#which I’m also struggling with

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

I have quite a few hang ups with Come Morning Light, the hunger games au I posted one chapter for back in November and have yet to update.

The first and foremost personal challenge is the fact that I, PCE, a certified Angst Wimp, am gonna have to kill off sooooo many of my faves. Like Hunger Games has some dark ass subject matter, kids forced to kill each other. I’m struggling with that, especially with what I have planned for Craig.

Along that same line, it’s gonna be a HUGE cast of characters, which I’ve had difficulty with in the past, it’s one of the reasons I primarily operate in oneshots. I love a good The Gangs All Here fic, but fleshing out 20+ characters is HARD. Bc a fluffy 2k word oneshot of Stan and Kyle in an awkward meet cute where there’s maybe one other character (usually kenny lmfao I’m a creature of habit) is a WHOLE different animal than a multicharacter multichapter. That’s something I had to figure out recently with TWITR, and character introduction held me up a lot in ATLCTS.

Okay this one may seem really inconsequential to a lot of people, but one thing I didn’t think about when developing this concept was the fact that there’s not really away for me to get around Stan eating meat lmao that’s one thing that over my time writing sp fanfiction has become ESSENTIAL to me characterizing that boy. I’ll probably just have him make a comment about how he could never kill animals himself WHICH BRINGS ME TO:

Kyle as our Katniss character. So if you’re familiar with my bs, every time I write Kyle, he’s inherently less angry until it’s called for, he’s very idealistic in his worldview and it takes something actually really pissing him off for him to snap. This is NOT gonna be the case here!!! This boy is ANGRY BY DEFAULT, the worlds out to get him? fuck the world right back! Plus, the entire story is gonna be from his perspective, bc I love writing Kyle, but it’s gonna take all my willpower not to turn him into my usual empathetic to a fault sweet people loving Kys.

Also, I usually tend to leave the adults mostly out of my stuff, but they’re gonna play quite the role in this. We got Garrison as Haymitch, Big Gay Al as Effie, fuckin Mr Slave as Cinna. I’ve never even WRITTEN the three of them. The dynamics gonna be fun tho.

Ofc there’s the problem of it being an adaptation too. There’s a fine line between just replacing hg characters with sp names and copying the plot, as opposed to making it your own. I do have some plot changes planned, but this is an issue I faced with We’re Gonna Sing It Even So, and that almost led me to abandon that fic when I felt like I was just plagiarizing Hadestown.

Also I’m not planning to adapt more than the first book. I reallllly couldn’t handle Kenny taking out Ike with his trap in the third one.

BUT!!! This won’t be abandoned, it’ll just be slow going!!! Ya wanna know the main reason?

Because the first idea I had for CML (other than Kyle volunteering for his little brother) was STAN AND KYLE IN THE FUCKING CAVE SCENES. A major change is that both of them are already deeply down bad, but those scenes??? Yeah no one’s playing for the cameras. I wanna fuck Stan up in the arena so bad lmfao that boy is my original sp whump muse and NATURALLY Kyle taking care of him I love that shit. Girl we gonna GET that prosthetic leg the movies left out (Ship In A Bottle Stan moment, I love that fic btw) as the Style Injury Dealer, I MUST deliver.

So, yeah, if anyone’s down, I’ll eventually pick it back up lmao.

[bookalicent]

yeah so this was insane

[keferon]

*clasps your shoulders gently and looks you straight in the eye*

Keferon. Please read Ninth by Kyn on AO3. I think you would love it very much. It has a large chapter count, but don't be intimidated, it's very easy to get into. It is currently unfinished, but is being updated regularly.

You are the seventh person that recommended this fic to me so ahahahaha yeah

I’m doing great Help I hate some parts of it but I love the other parts I’m spinning in the blender

…..I made the moodboard….

[mammomlette]

People don’t talk about MC needing to wear a magical ring to not accidentally yk cause NATURAL DISASTERS with their powers??? Not only accidentally but without realising???

Diavolo or smthn is asking too much of MC or being a bit too annoying and their other hand slowly drifts towards the ring and they hold onto it while maintaining dead eye contact. Like continue to piss me off hoe I’ll blink and blow a hole in your castle idk

Obv they never do it (or do they?) but the threat is there and it’s a risk dia (or whoever but I’m using dia) can’t take

[sisaloofafump]

I love your Diana so much but Please🥺 give her body hair 🥺

The lack of body hair had been a conscious choice originally because I wanted her skin to seem more like clay than animal (thus all the texture too). However the moment you sent this I went 😳 omg hairy Diana 😳. I am a firm believer in Diana having a lot of body hair in other interpretations, and I’m going to experiment over the next while to see how I can a) better render her skin to be clay-like, and b) see if body hair works.

But in the meantime, have some hairy Diana! ❤️

Version without clothes:

[heyclickadee]

Doodling things

[paperglader]

imogen: *is known to have suicidal tendencies*

Me, as of late, whenever she shows any glimpse of those suicidal tendencies: NO BITCH YOU STOP THAT!! YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!! YOU HAVE TO LIVE MF!! YOU HAVE TO LIVE FOR ME!!

(i love her with my whole entire heart)

[myfairkatiecat]

Psychologist really went “yes, adhd is what I would call this. But I don’t believe in labels so I’m just going to not diagnose you so colleges won’t have to know :) you can still come to therapy every week though so I can help you learn to turn your adhd into something good!”

[appropriatelystupid]

this might be an unpopular opinion but i’d rather have a full agnes of westview spinoff than only get more future agatha as a mentor/sidekick to billy and tommy

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

The whole discourse about the privacy/secrecy/support thing has been sitting with me for a few days (I mean other than it always does to a certain degree) thanks to all the excellent discussion happening and I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I think what we're seeing and what we're going to learn (e.g. from TTPD) is that it wasn't just the support issue, but how it was shown/handled.

We've all gone out of our way to show that introversion =/= lack of support. Someone can be shy, reserved, etc. and still show up for their partner, whether in public or at home. To chalk any of the differences up to the clash between introversion and extroversion is unfair to folks who count themselves among either tbh.

@thisisctrying said something the other day that hit the nail on the head about how if that support had been offered in private, there very well may not have been a Joever to begin with, or at least not at this point in time. (Sorry for loosely paraphrasing, and for namedropping you! Long time listener, first time poster.)

If this were a case where the "shy" partner said, "I am really uncomfortable with the spotlight personally and do not want to court it, but I will support you in your ambitions and offer you whatever you need to make them happen and make the glare bearable," I suspect that would have gone a long way to making Taylor feel seen and comfortable in pursuing her goals in the way that she now has. Again, that might have been more akin to the balance that seemed to have been struck around 2019 from what we can see, but even speaking in a general sense, there are lots of couples out there, celebrity or not, that have similar approaches where there are highly driven people and busy careers involved.

(A famous example being Dolly Parton's marriage. Tbh I know next to nothing about her and Carl, but she's always heralded as an example in this regard, because her husband is famously uncomfortable with the spotlight and hasn't accompanied her to public events in decades, but she's said that she never minded that because that was always work to her, and what was important was that he supported her in pursuing all her career goals and basically ensured she had a place to call home to return to at the end of the day.)

We're kind of in a brave new world with her current relationship because it felt like, at least at the start, we were maybe watching her figure out her boundaries in real time as to what she was comfortable with or not and adjust accordingly. Like so many have said, I fully believe the extreme privacy thing was initially driven by herself and her experiences in 2016, and she needed that quiet time to recover from all of the things and figure out how to exist in the world again.

Stating the obvious, it seemed like eventually privacy was equated with secrecy, turning the relationship and the celebrity into the elephant in the room and something to never be spoken of to the outside world. People are free to choose whatever works best for themselves and their relationships, and for some the separate public lives might work, but the “kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath” theme is all over her work and it’s clear that it’s a sore spot for her, because she’s been made to feel shame just for the life she leads so many times in the past.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious something Not Great was happening behind the scenes, which didn’t just amount to “she wanted to be a public celebrity and he wanted to be a private hermit.” (Also, in case anyone forgot, this is a person who also chose a public-facing career who also has to engage in press for it, but I digress.) As her career reached new heights post-folklore, if she had the support at home to do all the things without judgment and with encouragement, and in turn offer the same support to her partner, she may have very well lived just fine with that, not unlike Dolly Parton’s case.

By reading between the lines in all the press since, as well as comments on tour and general ~vibes~ with TTPD teasers, it seems like one of the issues was that that was likely not the case. There was all the stuff that we saw — the reticence to acknowledge each other in the media (particularly on one side), the lack of public support even at events at which they were both in attendance for their respective jobs, the great lengths they went to not to be photographed together at events they attended yet no problem taking pictures with other friends and coworkers, the jobs that separated them, the withdrawing from the public even for work accomplishments, etc. Which could all be manageable if a couple chooses to do so together and are not inherently a sign of trouble in themselves.

But what we’re seeing now I think is a reflection of the things we weren’t seeing then, and it seems to indicate some very deep hurt. (I know, call me Captain Obvious.) And like so many have been saying, it feels likely that that part of that hurt is rooted in that very lack of private support where a person would expect it from their partner. Obviously as a Taylor fan blog I’m going to be more inclined to understand her side of a story, but tbh, it’s also because… this is sooooooo common, and something I’ve experienced in my friend group. (@taylortruther is right when she says most breakups are the same one way or another lol.)

One partner is resentful of the other’s success, or resentful that the other’s priorities begin to evolve as new experiences unlock new goals, or feels the other’s ambitions are not worthy of pursuit, and coupled with perhaps their own struggles in the same domain, it’s easy to see where that can chip away at the other partner’s morale and faith in the relationship. I know I’m just speculating here, but I also don’t think it’s totally unfounded. (Again, because a) I’m picking up what she’s putting down and b) it happens to sooooooo many women even among us dull normals.)

With all the pointed mentions about how much Taylor feels supported in her current relationship and how she in turn loves to offer the same show of support to not only her partner but other loved ones, how she’s stepped out more in the last year to a whole host of events, how she’s mentioned feeling like she locked herself away for years and she’s just proud of her partner and happy she can show up for him even if the chaos around it is unsettling, it paints a picture of what perhaps was happening before last year.

To feel like you’re all alone in carrying the weight of the relationship (or burden of it), of twisting yourself into knots to accommodate the other person’s boundaries (or insecurities) but not feeling reciprocity for your own has to be so painful. (The idea that it may have been even darker and to have a partner not only be unreceptive to your own needs but even perhaps resentful/dismissive/belittling of them is even more painful to think of. I guess we’ll find out when TTPD comes out if that was the case, too.)

At a certain point, that lack of acknowledgement will force your hand to be able to reclaim yourself. And it feels like the further removed Taylor in particular is from it, the more she moves from being sad about the life she felt she gave up by leaving, to angry at the life she felt she was giving up by staying. Especially being in a relationship now where it seems like everything comes much easier, where she can be open about the person she’s with and show up for them, all the stuff that seemed as challenging as climbing Mount Everest in her past is nothing more than a molehill at best in her current life.

TL;DR: I don’t think it’s privacy that inherently spells doom for a celebrity relationship like this; it’s the mutual support and respect that does. If Taylor had felt that in the later years of her previous relationship, I think we could be seeing a different, though not necessarily unfulfilled, person right now in 2024, who’d be happy on tour but whose personal life would look a little different. But it seems like by losing that support she lost parts of herself, and we’ve seen her reclaim that in spades in the last year, and perhaps to degrees she didn’t even realize she could from before all the Bad Stuff started happening in her young adulthood.

I know this was extremely long-winded and unnecessary, especially about total strangers we only know through scraps fed through the media, but I just always bristle at this idea that issues like these boil down to “personality differences,” as though one person wants to live in a city and the other on a remote island, or some shit like that. The whole support (and gender tbh) issue is one that’s just very close to my heart because again, I have seen it play out with so many of my friends in long term relationships and marriages and I just think people in relationships (and women in particular in some circles) deserve better than to feel like they’re being, well, tolerated.

[habken]

I've been rigging in harmony for almost five years and have done so on TV and streaming productions so if you have any immediate questions or anything lmk!

oh wow that’s so cool :0 and thank you!!

Honestly I think I need to mess around a bit more before I have any decent questions to ask haha, but if there’s any general tips or like “remember to do this” type advice you have, that would be so great !!

[candyheartedchy]

Hoping I’m not dealing with burnout again…

[avantgardechild]

Woah hey,

So I decided to start rewatching fantasy high from freshman year to junior year since the season finished. In Gorgug’s introDUCTION, he talks about breaking his bed and having dreams where he’s angry all the time and in the context of the roleplay, yeah Gorgug is a pubescent barbarian who is struggling with wanting to connect with his biological parents.

But in the context of junior year there’s so much that could be said about this intro scene. Is it typical for all barbarians to go through in this period of their lives or was this the inception of the rage stars? Did Brennan take this bit and run with it for the whole rage god idea, because rage plays such a huge role in so much of early fantasy high if you think about it. So much of adolescence is rage inducing, you’re older than a kid so a lot of things are expected of you but you’re still not an adult, and couple that with the fact that hey remember, the Bad Kids are FOURTEEN in freshman year. They literally work to save the world multiple times.

Anyway, I’m excited for more of this to be revealed/bits to analyze now. Brennan did say that a lot of this was 5 years in the making. I just want to see when he started to build things up and find connections in his own story because we know that it was Emily/Fig’s insistence that Porter was evil that inspired Brennan and not him already being evil. And that’s the wonderful thing about collaborative story telling and role playing, there is some structure required for it to feel like a satisfying story but the players have as much say in this structure as the DM does.

God I love the fantasy high universe.

[wakeupthemembersofbylernation]

All the explicit love triangle imagery on the show (this isn’t even all of the examples):

Bonus: Kaypeace’s brilliant video from 4 years ago

Am I a joke to you?

[el-buzz]

📚 Cg! Clay HCS!!! 💚🎶

Aggagaggaggag first hc list I do EVERRR (so please be kind (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶) /💗💗)

Cg! Clay x Agere! Reader!!

pretty much gender neutral!!

Cw: caps lock (just me having happy outbursts), um lotsa author notes and commentary I just wanna talk about him and about how he would be as a cg :ccc, also this is incredibly self indulgent

Also there was no proof reading ☠️

(Crossposted on ao3 @Soft_Buzz!! oh and I’ll update this if I get a new hc idea)

Anyways here you go 💚:

•nicknames for you: kiddo, baby, bubba, bubba wubba (he’s squeezing your cheeks and baby talking you 😭😭), prince/princess/ lil highness/royal, and a number of other sweet nicknames or any that you prefer!

•he would be suuuuuch a sweet and doting caregiver waaaaaaah but he would definitely ensue rules for you! Calm and Strict(ish) cg! Clay would pull up to make sure you are safe and healthy even if you are feeling big!!

•he’d hate to see you hurt or sick, but he’d do everything thing in his power to nurse you back to health :]!

•Clay would definitely provide his kiddo with healthy snack or with fruit or veggie cups!

•Although Clay’s sorta strict he can be soooo soft he always want to hold you, whether it’s your hand/pinkie or cuddle up with you.

•You are his battery and he wants to recharge.

* HE WOULD SOOOO READ TO YOUUUU AHHH he loooooves reading so ofc he’d love to share that interest with his little one

• (please it’s the cutest thing ever)

• imagine him beside you with a book open (he has his reading glasses on :3) and as he reads, he gives all the different characters different voices and will always put emotion into his reading voice, which always leads to you giggling or you gasping in surprise.

• One time you insisted that you were big enough for his sad book club and that you wouldn’t become a big puddle of tears so he gave you Charlotte’s Web to read.

• You were a mess. You didn’t stop being sad for the next couple of HOURS (yes this is a reference to that JD fan art ifykyk☠️)

• Clay had to give you so many hugs, cuddles, and kisses to make up for it. He thought it’d be funny, but he sorta forgot how emotional of a little one you can be.

• “I’m so so sorry baby.” *kiss* “How can I make it up to you?? I’ll do anything”

• oh you’d grin a that. You choose to either do dress up WITH make up or draw on his face and mess around with his hair. AND ice cream.

• You took soooo many pictures (and you may or may have not shared them with Viva, Poppy, and his brothers) Clay says he hates you for it, but secretly believes it was so worth it to see that sparkle in your eyes

• he bought you a piggy and a spider (with little bb spiders) stuffie. Even if you have arachnophobia, you hugged those stuffies while crying happy tears. You gave him a tight hug which he softly returned and gave you a forehead kiss.

• (This whole event was also the birth of your happy scrapbook club!! (even though it just you :} ) )

• You and Clay will just sit together while reading different things. Him with some well recognized and praised novel or book and you with a happy lil scrapbook in your hands!

• I’d also like to think he has a puppet character like Bandit does with unicorse! (Maybe a dragon but that just me :])

• (Clay and Branch be matching with their ventriloquism skills lol)

• If you seem to be clumsy or fall often he starts to develop a sort of spider sense for it and will catch you before disaster happens

• OKOK I know this is gonna sound random buuuut I believe Clay is the type to carry lollipops, and sometimes other candy, around. Idk like I can just picture him a with a lollipop in his mouth trying to look all serious/mysterious and nonchalant LOL

• ANYWAYS back to the Agere stuff

• I think that after completing a task or being good, Clay would def give his kiddo a lollipop as a treat!! that orrrrr if his kiddo seems to be regressing in public and they really want/need a paci or just something to fixate on then boom!!! Lollipop! :D

• Talking about rewards

• This man would sooooo spoil you!! you’re his treasure and he wants you to know it!!

• He’ll either get you food you’ve been craving or a stuffed animal/little gear orrrr both!!

• (Because of the two of you, you now have a chest fuuuull of stuffies Woops💧)

• You always try to show your appreciation by giving him small handmade gifts!! A lil pop up card, bead bracelets (you definitely have matching bracelets), even something crocheted/knitted, and pretty much any arts n crafts you can make!

• Now onto funny business ( •̀ - • )!

• so ofc when it first came to having fun and being playful with you he was bit scared

• can you blame him???

• He’d spent A LOT of time trying to get rid/away from the tittle of being the fun boy

• Ofc through lot of reassurance you let him know that he can have fun and play with you and still be a very serious caregiver!

• you help him understand that being funny and silly every once in a while doesn’t hurt and that he should try to find a balance that work for him! Which he eventually does :D!!

• I like to believe that he’d be great at playing pretend and hide and seek!

• “Worry not your highness!! You will protect you from the dragon!” (It’s one of your plushies)

• “Wherever could my kiddo be?? They must have turned invisible!!” (he can hear your giggles which just makes his smile wider)

• Although he really tries to be there for you, he’s a reaaaally busy man :((( but he still tries to spend time with you through parallel play! While he’s doing his grown up paperwork, you get to colooor!! (or draw or scrapbook or anything really) as long you promise to be good and not distract him

• (plus the sooner he’s done the sooner he can give you all his attention! so it’s a win-win situation :D)

• Actually if you were feeling extra lil you’d just get a paper and scribble on it with crayon trying to copy Clay’s mannerisms (when he sees this he’s physically holding himself back from just picking you up, cradling you, and just babying you waaaah you’re gonna be the end of him)

• oh and he would sooo keep your little artworks in his working area (they bring a sweet smile to his face and warm his soul you’re the best kiddo he could have ever asked for)

• You also get to have cuddles while he works! Sometimes he’ll just sit you on his lap with a stuffie or two while he wraps an arm around you and litters your head or face with kisses!

• Now onto not so funny business ૮๑ˊᯅˋ๑ა

• sometimes Clay’ll have a rough or tiring day :((

* and that’s okk caregivers have their moments too!

• He’ll usually want to cuddle with you and hold you close. (You are his stuffie :D)

• He might even tickle you or blow raspberries on your tummy (if you give him permission ofc!!) which often leaves you with a giggling and squirming fit.

• He just loves seeing you laugh and smile (especially if it’s him who made you happy :] you just brighten his day so much sometimes)

• One time he was just so tired and just laying down on the couch and then you brought one stuffie to him and then two till you pretty much had him buried under almost all of your stuffies!!

* You then proceeded to lay on top of him, and Clay just sticks both arms out from under the pile while smiling softly with his eyes closed.

• Let’s just say you guys woke up with stuffed animals scattered eeeeeverywhere

• If you’re a kiddo/baby who tends to get overwhelmed easily, he’ll get you some noise canceling/dampening headphones and just wraps you in a soft blanket like a little burrito.

• He’ll also either get you an eye mask or will lower the lights if he can. (And if you’re feeling lil enough then a paci too!!)

• After doing any of this, he’ll just bring you onto his lap and whisper sweet lil nothings to you till you feel better or seem to fall asleep :D!

• would enforce a bed time >:( (he is a very very veeeery serious guy after all)

• but luckily bedtime means a bottle or sippy of sweet sleepy tea and a storyyyy :D!!

• Forehead kisses!! (CALL ME BIASED CAUSE I LOOOOOVE FOREHEAD KISSES but I stand by what I say.

• Oh and if he’s ever gonna to be very busy for the day and he won’t be able to take care of his kiddo, he’d ask Viva to help him take care of you!!

• Plus who doesn’t love babysitter Viva??? She’s so energetic and fun with you, but she’ll definitely tone it down for you 💛

• she’s also super strong so she’ll definitely carry you or give you a piggy back ride if you ask :>!

• She also give you lots of candies and sugary foods but shhhhh don’t tell Clay itsa secret (but I think the sugar rush/crash you have when he picks you up from Viva’s tells him more than enough

• (I feel like he would trust all his brothers with you (especially Bruce) except JD 😭😭)

• He would sooooo grab your cheeks and squeeze them like he did to Branch when first seeing him again

• Expect him to do that whenever he just wants to dote on you and baby you even if you’re feeling bigger than usual he just loves youuuu! 💚💚💚

In summary: I need this man bc he is the bestest boyfriend and caregiver ever!!

Final notes!:

I love likes but comments and reposts are greatly appreciate (I love to talk if you can’t tell) type something out and let me know what you think 💗💗

If anybody would like to use any of the hcs/scenarios for a fanfic tots fine with me just don’t forget to tag me for credit and so I can see it :DD!!

[jazzy-dreamer]

Is it just me or do psychiatrists (or I guess whoever is in charge of diagnosing?) never like to be straight forward with their answers. They never say “I can confirm, you have X” or “You’re X”

They always seem to say something like “You definitely display traits of X” or “You have symptoms of X”

I’ve looked this question up and apparently this is on purpose because they want the patients(?) to be able to decide for themselves what they want to do, and to not let a diagnosis completely dictate their mindset or actions or something along those lines. Which is like- understandable!!! But!!!!!! This doesn’t help with my imposter syndrome???????????

When tryna get diagnosed with ADHD a couple months ago, I was told that tho I definitely had traits and stuff, it would be difficult to explicitly say if I had ADHD or not because I’m autistic and have anxiety, which can cause many overlaps in symptoms and whatnot which makes everything a billion times more confusing. But despite that, they still prescribed me ADHD medication (YIPPEE :D) but I’m so confused fjdgkfhfj

CAN I say I have ADHD then?? Or just “traits”? It’s when I got diagnosed with OCD all over again fjdgkfhfj. DO I REALLY HAVE OCD???? LIKE YEAH I HAVE ALL THE SYMPTOMS OF OCD AND IT NEGATIVELY IMPACTS MY LIFE EVERY SINGLE DAY ALL DAY BUT WHAT IF I DON’T ACTUALLY HAVE IT???

Fun fact, one common thing with OCD is self doubt, the need for constant reassurance and ironically enough imposter syndrome fjdgkfhfj

Kay but like what if I don’t actually have ADHD or OCD- What if I’m just looking for reasons so I don’t feel lazy or delusional- What if I just want an excuse for why I’m extremely anxious and overwhelmed by everything all the time-

I keep wanting to ask my parents the same question “Are you sure I was properly diagnosed and I’m okay to say I have X?” even tho I WAS THE ONE THAT DID ALL THE RESEARCH AND WAS THE ONE TO EVEN ASK ABOUT LOOKING INTO A DIAGNOSIS ANYWAY. Every single time I say “I have OCD” or “I have ADHD” I feel like a frickin liar for some reason

I love my scrambled eggs of a brain and it’s disorganised and imbalance of funky hormones and funky chemicals <3