#whereupon i dropped the same pen six times in about 30 seconds
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thedreadvampy · 2 months ago
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think I figured out why I've been in a full trauma trigger state for the last week+ and iiiiiiit is embarrassing
it's because I went on a nice date that I enjoyed
and in the background without even TALKING TO ME ABOUT IT my brain decided to start freaking the fuck out about the inevitability of abuse and the essential harm I do by existing in the world. but like. in the background. to the degree that I have at most been vaguely aware that that's even a thought process I was having let alone that it was what was distressing me.
but I have laid out some timelines of when I entered 24/7-panic-attack mode and it lines up precisely to going home after a nice date. for fuck's sake.
trauma is stupid and emotions are dumb. and if trauma shit is going to fuck up my whole week my brain could at least have the good grace to tell me what I'm upset about.
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