#which I'd like spread in the mississippi river when I die | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gardenianoire · 6 months ago

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anyways I was so happy to get my blood work back and everything being negative and my doctor telling me my weight loss was mostly due to truvada and I had almost a full 24 hours of thinking I avoided my family's curse of just up and fucking dying in your 30s with little to no warning and my pap results came back and it's beginning to look a lot like cervical cancer

#I mean at least when if I die now it'll literally be partially my mother's fault for not letting me get hpv vaccine when I was a teenager #despite the fact the doctor begged her and explained to her this was a possibility #so I'll definitely put in my will #I don't even have anything of value to leave people #she's just likely not to remember that and if I told her that in person she'd deny it #so argue with ashes about it #which I'd like spread in the mississippi river when I die #now would be a great time to tell her if I tell her at all since her sister just died #I'm not going to undergo any treatment because I couldn't afford it anyways #and I don't know anyone that had cancer and lived #I have months left to live probably let's spend those months pushing a gfm and being violently ill and bald #ramblings of a nonsense human #not to quote hamilton but I've imagined death so much it's a memory #but I could never quite bring myself to end it all #but now my body's picking up the slack #joining the majority

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