#which blows my mind when i see angry drunks

[upwards-descent]

For the uninitiated, in BG3 you get visited by a mysterious figure in your dreams who claims to be aiding you, using some unknown power to shield you from mind flayer influence. After you design your player character, you then design this Dream Visitor so they can look like almost anything akin to the customizations your PC can be

And I'm laughing because with Cai, I made the Visitor look like Fjord from Critical Role

And then with Rizal, the Visitor looked like the daughter he'd been forced to forget

And now with Autumn, my Durge, the Visitor looks like his ex-boyfriend who had once convinced him to be a lot less evil

So that's fun

[padfootagain]

Your life seems perfect. You're engaged, your career is thriving as you become an assistant professor at Trinity College, and this Andrew Hozier-Byrne you're sharing an office with seems to be a nice guy you hope to call a friend soon. Life seems to be smiling at you... until everything goes sour. When your fiancé breaks up with you, your perfect world shatters. And when your colleague also gets his heart broken soon after, your shared office seems to be a curse rather than a blessing. But Andrew seems determined to mend your broken hearts... Will things finally go according to plan?

Pairing : Hozier x fem!reader

Professor! AU

Warnings: hurt-comfort, angst, fluff, no smut but suggestive scenes so 18+ only

Chapter 1 : 'And that orange, it made me so happy, as ordinary things often do just lately'

Chapter 2 : 'Through me the way to the City of Woe'

Chapter 3 : ‘I miss him in the wheeping of the rain; I want him at the shrinking of the tide’

Chapter 4 : ‘For he gave all his heart and lost’

Chapter 5 : ‘But here comes the lyrebird passing through the sky’

Chapter 6 : ‘I’ll lie here and learn how, over their ground, trees make a long shadow and a light sound’

Chapter 7 : 'And so I still wait, like a lonely house, for you to see me and inhabit me again. Until that time, my windows ache.'

Chapter 8 : 'I hope she never learns how to peel oranges'

Chapter 9 : 'I think I will always be lonely in this world, where the cattle graze like a black and white river-- where the vanishing lilies melt, without protest, on their tongues'

Chapter 10 : '[I] was angry that my trust could not repose in the clear light, like poetry or freedom leaning in from sea'

Chapter 11: ‘Lived to see you throwing me aside.’

Chapter 12 : 'Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again'

Chapter 13: ‘So as not to be the martyred slaves of time, be drunk, be continually drunk! On wine, on poetry or on virtue as you wish.’

Chapter 14: ‘Why should I blame her that she filled my days with misery’

Chapter 15: ‘He’s bored- I see it. Don’t I lick his bribes, set his bouquets in water?’

Chapter 16 : ‘Only the things I didn’t do crackle after the blazing dies’

Chapter 17 : ‘Dear pine cone, let me hold you as you open’

Chapter 18 : ‘What the devil do I care what I know, and what I say?’

Chapter 19: ‘I knew winter cold like the nuzzle of fjords at my thighs’

Chapter 20 : 'My heart has made its mind up and I’m afraid it’s you'

Chapter 21: ‘I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you directly without problems or pride: I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love’

Chapter 22 : ‘And if you missed a day, there was always the next, and if you missed a year, it didn’t matter, the hills weren’t going anywhere’

Chapter 23 : 'Even the dearest that I loved the best are strange – nay, rather, stranger than the rest'

Chapter 24: ‘Sometimes, when I’m pleased, I let out a little sound. A poet noticed this and it made me feel I might one day properly be loved. Because no one is here to love me, I make tea for myself and leave the radio playing’

Chapter 25: ‘They will think of ways to make you smile so you can be happy for a while’

Chapter 26: ‘Well, how else are you to live except by denial’

Chapter 27: ‘They loved music and swam in for a singer, who might stand at the end of summer’

Chapter 28: ‘You are neither here nor there, a hurry through which known and strange things pass as big soft buffetings come at the car sideways and catch the heart off guard and blow it open’

Chapter 29: ‘My lover’s words were shooting stars which fell to earth as kisses on these lips’

Chapter 30: ‘You liked me well enough in black; I make you a gift of these objects’

Chapter 31 : ‘Six billion tons sounds impossible until I consider how it is to swallow grief’

[wosoamazing]

Too Late To Be Fair

Warnings: death (caused by drunk driver), mentions of emotional abuse (R as a child), mentions of drinking and drunks, implications of self doubt and associated things, wishing someone would die. Please let me know if anything else.

Note: Grace is a fake player, due to previous ideas and maybe future ideas I had to make a player up... she does some things none of the girls would ever do....

A/N: Story inspired by Pray (Jessie Murph) & Mansion (NF) - and other things but I listened to these songs and I was like ooo good story idea. There probs will be a part 2. I hope you like it - also I know I said one of the McFoord fics would be out next but um yeah...

“Y/N We’re sorry to inform you but your Dad was in a car accident he was hit by a drunk driver” you couldn’t help but laugh at the irony, you dad the drunk being hit by a drunk driver. Everyone looked at you in disbelief.

“Y/N that’s not very appropriate,” Grace said, before others death stared her, clearly not knowing your situation, of course you were going to blow, especially at her, the thing you had wished for, for so long, finally happened, yet just after you cut him off, so it didn’t matter, it didn’t mean you could have an easier childhood, it was just another way of the universe punishing you. Waiting until you had moved out, cut your ties and in the spotlight, to finally kill him. Almost exactly a year since you cut him off, won the trial, got the restraining order, the one which he protested, causing the gruelling 3 day trial, to decide whether it was needed or not.

“Oh, sorry we don’t all have perfect little lives with perfect Mummies and Daddies, some of us actually had a shit childhood, faced real world problems, no rich bitch problems, oh Mummy and Daddy told me to pick up some rubbish, oh my life is shit they abuse me” you were dragged out of the locker room and into an empty physio room by Leah, Beth, Katie, Caitlin, and Steph who all sent you a glare when the door had shut, “Oh like she didn’t deserve it,” they all couldn’t but help let out a smile. There was an awkwardness in the room, as the girls all looked between each other not knowing how to approach this.

“You guys can all go, I’ve got this, thank you though,” Leah spoke, breaking the silence, everyone left except Beth, but Leah didn’t mind. You and Beth had a very close relationship, you had been close friends since your grassroots team, Beth helped you through the year of your life you realised you were gay, and then when you crushed on your now girlfriend, your then national Captain. Beth felt bad the year you told her about your Dad, she knew something was off but you never told anyone, barely anyone stills knows the full story, but that day Beth and you promised that you would be there for each other forever, and that was true, she had been there during your trial and so much more, and you were there for her when Dan broke up with her, Beth was really your rock and you were hers. Beth moved to sit in the chair on the opposite side of the room, giving you both space, whilst also being there in case you needed it. 

“Are you okay?” Leah couldn't find the right words, but she knew deep down the wrong words were what you needed her to say, you weren’t going to break, and release it all otherwise.

“Of course I’m not fucking okay Leah,” you looked up at her, she hadn’t even flinch at your words, instead she pulled you in for a hug. Which caused hot angry tears to fall from your eyes “Why now, why couldn’t it have been a year ago, 3 years, hell any time after I was 12. It’s unfair, its fucking unfair,” you paused, and Leah slowly slid her back down against the wall, bringing you down with her, your legs either side of hers as you sat in her lap. Your eyes connected with her soft kind caring blue eyes, and you could see how her lips formed a soft kind reassuring smile. You broke, big fat tears streamed down your face, as you sobbed, Leah gently pulled your body forward, so you were no longer sitting up, but leaning on her, she placed your head into the crock of her neck, before moving her arm to wrap around you lower body, her other hand was placed on your back, her thumb moving up and down, as she whispered reassuring words in your ear. 

“W-why now, when I’ve already lived the hard life, when I’ve been through all that shit. When I’m already screwed up, when I already have trust issues, when I already doubt myself everyday, so much so that I do it unconsciously” you sobbed into her neck.

“I know baby, it's not fair, and it's not right. But I’m here now, and I’ve got you.”

“I-I I used to wish he would die, I used to imagine cops showing up at the door when it was later than he used to come home, them telling me and me not being upset. I used to hope he just wouldn't come back from work trips. I used to imagine people asking me why I wasn’t upset when he died. I used to think of the fact that he was an alcoholic so he wouldn't get a kidney or liver transplant, unless it was a directed donation. I had to say yes, how could I say no if I was a match, but how could I say yes. You know how fucked up you feel when you think that stuff, you know how messed up I thought I was, but that was all his doing. It's just unfair.”

___

You had calmed back down and decided to go see all the girls again, the only problem was that no one had realised what song was playing in the locker room, too deep in conversation to be aware of it.

Waking up but wishing that you don’t. It’s something that I pray you’ll never know.

A song that connected with you so deeply sent you back over the edge, and you quickly spun on your feet and speed walked away, Beth followed behind you.

“What the actual fuck were you thinking McCabe” you girlfriend yelled.

“Wha?” the room had gone quiet and attention was drawn to the music, “Oh fuck, shit, sorry, we werent listening to it, its just automatically come on. I promise, I wasn't trying to be funny, I wouldn't do anything like that to Y/N”

Leah just turned around packing your bag and hers, “Tell Jonas we’re going home.”

“Sorry” Katie yelled as Leah went down the hall.

Leah found you sitting in the middle of one of the side hallways. Beth’s arms were wrapped around you and your body was shaking.

“Come on baby, let's go home.” She said as she placed a hand on your back, Beth slowly released her arms around you, which Leah quickly replaced with hers.

_____

“What’s on your mind? I know it's something more than your Dad” your girlfriend said as she sat down on the bed next to you, legs crossed and leaning back against the headboard. You had just arrived home.

“It's stupid.” you sighed, looking away from her eyes.

“I promise you, it's not stupid, it's your feelings, and your feelings are valid” she said, voice unwavering before pulling you into her lap.

“I don't know, I just feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.” “What do you mean baby?” “I don't know, I just feel like something is going to happen, like something is going to happen and you’re going to realise that this was all a mistake and leave. You’re going to get sick of constantly being second guessed for no reason just because I’m messed up, because I don’t believe someone could actually love me this much. You’re going to get sick of me, and all my insecurities, ” she pulled your body into hers, your head finding a place in the crock of her neck, tears started to fall from your eyes, causing her neck to become wet.

“Y/N, baby, I love you so much, and I promise, there is not another shoe that will drop, we have been through so much together, we got through those 9 months together, we got through the trial together, and I promise we will get through whatever life throws at us together, forever, we will go through the highs and lows together. I love you so much, and I wouldn't want to spend my life with anyone else. I will never hurt you, I promise.” 

[meatwadjr]

how i think,,, YANDERE! HUMAN!!Frylock and HUMAN!Master Shake would act with their S/O headcannons!

(separated)

warnings.

(its a yandere headcanons so..) cussing, gaslighting, shake being a total asshole to reader (shakes part). carl and frylock fighting (mostly getting his ass beat by frylock) frylocks part, stalking, frylock being really obsessed with reader … shake being a loser for reader. you can also imagine them how you want as humans.

FRYLOCK —

-

god damn, you’re dating yandere frylock? phew praying the best for you.

he’s the type to blow up your phone, and get mad when you don’t respond or answer his calls or texts, what do you mean you can’t answer 44 of his text’s and calls? are you cheating on him or something?

he will always try his best to always be by your side, like always. always inviting you to the house, places where ever meatwad and shake go.

he has a problem with wanting to know your every move… when you slept over at his house once he installed a tracker onto your phone, and would constantly text you wondering whose house your at? who are you with and more.

you would try your best to confront frylock you would tell him how uncomfortable it made you, and that he’d should respect your privacy. but than he would hit with.

“why? what are you hiding? how come i can’t know where you are? are you trying to cheat on me, don’t you love me why can’t i know where you are?”

it was exhausting arguing with him so you gave up.

Frylocks jealousy can also be a huge problem in the relationship as once carl cat called you when you were walking to frylocks house.

it did make you uncomfortable but you tried to pay no mind but you didn’t notice frylock standing there as he had an angry expression as he grumbled walking up to carl before punching him the face as they began to wrestle on the floor as you screamed for shake and meatwad as they came rushing out.

meatwad was more help helping you try to pull frylock off carl as shake was laughing before finally helping as finally frylock got off carl who was beaten up badly.

but by far frylock as a yandere he’s so obsessed with you, having you as his lock screen, always talking about you to the point shake being irritated.

like the only guy he’d trust around you is meatwad, and for some reason gets irritated when you and shake talk

MASTER SHAKE —

who the hell wants to date a deranged no bitches having loser? me!

anyways total loser for you, everyone knows that.

he’s the type to show up drunk at your house at 3 an screaming at your window and blowing your phone up with frylocks phone who he’d stolen from.

for some reason everywhere you go shake is their, he will always try to figure out where you are, and he’ll be there just to be a asshole and annoying.

whenever you two argue it’s pretty exhausting as he uses his famous lines

“oh please, you’d be nothing without me, i’d say you’re even lucky i looked at YOUR direction”

“i could of done way better”

“oh yeah? who would wanna date you?”

and after if you avoid shake for 2 days he’ll finally give a simple sorry before acting like nothing happen which irritated you further.

he will always try to find a reason to stay at your place, whenever he goes missing frylock always calls you first to see if shakes hiding there.

he has a jealousy problem, like really, once you were talking to meatwad as he complimented your shoes as he used a baseball knocking him into the wall leading you to yell calling him physco

“well he shouldn’t flirt with MY girlfriend!”

another time he threw a drink at a guy who tried to flirt with you leading to them fighting and you and shake getting kicked out, while on their date.

he always demanded to see and look thru your phone, and if you deny he’ll press you until you give your phone to him. why wont you give it to him? are you cheating? did you find a better guy than him? than why won’t you show him?

he’ll make sure to look thru you text messages deleting random guys names off your contacts which would get you irritated because once he deleted your bosses number.

he also will go thru your camera roll than complaining that you don’t take pictures of your body more.

literally a mess when you two are alone, will be pressing his body against yours pulling and holding you close as you two lay on your bed. shake will only be craving attention for you is when you two are alone because he doesn’t want people to see him be soft if he’s lovey dovey with you.

[vidalinav]

So I’ve been thinking more about my fic idea where Nesta and Cassian are forced to literally sleep together because Nesta makes things go boom in her sleep because of her nightmares. An acosf re-write.

Of course it would start off with Nesta only letting Cassian into her bubble of pure death or whatever like acosf when she has a nightmare and her power is about to explode, except Nesta this time would cling to him without waking up and Cassian would stay with her. As they all do really, because they’re like what is happening? 

In the morning, Nesta’s like hell no is Cassian touching me, but Feyre and Rhys summon her to the estate and in a very similar fashion to the intervention scene, everyone is there and they recount what’s happened. Rhys asks Nesta if this has happened more than once, and Nesta’s like usually I’m too drunk for any sort of magic to occur. This makes them all (sad face), so they’re like well we can’t risk you blowing up the city, so what can we do? Nesta’s like it’s fine, I’ll monitor it. All the rest of them are like hell to the no, you almost blew us all up, and they suggest that since only Cassian could calm her, Cassian should stay with her while she sleeps. 

Nesta is like hell no. 

She refuses. But she does feel guilty and worried that she’s going to lose control of her power and kill people, so she says she’ll just not sleep. To which they’re all like HA! Impossible! But Nesta tries her darndest to not sleep. Like days go by and she gets crabby, but she keeps moving and drinking caffeine, and she is nearly delirious but she lasts longer than a human would bc fae stamina and whatnot. Until, she nearly has a breakdown from not sleeping, and she’s like the cauldron should have killed me... and Cassian who witnesses this breakdown, does what Cassian does and he’s like is being with me worse than death??? And Nesta admits that no it’s not. But still she persists in staying awake, until Cassian in a ploy to get her to fall asleep without just passing out, tells her that he needs to take her the House because Feyre insists she tries something, like a task, and on the way to the House, Nesta falls asleep in Cassian’s arms. 

So that’s one step, except Nesta still is upset that she wakes up in Cassian’s arms so she’s like no, and leaves and the next idea is that she’s going to sleep with someone else, because why does it have to be Cassian? She’s trying to push Cassian away again, so she is going to find someone to sleep sleep with and just have them stay the whole night. 

BUT for some reason she just can’t do it. Cassian leaves for Windhaven because he doesn’t want to watch Nesta avidly searching for someone to sleep with, but Nesta never even makes it out of the estate (because she’s staying with Feyre while all this happens as a safety precaution). She just sits on the couch, crossing her arms, very angry that she can’t make it out the door and now she’s tired. Mind you everyone is watching her (the IC I mean) because this whole situation is something they think they have to deal with and it’s not resolving itself. Nesta cannot be handled by one person, they think. 

So they’re like ehh well Cassian will be back in the morning, let’s watch this play out. Nesta doesn’t go to sleep, she literally sits in the living room all night and she supposes that this is going to be her life. Driven insane by lack of sleep or risk blowing up the entire land of Prythrian. 

But in the morning, Cassian is so sorry for sleep deprived Nesta who has bags under her eyes and is nearly falling asleep eating breakfast so that’s when he says let’s go to the house and Nesta’s like I’m not falling for that again. But Cassian’s like for real this time and up at the House he shows her the massive bed that could fit three Illyrians and he’s like see, if we use this bed, then you won’t even have to be really near me. 

So finally, Nesta agrees. Even though she recognizes that it’s only a matter of time before she can’t escape him any longer. They’re all just waiting for them to be happily ensconced in a relationship where she’s no longer any one’s problem. 

Except of course, Nesta always ends up climbing over Cassian to cover his body with hers while they sleep. Cassian is so fond of her, he can barely restrain himself from touching her (affectionately) when she does. 

A few other details though, Cassian wakes up early as shit so Nesta has to wake up when he wakes up so she wakes up at 5 am and she hates him for this. Literally plans gutting him with his own knives. She also has to go where he goes or Cassian has to go where she goes, because she needs sleep and because of this whole situation Cassian feels very responsible for making sure she’s well taken care of and healthy. Also eventually she starts wearing different nightgowns to torture him but that’s a tale for another time. 

[fonulyn]

fon’s 2022 in fic

i debated with myself for a while whether this post is worth making because it’s hours of work for a small handful of notes but i’m a list-maker by nature so here we go :’D this was also a weird year because i went and polished up all of my old tumblr ficlets to post them on ao3, so this is a huge mess of new fic, old fic i edited, old ficlets i mashed together and edited, old ficlets which i added thousands of words to so maybe they count as new fics after all, and the like, lol. 

so i’m not even going to try and give an estimate of how many words I wrote this year. not as much as I wanted. probably more than i feared. 

under the cut you’ll find links to fics including;

29 Chris/Leon

33 Piers/Leon

7 ot3 (Chris/Leon/Piers)

4 Krauser/Leon

1 Krauser/Leon/Chris

1 Chris/Jill

here we go;

Chris/Leon

(what can I do now except) see this through | M | 4k | Leon has what he thinks are unrequited feelings for Chris and he tries to drown them in some trusty vodka. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work.

found a way to let you go | T | 2,6k | Sometimes love isn’t enough. Sometimes breaking up is the best thing for everyone involved. This is one of those times.

welcome home | M | 900w | Chris comes home from a mission and gets a nice welcome.

always meant to be | G | 600w | Chris tries to set Claire and Leon up, but in the end gets set up himself.

if I sing you a love song | T | 1,3k | Chris finds his old guitar and plays for Leon.

to have and to hold (to care and to carry) | T | 1,2k | Three times Chris carried Leon and one time Leon carried Chris.

(you know how to make me) feel so good | E | 1,2k | They have sleepy midnight sex.

blow your mind | E | 1k | Chris has never sucked a dick before. Leon volunteers to help.

a little help | G | 430w | Claire is tired of Chris and Leon doing nothing about the big dumb crushes they obviously have for each other.

smooth operator | T | 1,1k | Leon hits on Chris while drunk. The next morning he expects to be embarrassed to death, but it works out better than he feared.

bent like a pretzel | T | 650w | Leon is the flexible one, but Chris is still the one who manages to get his foot in his mouth. 

you get what you give | T | 2,6k | They get to grow old together and be there for each other.

the art of a good shot | G | 1,2k | Chris and Leon use their shooting scores as a totally-not-awkward way to flirt. (No-zombies AU)

sail these uncharted seas (of awful attempts at flirting) | T | 900w | A Halloween party, a sailor and a pirate, plus some bad bad flirting.

men in tights | T | 1,1k | Another Halloween with questionable costumes.

try to go to sleep | T | 1k | When they get back from China, and Chris doesn’t sleep for the first three weeks, Leon doesn’t really know what to do.

a little bit of desperation | E | 1,7k | Chris gets hit with sex-pollen. Thankfully Leon is there to help.

chasing your direction | T | 1k | Leon’s old friends visits, and Chris can’t stop himself from being jealous.

bruises and promises | T | 700w | Chris gets himself hurt and Leon is angry.

some things never change | T | 870w | Leon takes care of Chris.

simple things | T | 500w | Chris has a thing for Leon wearing glasses.

the real legends | T | 656w | They survive another rough mission, together.

you are the one | G | 1k | Chris is insecure and Leon reassures him there’s no reason to be.

what could be | G | 1,1k | A baby is left on their doorstep, and they spend a day with her.

at three in the morning | T | 1,4k | There is only one bed. Finally.

won’t you take me back to paradise | E | 1k | Leon gives the best head Chris has ever had.

in the mood for a dance | G | 1,5k | Claire forces Chris and Leon to take dancing lessons.

got some places to see | G | 900w | Chris, Leon, Claire and Jill go on a roadtrip.

something solid, something good | T | 1,4k | Chris is invited to spend Christmas with Leon’s family.

Piers/Leon

three words to last forever | M | 3k | Leon is too slow and gets slashed by a monster. (”choose your own ending” with three possible endings, two with MCD, one without)

you can see me through | M | 5k | Leon and Piers get together after Piers returns from his trip through time to Raccoon City.

call me what you like but I'm a fool (forever falling for you) | G | 1k | They may be playfighting over a pillow but really, they're just happily married.

only the courage to continue counts | E | 93k | RE4 AU: Leon isn’t sent to rescue the president’s daughter alone, but with a partner. He’s not so sure what to think of this Nivans guy. (features also past Krauser/Leon)

a new life | T | 7,4k | They finally get their long awaited baby.

heal the scars and change the stars | M | 12k | Even though they’ve broken up, the feelings haven’t gone anywhere. Maybe getting back together was always going to happen. 

let the walls come down | M | 6,6k | Piers gets shot, Leon confronts Ada, and some secrets come out.

make me believe in tomorrow | E | 8,7k | Piers’s sister visits, and they talk about their plans for the future. 

and together we’ll make it | T | 4,2k | Leon finds an infected baby, and somehow he and Piers end up keeping her.

carpe diem (seize the day) | E | 2,6k | They wake up one morning with boobs and vaginas instead of their dicks. They decide to make the best of it.

live for today and for tomorrow | T | 6k | Leon almost dies from a stab wound, Piers panics, but at least it ends happily and they finally get together after all the pining.

already taken | G | 800w | Piers wakes up at the hospital and thinks he’s hitting on the gorgeous nurse.

happiness is made not found | E | 7k | Piers asks Jake to be his best man, Leon makes a confession to Sherry, Chris is a good bro, and Piers and Leon get to enjoy domesticity together.

give me hope, make me strong | T | 1,4k | Piers and Leon seek shelter in a small cabin during a snowstorm. It would almost be romantic if Piers wasn’t bleeding so much.

the problem with dishwashers | M | 1,4k | Piers promises to fix Leon’s dishwasher but ends up “fixing” Leon’s “dishwasher”.

try a little tenderness | T | 1,7k | Piers is sick, cold meds make him a little loopy, and Leon is there to take care of him.

breathe, trust, and see what happens | E | 5,9k | They have some summer fun, get a big scare, talk retirement, and cheat at Mario Kart.

for hope I’d give my everything | T | 1,9k | Piers and Leon bond over surviving being infected.

safely away from the world | G | 1,1k | Leon wakes up miserable and in pain. It’s made a little better when he gets quality snuggles.

as dust settles | T | 1,2k | Piers and Leon get stuck in a basement under a collapsed building. Leon might be bleeding, but he still finds enough energy to flirt.

no more coffee | G | 550w | When Piers drinks coffee, he gets insufferable, and Leon is the one who has to deal with him.

close your eyes and you will find | T | 2,6k | Leon has trouble sleeping. Somehow Piers helps just by being there.

gonna show you tonight | E | 3,2k | Leon has a bit of a competency kink. And maybe a tiny thing for Piers’ arms. Good thing Piers is always willing to indulge him.

you are the question and the answer am I | E | 2,8k | Piers calls Leon cute, Leon meets Piers’s dog, and they have some sleepy sex. All the good things.

a taste of something more | E | 1,5k | Piers can’t sleep, so Leon helps him work off some tension.

exactly what it seems like | T | 1k | Chris accidentally ends up with Leon’s phone and finds out Leon is dating Piers.

the worst kept secret | T | 1,6k | Piers is a clingy drunk and in the morning doesn’t even remember how embarrassing he was. Good thing Leon loves him anyway.

yee haw! | E | 1,3k | Ride ‘em cowboy; aka Leon wears only a cowboy hat and a gun belt for Piers. They both have their fun.

and I was loving you | T | 1,9k | Five times Piers gets a little kiss on the nose, and one time Leon does.

(like a thief) you stole my heart | T | 3,6k | Glimpses of their relationship developing throughout the years as they grow more and more in love.

the sweetest gift | G | 1k | Piers brings Leon chocolate for Valentine’s Day.

you gotta take care, it’s a new romance | G | 700w | Leon can’t sleep. Piers is there for him.

Piers/Leon endgame, starts off with friends-with-benefits Chris/Leon

to feel again | M | 19k | After Chris accidentally breaks Leon’s heart, Leon is fully prepared to nurse his bruised feelings alone. He’s less prepared for the way Piers is apparently dead set on being there for him to help him through it. He’s the least prepared for when he realizes he might just get his happy ending, after all.

ot3 (Chris/Leon/Piers)

sweetly seduced to sleep | T | 1k | Leon gets tricked into healthy sleeping habits.

last chance garage | M | 8k | Chris, Leon and Piers try to make sense of over a decade worth of yearning. Somehow, they make it work.

all those little moments | T | 1,8k | They get to enjoy some domestic, carefree happiness, for once.

where the past meets the future | T | 4,8k | Chris and Piers find out how exactly Leon became an agent.

your arms open wide | G | 850w | Piers comes home exhausted.

picture this | T | 1k | Piers accidentally sends near-nudes to Chris instead of Leon.

let the water wash away | T | 800w | The three share a soft moment in the shower.

Krauser/Leon/Chris

it's gone so fast | E | 2k | Chris keeps getting invited into Krauser and Leon's bed. Inevitably, Chris develops feelings.

Krauser/Leon

made to remind | E | 1,6k | Leon says the wrong name in bed. Krauser reminds him who he belongs to.

then, now and always | E | 2,2k | Krauser does not do feelings. Instead he flees.

my fall will be for you | M | 2,8k | Krauser and Leon almost get a happy ending.

better with you | T | 600w | Krauser makes a sudden confession.

Chris/Jill

ravishing | E | 4k | Jill deserves to be worshipped like the goddess she is, Chris gets the honor of doing just that. (aka feelsy smut lol)

here’s to hoping for a better 2023 :3

[i-need-some-advice-on]

I need some relationship advice. Me and my boyfriend (both young sdults) have been together for about a year. What started as gay chicken has blossomed into a qpr of sorts since both of us are very aromantic and didnt expect to catch feelings for the other. I love him a lot.

The thing is, we have this problem. Both of us are extremely independent people and when something in our lite is going down and we dont feel mentally all together, we take to disappearing quietly. We are fine with this, mostly. See the problem arises is that usually he knows why i’m going away or whats causing the turmoil, but hes always reluctant to tell me about it, especially if he thinks it will burden me, but it doesnt and i get concerned and *slightly* offended by the idea i cant handle and know why hes upset, we have talked about this in the past before and how he expects more volatile reactions than i usually give.

Past week i wasnt feeling all that good so i wasnt talking much. Eventually i got over it and asked him how he was doing and inquired on his life but he kept dodging the question much to my chagrine. I confronted him about it and he said he wasnt feeling great but didnt want to talk about just so that i could “feel like i wasnt the only one talking”. I responded supporting but he didnt reply and ghosted me for a few days and im afraid to say my mental space didnt take that well. I respected it and sent him texts telling him about my day and telling him i loved him everyday, not too muchcto be annoying though, just to let him know i wws there, but behind the scenes my emotions took a turn for the worst and icwould have states where i was delusionally crying over a perfeived normal situation where he wws talking to me but it wasnt real.

A few days later, i went to a club to take my mind off it. I met some nice people there but all i could think about was my boyfriend and i didnt get drunk because i started thinking abt what my boyfriend would think. I ended up leaving early and crying on the train home and posting a few tweets frustrated at myself and my inability to cope with it before i blocked him from seeing my tweets. About 30(?) minutes later he texted me apologising and i got angry even though i had made a few tweets abt really wanting to hear from him. I didnt respond.

I didnt respond for a few days and he texts me that hes going to be offline for a few days which was ok but he added in the phrase “if i care” and hes just letting me know and i got angry again and i didnt respond and i havent responded since. Ive been offline for a few days, a lot of my friends are worried about me, but i feel so much emotional turmoil im planning to just keep quiet for who knows how long until it blows over. Am i an asshole? What do i do?

.

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

Okay y'all, my smacked ass has had an epiphany tonight about why i like the stupid vampire books so much, even though like, at least a quarter of them are mostly trash. presented in meme format:

anne rice was far from perfect, but when she added all her bible fanfic into the books, the idea that to reach heaven we have to forgive god for his indifference was something that shook 11 year old me.

and like, anne clearly had some religious issues she was working through when she wrote memnoch. eleven year old me could see that, and she was only 11. and baby me got it; bc baby me was an atheist who was trying very, very hard not to be one (bc my mom forced me to go to church as a kid, and i was afraid she wouldn't love me anymore if she knew) but i was not feeling the capital-G god.

(she does still love me, btw. baby me was just as neurotic as adult me)

I was like why create a tree adam and eve couldn't from in the first place? like that was unnecessary. why play mind games like that? and asking abraham to sacrifice his son? what for? to prove what? that you're a dick? also, if forgiveness is so important why do 'bad' people burn in hell for all eternity? that's a bit extreme dude. (this is me expressing my 11 yr old little girl thoughts, btw. please don't attack me for thinking mean things about your religion as a literal child. a child having it force fed to her)

So like, her concept of this need for us to bestow forgiveness on Elohim (her name for god) was like, mind-blowing. Bc my whole life it had been like, god is good; god is great; all the time; all the time. But to me, this guy just seemed like a giant asshole, bc all the stuff. Flooding the earth was the equivalent of a toddler flushing his toy down the toilet bc he's mad.

And I mean, once Jesus came along everything got real different. jesus was cool. and he could turn water into wine. which 11 yr old me thought he could have put to good use and just made a bunch of wine out of nasty water no one wanted and sold it. then used the money to build a temple, or a bunch of temples, or just give all the money to the poor.

(my dad liked the idea; my mom said that jesus wouldn't do that bc drinking was a sin. so of course i asked why jesus was giving people wine if drinking was a sin. so my mom volleyed with drinking not being the sin, getting drunk was the sin. and i was like, do you know how people get drunk? so she said something about free will, and god giving us choices. so i was like, can i choose to have wine? and she said no bc i was 11. so i was like, i think you're encroaching upon my free will. also bc i was 11 and i thought that was clever at the time. but me and my family have always been able to rib each other a little, to snark a bit and be sarcastic, but never malicious. It's like, playful.)

anyway, the point i'm trying to make is that reading that stupid, bad book felt like the first time an adult person had ever given me permission to be angry at god. not an adult who still believed in it all. and that was gratifying as fuck.

bc i didn't believe in their god, but furthermore, i didn't like him very much either. and i couldn't admit that i didn't believe (bc i have issues) for a few more years. but i sure was angry with who i saw as some version of a fictional man-child with an oversized ego brain-controlling all my friends. (Indoctrinating is the word, but 11 year old me didn't know it. And it was the thing she was thinking of, which tbh, is still a thing that happens around here. Kids grow up fed on it, and that fucks some of them up.)

She did know that you couldn't be mad at a fictional character because they don't, you know, exist. So she understood the anger was illogical, and because I was the type of kid who read textbooks for fun; she knew that meant she was projecting. (Surprise; it's really my mom I'm mad at. But 11 yr old me was not ready to emotionally process that, so she used it as anger at 'the church' which was either as vague or as all-encompassing as the situation called for)

anyway, i could channel all that anger, and redirect it and show it as anger toward god. for all the atrocities. and all the racism, and sexism, and homophobia in the church community. (specifically the southern baptist church community in the bible belt. the bible belt is it's own special hell. especially if you're queer and/or fucked in the head. Like, i know we're supposed to say neurodivergent or some shit. but like, i get to call it fucked in the head, bc i am fucked in the head myself. i have a wide array of mental illnesses/disorders)

and being able to use that as an outlet helped me keep playing pretend another few years. until i could reconcile that my mother, with all her good intentions, could hurt me. even if she didn't mean to. even if i could never ever let her know. bc knowing that would hurt her.

so yeah, that's the long, rambley tale of how reading anne rice's bad bible fanfiction helped me process my inner rage towards my mother. thus allowing me to ultimately move past it. mostly.

[leejenowrld]

can we have some funfacts about you and your bf you guys are goals🥹

yes 🥹🥹🥹on a real note i’m really fucking happy and appreciative over the fact that you guys send me so much love and happiness over my relationship like ahhh it just makes me feel so giddy and so blessed

as i’ve said before, he’s in a football team (it’s like kinda one of the official ones, he’s really good) and he has a lot of matches and i’m always his supportive cheering girlfriend there lmao. he got me a football style shirt that says his surname and he will get pissed if i don’t wear it to the match

he’s fought players on the pitch and then minutes (sometimes seconds) later changes his expression when he turns to me and blows me a kiss and i’m like 😩 seeing my man throw hands is so sexy

we now have a matching tattoo🥰

we sleep on one pillow lmao it’s just habit because of how close we get when we sleep, always two pillows on the bed but we always wake up with him on my pillow or me on his. sometime in the middle of the night we’ve obviously moved closer and cuddled the other more

his body type?? it’s kinda like mingyu’s from seventeen’s. i mean for crying out loud he’s a football player so he’s so in shape and so sexy god

we’ve had arguments which end in rough and violent makeup sec cus i’ve flashed him when he’s in the midst of yelling at me 😭 like he’ll be yelling at me for being childish and not looking after myself properly and before i know it i lift my top up and YEAH !

he doesn’t like when i get high. he’s made it clear. he tries to calm me down and just be gentle with me about it :(

even though he gets angry at me when i’m drunk/wasted/high he will still take my makeup off for me 🥹 change me into my clothes and UGH

he double cleanses my face for me 🥹 you guys should see the furrow and concentration in his eyebrows and eyes when he does it !!

we shower together almost every time, saving water yk ;)

we have matching laminated bracelets

we’re the couple who are adventurous with sex! locations, positions, kinks, role play. counting off the top of my head, we’ve done it in nearly 30-40 different places/locations (it’s a lot i know, explanation in bullet point below) about 8 different positions and girl if i explained how we explore role play and kinks then i’d be banned!

so keep in mind we’ve been together 5 years anddd we go on holiday a lot!! we’ve been to just 8 places last year. we find really cheap tickets and hotels and yeah :) we just have fun and love each other abroad hehe. one of our many love languages is travelling and exploring the world together

so the number of locations we’ve fucked in is so high because we have a lot of holiday sex. it’s just the two of us so we can be as loud as we want

he buys me cute girly stuff lmao. kpop albums, concert tickets, cute skirts and dresses, pyjamas, lingerie, we have matching clothes too

[sunlightandsuffering]

I’ve just read RIP Luv and i had to come here to say you nailed down the angst. I felt so angry at both Eren and Mikasa so many times and their sheer stupidity. But also I could understand their motives and where they were coming from and so I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reading their messiness. I’ll say that Mikasa is incredibly toxic and she needs a lot of therapy. And I’d say that they got together so soon, like Eren should’ve awaited at least to see her actually confronto by her family first before breaking up with Hisu. But should is the keyword here, the easiness with which they got together even though they were in a relationship is, the way I see it, an integral part of their codependence, and it’s not out of place. Ideally, in a healthy relationship, she’d first break up with Porco, and tell her family what she wants without any expectations from Eren. And Eren probably wouldn’t break up with Hisu on the spot, but she’d see his love for Mikasa and do the breaking up herself. However they never had a healthy relationship and I stress my previous point of their toxicity and codependence as the rule of their very mesy relationship. And if it had gone healthily from one moment to the next it not only wouldn’t be believable, but it wouldn’t be them. Which is why I think you also nailed the way they got together, on Mikasa’s whim and insistence and Eren’s devotion to believe her even when he had every reason not to. And for my final point: JESUS CHRIST that first depiction of Porco “dropping her off like a forgotten bag” WAS AMAZING. Peak angst and description here. And I’d turn up on the angst even more to still have Porco be like the is or even worse when he starts dating Mikasa. She dates him out of desperation, he treats her badly, and it’s a double edged sword: she wants to hurt Eren by being with a gig he hates, but she also thinks she deserves to be hurt by a guy like Porco exactly because of the way she’s treated Eren for so long. Porco mistreats her and uses her and she despises it and what it does to her, degrade her, but she loves to see Eren’s protective rage and concern in his eyes whenever porco drops her off drunk and full of his cum dropping down her thighs with her hair ruined and clothes disheveled, just for Eren to see her stumble into the apartment like this. She hates herself and the way she feels degraded and I’ve Eren’s attention on her. Forgive me if this part is too dark or angsty but I’d say Porco being nicer made things easier for Eren in the end when they could’ve been harder for deeper taste on angst, and it fits Mikasa’s problematic character. anyways, great job and great fic as always! Loved reading it! I was waiting for months reading and rereading those drabbles here and was delighted to see I knew some of them by heart while reading the fic! Thank you so much!!

OMG BABE I LOVE U ! THE MOSTEST FOR THIS VERY IN DEPTH REVIEW LOL!!! omg y'all give me too much credit 😂 but i have so many things to say back!!!! For your last point tho I honestly hadn't even considered that!! ANd now I very sadly wish I did lol!! It would have made so much sense and it would have been even more deliciously dramatic!!!!

I think if I can recall correctly my decision to make Porco a better guy was so Eren wouldn't murder him ahahah. And I also think because I didn't want to make it quite that painful for Eren, like ur totally right, nothing would sting more than her showing up fucked out of her mind with someone else's cum dripping down her thighs, I wasn't sure if it was too far and she wouldn't be redeemable anymore. Nice Porco was basically me softening the blow ahahaha 😂

But yes, poor bb boo Mikasa does need massive amounts of therapy lol, she's very toxic and I think u are right they're very codependent and Eren has always been her crutch. To that end though I totally agree with you about how unhealthy their relationship is 😂😂 I literally just discarded her breaking up with Porco he's such an afterthought he's not even a consideration lol. Meanwhile Eren has the actual good sense to break up with Historia, Mikasa doesn't give a fuck she's like give me my mans back. BUT IM GLAD THE ENDING MAKES SENSE AT LEAST! I really struggled with how to get them back together in like a believable way that wasn't too fast and for a while, I was like well maybe there needs to be some big event that forces it but in the end I kept writing and I was like no, these bitches just want to be together, let them be together, Mikasa won't let it be prolonged!

I actually deleted a whole scene where she was trying to seduce him again lol and I had planned to have that little arc go on for longer, but honestly it was feeling too unserious and more BTL Mikasa than angsty FWB Mikasa lol so I was like no, it's ending!! THEY JUST NEED TO HAVE DRAMATIC TEARFUL MAKEUP SEX AND GET TOGETHER DAMN IT!!! And thus, we have their very messy ending lol!

BUT IM HAPPY U ENJOYED THE ANGST, AND VERY PLEASED THAT U THINK I DID A DECENT JOB!! I haven't agonized over a fic like this in a hot minute lol so I appreciate the reassurance 💗💗🥰🥰

[your-cryin-fool]

Hypnotic Eye for the album thing

send me an album & I'll pick my favorite lyrics from every song

I love that all of these asks have been Tom Petty related 😂

Hypnotic Eye, let's go!

American Dream Plan B

I'm gonna find out for myself someday/ But I'm half-lit, I can't dance for shit/ But I see what I want, I go after it

Fault Lines

The ground breaks open/ Love falls through the cracks/ And I've got a few of my own/ I've got a few of my own fault lines

Red River

A black cat bone that treats her good/ A tiger tooth and a gris-gris stick/ Still it don't do the trick

Full Grown Boy

Can you see her in the firelight/ Hear how soft and low she sings/ How am I gonna tell her that I love her?

All You Can Carry

You and I have burned every bridge/ And now we've got to save our souls again

Power Drunk

God, protect us from the thoughts in some men's minds/ God, protect us from the pain it leaves behind/ Now you see him against the sky/ Believing in his own lies

Forgotten Man

Well I feel like a four letter word/ I know what few can do/ How angry words can pierce the heart/ How a soul can sink so low

Sins Of My Youth

You will find no weary change/ I'm worn and wounded/ but still the same

U Get Me High

You can lose it without knowing/ You wake up and you don't know which way/ The wind is blowing

Burnt Out Town

New Emperor, same clothes/ They're dancing on glass ceilings/ While the filthy money flows

Shadow People

He's a 21st-century man/ And he's scary as hell 'cause when he's afraid/ He'll destroy anything he don't understand

[blog-reflection]

ONE / Twenty Nine - One of Those Nights

Already? 

When I gazed at the clock on my wall I was more than surprised. I was on Petals registration for hours, at least that was what I thought. In reality I’ve hardly even scratched a full hour. I mean, it’s not even six. Well, it is relatively dark outside, and I have issues calculating the time in general, but that surprised me. It's been a while since I had so much freetime in the eve where I had actually nothing to do. There wasn’t any issue on school grounds that would need work, I have finished my room for now, I’m not really in the mood to play some games with Jesse and Sarah isn't home so I could’ve done something with her. I stood up and launched myself into my bed. I still had Lucia's tasks for this week on the table which are, more or less, almost kind of finished. She wasn’t that creative, just some connecting things with words and cute pics of the things she had drawn herself. And yes, I can’t believe it myself too but apparently everyone around me is able to draw at a decent level. I especially like how she’d drawn food. That’s the cool thing if you have so many creative people. Jesse, who is obviously awesome in general, is just amazing when it comes to forms and organics. Apart from that, they are the perfect storyteller and writer. They thought about creating a coming or a manga but they haven’t really started. However, with Petal being a huge Kpop fan, we might get to see a glimpse of Jesse's manga adventure and ohh boy am I hyped to see the outcome of that. Speaking of Petal, she’s creative too. I don’t want to say that it's obvious but she’s all about Kpop so of course she is awesome in doing all those things that are kawaii and cute. She’s also a proud owner of an Etsy shop, selling her own printed stickers, noteblocks, magnets, cups, mugs, keychains and so on. I only know that because after the talk with Jesse I instantly followed her insta where she just promotes everything. As far as I can tell, she’s doing all that on her own. Considering the fact she’s just nineteen is still blowing my mind. Back in Dover I had two friends who were also quite creative. Their names are Fynnick and Fynnrick, and yes, they are siblings. Also yes, I did think they were just joking. They don’t. Fynnick is a pure master when it comes to photography. And Fynnrick is just really good with old art history which is both hilarious. If you see them, you’d instantly know that they are siblings, despite the fact that they are complete opposites. Where Fynnick is dressed like a person out of some vintage movie, Fynnrick is a pure punk. But just visually. Fynnrick is a scholar, smart as hell, and knows so much. Funnik on the other hand is constantly out there partying. I always loved the time Jesse and I spent with them. Often we just sat on the roof of the local gas station and looked into the night sky. Of course we were drunk, at may or may not be that legal age, but it was nice. We talked for hours and hours and hours. The four of us were the biggest thing I ever had in a friend group. Sadly, things got pretty bad at their place. Ms. Chaster has coughed her man sleeping with someone else, another man. Worst of all, it was her ex-boyfriend. She was angry and so furious that she took the twins, went to the car and drove all the way to london. I haven’t seen them since. We do stay in contact over discord, but the two are really busy so I don’t really have time to chat with them or so. I mean, yeah it is sad, but on the other hand, they are blooming now. As far as I’m aware they become ambassadors for their school so that’s awesome! However I do think that Fynnrick did force Fynnick in that situation because as far as I’m aware Fynnick is not that interested in school anyways, never was to begin with. So often you could see all four of us sitting in the hallway copy pasting everything from Fynnrick since we didn’t want to do our assignments. I guess growing up really can destroy some friendships after all. Good luck Jesse isn't able to get rid of me. So much for that.

I put my phone down and stared at the fairy lights that were scattered all over the ceiling above my bed. And now? There wasn’t anything to do nor anything I wanted to do. It was dark already and, as usual for this time of the year, I felt my depression slowly making its way into my life again. I wasn’t really worried to be honest, I’m used to this by now. I haven’t noticed it at first since my life got that bussy but now I can definitely feel the emptiness inside me. I reached my phone and started booting up all I got. Tinder. Romeo, Hinge, Grindr, I bet you can see where this is going. Last time I opened any of those apps was when the one apartment I visited wasn’t there, but that was more out of frustration than whatever I think I’m doing now but well, I guess it will be one of those nights’ I’ll spend somewhere unknown with someone unknown. I swiped profile through profile, tapped people I thought looked good or hot and got messaged by so many people I wish I’d never seen. It didn’t take long and I had a whole small down of dudes ready on me for so many fantasies. Somewhere looking for a casual night out, a drink and cuddles, which sounded good. Others were more of the short time and were really on it to find someone to sex with. I myself am unsure what I’m even looking for. I wouldn’t say I’m looking for sexual content since but looking at some of those profiles I can definitely tell I’m getting hornier. And then there was that one dude that coughed my attention. Tall, black hair, lean but not skinny. His name is Jacques and to be fair, he could sex me right here on the table just because of that name. He had many pictures of himself in his profile. Multiple from the side, one from the front, two where he wore no shirt and flexed his abs and arms, one without his pants and shirts and 2 nudes that were hiding his D. He has a really nice ass. Since his profile got me really in the mood, I decided for a long shot and tapped him with the devil emoji in hopes that he responds. He did. He texted me with a nice Hi and a casual emoji before he shot his next message asking if I’m looking for something now due to the tap. I agreed and within a couple of seconds he granted me access to his private album and on top of that sent me a lot of pics of him. The pics were hot, full of nudity in a variety of different angles. He was huge, not kidding. After the pics he just wrote 22 just for you. I can definitely feel that I would enjoy this ride. I opened the album and got even more excited. The entire album was filled with sexscenes of him fucking people. And we are talking about ten videos at least. Okay, there is no need to hide, not that I could. I was solid rock hard and as much as I know me this won’t go away at all. I asked if he had time like right now and if he’d be ready to spend the rest of the night with me. 

Nothing. No answer, nothing. I wasn’t sure how to feel. Until I looked back at my phone. He sent me a link to maps that showed a hotel and again texted me saying  that I have to go to room E311, the door will be open and the lights will be out. I, kind of horny, asked him what happened then. He was typing. I felt how the hype inside of me started to grow. Then I just stared at the screen, speechless and overwhelmed by my feelings. The message he sent read a sexual practices das does not require consent, not that he would care. He must have read that on my profile, in which I listed what it was I consider hot during sex. I was more than ready. My D. was already getting wet, so I went to my wardrobe. I got completely undressed and only grabbed my pants. I took a tank top and a jacket and sent him a message that I’ll be right there before I made my way to the hotel. I reached the hotel about fifteen minutes later. It was huge so I spent about 5 mins to look for the elevator. I drove up to the third floor and looked at the chat again. He wrote again, another task. He wants to spice things up. He told me to go to the bathroom on this floor, which usually is for employees. He wanted me to leave all my stuff there, so I entered his room naked. I was thinking but since I didn't have any money or important stuff with me I like the idea more than I technically should. So I did what he had asked of me. I got out of the elevator and went looking for the restrooms. I crossed his room on the way so I kind of have to go a bit far naked in this otherwise empty hallway but to be honest, seeing the door already made me more into it. I finally reached the restroom right behind the corner. There was a bag with a letter XXX so I put everything in there. I took a deep breath and looked out the restroom. Noone there, perfect. I tried to hide my rock hard boner which worked more or less and in about what could be a minute I reached the room. 

The room was dark, the curtains were shut, and the only light I’ve seen was the bit of light that came from the door. Until there was a huge bang. The door was shut and I felt an indescribable feeling. A mix of fear and excitement. Out of nowhere I started hearing sounds that were behind me and with a blink of an eye I had one hand covering my mouth while the other was choking me till I passed out. Couple of seconds later, I was tied up to the bed, facing the matrace. The more I got aware of the situation, the more I realised that Jacques was already penetrating me with his fingers. I couldn’t tell how many, but at least three. I layed down, relaxing the session until I saw a slight silhouette in front of me. Hold on, if someone is fingering me and someone is in front of me, then there have to be two people in here. But I couldn’t even think this through. All of the sudden I felt touches everywhere on my body. I couldn’t tell how many there were by now. I was feeling hands, tongues and dicks everywhere. Suddenly the ropes were loose, got blindfolded from behind and flipped like a pancake. And then I noticed. One person was constantly choking me till I passes out while I got fucked buy what seems like a docent of man. I couldn’t say how I felt. I was hot but also in pain, but I enjoyed every last second of that situation.After a while I heard how the door opened and everyone got outside. The curtains were opened and a street light was shining in. the ropes were loosened and I was about to get up, when again, I got choked out. When I was back, the light was on, nothing else. The room was just like new. In the middle was the back with my stuff. I slowly climbed off the bed and grabbed my stuff. I looked at the time, it was four in the morning. I was here for eight hours. I looked at my phone. Jacques sent me a link to a video with the message “good boy”. The link led to a thirty minute video of this night. 

He turned this into a porn, so I can see what they did to me.

[oinkgoesthecat]

There's a lot on my brain.

Sheik and I had a fight I think? He revealed privileged information he wasn't supposed to. Honestly tonight he was just a little too free with the information.

I have to keep reminding myself that it was a boundary he crossed. And I'm allowed to be upset with him.

I'm upset with his reaction too. It's a strange balancing act in my mind right now. I'm trying to reassure him that we are still okay. But I'm also trying to allow myself to feel the hurt feelings without gaslighting myself at some level. I do that a lot. I gaslight myself into thinking I'm being over dramatic. But I'm not usually. I'm usually upset over something reasonable but I convince myself it's not a big deal. Or I have the argument in my head and manage to convince myself it's fine now. Which is a terrible habit because then the other person and I never came to an understanding.

I'm upset that Sheik left like he did. I kept trying to use some variation of the phrase "I'm more upset that he..." No. I am ALSO upset that he ran away from me. I'm angry and hurt by it. He shut down and ran away. I know that reaction well. Cuz samesies. And I hate that my knee-jerk reaction was to minimize it when I saw that he was upset. And I hate it so much. I don't need to convince myself that I'm not hurt or upset by something. I'm allowed to express displeasure. I'm allowed to be hurt.

It's something I'm working on. It's really hard. I need him to be okay and have our friendship, for lack of a better word, bounce back. I don't want him to beat himself up over it all.

But need him to be more careful. He is the only one I'm as honest with as I am with him. He is the only one I trust like that. He knows more than anyone else. I plan to blow up my life soon, and I can't do that until I feel safe enough. Because I can't just go home and be like "I know you're out of a job and I'm the only thing keeping us afloat but I want to live life on my own terms so I'm moving back home and breaking up with you". That would be a fucking disaster. An accidental reveal could ruin my plans and contingencies. I may not need them, it might be amicable and okay. But I've never seen a healthy long-term breakup, so I don't know honestly. I don't even know how to do this. I'm terrified.

Yesterday was so good between us too. My night was kinda shit, the whole getting robbed thing was a bummer. But then he was drunk. Which was adorable, btw. He gets chatty. And flirty. He kept insisting on holding my hand or touching me in some way. And kept telling me my skin was so soft. Oh and then he kissed me. Twice. And he claimed he was definitely going to remember it and not going to regret it. I have no regrets. I liked kissing him. Which is probably not something I should do but I crossed that line a long time ago. I want him to kiss me when he's sober. I want to know that I am not a convenient toy for him. I may enjoy being his plaything, but I don't enjoy being played. I don't want to lose his friendship. His friendship is important to me. I want to see him lay his cards on the table. At least a few of them. He admitted a lot more than I think he intended to while he was drunk. He admitted he spends a lot of time worrying about me. I think he feels bad that I got robbed and it was after he left and if he was there it wouldn't have happened. And he admitted he cares about me. I think he got too vulnerable. And now he's compensating by being super assholish.

I want to call him out. I want to actually talk to him for realsies and tell him that's against the rules. I want him to understand. I want to let him past all of my walls. I want to have him see ME. Not vapid whiny plaything. My three levels of false personality. I'm not actually that vapid, it's just easier being a vain shallow girl. If I'm complaining about something surface-level, I'm able to ignore everything else. And the easiest way to be falsely vulnerable is to act like a whore. I'm so open about my sexuality, so I'm an open book. In reality, I'm not very good at voicing my desires at all. I'm so shy. But I want to be better at it.

Omg. Wait. No. Some things he's said are adding up now. He definitely cares about me. More than he intended to. I'm not so naive to think he's in love with me, but do think he cares as more than a friend. And I don't put it past him to self-sabotage. Maybe this is projection, maybe none of this is real at all. Maybe I am just a passing entertainment. I don't know because he won't lay enough cards on the fucking table. But I think I am going to make him have a conversation with me. I need him to understand what's at stake for me. I need to say out loud that I intend to leave Tavion. I need him to know that I didn't expect him to fix me. I expect him to be my friend. Because he is my most constant thing right now and the only person who has come into my life with no expectations or preconceived notions in so long. And it's so freeing b because I can be anyone I want to be with him. I'm addicted to being honest with him. But I need more honesty from him. Not his weird honestly where he tries to scare me away. I want the honesty I got from him while we sat outside together talking, and I let things get further than was responsible considering I was at work. I just want to get our friendship back on track. I need to know that my being upset didn't ruin everything. I don't want him punishing himself the way I know he is.

I feel like a bad person. I don't want to be where I am. I don't want to bring Tavion anymore. I don't think I have romantic feelings for him anymore. I love him. But not the way I used to. And that's hard to admit. But I want to live my own life so desperately. I want to be myself. Not Quettes daughter, not T'avions Girlfriend. I want to be Vi. Full stop. I get to be myself and live how I want to now. But I'm scared. I don't know how to end this. I don't know what my next step is yet. Yes, I do, next step is my license. I feel bad. I know I'm going to hurt him. I don't want to leave him in a place he can't get out of. I know my leaving is going to hurt him financially and feel bad for that. But I can't keep living my life in fear of hurting him. I want to live my life.

[jamminvroomvroom]

how can i make it okay?

pg x fem!reader

part 1 - lipstick on the glass

part 2 - safe from heartbreak

hi! here is the third and last part to my pierre series thingy! idk how this didn’t turn into smut lmao but i hope you enjoy <3

based super super loosely on “how can i make it okay?” by wolf alice. a bop!

warnings: 18+!!, angst, fluff, language, alcohol

2.7k words (damn that’s short for me)

-

pierre was not doing well.

how could he be, when you were everywhere? every person he spoke to seemed to mention your name. every room in the paddock he entered, you seemed to be stood in the middle of, glowing like some ethereal being sent to earth to torture him. every hotel room he stayed in reminded him of how you’d both spent the majority of last season, between bedsheets made of white linen. he had a thing for white linen, especially when you were wrapped in it.

he had spent months angry. first, he was angry at you. then, he was angry with everyone else. and then finally, the guilt crept in and he ached, and ached, and ached some more. his heart had hurt so badly, so intensely, that all of the sudden he had gone numb, and that’s how he remained. well, apart from every time someone mentioned you, or he saw you, or he heard you voice, or he thought about you, or he unlocked the door to his hotel room, or he laid down in his empty bed, or he felt the sunshine on his skin, or he breathed.

anytime he wasn’t numb, it was simply excruciating. the only time he managed to cast you out of his mind seemed to be when he was driving. but all races ended eventually and then he parked the car and you were back, haunting him. he’d see you in parc ferme, hair blowing in the breeze like you were on the cover of a magazine. sometimes you were happy, beaming as you passed the drivers and team personnel. sometimes you were frustrated, being hounded by a team principle. either way, all he could do was stare at you absolutely hopelessly, almost distraught by how beautiful you were, until charles nudged him, or his engineer wanted to talk.

after what could only be described as a miserable season, pierre was back on home soil and he wanted to deliver. he wanted to cross the line with a vengeance, a big fuck you to his team and his haters and his fellow drivers. and to you. it was easier to blame his lack of form on all of those other people than himself. despite the burning desire to come and win at paul ricard, he knew he was set for a mediocre race.

that mediocre race came and went. he picked up a single point. it would suffice. he wanted to drink.

the perks of a home race: he knew all of the best places to get drunk, where he’d be surrounded by people who adored him.

god, how he needed to be adored.

he walked in to the neon lit bar, flanked by a few friends. dress shirt half buttoned, hair a perfectly styled mess, a spring in his step. all eyes were on him, murmurs of his name reaching his ears. women in pretty dresses. he smirked. perfect.

wait.

his smirk faltered. f1 personnel. a few journalists that he knew you were friends with. fia staff. a blue dress that looked like it had been made by someone who had studied the shades and swirls in his eyes. his breathing hitched. your voice. your face. you.

he stopped in his tracks. was he even breathing? how cruel of you to somehow be here too. why couldn’t he escape you? he knew he was staring, and that was rude, but he felt okay about it, considering the fact that you were staring back. he revelled in that fact; it was rare for him to catch you looking. he was snapped back to reality by a hand slapping his back, his monegasque friends voice filling the air with a greeting. charles and charlotte had arrived. thank god. charles would stop him from crossing the floor and taking you in his arms. charlotte threw you a subtle wave, which you awkwardly returned. pierre felt jealous. he wanted to wave at you.

he drank too much too quickly. he was tense, trying to drown out the sound of your laughter floating through the air. he was in actual, physical pain. what had started out as an attempt at a relaxed, carefree night out had turned into a form of torture designed specifically for him. the buzz started to wear off around midnight, leaving him depressed, staring at the bar top in front of him, remnants of spilled drinks dampening the surface. pierre pretended to find those tiny puddles the most interesting thing in the world, rather than look up at his friend who was telling a story about something or other. he didn’t know or, truthfully, care about the subject matter at hand. all he knew was that he couldn’t look up, couldn’t even pretend to listen, because if he did, you’d be directly in his eye line and he quite simply couldn’t handle that.

he excused himself, finding the restroom and taking a deep breath. he didn’t know how long he stayed in there, pathetically hiding from you. he splashed some water on his face, drying himself with some paper towels. he hyped himself up to go back out there and walk past you without melting into a puddle. as he stepped out into the corridor, he froze.

there you were, stumbling along, hand grazing the wall to steady yourself.

“there you are! thought you’d been kidnapped.” you giggled. he wanted to listen to that sound over and over. you were clearly drunk, meanwhile he was caught in that delicate space between sober and buzzed that meant he wasn’t having quite as much fun as you were. “was waiting for you to come back.” you pouted at him, continuing to clumsily make your way down the hallway towards him.

“i,” pierre had no idea what to say to that, closing his mouth in bewilderment. what were you waiting for? more emotional warfare?

“why?”

“because i’m stupid and i miss you.” you were in front of him now, brutally honest and slurring your words. fan-fucking-tastic.

“maybe we shouldn’t have this conversation now.” pierre hated himself for putting this off but you were intoxicated and he knew this conversation would do more harm that good in both of your current states.

“when are we gonna have it? hmm? when you’re staring at me from across the paddock? for fuck sake, pierre.” you were suddenly irritated, playful giggles silenced by your harsh tone. again, he was speechless. you looked at him expectantly, rolling your glossy eyes when he said nothing. “fine, okay, bye pierre.” you huffed.

as you stepped back from him, you stumbled, a baby giraffe in your ridiculous heels. the alcohol certainly wasn’t helping. he grabbed your waist in a flash, steadying you. your breath hitched at the contact and he couldn’t help but notice. his heart was beating so rapidly that he thought about booking a doctors appointment. it was almost unhealthy, how much a simple touch had affected you, but you both figured that it felt right for a reason.

he couldn’t help himself. his hand grazed your waist, snaking around you until he had pulled you into him. he held you in his embrace, keeping you close. in return, you buried your head in his neck, relaxing as the scent of his cologne instantly warped your senses. just as pierre began to feel more at ease than he had in months, he felt your body shake against his. then, he heard a sniffle, followed by the unmistakable sound of a whimper. you were crying. he wanted to die. he’d made you cry. or, at least he thought he had.

“i’m sorry. i’m so sorry pierre. i ruined everything, i,” you were interrupted by the sounds of your own sobbing, you forehead falling against his shoulder. you were sorry? apparently pierre had a problem with words this evening, still speechless. he just held you even tighter, stroking your hair as you cried into his shoulder. your arms around his waist tightened, staying like that for a while. when he felt your grip begin to loosen, he couldn’t ignore the mild panic he felt. he didn’t want to let you go. you looked up at him, grimacing at the mascara stains on his white shirt, the linen perfectly absorbing your tears, which had just about stopped. he didn’t care about the stains or your puffy red eyes.

“chérie, please. don’t apologise to me.” he told you softly. you shook your head. you needed to. you’d made a terrible mistake.

“pierre, what i did, all of those terrible things i said, i didn’t mean them. i was so scared of getting hurt that i hurt you. the one person that i-“ you stopped talking suddenly. he furrowed his eyebrows.

that you what?

that you what?

he needed you to finish the sentence. watching you collect your thoughts was torture.

“what, chérie?” he couldn’t wait any longer. you shook your head.

“did you mean those things that you said?” your voice shook. he took your hands.

“every word.” his reply was instant, not a second to waste. he was still very much in love with you, that hadn’t changed in the slightest. why else would he have spent the last few months moping?

“il n'y a que toi.” you whispered. tears pooled in your eyes. he couldn’t help but smile at you speaking in his mother tongue, echoing what he’d told you.

“only you. always been you.” he murmured. he stepped closer. his forehead was against yours now. you let out another shaky breath. you wanted to close the gap. you wanted to kiss him.

“pierre, i lov-“

“don’t do that now. you’re drunk. let me take you home, chérie.” he whispered. you pouted again. you wanted him to know, wanted him to hear you say it.

you gave in, nodding. he pressed a kiss to your temple, and as he pulled away you looked up, catching him off guard. your nose brushed his, breath fanning your face, eyes fixed firmly on him. he paused for a second, before he pulled away, tutting at your efforts. the smirk returned.

“you can wait.” he told you. you didn’t believe that. your skin was covered in goosebumps, a memento of his touch. he led you back into the bar, watching as you told your friends that you were leaving. pierre made his way over to charles, informing him of his departure. charles just winked, or tried to.

pierre waited for you by the bar, arm grazing yours when you finally joined him. you smiled at him and his heart grew about seven sizes in his chest. he’d missed that smile. he’d missed everything about you, actually, noting the way you looked away shyly when you realised he couldn’t take his eyes off of you.

the backseat of the taxi was inviting, strangely suggestive. it would have been easy to fall under your spell, pierre couldn’t ignore the way you were leaned into him, but he wanted to do this properly.

after everything, he owed you that much.

-

you were used to waking up in beds that weren’t yours. you travelled the world for work, occupying a different hotel room every weekend. that’s why you weren’t alarmed when you woke up in a huge bed that wasn’t your own. the night before came back to you, a lazy smile taking over your sleepy features. he was there beside you, an arm thrown over your waist. you couldn’t remember the last time you woke up feeling so okay.

he hadn’t made a single move when he’d brought you back to his apartment, the one he stayed in when he wasn’t in italy. he hadn’t kissed you or tried to have that conversation, he’d simply given you one of his t-shirts and tucked you into bed beside him. it was refreshing, domestic, the kind of night you’d dreamed of spending with pierre throughout your arrangement. you couldn’t pretend that you weren’t anxious to finally have that talk but for the moment, you were quite content.

“are you awake?” you heard his voice, low in your ear. you’d certainly missed how he sounded in the mornings, voice heavy with sleep, accent thick. you hummed in agreement, rolling over to face him.

“good morning.” you whispered. he looked perfect, drenched in the morning light, hair a mess.

kiss him.

you wondered if he’d finally let you.

“good morning, ma belle.” he leaned his head in towards yours, but he still didn’t make the move.

“kiss me. please.” you breathed. you couldn’t wait any more. he blinked, as if he thought he’d misheard you, but when you cupped his cheek, holding his jaw in your hand, he finally gave in.

slowly, he pressed his lips to yours, gently at first, your body melting further into his. it was soft, for a little while at least, your hand on his cheek travelling further until it was tangled in his hair. his tongue brushed yours, a low groan sounding from the back of his throat. you kissed him deeply, finally satisfied for the first time since you’d watched him leave your office in italy. but then he pulled away. he rolled to the edge of the bed, sitting up. he hesitated for a second, dipping his head, as if he was ashamed or perhaps disappointed. and then he was standing up, crossing the floor until he reached his bedroom door, leaving you alone in the room.

you felt like someone had thrown a bucket of ice cold water over you. you were shocked, confused, a little bit furious.

no. no. you would not let him leave again.

you threw the covers off of your body, padding across the floor. you found him stood at his kitchen counter, staring blankly at the granite surface.

“what the hell just happened?” you demanded an answer, stood at the opposite end of the counter facing him.

“i’m not prepared for us to hurt each other. not again.” his voice was strangely calm. you were anything but.

“you told me you meant what you said. you wouldn’t let me say it back!“

“i don’t want you to say something you don’t mean.” his face flashed with hurt. “i said a lot of things in imola, and you, you didn’t.”

oh.

“i didn’t think you wanted me.” you said it quietly, embarrassed under his pained gaze.

“i have never wanted anyone the way i want you.” he was looking directly at you now, blue eyes piercing yours.

“but all of those women-“

“distractions. chérie, i didn’t think you wanted me.” he laughed humourlessly. suddenly, a lot of things made sense, all of the things you’d spent almost a year agonising over all made perfect sense. he was an idiot, clearly, but so were you apparently.

“i do. i want you, pierre.” you began to make your way around the counter, until you were stood right beside him. he turned to face you. the air between you was suffocating but you needed to tell him. you had belonged to one another for so long, you just didn’t realise it, both of you believing that your feelings were unrequited. you wanted to laugh and cry and pull your hair out. you had both been so utterly blind.

“say it. i need you to say it.” you searched his eyes as you made your request. he knew exactly what you wanted to hear.

“i’m in love with you. only you.”

you launched yourself at him, lips meeting for the second time this morning. there was a certain passion present this time that had been lacking earlier, unleashed by his declaration. you pulled back.

“i love you. i should have told you in imola. i love you, pierre.” you muttered against his lips. he pulled you back into him, kissing you again. you felt as thought a crushing weight had been lifted off of your shoulders, smiling into the kiss. your hands found the hair at the nape of his neck, basking completely in the feeling of his body back where it belonged against yours.

eventually, you both pulled away, staying there wrapped in each other’s embrace in the middle of his kitchen. you were happy. actually, genuinely happy. there was a long time where you thought that was something you’d never be with pierre. you pressed a kiss to his shoulder, desperate for as much contact as you could have. you were proud of yourself for allowing this to happen, for allowing yourself to be vulnerable and tell him how you felt. after what you’d put the pair of you through in imola, you owed yourself a bit of joy.

you could have happily stayed there in his kitchen for the rest of your life.

how can i make it okay?

i just want you to be happy

how can i make it okay?

nothing else is as important

as that to me

-

taglist

@boysthatgovroomvroom @thegirlinthefandoms @welld0nebaku @mcmuppetangelika @wmaximoffz @starlightoctavia @japanesekel @stardustinggold @vinvantae @chaoticallypan @ashleyo1611 @ggaslyp1 @poofy-baby-unicorns @dr3lover @smiithys  @turningxstrange @lees0015 @rachstash @infinitebells @multilovebot @1missglum1 @fizzpopsnap101 @gaily19 @shinydragondelusion @alexk2002 @icecoldtires @mysticalnightenthusiast @thatchickwiththecamera @oyesmendes @f-1-fan

taglist went a bit wrong lmao. if you wanna be added or removed lemme know!

[axigailxo]

fix you | jjk

pairing. jungkook x reader established relationship au

genre. angst, eventual fluff

w.c. 1.6k

summary. Jungkook sings to you in the bath after an argument that lead to you getting wasted and him having to take care of you.

contains. mentions of alcohol, implications of alcohol abuse, explicit language, toxic behaviors, angry jk, caring/soft jk, wasted oc

—

"It was one fucking bottle, Jungkook."

Jungkook gently shuts his eyes and takes another deep breath as if acting calm and breathing shallowly will potentially ease the bitter mood that's engulfed you both.

This isn't how he had hoped to spend his night with you. The complete opposite is what he originally aimed for. So when he discovered that 'one fucking bottle' carelessly shattered on the kitchen floor when he got home from work, he knew he had to go through another one of these with you.

'These' being a talk, or lecture, where he attempts to calmly and politely ask you to ease down on your alcohol intake, only for you to downplay his absurd accusations and question him for questioning you about something you don’t think is such a big deal.

"Yeah, one shattered bottle. Y/N, you're wasted, you could have slipped and hurt yourself on that glass." Jungkook's tone is of gentle disbelief, angry that you can't see the blatant danger you had put yourself in all while trying his best to remain soft and calm since he knows you're not in the right headspace.

However, you genuinely don't understand why he's blowing it out of proportion. You're not even drunk, you tell yourself.

"Stop talking to me like I'm drunk, for fucks sake. And okay I dropped the bottle? I was going to clean it before you got home, I got dizzy earlier and couldn’t." You get up from your seat on the couch and walk over to the kitchen which is now also known as an apparent crime scene. "Are you even complaining as my boyfriend who cares or a roommate that's upset about the mess?"

His jaw clenched the more you continued to downplay everything, and when he sees you go to pick up another bottle from the wine rack, he ditches that subtle approach he was taking and lets his anger be known to you.

"I don't give a fuck about the mess! I'm upset at how careless you are, always fucking drinking irresponsibly and making me seem like I'm insane for worrying about it. It's exhausting, Y/N. So fucking exauhsting."

You scoff as you take the corkscrew out of a drawer.

"Then you should go to sleep and stop worrying about me if you're so tired and 'exhausted', Jungkook.” You make a petty note to bump into his shoulder as you walk past him with the wine bottle and corkscrew in hand and to the bedroom, the door slamming shut behind you.

…

Pressing the power button on the remote, Jungkook tosses it back onto the coffee table as he crashes back against the couch with a sigh. He tried to distract himself from the past events, but it’s not working as all he can do is wonder what’s going on in your mind right now.

He’s not even mad, just concerned. He tried looking at it from the perspective of him being wrong, but his pride and overall mind just didn’t make sense of it. He had a right to be angry. As your boyfriend, he’s supposed to get angry at things like that. Especially when you don’t take accountability for it.

He did wonder for a while if he was too hard on you. Was there another approach to take other than accusing you like how he did? Or did he do exactly what he should have? Jungkook narrowed it down to the second one. He nicely tried to start a conversation with you, not an argument. He was concerned and needed to have that conversation. It’s not his fault that you weren’t being mature about it.

And just like that, all thoughts vanish from his once clouded mind as he hears a harsh thump coming from the bedroom.

“Y/N?” he instinctively calls out while jogging up to the door. It’s locked.

Wiggling rather profusely on the locked knob, his other hand goes to knock.

“Y/N, what was that noise?”

He started to become more and more panicked the longer you didn’t answer, so out of options he runs over to the kitchen to grab a toothpick before rushing back and inserting it into the small hole in the center of the knob.

After succeeding, his eyes scavenge the room and when you're nowhere in sight, his heart clenches.

“Y/N!” he shouts as he peeks over the bed, next to the dresser, and every other open space that you could possibly be.

“Gukkie?”

His ears perk up at the vague mumble of his name, rushing into the direction it came from which was the bathroom.

Sitting against the shower door in a soaked t-shirt, your tear-stained cheeks and red nose stand out to him as he makes his way over to you, holding you against him as he frantically checks your body for any major damages.

You continue your silent sob, and he notices as he sits up straight and observes your saddened features again.

His brows furrow in confusion and hurt, hardly able to bear seeing you like this, and just as he gets ready to ask what you were trying to do, you speak.

“I wanted to wash off all the sadness.” you drunkenly pout, head-nodding over to the shower behind you that's still dripping droplets of water out of the shower head.

“Jagi.” Jungkook breathes before shaking his head, palm rubbing at his temple. “You can't do that, okay? Let’s get you up, you need a bath then some rest.”

He’s well aware you’re out of it, the alcohol highly apparent in your breath, and he doesn’t doubt you finished the whole bottle again.

“Did you drink it all?” he asks calmly, almost nicely, as he throws one of your arms over his shoulder to guide you up.

You shake your head no, leaning your weight onto him as he walks you over to the edge of the bathtub.

“I’m s-sorry.” you sob again, this time into his shoulder. He focuses his attention on getting you sat against the tub, your back leaning against the wall as he peels the wet fabric from your body.

“Jungkook, please say something, I don’t want you to be mad. You’re right, I shouldn’t have -”

“I’m not mad at you, Y/N.”

Your pouty lips and wide red eyes find his, and he gives you the smallest smile you think you’ve ever seen.

He’s quick to advert from your eyes, though, keeping himself busy by reaching over to flick the tub’s faucet on. He wants to talk to you about what happened more than anything, just not right now. Especially not when you’re like this.

Despite how drunk you may be, you somehow understand that. You can understand how that’s reasonable, so you close your lips and refrain from shedding any more light on the topic.

Just pretend you never argued.

Pretend as if nothing happened.

Only to wake up and be reminded.

You sob again, your thoughts seeming to be never-ending. Jungkook decides it’s best to just let you cry. He hates it, but realistically there’s nothing he can do.

“Let’s get you in,” he speaks loud enough so you can hear him over your own cries, his hand guiding your arm to slump over his shoulder again as he very carefully walks you into the tub, helping you sit inside as the water continues to fill.

“Is that comfortable?” he asks while stepping out. He takes your new silence as a yes, and just as he believes your okay since you stopped crying, you pull him back in.

“Shit— Y/N!” he exclaims as he falls into the half-filled tub, his once dry clothes now drenched from the waist down.

“Stay in here with me.” you softly plead, like a child who just had a nightmare and wants their parent to sleep with them. He sighs and rubs at his temple, a habit that he picked up just tonight.

He debates in his head for a prolonged moment, not wanting you to cry again but also not wanting to stay sitting in a bath fully clothed. He settles on stripping just his shirt, getting himself as comfortable as possible in the claustrophobic tub before pulling you to lean against his chest.

He turns the nob off, reaches for the loofa, and you beat him to the liquid soap. He halts his pace as you take it upon yourself to squeeze the bottle all over your naked chest.

You sit there frozen and waiting for a second or two before asking him “are you going to wash me or not?”

Your tone wasn’t rude, it was humorous. And Jungkook lets himself smile at it. He’s glad you’re back to being happy again, even if it’s temporary and just a dumb joke.

He brings the loofa to your chest, lathering the floral-scented soap softly along your breasts, then to your neck, then back down your breasts and you giggle when he reaches a certain spot on your stomach.

He can’t help but lightly giggle back, softly apologizing and explaining how he forgot you were ticklish.

As he continues to scrub at your arms and shoulders, he realizes the mood is finally normal. He tries to pretend like nothing else happened tonight except for this moment. He wishes he didn’t fight with you, wishes that you didn’t drink. He wishes he can stay like this forever with you.

But he also knows it was a minor fight and with the right words, you’ll both work it out and use this as an excuse to become even better than you were before. That is the power of love after all.

"Gukkie, can you sing for me?"

~~~

A/N: we love a full circle moment 😗 but i’d be lying if i said i didn’t rush the ending bc i have major writers block rn 😭 forgive me lol :/ but in case you did like it, make sure to like, reblog, and send feedback <3

*also this was originally supposed to be a quick drabble for the attached audio but i decided to build it up im sry 😭

[hongjoongscafe]

Blind Beauty

{one}{two}{three (final)}

Pairing: blind!hongjoong×insecure!reader(grace)

Genre: fluff, angst, implied smut, nudity

Summary: only the mind's eye can see the true beauty.

NOTE: Read While Listening To Romantic/Romantic Sad Songs. I have added some songs' links. Do listen to them when they are linked:) I hope you like it.

Warnings: lots of angst, crying, mention of drunk sex, non-consensual sex tape, insecurities, lots of touchy-touchy, blow job, pussy eating. (Lemme know if there is something else.)

Word count: 13.2k+ (👀)

Materpost

*DO NOT REPOST, PLZ*

"But love is blind, and lovers cannot see

The pretty follies that themselves commit"

~William Shakespeare {The Merchant of Venice}

~~~

"So who do you want me to meet?" Hongjoong visited his parents after talking to Grace on the phone. 

"Hongjoong-ah," his mother poured some traditional green tea into the cup, "guests are coming any minute now. You will know," she said and handed the tea to Hongjoong and Seonghwa. 

"But I should know who is coming," he whined. 

"You are still a child, aren't you?" His father giggled. "But it's a surprise. We are sure you will like it," they smiled. 

The family talked about different stuff. They met frequently as they lived near Hongjoong's house. His parents have always been protective of him. He wanted to move to Seoul from Anyang, Gyeonggi-do. But his parents were worried about him along with Seonghwa. Hongjoong had bigger dreams, they could only come closer to true if he moved there. Thinking about his happiness, his parents and Seonghwa moved there to look after him. 

Hongjoong didn't say anything about them moving where he wanted. Although he was genuinely sad by the fact that he indeed needed them. A new place for him could have been a bigger challenge than it already was. To his surprise, his parents and Seonghwa didn't live in the same place as him. That did give him some confidence about having his own house and maintaining it. Which he did perfectly, now that he knew the map of his house like the back of his hand. 

Hongjoong got startled when the horribly loud doorbell rang. Mother Kim quickly got up with a clap and went to open the door. He listened to her greeting the guests before they followed her into the sitting area. 

"Please make yourself comfortable," Mrs. Kim said. 

"Mr. Lee," Mr. Kim began, "meet him, my wonderful son… Hongjoong," he patted Hongjoong's back. 

"Ah, the infamous man!" Mr. Lee exclaimed. "Such a handsome boy he grew out to be! When they were younger, he was such a cute boy. Look at his proportions now! Only if I was a lady, I would have said yes immediately," Hongjoong frowned. 

Seonghwa was feeling unsettled. It wasn't that Hongjoong's parents were bad, they were supportive. But this situation looked far more complicated and alarming. They should have told them about the guests. Especially when there was a whole family of four sitting in front of them. 

"Ah!" Chuckled Mr. Kim, "you are still the same!" 

Hongjoong's ears perked at this statement. He remembered the Lee family. They were one of their most important friends back when he was younger. But they left when he was eight years old. Their daughter, Ara, was his best friend. They didn't stop talking because the Lee family had to go away. She stopped being friends with him when they were seven years old, leaving him in the unknown darkness. 

His child mind was so attracted to her. It was always Ara for him and nobody else. Sometimes, Seonghwa would be angry at Hongjoong for hanging out with Ara all the time. 

"No, I haven't changed but our kids definitely did," he smiled. "And look at Seonghwa! Such a handsome man," Seonghwa wasn't familiar with the family. He wasn't sure who they were and how they knew him. So he just smiled and bowed slightly with an awkward smile.

"I don't think that you remember this man, Seonghwa," Mr. Kim said. 

"Unfortunately," Seonghwa hesitated, "I don't."

"Do you remember Ara?" 

'No fuck,' Hongjoong thought.

Seonghwa tried to remember, "Ah, yes. I do… oh my good fate! Wow, I completely forgot about it!" Hongjoong could tell that Seonghwa was uncomfortable and was faking the excitement. 

"Mm, we figured," they chuckled. "But today is something special. Mr. Lee and his family came back to Anyang, Gyeonggi-do, and their daughter, Ara, now lives in Seoul."

"Oky…?" Hongjoong's mind was bland, trying to figure out what they were trying to say. 

"We want you and Ara to marry each other," Mrs. Kim came happily back with some juice and snacks. 

"What!?" Hongjoong and Seonghwa said in unison. 

"You heard it right! Both the families always wanted to do this. But things changed and we had to move to America but now that we are back, we would love to see you both together," Mrs. Lee said in her sweet voice. She was a kind lady. Her values were well known in the whole area. 

"No, no! This can't be happening! We need to leave, Seonghwa," Hongjoong stood up.

"Please, Hongjoong, don't do this. W-we understand your worries but it was in the past. You guys were young… mistakes happen. Give her a chance," Mr. Lee insisted. 

"But I—" 

"Joong, just go and talk to the pretty lady in private once," his father abruptly cut him off with a stern voice. 

Defeated, Hongjoong nodded. Seonghwa's hand squeezed Hongjoong's to let him know that he was there and that he would get out sooner. Hongjoong sighed.

"Oky," he muttered and walked carefully towards the room, Ara following behind.

~~~

It is now the weekend. Grace, Yunho, and Mingi traveled to their parents to celebrate the engagement of the tall couple. Mingi's sister, Elena, joined them as well. 

Yunho and Mingi have visited many times during these few years but not Grace. Her pathetic life has always kept her from going back. Knowing that her past choices, which her parents already warned her about, were bad. Facing them was the hardest thing she could do. Her constant excuses about the university and then work always saved her from going back. 

However, she couldn't run so far from them. She needed to face them and accept the reality of the misery that her life was. But there was one thing that wasn't a misery and that was Hongjoong. 

Yeah, that's the only person that she was looking forward to.

The train came to a pause at the station. The boys volunteered to carry the luggage as it was not much, only for two days. The platform was rushy, everyone was packed and was trying to get on the train or go out of the station. 

Luckily, behind her two tall and broad best friends, Grace and Elena didn't have to make much effort making their way out. As they passed out from the rush, Grace saw her mother almost immediately. Her eyes welled up. Grace's mother, Mumma Daisy, was also teary. 

Mumma Daisy jogged toward her daughter and stood in front of her. "God, look at you, Grace! Oh dear, look at you all grown up. Where did your innocent face go? That childish one?" Her tears dripped down as well Grace's. 

They hugged each other tightly and let their emotions take over. The distance that Grace and her family created was bittersweet. They talked over the phone but it felt like they were just keeping the are-you-alive track. 

It wasn't only that Grace made some choices that made her and her family awkward with each other. No. It was how things were handled. Instead of being there for Grace and softly telling her that they are there for her, they simply let their anger out on her and made her feel that she was still a kid and can't do a thing for her good and that she was too immature to be true. 

There was more to it. So much more. The way her father acted was her last straw. 

"You have no sense of men! Always choosing the rag of a person! And now you are sitting here, bawling your eyes out!" Your father, papa Jung-ho, flared out. "I can't even go out in public without feeling shame."

"But it's not my fault!" Grace cried. Her throat felt like closing up. Her face was hurting because of all the crying. 

"Do you even know what happened!?" Papa Jung-Ho shouted. "When I gave you the phone, I didn't expect you to do this! I thought you were responsible enough, Grace," he huffed and picked up his jacket, storming out of his house, somewhere he couldn't see Grace for a while. 

Grace was sitting on the floor, looking almost dead. Her heart ached. She was already going through enough. A breakup, betrayal, humiliation, and now the pain of her father not wanting to even be in the same room. 

That was the last time she went back home. 

Grace pulled back from her mother whose eyes were running all over her features, trying to locate the changes. There was a lot. Mumma Daisy could list thousands of things… What made her want to cry was, most of them were negative. It shined on  Grace's face that she went through shit before standing in front of her mother. 

Just do not bother Grace, she kept mum about her worries. She was well aware that it might backlash against her. Mumma Daisy could do much more when Grace left the house in tears and with a broken heart. She was well aware that her daughter needed some warmth and love but she was bound by the fate of her husband who was blinded by rage and shame that he couldn't see that his daughter was going through more than he could ever imagine.

~~~

Hongjoong's eyes shed tears while he was listening to some random RnB music on the record player. It was looking dramatic. The way his head was dropped on the side and the way he was swinging in his rocking chair by the window. 

"I can't believe they thought that this was the right idea," Seonghwa sighed. "They know everything and yet they did that. And the reason was even shittier, no offense to you, Joong."

Hongjoong sighed and sat straight, "I can't either. I understand their worries but they need to leave me alone for a minute and not jump to these old-school solutions. I am old and experienced enough for myself. I-I just need some time... I feel like I found one but then again I can't jump to conclusions when I am unaware of her feelings," he whispered in the last part. 

Seonghwa got up from his place on the couch and stood next to his best friend and patted his shoulder. "I know that, Joong. And if you ask me, she is head over heels for you. You know when she looks at you, her cheeks get dusted by this beautiful, innocent blush. Her ears look like two slices of tomato. Her eyes shimmer, smile widens. It's funny how she met you not so long ago and already cares for you so much. At the little party at their apartment, she kept the most comfortable stuff for you. I talked to Yunho later, he told me how she went as far as making the house look good only for you. Do you know what she said to Yunho when he said you won't know?" Hongjoong shook his head as no, "she said: yeah, but he can feel it. That girl is so ready to make you hers. But yeah, giving some time would be better so that you both grow with each other and understand better. I love it for you, Joong. Don't lose her because of your insecurities. Talk to her. I have said this before as well," Seonghwa gave a last pat on his shoulder and turned around. "It's getting late now. I must get going. I have left a water bottle on your nightstand. Just lock the door and go to sleep. Don't overthink or worry about anything… It's gonna be fine." 

The sound of the door closing signed that the older man left. Hongjoong sighed heavily and thought about what Seonghwa said about Grace's reactions and the little stuff she did to make him comfortable. He wasn't sure if he should cry about the fact that he couldn't experience it, that he can't see her; or be happy that she react in such a way to him. His mind went on and on about Grace and was stuck on what Seonghwa said. 

Insecurity.

Being blind wasn't his option and it certainly wasn't something that should be his insecurity because he just simply didn't have control over this. But it still was. He was different no matter what his capabilities were. Even if he could read, write, sing, play instruments, and dance sometimes, he was still disabled. He was still looked at with either pity or disgust. 

Grace was the only person that was neutral to him. She neither overly reacted nor under-ly reacted. She was fine with what he was. Instead, she was head over heels— as Seonghwa said— for someone like him. 

Before his insecurities could consume him, he got up and locked his door, and went to bed. 

He couldn't wait for Tuesday. There was a lot he wanted to talk about. 

~~~

The restaurant was filled with people talking, cutlery clinking against the plates and bowls. The air was filled with the delicious scent of food. 

The food was served. Grace was sitting in between Yunho and Elena. Elena was on her left and Yunho was on the right with Mingi. They all were talking and having fun. 

Except for Grace. 

She spent her whole day at home but not once did her father share a word with her. Keeping her pride aside, she tried talking but he wouldn't budge. It saddened her. Whatever happened back then, was not her fault by any means. She was the victim who needed support but instead, everyone made her feel like shit and taunted her to no end. 

Yunho's and Mingi's parents were so nice. They talked to her about anything and everything, knowing that her father was still stuck somewhere dark. It was traumatizing, what happened but he forgot that it was happening with his daughter. But he was beaten by what people had to say. 

"I can't believe you guys are now engaged. I still remember you all being so tiny," Yunho's mother said. "When Yunho introduced us to Mingi as his boyfriend, we were so happy and were thinking about this day and now that this day has arrived, I feel like we are getting too old." 

"Yebo, they are kids, they are meant to be grown. What I am really happy about is that at least they are so nice and trustable. I fear nothing," Yunho's father said. 

"It has always been a pleasure that our kids were close and now it's like a dream come true," Mingi's mother said, and his father nodded in agreement.

"It must be nice to have responsible kids, no?" Grace's father curtly said. 

Grace was already regretting coming here, hands clutching the fork tightly. But she was keeping herself at ease just for her friends. 

"Ah, Grace is so responsible too. The interview in the magazine was so good. I have been showing it off everywhere," Mumma Daisy proudly said. 

"What about dignity? One should have some," he spat. 

Yunho brought his hand under the table and held Grace's trembling hand tightly to calm her down. He has seen her cry and heard her breaking down through the thin walls. This whole situation was outrageous for him, seeing papa Jung-Ho acting like boiled his blood. But he couldn't say anything. He was raised better than that. 

"It's not like that. Grace has been so responsible. Handling a huge business and other stuff and taking care of us, it's not easy. She is doing her best!" Yunho praised. 

"Mhm, within the next few months, her brand will be considered a luxury," Mingi proudly added. "She is the most successful out of all of us!"

"Grace, sweetheart, we all are so proud of you," Yunho's mother said. 

"True, the other day we saw you on a billboard," Mingi's father said. 

"Thank you so much, I appreciate it," Grace shyly said. "I don't have control over many things, but what I can control, I ace it."

Grace's father scoffed.

"So good, my love. Tell us more," Mingi's mother said. "What's going on these days? Have you found someone?" She wiggled her eyebrows. Everyone at the table was looking at her, except her father. Her mother's ears were waiting, she was well aware that if she showed some interest, Jung-Ho would create a scene at home. 

Grace's cheeks heated up when Yunho cleared his throat as a tease. "Well, I recently met this guy, a wonderful guy."

Mrs. Jeong and Mrs. Song gasped with happiness. "Tell us more," they said in unison.

"What does he look like? What does he do? Any photos?" They bombed many questions onto her. 

She felt nervous. It was a judgemental situation that she had to go through. It isn't common to date a blind person. But at the same time not bad. People have just made it a taboo. But she wasn't afraid or ashamed of it. She was proud of her Hongjoong, a blind man who can do anything. There is nothing more prideful for her. 

"His name is Hongjoong," She looked at Yunho who was squeezing her hand to tell her that details are not necessary if she doesn't want to share. She gave him a tiny smile and continued, "he works at multiple places depending upon days. He is a motivational speaker too. And he is blind."

The table fell quiet. Dangerously calm. But Grace didn't bother and just kept on eating her dinner so did Elena, Yunho, and Mingi. They weren't bothered by this fact. Elena has seen Hongjoong multiple times at the cafe and she would be lying if she said that he wasn't good. He was the best customer she ever had, Seonghwa included.

Papa Jung-Ho stood up and threw the napkin, which was on his lap, harshly on the seat and left the restaurant. The silence was awkward but Grace embraced it because she was too proud to feel anything else than love for Hongjoong. 

But it bothered her when her mother followed her father with her head hung. Grace now understood the weight of her parent's marriage. It was dominated by her father and she was weighed down by his actions. She did not have her own say even though they called themselves "pretty forward according to the time". 

"You are not doing anything wrong, darling. He is just all over the place," Mrs. Jeong said with her honey-laced voice. 

"It doesn't matter. I know he won't be happy with any of my decisions. He wasn't happy when I took fashion designing. Or when I decided to move on. I don't expect him to be happy now. It is how it is. You don't need to say something on his behalf when he doesn't mean it himself. I'm happy with what I have. I know what I am doing," Grace smiled and lowered her fork. "I must get going now."

Before anybody could stop her, she was out of the restaurant.

Feelings. Yeah, they were broken. 

~~~

When Grace arrived back home after walking around and sorting out her thoughts, she found her luggage at the door with a note on it. 

'We should have named you Disgrace. 

Don't show up unless you learn some sense and build some dignity.'

All she could do was scoff and sit on the steps. She called a cab for herself and decided to stay in a hotel for a night and would leave back home to Seoul before everyone else. She didn't belong here. The expectations were different; the ways to handle things were different; understandings were different; the way to look at the world was different. She wondered how Hongjoong lived in this fucked up world, full of heartless people. 

The ringtone of her phone pulled her out of her trance as her cab arrived. She did have a cheaper option of staying at Yunho's which was next door but Grace and her family already ruined their dinner, she wasn't comfortable with pushing it too much. 

The hotel room was small but cozy. It is always hard to find a nice room on such short notice and that too at this time. There was a window next to the bed that showed off the light traffic around.

Changing into a comfortable loose shirt that she stole from Yunho, she got under the covers and looked outside. Her mind was screaming to hear Hongjoong's voice. So she called him at one in the morning.

Hongjoong was about to go to bed after completing his work for this week when his phone vibrated on the nightstand. The automated voice informed him that the call was from Grace. He got worried. She never called him at this hour. 

"Hello? Grace?" He picked up. 

"H-hi," her breathy voice didn't help him. 

"Hey, are you okay?" He asked worriedly. 

"Yeah, I'm sorry that I called this late," she said. Her throat was threatening to burst. She couldn't contain herself. 

"No, please, you can call me anytime you want. I don't mind," he softly said. "Please tell me what happened. I can tell something is off."

A sob broke from her throat and tears finally spilled. "I'm missing you, Joongie. I wish I could hug you," I am not fine. I feel like I'm losing everything I have. I'm stuck somewhere haunted. I wish I could be with you and feel like I belong with someone. I'm having trouble, Joongie. Get me out of here. That's what she wanted to say. 

Hongjoong swore that he heard his heart breaking into little pieces. "Hey, I'm right here, Grace. It's alright. We will meet on Tuesday, right?" 

"Y-yeah," she sobbed. "I miss you so much. You are the best," Grace cried. 

Hongjoong lay down on the bed with the phone still attached to his ear. He was hurting too. He knew that there was more to it and that she was hurting. So was he. And he missed you too. He lay there and listened through your cries with his silent tears pouring out. 

Grace hated crying in front of people. She hated showing people her weak side but she felt safe here, talking to Hongjoong. 

They stayed like that until they both calmed down. Only sniffles could be heard.

"Good night, Joongie," She said. 

"Good night, baby."

~~~

Grace had informed Yunho about her early leave. Although, he was salty about her not telling him about last night and straight up going to a hotel rather than coming to his place. 

She was too ashamed to even face any of them after what her family did at the dinner. It wasn't about Hongjoong, no, that was never the reason why she was feeling ashamed. It was how her father just couldn't suck it up for a few and always played the victim. It was too much to handle. There were better things to focus on and she was going back to those. 

Hongjoong was worried. His mind was still pacing around the bush. The call with Grace made him feel uneasy. He wanted to talk to Seonghwa about it but he held himself. He wanted to take care of her himself and wanted to be responsible.

He was happy too. She called him when she was feeling down. Isn't that good? People, when they are hurt, call the person they trust the most. But it was sad nonetheless because he didn't want to hear her cry like that. His heart was wrecked. 

"Tuesday, please come faster."

"Tuesday, please come faster."

~~~

 It was finally Tuesday. 

When Yunho came back, Grace tried to not talk about it as much. Understanding, Yunho didn't push too much. He just let her be. 

He knew that personal space meant more than anything to her. She wanted to be left alone. It hurt Yunho slightly though. He wanted her to be happy. And he insisted that nothing bad will happen but we all know how that turned out. 

"How does this look?" Grace asked Yunho while twirling in a black dress with thick straps that were knotted in cute bows over her shoulders. It fell an inch above her knees.

"Perfect!" He stood up and came closer. "Excited for the date?" 

"Mhm," she shyly said, fiddling with her dress. 

"Great! I'll call Mingi then," she smacked his arm playfully. "Oky, no. In all seriousness, I'm so happy and proud of you... I hope you know that the garden doesn't die when you pluck some flowers. It is still filled with colors and joy, oky?" 

Grace's heart softened, very well aware of where this all was coming from. "I know. Thank you for everything, Yuyu. I love you so much," she hugged him tight. 

"Ya, have a good date. Love you too," he pecked her head. 

"Mhm, just gonna put on some makeup and leave."

She kept her makeup simple and neat. Peachy natural look with her favorite nude lip shade looked perfect. Wearing her pretty black heels, not too tall for the sake of her ankles, she was ready to leave to pick her date up. 

Saying her wishes to Yunho, who was already calling Mingi, she left. The drive was not so far. Giving him a call,  she informed him of her arrival. 

Hongjoong came down in five minutes. Grace got out of her car to greet him. "Hongjoong."

He giggled with giddiness, "Grace."

They stopped in front of each other. Grace looked at him up and down. He looked so fucking handsome in his all-black look. His hair pulled back, no longer blue but black. He looked so hot that it made her rub her thighs. He looked like a piece of snack. 

"Fuck," was she could say. 

"Ah, why? Do I not look good?" He asked with a question mark face. 

"No. I mean, wow. You look so hot. It is illegal for you to be out there. Damn, where did that cute hamster go?" She stuttered. 

"Oh," he chuckled. "Thank you. You look so good as well!" He wished he could see you. Seonghwa's words repeated in his mind again and again. 

"Thank you so much. It means a lot to me," Grace blushed. 

Coming closer, she held his bicep and kissed his cheek. The whip of her perfume blessed Hongjoong's nose. His nose searched for more of her scent. His cheek heated at the pleasant contact. Oh, he was falling hard. He loved her closeness. The way he wanted to pull her in a hug, he had a hard time holding himself back. 

His thoughts broke when she tugged him gently towards the car, "here," she opened the door and guided him in. She kept a hand above the entrance to prevent his head from hitting it. 

Quickly getting in herself, she made sure that everything was in place, and then she started the car and took off to the restaurant she booked for the night. Some nice jazz was being played in the background. The silence in the car was pleasant. It was like they were away from the loud world, in their safe space. 

The night was chilly. Grace shivered and got goosebumps. She quickly opened the trunk of her car and took the black shawl with her to keep her warm. 

The waitress took them to their table which was in the corner, away from nosey people. Luckily she booked an indoor table or else she was going to fall sick. Anyway, the aroma of the restaurant was luxurious. The sizzling sounds of the meat from the little show they put on were enduring to their ears. 

Grace sat next to him at the round table. She recited the menu to him and ordered whatever they decided on. Hongjoong's hands were on the table. They were so beautiful and looked so soft. She brought her hand up and held his warm one with her cold one. 

"You are cold," he said. 

"Don't worry I have a shawl," she kissed his knuckles. 

Giggling, he brought her hand to his lips and kissed her, lingering a bit there. "I will always worry for you, Grace."

"And I will for you, Joongie," she looked into his eyes. They weren't focused but she knew the hidden feelings behind those dark orbs. 

"With that, I wanna say something," he said. 

"What is it?" 

"I was wondering if we could talk today?" He sighed, "there are few things that I wanna get off of my chest."

"Of course, that's why we are on a date. Isn't it?" She took a sip of the water that was just served. "What is it?"

"Not here… maybe we could go to mine later on?" He hesitantly asked.

Grace thought about it for a second. "Of course, we can do that."

The rest of the dinner was romantic. They played footsies under the table and the environment around them was giggly and filled with soft voices. The people from other tables looked at them with stars in their eyes. It was a rare sight of two young people in love. 

Love… 

~~~

"Feel at home, Grace," Hongjoong said as he invited her into his house. 

It was small and cozy. He had some plants and many books on the shelf. Some pictures around with, what seemed like, his family. The living room was clean and well organized. It had warm colors, giving the homely feeling that she never felt in her own house. This felt like home. Somewhere she would want to go after a long day at work. 

"It's an absolutely wonderful place, Joongie. So cozy and clean," she said. 

He blushed, "thank you. I can't see, but I try to maintain as much as I can. It makes me happy."

"You surprise me every time, Joongie," she sat on the fluffy couch.  

Hongjoong carefully sat next to her, trying not to end up on her lap. "I'm just trying my best."

"And you are doing better than anybody," she whispered, flustered at the closeness that he was oblivious of. 

But he gasped when her hot breath fanned over his features. He apologized and scooted just a tad bit back. Still close. 

"What do you wanna talk about?" She asked, eyes drinking up his features from the intimacy. 

"There are so many things. I don't know where to start," he chuckled nervously. 

"We have the whole night, Joongie… let it out," she took his hand and rested it in her lap, and caressed it. 

"I feel so much for you, Grace. It scares me," he confessed.

Her pupils dilated but her eyes saddened at his last statement, "what scares you?"

"That I'm not enough, you know? No matter what, I'm still a disabled man. I can never be someone perfect. It scares me so much. I feel like our chapter is small, you know? Like, we are meant for less time. And I wanna embrace this time with all I have. I can't make you mine because I just can't be enough. I'm not enough," he tried to keep his tears back. 

Grace's hold tightened around his hand. "Why do you think like this? You are enough. You are better than anybody else I know," a tear slipped from her eyes. 

"After our date, my parents asked me to be there the next day. They wanted me to meet someone," he paused. "Seonghwa and I went there the next day. They had invited an old friend of ours. Well, theirs. They have a daughter and we used to play together, Seonghwa too. The three of us were inseparable. It was so nice back then. But one day, Ara— the daughter— got disgusted by me and fought with me. We were still young kids. I think we were seven back then. She left. She never came back to play with us and a few months later, the whole family flew to America… Now, after so long, they came back. I- my parents and hers wanted us to marry each other," Grace's hold loosened. 

'Is that it? Is he breaking up?' Before she could go any further, he held her hand and continued.

"After she fought with me back when we were kids, I wasn't interested in her, not even a bit. But they insisted that we should talk in private because back then we were young and– and couldn't understand certain things. So we did talk…" he smiled with tears brimming his eyes as he looked down to the side," Guess some people don't change."

"Listen, I really don't want this," Hongjoong said as he closed the door of the guest room behind him. 

"Do you think I want this?" Ara harshly said. 

"I know you don't," he whispered and sat down on the sofa that was in the corner and she sat on the edge of the bed. 

"Who would want to destroy their life after being with a disabled person who can't even see and is dependent on others? God, I hate it so much! Why did my parents think it was a good idea to send me off with someone like you? Ugh, this is so bad. It would be so shameful to be out with you!  My friends have so much better, no, an abled person with them. It would be such a shame to be with a blind rag. And then deal with all the pity. Fuck. This is so fucking bad! Who would even want to be with you?" She exaggerated a sigh. "You are not enough, Hongjoong. You are, in the end, blind and no one wants to be with someone like that. God, even deaf people are better. At least, they can see and go their way properly without that annoying stick and just bumping into people. So fucking embarrassing… I am gonna say it again, You. Are. Not. Enough!" With that, she slammed the door shut and went out and acted as if nothing happened, and confessed about her long-term hidden boyfriend.

Grace was biting her lip so hard to keep the ugly sobs in. This Ara girl was mean. "You don't have to listen to her," she said after swallowing the lump in her throat. "She had no right to be disgusted by you. You are perfect! Fuck, I can't imagine how wrong she is. Joongie, you are enough, perfect. Please, don't listen to her," you wiped his silent tears. 

"She didn't fight for nothing," he sadly smiled. This was it. The truth, the sour truth was coming out. 

"What do you mean?" Grace asked. 

"I wasn't blind before," her heartbeat stopped, her mouth opened and her eyes widened. 

"Huh?" She let out. 

"I had a perfectly fine vision. No eye disease or anything. I was perfect."

"Th-then what happened?" She stuttered. 

"My father works in a chemistry lab. He often took us there and showed us harmless tricks. He was always careful with us and the chemicals. But one day, one of his coworkers brought his son. He was restless and sort of mannerless. His father kept my father occupied and wasn't paying attention to us. The boy was touching different chemicals and stuff so I stayed away from him because my father always warned me about these chemicals… He came back, the boy, and stood next to me, acting that nothing was fishy. He smiled creepily at me and called my name," he took a deep breath," he threw some chemicals on my face," Grace gasped shakily, tears streaming down. "My eyes burned so much. Everything was blurry. I could hear my father screaming and the chaos happening… it was all a blur, scary. I fainted," his voice shook. 

Hongjoong felt like reliving what happened back then. He never talked about this before. But he kept continuing, "when I was coming into consciousness, I could hear the beeps of the machine and faint sounds of people. I remember opening my eyes but it was all dark. I started crying, screaming I can't open my eyes, mama. I can't see. Turn on the lights! They came rushing in. I could hear my mother telling me it was okay."

"Hongjoong, love. Please calm down. Don't cry, mommy is here," Hongjoong's mother hugged her. 

"Mommy it's dark!" He cried.

"I know," her voice broke. 

"I was scared of darkness…" Grace finally let out a sob. He kept on going, "I was so scared that time. I wanted to look at someone. I wanted to look at my mother and father. I wanted to see where I was. Something but not black. I was a mess."

"Mommy please, please turn on the lights. I can't, I'm scared," his tiny hands fisted his mother's shirt.

"Baby, the lights are on…" she whispered in his ears. 

"I still can't see," he trembled. 

"Baby, do you remember what happened? Before fainting?"

He took his time to remember and nodded, "yes, papa's friend's son threw something in my eyes and they burned."

"Yes, baby. They burned. You– you can't see anymore," she cried. 

Hongjoong froze. His cries stopped. But his body trembled even more. His hold tightened even more. He pressed his cheek even more into his mother. "Mommy?"

"Yes, honey?" 

"Don't leave me. I'm scared."

It was silent. Only Hongjoong's and Grace's sobs could be heard. It was painful to tell and hear. She could tell from his voice the pain he was hiding. 

"That was when she fought. When she came to know about this, she fought. I don't know how her tiny brain thought of harsh things but it did. At that time, it was all fresh. I was hurt and broken but she broke the last part left. I hated her but blamed myself… I still do," he wiped his tears and reached for Grace's face to wipe hers. "I don't care about her… I just want to– want to see how my parents look. How does Seonghwa look, you know? Their image in my head is not clear anymore. It was the only thing that kept me going. But as I grew up, it started to fade away. They all were so young. Seonghwa was little and innocent. I wonder how they look now. My parents must have wrinkles by now, I think, well, at least my father. I remember he had some near his eyes back then. Mom, I don't know about her. She has been a skincare enthusiast forever… Grace," he violently sobbed, "I wanna see my parents. It has been my wish since the day I woke up," he cried. "I wanna see Seonghwa, fuck, that man stayed with me since then. He had done so much for me. I wanna see you too. Seonghwa tells me about you and I would be lying if I say that it doesn't hurt. I fucking wanna see you! Why did this happen to me? Why am I the one being punished? I hate it, Grace. My heart, Grace, hurts. Fuck!" She hugged him tightly against her. They cried together in each other's arms.

She pulled away and held his hands again and brought them close to her chest, "it is her loss. Joongie, you are perfect. So perfect that I can't stop thinking about you. Baby, you are the best, blind or not. I can't imagine the pain you went through but I do know that you're stronger than you show. I love that. I adore that. You are much more than that," her forehead rested against his. "Your parents are so great. I love that you love them so much. I can't imagine how it feels," her throat squeezed.  

"I'm fine now. It's alright. And I know you do. Trust me I appreciate it so, so fucking much," he kissed your forehead. "You make my life so better, do you know that? I always think that you are an angel in disguise. You make me feel many colors. You are my novel, make me feel things that I have never felt before," Grace chuckled at his novel metaphor, knowing how they spent the very first day together and talked about books. She was so in love with this man. 

"You are my novel too, Hongjoong. You are better than any novel I have ever read. And I wanna read you more and more…"

"Can I ask something?" He asked. 

"Mhm."

"That night, when you called me and cried… What happened that night? Don't lie. If you don't wanna talk about it, then just say it but please, no lies," he requested. 

As much as Grace hated to talk about it, she felt like she needed to share. He opened himself in front of her and it was only good if she opened up too. 

"The thing is, that the environment back at my parents is not good. It's mostly because of my choices. They haven't been too good," she began. "I have always chosen the wrong things unintentionally. And I always thought a bit differently when it came to a career. My father had different plans than mine. I have always been into fashion. I loved putting together clothes. I loved designing them. Hell, I would make clothes for my dolls on my mother's sewing machine. They thought that it was just a craze but I adored it. And when I went into the line of fashion designing, my father kinda always had a bone to pick. He would tell me that I couldn't go far in this line and that I would be lost and come back crying for their help. I was bothered and did what I wanted. But that was the beginning of all the hate. Other than that one of my poor choices was boys that I dated. It was bad. Really, really bad. Every single time, they would leave me feeling insecure about myself. But once, it went too far. There was this guy I loved dearly. We were happy together. So many would be jealous of how we used to be. You know, it was a picture-perfect relationship. We were together for two years and I trusted him with my whole heart. Whatever he said was right for me… When there is a relationship, there most probably will be a physical relationship too. There was for us," she curtly said the last word. "I felt safe with him. He praised me and told me how beautiful I was. There were these dreams he made me see about the future. But it all came down crashing one day," she took a deep breath. "It was the last week of university. I got ready to go and when I reached, everyone was looking at me. They were whispering to themselves. Some were passing comments and called me names. I didn't know what was going on until someone shoved their phone in my face," her voice broke. "There was me. In the bed. Naked. With him on top of me, fucking me. I don't remember that specific night. We always had sex while we were drunk. The sex was consensual but the recording was't. It was so disgusting. I saw my world falling apart in front of my eyes. I was humiliated. They picked on my insecurities. Some weren't even there but they made me feel insecure. This traveled to my parents... And my father was angry. He wouldn't even spare me a glance. But one day he busted out, screamed at me, yelled at me. He broke me. I needed support but he declared me as if I was nothing to him. Then I stopped going back. I worked my ass off day and night to earn a living and build up a business. Yunho was there for me. He bought me food most of the time. He took care of me… Even after years, he still hates me. He doesn't celebrate my achievements. And that night, we were at dinner. He didn't talk to me at all. But then he started passing on indirect comments about me. And somehow they started talking about me and my relationship… I told them about us. That I find my future with you," she sniffed. 

"What did he say?" He asked in his choked voice. 

"He never approves of me," Grace sadly said. "But don't worry. I'm so proud to have you with me. It's his problem, I can't change his mind… You know, I stopped being in a relationship after that. I was afraid of being with anyone and getting wrongly judged. You make me comfortable in my own skin. Fuck, you make me feel important," the last line is what made hongjoong know that they both are on the same page. 

"Grace, whoever did that to you, he did something so terrible. I won't ever do that to you. None of this was your fault. You didn't make a bad choice you are so fucking talented and now you have such a big business. Your father is at a loss. He did unjustly to you. And the people who made you feel bad about yourself, are fucking jealous of what you have. Look at you, so gorgeous and perfect. I bet you are so, so beautiful. Grace, please, please don't hang onto them…" he sobbed. 

"Joongie, you are the best."

"So are you," he held her head in his hands and joined their lips together. He tasted like the chocolate dessert they had before leaving the restaurant. His pillowy lips swallowed her glossy ones. They fit perfectly. 

Hongjoong pulled away, "Grace, I wanna feel you. I wanna feel the beauty I have, please," his voice came out as a whisper. 

"Feel me up, Joongie. I'm all yours," she caught his lips in the kiss again. It was sensual, slow, and filled with unspoken meanings. 

"Let's go to my room, okay?" 

"Yes, please."

Hongjoong guided her to his room, he opened the door and switched on the lights, even though he was blind and necessarily didn't need lights, he still turned them on just so that the house was nice and bright, unlike his old life. 

They sat on the bed but before they could move any further, Grace stopped them. "I wanna feel you like you will feel me," she said.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Blindfold. I wanna put on a blindfold and feel you and look at you through my mind. Can I do that?" 

"You can do whatever you want. Let me just feel your face first," his hands flew to her face. He traced her forehead and moved to the bridge of her nose. His other hands explored her jaw and cheek. The feather-light touches sent shivers down Grace's spine. Her lips felt wet and swollen against his touch. "You can put it on now."

She held the tie that was around his neck and untied it to wrap it around her eyes. All she saw was black. The realization was hitting her hard now that she knows that he wasn't blind before. You can't live with this darkness without freaking out and he was still a child who was innocent and too oblivious to what was happening. 

"I'm ready," she whispered. 

"You sure?" He hesitantly asked. 

"Yes, please."

His hands traveled up her arms, leaving goosebumps on her skin. She felt so soft and warm. He felt her skin getting goosebumps which made him giggle in adoration. His hands reached to the shoulders where the bow knots were, and he gently pulled them to untie them. He let them fall off of her shoulders, and moving towards the back, he undid the zipper that he found when he hugged her. 

 The dress bunched up around her waist and she got up, throwing it somewhere in the room, and sat up properly. Her fingers found his shirt's buttons and opened them and shrugged his shirt out. Her hands didn't go for the chest but the face first. 

His features felt so sharp and symmetrical. Coming down toward the long neck and sharp collar bones, her warm hands wandered over his chest. His pebble nipples poked her palms and she teasingly pinched him. 

"Hmm, stop teasing me," he rasped. His hands moved down to her breasts. They were so soft and plushy, he cupped her and squeezed them. He was trying hard to picture her in his mind. She was beautiful.

"Fuck," she silently moaned. "More, Joongie," she pushed her chest against his hands. He pinched her erect nipples and took the right one in his mouth, "oh!"

Hongjoong explored her while mouthing her nipple. His fingers hooked around the elastic of her lacy panties and swiftly removed them. "Lay down for me," he guided. 

He carefully got on top of her and caressed her side. His hands moved to her thighs as he spread them open. He explored her legs, going through each and every curve and her feet were soft. 

Hongjoong felt some stretch marks around her waist and butt when he caressed them. He traced each of them with care, trying to copy the image in his blurred mind. 

"Hongjoong… please, don't," Grace felt insecure when she figured out what he was doing.

"Sh, babe. This is so perfect. So beautiful," he kissed her lips with love. "Prettiest person I have ever felt. So gorgeous for me."

Finally moving ahead, his hands gently hovered over her inner thighs and her pussy. "Please," listening to her pleas, he finally allowed himself to feel her most intimate parts. She was hot and wet. Dripping wet. He spread her labia with his middle fingers and tapped around with his index. When he poked a bumpy thing, she flinched and tried to close her thighs.

"Is this your clit?" He tapped it a few times, finding it interesting. 

She dumbly giggled, "yeah… ohh," she moaned when he rubbed it with some pressure. 

His one finger kept on rubbing tight circles on her clit while the other found her dripping cunt. He slipped his finger and her pussy made a squelching noise. He dipped his head until his nose touched her pussy. He took a deep sniff of her musky scent. It made him harder than he was. He kissed her clit and swirled his tongue around it and gave it a nice suck, it made Grace arch her back with pleasure. It had been a while for her. 

"I wanna feel you too, Joongie," she sat up. 

"As you wish," he whispered and waited for her to do something. 

Grace was nervous. He didn't want to hurt him so she placed her hands on the bed and followed where the dip on the bed was getting intense. Her tips brushed against his legs and she moved up his legs towards his thighs. She went even above his pants and roamed her hands on his soft yet firm tummy. 

She unbuttoned his pants and helped him get out of them. Her fingers lingered around the waistband and finally cupped his length through his underwear. Her hand moved up and down, and so did his chest. Nobody has ever touched his dick. I wanted more. He wanted to feel her hands on him without any barriers.

He recklessly discarded his underwear somewhere in the room. Bringing her hands to him, he let them explore him. He leaned back on his hands, head falling back when her tiny warm hand held his big leaking cock. She felt his hard cock. Her finger touched his cock head and swirled It around. Taking the beaded pre-cum on her fingers, she caressed the slit, making him moan louder. 

"So big," she excitedly whined. Her free hand cupped his heavy and tight balls and massaged him making him moan her name. Lowering herself, she sniffed up and down his length, taking in his essence, and then took him in her mouth. 

"Fuck Grace," he moaned, thighs tightening. 

This was overwhelming for him. Oh, he wanted to see how she looked with her lips wrapped around him, how her pussy looked around him. He needed to be inside her. 

Flipping her on the back, he pushed her legs until they touched her chest and slipped inside her slowly, trying not to hurt her. They moaned in unison. 

It was good. They felt safe. They felt alive again. They felt the spark in them increasing. They were addicted. They loved each other.

"Grace, I love you," he confessed when he reached his high.

"I love you too, Joongie!" 

Hongjoong fell on top of her. Catching their breath. Then he moved to the side. He pulled the drawer open and brought tissues out. And tried his best to clean her up and himself. 

"Thank you, Joongie," Grace whispered when he cuddled her. 

"You are so gorgeous, I have no words for you," he kissed her head. 

She cuddled him tighter, "you are the most handsome man ever… are you tired?"

"Kind of but still not," he hummed. 

"Can you sing for me?" She asked. 

He chuckled, "of course, my love." He started the song while humming the beats.

Honestly

It's kinda been a couple crazy years for me

Letting go of things that were a part of me

It just didn't seem fair, wasn't going anywhere so

I did all the things, I couldn't get away

But thinking of love, it had me so afraid

I needed time alone, I needed time to crawl

I needed time to find my way, so

This time I'm gon' give it everything

And this time I know I'm gon' do it so damn better

This time I promise that I'm gon' give her

All that I can

'Cause I know she'll be worth a diamond ring

And I'll do what it takes to keep this thing together

After all this time you turned me into

A better man

I'm doing better now

All for my emotions to come back around

I feel like I can finally let my guard down

I'm finally going somewhere

Learning how to take things slow

I did all the things, I couldn't get away

And I'm thinking of love, but girl I ain't afraid

I had my time alone, I had my time to crawl

I had my time to find my way, so

This time I'm gon' give it everything

(This time I'm gon' give her everything)

And this time I know I'm gon' do it so damn better

This time I promise that I'm gon' give her

(Whatever it is, I know I'm gon' give her)

All that I can

'Cause I know she'll be worth a diamond ring

(And I know she'll be worth a diamond ring)

And I'll do what it takes to keep

This thing together (keep it together)

After all this time you turned me into

A better man

I don't know who she gon' be

But all I know is she gon' get the best of me

It was Grace's favorite song of all time. Her smile widened from ear to ear. She could feel that he didn't just sing her a song that someone sang, but he meant the words. He chose it, to tell her that he would cross through his insecurities to be the best for her. 

She understood him. She understood where he was coming from. And he understood where she was coming from. They were well aware of the fact that this was going to be a journey of healing, a journey of facing the world, a journey of being together through the hardest. 

"And you will get the best of me."

~~~

It had been almost a year after the night when they opened their wounds and felt them together. The bond between the two only increased. They were annoyingly cute and adorable. Their friends would fake gag and tease them all the time. 

Seonghwa and Hongjoong became part of Grace's friend's group. It was a good feeling to be hanging around everyone without feeling shy or awkward. 

Mingi and Yunho moved together a month later. So with that, she moved in with Hongjoong not so long after. 

Just as Grace thought, it was amazing living with him. She had someone to look forward to when she went back home. There was someone who tried to make her evenings better after bad days. There was Hongjoong who always made sure that she was taken care of at the end of the day. He appreciated her. He loved her and she loved him more than anything. They cuddled during the night and got through the scary storms at night. 

Where once Hongjoong was scared, he felt safe. And where once Grace felt insecure, she felt beautiful. 

"Joongie?" Grace returned a little later today. 

"Hey, welcome back," he found a hold of her waist and swayed her left and right. He was always excited to feel her and sniff her scent. 

"Hi," she wrapped her arms around him. "How are you?" 

"I'm fine. What about you?" He pecked her lips.

"Hm, great," she smiled. 

"Yeah?" He chuckled. 

"Yes. By the way, we have to be somewhere tomorrow," she kissed his cheek. 

"Where?" He buried his head in the crook of her neck. 

"That's a secret… I hope you will like it," her hands played with his hair. "Cuddle me in the bed?"

"Sure, love," they went into the room and stripped to their undergarments. Getting under the sheets they cuddled up into each other. This was their favorite time to spend together. Just melting in the heat of their love. 

"I love you, Joongie," she whispered. 

"I love you more," he kissed her hair.

~~~

The next day, Grace came back home around lunchtime. She picked him up and took them to a junk food place for a quick meal so that they wouldn't get late to where Grace was taking them.

After the meal, they drove somewhere, it was sort of far from what Hongjoong felt. He didn't ask questions, he trusted her.

"We are here," Grace informed as they came to a halt after a turn. 

She helped him out of the car and up the stairs at the entrance of someplace. The warmth of the place hugged him. It smelled like a new place. 

"Oh, Good afternoon!" He heard a man speaking. "I was waiting for you."

"Hi, Mr. Cha. Hope we didn't make you wait for long," she greeted. 

"Not at all!" 

"If you don't mind, can we look around ourselves a bit?" Hongjoong was confused. 

"Sure! Take your time. I'll be outside," Hongjoong heard footsteps fading. 

"Where are we, Grace?" He asked. 

"We are at a house that I wanted to come to with you," she said. 

"Why?" He was still confused, "whose house is this?"

"No ones," she replied. "Do you remember when we were talking about houses?"

He thought about it, "yeah."

"Remember, you said that when you were a kid, you always wanted a house that overlooked the city?"

"Ah, when I was a child, I wanted to live in a place from where I could see the whole city. We went to a party once and their house was like that. I loved it there," Hongjoong said when they were cuddling. 

"Yeah? How was it?" She asked.

"It was breathtaking, as far as I remember," he smiled. 

"I bet."

"Yeah."

"And when we talked about moving to another house and you said that I should look out for one… I found this one, it looks over the city…" Grace held his hand. 

"Grace you did not," Hongjoong gasped. 

"Nope, I did not... Just yet," she said. "Here feel the house. They have the furniture but we can remove it from the deal."

His hands moved along the walls and the windows. It felt like a gigantic house. She guided him to the balcony where the cold wind hit his face and made them giggle. The railing was cold under his touch. 

"Grace, did you buy it?" His voice was heavy with emotions. 

Grace guided them back into the house to keep him warm. "Nope. Not yet."

"Oh," he let out.

"I can't buy this without your approval. I want this to be ours. I want to live where you feel good. And it won't be a great thing if you don't have a choice," she caressed his cheek. 

"I can only trust you with this. Your choice is my choice," he said. "I can't even see. And I know, you found the best."

"Yeah, that," Grace took a deep breath. 

"What is it?" He asked.

"Your vision. I- I talked to a doctor about this, your condition I mean. He said that we can get your vision back. I looked up to eye donations," it was silent. 

Hongjoong's face was unreadable. "What do you mean that you talked to a doctor?" 

"I–"

"And what do you know about my condition!?" He harshly said. "You are one of those, right?" Tears brimmed his lids.

"No, It's not like that!" She tried to talk.

"No, it is like that. You can't be with a blind man, right!? You must be so ashamed, right? Fuck, is it because your parents don't approve of a blind!?" He raised his voice. 

"No, Joongie! I took your files from your parents, I wanted to do this for you." 

"Shut up! You all are fucking mean! Why didn't you ask me, huh? It's my decision to make. I knew the ways too but have I ever talked about them? No, I understand, I'm blind, and no one wants to be with a disabled man! Everyone is fucking right, I am not enough!"

"But—"

"Please, please no," his knees felt weak so he kneeled on the floor, tears streaming down his red cheeks. 

Later on, Seonghwa came to pick Hongjoong up. He was confused after seeing Grace and Hongjoong crying on the floor. None of them said a thing so he just took him with him. 

His insecurity failed him.

~~~

"What the fuck, Hongjoong!?" Seonghwa raised his voice. 

It had been two days since he picked him up. Seonghwa was so confused and frustrated. Finally, Hongjoong got ready to tell him what happened there.

"What? I'm sorry that I don't want to be with someone who can't accept me for me," Hongjoong huffed. 

"You are such a fool!" The older one said. "She wanted to do this for you!" 

"What do you know about it?" 

"Because she talked to me about this! That's how I know," he barked. 

"You knew that too!" Hongjoong was shocked that everyone knew this.

"Yes, she wanted to fulfill your god knows which wish," he sighed and sat on the couch and held the bridge of his nose. 

"What wish?" 

"I don't know… she said that she only wants to see you happy. And you, you let your insecurity win all over again."

~~~

"He is gonna come around," Yunho wiped Grace's tears. She went to their place and stayed there. She just could go back to their place. 

"I don't know. He was angry. I hurt him," she cried. "I should have talked to him before. It's my fault."

"It is not. He didn't listen to you. He let his anger rule over him," he tried to calm her down. 

"But now he hates me," she sniffed. Mingi brought more tissues and ice cream. 

"Princess, it's alright. We will get you two to talk, oky? Then talk it out," Mingi rubbed her back. 

"I hope so. If he doesn't want to be with me anymore, it's okay but at least he should know my intentions."

~~~

A week later, Yunho and Seonghwa decided to put them in the same room and leave them there until they sorted their things out. 

Both were getting eaten by guilt. Hongjoong, because he didn't listen, and Grace, because she didn't talk to him before talking to the doctor. 

Hongjoong could smell her comforting scent. His head lowered in shame. He realized how his insecurity can destroy his whole life. Just when he thought he was better.

"J-Joongie?" Grace carefully broke the silence. 

"I'm sorry, Grace. I-I was influenced by my insecurity. I didn't mean to yell at you," he apologized hastily. He was afraid of losing her.

"No, please. It's my fault. I should have talked to you first and should have thought of a better way to approach you," his heart broke at this. 

"Grace, you don't need to think twice when you talk to me. I'm sorry I made you think like that. I promise I won't do this ever again. Please, forgive me," he sobbed.

"Joongie," she got up and sat next to him and took him in her arms. "Let's talk it out, oky?" He nodded. "Remember, when you talked about your past and how you wanted to see your parents and Seonghwa?" He nodded again. He could never forget that night. "I wanted to fulfill your wish. I can't see you like this, wanting to see your parents but can't. You deserve whatever you wish for. I wanted to give you that. I didn't do this to offend you or because I was ashamed of you. I'm not. I love you too much and there is nothing for me to be ashamed of. And I approached your parents after we met them. They were happy about it. So I planned everything out. And then found a great doctor with whom we talked. And finally, we are getting somewhere. But if you want to, I understand that. I will cancel—"

"I'll do it," he interrupted. "I'll get the operation done."

Grace's heartbeat increased. "Are you sure? You don't have to do that."

"I want to. I thought about it. There is nothing I can lose from this operation, so why not?" He smiled and held her face in his hands and caressed her cheeks. "If I get the chance to see my parents, Seonghwa… And you, I won't let it go…" 

Her own tears dripped down her cheeks. She joined their lips in a feverish kiss. It was mixed with their salty tears. 

"I love you."

"I love you too."

~~~

A month passed by waiting for a call for the operation. And it finally happened when the doctor informed Grace that they had eye donations in and that they should get it done within twenty-four hours. 

They drove to the hospital, where Hongjoong's parents and Seonghwa were waiting. He was silent, worried about the whole procedure. He would be lying if he said that he didn't dream about seeing the people he loves. He held Grace's hand tightly when he walked into the hospital. He had to leave her hand when they asked him to go into the surgical room. 

They all wished him luck and then the door closed. The worries fell on all of them. They wanted everything to go fine. Grace was wishing hard for this to go how she was expecting. 

The operation took a few hours. Finally, the main doctor walked out with a wide smile. "Hongjoong's operation went well, without any problems. But his bandages won't come off until two weeks from today. We will keep him in the observation room for today. But you can't meet him right now. He is resting and it would be better to not give him much stress. Only one attendant should stop back." 

"Thank you so much, doctor. Thank you for giving us good news!" Mrs. Kim said with tears in her eyes.

"Well, let's hope when he opens his eyes, he doesn't face any difficulties," with that he left. 

Mrs. Kim turned toward Grace, "Thank you for doing this, Grace. You are just like your name!" Mrs. Kim hugged her. 

Grace wanted to cry. Her words were in contrast to what her father thought. "No, you helped so much. Thank you."

"Grace, no one does this for anyone these days. We owe you a big one," Mr. Kim said. 

"No, Sir. As long as he is happy and fine, it's all fine," she said.

"Dad, call me dad."

~~~

As much as these two weeks were filled with excitement for Hongjoong, it was stressful for Grace.

The day wasn't far when Hongjoong could finally see her. Her insecurities came running back. Haunting her. 

Currently, Hongjoong was taking his afternoon nap and Grace was standing in front of the full-length mirror only in her undergarments. She looked at every inch of her body and hated it. She hated how she looked. She hated how her stretch marks were so visible. She hated how her stomach looked. She hated how her face looked. She hated it all. 

Her tears were rolling down silently. Fear was rising in her guts. He was gonna leave her after he came to know how ugly she was. She was sure that he would be devastated. He deserved the doll-type girls. Someone like a kpop idol. Someone perfect. Someone who wasn't her. 

She bit her lip until she could taste the metallic of her blood. 

This was going to end soon. The Hongjoong and Grace chapter was coming to an end sooner. 

~~~

It was the day when Hongjoong's bandages were coming off. He was nervous but excited. He couldn't wait to see everyone. He was bubbling with happiness. 

"Ah, I can't wait to see you, Grace," he said while they were driving to the hospital. 

"Me too," she said. 

Grace looked horrible. She was feeling insecure. The sleepless nights gave her dark circles under her swollen eyes. She covered it up with makeup. She didn't want to show him that when he will look at her for the first time.

When they reached, the nurse guided them to the private room where the doctor was gonna treat him. His parents and Seonghwa were there, all dressed up nicely. They had brought fresh flower bouquets for him. Some gifts as well. The room was decorated with minimalist decorations. 

"Best of luck, Joong," Seonghwa said.

"Yup, my boy, I can't express how happy I am," Mr. Kim said. 

Hongjoong giggled, "thank you."

The doctor knocked on the door. He came in with a wide smile, followed by a nurse. "Hey, Hongjoong, ready?"

He nervously chuckled, "yes."

"Alright then, let's get over this, shall we," Hongjoong sat on the chair and nodded.

Grace felt her anxiety building up. She quietly walked out of the room and looked inside through the slight gap. 

The doctor started unwrapping his bandage. Each role made their heartbeat faster. It reached the end. The doctor removed the cotton pad from his eyes. 

"Now, slowly open them. It will take time to focus so don't freak out," he said and waited for Hongjoong to open his eyes. 

Hongjoong slowly opened his eyes. When the first ray of light fell in his vision, he gasped. His chin wobbled and his eyes felt like tearing up. Everything was blurry but he could see the colors. He let out a choked noise. 

His eyes blinked for a couple of minutes and finally, he could see. It was his mother. His sweet sweet mother. Her tears were streaming down her cheeks, and so were his. 

"M-mama?" He violently cried with his mouth wide open. "Mama!" 

She came forward and hugged him tightly, "yes, it's me," he held her face and looked all over her features. She was so beautiful. He couldn't believe that he was seeing her again. 

He cried loudly, he saw his father crying. He opened his arms for him who immediately took him in a crushing hug. "Dad!"

"Yes, Joong. Yes," he cried. 

Grace was looking at the scene unfolding. It was the first time she saw his eyes focusing on someone or anything. She cried too. She was so happy at the same time her insecurities made her afraid to go back in. 

Hongjoong looked at the other presence in the room. A tall handsome man was standing. Just like everybody he was crying too. 

"Seonghwa?" The older one nodded and let out a choked sob. He too took Hongjoong in a hug. 

Hongjoong looked at them. He couldn't stop crying. It was the first time in years that he got to see them. He had lost hope. But here he was today, looking at the people he loved dearly. It was only possible because of Grace. Grace?

"Where is Grace?" He asked through his cries. 

"She was here just now," Mrs. Kim said. 

Grace hid away when she heard them talking about her. 

"I'll go see where she is," Seonghwa patted Hongjoong's back and walked out. 

When he walked out, he couldn't see her. He walked around a bit and found her in the cafeteria. "Grace?"

She flinched and looked at him. "Y-yea?"

"What are you doing here? He is looking for you."

Grace hesitated and lowered her head. Seonghwa could see through her. "Hey, don't worry. He is gonna love you. You are so gorgeous, come on. Let's show him what he got to show off," he held her by the shoulders and pushed her toward the room. 

Hongjoong was talking to his parents when the door opened and showed Seonghwa. The older man smiled and moved aside to show a girl who was standing there with her head hung low. Hongjoong's heart ran faster than ever. His parents said something about privacy and walked out, closing the door behind them. 

Grace took a deep breath and looked up at Hongjoong who stood up, mouth falling open. Tears rolled down again. They both sobbed and he came toward her. His hands found their way to her jaw as he tilted her face up. He cried again and looked deep into her crying eyes. 

"Gorgeous. Just gorgeous," he looked at her forehead, her pretty eyes, her nose, her bitten lips. He chuckled and pulled her in a kiss. Grace let her loose and hugged his waist. "What did I do to have such an angel for myself? Fuck, I'm so lucky."

"I'm the lucky one, Joongie," buried her head in his chest. He hugged her close. 

"Show me your face please?" She looked up. "So beautiful. I can't believe my eyes that I'm seeing you. My mind's image can never justice you." 

Grace found herself crying even more. She was so lucky to have him in her life. He made every second better. He was her only ray of light. And she was the only one who brought the rays back into his life.

He kissed her inviting lips again, "I am so in love with you, Grace."  

~~~

Hongjoong went around to meet all of his friends. They were shocked as most of them didn't know about this. Yunho and Mingi were the only ones who knew this. 

He felt so good to see everything. He loved looking at Grace the most. He swore that she was an angel. He felt like crying every time he looked at her. Her beauty was blinding. 

Later on, they went back to the house Grace had brought him to. He had to pinch his skin to know that he wasn't dreaming. It was a modern house. Everything looked so expensive and beautiful. His eyes couldn't get away from the scene on the balcony. The whole city looked so beautiful. 

Hongjoong was happy. He got more than what he ever asked for. 

Seonghwa gave him a gift that contained many pictures of him and everyone. They all were so memorable. He loved the fact that they all looked at him with love. There was a separate section in that album in which there were pictures that Seonghwa took sneakily. There were pictures from the Yungi engagement party. From their first date. And even the one from the date when they told each other about their past.

That one was his favorite. They were standing with Grace's arms around his neck. His hands were on her waist and their foreheads were touching. The picture was taken from a low angle. The yellow street lights were reflecting on the wet footpath. It was a perfect picture. Her dress looked so pretty and fluffy. Their skin was reflecting the yellow of the light. Hongjoong got it framed in a bigger size and hung it up in his– their room.

His thoughts were interrupted by the arms that were wrapping around him from the back.

"Hey," Grace said. 

He turned around and found her naked. "Fuck, you gonna kill me someday." He pulled her in a hug and cupped her ass. 

"You look handsome," she whispered, lips brushing his lips. 

He smirked and wrapped his hands around her thighs and picked her up, bringing her to the bed, he threw her on it and got on top of her. "You are so sexy."

Hongjoong kissed her bare chest and took her nipple in his mouth. It was so hot to see her naked. He loved her like this, wiggling and moaning under him. He loved missionary but with her knees touching her ears. This way he could see the whole of her. 

Her swollen pussy, her puckered hole, her tits, her pretty and fucked up face with tears running down her cheeks and mascara staining her skin. The best was when she had his cum all over her. 

He removed his boxers and took a hold of his hard cock. He pumped him and brought his cock to her entrance. "I just fingered and ate you. Still hungry for me?" 

Grace whined, "please."

"Whatever my sexy lady wants," he entered her. 

He felt lucky. He fell in love with everything. Even darkness didn't scare him anymore. As long as he had Grace by his side, everything was better and more beautiful. 

Grace felt like the most beautiful girl ever. Hongjoong never forgot to show her off to his new friends and to the people he worked with. He started his career as a musician. His fan following blew up the moment he released his first song. Bigger companies wanted him to work with him. It didn't take time for him to get a big spotlight. He still gave motivational speeches. He helped many people and invested in charities. 

He had indeed given her the best of him.

They came down from their high and were cuddling. Grace's head was on Hongjoong's chest. He relaxed her the best. He was her safe place. 

"Joongie?" She called. 

"Yeah?"

"Sing for me," he smiled and picked his guitar up off the floor. 

He started playing a beat.

~Mm-hmm

Mm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm

Mm, hmm-hmm

Mm-hmm

Mm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm

We finally found our home

A place where we both belong

Somewhere we can be alone

And dive into each other's worlds

We'll fade away

Out of the blue

We can stay

It's up to you

Watching the stars, they shine

I think I might stay for a while

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

I think I might stay for a while

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

I think I might stay for a while

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

I think I might stay for a while

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

I think I might stay for a while~

Grace looked up at him with teary eyes. He looked down and cupped her cheeks and pulled her in an innocent kiss. There was nothing better than being in each other's arms. They found a home in each other's eyes. A world too. Their whole entire world. 

"You are so gorgeous," Hongjoong said the millionth time. 

"Joongie, I can never be thankful enough. Thank you for feeling the real me and looking at the true me," he smiled and wiped her tears. 

"Thank you for looking at me through your mind. Thank you for accepting my…

Blind Beauty…"

.

.

.

Fin...

.....

Sanaa's note:

It's done. I hope you liked it. I have never written this much in two days, tbh. But it was worth it, I guess.

I really appreciate your feedback💓

The behavior of all the characters is visualized.

Taglist:

@veneziamadness @cheline @jhmylove @sansmilkbread @jayb17

@glitterhongjoong @wtfjongseong @flowerxsin

*lemme know if you wanna be tagged to the permanent or specific taglist*

*original pictures are not mine, I just edited them*

Have a nice day/night💓