#which for the 4 years I've lived here I didn't know existed until today

[henrysglock]

Local Man Uses The Cyclical 27-Year Torment Nexus To Try And Change His Fate [EPIC FAIL COMPILATION]

You probably guessed that this is the time-travel post I've been slaving over. You'd be right. This is the newest and most formal iteration of my long-standing time loop theory (I have drafted flowcharts back from February that actually predicted a dimension/time fuckery event in 1943 in relation to Brenner, which was made canon by TFS). So...Let's just dive right in. Note: I'm planning to keep calling TFS Henry "Henry" here just for simplicity's sake.

Now, fair warning: There are a few big "bear with me"s in this post. I promise they make sense, I just need you to hear me out.

It all started with Henry's self-proclaimed superhero name: The Stardust Spider.

Some of you may have seen my original post about The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders from Mars (here).

Before anyone says "Oh, but that album didn't exist yet", a reference in 1959 about a Bowie album that wouldn't be recorded until November of 1971 is in keeping with TFS's habit of directly referencing things from the '70s that "don't exist yet".

However, all that aside, there's a specific piece I want to return to, because it bugs the living daylights out of me.

There was a cut song that was meant to go on the album The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders from Mars titled "Shadow Man":

For obvious reasons in relation to Henry in The First Shadow, this song already stuck out.

Specifically, though, these few stanzas hit me weirdly:

You should call and see who answers For he promises to come running Guided by the truth For the Shadow Man is really You Look in his eyes and see your reflection Look to the stars and see his eyes He'll show you tomorrow, he'll show you the sorrows Of what you did today You can call him foe, you can call him friend You should call and see who answers (see who answers) For he knows your eyes are drawn to the road ahead And the Shadow man is waiting 'round the bend ('round the bend) Shadow man is waiting up ahead

The Shadow Man is you from the future. He's waiting up ahead to show you the the truth/the consequences of your actions.

Considering that the TFS version of Young "Henry" has a direct connection to both the Shadow and Dimension X from a young age, and he also experiences what seem to be Vecna-type visions, this becomes particularly interesting to me...Especially seeing as said fates are not only possible for future "Henry", but also canon for future "Henry". (See: Vecna guy vs Mindflayer guy)

So, when I see an almost comical number of lines in TFS relating to rewriting known, undesirable endings (here are a few of my favorites):

And when we revisit some of the on-film classics:

I start to think it's time we revisit the concept of time-travel and trying to change your own fate.

It's always hard to know where to start with posts like these, so I'm going to kick things off with the technical aspect: The Cycle.

Something I've talked about in the past year, mostly on Discord, is this concept of a time loop. Not just any old time loop, though. A 27 year cycle, specifically.

Not 20, not 30...

Now, we all know the TFS timeline is messy as hell and doesn't actually align with anything that's possible in filmed canon...or within its own time span, even.

For example, the attack on Mr. Newby happens both some point after October 1st, 1959 and before November 20th, 1959...but the papers for the incident report it on March 20th, 1958:

The timeline we're given also largely fabricated, as I pointed out in relation to the newspapers with dates that don't actually exist.

However, much like NINA, the sequence itself being fake doesn't mean the events didn't happen. It's just not happening in the time frame we're told it's happening in:

It's a set of real events, just portrayed on a different time scale.

So, with all that in mind, I want to lay out a timeline, starting from Season 4 and moving backwards in time:

— Vecna opens the rifts, and El opens a gate to Dimension X in NINA, both in 1986. The March 1959 Creel Murders occur exactly 27 years before the Rifts and NINA's Dimension X gate open in 1986...at which point the Mindflayer is shown to be active.

— Mothergate opens through to Dimension X at some point between November 1983 and October 1984, this being somewhere between 16-28 months prior the Rifts opening. The paper about the attack on Mr. Newby, dated March 20th, 1958, is released exactly 610 days, or 20 months, prior to the Creel murders on November 20th, 1959. It's not necessarily the exact dates that are important here (again, these dates are relatively unreliable), but the gap between the dates.

When put in accordance with filmed dates (i.e. setting the release of this paper exactly 610 days prior to March 22nd of 1959), the paper for the attack on Mr. Newby would have been released on July 20th, 1957. This would be in line with Edward Creel's move to Hawkins in the spring of 1957...while also occurring 27 years before July of 1984, at which point Mothergate is open, and the Mindflayer is active.

This July date is especially funny to me considering we get "throwaway" lines like this...with shots in filmed canon from summertime:

Top: Joyce and Jim beginning their investigation into the attic attack. Hopper Sr. is questioning why Joyce and Jim are investigating, rather than attending school. Bottom: Alice and Henry with the rabbit death scenes in filmed canon, the setting showing full foliage and both children in summer clothing. "Is it summer break?" I don't know. You tell me, Chief.

Per TFS, Henry went missing in a cave system near his home town of Rachel, Nevada (hold that thought) at some point in the year prior to the attack on Mr. Newby. We've been told that Dimension X was involved in this event in Nevada, something happened there that left "Henry" altered physically. He was also flayed at some point around this time.

This all coincides with Henry's dramatic mood shift from a "normal and good" boy to one suffering from Mindflayer-induced psychosis. This change happened in tandem with the Nevada incident, dating back 10 months prior to the attack on Mr. Newby:

If we set Henry's initial disappearance in line with filmed canon like before, it becomes September of 1956, which is just over 27 years before Will's disappearance in November of 1983, at which point we know at least one gate is open.

We also have 1952, at which point TFS Henry would be 7 per his age as a 14 year old/freshman in play canon. This exists in a 27 year interval against 1979, when El opens the original gate that sends One to Dimension X, where he subsequently shapes the Shadow into the Mindflayer.

Here comes the first "hear me out".

My questions are:

Since Henry/Vecna/The Mindflayer/etc. in general don't show any capability for opening gates before 1986, then how the hell is the Mindflayer possessing anyone in 1959?

How did "Henry" get involved with Dimension X in Nevada in the 1950s?

Unless, by some chance:

Dimension X exists all the time simultaneously (i.e. it's a space outside time)

The gates exist simultaneously across time and space in the Right Side Up in 27 year intervals. By which I mean: A gate that opens in, say, 1983 would exist simultaneously in 1956, so on an so forth.

There's the disappearance of Captain Brenner and the USS Eldridge in 1943, which would, interestingly enough, align with 1970, the supposed year of El's conception.

Then, 1952. Now, I'm not sure what's special about 1952, when TFS "Henry" was 7, because they don't actually say what happened to make that year important! They make a point to show it to us, though, meaning something happened...we just don't know what. All I can say is that 1952 does exist in a 27 year interval against El's 1979 gate. Hold that thought.

Those addressed, let's fast-forward 4 years: 1956/1983.

Now, to be fair, there is some uncertainty in my mind about whether this specific gate incident stems from Brenner's involvement with Project Rainbow in Nevada pre-1957*, or if it stems from Mothergate in 1983, or if they created some kind of wormhole between the two locations 27 years apart...but that's a concept I need to explore more thoroughly in a another post.

In short, though: Did a singular El open a singular Mothergate? Did El open mothergate? Did Mothergate actually open on November 6th, 1983...or are we just supposed to assume it opened the same night Will went missing/the demogorgon came through? We're never given a concrete date for when Mothergate actually opened.

* In TFS, Brenner claims he's dedicated his life post-1943 to Project Rainbow with the goal of finding Dimension X, and that he's doing so in pursuit of knowledge regarding the circumstances of his father's death in connection with the Philadelphia Experiment. The USS Eldridge, Brenner Sr.'s ship, disappeared into Dimension X briefly on October 28th, 1943. "Brenner Sr." was the sole survivor. "He" returned to the Right Side Up with a completely unique blood type, supposedly altered by his travels into Dimension X. This is what ultimately led to him succumbing to his injuries, due to his body rejecting all forms of blood transfusion. Brenner Jr. tells us that about 10 months prior to Henry's first stay in HNL, a scientist from Project Rainbow escaped Brenner's lab carrying a container of a dangerous material, and ended up near the same Nevada cave system Henry disappeared into. We don't know how or when this material was collected, or what it was, but we know they found Henry's Captain Midnight spyglass next to a body (identity unspecified) with no trace of that dangerous material. We get no further detail about the Nevada Disappearance.

Anyway, someone opens a gate in the fall of 1956 and/or 1983 (my money's on it being directly linked to an El in 1983 either way). No matter who did it, though, someone opened a gate at both time points, showing us this 27 year link between the 2 dates, 2 key locations.

"Henry" goes missing in Nevada in 1956, and ends up involved with Dimension X...Which aligns with the choice of song surrounding this version of the Creel family while they move into their new home:

Coincidentally, 27 years in the future, so does Will, in Indiana. Their experiences are linked across those two spaces via that 27 year period.

We know that regardless of the gate in Nevada...Mothergate, at least, stays open until from fall 1956/1983 to fall 1957/1984. That covers exact time frame that the adjusted dates for both Henry's accident with the boy in Nevada and his accident with Mr. Newby fall in (as well as Will's time between his disappearance and his flaying).

The closer we get to Will's flaying in 1984, and the closer the Mindflayer gets to crossing through Mothergate, the more TFS Henry sounds like One (post-1979) while he's possessed in 1957, the more strangely he behaves in general (almost as though the Mindflayer is more enmeshed in his everyday life/closer to the surface), and the stronger the possession attempts seem to become overall. He begins giving nightmare visions to other people, namely tormenting Virginia with spiders and her past. He has his final and most powerful "Vecna" vision on the night of the attack on Mr. Newby.

Any kind of reciprocal gate irt Mothergate in the '50s would have gone unnoticed, since the papers in TFS indicate that HNL wasn't established until Brenner showed up to take Henry in.

Mothergate closes briefly, only for a gate to open in July 1958/1985 in the underground location of the future Starcourt Mall. This, in 1958, is during our unaccounted-for 20 months between the attack on Mr. Newby and the Creel murders. (Something rattles about this and the scene where Henry nearly makes full contact with the Mindflayer, when he has a handful of duplicate lines re: his 4.07 monologue self, but I don't have sufficient evidence to make that claim with any certainty.)

That gate closes, until Vecna opens gates in Hawkins in March of 1986, and El opens a Dimension X gate briefly and simultaneously in both Hawkins/Nevada in September of 1979 (September of 1952) and Hawkins/Nevada in March of 1986 (March of 1959) during NINA, concurrently...at least one of which may have gone unnoticed, since the Rainbow Room and the surrounding labs seems to have been abandoned entirely after 1979, and HNL as a whole has once again been abandoned after the events of 1984 ("unnoticed" and "abandoned", I say as if the building isn't still being surveilled by Brenner/Owens et. al...I just mean that the building isn't in use by the government at that point in time.)

We're shown the Shadow activating all the way in Russia due to one or multiple of these events. 27 years earlier, in March of 1959, the Mindflayer once again becomes active, per TFS's adjusted dates. Chaos ensues.

At this point, "Henry" starts swapping between sounding like his young self and sounding like his 4.07 Monologuing Adult self again, doing that kind of "I've seen the future" foreshadowing talk with Joyce that his visions did with him:

Here, he also sounds distinctly like ST3 flayed Billy, specifically in the way of the scene with El in the cabin when "Billy" outlines the Mindflayer's plans for her, her friends, and all of Hawkins while crying.

The rest is, well...history. Whatever fuckery went on, it doesn't seem to have made much of a difference. After all, TFS is a "canon event", meaning it had to end the way it did.

Remember those thoughts I asked you to hold?

TFS being a "canon event" means it had to end with Henry in the lab alongside baby El...thus completing our loop, which starts again with the events of 1979/1952. A 27 year loop. TFS may be indicative of a time loop.

Hence:

Out of place dates from the 1970s start to bleed into the 1950s: - A town like Rachel, Nevada, which wasn't established until 1978, now exists circa 1952-1959 after El opens a gate to Dimension X circa 1979 in Nevada circa 1986 via NINA, which exists...about 40-50 miles from Rachel.

- An album like Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars (November, 1971) or a song like "Chuck E's In Love" (April, 1979) gets referenced circa 1957-1959. - An article about a "younger, more handsome" alien clone of Elvis appears in a 1959 Weekly Watcher paper about the Creel murders, despite Elvis having been 24 at the time...making this an article more likely to have appeared in the '70s or later, likely sometime around Elvis' death in 1977.

2. The Shadow is always depicted as the fully formed Mindflayer circa 1956-1959, despite the shaping event happening in the 4 years between 1979-1983:

3. Henry has Vecna-type visions, despite being the only vision-giver we know of circa 1957-1959.

4. 6 different guys later in the HNL massacre: 2 with the original baby El, 2 with teen El via NINA, and 2 in an as-of-yet unseen product of NINA's Loop (see: the final scene of TFS).

All this laid out, some questions remain:

Why do Henry's visions show him the genuine, terrifying reality of his future?

Why are these visions generally lacking in coercion?

Why are Vecna chime sounds heard before the major supernatural events that deal with visions, even though we never actually see the clock? (They're heard before Virginia in the attic, before the attack on Mr. Newby, before the Creel murders, and in the basement when Henry monologues at Joyce while viewing the corpses of his family.)

Why don't these chimes play when the Mindflayer alone is present, e.g. when no visions occur? (See: Henry contacting the Mindflayer in the lab)

And we don't really get an answer to any of these. Not an easily spotted outright answer, anyway.

But what's really fascinating, which I mentioned just a second ago and takes me back to the top of this post, back to the "Stardust Spider" and Shadow Man, is the fact that despite occurring concurrently with the possession attempts...none of these visions contain an ultimatum. There's no "If you don't obey me, I'll hurt someone you love", no "I'm showing you what's going to happen if you don't obey me", nothing of the sort.

The closest we get to coercion is the bathroom vision, when Henry fights off a possession attempt in the school bathroom and ends up in a vision regarding Patty. When "Patty" starts to talk to him about his future, about how Henry's going to kill her and so many others, Henry says "you're not Patty...what are you?" Then he gets into a physical brawl with her, which is surprisingly well matched. Vision Patty encourages him during that fight, saying things like "That's it!", "We want the same thing!", and "We can have her!"

Those seem like pretty straightforward "the Mindflayer's encouraging Henry to kill" encouragements, right?

Yeah, at first glance. However...lets read that back right quick, but with Moral Objectivity Goggles on this time. Henry openly, verbally identifies that Vision Patty is "not her, not Patty", but is, in fact, something else. He does this multiple times before he lunges at "not Patty", and he is subsequently encouraged by not-Patty...who tells him they want the same thing. That's not suspicious at all. The motives here are definitely crystal clear and totally aren't conflicting in any way.

There's the straightforward surface aspect, and then something else piggybacking on it, complicating it. Hold that thought.

Other than that instance, the negative parts of Henry's visions are all just...information. They're showing him what will come to pass...almost like they're motivating him to fight the Mindflayer. Hold onto that thought too, it buddies with the previous one.

Henry's freaking out about Prancer because he's getting close with Patty, and he's worried he'll hurt her?

His vision informs him that he's going to kill more, that he's going to hurt things, that he's going to kill Patty if he stays around her and/or gives into the Mindflayer's desires. And then it happens. All of it. He kills more animals. He hurts things and people, the pets and lab animals, Mr. Newby, and Inmate 58361 being prime examples. He gives in to the Mindflayer's desire to kill and kills Virginia. He does, by the extent of his perception, kill Patty in the accident.

The same goes for his vision in the attic. Henry's up in the attic using his powers to find someone/snoop on them, fearful of opening himself up for a possession attempt?

The vision version of Patty's mother catches Henry and tells him she "wants to tell him a secret" while his body is being puppeted to attack Mr. Newby. The next time the curtain rises to show us the inside of Henry's mind, he's seeing himself as Vecna, strung up on the tentacles and strangling people with them...just like the end of Season 4. Once again, he's seeing the future that will come to pass...should he fail to fight the Mindflayer off.

We can tell it's a vision, not what's physically happening in reality, because: a) Henry's watching himself in the attic from the stage below. b) It's got the messed up red lighting c) They show us reality just moments before, not a tentacle in sight and without Henry on the stage there observing:

d) The ending of the vision doesn't match with reality:

At the end of this vision, Henry passes out both in the void and IRL, while the vision version of Henry remains crouching. That is a different guy, entirely separate from IRL/Void Henry. There is at least one other person in the visions who is not a product of the vision itself.

Remember those thoughts from a bit ago that I asked you to hold?

Well. This also happens to be the sequence where we not only get Vision-Patty repeating Henry's own words from just after Prancer's death ("It's not real. It's not real. It's a nightmare") back to him, a phrase IRL Patty has never heard, but we also get:

Visions Patty telling Henry how to fight and evade the possession, as if she knows what she's doing ("It's your dream, remember? Anything is possible").

Vision Patty telling Henry she loves him as the last-ditch effort when his "good dream" memory of the real Patty fails to save him from the possession.

These are both things IRL Patty wouldn't know or think to say, since IRL Patty fully believed that Henry attacked her of his own volition out of malice, and she needed to be shown a drawing of the Mindflayer by Mr. Newby in order to abandon that belief.

IRL Patty's behavior is not the behavior of someone who a) knows the ins and outs of Henry's situation with the Mindflayer, and b) coached him through overcoming a possession attempt a little while earlier. It's just not.

Just like before, we're seeing contradictions and complications between vision-selves and IRL selves, along with a sense of piggybacking within possession attempts, wherein the vision serves as motivation for Henry to fight harder in resistance to the Mindflayer...while the Mindflayer is possessing him.

It's starting to become my favorite thing in the world: A pattern of behavior.

In summary:

Henry's are visions are visions of his future, and they're being shown to him by someone.

They are separate from, but piggybacking on, the Mindflayer's possession attempts.

The purpose of the visions isn't solely to torment Henry or coerce him into doing the Mindflayer's bidding. In fact, the content of the visions seems curated to make Henry fight harder in resistance to the Mindflayer.

So if, for example, Vision Patty ≠ IRL Patty, but she's acting against the Mindflayer's best interest/in support of Henry...then...

I think my answer to the questions of "who", "when", and "how" should be at least somewhat clear by this point:

Someone...from the future.

Specifically, someone from 1979-1986 who has access to the gates from the Dimension X side, someone with both vision-giving and time-related abilities who's directly connected to the Mindflayer/the Hive Mind, but who has a vested interest in countering the Mindflayer, saving Henry Creel, and trying to change the course of the future.

A traitor. A spy, if you will.

"A spy...from the future?"

[gestures at the Signs] Yeah, you heard me.

A spy from the future.

So, on that note: The point in this section wherein I ask you to hear me out.

I get the feeling TFS Henry is being told and/or shown what will come to pass in the future by himself...the Mindflayer.

And you're probably going "How do you figure that one, James? Isn't the Mindflayer a villainous force?"

I mean, yeah. Of course it is. However...

There are clearly multiple forces at play within the Mindflayer (hive mind!), and TFS shows us that Henry Creel wouldn't choose to be a villain.

Thus I think the visions in TFS are situations where, as in the 4.07 rabbit scene, things look really damning on first view. They play on our empathy using small, visibly-frightened, helpless victims and shocking, violent circumstances to guide us into making the assumption that everything about the situation is inherently malicious.

We're shown this poor little guy, "Henry". He's 14 years old, he clocks in at 5'5", he's skittish/scared of (ha) his own shadow, and he's geeky to the nth degree about comic books (just LOOK at that Captain Midnight salute? What an cute little nerd). He's immediately lovable. He's also, we find out rather abruptly, plagued by horrific visions and murderous fits of possession.

The immediate response is to go "He's being psionically tortured by some sick, sadistic son of a bitch who hungers for nothing but blood and control", just like Nancy and the ST fandom collectively did with Young Henry's rabbit scene...only to be proven wrong about Henry's intentions via TFS.

I mean, does anyone (anyone who's able to read this post, anyway 🤭) look at TFS Henry, filmed Young Henry, or even Orderly Henry and go "Yeah. He totally wanted what he got, and if he had the chance, he definitely wouldn't try to save himself from that fate"?

No.

TFS Shows us that "Henry" was a terrified, traumatized boy who wanted it all to stop. He's kind, brave, and stronger than he seems. We're also shown that he's capable of overcoming the Mindflayer to issue warnings to people he cared about (i.e. telling people to run, or prophesying dangers he'd seen via the visions). He was trying to survive with next to no help while causing as little harm as possible. He was a good kid, and he certainly wasn't evil.

So, all that said...I think that, via the Shadow's hive-mind capabilities, Henry's "fronting", in a manner of speaking, in order to show this version of himself the future. Probably as a warning, probably as motivation to fight the Mindflayer, and all with a nice side-dish of "here's how you fight this thing off so that my current future doesn't become our future" before someone else tapes over the figurative laptop camera.

[coughs, drops this Brenner-Mindflayer collage on the table in front of you, and then scurries away]

With that said, I'd like to loop all the way back to the top of this post: The "Shadow Man" may be Henry from the future. He's waiting up ahead to show his younger self the true outcome of his choices.

We all know how TFS ends, though. Hence:

[EPIC FAIL COMPILATION]

This brings me to my final "bear with me" point: The matter of the strange double-agent vibes from the UD in every season.

I'm not sure if anyone else outside the unholycule has noticed this, but in every season there's at least one instance of the UD just...offering up information.

"It does?"

Yup! Let me explain.

On first glance, we look at things like Nancy's vision and even El's vision with Billy in the cabin, and we go "Oh, it's because [insert "the bad guy's cruel/he wants to scare her/his hubris will be his downfall/all serial killers want to be known for their crimes" etc here]"...but maybe that's not the case.

For example: Vecna told Nancy his backstory, and then he immediately went

"Oh hey, so not only am I revealing my identity (Which may help you find out more about me via lab records later on, things like...maybe a list of my abilities, or my weaknesses, like the fact that I have a nut allegry. Allegedly.), but I'm also gonna give you a sneak peek of my apocalypse plans. For free. As a treat. Don't use these to prepare or anything. I'm totally not giving you a head start".

Terrifying, yes. A taunt and a threat on surface view, yes...but also showing his hand. "I want you to tell Eleven everything you see" Why. Why would he want that. He may be confident in his plans, arrogant, even...but he's not that stupid.

I'm serious, though. Check it out in comparison to Henrys visions of the future. The pattern is patterning:

We can track that back to El's cabin scene with Billy, wherein he tells her she shouldn't have looked for him, warns her that they all can see her, and that they're going to be coming after her...and he cries about it. That's vision Billy. That's someone else who piggybacked into El's mind from Billy's mind. That's not real Billy, just like how Billy in Max's vision wasn't the real Billy. The person giving El that vision warns her. Why on earth would he tell her that they can see her, that they're coming for her? That's sensitive information! It would be smarter to let her think she's safe and use that false sense of security to catch her off guard.

In fact, this pattern patterns so well that I'd like to argue this: Henry's TFS visions, Nancy's vision, and El's vision are all the same type of behavior displayed in NINA's chess scene, just in different contexts.

Henry ("Henry") gives some kind of scary prophetic information ("He and the others are going to attempt to kill you", "I would very much like to show you where I am going", "You're going to kill me, aren't you?"), and then we're left to question if it's a scare tactic, manipulative misinformation, or helpful inside information.

It's not that the Mindflayer or Vecna can't hide things from people (see: "Somewhere he didn't want me to see")...like, say, the fact that the Mindflayer is now able to see El, or that Vecna's planning to open 4 gates with his 4 kills.

It's always this miraculous "Huh! Weird info-dropping behavior from the UD's side. Shouldn't look that gift-horse in the mouth though. It's probably just a writing oversight or a shoehorned exposé, so really there's no need to question it." situation where it's just...information that's offered up with no real explanation.

Some of my favorite examples:

...and it's all topped off with Max's line:

"He's been telling us his plan this whole time".

That is to say...You're telling me:

The first message from the Upside Down isn't any of the messages that are concretely Will's, but instead it's the one that's a repetitive Henry line...and it's conveyed in a distinctly not-Will style? A message that saves Joyce, something that's definitely not in the UD's best interest given her tenacity in finding her boy...but is definitely coming from the UD nonetheless?

Will, who fell total prey to the Mindflayer in less than 3 days, was not only able to figure out how to defeat the Mindflayer, but was also strong enough to convey it in Morse code? The Mindflayer, who is able to keep secrets (see below), just...let that information slip?

El, who acknowledges that the Mindflayer is more than able to hide things from her, is suddenly released into Billy's memories and allowed to find the source unimpeded?

The Mindflayer, as Billy (Remember: not actually Billy, because Billy can't give visions or invade minds), is telling El that because he's able to see her now, she shouldn't have looked for him? The Mindflayer, which was supposedly building the Fleshflayer to track El down and kill her? Suddenly he's telling her she shouldn't have done the thing that allowed him to find her more easily?

Vecna's giving up all the information about himself and his plans before he's even gotten the 4th gate open, despite him being so secretive about it up until that point?

Henry's visions in TFS are going to scare him into resisting the Mindflayer, making it less likely that he's going to upgrade to killing humans, i.e. the very thing the Mindflayer wants him to do?

None of that makes any damn sense...until we hit this last point:

Orderly Henry is known for giving inside information about "Papa" to El with no clear motive other than getting her to leave the lab.

Now, if you know my page then you know Em's been talking about double meanings in phrasing recently (see: this post about "who"s and "what"s).

So, with that in mind, I'd like you to chew on this:

"He's been telling us his plan this whole time." vs "He's been telling us His plan this whole time."

By which I mean: "He's been telling us some other man's plan this whole time."

[Mike voice] Superspy.

As a parting thought, I made it all into a nice, neat set of collages:

Not to mention this final, parting bit:

[ladyswillmart]

Doing my own OC questionnaire for/as Hivallion, because I know nobody else will do it for me! "Thank you Swilly, for filling your own hole!"

(1) Signature "Magic Mushroom" Air Freshener Scent:

"The prospect of having a home perpetually smelling of whatever 'Nature's Bouquet' smells like sounds compelling to me. What could that possibly entail? Can you imagine? I can. I have spent a lot of time in nature and I have smelled a lot of different things, in combinations that one may conceivably describe as a bouquet. But, I am also not that daring so I would probably just go for 'Lemon Whisper'. You know exactly what you're in for with a name like that: A faint suggestion of lemon. Indeed, as if someone is merely whispering the word into the void while hiding in your coat closet."

(2) Personal Nickname, Title, or Epithet?

"We elves tend to accumulate many names; we sort of collect them like barnacles on an old skiff. One category of name is the epessë, which I would most liken to a epithet or professional title. Now you know my first name is Hivalliôn—some of my kin would call this the Father Name, though my name actually derives from my mother's. And it's purely a Falathrin construct. It comes from our word for a large seabird that once lived here, the hiválew. I never actually met my father, for the candle of his life got snuffed shortly before I was born. His name was Haegaear and he was a shipwright, but anyway, his epessë was Swan-Maker. And I too have had several such titles over the years. Lately people are calling me the All-Feather because I've taken it upon myself to document every species of bird that I encounter in my travels. Even the Rangers started calling me this, save Radanir, who started calling me Birdbrain instead. Well, whatever works!"

Pictured: Hivallion and the famously taciturn ranger Radanir, a strange sight without his characteristic hood. "We've very different personalities and he teases me quite a bit," admits Hivallion. "But we are mates so it's all in good fun."

(3) Any compelling reasons for existing?

"Oh, headed straight into the hard philosophy, aren't we? And so soon after the one about air fresheners. Well. I suppose this question reads differently for an elf of the Fourth Age; it has long been our destiny to leave Middle-Earth and sail to the Uttermost West, and there are not very many of us remaining here at all. So, should I say that my main reason for existing here today is to fulfill this destiny? Seems a bit redundant. Yet I think, primarily, I continue to exist here because I feel my business is not yet finished, not quite. My heart beats alongside that of my master Círdan...

"...hmm. That answer sounds a bit vacuous, doesn't it? So, aside from all that, my most compelling reason for remaining here is to periodically return to Long Cleeve so I can visit the Askews for tea and conversation, and some apple brown betty. Sometimes they have ice cream to go with it—really, they say that now is the Age of Man, but I maintain that we might want to consider forfeiting this one to the Hobbits."

(4) Favorite Genre of Dessert?

"It is funny, I was never much of a sweet tooth all throughout my life. I suppose we elves don't really do dessert, or at least we didn't in the Falas, or even in Mithlond. But those Hobbits take their meals very seriously and they can cook. Pies, cakes, buckles, cobblers, muffins, tarts—I've never had a buckle in my life, 8120-something years old and I didn't even know what a buckle was until I came to the Yondershire. So I think my favorite sort of dessert is something not too sweet, something with loads of fruit and perhaps a crumbly topping for textural contrast. As for the specifics, well, I'm not picky!"

(5) Uh oh! You've been arrested! What's the crime and how do you plead?

"Oh, probably something related to protecting the environment, I should think. In cases where such a thing would constitute a crime, it is always one worth committing. Like chaining myself to a tree to stop someone from cutting it down, that sort of thing. Hmm. Of course, if that someone happened to be Saruman, I doubt something as inconsequential as my body would've prevented him—or more likely one of his Uruks—from taking a hatchet to the thing."

(6) Do you know where your keys are?

"I think so. I hope so! I have keys to a rental cottage in Falathlorn as well as my old place in Mithlond. Though the latter I haven't seen in over three millennia as I've yet to make my way that far west. Do you think the place still stands? If it does, whoever occupies it now has certainly changed the locks by now, and no doubt they've redecorated so I probably wouldn't recognize it anyway. I also have a key to a small box in the Rivendell vault that contains a few of my more important belongings. Elrond set that one up for me while I was vegetating in Tham Send. Wasn't that kind of him?"

(7) Favorite Unsolved Mystery?

"Why didn't they just fly the eagles into Mordor...?"

[dollsonmain]

Today I should rest and spend time with myself but there's too much to do.

I need to look for insurance some more, shower, catch up on chores, get ready to go get groceries/make the list....

Yesterday I remembered something.

So, I get up really early in the morning in the hopes of getting a little time to myself with the quiet.

On weekdays That Guy gets up at 4 and so do I. I make sure I'm up and out of bed, downstairs, drinking my coffee before he gets out of the shower so he doesn't come kneel down and try to stick his dick in my face every morning.

He leaves at 5.

Then, if I'm lucky, Son will stay in bed until 6 but he usually gets up at 5 because That Guy stomps and slams and insists on having a conversation or giving me a lecture first thing in the morning when I'm not even awake, yet.

This morning it was "Our son doesn't know some specific information which is not available to him and he's disrespecting me by not having this information that doesn't exist can you figure it out but don't tell him you're figuring it out behind his back because I want him to do it even though he can't." Again.

Son leaves at 7.

On the weekends I often wake up around 5 or 5:30 and try to sneak out of bed

Usually, Son is already awake and he gets up as soon as he hears me moving around in the house. He starts immediately with noise videos, noisy apps, transcribing music, etc. and he talks the whole time. Louder, and louder, and louder with the occasional "Dad's asleep, still, watch your volume [because I'd like him to stay that way]" from me.

Often That Guy is woken up by me getting out of bed and also gets up because he's suddenly Alone and that's unacceptable.

Yesterday, I was up and trying to work on something on the computer, Son got up and started in but I've gotten pretty good at both engaging with him and continuing to work, then That Guy got up and demanded my full attention constantly.

I snapped at him a bit saying I was busy and leave me alone, which I feel bad about, but if I'm sitting in front of a screen, typing, with multiple resource tabs open, actively researching and processing information, I don't need a play-by-play of every fart, the fact the house is cold like every winter, and what he's eating/drinking, and are you still working are you still working are you still working I want to play video games and you have to watch.

...

It reminded me of a time at my grandma's house when my aunt and I were still young. My aunt is 5 years younger than I am, so we are close in age.

Grandma put us to bed in her bed, which was a queen, and my aunt kept scooting over so she was basically on top of me. I told her to move and give me space, but she wouldn't.

I got up and went to the other side of the bed repeatedly in the night and every time she'd scoot over on top of me again.

Eventually I took a blanket into the living room to sleep on the couch, and she followed me there, too.

In the morning I complained to grandma and she said I was being mean and my aunt just wanted to cuddle and be close to me.

What I needed didn't matter.

-

That persists. It doesn't matter that I need time to myself. I'm expected [by That Guy] to pay attention to Son at all times and to pay attention to That Guy at all times.

The only time I get truly to myself is very early in the morning if I'm lucky enough the boys stay in bed, or for about an hour at night because I go to bed earlier than everyone else on purpose.

This is why I call Monday my recovery day, but I don't get Monday, either. Monday is groceries day.

Even if I try going down to the basement, That Guy starts stomping around overhead as hard as he can, just to remind me he's up here, he's Alone, I'm not doing what he wants me to do, and he's bored.

It doesn't matter how much I beg the people around to please, please just get off of me.

It's very frustrating.

-

Anyway, that's all part of why I'm so hard focused on the basement right now, I guess.

Desperately trying to regain control of literally anything, trying to find a quiet place where I can breathe, trying to feel human again.

[morphomixz]

Eclipsed in Paris Pt 4 Miraculous x Reader

9:26:36 AM Thursday, April 18th Paris, France

After the first hour was up, we had maths. The teacher assigned a group project, leading to me "working" with Chloe and her minion Sabrina. By working, I mean Chloe telling Sabrina t do all the work while she gushed over Adrien Agreste, her childhood friend. Aside from Chloe, the only person who's tried to interact with me has been Sabrina who ultimately said to stick with Chloe.

Anyways, apparently, this class is learning the French equivalent of Algebra 1 in the U.S which isn't terrible. The girls I sat next to in Ms. Bustier's class have been glancing over here and whispering to each other since. If the people here are as judgemental as they are in America I may be better off returning to the U.S. The only thing that prevents me from believing this at the moment is the old man from earlier. Hopefully, he's gotten where he was trying to get to. For now, I guess I'll just look out the window.

10:39:10 AM P.E Class

I finally got away from Chloe and the two glaring girls long enough to take a breath. P.E is not my favorite class in the world, but it may grow on me since it gets me away from, well everyone who seems to have a problem with my existence. Today is just the flexibility test for the school year. I actually suffer from benign joints hypermobility syndrome so this shouldn't be too bad, well at least not until my doctor sees me next. She keeps telling me to reduce how much I push my joints so that I don't put myself in pain anymore. 

Anyways, it's partnered so I actually have a chance to talk to someone other than Chloe. My partner is a girl from my class, I think her name's Alix.

"Uh, hi. I think we're partners." I awkwardly said. 

"Yeah, just don't slow me down." was her response. 

It wasn't exactly the nicest response, but it also didn't seem to have any animosity in it. 

" Alright class, get into the sit and reach position. Your partner will push down on your back as you stretch with LIGHT pressure." came the first command from the teacher. 

Alix and I actually worked fairly well together. We talked a bit during the exercises about the school, who's who in the class, and Alix's favorite sports. I told her about New York, part of the reason I came to France, and it seems she came to a conclusion about me. Hopefully, it was a good one. 

11:45:27 AM Lunch Break

We're supposed to go to lunch at home or in the cafeteria for an hour. Chloe had something brought to the school for her, and I headed to the cafeteria with Alix. She invited me to sit with her, a guy named Kim, and his friend Max. I ended up with a tray with a fruit salad, orange juice, and a questionable-looking pear for lunch. 

"So, you're Y/N Bourgeois? The idol?" the guy who Alix called Kim asked. 

"Yeah, that's me. Though I'd appreciate it if you didn't make a big deal out of it." was my response.

"And, you're Chloe's cousin?"

"Yep. Though she and I only reunited recently. I've been living in America since I was six."

"So, you have been influenced by her very little?" was the question, Max asked. 

"Under her influence, yes. Her mother is a different story." I replied.

"Alright, alright guys. We're here to eat lunch, not dissect her traumatic backstory." Alix said, setting down her tray, to which I smiled at her. A true genuine smile, not one of my practiced model smiles. 

By the time lunch was over, I already had three friends and a permanent place to eat lunch if I wanted to.

12:53:41 PM Science

My next class had me a bit worried. Apparently, the teacher isn't the best with new students... or old students...or students in general. 

Anyways, in this class, I'm sat next to a very tall guy. According to the teacher, his name is Ivan. He seems intense when you look at him, but I'm sure he's a sweet guy when you get to know him. In fact, he seems very shy in comparison to everyone else. We were only taking notes on chemical compounds today, so it wasn't a terrible class. The teacher didn't put up with anyone messing about, but I made eye contact with Kim and couldn't help the small giggles that left my mouth. Chloe's been blowing up my phone all of the class. Apparently, Sabrina doesn't quite get chemical compounds and she thinks I may. be able to explain it to her, so she can do Chloe's homework. I guess I'm doing a slight tutoring session after school. 

2:16:36 PM Art Class

A little under three hours left of school, and I finally reached a class I can get into. I can technically do whatever kind of art I want in this class so I went over to the drawing table. Alix is doing so form of street art with spray paint, the girls from earlier are using alcohol markers, and Chloe's in the corner on her phone like always. I guess I better start working on designs for my new line like Auntie would want me to. I started with a fitted bodycon silhouette and shaded it in with a variety of reds, adding layers of black around the bottom to form a filled-out skirt.  Apparently, my presence finally got to the two girls from earlier because one of them came over and just stood in front of me.

"Can I help you?" I said, rather peeved that she was blocking my sunlight but also because she likely already assumed my personality. 

"Yeah, you're Y/N right? Chloe's cousin?"

"That would be correct. And you are?" I could feel my left eyebrow arching.

"I'm Alya and my best friend over there is Marinette. We were wondering if you were the Y/N Bourgeois who owns the fashion label "Serpentine" and does all that idol work?" 

"I am. Is that all you wanted?" I replied. 

I know my tone was rude but these girls have done nothing but glare and whisper about me all day. 

"How about you come to our table and sit with us? Marinette does some designing herself and I think you guys could bond over that." came Alya's reply. 

So I went over and joined them. Marinette apologized for the glaring. She apparently assumed I was just like Chloe but after seeing me interact with Alix, Kim, and Max she decided otherwise. She needs to work on that. It will be her fatal flaw if she doesn't. 

The two of us exchanged numbers and began showing each other our designs. Her designs are exquisite. Auntie would be impressed for sure. However, she seems awful shy about showing them off. 

3:30:57 PM History

I have 1 hour until school is over, and my last class is history in Ms. Bustier's again. I sat at the back of the class next to a girl named Lila. She immediately pulled out her phone and asked for a picture as well as my phone number. She's the only one who's made a big deal about my status all day. However, I took the picture to be polite and she tagged me in it. My Instagram began blowing up with the comments under it. Apparently, this Lila was the one I was rumored to be hanging out with. Anyways, today's lesson was on Ancient Rome, including mythology. Lila kept trying to distract me with a conversation but I wanted to remain focused on Romulus and Remus. She began blowing up my phone with texts which made me immediately regret giving her my number. 

4:30:15 PM Outside the School

Well, I made it through my first day of school without a major incident. Now, Chloe and I were waiting for the limo to show up. She's been talking to Adrien for the last 10 minutes, and he looks particularly uncomfortable with her clinginess. The limo finally pulled up, followed by another one, which I assume is Adrien's. When we got into the car, then came the beratement. 

"You shouldn't hang out with Marinette Dupain-Cheng or her friends. It's bad enough you're hanging out with Alix and Kim."

"Chloe, if I wanted your advice on friends, to which I've never been allowed to make that discernment myself I would have asked. I'd appreciate it if you dropped it because I want to be able to make decisions for myself for once in my life."

Okay, a little harsh, even for Chlo but did I lie? My first boyfriend was even chosen for me so I should get to decide who I hang out with at the minimum. At least she dropped the conversation. I headed up to my room and dropped my stuff on the couch located at the center of the room.  However, there was a strange box left on my coffee table. 

I opened the small box that had a necklace, and a small light came out of it. When it disappeared, a small bat-like creature was floating in front of me. 

"I'm sorry to say this but, who are you?"

[jaiyemourningstar91]

DONE

Since coming out to two of my, sort of life long friends--two guys who have literally become brother's to me--saved me from self non-existing...you name it. Been there with me through all my ups and downs in life, especially my adult life...all the heartbreaks, depression, etc etc---BUT. Since, coming out to them as queer (a pandemic as I consider myself *pansexual + demisexual*) and becoming more open with them about myself, my beliefs, sexuality, etc. They've kinda been acting different. More judgmental than usual.

Like we built part of our brotherhood based in hard hitting roastings and what have you. No punches pulled at times. So, when I say things are different, this goes beyond all that. And I don't know, maybe it has something to do with us all getting older. We're collectively in or around mid 30s. Life has changed for us in different ways, yet, also remained the same. As our trio has seen them both become rather successful at life and having built lives full of experiences I have never been close to. Traveling to foreign countries, marriage, successful carries, financial stability, decent family, houses with land attached, you know, the finer things in life. As best as one can get in this economy at least...

But me, well, I've always been the overweight loser of the group. Always punching upward trying to break my glass ceiling. Cool, calm, and collected. Gentle giant who always tries to be selfless. Do the right things. You name it. But, in the end, life happens. I've been through the shittiest things. All the bad luck. Everything that could go wrong, has. Bout all that hasn't happened is my own premature burial. I'm at yet another low point having lost my car out of nowhere due to engine failure. Overnight, mind you. No warning signs or anything. Lost a decent paying job, now working only making 11.50 an our at a dollar store. Management at that, which really is a just a glorified cashier to be honest. I was walking to and from, but thankfully I get rides now. Befriended by some people who apparently thought I am a "foodie" because of my weight or me simply saying I enjoy Chinese food? Whatever the case may be, I am thankful for the rides, but I also felt a little insulted. I don't even eat like that. Hell, some days I have to remind myself to. ANYWAY, sidetracked. Back to what this is about.

SO. Today, my 'brothers', well one of them insists I call him. Urgent matters. I'm like, I kinda feel like I know, but BOY did I not know the details exactly until I called.

According to them, they have spoken with their respective spouses, without my knowledge, and decided that I have two options. To move in with one of the two, leave the life I am currently working on, INCLUDING abandoning the love of life, my adopted children (doggos and cats), the friends i have made recently, my job I just started a few months ago, and my roommate too. Like everything I've known after breaking up with my toxic 13 year relationship last year. Scrap it all to apparently come live with either of them and basically pursue the same exact professions they are doing. One is a truck driver. Other is someone who works with mentally challenged children. One I can live rent free until I'm on my feet. The other, I'll have to do things, which weren't disclosed but I am assuming help around house, rent, bills, or something as I find work out there which is like 4 hours away from here. The other is about 2. But yeah...

And the reasoning...

Basically they are tired of me constantly failing at life and not being at the level they have made it to. Saying they think I'm never gonna make it without them at this point. I'll be homeless in my 60s, granted I'll make it that far. No retirement plans. Want me to break up with my boyfriend, without giving me any reasoning behind that by the way. Just straight said, break up, didn't even have the respect to use the right pronouns too, which pissed me the fuck off because I have told them to do so several times now and clearly they aren't taking shit seriously! Like I am really fucking shitty that two people who have been like brothers to me have basically said I'm hopeless, you'll never get anywhere in life unless you pick a path like this some red pill blue pill scenario. And then insinuate that the offer has an expiration as if I'm gonna be left in the fucking dust if I don't accept. Telling me there are no excuses not to pick one of their paths as if my current life has no value at all. As if don't have love here. People who depend on me. Animals too. My own ambitions set out and things I am working towards. Like fuck all that I guess, just so they can turn me into whatever the fuck they are now.

Don't get me wrong. I can see some of the sentiment, but it is the way they come across and the stipulations attached. Like what the actual fuck? And overall, the way they seem to see me now since coming out in general. Like I'm "one of them" which I caught one of them saying before in our group chat, which honestly, these days I hardly pay attention to because most times its just them chatting about all the stuff they do that I can't relate to anyway.

But gawd damn man. I'm baffled and I really think I just need to cut out the new cancer. Cold turkey. The disrespect is real. Sure, they got decent paying jobs, but trust, what goes on in they homes and all the BS they talk about ain't something I want to be around. One married with 6 kids that ain't even his, Grown at that and apparently tearing his new 300k house apart. Go figure. The other has a GF who loves him to death. Brought him into her home. Allowed him to be there while he works on his career. She makes 6 figures a year. Done got him in the same profession. Yet, he saying the moment he gets to where he wants to be, he's just gonna leave her? Really? And also apparently, she got tons of issues too. Like why would I leave the peace I have here?

I have someone in my life for ounce who isn't ripping my heart apart. I have pets. PETS! All my life I thought I was too allergic but turns out, take some allergy pills and I'm mostly ok if I am medicated. Like my life could be better with a better job and a car. Which are things that are on the horizon. It's not hopeless here. A work in progress, yes. But not something to just toss into the fucking void.

AAAAANNNNDDDDD where in the god damn FUCK was this sort of assistance when I NEEEEEDDED IT MOST!!!! I was literally about to be living out of my FUCKING CAR before I moved in where I am now, and neither one of those FUCKERS offered for me to move in or anything! One offered me to take over his apartment he was moving out of, which found out I couldn't offered anyway. That was it. Like...wtf man. All the sudden NOW, you want to be here for me to that degree and then shit on my life and basically say I'll never amount to anything if I don't accept. Homeless at 60. Wow. Fuck me getting a better job, a car, maybe even becoming a published writer, or anything else. As if this economy gonna be any better at that. It is only getting worse. We all gonna end up fucked. Even they still struggling themselves. One too many elaborate trips out the state has them crumbling.

I'm just appalled at this today. Heated. The delivery. The timing. The circumstance. The ultimatum. How I am being made to feel...The shit hurts. Now I gotta take the blade to another connection in my life and sever it. Because I don't want people in my life who apparently don't believe in me. That is the last thing I need. I am trying so fucking hard to turn things around again. It took me 9 of 13 years to finally end a depressive toxic cycle from my ex, and I lost everything because of it. My house, my car, my FUCKING kids! All because I didn't want to continue being with a cheater, a liar, and manipulative bitch! And now, after over 20years, I have to end a brotherhood.

This is why I am introverted and don't make friends anymore. This is why I don't care to date even though I am in an open relationship. People really just end up showing me they ugliness. And I am left hurt. Fuck the sentiment man. Call me worthless, like I haven't come back from the depths of suicidal depression to still be here on my own for the most fucking part. They came in with an assist, but I wouldn't went through with the shit anyway. My kids needed me. They act like they so set for life but they both secretly miserable with their lives and not where they want to be. They can deny that shit all they want to.

The audacity man. I've been through too much and come back from even more, to be considered hopeless.

One these days I'm gonna make it. And when hands are out stretched towards me, they will get nothing. I had always planned to give back to them. Fuck em now. I'll show you worthless.

[sunstainedpages]

The worker at the bookshop complimented the books I was buying. So I think I win at buying books.

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

I agree with you about the second chapter.

Before the pandemic we were used to periods berween albums when they gave us non-music related content then they would announce the album, then the promo, album release and repeat. It was more structered and worked really well in balancing things by feeding the fandom content not too much or too little, letting us breathe, earn some money and starve us for new music.

Now it’s all a mess. A hiatus announced in the middle of a cb which might have been a good thing because the 3 songs weren’t good. Then all the content they dropped next which felt rushed and too much and overlapped with Hobi’s solo which in my opinion shouldn’t happen to any member and then silance. Nothing that intresting is going on besides some mediocre collabs.

And now looking back I really don’t understand why they rushed Hobi’s album like that?! I thought after the short promo they were going to announce Rm’s based on how they moved, but no. It’s a filer period. At least Jimin’s coming live.

Ps: I too was thinking today actually that this taennie scandal is the most interesting thing about these two. Lmao

+ (different anon):

Wait but they did want a break. They said they were burnt out. Their only problem is that media was representing hiatus as a very final thing. Busan is clearly about that last-ditch effort at getting exemption. You being bored doesn't mean this isn't exactly the breathing space they needed to do boring-ass things like date / be blackmailed for months by a psycho for dating.

---

Yeah, well... the media did that because the media knows what "hiatus" means for boybands. There aren't many executives and all that expecting them to ever comeback as BTS. And that's the thing, if they didn't say anything nobody would've noticed anything different because this is the literally the way things have been happening for a couple of years: run had stopped already, bangtanbombs were almost non-existent already, they would have a few schedules here and there, then nothing for the most part of the year, and then at the end of the year two weeks full of schedules and activities every day and that was it. They could've kept going without saying anything and just ease everyone into it, kind of? Members were already getting separate solo schedules, too. Jungkook, Taehyung travelling overseas alone, Yoongi and PSY. Like I've said, waiting until the end of the year with members enlisting would've been the perfect excuse and media wouldn't have panicked either, because everyone knows military service is something they can't avoid. It would've been a perfectly reasonable and not suspicious at all excuse for a "hiatus".

It's great that they announced it, I like when things are clear and there's no gray areas, but I'm still questioning the timing of it all. To do it alongside an album release, to not release new albums at all for three years, to not even do festa or muster. Proof was actually treated more like a funeral than a celebration of years.

I agree that they wanted time for themselves, I'm actually 1000% sure of that and I know I've said it before in some post, but it seems to me that they would've still gotten that. Because nothing seems to be different from how BTS has been since after dynamite. They had a 4 month break at the beggining of the year. All about proof was done in October 2021. They could've even announced the hiatus at the end of last year and then sell Las Vegas concerts as a "farewell for now" show, but they just ended it in cold blood.

So, it's like.. I understand that they were burned out, even the in-relationships of the group on camera were kind of fucked up, or at least it seemed to me in comparison to years before, like a lot of things had lost sincerity. They needed a break, I know that and it's a good thing because I know a lot of people who felt like they were pushing a lot of stuff that made fans uncomfortable and were weird. I think they all lost a lot of what made them their own persons in the past two years. More than they lost in all of 10 years. The detriment to their personalities was exponential. But it's the timing of it all, like I've said enlistment would've been a perfect excuse.

I know we're all beating a dead horse here, but another thing about burning out, it's about the way their schedules have been managed since 2020. It was inactivity all through 2020 until July?? and then they worked nonstop for four months or so until the end of the year. I remember it was Jungkook, I think, who said dynamite promo was really hard. This year too, a long break, inactivity, then 4 days of recording music shows nonstop. Of course this is the company's fault, they manage their schedules, but you see where I'm going? Burn out can be avoided. Why not film two music shows per week, or even just one. Does it really need to be four days of not sleeping?

Hoseok's album promo, maybe that was his choice. Maybe he wanted to do little for it. Maybe he was also thinking about the burn out and not wanting to do 938384 activities in two weeks, which it's a great decision. Perhaps he'll do promo for a bit with Crush now and he'll keep being active this way, little by little.

Namjoon said his album is almost ready but it still doesn't have a release date, and it's companies who choose release dates, like why is there no plan that's basically it. It's okay if JK or Jimin take more time because they've never done an album before.

There's nothing wrong with saying it's boring, it's not an insult. Probably army's biggest flaw is taking everything so personal and getting defensive about anything. I'll survive, they'll survive.

[dreamerandcrazy]

Ok, so I haven't been able to comment much on my Riverdale rewatch mostly bc i'm watching it with my boyfriend and we have an agreement of no cell phones when we're watching, otherwise we can't pay proper attention to it. But I wrote down some notes about the episodes I did watch (I watched up until ep 6, which is very ironic bc apparently today is its anniversary, so yay for my perfect timing). I actually remember most of the stuff that happened in s1, so here's mostly a few things I paid more attention to or noticed about the characters and the ships, or things i'm able to look at through a different view now that i've watched all the seasons. Strap in if you want to see my notes, if not just scroll please, no ship or character hate here please. Also, feel free to ignore, this is really just a personal look in some stuff I didn't notice in my first watch.

- Betty's character used to be much happier and lighter in season 1. I know we're introduced to "Dark Betty" right in episode 3, but still, I feel like the way Lili played Betty in season 1 did not hold the same "darkness" as it does in the following seasons. The scene where she is dancing happily in her bedroom because she's going to homecoming with the boy she likes? The scene where she introduces Jughead to the Blue & Gold and gets him to work with her? Her genuine innocent happiness at seeing her sister again after so much time? The way she interacted with Kevin and Veronica? Those were all chef's kiss because she actually feels like a teenager in them. In all her girly glory, she radiates youth energy and it's a thing that was sadly lacking after s1. Btw this is not a critique at Lili's acting at all, I blame it entirely on Ras and his obsession with dark Betty.

- There's actually so many indications of Cheryl being a lgbt character in the first episodes that I have no idea how I missed it the first time. But then again, there were many indications with Veronica as well, and sadly that's not the path Ras chose for her.

- Jughead in s1 is truly so superior in so many ways that it's not hard to see why he quickly became such a fan favorite. I think even if he wasn't played by Cole Sprouse, he still would have conquered many fans' hearts. Sadly, the things that made Jughead such a loving and interesting character for me also fizzled out in s2 when the writing team decided to make him a woke serpent leader instead of allowing him to sticking to his true personality as a passionate mystery lover, a dedicated friend and very nerdy, which was very cute. I feel that we got some of that back for him in s4, which was good, but sadly s1 is where my love for him really stayed to stay. But I still care for him, and s5 has a promising storyline for him which i'm excited about, so let's see if s5 Jughead can become better than s1 Jughead.

- Going back again to Cheryl for a sec, I just noticed that the red lipstick actually wasn't that common for her in s1? At least not in the first five. I wonder when did it start becoming her trademark? Anyways, it's actually a really good look her and allows you to appreciate Madelaine's natural beauty even more.

- Also, did anybody notice how Alice lowkey figured out who killed Jason in ep 2 lmao, like... in episode two she legit says she wouldn't be surprised if the Blossoms themselves had killed Jason, which... is what happened LMAO, considering we know it was his father. And even more hilarious and tragically ironic note, in ep 6 she's laughing at Betty suggesting that Hal killed Jason because "do you think your father has the stomach for it?!"... Ma'am... i'm-.... 😂😂😂😂.

- This rewatch has reminded me of how much I adored and how I much I miss Josie and the Pussycats. The girls were such a nice addition to the cast, and their songs were so beautiful. I truly wish we get to see them again someday, but at the same time I also think the actresses deserve to be at a work place where they're given the treatment they deserve and not completely ignored and treated like extras.

- Archie/Valerie was super cute and is very underrated in the fandom, but i'm glad Valerie stood up for herself and didn't take any of Archie's or Cheryl's sh*t. Still sucks because they were really good together, though.

- Why was Jason not allowed to talk, lmao? Like, i'm sure it's become a running joke in the show at this point, but back when season one was airing what was the excuse for it? He appeared in so many flashbacks and scenes and we still never heard a single word ☠️☠️☠️☠️. I just want to know what was the reason lol.

- I liked s1 Reggie, but I feel like Charles Melton's Reggie is better because he actually feels like a douche with good intentions lol, and he has more of a personality. Most of the time I even forgot about Reggie in s1, but after s2 he definitely made me more aware of him. So for that, I like Charles Melton's Reggie more. But the actor from s1 still did a good job with what he was given.

From now on I will be talking about the ships, so bear with me, and know that I am a multishipper. Yes, I have my preferences. No, my word is not law, it's just an opinion, so please respect it.

- Bughead is still super cute in s1. I feel like from s1 they will always be my otp, even if I no longer feel as strongly about them now and have a different insight as to where I would like their story to go, and now I definitely see the problem others had mentioned before of how they kind of took over the show, which is something I kind of closed my eyes to before... But I really loved them in s1. It felt like a very juvenile teenage relationship, they didn't give much thought on why and if they should be together, they just went for it like teenagers usually do, and they were very very cute together.

- I feel like if you don't count Beronica (because they really were the best no matter what you say or ship), if there's a ship that deserves "best chemistry" award for s1 is probably Varchie. I lost my interest in them years ago, but this rewatch reminded me of why I actually loved them once. They never really became an otp for me, but Kj and Camila's chemistry in s1 was VERY GOOD, and I really liked them. Their kiss in the pilot was electric and the s&xual tension was OOF, and that chemistry carries on through the season. You can easily tell something will happen between them eventually. It makes me sad bc I don't know what happened after s1, but their chemistry from s2 onwards was just... not there for me. Which is ironic bc it's the season they truly started dating and they got a lot of smexy scenes, but I just... didn't feel it. But I'll leave that comment to my s2 rewatch. For now just let me enjoy Varchie's chemistry in s1 while it lasts because it was really good.

- Now we get to Barchie, who I made clear was the reason for my rewatch, so let's get to it. I LOVED the way Barchie was written in s1. I remember when I first watched Riverdale, I was curious about their dynamic but didn't put much thought into it because I loved Bughead too much and wanted them to be together, and I thought Barchie would be the traditional "first og ship" thing and wouldn't have a big follow up, but boy was I WRONG and am I GLAD for it. I'll talk more about their development in the next seasons when I get there, so for now let's focus a bit on s1. Just in like the first two episodes, there is so much Barchie foreshadowing, like, it's legit insane how it was right there in my face and I missed it the first time! "I have never felt what i'm supposed to feel with betty", "it's not my fault he doesn't like you", "I can't give you the answer you want"... Omg, those are obvious eyebrow raising "this will come back to bite you in the a$$" moments and it's incredible how they actually DO! I would call it clever writing, but like... it's Riverdale lol. So I really am just glad that the ship was done this way, i'm glad Barchie has the back story that they do, they've really come a LONG way and i'm happy I get to experience their whole growing storyline. It's also especially good because s1 actually provides you with scenes that show you their friendship and how they're so close, you see them hanging out, talking, their pictures together, everything was just really done well with them. Still have a bit of critique with the way Archie contradicted himself sometimes regardinf his feelings for Betty, but let's be honest, we've watched enough Riverdale to know that's just a problem with the writing.

- Kevin/Joaquin is still my favorite Kevin ship, i'm sad it's completely impossible to go back to them someday so for now i'll just be really glad it existed and that I got to see them even if it was short-lived. They had great chemistry and their kiss scenes always outsold.

- Beronica... sigh. Beronica. The most wasted chemistry i've ever seen on CW and I've watched a LOT of CW shows. There was so much potential there, s1 was practically overflowing with them and it's one of the reasons it became some popular. I remember when the Beronica fandom was the biggest one, ah, good times. Veronica and Betty were easily the best part of season 1, their friendship, their lowkey romantic moments, they were just superior in every way. This ship deserved better, not even just as a ship, but as a friendship.

- Veronica's s1 hair >>> Veronica's hair in seasons 2-4. I loved the side part and I am glad it's back in season 5, it looks so much better like that.

- Cheryl, as always, deserves better. Can't wait for her to meet Toni so I can watch again Cheryl finally get to love someone and be loved back, which is exactly what she deserves.

For now, that is all! I will probably make another post soon when i'm done with season one and from season two on I will be live-blogging the episodes since I will be watching it alone. Once again, pls, no hate, my thoughts are my thoughts. Peace.

[retphienix]

It's been 6 years :)

On March 30th, 2015 I decided I wanted a gaming side blog. (so we're early, but shush, it's the month for me)

I didn't know what I'd use it for exactly, but I had ideas- something I always have even if most of them only get as far as daydreamin' or writing out before closing them :P

For proof on the lack of direction the blog initially had- the March 30th date is the anniversary of my first post, an in-depth and lengthy review of Dragon Warrior Monsters for the GBC.

If you know the blog then you know "Extremely long and in-depth reviews" aren't the norm around here. As a matter of fact, that first post is the ONLY one I've done!

The closest I've come to ever repeating that would be the (word of the day) Directionless video I put out on Hades to get a grip on the concept of making videos, but that wasn't nearly as much of a 'review' as that first post is.

Tangent, definitely planning on trying my hand at videos some more for the foreseeable future. Probably not gonna use the tagline Full Impressions that I tossed as a whim for the Hades video but yeah- I'm excited to try my hand at a few videos :) tangent over.

It didn't take me long to come up with what I'd like to do for the blog though :)

A few months later I liveblogged a challenge run of FFT where I used only Ramza- a solo run. - Which maybe only happened because I tried a nuzlocke run a year prior on my main account-

(Nuzlocke | FFT challenge run)

Thanks to that haphazard liveblog experiment I started to realize a couple things which became the primary motivators behind this blog.

1) I LOVE sharing experiences. No brainer, I'm sure, but being able to share my experiences, and compare them with others' experiences, and just that mutual sharing is uplifting and feels good to do.

2) Liveblogging is an EXCEPTIONAL motivator to buckle down and play all those games I said I'd play (cue everyone laughing because I'm still way behind and have an immeasurable backlog).

But I mean that, on both respects. I have plenty of motivators toward the blog today, but if I were to be concise it's pretty much "It's easier to beat games if I liveblog them- otherwise I get distracted and play other games" and "I love sharing experiences and thoughts with people about my favorite thing- games."

Since 2015 I've tackled around 70 games as full playthroughs, and an untold ton as one offs or just to ramble about for a bit.

I've had a lot of highlights over the years, and I don't talk much about it as an overall experience so I thought for the anniversary I'd try to do just that. Not everything- I can't say I have photographic memory that would bring all of it up without prompting after all :P But whatever comes to mind as I browse some of my old stuff- as well as some thoughts on what I'd like to see in the future.

It's gonna be a bit self-centric I assume as I type this preamble to it, so let me say outright that this blog wouldn't be half of what it is without all the people who've given it the time of day over the years.

From recommending games they love or appreciate, to comparing thoughts, to offering kind words for analysis I've done over the years, to pointing out when I'm dumb and misread a situation :P- to, yes, even the people who decided "Fuck this guy's ramble" and deleted my captions before reblogging my gifs way back during Hamtaro (Of COURSE I remember that! It's amusing lol).

This is better because of others, because of the interactions and the people I've gotten the chance to chat with or befriend. It's just a liveblog more or less, my own little bit of fun I toss out for myself if for anyone- so seeing others enjoy this or that from the work I put into sharing my experiences or thoughts is always a joy in itself :)

Anyway, onto selfishly rambling about some tidbits of the past :)

Also sorry but no, opted to not shove a ton of photos in, it does have a handful of links to old posts though :P

This'll be disorganized as heck as I'll add to it over time before I feel it's worth posting (or the tumblr post editor becomes a hassle and more or less forces me to).

First~

FFT Solo Ramza Challenge: Considering it was roughly the first thing this blog has done, it's also something that's stuck in my head a lot more clearly than most of the other stuff I've done to be honest lol.

In truth, this is partially because FFT is my favorite game, bar none. But it's also because the whole experience was pretty new to me. Prior to it I had really only done one self-imposed-challenge that wasn't requested by the game in some manner and that was a nuzlocke run of Blue version.

So adding a challenge to my favorite game was a fantastic experience!

Notes I just wanted to say today about that run: If anyone enjoys FFT I honestly recommend giving it a shot for the unique story it lends itself to. I do recommend skipping the rules until after the second battle but that's up to YOU to decide.

My first post on the subject is me complaining about spending 4 hours grinding out the second fight and, despite hyperbole being my natural state, that was NOT hyperbole.

It DID take 60~ restarts to beat. It DID take 4 hours. The reason is that that 2nd battle is RNG as HECK, you HAVE to have Delita do some meaningful actions, you HAVE to have the enemies miss and make poor plays, you damn near HAVE to crit a few instances to save yourself from taking too much damage.

It's a numbers game to the extreme, so I wouldn't fault anyone for 'cheating' and skipping the 2nd fight for the ruleset lol.

The memory that stands out the most for that run is actually isolated in a post in which Ramza (Purrick in this run) talks like a total badass as just ONE DUDE running into a room full of enemies. I just think on that as a great encapsulated view of what it was like. The run started off face grindingly difficult, but because FFT is a game that offers so much freedom to the player it was extremely easy to 'break' the game into making Purrick overpowered as hell.

That's something I love about some tactical RPGs, I love having the ability to play smart so that I can play stupid later on, and breaking the game into making him one shot god is certainly a good payoff for playing smart early on :P

RetQuick: I miss RetQuick, it was primarily a short experiment I did in 2015 where I'd play a game for a short span of time (REALLY short, like 10-20 minutes) and record that for the purpose of making gifs and saying a short piece on what I thought.

It's one of those formats where the purpose was pretty shallow- but had a reason. I wanted to try making some gifs with some tools that existed online, so I made an excuse to do just that.

I also wanted to play a TON of games, usually through emulation on my sister's PSP, and this let me do that.

These two minor goals came together and so I spent a while making RetQuicks which were honestly more fun to make than they had any right to be. I mean the gifs were tedious but the playing? The thought sharing? The end product ocassionally having more appeal than just a photoset? It was fun.

I'm thinking whenever I have trouble picking a game for the blog I'll revisit the format... sorta.

I already reused it for a short stint to show clips I had no plan on expanding into a playthrough, but that died as well as it was too similar to Tidbits posts (another tag I no longer really use).

My thought is to rebrand retquick as something of a tryout for what game comes next. Play a handful of my backlog games for an hour or so each and say some thoughts before saying which one I'll continue as the main game for that period of time.

Old Tag Stuff: One of those things that only sticks to me since I made the decisions but it's always funny for me to look back on my old posts because I was apprehensive as hell toward making my posts visible. The reason my early playthroughs on the My-Tags page are variants of Ret instead of just "The name of the game so people can find this post" is because I felt like a liveblog would just spam the tag to hell-

Something I don't remotely feel bad for doing anymore.

So I avoided getting any sort of spotlight for quite a while on the blog for little reason.

Why Retphienix?: This is just a dumb thought I wanted to share and I'm sure I've said before.

It stands for retro!

Yeah!

Ain't that dumb and also not a real shorthand? lol

I think I have some sort of deer in headlights anxiety towards naming things, I mean do you think I think Full Impressions is a good summation for a video? I don't. But perhaps that's overshadowed by the other inexperiences and anxiety driven decisions that had- doesn't matter.

Retphienix is Retphienix because I sat there in 2015 and thought "Well... what do I name an alt account?"

My main is Redphienix, which yes, is ALSO a terrible name AND is misspelled. But it's that because of sentimental reasons. As a kid I misspelled Redphoenix when making my gamertag (I knew how to spell Phoenix back then as well, I was too excited about xbox live and misspelled it) and it's become something of a sentimental misspelling.

So I wanted to make a mix on that for my game blog, but I had no idea what. In the end I thought "RetroPhienix? I don't know. Retphienix is closer to Redphienix. I'll do that" and so it was done.

And just like how Redphienix is both bad and misspelled but exists because of sentimental reasons- Retphienix has acquired the same 'flavor' in my eye lol.

Aspirations for the blog: I have no immediate ramp up plans or road map or whatever, and in truth I'll be happy if the blog stays just as it is forever- up until tumblr ends- I cry over lost posts- and I reopen it on another platform.

But I do have blurry half-considered daydreams that I'd like to see happen for the blog through some hard work or shifts on my part.

One is something I'm already doing kinda, hence my embarrassing means of bringing it up a lot lately. Videos- I want those. I wanna make some looks back on series people don't talk about that I enjoy, I want to make videos sharing my thoughts on games I beat for the blog (like what full impressions kinda was, but I don't think they'll have a unified name from here on out). Maybe retrospectives, but mostly when I think of making a video tied to retphienix or me in general it's me looking at a game that said something to me, and saying it louder with my own interpretations on it.

You know the kind, videos where they talk about a video game but not the whole thing- just a singular message they really heard loud and clear from it intentionally or not. I dig those and I know I end a lot of games having plenty to say that could be directed into such a format.

We'll see.

And I'm along for the ride on that one as well- currently I'm keeping my eyes on whatever is directly next, which happens to be "I plan on playing Omori, if it clicks as something to talk about I would like to take a shot at that in a video too!"

The other is that I'd like to build a small community. Wouldn't know the first thing on doing that in a modern sense, but just a little online friend group to chat with and play games together. Something that could open up multiplayer and coop experiences being better shared on the blog and would just in general expand my gaming to what it used to be back on the 360 when I had a large group to play with.

Since the 360 era ended I've pretty much closed off- stopped playing competitive games due to lack of interest- and slowed down to playing all games either solo, with randoms (and no mic usually), or with my cousin. It's a rare instance when I play with some good people like @gamesception or another friend of mine, John.

When I diverted from playing competitive games nonstop toward other genres I didn't intend to also cut out all my online gaming buds, it just kinda happened, and I never really put any effort into rectifying that.

So more or less I'd like to one day sit down and work on a discord server, and then buck up and put the leg work in to make some gamin' buds again, but that's such a vague concept anymore.

Sounds all sad and what not but it's more ambivalent, I made decisions that

changed how gaming worked for me after the 360 and this is just where it landed for better and worse- I'd just like to see if I can make it a little better :P

General things I think when I think retphienix: Honestly? I think of how much fun I've had over the years and how thankful I am to have had an outlet that encouraged me to explore more of the medium.

I REALLY love games. I went to college for games, I've written LEAGUES about games, I've played countless games, my childhood was games, my adult life is games- games games games yada yada yada.

So when I think of retphienix I think of how without it I probably wouldn't have explored a lot of the corners of gaming that I have.

I genuinely, and I mean this, might not have sat down and beaten FF7 for myself and would have considered the amount I played as a kid to be enough.

I might not have played Chrono Trigger yet, and I KNOW I wouldn't have played Chrono Cross, and I'm happy as hell to have played both of those. CT was a mind blowing moment for me that showed me just how good an RPG can be, and CC gave me miles to think of in terms of innovating an RPG and how beholden to the narrative a sequel should be (I don't feel CC should have been chrono at all lol).

I DEFINITELY wouldn't have given New Vegas another chance. And I know I'm a sourpuss on NV, I've been that way since I maxed my achievements on the 360 for it, but replaying it really did reveal to me how exceedingly negative I was being.

My memories had become "It's brown and a boring location >:(" and "The factions all suck and it doesn't do anything with the idea of bad factions >:(" and became "It's... a little brown guys, not a big fan of the area" and "They didn't do enough with exploring the gray factions" while adding "Wait. This is pretty damn fun. And 90% of the additions are stellar. And I forgot about Dead Money, my favorite dlc in any game ever with a story that tears at my heart every time I think of it, NV good actually?"

Faxanadu would have remained a cool game I saw on SSFF and not a game I played to the end and fell in love with the aesthetic feel it has!

Also that's a game I cheated like crazy on lol, I would do it again! Save state scumming games meant to be rudely difficult is only fair :P

I probably would have never sat down to play through Windwaker which was such a positive and uplifting experience that I now get the most relaxed and warm feeling in my heart when I see those blue waves.

There's so many experiences I would have left on the table in favor of like... putting more hours into a live service title or something.

Maybe, and no offense to my cousin or anyone else playing it, but maybe I'd be no-lifing World of Warcraft nonstop just stagnating my interest toward the skinner box mechanics of an MMO?

Some offense, actually but lightheartedly lol.

But beyond the entire games I've played for the blog, when I think retphienix I picture all the time making gifs, all those games I played on the PSP for short stints, buying a retron 5 to add to what I could explore and being stoked when they shipped a freebie box of old controllers to go with it, getting angry at the retron for being a Piece Of Shit lol, crying at the end of damn near every game with an emotional story because I'm a big emotional mess of a person who finds investing and crying at a story way too easy thanks to empathy pulls, oh!-

Getting excited whenever I found that I had a "*controversial*" opinion that no one would care about lol. Like the one that comes to mind is that I thoroughly believe that Dragon Ball Z II: Gekishin Freeza!! for the NES is WAY better than the fandom recognized and appreciated sequel/remake Dragon Ball Z: Legend of the Super Saiyan!

How many people do you hear talking about either game, let alone saying the NES game that is roughly half of the SNES remake is the better one :P But I stand by that! The SNES one is a remake of DBZ1 and 2 for the NES but it loses all the charm and some of the fun of the NES ones by being a lackluster SNES game!

lol

I admitted wholeheartedly that this post would be a lit-

little directionless (gotta love the new tumblr poster making me break sentences like that), but to sum things up.

It's been 6 years. It's been an untold amount of work to be honest- liveblogging a game, at least for me, hasn't been the easiest thing. It's a lot of thinking out my thoughts (heh), it's a lot of learning tools to make the capturing process possible, it's a lot of experimenting, it's a lot of writing and editing, and, well, sometimes it's just tough.

I mean I went to school for coding, not video editing, not writing, not image processing, not this or that- but this hobby has introduced a lot of things even if only at a VERY base level (I admit fully to using online alternatives to make gifs for instance).

I learned a lot about, well, a lot of things in order to use this blog to learn more about games- and all that work has become part of why I've loved all 6 years of this blog.

6 years of gaming, work, and you all- and it's been worth the investment :) Here's to many more and all of you whether you stumble upon this post or not- literally anyone who's interacted in these 6 years, thank you, and anyone who hasn't I offer you well wishes as well.

<3

[woozi]

i agree how you described twt, sometimes everyone's just ready to fight it seems, i've genuinely had fun on both platforms at different times but now it's just too much on stan twt (no space for difference of opinion djsjdjj) it's good to know you're having fun as well :3 & omg i've seen few of my moots starting to give svt their attention after fallin flower dropped, everything abt it is <3333 the song, mv, choreo i love it.

hdjdjddkdjdj " virgos 😐 " also me in next breath "happy birthday mark :D i love you so much 🥺💕💗" any virgos reading this i really hope you enjoy your month to the fullest djjdjd <3. righttt?? you're correct abt mark's temper being very virgo djdjdkd.

your line screams hard-working people <3 jihoon, jaebeom, jeonghan the 3Js <3. isn't jaebeom also an infj? (i don't take mbtis seriously but at the same time it also makes me happy if it ends up matching someone i like djdjjd) chan & yugs 🥺 these two imo have the sweetest personality, like the one which makes you feel welcomed & they also have the cutest laugh 🥺.

i love jus2 <3 focus on me is one of my favorite kpop mvs of all time & also drunk on you??? i love this song so much, very sexy of them. the vibes, style and everything w/ their album, i want more songs like that. and for when i am feeling melancholy i need more songs like jjp's verse 2 ���💔 but i am also okay if they don't want to go back to these units bcoz everything so far they've been giving is just as great <33 ( maybe in future we'll get blessed w/ features 🥺)

honestly g7 as grp and individually have won me over with their music style, even if i don't like full album ik there will be 3-4 songs which will be exactly what i like to listen to, all of the music they've released individually i've liked it so much. there is this song of youngjae's, titled "i'm all ears" i had no idea of its existence until it popped up in my spotify i'm so glad it did, it's been in my playlist ever since. there was also a time when i was obsessed with jackson's 'on the rocks' djdjdk.

aww <3 the live performance video of 1° has mark as thumbnail so for long time i used to associate this song with him jdjddk. i think the only j*pe thing i'd miss is got7 studio live sessions 🥺. RIGHTJDKSKS aju nice's mv is very cute djjddk I love it, in reality its reverse tho, i see them and boom! 💖💛💗🤍💕💙

it was the year they won first bb*as award so that gave them the exposure, and no i don't follow them anymore. mixed feelings abt them, very negative feelings abt f*ndom fjdjdjd. i do miss what it used to feel like liking them sometimes. at that time i never thought i'll willingly drop them from my interest (i've stanned zayn since 2012 first him as grp member then solo. sometimes thinking abt it gives me a whiplash hddjks it's been 9 years, really thought it would be same with them too but it didn't happen)

i've had falling in love by yugs and in to you by jaebs on loop for days djdkdk i really love these two songs and also air by bammie <3 (i'm slow jams kinda person djdjdk :3)

(bam released the most fun album & title this year idc abt others, ribbon is one of the soty) also special mention of look so fine & running through the rain. yes! you do make sense they feel organic & very them.

exactly 😭 it's more believable when they drop stuff out of nowhere like encore 😭😭. the way youngjae posted his letter on twt too ddjjdkssk the announcement & release of encore is such a 'you just had to be there' situation the excitement, nervousness, confusion and everything 😭 sometimes i can't with them. also is the bibi with mark on ost, the same one you mentioned in last ask? the ost is really good <3, it must've been fun to see it happen (if its same bibi).

making a whole ass playlist just for me???? 😭😭😭🥺💗 yza you're so sweet nooooo 💖

and don't worry abt replying late jdjdkdjd i mean it, sometimes my friends text me after weeks and i'm am the same. it's really okay <3. i hope this week is treating you kindly, take care yza - 🪂

p.s ( just saw last post djjej) - it was me who manifested more bunny dino <3 manifesting even more <33

i was on stan twt during my younger years too and it was v fun and memorable to me ngl <3 idk what happened though.. it's evolved to be.. Something Else.. i still see a lot of good people there though 😭 and now that i'm in my Hag Era... idk it's just too fast for me now 😭 it's still my go-to place for updates though nothing can top twitter on that dept

and ms fallin flower.... i feel like everyone was blown away by it (based off of what i see carats when talk about it) and rightly so!! she SERVED. the looks too oh my god. it's another factor i look forward to and enjoy so much when i watch their performances!!

u know what? virgos 😐 indeed KJJKDFJKFDJKFDKJ i want to slander virgos today because it's their season and no one slanders them that often so <3 ABOUT MARK'S VIRGO TEMPER THOUGH... i know i've said i enjoy seeing it sm but whenever i think abt it i cant help but say that.. I Love His Temper <3 he doesn't get pissed off in a scary and douchebag-y way it seems so... contained?? IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT he punched an a/c though so that might not be the perfect word to describe him lmaoo <3

THE J TRINITY HFDJFJDJHDF BESTIE UR MIND IS SO!!!!!!!!!!! honestly... maybe it's the acts of service for me <3 JKDFKJFDKJFJKD i think this is just my eldest sister and savior syndrome speaking though kfjkdkjf ALSO OH MY GOD THE WAY U NOTICE THESE THINGS <3 THAT'S SO SEXIE OF U!!! and yes he used to be an infj!! there was an interview that's more recent wherein he mentioned that he's now an enfj though but i cant rmb which interview it's from :/ ALSO MOOD FKJJKGJGKF i dont believe in mbtis too but im just... a little obsessed w it for the fun of it all <3 and the way u described them </3 what if i tear up a little </3 I LOVE CHAN'S LAUGH SO MUCH BUT IM SO SOS O GLAD U BROUGHT UP YUGYEOM'S LAUGH??????????? IT'S NOT TALKED ABT ENOUGH LIKE...... HELLO!!!!!!!!!!! one of my bird moots said he sounded like a schoolboy in choir 😭😭😭😭😭😭

GOD UR TASTE!!!!!!! what if i start falling in l*ve a little :/ what then :/ focus on me was ahead of it's time and people fucking slept on THEM i cannot fucking believe this. this has to be some kind of sick joke 😭 ALSO HAVE U SEEN THE CHOREO FOR SENSES!!!!!!1 INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!! holy fuck!!!!!! sorry for the expletives but like.... holy SHIT they did THAT!!!!!!!! ALSO UR SO RIGHT </3 jjp verse 3 when... ALSO did u know i let go of the jjprojects url... thats the worst mistake of my life KDKJDSKJDSJK also agree wholeheartedly <3 i think they're all trying to find their footing this time around as soloists and im so proud of them for that!! i'll stand by my jus2 agenda though bc they're almost in the same company so maybe.. i might have hope left 😭

SO TRUE BESTIE!!! the same principle goes w svt for me as well <3 got7's such a flavorful group musically like... all of them have the capacity to go solo and they're still considered flops.. waht the fuck <3 ALSO OMG FJDKJFKFJD YOU'VE HEARD The Song!!!!!!!! maybe he'll be releasing something along those lines <3 esp now that he's supposedly coming w an album KJSJKDJSK on a similar note.. do u also listen to jamie (the other artist on the song) <3 NOO SHUT UP THIS CANNOT BE FOR REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 i was obsessed w on the rocks too 😭😭😭😭😭😭 IT WAS MY FAVORITE ON THE MIRRORS ALBUM HELLO??????????????????????????? im proposing to u rn

ok now i have to watch all the live vids again JKDSJKSJDKDSKJ ik keep saying 'ur so right', 'i agree', and 'so true bestie' but im gonna have to say this again bc i LOVE LOVE LOVE live sessions sm no matter the artist. i also just am a little partial to live bands in performances like that in general so JDJKKDSJDS

the way you're saying these cute things abt the svteenies.. </3 giving me heartache!!! i'd bully them though i can't coddle them anymore <3

not the fandom JKFDKJFDKJFDKJFKJF ok but i think it's mostly their younger fans tbh. it wasn't this bad before.. i also really liked bts during their debut days. their songs were really good!! i kind of lost interest though and couldn't really get into them although their songs slapped lol. my irls are still into them though so i still hear about them. 9 YEARS............................... wait oh my god it HAS BEEN a little over a decade since 1d was The Thing huh 😭 now i feel kinda old lmao. and i totally get that feeling </3 it really do be like that sometimes JKFDJKJKFD

you really ARE keeping up w the sevens oh my god how are you doing it!!!!!!!!!!! it's like getting svt content now at this point but more complicated bc u need to get the updates from different sources JDKJSDKJJSKD love ur song choices too <3

ALSO FULLY RELATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when i saw bam's teasers... the aes was my cup of tea and THE HIGHLIGHT MEDLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't fucking get it out of my mind it's objectively one of the best things i've seen from kpop in 2021. i'm super impressed <3 love how abyss really supported bambam on this. they really went all in for him!!

I KNOW GKJDFJDK I GOT SUPER ???????/// DURING THE TIME EVERYONE THOUGHT THEY WERE DISBANDING LMAOOOO they pulled a move that's so unheard of though no one really expected That. i respect jaebeom so much for handling all the paperwork and shit behind the scenes it must've been HELL!! ALSO IT MEANT I CRIED FOR NOTHING THEN 😭😭😭 AND YES OH MY GOD IT'S THE SAME BIBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE SHOCK I HAD WHEN I SAW THE LIST????????????????????????? thought i was gonna black out like,,, mark,,, AND BIBI??????????????? she's fucking phenomenal how is she just a YEAR older than me.. INSANE!!! ... and i also thought jackson was gonna have an ost for this movie.. idk why it wasn't released though i didnt look into it :/

i had a rough few days so i'm not yet finished with the playlist (my laptop's Dead i am still trying to revive her and uni's starting soon 😭) but for the mean time, here's another one that some people from caratblr previously asked for JDSJKSDJ these are mostly english songs though its not my k-playlist KJDSKJSDJK

i do hope this week gets better!!! and i hope that you'll have a fun one too <3 thank u for being so patient w me 🥺 i just get so many messages and find the need to recharge FDKJDFJK

ALSO I FELT LIKE IT WAS U!!!!!! OH MY GOD, i even searched my blog for the word manifest but for some reason your ask didn't come up in the search so i didnt mention u in the tags so i wont misattribute if it ends up not being u 😭 thank u for manifesting this chan for me he's my little... hop hop now ig... 😭

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

World War III

1. I said "there's a remote" at least 10 times because I'm not a control freak but I'm also not trusting either. So i know i put an alternative to a satellite on land and I know I put a remote in case who we trusted didn't use the missle.

Now she remembers how i told her to turn the MISSLE on and off because i expected people to trust me and allow me to speak and not tell me im too stupid to not create a remote for a missle on NORTH KOREA when i lived in NEW MEXICO, USA.

Im not gonna say how. But there was also clue words this week to help her remember. But okay

2. So instead of saving the world, the world learned How to save itself. And that's better.

Our last war. And the whole world joined in. We are now completing WWIII. The best war ever!!!! That we finally are winning. The First World War that every country joined to fight and protect the world. 🌎 it was a real world war not a prissy fit over having the most money or the kings and queens (gods and goddesses) in the world.

3. The remote. I gave to the one person in the world that i knew for a fact that would kill her clone sister. No description no nothing. An active missle and it would be done 100%

4. The remote had no labels. I requested that it just look like an old hearing aid type device which i was told it was but was really a listening device we had in the cup above our sofa in NYC. But i didn't live with my parents and I didn't speak to my Uncle unless it was about is son or something wrong with the living conditions. I got my parents and neighborhood involved. I knew the consequences. So i never spoke about my days or nights and what i done in secret except on walks wirh our mouths covered or turn around and point at something random or look at the ground with our hair covering our faces, we coded/hid everything my friends and i did and even said.

4. She tested the first button then called North Korea to see what happened. The satellite had a little door which was unimportant. But it would indicate the sare was off. She was trying to figure out the turn on code which would been simple enough in a frustrated move.

5. As it was North Korea was invaded by Trump. 20 minutes into her struggle. So Kim Jong-Un unplugged it as per his instructions.

6. She understood the invasion but we needed the missle more than ever. So she tried to get him to turn it on. He refused because the satellite door closed. So they thought it was Broke. No. Its a dam on and off switch. Look its on!! look its off! SIMPLE look out the window!!

7. He wouldn't turn on the missle which would then turn on both the missle and satellite by default. SIMPLE.

8. She couldn't figure out the remote! They said it didn't exist! And no one would tell me what was going on. And the remote wouldn't plug in a missle launcher!! Im fucking sorry world!! 🌎

9. She had no instructions and no labels. She was to tell Kimmy she was experimenting. So he could tell her how to label it if she felt it was safe. With a number system only she remembered. But he wouldn't answer the phone because he got a new phone number for the missle room. She didn't know -- it just rang and rang. By the time she figured it was safe enough to interrupt the missle Trump invaded and Kimmy went to the bunker!!

10. She just tonight hit the button that notifies him what is happening to the machine which she hadn't had a chance to do before he unplugged it.

11. Everyone thought the priority was to fix the unbroken satellite. While holding hostage the Trump invader.

12. I can protect Ethan with falling planes that I wreck into with a Chinook i use my palms to propel on the dash board. I can run a war from a bedroom with nothing but my heart and soul and heal millions of dead. BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOCK DOWN A MISSLE LAUNCHER INTO REMOTE MODE to go out for tea OR TELL IF A SATELLITE IS NOT BROKE. that is what i was told multiple times. And not by North Korea. My own fucking team that has studied every fucking thing I've done and seen i make Plans A - D just to walk myself to the bathroom. And assures me in the midst of a war that i am being throughly researched so we win. "Go get 'em champ!"

13. So last night i found William still working on the fucking satellite who said the piece was being made and it was 10 fucking days. For an on and off switch that was cosmetic and the actual switch was 1 foot inside the satellite in a bullet proof box that could never break. And hes begging to doubt anyone was actually making it.

14. This is bullsjit i said. Its not even fucking broken. I'm having a fit. Look at this fucking shit and i magnet in 18 satellites. "Get what you want" scream at one guy inside an old 1980s one i called Direct TV because it had a 2 way camera on it. So I use part of his to make a bullet shooter because this shit... Was on my last nerve. And i shoot EVERY GODDAM thing i can't see.

15. People from other people were calling the International Space Station asking "does she have a problem today?"

16. Yes And every galaxy was losing their evil. Cause Fuck i needed help so did they.

17. William finally finished not fixing the satellite and I propped open the button to turn it into a two seater. And we went to find out who i killed in the International Space Station. 45. So the 2/3 unhappy due to 10% were happy we found.

18. Truth or Consequences would take 5 and a half minutes to complete. Now it takes 6 and a half seconds. William sped it up. And set it to the core.

19. My GPS range is only 105 miles. Now 102.

World War III is almost over. It will be over -- should be -- by the time that the last time zone enters 2020.

Its been Hell.

We can all see that while us world leaders and I the smartest and bravest of any galaxy can still be overtaken by one troll.

Which is why we must always remember to work together.

My plans had no flaws. It was prepared for absolutely everything.

20. Even air war. The planes were all bullet proof and battle proof except the Pilot Windows. I designed the eQ2 fleet. Convinced her that they would open the windows like WWII planes for fun and should. Because nothing in the world would be better so don't waste money on extra bullet proofing. We gained one jelly filled body, only lost one good one arm and one jelly filled body (due to water and Tree healing) and millions of evil and clones. And I also used those planes to protect Ethan as they crashed and William protected Logan's twin today as i was busy.

21. I also designed the Chinook since 1998 in 2008 i made upgrades.

World War Three was a success for Planet Earth, Saturn, Neptune, Uranus, Jupiter, San Frensesno, and Pluto plus many more including Mars and Venus.

And it was only fought on Earth all others remained Peaceful.

And each planet saw how to protect their planet so now in the future they can be as protected as us. I asked them not to intervene as i don't know their planets. Except in dire emergency. They didn't. So we did a fucking good job.

22. Pluto we designed War assistance together so we knew them. Since 1994 they have been here to protect us. That is why it became uncategorized as a planet.

So Happy New Year. I'm sorry NYC I missed it once again. It's only 10 pm here

Im down to 98 miles.

What have I said?

Our plan of defense and protection failed.

We continued to defend as we were attacked and successfully protected.

...

We failed at working together. So we got more people to help us. And when that was scary, we called Pluto and gave them the honor they deserve. And they loved it.

So ask for help.

"Hey babe help me with the dishes" and talk about your day you'll probably end up in giggles if you talk about me.

"Hey babe. Finish reading that paperwork I was sent on missiles will you" and you may just end up saving the world.

"Hey doofus, remind me every once in a while that you died in 1998. That would help me a whole lot to figure shit out on my own and beat amnesia because i been beat in the head too much" and you may Just never know to fucking say that!!! So don't let your soulmate trick you into saying something stupid!

So ask for help when you know you need it.

The world knew how much they wanted to help. Did y'all know how much we needed it? In the end... We really didn't. But the world needed to help. And we needed to help them. Us.

My Twin Brother doesn't drive 362 mph on training days because we like to take the slow lane.

We wanted every one to be happy and safe as fast as possible.

That was a downfall as soon as Gary Trump found out how to regrow the penis I shot off in 1984 on purpose, cause he is a pervert. He thought he could finish taking over the world with his greed.

And what happened class?

He began to. And we dominated him. We would gotten to the satellite and we would still fought the way we had even if he was still alive. But the healing and damage would been much greater.

We could have handled it easy. We had mild shit. Y'all if I25 had air war which did until I announced no GPS or lights and the neighborhood commander retreated and admitted defeat and announced surreandered.

I could had had the planes fall to protect y'all. And still had time for Wichita Texas with brothers Ethan, Logan and Ezekiel.

I pulled William and Matt out for their sakes. They needed a break, anyway. It wasn't punishment it was to protect them as they were targets. Sure its easy to heal but come on. Why for when your mom and dad are here for the first time in thirty years? Don't go to work. It's safer and healthier on Earth... Or was supposed to be for William.

Yet a bad thing worked fine in the end.

Because we all began caring in ways we hadn't before or in a long time.

For the first time Mr McNabb lost a child. Before he never had the loss his children did when he was taken in as a hostage then human trafficking victim. So he finally learned the sadness his children felt all their lives when thinking about their parents. The craziness he thought he saw was actually beauty of the mind and heart working together not to just survive but help others as well and to help them heal. And now he sees his sons not only as fierce fearless warriors but also as healers that are gentle and kind. And he can recognize the sadness and fear he kept hidden all these years. And finally let it go.

Tonight if you have Pluto with you. I am on the west mesa near the Belen airport.

Up here your loved one will stay the longest.

If you are evil. Your last moments can be spent here and may be finally for once your greedy heart can begin to grow. Much like the Grinch and you have a chance to save your soul

I am the only Jesus you will ever know.

I am at 70 miles range now. At 1050 pm