlier, Keith never checks the cameras." Steve promises, catching me off guard as my eyebrow raises in response.

"You trying to get me fired already Steve?" I mock, watching his lips turn up into a smile.

"I wouldn't do that unless you actually tried to kill me." He jokes, causing me to grin in amusement, scribbling 4:15 onto my time card.

The bell rings again for the second time that night as I look over to him,

"Looks like we have our first customer of the night." I sigh, placing my time card with the rest on the counter.

As the night went on I realized my job here at Family Video was actually one of the easier jobs I've had over the years.

There really wasn't much to it other than helping customers, keeping track and stocking innovatory, taking care of the store plus it's merchandise and either closing or opening the store depending on your shift.

Not to mention as well that Steve was surprisingly a good trainer. He was fun, light hearted, and didn't get upset or acted like I was stupid if I forgot how to do something. Instead he would explain it again understanding sometimes it was hard to get used to some things.

The night went by fast due to the steady stream of customers we had, which Steve promised wasn't normal for a Monday and that next week would probably feel so slow compared to today.

Steve had allowed me to do honors of locking the door after waving off the last customer of the night, celebrating a successful evening.

We finished rewinding the brought back tapes and putting them into their designated areas before closing down the register, deciding to save sweeping and mopping for last.

Steve followed behind me as I swept, mopping the hardwood floors.

"How is Hawkins treating you so far?" Steve asks filling the quiet air while swirling the soapy mop against the walkway.

Thinking about my response I stop sweeping, turning towards him.

"Can I be honest or are you going to judge me if I say the wrong thing?" I ask him with a serious look on my face.

Stopping his movements as well, he brings his eyes to mine.

"Why would I judge you?" He asks, bringing his hand to his hip while the other hand leaned against the mop handle.

"Hawkins has been fine the past couple of days, but uh" I trail off, moving my eyes down to the broom handle I was playing with nervously.

"But?" He asks as I sigh, lifting my eyes back up to meet his.

"But I can't seem to find out where to get any uh-stuff around here." I tell him, hoping he would understand.

"What stuff?" He asks confused, causing me to roll my eyes at the boy.

"Weed Harrington, weed. I haven't learned who sells here yet." I laugh watching the realization of what I meant wash over his face.

"Oh okay. Well that's easy, you could go to Eddie Munson." He tells me, dipping the mop back into the bucket of water.

"So where do I find him then?" I ask, going back to moving the broom across the floor, picking up pieces of dirt and dust.

"Uh, I think he's actually in school again this year since I didn't see him at graduation. So you could probably find him tomorrow." He answers, letting the loud thud of the mop head hit the floor.

"But be careful around him." Steve warns, lifting up a finger to me.

Stopping my movements again I turn towards the boy.

"Wait why be careful?" I ask him, confused on why he would say that. Unless the guy was like a serial killer or something.

"He's just a little bit of a freak. He listens to crazy music and of course as I told you deals drugs. Plus he plays that kid game, DND, and he's also in like a satanic band." Steve explains, the judgment in his voice lingering as he mops the dry wood.

"In a band you say. Does he play the guitar? Can he sing?" I joke, going back to finishing the floor.

"Yeah, I think he does play and if you want to call what he does singing." Steve answers, chuckling slightly.

"Sounds like he may be my type Harrington." I tease, knowing he's rolling his eyes behind me while we finish closing the store.

Heading into the school the next morning I was praying to find this Eddie Munson that Steve had told me to find.

I was desperate need of release because I finished the rest of my stash after getting off work last night.

If I don't get something soon I don't know how I'll survive the stress of senior year and work.

I had asked Steve before getting into my car where I would more than likely find him at school but he didn't have a clear answer since he didn't know much about the boy.

Just said I'll know he's him when I see him, that him and his friends are different from everyone else the high school.

Which basically left me with nothing, because what the hell was the supposed to mean?

I've came to notice two things over the years when figuring out who the dealer or dealers of the schools were. They were usually either the jocks no one would expect or the students with just enough charisma that they could convince anyone they wouldn't dare do that.

But they didn't always fall into those categories.

I scanned the halls as I walked to my first class, seeing the usual cheerleaders and jocks in their letterman jackets but none of them giving off the vibe of the local dealer.

The rest of the students left in the hall looked like they wouldn't dare touch it, let alone sell it.

None of them looked the way Steve had led me to believe Eddie would look like.

I felt discouraged as I sat down at my desk, hopping to find him at some point in the day. But at the moment it felt like I was looking for a needle in a haystack.

By the time lunch came around I wondered if Steve might have been wrong about him still being in school. Maybe he did graduate and Steve hadn't noticed. Or maybe he dropped out, having not wanted to finish school.

Or maybe he wasn't as bad as Steve tried to make him out to be so I'm looking for the wrong person.

Sitting down at the table I had sat the day before, I listened to the music playing through my ears. My eyes scanning the room over the top of my book.

I saw the usual cliques as I looked around the room but nothing screaming "Satan worshipers' like Steve had warned.

Turning my line of vision towards the tables in front of me I see a group stand out over the rest of the students a few tables down.

The occupants of the table were wearing leather jackets, torn vests and jeans. Just overall looking like themselves compared to the other students who looked like they walked out of a page of the latest magazine.

Leaning back slightly I eyed the table. My vision being drawn to the front to see a long curly haired brunette telling what seemed to be a dramatic story. The rest of the table watched in awe, laughing and making comments at the boy.

I took his appearance in, he was wearing black jeans that were ripped at the knee. There was a chain poking out beside him, the leather jacket he wore had a battle vest paired with. It had patches and pins scattered across it. The hand that brought whatever he was eating to his mouth were decorated in chunky silver rings, leather and chain bracelets sticking out as his sleeve rolled down slightly.

That has to be him, I thought to myself as I drooled mentally for a second.

I may have been right, this man was just my type.

I decided to let myself admire him for a second longer, not realizing he would notice the feeling of my eyes observing him so soon.

His eyes turned to meet mine as I adverted my sight quickly towards the words in front of me, feeling my face reddening slightly while the boy watched me for a moment.

I didn't dare to look up from my book the rest of lunch and wondered if the stares I felt were coming from him or someone else in the room.

I was one of the first students out of the lunch room when the bell rang to dismiss us.

Nervous about having been caught, I headed to the bathroom before going to class to catch my breath for a second.

Making my way down the hall I turn the corner not expecting to run chest first into someone this late into the passing period.

"Oh shit I'm so- you're new right?" I hear as I look at the chest of the person I ran into.

The battle vest and leather looking familiar as I took in the pins and patches, realizing as I stepped back that I had ran into the person I've been looking for.

"Are you alright?" He asks with concern in his voice, his hand moving to touch my forearm gently.

"I'm fine, just kind of shocked that's all." I laugh lightly, lifting my gaze to meet his to see the worry in his eyes disappear.

"And uh- yeah I just moved here for my senior year." I finish, watching his brown eyes crinkle while his lip curl up into a smile.

"Well welcome to Hawkins, I'm Eddie. Eddie Munson, I do wish we could of had a less painful introduction than this though." He grins, dimples popping out as he extends his hand towards mine.

"(Y/N), (Y/N) (Y/L/N)." I smile lightly, taking his hand into mine.

The bell above us rings making me pull my hand away in shock as we realize passing period is now over.

"I should get going if actually plan on graduating this year." Eddie chuckles, pulling his hand back awkwardly.

Nodding in agreement we both stand there for a second, neither of us taking the first step to leave.

"Before I go, I uh saw you sitting alone at lunch. And if you want you could always join me and the rest of hellfire." He offers, twirling the ring on his left pointer finger nervously. A small blush playing on his cheeks, while he glances down at his shoes.

"Hellfire? Is that your band?" I ask curiously, watching his demeanor change in response.

"It's not, but you have heard of me?" He questions with amusement in his voice. His body stands a little taller, moving to lean against the lockers next to me as his arms cross across his chest. Smile tugging on his lips playfully.

"I had um- asked around about finding uh- supplies and I got your name along with some warnings." I tell him sheepishly, hearing his laugh escape through his lips.

"Sounds about right, just I can't get you stuff at the moment." Eddie tells me, glancing at the clock on the wall.

"But we are already late, so how do you feel about going out to the woods?" Eddie asks with a raised eyebrow, bringing his fingers to his lips in a smoking motion.

"I would beg please." I laugh, watching his smile widen.

He leads me out the door in the hallway, showing me the way to the picnic table in the woods.

I sit down across from him watching him dig around the pack of camels he pulled out of his jacket pocket.

Pulling out an already rolled joint Eddie smiles in triumph, handing it to me along with his lighter.

"Most people around here have smoked my weed at some point before they even come up to me. So um since you're new I figured you can smoke it before you decide to buy it." Eddie explains, watching as I bring the joint to my lips. The clicking of the lighter lighting the paper into a burning ember.

Inhaling I feel the familiar haze wash over my body and mind releasing all the stress and tension the day had brought so far.

Coughing slightly due to the harsh hit, I pass the joint back to Eddie.

"Thank you, you don't know how bad I needed this." I thank him, exhaling the thick smoke into the air around us.

"Trust me, I get it. High school and life can be rough." He welcomes, bringing the burning smoke to his lips.

"So tonight doesn't work for me to meet up with you because I'm playing at the hideout tonight. But I could meet up with you here tomorrow or after school at one of our places if you're comfortable with that." He tells me, as my smaller fingers takes the joint back from between his.

"I couldn't do tonight anyway because I work Tuesdays, but I can do tomorrow. And meeting at your house will work, I need to learn my way around town anyway." I laugh lightly feeling the high starting to hit me as I breathe out what was left of my hit.

"So what's the hideout?" I ask him curiously, seeing his eyes spark up as he takes a hit.

"It's just some shitty bar here in town, and it's pretty cool actually. And we get a crowd there of about um- five drunks." Eddie tells me, humor in voice.

I hear myself giggle in response, fingers brushing against his more the higher I get.

"Yeah, it's not exactly the Garden, but you gotta start somewhere right?" He finishes, playfully shrugging his shoulders.

"So is that what you hope to do with your life? Get somewhere with your music?" I ask, taking the second to last hit that was left.

"That's the plan. I love music and love the thought of being able to travel the country while doing what I love." Eddie nods, taking the joint between his lips before putting it out on the table.

"If that's what you want, then it sounds nice. I think everyone should do what makes them happy." I tell him, touching his forearm gently.

"How about you? What plan do you have?" He questions, resting his chin on his hand.

"Um, I've moved around every year the last five, six years so I'm really trying to make it to college and decide from there." I admit to him.

"So we're on two different spectrums?" He chuckles, as I nod in agreement.

"So it would seem." I laugh lightly.

"Do you know much are you wanting tomorrow?" Eddie asks, pulling a cigarette out of the pack on the table.

"What are your prices?" I ask him, watching him light the cigarette.

He inhales, chewing on his lip for a second before talking.

"I can do a half ounce for um $20." Eddie offers, lifting the cigarette up for me to take.

"That works and would be great." I smile, taking the cigarette from him.

"You know you don't seem as bad as people say." I tell him as the cigarette rest on my lips, my glassy eyes smiling over at him.

"Mean and scary?" Eddie asks, hand rubbing his cheek while a smile forms.

"Yeah." I nod, biting back my smile as I pass him the cigarette.

"Actually in other good news- flattery works with me. " Eddie smiles, as I raise an eyebrow.

"So uh 25% discount for the half. I can do fifteen bucks. But just so you know, you're robbing me blind here." He finishes, with a grin and a blush across his face when he brings the cigarette to his lips.

The moment in the woods with Eddie helped me surive the rest of my classes and made me ready to set Steve straight at work.

"Steve, he is not that bad." I tell him grabbing my time card out of the stack.

"Who?" He asks, glancing up from the computer.

"Eddie." I tell him scrunching my eyebrow, because who else would I be talking about?

"Whatever you say." He shakes his head, tying away on the keyboard.

"So does that mean you got your stuff?" Steve asks, looking up to me as I peak over from the side of him to watch him check accounts for past due movies.

"No, but I did talk to him. We're supposed to meet at his place tomorrow." I shrug, watching him mark an account with a late charge.

"Meeting at his place huh?" Steve teases, playful smirk on his face as I bump my hip against his shoulder.

"Stop it's not like that, plus I don't do relationships. I learned that after my freshman year." I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest.

"You do know you don't have to be in a relationship for stuff to happen right?" He asks, eyes meeting playfully with mine.

"Steve, we aren't close enough yet for you to tease me like this. Now stop before I do go back to having my murderous stare." I laugh, giving him another small shove.

"I was just saying." He shrugs, going back to typing away.

The next day and a half went by fast as I waited in anticipation for meeting with Eddie.

Pulling into the Munson's drive, I felt more nervous now than I had felt about starting school.

It felt different being here than being out in the woods with him since now I knew he wasn't a dick like some of the drug dealers I had in the past.

Walking up to the door I take a deep breath as I knocked, praying to god Eddie would be the one to answer.

A few moments after my fist met the door, it opens to reveal a smiling Eddie.

"Hey, you made it, come on in." He tells me, extending his arm out into the home.

"Why wouldn't I?" I ask him, taking a step inside.

All the mugs scattered on the walls catches my eye as I scan over them. Turning towards him with a raised brow, I smile watching him redden up a bit.

"Yeah sorry about that, they're my uncle's. It's just me and him here, but don't worry he's already gone for work. And uh, I was worried you might have decided against meeting here." Eddie tells me, leading me to the kitchen.

"But anyway, my stuff is on the counter over here." He motions to the counter where a scale and a jar sat.

I watched as he set the scale, weighting the product to measure it out.

"You want to take a look?" Eddie asks taking a step back so I could read the scale.

"Eddie that's a little more than a half?" I turn towards him to see him nodding lightly.

"Consider it a gift for being a first time buyer." He winks, going to bag it up for me.

"Can I just give you $20 then, you're already giving me a great deal." I beg digging into my purse for the money before holding it out to him.

"I told you 15 yesterday so it's 15."He shakes his head, pushing away the 20.

"That was for a half though, and this clearly isn't a half." I argue holding the bag he gives me, feeling bad because he gave me two more grams than he was supposed to on top of the deal he was already giving me.

"Sweetheart, it's fine I promise you." Eddie reassures me, as I feel my cheeks redden at the nickname.

"Whatever you say Eddie." I sigh, going to grab a 10 and a 5 to complete the transaction.

Eddie walks me to back to the front door, his hand resting in his back pocket.

"Thank you for this, it should last me a while." I tell him, tapping my purse.

"It's no problem really, thank you for coming to me." He smiles, freehand rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well it's kind of late, I should probably be heading home." I trail, looking around nervously, not wanting to intrude.

I'm about to reach the doorknob as Eddie interrupts.

"Unless you want to stay for a little while?" He asks, causing me to turn back around.

"We could watch a movie and match joint for joint?" He offers as my thumb plays with the strap of my purse while I contemplate staying.

I don't usually hang out with people, let alone smoke with other people, especially more than once.

But he doesn't seem to be a horrible person to be around, and I probably will be seeing him for a good amount of the next year.

"Okay." I nod, watching Eddie's face light up.

We sat there watching something that was playing on TV, surrounded in thick smoke as we passed the joint back and forth. Bodies naturally getting closer with each pass we do.

"So what do you do in your free time? Other than smoke obviously?" Eddie asks me, pulling my attention away from the movie.

"Oh um, I mostly work or just do homework. Like I said the other day, I've been dreaming of college so I mostly just focus on that." I tell him, blowing out smoke.

"I wish I could say the same for me, this is my third year as a senior. My GPA is like less than 1 if that's even possible." He admits to me, a nervous laugh following as I give him the joint.

I watch him take a hit, feeling shy to look over after sharing the information.

Leaning in a bit more, I rest my hand on his freehand.

"Hey, at least you're here. There's many people who would of gave up after failing the first time. Plus everyone has their own speed, life isn't a race to win." I smile softly, Eddie's brown eyes moving to meet mine.

"Plus, if you ever need help you could just ask me." I tell him, feeling my eyes glimmer.

"Thank you." He nods before opening his mouth again.

"I actually really think this is my year." Eddie tells me smiling slightly, causing me to laugh lightly in response.

"Yeah?" I grin at him.

"Yeah," He nods, giving my hand a light squeeze.

Seeing through the cloudiness in my brain, I realize we're still holding hands after a few moments.

Pulling away, I glance over to the clock by the TV.

"It's been fun, but I should really get going." I tell Eddie, standing up.

"It is getting late, but I'll see you at school tomorrow right?" He asks, standing up as well.

"Yeah, I'll be there." I nod at him, feeling him watch me gather my things.

"Think you might sit with Hellfire at lunch?" Eddie questions as I start heading towards the door.

Reaching the door I turn around slightly, hand resting on the knob.

"Probably not Eddie, nothing against you or them I promise. I just don't like to make friends, I've lost too many of them over the years." I confess, his face dropping slightly as he nods.

"Well if you ever change your mind, there's always a spot available." He smiles lightly, trying to mask the pain while taking a step forward.

"But really thank you for this Eddie, I really needed it." I tell him truthfully. Taking a step forward before I realize what I'm doing, I find my lips being placed on his cheek.

Pulling away shocked at my actions, I open the door quickly, turning to tell him goodbye.

"I'll see you soon, I promise," I smile, basically running out of his trailer.

It's been a little over a month of me living in Hawkins since that first transaction with Eddie.

School had been decent and working with Robin and Steve had actually been a blessing. I don't know how I would survive there without them.

Eddie and I talk quite a bit actually, sometimes just in passing through the halls. Sometimes before entering lunch as he asks me if I'm sure I didn't want to sit at his table, which I reassure him I'm okay alone especially since I usually work on homework anyway and didn't want any distractions.

Sometimes we just meet up in the woods for a smoke break on days that seem unbearable.

With everything going on with Eddie and the duo at work I've been feeling conflicted and have been questioning everything.

I don't usually allow myself to be so vulnerable with people.

I've had laughs with them, hell have hung out with them all at some point even.

That wasn't who I was when I got here, I hadn't allowed myself to feel for years before moving here.

It has me wondering what was in the air here in Hawkins.

Hell Robin even sits next me in the few classes we have together, leaving me to have a partner when a teacher says to partner up for the first time in years.

I am thankful for her though because she does make school not be as boring.

Exiting our last class for the day, Robin follows me towards my locker.

"What are you doing today on your day off?" She asks as I open the door.

"I have no idea, but I need to talk to Eddie about getting some more.. stuff soon." I whisper quietly motioning to the teachers standing outside their doors.

"On a Friday?" She smirks teasingly.

"Stop, it's not like that." I tell her, rolling my eyes while putting away the books I didn't need.

"Mmmh. Well because of Dustin I know they have Hellfire tonight, but I'm sure Eddie would love meeting up with you after its over, you know late at night." Robin says playfully, leaning against the locker next to mine.

"Robin, I swear to god I will quit our job right now leaving to work with either Steve or Keith alone on all of your shifts." I raise an eyebrow, challenging her to continue.

"Okay, I'll stop but I just think you two would be cute, and I know you two like each other. I can see it." She says holding her books in defense.

"I think you're delusional, plus shouldn't you be leaving to get to work on time since band isn't needed today?" I ask her, packing my backpack.

"Okay, I may be delusional most days but I promise you not on this." Robin laughs, removing her back from the locker.

"And yeah, Steve's probably outside. I'll see you tomorrow night at work though, and make sure you tell me everything that happens." She calls out, turning down to walk towards the exit.

"Nothing is going to happen!" I yell, hearing footsteps approach me on my other side.

"What's not going to happen?" A curious Eddie asks as I look over.

"Robin was just being stupid and teasing me about not having anything to do on a Friday since I'm off." I shake my head, throwing my bag over my shoulder while my free hand closed my locker.

"Oh?" He asks, playing with his rings.

"Yeah, but actually would you be free tonight for me to come... visit? I got paid yesterday." I trail off, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Are you already out again?" Eddie chuckles as I redden.

"No but I'm getting close, I don't think you understand how much I uh-consume a day." I chose my words carefully, waving as Mrs. Click walks pass us.

"Would around 8:30/9 work for you? I have hellfire tonight and it's probably going to go on late tonight." He asks.

"Yeah, I'll be there then. Thank you, see you then." I smile, touching his arm before waving goodbye.

I wait till it's closer to nine to leave my house, determining it would be better to arrive later in case he wasn't done as early as he thought.

Pulling into his driveway I see his van parked and Eddie waiting on the porch for me, smoking a cigarette.

"How was your campaign?" I ask climbing out of my car as he stands up.

"It actually went really well, how was having some free time for once?" Eddie teases while I make my way to the porch.

"Actually I uh did homework for most the night, but now I don't have to worry about finishing anything this weekend." I tell him, shrugging slightly, feeling my lips turn up into a smile.

"You're something else (Y/L/N)." He chuckles, opening his door for me.

"Same as usual right?" Eddie asks as I nod.

As he goes to weight it I sit on the couch opening my draw string bag I brought with me.

"Yow know, I um checked this out last night before I left work because in the next couple months everyone's going to want it once the second one comes out. I still haven't gotten around to re-watching it, and really don't want to waste the money I spent renting it?" I explain, waving Nightmare On Elm Street between my fingers.

"Is that your way of asking if I want to watch it with you tonight?" Eddie grins teasingly, walking over to hand me the bag he filled.

"Might be." I laugh, handing him his money and the tape.

"What if I would of been busy tonight?' He questions, humor in his voice as he puts the tape in.

"Then I guess you would of had to cancel." I tell him, raising an eyebrow as Eddie shakes his head making his way towards the couch.

Smoke filled the room while we watched the movie.

Even though I had seen this a few times, I tucked my head against his shoulder throughout different portions of the movie. My high making me jump more than I would usually.

"Scared princess?" Eddie smirks, lighting another joint he had rolled.

"No," I lie, taking the joint from him as he gives me a blank stare.

"I'm not, I'm more like grossed out." I laugh, bringing it to my lips, still leaning onto him with my feet tucked under me.

"Don't like gore?" He asks, watching my mouth pull away from the joint.

"No, not at all." I admit, holding down a cough as his fingers linger longer than usual when I pass him the smoke.

"Then why would you pick a glory movie?" Eddie snorts.

"I didn't remember it being it this bad." I tell him truthfully, feeling his arm wrap around to hold me while he leans forward to ash the joint.

"You know, if you wanted to cuddle with me you could of just asked." Eddie jokes, leaning back to pass it to me.

"I didn't want to cuddle with you." I shake my head in response, inhaling the smoke.

I felt my cheeks start to redden as the air seemed to shift, wondering if there was tension between us or if I was just high and imagining it.

"Babe, you're already are." Eddie laughs, giving my side that he was holding a light squeeze.

"Munson, if I wanted to get under you I wouldn't have had to use a scary movie, that's just more work on my part." I tell him, smirk playing on my lip as I give him the last hit.

"Are you calling me easy?" He asks, eyes gleaming as he inhales the rest before putting it out, strong grip never leaving my side.

"I don't know, are you?" I tease, feeling my heart starting to beat faster at the way he was looking at me.

"Are you trying to find out?" He questions, eyes moving from my lips to my eyes while his hand traces circles on the exposed part of my hip.

I took a deep breath, resting my hand onto his chest.

"And if I was? What would you do?" I ask batting my eyes lightly, the glimmer of the forgotten movie lighting his face.

"What would you let me do?" He gulps, other hand moving to hold my knee.

"Honestly? Anything." I barely whisper, this time taking my eyes from his to his lips and back.

Taking that as a sign, Eddie leans in gently. His lips brushing against mine as his hand lightly digs into my thigh, both of us holding our breath as our lips meet.

Kissing back slowly, I feel him part his lips lightly against mine. The tenderness of the kiss making me breath heavy as he presses into the kiss a little harder. I feel my hand grip his shirt tighter as my other hand moved to hold the back of his head.

We sit there for a few minutes, lips connecting sweetly as we explore each other's mouths. His tongue lightly licking my bottom lip before entering. The feeling of his hair between my fingers made me moan as he ran his tongue against mine, a little rougher than how he had been kissing me.

Not removing my mouth from his, I lift myself up slightly so I can slide onto his lap. Straddling him, I feel his hands move to hold the tops of my thighs as I slowly rock my hips against his. The kisses start to get a little heavier as I start pulling his jacket off his chest, biting his lip lightly between kisses.

I felt like I never wanted this moment to end, the taste of weed and cigarettes taking up my taste buds as I slide my tongue against his. Eddie groans against my mouth, his hands roaming up underneath my shirt to hold me close.

Pulling away I felt my chest feeling like my heart was about to burst through my shirt.

"Eddie?" I ask him, resting my forehead against his.

"Hm?" He hums at me, breathing as heavily as I was.

"If you want this, then that's all this will ever be. Nothing more, and I'm okay with it if you are but I just needed you to know in case you thought this was something else." I tell him watching him take in the information as I pull back slightly.

"If you don't want to do that then we can forget this ever happened." I continue nervously, loosening up my grip on his shirt.

Eddie licks his lips lightly as I held my breath. In reality it had only been a few seconds but the cloudiness of my mind made it feel like forever.

"(Y/N), I'm okay with this if you are." He reassures me, hands moving to hold my hips as he looked at me deeply.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to do something you don't actually want to do." I ask, watching as he groans teasingly.

"God, why won't you listen to what I say?" Eddie laughs, moving to lay me down on the couch beneath him.

Climbing over me, I smile as he hovers above my face.

"When I say I'm okay with something, I'm okay with it. Doesn't matter if it's this, giving you more weed, or anything. If I said it's okay, then it's okay." Eddie tells me, smile playing on his lips.

"Okay." I nod biting my lip as he leans down to connect his with mine again.

Pulling away he starts kissing on my neck, hands running beneath my shirt to pinch my nipples lightly causing me to gasp underneath him.

"Now, let me make you feel good." Eddie breaths against me, licking a sensitive spot on my neck.

"Okay," I nod, eyes closed as I whimper at the feeling of his rough tongue against my neck. The coolness of it soothing the hash bites and nips he trails across it.

"Good, because you deserve to relax princess." He tells me, tongue connecting with my ear lobe, as my shoulder tenses in response.

"Uh, uh. Sweetheart, lets see you loosen up." He tsks, biting my lobe, causing me to cry out beneath him as I take a deep breathe in hopes of relaxing my body.

"Good girl sweetheart, how about we get these pants off?" Eddie praises, pulling up to unbutton my jeans.

Hooking his long fingers with the inside of the pants, he pulls them down completely along with the purple lace panties I had wore tonight.

"Aw did you expect something to happen tonight sweetheart?" He teases, tossing them to the floor.

"No, but I wore them in case." I admit, breathing hitching as he licks up my thigh. His mouth leaving small bites while one of his hands moved to sperate my legs. Pulling it over on to his shoulder.

A gasp slips my lips when Eddie takes his tongue lightly between my folds, licking softly.

One of my hand move to hold his hair as he dives in, tongue meeting my clit as he slowly circles around it.

"Hold as tightly as you need baby." Eddie tells me, taking one hand and tracing his finger up and down slowly before slipping it inside of me. As I arche my back in response feeling Eddie smirk against me.

Matching speed with his finger, he flicked his tongue against my clit while he pumped his finger in and out of me leaving me moaning beneath him.

Taking my freehand I move to lift up my shirt, feeling Eddie help me slide it up with his other hand.

Pitching my nipple I look down to make eye contact with Eddie as he moans against me, brown eyes shinning towards mine.

He adjusts himself so he can support himself up and pay attention my other nipple while my hand holds his hair.

Feeling that usual squeeze in my stomach, I cry out feeling him add another finger.

The feeling of his mouth licking and sucking lightly on my clit driving me wild as the edges of his rings press inside of me when he curls his fingers, pumping them in and out.

"Come on princess, let yourself go. It's okay to relax," Eddie mumbles against me.

"I feel you tensing beneath me. Just breathe okay? Let yourself cum all over me." He assures me before diving back into pleasing me.

Nodding, I take a deep breath, allowing my body to feel the pleasure coming from all directions.

Eddie speeds up a little bit. Fingers pumping faster as his tongue rubs against my clit at the same pace.

"I'm getting close Eddie." I cry out, leaning forward more as he hums against me, bringing his eyes back to mine.

I feel the usual wave of emotion hit my body as I unwind all over him, screaming out his name as he rides out my high on his mouth and fingers.

He pulls fingers out of me, bringing them to my mouth which I opened up obediently for him, licking and sucking on them while he licks me clean below.

"Such a good girl baby." Eddie smirks, pulling away from me as he wipes his mouth clean.

"Think you're ready for me? Or do you need a moment?" He asks, sitting up to undo his jeans.

"I'm ready for you." I nod, leaning forward to help him pull them down as his cock springs up.

"You're just full of many surprises aren't you Munson?" I smirk, leaning forward to lick up his long shaft, hearing him groan from the friction.

"Sweetheart as much as I would love to see what that mouth could do, I almost came while taking care of you." Eddie chuckles, hand going underneath my chin to stop me when I tried to go back down on him.

Nodding I sit up, pulling my shirt off completely as he pulls his off over his head as well.

Climbing on to him I position him below me, moving down slowly as his hands grip my hips harshly.

"Fuck (Y/N), you feel so fucking good wrapped around me baby." Eddie breathes, face scrunching up in pleasure as he bottoms out into me.

"You're so big Eddie, stretching me out completely." I tell him, eyes rolling to the back of my head as I rock against him.

The feeling of his huge cock hitting my cervix makes me whimper as I started to lift and roll my hips against his.

Leaning forward I attach my mouth to his Adam's apple that he had exposed while being a moaning mess beneath me.

I bite the area lightly, letting my nails dig into his chest while I worked on his neck.

"Fuck baby, just like that." Eddie groans, making me moan as I feel the vibrations through his neck while I licked and sucked all over him.

I whimper feeling him adjust below me as he starts pounding into me while I work my hips down.

Moving his head so his lips meet mine, I moan into the kiss, tongue sliding against his as I struggled to hold myself still against him. All the movement from both us making me cry out as I felt my stomach starting to turn again.

Feeling Eddie let go of one side of me, I feel my body shutter when his thumb meets my clit, rubbing a circular motion as we both chased to find our highs.

Eddie moves his other hand to hold my throat, making me look straight at him as he pounds up into me.

"Come on baby, you can do it. " He mutters, leaning down to bite my collarbone.

"Let yourself cum for me again baby, just remember to breathe okay?" Eddie orders bringing kisses to my jaw.

I feel my airway tightening as he brings his mouth towards my neck and ear, licking and sucking making me want to scream as I try my hardest to breathe through the stimulation at hand.

"Cum for me princess, cum all over my cock." He whispers.

Taking a deep breathe I cry out feeling my stomach twist, knowing I was done for.

"Eddie, I'm cumming. Fuck." I let out, feeling him not stop his motions as I ride out my orgasm.

Once I was done I felt Eddie twitch inside me, warm liquid pooling as his thrusts got sloppier.

Pulling off of him, I lay down onto the couch, not being able to breathe.

Eddie gets up tiredly, walking to find me a cloth get get cleaned up with.

"Do you want to stay the night?" Eddie asks, still breathing heavily as he hands me my clothes. Shaking my head, I go to pull my shirt over my head.

"Eddie I can't, I told you what this was going to be. That's going out of territory." I sigh, standing up to put on my bottoms.

"Come on just this once, it's late and you're still a little stoned. We smoked more that usual and I don't want to risk you getting hurt." He pleads, grabbing my hand to pull me towards him.

I sigh, looking up into his eyes while pressed against his chest, knowing he was right.

"Only this one time Munson, I swear." I tell him, watching his eyes light up the few inches above mine.

It didn't end up being that one night only.

It's been a few more months since that night and I have spent the night at least one time every weekend, breaking my own rule because I couldn't say no to those big doe eyes.

It had became ritual to hook up either before school or after school, (sometimes even during school,) at least once a day.

Robin and Steve have teased me, especially the day after the first night because it looked like I had been mauled by a bear by the time I had gotten to work the next day.

But they say I look happier, which I shrug off because there wasn't any reason for me to be happier. We were just two people hooking up.

At least we were supposed to be.

But not long after, things started to go into a territory it shouldn't have.

It started off with small things, Eddie leaving notes in my locker. Sometimes leaving hand picked flowers in my drivers side for me to find after school.

Hell he even brought me lunch at work a few times, trying to pass it off that it was because Dustin wanted to visit Steve.

With every action I would ask him if he was okay with what we're doing, scared he wasn't. But he would always say he was fine with our arrangement, it was my fault I listened.

It wasn't that I didn't like how Eddie was treating me, to be honest I was shocked most the time because I had never had anyone do the things he's done.

The last time I had fully dated anyone was my freshman year and we promised each other to still talk over the summer and see about me coming down to visit. But before I was supposed to visit I found out he had started hooking up with the girl who was supposed to be my best friend.

After that I swore I wasn't going to date again, or make friends, just leave things casual with me and anyone.

Which is why I wasn't sure how casual it was with me laying in Eddie's arms cuddling with him on a Friday night after hooking up for probably the millionth time.

I felt his fingers run up and down my arm as my eyes grew heavy.

"Do you think you could come see me play Tuesday?" He asks out of nowhere causing my eyes to open up wide.

"What?" I question, sitting up slightly to look down at him.

"Would you come see us play Tuesday, it's been months of this and you still haven't came to a show." Eddie tells me, moving to sit up with me.

Holding one of his blankets to my chest, I stand up.

"Eddie, you know I work Tuesdays." I tell him nervously, looking for my clothes on the floor.

"Just ask for the day off." He shrugs, standing up with me.

Grabbing my shirt off the floor, I throw it on.

"Eddie why would I ask for a day off to see you play? We aren't serious enough for me to do that." I ask him, feeling anger starting to take over.

"Not serious enough (Y/N)? Then what the hell have we been doing?" He expresses, raising his voice slightly as I grab my jeans.

"We've been having fun Eddie, and it's not my fault if you couldn't keep your eyes on the agreement we had made." I spit at him, the words hitting him like venom.

"Well I'm sorry for thinking you had started to feel the same way I did." Eddie rolls his eyes, grabbing his shirt to put on.

"I think we need to end this." I tell him going to grab my purse as he pulls my hand.

"Wait, please don't go." He begs as I take a deep breath, realizing how serious this fight had gotten.

"Eddie, I think I need to leave before you get hurt and your heart gets broken." I whisper, watching his eyes break.

"(Y/N) I don't care if you hurt me, because guess what if you walk out that door my heart is going to break either way. I would rather have whatever this is as long as I can before it does get broken." Eddie admits to me causing my eyes to water, tear slipping down my face.

Shaking him off my arm and wiping away the tears, I start walking towards the door before turning around slightly.

"That's why I have to go Eddie, I couldn't stand to know how much you were hurting and that it was my fault. I might as well leave before it gets worse." I apologize, turning towards the door before rushing out.

Eddie follows me out in his boxers and t-shirt calling out to me, begging for me to stay and fix things.

I ignored his advances pulling out of his drive with tears streaming heavily, seeing him follow me out into the street, yelling as he watched me drive away.

Getting home I made my parents promise to tell anyone who may show up other than Robin that I wasn't feeling well or accepting visitors.

I called out from work the next two days, knowing Eddie would show up looking for me and I wouldn't be able to handle seeing him.

Robin came by Sunday night after work demanding to know what was going on.

"Tell me what is going on with you? It's not like you to call out one day let alone two in a row." She asks sitting next to me while I sniffle against my pillow, not wanting to look at her.

"I just feel like a bad person. I broke one of my few rules and hurt someone important to me." I tell her, feeling the sympathy radiate off of her.

"Is this about Eddie?" She whispers quietly, bringing her hand to rub my hair.

"Mmh. And god, why do you and Steve have to be so great too? All of you made me break my rules." I sob into my pillow as she laughs lightly, patting my head.

"(Y/N) most rules are meant to be broken at one point or another." Robin tells me as I catch my breath to look at her.

"You don't understand why I have them." I remind her, sitting up slightly as she scoots over.

"Then tell me, and then maybe tell Eddie." She asks as I nod slightly.

"My freshman year I fell head-over-heels for this sophomore, thought it was love. All that 14-15 year old crap." I laugh lightly as she nods, listening.

"We did everything together, went on dates, car rides, even lost my virginity to him." I continue, playing with my hands nervously.

"And then I moved and we continued talking on the phone for the first month of summer all the time. But then he started missing calls, or getting off the phone earlier than usual. Then when I would try to call my 'best friend' she would be missing calls as well, and that went on for about a month before I was supposed to go down for the fourth of July." I tell her.

"Then what happened?" Robin asks, face in her hand as her arm rests on her knee

"Then a week before I was about to come down Bailey called me crying one night, telling me she was sorry and hated herself. Told me she had started hooking up with Michael a few weeks prior." I sigh, feeling my eyes water as hers widen.

"No way." Robin exclaims as I nod.

"Yeah, and when I confronted Michael he said it was all true. So from there on out I refused to make friends or even try to let someone in." I finish, feeling her rest her hand on my knee.

"Why didn't you just tell Eddie that? Look I don't know him very well, but I don't think he could ever do that to you, also I think he would understand what that kind of trauma could do to you." Robin reassures me.

"I don't know if I'll ever speak to him again. He deserves better than me, I'm selfish and don't know how to be social since everything. He deserves someone who can match his energy, which isn't me." I tell her, sniffling to hold back tears as she gives me a sympathetic smile.

"Look (Y/N), you clearly care about him. And I know he gives off golden retriever energy once you start talking to him and you're more of a black cat energy kind of girl. But those sometimes are the best combinations." She tells me, smile still holding on her lips.

"Trust me, I do work in a movie store, so I do know the best couples." She teases softly.

"Do you think you could do me a huge favor?" I ask her as she nods.

"Anything." She agrees.

I spent the next two days avoiding Eddie the best I could. I would turn back down the hall when I saw him walking, would hide in the bathroom telling the teacher's I was having girl problems. Even ate lunch in the my car and parked down the block in case he decided to go see if I was outside.

I had went to work on Monday, and spent most the night in the back putting the newest tapes into the system.

But by the end of the night Steve had said there wasn't any sight of Eddie.

Now I was sitting in my car tapping my fingers nervously as I stared at the little rundown bar in front of me, wondering if I should actually go in.

Robin had agreed to skip band practice this once to take my shift so I could come tonight.

Glancing at the clock I realized it was now and never, and knew if I didn't go in Robin would kill me for making her take my shift.

Walking inside I hear them playing from the corner stage in the bar.

The lights illuminating only the stage and the bar for those wanting drinks.

I take a seat at the bar stool closest to the door, watching as they finished the song.

Eddie looks around at the small crowed who was hooting and hollering before speaking.

"Our last song for the night is a sneak peak of something I'm working on. So far it is unheard of outside of the band, but it's something I've been dealing with recently and it means a lot to me so I hope you all enjoy." He tells the crowd before starting to strum his guitar, fingers moving up and down as the rest of the band seemed to follow.

I watched him play. Seeing his face focus in concentration, tongue peaking out slightly as he worked against the instrument.

His long hair that was usually free was held back by the black bandana that mostly took home in his back pocket.

Pieces of his hair remained free though, peaking out around his face as his arm muscles flexed slightly with every pluck he gave the cords.

I didn't know what to expect when he opened his mouth, I hadn't heard him sing at all yet.

But god when he opened his mouth I thought I was going to die. If I hadn't already fucked him, I would of wanted to right there.

His voice was so raspy and sexy as he sung into the microphone, keeping eye contact with the crowd.

I listened admiring the beauty of him and his words watching him belt out the rest of the lyrics.

"Oh and my love," He sang into the microphone. Lips brushing against the metal as his eyes came to the bar.

"Did I mistake you for a sign from god?" Eddie hums out, his eyes getting pulled to meet mine.

I feel my cheeks redden as he adjusts his guitar, clearly surprised to see me.

I watch him as he continues, not looking away from me.

"Or are you really here to cut me off?" He questions, eyebrow raising slightly, handing moving down the next of his guitar.

"Or maybe just to turn me on?" He teases into the mic, leaning more towards my side of the bar as he gets into his song.

"Cause these days." He continues as I feel different emotions start to run through my body.

"I would be lying if I told you that, I didn't wish that I could be your man." Eddie sings strongly, both hands moving to hold the mic.

"Or maybe make a good girl bad." He sings out breathy as I feel tears start to run down.

Wiping them away I leave, not wanting to be seen crying in the bar.

Wanting to run away from everything I find myself parked at lover's lake, just thinking about my life and the choices I made. Wondering if it was my fault for how miserable it was.

Laying on the hood of my car I smoked, hoping to find some peace while I decided what to do.

Moving to sit in my car I see the time flash as I start it.

10:17pm.

I start my car, not even having a destination in mind as I start to drive.

Just letting my high lead my subconscious as I head down the road.

Which is why I'm not that surprised when I find myself outside of the Munson's trailer.

But Eddie's van was no where in sight, even with how late it was I hoped he would be home at some point soon.

I opened my car door, lighting a cigarette, listening to music as I waited to the metalhead to get home.

Eddie's P.O.V.

"What do you mean you haven't seen her Robin? She's your friend." I ask her, rubbing my temple feeling a headache starting to form.

"As far as I knew she was supposed to go see you." Robin tells me, loading tapes onto a cart.

"She did, but she left in the middle of a song. It looked like she had started crying." I explain her.

"Why did she start crying? And did you check her house?" Robin questions as I follow behind her.

"Probably because the song was about us, and yes of course I checked her house first. Do you know where else she may be?" I sigh, feeling defeated while she starts loading the sci-fi section.

"I don't really. She is always either at school, work, home, or your house." She shrugs in response.

"Okay, thank you anyway." I tell her, going to head back home in hopes of her calling.

"Wait Eddie, I think there's something you might want to know about why (Y/N) is the way she is." Robin calls, stopping me.

"What is it?" I ask turning around.

Reader's P.O.V-

I see the van pull up as Eddie's face lights up seeing my car.

Parking next to me, he hops out as I stand up out of my seat.

Eddie takes the first step, walking to wrap his arms around me tightly.

Connecting my body with his, I hold him close. Feeling the tears start to fall down my face as I hug him.

"I'm sorry." I sniffle against his shoulder.

"No it's okay, I'm sorry. I didn't know what you had been through." He shushes me as I pull away slightly, eyes still watering as I look at him confused.

"Don't be mad at Robin, I went to the store looking for you and she told me about what happened your freshman year." Eddie tells me, bringing his hands to wipe away my tears.

"I should of told you before things got this serious." I admit, bringing my hands to hold his wrist as he cradles my face.

"Are we still serious?" Eddie asks hopefully, smiling pulling on his lips as his head tils towards me.

"Do you want to be?" I ask, eyes lighting up as the moonlight danced across his face.

"More than anything." He nods, eyes gleaming down at me.

"Good, because I want this too." I smile, feeling Eddie bring his lips to mine.

The kiss feeling soft against my lips as he pressed his into mine.

"So does that mean you're going to be my girl?" Eddie smiles, pulling away slightly.

"And you're going to be my man?" I nod happily, referring to the lyrics he sung earlier that night.

Standing up slightly on my the tips of my toes, I connect my lips with his.

Deciding it was okay to be vulnerable with him.

----

If you made it this far just know I LOVE YOU for reading my work even if you didn’t enjoy it. Thank you so much for your time because I know it was long.

#eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x plus size reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x female reader #stranger things #joseph quinn #joseph quinn imagine #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fic #eddie munson angst #joseph quinn x female reader

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fellow-travelers-fic-recs · 5 months ago

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Fellow Travelers Fic Recs | Author of the Month: July

captainquint | @jesterlesbian

Works in FT Fandom: 8

Most Recent: I Wanna Be a Cowboy's Sweetheart [E, 3K] Hawk tipped his hat politely towards Tim, the way he always did when he rode back into town and stabled his horse at the Liberty Bell, where Tim worked as a stable hand. The pay wasn’t much, but it was steady work, and the off-chance of spotting Hawkins Fuller in leather chaps astride a horse sweetened the pot considerably.

Hawk flashed Tim the look that he understood meant “Meet me around the back,” so Tim dawdled for a few moments more, trying in vain to wipe off as much dirt and muck as he could from his shirt before oh-so-casually strolling to behind the stables, where it met the treeline and provided just the right amount of cover.

Longest Fic: I Guess I've Got The Christmas Blues [E, 5K] Tim Laughlin stood in front of Hawk, one hand still raised as if to continue banging on the door, his tweed jacked dotted with snowflakes. Water droplets were trapped on his glasses, maybe from melted snow. But with how red-rimmed his eyes were, there might have been teardrops on his glasses as well.

Hawk’s slightly intoxicated reflexes took a moment to spring into action upon seeing Tim. “Skippy,” he grinned, "what, did you miss me that much? I’ll still be here after New Year’s."

Tim’s face screwed up in a look of righteous fury that Hawk knew meant an argument was coming. And before he could react, Tim was shoving Hawk backwards and into the apartment, slamming the door behind them.

“You absolute ass!”

Or, Tim confronts Hawk about his being investigated by the M Unit.

Top 3 Highest Rated Fics: I Guess I've Got The Christmas Blues

Picturing You Kneeling In Prayer [M, 2K] It's the beginning of Lent in 1953.

“During Lent, we’re supposed to give up earthly pleasures so as to better reflect on Christ in the desert, and his overcoming Satan’s temptations. Speaking of which, you should probably be going.”

Tim slid away from Hawk’s grasp and moved to gather his hat and coat for him. He turned to find Hawk still seated on the bed, staring back at him with a slightly confused look on his face.

“People give up lots of things for Lent, things they consider indulgent or pleasurable. Booze, cigarettes, chocolate. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I gave up… you.”

we'll be on the road like Jack Kerouac [M, 4K] He tried to think of what Tim would do or say. The man who had only spoken to his son a handful of times over one weekend in 1968, but had seemed to understand him far better than Hawk ever had.

The business card felt like it was burning a hole in his pocket.

An idea burst to life in Hawk’s mind. This was an emergency if he’d ever seen one.

“What would you say to coming with me to San Francisco?”

Or, Hawk and Jackson go on a cross-country road trip to San Francisco.

Hidden Gem: Only The Lucky Ones Come Home [M, 1K] It didn’t make sense. Kenny wasn’t in Italy, he wasn’t in Europe. He was sent somewhere in the Pacific, Hawk wasn’t quite sure. That was the last he had heard. So how could Kenneth Willard be bleeding out at his feet in Velletri?

“You did this.”

The blood in Hawk’s veins turned to ice at Kenny’s words.

Or, Hawk has a nightmare about his time in the war.

FTFR Fave: All Tied Up With Nowhere To Go [E, 2K] “Are they too tight?” Hawk asked, tugging on Tim’s wrists.

Tim’s wrists were, at that moment, bound to the headboard of Hawkins Fuller’s bed by some carefully knotted neckties. Tim was struck by the thought of Hawk wearing one of these ties to work on a later day, becoming distracted in his office thinking of what they had done with them on this night. His mouth twitched up at the corner. “Hey, are you listening to me?” Hawk placed a hand under his chin and tilted Tim’s face towards Hawk’s own. “This is important. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Tim rolled his wrists and wiggled his fingers to show they were fine. “I’m not made of glass, Hawk, you don’t have to treat me like I’ll break.”

Or, Hawk teases a tied-up Tim

Part 2 of FT Valentine's Day 2024

Upcoming Work I’m Excited About: Tim in Lingerie Fic Snippet (Tim in Lingerie Fic): He was pulled from his thoughts by the feeling of Hawk slowly removing his sheer stockings, caressing his calf and ankle on the way down. Hawk took one bare foot in his hand and smirked up at Tim with a raised eyebrow, as if to say, “Remember this?” before sucking a toe into his mouth. The wet heat hit him immediately, and Tim whined high in the back of his throat.

“Hawk, get back up here, I need you,” Tim groaned, already creeping toward overstimulation at the dual sensations of Hawk’s tongue along his foot and the slide of the lace against his skin. He had always been… excitable, and the last thing he wanted to do was spill too soon.

Hawk pulled off his toes with an obscene pop! and rose again before him, bringing a hand to the hard planes of Tim’s abdomen and scratching lightly, teasing.

“You’re always in such a rush, Skippy. It’s not your fault, you’re still young,” he chuckled, “but I think I’m going to take my time with you tonight.”

Thanks for reading!

✨ Please show the author lots of love with your kudos, comments and reblogs of this post!

#fellow travelers fic recs #ftfics author otm #ftfics author of the month #ftfics july24 #ftficrecs #fellow travelers fics #fellow travelers

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courtney-deserved-better · 1 year ago

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seeing as it’s now been one year since the last chapter of slippery slopes was posted, i decided to make a big sappy post talking about what this fic has meant to me over the last two and a half years

i started writing slippery slopes after a bolt of inspiration struck me on this post. i’d tried writing my fair share of long fics prior, most of them remaining unpublished and all of them unfinished. i’m not quite sure what made me think i could write slippery slopes other than a strong desire to write the alenoah fic i wanted to read but that didn’t exist at the time. slippery slopes was the 30th fic posted in the alenoah tag, which didn’t have any finished long fics at the time. i think if you told 2021 pj that in two years there would be over 600 alenoah fics, many of them tdwt rewrites, their head would explode.

i honestly had no idea what i was jumping into when i started writing slippery slopes. looking back, i was very insecure about my writing. i’d actually forgotten about that until i was reading some posts i’d made while i was still writing it, where i wondered if i was going to be able to pull off the miscommunication plotline and the unplanned alecourtney friendship. almost every announcement of a chapter draft being completed included me saying i felt weird about it, or thought it was bad. i felt incredibly uncomfortable writing serious angst and when that started playing an important role in the fic at around chapter seven i feared that my writing was awful and other people would dislike it the way i had. i genuinely don’t think it hit me that slippery slopes was a popular fic until a few months before it became the most kudosed fic on ao3.

back then, i was able to understand why other people liked slippery slopes, but i couldn’t read it without cringing. i’m not sure when exactly the switch flipped—probably after i finally finished it and was able to distance myself from the writing process—but it became a fic that i’m incredibly proud of. i can reread it now and enjoy it without cringing in the slightest. i was able to see my writing as good, and well-crafted. i will always appreciate slippery slopes as a fic where i grew incredibly as a writer. i understand how to plan out long fics while still allowing for spontaneity. i can comfortably write angst. i feel strong in my choices for characterization and friendship even if it may seem unconventional. i have so much more confidence in my writing now, and a lot of that is thanks to you all.

other than desperately wanting an alenoah tdwt rewrite fic, a huge part of why i wrote slippery slopes was because i felt lonely in the td fandom and was hoping that this fic could connect me with more people out there. and boy oh boy it sure has. and not just the plethora of alenoah shippers—way more than i expected—but there were also people who didn’t ship alenoah, but still stayed for the story, and people who had never considered alenoah but gave my fic a chance and ended up shipping it anyway. when i didn’t believe my writing was good, there were many, many kind commenters who showed my fic love and encouraged me to keep going with it. and even now, there are commenters whose fresh excitement make me feel like all the time i spent on this fic was so, so worth it. and they all inspire me to keep writing.

i may be a good writer, but i don’t think i can ever fully express what everyone’s support has done for me. i still struggle to wrap my mind around the fact that there are dozens of drawings of my fic that you all have made! that’s crazy! i am so, so lucky to have such wonderful readers, and i hope you all know how incredibly grateful i am. slippery slopes would not exist without you. this was a joint effort. it’s amazing to me how a spontaneously started fic for a crackship ended up changing the total drama fandom landscape the way it did. who would’ve guessed that a simple whim to write an alenoah fic could become quite the slippery slope.

#slippery slopes #alenoah #my fic

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kneelingshadowsalome · 1 year ago

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How special is reader actually in Just Friends? im dying i’m so jealous 😭

Welll my dear!

König in this fic is a bit of a nympho. There's just no denying it. This man gets high on killing and he gets high on sex...

...which is why he hasn't been exactly what one would call a chaste, proper gentleman, and why he has some experience. Because even with that crazy pervy attitude there's always people who want to bang this giant (not side-eyeing anyone here in this room or myself in the mirror or anything like that).

So yes, this man has tried to get pussy since day one, and because he is what he is, hasn't gotten but a crumb or two (just imagine the growing fury and bitterness of this man, who looks like a god but is a demon inside, when he doesn't get what he needs 🙄). This poor lunatic has done his all to get anything he can ‐ which is close to nothing but just enough to bless him with the knowledge of the location of clitoris. Now this sounds pretty desperate, right? It is. I mean, this guy probably has a sex toy or two in his room (probably takes a portable fleshlight on longer missions too, JFC) because he's just never satisfied and women generally avoid him like the plague.

But when it comes to reader... Let's start by saying that König has never stalked anyone like that (lmao what a compliment!). Also he is true to his word in that he has never stolen another lady's underwear before. He's just that crazy about the reader. He tries his all to be more civil so he doesn't blow it with her, while at the same time, he's losing his fucking mind (so innocent and sweet and looking at him and his pretty knives like that?? He simply can't handle that shit).

Also the inherent and learned sexism in this man makes him think women shouldn't go to war because it's not *proper* and he would never even think of gifting a weapon to a lady, let alone one of his precious knives. Even showing his collection is too much – it's equal to baring his soul to someone.

But reader? She gets multiple invites to his crazy man cave full of weapons. Also, taking her to the range, letting her play with his big guns is not only a super special treat but also a sign of König being head.over.heels. for her.

Without knowing it, König has always searched for that special someone to be crazy with. And reader is the first to elicit any real feelings in him, tbh. That's a huge deal. Like he said in the end, he would do anything for her. Also instead of a fleshlight he now carries reader's panties in his pocket on missions. Calls them his lucky charm, too.

And sex with reader gains almost a spiritual level as we see at the end of chapter 4. It's not just sex anymore. Aftercare and cuddles are something this man has pretty much avoided, has been a bit 'meh' about, but with reader it all comes naturally because he wants to take care of her. He can't keep his paws off because she's so adorable and squishable.

And the reason why he tried to leave reader alone after days of trying to woo her back? Not because he dropped her like a toy that's not working anymore, but because he actually respected and loved her so much he didn't want to hurt her. (Also I'm staying with my hc that König is someone who tells a person he loves them after they've known each other for like two weeks. Cringe, but cute.)

I don't know if this cured any jealousy or made it worse 🥲 but trust me when I say reader is incredibly special 💘

#answered #Oh honey ❤️#könig headcanons #yandere könig

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arc852 · 5 months ago

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6. Grit

Definition: courage and determination despite difficulty

Summary: Grian is sick. Very sick. He has already accepted that he isn't going to make it. But Gem can't. She has to do something. Even if that something is doing the one thing borrowers aren't supposed to do.

G/t: Impulse and Skizz are normal-sized, Grian and Gem are borrowers

Warnings: Sickness, accepting death (no death happens), and fear

Word Count: 3002

AO3 Link

This is a good one! I actually really like how this one came out and am excited I can finally post it. I love first meeting fics and honestly, I think Gem makes for a great borrower. I had a lot of fun writing this one.

So much fun, in fact, that this is just part one! I wrote a part two right after I wrote this that will come out on day 12! So I hope you guys enjoy!

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“I brought you some water.” Gem said as she entered the room, holding a cap full of water. She was careful as she walked, not wanting to spill any. She kneeled down by the makeshift bed, which was really just a nest of whatever comfortable fabric they could borrow, and gently held out the water.

Grian tried to grab it himself but Gem stopped him. “Hey, no, you need to save your strength.” She reprimanded him. Grian sighed but allowed Gem to lift the cap to his lips as he took generous gulps of the water. It felt good against his sore throat but the relief only lasted as long as the water.

Gem took back the cap when Grian was done and placed it on the floor next to her. She then felt his forehead with her hand and bit her lip when she felt how hot it was. “You’re still burning up…” Grian had been burning up for days now, with no sign of getting better. “How is your throat?” She asked.

Grian opened his mouth to speak but let out a harsh sounding cough instead that made Gem wince. “You don’t have to answer.” She said and it was probably best that he didn’t. “I can tell it also hasn’t gotten any better.” Grian nodded and Gem couldn’t mask her concern.

“I don’t know what’s wrong.” She said, blinking back tears. “It’s been days and you’ve just gotten worse.” Grian reached for her hand and gripped it loosely, unable to use more strength than that. He gave a small smile to Gem. She tried to return it but it was hard with how much worry she felt.

Gem didn’t want to think about it but usually, when a borrower was this sick they… There was no getting better. Borrowers didn’t have things the humans did. They didn’t have medicine or doctors. Sometimes, if a borrower was lucky, they were able to get a good supply of medicine. But even then, it was hard to figure out how much to give to themselves or even which ones to use for what.

Gem and Grian didn’t even have the luck of being able to access medicine. The humans they lived with kept them behind the mirror in their bathroom, a place Gem and Grian couldn’t get to.

The grip around her hand left and she focused back on Grian, who was looking at her sadly. He had realized too, probably way before she had. And it looked like Grian was resigned to his fate. Gem took in a shaky breath and wiped away her tears. “You better get some rest.” She said, grabbing one of the fabrics and using it to cover him up.

Grian sighed and shifted under the blankets, getting more comfortable. Gem watched as he closed his eyes, his breathing evening out as he fell asleep.

Gem exited the room and stood there just outside of it, wondering what she should do. Grian may have resigned himself to letting the sickness win but Gem sure wasn’t. She needed a plan, she not only needed a way to get medicine but she needed to figure out what kind she needed in order to make Grian better.

She couldn’t do it on her own though. And no borrower would be able to help her.

There was another option though.

A very risky, very foolish option. Grian himself would be against it if he knew Gem was even thinking about it. But Gem was desperate. She didn’t want to lose Grian, he was like a brother to her. They had been together for so long, they were all each other had. She refused to not do something if it meant saving Grian.

Even if that something meant revealing herself, and her kind, to the humans.

She took one last glance back toward Grian, who was still sleeping peacefully, before heading toward the exit. She grabbed her borrowing bag on the way out and walked through the walls until she made it to the exit they had carved out that led into the living room.

Taking a breath and gripping her bag tight, she exited the walls and found herself underneath the living room couch. She could hear the TV playing low and voices from right above her talking. The humans were right there and Gem was about to reveal herself to them.

She reminded herself that this was for Grian and gained the strength to continue forward. She paused when she got closer, wondering how she was going to do this. She glanced around until her eyes honed in on the coffee table not too far away from the couch. She could climb that and get their attention easily. But she would also be trapped with nowhere to run.

Well, as long as Gem could get medicine back to Grian one way or another, it didn’t matter. She was even prepared to work out a deal, of giving herself to the humans in exchange if it came to that. So, she steeled herself and left the cover of the couch.

She very quickly ducked under the coffee table and looked up behind her. From this angle she could just make out the two humans sitting on the couch. They seemed to barely be paying attention to the TV, instead talking to each other. Gem didn’t bother with what they were saying though. She would be interrupting them in just a moment after all.

She went to the other side of the coffee table, the side facing away from the humans, in order for it to be less likely that she would be seen as she was climbing up. The last thing she wanted was to be grabbed mid-climb.

She unfurled her hook and threw it so it landed on the edge of the table. She tested the rope and then took off climbing it.

When she was close to the top, she paused. Once she pulled herself up the rest of the way, it was very likely she would be seen. This was it. Her last chance to turn back.

But she couldn’t. What she was doing was bad. But letting Grian die would be worse. She took some deep breaths to try and calm her heart. And then she hoisted herself up onto the table before she could hesitate again.

Just as she thought, as soon as she pulled herself up, the conversation that had been going on in the background stopped.

“Dude…Are you seeing this?” One of them said, voice sounding shocked and in awe.

“I-I am.” The other stuttered out an answer, sounding just as shocked as the first one.

Gem finally lifted her head and met the gaze of the two humans, tensing at the stares she was receiving. This was one of her worst fears come to life. Not one, but two humans staring down at her, seen and all but caught.

But her real worst fear, she had come to realize, was losing Grian. And so she would face this fear for him.

Neither of the humans had moved yet, which was good. It gave Gem the courage to step forward, putting herself even closer to the humans. She bit her lip and decided to get straight to the point. “I…I need your help.” She stuttered a bit but thankfully her voice evened out on the second part. She tried to stand as tall as she could, wanting to show as little weakness as possible.

The humans' eyes widened even more after hearing her talk and they leaned forward, almost causing Gem to step back a bit. But she was able to catch herself and stand firm. When they registered what she actually said, their faces turned to concern. “Help? What’s wrong?” The one with the scars across his face and arms said. Gem knew she had heard their names before. She tried to think. The one who just spoke was…Skizz. And his friend and roommate was Impulse.

Yeah, that sounded right.

Oh yeah, she needed to answer.

“My friend. He’s-He’s been sick for a few days now and he’s only getting worse. We need medicine or else he…” She trailed off, unable to say the words but knowing they would understood all the same.

“Medicine…uh, yeah, yeah, we can do that.” Impulse said, looking back and forth between her and Skizz. Skizz was the one who stood up, and the suddenness of it caused Gem to scurry back multiple steps. So much for not showing her fear. She noticed Skizz looking guilty, which only confused her.

“Hey, you don’t gotta worry. We aren’t going to hurt you.” Skizz said, keeping his voice low and soft. “I’ll go get the medicine.” He said and then left the room, leaving Gem alone with Impulse.

Gem wasn’t really sure what to think of Skizz’s words. He could be lying but at the same time…they agreed to help really fast. Gem couldn’t help but think, no, hope that they really were telling the truth.

Impulse cleared his throat, gaining Gem’s attention from where she had watched Skizz leave. Impulse stayed where he was and gave her a small smile. Probably trying to put her at ease as much as possible. “I’m Impulse, by the way.” Impulse said. “And the other guy is Skizz.” Gem was glad she seemed to have gotten their names right at least.

Impulse looked at her a bit expectantly and Gem realized he probably wanted her name as well. “Oh, I’m Gem.” She said, her voice quiet but free of any shakiness. Impulse grinned.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you Gem.” He paused for a moment. “Uh, if you don’t mind me asking…what are you?”

There it was. Gem had been expecting that question sooner or later. Honestly, she was surprised Impulse asked for her name first. She bit her lip. Everything in her told her to keep her mouth shut but, well, she was already this far. Telling them more wouldn’t really change anything at this point. “I’m a borrower.” In that instance, Skizz had come back in, looking at Gem curiously as she continued to talk. “I live in the walls and borrow things I need to survive. Like food.” She tried her best to explain. “My friend, Grian, lives here with me. He’s the reason I’m here now.”

“Wait, you live in the walls? As in, our walls?” Skizz asked as he sat back down and set down a handful of bottles. Gem assumed they held the medicine.

Gem bit her lip, a bit nervous of what they would think of that. “Yeah. We’ve lived here for about…two years now I think?”

Impulse blinked. “Wait, that long? Why have we never seen you guys then?”

Gem sighed. “We aren’t supposed to reveal ourselves to humans.” She said, looking away from the said humans she had revealed herself to. “It’s for our own safety. Who knows what humans would do to us if they found out we existed.” She found it was easier to talk to them if she forgot they were humans themselves for a moment.

“Then…” Impulse said after a moment. “For you to reveal yourself to us like this…your friend must be really really sick.”

Gem nodded, tears coming to her eyes at the reminder but she refused to let them fall. “Yeah. Like I said, he’s only been getting worse and worse. And for borrowers like us, that usually means he won’t get better.” She shook her head. “He’s already resigned to it but I couldn’t accept that. So I…I risked everything to come out here and hope you two would help me.”

“Of course we’ll help.” Skizz said, eyes soft. Gem finally met his eyes and for the first time didn’t feel like tensing up. “Here I brought everything we had. Can you explain what exactly Grian’s symptoms are?”

Gem nodded. “He’s got a really bad fever and a really sore throat. Those are the main two. He’s also clammy and goes back and forth between being too hot or too cold. He can barely move and has just been in bed for the last few days.” Gem explained, trying to remember everything.

Skizz nodded along and rummaged through all the pill bottles. “I think…yeah, this should work.” He set one down off to the side and then picked up another, reading it. “And this one should help with the sore throat.” He placed another on the side and then moved all the other pill bottles away to focus on the two.

Gem hesitated for a moment before walking closer. She still made sure to stay far away from their hands though. “Okay…and how much do I give him?” She asked, needing to know that as well. Unfortunately, Skizz looked lost.

“Um…good question. Guess he can’t exactly take a full pill.” He turned to Impulse. “Any ideas Dippledop?”

“Hold on, let me see if I can figure it out.” Impulse said as he got out his phone. He tapped on the phone and Gem waited patiently, hoping he would be able to find something. He looked up to look Gem over. “You would say Grian is about your height?” Gem blinked but nodded. Impulse hummed and typed something else out.

“Okay, I think I got it.” Impulse said and this time he stood up. “Be right back, I gotta grab something.” Impulse walked away, toward where Gem knew the kitchen to be. Once again, she was alone with just one of the humans.

“I’m Gem, by the way.” Gem introduced herself, knowing Skizz had been gone when she had told Impulse her name.

Skizz’s eyes widened, not having expected that. But he smiled all the same. “Oh! Uh, nice to meet you! I’m sure Impulse already told you my name, but I’m Skizz.”

Gem nodded and felt herself relaxing the longer she was there. Not once had they tried to grab her or show any malicious intent. They really did seem like they just wanted to help her help Grian.

Impulse came back, holding a knife and some sort of flat device. Gem flinched a bit at the knife but held her ground, knowing it probably wasn’t for her based on how things had been going. Impulse sat back down and placed the device on the table but kept the knife in his hand. “Want to hand me a pill?” Impulse asked Skizz and Skizz, in turn, nodded and opened the bottle, handing Impulse one pill.

Impulse took it and the knife and shed the tiniest bit off and onto the device. He looked at the small screen. “Wow, even that’s too much.” He said, more to himself. He cut the already microscopic piece in half, scooting it off and into his hand before looking back at the screen. “There we go, that should work.” His eyes lifted up to find Gem’s and he smiled gently. “Want to come over here and take it?” Impulse asked.

Gem swallowed nervously but nodded and walked closer, keeping a wary eye on all the hands. They stayed still though and Gem reached the device. She grabbed it, the piece only taking up the very center of her palm. She looked at it and then up at Impulse. “And this won’t be too much?”

“Shouldn’t be. And here, I’ll do the other one for you.” Impulse said and Gem backed away as Skizz handed Impulse the other pill for him to cut. Gem came back as Impulse finished and took the other cut pill. She then reached into her bag and took out some tin foil that had been shaped into a cup. She dropped the tiny pieces of pill into it and folded the top over as a lid. She then carefully placed it back in her bag, safe and ready to give to Grian.

She glanced up at the two humans with a grateful smile. “Thank you so much for helping me.”

Impulse and Skizz nodded, returning her smile. “Of course! Anything you need, you can always come back and ask.” Skizz said, putting the offer out.

Gem hesitated but nodded. “Thank you.” She would have to think about taking them up on that offer. She really shouldn’t but she couldn’t deny how much they had helped her. And how much they had proven they weren’t like the malicious humans she had heard stories about.

“I do have a request though.” Impulse said, which made Gem tense. Impulse noticed this and put his hands up to try and calm her down. “It’s nothing bad, uh, I hope, but it might be best if, after you give Grian the medicine and he gets a bit better, that you bring him out here to us so we can check on him.”

“Oh yeah!” Skizz said, agreeing with Impulse. “We just want to make sure he makes a full recovery.”

Well, Gem couldn’t really argue with that. She wanted the same thing, after all. The main thing would be getting Grian to agree in the first place but…she was sure she could convince him.

And if not that, she could definitely trick him. Just a little bit. Just for his own good.

She nodded. “Okay. I’ll try to do that.” She agreed and Impulse and Skizz gave her another smile. She returned it. “I better get back. I need to give this medicine to Grian as soon as possible.”

The humans nodded. “Of course. We’ll see you soon.” Impulse said and she nodded and waved back before using her hook to climb back down to the ground.

She made her way back underneath the couch and back into the walls with no problem and it only hardened her resolve that Impulse and Skizz were worth trusting. She just needed to convince Grian of that.

But that would be another time. Right now, she needed to get back to him and give him this medicine.

She gripped her bag tight and walked faster.

#g/t #giant/tiny #mcyt g/t #au #borrowers #hermitcraft #hermitcraft g/t #hermitfic #borrower!grian #borrower!gem #gtjuly2024 #day 6

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caelum-in-the-avatarverse · 11 months ago

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ive been a fan of ATLA since it came out, and I think I stopped reading fic for it once Korra came out. So (luckily?), I escaped Embers, but im curious to know what is its influence in fanon. Do you know any examples off the top of your head?

Whoa, that's impressive that you managed to skip it if you've been a fan that long. It started in 2009.

And yeah, I do. Admittedly I do not read ATLA fic often these days, so I'm probably behind on current trends. But if you know what you're looking at it's pretty obvious that lots of Zuko-focused fic is influenced by Embers. Granted, oftentimes the writer may not realize they were influenced by Embers--they may have been inspired by a fic that was inspired by a fic that was inspired by Embers. The fic is 14 years old, and the rabbithole runs deep.

So the effects Embers has had, off the top of my head:

The Wani. Zuko's ship does not have a canonical name, but so many writers have used Vathara's name for it that people are surprised when they learn it's not canon. Even I'm guilty of this one, it's such deeply-entrenched fanon that I figured I might as well use it in a throwaway line (tho I'm seriously considering going in and editing it out of the one fic I mentioned it in).

Dragon!Zuko. If Zuko or Fire Nation people are turning into dragons, that idea probably came from Embers; I don't recall ever seeing that trope in ATLA fic before Embers made it a thing.

Certain Aang-critical readings of canon. There are multiple ways people criticize Aang (fans have complained about him not killing Ozai since the finale aired, and shippers have their own gripes), but there are certain arguments that either originated with Embers or were popularized by it. The concept of "Aang told Zuko he'd come with him if he left the SWT alone, then Aang escaped, therefore he broke his word and lied and he's lucky Zuko is such a good person that he didn't turn around and burn the village to the ground because he totally would've been within his rights to do so" is an Embers original. Then there's the "Aang has totally killed people and is therefore a hypocrite and/or idiot who doesn't realize he kills people" criticism, which may have existed before Embers brought it up, but Embers definitely popularized it. (Canonically Aang has done things that would definitely result in people dying, but also canonically we never saw the bodies so the narrative didn't confirm or even acknowledge it, therefore there's plenty of room to interpret Aang's kill count and still be canon-compliant. I'll admit this is a pedantic argument if everyone else admits that some fans are overeager to give Aang a kill count and call him an idiotic mass murderer, especially when they point at the Siege of the North, where the only people he would've killed were enemy combatants). And apparently now there are stories where Zuko is very knowledgeable about Air Nomad culture and teaches Aang about it, or preaches to him about patience or maturity or morality--I reblogged a post about this recently. That entire mentality definitely came from Embers.

Hyper-competent Zuko. This is not solely Embers's doing, but let me explain. Zuko is the fandom's favorite, we love him, he ticks off a lot of boxes people love to see in a character. It is perfectly normal for a fandom to heap all sorts of awesomeness on their fave, and in fanon they become a super-competent badass who puts up with so much and fights so hard despite the odds, they are knowledgeable and intelligent and strategic, they are confident and compassionate and have iron-clad morals. (am I still describing Zuko or Obi-Wan Kenobi? lol) So this version of Zuko probably would've become a thing eventually; Embers was just the starting point. But things have to start somewhere, and in this case, it started with Embers showing off just how to make Zuko a hyper-competent badass. And Zuko is indeed a badass, but canon gave no indication that he'd actually be good at, like, politics, aside from the narrative implying it by saying he was the best person to become Fire Lord. There are takes on Zuko where he's politically astute, spiritually attuned, brilliantly strategic, extremely knowledgeable about all sorts of random things--none of which have much basis in canon, but they aren't necessarily contradicted by canon either. And again, this is just regular fandom behavior--but in the ATLA fandom these takes were sparked by Embers basically laying the foundation and creating the template for how to write Zuko.

Well-researched fic. Like the previous point, this is not solely Embers's doing. Researching stuff for fanfic has been a thing since forever. But Embers was huge, and Vathara talked a lot about the things she knew and the books she'd read, and people were very impressed and praised her for it, and it inspired them to do and show their own research for their fics, too. Unlike the other things on this list, this actually isn't something that annoys me--even I was inspired by this aspect of Embers, in conjunction with the racebending movement and cultural misappropriation criticism, to make research an important part of my own fic. I'd looked up information for my writing before, but Embers really showed how research could make a fic incredible. And frankly, I'm glad for it, because looking up stuff for my fics has proven to be a fun and rewarding pastime, and I love sharing my research with my own readers (tho I really hope my own author's notes aren't as condescending as Vathara's). Now, granted, given some of the opinions in her author's notes and things she's said elsewhere, I consider all of Vathara's information and reading recommendations to be suspect. But I'm glad it's inspired other people to do lots of great research and share it.

And that's all I can think of, off the top of my head. I'm sure there's more, but I haven't read Embers in years, and I don't read much ATLA fic in general these days, so if there's more I'm unaware. If anyone else can think of anything, please do chime in!

#caelum rambles #meta #fandom #fandom history #zuko #aang

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chrysoula · 8 months ago

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Imaginary Aventurine

Let's imagine: (theory, fic idea, headcanon: the triple goddess)

Aventurine is lucky. Aventurine is really lucky. Aventurine is supernaturally lucky. Quite possibly, that Cornerstone is not as powerful as the luck blessing he has. Or perhaps it's a gift from an Aeon? Or maybe just the legacy of a dead one. Now... let's see. Ena the Order's third eye is very similar to his. And boy, have they been Making Sure We Know About Ena via Simulated Universe and likewise, they've been making a surprisingly big deal about a supposedly non-existent mother goddess worshipped by a nearly extinct people. Hey, you know what I heard? Xipe the Harmony ate Ena the Order. And now, quite possibly, her last chosen (??) has waltzed into a place where the Family is hiding something a lot bigger than a few violent crimes, a place on the far shore of a dark sea... I wonder what he'll find? I wonder if his Gaiatha Triclops will be relevant as more than a personal backstory before the end...? Ok, probably not. That's why this imaginary! But man, I want to use this idea in a fic. So much. I was also thinking about his 'luck' and wondering if he's actually lucky in general, or if it's always related to preserving his life. But I remember his phone status, in which he offers to roll on the gacha for others. So... probably lucky in general. Still, it's not that hard to make 'luck' align with 'order'. ("align, heh heh"). His luck is a series of events that all happen to line up, in order, to get him places others might consider impossible... Finally, let me just coo over him a tiny bit: God, Aventurine, baby. You are so sweetly, deeply fucked up. You have so many layers you're a crepe cake. Give away your cash. Give away your luck. But you can't give away that survivor's guilt and the awareness that all your luck does is save you, and you're not at all what your family believed you to be. But you've worked out how to make your luck useful for others. All you have to do is bet your life. It's the only thing you really have, right? Do you deserve any more? And you've done this before, my lad. You don't make deals you can lose because you don't consider sacrificing your life to be losing. You've always got some other victory condition, right? You put on pretty clothes and flash those pretty eyes, but underneath you're a scrawny, strung-out adrenaline junkie who knows exactly how to manipulate himself to do what needs to be done. A bonus: The softest headcanon: When Jade said the Stonehearts would give him everything he wanted, and what he didn't want too, what Jade meant was a new family.

#honkai star rail #2.1 spoilers #aventurine #hsr aventurine #headcanon #fic thoughts #hsr theory

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kit-kat-katie · 11 months ago

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At dusk, the nightmares and monsters start to play

A/N: two fics (barely) in a month??? haven't done this since September (god it's been a long three months, thank you all for bearing with me through the end of the year). hope everyone has had a good holiday season and is looking forward to the new year! (there's gonna be more action in the next part, this is the set up dw 🫶)

as a future heads-up, most of the chapters will be smaller in size so I can have the time to complete one a month while I'm working on school work. I'm aiming for 1.5-2k words a chapter, but there may be more depending on what I have due at that time.

TW: medical trauma, trauma in general, sad vibes, reader has a knee injury

Pairing: Finnick x GN! Reader (romantic)

Summary: You pay Katniss a visit in the infirmary, only to find that she's more remorseful than revenge-filled, which is a good sign for your other knee. Afterwards, you seek your room and find a comforting memory there, along with Finnick.

(<- Previous Part | Next Part -> | Series Masterlist)

Nightmares.

That was something you had grown to live with, as a victor of the Hunger Games. Your mentors had your back when it came to the nightmares, at first - all you saw when you went to sleep were the dead tributes that you had killed or seen killed. Why were you the one to live, out of all of them?

You were hesitate to approach Katniss after she had a bad nightmare and ran off - she was probably one of the last people that wanted to see you. The last time she saw you, she put an arrow into your knee that gave you the cane and limp that you’re known for in District 13.

Although you tried to tell Haymitch it wasn’t a good idea, he insisted.

“What harm could it cause you to see her?” Haymitch asks before his eyes land on your cane. “…that doesn’t count, Sunny.”

“You’re lucky I still like both of you after that happened.” You vaguely gesture to your knee before grabbing your cane and standing up. “I’ll go find her when she needs me.”

You were sure that Katniss didn’t trust you, but you were positive that she trusted the nurses around you even less. You couldn’t blame her - you were the exact same way. President Snow had insisted that his victors were in the best shape possible, so you had to go to routine doctor’s visits. The prodding and poking was enough to drive anyone nuts, but the vague memory of needles and surgeries sends a shudder down your back as you quicken your pace.

It’s better if she kills me than some poor nurse or doctor.

Once you approach the hospital ward, you slowly make your way to Katniss’s room. You peak inside her room to see her sitting up in bed with a younger girl brushing her hair.

You lightly knock, as to not startle the two girls, before making your way into the room.

“Sorry about your knee.” Katniss grumbles as you collapse into a nearby chair and let out an exhausted sigh.

“It’s okay. I probably would’ve done a lot worse in your scenario.” You shrug before leaning your cane against the hospital bed.

“It’s not okay-“ She tries to argue, but you aren’t having any of it.

“What’s done is done, and I have to live with the consequences. You should save your care for a much more worthy cause.” You see her fidgeting with the pearl that Peeta gave her. “We’ll get him back, I promise.”

“They won’t want to.”

“Does it matter what they want? You have more power than you think, Katniss.” The girl behind Katniss starts to look familiar as your eyes glance between the two girls. “You’re Primrose Everdeen, right?”

The girl doesn’t say anything until Katniss lightly bumps her shoulder.

“I am.” She quietly answers while continuing to brush Katniss’s hair.

The three of you linger in the room with contemplative silence before a man comes to bring Katniss to President Coin and Plutarch.

Primrose sets the hairbrush aside as you fetch your cane from the side of the bed.

“Those are nurse scrubs, right?” You ask as you grab the bed’s railing in order to get onto your feet.

“I’m trying to help out, as much as I can.” She answers before starting to make the hospital bed.

“If you’re anything like your sister, you’ll be a great nurse.” You offer her a warm smile that she quickly replicates.

Perhaps the future isn’t as messed up as I thought it was.

You return to the living quarters side of District 13, only to be bombarded by a few small children. The younger kids always ran up to you when they hear the click click click of your cane hitting the floor, as you often had squirreled away treats or extra bits of food from meals. You were willing to share, so you offered them a few small candies that you had snatched from the front desk of the hospital ward.

“Don’t give yourselves a stomach ache,” You warn them with a wagging finger, “otherwise, you’ll end up back there.”

The kids promise to be careful before running off, and you continue your journey back to your room. You had been discharged from the hospital ward, after your strong insistence that you were fine, which you were, but you had to have daily check-ups to make sure that your knee was alright.

You had the appointments in the morning - it wasn’t like you were getting any sleep, anyways - but your progress continued to be positive. You weren’t going to be in fighting shape for a long time, and you might limp for the rest of your life, but the cane may get to be retired in another week or two.

Your bed can’t be found soon enough, and when you do find it, you set your cane on the ground before laying down on the bed.

You had given so much effort into your capital duties - being a “model citizen”, doing exactly as President Snow asked - but you had never been as tired as you were now. The simple act of movement left you exhausted, the injury be damned, and all you wanted to do was curl up in bed and sleep.

You couldn’t. Although you weren’t physically strong, your determination to keep going kept you mentally well. You had to be strong, you had to be sunny, for the District 12 children, for Katniss, and for Finnick.

Finnick had a rough adjustment to life in District 13, due to the absence of Mags and Annie as well as your injury. Despite being drugged up, once he heard that you were going under for surgery, he knocked out two guards and nearly stabbed a third with a pair of scissors before Haymitch pulled him off of the guard. Finnick had stayed by your side for days after he had been discharged and you were recovering.

He didn’t leave your side after you were discharged from the hospital wing. He was the one who helped you back onto your feet and he encouraged you to keep going, even when you felt like giving up.

Finnick was quiet when you weren’t around, however. He would lock himself in his room for hours, only coming out to talk with Haymitch or to get the next meal. He was never like that with you - his smile was never so bright as he carefully embraced you. The two of you would talk for hours about anything and everything - it reminded you of your days back in the Victor’s Village in District 4.

Cooking for four was a learned habit of yours - you didn’t want Mags to have to cook or eat alone, Annie struggled to take care of herself, and Finnick was so busy that he didn’t often have the time to have good meals.

You quickly distributed the food into four different containers. Two went straight into your refrigerator - Finnick would be home late on a flight from the Capitol, so you wanted to have dinner with him. You sealed up the other two meals, placed them into a small satchel, and began your trip to Mags’ house.

She warmly welcomed you in before putting a kettle on. You handed her the meal, which she took with a gracious smile. Mags grabbed two forks out of her silverware drawer, and you took one of them before joining her in the dining room.

You couldn’t stay long, as you had another meal to deliver, but you did enjoy a nice glass of tea and a few bites of food. With Mags waving you off, you ventured across the way to Annie’s home.

You softly knock on the door, as to not startle her, before the door slams open. Annie appears while rapidly wiping the tears off of her face. She tries to speak, but you shake her head before handing her the food.

“Don’t worry about getting the container back, I have plenty.” You gently reassure her as she nods before shakily closing the door.

With a soft breath, you go back to your own house to enjoy a bit of well-earned peace and quiet. A couple hours go by before someone knocks on your door.

You open the door, only to see Finnick standing there, all dressed up in Capital wear. Despite everything he’s wearing, he still is your charming, very attractive mentor.

“Are you in the mood for company?” He asks with an irresistible smile.

“You’re lucky I made extras, pretty boy.” You tease before letting him in.

“Sunny?”

You sit up at the sound of his voice, albeit slowly so you don’t injury yourself.

“Finnick!” You break out of your thoughts to greet him as you gesture for him to sit next to you on your bed.

“Are you alright?” His eyebrows scrunch as he inspects you for injuries before gently sitting next to you.

His hand finds yours, and your fingers intertwine as you softly kiss his cheek.

“I’m good, I promise. Haymitch wanted me to see Katniss in the hospital ward.”

“She didn’t have a bow and arrow this time, right?” A teasing smile rests on his face as you lightly shove him away.

“Very funny, Finnick.” You roll your eyes before looking over at him. “How are you doing?”

“Better now that I’m with you, honey.” He leans in to kiss you, and you indulge him in one kiss before locking eyes with him.

He lies to you about how he feels at times. You know it’s because he doesn’t want you to worry, but you end up worrying more because of it. This time, you only see merriment and a twinkle of mischief in his eyes as he looks at you.

That’s Finnick being Finnick.

“Isn’t it almost meal time?” You ask before grabbing your cane.

“It’s getting close, but we should get going if we want to make it there on time.”

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” You poke Finnick with the bottom of your cane as he happily laughs.

You rest your head on his shoulder as you enjoy this moment of tranquility and happiness. You don’t know what tomorrow’s going to look like, but you can only hope that it’ll be just as good, if not better, than today.

tagging -> @yokolesbianism , @avoxrising, @honethatty12, @sweetybuzz25, @catvader101, @sollum, @emerald-valkyrie, @randomgurl2326, @caitsymichelle13, @bcbci, @iris1587 (send a request or comment on this fic to be added to the taglist!)

#thg series #thg #fanfic #x reader #the hunger games #the hunger games fanfic #the hunger games fluff #the hunger games x reader #finnick imagine #finnick odair #finnick x reader #thg finnick #thg fanfiction #hunger games

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facewithoutheart · 5 months ago

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Ten Questions for Writers

Thanks for the tags @shrekgogurt, @artsyunderstudy, @youarenevertooold, & @roomwithanopenfire I’m enjoying all this navel-gazing a whole bunch actually & I’ve done this before but it’s been awhile… sooo

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 169 (niiiice)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? ~950k (yikes) although some of that is Birthday Man and collabs with people from WIP fest. Don’t ask me to do the math tho; that’s mean.

3. What fandoms do you write for? I’ve written for HP, Check Please, and RWRB although right now I’m mostly a CO writer with a toe dipping into 9-1-1. I have one Captain America fic posted and some WIPs I don’t know if I’ll finish. Nobody look at that AFTG fic; it’s pure crack.

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Whoo boy do I have thoughts here. I want to be the kind of writer who replies to comments and I harbor so much guilt that I’m not; I know I miss out on opportunities to connect with readers, and I genuinely appreciate comments so much; I hoard them in my inbox like a greedy lil affirmation dragon. I write to engage and connect. So, like, I know I should but at the same time I hate forcing interactions. I like them to spawn organically. I keep my circle small because I get really emotionally overwhelmed and then I feel guilty when I can’t give people what they deserve. And I’ve also never been comfortable with compliments or gratitude, I don’t trust them. So here’s a bulk of emotional trauma no one asked for to say: I don’t reply to comments as often as I feel I should and I’m trying to release the guilt I feel about this while also recognizing that not commenting probably has a direct negative affect on my ability to meet my goal of connecting through writing and at the same time my mental health probably couldn’t withstand the pressure I would need to place on it to get to where I’m replying to comments regularly. Hi I’m a mess who’s trying to love herself and often falls short of that goal; aren’t we all?

5. Have you ever had a fic stolen? No.

6. Have you ever co-written a fic before? So many actually! I didn’t think I’d ever get to a place where I trust someone else to the level this would take but I’ve been really lucky to work with some amazing writers even if not all of those works went anywhere. I actually don’t even think I could realistically tag all the people I’ve collabed with bc I’m afraid I’ll miss someone and isn’t that amazing? Personal growth; we love to see her.

7. What’s your all-time favorite ship? Oh man. I want to just be lame and say it’s me and Mr. Face 🤣 I shipped us when no one else did. Um! Snowbaz is always going to have a special place in my heart, but I’m really leaning into Buddie right now because of age and wanting to explore people in their 30’s still figuring out their lives while battling PTSD and late-in-life sexuality realizations. For, um. Reasons.

8. What are your writing strengths? I do like my dialogue a lot; dialogue is often where I start my scenes and I develop from there. I think I’ve done a good job of honing my ability to vary action/dialogue/internality a lot. I also think I keep people engaged or maybe I just keep myself engaged which is good enough for me. Sometimes I’m funny although sadly not as much recently.

9. What are your writing weaknesses? I struggle with remembering to add in physical descriptors. (Like oh shit have I ever mentioned this character has eyes?) Logistics are a frequent source of pain. (Wait, where were their hands?) I think my plots are kind of basic and boring; I don’t come up with really vivid and detailed concepts. I use the wrong words for things. I really hate detailing out backstory. I have to reread my fics a million times to maintain character consistency. Etc.

10. First fandom you wrote for? Hey Arnold. I wish I could find those fics; I bet they suck.

Tagging 10 peeps @sillyunicorn @mostlymaudlin @martsonmars @bookish-bogwitch @cutestkilla @ivelovedhimthroughworse @thewholelemon @palimpsessed @aristocratic-otter & @you-remind-me-of-the-babe

#writing #behind the writing #navel-gazing #fanfix #ten questions tag game

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pappydaddy · 2 years ago

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idiot (j.m.)

a/n: ha, i'm baaaack! bet cha didn't think y'all were getting this fic!

tv show/movie: outer banks | pairing: jj maybank x fem!pogue!reader

requested by a lovely anon as part of my 800 follower celebration

synopsis: jj tries to impress his girlfriend, but it doesn't go as well as he planned.

warnings: reckless actions, accident, mention of a dislocation, mention of breaking a bone, fluff.

navigation | masterlist | taglist sign-up

- not my gif -

JJ has done stupid and reckless things before. It was expected of him and he liked to live up to expectations. He was the unhinged friend that stressed everyone out. Since meeting him in elementary school, Y/N didn’t know JJ not to be daring which meant that she (being the nervous and apprehensive person she was) often found herself on the verge of a heart attack whenever he pulled his little stunts. Since they started dating two years ago, his chaos and recklessness has decreased, but not by any significant bounds.

But the decrease wasn’t from JJ changing, it was from Y/N insisting that he needs to be safe and arguing with him (which actually makes him think first). Even then, it’s a fifty-fifty shot that he actually listens. For instance, there was a new skatepark installed on The Cut, a last-ditch effort to (a) make The Cut look nicer, (b) keep Pogues out of Kook territory, and (c) lower crime rates. Of course, JJ, who has never skateboarded before, was convinced it was just like surfing so, therefore, he believed he would be a pro at it. He was wrong. Horribly wrong. But, thanks to Y/N, he was wearing a helmet and managed to avoid concussing himself on the concrete after he fell off the metal railing (nearly hitting his head on that).

Now, the dirt bike track was finally up and running again following the brief closure (three years) due to the owner going to jail for embezzlement. Now, after two former motocross x-game finalists who grew up in The Cut had bought it, it was fixed up and ready to be used again. Of course, JJ was naturally drawn to it, visiting every day so far this summer. Most of the time, Y/N went with him, but she was unable to go the past three weeks because Sarah had pulled her away to the mainland for shopping.

“Babe, I am so excited for you to come to the course again,” JJ was nearly bouncing off the walls all day. He even woke up at nine in the morning (and was like this from the start). His breakfast of a mixture of half a box of fruity pebbles and half a box of lucky charms was not helping anything. “I’ve been working on so many neat moves with Nathan, he says that I have enough skill that I could enter comps and win huge cash prizes.”

She looked over at him from where she packed things into her tote bag. “Nathan would know, maybe you should enter some contests. You could probably enter some surfing contests too,” She nodded, double checking the contents of her bag. JJ spending every day at the course has led to Nathan (one of the owners) coaching him as a hobby. Completely free and completely spontaneous. “You could really make a career out of these, J.” She reminded him.

“I don’t know, Babe,” He shrugged, grabbing the sunscreen and her sunglasses that she forgot on her dresser. “Some of these guys that play these sports come from rich families who pay for only the best training. No way I can compete against that. Their parents buy them wins basically! How can I win against someone who bribes the judges? Or someone who has the best bike?” He pointed out, handing her the items as she started to walk out of their room.

“Thanks,” She smiled up at him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “And Nathan has competed against them and won, he can teach you how. Talent is always better than money in the long run. It’s worth a try if you think you’ll be happy,” A honk sound from outside, signalling that the Twinkie was there. “I mean, you asked me out because you thought it would make you happy and look at us now. Living together.” She gestured around at the small cottage-like house they rent. Two-bedroom, one bath, and the floor plan was open concept because it was just a kitchen and living room.

“Would you be okay if I started competing,” JJ asked her, his hand reaching out to gently grab her arm when she started to walk towards the front door, another honk sounding from John B. She turned around, seeing him inches away from her, eyes staring down into hers as he waited for her answer. “It’s easy to get hurt in these sports and I don’t want you worrying all the time.”

She sighed, smiling at him, hands coming up to cup his face. “I’m always gonna worry about you JJ. What matters is if you’re happy. You sacrifice so much for me, I can sacrifice being scared out of my wits for the length of a competition.” With that, she rolled up to the balls of her feet, pressing a kiss to his lips just when another honk sounded.

____

“I can’t believe you said you would be fine with him competing,” Sarah shook her head as she watched the course. People zipped around, mud flying in every direction. Sarah and Y/N sat on the bleachers, free sodas from the cooler in hand. Y/N looked up from her book, eyes searching for JJ instantly, quickly finding him talking to Nathan off on the side. “I mean, someone wipes out every second. If John B started competing in motocross I would have a nervous breakdown.”

Y/N shrugged, eyes leaving JJ to see John B ripping around the course. “It makes him happy and he’s really excited about Nathan telling him he could do well at this,” She took a sip of her soda, the cool liquid helping cool her body temperature. “I’m not going to let my worries ruin this for him.”

“You’re braver than me, girl.” Sarah shook her head, taking a drink of her own soda just as Kie and Pope turned the corner, climbing the bleachers with take out containers in their hands from the food truck parked in the parking lot.

“We got JJ and John B’s, they are on the bottom to stay warm,” Pope told the two girls, handing them two containers. “Though, I don’t know why I try since they will devour them cold by choice,” Pope shook his head, settling down beside Sarah, picking up his untouched soda. “Are they almost ready for a break anyway? They’ve been at this for hours.” He asked, popping the tab open, the carbonation hissing as it rushed out.

Glancing over at the track, Y/N shrugged. “John B will probably be done once he finishes this lap, but JJ is probably gonna take the course once more so Nathan can time him,” She explained. “He’s aiming to break his personal best.” She was proven correct when JJ pulled his helmet over his head, securing it as he nodded along to whatever Nathan was telling him, his face hidden by the dark tinted face shield.

Just as John B finished his lap, JJ revved his engine, mud slinging around as his tire spun. Y/N perked up slightly as he drove to the startline. With a flick of Nathan’s thumb, JJ took off, zipping around the track. Y/N wiggled to the edge of her seat, setting her soda and the two containers of fries on the bench beside her. Something told her to keep watching. Maybe it was that she thought he would make a new personal best or maybe JJ had been a little too good about not making reckless decisions as of late. She wasn’t too sure, but here she was hanging off of every mound and every turn as if he were competing for a national title.

Then, it all made sense when she noticed Nathan’s hands flying through the air, looking like he was telling JJ to slow down or something as he yelled into the radio that allows him to communicate with JJ. “Is that some kind of signal?” Sarah asked, her nose wrinkling as she watched Nathan’s hand movements in confusion.

“They have radio communication, he wouldn’t need to use hand signals unless JJ was training for a race,” John B, who Y/N didn’t notice had joined them, explained. He tipped his uncapped water bottle towards Nathan. “It looks like he’s stressin’. Must think JJ’s pushing himself too hard.”

The group watched with worried expressions. From where they sat, they could hear the raised voice of Nathan but they couldn’t hear what he was saying over the roar of JJ’s motor. It was a split second. A tiny movement. But it told Y/N exactly what was going on. As JJ flew by the stands, she could see the way his head stayed tilted towards her for a second too long to not be a coincidence, followed by a sudden surge of speed. “Oh, God, JJ,” She tucked her lip between her teeth. “Please don’t. Listen to Nathan.” She pleaded quietly, hoping he could sense her wishes.

“Don’t do what? What’s he doing?” Pope asked, looking at Y/N with nervous eyes. Before Y/N could react, JJ’s bike took the turn too tight, tire hitting the soft mud at such a high speed (nearly double the speed Nathan suggested probably), slinging mud and causing him to lose control. Everyone stood as the bike started to fall, flinging JJ off it, but Y/N was already running down the bleachers while Nathan ran towards him from the ground.

“JJ,” Y/N yelled, not caring that her white sneakers were getting covered in sloppy mud. Somehow, she managed to get to JJ before Nathan, dropping to her knees, ignoring the cold, uncomfortable feeling of mud shifting under her. “JJ, does anything hurt? Oh my god.” She muttered, shaking fingers trying to undo his helmet strap to pull it off, but she could barely feel any of her limbs as panic took over.

“My shoulder,” JJ’s voice was strained and muffled as Y/N still fumbled with the helmet. Finally pulling it off his head, she could see his face screwed up in pain, his other hand clutching the shoulder he landed on (and was currently laying on). “It really hurts.” He could barely open his eyes as he flopped his head back, mud matting into his blonde hair.

“His shoulder hurts, what do we do?” Y/N looked up at Nathan who turned the bike off, handing it off to John B to put away. Crouching down on the other side of JJ, he looked down at him.

“I think he popped his shoulder out of place,” Nathan observed, looking up at Y/N as she softly stoked JJ’s hair, feeling rather useless as he groaned in pain, a few tears even slipping from his shut eyes, mixing with the mud laying under him. “Let’s sit him up first, but someone has to take him to the hospital to get it set.”

“You’re not gonna go to the hospital?” Y/N asked him, eyes nearly popping out. While all of them were now adults, Nathan was in his early thirties making him more of an adult than the 19-year-olds who currently surrounded him.

A whimper from JJ made her look down at him, seeing him trying to move. Gently, she placed her hand on his chest, rubbing it to calm him down. “I’ll be right behind you guys, I just don’t have the room to drive him to the hospital comfortably in my two-seater.” He pointed over to the car park where his black Mazda MX-5 sat, backed into the spot next to the Twinkie - a hilarious sight.

“We’ll help him to the van, Y/N/N,” John B crouched down, placing his hand on Y/N’s shoulder. Startled, she looked over at him. He could see the tears building in her eyes as she blinked at him, nodding. “He’ll be okay, it’s just a popped shoulder. Remember when he broke his collarbone in freshman year? This is like that but less severe.”

He knew she already knew that, but when you see the one you love in unbearable pain, common sense tends to take a backseat. “Okay,” She muttered, looking around - needing something to take her mind off her boyfriend laying there, not being able to open his eyes from the amount of pain he was in. “I'll open the passenger seat and get it set for him-” As she spoke, she slowly took her hands from JJ, moving to stand up but her words were cut off as a hand reached out to grab her wrist.

“No, stay,” JJ spoke through clenched teeth, his eyes fluttering open to look at her. His crystal clear blue eyes were clouded by tears and laced with pain as she looked back down at him, kneeling beside him. “I need you.” He whimpered, eyes snapping closed again.

“I won’t leave you, J.” She reassured him, pressing a kiss to his cheek softly, hoping it brought him some comfort at least.

____

After a very uncomfortable drive with John B going way over every single speed limit, Y/N and JJ sat in an ER bay, the curtain shielding them from the rest of the ER. “Do you think I just dislocated it?” JJ asked, his voice hoarse. He shifted his head on the pillow, looking at Y/N. He was laying more comfortably after the doctors prescribed some pain meds, but Y/N was still treating him like a porcelain doll.

“The tests are just to make sure they aren’t missing anything, J,” She reassured him, rubbing soothing circles on his good arm. “Whatever it is, I will take good care of you.” She smiled, throwing a wink at him knowing flirty innuendos were his favourite thing ever - especially when they came from his insanely hot girlfriend.

Just as JJ opened his mouth to retort, the curtain opened with a flourish. In came the doctor, followed by two interns all sporting crisp white coats. “Okay, Mr. Maybank,” The older looking doctor spoke up, eyes on the tablet he held, clicking away on it. “We got your scans back, and it looks like you have a very minor glenoid fracture on top of your treated dislocation. Now that your dislocation has been reduced, you should feel a little more comfortable, but that fracture is gonna give you some issues,” He explained, setting the tablet down and pulling a prescription pad from his coat pocket. “I am going to prescribe you some pain medication, Hydrocodone,” He spoke as he scribbled quickly. “Also known as Vicodin. I am not going to prescribe much as it's highly addictive, I recommend only using what you need along with icing frequently and resting it for a full two weeks,” He explained, handing JJ the prescription before pulling a pamphlet from his chest pocket. “That’s a pamphlet on opioids explaining how they work, major side-effects to watch out for, and tips to avoid getting addicted to them. I like to hand them out to help patients manage their pain safely.”

“How long does the recovery take?” Y/N asked, her hand gripping JJ’s in relief.

“Typically, recovery takes a total of 12 to 16 months. Like I said, after two weeks you can return to normal activity aside from heavy-lifting, sports, or strenuous activity. Then, after a span of 6 weeks or 3 months, you can resume normal activity if your shoulder permits. I would recommend a physical therapist to help with recovery, but for now, lots of rest and my interns will put your arm in a sling.” He gave them a tight smile, nodding as he turned and left the makeshift room.

“Hear that, J. Lots of rest and you’re gonna be fine.” Y/N smiled, letting go of JJ’s hand, standing to move out of the way of the interns as they moved around, getting his arm in a sling. She busied herself with collecting his shoes as the nurses helped her dress him earlier (so she didn’t jostle his shoulder getting his clothes on. John B had been so kind as to run to their place to get him clean clothes.

“You’re all set, Mr. Maybank, we will see you in 6 weeks to check on your recovery.” With that, they also left the makeshift room, leaving the curtain open. Y/N knew they were busy people and it was just an ER, but the speed of everything made her head spin slightly.

“I think I could get used to my hot girlfriend taking care of me for two whole weeks,” JJ commented as she kneeled down in front of him from where the interns helped him sit up, his legs over the edge of the bed. She looked up at him, shooting him a scornful look. “I think restraining myself will be a little strenuous though-”

“JJ Maybank, no funny business until you are better, until you are cleared to resume all activity, any funny business is off the table,” She informed him sternly. He narrowed his eyes at her, pouting his lip. “I mean it JJ. Maybe then you will take recovery seriously.”

“If recovery means we can’t take part in my favourite pastime, then I am going to take it as serious as hell,” He remarked. “This is going to be the fastest and best recovery the doctors have ever seen. Then, you are going to have the time of your life once I am cleared.” He smirked, watching as she stood up, shaking her head.

Her smile she had been trying to fight broke free as she sat beside him, making sure to sit to his left (his uninjured side). “I am sure you will.” She whispered, pressing a kiss to his lips. The sound of multiple approaching footsteps made them pull away to see their friends slipping into the open curtain.

“Nathan is talking to your doctor, he said he would cover the medical bill,” Pope explained, pointing over his shoulder. “Good thing it was only a minor fracture, now we just have to make sure JJ actually listens during recovery.” He remarked, shooting a playful glare at the blonde. Everyone knew JJ would be a pain in the ass during recovery, always doing things he shouldn’t be doing.

“Not gonna be an issue,” Y/N spoke confidently. “We already talked about it and JJ is gonna take it very seriously,” She looked towards him, almost daring him not to keep his word when her face suddenly changed, looking like she had a question. “Why did you take that turn too fast anyway? Nathan was telling you to slow down and the course looked extra muddy today thanks to that rainstorm we just had.”

Suddenly, JJ’s cheeks tinged red in a blush and he dropped his eyes to his lap. “I wanted to impress you.” He muttered bashfully, ashamed because she endlessly told him that he impresses her every single day.

“You’re an idiot, JJ! You severely injured yourself to impress the girl who has seen you throw up on yourself.” She rolled her eyes, slightly shaking his hair, the only thing she thought she could do to not cause him more pain.

Quickly, the bashfulness was wiped from JJ’s face as a smug smile took over his face. “Well, at least I am your idiot, right?” JJ asked, making her roll her eyes at him, a large smile fighting a way onto her face as she leaned in.

“That’s why you’re an idiot for trying to impress me, you’re mine forever - regardless of idiocy.” She pressed another kiss to his lips, smiling into the kiss like a fool in love.

Pope and John B groaned at the display of affection, but Sarah and Kie cooed, hugging each other. Pope and John B started to gag as the kiss lingered, the pair of them staring into each other’s eyes intently. “Oh, shut up guys-” Kie rolled her eyes at Pope and John B.

“Y’all know you’re the reason I believe in love, ya know?” Sarah cooed, ignoring the other three, watching JJ and Y/N as if they were her favourite ship in a show. John B shot her a look, gesturing to himself before giving up. JJ and Y/N were the reason they all believed in love.

“Well, she’s the reason I believe in love.” JJ remarked, pressing another kiss to Y/N’s lips.

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